(in which i get fucking gored son)

Why doesn't this temple have furniture. Genuinely, every time I come here, it's all gone. There was the one time fluffles hoarded it all, but after blowing up a room, it's still all gone. Buddhism's fucking weird, dude…!

"Byakuren's out on business right now…" Kyouko's showed us in! Right now, we're in this empty freakin' tea room she brought us to. "So, um… I'm going to find a trainee to help you guys."

There is a kotatsu, so this isn't so bad. Bumping legs with my party's always going to feel awkward…!

"Ah…" Maria's come down with the awkwardness I have from this situation, I can feel it! "Tha- thank you."

...With that, Kyouko romps off. She's cuddly, dude.

"This wasn't exactly what I had planned." Now staring at me, Genkan makes a confession. "It makes this visit worthwhile, however."

Oh, right, we're having an addict's anonymous intervention about my lack of caring about my personal well-being. "It was just a passing conversation point…!" Time to talk my way out of this shit…! "If we hadn't talked about it, yo-"

Genkan interjects! "It's not that it's a problem." Oh, man, we're getting technical dude. "...It simply strikes me as curious." So it is a problem…!?

"I dunno." Looking idle, Maria seems to relax… "I just kinda went with what that girl wanted us to do…" No son, you were worried. Maybe she reconsidered, though...

...You know, I think we all did.

Well, while we're waiting for a not-Byakuren to show up, I guess I'll drag this on, yo. "S'there really a problem, with like… not caring excessively about getting walloped?" In the land of healing bots and health potions…

Speaking of, Seikatsu is just… uncomfortably close to my back, standing in a t-pose like usual. Man, this scene's fucking weird…!

"Not… genuinely." Genkan lowers her guns, dude… "I was simply suggesting you take better care of yourself. Perhaps take a few days to relax, instead of do… whatever it is that you do. Eat more, sleep more, if only for awhile. I've never met a human- barring, perhaps, the incident resolvers- who's been quite so… enveloped, in their day to day activities."

...I've never really looked at that as an option. I'll think about it, but I doubt it'll happen soon! "I bet there's at least one person like me out there." That just kinda jumped into my head.

"They're likely just as run ragged as you." Genkan, what is with this freakin'... doting!?

"What have you been eating before we had food now and then?" All this discussion incites Maria to mutiny against me as well!

...I'm kinda grinnin' like an idiot right now 'cause I don't know how to respond to this kind of thing. Not that I'm taking it as a joke- but hahahaa~nh…! "Uh. Heheh- umm." Also fuck. I keep alluding to that like I'm breaking the fourth wall, but now it's coming back to bite me in the ass…!

Wait, yeah. "Waffles and pancakes!" O~n occasion! And, drinkwise, I've got that water hanger whenever I've really needed a quenching. It actually works pretty well. I also haven't developed a horrible disease from it, so I'm doing pretty good!

"No wonder you're malnourished." Genkan monotones…! "Those multi-vitamins should do you well."

Yeah, they kick ass. I feel like I could whack Suika's face in with Fairy Harp and make her sneeze.

The door to our room slides open, and a dude steps in-

"Oh, he~y!" It's the man man with the plan, man! "Stormy~ titmilker!" Trainee, huh!? Yeah, he makes a good not-Byakuren, dude!

"Oh, fuck." He recoils upon seeing me! "Nine hells. Eighteen hells. Multiple-"

Fwap. Kyouko lightly beans her broom on his head! "Just get in there and help! That Brad guy's suicidal!" I'm a what now!?

"He's what?" Genkan snaps her gaze to them!

"Ah?" Maria snaps into alertfulness!

"I'm who!?" What's up man what's going on aa~h!?

...Stormy tilts towards her. "And, that's a problem…?"

Whack! Kyouko hits him harder!

"Ow, fuck. Fine." Shaking his head, he drags his feet towards me. "...What, you want me to kill you?" Pfft-

"STORMY!" Oh my god, Kyouko, my ears.

Stormy actually seems to cringe in fear from her volume! "Shi- shit, okay, sorry! U- um…!"

Maria sticks a finger into her ear and twists it a little. "Haha… ow."

"There's not even a problem." I'm shuttin' this down right now, son. Five simple words. Buddhists hate this one easy trick, click now. "I'm not suicidal, yo. I'm fluffy."

"But…" Kyouko furrows her brows…

...As Stormy slides into the remaining space of the kotatsu, Kyouko slips in next to him, to his surprise!

"But you were like…" She seems to be searching for what I said. Ho ho, yo. Perhaps her memory isn't-

"If I die yo, I die. It's a cruel world after all, dude." ...She said that in my voice. Also- I didn't think she heard us at the bottom of the stairs…! "That's like…"

"He was making a jeer." Genkan makes a solid counter-statement! "We apologize for the inconvenience."

This information causes Kyouko to just pout at me. Stormy seems to doubletake at Genkan's mere presence, and Maria just tilts her head…

The kotatsu's blanket is dull brown, dude. Just thought we all needed to know this vital symbolic information.

Wait- when you flip the hem of the blanket around, the inside's a lighter orange! Oh my go~d, du-

"Ah, yes." Stormy nodded, after a moment. "She was the snow woman who helped with that she-devil, I remember now."

Genkan gently tilted her head to face him. "Who are you?"

"Nevermind, I don't remember you." Stormy retraces his steps! "Completely forgettable. Who would ever remember you?"

...Genkan begins to glare at him!

"That is not to say…" Grinning, he begins to take his steps that he traced through again! "That you are… genuinely forget-"

"Just stop…" Kyouko saves his life. "I think you, um, ruined it."

...Stormy rolls his eyes. "Well, now that you say that-"

"He ruined it well before he said anything." Genkan spills some shade, yo…!

...Stormy smirked at his canine friend. "I thought we were here to discuss someone else's suicidal intentions, not mine."

"I'm not as good at these things as Byakuren…" Kyouko shies into her seat… "I'm sorry about this, guys."

"Oh, don't be." I'm kinda surprised Genkan's reacting to her before any of us. At the same time, maybe I shouldn't be…! "The venture we took here was meaningful, and evoked a needed discussion." ...But was it really, though. Hmm. Hoh…

...Warm kotatsu, dude. Brazen fluff…

...I begin to shift out of the kotatsu. Too warm!

"I don't think we've had a proper moment to figure out who the hell each other was." Despite all odds, Stormy makes an attempt at extending communications! ...He looks back and forth between my cuddlefriends. "Do any of you even know who I am?"

"Forgettable." Genkan forgot!

"I don't think we ever found out…" Maria gives him a smile! "...So um-"

"Not that it matters!" He interjects! "...Stormy now, as it is. As in, that's my name. Mrm." He's smooth, dude.

...After giving him a glance, Kyouko gets up, noticing me, Genkan, or both get antsy about the kotatsu…! "I think I'll show you guys around, or get you some snacks, since you came all this way. Follow me…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

The prospect of snacks was tempting. Snacks, dude.

"In here…" Kyouko gently pushes a wood door open and romps inside, and we follow!

Oh, yeah, this kitchen place! Table in the midst, and counters and stove stuff along the edges.

"Wo~w…" Maria, I think we've seen better kitchens. Although, this is better than almost all human village kitchens...

...There's a tired-looking woman in monk robes here. She doesn't look like a touhou… and she's got earth green hair! She must be cuddly.

Aw, dude! There's that yuki-onna! The one that tried to suck out my soul through her boobs! She's having cereal, dude. At midday.

"Hau~..." She yawns.

...Stepping up to the table, I slide one of the chairs out, rotate it upside down, and place it atop the table, on my side; so that the seat part of it would rest against the table top.

The girls just look at me, only half-registering this event…

"You…" Genkan recognizes the girl! "You're a yuki-onna."

The pale-skinned girl looks up at her! "A- ah…"

...That was a good conversation, dude. Alright, that's it…

Drawing my NERF gun, I point it at Stormy! "I'm blamin' you for this, son…!"

...It takes him a moment to register what just happened! "Is- is that a NERF gun? Do they sell those, around here?"

"I brought it in wit' me." I lower it a little, making casual discussions... "I bet Kourindou's got one somewhere." Yukari, I need more NERF implements of mass foam destruction.

...Stormy smirks at me. "What the hell's a Kourindou?" Alright, son.

Pop! I fire a danmaku dart at him, after some focusing!

It bounces off of his chest. "...Nice waste of a~..."

Stumbling to the side, he blinks his eyes hard a few times. "Wha~t the fu~ck…!?"

Kyouko giggled! "Aheh- Stormy, are you, um…"

...Softly, he sits down on his ass, on the floor. "Oo~h. When the drugs hit…"

I should call these 'five gum' darts. Wahaha!

...After a moment of being somewhere between concerned and amused, Kyouko looks at me! "What'd you do to him…?"

Pop! I fire a dart at her-

She slides out of the way and swings her broom-

Ow- ow, ow! She launched red arrow bullets at me…!

"Nnn- no." Regarding me chidingly, she shakes her head gently… "Besides, Byakuren gave me something for status effects, since I'm always in the front yard…"

She holds out a dreamcatcher! "She says she's got a few. They seem to help against bad statuses. I don't know about that luck thing you did, though…"

How'd you know, dude, how'd you know? Hmm…

One glance over at Genkan tells me she's conversing with her snow sister. "What's your name?"

...The yuki-onna glances in her direction. "...I- I still haven't, um… I-..."

Genkan's expression softens. "How old are you?"

Man, the tone of this conversation is totally different from me and Kyouko's! "...I was told I was... one hundred and fifty-two?"

Genkan blinks! "...Genuinely?"

...Now that I scan the ceiling… was that hole up there always there? It's not like a hole hole, it's a square, trimmed opening that leads up to another floor entirely. Why's that…?

"Also, um…" Kyouko beckons for me!

Turning, I take a glance at Maria as she steals some cookies from a nearby jar, and- oh. Kyouko's poking Seikatsu with a broom. "Who is, um…"

Oh. "My mom."

"O- oh, okay." Kyouko nods, looking away quickly…! "Sorry."

Sorry 'bout what now. Oh well, yo.

...Crunch.

We look over at Maria, who thefted a cookie. She stares back into our souls…!

Alright, I'm gonna find out what's up there, dude. "Hey, friend." I get Kyouko's attention this time! "What's up there?" I point up at the square bit in the ceiling.

...Kyouko glances up at it. "I dunno. It… was covered up. I don't wanna~... hmm." She seems ta be thinkin' aloud.

Woah! Oh, right. Should be used to people just flying whenever they feel like it…! Kyouko drifts up and into the hole. I'm pretty sure I just got to see her panties, but I was too surprised to actually pay attention.

"Who're you?" Kyouko speaks to someone!

"O- oh, I…" Soft voice. "...Eheh. I'm just, um, looking for treasure." Still soft voice.

"In our temple…" Kyouko puts it bluntly, sounding curiously enthused at the same time.

"In your temple." It's not Marisa, if that's what you're all thinking! S'a bit more gentle than her voice is.

...After a moment-

Clack! Maribel drops out of the gap in the ceiling, landing evenly on both plain black shoes. "Oof…"

"It's you!" Hoh, shit! "What were ya doin' in the ceiling!?"

