(Where we… arrange ourselves, I think...)

Ah…

There we go. After I focused on Brad for long enough, he just kinda… disappeared, in a flare of black-pink magic.

'This is freakin' weird, dude…!' Yeah. I don't have the slightest clue how this 'possession' stuff works, 'cause it hardly does anything obvious with mana, or stuff I can really use. It lets me inherit some of Brad's stuff, but I don't have the slightest clue why.

But, that's sort of besides the point, especially now. Me and everyone else took turns getting freshened up, so…

...Genkan here had chosen to take her bath with ice cold water instead of a heated… tub thing. It was like a barrel, pretty much. Definitely a single-seater… or, well, that would've been super crowded no matter what. You couldn't even wash yourself if two people were getting in each other's ways.

"Okay…" With a peaceful smile on her face, Genkan casts her long black hair back. "Are we ready?"

"I think so…" I let out. I should check with Brad-

'Yeah, dude.' Brad's okay, too. 'This is our last chance to save, before entering a new sequence in the game…!' As okay as Brad can be, anyway.

Keine's not here anymore, because I think she has school. It was awful nice of her to trust us in here, for the time being. I'm glad Brad hasn't suggested we steal anything, or go sticking our noses where we shouldn't…

We're in her living room again, after getting redressed and everything.

"It seems… Keine isn't here right now." Genkan decides to use her first name. I don't… think I blame her. "We should go… and, perhaps heed what she said."

'Dude- Keine's not here!' Um… 'Let's pick up the entire house, and rip the nails from the foundation!' Darn it. That's- is that even how it works…? I don't think you can just move a house.

"Yeah." I show Genkan I'm listening, as we move for the front door. "...I guess we'll go look around."

Crea~k. Keine's front door whines as we swing it open, and step out into the world outside.

It's sunny, but not too much, the clouds above keeping everything a really pretty, fine white. As opposed to blazing saturation or blinding colors, as it usually is…

We might need to do something about our dream selves, if what Keine said is true. I think. Brad and Genkan acted like it was a pretty bad thing, so I'm inclined to dread it too. But, where would we go? Or-... hmm. Maybe that's a silly question.

The clearing outside Keine's house is kinda sad. Like any village clearing, there's just walls, dirt, and dumpsters.

'We should like… hmm.' I'm not sure where Brad wants to take this. 'Aw. I wonder if this place has a shoe store!' What. 'Wait, I got these gravity boots on. Nevermind…!'

"We should visit a bookstore, if there are any." Genkan considered aloud, too. "Or, a library. I somehow doubt these exist here." But- wait-

'Dude! I could introduce you all to Kosuzu, dude!' Who? Now hold on…!

"Did you guys forget already…" I guess it's because we spent an hour and a half bathing collectively. Brad took the longest, somehow… as in, he took almost a whole hour. I'm not sure how you even do that. "What about our dream selves? And, the… 'disaster duo', I think?" I feel kind of embarrassed, just… bringing it up out of nowhere. But it's also really obvious and important!

...Genkan looked away. "I was half trying to forget that."

'Oh, shit. I forgot!' You guys…

"I was just thinking about where we could, um… find them." I'm way too subconscious about how my voice comes out. "I think it's pretty obvious."

"...I don't think I'd simply go back to my cave now." Genkan considered. Her eyes met mine again. "Brad's probably in town being dumb somewhere… or with me."

'I got no clue!' Yeah. Brad's really just-

O- oh. Um…

Hana awkwardly tries to put her modest breasts on my head. "...You're not-Brad now!" Her body's… warm.

'...Yo. Maybe we got a lead!' He's right. If anyone knew where to find him…

Click. Genkan re-closes the door way behind us telepathically, since our fairy barged it open again. Hana showed up a few times while we were inside, but I think she caught up on sleep or something. Thankfully she didn't jump Brad while he took a bath...

The real question is… what do we do first?

...Since everyone's just sorta half in the mood to please themselves first, I pose the question after they just stare at the scenery long enough. "Which- I mean, what do we do first?"

...Genkan focused on me again. "I think our dream selves are pretty important to… keep from doing anything rash. Since they are rash, as beings." That's… sort of what I was afraid of.

'Won't the incident be like… over, if we spend a day huntin' down ourselves? Maybe we can fix everything if we beat up the freakin'... masters of disaster!' Brad has the opposite idea.

I mean… Keine told us not to, pretty explicitly. At the same time… I dunno if she knows how powerful we actually are. Brad's hangers are pretty weird and hard to predict, and Genkan's just really strong all around. Not to mention… myself, I guess.

Hana's warm… and she's still hovering over me, her tummy touching my back.

"Brad wants to deal with the people causing the incident." I communicate to Genkan… "And, I think I agree. It should fix everything, maybe."

...Genkan smiled. "I see neither of you are taking her warning very seriously either." Oh. I… was kind of expecting her to chastise us. I'm kinda surprised.

'Aww~. Yeah, dude!' I guess Brad gets what he wants, for now.

"I don't think Keine really knows… how versatile we can be." Genkan's resolve seems pretty good. At the same time, I just hope we're not all getting… arrogant or anything. Not like that's stopped us from nearly dying before.

"Yeah." So I agree with her… "Let's begin looking, then. The way she said it, I think they might be walking around town."

"How dangerous." Drifting ahead, Genkan continues to lead the way. "I'm sure we'll see them, since she made a big deal out of it. Maybe we could do both. Find our… other selves, and look out for them."

Actually, yeah. I don't see why-... not.

Hana hugs onto me, and… okay. "Mmm~!" She squeezes me into her warm, taller form. I'm helpless…

...Genkan comes back for me. I'm stuck. "...Do you-"

Fwiosh!

==== BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Fwiosh! Oh shit-

"Brad-kun!" Ha-chan whaddup! Oof! She snuggled me, dude…!

"Come." Seeing the switch in powers, Genkan beckons me forward, knowin' I can take Ha-chan's snuggliness!

...Oof, dude. I gotta walk with Ha-chan's movements, since she's keeping a hold on my stomach with her arms! It still feels so weird- I know I'm a broken-ass record, but… man… I- I really want a few hours of just, snuggling 'er.

'I dunno how you put up with it.' Maria admits ta me! 'Hana's… really friendly.' Aw, yeah she is, dude!

...Yo- Genkan, wait up! I gotta hobble along…! Freakin'... fairies are really snug, dude.

Urge to nuzzle Ha-chan for existing aside, we eventually hobble out of the dim alleys and into the bright road! This almost-sunny lighting's funky.

We got… villagers out here. Bein' villagery. Also, guards givin' us sideways looks, but that's pretty much totally normal now. I really gotta wonder how they're trained if so many're freakin'... Duke Nukem wannabes!

"...I guess we just start lookin'." I declare, 'cause yeah. Where would me be, dude. How bad me be…!?

Genkan gives a little nod. "Hmm. I would suppose so." Dank me~mes!

...Speakin' 'a memes, I turn to Ha-chan! "Hi, friend."

Oh shit, her face is close. "Hello…" Wait- yo…!

...She just kinda abruptly kisses me on the cheek! "Hehehe!" Freakin'...! Geez...

"Do ya sense anotha' me in town…!?" Let's cut to the chase before she molests me really hard! "'Cause there might be!"

...She looks at me like I'm the silly one, before perking up! "Ooo. Ooo- ooo, ooo…!"

Lettin' go of me, she starts to shuffle! "You're right! It doesn't make sense, but-...!"

An' then she shuffles off! Ho ho!

Genkan floats to follow her, an' I shuffle off with her! We're the shufflers, dude!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

As it turns out, we may've shuffled too fast too quick…!

Cla- clack, clack! A buncha metal trash cans splay out on the ground before us, and the other Brad just up and freakin' dashes past us! "Woah- ho shit, ho~ shit…!" I can tell he's me 'cause he's got Reimu's bow on and the space suit on beneath it; that's not a combo you see every day son…!

"Arf- arf, arf!" There's a big mean dog chasin' after him! He's got Million Bucks out as he jogs off. When'd he get a full inventory!?

I check my stuff, and- yeah, everything still exists. Freakin'...

'There- that's probably him!' Thank you, Maria!

"Woah!" Ha-chan starts to ramble after 'em! "It's another Brad-kun! Come back, Brad-ku~n!"

...Lookin' back at me, Genkan gives me a nod and starts drifting after him!

"Yo- noob! Noo~b!" Get yer space man ass back here, son!

We're on one of the main roads- we were movin' to the boy but he just sprang out dude! Now we're chasin' a dog… chasin' him! Chasing Ha-chan chasing a dog chasing him…

"Arf- arf!" S'a big dog too…! Where the hell'd he find 'em!? Dogs aren't extinct here!?

Also- holy shit. Brad's as fast as the flash, 'cause he's really freakin' booking it!

Woosh. Genkan floats past the dog and Ha-chan-

Fwash. Its paws are frozen to the ground, and it falls over itself. "Nn- nn…!" Aw. Oof, dude.

Oh- hoo~h. Brad stops and pivots back, and when he sees us, he begins to bolt harder! "Ho ho ho~...!"

Genkan reaches him, and places her hands on his shoulders! "Stop running."

"Aaa~h!" Yelling out, he freakin' freaks the fuck out-

Genkan flinched back as he suddenly glided away, dude!

...And by glided, I don't mean like, flight. He just kinda coasted into the floor ten feet away, 'cause Million Bucks does that fer 'em...

Fwoa~sh! His space suit's zero gravity activated, and he began slowly rotating in the air…! "Haa~ aaa~h…!" Son…!

I catch up ta him! "You freakin' noob!" I'm gonna verbally abuse myself, son. "The hell ya doin' out here!?"

...Rotating in the air, he tries to freakin' glower over at me, but instead just ends up awkwardly flailing 'cause he keeps rotating to face away from me! "Freakin'-... what's it matter ta you!?"

Thud. The gravity spell let 'em go, yo. "Oof…" He landed on his side.

Ha-chan swooped in, and crouched next to him. "Hello…! I- ooo." Stop making weird noises, friend…!

Fwiosh!

==== MARIA YAMADA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Fwiosh! It's my turn, now. 'Yo- oh shit…!'

"Brad-..." Actually, talking this over will be harder than I thought. "Brad Two, I mean."

...He grins over at me. "Aw, yeah. I'm Brad the second!"

Slowly, he gets back onto his legs, still lookin' at me. "A~w. If you guys're switchin' around, that must mean dream Maria's-..." Suddenly, he looks like he wished he didn't tell us that, but masks it poorly immediately after. "Aw." He turns to Hana-

"I wanna snuggle both of yo~u!" She hugs onto him, and he looks as pleasantly displaced as he usually does by it.

"...Don't getcher hopes up…!" He awkwardly grins off the notion. 'Cause, um… "While that's a little, uh…"

'I don't think I wanna get inta bed wit' myself!' Hana's got some funny ideas, I think…

"I don't think I wanna get inta bed wit' myself!" Wow. Dream Brad pretty much… said exactly as much. "Two or more girls is a party, but two guys is the end of the world!"

'Woah- he actually said that…!' What is going on...

...Hana was confused, because she doesn't understand what sex is. "Why~?"

"Brad." Genkan speaks to him solidly. "Are you causing chaos?"

He just kinda gives her a happy, blunt stare. "Is-... is that a trick question? I think ya could tell me the answer!"

'Ask him if he's slain a boy.' ...Okay.

I might as well give him that word for word. "Um. Brad."

Looking over at me, he gives me his attention, waiting patiently.

"Have you… slain a boy." For some reason, I kinda like saying that...

He furrows his brows at me curiously. "...Well, not yet. No one's jumped me, an' no asshole's shown their face around me." Um…? That's- there's something off about that.

