(in which we crush pelvises)
Alright. I think I've hashed out some weapon ideas!
Crea~k. The door opens to a freakin'... tiny forgery.
Cla~ng. Something mysterious goes clang in the distance, for some reason! An' then Shou struts up to this tiny lava square in the midst of this big metal desk thing. It's like a giant anvil, almost!
The room as a whole is tiny, made mostly of stone, and the ceiling somehow stretches way, way up for how mini-bedroom-sized this place is.
"Too warm." Genkan is immediately opposed! "I'll-... stay near the door."
"It's even a little warm for me…" Maria also keeps away from the lava-filled anvil! "This place is for melting metal, isn't it?"
...Shou gave 'em a vague nod! "Melting… is one use of this place. It is used to shape metal into new shapes, by heating it."
"So, melting metal." Maria reinforced the premise!
This whole place has the atmosphere of a great forgery, except it's the size of a deluxe bathroom. Nice forge, dude.
Cla- clack, clack. I bring out some hangers from my back that can be condensed, dude. Lion's Lindworm, the old ass Vortex Hanger, and Fairy Harp!
...Shou looks jaded! "Ah."
Oh, yeah, and also. "I'd like these two combined separately…" I also take out Market Gardener an' Million Bucks… and also, Youkai Inconveniencer! "'Cause yeah…!"
...Tiltin' her head back 'n forth, Shou gives all a' these things the good nod. "...For some of these, I could simply transfer the magic of one item over to the other. These enchantments aren't terribly ingrained into each weapon's qualities. Otherwise, I can simply join the seams in the most… tactful way possible. But, I would recommend keeping the size down, especially for your… strength, or lack thereof."
Oof. Hmm~. I need long shit, but not heavy dumb shit… I'm also personally attached to each heap of metal, but that's besides the point!
Fairy Harp has become encumbered with random shit, but it's also my starter weapon! Vortex Hanger, eeh, I never freakin' did anything other than use it to do the worst flying ever. I might as well finally use it for something else! The base metal can freakin' die.
So I think… hmm~! I also have those new hangers…
Wait. Idea.
Clack. I grab Lion's Lindworm, and reach through my bag…
Clang! Positioning the Headless Horseman's Hanger above it, I orient its hilt thing in the underside of the purple guitar's arrow! "Yo ho ho…! It's time for a rocket guitar…!" Maybe. Would Sun and Wind go together well?
Hmm. Freakin'...
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Aw. In the end, I had decided…
Million Bucks, Market Gardener, Youkai Inconveniencer and the Headless Horseman's Hanger went together best.
The horsey hanger is mostly energy anyway, so I was able to go like… Market Gardener as the base, and then Million Bucks as the weapon on the edge 'a that, and then the horse hanger on top of that, but since it's energy, it just- the whole hanger will phase through most opponents, and do the good sun, lightning and holy damage.
...Youkai Inconveniencer also got switched around a little to accommodate!
Chi- chink. The entire holy hanger is tied by cross necklaces onto the hilt part of the horse hanger. It's also deliberately detachable, incase I ever get sick of clipping the holy bit on shit, since the rest of the hanger is almost immaterial. Does Million Bucks transfer intangibility to everything!?
Anyway. This is… One Million Revenants, dude. I'm- I'm not even gonna go over what the stats do, this thing's a fuckin' amalgam…!
Finally, we've also got Lion's Lindworm, Fairy Harp and Vortex Hanger. Ultimately, I just kinda had Shou strip the soul of the last one, so now it's just Lion's Lindworm as a base with Fairy Harp as the tip. The guitar has an actual hilt, which makes it better on the base in every way.
This weapon is now… I dunno, also Lion's Lindworm? It'd be a shame to ditch the Final Fantasy name Yukari gave it so early! Oh, yeah. I also put the combo technology that farm girl gave me onto it… or rather, I had the magic transferred! I assume it just extends combo shit.
Click. The temple door clicked shut behind us, me bein' the last one in…
By the way, we're goin' ta bed now, 'cause it's super late!
Ah, two beds- or, futons, as per freakin' industry standard, apparently. This room's got super dim lighting, too. Aw- it ain't just a room… it's a doom!
"Looks like you guys'll be snuggling, again." Maria- what awakened this demon in you, dude. She's lookin' smug, too!
"...So it seems." Genkan gives the futons a casual stare. "This will mark the first time we've tried using futons." I like how she has to define that we'll try using them, not that we'll actually succeed…!
"Aw, yes dude. Floor mats." Life as a doormat isn't easy, son. "...I don't think I've ever actually used one in all my time here!" I think! Maybe I did, but if I actually can't remember it, it's as good as not at all.
"Well. Now you get to share one." Genkan immediately accepts the option to snuggle before I even get to say anything. "...How undressed do you intend on being, by the way?" She immediately gazes me over? "For reference."
"I-... dunno!?" I did not think about this!
"Sleeping in clothes sucks." Maria is fuckin' comfortable with life, dude! "Brad, how do you do it. I feel like I'm choking in my shirt, every night… and- I haven't gotten this stuff washed in awhile, even." That's not fair, dude. Girls always smell good! Guys don't…!
"I dunno- I just got used ta it!" It's like-... it's safe! Maybe the fairies of the mansion scared me into being maximum-armored at all times!
Right now I'm just in my monkey boy monk robes, so I feel like I'm in pajamas. They're basically big blankets, except a little more binding. Fluffy…
"Brad…" Genkan seems to face me awkwardly. "Would you be comfortable, sleeping-... without anything?" Um…!
"For someone who reads a romance novel, you're really awkward…" Maria commentates on our stumbling!
"Pft- and who're you?" Genkan speaks out to her! "Where did this well of confidence surge from...?"
...Then, Genkan gazes at me again! "And- if you had pajamas, I suppose you'd be able to use those, but…" We both know I don't! Somehow, despite my arsenal… and they're also about as uncomfortable as any other clothing for me, really. I dunno.
"I'm too relaxed to care." Maria reveals! "Just get naked and hug. Seriously."
"Ma- Maria…!" Genkan actually fluffs up, at that! "It's more delicate- than that!"
"Aah…" Maria seems to accept this. "Alri~ght. Talk about your feelings, then get naked and hug."
"Wh- nnh…" Genkan tries to glare at her, but seems too mixed…! "Fine. If you ask me, you are too comfortable, with us."
"Too bad." Wow. When Maria's tired, she's a freakin' trooper! "Nn- nnh." She slipped into her futon, and her eyes glazed over immediately. "Woa~h…"
...Oh, man. Genkan's embarrassed as fuck, now. And- it's actually really cute, especially since she's so imposing otherwise. "We- well… if you're not comfortable with anything, you don't need to-..."
"Y'know- how would we even go about talking about our feelings?" I jest! "What've we got ta talk about…!?"
...After a blunt moment of us being awkward, she suggests a topic. "We'll start somewhere, then. Our parental situations, perhaps?" Where did that come from.
"...Ah." Well, uh. "Sure!" I half-regret accepting, but I am man enough to stop regretting it until something makes me actually regret it! Screw the nerves! We're goin' all in…!
Thu- thud. We hastily plop down on a freakin'... end table, built-in wall thing nearby.
Like- seriously, I dunno what the fuck. This wall floor table thing is just, a decorated block of wood built out of the wall. It's about the equivalent of putting fuckin' Mario blocks in your house. I guess you can put tiny lamps and stuff on it, and use it as a table.
We don't know who goes first. Uh oh. And- man, when Genkan tries to be flirty, she really loses her cool!
"Well, um…" She's so freaking fluffy! "I suppose, I'll start. Unless you want to…"
I am the indecisive man. "I have been inflicted by crippling indecision."
She snorts…!? "Oh. As have I." Wat, no!
Maria sits up, and gives us a bewildered look.
...An' then she just goes back to bed…! What was that about!?
"She's right." Genkan nods. She was!? "...I've already told her this, actually. About my mother."
A little awkward, but we all gotta start somewhere! Also, woah. "You've got a mom…?" I never really think about it, but I guess all the people I met were birthed at some point in their lives!
"I do, actually." Genkan nods. "...Some youkai are less fortunate. They may appear from human belief or fear, similar to fairies coming from nature, or gods from faith." Uh oh. Scientifically, this means youkai might not count as mammals…!
Well, jokes aside, I guess that means some aren't just born, which is actually… really strange, but it makes sense, maybe. "...Like fairies?"
"Mmm." She nods, shifting on this Zelda block we found. "Except… I'll theorize and say, since fear and belief are non-constant streams, nor as infinitely powerful as nature seems to be, we do not just exist indefinitely. If it worked like that, humans could simply will themselves to not die."
...I feel like sometimes, they do, but it takes a lot! And it's more like 'hang on a single thread longer' and not 'totally respawn after being gibbed in world war II'.
"Yeah, humans aren't really good- at the whole 'not dying' thing." I communicate this thought as accurately as I can! "An' I feel like will gets them somewhere, but not as far as like… a fairy's immortality, or anything."
...Genkan scoots a little closer. "I've heckled you over this before… but, you need more fear of death." Ho ho ho! "As strange as that is to say."
"I just figure it's comin' one way or another!" I will be as prolific as possible until I am inevitably screwed over by something retarded! "An' if I can't stop it, y'know, not havin' expectations is-"
"No one's just going to come up and kill you." Genkan gets weirdly closer…! "And-..."
I dunno. I can name like ten things that'd just come up and kill me.
She frowns, sorta considering that herself, probably. "I don't want to think about the possibility. That this land is so dangerous, you cannot even consider a peaceful life. You joke and sway across this land so-... fickle-y. But, tell me… are you not at least invested? Enough to fear an ending?"
...A- ah. I mean… "Well. Yeah? It'd-... at this point, it'd kinda piss me off, I guess."
...Genkan seems to just think on that, her brows twitching kinda oddly to that. She almost smiled at it, too!
Then, she looks at me more focusedly again. "How do you feel, when people care about you? Do you feel that people care about you?"
Oh, man… uh. "It's… kinda hard to show that I care about things, admittedly. Like… I mean, on the outside, all my friends were of the 'let's laugh and joke together' variety, and even my like… I dunno, my deeper friendships, you could say, were uh… on a strict 'you could die, and I'd only be mildly sad' kind of basis. Hell- I even got that kinda vibe from my parents, even if they'd be like, really torn up, but on a sorta vague familial basis, if I died.
"The thing about my parents, is that… I mean, don't get me wrong, they were pretty good to me, but we just never connected, I think."
The familial love felt more instinctual and automatic than it did anything else. "Like… I don't know if that's just me getting sick of interacting with them, or if that's because the connection should be something more. Honestly, maybe that's what friends and partners are for. Maybe I should take solace in how automatic their affection was, my parent's that is. 'Cause considering our differences, we'd never like one another in our society otherwise. Y'know? Maybe…?" Oh man, I really just uh…!
The hell am I doing thinking about that, here? This is super not the place-
"So…" Oh, shit, Genkan's here. "Would you say, no one's cared about you-... for who you are?"
Uh. Kinda talked myself into a corner, here. S'what I get for spilling my shit… "I guess, kinda. I mean, my parents cared, but the way it was so like… automatic, contextless. Hard to get behind. They treated me real well." I suppose I sort of miss that complacent life, but wakin' up in Gensokyo was a real jolt. It's like I lost my inhibitions to want to be somewhere else. Funny how that works!
"You were cared for." Genkan deduces. "Perhaps loved. But… you weren't loved, were you? Or, at least, didn't feel like it."
...I'd say my self-stimulation sessions- by which I mean masturbation sessions- involved engaging fantasies! They were really my next best thing to keep me freakin' sane. Maybe that's not wise to talk about right now! "I guess. It just got really stale and... soul-crushing, I guess you could say." Finding the right words is hard!
"Like-..." I continue! "Not to say this was all sad or anything, I'm lookin' back kinda neutrally, y'know? It was just, overwhelmingly mediocre. Made me who I am, too."
...After a moment, Genkan responds! "Is this your retribution, then?"
Ooh? ...I dunno wat she means!
"Is this why you act out?" She begins to smile…!? "Were you this fed up, with a life you felt was so boring?"
...That-... actually makes a fuckin' scary amount of sense. I never even realized! "You know-... maybe!"
"Your dream self was so angry." Genkan- oh man, now her words super make sense… "He was very destructive. And, you… you aren't much less angry, are you? You just handle it far better."
"...That's pretty accurate, I think!" Now it all makes sense to even me! "Oof! Instead 'a bein' physically destructive, I'm just mentally destructive…!"
She snorts at that! Aw, yeah dude!
"I felt… similar, with my mother." Genkan actually reveals her psychic secrets! And- ooh… "Perhaps I was not angry, as I simply accepted it as reality. And, I'm quite… quiet in general, as you might know." Kind of!
"But… I've never realized, how lonely it is. It almost scares me to think of my sisters, now. Take Shimokoa, for example. We may engage in tactful, almost ceremonious, elegant socialization… but, the degree to which we obey formality is so far gone from the warmth you and Maria exude." Woah. I wonder what exactly that means.
She gets closer, which is um… "We yuki-onna… for the most part, we strive for perfection, elegance and purity. Humans, at their best… they just want to live. So active, warm, and-... personable, I suppose."
Aw, I think I get that, too. "A real formal situation, huh?"
She nodded. "Mmm. Quite formal."
"Y'know… formality's almost the inverse of care in ways, isn't it? It feels like that's kinda the point of it…" I comment on an understanding 'a formality that I heard of!
...An' Genkan considered that. "Perhaps. Among my sisters and I, it is not anything a human could ever understand, and I mean that with no disrespect. But… when humans attempt formality, I don't know. I can't really get behind something like that." Hoh!
"So…" Her smile is freakin'... I dunno. "How do you feel, when people care about you?"
"...Weird." I really don't know what to freakin' say. "Like- I know how boys- people react and what it should look like, but I just… fer some reason, it doesn't come to me so fast. I appreciate it, but oof!"
"...I suppose, that's something we have in common, then." Genkan's so~... this prying makes me feel weird. Like- this is being cared for, in and of itself! Aaa~h!
"Yeah." I am vulnerable feeling and this is a weird feeling! "...I don't really know. It's kinda weird- like, everyone I pretty much talk with just doesn't do affection or feelings. And, it really shouldn't be weird for me, depending on the people. I think I'd've been weirded out if they suddenly were all touchy-feely with me!"
"...Is that so." Genkan scans my form, leaning back against the wall. "Actually…" She paused. "Have you ever had a friend who was a girl? Someone you could truly call a friend?"
...Uh. Hold on, lemme just make dial-up noises- "Nope!" Not a soul! "Actually, once when I was four. Yeah."
"I don't think that counts." Genkan destroys me, dude! Aw, she even smiles. "So… your romantic experience must be absolutely nothing, then."
She looks so freakin' fluffy, just leaning up against the wall like that. I really wanna look down, but I avoid it…! Even if, y'know, she seems to be fine with that...
"I mean- I see it in uh, books, and like, works of-... books." Explaining anything beyond books is uh…! "I mean, video games and movies- outsider picture things!"
"Books and works of books." Genkan criticizes! "You have a way with words."
