There's trigger warnings for this chapter, read with caution. Also, it's pretty long (though not as long as the last chapter) so get comfy.
Ch. 6 I'll Tickle Your Catastrophe
(ADAM)
"Drew said you were coming over after school to do homework," I comment to Clare when I get to third period.
"If it's okay," she replies timidly.
"Of course it is," I smile at her. "Did you, Owen and Fitz have a good lunch?"
"Yeah, it was fine, Lucas met us there," she says quietly.
"Is something going on with you and Fitz? Or you and Owen?" I ask her.
"We're just friends, they're protective," she shrugs.
Alli comes into class talking about her party tomorrow night. It's all we talk about until the bell rings. Clare looks pretty distracted in last period, she's constantly looking out the window. She looks like she expects to see someone, but is afraid to see them. Actually, she's looked that way all day. I wonder if it has anything to do with the rumors I've heard whispered lately. It surely has something to do with the talk I've heard about a lawyer and a trial. She doesn't seem to want to talk about it though so I won't press.
After school Mom picks up Clare and I, Drew will get a ride home later with Owen and Fitz. When Drew told me Clare was coming over to do homework he said he'd already texted Mom. I thought it was funny that Drew asked Mom if Clare could come do homework when she's my friend, but I didn't mind that she was coming over. I liked Clare and was happy to have her over. When we get home I take Clare down to the basement and get us snacks, we sit down and start on our homework. Drew gets home with Owen and Fitz an hour and half later. Clare and I have finished all our homework already, but she and I watch TV while they work on their project.
"We should go, we gotta stop at our houses to get clothes and stuff before we all go to your house," Owen says to Clare.
"You're both sleeping at her house?" Drew asks.
"Yeah, we gotta run, we'll see you guys tomorrow," Owen comments grabbing his backpack. Clare and Fitz say goodbye and the three of them leave.
"Those three have a weird relationship," Drew remarks when they're gone, "probably has something to do with the rumors going around school."
"You've heard them too?"
"Yeah, a ton of them today, they vary pretty badly but a lot of them revolve around a foster bother in prison. Which can't be Lucas, he's not in prison and never was. I asked Owen but he and Fitz just said not to worry about it, and I don't know who else I'd ask."
"I guess someone being in prison would be a reason she'd need a lawyer and talking about a trial date. She hasn't told me what's going on, she didn't want to talk about it. She was worried all day though, kept looking out the window like she expected to see someone, but was also afraid to. Something bad is happening," I tell my brother. I close my eyes as some of my own memories surface. I take a deep breath and feel my brother's arm around me.
"Breathe Adam, it's over you're safe," he assures me.
I take a few deep breaths and look at my brother nodding to let him know I'm okay. I clear my throat and ask if he needs help with math, he usually does. He smiles and turns on the TV then shows me his math homework. We've just finished when Mom calls us up to dinner. Drew finishes his homework after dinner while I help Mom clean. I hang out with Drew watching TV in the basement until it's time for bed. I can't help the nightmare that comes that night. I shower afterwards but can't get back to sleep, I don't tell anyone about the nightmare the next morning.
"Hey, you three have a good sleepover last night?" Drew teases when we get into school and see Clare, Owen and Fitz in the foyer.
"Yeah, we did," Owen replies flatly. He gives Drew a look that says he dares him to ask anything else. I don't think he's telling the truth as they all look like they slept about as much as I did.
"You want to go to class?" I ask Clare.
"Yeah," she nods sleepily.
I put a hand on her shoulder and we walk to homeroom. We're both tired, we both had bad nights, but neither of us wants to talk about it.
"You two look way too gloomy for a Friday and a party to go tonight," Eli remarks as he comes in the room.
"Long night," Clare and I say together and then we both laugh.
Eli smirks at our synchronicity but doesn't say anything. Class goes by quickly, I like this class and Miss Dawes as she leaves us to ourselves most of the time. We do some writing and editing for our partners. Clare and I walk to physics together and Alli is already there, she smiles when she sees us.
"Sav and I went shopping yesterday after school, my parents will be gone before we get home. I told everyone four but people might come early," Alli chirps excitedly as we sit our desks.
"That doesn't give us much time to set up," Clare comments.
"Who needs to set up? We just need to dump the chips into a bowl," Alli shrugs and then looks at me, "You and Drew are coming right?"