'Ask 'em if he ain't- if he'll refrain from slayin' boys!' I have mixed feelings about being the messenger here…

"...Will you be… refraining, from slayin' boys?" I think my cheeks are getting red…

He snorts. "...I mean. Probably not the answer you wanna hear, but fuck it. I see a dumbass an' there'll be cast iron in his bloody skull!" Oh. Oh. Um. "Like- yo! Maria, why don't we hit up yer foster folk's place? Pretty sure we ain't done there yet."

"...Are- are you planning to kill them?" I ask. Not that I really care about them… but Brad's the last person I'd really imagined being this outright malicious.

"Are you really Brad?" Genkan frowns at him. "That seems… more brutish than he normally is. By far."

He beams at her, but his gaze remains harder than it usually ever is, outside of combat. "I'm him to the core. The bitter goddamn center, forged by this goddamn-..."

'What the frik.' Brad's… offput by him? 'Tell this boy ta suck it up!'

"Suck it up." I, um, tell him.

'Now call 'em stoopid!' Wait- what, no. No…! 'Tell 'em he has a box head, dude!' That's dumb, no…!

He just gives me a soft stare for a moment, before holding out his arms a little. "You guys can't tell me… you ain't pissed the hell off by all this shit goin' down." I don't know what to think of this different Brad. He's more proactive, but he's also… an ass, if- if I may. At least, that's my first impression.

"The superficial assholes freakin'- taking command of an already tiny village- where it should be so easy to just organize, even with-... the resources…" He holds his arms out, gesturing out to the village itself. "Seriously! This is the world's worst RNG!"

"...You're like a scary fusion of Shimokoa, and... Brad." Genkan actually looks him over with vague wonder.

He lets his eyes glaze back. "Uh huh. Don't compare me with that fuckin' box 'a rocks." ...She did try to kill him. "Only thing we got in common: we're pissed the hell off."

"You're awfully rude, too." Genkan frowned again.

...Woah. He really like, flinched at that. "...Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Genkan. I just-..." Sighing, he seems to get caught up in his thoughts. "I'm just so angry- it's hard to balance it, between like- the problems- but I don't wanna… I- I like you guys." Where'd this come from…!? His thoughts are so fast and scrambled-

'Oh, my go~d. Haa~h!' Brad's exploding my mind. 'Someone put this boy's ass to sleep! The cringe- the cri~nge!' I wanna watch the fireworks, though…

He gets closer to us, and Hana looks him over curiously as he kinda slouches. "Look- if I'm ever weird, in a bad way- I'm sorry."

'Bo~y! I'm gonna- aaah!' Brad- I'm trying to listen…!

"Um…" Genkan looks him over as he just sort of fidgets about before us. "It's… okay?"

"Are you okay?" Hana looks him over, and-

Oh. He just hugs her abruptly. She perks up at the contact, and wraps her arms around his back.

'Tell 'em to stop!' Brad really wants my help…! 'Tell this boy ta pull up his big boy space trousers!'

"Brad wants you to um, stop…" I think I'll throw him a leg, because he really wants it.

...He looks over at me, and scowls. "What- you afraid? If they hate me- for being who I am-..." Oh my go~d, his eyes are getting red-

Fwiosh!

==== BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Fwiosh! That's it! Had enough!

'Aaw…' What- Maria wanted more…!?

He points Million Bucks at me. "Hey- no! Hold up-"

Fwoa~sh! Oh shit! The Zero Gravity proc'd, and now we're all floating away! You ruined the moment…!

Despite this, he still glares me over as we fucking float around like assholes. "You're never gonna get anything done, if ya don't grow a pair an' do something!"

"Who says yer action's good action!?" I'm gonna point right back at ya, son!

"No one gives a shit about the government here!" Brad yells back at- alright, this is probably one of the stupidest things I've ever done. I'm yelling at myself, in the middle of the road… in zero gravity. An' then it becomes Gensokyo politics! What the fuck my boy…! "Why don't we just- fuckin' topple it!? Hell, we could lead this shit!"

"I have a feeling it ain't that easy!" I yell back at 'em! "Don't do that, s'dumb!"

He seems to kinda agree, 'cause he doubles back a little. "Well- just toss it over and let a new one form! This one sucks so much hard shit anyway- we got the people too! Clean up all the pricks while we're at it-"

Thud- thud- thud. Me, Ha-chan and him all land again! Genkan never moved 'cause stronk.

"How about you two be quiet for a moment?" Oh, shit, we pissed off Genkan.

We obey...!

...Genkan looks not-me over idly. "What do you think of me?"

"You…?" He- wow, that's a change in expressions! "You're beautiful. You've got really cute mannerisms, and-... your intellectualism, like, it's stimulating beyond uh…" He glanced over at Ha-chan. "Not ta say- well, Ha-chan, you're kinda… slow on the updra~w?" Oh my fucking god…

...She smiles at him. "I know!" Wh- pftuh…

Dream Brad has a similar reaction. "Wha- pftah…"

...I look over at Genkan, and she's- she's just kinda lookin' me over, with a face of wonder.

"Freakin'...!" I march up to Dream Brad! "Yer like a bull in a china sho~p!"

"Right!?" He beams over at me! "I know you are- but what'm I, son!?"

"I- what if ya like-...!?" I have been flustered by the only man possible who can fluster me: myself! "You can't just sequence break this shit- I'm super sure!"

Immediately, he glares at me. "The fuck do you know, ya fuckin' pussy!?"

"Grr~!" So~n!

"Grrh!" Yeah- grr back!

"Grr-"

Genkan giggles a little, moving to place a hand on both of us. "Just- just… hold on, now. No fighting."

...We both stare at her, and are beset by this new situation...!

"...I can't really tell you to get along." Genkan figured. "But… you have things in common, I'm sure. Why not focus on that?"

"'Cause I'm tryin'a get a bloody job done." He actually talks back ta her, pro'lly 'cause she sided with me. "I'm the adult, and he is the child."

"That was freakin' edgy." I shake my head. Two 'a ten, good try… and- from whose perspective is this!?

"At least I dared." He grins an' glares at the same time! "An' really- it wasn't so bad…"

'This is inte~nse.' Maria- yer not helping…! What's this, cable TV!?

Wait, before we taper off… "Don't kill anyone, and don't freakin'... fuck shit up. You know how it goes." I'm firm wit 'em, 'cause he's me!

He gives me the middle finger. "Fuck you."

"...No you." I grin an' point at 'em!

Ah- pfft. He grinned back! "Alright- ya got me on that one. Whatever…"

And- oh shit, he took out the improved Bawmber. "Leave me alone." ...Then, he looks over at Genkan! "Except fer you guys, you're cool. But Brad here- I'll fuck you up, and I fucking mean it."

He's still not promised to not go homicidal mania~c…! "At least don't kill-"

Boo~m! Crouching down, he hits the ground beneath himself, and soars into the air! Me an' everyone else recoil at the blast-

Woosh. He snapped into a glide with Million Bucks in mid-air, soaring over the village block...

...I stomp the ground! "Da~mn it, dude..." I seriously piss myself off, son.

...Genkan casually drifts closer to me. "Are you alright, after that…?" Freakin'...

"I think so…!" I can't say for certain! "Freakin'- we gotta find that boy before he hits anyone up. Ha-chan-..." Oh. ...Where'd she freakin' go!? I know she didn't pi~chun!

'She took off after him.' She did what now!? Aa~w, man. That's la~me. 'She looked worried.' Yeah, she should be!

I should take him to meet Brittany. Then we could have the three-assholes reunion, dude.

...So, yeah. Frik frak, and fuck, dude.

"We'll find him." Genkan… actually sorta consoles me. Hoh! "Eventually." Aaa~h!

Pap. Yo- what the fuck…

Someone brushes by us- oh.

"Pardon me~." This woman scoffs at me, dude. And, uh, woah…!

Her hair is done up in flashy, blond-beigeish pigtails, and she has a buncha red ribbons in her hair! She's got a little tophat on, and also circular sunglasses mounted to her forehead. Also, a flashy, sparkly purple coat with huge sleeves! "...Boring, but spiffy attire." She immediately judges my nazi clothes! "Having a day on the town with her, hmm?" Her eyes travel ta Genkan.

"Yeah, dude." It's a date now, dude! The date where I yell at myself physically for about thirty minutes! "An' who're you, yo…" She's a freakin' hipster tripster.

She leans back snuggly-like, and unfurls a fan before her face. "Hohoho! Well, I suppose our names aren't well-known yet. I am Joon Yorigami."

Flick. She flips out a business card-

Fli- fli- fli- flip! She flips out a fuckton of business cards! "Here you go~!"

Ah- whah. I have received… thirty business cards. "...Cool!" Dude, dental flossers!

"...I don't believe I have anything more to say!" Giving us a big nod, the loli girl powers away! "Toodaloo~!"

"Thanks…" I nod at 'er as she marches off. "Fer the toenail pickers…"

...Freakin', yo. She was snug.

...All these cards are in Japanese.

'Joon Yorigami. Financial advisor. Money guru, and… wallet pimp?' Maria translates the moon runes fer me! 'I've… never seen her before.'

"She looked untrustworthy." Genkan's gut doesn't like her!

'I was thinking…' Oh, hey. Maria's snug too, dude. 'Brad wanted to go to… my foster family's place.'

...I immediately see where she's going with this. "Y'think Maria's there?"

'Yes.' Guess we're makin' a round there after all! 'Well- the other Maria.' Ye, ye!

Genkan's still starin' me over curiously…!

"...We think dream Maria's in the most obvious possible location!" I hold a finger up as I explain to her!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

A~nd now we're here. We were like, on an adjacent road anyway, so we just skipped walking like two 'er four hundred feet. Good ol' two story home of legends, dude. Why's it painted moss green, anyway...

The door's ajar, yo. It's the good sign.

'Um…' Maria speaks up! 'I'm taking over.' Oh shit.

Fwiosh!

==== MARIA YAMADA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Fwiosh! ...If Brad had to put up with himself, I have to put up with myself. If she's here…

'I've been taken over…!' Brad has fallen, to me. Well- more importantly… I'm not entirely sure what we're gonna find in there.

...I look back, and see Genkan behind me.

fli- flick. Seikatsu's here too, for what it's worth, I guess. Her cloak shimmered, like it rarely does now and then…

Crea~k. I push open the tilted, open door...

...Oh.

In the center of the main room after we walk in, there's… that lady's frozen. The 'foster mother' of the place here, she's frozen in a messy, misshapen statue of ice. 'Dude. Maria knows ice sculpting.'

"...Is- is she dead?" I ask.

...Genkan gets closer to the ice, then shakes her head. "No. She's getting there, though. She's been frozen for an hour or two, and it's not a very solid freeze."

...Well, okay then.

There's lots of messy ice chunks all over the room, tapping into the walls, some portraits, and just, everything. I guess she really wanted to use ice magic. It is pretty direct and good.

thump- thump- thump- thump. People are running upstairs. Oh, dear-

SHATTER! Oh- oh, geez…! What-

"Aa~h!" I look to the big window in the back of the room. Sanjiro- the white-haired bad guy- falls down past it.

Bam! Oh- oh. Um… ow. That… must've hurt. He fell off the second floor.

"Hahaha~!" Is-... is that me!? That sounds like me.

Genkan proceeds towards the weird stairs first. Turning back to me, she seems to just check on me as I follow along…

'Dude, Maria's having fun.' I'm sure.

My steps are loud as I stomp up the stairs, making my way onto the second level…

She must be in one of the usually locked hall rooms. Oh- yeah, one of the doors is open that wouldn't normally be-

"Who~'s the~re!?" The other me bellows out from the room with as strong of a yell as she could muster.

Genkan waits at the side of the door, as if to allow me in to deal with my problem. O~h, great… 'Aw. She's making the way for you, dude.'

...Holding my staff high, I barge in through the half-open door.