...After I grin back, she shakes her head an' dismisses the excuses. "They're not the same." And, y'know… she's not really wrong. "I would know. It's nothing quite like getting to know someone. You want someone who can care and connect with you." Wau. I mean… yeah.
I mean, I had people to vent to, at the very least. Yeah, s'pretty hard to believe I had dude people on the outside, isn't it!? "I mean, s'not like the boys back home know- I mean, don't know me."
Genkan grinned at my slip 'a tongue! "But they don't know you in the way you'd like to be known. Do they have these kinds of conversations with you often?"
Eeh. That's a loaded question! I mean, we had indepth talks, but not like… none 'a them could share the context or dynamics 'a this situation.
Sittin' up before me, she almost accidentally invades my personal space! "I'll go, next. My mother left me when I was ten years of age." Genkan reveals…!? "It was nothing personal, as it might be for you humans. It is how us yuki-onna render our young independent. Still… I missed her. I knew, if I was to survive, I would have to keep myself fed from then on."
Seems she also looks back neutrally. "...I was lonely, sure, especially by comparison to now… but, I was satisfied. I was convinced that was the way we yuki-onna are to live. And… my anger and fear towards humans drove me. It was something taught to me by my mother, and by my peers.
"We see interaction with humans as dirty, undesirable. We see you as a source of filth and corruption, and that you seek to disturb our way of being with one another. Yet-... we never truly realized how oddly articulated our behavior was, by comparison to other species. Nor did we realize the inherent bind we share with humanity and other species; to have to take their warmth for our own to survive."
Wow, that is actually a pretty neat metaphor! Or- less of a metaphor, since it's real…!
Her gaze met mine, again. "...So, thank you. For giving me my chances, even when I'm so rude to you, both in jest and genuinely so."
I shrug! "Well- t'be honest, I've never really cared really big about what people thought about me."
There's somethin' on the edge of my mind, about how yuki-onnas need the warmth of others. Bodily-wise, they need to syphon other beings… but, what about their minds, and emotionally? Does their personality, or mental well-being need something similar? I dunno, maybe not, but it's a neat parallel to think about.
"That much has been evident." She gives me a smirk 'a sorts! "Where does it end? Your ability to endure, that is."
"Ah? My patience, y'mean?" Oh, boy!
"Even you must have a boundary at some point." Genkan gave a small nod at the air, panning away. "Would it be too much to ask where?"
...Nah. Maybe I'll open with an example, fer reference. "I'd say the worst thing was this guy I knew back in high school. We'd make jokes and pal around, but in the end he was super upset over what people would think about him. In the end, he ditched me to get high on drugs, and basically wasted his life, or like, a lot of it. 'Cause he couldn't see shit through without me with him, and 'cause I wasn't, y'know, more than one person. Statistics mattered to the boy, an' not the useful kind either. There's just so much he kinda got wrong about everything.
"Like, I can go on all day about how other people I used ta see got things wrong. I can do this about the human village now, too! An' it's always the worst thing, when you know there'll never be an appropriate method or moment to inform some people of a seemingly obvious solution. Not that I'm always one ta talk, but y'know, it'd be way better if more people were aware they've got a lotta room ta improve."
It's pretty self-indulgent to go on about some of the assholes I know, but I do kinda like to use 'em to tell stories. I also use myself to tell all kindsa stories, so I say it's fair game!
...Genkan's brows were raised, at all of that! "Ah." Ho ho.
Once she's taken a few moments, she considers a reply! "That… was mostly unexpectedly clear, of you. Only mostly, because you… have a lot more to say than one would think." Ho ho! "But, that friend of yours… the way you speak of him makes me wonder. Was he reliant on you, in any way? Or, since you said he was… how much so?" Oh…?
Well, yeah! "Freakin', to a T…" Man, this freakin' guy. "I won't name names, but, oof. This boy was a fuckin' mess. Ta cut a long story short, he always got my help to argue things for him, or he tried to ask me about social shit 'cause he couldn't connect with people either. But where I focus on interactions and am just inexperienced but kinda intrigued, he was all stats, and hated math even, so it was a lose-lose!"
Not sure if I should keep going, but I do! "And- y'know, it all went downhill when he became butt buddies with this huge slut, dude. Like, the hugest! Everyone knew, but freakin'... I dunno, it was so freakin' weird!" He was pro'lly just very eager to get any girlfriend, because yeah. Social points, dude. The most important kinda points.
The kicker was that guy was the only person I really knew in real life… in like, real life. All my best buddies were online, always. Hoh, hoh. He was fun while he lasted at least, dude. I guess he was the closest thing I had to a 'real life best friend' or something, but he was so dicey that I never trusted him with much, if anything. He did sell me some discount knives, and a keyboard. And other shit so he could make impulsive vape purchases!
"This happened on the outside?" Genkan wondered…! "Also, how did he not see things through, as you said before?"
Oh, right. "So- for context! On the outside, in my country, all us humans are forced to go to school for like eighteen years, six hours a day 'cept for weekdays, like a job."
"Ah?" Genkan's a little worried by that!
I keep goin'! "And then, to be certified as not-an-asshole, you gotta go to college for another four years, and you gotta pay for it yourself."
"...I've heard of colleges in fantastical texts." Genkan supplies! "Magus colleges, that is. I heard Gensokyo has none of those. Do they have them on the outside?"
"They got non-magus colleges. The kind ya do paperwork at all day, that you could do yourself, but ya can't, just to prove to some boys in suits you know how to not kill yourself or walk into a wall constantly 'er some shit. Anyway… the story ends with him dropping out and going to live in a-... a cave."
...It's actually a one-room apartment shared with five other druggies, but I guess the Gensokyo equal would be a freakin'... patch of dirt in the plains, or something. Can you owe rent on a patch of grass!?
"You make the outside sound like torture." Genkan sinks into her seat, a little… "Not that it matters to you now, perhaps. As in, I doubt you consider going back."
"Pft, yeah, no!" Quite happy here! "I'm here ta stay!"
Hoh, hoh. The night's gotten late, probably!
"Instead of rendering yourself vulnerable…" Genkan's so freakin' close, our hips are poking one another… "You just place yourself on a different level from others, then. You keep a step back, at all times. Not in a haughty way, but your weapon of choice is simply not connecting to begin with."
Why~ is she so close. Freakin'...
"Well…" Uh. "Yeah." It's the meta strategy! "S'more like passive observation. Like, I-... realize what people talk about, but man, on the outside, people are so common and dumb that it's very easy to hate humanity. I'm not about the most common 'a superficial bullshit. It doesn't show a lot in Gensokyo, 'cause I'm not part 'a the society here, and I only stop an' talk with the occasional person who's also not a part of society."
I'm freakin' riled up, yo. "And, really, I blame communication venues and shit for that! People would probably be better if knowledge was distributed at a rate similar to that of school but with more humanity and less freakin' government-canned, minced and regulated gruel in a-"
Her arm wraps around me…!
She stares at the futon ahead with me, and I look over at her, watchin' her sort of sedate gaze. "Gods. I see some similarities between us, and I don't know how to feel about that. And- there's… when you let your guard drop, there's more to you than meets the eye. I've collected that from your emotions, and your dream self. The times you drop your silliness and rant about the outside. When you got mad at the village..." She lets herself trail off.
We've probably spent a while just sitting her freakin' talking. It's become a serene experience; the kind you get when you just bond with people, and then lose track 'a time in the process.
But now I got this arm around me, which is new…!
"Why're you so interested…?" I grin at her! "S'it just 'cause you never talk with anyone else? 'Cause I'm the like, one guy human you've ever interacted with?" All in!
...She shook her head. "No, you idiot. Well- you are the one guy I interact with, yet even so. It's because we've spent time together. You've willingly let me travel the land with you, take your side in conflicts, placed your trust in me- sometimes unable to refuse, provided- and… with what you just said, you obviously don't place your faith in just anyone."
Well, yeah. "Yea~h. Like- you actually respond contextually to me, yer fun, you're uh, really… sexy. I mean, cute!? I like how you look! And, I dunno, I've always kinda rolled with your biting snarkisms…!" I think I went a little far! Oof…!
...After a moment, she asks me another question! "What do you think of Maria?" That's an odd one…
"Soft. Shaped like a friend." Awh. "Ruffleable hair, dude."
Genkan smiles, at that! "...Hana?"
Oh, boy! "...Interesting! She's fun, and she's been with me for awhile, but she knows like nothing about anything, except when she does."
"And, I'm… sexy." Genkan looks down at herself! "Among other things. Brad, have you ever considered-... no, you have considered it, haven't you?"
"I have considered my ability to consider." What're ya talkin' about, fluffy.
Ah- um. I'm squished against her cool side, her arm now wrapped around me. "You want to… what do humans call it? You want me as your partner."
I, um… "I mean… I wouldn't say no." Oh my god.
"...I like you." She replies, still very next to me. "It's a very-... English sort of trope, I suppose. The weathered look you have sometimes reminds me of my sisters, and…"
Holy shit… "O- oh. Uhm…" I try to adjust a little-
She stops me, now turning to me, her other arm wrapping around me. "I like how you're shy to my touch. You're still quite ignorant of my interests, if you've failed to notice all the times I've let you get so close to me."
Being hugged feels good, and- when I feel good, I like to-... I don't know! I like to pretend to resist! Freakin'-
"Why do you half-resist?" Getting freakin' touched all over like this is making me flustered...
"It's just-..." Um. "I don't know. I just kinda reflexively… resist. I think… because, if you just hug me, I'm kinda trapped in that situation. Even my body's really fickle, like that." S'true. Even as a kid, I liked to just… lie alone. Being with another body was typically too warm, too!
But Genkan's body is cool. "That will simply be too bad." She gave a light shake of her head. "I like to be still. And, if there's anything I've learned these past few nights… you too, love to be still, once you're so enticed. Once you lose all ability to resist. We're not even in a formal relationship, and yet you busy yourself with a face full of my bosom regularly." Ah-
She runs a hand through my still-damp hair. It's dried a little, so it became a little fluffier, but it's yet to spring back into insanity. "You're so tired. If you weren't so tense, I'd imagine you'd be anxious with your limbs."
Am I tired? Ah-... now that she mentions it, I am… it's just at this freakin' moment, too, that my body just-... being hugged by someone feels really fucking good, when you know there's nothing you can do. There's nothing I really wanna do either, other than relax into it and give in.
"You said your body is fickle. You said you disliked this." Genkan pulls on me, bringing me closer towards her-...
I'm now on her lap. She's got a hand in my hair, and one across my chest. "Tell me to stop touching you."
...Her lap is so soft. Her body is so soft.
"I don't want to do anything to you that you don't like." Genkan's face is near my left ear… "So, please."
"I- I can't say no." I give up. I scatter my legs out, arching my back a little to stretch, my body giving a tired, declining shudder. "I really like it. You're- you're so…"
"Arousing?" Oh my god. "Desirable?"
"...Yeah." I let my sort of fidgeting limbs rest, my hands feeling at her sleeve drawn across me. My face is warm...
She gets up, and places me on my legs. "I'm getting in our futon. Enter as you please."
My god, it'd be so embarrassing- if she saw my crotch, right now. I can't imagine taking my pants off- and, my arousal being just-... the way we've connected now, makes it seem like a much bigger event than it might need to be.
Maybe I'll just-... I'll be fast about it, yo! Uh...
Closing my eyes, I let myself leave the ground as I focus on my 'equipment slots', and-
Fwi- Click! A- ah. I land on my… bare feet.
Genkan's just sitting down into the futon! So if I just- oh my god, I've never used a futon before. Do I enter from the side, or-
Genkan turns to me as I freakin' strafe around the bed, and her eyes widen at my um, underwear, for a moment. "O- oh…"
fwish. I get down- and under the covers. "A- ah…" Almost too hard, too!
...She begins to smile widely, and- oh, god, I'm getting hugged…
"Brad." She pulls us close, my chest pressed against hers. The cloth, her skin and clothing, everything… it's so good. I want to melt. "I-... I would be fine with being your girlfriend."
Her legs mingle with mine beneath the covers. I feel my midsection brush and tangle against hers, and… all prefaces of this being awkward are just gone. Too much woman, too much affection, just-... it's all so, so much.
I'm overwhelmed. "I- I love you."
Tired gazes meet, and her brows curl up. "...I love you, too."
I'm-... so done.
I bury my face in Genkan's chest.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENKAN'S PERSPECTIVE ====
He's buried in me, now. We're snugly beneath the covers, and Brad is quite far contained from the rest of everything, now.
He has an interesting reaction to my… intentions. While Maria was immediately into skinship the same way me and my sisters were, he so far has only ever entered a very similar state prior to falling asleep on me.
I've read books, so I know what human mating practices are- as are the ones yuki-onna are obligated to use for survival… but, with a girl, I never looked at it as something so ominous. We poke one another and feel good, and that's that. Casual and lovely, and a good bonding activity.
But, with a man, is-... it makes me nervous, admittedly. I'd become less nervous with hugging Brad over time, but…
I look down at his bare, pale skin. He's nearly as pale as me or my sisters. His collective mass is less than mine, but the slight weight of his body on mine reminds me of the snow.
Nearly asleep, he, um… he does that thing, where he gives one of my legs a hump or two. He's very attracted to me. It makes my heart beat faster, to know he's… so willing. His body wants me to succumb to him.
But, not tonight. Implying-... implying that I will, ever. Which…
I shift. My area brushes one of his thighs. I'm not much better.
I never quite took daily naps before I'd traveled with him and Maria. But, now… it's almost necessity. Somehow, my body has adopted their waking patterns flawlessly. This may actually be better for my internal heat reserves…
Especially because, whenever I feel it begin to drop, I feed just a little from Brad's life force, when he has a surplus. That Seikatsu thing does wonders, too. In fact…
As he rests, I let my body's desire to claim him spike. He grows colder.
Fwi- fwish. Seikatsu appears in the air over the bed, and-
Vuu~m. It administers heat to keep him from slipping into any cold or coma. I don't abuse this too much, because I don't want to hurt him, but… it's a pretty good deal.
Even if we looked at this from an entirely greedy standpoint, my sisters are idiots to not see a situation like this as ideal. Not only may I, um… one day have a mate, and a lover, but I also have theoretically infinite food, making staying with Brad perhaps even more complacent than sitting in my cave alone for all of eternity.
That is, if I can get used to his human adventurousness. Which, I feel like I am, as long as he doesn't get himself killed. That would be the epitome of tragic stupidity, and I refuse to let that happen.
...When I saw his… tent earlier, near my face. That was-...
I hug him tighter. He's so warm, so nice… his arms now around me, as mine are him. The way our legs are mixed. There's nothing like having someone to lie with, be they a sister, or Brad.
Filled with his warmth, I-... I begin to let my mind drift away. Futons are great…
Ha- ha~h…
…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====
Ho~ly shit, that was a sleep.
Maria nudged me an' Genkan outta the room! "You guys- like, gotta hit the hot spring right now."
"I can't believe you're being genuine, with me." Genkan gave her a stare of wonder! "Where did the innocent Maria we knew go?"
