(in which we are the artillery)
As we mosey on, lookin' for a good way outta the clinic, we eventually come to another common room, not unlike the one we tackled Shimokoa in! Wide, spacious, and would fit in a mall, if this place was a mall!
Except, this room has huge, shattered windows on the outer wall. Wh- are those artillery cannons built into the floor…
Snow blows in from the open windows. It's night outside, now, and the snow's not as heavy as earlier, but it's still goin'. Geesh...
"fwoo." There's this bunny chick with earth green hair sittin' at a bench before 'em, smokin' a cigarette. Ech, I can smell it from here…
Wait. Idea!
I ramble on up to smoker bunny. Wait, those weird boots wit' arrows on them-... oh, I can't believe I forgot about this bunny. It's Uchu, one of the less-than-moral faces we saw in the Shikome containment room!
"You sure you should be smokin' next to artillery guns…!?" I know I'm kinda silly yo- but I'm not as crazy as her!
She looks up at me, and gives me a middle finger! "What's it to ya. That's not even how bullets work, moron. You ever take Ballistics 101? Oh, that's right, you didn't." Jesus…!
Whelp, since she smells like ass and charcoal, I'm gonna leave her be. Let's see, dude…
I point at a loose artillery shell, sittin' on a crate! Wait…
"What if I set off a bomb next to the artillery shells?" I turn to Uchu curiously…! "Would it be safe…?"
"Why don't you find out?" Uchu smirks at me…!
"No." Suddenly, there's an earthen rabbit near us. She's really stocky, and has some fun goggles, and sorta thin brown hair… "No bombs near the artillery. Who're you?"
"Bob Paul." Super-... super. I am the master of staple guns! "The, uuh-"
"We're passing through." Genkan recovers the situation from the abyss! "We apologize if we've disturbed you."
"Ah…" Oh, the rabbit's cool with that? "Well, don't touch that artillery. It's-... artillery." Yes, dude!
We are gonna be so all over this artillery, dude. An' I'm not even really inta artillery!
I'm mostly kinda curious as to why it's built into this otherwise unassuming, like-... common room. It's just aimed out of a big window, which must be eternally broken for these to work! Or- maybe it's camouflage, dude. Or stealth tactics. Ho ho…
Anyway. It's a mystery that will never be solved, dude. I wonder what they're aiming at.
I turn to Uchu! "What're these aiming at, yo? Do ya gotta babysit 'em…!?"
She snorts! "Khh- kaugh…!" She also coughs on her cigarette, 'cause she snorted! "Yo- you, fuckin'... no. Aeh. Would you like ta find out?"
"Yes." I'm curious, dude. "Long range fluffery."
...Slowly, Uchu stands up. She flicks her cigarette into a nearby trash can-
fwoom. Uh oh…! The trash is on fire, now!
fwash. Genkan freezes the trash. "Careful. Ugh-... tell me. What is the appeal, of smoking?"
cra- crack. Uchu tilted her neck a little, and her neck snapped really loudly…! "Aah. Kinda helps calm the nerves. You wouldn't know."
"...I suppose not." As she marches past us, Genkan watches her. "Where are you going?"
"C'mere." She gestures for us to follow, dude. "You wanted to know where these things shoot, right?"
Quietly, we follow her before the artillery. This isn't a stupid action, 'cause the artillery are inherently aimed way too high to hit us down here! They're not like tanks.
We step before some really big, open tube things. They're like really burly canisters, grey and darker grey in color.
"Y'see, this is where we keep the targeting locations for our guns." Uchu smiles at us a little too sincerely. "Real discreet. We close 'em up when we think people're snoopin' around. Keeps 'em real secret.
...Maria looks up at her. "The um, text on the top of them says 'drop pod'. What's that mean?" Uuh. Y'know- what Uchu said doesn't quite make sense…!
"...Well, we drop the pod on its side, when we got intruders. Obviously." Uchu rolls her eyes. "Idiots."
...We all kinda standoffishly stare into the drop pods!
I turn to Uchu! "...So, where do these end up!?"
"Nowhere, pubehead." Pft- whah…!? First time someone's called me that! Holy shit!
"Pu- pubehead." I repeat! I actually can't believe it, dude! "I mean- lemme be real wit'cha, I know how drop pods do…!"
...Uh oh. I just saw Maria step into one! Also- I just realized Ha-chan is probably still off partyin' like it's nineteen-eighty-eight somewhere.
"Re~lax." Uchu folded her arms. "I'm plannin' on takin' one myself. You guys saw me downstairs earlier, yeah? Well, guess who's got recon duty again?" Aw. "I picked these cannons in particular, 'cause I knew they were aimed where I was gonna go."
Genkan stares out from one, at us. "The way you speak-... it implies-"
Click- shif. Uchu pressed a button on the side of her pod, and shut it! "Wait- yo!" Hold on now-
Oof! Uchu shoved me into the third pod-
shif. The door shuts on me. Uuh…
fw- fwvhip. Ooh. There's a monitor, in here! I can see straight up from the pod, I think…
"Hello!?" Ooh, I hear Genkan over intercom in here! "Maria? Brad…!?"
"Yo!" I yell into nothing, hoping my intercom receives it! "Hello world!"
It's an important note, that it's still kinda snowing outside, and it's also dark out now. I said this before, but I'm noticing it again!
CLA- CLACK. Whah was that, dude…
"Where are you?" Genkan wants to: know your location. I wanna smuggle her fluffles, dude.
Wait for it… "Home." Yea~h! I did it! I re-used the joke!
"Be serious." Uh oh. "I can sense you- but you're moving…"
CLA- CLACK. Some other, quieter metal noise is heard somewhere. "Or, I'm moving, I suppose…"
Cla- clack. Really far from us, there's one more noise! "Uu- uhm…!" Maria sounds skittish! "I don't- know about this-
KAPOW- POW- POW! Woah that's loud…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
All I hear's the rushing of wind, and- from the super flickery monitor display, I see nothing but black, and occasional flickering lights from the night we probably got launched into. I gotta say, these pods were kinda rough takin' off, but they're alright! Man, I need artillery guns at all my notable locations, dude. They'd be the best kinda fast travel!
"Uuh. Do these things have anything to dampen the impact?" I can't help but feel really not secure, right now!
BAM- BOOM- BAM! Ow. Well, actually, not as owch as I was expecting. I stopped real suddenly, my head rattled only by the velocity change, and not by getting fuckin' kerscrunched on the roof…
Thud. Wh- oof! Ooh, I get it now! I just got released by a gravity hold of some kind, and fell onto my shoulders, which hurt even more than the actual landing! Oof… but- there was some gravity magic keepin' us from getting turned into soup. Hoh...
Cla- clack, clack. Getting up, my gravity boots clickin' on the metal monitor stuff, I uh-... what now. Can I~... twist the top open? Lemme- nnh… yeah, nah, I ain't twistin' that shit myself, I think. I am not a rabbit soldier!
Fwi~sh. I hear something open around me. Ho~h…
Fwi~sh. An' another!
Knock, knock. ...An' then, someone knocks on my pod! "Hey, brain genius!" It's Uchu! "Flip the pod! Damn thing landed on the door!"
...I yell! "Ho~w!?"
She yells back! "The- GFR button!" The get fucked reality button, alright! Yes, dude!
Oh. It's a giant, red panel labeled GFR, hidden under a little plastic slider. Sliding up the tiny fold, I press the button gently.
woosh. Wo- woah. The center of gravity shifted something fierce, fer a moment…! Which way's up, anymore!?
FWI- FWI~SH. One of the ends of my pod is twisted open, the valve coming undone! Uchu peers in! "Alright- c'mon, get out here." Woa~h!
Crunch. Uchu lobs me into the snow behind herself. "...There."
...This snow, is really fluffy. Fluffier than normal, dude. Fwoof… I mean, we are- uh… where are we?
Standing up, I find that a snow fluff has clung to my face. It wants to nuzzle. "im swood" What.
...Taking it off my face, I gently place it on the back of Uchu's head while she glares down into the pod I came outta.
Wherever we are, the land is filled with freakin'... tons of mysterious ass lights, and-...
Stepping forward, I see an edge to the sorta bare island we landed on. We landed in Heaven, holy shit…!
The ground below is barely visible, but I can catch glimmers of light and flame from the distant Youkai Mountain. Otherwise, the ground below is lost in a shimmering sea of flakes and dim blue horizon fog. Woo~...!
"Where-... are we?" Genkan's not sure, however! "It feels-... really good up here. I could nap, right now..."
"It's cold…" Maria compacts, a little! She's got seventy five percent ice resistance, too…!
Uchu snorts, turning to face us. "Welcome to Heaven, ladies and gents. I don't know a damn thing about the place, and neither do you. Make sure not to freeze yer tits off, 'cause we charge extra fer sewin' 'em back on."
"Y'know…" I turn ta her- aw, dude! That snow fluff…! Anyway- "why'd ya bring us along wit'cha?"
"Eirin ain't about lettin' me have grunts." Uchu remarks! "...And, I'm not about that, either. Honestly, thought you'd all be takin' this worse than ya are. And, since yer not freezin' yer asses off, or beggin' fer a ride back, how's about you watch my back?"
I almost agree on impulse! But then-... "What's in it for us, yo..." I mean, we're probably strong enough to just wander off on our own and eventually find a way down, but if we can meander around with angry girl and get cool stuff for it…
She pauses, before comin' up with her own idea. "How's three elixirs do it, for ya? I'll even give ya one upfront." Ooo~!
Reachin' into her pocket, she draws an elixir, an' tosses it to me! Yo ho ho!
"So." She steps forward! "The job's recon. Don't make more noise than you should, and try t'back me up if shit goes south. This place's full of celestials, and we're not exactly in the good half of the neighborhood." What's she mean by that…
I remember that one time I was up here, and I got onto the islands near the very, very edge, over the shrine! Man, those islands were weird!
...Then, Uchu casts her arms behind her head, and leans back… "Nn~h. You guys go first, actually. Just don't start any wars, now." Wat a noob, dude, wat a noob.
Well! Whatever island we're on… it has anothin' but rocks, peach trees, and snow.
"Well…" Lookin' oddly invigorated, Maria moves forward! "Let's- get going!" Hoh! She leads us ahead, dude!
So, we gently follow her cuddly advance. Uchu still has that snow fluff on her head, which seems to have gently began to roost there. Oh my go~d, dude.
Cr- crea~k. We step on a old ass, rickety ass, big overarching bridge that connects this island to the next. We seem to be on like, a very edge of the cone formation Heaven's islands take…
"Hey, kiddo." Uchu calls out, slowly marchin' along behind us. "The small fluffy one!"
"Mm- me?" Maria turns back to her…!
"Yeah." Comin' closer, Uchu runs her yellow-eyed gaze along the snowy, beat-the-fuck-up bridge. "Notice anything about this bridge?"
"...Uum." Maria looks around fluffily. "It's kinda busted."
"Kinda?" Uchu grinned. "One wrong step and one 'a these boards'll be collapsin' under their own weight. Any ideas on why?"
"...It's snowing really hard." Maria suggests! Well, I wouldn't say really hard, but this bridge is super buried…!
...Uchu turns to one of the guard rails, which seem to have been cut in half- or, cut into fourths. "Yeah, uh, no. Don't think snow can do most of this, kiddo. Looks like there mighta been more than a couple struggles. Considerin' how thick these rails are, whoever did this has some damn sharp blades. Wouldn't wanna mess with them, yeah?"
...Maria just kinda makes a puzzled face in her direction, but doesn't say anything!
Genkan's pushed ahead while Uchu was bein' Sherlock Holmes. She's lookin' around on the island ahead, where there seem to be uh… rocks. And, snow! Also, wooden crosses. Not sure why those are there…!
"There crosses are curious." When we near her, we find her looking one over. "There's-... some complicated magical energy circulating around them."
"Most of it's holy." Uchu describes, before even comin' to a stop! "Don't look like funeral markers, either."
woosh. Aw. A good breeze hits us, and it's nice…
shoof. Ooh! There's a big Reimu yukkuri up here! "Nnh…" Despite her raising from the snow, she lethargically slinks back into her spot, where she looked like just some snow bank. I guess she was just a little stirred, dude. And, by 'big', I mean she was big enough to probably smother a man alive, if not multiple. Hoh hoh…!
We all just kinda ignore that!
Shoof! But then, something bright raises from the snow! It is-... a sword. Just, a big, floating, gold-white claymore, or somethin'. Some kinda great sword!