This seems to be Sanjiro's room. The lock seems to have been blown open, a hole in the door where the opening mechanism should be.

Where I am, there's a big chunk of ice on the floor in front of me.

Across from it was myself, aiming her fire-tipped staff at the electrically-charged ice crystals, about to make them burst with a fireball. But, upon seeing me, she froze instead. "...A-... wh-..."

...I'm honestly… not sure what to say to her. I don't care about these people, and… ever since I've been traveling, I've become less and less fearful of the village itself, and the world outside it.

"Hey." So, I guess I'll say hi. "...You're, um… getting awfully excited, huh."

fwish. The flame on the tip of her pine frost staff goes out. "...Mmm. You could say that."

Moving to leave the room, she keeps her staff up. "Did you see any men on the way here? The hag said she sent a distress thing, so I'm kinda waiting for them now. Less trouble…"

...I shake my head. "Well, no. Genkan and Brad are with me."

'Dude- try to pick her nose.' I think I'd kill myself.

She nods at this idea. "Hmm. Brad, huh…"

After thinking on it for a moment, looking around at the trashed room here- more ice lining the walls and furniture- she focuses on me. "I'm planning on looking for that killer."

...Hmm? "...There's a lotta killers, you know."

"I mean the bastard that killed your mom." She gets closer to me, face falling. "There's only so many people in the village. He's gotta be here somewhere."

"But- there's still a lot…!" How's she gonna even… find them? That's pretty much what stops me from… doing anything about it. "How would you find them?"

...Ah, here. She pauses, 'cause it's a hard question. "Well first. We hit up that dumb bar and see what we can learn there. Load up on potions and stuff at Marcus's. Then…" She looks me dead in the eyes, after having fidgeted about prior. "We look. We'll find them, even if I have to burn down half of this village." Oo~kay, now that might be~...

"Now- that last part…" I bring up my hands, uh… "That's a little-"

"Don't you see yet?" She looks at me like I'm dumb. "How easy it really is to just do everything? Hasn't this adventure of yours taught you this, yet? The power rests within you!"

'Dude- Kairi's inside me…!' I don't even begin to understand that reference.

"...Well- I guess so, now…" I have gotten stronger, if only a little. "But- there's still like… using tact-"

"Why." She looks like I'm giving her a headache… "Tact? With this… hole on planet Earth? You don't negotiate with jailers, and you don't barter with thieves. But that's all you do!"

...I just kinda, shift my weight. "More like did, at this point…"

...I see I've stumped her. I continue. "And, I don't really think not killing people is… cutting my losses or accepting dumb things."

"But-..." It seems like we've reached the end of the logic, really. "Why don't you just- go and do it!? Drop even your barest pretenses! Show these bastards- show them what happens- what happens when you stop caring!"

...She's a being born from my anger, too. Not even anything petty or silly; she's born from… my hate for the village. She must want anarchy- or would at least consider that the neutral between… her preferred 'village' and what it is now. It's a thought I've dwelled over, sitting locked in my room here, sobbing in rage…

She looks positively gleeful, her teeth showing as she beams at me. "Well!? Take it all back!"

"It's not like I have to go crazy right now." I shake my head at the unhinged version of myself… "Not that I will. I don't… need to let this place, make a monster of me." It's not my place, and it's not what I want. It's not what anyone I know would want either. I would just be a monster. "I can hate it, and I can… want change, but I can also let go."

...Her facial expression changed on a dime, to one of dismissiveness. "You keep telling yourself that. I'll wait; I'll wait until the taking's done, and there's none of you left. Then, you'll see, that I'm right."

"It's not like I have to give this place more reasons to hate youkai and mages." I add, sort of as an afterthought.

"Point." She concedes it jokingly. "Well- alright. I guess that's fine, for now…" She calms down… which is sort of unsettling, because she was just a complete weirdo just a moment ago. "I'm still gonna do what I need to do, while I can." Wait-

She moves past me, for the door. "No- you're not. Hold on-"

She aims her staff back at me. "...I can't kill you. Don't make me come close." Wh- what… is she-

With that, she finally pivots away, and marches out. Ugh-

Oh- hey! Once she leaves the room, she starts running! And-... I'm pretty fast, apparently. Wow.

...I turn to Genkan, who's outside the door, appearing reflective.

...Um. She-... heard all of that, huh. So did Brad, but-

"Suddenly…" She begins speaking. Uu~m… "I don't feel so mixed about my dream self being so offbeat."

...I think we can all kinda share that feeling, now.

'That was freakin'...!' Brad should at least have something funny to say about it. 'That was freakin' intense! Half expectin' her ta bust some dark magic on yo ass, yo…!' Dark magic…? I kinda wish I knew some. It's easier than holy, that's for sure.

...I'm kinda tired, after all of that. Y'know, they say thinking's hard work, but not recoiling at myself going crazy's also pretty hard…

Well. Anyway…

"I doubt my dream self is in the village." Genkan declares. I could see that… "I doubt she could commit very grievous damage outside it, either."

'So we just gotta run down my ass…! An', Maria's ass.' I think Brad will be the harder one. Maria's going to that bar, or Marcus's. Does… she even have potion money? Maybe.

"...While we're here." Genkan focuses on me plainly. "Should we do anything about the man that was thrown out the window?"

...Um.

"No." I shake my head.

But, while we're here…

I head back into Sanjiro's room. I saw something interesting, while… Maria- the other Maria- was being a weirdo.

There's a chest, painted the exterior color of the house in here. 'Dude!' Brad just now notices it, because it's boxed in under a shelf and kinda blends in. 'Let's steal some shit!'

Shoo~f. I slide his chest out. It's kinda big, but kinda small too. Weird awkward size… it's basically half my height- or, stool-sized. I could sit on it real easy.

"Blizzard." I aim my staff from my hip-

Fwa~sh! The blast of ice magic smashes directly into the lock, my staff held close. Now that it's cold…

"Fire!" I jerk the staff into the lock-

Fwam- Bam! My body tenses up. Broken ice shards slide past me and bounce off of me…

But, now-

Crea~k. The lock's undone. The chest even folds open a little before I flip it open.

Inside is one of his spare rapiers, some weird… thing with an intricate design. Also, money and books.

'Aw, yeah.' Brad observes something… 'He'd totally be the kinda stuffy shithead ta use a rapier.' It is kinda apt, isn't it. There's magical power in it… of some kind. I'll probably need it appraised, but I'm not a fan of using a magic sword instead of a staff. Staves are usually better at the whole magic thing. Maybe I can have it broken down into a reagent...

Well, it's mine now, and so's this money. The books look unhelpful, so those can stay here. 'Dude- gold moon runes, the book.'

"The Coda guide to richness and wealth." I translate it into spoken language for him. "Original edition. Ech…" Sounds made up.

'He's rich now, dude.' Yeah… 'So's everyone else who lived here!' I think this place is just cursed or something.

"I'm not sure if we should-..."

Genkan's leaning out the broken window. After a moment, she leans back inside, looking vague. "...I suppose there was no saving him."

Oh. I guess he's dead.

...Won't be needing this funny wand thing either, then. Until I get it appraised, I'm gonna assume it was for whacking people. 'Aw. It's the tuba cross, dude.' Wh~at are you talking about…

Well, more accurately, it's got like… a round thing near the top, and the very top's just got some spiky, triangular ornaments. The rest of it's curvy. The spikes eliminate the sex toy possibility…

"What makes it a tuba." It's not a cross either, but I'm more concerned about that.

'It's tubular.' ...No~.

Shaking my head, I put away the thing and-... honestly, I dunno what I'm gonna do with a rapier. It's- it's a stubby one, too.

Moving over to the window where Genkan's just kinda relaxing, I lean over it and look out. Guess I'll take a look at-...

There's blood on the ground, but Sanjiro's not there. Um…?

"...Hey." I turn to Genkan. "San- the guy was here, right?"

She looks out the window with me, and then jerks her head back. "...Oh. That's spooky." What- no.

'He escaped, dude. He's the one that got away, son!' I guess so. He's not nearly as connected as his folks I'm sure… and, since I'm just roving around with Brad, I kinda effectively don't exist in the village. So, my legal situation… I don't really care about it. It's gonna get screwed up no matter what I do.

On the upside, I've got a village ID. That's… cool. I guess.

'Speakin' of the one that got away- maybe we should u~h…' Oh- right. Brad probably wants to stop himself from doing anything stupid. And-...

"I think… we're gonna unthaw the lady downstairs." I declare. If I can avoid killing anyone, I am. Even if they're stupid and I hate them. To be truthful- I… was kinda considering not saving Sanjiro, but now that he's run off somewhere, I'm sure he'll help himself or something.

Genkan pops a smile, and begins making for the door. "That's the answer I was expecting. They may be bad here, but I think the last thing we need to do is start adding heads to our names…"

'Yea~h…' Brad actually agrees to something serious. Which- there's no reason he wouldn't, but he usually just kinda… observes things beyond his desired climate. I don't blame him, since I always just kinda… hang back. I don't really know how they do it- be constantly so assertive with what they do.

...While I stand in thought- Genkan's already gone! We've gotta go!

Running out of the room- I make my way back down the stairs as fast as I can! I- guess this rapier can go on my back, with the other staff…

Stepping down onto the bottom step at the same time as I slide the sword into my staff straps, I stare ahead…

Fwa~sh. Genkan unfreezes the lady. I don't even remember her name. I always had to call her Miss Coda. She was very unrespected here, even if she was also a really big jerk.

...She stumbles back after being thawed, standing on the table. She's clad in light-looking armor, fit with spotty plates and stuff. She's also got a longer rapier of her own, and a very obviously unready musket strapped to the back of a sad-looking metal shield.

And- really, I can't place what geology this suit of her's is supposed to be from. Keine taught us about Japanese culture in school, and this armor is just-... it's not. None of this is...!

"Gh- ghet out!" She kinda… lets out a weak, throaty yell, her eyes tired and runny-

Genkan grabs her arm as she moves past her to try at me. The lady almost collapses then and there, but Genkan keeps her held up…

"Gh- ha~gh…!" Wow. She's really done. "I- I'll… I'll get you!" Okay…

"Let's go." I don't wanna look at her anymore.

...Genkan releases her a little forcefully, throwing the arm back-

Thud. The lady falls onto her back gently. "Mh-... girl! Gi~rl…!"

"...My name is Maria." I call back to her flatly, before turning to leave.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We're heading for the village square, to see if I'm at the bar or something. I can't imagine that ending well, so we really gotta stop her.

'We're on the prow~l…' It's been really quiet without Brad out here. So… you know what, let's experiment.

Fwiosh!

==== BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Fwiosh! Woah- ho~h, shit…! S'me now, dude!

...I stand from a crouchin' position! Maria's tiny, dude.

We're pretty much dead center in the square, almost! We're right at the edge of it, anyway…

"Oh, hey." Genkan greets me fluffily. "Did you have any good ideas?"

...I grin at her! "Yeah."

...After a silent moment, she nods at me! "And?"

"We're fluffy." I give her an assuring thumbs up, and the good nod.

"...That's not an idea. That's a statement." She shakes her head…! "I guess you do need your exercise. Maria's gotten enough as it is, these past few days."

'...I am kinda tired of walking.' Maria admits…!

As we head into the clearing-

Aw. There's that Joon chick again, and there's this pretty blue-haired girl beside her. With long hair, dude, and a big bow… patched up with things. In fact, her entire outfit's patched up!

She don't even got shoes. Sighting us, the girls head for us in particular, for some reason…!

"Hello~!" Joon waves a big wave at us! "Hello~, hello~..." Waving her hands about once she gets close, she skips on her way... "It's me aga~in! Have you come for your… financial consultation?"

Wat. "...What's a financial, yo?" Let's play some tricks!

She just smiles at me vaguely…! "Money." Aw. Good answer! "Do you live in a cave?"