...Looking up at me, Merry tilts her head. "Wha-... you're not in the village?"

"I actually am." I confess. "What you're seeing right now is a holographic projection, because I've been killed by the nugget order." What kinda question's that, son…!?

...Ignoring my nonsense, Merry looks around the room-

"Alright…" Stormy's back in action! "Now I'm mad."

"I'm glad." I give him a glad hand. By which I mean, I hold out a hand for no reason.

...He slaps it away! "And I'm mad!"

I grab the hand he used to slap mine away, and start shaking it. "Nice ta meet'cha…"

Oh, man, if looks could kill, son!

"Before you guys kill each other…" Merry steps in- what is with that VCR disaster on a stick she's holding between us. "Where is this? I mean-... not you, them. Yeah."

...We just kind of stare at her. Stormy's stuck on that one, so I answer for him. "Home."

Merry frowns at me! "Hey, hey. Seriously."

"Myouren temple!" I am now serious! "Myou~ren." Myo~n. I need to see more Youmu, at some point. I've met her like once in this entire story, and only as a background character. As in, I was pretty much in the background of her activities the entire time! Y'know what yo, we were both side characters. Little did we know, this is all part of Maria's epic ten novel journey to becoming the ninja emperor.

"...Oh, that place." Adjusting her poofiest hat, Merry stared ahead…

That's it, I need to toss a fluffle at that hat. I need to dehat her. I'm a terrible person.

Moving away from the fluffy Merry, I casually progress towards the counter Maria's by. Crouching down, I open the shelves…

"honh" There's a small friend, hiding in a miniature wash basin. Oh- dude…! He has friends!

...Claiming the wash basin, I stand up and progress towards Merry. "Dude. Dust friends."

"Oh my go~d." She stares at them warily. "Why were they just in the cabinet?"

...After showing her the dust friends, I take one and toss it at her face.

She ducks under it, and it steals her hat. Mission success.

...As she stands, she looks up, noticing it gone! "Wha- no~...!"

"I've dehatted you." I've committed a terrible crime.

"Yes, I know…!" She goes to retrieve her hat from the fluffle behind her! "Gimme…"

...It tries to shy away, hiding the hat by smothering it with itself. Merry just picks up the entire fluffle.

...She sticks her nose near it-

"A- a- Chnkgh!" She sneezes into her sleeve, hard! "O- ow…"

...She gives the fluffle a menacing stare!

Fwoof. It dissipated. She killed it, dude. Crushed it to death with her bare hands!

While she readjusts her hat, whipping dust off of it, I nod. "You're all dusty."

"Who the hell are you?" Stormy's had enough antics! He's givin' Merry a distrustful stare.

Kyouko drifts back down out of the ceiling room, holding a bowl of fruit. "He~y. I found some cool stuff!"

"Nnh. Fruit." Stormy scowls at the fruit… before turnin' his attention back to Merry! "Anyway- who the hell're you?"

"She's Merryweather, dude." Stormy weather, meet Merryweather! "Merry Christmas."

...He just gives me a stare. "You know too many people."

...That sleepy monk is now sleeping, lying half on the table. She gave up, yo.

Genkan drifts up to me, that yuki-onna following drowsily beside her. "We're going into the temple yard, to practice magic." Ooo~.

"Aw, magic." That sounds magical. "I should come see." You're both fluffy.

"Oh, yeah…" Merry looks over at me! "I think I thought of some way to show you, um, some things…"

"Oh, yeah!" That reminds me! "I know of danmakufu, dude!" I point my NERF gun at Merry!

"Yeah, I-..." Merry almost says something…? "Yeah! Cool…?"

...Well, okay then, yo. I'm gonna shoot ya fer that!

Pop! I fire at her! She freakin', up and slides out of the way almost like Kyouko, somehow-

Pop! Pop! I'm gonna gun ya down, son!

Eventually, one dart hits her 'cause she slides into it-

Thud. As a direct result, Merry fell over. "O- oh, wo- woah, woah woah…!" Looking up at the sky, she becomes increasingly more baffled…! And-

Oh, shit! Gaps're just opening randomly in the air around her! Now I've done 'n' done did it, dude!

Like, all around her, just a web of gaps spiral out and extend into the air around us. I think I broke a script or something, son...

There's a glimmer, as Renko appears briefly visible before me, before not existing. What.

...Then, while Merry lies on the floor, multiple images of Renko appear in the air as if I'm drunk and confused, seeing them in my own vision. "Um…"

"Wa- whah…" Maria sees 'em, too! She flails her arms to bat one of the Renko's away-

"Ow…" She actually hit the split image of Renko, making all the copies of her cringe. What the fuck's going on…!?

"What…!?" Snapping out of mesmerization at the visual, Genkan yells! "What's this!?"

"I've ushered forth the poofy apocalypse!" It's raining Renkos! "We're all going to die!"

"What!?" Oh, shit! I forgot, Genkan might take that seriously-

"Should've brought my fucking- agh…!" Stormy gets bowled over by one of Renko's images-

Kyouko looks over from the bowl of fruit she sat down, and her jaw drops…! "What? Oh, no!"

All the Renko's fall over in response to colliding with Stormy. Oh fuck-

She falls onto me! Aa~h!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

...Well. We've dealt with… the Renko effect, dude.

Merry's sitting in front of a fire I made, shivering. "Ge- geez…" She's also partially frozen. Icy chunks're flopping off of her features as she warms up…! Long story short, Genkan didn't like the Renko-pocalypse.

We're now out in the temple yard! It's nice and sunny, and probably ten below! ...Well, not really, but I thought that sentence sounded nice.

"I'm going to blame all of you, for that." Stormy had this wooden cannon on his shoulder now…! "If it happens again, I'm shooting all of you."

...Genkan turns to him.

"With danmaku." He stresses…! "Don't actually kill me, please. Contrary to popular belief, I actually kind of like living."

Sated, Genkan focuses on me and her yuki-friend again…

"So!" That was a thing, and it happened! "I dunno what all that shit was! An' I dunno if I wanna."

"I- I…" Merry hugged herself, the ice falling off her arms. "I don't think… I can explain."

Kyouko's near the fire, next to her, rubbing her hands together and keeping warm. She only spared Merry a glance for her comment, before focusing on the small bonfire again…

...fwoof. A small fluffle stuck its head out of the temple yard next to me-

Fwash! Genkan thrust a hand forward, turning it into a small icicle. "...Like so."

"Aah…" Her yuki-friend swallowed, nervous. "...I- I've been trying, but…"

"I fail to see how you're as old as you are and still so undeveloped." Drifting forward, looking somewhat disdained, Genkan leans over and-

Clink. She tore the fluffsicle from the ground. "You… know nothing of yourself, either. You're quite the anomaly."

"So I've… heard." The yuki-onna seems to deflate. She's currently clad in a monk robe-esque kimono… fit with gold trims and brown robe goodness, yo. "I- I don't have much mana capacity, either."

For whatever reason, Genkan hands her the fluffsicle. "I've noticed. Your body, mind, and spirit are far younger than someone who's supposed to be my better."

...Stormy steps up to them, while the rest of us are idle. "Pftah, spare your pity. Snowy here is quite adept at technical manipulation and magical concepts. She's just… shy, as it were."

...Genkan rose a brow. "Snowy?"

'Snowy' fidgeted. "...That's what he calls me."

Hoh. Didn't she originally want 'yuki'? Which… is just Japwneneseses for 'snow'.

"How dishonorable." Genkan doesn't like it, though! Glaring over at Stormy, she winds herself up to talk 'em down. "...It would do you well to respect those around you."

His expression is bland, and he mutters his response. "...What if I don't...?"

"What?" Genkan leans in to listen better!

Takin' some steps back, he scowls at Genkan…! "We~ll, she hasn't really named herself yet. She wanted 'yuki', but Byakuren outright told her no."

...Genkan shifted her gaze to 'Snowy'. "Perhaps for the better. I know five named so, and heard of plenty more. It's… it gets confusing."

"Oh…" 'Snowy' just deflates a little…!

You know, the temple yard's kind of weird. From around the temple, it appears perfectly square and just like a big concrete building. But, this yard is like… almost as big as the temple's exterior seemed to be. Why's every structure in Gensokyo got proportions fit for freakin' DOOM or Duke Nukem levels? Well- barring the human village's shit, of course, which is almost unbelievably dismal. Freakin'...

There seems to be some kinda platform of stones in the middle, against one of the walls; styled like a theater platform. Otherwise, columns are at the edges of the yard- similar to the outside- and keeping the place from eating itself alive son. And by that, I mean supporting the ceiling edges!

Due to the few dead trees in here, I was able to make that tiny bonfire from earlier! Sticks and kindlings, dude.

"Achoo…" Merry sneezed. "It- it's fine. I'm- yeah." ...She wasn't looking at anyone in particular as she said this.

"Good, yo." I act like she was talking to me! "I'm glad."

...Merry looks up at me while I smile and nod. Honh honh honh, friend.

"...Ahah." She realizes my realization! "Yeah, um. Yeah." Yeah um yeah.

Maria's out here, too, but she's not warming up by the fire. "Blizzara!"

Fwa~sh! A chunky spread of translucent ice rocks splash from her staff as she swings it!

Thump. The training dummy leans back a little from the impact. Yeah, Maria's across the yard beating up one of many surprisingly impervious stick and straw dummy people.

...While Genkan and the weather-related people talk about their stuff and things, I approach the fire- holy shit that's warm nevermind I don't approach the fire.

"So!" I've been noticing this for a little while now, but…! "...Merry Poppins."

"...Ah?" It took her a moment because of how weird I said her name! "What's up?"

Adopting a big, cheesy smile- from my local animal shelter, naturally- I nod at her with enough artificial sweetener to make my cheeks hurt. "Do yo~u have an imaginary friend, dude?"

I think I broke her. It's taking her a moment to respond…!

Finding her voice after being thoroughly disarmed, she soothes my inquiry, dude. "U- um… I- if you want to look it it that way. It's… easier, so yeah. Yes." That was a good way of putting that!

"Aw, what's he- their name, dude?" We're both bad at lying out our asses today, friend.

...Merry pressed me! "You almost said her."

I give her an impatient nod. "Yeah- and you're freakin' engaging in telepathic sex with Renko. Telesex." The sneakiest kind!

"Wha- no~...!" She shakes her head, which is at least three times fluffier than it should be because of that poofy hat of hers. "It- it's just, like, telepathy! Not- how would you even…?"

Questions I need to ask Satori: is it possible to have telesex? ...And, has she tried?

Well, anyway. "So, how'd ya end up here, yo? In the roof?" I thought I was the crazy bastard who accesses the rooms built for no reason other than to house treasure to be found by crazy bastards. Also, fruit bowls, apparently. Maybe it was a para-pantry...

...Standing up once she was adequately warm, Merry turns to me properly to speak 'n' stuffs. "Well. I ended up in the woods nearby, 'cause um… after I got pulled out of nearly getting killed in that bar, I've just kind of been exploring. Then I nearly died again because this girl captured me and I got warped out again, and I wandered in here and started looking around."

...Aw. It's my turn to furrow the brows, as the hip kids would say. "Ya freakin' nearly died again? I didn't take you for a~ daredevil…!"