Fwish, fwish! Uchu summons these two bright, blue gun things into her hands! They're freakin' tubby.
"That weapon-..." Genkan raises her hands!
woosh- woosh- woosh. Spinning around, the sword points itself in our direction!
"Stop!" Maria thrusts her staff into the air!
KA- KA- KLINK- FWASH! Prisms of time form around it, and Genkan just up and freeze it-
woo- woosh. Uchu thrusts her arms out, to her sides. They reappear at both ends of the frozen, stopped sword, traveling through some kinda blurs in space to do so. What the fuck…! Are those like- proto-gaps?
Fwa- fwa- fwa- fwash! Her big freakin' gun things fire these blue diamonds, which freeze into more ice on contact with the frozen sword…!
"Aah-..." Her arms are back at her sides again. "So-... you're a yuki-onna, huh. Here I thought freezin' shit would be my strat."
Genkan snorts! "You- couldn't tell…?"
...Since no one's actually attacking anymore, it's apparently up to me to deal damage while the thing is stopped! Takin' out the Bawmber, I run forward! "The Earth is not your salad ba~r!"
pap- pap- pap- pap! papapap! I declare a NERF war!
BAM- BOOM- KABLAM- BOOM- BAM! With each huge, amber blast- mostly 'cause it's super pronounced in the evening- I blow the ice right the fuck off the sword!
"Wh- dude!" Uchu yells at me! "You tryin'a wake up the whole damn-... whatever this is!? We shoulda just shot fuckin' missiles up here, why not!?"
"I am a NERF war master, son!" I will not take no for an answer!
...And then, the sword unpauses-
KRI- KRA- KRACK! Holy shit! It just fuckin exploded into a buncha glitter! Wow!
...I turn to Genkan, and beam! "I have destroyed an actual weapon with my plant hanger!" I'm so proud!
She grins a little, at that! "...I suppose you did. I was about to comment, that that salad bar joke was particularly ill-fitting." You're right, and I realized that while making it, but I made it anyway…
"Heaven is not their salad bar." I correct! "...Actually, Heaven is a salad bar."
"Guy." Uchu gives me a flat look…! "Got any ideas on what the hell a magic sword was doin' attackin' us?"
"It was a salad bar." I answer simply. I mean- it was obvious. "What's with the twenty questions, anyway!? Do ya gotta run all yer recon observations over us!?"
"As if. Just makin' sure you kiddos aren't fuckin' braindead." Uchu taps her own head! "I'm not hangin' around a buncha numbnuts. That, and they call it 'thinking aloud'. S'not a bad idea to bounce ideas around, you know. 'Least, that's how it always goes down in Recon fer us."
"Good." Freakin'... "So, Uchu- what do ya think the explanation fer the snow is, Uchu?"
"When the hell'd you learn my name..." She tilted her head! "Whatever. I don't fuckin' know. I bet it's all the dandruff from that tumbleweed hair of yours."
...Genkan turns to me! "She's not entirely wrong. I probably should have wetted your hair, back at the temple." Oof…!
...I just nod! "Point taken. Well made…!" Wait. "Do Elixirs work as shampoo!?"
Uchu laughs! "Wh- fuckin'...! Why don't you find out!? Here!" Oh shit- she took out one of the elixirs she's supposed to pay us with!
fwish. She spatially snaps behind me in a moment, and- locks an arm around my neck-
Spli~sh. She poured the elixir into my hair…! Ooo- that actually feels pretty-... weird. Not good, but not bad!
FWOASH! Woah! I healed super hard!
"What a waste…" Maria looks like she died a little, inside! "Wo~w."
"Hey, dude." Uchu releases me, tossin' the empty bottle away… "It's how we recon."
crunch, crunch. Snow crunching noises, dude. I dunno whose, 'cause we're all just standin' around…
"Anyway." Uchu gazes around. "These edge islands, they must be some kinda battleground, or something. Probably seen a lot of action."
"Probably…?" Genkan aggresses her, dude! "Are you guessing?"
"As if." I think that's Uchu's catchphrase 'er somethin'... "I can feel more weapons lyin' around where that came from, and not all 'a them are enchanted like that one we blew the hell up."
crunch, crunch. The snow crunchin's getting louder…!
"Ah- shit…" Uchu glares at me! "You got us spotted, dust brain."
"honh" I try to make a fluffle noise. If I had a shell nose, it'd open in surprise!
"He~hy." Ooh. From the dark evening nearby, Suika stumbles up to us, marchin' through the heavy snow! And- man, it goes up to like her chest. "Wehe~lcome!"
"Yo ho ho~!" I forget if I've ever spoken with Suika at length, before! "Hello, friend!"
"An- oni!?" Genkan's surprised! "Up here…!?" Really surprised!
...Suika grinned at 'er! "Whah? Y'never sheen an oni befohre…?"
"Oh. It's just you." Uchu props 'er arms on her own hips. "The shrine oni."
"Ahah! S'that whah' the hares're callin' mhe theshe daysh?" Boy, is she drunk. "Anywhay! Whelcome- to Suika~-... Suika! Nhame- pending…" Hoh?
She leans forward a little, as if tryin'a whisper! "Anyohne- goh' ghood name ideash? I'm thinkin'... Suika-... mania~. Er- actually, I hear' this one from tha' puppteteer: ...Suikahalla. Ah? Ah?"
"Suika-..." I almost pick an option, but to be honest, they're both perfect…!
"Do you got a day job." Uchu questions her!
...Suika just kinda tips to the side. "Whh-... booze?"
"...Maybe you should quit your day job." Uchu verbally jabs the Suika, which may or may not be a good idea…!
"Pft- hahahah!" Suika's jolly, though! "Anywhay… welcohme- ta party town! If aye were yhou thou'-... ah wouldn't hang 'round when tha' shhinigame start showin' up. 'Cause ya don't lhook tough!"
"Thanks." Uchu folds 'er arms, dude. "We'll keep it in mind."
fwoof. The snow fluff on her head elects to die, collapsing into snow which spread out... "Wh- what the hell…" Aw. It roosted, dude.
Stumblin' up amongst us, Suika gestures forward wit' 'er gourd! "There'sh an inn thish- 'a way…" She points ahead! It is pretty late, innit. I wasn't even thinking about how late it was!
Lookin' where she points, we see another really fucked up lookin' bridge, further into the island clusters. From this one, there's really dim light emanating from somewhere…
"Fluffles-..." I speak in the silence of the snow, dude, "are nice."
"What, um…" Maria looks Suika's snow-speckled form over! "What were you-... doing in the snow?"
"Aah…" Suika stares into the sky, dude. "Sleepin'. Y'woke me up wit' that tussle!"
"Wh- why is there an oni in Heaven?" Genkan looks intimidated…! "This doesn't make any sense."
"'Cause they gave mhe a cut!" Suika slaps her hands together!
SLAP! Ooo- an' slap 'em she does…! "'Course, they gave mhe tha' most barren slice, bu' I achtually prefer tha'! Now I can-... make statues 'a myself, an' fight people. An' fight people, usin' shtatues 'a myself!"
"...I-... see." Genkan probably doesn't, actually, but she says so anyway! "...Well. Don't-... let us get in your way, now."
Noticing how offput or disinterested most of my party is, Suika waves us off! "Yea~h, wh'ever. If I wanted ta spook candy asses, I'd just blow uhp tha' inn, again! He- hehehe~!" She turns to me, and beams! "Achsually- look- look-... if ya blow up these barrack-inn things, all 'a them shtart freakin' out- 'cause they think the shhi- shinigami's come! Ya should do that, shometime!" Ho ho ho!
"We'll think about it!" I lie!
"Mm- mgh…" Tiltin' her head back, Suika chugged from her gourd. "Fwa~h. Nothin' warms ya up- like a little sake, ri~ght? Hey- who wantsh a pint? 'Er ten?"
No one speaks up, dude. No one wants this.
"...Pusshies." She waves us off. "I'hmma- hit tha' town…" Movin' past us, she goes fer the bridge she showed us earlier. "Buu~hp! Ho- hwo~h, 'scuse me…!" Wahaha! The good burp, dude.
Genkan furrowed her brows at that, but decided not to comment!
Huddlin' near us, Uchu smirked. "Let's tail 'er. We'll be less conspicuous by comparison." This is true!
And so, we do that! When Suika gets enough distance from us, Uchu starts marchin' ahead, both of her cobalt blue arrow gun things held out at her sides. They're like little freakin' pistols, except thrice as wide, and their handle is where the stock should be. How freakin' bizarre.
"Do you think all this destruction is her doing?" Genkan quietly refers to the Suika ahead 'a us…
"Nah." Uchu shook 'er head. "...Maybe a little. Doesn't look like the type ta use blades. You hear what she said about Shinigami?"
"Yeah." Maria speaks up! "Those are, um… the reaper-like people, right? But-... I thought Heaven was a place you went after you die." ...Then, she looks at herself! "Wait-...!"
"We're not dead, kiddo." Uchu rolls 'er head back ahead! "You can just fly up here whenever."
"...I feel like that defeats the purpose of there being a Heaven." Genkan smiles awkwardly at the idea! "We could just-... fly up here, all this time? Why shouldn't we stay here?"
Suika turns back ta us, as if she could hear us this whole time, despite bein' across the whole bridge from us! "'Cause ish fulla poofy asses an' idhiots! An'- they only eat peaches…!"
...It takes the girls a moment to start talkin' after Suika yelled back at us! Maria keeps going, dude. "We should probably look around, more. I mean- my idea of a Heaven-... wouldn't be floating sky islands with swords that attack me." Hoh- hoh!
"But, Maria." I gesture to the snow. "There's fluffles."
...She gives me a playfully aggressive look again! "There's fluffles back on the ground, too…!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
The island we stepped onto is almost barren, despite being so big. There's three dim house-like structures on the far end, but near us is a pretty big complex 'a some sort. Albeit, it's slapshod and looks like a strong breeze will tear it apart!
Bam! Suika barrels the big chocolate-like door open, stumblin' inside! "He~y, erryone!"
...Uchu stalks towards the door. "You guys, you go in first. I'll be right behind ya." Freakin', weirdo, dude.
I am the first to enter the big structure!
Inside, I'm met with the scent of peaches, but also alcohol. An uneven bar counter sits ahead across the room, dotted with snow. Tables of different kinds are strewn about the room, and every other patch of flooring seems to be made of different kind of wood.
There's about an even distribution 'a men and women around the bar, with all kindsa different tints of hair.
"Aah- fuckin' oni-..." Some of them aren't happy to see Suika!
"Hehey! Party girl!"
"Why do you all care!?"
"Ehe- eey-... Shuika~!"
The guy next to the door shakes his head, an' shivers. "Fu- fuckin'... thought she was a damn shinigami." He's got neon blue hair, and a big copper broadsword around his back, and shiny silver armor.
As my friends stalk in behind me, I come up ta him! "What's all this shit 'bout shinigami, anyway? I ain't scared 'a no reapers, dude! 'Specially not as a-... a new man!" Let's imply that I'm a new celestial, 'er somethin'!
He snorts up at me, after takin' in my words. "...And- who the hell're you? Another newbie?"
"Gorbo Grandman." I try to restrain myself from grinning…! "Wh- why should I be afraid 'a shinigami!?"
"...You certainly don't look like a celestial by right." He sizes up my camono, and my toyota headphones. "Anyway. If you'd like to help us out up here-... I'm not really the guy to talk to. You better-... know the difference, between rightful celestials, and us."
I let my arms ragdoll. "Ye- I don't."
...Rollin' his eyes, he just leans back, and stops talkin' to me!
fzzt- fzzt. Ooh- this dead neon sign behind the bar counter flickers, fer a moment!
Man. A lot of other dudes up here have the 'rainbow pimp gear' trope I'm runnin' down to a T, themselves! Armor of all colors, hair of all colors-... although admittedly, their weaponry selection's pretty boring! Bows, swords, staves…
Suika rolls up the counter. "Tenda~! Gimme a-... big one. Ehe- hehehe~! An' make sure it has the stupid li'l umbrella in it, thish time!"
Since there's no free seats here, she comes up to this guy with a big pink beard. "Hi, daddyo. Oopsh." She pushes him off instantly!
Cla- clack! Landing on the floor, his old guy eyes flare! The rest of his hair is brown, but just his beard is pink, for some reason. "Oi- oi! Who-..."
Suika leers down at 'em. "Mhe, daddyo. Thanks fer tha' chair."