...Maria takes a step back! "We- well, I'm not trying to be weird, but-... after hearing you guys last night, and all those other nights, I was thinking you really ought to do boyfriend-girlfriend activities together. Especially since you're actually that now. A- and, I never knew hot spring bathing could be fun. That was my first time in one."
...I just kinda face Genkan. Man, we've just been spending these past few forevers really relaxin' here! I don't think I mind, either…
What'd they do in the hot spring, anyway!? "Y'know somethin' I don't, Maria…!?"
Maria nodded. "I know how getting massaged in a hot spring feels." Massaged…!?
"You should keep checks on your sexual deviancy." Genkan talks down to her! "Lest you truly devolve into-... succubatery."
"Succubatery." Maria looks confused! "Is- is that a word, now?"
"Succu-slinkamatics!" I raise a finger into the air! "It is now, dude!"
...I wasn't even awake before I got ejected from sleepin' posture! Y'know that linebreak up there- yeah, that was like a couple paragraphs after I woulda woken up!
"So! We got Shou Training on the agenda, for me!" I exclaim! 'Cause I wanna get better at hitting shit.
"Bathing." Maria immediately reminded me…! "Shou can wait."
"Wouldn't it be more logical…" Genkan slowly rotated to loom over Maria…! "To get sweaty, then go to bathing?"
...Maria supposed that was accurate! "Yeah- that's a better plan."
Aw. Let's go do that, dude!
"While you get yourself hurt…" Genkan starts to float off, fluffily… "I'm gonna go get us breakfast. Do you think the temple charges for community feeding?" ...That's a damn good question!
"I have no idea…" Maria starts to romp after her. "I'm hungry, though. Ah-... maybe if we like um, pretend to be homeless? They are like, nun people here…"
...Genkan slowly turned to her! "Technically, two thirds of us are homeless, so you're not fully wrong." I dunno- I feel like fourteen million yen is enough to buy Maria's foster family's house… 'cause Jesus fuck!
As they navigate off, I make my way towards what I think's the freakin', courtyard place. There may be no spatial shenaniganry here, but the maze-like halls are still ass.
Shoo~f. Oh, shit, yo… I found the outside!
Oo~h. Bright and sunny, too! And cold.
Fwi- click! Closing my eyes, I fuck up my balance to equip my Miko outfit, with One Million Revenants wielded…!
Stumblin' ahead like a freakin' noob king, I make my way to Shou in the yard's center…
Aw. She's standin' ready, yo. And she's also got her big club thing of doom, even though she didn't use it last time!
"...I was half-expecting you to not show." Shou admitted!
Stormy was also here, standin' across from her wit' his arms raised. "Ah. It's you."
In the sunny, grassy courtyard, I beam at 'em! "I am ready to learn the skill!" The single skill!
...After some moments of us staring at one another like freakin' lemmings, she nods. "Yes. I've actually thought of a few potential maneuvers, for you. As of current, you're only capable of two attacks and then a finisher. I will try to remedy this by giving you a standard finisher, and a single attack finisher."
Whah. "...Can't I just use any finisher whenever, though? That'd make me less predictable!"
"Yes, but it's easiest to transition into them the ways I methodize." Shou kicks my ass verbally! "And, right now, you only know how to swing, which will not inspire much more from you. Today I will be teaching you Cleave, and Tonfa Turnabout. You may not have a great sword or tonfa, but these ideas will apply similarly."
Aw, s'that so… "Hoh." I can't wait to name them after NERF guns!
"Now…" She looked at my new combined weapon of horror! "...You plan to use that? With the flail part, and everything?"
"Yes, dude!" Ho ho ho! "I wanna get used to it!"
...She nodded! "Well, I suppose you may. Rainmaker… assume a defensive posture."
"Yes." Aw. Stormy takes the good stance. "This will be… defense against a blunt object, right?"
"Mmm." She nodded! "Begin!" Wait- begin what…!?
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Standin' across from one another, me and Stormy get ready for our fluffle eating competition in the midday sun…
"Alright." Shou faces me! "Brad, was it? The first skill you will be utilizing today is Cleave." ...NERF Star Destroyer, got it! Wait, that's not a blaster…
Anyway. Cleave, huh. Shou continues! "Bring your weapon up, and keep it held straight up."
Oo~h, man, I don't got the strength buff, but I still got Miko's red cape backin' me up. Lemme just, oof… alright.
With it raised into the air, she gives me a nod. "Focus mana through the weapon."
Oh, man. This thing has the combined power of four hangers. Wind, sun, lightning, and critical hits while blast jumping. That last one's my favorite element, dude.
Wait. If I got Market Gardener at the hilt too, I should be able to…
Click. I undo the weird flappable bit on the bottom of the great hanger, folding the whole thing back! "Ho ho ho…!"
Fvra~r. The energy hanger on the very end of the big hanger hangers to life, like a hanger! Hanger hanger hanger! Also- the holy hanger is just danglin' under it, passing through it… like a hanger!
Vuu~m. Vuu~m. I keep charging mana into the thing, and this weird, freakin' amber energy flows through the whole thing, and- wow, this is freakin' weird to hold now…!
Stormy just has his arms up, eyes wide…!
...Shou gives me a nod. "If you think that will work, attack Rainmaker."
...Oh- oh god, the thing's way heavier now that I'm moving! I just kinda- waddle up to Stormy like a freakin' huge noob!
He's got his arms crossed. "Heheh… I can take-"
WHISH- CLACK! I swing the hanger forward in the air, the ninety-degree folded latch of the hilt coming undone, letting the rest of the hanger's weight just lash out as it extends all ninety 'a those degrees. And- it just roars forward and out of my hand-
BA- CLACK- FWAA~SH! Ooo~h! Holy fuck! Dude! It like- phased into him- and fucking got ejected from him, super hard! It went into his midsection and rocketed up and away, like his body was a freakin' geyser I tossed the hanger into! Somehow non-lethally too, as in, it went through him, made a flare of amber shit, but didn't displace anything of his, really.
Thud. Oh- oh, god! He just fell on his ass and sprawled out…! The hanger itself just went flying away! Dude!
Shou recoiled visibly…! "Ra- Rainmaker? Um…" Du~de…! Holy fucking shit. Shou's skills are fuckin' spot on, dude!
"Pft- hohoho~h, shit…" Is- is he fuckin' dead? "Jesus!" I freakin' flattened his ass, dude!
"Let me, um…" Shou begins to trot off! "Let me find… a healer." Jesus Christ, what've I concocted, dude!?
Think! One Million Revenants lands in the grass behind Stormy's freakin' noobified corpse! Oh, man…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Stormy was now up, with a big bandage on his head! "This isn't fair."
"It's really not." Shou agreed with him! "...I hadn't thought that the enchantments on that thing would work with that kind of synergy."
...I like how the healer they found is this big tubby guy. He looks spent, dude.
"Well." Shou looked at me plainly…! "No other skill of mine should… do that, I don't think." You don't think, dude. Watch me find a way to one-hit-kill Stormy again…!
"Now. Tonfa Turnabout." Shou announced! "I can demonstrate this, actually. It might take you some attempts, to perfect."
With her giant doom bat, she glared down nothing at all. With it slung over her shoulder, she moved to swing it inward, to the left, with her right arm.
Woo~sh. After she lugged it forward, she began to whip it back to the right like I would, but instead 'a lashing out an' reelin' back for a big noob swing, it's more like she just kinda flicked it back, as if to sheathe it or something.
Woosh! Oh, shit! Instead of returning to neutral, she pivoted around, thrusting the bat under her right arm towards the initial direction she was attacking! That's some tricky shit…! It really was similar to sheathing, too!
"The secret that's easy to miss…" She turned to me, after! "You must bring your left palm onto it to truly drive it backward, when you retract it. It should give you a free hit in critical moments, especially if you keep it as is: a combo finisher that replaces your second attack. It's a taste of what you could do if you switched to using an actual weapon, like tonfa, instead. It also works with blades, like the katana."
"No, yo." I must keep the meme dream alive, son. Oh, boy- is she gonna be like that for a buncha ensuing weapons…!?
Let's see~. Time to practice that swingy move thing!
...I lug the big hanger over my shoulder, now that I've got it again- ow. I got hit in the back with the holy flail part…!
Now, to do like she showed me, yo.
Woosh! I flick it to the left, which is really easy 'cause I can just swing it out from my neck with one hand.
CLA- CLACK! The flail menacingly shakes my hanger about and clatters really damn loudly!
Oh- shit! I tried to plant my left palm on the thing, but I just brought the hanger into the air and forgot what ta do with it when I did. I manage to kinda follow-up anyway, but I don't pivot! This takes actual physical coordination…!
"It will definitely take you some practice, to get the hang of it." Shou judged me, dude. I thought this was a safe space, dude. A no-judgement gym zone, where they feed you pizza every time you come so you keep coming back…! "But, it is one of the more simplistic skills you can learn." Wat, this is the simple course? "It won't take you long to master it."
S'that so. Actually… I've got an idea. Since this base part of like… Market Gardener in the thing is really jutted out-... actually, it's like that for Million Bucks, too. Couldn't I just, manhandle a dude's neck with the pointy metal bits?
"I do got an idea, too…" I elucidate! "I'm gonna test that on Stormy too, yo."
"As long as you don't do that one attack, again." Shou leaves it at that, and we all know what that one attack is…!
Hoh. Movin' up to him, I consider what to try first, dude. Wait...
Mosin' on up closer to him, I try the good attack Shou just showed me. With the hanger lugged over my shoulder as I strut, I woosh it out-
Whi- FWI- Think! At the tip, the energy part of the hanger passes through his arms, and the flail just bats off of him too! "Ngh-"
Thunk! My palm actually connects with the hilt-y bit! When I flick the hanger back, the flail part nails him on the way back again. Alright- freakin', now I gotta do the pivot thing…
Woosh- Whunk! "Ungh-..." I have to like, turn to the right and then pivot all the way backwards, driving the entire unwieldy thing under my arms in the process The good news is, Stormy somehow fucked up guarding this, despite literally watching it happen twice. So, my hanger met his gut!
The bad news is, it left my back open! This technique's got a pretty glaring flaw, unless you count on it disorienting your foe! It might be handy if they're already behind you, or if you're getting gangbanged by noobs, but… I feel like those are both losing situations, for me!
"That was alright." Aw. Shou says I did mediocre, dude. "...You said you had an idea?"
"Ye." I turn to Stormy-
Whunk! Proppin' an arm on my hips, I thrust the hanger forward, and the physical part passes under his arms and into his gut. Yeah, I struck there again! "Whu-"
Fvra~r! The sun-elemental energy bit turns on, projecting into him! "Nh- fuck off-" Ooh!
He moved his hands fer my hanger, but I just kinda brought it around 'em like a wand. Like a big wand! He eventually got his hands onto it 'cause it's so big, but now…
"Nnn!" I pull when it's held over his shoulder.
"Egh…?" Oh- shit, it worked! The edge of Million Bucks pulled him towards an' past me, by his neck! "Are you- fuckin'-"
shoof. I grate it across the back 'a his head by slammin' my left arm up under it, to bring it over him- oh shit he's aggressing back now-
CLO~NG. From here, my arms thrust it into his face like a polearm on reflex…! By which I mean, the metal end part where the flail bit was attached to was jabbed into his face. "Ngh- owh-"
Thud. Oh, shit. He lost his balance!
"Yeay." I make a monotone cheer, and raise my thing over my head- woah fuck-
thud. Stormy pulled my legs out from under me, and I landed on my ass…! "You- fucker-...!" Oh, shit! Aaa~h, aaa~h!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
...Outside the hot spring hall, I meander up to the fluffle company, all ruffled up. Shou gave me the good casual compliments on using a greatsword-esque object like a tonfa or battle axe, before getting Stormy off of my ass.
By fluffle company, I mean I found my friends, dude.
"Oh, hi." Genkan shifts a plate across the wooden table they'd set up in front of the hot spring place… "We got free pancakes."
"I am an impoverished child." Maria supplies! "They even gave me your serving. They were gonna give me more, too…"
"We could not possibly eat four, five, or even ten stacks of pancakes." Genkan must've put a stop on that…!
...We have no chairs. We're just looming over the table!
Pickin' up my stack of pancakes, I then just eat inta' it. "Om…" Aw. Homestyle, dude. Temple style. Pedophile nun style…!
Oh, yeah, we never really hit up Byakuren about the kid commando again. We don't really need ta. I think that situation… will resolve itself!
I dunno where we're gonna get to after this. The temple's been fun, but we're also quickly running out it has things to do! There is also… no conflict, and only so many secrets in a place dedicated to nunery. Maybe there's a shota-boy sex dungeon somewhere, but I don't really wanna find it…
"Mmm." Maria mmms at the pancakes, in an attempt to lull them into submission. Help…!
"So," Genkan faces me! "How did your… 'training' go?"
Aw. Crestfallen, I stare into my pancake sandwich… "Pretty bad, dude. I died."
"Oh." Genkan seems to accept this, dude.
Maria swallows a bite of pancakes stuffs. "Death."
Man, I really gotta~... master the art of spinning and not getting dizzy. It is an oddly specific trait, but one I aspire to wield, dude.
"Did you learn anything?" Trying again, Genkan refocuses on me!
"I learned a few new types of swings…" I'm gonna keep my fuckin' broken head smasher attack hidden, fer now…! "But, I think I've like… learned everything I can learn with these freakin' twig arms!"
"Probably." Genkan accepts that idea, dude. "...Martial arts may be oriented based on skill, but I don't see the most effective techniques being utilizable by those who get winded simply throwing their arms around."
Oo~h? "Oh, yeah? Lemme throw my arms around, some!" It's time to test my stamina!
...Distancing myself from the table, I get ready to fuck up some air, dude.
Woosh! I swing my left arm out into a big thrust, and- oh boy, this isn't going well already.
Woosh! Thrusting my right arm forward, I, holy shit…
whish… I- I hook my left arm big, and I uh… I put my left foot in, and I tuck my right foot out! Then I shake it all about, dude…
I flick my leg up! Fer a real good hero kick. And- oh, fuck! Ah… almost lost my balance!
Genkan snorts! "Ea- easy, now. I'll be honest in saying, I don't see you hitting people like that."
Oh, boy, dude! Wait, I saw this in a game once…
I flick my leg up into a less cringy kick, and- try to bound forward with an overhead swing-...
Nope. That was not even me eating shit, that was just- my balance cannot do something like that! How the fuck do you transition from a kick to a overhead thrust leap punch thing!? And, man, my limbs already kinda ache…
"I think you should be a mage, Brad." Maria destroys my dreams…! "Or, like, a swinger mage, or something." A- a swinger mage.
"I'm jocker class." The best class. "The frik's a swinger mage…!?"
"What's a jocker…!?" Maria counters!
"It's me!" Ha-chan bounds out of nowhere like a magical friend! Aw- she's got her arms up all happy and everything!
"It's- not…" Genkan gives her a jaded look, dude. "Where have you been?"
"I found Chief!" Aw. Ha-chan tracked down big chiefy, dude. "...She made me go away." Away, dude.
"...Actually." Maria held her fork, out. "Next time we bathe, Genkan, we should include Hana…" Whaddaya people do in baths…!?