"Yes." I answer her honestly, dude. "We all do. We're the cave people."

...She gets a smug smile! "Yes- well, I see…" Slipping her hands into her pockets, she nods at us. "Sounds like yo~u could use some… money talk."

The other girl meekly steps up behind her, pokin' her fingers tagether… aw, she must've been financially advised! I can see the advice working already!

'Those patches, on her clothes…' Maria scans her out, dude…! Oh- man, we should use Seikatsu to scan these boys- er, girls. Gals! 'They're debt and eviction notices.' ...What the frik! I guess she really does need financial advising! She sewed her clothes back together with eviction notices…!? That's something I'd do!

"No." I shake my head. "We are the money masters. We do not need the talk." Hoh. Ho ho…!

I turn to Genkan! "Is this correct… miss moneymania~…!?"

...She gives us a half-jaded, half-amused stare! "...Something like that, I think."

Joon giggles. "Ahaha- aaw, is that so?"

"Are-... are we gonna go eat yet?" The skinny barely clothed girl behind Joon speaks directly to her. "I could really use something. We just-"

"You don't even need to eat- shut up…!" Joon whips back to her and shuts 'er up…! "Later!"

"That's- that's what you said yesterday…" The girl compacts a little, and looks really fluffy. "Come on. At least give me one hundred yen…"

Joon whips her gaze back to her, again…! "Pf- what for? You're just going to drop it…!"

"I wouldn't be able to screw anything up- if we just… made it less risky. You know, if you bought it…" The girl tried arguin' with her-

"O~h, yes, well…" Ignoring her, Joon just turns back to us slowly…! "We'll talk later. We've got customers, you see."

"Sorry." The girl goes back to bein' in the background, as Joon struts up closer to us…

"A~nyway!" She's doing a really good job of presenting her business, dude! "So- I'll help you guys make money! What'll you say…!?" She holds out her hand to us.

"...Nnn~no." I turn her down… "You're a scammer person." You're also in our way…!

"The worst kind of person." Genkan backs me up, dude…!

Her eyes roll up a little… "Ahah. No seriously- I'll double your money in one day." Oh shit.

"No~...!" I yell 'er down, with my yelling magic! "That's the oldest scam! Ever!"

"They sa~y the lunarian princess has been running around, and you know she's got a loaded vault…!" What- she just totally changed topics. "You've seen her, right?"

...Wait- lunarian princess…? "That- that was me!" I pat myself! "That was me…!"

Now she looks at me like I'm the weirdo! "What- no!? No~!?" She doesn't believe me! "That's- not possible! That's an even worse lie!"

"So you were lying!" I point 'er down! "You freakin' liar, dude! Your Better Business Bureau rating's gonna tank!"

"My what!?" Aaw. She dunno, dude.

"Wait…!" Genkan speaks up, with urgency! "...Brad- look at them."

...I look at them. They're cuddly.

"They look soft." I communicate to her.

She shakes her head! "No- I mean… they're them. The… disaster." Pfft. The disaster…! Oh shit!

...Joon looks up at her! "Now- excuse me…"

"It's the disaster!" Hohoho~ shit my boy! "We're fucked, dude!"

'I think- I think she means the most disastrous pair…' Freakin'- that's such a melodramatic name…!

"You two!" I point them down! "Are the most, worst, terriblest and outright dangerously disastrous pair twin duo!"

...Joon slouches. "Pftah. How'd you know…?"

"I'd like to think it's really obvious." The poor girl behind her adds her two cents, dude.

...Exhaling, Joon… like, brushes her hands off, for some reason. "Well, what're yo~u going to do about it? Actually- I'm a little flattered you already know me…!" She gets excited too, dude!

"We're going to stop you, and end this incident." Genkan declares! "I'd recommend you simply stand down."

"Pft- hahahaha~h!" Guffawin' openly, Joon steps back a little! "Oho, stop us? That's so cute, coming from you!"

...Genkan just kinda furrows her brows! "Well."

Fwa~sh!

Joon's frozen solid. Oh, shit…!

Her friend just kinda stares at her Jooncicle dully...

...Genkan looks over at me. "I told her-"

KRA~CK! Oh- holy shit! The ice exploded…!

I step back a little so the blast 'a chunks doesn't hit me! Joon lowers her limbs, seemingly having punched outta it. "Aa~w. Statuses, Shion! They're right up your alley!"

...Is the poor girl Shion? I think so! "I see."

Drifting back, Genkan snaps her gaze over to me! "Brad- over here!" Woa~h, shit…!

I run over ta join her, an' we look over at the disaster people!

"...So~, it's a robbery, is it?" Looking really smug, Joon just leans away, spreading her arms and arching her back.

Fwish! An aura of gold shimmers up her entire body, and she pumps her arms up…! "I suppose we'll defend ourselves!" Oh boy…!

Shion looks us over sedately… "They're not going to be a challenge for us. Let's just be quick about this." Freakin'...!

I take out the new Bawmber, 'cause I'm eager to test it! "Alright, yo…! Beat 'em up, Genkan!"

Joon starts walkin' towards us, and-

KRI~NG! Genkan threw her arm up, her blade of ice erupting into the chick!

...And, did it hit her? She kinda slid back.

KRA~CK! The ice blade flew past us, now lookin' like diamonds, exploding gloriously into shards from one hit. Oh fuck…

Joon marched out from the other side, her arms at her sides dangerously…! "Ohohoho~!" Gold energy began to rush through 'er ever brighter, and- she's just charging at us…!

I aim Bawmber at her, and start firing the good darts-

Bam- boom- bam- boom- boom! Each NERF dart explodes into a flash of amber, the raw force-... not doing fucking anything to her- holy shit-

"Freeze!" Genkan throws her arms out again-

Fwash- KRA~CK! Joon freezes for half a second, beaming at us as she just runs up-

Fwish! Holy shit she just slid around us, a trail of gold mist in her wake as she rounded us entirely.

"Hyaa~h!" Bringing her palms together, her now diamond and jewel-encrusted knuckle dusters glimmer as she throws both limbs out-

Genkan moves to try and grab onto her-

WHA~M! "Aauh!" Holy fuck! Joon's arms hit 'er in the side-

-and Genkan flies across the entire width of the road, limbs just goin' long for the ride.

Thud! She lands on her back, across the street and nearly limp. "Un-... nh…" Oh, fuck...

Cli- cli- click…! Yen bills and coins are just raining around us, too! Wait- is that our money…!?

'Switch out!' Maria bellows in my ears…! Oh shit-

Fwish!

==== MARIA YAMADA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Fwish! Oh god oh god- this was a bad idea…

"I'm sending you back to the poor house!" Joon yells at me- and- oh no no-

Woo~sh…! I- I fall out of the way as she just- runs up and tries to elbow me…!

"Scent Pillow!" I'm sorry about this…!

Poof. After I swing my staff, I cast a pillow down.

Plop. It squishes against Joon's face.

...She seems to have frozen. Now's my chance!

"Lucky Star!" Casting my staff up, I throw my entire body into swinging it again- and I hit the floor-

DING…! The big, shiny yellow star forms! Rolling down, it meets Joon's form.

DINK! Um… oh. It bounced off of her, making her entire upper body flinch for just one moment, flinging the juicy pillow off of her. "Nh." She seems more disturbed by the pillow, though. "You- you disgusting slum-dwellers…! Wha- what sick perversion of magic was that!?"

Cla- clatter. Yen coins land around her, my strike actually knocking some of hers out-

Fwish- fwish! Oh- no! Ahh- no~!

Sliding up to me almost instantly, she grabs onto me, and… she flips me upside down. And- waoh- oah- oah- oah…

Fwiosh!

==== BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Fwiosh! I switch so she stops shaking the money outta Maria. Like- that was bad- that was lunch money robbery style! Shaking it from her pockets raw!

Thud. I- I freakin'... land on the ground.

What the fuck- are these jewels on the ground…!? Gimme gimme-

"Hnn~h!" Oh- fuck- Joon reeled her leg back-

BOOM! Agu- fuhg…! D- dahmn...

THUD! I- I… land next to Genkan…

She's already up, Seikatsu's healing energy having fixed 'er up… "Brad- let's- we have to go." No shit, huh… o- ow…

Yen bills're flying everywhere, coins littering the ground around the whole streetside.

Ah- ooh. Genkan picks me up… "Ge- Genkan. Can we- like… re- recover some of the money- a -as we esc- escape?"

...Genkan furrows her brows for a moment, but then-

Holding her arm out, she telekinetically lifts a small pile of bills and jewels nearest us, before we begin accelerating away…!

"Get back here!" Joon- oh my god she's like- she's keeping up with Genkan…!

"Seikatsu- scan forward…!" I point out- my side hurts. Joon kicked me in the side earlier!

Kring- Kring- Kri~ng! Genkan makes some tiny ice blades along the path to buffer our getaway…!

Fli- flick, fli~ck… Meanwhile, Seikatsu's scanny circle travels up Joon's form for a moment, as she charges-

SHATTER! SHATTER! SHATTER! The ice slows her down a little. Joon literally dashes through all of Genkan's stuff. "I'll beat you back to the ghetto~!" Hoho~ly shit…!

Ooh- woah. Genkan reached into my bag as it hung from my waist- you know what, I need a hanger that's not Bawmber! This sucks…!

Cli- click. Our hangers collide as we pull out our weapons mid-flight! Genkan's got out Million Bucks now- freakin'... that's seriously ironic!

I've got out Red Scare. Aiming it back-

Pap! Pap! Pap! I fire darts as Joon fucking superman runs up to us-

The darts bounce off of her, and- nothing happens. Literally nothing! She's still running at us! "I'll show you real misfortune!"

Fwiosh! She switches- to Shion!? But- Shion was up the road! How!?

Oh, woah. Genkan accelerates fluffily 'cause of the hanger we got…

"Joon Yorigami." And now Seikatsu's speaking too… this is a fucking clusterfuck! "Goddess of Pestilence." My boy…

Shion holds her arm out to us, a black and blue, inky aura lagging in the air behind her as she floats after us. "Do you feel it…?" I can hear her voice in my head what the fuck-

And- feel what-

WHAM! Oh- fuck- ow- ow…

Genkan- she hit me against a stall corner, somehow! How the hell…!? "Brad! Are you-"

Clack! As we pass near a house, a flowerpot falls and shatters on Genkan's head. "Nghk…"

I look up as we blare past the house that fucking sniped her- a granny's fucking wavin' at us. What the fuck…

Genkan's got electricity from Million Bucks dartin' up her form, as she accelerates off with us! And-

As we pass through an alley-

"Ugh!" We hit some guy-

Clatter- clatter! Ow- okay, what the fuck- we hit trash cans, just stacked up in our way-

Genkan just starts flying up, after she rams me against enough shit…

As we float up-

Woo~sh! Woah! Marisa roars overhead-

"Hey- hey!" What- that's Reimu yelling-

WHAM. Oh, fuck. A yin-yang orb clipped Genkan-

"Oh- ugh…!" Reimu looks at us like she didn't even see us, annoyed by the awkward clipping-

A~nd, we're gone. Coasting across the village, spinning around…

Genkan looks fucked up, her hair matted with dirt. A cute purple flower's sitting on her head, from that pot that hit her. "Nn- nnh…"

So right now… a yuki-onna bridal-carrying a nazi, both holding DYI plant hangers, are just… spinnin' across the air over the village…!

Finally-

THUD- thud, thud… Oh, my god. Fu~ck… as- as fun as this is, it fucking hurts too…!

We land on a balcony of some kind.

Bam- bam! Ohp, we knocked over a table too, apparently…

We're just in a heap. We got fucked up.

"Oo~h!" Now a guy's yelling at us. "What the he~ll! Holy shit!"