...He crawls back on his arms and legs! "Nn- nnh… you're- welcome..." Seems like everyone up here's afraid of her!
Some weird synthwave stuff plays from this jukebox near us. It's cuddly, dude.
At the very back of the room, where the lights are dimmest and snow is flooding through cracks in the architecture, this absolutely massive woman rests, with almost a whole table dedicated to herself. An' by massive, I mean muscle-wise, too!
Uchu's the last to walk in, an' looks around this really crappily designed inn situation! "...Remind me not to build my kingdom in the sky."
Thankfully, no one's smoking right now! We get some curious stares as we meander past the various noobs here…
"You four." The big, super-tanned amazon warlord in the back of the room raises a hand, gesturing for us! "You look new."
...I'm the first to saunter up ta her! Man, holy shit, she's huge. Her arms are wrapped in bandages, and she's got this huge ass white hair that parts in the back, each tuft taking up a whole seat on its own, flowin' akin to fox tails… wait- actually, those are just tails. It's hard to see, 'cause it's dark and she's got long hair!
She's on a wide couch-like seat, too, 'cause she's in the corner. Hoh...
"I'm Gorbo Grandman…!" I inform 'er! "We came up 'ere, uh-"
"None of you are celestial by birth." She remarks! "...If you've come here to seek our aid, you will need to aid us in return."
"What's the dealio, up here?" Uchu struts up to her plainly! "Why would shinigami be icin' celestials?"
The woman snorts. "Because we are not rightful celestials. We just don't want to get stiffed by death. No one deserves to die." Uuh. "...At least, I don't, anyway! Look at this!" An' then she flexes! Holy shit those stomach muscles! She's not wearin' a shirt, by the way- her breasts are contained in a wide sarashi-lookin' thing.
Uchu whistles! "...Point taken. So, guess that means the reapers aren't fooled by hermits flockin' up here and pretending t'be sky people, huh."
"I hear it used ta work." The big chick remarked! "But when we got too big, the pricks in suits gave us our own little sub-quadrant 'a sectors. Of course, we're all a buncha dumbasses too, so we accepted 'cause they worded it cool, and uh, here we are now."
The old guy with the pink beard makes a mean face at us! "It was a necessary evil! The birthrighters- they were planning something!"
"Shut up." She frowns at 'em! "I'll turn ya into a fuckin' accordion." Holy shit!
"Pft- hahaha~!" Suika bellows from the front of the room!
"Please-..." This really thin, blonde-haired chick wit' a blue staff spoke up from her own little table. "Don't fight. We- everyone's trusting us…! We're the first line of defense!"
...So! This is probably why those outer islands were all fucked up! This is a sector dedicated to munchkin OCs who don't wanna die of old age!
...As fun as the idea of not dying sounds, I don't think I'd wanna be up here on a battlement fighting armies of grim reapers! Actually- wait.
"How big're these fights?" I gesture ta big boobie lady! "Like-...?"
"Aah." She shifts a little. "Fifty-fifty, more or less. Always short of a hundred, on either side, 'cause why would they waste so much manpower on us? And we're not that big, so, mmh. Other heavens have it worse." Other heavens…?
"Other heavens?" Genkan wonders about that, too! "What?"
"You guys really are totally new…" She leans back in her seat, lookin' us over again. "Gensokyo's not the only place with a heaven. The ones on the outside're far bigger, more well-armed, and some of them don't take our kinda celestial. Really- from what I've heard from nomads, it'sa totally different game, more 'er less, an' the battles there're more likely to be-... I dunno. I like it here." Holy shit…!
Aw. I wonder-... "How much're rooms here, yo." We should sleep in the good rooms.
...She snorts at me! "Ah, pretty sure they're free. No one goes up there, 'cause they're shitty and cold." Sounds like my kinda place! "Really only used during fighting as quick access shit. Issa' plus for the some of us that like fighting, by the way."
"Absholutely!" Suika booms from the front counter…!
Casually, I meander across the room, and come up to Suika… "Hey, Suika."
"Mmh?" She turns to me…
"Would you eat…" I stare at the counter gingerly. "A snow fluff?"
...After a moment, she nods warmly. "Yesh." Yes, du~de.
...Lookin' around, I run outside!
shoo- shoof. Crouchin' down, I start diggin' in the snow out here-
"what my home no" A fluffle comes outta the snow bank! "im stirred"
I pick up the snow fluff, and come back inside, an' march up ta Suika!
"I found snow fluff." I put it on her head.
She looks around a little, before finding the snow fluff! "Awh. Yhay…" She holds it close, as if she plans to nuzzle it at first…
crunch. She snacked on the snow fluff, and it turned back into just snow. "Mmh…"
...With that train of thought completed, I romp back up to Genkan! "Let's go upstairs, yo…"
"Aw. Don't run away, already." The big amazon lady leaned on her crappy table! "Anyone 'a you up for a round of shogi?"
...We all look around, fer a moment.
Grabbin' a random chair, Uchu slides it up! "Y'know what? Don't mind if I do. Not really up fer sleepin' tonight, either." Hoh, hoh…
clack. The big lady just seems to have had a board on hand. Her like- fingers are way bigger than the tiles, but she still places them kinda nimbly…!
Where're the stairs up. Wait-...
Cla~ck. Reachin' forward, I pull on this big metal sheet against the wall! I found some stairs! They're made of very uneven stone, for some reason...
As I march up, the quieter friends follow me, while the other noobs set up their shogi game in the background…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Woo~sh. When they called it 'crappy and cold' they really were not kidding…!
Maria's trying to see if she can keep this dresser-like thing from sliding into oblivion, by holding onto it. "Uu- um…" Y'see, when we entered the room, the entire room tilted forward and to the right kinda, and the dresser's currently tryin'a slide from one corner to the other!
Instead of a bed, there's a pile of frozen blankets in the back. Grey and black night sky is visible through cracks in the sheet metal ceiling, snowflakes fluttering in through them.
The crappy wood floor is dusted with snow all over, with all of it piling in that one corner that Maria is trying to stop the dresser from scrunching itself into. The snow all kinda-... rolled over there, and then dissipated, somehow!
Genkan turns to her. "Just let it go, Maria. I'm sure it won't do any damage that hasn't already been done."
fwi~sh. Maria let go, and the dresser slid into the corner.
CRACK! Um. The floor it slid over broke, and the dresser fell down into the floor!
BOOM! It hit something below…! "Wahaha~!" I hear Suika bellow from the hole! "Les' see ya polish that, bartenda'!"
FWASH! Before the room can tilt off of its crappy supports further, Genkan draws an uneven pillar of ice from the midst of the room to the ceiling, and makes sure to firmly mat either end in place. "When they'd said this was poorly constructed-... I didn't think it was going to essentially be a pile of materials."
Maria has her hands on her mouth! "...Oops."
...I turn to Genkan, and grin! "We should find secrets, dude!"
"If you shoot a single bomb dart, this whole building's going up in smoke." Genkan prophesied…! "But, if you want, we can look inside the other rooms…"
Hoh. Yes, dude…
Carefully, I ste~p outta the rickety room of ours, and look at the~... about three other options. There's actually a fourth room, on the opposite wall from the first three, but it doesn't have a floor.
We picked the middle room, so… I move up to the door on the left, and swing it open!
Crea~k! The creaky metal door whines open!
Inside, I can tell that the floor's already more stable. It also has a gritty blanket pile and dresser combo… but, it's also full of snow. There's no ceiling!
fwoof, fwoof. Aw? Aw, dude! An owl flaps down from above, and lands in the blankets before me! ...Its eyes are a piercing yellow!
shoo- shoo- shoof. I start randomly sliding open the dresser. It seems to be mostly empty…
In the bottom drawer, there's a cross necklace, however! I guess it's mine now, dude.
...Crouching down, I pick up some snow, and toss it at the owl!
fwoof, fwoof. Getting up- it flies at me, oh shit!
Clack! I shut the door after backin' out! "Noo~b!" I make fun of a wild animal!
Genkan is out here, next to me. "What did you do?" Uh oh.
I hold up the cross! "I found a necklace!"
"In here?" Casually reachin' forward, Genkan opens the- uh oh.
fwoof, fwoof. When she pushes the door open, the big owl roars into the hallway! Hoh- shit!
"What…!?" Genkan is also surprised by the owl!
fwash! She tries to freeze it, but it's freeze immune! It's- an ice elemental owl!
whunk. Oof. It headbutts my chest, which mostly just displaces me…!
"Shoo- shoo!" Genkan waves her arms at it, and-
FWOASH! Ice lashes out from her, healing the owl! It flaps its wings faster, and-
Ka- fwi- fwi- fwish! An ice shard materializes in my form, before snapping and freezing the air around it!
Fwoash! ...The owl just healed me by casting that ice spell on me!
"Freeze!" Genkan- stop castin' ice spells!
KA- fwish! Fwoash! Ice snaps around the owl, healing it again…!
...The owl eventually lands on the ground, an' now looks sedate. It hops around a little, and looks up at her.
Once Genkan's also calm, she looks down at it. "...Hello, snow owl. You scared us." Aw.
The snow owl makes fluffy coos, dude. Lookin' up at me, Genkan smiles. "Have you ever seen a snow owl, before?"
"No, actually…!" I don't typically google owls…! And I'm sure I've never seen one in real life, 'specially not magician ones!
"They're typically rather peaceful creatures." Crouching down, Genkan looks gentle as she holds out an arm. "Come here."
fwoo- fwoo- fwoof. The owl flutters up, and onto her arm. "Now that I think of it-... you're rather big, aren't you? I suppose you'd have to be, to fly up this far."
...Then, she looks at me! "Did you do something to aggravate it earlier, when I wasn't looking?"
I nod! "I threw a snowball at it, and called it a noob."
"But why." Genkan let her brows curl up! "...Well, next time you see an animal that's not attacking you, don't attack it."
...I suppose that'd be good advice! "I didn't think that snowball'd rub it the wrong way…!" I also didn't think I'd see it so soon, but uh… wau.
"So you say." Genkan looks up at the fluffy owl. "I'm gonna show it to Maria…" Aw.
While she goes to show Maria the fluffy owl, I move for the third room of mystery!
Crea~k. The metal door whines as I push it open, an' advance into the room-
CRA- CREAK! Wh- what the fuck. The floor- tilts in a very bad way-
I step back into the doorframe!
SHOOF. This room seemed to be on the back edge of the inn, so the floor tilted back and just fuckin'-... sank into the snow behind the inn. Did they not try to secure it at all.
...I stare down the hole, and the bartender looks up at me! He's this guy with blonde hair. "Ooh- right. You- uuh, shouldn't have opened the door all the way." Good.
I opened the door all the way, and now the floor is gone. What the fuck. That's-... that shouldn't be how this works!
Crea~k. I swing the door shut. Nothin' of interest in there, I guess!
Wait, there's a fifth door, behind me. I didn't see it, because it's different from the other shitty half-effort metal scrap doors. Does this one actually lead to a room?
I come up to it, and it opens without whining its ass off. It's a good start, dude.
...Oh, what. It's like, an actual bedroom, with a vanity, diamond-plated steel walls, and a big round pink-black bed.
Turnin' back, I call out! "Yo- I think I found a good room!"
"No." Oh, hello fucking huge amazon girl. "You didn't."
...I get outta the way as she meanders into it! Musta been a quick shogi game.
Uchu follows her, and shoots me a grin! "Have fun in the snow, kiddo." Oh, we will!
When big girl's in the good room, she pulls on Uchu to get 'er inside…!
Thoom. Their reinforced door shuts. Good.
...I make my way to the final, fifth room that I ignored in the beginning.
Creak. I push the door open. There is no floor. Down below, I can see the abandoned shogi board, and the corner of the room where the big chick was previously…
Wait. What the fuck.
There's a slight extension to this room, and in the back of it, a small brown chest sits there. Holy shit! Why do people put things in treasure chests, anyway!? ...Say I, someone who is liable to put things into a treasure chest because it looks cool. I guess storage space is storage space, but- this looks like it's placed outta the way!
...Crouching down, I click on my gravity boots.
Woah- hoh, shit! As I ascend, I tilt to the right some, and as I bend my legs, I ride along the wall, towards the extended area of the room. Once I near the opposite wall, I bend my legs, and click the boots off-
Thud. Oof. I landed like- on the chest…!