She snorts. "Yeah, well- once I nearly died there and just got teleported away- and I know Yukari did it, she even said so- I ran off into the forest and just started looking around... and one thing led to another."

I suppose that makes sense! "You should try skydiving now. Believe you can fly, dude."

"I don't think she'll save me if I just keep being stupid, though." Merry grins 'n' shakes her head… "I don't know why she saved me to begin with…"

I might have a few ideas. "Who knows, dude, who knows." ...But, on another note! "You have new weapons, dude!"

"I know!" Almost surprising herself by following the change in topic, she reaches out, and just takes that big dumb mass of VCRs and vintage home video machinery out of somewhere in gap space. "...It, u~h… it boosts the power of electric skills, for one thing."

The electric weapon, huh. I wish I had a- wait a moment, don't I? Technically. It's not a 'I am obviously your electric weapon because I boost the power of electric skills' weapon, but…

I take out Million Bucks! "I have a small loan of a million dollars." All these group fights made me forget I had this. Hell, the last time I tested it was like, the last time I visited here alone.

...Speaking of remembering things, I turn around to see Seikatsu behind me. Freakin'...

Idea. "Seikatsu, cloak!"

Fli- flick. Aha~h… she can cloak! After a brief moment, the healing robot flickers out.

"Wha…?" Merry's confused.

I walk up to the invisible Seikatsu-

"Ompf." -and I bump her! Her form flickers into partial visibility, before going back into invisibility.

...If I have this healbot on me at all times for now, I could totally just go ham with my most self-destructive weapons. Blow away the competition!

"What is that?" Merry's intrigued!

"Tiny." Issa long story. "Basically, she's a medic robot from another dimension, made by not-Eirin or some shit."

"...Okay." Merry just kind of ignores it for her mental health! "That's- okay…"

"I'm kinda glad I don't leave the temple!"

Oh, right, Kyouko's just been watching us be weird for the past ten minutes. Hoh…

Fwa- fwash! Genkan and 'Snowy' freeze some freakin' rocks in the background-

Fwa~sh! Maria slams her training dummy with ice magic again!

I move towards the training dummy next to Maria! "Show me your skills, dude." I swear, if Merry has a whole repertoire of electric spells out of nowhere…!

...Stepping up, and holding her giant club of VCR boxes, she points it at the training dummy-

Ka- klank, ka- klank, ka- klank! She fires VCR tapes out of one of the topmost boxes, and they patter off the dummy.

"Aw." The best attack. That's something I'd have…!

"Ha~h…" Channeling mana into the 'hanger' of VCR boxes, Merry crouches down awkwardly and thrusts it into the ground-

Vuum- zip, zip, zip. A cage of red, blue and green… particles, columns? These solid, luminescent particles surround the training dummy-

Thunk. The dummy tilts back, electrical energy locking it up as the cage dissipates.

Fwoa~sh. …For some weird reason, a wave of healing energy runs up Merry's form after the attack. "Oh. Yeah, I almost... forgot about that."

Apparently it heals her for some reason, too. "Why do VCRs heal you."

"I don't know…" She's about as deeply confused as I am about this matter.

Fridge logic: if I'd actually worn the sun badge ever, Ha-chan wouldn't have stunned me as bad during Touhou sixteen- I mean the fairy rapemania. Shieu~t! That thing gave fifty percent electric stun resist…!? Why on a sun badge? Aaa~h!

...Let's see, how does Million Bucks work again…?

I jump, and- oo~h ho ho ho! Right, no more double jump, it makes me glide instead…! "Wahaha~! I can fly~...!?" ...S'more like falling in style, but imagine-

"Wh- whah!?" -the surprise! Yo ho ho! "What'd you do!?" Merry leaps back, taken by the event!

...Maria watches me glide over her training dummy. "A- ah…!?"

...Actually, you know what this makes me brave enough to do?

As I drift forward, I bring my body up and kick forward with my leg! Enh-

Thud. It resulted in the glide canceling, leaving me to fall on my ass. However, I did get to kick, so that might be a thing I can do!

...Getting back up, I see the girls jog over to me!

Maria's up first! "You can fly…!?"

"Ah…!" Merry's question was stolen, dude. From her mind!

...After a moment of smug grinning accompanied by not knowing what to say, I make due! "It's falling with style, yo…!"

They dunno what to make of that response. Hoh, hoh hoh!

Genkan and Snowy're still practicing ice magic on the other end of the yard. Let's go gank 'em…!

Jogging past the fluffy ones, I come up to them. Stormy seems to be over with Kyouko now, outta the way of things…

Fwa~sh. They froze some kind of whirling mass of dust and shit. Actually- what the fuck was that. Ah, whatever.

Hup! I leap- and then I sail forward, drifting around the side of the friends…!

...It takes Genkan a moment. "Wait…"

Oh, right, I can't turn like-

Dude. Dude dude dude.

Some moments later, I skid to the floor on my belly. There's a bunch of frozen fluff stuff and dust creatures around me…!

"You can fly…?" Curious, Genkan drifts up to me- and she's close…! "Did you learn just now?"

"It's fallin' wit' style!" I'll have to clarify it's just gliding at some point! "Also…"

Crouching down, I turn on my hover boots!

And- oh shit, I'm floating up…! Alright- so what if I try to glide while freakin' hovering on the ground…!? Now we're thinkin' wit' portals, dude!

Spreading my limbs out, I drift forward- oh fuck shit-

Thud! I shield my face with my arms! I nosedived into the ground-

Oh shit! Woah- woah, woah, woah…! I- oh, fuck me… holy-

Pap. The whirlwind of sky and floor visuals stops on a dime! Which sort of hurts, but I didn't slam my everything into anything.

...Genkan seems to have caught me, preventing me from doing a decuple flip-into-wall-faceplant technique. "...Wha- what exactly…" She's finding it hard to talk through her mirth…!

"I- I fell with style…" I fell so hard I broke gravity and tried to fall into a wall. She's holding me upside down…!

"...I don't think that's how you use 'style'." Rotating me around- woah, hands on my side flesh… Genkan gets me back upright, basically! "I wouldn't… recommend that again."

Hoh. With that, Genkan lets me go, and I drift away from her involuntarily.

...Sliding away Million Bucks, I try to test my double jump- oh. I can't, since this has all technically been one really long second jump. That's lame!

...Crouching again, I turn off my boots-

-oof, there we are. Now, turn them back on-

Yo ho ho! Ascending a few feet above the floor, I ready myself… and-

Jump! I-...

Woah, that's some height. That propelled me over the temple walls, and now I can see the roof. And, uh, it's kind of- not kind of, really awkward-looking up here. I can see where the actual temple is supposed to begin and end, and it's awkwardly shorter than how big this yard actually is. Like, the fake rooftop of this courtyard space extends into a big field of wood planks, and just tapers off well past the temple, as if the roof was a gradient, and the color that wasn't 'roof' was totally opaque.

...Like, in simpler terms, past the hillside that the temple was on, you could see the like, actual world- village, trees, so forth. But prior to that was this weird visual clutter outside of the actual dimensions of the temple…

...Once I plummet to the floor, my gravity boots slow my fall and stop me from even connecting with the dirt. These are actually pretty good! A little clunky, but pretty good for my boots slot!

"I saw out of bounds, dude…!" I grin at the girls as they approach me…! "I've seen things no man was meant to see!"

...I think Maria and Genkan are allocating this crazy flight stuff to my boots, judging by their glances.

"Wa- ah…" Merry's speechless, though! "...How?"

...While it's on my mind, and I've got the idea, I've gotta do this!

Floating in place a little, I reach into my bag, 'n' take out Hard Winter since it's my longest thing. "Genkan! I need an ice sheet big enough for me ta stand on on the edge 'a this!" I hold out Hard Winter for emphasis…!

...Eyebrows raised, she decides to comply, holding a hand out-

Fwa~sh! Aw, thin sheet, dude. Now the hanger's even heavier…! But, I won't be swingin' it, so that's fine.

Crouching down, I hold the sheet under my gravity boots.

...Slowly, I ascend! And ascend…!

Oh my god, this just lets me go up. I can just keep going, and I never have to worry about anything. Except getting shot by a boy, that might prove problematic, but like this I can fall and rise as I want. Not so much horizontal things, but holy shit. Rest in piece flail-o-copter, this is infinitely better.

...After traveling well above the temple, I rotate Hard Winter around, and begin to descend again. With the boots enabled, it's still a uh, alarmingly fast descent, but from the numerous times I've plummeted to my death, I can say… I'm not plummeting to my death as quickly!

Wind whips past me as I grin involuntarily, coming towards the- where's the courtyard. After ascending high enough, the weird space outside the courtyard vanished, and now it's just temple rooftop.

Rotating Hard Winter around again, I let myself slow down before getting close to the roof, and-

There we are, yo. Close enough to the roof to just hold my stuff normally, and… tilt forward. Hoh!

Floating ahead, I drift off the air above the roof, and slowly drop down to the front yard. Down here I uh… hmm. I drift towards the temple front door backwards.

...Oof. I hit the door.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

So it turns out the courtyard was like, kind of a pocket dimension! And, if you go up high enough, you just leave it. Good to know...!

"Come back soo~n." Kyouko waves at us, despite us all standing right before her at the front gate. "Once the village thing blows over, everyone should be back."

"...How many more days do you think it'll take them?" Stormy turned to his canine friend… "Two? Four, hopefully?"

"I dunno." She gave him a dry stare… "What do you mean 'hopefully'?"

"Oh, nothing." He turns away bluntly, staring into nothing! "I certainly am not enjoying time without the majority of them, no no no."

...Kyouko's stare towards him is blank.

"In other words, I miss getting crushed by an anchor to wake up on time." Stormy's gettin' poundcaked, dude! "Completely and honestly."

...Smiling at us, Kyouko waves again! "Have fun, guys!"

Meanwhile, an alternative conversation was happening just next to them, 'Snowy' and Genkan having a staredown.

"...If you're happy here, I see no reason to heckle you." Genkan reassures the yuki-friend once again. "Again, I see why you're receptive, but… I've been thinking."

'Snowy' just kinda stares at her. After looking around at the brisk forest outside the temple gates, she focuses on Genkan again. "Okay."

"I didn't know some of my sisters saw it fit to bother you." Staring straight into the yuki-friend's soul, Genkan gave her some reassurance. "There's no logic in restricting you."

I think that's been enough goodbyes! "Alright, yo! Warp speed!" Turning around, I crouch and flick the switches on my boots- wohohoah! "Yo ho ho~!" Floating up, I'm carried forward and into the space above the stairs, allowed to slowly drift down them instead of actually take them!

"He- hey, wait…!" Holding a nearly empty jar of cookies, Maria cautiously romps down the stairs after me…!

...Turning around as I descend, I- oh, wow, I actually got pretty far down in no time at all. Here comes Genkan, floating after me…!

I try to float up after her-

Thunk. Ow, what the fuck did I- oh. I hit Seikatsu, who was just there, and also invisible, which is my fault.

...Once she reaches me, Genkan turns and waits for Maria.

Hoh. The day hit an overcast moment, because clouds. The sky is not completely cloudless! But the few clouds that are there are fluffy.

"...For some reason, sisters of mine are harassing the yuki-onna living here." Genkan informed me! "Apparently."