...I'm- Genkan's- I don't fucking know, dude. We're layin' on one another, and not in the hot way! Fuhuhuck…! I- I hope Genkan's fuckin'... alright. She pro'lly is, bein' a yuki-girl, but still...

...I look up at some freakin' dude with an eyepatch. "The hell happened to you clowns…!?"

"O- ow…" Genkan just sorta whines… "N- enh…"

I- fff~oo~kay… let's… wait for Seikatsu to heal me. I didn't land on my arm good… da- damn. I can't move without hurting.

"Br- Brad…?" She speaks up to me weakly…! "Are- are you… okay?"

"...Nn~no." I give a decisive no…! "Well- fuck- ooo~...!" I mean- I'm not dead…!

"You freaks look like you fought a mountain and lost!" Who the frik is this maniac yellin' at us while we heal…!? "Especially her- with the flower on 'er head!" ...Then, he states somethin' calmer. "Or- is that just a thing yuki-babes do…?" Yuki-babes.

Oo- oh, there we go. Seikatsu's healin' me up again, dude…

The suited eyepatch man steps up to the healing beam. "...An' the hell's this. Is a god blessing you or some shit…?" He traces his hand to where the beam originates-

Fli- flick! Seikatsu blinks in after he pokes 'er!

He leaps back! "Woa~h!"

Kri- krack. I don't know why my arm's clicking. It just is.

'I can switch in, if you want.' Maria offers me… 'You look like you need time to rest.' Yeah- Maria had it easy! She never even got hit!

But, I think, uh… "Lemme heal first…" I… okay, yeah! I'm feelin' pretty okay, now! But, we're still tangled-

Thud. Genkan gets up, and flips me over by doin' so! "Oof…"

...Once I get up, eyepatch man is lookin' me in the face! "So~, what happened? Y'lose a fight with a hot chick?" Freakin'...

"Lost a fight with a chick…" Oh, right. I just remembered, this boy's that Okita guy from the council. Took me a moment- my arm probably fucking breaking and all.

...He looked over at Genkan, as she surveyed herself in abject disgust at how dirty she got in like five seconds.

"Yeah- good wordplay, bud…" He grins at her, then at me! "You've got quite the catch there, guy. Wait…!"

Springin' back from me, he points both fingers at me! "Don't tell me! Yo~u're…!" He points 'em at me repeatedly for a second, then he finds words! "Prick Jugboy!" Pft- freakin'...!

"...Yeah- du~de!" Dude! The return of Trig Jegman! "S'me! The village boy!"

"I knew it!" He beams back at me! "...So tell me! Who was it, sword lady? Gun bunny? The shrine maiden with the huge balls…!?"

We're high energy, son! "Nah- it was a homeless girl and a chick wit' diamond dusters."

He tilts his head back…! "Aa~w, yeah! Happens to me all the time. Go out for a walk, an' then I get shanked by a homeless lady and a hipster. Damn guard's good for nothing…"

...I look over at Genkan!

Her stare looks tired and vacant… "Hi." I greet her fluffiness. Hello, friend.

...Okita steps up behind me, and freakin'- "She looks pissed, bud." I can imagine why! "Y'might wanna give 'er some TLC." I forgot what that stood for. TLC…?

"I'm… fine." She seems ta be calmin' down, at least… "That… that was awful. We really didn't… stand any chance."

Fwu- fwuh. Seikatsu clicks, the hum of her medi-beam dying out once we're all revved up on the roof here. "Scan interrupted. Resume?"

What. Oh, right… "Wh- yeah. Yes. Seikatsu yes!" Not sure how to confirm; so take all my inputs!

"Name: Joon Yorigami. Species: Goddess of Pestilence." Aw, yeah. We challenged a god. The god of shakedowns…! "Age: undefined. Undefined pounds. One hundred percent holy resistant. Immune to syphon, freezing, silence, stunning, instant death, dispel, poisoning, irradiation, confusion, sleep, seduction, berserking, magical binding, and blindness. Fifty percent weak to darkness." What the fuck.

"The effective strategy for godly opponents is to stack negative statuses onto them, and arm yourself with an array of elemental capabilities, defenses, and resources for a battle of attrition. Godly foes are not able to be brought down easily, and some are simply untouchable. Combatants are recommended to have mastery over every element at their disposal, powerful buffing capabilities, dispel resistance, instant death resistance, and the ability to cripple defenses in the realms of magic, physical, speed and accuracy. They are generally the last things you want to fight, but since their elemental resistances aren't diverse, you should be able to use nearly any attack most of the time. Dark attacks and magic recommended."

...So you mean we couldn't have won that fight in our wildest dreams. Good…! Glad to hear it!

"...Stack negative statuses." Genkan echoes the instructions, dude. "Which is what we tried. None of them worked…"

Yeah- turns out, easy cheesy statuses mean fuck and shit to a goddess!

"I don't know what half of that encyclopedia shit mea~ns…" Okita stares over the robot girl with perplexion…! "You're pretty sexy lookin', though!"

...Seikatsu does not react. She's a robot, son.

"...Aw- come o~n!" He wails at 'er! "No reaction!?"

"Seikatsu, scan ahead." I point at the boy, dude.

Fli- flick, flick… Aw, the scanny circles appear around 'em!

He tries to ramble outta them, but they don't leave 'em! "Eu~h…!"

"Name: Okita Soji." Ho ho! "Age: Thirty-one." Hoh, shit he's old…! Well, not super old. "Six feet tall." Aw. Like me, dude. "One hundred seventy-six pounds." Still heavier than me…! "Species: Human." Hoh.

"Fifty percent dark resistance. Fifty percent bomb resistance. Seventy-five percent stagger resistance. Immunity to instant death." That's a weird native stat sheet…!

And- then Seikatsu repeats all her crap about human opponents, yeah yeah yeah. Poison 'em and bake 'em!

...Okita's lookin' contemplative about this! "One hundred seventy-si~x…? You tryin'a say somethin'...?" Son- that's the most normal weight we've heard so far. Maria's somehow both thinner and heavier than you.

"Freakin'- how're you bomb resistant…!?" I look 'em over! "You're in a suit!"

"How'm I supposed ta know!?" He yells back, dude! "I didn't write yer encyclopedia babe! If ya know what I mean." Son- I don't.

...Aw. I look back over at Genkan, and she's just lookin' deflated again…

...Now that we're idle, I reach forward and take the little flower off her hair. It's tiny and purple.

"I'm already drained." Oof. She's sad on the inside, dude...

"We should have a fluffle sniffing contest…" I suggest to her. "How much dust can you inhale, dude."

...She gives a little snort! "That sounds insane." Yeah du~de!

"...So's this how it's gonna go?" Okita meanders closer to us, and nods the good nods at us, dude. "Ya just fell on my roof, and now you're gonna have your date here…!?"

"Yes." I nod at 'em! "You got any good burger joints in your house, son!?"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Me an' Genkan are sitting at this bar counter he's got in his two-story house, here…!

This room's big. Well, not too big, but it's the entire second story of his house, fit with couches, chairs, tables, this bar thing, and a pool table…

I hand the little purple flower back to Genkan. "Dude, I found this. Make sure you take good care of it."

Fwish. She froze it! "Oh. I will."

...On another note! "So. Are you okay, yo. From that last thing…!" Just checkin' to make sure!

...She gives me a smile! "I'm okay. She hit pretty hard, and the other things were annoying. I figured you suffered far greater." O~h, trust me, you don' wanna be me…!

"We~ll, I don't have burge~rs…" I got no idea what the hell he's doin', but he's invited us in! "Oo- I've got salmon! Bought it-... aauh." He's visible behind the counter, lettin' his head sag fer a moment as he discovers shit…! "Nevermi~nd."

...I grin at Genkan, as she begins to look vain!

'I don't think the fact two crazy people are here is cheering her up.' ...Maria's pro'lly right!

Fwiosh!

==== MARIA YAMADA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Fwiosh! Ah- ooo! I fell into Brad's seat…

...Okita looks back at us and tilts his head a little. "Aah? What the he~ll. Where'd funeral-service go…" He seemed to look around for Brad, before centering his gaze on me. "Oh."

Standing back up, he looks down at us with surprising composure… "So he had a kid wit'cha and split right after. I see how it is." Wait- how…

Genkan doesn't really know what to make of this… "You two have a lot in common."

...He pops a grin at that. "You sayin' I'm hot?"

Genkan visibly sours at him.

Leaning onto the counter, he shifts closer to her. "Aww~. What's with the long fa~ce? Can't pay child support?" What's with this kid joke…!?

"...Yes, actually." Ah- wha- whah. "Here I am, with a growing kid, and no money."

She seemed to pause after her jeer, almost moving to check her pockets, but deciding against it. Yeah- I don't actually know how much we lost, from that one fight. That was scary…

"...Well that's too ba~d!" Springing back from the counter, he returns to the shelves behind himself. "We got salmon and booze! Er- no salmon, only booze. Y'want boo~ze…!?"

"No… thanks." I don't actually know if Genkan drinks. I don't imagine her doing it a lot… but, I didn't take Reimu or her party to be heavy drinkers either.

Okita looks at me next. "...Y'up fer any?"

No. "I- I'm-... I don't think I'm old enough-"

"Bu~llshit!" He practically screeches jovially, as he moves to get a bottle. "If yer even half as tall as me, y'deserve at least a little!"

"No- no, thank you." This guy… was a lot calmer on the council.

'I don't actually know what ta say here, there's a lot to this dude…!' Right?

Genkan looks over at me. I stare back at her-

Fwiosh!

==== BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Fwiosh! Hello~!

...Dude- I'm all snug in my chair, 'cause Maria is tiny.

Okita beams at me, watchin' me change from Maria before his eyes…! "Oh, shit! Yer one of them people!"

Ignoring that, he also moves closer to my counter segment…! "Y'need any booze?"

I shake my head at 'em…! "I'm on a booze-free diet, son."

"What a fucking pussy!" Despite his exclamation, he turns back to check his inventory calmly…! "Anyway, we got some new steak things I bought here. I dunno what the hell they really are, but I'm cookin' em."

...He pokes two fingers under this freakin' grill plate. There's an open space full of coal and wood bits beneath it. "Ope~n sesame!" Wit' his shrill incantation, he twists his fingers-

Fwoom. A little spark shoots out, and he pulls his fingers back before they go up with the rest of the under-grill! "Hoo~ hehe! Lighted up!"

"You were a lot more composed on the council…!" I regard 'em!

...He grins back at me! "So were you. Gotta do what I gotta do, y'know."

'Shouldn't he be out, um… inspiring the guard, or whatever it is the captain does…?' Maria asks the good question.

...So I raise it! "Yo. What's the guard cap'n do exactly…?"

Turning from the heatin' up grill, he's still smilin'. "... A whole lotta fuck nothing! When it comes down to it, terms're basically just, 'make sure the place doesn't fucking explode'! An' I can be fired if, say, half the village dies an' it's 'cause I was a lazy ass. But now I can go up ta assholes and make 'em give me their money, legally!"

'... I hope that's just a funny saying, and not like… yeah.' Maria hopes he's not a robber man. I don't think I care yet, though…

Genkan jumps on the assertive questioning, though! "Do you… steal from people?"

He beams at her. "Yep!" ...Oh.

...She blinks. "I mean, robbery."

"Uh huh!" He nods happily again!

Genkan's still not sure if he gets it! "I mean... theft. Taking someone's-"

"If a sleazy lookin' asshole comes up ta me and scopes me out, the bastard's gettin' iron across the jaw, a free nap, and relieved 'a his wallet!" Okita delivers this all pretty nonchalantly! "...Ooh- I wonder if the grill's hot enough…"

Pivotin' away from us, he moves to check the grill-

Tst. "Ah…" -with his bare finger, by poking the grill top. "Almost!"