"Yeah, we'll be there," I reply and her smile grows. She really is throwing this party to get close to my brother. Oh well, I know Clare and Eli will be there too.
The rest of the day goes pretty fast, Clare eats with Owen and Fitz again, but she eats in the caf and I see her there. When school is out Clare leaves quickly with Sav and Alli. Drew and I hang at The Dot a bit, he waits until ten after four to go to Alli's, he just loves making an entrance.
"Hi Drew, Adam, I'm glad you're here," Alli grins when she opens the door. She pulls Drew into the house and I follow, Clare is already here of course and Eli sits close to her. Dave, Wes, Liam and Hannah are also here. I'm sure Sav is here somewhere though I don't see him. There's also two girls and two guys I've seen around school but don't know by name.
"Hi Adam," Clare grins.
"Hey Adam," Eli smirks at me.
"There's drinks and food in the kitchen, you want something?" Clare asks.
"Yeah, but I can get it," I tell her.
"What about your brother?" Eli questions.
"I'm sure Alli will take good care of him," I reply. In fact, as I'm in the kitchen getting myself a drink Alli comes in and grabs my brother's favorite soda and some pizza. In the time she's doing that I get a soda and a slice of pizza, and my brother is already talking to one of the other girls.
"We should play a game," Alli says, handing Drew his food.
"Seven minutes in heaven?" Suggests the girl my brother is talking to.
"No," Clare shakes her head looking at Wes.
"No way," I voice.
"Truth or dare," Alli offers.
"No Alli, I can only imagine the dares in these boy's heads and I don't want to answer truth questions either," Clare says flatly.
"Got secrets to hide Edwards?" Eli teases her with a goading smirk. I'm sure he's all too eager to know her secrets.
"You going to tell us why you drive the hears?" She shoots back. Eli's mouth closes immediately.
"Truth or dare is a children's game," I speak up not eager to divulge my secrets either.
"Never have I ever?" Dave suggests.
"What's that?" Connor asks.
"You say something like; never have I ever gotten high. If someone has done it they take off an item of clothing," Dave says. A bunch of the guys grin, either eager to see the girl's take of clothes or to show off their bodies. I'll have to start with my shoes and hat and stuff, but I've hardly done anything, especially compared to Drew. So, I figure that's probably safest thing to play.
"Sure," I nod.
"I…" Clare says, biting her lip.
"Oh come on Clare, I doubt you'll take off much," Alli begs.
"Fine," she gives in and Eli grins. We all sit in a circle around the coffee table and Dave says the party hostess should go first.
"Never have I ever kissed anyone," Alli says but she takes off her bracelet so clearly she set that one up. Everyone but Connor and I take off something, Clare opts for her watch and my brother of course starts with his shirt. All the girls, aside from Clare, look at him in just his undershirt. "Your turn Drew," Alli says. He's sitting to her left and Dave is on her right. It's a bit like Clare sitting between me and Eli, except that only Eli is vying for Clare's attention the way Drew and Dave are vying for Alli's.
"Never have I ever done anything sexual in public other than kiss," Drew says. Actually, he's never done anything besides kiss and second base, but he must not want to admit that. I know because he always tells me everything. The only person to take off anything is Eli, he takes off his black t-shirt, but has a long sleeve grey and black shirt under it.
"How far did you go in public?" Drew asks him while Clare cocks an eyebrow at him.
"That was not spoken, we'll see if someone gets it," he smirks.
"Never have I ever gotten past making out," Liam comments.
Clare bites her lip and her breathing is shallow. Alli gives her an apologetic look, while I give her a worried one. Drew, Eli, one other guy, Alli and the other two girls all take off an article of clothing, even though some of it was jewelry.
"I need some air," Clare exclaims, standing up quickly and practically running to the kitchen.
"I should check on her," Alli says, starting to stand up.
"I'll do it, I could use some air too," I remark. I follow the direction Clare went and find her out a back door on a small deck. "You okay?" I question closing the door behind me and standing next to her.
"Yeah," she nods even though I hear her sniffling in some tears.
"You don't look okay."
"Just tired of playing that stupid game," she says but wipes her eyes.
"Yeah, me too, mind some company out here?"
She turns and gives me a sort of sad smile shaking her head. We stand there in silence a few minutes, looking at the trees in the backyard. Then we both hear rustling in the bushes at the far side of the yard, Clare gasps and looks over squinting her eyes.