Gettin' offa' it, I spring it open 'cause there's no lock! A~nd…
It's full of peaches and booze. Um. Also, blocks of ice, and snow. Is-... is this like, a medieval-styled cooler? Wait, you know what. I bet this is just big chicks personal cooler. Ma~n. Someone else had the idea of using a treasure chest fer style before I did…!
I dig through the peaches, snow, and beer. So far, it all only seems to be peaches, snow, and beer! Oh, yeah- there's a sword against the opposite wall, but who cares about that, dude.
Oh, yo, I found a spool of sarashi wrapping. Good. Let's leave that here…! Unless, hmm. Genkan in a sarashi would be fun, actually… wait- I already have Reimu's sarashi spool in there somewhere, I think. Ah, fuck it, I could always use more, I guess!
Let's also steal some of these peaches. Dinner, dude. They literally grow off trees up here, so, hoh. I should put fluffles in here…
Loaf country. Is there really just stuff like that in here. There's gotta be one useful thing in here!
...Nope. Ah, whatever, I'll steal some of the peach beer 'cause I'm salty, dude. Maybe we can sell it later!
Once I have everything I need, I jump to the lower floor! "Yeehaw!"
Cre- creak! That couch did not like my landing, but that's too bad! Let's get back upstairs, dude…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
fwoof, fwoof. Genkan and Maria stare up at the owl delightedly, as it floats in place. It is very fwoofy…
"Big snow owl." Maria says to me! Oh my go~d, dude!
"It is really tubby…" I near the blanket pile. Why's it just a blanket pile.
fwoof. I sit in the blanket pile. It feels good, 'cause it's cold.
...I can also feel myself windin' down. Freakin'...
Takin' out one of the peaches I stole, I uh… how do you eat a peach again. Do you just- bite into it? I mean, the outside is a little fuzzy…
Cr- crunch. I bite the skin off! It'sa a bit-... rough, but- oof… but- that taste's pretty good! Holy shit!
Genkan slowly crouches next to me, while I attempt to strategically eat this peach. "...Hi." I look at her, 'cause she's so snug.
She takes the peach from me, and holds her other hand to it-
swish. A tiny blade of frost cut through it, and she then handed it back to me. "Here."
"...Hoh!" Wow! "Uh, thanks…!"
She snorts! "It's not often that I see you do something as mundane as this. It feels like a rare moment."
"...That's true!" It's late, and this crappy room feels particularly cozy… that, and there's not a whole lot of explorin' to do in here. I have literally already explored everything!
Crunch. I bite into the good peach. It's- pretty potent in terms of flavor, actually! But- wow. This is a good peach. Tenshi said she was sick 'a the shit up here- that must really suck. This is a flavor I'd like to appreciate through not eating it a lot, 'cause otherwise it'd become too common…!
The good peach, dude.
"How often did you eat, on the outside?" Genkan wondered. "Considering your diet here…"
Ho~h. Let's see… "I mea~n… my parents did try to make me something pretty much everyday, but because of school and work, and our differing schedules, it got automated to the point where sometimes I'd get served things I was just not into eating. And, if I told them that, it was a whole different issue of social obligations an' them not knowing what nutrition meant, so y'know-... to cut all the shit, I just didn't eat what they served sometimes, and ate crappy snacks instead."
...Genkan's got a brow raised! "Sounds like fun. What did they serve that you detested so much?"
Hmm~. "...Well, at dinner, there wasn't anything I super detested. Wait- actually, nevermind, sometimes they served these burgers that were just so burnt that I'd take a few bites, and just-... cringe at how fuckin' dry and well-done they were. I dunno if my parents had a different cookin' standard than other people or what, but they were super inconsistent with burgers. Also- this chicken, and we used to have these shitty offbrand teriyaki steaks that just- they were rubber! Oof..."
Man, I'll take fruit over prepared shit anyday. Unless it's prepared good…!
"Anything they did good was usually a like, super specific special preparation, like fried chicken, or smoked meat." I add. "...Since I used the computer a lot, I also got really annoyed whenever they made eating something a huge project, 'cause I'd often be in the middle of somethin'."
"Did you talk with them, about all of this?" Genkan wondered! "They might have changed, if you told them."
"Oo~h, I told 'em, alright!" Do not think I didn't try! "They said I was picky- and I kinda am! But sometimes, it's more 'a matter of preference I feel, 'cause there's a lotta good for you options that aren't like, just meat. Meat's pretty good for you, but when it's served in a way I don't actually like, I could care less!"
"...It doesn't sound like you like food very much." Genkan supposed! "Or at least, haven't shared good experiences with it."
"It's a rocky road, yo…" Me and food… sometimes, we don't agree!
"...I suppose I don't eat, either." Genkan moves to sit on the blankets next to me… "Since, well, I don't exactly need human food. Still, it seems irregular for a human to not appreciate it."
"I liked the food my mom made." Maria states simply… "The stuff they made at that one house sucked." Hoh.
fwoof. The snow owl lands on the ground, and looks at us owlishly. Hnee hnee hnee, dude.
"We should probably let that owl escape." Genkan figured…! "I knew a sister who attempted to keep one as a pet. It didn't turn out very well, after only a week. Provided, it wasn't a snow owl."
Crea~k. She pushed the door open telekinetically-
woosh! The snow owl escaped, dude. Be free, snowy owl friend!
Clack. She shut the door again.
...She turned to Maria! "Well. If we're going to sleep tonight, we're going to have to find a way to share these blankets. Or-..."
Fwii~sh. Holding her arm up, she shifted some of the ceiling metal outta the way, since it's that loose. Then, she held both arms out.
woo~sh. Snow blew from her, coating the floor in a powdery layer. "Me and Brad will lie in the snow. You can take the blankets, Maria, since you're not fully protected against the cold." Hoh.
I get up an' offa' the blankets, 'cause yeah. Genkan continues to ice the floor with a dusty layer, while Maria starts diggin' into the blankets…
Once there's enough snow, Genkan chooses to flop over…
fwump. Aw. She's snuggly. "Mmh. There is something nice, about lying down. Especially somewhere so cold…"
fwump. I flop down near her, and- oo~h. This feels-... especially good, after today! 'Cause we fought like twenty million things, and beat the fuck up a bunch…!
...Genkan casually shifts towards me, in the snow. "Mmm? What're you doing, over there." ...I face her equally casually! "Come here."
shoof. She pulls me closer…! "Oh, look." She faces the sky, which makes me do the same…
Oo~h. The snow's tapering off, and we can see the stars through the clouds. Ho~ly shit, that's a lotta stars, too. We're pretty high up, and everything…
"Stars." Genkan remarks simply, and super fluffily… "Hmm. Let me just-..."
shoo- shoof. She moves even more metal outta the way, so we can see the sky a little better. I can feel her body tense as she uses one arm to slide it outta the way. S'weird how telekinesis works.
"Do you know any constellations, Brad?" Genkan is so fluffy dude- actually…
"I know the big dipper exists!" To be honest, I don't! "...And there's a little dipper somewhere, too!"
Genkan snorts! "...Hmm. It's been a little while. I know where a few bright stars are." She points up. "I think I see Altair. Ah, right. Deneb, Altair and Vega. That's the summer triangle, if I remember correctly…"
The summer triangle, huh.
"Isn't there a constellation called Cancer." Where can we find cancer.
"I don't believe we can see that, right now." Genkan denies us from finding cancer. "I think we can only see that in the spring." ...She looks at me! "What're you grinning about?"
"Nothin' particular…!" I don't need to inform her that cancer is not just a crab, but also a very deadly and infamous disease which is also the topic of memes!
"Do you even see where the dippers are." Genkan aggresses me…!
"To be honest, no!" Aaa~h!
"This is why you're not a ma~ge." Maria drawls from her blanket cocoon. Y'know- when I think about it, Marisa'd be fuckin' all over night sky stuff, wouldn't she.
"Still…" Despite our collective ignorance in the night sky- or more specifically mine, 'cause Genkan kinda knows her stuff- she continues. "The night sky always fills me with such wonder. About what lies up there, in such a void."
Void, huh. Reminds me 'a someone, kinda. "I'm with that with sky, an' big areas, too. Really makes ya wanna explore, doesn't it?" I have a drive to create! But- what, though. Maybe I should learn danmaku…
Genkan snuggles into the snow, a little. "Mmh. I'm reminded, of the time I spent with Shimokoa, again. We passed time with a lot of moments, similar to this. Although, perhaps I'd call it something like-... 'reveling in our shared boredom'. I still don't think a little boredom is a bad thing."
Y'know, it's really not. I feel like bouts of boredom are what inspire creation, and critical thought. Sometimes it pays to stay one's desires, just a little, and to-... y'know, maybe I should say this out loud.
"I feel like periods 'a boredom inspire creation, and critical thinking." I voice! "Sometimes, it's good to withhold yer own desires just a bit, and to buckle down on some things. Y'know- I feel like a problem-... the outside has nowadays, is it doesn't really teach any valuable realizations, like this. I feel like it could be catalyzed a lot better if measures were put in place to make people operate more like people, and less like gears in a machine. 'Cause at its basest, that's what education out there is, and it just dominates people's lives."
…Then again, this 'realization' we talked about is basically just basic self-control, but it's a particularly valuable on in the context of scourin' entertainment, experiences and information, rather than y'know, 'don't drink yourself to death' or somethin' more trivial.
...Genkan just sorta shifts to look at me! "Where does this side of you come from."
I dunno! "...If I had ta guess, I get like this when I'm tryin'a think over an issue that either like-... is part 'a somethin' I wanna build on, or is impeding the progress of stuff I wanna do, including desires. Which, saying that, is kinda a double-edged sorta thing, but-... I mostly think, just being able to observe these flaws with the world, and with a buncha people- it's pretty frustrating…!"
"I'm reminded of your very angry doppelganger." Genkan speaks of dream Brad…! "Except, instead of-... essentially complaining about the issue, and trying to see it deeper, he wanted to explode the village council with nine hundred sticks of TNT." Wahaha~!
"I still wanna explode something with nine hundred sticks 'a TNT!" 'Cause c'mon, that'd be fuckin' insane…!
Although, now that I think about it-... hmm. If I really just went up and blew up all my problems with TNT instead of like, actually thinking over how it affects a society's citizen populace, would I really be like-... benefitted?
I am done thinking for the evening! "Well, I'm glad I don't explode everything with TNT. It means I'm still thinkin'...!"
While we lie next to each other, Genkan gives me a peaceful smile. "Mmm. I'm glad you're the way you are." Woah.
She slides out the arm that's under me, and brings it between us, to join her hand with mine. Oo- ooo… "It feels-... so good. Isolation, in the air. So, very-... cozy."
She slides closer, our faces close, both embedded partially into the pillowy, powdery snow, which molds to our shapes.
...Wow- this is-... relaxing me pretty quickly, actually… it really is just- us, the sky, the snow, and the starlight.
Locked in this comfy, symmetrical embrace with Genkan, my eyes shut with surprising confidence…
...All those stars. And-... Genkan…
...
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Mmm- my god, this snow feels good. It's like the best-... fuckin' blanket ever. It's like the temperature of the air is just right. Cold immunity is kickass.
Obviously, me and Genkan didn't keep perfect posture over the evening, so I'm just- embedded somewhere in the snow, with her pinning me down. She's gotten really comfy with me…! Like- this is a 'her cheek's against my cheek' kinda Ha-chan-tier situation.
And- man, it feels good. Especially 'cause snow is under me, so it's not like I'm getting super squished. I don't remember Genkan ever sleeping on me before either, really. It's a really cute and different feeling though, 'cause instead 'a lying all elegant-like, she's just like 'unh', and sinking into me. Hehehe~...
An' now I'm melting mentally from being snuggled into oblivion by Genkan.
It's morning now, and ultrabright beams 'a light are just roarin' in from the open ceiling. What's that-... oh. The snow owl's up on the edge of the open roof, looking around idly.
"Mm- mh…" Genkan shifts a little, and my hormones have a heart attack. Holy shi~t…
This is a good morning. We need to make snow and lie in it more often. Who needs beds…!
...I fidget repeatedly and happily, 'cause ooo~. I don't think I'd survive if we weren't clothed…! Come to think of it, Genkan's never gotten naked herself for sleeping. Hoh…
I hug Genkan really tightly. Ye~s.
...After some moments of me sleeplessly squeezing her, she starts to stir! "Mm- mnn…" Wahaha~.
She starts to raise, a little… "Oo- oh? Ah… I must've shifted in my sleep." She then notices how freakin' vulnerable I look, just flattened under her! "You look like you slept well."
"Oo- ooh… I did." She's still got a lazy look, which is good.