...I hold onto Seikatsu to stabilize myself, 'cause once you go forward with this thing, there's no stopping! Unless you were really good at counterbalancing it, but I ain't…! "Ah. S'that so…?"

"It is so." She watches Maria get closer…

Hoh. Although, that does make me curious. "Why d'ya think that would be?"

...After looking at me, almost processing what I said, she comes up with an answer. "Some of them are, admittedly, distrusting and tempramental. Despite this, I don't think getting talked off by them would be enough reason to fear their ire. She was afraid."

Afraid, huh. That's weird… or not, considering she seemed like, eternally freakin' terrified of life. If I remember correctly, she only remembers being a human, and if she's like a hundred fifty now or something like that… then the last time she was human was before Gensokyo existed! Hohohoh, shit! Talk about whiplash!

Once Maria reaches us, there's only a few cookies left. "Let's go, go, go!" She's hyped up on sugar…!

"Yeah, dude!" It's running people the fuck over time! Letting go of Seikatsu, I slip forward in the air! "Ho ho~!"

"Hold on, let me lead…!" Genkan moves to surpass us because we just took off like a buncha freakin' morons!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Woah, shit. The forest of magic is freakin' weird when just flying around on jackass boots. I keep awkwardly going up and down because of how weird the ground is! And, I don't really wanna get too close to the canopy, 'cause it's freakin' intimidating, son. I mean, look at those leaves shimmer, dude. Like they're about to snap my neck!

...Genkan floats somewhere in the air nearby, holding onto Maria because the ground is just shitstains this way unless we're all roughin' it. "We should be almost there…"

To our right is more magic forest, but to the left is just kinda… dead trees and stuff, because that's not magic forest; it's just regular forest. We're like traveling along the edge, and I can kinda recognize it as the path Genkan took me across the first time she freakin' abducted me.

Fwi- fwish!

Oh, right, the real reason the magic trees are freakin' terrifying me.

To our right, one of those formless vine things drop out of the tree nearest us, waving its 'limbs' randomly…!

"Hoh…" I regard it idly as we keep moving along side the magic forest!

"We should be nearly there." Genkan informed us plainly!

...Oh, yeah, I can see the top of the not-a-mountain from here, now. Just a big freakin' rock that houses the entrance to her cave.

Pretty quickly, we glide through the last of the brush, and meet the alcove shielded by the big, jagged rock and some trees. There's some spikes of ice protruding from the dirt in places I don't recognize…

As Genkan lands, I crouch 'n' flick off my big boy boots-

Thud. Oh- ow ow fuck, landed on my ass. I didn't expect that fall…

Vuu~m. Seikatsu's healing energy kicks in to unsprain my ankle, because I'm pretty sure I- oh yeah ow yeah…

...Taking a moment, Genkan snaps her gaze back at me. "...Are you okay?"

I stand an' stop wincing! "Now I am!" I was not, but the~ situation improved! Reminder: buy more potions, because this new navigation enhancer has a chance to fuck me over, and I don't actually know how long Seikatsu will stick to our ass for.

...She sets Maria down-

"A- aoh- nnh…" Maria almost eats shit, but catches herself at the last moment. "Woah…" I think that sugar high wore off.

Genkan looks at her with vague concern! "Are you okay."

...It takes Maria a moment to look at her and respond. "O- oh? Just tired…"

Running ahead of the friends, I bound towards the ice cave! Still built into a big rock an' everything...

...Yeah, dude. It's just as icy and cavey as I remember it. Except, instead of being just easy to breathe in 'cause super dry air, for some reason being inside just feels good.

"Hoo hoo." Bright, shiny icicles! The ice of this cave still glitters dimly with magic energy…!

...Genkan floats past me, before immediately slowing. "There's someone in here." Ooh?

"Who's that, yo?" Who's that pokemo~n!? ...Nnh.

"It's someone I know. You and Maria need to stay behind me." Turning around with vague urgency, she focuses on Maria. "Did you hear me? Stay behind me."

"Ok- oka~y…" Maria's out of it…!

...More gradually, I follow Genkan deeper into the cave of frosty doom and other assorted ice tropes. Aside from the entrance, this passage is like hallway big. And-

Oh, hey, the deepest room! I think. This room's so dim and dark, especially without the fire we had last time. In the cave's dim blue gloom, the glimmers of arranged icicles are all that produce any visibility…

...There was a figure deeper in, I could plainly see that shit! Is that anotha' yuki-onna? That'd figure, all things considered. Snow sisters, dude.

Slowly, the crystals all around us brighten and glow fiercer. They can just do that…!?

With the room brighter, I can see! There's actually some more cave entrances, but they're totally blocked off by icy surfaces that you can only barely see through enough to tell that they're supposed to be arch-y doorways.

"Hello." The yuki-onna ahead of us greets us plainly, the tall, thin icicles along the cave's walling sparkling behind her. Aw, she's fluffy, dude.

We're sized up by this mint-green kimono wearin' girl. Similar to Genkan, she's got long black hair, except her eyes are a deep navy instead. Her kimono's green seems to carry over to some of the ice behind her too, making a really cool ice cream-esque gradient...

"Shimokoa." Genkan says 'er name! "You were not invited in." Friendly start!

Sayin' nothing, Shimokoa just kinda gets closer to us. "...I've touched nothing. I was curious about something. Surely you understand."

"...Be that as it may, I expect privacy and respect, especially from my peers." Still put off by her appearance, Genkan talks her ear off. "I understand I've seldom left my home in recent decades, so this scenario may be unique."

"I was actually waiting here, to ask you a question." Shimokoa reveals. I wanna tell her my favorite flavor's pistachio, 'cause her kimono's mint-green...

...After a delay, likely expecting the question to actually be asked, Genkan nods. "Very well."

"Why do you surround yourself with this… troublesome company?" She seems to pick her words deliberately, for some reason. "Are you being… perhaps, held to it?"

This question just makes Genkan pause for a moment, forcing her to process it! "...What? No. I'm simply…" She seems to take anotha' pause. "I'm trying something new." That's an interesting way of putting it!

"We're safe here." Shimokoa drifts closer, gaze gentle. "If you're being hurt-"

"It's not that unbelievable, is it?" Genkan talks over her! "To spend my admittedly immense free time doing something outside?"

"You place yourself in the company of humans." Oh, shit. Does this mean we aren't friends…!? "Forgive my language. You have… found yourself in the company of humans, more aptly." Oof. Guess that means we won't be…!

...Taking a breath, Genkan prepares for trouble! "It is to my understanding, that… after spending some time with a few, specific humans, that-"

"Have you forgotten?" Drifting even closer, Shimokoa tilts her head forwards! ...Then, she just kinda turns away awkwardly.

"No. I am not speaking against fact." Genkan's not relenting, though! "It is through what I've seen, that… as hard-pressed as you'll be to believe this, not every human… is a bad person."

...Hoh.

Silence, yo. The conversation's dead, Jim. I wonder how many times we're gonna have the 'humans ain't bad people' conversation with yuki-onna pals.

Fidgeting a little, Genkan tries to keep it alive! "I know you- of all my sisters- would be the least likely to believe something like this… but it's something I believe must be seen. Through… observation. Don't close your mind, please. I love all my sisters, including you, Shimokoa."

All of this drama talk seems to have sobered Maria up! She's just kinda taking it in like I am, looking apprehensive…!

"...So, stay and chat with us, if that would please you." Genkan extends her an offer to join our after-shenanigan… shenaniganry. "I want to soothe your worries." That sounds a little…!

...Shimokoa turns to us, and- ohp, she's crying. In fact, the tears are frozen to her cheeks. That's going to be bad if they pile up…!

"Kill them." Woah hey now…! Tha~t's a little bit of an escalation!

Genkan recoils! "Wh- wha…? What?"

"Kill them." We heard her right, apparently. Aa~h!

...Genkan's normally stiff posture sort of relaxes as she gets more invested into the conversation. "Why?"

"Don't ask questions." Shimokoa retorts. "If your mind was sound, you wouldn't be asking that question. Just listen to me."

"...No." Sounding like she was answering an obnoxiously obvious question, Genkan shakes her head! "It's more complicated than that."

...A~nd, conversation's dead again.

Looking just sad, Shimokoa pans her gaze away, frown deep and expression long. Not an angry look, just kind of blank.

...I dunno whether or not to say anything, honestly. I'm too much into my pally chummy mindset to grill a girl, and I'm not particularly inclined to hit her head a thousand times with a plant hanger at the moment.

This is also a very Genkan-specific event, I feel! So I'mma just… watch.

After leaning forward a little, Shimokoa drifts into the air. "All that time wasted. Just-..."

"I know it's hard, but listen to me!" Genkan gets outside of her comfortable voice range, and it's noticeable! "There is nothing to be afraid of! Please, relax…"

Shimokoa brings a hand to her face, as if to facepalm at us. Ow, yo…! I know this shouldn't be funny, but it kind of is…! I'll- I'll just do the Yukari thing and cover my mouth with my hand…

"Shimokoa?" This even confuses Genkan. "...No, no- please stop. It's okay…" She drifts forward towards the other yuki-onna. "Sister." You know, are they actually sisters, or is it just that yuki-onna all call each other sisters? What about the yuki-okama…!?

Upon reaching her, Genkan tries to console her-

"Get away…!" Shimokoa smacks her arms away. "Stay back!" Tha~t's… less funny.

"Wh- what?" Genkan doubles back at her repulsed reaction. "Shimokoa-"

"You horrible-..." Casting her now wet hand from her face, Shimokoa doesn't seem to focus on any of us in particular. "Disgusting. Taking ev- everything we've given you… and becoming so…"

...After freezing for a moment, Genkan continues. "No… no, Shimo-"

"You don't have the right… to speak to me." Steeling her expression, Shimokoa corrects her posture after reeling from her freakin'... turmoil earlier. "Human pet."

...For some reason, Genkan gets a second wind, relaxing at the angrier rebuttal. "I figured you would be angry. When you relax… when you relax, I will tell you more."

Shimokoa smiles, which seems particularly notable. It's not a smile that reaches her eyes, either. "I will be hearing no more from you."

...Genkan tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"For the memory of my sister." Shimokoa holds up an arm-

Fwi~sh. A rather plain looking ice sword forms. Not even a katana, a sword- hell, not even a sword, it's just sharp ice with a handle. "I will remove you in her memory."

"What…!?" Floating back, Genkan holds up her arms. "Sister, no! You... hate me this much!?"

Twirling the blade to her side more akin to a shortsword or dagger than a great blade, Shimokoa exhales, her breath visible in the cave's pastel-blue, green and grey monotone.

Oh, fuck. Well.

Backing up further, nearing us again, Genkan shakes her head. "You- you can't do this. What would our sisters think!?"

"They would do the same." Expression vacant, Shimokoa replies instantly. "It is as you said. You expect privacy and respect. You will only obtain these once this version of you, which finds company among the likes of humans, shatters."

...Taking some breaths, I've already got Flame Salvo out. Oo~h, shit…!

Oh- ooh. Backing up, Genkan bumps into Maria, which causes her to turn to us, realizing we were here again. "A- ah. Brad, Maria…" Facing us with wet eyes, Genkan gestures to the exit. "Run. You need to run."

