The orange lit streets of Konoha were packed with families, friends, and team squads who were all enjoying a tame night out for dinner and celebration. These main road restaurants and bars were always the liveliest, as they rested on Konoha's most straight-forward thoroughfares. Easiest to navigate, easiest to police, and easiest to frequent. But, beyond the main road lay lots of weird alleys, twists and windy turns. Most citizens didn't venture down there, past dilapidated structures and buildings that had missed the big post nine-tails restoration effort. Most wouldn't dare. But those who did come down this way would find themselves in an area folks liked to call, "Konoha's closet."

Those tame, brightly lit establishments on wide, comfortable streets became seedy dive bars in alleyways filled with raucous chatter and suggestive music.

Well-groomed grandparents donning modest wear and pleasant smiles were replaced by edgelords who wore way more fishnets than made sense for a ninja.

Warm street lamps and the rising smell of artisan foods were traded for flickering, neon-lit splendor and the drifting smoke of interesting herbs.

Tucked into the corner of a corner of an alley of a building, if you can imagine that, existed a bar with a modest cursive sign which read "Hanabi's.". Any good city planner would know that a building that has too many corners and weird angles like this one is a hassle. But, there was no way anyone was going to tear this building down and replace it with something more sensible. After all, it was home to Konoha's number one gay and lesbian bar. And it was here where all the closetted nin of Konoha were able to unleash their inner heart.

Tonight they were putting on a drag show. The crowd was so dense that one would have to shimmy and swim through a sea of tights, hairspray and glitter just to get from the door to the bar. Though, you wouldn't have to buy a drink because the smell of alcohol in the air might get you buzzed enough.

At the door, a tall, stoutly built woman with a bedazzled cat mask and ANBU-esque uniform stood stoically, emanating bouncer vibes. It was highly unlikely she was actually ANBU, but no one had told her she couldn't dress like that. The captain of the ANBU could be a patron, for all we know. Her job was to keep the peace at this joint, and make sure that no one got outed at the door. This place had one important rule: respect the transformation jutsu.

There were plenty of non-ninja patrons, of course. Many of them, already out. It was easier not to worry about reputation and rank when you were a civilian, it seemed. Romances bloomed here, often between ninjas who were just beginning to understand and question their fringe identities.

Other, more established gays had been around long enough to know better. After frequenting this scene, you get used to a couple of things:

#1: The ninjas aren't usually who they say they are, but their shadow clones and transformations are stunning.

#2: Falling in love with one is a hot mistake because you can only meet them in the dark where potentially career-killing homophobia can't see.

#3: If you get ghosted by a ninja, you might never know if they actually didn't care for you, or if they literally died in action.

#4 There's either some big gay ninja who's really good at shadow clones, or else the crowds at Hanabi's indicates that the village has a lot of closeted nin.

Behind the bar, a medium sized, chubby bartender with the spikiest fairy-hair served the Hanabi's crowd with ease. Though, anyone else in his position might feel stressed. He smiled widely as he recognized a regular patron leaning up against the bar on her elbows. She was a thin, wispy, blonde haired woman with bags under her eyes, she wore wrinkled men's clothes and had a peculiar charm about the way she looked at you.

"Oh, Yasaaaa-chan. Lady, I haven't seen you in so long, how are you?" the bartender asked.

"Hey Tsiro. Good crowd tonight."

"I knoooow!" He had a habit of drawing out his vowels playfully. "I just can't believe how effective that poster was. Did you see it?"

"No, I didn't."

Tsiro lifted up a sticky and slightly damp paper that was resting on the bar and gestured to the wild artwork while gesticulating about said artist's bizarre portfolio.

"You're always into the artists, aren't you Tsiro?"

"Oh, how'd you know?" he hit Yasa on the shoulder lightly, "Now if only I could find an artist who's also a ninja. Know anyone like that, Yasa? You dip into the ninja world, right?"

"None that I can think of," Yasa was keeping up with the conversation, but she seemed downcast. And, even though three other drunk customers were yelling for him, and even though he was pouring out two other drinks, Tsiro still noticed his long time patron's low spirits and found some time to fix her a drink.

"Hey Yasa, your usual. On the house. All your drinks are tonight." Tsiro put the beer next to her arm and tapped her lightly on the shoulder.

"Thanks, but I'll just have this one." She was a terrible light weight. Yasa sipped her beer and focused her attention up on the stage.