Immediately, Genkan talks like it'd be weird! "If she repeats what we do to her on Brad, that would be… awkward."
"A bath? I want a bath!" Ha-chan, we just took a bath…
"...Anyway!" I shall direct the conversation, dude. "How's about we leave the temple, at some point…?"
Hoh. Genkan nodded… "It's not a terrible place, and the community is nice, but the religious overtones are a little unsettling." What, how. It's- it's buddha. Buddha is unsettling…!
Maria has her own strange look at that…! "I guess it kinda is. I'm more scared by just how many people walk around here. They can't all be good people, and, y'know…" Aw. She's shy, dude.
Grinning at my friends, I get a good idea! "Aw, man. Who wants to hear about western religions on the outside…?"
"Oh, boy." Maria gives me a blunt look! "Lemme guess, they all kill each other…"
...I nod! "Yes, dude!"
"I- I was joking?" Maria raises a brow!
I shake my head… "I was not, yo."
"I might be less inclined to believe that, actually." Oh, boy. Genkan's gone and done it, dude. "Why would they? For what reason?"
"Oo~h…" Oh man, oh man. "Religions here ain't anything like on the outside…!" I lean towards the table, and start grinnin' big, dude. "All 'a these passive, kinda-sorty pushy religions with actual gods and saints walkin' around to back 'em up. On the outside, there ain't no such thing as a living god, yo. All humans! No miracles, no magic, nothin'."
...At that, Genkan folds her arms! "Oh? Why are there religions in the first place, then?"
"...That pro'lly goes back to like, the dawn 'a youkai, and when gods used to walk the earth." I consider! "As for why they still exist, it's a bit like… everyone just buys this really popular story and accepts it as reality. People desperate fer somethin' that ain't hopeless, monotonous shit."
...Genkan just seems to raise 'er brows, at that!
"Wouldn't more people know better?" Maria wants to take a hit at me, too! "Like… after awhile, you'd think some people'd get lazy, or wanna like… become obsessed with a new story."
Ho ho. "S'pro'lly why we got multiple gihugic religions out there." I consider too, dude. "But some people just never hear of other stories. Some people hold a creed to stickin' to a story, and if they hear anymore, they're freakin' sworn ta lash out! An' some people pour so much 'a their lives into it, it's all they know, so that kinda thing's just, the right thing ta do."
"...I think I'm actually starting to feel Gensokyo is superior to the outside." Genkan figured! "From your arguments alone, that is. My most common assumption was that, outside is full of humans, therefo~re…" She left the rest to implication!
"Seven billion people is too many, yo…" I propose we purge the world…! No- that'd make be a noob king, dude. I propose the world purges itself…!
Most people just kinda fall outta religion 'cause they really do got more important things in their lives, but they also keep kinda-sorta affiliated just 'cause everyone else is. Man, do schools suck at that whole individuality thing…
"Aw. An' then there's the cults, dude." I should've named a plant hanger Heaven's Gate. Man, I always forget that name. I think that's already the name of something in some other game, though… not like that's stopped me before! Maybe Heaven's Drive would be more morbid and fun…
Out of sheer physical anxiety from just standing around and talking, Genkan begins to float around idly! "I can't really recall any dangerous religious activity in Gensokyo." She's still facin' us, though.
flick. Seikatsu exists. "Recall instructions failed. Please say 'Recall beacon register' or 'recall beacon activate' to recall to your pre-programmed destination."
...Oh. Wait, she knows freakin'... recall. The most important of skills, dude. Wait, that could be really useful, actually!
Aw. It is time to discover, dude. "Seikatsu! Recall beacon activate!" Yes, dude!
Maria gets closer to us! "Wait- hold on!"
FWI- WOASH- Woash- woash…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Fwish. Oh- woah. Everything just blurred out…! We're somewhere dark, now...
...Maria is heard in the dark! "Darn. We abandoned the hot spring." Get owned.
By the way, where uh… oh.
We're somewhere in Eientei, I think! I say this, 'cause we're lost in freakin'... somewhere weird.
Unlit halls fit to a hexagonal shaft shape are all around us, big and weirdly made of some kinda rubber-looking material. Where the fuck…
Fvrar. I activate both the flashlight and the sun energy on this big hanger! Aw, yo…
"Recall point operation success." Good job, Seikatsu! We would feed you if you were not metal.
thud. Ha-chan walked into a wall nearby…! "Ow. How's that not floor." Oh…?
Ignoring her insanity, I start walkin'! "Let us go to adventure, dude." We're totally lost!
"Where are we?" Genkan looks intimidated by the weird, lightless nature of this weird warehouse tunnel! "This place doesn't seem… great."
"It's a great place." I assure her. "Maybe even the best, dude."
Yeah it's literally just… I guess the floors and walls aren't rubber, but all six surfaces are totally some kinda flooring, making this place really weird…
We walk for a little while. This is pretty worrying…!
"I don't-..." Maria looks worried! "I don't think we're supposed to be here."
I have a worry. "...Yo, Maria, get yer stop staff ready." Something about these marks on the ground. Pretty sure they don't just drag big square cubes around in here… 'cause the floor's got all these stretched scuff marks that are very intimidating!
"I- I don't know how to stop things yet." She contests!
"Do it anyway, yo. I wanna see it soon, yo." S'just a precaution. I don't like the look of this featureless tunnel, and I wanna be able to stop anything that comes at us!
"I'm scared…" Ha-chan, no. "Where are we going…?"
Maria thrusts her staff into the air! "Stop!"
KA- CLINK! In one moment, big prisms flare out around Ha-chan, fit with weird dials, and- a ring, what the fuck's this magic…!?
Then, it's gone. Ha-chan is… frozen in time. Oh no…!
"I figured it out!" Maria bounces, dude! "Wo~w…! And that-... took a bit outta me…"
KA- KLUNK. What the hell was that.
KA- KAKLUNK. Uh… there's a light coming up behind us. Oh.
"Maria-..." I point behind us. "Look back, cast stop on the light."
"...Why?" Maria is understandably confused but-
"Just do it, now. Right now." This is kinda important because holy shit what is that rail car or something-
KAKLUNK- KAKLUNK- KAKLUNK! Holy shit is that a hell of a rail car-
"St- sto~p!" Seeing the illuminated face of the thing herself, Maria thrusts her a staff out!
KA- KLINK! Uh- woah, that was a lot of prisms.
...Then, she falls over, onto her side. "Nn- ow…"
"Um…!" Eyes wide, Genkan goes to grab Maria! "What's going on…? Brad?"
"Scoop up me and Ha-chan, too." That thing probably will not be stopped for long-
"Woah!" Ha-chan is back, which is not good! "Deja vu, I felt I do this befo~re…"
Pap- pap. Aw, we're grabbed quickly. Still, the glass of this rail car- if we don't smash it, we're in shit! "Genkan, ice, forward, on tha' glass."
Fwi~sh. She does as I say, and gets ice all on the glass. "Now-..." Wait. If this works like Kingdom Hearts- stopped shit won't take damage until it keeps moving- "Freeze us in a ball! Just- right now!"
"Okay." She pulls us tighter, an'-
FWASH. Aw. We are… frozen.
...And then-
KAKLUNK- CRA- CRA- SMA~SH! Yeah, uh, we met the rail car.
Bye, ears. Wow- ow- ngh-...
...Also, we live!
"Wh- what the hell!" Over the whipping wind of an exposed pilot drivers room thing, this grey-haired rabbit girl looks at us from behind the subway car controls! "Who the heck- nh, authorized you to sit on the rails!? I- I coulda fuckin' roadkilled ya, you know!"
...The windshield glass is all over the interior floorin' of the cart, the four of us just kinda scattered on the floor in here! The ice was indeed enough to let us survive that freakin' impact… and now it's all everywhere! Hoh, fuck...
Vuu~m. Seikatsu pays attention to Maria! "Nn-..." Oh- oh. Arms… do not work like that. Well, not that one arm, at least.
"...Gods." Genkan feels at her head- which is bleeding. "Why…" Aw, geez…
I dig through my crap fer a potion- oh, fuck- not the goddamn ankle again, aagh!
Thud. Fuck- ngh, I landed in glass- fu~ck! Damn it, damn it-
"Ahaa~nh!" Ha-chan wails in the background! "It- it hu~huhurts!"
"Ge- geez, hold on!" The lunar bunny begins looking for her own supplies, I think! "I got some uh- meds, just keep still!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
KAKLUNK- KAKLUNK. Let us ride the rails, dude.
I have finally burnt one of my many potions. I'm gonna assume they don't expire, and if they do, it'll be noticeable, I hope!
Maria was still moving her arm about, testing how it felt. "...I- I can still feel that…"
Genkan let out a hollow sigh…! "I instantly regret this. I say we blame Seikatsu."
"What about me, yo…?" If this were a sci-fi fic, you'd be strangling me over recall point ethic!
"You couldn't have known." Genkan defended me… from myself! "Why did she have a place like this programmed into her?"
The cart is a dim, bleak white, as we skid along the weird magnetic system that keeps this tram going. It's a very lonely, cozy ride, and I really like it actually. Y'know, were it not for the fact it almost ran us the fuck over. The glass all over the floor in the room ahead is actually pretty!
...The grey-haired bunny lady's just ignorin' us now, surveying the broken windshield in the main room. "U~gh. That's gonna be like, half this week's pay… or more."
Ha-chan is just snuggled up between me and Genkan, with a blanket around her! Also, this isn't like… a subway-subway car or anything, it's more of a high speed cargo tram. We found blankets and stuff, dude.
"...Eirin, right?" Genkan considered aloud! "I need words with her. I won't stand for this." Ho ho! Oh, man, Genkan actually seems a little pissed…! I can tell, 'cause the seat under her is freezing…
Aw. Steppin' back here with us, the rabbit lunar rabbit bunny rabbit looks us over. "...We got some cookies in the back, you know."
"We knew, but elected to not eat them. You're welcome, dude." I give her the weirdest form of passive-aggressiveness ever!
...Genkan turned ta me. "This irritates me."
I nod at her! "Yeah, this sucked!" I mean, breaking the glass and not dying was pretty fuckin' awesome. "...Y'see what I mean, about shit just arbitrarily killin' ya?"
She lowers her head, a little. "Yes." Hoh, shit…! "And it-... it pisses me off." Yo! "This isn't the first time, but I'm seriously-... we didn't even ask for this. We crawl into the crevices of a vampire's abode and die, I say fair enough. Being warped into a hell dimension and being run over by a giant sliding block, however? Such is unjust." ...An' then she just gestures to the weird hexagonal tube we're in! "Look at this place."
...Maria, Genkan, and Ha-chan are now all curled up knees-to-chest style in their individual seats here! Y'see, between the cargo and the pilot area, there's a few weird seats for passengers…
After a moment, Maria just shakes 'er head. "My heart-... was beating so hard."
"...I know I kinda grin like an idiot whenever this kinda thing happens." I am all smiles. "But it's because I'm rea~lly freakin' nervous now…! Nothin' gets that anxiety kickin' like almost gettin' railed by a rail car! Mmh- lemme freakin' tell ya!"
"Look," the lunar rabbit girl looks done wit' us. "All I can do is ring up management, and give you a little cargo fer compensation. I can't-... I can't undo what just happened." She looks back at the smashed front window! "And lemme tell ya- if I can, I would. Fuck."
...Whelp, it's back to sleeping in beds together after this shit! Man. The moment we began getting bored of lazing around, we nearly get unceremoniously roadkilled. All 'a this after I said the outside sucked, at least there ya don't get rail car'd! Most of the time, anyway...
...Still, I can't deny, not dying was a little fun for me. Man, all this energy! Reminds me of the time I jumped across Gensokyo's atmosphere and broke my legs, and Seikatsu really had a ball patching me back up. I still kind of feel that. Fu~ck, dude. Those pains never go away fully!
Oh? Genkan gets up outta her seat, and-
Ooh. She just, sits next to me. Then, she stuffs my face into her chest, just above her breasts. Wait-
"You can relax." Can- can she really tell that I'm all jittery… "Ah, idea."
After shifting a bit, she pats her lap! "Lie down." Oh… ooo.
...I do as she says, and my energy quickly blends with some kinda tiredness. Like- between the bleak LEDs of this rail car, the darkness of the shaft-... it has a weirdly 'overcast day' sort of feel, to it.
Genkan rests her hands on my head. Like I'm a purse! Her lap is pretty nice…
Uh, ooo. Ha-chan shifts to use my ass as a pillow.
...Maria begins to move over for us! Hoh, shit!
Guess that nap'll come sooner than I thought, 'cause this adrenaline is-... quickly tapering off. Genkan killed it…
…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
CREEA~K. SHOO~F.
Mmh… the fuck. Woah, this-... did I sleep on a freakin' table again…
Oh, no, it's just the plastic benches of this scummy railway tram. Except- right, Genkan's lap is here, and it's nice and soft… in fact- where hell am I amongst this seat!?
Oh. Genkan spread out herself at some point, and my face-... oh. Wow.
Okay, let me describe this shit. Leg to the left 'a me, leg to the right 'a me… and my face, ends right here. Between the legs.
"Nn- nh…" Ha-chan- whah… ah. Ha-chan's still commandered my left asscheek. Maria's curled up in a blanket somewhere behind her.
And-... here I am. It-... smells weird.
Ah, I give up. I rest my head on her inner thigh, near that place.
"Hey." Oh, shit. "Hey, roadkill. Up and at 'em." It's that freakin' bunny…
Where uh, where do I begin. I guess I'll just pull myself from the abyss.
"Nn~h…" Ohp- whelp. Not an option, anymore! Genkan was stirred into stretching. Her thighs kinda compacted together and- "Wh…"
I- I just kinda… look up at her! How the fuck…
Oh- shit. She squeezes tighter- which is okay but, slowly becomes less okay- too much pressure…!
My face ends up rolled right into her, um… area. It's pretty wet- "Nn." She made a noise.
Thu- thud! In the next moment, she swept her legs off the seat thing, and I just flop onto the floor… "Aa- oof." This was however… about expected! Just, lying on my back here…
"Stop fucking around." When'd this bunny girl become a bunny bitch, dude… "My manager's here." That's probably when…!
Also, Ha-chan ended up on the floor with me. "Wha- what happened…!?"
"Ugh." Gettin' up off her seat, Genkan stood up next ta my head… "This seating isn't optimal. My back did not appreciate the plastic-... plastic everything."
"That's too bad." Stepping back, the bunny gestured for the door. "Please, do not keep us waiting."
Freakin'... do they know who I am, dude. I'm the defender of the wibbles. If they don't gimme a hero's discount, the wibbles will die…!
"Wh- ah…" Maria gets up peacefully, like a snuggle friend. "What's up…?"
"You all have to leave." This freakin' bunny girl, dude. I wonder-... nah. I'm just cranky 'cause the seat was kinda jank for me, too! I was thinkin' a bamboozlin' her for a moment, but that'd just make this even messier...
Wigglin' my nose, I feel it over with my hand! Freakin'-... Genkan smelled like something. Speakin' 'a things you don't forget feeling…!
"...Get up." Man, she is sassing us! "Come on."
"Dude." Lemme stop ya right there, dude. "...Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. He had a very shiny noose…!"