I heal from ice damage. I have the elemental high ground! "No, yo. We'll be fine, I think." Unless she has like fucking fire spells for no reason, then we'll eat hard shit. That's probably on nightmare mode!

Fwa~sh!

Summoning a shield to go along with her sword, Shimokoa twirls it around on her offhand. With a growing grin, she poises herself behind it, raising her blade at her side. "That's a great idea. I'll kill those who made you this way. They must be powerful weapons, to have indoctrinated you. I cannot let such corruption fester."

...With that, she begins just slowly strafing alongside us. If we give her enough time, she'll circle the entire cave! Then we'll really be in for it!

"You both need to run!" Genkan's voice kinda makes me jump! "She's far older than I! I don't know what she's capable of…!"

Last I checked, fire magic was the big to-do! Oh, right, that reminds me…

"...Seikatsu!" I almost forgot her freakin' name. "Uncloak…?"

Fli- flick. Aw, yes. We still have our support robot, who decloaks onto the scene. Okay, that takes at least eight tenths of the tension off surviving, unless Shimococoapuffs hugs Maria or something. I don't know how the death hugs of doom work!

"Seikatsu, scan…" Fuck, I gotta judge what position the yuki-onna will be in so scanning actually works. Right of us would be~... three o'clock, so- "Three o'clock?" You just give it as the direction, right?

As Shimokoa strafes by us- slowly getting closer- the green circle flickers to life under her! She doesn't verbally react, but her eyes widen.

"One subjects identified." One subjects, dude. "Proceed with summary?"

"Ye." That would be great...!

Seikatsu starts summarizing! "Name: Shimokoa." Yuki-onna don't have last na~mes! "Six hundred seven pounds." Holy shit. "Six feet, two inches tall." Oh, woah. No wonder she's so oppressive…! "One hundred eighty years old. Species: yuki-onna."

Shimokoa narrows her brows, slowing her strafe as Seikatsu continues rattling off information. "One hundred percent ice resistant. One hundred percent earth resistant. Immune to tire and freezing. Negative fifty percent fire resistant. Negative one hundred percent burning resistant."

...And then there's more shit about how to fight a yuki-onna again, but really, I think we didn't forget.

"To think, you needed a reconnaissance youkai to determine my weaknesses…" Shimokoa seems amused by the robot's summary of her-

Woosh! Ah- oh shit here she comes…! Whirling forward, she whips her blade behind herself, before-

Woosh! She swings her crude, translucent blade forward!

Arms out in frenzied surprise, Genkan barely falls back out of the way of it. "Si- sister…!"

It was sort of an awkward attack, since it left Maria to just kinda insta-flank her. "Fire!"

Shimokoa whirls to gaze at her almost on a dime-

Fwoom. The launched fireball missed entirely, as the yuki-onna like darted away from it, despite her otherwise slow strafe from earlier-

Bam- Fwash! Woa~h! She smacks into Maria with her sword's side, and it explodes into ice! Oh, shit…!

"Anh!" The sliding blow left Maria rolling away, the explosion of ice from the sword's blunt impact only partially chilling her features. Okay, good, there was no slicing involved, only hurt.

"Ice resistant." With narrowed eyes, Shimokoa's manually figuring out our resistances, it seems. Next, she turns to look at me, her eyes now wide and perceptive, vaguely luminescent…!

Vuu~m. The healing bot's magic picks up on Maria, as it drifts over to help her recover…

Shimokoa's eyebrows almost raise another inch! "Healing…!?"

Kri~ng! A nice big, see-through ice blade erupts from under the enemy yuki-onna!

Cli~ng! Somehow, she guarded that with her crude ice shield, and it merely left her sliding back. Like freakin', tilted her shield down. She probably knew it was coming.

Snapping her gaze around, she brings her shield up again, as if sizing us up a second time, as well as strategizing anew.

"Fire!" Maria casts again, scrambling onto her feet near some icicles!

Fwoom. As the fireball nears Shimokoa, she just slides around it once it gets near her.

...I'm gonna just fidget around like a retard until she approaches me. She'll only really do it if I seem an easy enough target to pick on! She's pretty much glaring me and Seikatsu down, so that kinda gives things away…

...This is a pretty tense little standoff! Her confidence is somewhat offputting, but I'm gonna assume she's too big for her britches, as it were, yo.

"Fire!" Maria tries again-

Woosh! Holy shit- here she comes, again-

Spinning across the grey floor like a freakin' ice skater, the yuki-onna nears me-

Bam! Instead of swinging her blade like she looked like she would, her shield thrusted out on its own towards me, and long story short, it kinda kicked my ass.

"Ngh…!" Oh, hey, a wall stopped me! Ow~...!

"Freeze!" She thrusts her hand out while the shield returns to the side-

Fwa~sh! Ohp, whelp, I'm… 'frozen.' Not frozen-frozen, but I'm trapped inside a rather hollow ice cube...

"Ha~h…!" Whirling across the cave floor, tracking thick, luminescent ice in her wake as she skated on the stone, Shimokoa twirled around-

Bwo- bwo- bwomp! Her blade slammed into Seikatsu repeatedly as she spun, making her energy shield jiggle and jitter.

Woosh! Genkan whirls past me, leaving me frozen. Friend, why…!?

She gets close to her snow sister-

Clo~ng! Whirling around, Shimokoa smacked her in the face with the shield's rim. Holy shit.

"Hngh…!" Genkan clutched her face as she flew back. "Nn- nn…"

Seikatsu drifts away from Shimokoa to heal Genkan-

Shimokoa latches onto the t-posing robot awkwardly…! "Sink into the dreams of sleeping souls…!"

Fwi- fwoo~sh…! Blue and white magic begins to flare around them, as she tries to, uh, hug the life out of a robot.

...Oh, hey, Maria's aiming her staff at me. "Fire!"

...Fwam! Cra- crack. My icy prison's shattered! "Alright- what year is it…!?" Bounding out of it, I stomp forward in my big dumb gravity boots…!

Bwo- bwo- bwomp- fwii~sh. Seikatsu's shield's actually broken by the awkward hug!? Save the white mage!

My party all has similar ideas, so we all just kinda fucking amass on the enemy without organization.

"Stop!" Genkan grabs onto her and starts fighting her limbs-

"Yo!" I yell shit too, getting in close- woah, that feels good-

Thunk- fwoom! The yuki-onna's set ablaze when I thrust Flame Salvo into her side! "Eyeh!?" Woah!

"Fire!" Maria flails her staff like a hammer, bonking her in the back as she casts-

Fwam! The fireball explodes on her back, and she instantly snaps right off of the robot's form. "Ehyeh!?" The fire makes her howls freakin' shrill and throaty- the mere impact of the attacks, not the burning, which… seems to not be happening, despite negative kajillion burning resist. Does her dashing put it out…!?

Sailing into the back of the room, away from us, she casts her arms out, eyes wide and intense. "I've had enough of this…!" Her implements discarded, she brings her arms up, hands glowing with cyan energy…!

Kri~ng! While she twirls out of the way of another big fuckoff ice blade summoned by Genkan, I bolt after her-

Shink! What!? O- oh- fuck- ouch…

Bam- thud. She fucking made an icicle and- and just stabbed me with it. Wow… oh, and then she kicked me to the floor, but that whole stabbing part was a little more important.

"Brad!" Genkan yells out, despite Seikatsu coming to me-

Fwash! ...Someone froze me solid… and now I don't feel like I've been stabbed anymore. Man, over one hundred resistance is weird shit…!

I'm well frozen this time, too. Can't see or hear shit, cap'n.

…The stab was a big open wound by the way, 'cause she tore the icicle back out. The wound itself is entirely gone now, though.

Oh, hey, Seikatu's healing beam is hitting me from somewhere outside. What the fuck-

CRACK! Ho~ahaha~!? The yuki-onna smashed my tomb open with her shield and is right above me-

Fwoom! I shoot Flame Salvo's flamethrower beam up at her! "No~ no no! N-..." Voice has run out, because oof. That was me yelling, by the way.

She flails away, fire instantly coursing across her limbs the moment the flames lick her. "Ehyah!?" Oh shit: a game of regret, son. I'm kinda in a shitty spot, though…

Wham! Whirling across the air above me, Genkan just punches her, sending her drifting back further. Y'know, I'd find something funny about yuki-onna being so ice-inclined that they have to resort to punching each other to get anything done, but I'm kinda frazzled…!

...Once I roll out of my ice crater I got left in, I see- oh, fuck.

Maria's limping to the side of the battlefield, and Seikatsu's healing her while she just bleeds, her new shirt torn open. "Nn- nn…" Blood's kinda stained the lower parts of her shirt, and while they're small stabs, they're still stabs.

Alright, y'know what…

Throwing myself onto my legs 'n' stepping up to her, I give 'er Flame Salvo. "Yo, uh, take this." It's dangerous to go alone. Also, I wanna try a different strategy, if being hurt midway is only a minor inconvenience for us right now…

"...Tha- thanks, I…" Maria awkwardly regards my gift through her pain. Maybe I should give her, like, a potion-

"Hnn~!" I look up as the wild yuki-onna zips around the room's walls, Genkan in her wake as she begins to glow. Oh, fuck, she'll roundabout to us soon-

FWA~SH! She slams herself into the floor across from us, like a meteor, and it's really loud-

"Ah…!" Genkan ends up slamming into the ice spike layer the yuki-onna created over herself upon crash landing-

Fwo- fwoash. For some reason, the spikes broke instead of impaling her, and healing sounds were made but she didn't glow like she was healing. "...Ah."

Kring! One random spike just erupts next to them. Um-

Kring! Anotha' one erupts next to it. And-

Kring! Kring! Kring! That's a series of ice spikes, and it's erupting in our direction…!

Kring! Kring! Maria gets away from me- oh, good, the ice spikes are homing in on me in particular. Ah, shit, ah shit…

Runnin' 'n' reaching into my bag, I take out Million Bucks! I'll need to get hurt- and-

Kring! Kring! Kring! Those spikes might do a little more than hurt me…! But I have something else that can hurt me...

Kring! Drawing the Bawmber in my other hand clumsily- while those ice pillars get way too close for comfort I gotta go-

Boom! I just fall over and hit my hanger into the floor, sending me rolling away. "Gfu~h…!" My mouth didn't anticipate what was basically an oni punch to the gut, sending me fucking rolling, saliva flying…

Kring, kring! ...The final two spikes taper off, and the attack seems to end. Yeah, that's… that works.

...Now that I'm able to get the fuck up, let's see what shit's going down.

"Ngh…" Oh, Genkan's got the girl's daggers under control by holding onto her, but she's getting bombarded by thick ice chunks being launched from the other yuki-onna's gut. "Shi- Shimo- Shimokoa…"

...Saying nothing back, Shimokoa thrusts a knee up-

"Nnh!" Genkan lets herself dart back once the yuki-onna frees her arms by awkwardly trying to knee her.

I look over at Maria, who seems to be all ready, fire charged onto the tips of both her weapons…!

Since she's looking over at all of us, I wave my arms and gesture for her to wait! This includes arm flailing and telling her to be quiet and shaking my head at my weapons.

...Well, I've confused her, which I guess is the next best thing.