"It's probably a cat," I comment.
"Yeah," she nods and then there's more rustling, "I think I'd rather go inside though. Just not sure I want to go back to the party, want to keep me company in Alli's room?"
"Uh sure," I nod rubbing the back of my neck uncomfortably, hoping she really just wants to talk and not do anything else. I follow her inside and we try to sneak past the other guests to the stairs, but of course my brother spots me right away.
"Where are you two going?" Drew questions waggling his eyebrows. Nearly everyone in the circle is shirtless or down to bras, though it seems my brother chose to take off his jeans rather than his undershirt at some point.
"I'm going to lie down in your room Alli, Adam's keeping me company," Clare says.
"No problem Clare," Alli replies, giving her a sympathetic smile.
Drew looks somewhat concerned now, Eli looks somewhere between curious and jealous. They both arch their eyebrows and wrinkle their foreheads at me, but all I can do is shrug. I follow Clare upstairs and the floor creaks beneath us, the second door on the right immediately opens. Sav peeks out with a worried look on his face, guess he didn't want anyone going to Alli's room to make out or more. When he sees Clare, and I'm guessing the unshed tears in her eyes he softens.
"They're playing never have I ever downstairs and the things they were saying were getting close to…well then Adam and I went outside for air but I thought I saw…so I didn't want to be out there just in case…" Clare's kind of babbling, not actually finishing her sentences and Sav hugs her close to stop her.
"It's okay, you two sit in Alli's room, you want me to look outside and see if he's there?" Sav questions.
She nods sadly and he wipes the stray tear from her cheeks. He goes downstairs, to have Alli shriek at him, while Clare takes my hand and pulls me into Alli's room. She goes to the window and we see Sav looking around the backyard.
"Who is Sav looking for?" I question.
She turns to me biting her lip, Sav has looked all over the yard and seen nothing, he sees us watching from the window and shakes his head. Clare rolls her lip between her teeth and sits on the bed, picking at her nails, not meeting my eyes. For several silent minutes I think she's not going to tell me, but then she starts to speak.
"You've probably heard some of the rumors going around school the last couple of days," she says, having to clear her throat.
"Yeah, they vary pretty wildly though and you and I both know that rumors in high school generally have very little to do with the truth."
"The truth is a long and terrible story, are you sure want to hear it?" She asks and I see the tears in her eyes building again. I sit on the bed close to her but not next to her.
"If you're willing to tell it to me then I want to hear it," I assure her taking her hand and squeezing gently, "I promise not to tell anyone else."
She nods, bites her lip and then proceeds to tell me a pretty horrifying story. Starting with her sister getting raped and things beginning to fall apart. Her sister even tried to commit suicide, I thought that was the worst of it, but I was wrong.
"After Darcy left my parents decided having another kid was the answer to their problems. Not having a new baby, bringing in a kid that needed help. Bruce was seventeen, nearly eighteen but he'd had some legal trouble and needed a stable home. I think my mom worried that she'd let Darcy stray and felt like she could save Bruce. He hung with Owen, Fitz, Johnny, and Lucas, though Lucas had left the school already. For four months he essentially ignored me. Barely looked at me in the halls, was polite at home but never took an interest in me. In fact, I talked to Johnny more when he'd come pick us up for school in the morning. I turned fifteen just before the Valentine's dance and K.C. and I were dating at the time, he asked me to the dance. I had a great time, had my first kiss, I felt amazing all night, until just about midnight when Bruce came into my room."
"Oh no," I gasp realizing where this is going and squeeze her hand a little tighter.
"He clamped a hand over my mouth, pulled up my pajama top and proceeded to fondle my breasts. When he was done he said he'd kill my parents if I told anyone. He even told me how he'd do it, but I was too ashamed to ever tell anyone anyway. Bruce was in my room every night and I began pulling away from K.C. because of it. K.C. began seeking comfort in Jenna's arms. I hated it, but at the same time I didn't mind, it was easier that way. Bruce still ignored me at school, but he started keeping all other guys away from me too. He got Johnny and the others to do the same, they just didn't know the reason Bruce wanted all the guys away from me. Every night that Bruce came into my room things escalated, and one night he broke that final boundary," she tells me. Her throat is so tight she can hardly get the last words out.