Two queens were currently performing. The first was a rotund queen with more shurikens than made sense strapped all over her body. She was dancing around the stage and throwing them at targets that popped up around the joint. A couple times, her aim was off and the shuriken hit a glass or someone caught it or repelled it with their own shuriken and hooted up on stage. The shuriken were all different iridescent colors, some were glittery and had rhinestones. Every now and then, there was one with an explosive tag that, when it exploded, spread glitter all over the room.

The other queen on stage was small and compact. But, she wore a dress that billowed big in the fans (did we mention it was hot in here? Three big box fans blew up on stage). This queen's hair flittered and she danced with dozens of green and purple glittering scrolls which released sparkling effects as they floated around her.

The two alternated their acts, until they faced one another and it seemed like they were almost battling. Shurikens flew, and the dance moves almost seemed like attacks. The two finally touched their hands together and all the effects stopped. All the shurikens that had been thrown suddenly poofed into green smoke, enveloping the whole area. Everyone hooted and hollered.

As the smoke cleared, a beautiful, dark-skinned queen with large butterfly wings and shimmering robes appeared from behind the curtains on stage. Her face glowed with chakra enhanced eye-shadow. This was Miss Hanabi herself, the owner and proprietor of the establishment.

"My butterflies!" her voice boomed amidst whistling and laughter, "Sometimes the shuriken's path of flight isn't so straight. Let's hear it for Miss Shur-I-Kan and Miss Heaven-Scroll!"

In the cacophony of cheering and clapping, the two queens descended the stage holding buckets that said "Tips," and began soliciting patrons while Hanabi gave her usual spiel about how "drag ain't cheap. If you got a fat ninja ryo, you should aim it where you like it" Many ninja tossed money with excellent precision from across the room into the buckets.

Navigating the crowd from the very back, a tall, hesitant queen with long silver locks and heavy gothic make-up proceeded with speed and grace towards Miss Shur-I-Kan. Timidly she placed a slim note inside the bucket.

Miss Shur-I-Kan winked at her, "Ohh, much obliged, Michi-chan. You know, my offer from last week still stands. Just come by on a Thursday night and I can show you the ropes!"

The silver haired woman smiled sweetly but shook her head, "And my answer hasn't changed."

"That's alright, but, you should know that beauty like yours belongs on the stage!" Miss Shur-I-Kan winked.

"And, it takes a lot of effort to stay beautiful like this," the silver haired girl put one hand on her hip with dainty sass, "if I sweat too much though, I might drop the illusion."

Miss Shur-I-Kan narrowed her eyes, "Oh, I know. Believe me, I do. But, you don't have to worry here, Michi-chan. We look out for each other. Think about it some more!" She grinned bigly and continued wading with her bucket through the sea of bodies.

Miss Hanabi sounded on stage: "Now comes the next part of our show tonight, and for that, I need my pal from Mt. Myoboku!" She bit her finger, made some seals and touched the floor. Smoke billowed out and a small energetic toad appeared. He was dressed in a sparkling vest and bow tie and had vibrant teal lipstick on, "Sake-chan!" Miss Hanabi called.

Several folks in the crowd cheered and threw their hands up over their heads enthusiastically, happy to see their favorite toad.

"Wow, what a crowd we have tonight!" she bubbled energetically and hopped up on to a stool that had been placed there for her in front of the mic. The toad began reciting some comedic one liners and the tipsy crowd was an easy laugh. Then she cleared her throat with a croak.

"So, let's get down to business. Tonight is the night that two queens must go lip to lip and answer some tough questions. The crowd will vote on which queen's answer is the best, and the losing queen has to kiss a toad! Euuyuch! I mean, who would want to do that? Disgusting."

Someone in the crowd laughed a little too hard and pointed, "It's funny because she's a toad!" The people around her groaned.

The toad pulled out a scroll and read some names, and two well-dressed ladies from the audience stepped up. One was covered in ninja bandages, she called herself Miss Mummy, and another queen wore an outfit which made her look like she was a walking bush: her face poked out from a spot between some leaves, her name was, Miss Hidden-In-The-Leaves.

The two threw some shade at one another and griped about this and that. Then Sake-chan started asking them some tough questions. Stuff like, which of the kages would you fuck, marry and fight (for political sensitivity, they refrained from joking about assassination attempts). The crowd would then boo or cheer for each queen's response, and the toad would use that to decide who won.

A big scoreboard was set up on stage, which Sake-chan had another toad, Gamariki, mark up. He did so while blinking long luscious lashes. So far, Miss Mummy was in the lead, having just wowed the crowd with all her suggestions of creative usages for fuinjutsu.