'Sounds like he meant fighting criminals… but the way he tried to word it made it come across like he was doing something wrong.' Maria analyzes his speech 'cause she can! 'I got no idea what's going on with him…' Y'know- that reminds me 'a someone…!

"Organized crime's real well-established in this village…" Oh shit- is Okita droppin' some truth bombs on us dude!?

Turning back to us again, we watch as he puts his arms on the counter. "An' I would know, havin' helped set half of it up."

...Aw, the good silence. He looks like he's revelin' in it…!

"I don't think I believe that." Genkan wasn't impressed, though.

Clap! "Exactly! Hehaha~!" He claps his hands together 'cause of her statement! "No one'll buy the soft-spoken money man doin' anything wrong! Especially not from you clowns!"

That feels like a very me thing to do, to me. Not that I've done it a lot in Gensokyo- talk about something real like it's bullshit and awkwardly verbally dance around on it!

But this man has an eyepatch, so I can't trust 'em son! "So how'd ya do it?"

...He gives me the good grin, dude. "Well, ya start by gettin' noticed… and then ya fuck everyone's day up! After enough 'a that, you whack the big boys! Next thing I knew, I was up on the village council…"

Reachin' into his pocket, he draws a cigarette. "Ey- mind if I smoke?"

"Yes." Genkan immediately rebukes!

"Yeah." I hate the smell, too!

…He rolls his eyes. "...Wow, you guys're a buncha fucksticks. No wonder yer a couple."

...Seconds after he was denied, he gives us the crime scoop again. "Mosta the problems're 'cause of some money from high places gettin' pushed around. Good, dirty money. This ain't a goodie-two-shoes kinda world."

"If you're so powerful…" Genkan exercises the sarcasm, dude. "Why don't you fix anything? Assuming you mean well."

"I don't." This reinforces his grin…! "An', if I tried… well, ya wouldn't be talkin' ta me right now. I'd be fuckin' dead!"

'High places? Like, the council?' Maria guesses at where the money comes from! I mean-... where the frik would it come from. I'm guessin' the answer's not so simple!

"Where's the money come from…!?" I ask a stupid simple question!

He flicks his gaze over at me! "Look out the window, numbnuts! You live in a stall!?" Oh shit!

Genkan and me turn, and look out the big window directly behind us-

Of anything in the horizon that stands out, the biggest thing in vision is Golden Grin. The top three stories are bright and sunbaked, towering above the lower roofs all around-... us. Wait-... wait.

Holy fuck. That's-... the way that played out is some fuckin' magic! And, man. Yukari owning the biggest building in the village is a serious yet subtle reminder about how much power she freakin' holds over the place...

"So- what's yer guess? The clouds? That one big mountain past the barrier?" Okita patronizes my deductive reasonin' skills…!

"So, freakin'... Yukari money, huh." Well shit, son. This place is boned…!

"We've got a brain surgeon in the room!" Okita pumps his arms into the air! "Yathink I'm fuckin' light years close ta fightin' her!? One run-in with her lackeys and I was gettin' spoonfed pudding by a doctor for a month!"

Oof. Shieut. I haven't used 'shieut' in a while, dude. Shieu~t!

"Do you know anything about… a Joon Yorigami?" Genkan asks about our recent run-in!

"Never heard 'a her!" Somehow Okita has no freakin' clue who she is! "Hol' up, lemme toss the steaks on…"

Turnin' around, he lifts up the three steaks he's got prepared-

Sss- sss- sss~. They begin sizzling once he plops 'em on. "Bingo!"

Facin' Genkan again, he shakes his head. "S'that some kinda new idol?" The village has those…!? I've never held a normal conversation with anyone in the village other than this freakin' loon!

"Nevermind…" Genkan shakes her head…

'We've got… fifty thousand yen left in the bag.' Wow- we lost a fuckin' lot! 'Genkan got a bunch of jewels, so… I dunno how that evens out. Also, bills. And we didn't count that other money, and- nnh…' Oh, no. We've overthunk'd Maria, dude.

We fall into the good quiet. The wait-y kinda quiet!

So, assuming this guy ain't talkin' outta his ass, Yukari's the source of crime in the human village. Not an answer that gets us anywhere!

'What's he mean by 'having helped set it up' anyway?' Maria's playin' Ace Attorney in my head, I swear dude…

"How'd ya help set up the crime, then?" I ask him another silly question!

...He gives me a plain look, dude. "Councilman, who can cut things, and don't take shit. Tell 'em ta spread some money around, he spreads some money around. No one just hides it, an' no one says 'no'."

'Does he, like… take direct orders from Yukari?' Y'know what, son.

Fwiosh!

==== MARIA YAMADA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Fwiosh! Ah- woah. I fall into the seat again…

Okita's now staring me over. He's kinda untidy looking as a whole, so it's a little…

"Do you, um… take, like, direct orders from Yukari?" I ask him about the crime stuff. I'm really interested- and not because I wanna participate, but… just so I know.

...He smiles again. "Na~h. Don't think I'd wanna, either. Someone comes up ta me, tells me ta spread millions 'round block A or block B, gives me my cut, an' then they kick it on outta there."

"And, you just do it?" Genkan helps me by pressing, too.

He snorts. "Wouldn't you?"

...Judging by her expression, Genkan wouldn't.

"An' 'fore ya give me crap like 'oo~h, what about the people you're hu~rting, what about 'em'- y'take me outta the equation, an' guess what? S'the same exact shit, give 'er take! I'm just livin' a life here!" He seems to be really getting into it now…

"Ohp- hol' on…" Cool. He hasn't forgotten about the food…

Moving over to the grill, he reaches into his pocket-

Shink. Faster than I can see, he slips a knife from somewhere on his suit. It's… is it made of crystals, or something?

Shi- shi- shi- shink! Oh. Wow. His arm moves with scary speed, as he stabs into each steak, and flips the meat by just pulling the knife out…

...Turning back to us, he grins widely. "How ya like my party tri~ck!?"

"It's cool." I decide.

"Ma~n, you guys're bori~ng…" He slouches before the two of us… or, well, three technically. "Thought you'd at least be a li'l scared, too."

"I've had my fix for today." Genkan's jaded from our last encounter…

"...And, y'know." He slips into another more serious sentence. It's usually denoted by a sudden lack of energy in the way he delivers it. "People ain't typically hurt too bad by the shit goin' down around here. Y'hear 'bout that fuckin' child molester the other day? Shit like that gets thrown out, 'cause it don't contribute. Kills slaves, mistreats 'em… in it fer himself. Gets caught. S'not how it works, unless yer gettin' paid off big on the side fer somethin' big, or yer the bottomfeedin' scum."

"A~nd, y'know what happens ta the bottomfeede~rs?" Leaning closer to me, he narrows his eyes and smiles in my face…

"...They die?" I guess.

"Ah- hmm." He springs back, and brings a hand to his chin. "Good guess! That Keine teacher girl'd give ya a passin' wave fer that answer."

Shi~ng. He pulls his crystalline dagger out.

"They get downsi~zed!"

Shi- CLICK!

...He's stabbed it into one of the steaks, hard enough for some rainbow-tinted sparks to flare off. "He~hehe! ...Which, y'know, means a lotta different things. But, it sometimes means death too."

Shink. Pulling the knife back, he flips the steak again, before doing smaller jabs on the other two.

"In his case, he became an example! I dunno where the hell they even put 'em, but he's livin' the rest of his days in misery!" Okita turns back to us with a big grin. "What a dumb sonnova bitch!"

...That's something to think about, I would suppose. So… there's some kind of moral system, at least to the- I think- highest people in the crime scene. The results are still terrible, though…

"Do you know anything about… murders?" It's time to ask some personal questions…

...He smiled widely again. "Eeuh. Yer gonna hafta narrow that down…"

I guess not. They're probably not super uncommon… but there's few enough of us that it'd be weird to have a number over like, twenty every so often. There was that guard headquarters explosion recently, and a lot of recent strings of murders, but otherwise things were sort of stagnant in the earlier months. Just in a few weeks, the year's death count went from in the two hundred range to the three hundred range…

I don't know how many people we got total, though. Two to three thousand? Five thousand? Hmm…

"Ooh!" In the time I've spent thinking, Okita's been watching the food… "Food's done!"

...While he goes to get plates, Genkan slides a seat closer to me, so we're in direct vicinity. I think she sat at the second seat from Brad just because I always normally take the middle anyway. Now that me and Brad are doubled u~p, yeah…

Cli- cli- click! Okita places the plates next to the grill-

Shi- shi- shink! With three stabs, he uses his crystalline knife to flip the steaks out, and onto the plain white plates.

He proceeds to plainly serve them one by one… "He~re you go." He gives me mine. "A~nd, here's yers…" Genkan gets hers, too.

Click. He places Brad's down next to mine. "An' his, wherever the hell he is."

Shoo~f. The door to the balcony slides open again…! I whip my head back to see who's coming in somehow-

"Aho~y." Oh. It's… Shurui? The red-haired, straw-hatted councilman, and leader of the youkai hunters. Exterminators. Whichever…!

...Okita looks over at him, and gives him one of many wide grins. "Oo~h, Shuru~i! I was just tellin' these fine ladies 'bout crime!"

Shurui snorted at him, coming up. "Oo~h, steak for me? Don' mind if I-"

Shink! As he brought his one arm closer to the counter, Okita stabbed the crystalline knife into the wood before Shurui's hand. "Ha~nds off, sticky fingers! This's fer a boy!"

Shurui let out a chuckle. "A boy? What- you gay? There ain't even anyone else here! S'not like you run a bar 'er anything-"

I pick up my steak-

Fwiosh!

==== BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Fwiosh! Yo ho ho!

"Hi, son." I give Shurui a snuggly wave, and claim my steak food, dude.

...Shurui just gives me a chummy stare! "Man. This incident's got me all kindsa screwed up…"

"I've got some salmon fer ya!" Okita leans over the counter at Shurui…! "Ya want some salmon!?"

"Screw o~ff." He waved off the offer… "Gimme 'a mug."

...Moving over to one of the higher, ceiling-hung shelves, Okita opened it-

"honh- honh"

fwoof. A soft, loaf person fell onto his face.

"Eaagh!" Jumpin' back, he brings his hands to his face! "Goddamn, dust devil-"

Ripping the fluffle off, he reels his arm back! "Worse-than-rats raggamuffins!"

woosh. He tosses it, and the loaf friend softly sails past us, before gently falling to a different end of the counter.

thud. It thudded softly, receiving the impact. "im a flat loaf" At this point, it was lookin' pretty flat…! Flat, but fluffy. Deflated might be a better word…!

Oh- shit, Genkan's already half done with her steak! I better get started…!

"You have anything ta say fer yerself!?" Okita looms over the fluff nugget.

...It tilts its face up to him, making its little shell nose visible. "wonderbread"

...He brings one hand down onto it, and presses its tubby body and flank into the counter. It tries to paddle away as if swimming on the counter, but gains no movement. It's freakin' cuddly, dude.

"Aww. Look at it go!" Okita gestures to it as it tries to swim away…

"S'great, but it don't look like a mug ta me!" Shurui demands his beer again!

"I'm'onna feed ya these fuckin' fluffy rats if yer not patient…!" Lifting up the fluff stuff, Okita marches over ta him…! "Here, s'on the house."

Shurui takes the fluff with his one hand. It stares back at him, with its never-ending flat stare of snug tiding.

"Ya say that like I 'aven't lived on rats before…" Bringing the fluffle to his- wait, is he actually-

fwihf. Shurui took a big bite of the fluffle's flank!

"what friend no!" It's now really worried son! "help im being eated"

"Pftah- pft, ooh- pftoo!" He ends up spitting out a cloud of dust and sand, and some lint! "Hoho- holy crap…"

"Pfthee- haha~h!" Okita reels back with mirth…! "Y- y'actually fuckin' did it! Ya stupid fuckin'...!"