...She seems tempted to just squeeze me, but looks around to see if Maria's around. She's-... currently not!
"Mmh." Wh- scooping me up, she does indeed just squeeze me. "Good morni~ng." Aa- aah…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Maria's eating peaches, down in the main lobby. "Guys. They only serve peaches here." She passes us a basket of peaches…!
Since last night, mosta the place cleared out, 'cept for a few notables, like pink beard asshole, and giant amazon boob lady.
Also- Uchu's still here! Just, hanging offa' the big chick's arm. Maybe I should learn 'er name, at some point!
"The- peaches're on the house, by the way…" The blonde, spiffy bartender folds his arms. "They're always on the house…" Uh oh.
We should use heavenly peaches to stone our enemies. We'd be known as the fruit fuckers.
...I turn to Genkan and Maria, as we near one of the empty mid-room tables! "We should use heavenly peaches to stone our enemies. We'd be known as the fruit fuckers…!"
"Ca- can we not." Genkan shook her head…! "I'd- like to not be known as a 'fruit fucker'..."
Actually, where is Ha-chan. Normally, she'd join me and Genkan in a fifty-two car pile-up…
I turn to the bartender! "Yo, you see a fairy around these parts?"
"Gonna have to narrow that down." He monotoned…!
Cra- clack! The front door to the bar slams open!
...It's Ha-chan! And- she has a whole crate fulla' peaches…! "I found fruit!" Good!
She shuffles up to us, with her fruits. Then, she slides 'em onto the table. "Fruit." Good fruit…
"Why are there only peaches?" Genkan wants to know!
"Well-..." The blonde doofy bartender speaks up… "There are the nectarines." Ooo? What kinda fruit's that…?
"Which, are also peaches." Genkan notes! Also- freakin'... they're just a different kinda peach!
"Y'know…!" I turn to the bartender guy! "Does anyone up here even like peaches…!?"
"Sort of?" He supposes to us, dude. "They're pretty alright, for what they are, even if the taste does get… old, after awhile. Like, for being the afterlife, this place is pretty strict on imports. I mean, all we can do is trade peaches and some of our materials, but most of us don't want ta part with the crap we worked for, so… peaches out the door, it is. We also don't really have an economy up here to speak of."
Man. Heaven just keeps soundin' more and more like a train wreck every time I ask about it!
"No economy?" I wonder! "Where's the booze come from? Who makes stuff…!"
"Well, the thing is-..." He puts his arms on the counter, lookin' thoughty. "On the proper celestial half of things, they have a council to delegate living, activity organization, and tasks performed. It's a little more boring, but... it's ordered. In this territory we got placed onto-... well, we pretty much got shafted into the featureless negative space they weren't using. We all kind of do our own thing, but, some people make beer, or find ways to trade it in from the government. We got some people who just build."
...I stare up at the holes in this building's roof! "Aaa, huh…" Graphic design is their passion, dude.
An' then I question him summore, 'cause it's still a little vague to me… "What was the difference between you an' these stuffy people?" 'You' as in 'you and your people', hoh hoh.
He's pretty good about being interrogated, I'll give 'em that! "...Hmm. For the large part of us, we're hermit-likes and nomads. This place offers a consistent resistance against shinigami. That, and the peaches are actually pretty useful. Meanwhile, the rightful celestials are actually just people who have already died, and they've been sentenced here on good behavior. And, then there's some families who ascended to divinity, so their children have only ever known life as a celestial."
Hu~h. So, these munchkins and the stuffy heaven people are actually kinda different contextually…
"They're also huge fucking sissies." I hear big lady from across the room! "...Celestials are already weak, because they usually don't fight, despite their bodies-... but celestials by birth, especially so. They never had to die, or earn the right to ascend."
...Then, she leans back. "Except for Tenshi." Hoh, hoh!
The bartender nods! "...She's still sort of a rapscallion."
"'Cause she's a brat." Big lady remarked! "At least she's not one of them stuffy shitbrained types."
"True, true…" Spiffy bartender guy nods at the counter...
cru- crunch. We start eating our peach stuffs. What if a fluffle ate peaches.
I look at the bartender guy again. "Y'know-... what are these peaches good for, actually? I know they're some kinda good food, but-..."
"They shape your body to your convenience." He states…!? "...Of course, if you want something different from yourself, you need to eat them regularly. Eating them inconsistently will improve your endurance, generally, but if you eat a lot, your body just sort of shapes to be what you want." ...Huh. "It's kind of a commitment, and most of us don't need to eat, but it should explain some of our… stranger denizens."
"Um. If it's so easy to improve yourself, why not eat them constantly?" Maria wonders! "It seems like a really easy way to-... make yourself better."
"Well, for one, eating them all the time kinda~..." He leaves the displeasure to implication! "But, we do eat them a lot, and they help us maintain ourselves between fights. Unless you're youkai, or like us, you'll probably have to eat them for longer periods of time than others."
Hmm. Since they boost life stuff short-term, it's good that I got a few. We should eat them before or during fights!
"We do have some good diet plans up here." He admits! "...Actually, peach juice is pretty good. It doesn't quite have the long term effects of eating the peaches themselves, but the short term benefits are a lot stronger."
Clack. He places a can, on the counter. "...It's also on the house, because these things aren't hard to juice."
Maria gives 'em a blunt look! "If there's no economy, is there anything not on the house."
...He doesn't respond!
"Om." Ha-chan bit into a peach… "Mm- mmm~!" She really liked it, apparently! Her form also lit up, momentarily…!
Still glowing a soft gold, she starts to become snuggly, propping her arms up as she gives us all a mischievous look…
"Good peaches." Genkan summarizes.
"Do they go bad?" I wonder!
"No." The bartender answers me…!
After biting into my peach enough, I stand up! "Alright, yo...! We should get a move on!" I am pumped, and ready to move!
Coming up to the door, I can't progress. There's a tubby fluffle in the way.
"this door is being refurbished" It stares at me, its smile obscured. Reaching from behind itself, it gives me a kind of big, but not too big rock.
"Oh." It's heavy, but not too much. Wait…
Leaning forward, I near the sitting fluffle again, and drop the rock on one of its fin legs.
"ow!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
After I defeated the fluffle, we all kinda roared outside, 'cause we're all energized now!
And, wow, Heaven is-... really different, when it's bright out, and the sun's out. Unlike the first time I was here, there isn't just an indiscernible mess of sky islands in one direction. I mean, there still is, but only from two thirds of the directions, and not half! Wait- that's still a lot…
I also kinda remember seeing the islands I'm on right now from a distance, too! ...They're shittier up close than I thought!
The houses in this non-celestial part 'a the neighborhood are-... uh, not as bad as the inn, but they don't have consistent stonework like some of the islands in the distance. Some of them also have the weird NES color palette the first sky islands I was on had!
Cold light shines across the big snowscape, glaring off of the vast sky all around us. It's- actually… really fucking bright out, oh my god.
Fwi- Click! I change into my race car helmet, with the visor down. Man yo, here I am again- racecar helmet and camou-mono! It's like nothing's changed for ten thousand chapters, except I'm wearing gravity boots now!
"That- helmet…" Genkan recognizes it! "When I first met you, you had that. It-... still looks terrible, compared to everything else." Wahaha!
Lookin' back at the dim, shanty-ass inn behind us, I see big girl and Uchu sauntering out behind us…
I get in their way. "This door is being refurbished."
Uchu actually smirks at that! "Pftah. As i~f."
crunch. Big girl just walks into me, and next thing I know, I'm in the snow next to the door instead…!
shoof. A snow fluff emerges from the white stuff to assist me. Even for a fluffle, it's particularly small!
"You kno~w. We still need to do recon, an' all…" Uchu saunters around with her big chick friend, starin' us down. Y'know- what did they do last night. "Bu' we can be slower about it."
"Oh? Recon?" Big girl turns to her! "I can show ya around then, if ya want."
The snow fluff smiled up at them. "yg" Wat.
...When they looked down at it, it fell onto its side, and made itself cuddly. Oh my god, dude.
"That'd be-... real good, actually." Uchu smiled at 'er! "You heard 'er, everybody. We're goin' fer a stroll."
Once it thoroughly made itself lovable, the tiny fluff got onto all fours, approaching the big girl. "i will eat your descendants"
...We're all briefly surprised by its tiny audacity!
BAM. Big girl stomps on the floor-
shoof. The snow fluff died without even getting hit.
"Y'know!" I grin at 'em! "What'd ya two do last night? I thought ya were playin' shogi."
"She fucked me." Uchu-
"I fucked her." Big girl answers!
"...Oh." That-... was straightforward! No wonder Uchu looks like less of a walking dangerous girl.
When they stalk ahead to look around in the morning's super brightness, I start to move towards Genkan to begin my fluffy communication…
"Wa- wait…" Uchu turns to me! "Is thatta- fuckin' racecar helmet..."
"Ye!" I nod at 'er! "...It's sun resistant, and keeps the sun from blinding me!" This is what race car helmets are meant for, right…!?
...She looks ahead with her big chick friend who I still don't know the name of.
I near Genkan's floofiness, and speak quietly. "No wonder Uchu's slightly less of a walkin' edgelord now…!"
Big chick turns back to us! "Both of us have animal ears, y'know." Hoh, shit! I- thought I was real quiet!
"I'm also a girl." Genkan- whah. I dunno what that implies… and then, she replies quieter. "But, I do agree." Yes, dude.
"It's cold!" Ha-chan yells!
"When isn't it…" Maria grins intensely at Ha-chan! "You'd think you'd be used to it, by this point."
"I'm not!" Ha-chan insists! "...'Cause I'm cold!"
woosh. "Hahaha~!" Oh, look! It's some kinda cloudy fairy girl… "Earth fairy~! Ground fairy~!"
"Wh- ah…!" Freezing up, Ha-chan reaches into her peach crate! "Nnn- shoo!" She tosses one at the cloudy fairy!
whunk. It beans her on the head! "Wh- aaa~gh!" Wahaha~! "...You- stupid ground-...!"
CLAP! She smacks her hands together, and air visibly billows out from between her palms!
WOOSH! Suddenly, a very tiny but very fierce tornado roars towards us-
"Wh- aah…" What. Oh- woah! Genkan got displaced like, ten feet up in the air…!
Fwi- fwish! Summoning her arrow guns, Uchu immediately does a backflip from her casual posture, and as she goes to land, she hangs in the air, firing two blue arrows forward.
Pap- pat! They explode into cutting water upon striking the fairy-
Fwoash! She heals from the water damage…! "He- hehe-"
FWASH! But then, she's super frozen, once Genkan returns. "Stupid cloud fairy."
thunk. She lands on the island ground before us. What a lump, dude.
"Bubblega Shot!" Uchu poses, lining up her chunky arrow guns with one another, makin' 'em light up…!
BWA- FWUMP! A huge, rainbow-tinted bubble blows from her forward-most gun, and slowly bobs towards the frozen fairy…
...Once it nears her, it begins to wobble ominously-
KLACK- BOOM! It explodes into a massive shockwave of force, diamond-esque slices of water exploding out!
KRACK! Ho- holy shit! The fairy was turned into a pile of ice…!
"Who's up fer fairy pops?" Uchu grins maliciously at us! What would that even taste like.
"I didn't even get to cast anything…" Maria lowers her staff!
...I near the pile of sad ice. Man, fairy insides look-... weird. Holy shit. This is actually way more gruesome than I expected! But- there's no blood.
"That's-... huh." Genkan lets her brows curl up, once we inspect the fairy ice…! "I'm not sure if this is impressive or appalling."
...The ice begins to glow a dim blue. Wait- all of the outer, exposed fairy flesh is dissipating. The lines are a bright, almost white blue for a moment, before vaporizing into seemingly nothing. Her stuff must be slowly turning back into mana...
"Well." Nodding idly at the fairy murder, big girl starts to saunter towards one of the bridges. Freakin'-... I just noticed, but for pants she just has like, a cloth around her waist, a buncha random wrappings, and some kinda crotch cloth thing. It's not quite a loincloth! ...But, it's basically a loincloth. "Let's venture inland. I'll show ya where the line between us and the stuffingtons is, and some stuff 'long the way. Dunno where the hell Suika got up to."
Ho~h. The heavenly adventure, dude. Maybe we'll get to see Tenshi again, and I can remind her of that time I got a boner after staring at her ass while she was puking, 'cause I was loaded up on dick medicine. I can't believe I actually forgot what the name of that medicine was…! Wh- nn. Did it begin with a V…!? Virgo…!? Wh- Viagra! Holy shit!