"Wh- what the fuck." I have successfully freaked her out! "Just- go…!"
"I- I don't think we should irritate her, any further." Amused but displaced, Genkan starts to just hover ahead…!
"...What're you talking about." Maria was confused by my reference! "No nooses. Nooses're not news."
"What's a noose…? Newspaper?" Ha-chan is a miracle, dude.
We all just kinda shamble outta the rail car, through the pit of cock and we meander on out to u~h, this weird catwalk tram station thing. There's not much out here, aside from metal and rails, and tram controls.
"You." A tall ass, red-haired lunar bunny marches up to us! "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Dying." I shake my head at her… "Look- Eirin's futuristic sex robot here teleported us dead-center 'a yer fuckin' run-people-over machine, an' we wanna sue." Fluffle money, dude.
She props her arms on her hips, and just glares us down. "...Run-what. Well, fine. Ugh. It's so annoying- when, ngh…" Wow. She's had a good day, dude. "Follow me. Don't stray, or I'll have to restrain you." Oof.
Good. Freakin'...
The whole area ahead 'a this catwalk place is dark and fulla' metal shits. The best kind of shit.
Clack, clack. The metal grate-like floor under us clatters as we walk across it. Despite the weird design, it's hung over like… plain rubbery floor that's just inches below it. Not a big fall, dude.
Crea~k. She pushes an ajar, metal bar-composed door open, struttin' on inside. In here, we got the aforementioned metal shit, which is big and weird.
Movin' through the sights, we see various warehouse-like rooms of chassis, weird wheel-equipped base things, and uh, some kinda freakin' array of sawblades just stored on a wall. Gotta put 'em somewhere, dude.
The girls 'n' me all take in the similarly overcast-like gloom of the interior clinic's workshop-y rooms. The ceilings are tall, the walls first of black metal, then of shoddy, industrial complex brick tinted ivory and paste past the two-thirds up from the floor. S'like the bottom of each of these rooms is a tub…
Crea~k. As we pass through one, there's work goin' down!
Fzzt- fzzt! I don't look too long 'cause they got dudes in welding masks doing welding mask things. It's some kinda… artillery cannon mounted on the top of a three-legged, three-wheeled body piece.
"...What is that?" Genkan asks casually. She's curious, dude.
"You're not allowed to know." The red-haired girl escortin' us says no, dude. "Come on."
Movin' on ahead, through more doors, we come up to a big metal one.
"Don't repeat anything you saw today." The girl demands of us! "This leads to the public-grade R 'n' D. If you didn't know where you are, you're in the emergency defense sector."
That turret-on-legs thing was pretty damn big! Like, house-sized! Emergency defense, dude!
"Emergency defense…" Maria echoed that sentiment. "From what?"
...The big bunny rolled her eyes! "What do you mean, 'from what'. From aggressors."
"...Who?" Maria was left with a new question!
"Just- get out, and don't bother anyone on your way out." She waves us off! "And, don't go towards the glass doors. May be public R 'n' D, doesn't mean you can walk into any room labeled 'super goddamn restricted'. Even lookin's not allowed."
"Ye." Okay, I believe you! "So…"
Ah- woah. She just pushes past us when we begin to exit. ...So, I stop in the door, and look back in!
Genkan ushers me out. "No. This place feels dangerous, just while being escorted out." Aw.
"I don't like the u~m… cannons, everywhere." Maria begins the 'point out how many things terrify you' scavenger hunt! Can you name 'em all, dude…!?
"This place is… very far from nature." Genkan shakes her head…
So we get outside!
Clack. The tubby door shuts behind us-
FVR- WHIP. Ooh. It locks up, or something! The exterior of it flashes with some teal-ish lights on the left and right sides, and it's like… it's kinda pretty, actually.
This whole 'department' we got kicked into has weirdly sterile, but homey lighting. Some kinda azure horizon glow exists in these halls, for some reason. There's a buncha soft white and tropical blue lights, around here…
"This at least looks better." Genkan reflected. "It still feels… sterile."
"We're at the beach, dude." Just as I remember it. Like a dentist's office! Aw- my dentist had these freakin' weird pictures of seahorses and cartoony watery stuff on the walls. This place reminds me a little of it, for some reason!
"Uh huh." Maria accepts this fact! "...We might wanna, uhm… find some non-hostile life, or something."
It's a weirdly… I keep sayin' it, but this feels like a weirdly overcast experience! Not that we can really see the sun from in here. Must be all the sterile lights...
"What would they have to defend from, here?" Maria turns to me innocently…
"Honestly, that's a good question!" I really dunno. "Lunar chicks from the moon? They do got some drama with the moon itself, an' everything… and maybe like, big machines." I kinda said the last one without thinking!
"...Big machines." Genkan somehow catches that! "I do know that there is some kind of lunar refugee situation here. But… otherwise, the details are vague to me." Hoh. "I don't think they would be getting attacked by their own… 'big machines', however." Oof…!
"Dude- only the biggest machines. They got so big, 'cause they ate all the other machines!" I commit though, dude! Survival of the machine-est!
Genkan snorts! "...That is not how machines work, I'm pretty sure. You would know more than either of us."
"I know how machines work!" But then there's Ha-chan! "...They move!"
...Meandering ahead, Genkan holds onto her own face, fer a moment! "Brilliant observation as always, Hana. Tell me, do you know where we are?"
"The hospital!" Ha-chan-... is not technically wrong, I think. Clinic, hospital, same thing… "They don't treat fairies very well, here…" Oh?
"Probably because you just respawn, and have no money." Genkan summarized!
Movin' forward herself, she leads us down into a weird lobby between these glass door-sealed rooms. It's got blue couches in the center, and very weird pastel blue, bright lights…
...We all immediately act like assholes, and huddle around a see-through glass door! "Uh- well…" Genkan seems to have immediately forgotten the golden rule, dude. "Ah. We've not been slain for insolence, yet."
What's goin' on in here, yo~. Lemme see…
Bunnies in lab coats, dude. With big boobies and glossy spectacles.
Man, these labs with the black counters immediately remind me of like, the crappy science desks at my school. Except, these all are well-polished and well lit! Which, is also a weird far-cry from the emergency division, which looked all crapped out.
While the tall rabbits did nothing interesting, I grazed my gaze around the room…
Ah. They just got a freakin'... big rabbit chained up in place, back here. She's got a weird grey… sleeveless suit thing on, and her arms strapped onto a big, wheelable sheet of metal. It looks like something that belongs in the emergency division!
It looks like they've applied bandages to her, or something, 'cause that suit's ripped up in places, and there's crimson crap spattered along the metal.
"...What do they do, here?" Genkan questions aloud!
Hoh, shit! That grey rabbit girl- she's got these like iron bolts up the lower sides of her cheeks! Jeez…!
"Didn't think Eirin'd have a literal frankenstein here…!" She's pretty much just freakin' Frankenstein!
...Oh, shit, one 'a the boobie bunnies looked this way!
Cla- clack, clack! We scramble to skedaddle! "Yo- uh…!" Everyone else has the right idea, so I don't even gotta tell 'em!
We all seem to follow Maria, who's just freakin' zippity'd on ahead of us.
Shi~f. Somewhere behind us, the glass door's heard sliding open! Aaa~h, aaa~h!
...I dunno where we've stopped! Somewhere down the blue halls of weirdly refreshing gloom…
"Hey." Wh- wohohoa~h, shit…! A hand rests on my shoulder, even with the distance we gained!
...It's one 'a the dusty rose haired scientists bunny chicks. She's almost as tall as me!
"Hi." I greet the scientist lady, 'cause she looks imposin'... "You're fluffy."
She furrows her brows. "Are the… four of you, supposed to be back here? I don't think you're qualified, to do much more than pass through."
"Which is what we're doin'." I defend our right to walk! "Who~ you, dude."
"I saw you looking in." Wh- this is her…!? "Where is your clearance?"
"...Home." I give the good reply. "Actually- it should be in these pants, lemme just…"I start searchin' my toyota miko skirt fer no reason.
Uh, woah. Steppin' forward, she puts a hand on my white 'n' purple dress thing! "I can look for it for you. Not that you have it." Didn't I actually have a card that Eirin gave me, once? Don't I got like, fluff nugget clearance or somethin'!?
Do they know my name here, yo!? "...S'me, Brad! Y'know- the guy? Outsider man!?"
"...No." Oh. Ah- holy shit-
Woosh! She pulls on me, and I'm just tossed into the air. "Uuh- gh- mmm!" What the fuck. That was the sound of me being manhandled-
Thud! Ow! Jesus!
"Alright." She's already over me, as I try to get back up… and wow that was a hell of a throw! I went pretty far down this damn hall- and, my joints hurt now!
flick. Vuu~m. Seikatsu starts healin' me, while I sit on the floor. Hi...
The bunny girl turns to it. "Hmm…!?"
Clo~ng. She plows a fist into it! Dude- Eientei scientists are swole! "Hmh."
Clo- clo- clong. She tried striking pressure points, or some shit. Robots don't got pressure, son.
"This technology…?" She takes a step back from it, bewildered! "What department was this thieved from!?"
Thieved!? Son. "Freakin'- get us eh- Ei~rin!" Teapot piss! Wh- tasukette, or however the meme went… like soup kettle. Ah- Tasukete, right.
"Please, be quiet." She turns to me, and frowns…! "I'll need to examine-"
"Hostile actions detected." Aw, go Seikatsu! "Self-defense procedure stage one."
The bunny chick flicks herself to face it-
za- zap. Seikatu's folded her torso skin up, and a little prong stuck out.
"Ebh- aa- aa- aah…!" Her limbs tensin' up, the bunny girl stops in place!
...thud. Aw. She fell back, onto her-... back. Her back ass, as opposed to her front ass. Freakin', after all of this, I'm only just getting back onto my legs!
Fwish. Woah! Back up in the next moment, she's racin' through her pockets. "I- I'm going to need to call backup-"
FWASH. Then, she's frozen. Uh oh…
Zap- zap! Ha-chan comes up and whacks her arm against the ice, and zaps it!
"Let's go…" Genkan zips up to me, gives me a blunt request, and- aw, dude! She's got those tiny fans out! And- woah!
Scooping me up, she just zoops off! Holy shit we're going fast...!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We all convened together at some point, when we all ran far enough…
Fortunately, we're somewhere more mundane lookin'. Like, the outlyin' dormitory areas, instead of the big dry interior halls.
"This place-... is mean." Maria concludes! "Are you okay, Brad?"
"Freakin'-... yeah!" All I did was get tossed like-... ten feet away. It kinda hurt good, but it wasn't like, the end of the world or anything. It still took me like, until she was frozen to get off my ass, though, 'cause oof.
"I mean, you were thrown pretty good." Maria reasons, as we kinda walk along in this-... hall. More on the hall at eleven, yo. "Unless, you're so light that that kinda thing doesn't bother you as much."
It's the kinda thing I'd be afraid of doing, but it wasn't so bad when it just up and happened. More like my mind hardly processed it! "I dunno, I guess…"
By the way, Genkan's still just carryin' me. It's weirdly fun, but…! "Hi." I wave at her, dude.
...She looks over me all snug-like. "Hi." Uh oh.
"See what I mean!?" Ha-chan suddenly blurts out! "Sometimes this place is mean!"
"...Sometimes?" Maria questions the premise, dude.
So, this hall… is really out there, by comparison to Eientei's other halls.
It's really tall. Like, really tall. This entire hallway is two floors, but down the middle, the second floor gives away to some empty space, barred off by little, red metal rails. We passed the stairs up, so we're in the slightly darker lower area…
The floor's all natural lookin' wood, and the walls are all paper sliders of doom.
"Y'know what this reminds me of?" I'm kinda relaxed… "The Weather Channel."
"...The what?" Genkan-... oh, right. Uh oh. Oh, fuck…! I've caused a glitch in the matrix, dude! "Weather… channel? As in, a duct… that channels weather?" You know, that's not technically wrong, in a way. If by 'duct', you mean 'TV', and by 'channels', you mean 'talks about it through a channel'!
"It'sa~... anotha' picture thing, where people talk about the weather with images and words." I realize the essence of summarizing complex technology. "But there's this really creepy smooth jazz when it shows images of like, weather predicted to come!"
...Maria focuses on me! "Images of the Dragon God Statue?" Oh, boy. I don't think I'll be able to explain meteorology, though… s'the study of meteors!
"What's creepy about jazz…?" Genkan's got a different question entirely!
"I don't think I can explain the horrors…!" I communicate my sorrow! Wait. "Actually-... I wonder. Do ya think Eientei has televisions?" Du~de…! We can watch the weather channel! Aw.
"A what." Maria looks confused. Woah, no. "There's a lotta science stuff, and that sounds sciency, so probably."
"...I'm going to say no, but I don't actually know." Genkan is also lost. Oof. Well, we'll see, yo.
Some of the doors around us are open, revealing dim rooms, with lighting. Sometimes lights on, sometimes lights off!
Ohp- dude. I see a TV in one! Aaw. Unless we conquer their room, we will not gain access to that TV…
But, Genkan's got me freakin' held so, I'm not really in a position to go raid the open room. Maybe we'll find a lobby with a public one, and I'll get to molest it!
There's something nice about the indoor lighting, after we've spent awhile in the weird hybrid the Myouren Temple was. Ho~h…
Aw. At the end of the lower floor, we do come to a public lobby. It's oriented different than I thought, with a buncha kotatsus around, and some fluffy chairs… and no lights are on other than the TV, and the weird dim blue coming from the nearby halls. Like it's dusk or dawn, but it's not!
There's a buncha lunar bunnies and earth rabbits just kinda starin' at that TV, too! They're varying shades 'a undressed, mostly in these tank tops an' jeans fer the lunar bunnies, and the regular rabbit folk are just wearing whatever. Cloth and dresses an' rags 'n' shit!
"Who're you callin' blockhead, blockhead…" There's some dumb show on the television people're only half paying attention to!
"You, yo~u skinny mothafucka'. Why didn't ya tell me the time-..." I start to tune it out, 'cause they're just being gongsters.
...Oh. Maria an' Genkan're captivated, instantly, however! An' Genkan speaks ta me about it. "Brad-... is that a television?"
No, yo. "Yeah, yo! The good picture device. It just kinda plays shows that are on, on a given u~h… channel, which is transmitted from a broadcast station."
"...Transmitted?" Yeah, Genkan is not gonna know what that means…! "When did technology like this happen?"
...I mean, in Earth developments, probably like sixty years ago or something. Eirin-wise, I dunno, we might've had something similar a freakin' while ago!
"Awhile ago, in other places!" But I'll keep it short and simple! "Like, some decades ago… sixty years fer humanity, on the outside."
"...Huh." Genkan's just kinda displaced! "Really. That's… sort of intimidating, actually. I was born around sixty years ago." Ho ho ho! "I've spent my life with books and plays… and ice."
Ba- ba- bang! The gangsters on the TV start shootin' each other! There's no blood, they just flinch and fall over. It's the good classic.
"Wo~w…" Maria starts to approach it! "Did this actually happen? The thing on the… box, I mean."