"Hey!" I yell at the enemy! This will show her, dude… "Shimokokomo!"

...The yuki-onna's vaguely amused expression meets mine. Then again, I threw on my trademark eternal grin so I suppose I'm not much better.

"Stop harassing us…" I awkwardly, uh, begin. "Or else I will have to use… my special attack!" Yeahahaa~h!

"Your… special attack." She grins wider. "Your fire magic does a good enough job. Why not stick with what works?"

'Cause I wanna get this over with, and licking you with flames only goes so far. "'Cause I'm an evil monster human, and... when you get our health low, we do special attacks. Just 'cause only then we actually feel threatened…!"

"Mmm…" She gives… some kind of a hum. I'm going to assume amused. It'd make more sense than aroused. "I'll keep that in mind." Twirling her ice daggers around again-

Swi- swi- swish! A flurry of sharp ice shit just bombards us-

"Aa- ahn…" Genkan shields herself with her arms, backing somewhere outta my vision-

Wow, this sucks. Shield the eyes! And-

Shunk. Wo~wie zowie. My gut just went powie. What fucking hit me…!? Alright, it's fuckfest time…

Awkwardly cringing down- doing an 'oh no she got me' sort of emote halfway once I thought about it, I use Million Bucks to engage the hover boots…!

"Brad, no…!" Genkan is forced to panic because I fall for a moment, 'cause believable crouching.

Then, I float into the air, and tilt forward menacingly…! Or, y'know, so I think. "I~..." Man, I wanted to be cool and yell at her, but this ice shit in my belly is making this a lot more weird…! "Ha- have… become god!" Yea~h dude! "Ow, ff-..."

Smirking deeper at my what may as well have been arrogance, she articulates her fingers-

Shi~ng! Oh, fuck. Ice claws. She's wolverine mean…!

"Fire~!" Maria acts once I get closer, and the yuki-onna moves for me!

Fwa- fwam! Two fireballs roar out, one from her staff and one from Flame Salvo-

Woosh. She slides out of the way of one-

Fwam! -and into the other! "Egaht!?"

While the fireball makes her recoil, I just go in-

Thwash! Million Bucks doesn't impact with shit!? Oh- yeah-

Boom! Ow. I end up rolling across the air away from her, because explosion. What basically happened was Million Bucks just went through her as I swung it, and I just kinda panicked and hit her with the bomb and boom.

"Nh…" Wow, she has so much less of a reaction to getting blown up than she does getting hit with the world's dinkiest fire spells.

Alright, I might need another strategy, again…! Let's make this quick 'cause I already got one part of it.

Where's Genkan? Ah- there's Genkan, behind me with healbot supreme, looking strategic.

I give her a strategic small loan of a million dollars by chucking Million Bucks at her. "Here!"

...After snapping her gaze to me, she catches it.

Fwa- fwam! "Egah- Etye~ht!?" While Maria does her fire things in the background- and probably does a lot more damage than I did, I click off my boots-

Thud. -almost break my spine on the icy floor, making sure not to blow up in the process, and dra~w…

Market Gardener! Alright, if this doesn't end shit, we're going to need a jump cut…!

"Aa~h!" Woah- who's screaming-

Fwa~sh! Aah. She froze Maria, whose weapons are curiously outside of the ice block she ended up in, and still smouldering-

Cra~ck! The ice shatters, because Maria's completely freeze resistant! "Sto~p!" Through teary eyes, Maria whips her staff and Flame Salvo out-

Fwa- fwam! Two more fireballs arc out-

Bypassing them, Shimokoa moved to loom over her, their corner of the cave a vibrant spring green. "Little human. Sink into the dreams-"

Fwa- fwam! Maria throws her arms with all her might back up, sending out two more fireballs that miss. Oh, shit this is bad. My loadout's put me in a precarious situation, too precarious to just run up and fucking save shit-

Crouching down to Maria's height, the yuki-onna whirls to embrace her. "-of sleeping souls!"

"No!" Genkan accelerates towards them! "Stop!"

As the yuki-onna's arms wrap around Maria, she curls up into a ball and stabs her implements down-

Fwoo~hm! Woah…! The cave's floor cracks open, a fume of shuddering air emerging from a shimmering crevice that formed beneath them-

"Unfh…" Shutting her eyes, Shimokoa tries to resist this-

Fwoom! A fireball explodes in her kimono, licking both Maria and her. "Unfuh-"

Fwoo~hm! Fwam! The fume spell below the yuki-onna pulses again, and more fire magic flares from Maria! "Gnh- ungh-"

Reaching her, Genkan tries to pull Shimokoa off, as steam billows from the kimono, and flames and smoke fucking pour from her…!

Fwam! With another brush of flame-

"Ehya~ht!" Thrown back from Maria, Shimokoa freakin' lands on her ass some feet away, ablaze. "Eer~h...!"

On fire herself, Maria stumbles back with teary eyes. "Ow- ow- ow, ow-"

Woosh! Genkan extinguishes her with a strong wind, which also throws her. "Anh…!"

"Ma- Maria!" Snapping to her side, Genkan moves to nurse her. Seikatsu's there too, to reverse the burning and whatever that yuki-bitch did.

Wha- how'd she put herself out. "Ngh…" Kimono covered in scorch marks, some still smoking and active, Shimokoa glares her fellow yuki-onna down.

"To- to go this far…" Genkan returns the glare, propping the battered mage up near the healing robot. "Shimokoa. You wouldn't do this…"

...In response, the yuki-onna just holds her arms up, as if wrapping them both around a shaft above her, as she drifts into the air. "Come to me…"

Fwa~sh! A big dumb fucking ice super sword generates in her hands, well bigger than her! "Ice blade!"

If she can actually swing that thing quickly, that'd be fucking bullshit. Let's test things… "Yo, Genkan…" I shoot 'er a grin from across the room!

She looks over at me. I gesture to the big blade girl. "Make 'er swing!"

"...Okay." Nodding, she drifts forward, as Shimokoa starts to as well. In the background, Maria just flops onto Seikatsu, sobbing quietly. Shit...

...Enemy-yuki's a lot slower, however, weighed down by the world's most impractical weapon. As Genkan sheepishly floats ahead-

Kri~ng! She makes a random ice blade erupt to the side of herself on account of the first inkling of swinging! To defend or parry, presumably...

Swoosh. Almost gleefully, the yuki-onna kinda sluggishly brings the great sword forward-

CRA~CK! Genkan retreats as the big not-sword she summoned was shattered instantly by the swing.

As the yuki-onna recovered for another swing, I turn around, crouch- there's a ceiling so I'll have to be fucking careful about the angle, and-

Boom! Whaha~h! My go~d! Hitting the floor, I fucking soar up and over the yuki-onna entirely! "Ah…?" She actually stops her swing, because that was probably fucking jarri-

Thud. Ff- ceiling. An' I hit a wall. Oh my fucking ouch. My body says no god please no, but my mind says yes so I fucking awkwardly… turn and poke the wall wit' the bomb-

Boom! Oh fuck I went spinning, and towards her- ow ow ow-

Shunk- SMAA~SH!

Wha- what… did I hit?

...Thud. Oh, cold floor. That's… nice. I'm shivering…

Fwa~sh! Ow- ow- ow. Someone blasts me with a barrage of ice, and my body doesn't know how to feel about that. I'm a little more together, though, so now I can see the fuckin' yuki-onna I think I hit through my teary eyes…

Shimokoa's reeling to the side, clutching her jaw with her off hand. In her other arm, she holds a massive ice gauntlet, a red spread messily coating the digits of it. Did that hit me? You know, it felt like that hit me.

Oh- woah, someone picked me up. "I want you to leave. Now."

"You don't know a thing!" Shimokoa seemed pretty upset from getting slapped in the face slightly harder than usual. "I- I…"

Aah, Maria. Hi, Maria… she's stepping forward with both flaming weapons extended. "Pl- please... go away."

...The mint-green clad yuki-onna's gaze was wide, shifting all across Maria's form as if she fucking saw the universe explode or something.

Fwa- fwam! Two more fireballs hit Shimokoa-

Bam. She throws herself into the room's front wall behind herself, shutting her eyes for a moment as flames licked her, and then extinguished. "Gi- hii~h…" The noise she makes is a gasping, ruined one.

…In the silence, she just kinda stumbles from the wall, holding herself, her cheeks moist.

"A- a pity…" She began to drift back. "To be so ignorant. As you're only able to see the surface of things. I should not expect humans to appreciate my true might."

Are you fucking mental. You pretty much just went ballistic and randomly attacked us while I hit you with a plant hanger a thousand times to make you stop, which is the exact opposite of what I wanted to do today.

"Leave, Shimokoa!" Genkan doesn't want any. "I never did anything to deserve this. Any of this! This isn't you!"

...Shimokoa allowed her a small frown. "You, having such strength, even at the mercy of your memory. Shameless."

"You invade my home, lie in wait for me, and ambush me and my comp-... friends!" I- I feel… weird. "Get the hell out…!"

At Genkan's rage, she smiled as she made her retreat. "Nnh. I… I'll remember you. Genk-... Genkan. The days we-"

"Just…! Just go..." Genkan… kinda sedately retorts.

Her former friend freezes up for one last moment, before casting her gaze down and continuing out.

"Aa~h!" It's time to ye~ll at the world!

Genkan snaps her gaze down to me. Oh, right, that someone who picked me up was her, since her voice was coming from next to me. "Brad! Are you okay? Say something…!"

Woah. "...I- I dunno." My body's in a weird equilibrium of pain, aching, and healing sensations. My chest feels like it's getting ripped out, my legs are okay, and my ass itches. I'm probably crying, too.

O- ooah. Suddenly, healing sensation from my legs and back, where I'm being held. That's… a thing.

"I- I don't think you look okay…" I hear a Maria, but I don't see one! "I mean…"

...Seikatsu's healing beam's on me still, too. All of this doesn't change the fact that I'm worn the fuck out...

"There. It's healing…" Genkan remarks. Oh, the shivering's beginning to stop. Why was I cold with cold resistance?

"Wha- what was… healin'?" That'd be nice to know…

...After a moment of awkward silence, longer than your usual awkward silence, Genkan informs me. "I... don't think you need to know." Wat. Oh, wait… I think I know. I did get my chest fucking gouged into. How big of a hole was that…!? Ho ho!

Once my eyes are dry enough, I kind of look down- that's a lot of blood my boys. I think. Wow. I got fucking glory killed and lived, it seems. Holy shit. Wow!

"Just relax." Genkan speaks softly to me. "Don't panic." I'm not panicking, I'm somewhere between baffled and amazed! That… might be the same thing. Something related to excitement! That might be adrenaline…

Oh- ouch. Ouch. Now I'm really feeling it…! Ca- can you feel it now… mister Krabs!? Oo~h!

"Shh~..." I hiss because oh my fucking god what the fuck

"Relax. Relax." Genkan, telling me to relax isn't going to make me rela- oh, hey, it actually took my mind off the holy fucking- "Relax." Yes, yes, I agree…!

...It finally tapers off. Shi~t. Here I thought I was some kinda fuckin' god with a pocket medic, the ability to be healed by most friendly fire to full health and extra party members to tank when we needed heals, but you'd be surprised what can one-shot you. That's pretty much the story of the freakin' max overheal heavy, innit?