"He raped you," I state as my heart sinks. By her story I knew that it was probably leading there, but was hoping that it somehow wouldn't. Hoping that someone would find out and save her before Bruce took it that far. She nods and tears fall from her eyes, some of my own memories are surfacing after hearing all of this. I'm trying not to think about it though, and I hug Clare in an effort to squash my own memories for the moment.
"I thought it would continue until he graduated and stopped living with us. I wasn't sure how much I could take before I totally broke. My sister was raped once, she was drugged, she hardly remembered anything and she tried to commit suicide. I was getting raped nearly every night, most days I could barely look in the mirror. Bruce would always tell me I belonged to him, that I was an ugly geek and no one else would ever want me, that he was doing me a favor."
"Did you believe that? You're beautiful Clare," I tell her.
"Last year I looked like that," she says, pointing to a picture on Alli's bulletin board. I let go of her to go look at it, she looks younger, she's got glasses and pigtails, hasn't filled out her figure yet, but she's still cute.
"You were cute, and clearly other guys liked you if K.C. dated you for a while. When did it all stop with Bruce?"
Clare goes on to tell me about Lucas fitting the pieces together and confronting her at school. How he went to the ravine and beat the crap out of Bruce, the other guys helped when they realized why Lucas was beating the crap out of Bruce. Bruce was then taken to the hospital and sent to jail for probation violations because he was drunk and high when he was admitted to the hospital.
"After that it all just crumbled, my parents blamed each other. My dad soon revealed he'd been having an affair and walked out. My mom blamed me for everything, and I ran to Lucas."
"Is that when he became your guardian?" I ask and she nods.
"Bruce was only supposed to be in jail for 60 days with his parole violations. He kept getting into fights and trouble though, and his time in jail kept getting extended. He was released yesterday," she says in a small voice and I hug her close.
"It's Bruce you thought you saw outside. There's a trial date though right?"
"November seventeenth, I'm trying not to worry that I'll see him everywhere, but I can't seem to help it."
"I understand what you're feeling, what you're going through, at least a little," I confess. She looks up at me and I take a deep breath. No one else knows this, not in Toronto, not outside my family, but she just shared something hard with me, I can do the same. "My birth name is Gracie Annabelle Torres," I inform her, cringing at the name I hate.
"You were born a girl?" Clare asks, blinking at me.
"Yeah, I'm an FTM, female to male transgender. It's a much longer explanation and story of how I came to that and named myself Adam. Anyway, at the beginning of last year I came out to my family. My brother was as always supportive, he accepted it right away, as long as I was happy. My parents had more trouble coming around, especially Mom who was happy to have a girl when she met my dad. I decided I wanted to start high school as Adam Torres and not Gracie, my parents supported me as did Drew. I thought people at the school would too, everyone liked me as Gracie, so they should accept me as Adam, because really about the only things to change were my name and clothes."
"But, they didn't," Clare says.
"Some did, a lot didn't, including people I thought were true friends. I got by with little more than teasing and cruel words in the hallway for over a month. Drew got mad at anyone that said or did anything, not that I couldn't fight my own battles, it's just how Drew is. Then just before Halloween when our school was celebrating a football victory, mostly thanks to my brother, we were partying in the woods. While Drew was busy, three guys, one of them on the football team, two on the soccer team, dragged me away from the party. They held me down, I was fighting and thrashing, but it was three against one. They me stripped naked, said I couldn't be a guy because I had all the girl parts."
"Oh Adam," Clare exhales sadly, squeezing my hand.
"I was yelling and fighting, but it was useless. One sat on my chest, with his knees on my arms, two spread my legs sitting on them so I couldn't kick. The one on my chest was squeezing my breasts. I spit on his back and he punched me in the stomach so hard I couldn't breathe and was seeing stars. The other two laughed, at one point they had all been my friends, now they were laughing at my pain. The one on the football team shoved a couple fingers in me," I admit closing my eyes and breathing deep before continuing. "He said if I climaxed as a girl then I was a girl. He started to finger me, it wasn't at all gentle, he continued adding fingers until he almost had his whole fist…" I have to stop to bite back the tears. Clare squeezes my hand I continue. "They were talking about all of them raping me, showing me I was a girl. The one groping me started taking his pants down and Drew appeared with some of his teammates. I know it was only one night, and I wasn't raped but…"
"No," Clare cuts me off before I can finish, "no Adam it was terrible what they did. Humiliating, horrifying and every bit as debasing as what Bruce put me through. You understand more than anyone. I'm sorry you went through that Adam, that people who were your friends subjected you to that. Even if they didn't understand they should know who you are and accept you for who you are. What happened to the boys that assaulted you?"