...Genkan's idly watching my mental struggle!
Before she marches too far ahead, I raise a hand up! "Yo- big girl, what's your name, actually…!?"
She turns towards me! "Mmh? I'm Mayu." Hoh.
Mayu continues ahead 'a us, leading us to this other really torn up bridge.
fwi- fwish. In the snow nearby, a regular dust fluffle is contending against a kedama, for some reason. The fluffle's snapping at the air, while the kedama just makes the fluffle dustier.
Clack, clack. Every step she takes across it makes it rumble! Man- the crappy way these boards are attached to the bases of the bridge don't look right. Like, each base is just a staircase, and the boards are only nailed into the tops of each staircase…!
Mayu takes another step, and-
CRACK! Wh- holy shit- the stair snapped off of the island-
"Stop!" Maria thrusts her staff into the air- as the wood begins to spin-
KA- KA- KLINK! Prisms of time magic flare out around the collapsing bridge half, and the boards and broken wood are suspended in time.
...I'm kinda crouched, holding onto the bridge with both my arms and my hands! "Ho- holy shit…!" Maria was fucking quick on the draw, with that one…!
Mayu's already leapt onto the other end of the bridge. "...Ah, huh. Never seen stop magic used like that…" Uchu's also already next to her!
Genkan comes to steal me and Maria off of this platform, since there's still no way I can recover from here and get onto the other half myself! "Good reflexes, Maria."
Heftin' an arm around both of our sides, Genkan hoists us up kinda jankily, before depositing us onto the next island outright.
woosh. The bridge resumes collapsing, now that we're off of it…!
"That one was held together with spit and duct tape." Uchu stares at the broken bridge with a vague expression. "Kinda different from the sorta solid ornate ones, along the edges…"
Mayu snorts. "Not all bridge makers're made equal." Apparently!
"I- really need to get a good handle on time magic." Maria announces to us! "...I should've asked the princess about it a little, earlier." Do you wanna learn time magic from Kaguya, is the better question…!
Uchu snorts. "Who? The princess? Heh. Let's be real. She probably wouldn't've helped you all that much."
...Maria looks fluffy. "If you say so." I don't think she took Uchu at face-value there…
This new island we stepped onto is kinda freakin' empty. There's two houses on it, and one of them is literally a me-tier plywood hut, and the other is actually a house.
"What's uh…" I gesture to the architectural disparity! "Why's the houses so different."
Mayu looked over them since I mentioned them, as she passed 'em. "I think the owners are both brothers. Last I heard, they hated each other." Hoh.
Oh, shit, there's one of them now. He's just comin' back from across this one bridge ahead, which actually still exists, and looks a whole lot better than the bridge we just accidentally cancelled.
He marches confidently up to us, wearing this absolutely retarded hat made of copper, and iron armor, with tin leggings. "Oh- hey, guys! I'm makin' the best of it, guys!" He looks really happy, though! On his belt, he has this-... malformed looking tin sword, I think?
"...We know you?" Uchu tilts her head at 'em!
"Uh- no, but you guys look swell!" He has this like, eternally assured look on his face. "Hey- I'm gonna run to the outlyin' islands to fight some fairies an' rocks. Who wants ta come!?"
Mayu gives him a very flat expression. "Don't fight the monoliths. They fight shinigami too, you know. Also, don't, you'll probably get fucked."
...He holds his arms out! "How'm I supposed to get stuff!?"
Mayu just keeps continuin' ahead, so we follow 'er!
The boy calls out to us as we leave! "How'm I supposed ta get stuff!?"
When we reach the next bridge, Mayu grins back at us! "Some of us who won't venture farther have a problem with actually arming themselves, or finding helpful items."
Y'know, maybe some of these clowns deserve to be shinigami'd. Actually- now that I think about it, that's me inadvertently saying I'd be cool with them dying…!
"Y'ever feel like protecting some people from the reapers is pointless?" I ask Mayu, while we all meander onto this better bridge…
She doesn't look happy with the question, but she doesn't hate it. "...Sometimes. But, at the situation's most basic, I don't believe anybody deserves to die, if they don't want to."
Hoh. I wonder how many not-celestials're actually even up here. If we're talking even five people per island in the noob territory… that's not a whole lot.
Across the bridge, we come onto an island with a big intersection of paved stone, and four houses, each fitting into a corner around the intersection. Looks like a residential sector…
"There's more development up here, than I thought…" Genkan looked around at the neighboring house blocks, and stuff. "We couldn't see further than the island we stood on, last night."
Mayu snorted. "First time we got good snow like that, in awhile."
Ho~h.
While we progress, I turn to Ha-chan, who's making cuddly faces at the air while we progress.
Crunch. Taking out a peach from her crate, I munch on it…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
After some meandering of the technicolor suburbs, we come to a place with a fountain in the middle! It's- frozen entirely, actually…
"It's a fountain!" I point it out! "S'there any secrets in it, yo!?"
"Must we always destroy every fountain we see." Genkan gives me a vain look…! "One of these days, someone isn't going to appreciate that."
"Someone might've hid a chest under it, or something…" Mayu looks uninterested in my query! "Can't be that good, if it's hidden under a fountain."
I rumble up to the fountain! "Oh, shit!" There's a super obvious and enclave in the midst of it, which leads down under the main mechanism! Wh- you can just see a treasure chest at the bottom!
"Yo- Genkan!" I summon you, snow waifu! "Help me get this ice outta the way!" While I could just blow it outta the way, I think the chest is frozen solid…
"Since it's right there, I'll just take it out, and we'll open it." Genkan provides, dude. Aw…
Steppin' back, I let Genkan drift forward, and thaw the ice by touching it.
fwish- splish. The fountain completely thaws, and after a few moments, the water starts running as normal.
Splash. Telekinetically, she extracts the chest from the gap with one tug of her arm, and sets it down. "There."
"Yes, dude!" Rubbin' my hands together, I bounce on up to the chest, and swing 'er open-
FWASH!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
fwish. Wh- what-... just happened.
Genkan smiles, next to me! "...The chest froze you solid." What. She musta thawed me...
...I stare inside the chest. There's nothing inside it. I got blasted by ice, and that's the only result of opening the chest…!
Shutting the chest, I nod peacefully. "Put it back, yo. That's it- I'll put it back…" Lifting the chest from the ground- pretty easy since it's just wood and a bit of metal- I march up to the fountain, and-
SPLASH! I just drop it back in! It doesn't even land in the enclave, and just kinda sits in the middle of the water, but I don't care!
Mayu snorts. "Ya found more ice."
Freakin'... "The water can keep the ice!"
Here, I can see a really elaborate, well-maintained bridge at one end of the plaza-like thing we stumbled onto. Four shops rest at each edge of this particularly big sky island, with signs in Japanese that I can't read!
"Clothes." Maria casually mentions one of them. "Armor. Accessories…" Hu~h.
"This is the back line where we do trade an' shit." Mayu supplies. "Hold on, lemme get my outfit that won't make the stuffy asses whine…" She moves for this one store, which has displays of plain shirts and stuff in the vanity windows.
From across the bridge, this thin man with an elaborate purple dress- I mean-... robe thing marches closer. He's got a big staff with a snakehead molded onto the top of it, seemingly made of gold.
Upon sighting us, he makes a kinda sour face.
Uchu snorts at 'em. "Here comes the czar. Anyone know who the hell that is?" Nope! Aw- and Mayu went to change clothes, so uh…
...Stepping into the midst of the plaza, he gives us a close look. "I see the vermin are about, today. You're more grunt-like than usual, today. What is wrong?"
"You needn't be so condescending." Genkan is immediately opposed to the dude! "We're not from around here."
He snorts. "Yes, just like all the others. I'm not dumb, mortal girl." Hoh, shit!
"What crawled up yer ass an' died…!?" This dude's had a constipated look the whole way gettin' over here!
He jerked his head back! "Is that any way to speak to an official, mortal?"
"Yes." I answer instantly! "'Cause you're a freakin' noob!" Get owned! "You're like a-... you're like a joke in the night, dude."
...He looks curious at my weird metaphor, so I continue! "You get released, and one person goes 'ha ha', and then you get snuffed out!" I really don't know where I was going with this one!
...Genkan just gives me a somewhat lost expression! "I-... don't think I get it."
"Well, I never." The stuffy guy seemed to get it, somehow, which is all that matters! Even though- there was nothing to get, 'cause I literally just let my mouth run without a direction at all! "You must be a poet, perhaps?"
"An' you wouldn't even know it." Knowette, dude. That joke was starin' me in the face!
He grins big at that! "Hah, hah. I suppose I'll treat you to an event most poetic, then, for your offense." Oh…? "Come forth, and toil, servant of chaos!"
woo- woosh. From before him, a dark blotch begins to rise from the floor. "Read the sins of he who stand before me, and treat him to a horror most horrific!" You just chained the same word together twice. That's like- that's like a knock-off Disney rhyme…!
FWI- CRACK! Suddenly, with a lightning-esque boom from the dark aura, it snapped into the shape of a being!
woo- woosh. It swung its featureless plant hanger around, and took an aggressive stance! It's-... me! Except, I have my noob gear from when I first arrived in Gensokyo, and I'm black as shadow.
The purple robey man folds his arms. "Entertain me." Hoh, hoh!
"This-... huh." Genkan stares at yet another nega-Brad plainly. Man, I get evil clones made of me way too often for comfort…! "Deja vu." Says you, Genkan…! This is like the two hundredth time for me!
"I'm like, a PVP expert at this point." I mean, look at this noob. He didn't even buy the hanger expansion pack yet. "What the frik can he even do."
woash. Becoming flat along the floor, the nega-Brad shifts across the plaza stone to get behind us.
Woosh! But, once he does, he instantly re-materializes and springs into action, lashing out at Genkan!
She stops his downward hanger swing with her hand. "...Um?"
He tries to punch her in the stomach, but she plainly catches his other hand. "He's really not thinking this through."
Maria comes up while he's stuck 'cause of Genkan's arms, and just, casually reels her staff back…
WHUNK! She clubs him in the back 'a the head!
woa~sh. After lookin' like he was collapsing in pain, he merges with the floor again, and shifts around behind me!
The moment he reforms, he instantly double jumps, trying to cleave the hanger down onto my head!
Fwi~sh! Dropping onto my knees, I easily use my speed to slide under him on the snowy, stone ground.
Clack! When he lands on his shoes, I get up and ram my arm into his gut! "Yo!"
When he flinches heavily at the hit, he lashes back with his hanger to try and hit me, but I keep behind him! "Freakin'- get owned, noob!"
Whish! Swiftly, he pivots around on his heel, swinging the hanger out wide and hard, but I snap my head under it to weave past the attack!
Squick! Makin' a V with my fingers, I poke his-... eyes… out? Does he have eyes? I poke where there should be eyes!
Oh- woah! When he silently howled in pain, he snapped into the floor, and shifted behind someone else again!
He came up behind Maria. He instantly raised his hanger to guard a head-focused attack-
Whunk. Maria jabbed her staff into his dick. "No, shoo."
woash. Instantly, he traveled along the floor again, this time behind Genkan!
Woosh! He soared from the floor with a rising slash of his hanger-
Genkan shifts past the upward swing, and hugs him. "Sink into the dreams of sleeping souls." Oh shit, she's gonna instant kill it…!
Letting go of his shadow hanger, I see him try to push against her feebly…! But then, when her embrace tightens on him, and her kimono moves to seal his form into hers, he begins to slow…
Whi~sh. Wind billows out from Genkan's form. Frost starts to build along nega-Brad's body...
Fwi- woash. He dissipates into nothing, a moment later.
"It didn't even have any heat…" Genkan retook casual posture, her kimono shifting back into place. "What a feeble existence." We didn't even have to use anything other than our like, inherent skills to freakin' destroy it.
...Purple robe man makes a sour face again! "Hmh. That was-... you three are more competent than I anticipated." Y'know, nega-Brad literally just used like-... if this was an RPG, all he did was use the featureless standard attack button over and over!
I think the only person that would've been a disaster if he cloned, would be Maria. But, if these noob clones are just noobs, then she'd only have tier one spells, making her lose to just Maria on principle! Imagine if she only used physical attacks…! In that case, a clone 'a Genkan would probably be stronger, even if we'd just instantly annihilate it with fire magic!
"I like the idea that none of us can fight the rest of the party!" I announce my thinking!