"Now I really need that beer! Eugh!" Letting go of the fluffle, he brings his hand up to start scraping shit off his tongue…! "Euh- euh- euh…!"

...The fluffle skitters towards my plate, missing a chunk of fluffstuff from its side. My steak's only half finished with, so I lift my plate so it skitters under it…!

Genkan's actually done though, and has already slid her plate back.

fwhif. Climbing onto said plate, the friend displaced the remaining bone pieces of the steak, getting cozy in the remaining juices. "im edible"

...Genkan looks somewhere between disturbed and adoring. "I… I don't think so."

Dust friends, dude.

...I'm almost done, yo. With my steak, not life…! Maybe life too! Getting the shit kicked outta me, kinda kicked the shit outta me...! Fortunately, the result was losing half or more of our money, and not death. Hoh hoh.

"Mgh- mmh- mmm…" Shurui got his mug!

"Should we go, soon?" Genkan addresses me, dude… "I think we've learned all we can… and, the food was somehow nice."

"Aww~, thank you, thank yo~u…" Okita accepts the complements! "Could I get your address, honey…?"

"...I live in a cave." Genkan denies 'em!

"O~h, I kno~w. Can't help but hit on a pretty girl, yeah? Even if they're a yuki-onna that'd suck my soul out." Okita wags a finger at 'er! ...Then he turns ta me! "Good luck wit' tha~t!"

...I give him, the fluffy thumbs up! "Ye!" I got it, son.

"Have fun with that date thing, an' all that…" Givin' us another parting, he moves for the back shelves and stuff again…

"Ye, ye." Alright, yo. Let's get- what-... woah shit!

Genkan grabs onto my hand. Da~h- "Let's go…" She gets up and pulls me along, and it's fluffy…

"wait" The juice-soaked fluffle gets up from the steak plate "im a catdog" It begins to scuttle after us…!

Shoo~f. Sliding open the balcony door, Genkan takes us outside…

There's no way down, son. It's a balcony.

...She turns to me, and blinks. Y'know, it's a rather spacious balcony bit, too. It has that table setup we crashed into, some rails-

Woah woah- ooh…! Genkan grapples onto me for transportation purposes…! And uh… yeah, she just takes off with me!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 87

Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Robot Demolisher, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Factory Disassembler, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Conscientious Party Member, Winter Warrior, Village Revolutionary, Has Forgotten What Half of These Titles Stood For, Holder of Too Many Titles - Aw, Genkan gave me a summary! I can change elements, skills and resistances depending on the situation! Weaknesses vary…!

NON-EQUIP SKILLS:

Lucky Star - Non-elemental magic that does very random damage to one target. The star is summoned from above, and simply coasts into people.

Scent Pillow - A spell taught by Koakuma. The end-game strat, dude.

World's Wimpiest Fireball - A spell learned from a book given ta me by Patchouli. Not very good for anything…! May dry out targets.

Lumen - Low-grade holy spell that eats mana. Requires a source of holy to actually be cast. Homes in on an enemy and deals a burst of mediocre holy damage.

Double Jump - The good skill. Allows the user to completely cancel their falling momentum and jump again.

Perfectly Possessed - I've got the Maria Malaria, son.

{MP Haste} - Mana regenerates faster. It's a good thing I use it all the time, son.

{MP Rage} - Mana regenerates when I get hurt. Wait- hold up…!

{Magic Finale} - Every purely magic spell is doubled up with an automatic second cast, with power relative to remaining mana. Starts at about thirty percent power, and ends at an extra hundred percent. Does not work for physical skills.

{MP Boost} - Gives me moderately more mana. Wh- how much, though...

PRIMARY WEAPON: Fallen Comrade - Giant hanger made of three smaller ones. Sharper Than Darkness is at the front edge of it with the sickle facing out, and Swordbreaker is along the broad front edge to engage blades. Hard Winter makes up the backbone of the thing and the hilt so that it's actually wieldy!

STATS:

Slightly debuffs target's physical attack on impact.

Fifty percent darkness resistance.

Attacks are darkness elemental.

Sickle end may make opponents bleed.

SKILLS:

Revenge - Skill that increases in strength when health is lower. Power doubles for each deceased party member. Power is increased by fifty percent for each defeated party member. Fairies count as defeated rather than deceased no matter what. Power and effects depend on current weapon. High accuracy.

Bloody Mess - User bleeds faster and longer. Oof!

Jack Hammer - Y'know, I have no idea if this still works with it as is…!

Generic Buff - Channeling mana into the hanger gives the user a marginal increase in physical stats. Moderate increase to physical defense and offense.

Pulse - Basic dark magic, which creates an influx of dark magic in an enemy's form and stresses their whole body. Reduces magic attack.

Gaia Seed - Basic earth magic which intensifies Earth's pull a little. May make targets slightly tired.

Gaia Bloom - Advanced earth magic, which intensifies Earth's pull, with multiple instances of hazy earth magic. Makes the target tired.

Tundra - Crate-sized spike of ice that erupts under people and throws them off balance. I suppose it'd hurt if you fell on it. Basic ice attack.

Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, before initializing fully by flash-freezing the air all around them.

Combo Plus - User artificially gets an extra hit. Can be canceled out of.

Combo Jump - User cancels out of combos easily.

Frost Trail - User leaves frost in their trail while jumping.

INVENTORY:

[Bag of Holding] - The best piece of equipment…! It's good, dude!

==o==

WEAPONS:

=o=

Youkai Inconveniencer - A holy plant hanger, which works as a flail 'cause of the cross necklaces attached to it! Boosts the power of holy skills.

SKILLS:

Flash - Blinding magic. Works best on dark-elementals, but also works on youkai. Humans don't resist it, so it still works on them, with reduced efficiency.

Flashlight - It's a flashlight! Might blind dark youkai, I dunno…

Shine - Basic holy magic. Generates a holy orb in the target's body, randomly battering them with a raw holy gush.

=o=

Fairy Harp - "A sand-red, cast iron plant hanger. Some kind of non-elemental monstrocity with grates, blocks and strings slapped onto it for no good reason." Some of Genkan's summaries were kinda oof, dude…!

SKILLS:

Gust - Basic wind magic. Pushes the feeble. Fee~ble…!

Fairy Dust - Weapon status effect replaced with fairy dust. Wind attacks with this weapon get fairy dust all over the enemy, reducing accuracy and senses.

Sick Ill Harp Cords - Get ready for my next great mixtape…!

=o=

Red Scare - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of purplish-red gems and crimson metals. Boosts the power of fire skills. Also's got the good NERF gun attached now!

STATS:

Danmaku confuses the target.

Danmaku degrades the target's luck.

Danmaku may berserk the target.

Ignites things with physical impacts.

May berserk targets on physical impact.

SKILLS:

Hellfire Plume - A jet of hellfire. Berserks the targets, and isn't put out as easily. Not quite a grease fire, but unless it's totally frozen into oblivion, it ain't goin' out! Obeys fire resistance like any fire, though.

Fume - Makes hot air fume from the earth below. Might sear the feeble.

Berserk - Non-damaging fire spell which berserks a target for awhile. Can be removed with water or ice stuff!

Danmaku Adaptability - Now that there's a NERF gun on it I can shoot the good danmaku dude.

=o=

Vortex Hanger - Wind elemental plant hanger currently attached to the Yin-Yang flail as a crafting material. Boosts the power of wind skills. Maybe I should purchase fast food, and disguise it as my own cooking. Ho ho ho…!

=o=

Deep Blue - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Boosts the power of water skills.

SKILLS:

Freakin' Leaks! - Can produce limitless fresh hanger water…!

Geyser - Basic water attack. Gush of water erupts from the earth and might fling the feeble…!

Valve - I can control the water flow with this!

=o=

Bee-Fitty-Fore-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Made of a lot of weird freakin' parts and stick bits and piston things. Has a NERF gun slapped onto it too!

STATS:

Danmaku explodes, dealing knockback and splash damage.

Accuracy falls moderately when used to fire danmaku.

SKILLS:

Boom - Hitting stuff makes booms!

Danmaku Adaptability - Can also shoot the good danmaku, dude.

=o=

Million Bucks - A basic green cast-iron plant hanger, from the aged cellar of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. It's a gift from Flandre Scarlet! Has an obsolete map of the cellar's maze, etched by Flandre herself, along with some shoddy enchantments!

STATS:

Lowers user's defense slightly.

Attacks are electric and holy elemental.

Attacks travel through matter

Attacks become magical rather than physical.

SKILLS:

Panic Attack! - Run faster when health is lower!

Magic Attack - Physical attacks are converted to magic attacks, and fluidly pass through objects.

Combo Jump - Allows the user to transition to jumping while mid-attack.

Aerial Plus - Forced aerial support! It's vaguely easier to hit aerial foes with it!

Air Slide Plus - Lets the user awkwardly air slide.

Glide - Replaces my double jump skill with gliding.

High Jump - Increased jump height while running.

=o=

Fragile Flower - A cute hanger with floral designs and light colors. Aesthetically pleasing!

SKILLS:

Enfeebled - Wielder has halved physical defense and offense.

Cleanse - Basic healing skill which cleanses one target of all debuffs or status problems.

=o=

Dream Hanger - Non-elemental hanger. Black and unassuming metal. Currently balanced, and easy for Brad to use. Has innate magical properties to it.

STATS:

Increases accuracy slightly. Somehow…? So said Genkan.

Ten percent instant death resistance. Hoh…!

=o=

London Operating Cross - A cross that lets me summon good 'ol London, yo. Non-elemental in nature. Not actually a plant hanger. London herself uses Fireball, Ice Shard and Thunderbolt, but can only use a few spells before runnin' outta mana. Also fires diamond-shaped patterns 'a yellow, diamond-shaped danmaku. Hoh! Costly-ish to use…!

=o=

Yin-yang flail-o-copter - A flail with a standard, maximized Hakurei Yin-yang orb in the sling of it. Unable to have its powers fully activated, as only Reimu can truly harness the power of Yin-yang orbs. Crafted from a Hakurei Yin-Yang orb, a rope of panties, and two bra cups. Ropes were used to attach the Vortex Hanger to the yin-yang orb, allowing the flail to be used as a flying device, although it's a bit straining on the arms.

Market Gardener - Critical hits during blast jumps! Otherwise, it's just a normal, old plant hanger. Named after a very similar shovel…!

NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means! Maybe one day this will actually come in handy…

NERF longsword: the sequel - Now I can dual wield these useless, narratively non-existent armaments!

==o==

ARMOR:

Camouflage Kimono - This kimono means business. Doesn't actually help him hide in the brush.

STATS:

One hundred fifty percent ice resistance.

Fifty percent freeze resistance.

Fifty percent dark resistance.

Negative fifty percent fire resistance.

Negative fifty percent freeze resistance.

=o=

Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Pink dress with lots of white ribbons. I'm not sure what to say about this...

STATS:

Seventy-five percent time resistance.

=o=

Yellow Racecar Helmet -It's like a really knockoff space marine helmet! It feels like it's got good physical defense, too… at least for my head.

STATS:

Fifty percent sun resistance.

One hundred percent freezing resistance.

One hundred percent blinding resistance.

One hundred percent electrical stunning resistance.

=o=

Lunarian Prototype Space Suit - A suit meant for combat in deep space. So far, it's only got the whole 'exist in deep space' part down…! Has an oxygen tank, but that's only useful if you wear the helmet to go along with it.

STATS:

One hundred percent electricity resistant.

One hundred percent freezing resistant.

Randomly casts Zero Gravity when it feels like it.

Zero Gravity - Area of effect spell which removes gravity from debris and the feeble!

=o=

Lunarian Prototype Deep Space Helmet - It's a freakin' space helmet.

STATS: (alone)

Fifty percent blinding resistant.