Oh, yeah. "Well, movies are like… books, but in video form, and videos are just a series of movin' images framed together so quick and fast that it gives the illusion 'a somethin' actually happenin'. If ya had spidey senses, you could pro'lly tell that the frame rate on the TV is lower than that 'a real life, which don't have a frame rate! Ah- and by frame rate, I mean, frames per second."
...The girls just look fluffy fer a moment, before I continue! "Which reminds me, films got like… twenty four frames every second? And a lotta modern video games display sixty frames per second."
"Maria was wrong. You shouldn't be a magician." Genkan began…! "You should be a-... a technomancer." Son. "Is that what it's called?"
Freakin'... I grin up at 'er! "Well, on the outside world we call 'em 'dead-end IT code monkeys', or if they're really good at their jobs, 'computer scientists'."
If a dead-end IT code monkey was gapped into Gensokyo, he could probably do some awesome shit with projectors, noise makers and pictures. It'd be like illusion magic, but without the magic! So, just illusions! Dude- what if his main weapon was a projector trolley…!?
"I think the Gensokyo equivalent of good programmers, is good magicians." I suppose to Genkan. "Like Patchy, at the Scarletvania!"
"Who?" Uh oh. Genkan forgot her name!
"The uuh, purple mage, at the mansion." I make it easier, dude.
She knows! "Oh." Hoh…
"What the heck's goin' on here…"
Oh! Aw, we found a rabbit friend, dude!
Tewi saunters from the gloomy couches ahead of us, in her pink dress thing. "A yuki-onna carryin' around a dude. If yer not takin' him to get frost-boiled, I'm gonna hafta eat a carrot."
Her sudden attention on us made Genkan pause! "...I- I mean, what is it to you? So far, everyone else has been ignoring us."
"Yeah, well I ain't, 'cause yuki-onna don't just carry around dudes for sport!" Tewi remarked! "It's generally a hate-hate relationship all around! Actually, the hell's a yuki-onna even doin' in here!?"
"...Carrying a dude." Hearing Genkan say 'dude' is a weird but appealing situation!
"S'almost like sayin' an oni's knittin' a sweater. It's theoretically possible, but it just doesn't happen!" Tewi refuses to believe, dude.
...Also, I dunno, hundreds of years to live in a cave is a long time, dude.
"I'm a dude." I help. I also wave!
"Great!" Tewi sizes me up! "Actually, I feel like I've seen ya before…"
Ha-chan romps up with a throw pillow from one of the couches! An' then-
fwoof. She hits Tewi with it hard enough for it to whirl away! "Noo~."
"It's you!" Leapin' back a little at that, Tewi points at her! "...Oh, yeah! I gave ya those horny pills! How'd ya like 'em…?"
Wait. Was she the source of the catastrophe of fifty chapters ago!?
"Son." I lean, and leer down at 'er…! "I got a boner to Tenshi vomiting, from that."
...Tewi gives me a bewildered look! "Whah."
"Horny pills?" Genkan, no. "When was this?"
Fifty chapters ago. Multiple hours ago, for binge readers, like a year or two ago for the writer, and chronologically like either a few weeks or a month ago! "Maybe a month ago…!?"
...Ahead, Maria's deviated from us to get closer to the tee vee.
"He~y…" From the couch nearby, this other short rabbit girl struts up to her! "Fancy meetin' you 'round here." This chick's ginger, and she's got freckles, dude.
"...Hi?" Maria faces her fluffily. "Who're you?"
She looks quite mingle-y, making her intent probably obvious. "Name's Una. And you?"
"...Maria?" She's more confused by the rabbit approachin' her at all! "Why?"
"Nothin, no reason. I just don't see a human 'round these parts often, is all." Una shifts her arms behind her own back… "You lost?"
Lookin' back over at us, Maria nods! "Um, technically."
Aw- ah, aw dude. "Yo Genkan, let me down for a moment… I see a thing."
She puts me on my legs! "A thing?"
...Coming up to a nearby couch, I crouch down. There's a fin sticking out from under it…
fwoof. I pull on it, and I get a fluffle! "wat how did i found" Yes, dude!
Standing up, I move back ta Una, and bring the nugget towards her, letting it curl up in my hands. "Let's float on a loaf, dude."
"im a vulture" The fluffle assures her, once I snuggle it in towards her face.
Una has ginger hair, and freckles. Oh my god, dude. "Wh- nnh…!?" She fluffs up at the fluffle! "Achoo!"
fwoof. She sneezed it out of my hands! Now it's on the floor. "im a scootaloo n so are u"
fwoo- fwoof! Tewi lunges down for it as it tries to scurry, but she's faster, and she gets it, dude. "Ahah. Freaking… cuddlebug."
I like how many lunar rabbits there are here just in tank tops and casual shit. We're gettin' some stares on principle, but others are too tired to look away from their programmed viewing. Hoh…
"These-... are your friends, are they?" Una looks us up an' down! "They're… even more outta place than you are."
"Yeah- what is this, random generation." Tewi looks over our party again! "A yuki-onna, a fairy and two humans."
"It's a long story." Genkan explains completely! "What is it, to you?"
"Ya already asked that." Tewi criticizes her! "It's everything ta me! 'Cause it's weird!"
woosh. She leapt into Genkan's arms, and she caught her on reflex! "Carry me, toots!"
Thud. Genkan then proceeded ta drop her, yo. "No."
I wanted to change the TV to the weather channel, but so many chicks're watchin' it that I'm pretty sure my head'll pop off if I do it directly. Wait, is there a remote…?
Ooh. There is. It's between two fluffy lunar rabbit girls. I've gotta pull off some ninja shit if I wanna get it…!
"Keep tha' change, ya filthy animal!" Freakin' gongster movie, dude. I just realized, but it has Japanese subtitles…
Let's see. What ways could I go about gettin' that remote!? I think just walking up to them is not possible.
"Hey, Genkan." I near her, and point at the remote! "You see that remote…?"
"...That what?" Genkan, no! Wau~...
Alright… let's do this my way, then!
Walkin' up to the side of the remote-laden couch, I crack my knuckles-
Kri- kra- krack. Oo~h, god! I haven't done that in a long ass time, apparently! Ow…!
"...That was a particularly unhealthy noise." Genkan notes!
"Pft- oo~h…" Tewi chuckled at me!
Aw. That reminds me to crack my neck! Bringin' up my hands, I use 'em to give my head the good tilt to the right-
Cra- cra- crack- crack. Four. Four cracks. Holy shit, that felt freakin'...
Genkan looks worried! "Are you okay?"
"Yea~h, yo." I tell 'er! Alright…
There's like three bunnies on this couch, two of the lunar tall girl variety, and one munchkin. Between the lunar chicks is the remote, which has a little red light on the tip of it. They look tired enough to be surprised by anything, dude.
While everyone's idle in the background, I decide to commit to my master plan.
"Hu~p…" Luggin' myself up, I climb onto the couch's right rest, and then try to walk cat-style across the backboard of it…!
"Wh- what the hell…" Oh, shit! A red-headed bunny chick realizes immediately! "What."
Oh- holy shit, avoiding clipping her head was hard! I'm like- on all fours as I fuckin' scraggle along the backboard, here…!
Anyway, remote! I lunge down to steal it, letting the backboard sink into my already non-existent gut a little after I shift a full ninety degrees. I'm tryin'a dig my knees inta it fer leverage-
Pap- pap. Oh, fuck. I feel hands on both of my arms, which're pushing between these two couch cushions…! "Are you fucking serious." The dark red-haired bunny girl glares over at me! And then-
Woosh! Oh shit ho~h shit- I have been tugged forward, off of the couch. Oh man this is gonna fucking hurt-
woosh. As I'm flipped forward, I toss the remote back into oblivion! Be free!
WHAM! ow- ow… I- I ended up on my ass, and back.
The earth green-haired bunny relaxes back in her seat afterward... while the maroon-haired one just prods at my stomach with her foot. "What the hell's a guy doing here? A human guy, at that…"
"Tried to steal the… damn remote…" The earth green bunny just sounds outta it. "Why~."
...The blue tank-top clad bunny over me tries to roll me over with her foot, but gives up midway. Also, ow. "Pftuh. Well…" Kneeling down she- woah! Picks me up…!? "Nice. See ya, Chieko."
"Ahah. Bye…" Chieko waves her off lazily, as the maroon-haired bunny carries me off…!?
And then Genkan's in the next hall transition, stopping us from leaving! "Hi."
"Whah…" The maroon-haired bunny tries to round her gingerly, but Genkan shifts to block her! "What the hell is a yuki-onna doing here."
Genkan moves to take me back. "This." Hoh. Freakin'- people are trying to steal me, dude-
WHUNK. Oh, shit! I dunno what happened, but I'm back in the maroon rabbit's arms! "Ah, fuck off. I'm too tired to deal with this..."
Now on her ass, Genkan glares up at us…!? "Nh- you- dare…!?"
"Uh huh." The bunny nods down at her lazily. "Like I'd hand a human to a yuki-onna..."
Whap! Suddenly, Genkan breaks into a mad breakdancing spin, throwing the rabbit off her feet! "Hnn~h!" Oh- shit-
WHAM! I fall into her legs, and we both get fucked up! "Ah- ow!" Oww~!
WHAM! The rabbit suddenly kicks her from the floor, now on her own side! "Fh- fhuck you!" She hit Genkan in the gut, makin' her slide back, and flop over awkwardly-
WOOSH! I keep to the floor, as Genkan snaps back upside down, an' starts spinning again! "Nngh!" Aa~h, aa~h!
WHAM- WHAM- WHAM- WHAM! It's a fucking endless cycle of knockback and violence! Hahaha~nh! Someone- get me outta he~re!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Fwash. Maria slams Genkan with a wall of ice magic, as she holds herself in the gut…! "Greedy-... hare."
"Mmgh…" The maroon rabbit's now drinkin' from a can of beer! "Ha~h. Ow…"
"When the hell'd a yuki-onna learn Rising Rotor…" Tewi looks very offput! "Like, holy fuck! It's opposite day!"
...I'm just standin' between them all! "The hell's a rising rotor. Wait-..." It was a move on the good tiny fans!
"It's a sick breakdancin' move." Tewi remarks! "I came up with it, when breakdancin' first hit the scene, y'know! But there's literally no reason a yuki-onna would ever even wanna do it!"
"It- seemed like a dangerous physical move…" Genkan remarks! "But-... maybe I shouldn't use it…"
"Yeah- you coulda just freezed rape-chan over here." Tewi gestured to the maroon rabbit! "Rotor's a better move if you actually know how ta breakdance!" Rape-chan…!?
"It's also fucking annoying." The maroon-haired 'rape-chan' remarked, as she recovered! "With the little shits, I can just kick them enough and out-endure them. ...I've never met a yuki-onna before, but I think I already hate them."
...Genkan just glares 'er down!
Aw. I look back at the TV. Yo- dude! Some guy just got thrown into the roof, on it! And now it's in Japanese high school! This is the best gangster drama ever!
"Blizzara!" Maria yells!
FWA- FWASH! Most of the spreadshot of icy snowflakes from 'er cast roar into Genkan's form, and become one with her…
Fwa~sh. One hits the maroon bunny's beer! Now it's frozen. "Ah- nngh…!" Her whole body tensing up, she reels the can back- and tosses it at Maria-
CLACK. Ooh. That Una rabbit girl stops it, with her hand! "Hey."
"Ah- Una, you horny bitch." The maroon-haired rabbit flexes her fingers, and comes closer! "Now I have to make a point, you know."
"Y'know how much that would've hurt?" Smiling nervously, Una steps back, and the two hare-related chicks leave us! "Toki-chan?"
"Yeah. That's why I did it." Toki advances just as fast as Una un-advances! Regresses…! "Now I gotta hurt you and her."
thump. Una's back hits the well she was backin' towards, and then-
Click! She clicked her hand that held the beer can, and it ended up flickin' into the air, spinnin' wildly!
Both chicks froze as it whirled around, some of the partially unfrozen beer spattering out through the uneven cracks in the can…
Clack! Una flicked her leg up, kicking it straight up!
CLA- CRACK! It hit Toki's head, and exploded. Holy shit. It let out a fuckin' beer explosion!
...Thud. Oh- dude! Toki just fell back, onto her ass! "Fu- fhuck…" Holy shit! "I- I… ghive up…"
"Pft- hahaha~h!" Tewi got a kick outta that! "Was a real kicker, wasn't it!? Hehaha~h, shit!"
"I- I can't believe that worked." Una confessed! Aw, man, earth rabbits are pretty alright, dude!
"Man, yo…" I nodded at the grand event... "If only I was a freakin' sly trickster." I wouldn't need so many nuke weapons! I coulda changed the channel to the weather channel, and bamboozled the angry bunnies, and it woulda been good.
"What would she have done, if she just left with him?" Genkan wondered aloud, to make us all hate the bunny more.
Tewi gave her a blunt look. "Fucked 'em, of course. Ya know how pent up, she was? And, I dunno what you think we're all about over here, but we are all horny as fuck! We- we're rabbits, girl!"
...Tewi also looks back at me! "Also, I saw ya try somethin' sly there, but it was more ass-backwards ridiculous than it was clever. Ya had the right idea, maybe, not really." Oof…!
Reachin' into her pocket, she dug fer somethin'. "Actually let's see here…"
If I remember correctly, Eirin told me something specific about not fucking rabbits. Not that it was on the agenda anyway, but uh-
"Nnh." Toki slowly sat up… "Tewi~."
"Yo." Tewi replied idly, while diggin' through her dress. "Ah- oh, shit…"
CLO~NG. She drew an anchor from her pocket! "Fucking thing always gettin' in the way. Stay there." Was there ever an event where the anchor didn't stay.
"Do you think- ah, that Eirin's finished reinforcing Eisuke's pelvis, ye~t…" Toki asks…!?
Tewi snorts, as she keeps diggin'! "Y'know how low priority, that i~s? Eirin'll pro'lly wait 'n' see if ya refuse the swole dudes, and then give 'em the metal hips. Ya could just not pick the scrawny boys…"
"It's not my fault his dick's still bigger than theirs…" Toki slowly got up… "Ugh. I- I, nnh…" She is freakin' bothered! "Damn i~t. I'd rape one of your little shitty manlets, but fuck are they annoying…"
"Yea~h. That's why ya just happened to lose the drugs that specifically made dude's dicks bigger…" Tewi remarked…!? "Ah, yeah. You could just use the male attachment thing for your chick lady friends, too. Sure they'd get a kick outta it."
"Hmph." Toki just huffs, all fluffy now.
...Both Genkan an' Maria look offset!
Finally, Tewi drew the thing she was diggin' for! "There. Found my repository of these things."
Aw. It's a little carrot medallion necklace, dude. "Hoh. What's this…?"
"It's a funny little trainin' necklace I pass onto all the newborn rabbits." Tewi clarified! Then, she points at me! "I'm givin' one to you, 'cause you're about as together as one." Oof…!
Training necklace. Here, little rabbits, this is how you wear a necklace.
I put on the training noose. "Good. Freakin'-" Ooh. Oh, woah…!
whi~sh. My body shivers a little, a cold wind rollin' past my form! And, all of a sudden, it's like my body is just, multiple times lighter…!