"They were charged with a hate crime. I became the outcast at school though, other idiots tried to beat me up, or finish what they had started. They assaulted me yet I felt like I was in prison. I was homeschooled for the rest of the year. The guys that assaulted me that night plead guilty. They were expelled and were sentenced to three years in juvie. They could be out on probation in six months though. When we moved we didn't tell anyone where we were moving to."
"I'm sorry that you showing who you are forced you to move from your home."
"Me too, but I wished we'd moved sooner. Mom thought I needed some time before going back to school with other kids, and Drew wanted to finish his year. My dad transferred as soon as he could and would come home on weekends. I barely left the house, and I started therapy, even Drew was fairly ostracized at school. As soon as he finished the year we moved here, and we all got a fresh start. This is home now and I'm not sorry we came."
"I'm glad you moved here Adam, I'm happy that I have you here," Clare says kissing my check.
"Me too Clare."
"I don't want to live in fear for the next ten weeks Adam," Clare says sadly.
"Then don't, don't let Bruce win by making you afraid. The ten weeks will pass quicker than you think."
"I hope so Adam," she says laying her head on my shoulder.
(CLARE)
"Hi Clare," Adam smiles at me Monday morning.
"Hi Adam, thanks for staying up to talk to me last night, I hope you got some sleep," I smile back.
"A little, I'll be okay. How are you feeling? Get any sleep?" Adam asks.
After his confession Friday night I felt so much closer to Adam. When I had a nightmare Saturday night and last night I called Adam because he understood. Adam didn't mind at all, he stayed up and talked me until I fell asleep.
"A couple hours, I'll be okay."
"Come on, let's get to class," Adam says linking his arm with mine and we walk to writer's craft.
"Hey guys," Eli smiles when he comes into class a few minutes later.
"Hi Eli," Adam and I greet at the same time.
"I didn't see much of you guys at the party, it was fun though," Eli comments.
"I wasn't much in the party mood, but Alli has a way of talking me into things."
"Yeah, you left just after the game started, guess I'll have to find out your secrets another time," Eli smirks, and I bite my lip. "If you guys are free tonight there's a great foreign movie playing downtown. We can probably get away with saying it's a school assignment."
"Lucas will let me go, but might insist on driving me and picking me up," I remark.
"It's a foreign film, I'm sure Mom will let me go, as long as it's not too late," Adam remarks.
"It starts at four, we'll be out by six, I can take you home if she wants," Eli offers.
"I'll text her at lunch," Adam says.
Both Adam and I get permission to go to the movie. Lucas has to work tonight, but says Johnny and Fitz will be downtown when I'm ready to go home. Given how long he took to text me back I'm sure that Johnny and Fitz had no plans to be downtown. Yet, they agreed for my sake, to keep an eye on me and be around if I needed them.
After school Adam and I follow Eli out to his hearse and he drives us downtown. We get tickets and snacks then find our seats in the theatre. I sit between the two boys and we have a good time. When we exit the theatre I see Fitz and Johnny eating at the restaurant across the street.
"So, am I taking you both home?" Eli asks.
"Actually, I see my ride across the street. I had fun tonight though," I smile.
"Yeah, me too," Eli smirks, "Clare would you like to go out with me Saturday night? I was thinking the museum, dinner, the bookstore, dessert."
"That sounds great Eli," I answer without even thinking and then my stomach fills with nervous butterflies.
"Great, goodnight Clare," Eli grins kissing my cheek.
"Night Eli, goodnight Adam," I smile looking across the street and waiting to cross. As I cross the street I wonder if I did the right thing accepting Eli's date. I think I'm ready to date, to try a relationship again. Bruce is no longer here to keep guys away. The thing is, he isn't really gone, he's still in my head and I'm not sure he'll ever get out of there. "You haven't been in this restaurant for two hours have you?" I ask Johnny and Fitz plastering a smile on my face when I reach their table.
"Nah, we did other things," Johnny replies with a bite of burger in his mouth.
"You hungry?" Fitz asks pushing his plate of fries toward me. I smile and sit down with him taking fry from his plate.
"So, how was the date?" Johnny asks.