Also, I'm so fucked up right now that I'm pretty much on life support between the medi-beam and Genkan's ice magic being channeled into me. But I actually feel alive and not in pain now, so the situation was fixable.

...I can see, too. Goodbye, tears! Mostly!

Turning my head, I see Maria being sad next to me, and- those are my guts on the floor, aren't they. Wow. Man, what if I casted Revenge with my dark hanger at that low of health? I probably woulda freakin' gibbed her, but then I would've died as a direct result. That kind of weapon only gets really good when you're at like one percent health…

"...Are you okay?" Genkan asks again! I look over at her- woa~h, not used to seeing her cry openly…

"Ye- yeah. Be- better." My voice has seen better days, but I think getting my guts spilled kind of justifies it.

...I've just kinda realized something scary. That ice physical attack nearly killed me at one hundred fifty magical ice resist, and with a medibeam, and with all this extra healing. By all accounts and means, I should be literally dead right now! Hanging on by the fucking cusp of life. I probably just provided Seikatsu with an entire damn ubercharge! If she gets those. I'm gonna demand those for the next build.

"Let's… get you to bed." Genkan starts carrying me to bed. Where is bed. Last I checked, you had one room, and now my guts are in a big pile on your floor in it.

...She carries me towards one of those multiple chunky ice blockades that all but totally obscure the other paths of this cave. Right, I forgot about those. Still-

Fwish. Putting her hand one one, Genkan desummons a perfect circle of ice away, allowing her to step through. Oh. I thought it'd be a little more of a process, but that kinda figures.

...Her sandals start crunching things as she walks into a room full of fluffy snow. There's nothing in here, just howling wind and a smooth blanket of snow. Wait-... I think I just cued myself into what this is by foreshadowing it myself.

"...It's not traditional by human standards, but…" Kneeling down, Genkan plops me into the snow. "Here."

You just sleep in a room full of snow. I guess I would too!

This is pretty soft. The biting cold snow that would usually wrack onto my skin is now replaced by a like, pleasant warmth almost. It's weird.

Wo- woah. Genkan nestles into the hole in the snow next to me…

"Um…" We hear Maria at the entrance of the room. "...I still feel cold. In this room... especially." Oh, yeah, She's only seventy-five percent resistant, so this room's probably still hell, even if she could run around in the antarctic at subzero.

"Ah…" Getting up, Genkan gives me a glance. "I will be back. I need to show her somewhere apt for her to rest."

"Alri~ght…" Yeah, I'm pooped. I dunno what time it is in here, but I'm pretty sure we spent most of the day anyway…

With that, she takes off 'n' goes to show Maria where to sleep.

What a day. I got good boots, I got a healbot, got my sanity questioned by Kyouko, immediately used the healbot to survive my guts getting ripped out. Another Tuesday in Gensokyo, huh. In terms of things happening this was a good day, but getting my guts ripped out is probably a new low for me. Next to that time I fell ten million feet and broke my everything, and Seikatsu healed me up then too.

Gensokyo's been runnin' us fuckin' ragged recently. Head into village to make the council explode, take an innocent busywork job of raiding the crappy bars, find a rape victim. Next day, finish it up, run into Shikome and nearly get gutted. Next day, blah blah blah, get literally gutted and live to tell the tale. Jesus Christ, what's on the agenda for tomorrow? Are we going to roll back into the village and get insta-gibbed by a giant flaming magnetic Reimu or some shit…!?

That, or we take another day off because fuck that snow sister in particular, she made us tired.

I hear snow crunching. A tilt of my head reveals Genkan's approach…

Without commentary, she descends and settles in next to me again. The snow almost shifts to accommodate us more properly, since she'd already pushed some of it out the first time.

"I showed Maria to a lounge room of mine…" Genkan revealed. "It should be warmer, for her. There's even a fireplace she can start…" Why would a yuki-onna have a stove. Must be the fire aesthetic or something…

Ah, woah… the extremely foreign sensation- well, not so foreign, considering how Ha-chan greets me every morning- basically, Genkan just freakin' hugs onto me. "Sleep well… Brad." Woaokay…

That's… not a bad idea.

The howling wind in the background sort of tapers off, and fades out. The luminescent, crystalline ceiling dims to the point of emulating a night sky with its shimmers, and the warmth that surrounds my body…

I close my eyes, and let go.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 81

PROTAGONIST: Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Robot Demolisher, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Factory Disassembler, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Conscientious Party Member, Winter Warrior, Village Revolutionary, Has Forgotten What Half of These Titles Stood For, Holder of Too Many Titles.

PRIMARY WEAPON: Hard Winter - A earth/ice elemental plant hanger made from sturdy rock; has a flower curved around the big, orange shaft-like hilt.

PRIMARY WEAPON SKILLS:

Jack Hammer - This weapon can be used as a jack hammer!

Attack Up - Attacks can be magically charged for bonus damage.

Generic Buff - The most generic of buffs. Boosts defense and attack moderately.

Gaia Seed - Basic earth magic. May make targets slightly tired. Creates downward push force on targets.

Tundra - Spike of sturdy ice which might throw people off balance. Might shank someone who slips onto it, though!

Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.

Combo Plus - User gets an extra hit artificially, if they want to!

Combo Jump - User can easily cancel out of combos.

Frost Trail - User leaves frost in their trail, particularly while jumping.

NON-EQUIP SKILLS:

Lucky Star - Non-elemental attack that does very random damage to one target. Star that drops from abo~ve!

Scent Pillow - A spell taught by Koakuma. Summons a pillow endowed with the user's love fluids… which, for males, is, euh…

World's Wimpiest Fireball - A spell learned from a book given to me by Patchy. Summons a really, genuinely terrible fireball that only ignites the weakest of fairies.

Lumen - Low-grade holy spell that eats all my mana. Requires a source of holy to actually be cast. Homes in on an enemy and deals a burst of mediocre holy damage.

Double Jump - A skill I got somehow! Allows the user to jump twice. Avoid fall damage, maybe!

Perspective Holder - Um…? I am the primary perspective of this story!

INVENTORY:

[Bag of Holding] - A small bag that always seems to be conveniently unaffected by whatever weird crap happens to me. Never enlarges, almost always gives me what I need if I remember it's there. Infinite inventory space. I would like to know where it actually puts all my stuff though…

==o==

WEAPONS:

Swordbreaker - Dark elemental plant hanger. Boosts the power of dark skills. Has a curvy, fancy design that lets it easily counter swords! Provides a weak but passive boost to defense, magical defense, and evade. Lowers the attack of foes as its on-impact effect.

=o=

Youkai Inconveniencer - A holy plant hanger, which works as a flail 'cause of the cross necklaces attached to it! Boosts the power of holy skills.

SKILLS:

Flash - Blinding magic. Works best on dark-elementals, but also works on youkai. Humans too, kinda.

Flashlight - It's a flashlight! Might blind dark youkai, I dunno…

Shine - Basic holy magic. Generates a holy orb in the target's body, which hits 'em with raw holy and stuff...

=o=

Fairy Harp - A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. It was used to hold a generic potted plant before being utilized as a weapon of mass skull-cracking destruction. Has a grate slapped onto it, and a steel block! Sparkles, too…! Oh, s'also got strings, man…!

SKILLS:

Gust - Basic wind magic. Pushes the feeble…!

Fairy Dust - Weapon status effect replaced with fairy dust. Wind attacks with this weapon get fairy dust all over the enemy, debuffing their sinuses!

Bootiful Instrument - I can play music wit' it, dude!

=o=

Flame Salvo - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of mysterious ruby red gems and crimson metals. Boosts the power of fire skills. Ignites things on physical attacks!

SKILLS:

Flamethrower Plus - A jet of fire. Freakin'... what do ya want me to say!?

Fume - Makes hot air fume from the earth below. Might sear the feeble.

=o=

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Boosts the power of wind skills. Pushes air on swing!

=o=

Deep Blue - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Boosts the power of water skills.

SKILLS:

Freakin' Leaks! - Can produce limitless fresh hanger water…!

Geyser - Basic water attack. Gush of water erupts from the earth and might fling the feeble…!

Valve - I can control the water flow with this!

=o=

Sharper Than Darkness - A dark, runed plant hanger constructed from dark shards. Glowy red runes on it…! Boosts the power of dark skills. Decreases user's defense and increases attack. Can cut things!

SKILLS:

Revenge - Non-elemental cleaving attack that increases in power when health is lower.

Bloody Mess - User bleeds faster and longer.

=o=

Bee-Sheventeen-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Made of a lot of weird freakin' parts and stick bits and piston things…

SKILLS:

Boom - Hitting stuff makes booms!

Danmaku Pellet? - Can shoot a yellow pellet, for some reason.

=o=

Million Bucks - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger, from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. It's a gift from Flandre Scarlet! Has an obsolete map of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself, along with some shoddy enchantments! Lowers defense slightly. Slightly electric and holy elemental.

SKILLS:

Panic Attack! - Run faster when health is lower!

Magic Attack - Physical attacks are converted to magic attacks, and fluidly pass through objects.

Combo Jump - Allows the user to transition to jumping while mid-attack.

Aerial Plus - Forced aerial support! It's vaguely easier to hit aerial foes with it!

Air Slide Plus - Lets the user awkwardly air slide.

Glide - Replaces Brad's double jump skill with gliding.

High Jump - Increased jump height while running.

=o=

Fragile Flower - A cute hanger with floral designs and light colors. Aesthetically pleasing!

SKILLS:

Enfeebled - Wielder has halved physical defense and offense.

Cleanse - Basic healing skill which cleanses one target of all debuffs or status problems.

=o=

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

NERF Maverick Blaster - Harmless foam dart gun toy. When I focus with it, I can fire danmaku NERF darts! Upgraded with an eagle feather and Hina's talisman to inflict confusion and bad luck by default. Negligible non-elemental damage.

NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means! Maybe one day this will actually come in handy…

==o==

ARMOR:

Camouflage Kimono - This kimono means business, son. Hopefully helps hide me better in the freakin' brush…!

STATS:

One hundred fifty percent ice resistance.

Fifty percent freeze resistance.

Fifty percent dark resistance.

Negative fifty percent fire resistance.

Negative fifty percent burning resistance.

=o=

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Wear to become a NEET! Tons of pockets! Voice, face, and height specifications not included!

STATS:

Seventy-five percent time resistance.

=o=

Yellow Racecar Helmet - It's like a really knockoff space marine helmet! It feels like it's got good physical defense, too… at least for my head.

STATS:

Fifty percent sun resistance.

One hundred percent freezing resistance.

One hundred percent blinding resistance.

One hundred percent electrical stunning resistance.

=o=

Lunarian Prototype Space Suit - A suit meant for combat in deep space. So far, it's only got the whole 'exist in deep space' part down…! Has an oxygen tank, but that's only useful if you wear the helmet to go along with it.

STATS:

One hundred percent electricity resistant.

One hundred percent freezing resistant.

Randomly casts Zero Gravity when it feels like it.

Zero Gravity - Area of effect spell which removes gravity from debris and the feeble!

=o=

Lunarian Prototype Deep Space Helmet - It's a freakin' space helmet.