Dartin' ahead- I end up stoppin' myself, 'cause I ended up at the wall ahead almost! "Holy crap…" Behind myself, I can like, see how the air that came off me blew onto shit!
Reachin' into my bag, I start takin' out a hanger- and then the speed is gone, and I get heavier, somehow. "What, no."
Tewi shakes her head! "Y'can't be holdin' nothin'. It's supposed ta help the little 'n' dumb ones get less little and less dumb! Don't really learn evasion skills if ya got a knife or a gun, even though havin' those skills would like, help use weapons better. Ain't psychology great?"
Oh, man. So you mean… this medallion is for running the fuck away and nothing else.
"I can only run with it, huh…" I slide away Lion's Lindworm 'fore I even take it out. "Kinda, uh… kinda lame, huh. Although, it is really fast..." Hmm!
"Nice gut reaction, y'ingrateful little shit." Oh, shit. "I'm gonna whomp ya, now, so you can see how useful it really is!" Oh shit! I riled 'er up, dude! "C'mere!" Woah no!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 92
Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Robot Demolisher, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Factory Disassembler, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Conscientious Party Member, Winter Warrior, Village Revolutionary, Has Forgotten What Half of These Titles Stood For, Holder of Too Many Titles - Aw, Genkan gave me a summary! I can change elements, skills and resistances depending on the situation! Weaknesses vary…!
NON-EQUIP SKILLS:
Lucky Star - Non-elemental magic that does very random damage to one target. The star is summoned from above, and simply coasts into people.
Scent Pillow - A spell taught by Koakuma. The end-game strat, dude.
World's Wimpiest Fireball - A spell learned from a book given ta me by Patchouli. Not very good for anything…! May dry out targets.
Lumen - Low-grade holy spell that eats mana. Requires a source of holy to actually be cast. Homes in on an enemy and deals a burst of mediocre holy damage.
Double Jump - The good skill. Allows the user to completely cancel their falling momentum and jump again.
NERF Marauder Combo - A wimpy, back-and-forth slapping motion, one hand on the very bottom tip of a hanger's handle. Relies on the weapon itself to just bean a person's head! The way it works allows attacks to be chained together easier.
Combo Length - Brad's combo length without equips is one. He's really good at this, dude.
Reflex IX-1 - No strike combo finisher! Reeling the plant hanger over his head, Brad charges it with magic and just fuckin' whunks it down like a club! Weapon effects are stronger. Attack is stronger with great hangers. Known as Cleave to swordsmen…!
Secret Strike AS-1 - One strike combo finisher. After a single swing, Brad can drive the hanger back under the arm that swung it, pivoting himself around and getting in a sneaky gut thrust on an opponent with the weapon's tip. Works best with great hangers. May hit twice. Known as Tonfa Turnaround.
Barrel Break IX-2 - Two strike combo finisher. Reeling the hanger back like a bat, Brad freakin' clubs a guy across the head with it! Or, tries to. Stagger and knockback potential! Known as Batter Up to people who aren't Brad!
Switch Shot EX-3 - Critical move. Learned in a moment, after being inspired by Shou's tonfa-related technique. Seeing an opportunity, Brad uses the back of a plant hanger's screw region to pull an opponent past himself by the neck, before rolling the hanger over and into their head. Works best on weaker foes. Known otherwise as Essence of Tonfa * Third Gear. Works best with smaller hangers.
INVENTORY:
= = ► EQUIPPED ITEMS:
WEAPON: Fallen Comrade
HEAD: Toyosatomimi's Earmuffs
TORSO: Toyosatomimi's Regalia
PANTS: [Toyosatomimi's Regalia]
SHOES: [Toyosatomimi's Regalia]
MISC ONE: Toyosatomimi's Cape
MISC TWO: MP Prize Badge
MISC THREE: None.
RESULTING STATUS:
50% darkness resistant
Morale - Survives lethal blows when over half health.
Brave - Resistant to crits, and crits more often.
200% Dispel resistant
100% Silencing resistant
Sound protection.
Moderately improved defense.
Extended prize grab radius.
MP Prizes drop.
Combo Plus from Toyosatomimi's Cape. Combo length is now two.
Combo Plus from most great hangers. Combo length is now three.
= = ►[Bag of Holding] - The best piece of equipment…! It's good, dude! Infinite enough inventory space!
==o==
= ►WEAPONS:
Fallen Comrade - Great hanger made of three smaller ones. Sharper Than Darkness is at the front edge of it with the sickle facing out, and Swordbreaker is along the broad front edge to engage blades. Hard Winter makes up the backbone of the thing and the hilt so that it's actually wieldy! Dark, ice, earth elemental weapon.
STATS:
Slightly debuffs target's physical attack on impact.
50% darkness resistance when wielded.
Attacks are darkness elemental.
Sickle end may make opponents bleed.
SKILLS:
Revenge - Skill that increases in strength when health is lower. Power doubles for each deceased party member. Power is increased by fifty percent for each defeated party member. Fairies count as defeated rather than deceased no matter what. Power and effects depend on current weapon. High accuracy.
Bloody Mess - User bleeds faster and longer. Oof!
Jack Hammer - Y'know, I have no idea if this still works with it as is…!
Generic Buff - Channeling mana into the hanger gives the user a marginal increase in physical stats. Moderate increase to physical defense and offense.
Pulse - Basic dark magic, which creates an influx of dark magic in an enemy's form and stresses their whole body. Reduces magic attack.
Gaia Seed - Basic earth magic which intensifies Earth's pull a little. May make targets slightly tired.
Gaia Bloom - Advanced earth magic, which intensifies Earth's pull, with multiple instances of hazy earth magic. Makes the target tired.
Tundra - Crate-sized spike of ice that erupts under people and throws them off balance. I suppose it'd hurt if you fell on it. Basic ice attack.
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, before initializing fully by flash-freezing the air all around them.
Combo Plus - User artificially gets an extra hit. Can be canceled out of.
Combo Jump - User cancels out of combos easily.
Frost Trail - User leaves frost in their trail while jumping.
=o=
Lion's Lindworm - Hanger made of the good harp and a guitar hanger thing! It's pretty good, dude! It's- it's also windy, dude...
STATS:
Boosts the power of Wind skills.
SKILLS:
Gust - Basic wind magic. Pushes the feeble. Fee~ble…!
Fairy Dust - Weapon status effect replaced with fairy dust. Wind attacks with this weapon get fairy dust all over the enemy, reducing accuracy and senses.
Sick Ill Harp Cords - Get ready for my next great mixtape…!
Combo Plus - User artificially gets an extra hit. Can be canceled out of. Obtained with combo technology!
Aerial Plus - Forced aerial support! It's vaguely easier to hit aerial foes with it! Obtained with combo technology!
Combo Jump - Allows the user to transition to jumping while mid-attack.
Combo Air Slide - Allows the user to transition to air sliding while mid-attack.
Aero Finish - Combo finishers deal air-toss status, artificially blowing foes into the air. Works best on human-weight foes.
Auto-Sucker - When this weapon is equipped, Brad will always lash out with it immediately.
=o=
Red Scare - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of purplish-red gems and crimson metals. Boosts the power of fire skills. Also's got the good NERF gun attached now!
STATS:
Danmaku confuses the target.
Danmaku degrades the target's luck.
Danmaku may berserk the target.
Ignites things with physical impacts.
May berserk targets on physical impact.
SKILLS:
Hellfire Plume - A jet of hellfire. Berserks the targets, and isn't put out as easily. Not quite a grease fire, but unless it's totally frozen into oblivion, it ain't goin' out! Obeys fire resistance like any fire, though.
Fume - Makes hot air fume from the earth below. Might sear the feeble.
Berserk - Non-damaging fire spell which berserks a target for awhile. Can be removed with water or ice stuff!
Danmaku Adaptability - Now that there's a NERF gun on it I can shoot the good danmaku dude.
=o=
Deep Blue - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Boosts the power of water skills.
SKILLS:
Freakin' Leaks! - Can produce limitless fresh hanger water…!
Geyser - Basic water attack. Gush of water erupts from the earth and might fling the feeble…!
Valve - I can control the water flow with this!
=o=
Bee-Fitty-Fore-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Made of a lot of weird freakin' parts and stick bits and piston things. Has a NERF gun slapped onto it too!
STATS:
Danmaku explodes, dealing knockback and splash damage.
Accuracy falls moderately when used to fire danmaku.
SKILLS:
Boom - Hitting stuff makes booms!
Danmaku Adaptability - Can also shoot the good danmaku, dude.
=o=
Fragile Flower - A cute hanger with floral designs and light colors. Aesthetically pleasing!
SKILLS:
Enfeebled - Wielder has halved physical defense and offense.
Cleanse - Basic healing skill which cleanses one target of all debuffs or status problems.
=o=
Dream Hanger - Non-elemental hanger. Black and unassuming metal. Currently balanced, and easy for Brad to use. Has innate magical properties to it.
STATS:
Increases accuracy slightly. Somehow…? So said Genkan.
10% instant death resistance. Hoh…!
=o=
One Million Revenants - Great hanger. Sun, holy, electric weapon. Market Gardener acts as the hilt, followed by Flandre Scarlet's modified Million Bucks. On the tip 'a them, the purple hilty bit of the Headless Horseman's Hanger is there, and Youkai Inconveniencer is tied to it like a flail!
STATS:
Hanger is warm like the sun on contact. Glows in the dark…!
25% Dark resistance.
Boosts the power of sun skills.
Boosts the power of holy skills.
Lowers user's defense slightly.
Attacks are electric and holy elemental.
Farther two thirds of the weapon phase through matter. More reliable the more magic is in the weapon.
Attacks can become magical rather than physical, with more mana in the weapon.
Critical hits during blast jumps.
Youkai Inconveniencer (holy hanger tied to the main body) sometimes deals a second instance of physical holy damage per attack.
SKILLS:
Headless - Summons pumpkin-head danmaku from nowhere to assault targets. One spawns every combo-finisher!
Combo Plus - User gets one more melee attack!
Critical Plus - User gets critical attacks more often!
Magic Attack - Physical attacks phase through targets and do magical damage. Makes chaining together attacks way easier.
Magic Attack - Physical attacks are converted to magic attacks, and fluidly pass through objects.
Flash - Blinding magic. Works best on dark-elementals, but also works on youkai. Humans don't resist it, so it still works on them, with reduced efficiency.
Flashlight - It's a flashlight! Might blind dark youkai, I dunno…
Shine - Basic holy magic. Generates a holy orb in the target's body, randomly battering them with a raw holy gush.
Saturn - Electric holy magic. Creates an expanding shockwave of electricity and holy light in an enemy's form.
Panic Attack! - Run faster when health is lower!
Combo Jump - Allows the user to transition to jumping while mid-attack.
Aerial Plus - Forced aerial support! It's vaguely easier to hit aerial foes with it!
Air Slide Plus - Lets the user awkwardly air slide.
Glide - Replaces my double jump skill with gliding.
High Jump - Increased jump height while running.
=o=
Frost Broker - Hanger-fan hybrid which never melts. Based on that time Shimokoa freakin' gutted me!
STATS:
Deals chilling on impact.
Randomly freezes the user.
Boosts the power of ice skills.
SKILLS:
Freezing Impact - Spreads frost along anything it strikes.
Auto-Sucker - When this weapon is equipped, Brad will always lash out with it immediately.
=o=
London Operating Cross - A cross that lets me summon good 'ol London, yo. Non-elemental in nature. Not actually a plant hanger. London herself uses Fireball, Ice Shard and Thunderbolt, but can only use a few spells before runnin' outta mana. Also fires diamond-shaped patterns 'a yellow, diamond-shaped danmaku. Hoh! Costly-ish to use…!
=o=
Yin-yang Flail - A yin-yang with lots of rope freakin' decoratin' it! Hmm...
NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means! Maybe one day this will actually come in handy…
NERF longsword: the sequel - Now I can dual wield these useless, narratively non-existent armaments!
==o==
= ►ARMOR:
Camouflage Kimono - This kimono means business. Doesn't actually help him hide in the brush.
STATS:
150% ice resistance.
50% freeze resistance.
50% dark resistance.
-50% percent fire resistance.
-50% percent burning resistance.
=o=
Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Pink dress with lots of white ribbons. I'm not sure what to say about this...
STATS:
75% time resistance.
=o=
Yellow Racecar Helmet -It's like a really knockoff space marine helmet! It feels like it's got good physical defense, too… at least for my head.
STATS:
Fifty percent sun resistance.
100% freezing resistance.
100% blinding resistance.
100% electrical stunning resistance.
=o=
Lunarian Prototype Space Suit - A suit meant for combat in deep space. So far, it's only got the whole 'exist in deep space' part down…! Has an oxygen tank, but that's only useful if you wear the helmet to go along with it.
STATS:
100% electricity resistant.
100% freezing resistant.
Randomly casts Zero Gravity when it feels like it.
Zero Gravity - Area of effect spell which removes gravity from debris and the feeble!
=o=
Lunarian Prototype Deep Space Helmet - It's a freakin' space helmet.
STATS: (alone)
Fifty percent blinding resistant.
STATS: (paired with Lunarian Prototype Space Suit)
100% electricity resistant. Again, yo!
100% resistance to burning and being actively poisoned.
=o=
Testing Oxygen Tank - The oxygen tank used by the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit. Lasts for two and a half minutes. Not meant to actually be used outside of testing, but it's possible. Refills automatically in breathable air.
=o=
MP Prize Pin - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field.
STATS:
Extends prize grabbing range. Yay…?
=o=
Sun Badge - A badge that looks like the sun. How interesting, dude.
STATS:
15% sun resistant. I need to smelt this into a weapon…!
50% resistance to blinding and electrical stunning.
Replaces the on-impact effect of all weapons with Sunfire Flare. Yuck…!
SKILLS:
Sunfire Flare - Flash of light that blinds everyone. Doesn't work on the sun-resistant.
=o=
Stock Outfit - Blue, long-sleeved shirt with a huge V-neck button-up collar. Blue sweatpants. Most balanced outfit.
STATS:
-5% wind resistance.
May make the wearer tired.
=o=
Retro Patchy Hat - A really old hat of Patchy's. It's freakin floofy, du~de…!
STATS:
Moderate increase to magical defense and offense.
=o=
Moon Crescent - Patchy's favorite accessory.
STATS:
Immunity to silencing.
25% moon resistance.
Moderate increase to magical offense.
=o=
Anti-Magic Amulet - Deep blue, crystalline necklace given by Patchy in exchange for a blue dragon's bone. I should incorporate this into an outfit too so I don't freakin' forget it, 'cause it's real important!
STATS:
Sharply increases magical defense.
=o=
Cow Costume - Female clothing, of some description…? I think! S'freakin' weird, dude!
STATS:
Increases breast size by 25%.
Increases max health by 50%.
Wearer is immune to dispelling.
=o=
Autumn Dress - An actually sensible dress…! Looks like generic villager garb, except prettier and with brighter colors. Even aged, it's still bright!
STATS:
Wearer is immune to tiredness.
Wearer is immune to holy weakness.
Wearer is immune to stunning.
=o=
Iron Cross - Big World War II medal! Freakin'- holy shit…
STATS:
Randomly summons explosion backup.