...At this thought, Maria speaks! "I could stop both of you, and chug potions to keep you stopped."
"I could freeze both of you." Genkan announced…! "Actually- I'd only be able to freeze Brad."
"I'd roast you." Maria gains a playfully aggressive look again…! "Unless you did that big ice blade thing over and over again. That's-... that'd be worse than fighting Shimokoa, actually." Where the hell'd Genkan even learn 'shoot giant kickass ice sword from the depths of the earth', anyway…!?
"What if I berserked everybody…!?" I propose! "Including myself!"
"Please, don't." Genkan lets her brows raise at the idea! "One or more of us would be dead, probably."
...This whole time, Uchu's just been staring at us boredly, with her arms crossed!
"Hey, hey." Mayu comes back up to us, in actual clothing, kind of! "Good to see no one's killed each other while I was gone." ...Then, her gaze centered on purple-robed guy! "Why're you here, again? If you hate us so much, why keep coming back?"
"Because I was trusted by the royal council to supervise your operations." He waves his staff at her! Y'know, I kinda wanna nick that staff, so Maria can use it. It looks fancy and good! "I do not trust anyone else with this operation."
...I turn to Genkan. "Fluffle money."
"Shaped like a friend." She gets it, dude! Holy shit!
"We need more fluffles." Maria, too, is friendly! "Brad, steal every fluffle you see, so we get a stock of them…"
"We should probably do something." Uchu remarks, based on our feedback! "The goons are going insane."
Mayu snorts! "We can show off the rich part 'a the neighborhood, too. Hey, snake-eyes, we're gonna run around in your turf. Ya better follow us. Who knows what we'll do."
...Shifty purple guy looks displeased, dude. Help, no.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 97
Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Robot Demolisher, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Factory Disassembler, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Conscientious Party Member, Winter Warrior, Village Revolutionary, Has Forgotten What Half of These Titles Stood For, Holder of Too Many Titles - Aw, Genkan gave me a summary! I can change elements, skills and resistances depending on the situation! Weaknesses vary…!
NON-EQUIP SKILLS:
Lucky Star - Non-elemental magic that does very random damage to one target. The star is summoned from above, and simply coasts into people.
Scent Pillow - A spell taught by Koakuma. The end-game strat, dude.
World's Wimpiest Fireball - A spell learned from a book given ta me by Patchouli. Not very good for anything…! May dry out targets.
Lumen - Low-grade holy spell that eats mana. Requires a source of holy to actually be cast. Homes in on an enemy and deals a burst of mediocre holy damage.
Double Jump - The good skill. Allows the user to completely cancel their falling momentum and jump again.
NERF Marauder Combo - A wimpy, back-and-forth slapping motion, one hand on the very bottom tip of a hanger's handle. Relies on the weapon itself to just bean a person's head! The way it works allows attacks to be chained together easier.
Combo Length - Brad's combo length without equips is one. He's really good at this, dude.
Reflex IX-1 - No strike combo finisher! Reeling the plant hanger over his head, Brad charges it with magic and just fuckin' whunks it down like a club! Weapon effects are stronger. Attack is stronger with great hangers. Known as Cleave to swordsmen…!
Secret Strike AS-1 - One strike combo finisher. After a single swing, Brad can drive the hanger back under the arm that swung it, pivoting himself around and getting in a sneaky gut thrust on an opponent with the weapon's tip. Works best with great hangers. May hit twice. Known as Tonfa Turnaround.
Barrel Break IX-2 - Two strike combo finisher. Reeling the hanger back like a bat, Brad freakin' clubs a guy across the head with it! Or, tries to. Stagger and knockback potential! Known as Batter Up to people who aren't Brad!
Switch Shot EX-3 - Critical move. Learned in a moment, after being inspired by Shou's tonfa-related technique. Seeing an opportunity, Brad uses the back of a plant hanger's screw region to pull an opponent past himself by the neck, before rolling the hanger over and into their head. Works best on weaker foes. Known otherwise as Essence of Tonfa * Third Gear. Works best with smaller hangers.
Noob Combo - Blindingly, alarmingly fast unarmed ""melee"" """"combo"""" that does next to no damage, but prioritizes striking weak points and chaining into many, many consecutive attacks.
Pivot Claw - Many strike unarmed combo finisher. Once his enemy is on the ropes, Brad pivots on a shoe, doing a one-eighty rotation with a backwards kick towards his enemy's gut. Might make him lose balance, 'cause it's a whack attack!
INVENTORY:
= = ► EQUIPPED ITEMS - BRAD:
WEAPON: Unarmed
HEAD: Yellow Racecar Helmet
TORSO: Camouflage Kimono
PANTS: [Camouflage Kimono]
SHOES: [Camouflage Kimono]
MISC ONE: None
MISC TWO: None
MISC THREE: Carrot Medallion
RESULTING STATUS:
STATS:
50% sun resistance.
150% freezing resistance.
100% blinding resistance.
100% electrical stunning resistance.
150% Ice resistant.
100% Silencing resistant.
Sound protection.
When unarmed, evade is vastly improved.
= = ►[Bag of Holding] - The best piece of equipment…! It's good, dude! Infinite enough inventory space!
==o==
= ►WEAPONS:
Fallen Comrade - Great hanger made of three smaller ones. Sharper Than Darkness is at the front edge of it with the sickle facing out, and Swordbreaker is along the broad front edge to engage blades. Hard Winter makes up the backbone of the thing and the hilt so that it's actually wieldy! Dark, ice, earth elemental weapon.
STATS:
Slightly debuffs target's physical attack on impact.
50% darkness resistance when wielded.
Attacks are darkness elemental.
Sickle end may make opponents bleed.
SKILLS:
Revenge - Skill that increases in strength when health is lower. Power doubles for each deceased party member. Power is increased by fifty percent for each defeated party member. Fairies count as defeated rather than deceased no matter what. Power and effects depend on current weapon. High accuracy.
Bloody Mess - User bleeds faster and longer. Oof!
Jack Hammer - Y'know, I have no idea if this still works with it as is…!
Generic Buff - Channeling mana into the hanger gives the user a marginal increase in physical stats. Moderate increase to physical defense and offense.
Pulse - Basic dark magic, which creates an influx of dark magic in an enemy's form and stresses their whole body. Reduces magic attack.
Gaia Seed - Basic earth magic which intensifies Earth's pull a little. May make targets slightly tired.
Gaia Bloom - Advanced earth magic, which intensifies Earth's pull, with multiple instances of hazy earth magic. Makes the target tired.
Tundra - Crate-sized spike of ice that erupts under people and throws them off balance. I suppose it'd hurt if you fell on it. Basic ice attack.
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, before initializing fully by flash-freezing the air all around them.
Combo Plus - User artificially gets an extra hit. Can be canceled out of.
Combo Jump - User cancels out of combos easily.
Frost Trail - User leaves frost in their trail while jumping.
=o=
Lion's Lindworm - Hanger made of the good harp and a guitar hanger thing! It's pretty good, dude! It's- it's also windy, dude...
STATS:
Boosts the power of Wind skills.
SKILLS:
Gust - Basic wind magic. Pushes the feeble. Fee~ble…!
Fairy Dust - Weapon status effect replaced with fairy dust. Wind attacks with this weapon get fairy dust all over the enemy, reducing accuracy and senses.
Sick Ill Harp Cords - Get ready for my next great mixtape…!
Combo Plus - User artificially gets an extra hit. Can be canceled out of. Obtained with combo technology!
Aerial Plus - Forced aerial support! It's vaguely easier to hit aerial foes with it! Obtained with combo technology!
Combo Jump - Allows the user to transition to jumping while mid-attack.
Combo Air Slide - Allows the user to transition to air sliding while mid-attack.
Aero Finish - Combo finishers deal air-toss status, artificially blowing foes into the air. Works best on human-weight foes.
Auto-Sucker - When this weapon is equipped, Brad will always lash out with it immediately.
=o=
Red Scare - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of purplish-red gems and crimson metals. Boosts the power of fire skills. Also's got the good NERF gun attached now!
STATS:
Danmaku confuses the target.
Danmaku degrades the target's luck.
Danmaku may berserk the target.
Ignites things with physical impacts.
May berserk targets on physical impact.
SKILLS:
Hellfire Plume - A jet of hellfire. Berserks the targets, and isn't put out as easily. Not quite a grease fire, but unless it's totally frozen into oblivion, it ain't goin' out! Obeys fire resistance like any fire, though.
Fume - Makes hot air fume from the earth below. Might sear the feeble.
Berserk - Non-damaging fire spell which berserks a target for awhile. Can be removed with water or ice stuff!
Danmaku Adaptability - Now that there's a NERF gun on it I can shoot the good danmaku dude.
=o=
Deep Blue - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Boosts the power of water skills.
SKILLS:
Freakin' Leaks! - Can produce limitless fresh hanger water…!
Geyser - Basic water attack. Gush of water erupts from the earth and might fling the feeble…!
Valve - I can control the water flow with this!
=o=
Bee-Fitty-Fore-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Made of a lot of weird freakin' parts and stick bits and piston things. Has a NERF gun slapped onto it too!
STATS:
Danmaku explodes, dealing knockback and splash damage.
Accuracy falls moderately when used to fire danmaku.
SKILLS:
Boom - Hitting stuff makes booms!
Danmaku Adaptability - Can also shoot the good danmaku, dude.
=o=
Fragile Flower - A cute hanger with floral designs and light colors. Aesthetically pleasing!
SKILLS:
Enfeebled - Wielder has halved physical defense and offense.
Cleanse - Basic healing skill which cleanses one target of all debuffs or status problems.
=o=
Dream Hanger - Non-elemental hanger. Black and unassuming metal. Currently balanced, and easy for Brad to use. Has innate magical properties to it.
STATS:
Increases accuracy slightly. Somehow…? So said Genkan.
10% instant death resistance. Hoh…!
=o=
One Million Revenants - Great hanger. Sun, holy, electric weapon. Market Gardener acts as the hilt, followed by Flandre Scarlet's modified Million Bucks. On the tip 'a them, the purple hilty bit of the Headless Horseman's Hanger is there, and Youkai Inconveniencer is tied to it like a flail!
STATS:
Hanger is warm like the sun on contact. Glows in the dark…!
25% Dark resistance.
Boosts the power of sun skills.
Boosts the power of holy skills.
Lowers user's defense slightly.
Attacks are electric and holy elemental.
Farther two thirds of the weapon phase through matter. More reliable the more magic is in the weapon.
Attacks can become magical rather than physical, with more mana in the weapon.
Critical hits during blast jumps.
Youkai Inconveniencer (holy hanger tied to the main body) sometimes deals a second instance of physical holy damage per attack.
SKILLS:
Headless - Summons pumpkin-head danmaku from nowhere to assault targets. One spawns every combo-finisher!
Combo Plus - User gets one more melee attack!
Critical Plus - User gets critical attacks more often!
Magic Attack - Physical attacks phase through targets and do magical damage. Makes chaining together attacks way easier.
Magic Attack - Physical attacks are converted to magic attacks, and fluidly pass through objects.
Flash - Blinding magic. Works best on dark-elementals, but also works on youkai. Humans don't resist it, so it still works on them, with reduced efficiency.
Flashlight - It's a flashlight! Might blind dark youkai, I dunno…
Shine - Basic holy magic. Generates a holy orb in the target's body, randomly battering them with a raw holy gush.
Saturn - Electric holy magic. Creates an expanding shockwave of electricity and holy light in an enemy's form.
Panic Attack! - Run faster when health is lower!
Combo Jump - Allows the user to transition to jumping while mid-attack.
Aerial Plus - Forced aerial support! It's vaguely easier to hit aerial foes with it!
Air Slide Plus - Lets the user awkwardly air slide.
Glide - Replaces my double jump skill with gliding.
High Jump - Increased jump height while running.
=o=
Frost Broker - Hanger-fan hybrid which never melts. Based on that time Shimokoa freakin' gutted me!
STATS:
Deals chilling on impact.
Randomly freezes the user.
Boosts the power of ice skills.
SKILLS:
Freezing Impact - Spreads frost along anything it strikes.
Auto-Sucker - When this weapon is equipped, Brad will always lash out with it immediately.
=o=
London Operating Cross - A cross that lets me summon good 'ol London, yo. Non-elemental in nature. Not actually a plant hanger. London herself uses Fireball, Ice Shard and Thunderbolt, but can only use a few spells before runnin' outta mana. Also fires diamond-shaped patterns 'a yellow, diamond-shaped danmaku. Hoh! Costly-ish to use…!