Her luck turned when one member of the crowd boo'd loudly at her response to "How best to torture your enemy into telling you vital information." Miss Mummy's response wasn't bad, if anything, Sake-chan had meant for the queen to use crass humor and suggestive jokes to make light of the pretty ninja-centric prompt, and Miss Mummy certainly had delivered.

"That's just stupid!" called a woman with short, spiky purple hair, "Such an uncreative response!"

"Well," Miss Mummy huffed at her heckler, "If you have a better idea, why don't you come on up here and give it."

The woman, wearing mesh head to toe under a skimpy bralette and skirt, eagerly stepped up on stage, the blush and sake oozing from her face. She grabbed the microphone violently and came up with a little too specific of a response.

Sake-chan nodded wisely, "Oh, I see, you obviously work in the interrogations department."

"I sure do!" the woman shouted. She was about to say something else, but the toad intervened, grabbing the mic from the intoxicated woman.

"Miss-Hidden-In-The-Leaves, why don't you phone an audience member too!"

As all that was happening, Back at the bar, Tsiro shook his head, leaning on the counter in a moments respite while patrons were too enamored by the stage show, "What's going on up there?" he laughed.

Yasa shrugged. She watched the purple haired ninja on stage with interest.

"I know that look, Yasahashi-chan." Tsiro said, boldly looking at his friend.

Her face drooped and she looked away from the stage. She turned around to face the bartender to pull some cash out of her wallet. "I'm heading out."

"Oh, you sure? It wasn't my comment was it? Sorry, Yasa, if I…"

"I'm tired." Yasahashi said, ducking into the crowd.

Tsiro looked down at the money she had left and clicked his tongue, "well that ungrateful little urban planner... Told her it was on the house and everything." He grabbed the cash.

At the door, Yasahashi waved to the bouncer, who nodded as she left the bar and went out from the corner of corners and into the dank alleyway.

To the left of the door, flush to the entrance, there had been a mural of the Uchiha symbol on the wall, underneath which it read, "never forget." However, it was now scribbled over with a big red X. What's more, a group of rowdy folks were attempting to push a dumpster in front of it with loud celebration. They were perhaps too out of their minds to go through with it though, and stumbled away from the difficult to move object.

"Sharingan? More like Sharin-gone!" one of them shrieked, and the rest followed suit in laughter.

"God damn, good riddance. Outta give that Itachi brat a trophy." said another, blowing smoke into the night.

Yasahashi reeled in shock, "the fuck you say?" she yelled.

The group all looked at her and there were some unsettled chuckles

"Uh oh, looks like we have an Uchiha-lover." said the smoker.

The short woman took a step towards the group threateningly. They all tensed a bit, sizing her up, trying to decide if they should actually be as threatened by her. One of them scoffed.

"Pff, are you even a ninja?"

She gritted her teeth..

"Hey, the Uchiha are gone." One of the ladies by the dumpster piped up, she had a more level tone to her voice, "It's a good thing. You civilians don't have to worry that much about it, but now we ninja won't have to worry too much about being outed or anything."

The Uchiha police force and their perceiving sharingan had been the bane of many past nin who had been outed or blackmailed by the competitive, and often homophobic, ninja government. It was true that, since the massacre, there had been less unwanted outings.

"Yeah, so it's a good thing they're dead," The smoker spat in Yasa's direction.

She snapped at that and had it in her to jump the man, but the graceful arm of Miss Hanabi suddenly appeared between the two.

"Oh please calm down!" She looked harshly to both of the would-be alleyway scrappers. "The Uchiha police may be gone, but that is no reason to have my alleyway turned into the site of another altercation!" She looked at Yasahashi and the others disapprovingly.

Yasa's face was still tense with anger and Miss Hanabi didn't let it go unnoticed, she smiled sweetly at the woman and then looked to the smoker and his friends.

"Now, don't anyone here forget that plenty of Uchiha themselves had been patrons here, as well. We should mourn them properly instead of slandering their whole clan, Hmm?"

The smoker blew smoke in Miss Hanabi's face and the queen's eyes glowered. "Oh, you shouldn't have done that." she said, and suddenly, the man was on his back, his cigarette still in his mouth somehow. His friends all hooted and laughed around him.

"He's still got it in his mouth! Look at that!"

Miss Hanabi gracefully clapped her hands, "Now, then, Yasahashi-kun-" she looked to Yasahashi, but the woman was already half out the alleyway. The queen watched in dismay as she turned a corner of a corner and vanished into the winding back alleys of Konoha.


Heya, Kakashi's Prius here. Share your ideas for ninja drag queen names in your review!