50% bomb resistance.
Stagger immunity.
=o=
Officer Hat - Nazi officer hat…! I better not get a million angry letters for finding this!
STATS:
50% darkness resistance.
Wearer is immune to instant death.
=o=
Officer's Coat - Nazi officer coat, too! Oh boy oh boy…
STATS:
50% darkness resistance.
Wearer is immune to being cursed.
Slightly boosts defense and magic defense.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Regalia - Dress of the Crown Prince... of all Taoism or something, I don't freakin' know!
STATS:
100% Dispel resistant.
100% Blinding resistant.
50% Sun resistant.
Gives the user Bravery, improving critical rate by 50%, and reducing enemy critical rates by 30% while active.
Vaguely boosts defense.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Earmuffs - Makes it hard to hear when worn right. Has an awesome symbol on the sides! I... have no freakin' clue what it means.
STATS:
100% Silencing resistant.
Immunity to all sound damage, including Mandragora-tier screeching when worn properly.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Cape - Miko's fancy ass cape. It shimmers in the light!
SKILLS:
May be set to three different colors, changing cape properties:
Purple Mode:
The Prince's Will - Passive which constantly gives the user Morale status, preventing them from dying when struck by a blow that would fell them in one hit if they're of high vitality. Stops even Instant Death, although the wearer will be left on the cusp of death.
Red Mode:
Adaptive Combo Plus - Passively extends melee combo length on the ground and in the air by one.
Strength Up - Boosts strength somewhat.
The Prince's Strength - Boosts defense greatly.
Blue Mode:
Danmaku Plus - Each bullet fired has a 50% chance to be two bullets instead.
Magic Hastera - Mana regenerates 50% faster.
The Prince's Cunning - Boosts magic defense greatly.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Panties - The prince's panties. They're purple and shiny...
STATS:
Improves movement speed slightly.
50% Dispel resistance.
Randomly grants Morale status.
100% Blinding resistance.
=o=
Reimu's Outfit - Shrine maiden clothes, dude. Holy resistant, but I dunno how much! Even comes with the bindings and tubes and ribbon 'n' everything!
Reimu's Ribbon - Man, that's cuddly looking. I need to hug Reimu now, dude...
Hakurei Arm Sleeves - No- teach me, how do you wear these!?
Remilia Scarlet's Mob Cap - Twenty five percent dark resistance. Legends say that if touhous do not wear this hat, they die dude.
Monk Robes - Doesn't really stack up to my other shit at this point! Wonder what I can do wit' it...
Gravity Boots - Boots that reduce the user's gravity! More like, propels them off the floor a little. Reduces the effectiveness of space statuses on the user. Really weird to control…!
Ed Edd n Eddy Sound Badge - A badge that replaces nearby noises with stupid cartoon ones when worn! I- I got it a few chapters ago, but just now added it to the inventory…!
==o==
= ►CONSUMABLES/OTHER:
Fifty two thousand, seven hundred Yen - Cash just got a lot smaller...
Four Health Potions - They give you youkai-like regen for like, thirty seconds! No chuggin' these babies to indefinitely survive the cold reaches of outer space. Unless the regen outdoes the asphyxiation, but I think I'd rather die by that point…
Mega Potion - Youkai-like regen for thirty seconds… except for the whole family! Applies to entire party. Good for when we all suck at life!
Four Mana Potions - Restores an average amount of mana, I think. More than enough for someone like me!
Three Panaceas - Cures all status effects. I dunno if it works on debuffs, though...
Akihito's Broadsword - Too big for me to use as a weapon. I wonder if I could use it as like, a tent stake or something.
Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!
Rope of Red Bikinis - Wahaha! Gonna getcha, son!
Some Fancy Key - A key lent to me by Brittany. Wha- why. What's it for…!?
Youkai Exterminator Badge - I still have this, dude! Yo ho ho! Allows me to not be considered a youkai by most guardsmen!
Yellow Star Gem - A star-shaped yellow gem. I really should've asked Patchy what this did…! It's shiny and luminescent, though.
Sweet Sleep Pillow - Doremy's nice cuddly pillow. Really soft. Random chance to survey you on pillow quality while you're sleeping.
Genkan's Sweet Sleep Pillow - It's also pretty poofy...
Another 3DS - Especially 'cause I picked up anotha'!
Picture of Sendai Hakurei no Miko Sleeping on her Side and Facing the Viewer while Drowsy - ...Yeah uh, what it says on the tin. Reimu must see this, dude…!
Masturbation Pillow - ...Genkan probably would've given me a look fer this, if she could! Wau…
Dark Knife - Where the hell'd this- oh, wait! This is the thing Genkan got from that fairy! She just slipped it in here while no one was lookin'...
Empty Combo Technology - Red, orange and yellow piece of plastic and metal, about the size of a plant hanger. Adding its magic to Lion's Lindworm gave it Combo Plus and Aerial Plus! Now that it's empty, it's just plastic metal stuffs...
Wasp Stinger - Let the crap pile o~n!
==o==
= ►RANDOM CRAP:
Tables and Furniture - Impromptu furnishings!
==o►o==
PARTY MEMBERS:
==o►o==
Genkan, the Yuki-onna - A bitter yuki-onna from Gensokyo's wildlands, mostly active in the winter, and on particularly cold days. Heals from ice damage. Commands powerful control over frost, and has a wide variety of ice-affinity attacks. Weak to fire and burning. Cuddly, dude...
SKILLS:
Ice Control - Freely use ice to make stuff. Inherent one hundred percent ice resistance. Negative one hundred fire and burning resistance.
Freeze - Instantly freezes one to two enemies. Low chance of working on stronger foes.
Creaking Freeze - Generates a spinning, magic snowflake in an enemy's body, which instantly freezes them after a moment. High accuracy.
Tundra - Precursor to Glacier. Weak spike of ice that serves more as a warning. Physical ice attack.
Glacier - Erects a massive blade of ice from the ground, dealing incredible physical ice damage.
Triple Glacier - Same as above, except with more sudden scope across more targets. Less accurate. More costly.
Ice Spin - Not the skill Brad thinks it is. Creates a ring of initializing frost around a wide area, with a high chance to freeze.
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.
Snow - Make it snow locally. Very minor ambient ice damage to everyone on the battlefield, including allies. Has a low chance to instantly freeze someone for no reason.
Yuki-onna's Embrace - Hug. Binds target close to her. Makes the target tired, severely lowers accuracy and magical defense, and makes them comfortable. Skill may only be performed by my kind. Negative facets reduced by ice and freezing resist. Someone with over a hundred resistance will be buffed and healed by it.
Yuki-onna's Entombment - Final, optional stage of the hug. Guaranteed instant death inflicted by the draining of vitality. Heals the user for the heat taken from the target. Does not work well on bosses or the instant death resistant. Instant death proc is nullified if the target's ice or freezing resistance is over fifty percent. Skill may only be performed by my kind.
INVENTORY:
WEAPON: Fans
BODY: Absolute Zero Kimono
MISC ONE: None.
MISC TWO: None.
MISC THREE: None.
RESULTING STATUS:
300% ice resistance
300% freezing resistance
-50% fire resistance [native]
-50% burning resistance [native]
==o==
Absolute Zero Kimono - A better version of the stock yuki-onna kimono. Outfited with new royal blue and cyan trims. It's fun, dude...
STATS:
100% percent ice resistance.
Effects vary when not worn by her…!
=o=
Heavy Tanker - Huge, metal-grey cardboard fans!
STATS:
+150% max HP.
Quadrupled defense.
Speed reduced to 25%.
Knockback effects halved.
100% Stagger immune.
50% Bomb resistance.
SKILLS:
Super Armor - When casting or melee attacking, user is way more knockback resistant.
Tundral Disaster - User can create a pinnacle glacier of ice, and then detonate it like a warhead. Half magical bomb, half physical ice attack.
Defender - Defense is increased in critical situations. Passive.
=o=
Fever - The tiniest pink fans...!
STATS:
100% Confusion resistant.
100% Slow resistant.
100% immunity to evasion debuffs.
Defense halved.
Attack halved.
Speed doubled.
SKILLS:
Break Time - Take a break. You've earned it, dude! Heals all MP and HP, if user is given some time to relax. User has to do three party tricks to get the HP and MP.
Hastega - Speed up the whole party! Doubles everyone's speed. Stacks...!
Rising Rotor - Do a breakdance move to fend off attackers and get back up!
=o=
Two thousand yen - Pocket money.
Bagged Money - We still dunno how much Reimu gave us...
Peppermint - Yo- Genkan has candy…!?
Fans - Regular fans. Helps her spread out frigid air, but she mostly holds onto them for personal fashion, apparently...
Ninjas of Love - Novel? Yo- what...
Viking Rune - Reusable rune that summons a viking monolith. Once summoned, it greatly increases everyone's physical attack prowess, before firing a frost spark with massive freezing capabilities. Very costly to all party members. Uses two inventory slots.
3DS - Genkan likes to play the single video game, dude…
[no space remaining]
==o►o==
Maria, the Actually Ordinary Magician - A villager from the human village. Sort of down on herself, and not very confident… but when she gains steam, she can be very determined. Resistances and weaknesses depend on equipment. Can cast basic elemental spells.
SKILLS:
Fire - Small, homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes! Doesn't do much damage.
Fira - Slightly larger homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes. Bursts broader than the preceding spell.
Blizzard - Spread shot of big snowflakes. May chill foes.
Blizzara - Big spread shot of myriad ice chunks, with magical snowflakes whirling around inside them. May freeze foes.
Thunder - Random spread of bolts in an area. Basic electric spell.
Thundara - Random spread of bolts in an area which explode on impact with the ground. May stun foes.
Charm - Boosts magical attack of self or an ally moderately.
Seduction - Skill that temporarily seduces a foe. Single target, and doesn't work well on bigger girls...
INVENTORY:
WEAPON: Pine Frost Staff
BODY: Casual Freeze Clothes
MISC ONE: None.
MISC TWO: None.
MISC THREE: None.
RESULTING STATUS:
75% ice resistance
100% freezing resistance
Slightly improved magical defense [native]
==o==
Pine Frost Staff - Made with pine wood and an icy reagent.
STATS:
25% ice resistance.
100% freezing resistance.
-50% burning resistance.
SKILLS:
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.
=o=
Way of the Tiger - A really good wood staff, dude!
STATS:
-75% max MP.
+75% max HP.
Weapon is very light!
Defense increased sharply!
Attack increased sharply!
Magical defense decreased sharply...
Magical attack decreased sharply...
SKILLS:
Staff Skill - Doing effective moves with the staff is a lot easier because of its combat design!
High Jump - User can jump a bit better!
Polearm Beatdown - Critical attack that users tend to pull off once their adrenaline is running high. Hits multiple times.
=o=
An Eternity Together - Grey staff, with a very, very intricate top piece.
STATS:
50% Time resistant.
User is immune to slowing and stop.
+15% max MP for every party member.
User's speed is halved for every additional party member.
SKILLS:
Stop - Freezes an enemy in time. Only works on weaker foes. Any damage the enemy takes while frozen is relayed to it on fast-forward once it's free again!
=o=
Stubby Rapier - A shiny, brass rapier. Imbued with magical energy, for spell swords.
STATS:
50% dispel resistance.
=o=
Casual Freeze Clothes - Casual, neon villager garb. Bright yellow shirt with a blue snowflake stitched onto the front, a bright blue skirt, and a tan vest.
STATS:
50% ice resistant.
100% freezing resistant.
=o=
Wood Staff - Training foci for magic. Not very good for much else.
Magical Lens - When coupled with magic, this lens shoots non-elemental lasers. Gift from Marcus Kirisame.
[Travel Bag] - Item that grants inventory by holding more items. Wahaha! Eight slots.
Two Mana Potions - Alchemical blends which restore magic energy.
Sabbath Pamphlet - Dark brochure imbued with instructional magic, and desires from a land far, far away. Teaches Seduction to mages.
[three spaces remaining]
==o==
Hana, the Electric Fairy Maid - Snuggly fairy maid companion…! Healed by electric magic. Immune to electric stunning, 'cause yeah. Weak to earth, poison and darkness. Quick to become ill from poison.
SKILLS:
Little Zap - Basic electric magic. Zaps a target twice with static from above.
Random Electric - When pressured, uses random electric spells.
Electric Control - With true power, she's able to stun opponents into submission by touching them.
Electric Elemental - 300% electric resistant. 100% percent resistance to electrical stunning!
INVENTORY:
Hana's Fairy Maid Uniform - Stock standard uniform from the mansion! Cyan-tinted in places to match her hair color. Hoh...
==o==
Seikatsu Kikai, the Human Salvation Robot - The mysterious, alighty T-posing robot! Aaah- aaa~h!
SKILLS:
Medibeam - A slow-healing beam, which takes a couple minutes to rejuvenate someone. Feels good to be targeted by…
Cloaking - Seikatsu becomes invisible.
Scan - Returns data on a foe, including name, biological info, stats and strategies. All of us can call on this skill.
INVENTORY:
Nothing.
WEAPON: Seikatsu Kikai Offense System V.2.11
BODY: Regenerative Skin Armor Augmentation with Limb Enhancement V.3.31.11
MISC ONE: None.
MISC TWO: None.
MISC THREE: None.
STATUS:
Immune to poison, stagger, stunning, freezing, syphon, silence, blinding, tired, seduction, confusion, among others.
-80% radiation resistant
-50% thunder resistant
-80% bomb resistant
-50% water resistant
200% holy resistant
-50% dark resistant
80% earth resistant
-80% magnet resistant
-30% wind resistant
80% fire resistant
80% ice resistant
100% poison resistant
100% moon resistant
==o==
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
have i been putting ANs at the most of these chapters? say i to myself, in the PROCESS…
answer is NO 'cause i've been doin' the summaries LAST
anyway yo! this was a PRETTY FUN and FREAKIN' FULL CHAPTER
at the risk a' bein' REPETITIOUS we snuggled summore, we got more TRAINS (in more ways than one!) and we got fuckin' decked by the burly dom girl rabbit girl bunny girl girls
girls
also hoh shit brad has obtained… technically fighting moves
which are just more like the powerful realizations of how to swing his hanger around like less of a kingdom hearts-esque starry-eyed jackass, and more like the traditional jackass that actually manages to hit people dude
ALSO, hanger combining! both so they're a little less useless and so my inventory don't clutter up so fast
as a result we now have some… pretty beefy things to test a new skillset with
like AERO FINISH
also a good long talk with genkan - w - she's snug
man a LOT HAPPENED THIS CHAPTER
probably because it is like 16 k words without the summary of a thousand hangers and equips
and also 51 pages
...i don't got a lot to say right now yo! except hmm…
for those who somehow freakin' missed it: we have a discord server! it's- in my profile, yo…
also to anyone who hated the original SENDAI HAKUREI NO MIKO MODE'S guts: final mix is a lot different!
...although if you didn't like GENSOKYOBOUND then AI DUNNO
NOT LIKE ANYONE READS THAT STUFF ANYWAY
and if you hate a thing tell me why yo tell me WHY
anyway! this should be good…
as always, see you all next time!