STATS: (paired with Lunarian Prototype Space Suit)

One hundred percent electricity resistant. Again, yo!

One hundred percent resistance to burning and being actively poisoned.

=o=

Testing Oxygen Tank - The oxygen tank used by the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit. Lasts for two and a half minutes. Not meant to actually be used outside of testing, but it's possible. Refills automatically in breathable air.

=o=

MP Prize Pin - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field.

STATS:

Extends prize grabbing range. Yay…?

=o=

Sun Badge - A badge that looks like the sun. How interesting, dude.

STATS:

Fifteen percent sun resistant. I need to smelt this into a weapon…!

Fifty percent resistance to blinding and electrical stunning.

Replaces the on-impact effect of all weapons with Sunfire Flare. Yuck…!

SKILLS:

Sunfire Flare - Flash of light that blinds everyone. Doesn't work on the sun-resistant.

=o=

Stock Outfit - Blue, long-sleeved shirt with a huge V-neck button-up collar. Blue sweatpants. Most balanced outfit.

STATS:

Negative five wind resistance.

May make the wearer tired.

=o=

Retro Patchy Hat - A really old hat of Patchy's. It's freakin floofy, du~de…!

STATS:

Moderate increase to magical defense and offense.

=o=

Moon Crescent - Patchy's favorite accessory.

STATS:

Immunity to silencing.

Twenty five percent moon resistance.

Moderate increase to magical offense.

=o=

Anti-Magic Amulet - Deep blue, crystalline necklace given by Patchy in exchange for a blue dragon's bone. I should incorporate this into an outfit too so I don't freakin' forget it, 'cause it's real important!

STATS:

Sharply increases magical defense.

=o=

Cow Costume - Female clothing, of some description…? I think! S'freakin' weird, dude!

STATS:

Increases breast size by twenty five percent.

Increases max health by fifty percent.

Wearer is immune to dispelling.

=o=

Autumn Dress - An actually sensible dress…! Looks like generic villager garb, except prettier and with brighter colors. Even aged, it's still bright!

STATS:

Wearer is immune to tiredness.

Wearer is immune to holy weakness.

Wearer is immune to stunning.

=o=

Iron Cross - Big World War II medal! Freakin'- holy shit…

STATS:

Randomly summons explosion backup.

Fifty percent bomb resistance.

Stagger immunity.

=o=

Officer Hat - Nazi officer hat…! I better not get a million angry letters for finding this!

STATS:

Fifty percent darkness resistant.

Wearer is immune to instant death.

=o=

Officer's Coat - Nazi officer coat, too! Oh boy oh boy…

STATS:

Fifty percent darkness resistant.

Wearer is immune to being cursed.

Slightly boosts defense and magic defense.

=o=

Reimu's Outfit - Shrine maiden clothes, dude. Holy resistant, but I dunno how much! Even comes with the bindings and tubes and ribbon 'n' everything!

Reimu's Ribbon - Man, that's cuddly looking. I need to hug Reimu now, dude...

Hakurei Arm Sleeves - No- teach me, how do you wear these!?

Remilia Scarlet's Mob Cap - Twenty five percent dark resistance. Legends say that if touhous do not wear this hat, they die dude.

Monk Robes - Doesn't really stack up to my other shit at this point! Wonder what I can do wit' it...

Gravity Boots - Boots that reduce the user's gravity! More like, propels them off the floor a little. Reduces the effectiveness of space statuses on the user. Really weird to control…!

==o==

CONSUMABLES/OTHER:

Fifty two thousand, seven hundred Yen - Cash just got a lot smaller...

Four Health Potions - They give you youkai-like regen for like, thirty seconds! No chuggin' these babies to indefinitely survive the cold reaches of outer space. Unless the regen outdoes the asphyxiation, but I think I'd rather die by that point…

Mega Potion - Youkai-like regen for thirty seconds… except for the whole family! Applies to entire party. Good for when we all suck at life!

Four Mana Potions - Restores an average amount of mana, I think. More than enough for someone like me!

Three Panaceas - Cures all status effects. I dunno if it works on debuffs, though...

Akihito's Broadsword - Too big for me to use as a weapon. I wonder if I could use it as like, a tent stake or something.

Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!

Rope of Red Bikinis - Wahaha! Gonna getcha, son!

Some Fancy Key - A key lent to me by Brittany. Wha- why. What's it for…!?

Youkai Exterminator Badge - I still have this, dude! Yo ho ho! Allows me to not be considered a youkai by most guardsmen!

Yellow Star Gem - A star-shaped yellow gem. I really should've asked Patchy what this did…! It's shiny and luminescent, though.

Sweet Sleep Pillow - Doremy's nice cuddly pillow. Really soft. Random chance to survey you on pillow quality while you're sleeping.

Genkan's Sweet Sleep Pillow - It's also pretty poofy...

3DS - It's about time I recorded the fact I have a 3DS!

Another 3DS - Especially 'cause I picked up anotha'!

Picture of Sendai Hakurei no Miko Sleeping on her Side and Facing the Viewer while Drowsy - ...Yeah uh, what it says on the tin. Reimu must see this, dude…!

Masturbation Pillow - ...Genkan probably would've given me a look fer this, if she could! Wau…

Dark Knife - Where the hell'd this- oh, wait! This is the thing Genkan got from that fairy! She just slipped it in here while no one was lookin'...

Combo Technology - Red, orange and yellow piece of plastic and metal, about the size of a plant hanger. Not sure what the hell it is… but it looks pretty neat.

Wasp Stinger - Let the crap pile o~n!

Seventeen Rubies - Big, red gems! I really don't know how much they're worth, but…!

==o==

RANDOM CRAP:

Tables and Furniture - Impromptu furnishings!

==o==

Genkan, the Yuki-onna - A bitter yuki-onna from Gensokyo's wildlands, mostly active in the winter, and on particularly cold days. Heals from ice damage. Commands powerful control over frost, and has a wide variety of ice-affinity attacks. Weak to fire and burning. Cuddly, dude...

SKILLS:

Ice Control - Freely use ice to make stuff. Inherent one hundred percent ice resistance. Negative one hundred fire and burning resistance.

Freeze - Instantly freezes one to two enemies. Low chance of working on stronger foes.

Creaking Freeze - Generates a spinning, magic snowflake in an enemy's body, which instantly freezes them after a moment. High accuracy.

Tundra - Precursor to Glacier. Weak spike of ice that serves more as a warning. Physical ice attack.

Glacier - Erects a massive blade of ice from the ground, dealing incredible physical ice damage.

Triple Glacier - Same as above, except with more sudden scope across more targets. Less accurate. More costly.

Ice Spin - Not the skill Brad thinks it is. Creates a ring of initializing frost around a wide area, with a high chance to freeze.

Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.

Snow - Make it snow locally. Very minor ambient ice damage to everyone on the battlefield, including allies. Has a low chance to instantly freeze someone for no reason.

Yuki-onna's Embrace - Hug. Binds target close to her. Makes the target tired, severely lowers accuracy and magical defense, and makes them comfortable. Skill may only be performed by my kind. Negative facets reduced by ice and freezing resist. Someone with over a hundred resistance will be buffed and healed by it.

Yuki-onna's Entombment - Final, optional stage of the hug. Guaranteed instant death inflicted by the draining of vitality. Heals the user for the heat taken from the target. Does not work well on bosses or the instant death resistant. Instant death proc is nullified if the target's ice or freezing resistance is over fifty percent. Skill may only be performed by my kind.

INVENTORY:

Absolute Zero Kimono - A better version of the stock yuki-onna kimono. Outfited with new royal blue and cyan trims. It's fun, dude...

STATS:

One hundred percent ice resistance.

Effects vary when not worn by her…!

=o=

Two thousand yen - Pocket money.

Bagged Money - We still dunno how much Reimu gave us...

Peppermint - Yo- Genkan has candy…!?

Fans - Regular fans. Helps her spread out frigid air, but she mostly holds onto them for personal fashion, apparently...

Ninjas of Love - Novel? Yo- what...

Viking Rune - Reusable rune that summons a viking monolith. Whiterock was very brief, but apparently vikings were ancient warriors who hailed from frozen lands to the north. Once summoned, it greatly increases everyone's physical attack prowess, before firing a frost spark with massive freezing capabilities. Very costly to all party members. Uses two inventory slots.

[three spaces remaining]

==o==

Maria, the Actually Ordinary Magician - A villager from the human village. Sort of down on herself, and not very confident… but when she gains steam, she can be very determined. Resistances and weaknesses depend on equipment. Can cast basic elemental spells.

SKILLS:

Fire - Small, homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes! Doesn't do much damage.

Fira - Slightly larger homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes. Bursts broader than the preceding spell.

Blizzard - Spread shot of big snowflakes. May chill foes.

Blizzara - Big spread shot of myriad ice chunks, with magical snowflakes whirling around inside them. May freeze foes.

Thunder - Random spread of bolts in an area. Basic electric spell.

Thundara - Random spread of bolts in an area which explode on impact with the ground. May stun foes.

Charm - Boosts magical attack of self or an ally moderately.

INVENTORY:

Pine Frost Staff - Made with pine wood and an icy reagent.

STATS:

Twenty five percent ice resistance.

One hundred percent freezing resistance.

Negative fifty percent burning resistance.

SKILLS:

Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.

=o=

Stubby Rapier - A shiny, brass rapier. Imbued with magical energy, for spell swords.

STATS:

Fifty percent dispel resistance.

=o=

Casual Freeze Clothes - Casual, neon villager garb. Bright yellow shirt with a blue snowflake stitched onto the front, a bright blue skirt, and a tan vest.

STATS:

Fifty percent ice resistant.

One hundred percent freezing resistant.

=o=

Wood Staff - Training foci for magic. Not very good for much else.

Magical Lens - When coupled with magic, this lens shoots non-elemental lasers. Gift from Marcus Kirisame.

[Travel Bag] - Item that grants inventory by holding more items. Wahaha!

Eight slots.

Two Mana Potions - Alchemical blends which restore magic energy.

{Brad's Inventory} - Let's list everything again! Yeaa~h!

[three spaces remaining]

==o==

Hana, the Electric Fairy Maid - Snuggly fairy maid companion…! Healed by electric magic. Immune to electric stunning, 'cause yeah. Weak to earth, poison and darkness. Quick to become ill from poison.

SKILLS:

Little Zap - Basic electric magic. Zaps a target twice with static from above.

Random Electric - When pressured, uses random electric spells.

Electric Control - With true power, she's able to stun opponents into submission by touching them.

Electric Elemental - Three hundred percent electric resistant. One hundred percent resistance to electrical stunning.

INVENTORY:

Hana's Fairy Maid Uniform - Stock standard uniform from the mansion! Cyan-tinted in places to match her hair color. Hoh...

==o==

Seikatsu Kikai, the Human Salvation Robot - The mysterious, alighty T-posing robot! Aaah- aaa~h!

SKILLS:

Medibeam - A slow-healing beam, which takes a couple minutes to rejuvenate someone. Feels good to be targeted by…

Cloaking - Seikatsu becomes invisible.

Scan - Returns data on a foe, including name, biological info, stats and strategies. All of us can call on this skill.

==o==

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

apparently i never gave this chapter an author's note

i blame college which was when i wrote this; summer is here my dudes

but anyway! yeah, we wake up, get our asses kicked, get some backstory, and meet OKITA

he's a fun guy, and also a crime lord

but he's a fun guy!

man keeping the inventory not quite shit between pov switches is wau. s'not a huge deal though

oh yeah meeting the dream boys

syncing the tension that built up here with- i guess that'd be a spoiler- but it proves a curiosity from a WROITAH'S standpoint i'll probably expound upon once it's not a spooler anymore

but anyway they're fun

dude one yen two yen

three yen

as always, see you all next time!