"It wasn't a date, Adam was there, it was a group activity," I counter. "Eli did ask me out though, and I said yes. He's sweet, and creative, and cute, he's nothing like Bruce, not even like K.C., and I think I'm ready to try again. Not that Bruce was a relationship," I remark, my voice getting strained and tight at the end and Fitz takes my hand.
"Hey, you don't have to convince us, if you're ready to date again you're ready to date," Johnny shrugs.
I steal a little food from each of their plates, we talk mostly about school as they finish eating. After they pay the bill we say goodnight to Johnny and Fitz drives me home. Evelyn is home, she's in the kitchen, but Lucas already left for work.
"Do you want to stay for a while Fitz? I need to do my homework still, but you can hang out and watch TV," I request. As soon as we came in the door I suddenly didn't want him to leave and I'm not sure why.
"Of course I'll stay," Fitz smiles and I instantly feel calmer.
"Hi kids," Evelyn greets, coming from the kitchen.
"Hi, Fitz is going to hang out for a while," I tell her.
"That's fine, I'm going to take a bath and go to bed, have to be up early tomorrow," she says, kissing the top of my head and Fitz's forehead.
"Goodnight," Fitz and I both say at the same time.
Fitz still has a lot of his homework too, so we sit down and start on our homework while watching TV. It takes me a couple of hours to finish my homework. Fitz is done first but he had some of his homework done already. It's just after nine, and the thought of Fitz going home soon sends me into a sudden panic.
"Will you stay tonight? I'll text Lucas and tell him you're taking his bed, I'm sure he'd be okay with it," I say and can't hide the desperation from my voice. Fitz just smiles and puts an arm around me hugging me close to his side.
"I'd be happy to stay. Are you worried about Bruce? Did you see him downtown or something?"
"I didn't see Bruce downtown, but when I thought you were leaving soon I just started panicking inside."
"You don't have to worry, I'm not going anywhere," Fitz says, hugging me a little tighter.
"Thanks Fitz," I grin.
I text Lucas that Fitz is sleeping over, he'll be home around five. Usually, he'd stay up and take me to school, but Fitz can take me tomorrow. Fitz and I stay up watching TV a bit longer before we go to bed. I fall asleep easily, but I don't sleep easily as I'm pulled into a nightmare.
I hear the sliding of his belt from his pants as he enters my room. "Hands," Bruce says in a husky whisper. I put my hands above my head as I feel the bed sink down with his weight. He starts to tie my wrists with his belt but it feels wrong, coarse and sharp. The leather is cutting into my skin, I feel the blood start to pool around the edges of the belt. "It hurts," I whimper trying to pull free of the belt but it only cuts in more. "It's supposed to hurt, I like when you're in pain, you belong to me Clare. No other guy will ever want to touch you," Bruce says. I scream and he thrusts into me brutally hard, I feel like my body is being torn. Bruce laughs and I scream again but I'm alone in a dark void, totally helpless while Bruce brutalizes me.
I wake with a scream, gasping and panting, my hand to my chest as I'm gasping for air. I'm shaking, tears rolling down my cheeks as I look around and assure myself that I'm in my room. My door is thrown open and Fitz stands in my doorway ready to kill someone, with Evelyn right behind him.
"I'm sorry, it was just a nightmare, I'm okay," I apologize through my tears.
"I'll stay with her, you get back to sleep Evelyn," Fitz tells her.
"Try to get some sleep, both of you," Evelyn says with a sympathetic smile. She leaves us to go back to her room and Fitz comes in closing the door behind him.
"You want to talk about the dream?" Fitz asks as he sits on my bed and wraps his arms around me.
"Bruce was raping me, telling me no one would ever want me again."
"He'll never get near you again Clare, I promise you that," he says, gently stroking my hair and hugging me to his chest.
"Will you stay with me tonight? All night? I don't want to be alone, he's in my head and he won't leave. I'm afraid he won't ever leave," I sob.
"He will, eventually he will," Fitz assures me. He guides me to lie back and slips under the covers with me. "Try to sleep, I won't leave you."
You'd think after the dream I just had that being in a dark room, in bed with a half naked boy would make me nervous and scared. It's not though, Fitz is nothing like Bruce. Fitz doesn't feel like Bruce, smell like Bruce, sound like Bruce. He's not trying to rape me or touch me at all other than to hold me.
"I feel safe with you Fitz," I whisper to his chest as I begin to drift to sleep again.