STATS: (alone)

Fifty percent blinding resistant.

STATS: (paired with Lunarian Prototype Space Suit)

One hundred percent electricity resistant. Again, yo!

One hundred percent resistance to burning and poison.

=o=

Testing Oxygen Tank - The oxygen tank used by the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit. Lasts for two and a half minutes! Not meant to actually be used outside of testing, but it's possible. Refills automatically in breathable air.

=o=

MP Prize Pin - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field. For awhile only the user(s) of this badge may pick them up, but after a grace period anyone can.

STATS:

Extends prize grabbing range!

=o=

Sun Badge - A badge that looks like the sun. How interesting, dude.

STATS:

Fifteen percent sun resistant. Wow.

Fifty percent resistance to blinding and electrical stunning.

Replaces the on-impact effect of all weapons with Sunfire Flare.

Sunfire Flare - Flash of light that blinds everyone. Doesn't work on the sun-resistant.

=o=

Stock Outfit - Blue, long-sleeved shirt with a huge V-neck button-up collar. Blue sweatpants. Most balanced outfit.

STATS:

Negative five percent wind resistance.

May make the wearer tired.

=o=

Reimu's Outfit - Shrine maiden clothes, dude. Holy resistant, but I dunno how much! Even comes with the bindings and tubes and ribbon 'n' everything!

Reimu's Ribbon - Man, that's cuddly looking.

Hakurei Arm Sleeves - How do you wear these.

Remilia Scarlet's Mob Cap - Twenty five percent dark resistance. Lets me be a Touhou, too!

Monk Robes - Wear to become a Buddhist! Actually pretty comfy…!

Gravity Boots - Boots that reduce the user's gravity! More like, propels them off the floor a little. Reduces the effectiveness of space statuses on the user. Really weird to control…!

==o==

CONSUMABLES/OTHER:

Twenty seven thousand, nine hundred Yen - ...Yeah, just in a bag. It's about time I documented how much freakin' money I have!

Four Health Potions - They give you youkai-like regen for like, thirty seconds! No chuggin' these babies to indefinitely survive the cold reaches of outer space. Unless the regen outdoes the asphyxiation, but I think I'd rather die by that point…

Mega Potion - Youkai-like regen for thirty seconds… except for the whole family! Applies to entire party. Good for when we all suck at life!

Four Mana Potions - Restores an average amount of mana, I think. More than enough for someone like me!

Three Panaceas - Cures all status effects. I dunno if it works on debuffs, though...

Akihito's Broadsword - Too big for me to use as a weapon. I wonder if I could use it as like, a tent stake or something.

Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Rope of Red Bikinis - Wahaha! Gonna getcha, son!

Some Fancy Key - A key lent to me by Brittany. Wha- why. What's it for…!?

Youkai Exterminator Badge - I still have this, dude! Yo ho ho! Allows me to not be considered a youkai by most guardsmen!

Bone - I got it from a frozen reindeer. Why's there only one…!?

==o==

RANDOM CRAP:

Tables and Furniture - Impromptu furnishings!

==o==

PARTY:

London, the Multipurpose Combat Doll - What it lacks in brains it makes up for with a suit of armor and some OP utilitarian spells! Can cast basic fire, lightning, and ice attacks, both the magical and physical variety. Has lance, can shoot danmaku. Variety of attack commands now, including intelligent tracking, trailing, patrolling, and defending. Has mana pool for the stronk commands, though, so those should be used sparingly. I really have to remember to use her, at some point!

PRIMARY WEAPON: Shanghai Lance - Burly lance with jabbing ability. Mostly useful as a blunt object, it seems, and intimidation factor. London really likes it, apparently. London shouldn't have sentience, but I can't help but notice the awkward way which it just pauses before it swings this lance.

==o==

Genkan, the Yuki-onna - A bitter yuki-onna from Gensokyo's wildlands, mostly active in the winter, and on particularly cold days. Heals from ice damage. Commands powerful control over frost, and has a wide variety of ice-affinity attacks. Weak to fire and burning.

SKILLS:

Ice Control - Freely use ice to make stuff. Inherent one hundred percent ice resistance. Negative one hundred fire and burning resistance.

Freeze - Instantly freezes one to two enemies. Low chance of working on stronger foes.

Creaking Freeze - Generates a spinning, magic snowflake in an enemy's body, which instantly freezes them after a moment. High accuracy.

Glacier - Erects a massive blade of ice from the ground, dealing incredible physical ice damage.

Triple Glacier - See above, but on three enemies! As such, costs triple the mana!

Ice Spin - Spins and lashes out with chilling frost. Probably just an extension of her normal frost powers and not an actual skill…

Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.

Snow - Make it snow locally. Very minor ambient ice damage to everyone on the battlefield, including allies. Has a low chance to instantly freeze someone for no reason.

Yuki-onna's Embrace - Hug. Binds target close to her. Makes the target tired, severely lowers accuracy and magical defense, and makes them comfortable. Skill may only be performed by yuki-onna. Negative facets reduced by ice and freezing resist. Someone with over a hundred resistance will be buffed and healed by it…!

Yuki-onna's Entombment - Final, optional stage of the hug…! Guaranteed instant death inflicted by the draining of vitality. Heals the user for the heat taken from the target. Does not work well on bosses or the instant death resistant. Instant death proc is nullified if the target's ice or freezing resistance is over fifty percent. Skill may only be performed by yuki-onna.

Other Skills - Probably has more spells, but freakin'... I dunno her like a textbook!

INVENTORY:

Absolute Zero Kimono - A better version of the stock yuki-onna kimono. Has new trims and stuff!

STATS:

Two hundred ice resistance. Genkan only receives one hundred since this is her stock apparel…! Still adds up to two hundred 'cause of her Ice Control skill… and being a yuki-onna and all.

Negative one hundred fire and burning weakness. Doesn't affect Genkan since this weakness is native anyway, but oof.

=o=

Two thousand yen - Her remaining total after spending money on our upgrades.

Bagged Money - Some money Reimu got for us, to pay for our irreversible trauma. She's friendly, dude. We haven't counted it out, yet!

I dunno - What would I~ have if I was a sexy ice woman?

[unknown spaces remaining]

==o==

Maria, the Actually Ordinary Magician - A villager from the human village. Used to run the most impoverished bar ever, but that fell under or something. Really low self-esteem! Resistances and weaknesses depend on equipment. Can cast basic elemental spells!

SKILLS:

Fire - Small, homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes! Doesn't do much damage.

Blizzard - Spread shot of big snowflakes. May chill foes.

Thunder - Random spread of bolts in an area! Zaps people…!

INVENTORY:

Pine Frost Staff - Made with pine wood and an icy reagent. Also good for bonking things! Twenty five percent ice resistance, one hundred percent freezing resistance. Negative fifty percent burning resistance.

SKILLS:

Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.

Blizzara - Big spread shot of myriad ice chunks, with magical snowflakes whirling around inside them. May freeze foes!

=o=

Casual Freeze Clothes - Casual, neon villager garb. Bright yellow shirt with a blue snowflake stitched onto the front, a bright blue skirt, and a tan vest. Looks about as garish as your regular Touhou, now!

STATS:

Fifty percent ice resistant.

One hundred percent freezing resistant.

=o=

Wood Staff - Good for bonking things!

Magical Lens - A lens that shoots la~ser bea~ms! ...When you input mana into it, anyway, apparently. Gift from Marcus Kirisame!

[Travel Bag] - Inventory that exists! Does not take up inventory because it is inventory. Eight slots.

Two Mana Potions - Guess wha~t? It heals, except mana!

[four spaces remaining]

==o==

Hana, the Electric Fairy Maid - Hello again, friend! You're fluffy. Healed by electric magic. Immune to electric stunning!

SKILLS:

Little Zap - Basic electric magic. Zaps a target twice with static from above!

Random Electric - When pressured, uses random electric spells that exist.

Electric Control - With true power, she's able to stun opponents into submission by touching them, apparently.

Electric Elemental - Three hundred percent electric resistant. One hundred percent resistance to electrical stunning.

INVENTORY:

Hana's Fairy Maid Uniform - Stock standard uniform from the mansion! Cyan-tinted in places to match her hair color. Honh...

==o==

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

that was a weirdly fluent later half of the chapter

~~and now to do my film homework in the dead of evening~~

wait yeah you can't strikethrough text on ff net because [insert site CEO here] is too scared to include more than a dozen ancient options for formatting

like we had getting there to the cave, the encounter, and then the big bum battle which got better towards the end, ending in a pretty satisfying result because tensions and ya boy got his guts splayed across the floor

how kinky

well anyway then it became me getting hugged into unconsciousness by a rather rattled yuki-friend and i somehow paced it quite right

i've been trying to make there just be more substantial paragraphs as a whole dotted about. like, this ended right at the mid 40 page mark- one of my "this chapter is WHOLE" standards, but it also had 12 k words when i finished it sans all this end inventory guff. that's a pretty good indicator of my paragraphs just being generally bigger!

while i'm a fan of like splitting up sentences during action because that makes a lot of sense from a non-committal, non-contemporary reader standpoint, chunky paragraphs (but not OVERBEARINGLY SO) for more intricate processes or internal banter or for the sake of a slower but more involved descriptive/action pace are alright. there's a kind of weird element to it, too, regarding the overall fluency of like sentences versus the natural pace of which i've dispensed ideas… or something

i've seen some really good fics that did action that i still just mindlessly glossed over because a bunch of five sentence paragraphs about a fight strikes me as kind of more boring than a collection of smaller sentences

...and i've seen how to do things without goofy noises everywhere, but i like my goofy noises; it's weirdly comic book-esque and the professionalism bar for fanfic land is obviously lower anyway so hoh

i feel like the key to making satisfying fights with brad in them is both situations where playing safe doesn't do him much good- and perhaps it'd be better if he knew this right away- and in a way that sort of accommodates his natural humor seasoning on everything without detracting from the actual gravity of the situation

...which means yes the situation needs gravity no matter what way you dice it - w - and we mean thematic not newton's stuff

and then there was getting my guts ripped out but that's like a general "this is a good way to increase the excitement threshold" strategy of mine that i've had for awhile but haven't really found much apt ways to include in fg because my guy just doesn't heal a lot normally

a sprained ankle is a huge problem when you don't have potions; even just a big cut means a variety of problems with no medical aid, and status effects can be a kiss of death (although in retrospect that might be a fun idea here or there but not as a more consistent trope)

then when you add a pocket medic to the mix suddenly it's a lot more viable to rip out my guts and crush my bones to dust XD and it can happen more often than other battle damage

my favorite thing is probably how jarring it is, going from a meta where it's a big deal for even smaller wounds to happen to OH GOD THAT'S MY GUTS EVERYWHERE WOOAA

the big trade off dude

well anyway yo

...shimokoa is google translate japanese for "frost core"; although it's actually two words, shimo and koa

it probably makes absolutely no sense in japanese because japanese is freakin' complicated

post-edit notes: general language edits! also, added bit where maria has to fight harder, also repositioned genkan to accommodate this and makes shimokoa seems more like she actually got beaten and didn't just back off

also genkan and maria were now angry instead of seething at my near-death. probably more appropriate to be enraged about it!

hoh

as always, see you all next time!