=o=
Neon Sparkler - Metal junk from a DJ booth called the MixMaster GIGA! Non-elemental… plant… hanger? Has a bunch of rod-like parts, and boxy metal bits, and stuff!
STATS:
Boosts the power of non-elemental skills.
25% Seduction resistance.
May cast Velvet Sparkles on impact.
SKILLS:
Velvet Sparkles - Weapon lights up, and gets sparks everywhere! When the weapon's fizzling, it might jolt foes, or stun them…
=o=
Yin-yang Flail - A yin-yang with lots of rope freakin' decoratin' it! Hmm...
NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means! Maybe one day this will actually come in handy…
NERF longsword: the sequel - Now I can dual wield these useless, narratively non-existent armaments!
==o==
= ►ARMOR:
Camouflage Kimono - This kimono means business. Doesn't actually help him hide in the brush.
STATS:
150% ice resistance.
50% freeze resistance.
50% dark resistance.
-50% percent fire resistance.
-50% percent burning resistance.
=o=
Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Pink dress with lots of white ribbons. I'm not sure what to say about this...
STATS:
75% time resistance.
=o=
Yellow Racecar Helmet -It's like a really knockoff space marine helmet! It feels like it's got good physical defense, too… at least for my head.
STATS:
50% sun resistance.
100% freezing resistance.
100% blinding resistance.
100% electrical stunning resistance.
=o=
Lunarian Prototype Space Suit - A suit meant for combat in deep space. So far, it's only got the whole 'exist in deep space' part down…! Has an oxygen tank, but that's only useful if you wear the helmet to go along with it.
STATS:
100% electricity resistant.
100% freezing resistant.
Randomly casts Zero Gravity when it feels like it.
Zero Gravity - Area of effect spell which removes gravity from debris and the feeble!
=o=
Lunarian Prototype Deep Space Helmet - It's a freakin' space helmet.
STATS: (alone)
Fifty percent blinding resistant.
STATS: (paired with Lunarian Prototype Space Suit)
100% electricity resistant. Again, yo!
100% resistance to burning and being actively poisoned.
=o=
Testing Oxygen Tank - The oxygen tank used by the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit. Lasts for two and a half minutes. Not meant to actually be used outside of testing, but it's possible. Refills automatically in breathable air.
=o=
MP Prize Pin - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field.
STATS:
Extends prize grabbing range. Yay…?
=o=
Sun Badge - A badge that looks like the sun. How interesting, dude.
STATS:
15% sun resistant. I need to smelt this into a weapon…!
50% resistance to blinding and electrical stunning.
Replaces the on-impact effect of all weapons with Sunfire Flare. Yuck…!
SKILLS:
Sunfire Flare - Flash of light that blinds everyone. Doesn't work on the sun-resistant.
=o=
Stock Outfit - Blue, long-sleeved shirt with a huge V-neck button-up collar. Blue sweatpants. Most balanced outfit.
STATS:
-5% wind resistance.
May make the wearer tired.
=o=
Retro Patchy Hat - A really old hat of Patchy's. It's freakin floofy, du~de…!
STATS:
Moderate increase to magical defense and offense.
=o=
Moon Crescent - Patchy's favorite accessory.
STATS:
Immunity to silencing.
25% moon resistance.
Moderate increase to magical offense.
=o=
Anti-Magic Amulet - Deep blue, crystalline necklace given by Patchy in exchange for a blue dragon's bone. I should incorporate this into an outfit too so I don't freakin' forget it, 'cause it's real important!
STATS:
Sharply increases magical defense.
=o=
Cow Costume - Female clothing, of some description…? I think! S'freakin' weird, dude!
STATS:
Increases breast size by 25%.
Increases max health by 50%.
Wearer is immune to dispelling.
=o=
Autumn Dress - An actually sensible dress…! Looks like generic villager garb, except prettier and with brighter colors. Even aged, it's still bright!
STATS:
Wearer is immune to tiredness.
Wearer is immune to holy weakness.
Wearer is immune to stunning.
=o=
Iron Cross - Big World War II medal! Freakin'- holy shit…
STATS:
Randomly summons explosion backup.
50% bomb resistance.
Stagger immunity.
=o=
Officer Hat - Nazi officer hat…! I better not get a million angry letters for finding this!
STATS:
50% darkness resistance.
Wearer is immune to instant death.
=o=
Officer's Coat - Nazi officer coat, too! Oh boy oh boy…
STATS:
50% darkness resistance.
Wearer is immune to being cursed.
Slightly boosts defense and magic defense.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Regalia - Dress of the Crown Prince... of all Taoism or something, I don't freakin' know!
STATS:
100% Dispel resistant.
100% Blinding resistant.
50% Sun resistant.
Gives the user Bravery, improving critical rate by 50%, and reducing enemy critical rates by 30% while active.
Vaguely boosts defense.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Earmuffs - Makes it hard to hear when worn right. Has an awesome symbol on the sides! I... have no freakin' clue what it means.
STATS:
100% Silencing resistant.
Immunity to all sound damage, including Mandragora-tier screeching when worn properly.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Cape - Miko's fancy ass cape. It shimmers in the light!
SKILLS:
May be set to three different colors, changing cape properties:
Purple Mode:
The Prince's Will - Passive which constantly gives the user Morale status, preventing them from dying when struck by a blow that would fell them in one hit if they're of high vitality. Stops even Instant Death, although the wearer will be left on the cusp of death.
Red Mode:
Adaptive Combo Plus - Passively extends melee combo length on the ground and in the air by one.
Strength Up - Boosts strength somewhat.
The Prince's Strength - Boosts defense greatly.
Blue Mode:
Danmaku Plus - Each bullet fired has a 50% chance to be two bullets instead.
Magic Hastera - Mana regenerates 50% faster.
The Prince's Cunning - Boosts magic defense greatly.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Panties - The prince's panties. They're purple and shiny...
STATS:
Improves movement speed slightly.
50% Dispel resistance.
Randomly grants Morale status.
100% Blinding resistance.
=o=
Carrot Medallion - Noob rabbit training tool, offered by Tewi to help me suck less at life!
SKILLS:
Essence of Pacifist * Unarmed - When unarmed, Brad gets an automatic evasion boost. +70% Evasion, but does not stack with magical buffs, and gets worse if he improves his speed naturally. Only works when unarmed.
=o=
Theimer M01 - Improved anti-tank RPG with armor-piercing capabilities. Huge weapon that must be slung over the shoulder. Known among lunar soldiers as "The Tamer". Only usable amongst the party by Genkan.
STATS:
200% damage bonus against armored vehicles.
-50% damage bonus against people.
High chance to fracture bones and cause fatal bleeding in opponents.
Very long reload time. Has limited ammo.
Hilariously bad accuracy.
SKILLS:
Theimer Lance - Large metal warhead that gores into people and armor alike. Travels slowly, and does physical damage. Next to no splash radius; the rocket more falling apart than actually exploding.
=o=
Eientei Gamer Pro RX3 Laptop - One of Kaguya's clean spare laptops, with a free BunnySoft Suite subscription. Respectably powerful hardware.
Generator Router Modem - Staggeringly convenient Eientei technology, which sustains a minor power supply autonomously from ambient mana. Doesn't work outside of Gensokyo. Provides access to Eientei's internet connection, for use by modern devices.
Black Carrying Case - Soft case with foam-insulated inside to protect technology in transit. Could also be used for field trips, or adventures. Not that it's very relevant, with a hammerspace bag on hand…
Nintendo DS XL Charger - A charger which works on all big DS models.
(x3) Themier Lance - Metal lances constructed for the Themier brand of lance launchers. Inside, they have a payload that pounds the metal architecture of the projectile into a target, rending flesh, armor, and stone. Might go off if you drop them.
Reimu's Outfit - Shrine maiden clothes, dude. Holy resistant, but I dunno how much! Even comes with the bindings and tubes and ribbon 'n' everything!
Reimu's Ribbon - Man, that's cuddly looking. I need to hug Reimu now, dude...
Hakurei Arm Sleeves - No- teach me, how do you wear these!?
Remilia Scarlet's Mob Cap - Twenty five percent dark resistance. Legends say that if touhous do not wear this hat, they die dude.
Monk Robes - Doesn't really stack up to my other shit at this point! Wonder what I can do wit' it...
Gravity Boots - Boots that reduce the user's gravity! More like, propels them off the floor a little. Reduces the effectiveness of space statuses on the user. Really weird to control…!
Ed Edd n Eddy Sound Badge - A badge that replaces nearby noises with stupid cartoon ones when worn! I- I got it a few chapters ago, but just now added it to the inventory…!
==o==
= ►CONSUMABLES/OTHER:
Fifty two thousand, seven hundred Yen - Cash just got a lot smaller...
Four Health Potions - They give you youkai-like regen for like, thirty seconds! No chuggin' these babies to indefinitely survive the cold reaches of outer space. Unless the regen outdoes the asphyxiation, but I think I'd rather die by that point…
Mega Potion - Youkai-like regen for thirty seconds… except for the whole family! Applies to entire party. Good for when we all suck at life!
Four Mana Potions - Restores an average amount of mana, I think. More than enough for someone like me!
Three Panaceas - Cures all status effects. I dunno if it works on debuffs, though...
Akihito's Broadsword - Too big for me to use as a weapon. I wonder if I could use it as like, a tent stake or something.
Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!
Rope of Red Bikinis - Wahaha! Gonna getcha, son!
Some Fancy Key - A key lent to me by Brittany. Wha- why. What's it for…!?
Youkai Exterminator Badge - I still have this, dude! Yo ho ho! Allows me to not be considered a youkai by most guardsmen!
Yellow Star Gem - A star-shaped yellow gem. I really should've asked Patchy what this did…! It's shiny and luminescent, though.
Sweet Sleep Pillow - Doremy's nice cuddly pillow. Really soft. Random chance to survey you on pillow quality while you're sleeping.
Genkan's Sweet Sleep Pillow - It's also pretty poofy...
Another 3DS - Especially 'cause I picked up anotha'!
Picture of Sendai Hakurei no Miko Sleeping on her Side and Facing the Viewer while Drowsy - ...Yeah uh, what it says on the tin. Reimu must see this, dude…!
Masturbation Pillow - ...Genkan probably would've given me a look fer this, if she could! Wau…
Dark Knife - Where the hell'd this- oh, wait! This is the thing Genkan got from that fairy! She just slipped it in here while no one was lookin'...
Empty Combo Technology - Red, orange and yellow piece of plastic and metal, about the size of a plant hanger. Adding its magic to Lion's Lindworm gave it Combo Plus and Aerial Plus! Now that it's empty, it's just plastic metal stuffs...
Wasp Stinger - Let the crap pile o~n!
==o==
= ►RANDOM CRAP:
Tables and Furniture - Impromptu furnishings!
==o►o==
PARTY MEMBERS:
==o►o==
Genkan, the Yuki-onna - A bitter yuki-onna from Gensokyo's wildlands, mostly active in the winter, and on particularly cold days. Heals from ice damage. Commands powerful control over frost, and has a wide variety of ice-affinity attacks. Weak to fire and burning. Cuddly, dude...
SKILLS:
Ice Control - Freely use ice to make stuff. Inherent one hundred percent ice resistance. Negative one hundred fire and burning resistance.
Freeze - Instantly freezes one to two enemies. Low chance of working on stronger foes.
Creaking Freeze - Generates a spinning, magic snowflake in an enemy's body, which instantly freezes them after a moment. High accuracy.
Tundra - Precursor to Glacier. Weak spike of ice that serves more as a warning. Physical ice attack.
Glacier - Erects a massive blade of ice from the ground, dealing incredible physical ice damage.
Triple Glacier - Same as above, except with more sudden scope across more targets. Less accurate. More costly.
Ice Spin - Not the skill Brad thinks it is. Creates a ring of initializing frost around a wide area, with a high chance to freeze.
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.
Snow - Make it snow locally. Very minor ambient ice damage to everyone on the battlefield, including allies. Has a low chance to instantly freeze someone for no reason.
Yuki-onna's Embrace - Hug. Binds target close to her. Makes the target tired, severely lowers accuracy and magical defense, and makes them comfortable. Skill may only be performed by my kind. Negative facets reduced by ice and freezing resist. Someone with over a hundred resistance will be buffed and healed by it.
Yuki-onna's Entombment - Final, optional stage of the hug. Guaranteed instant death inflicted by the draining of vitality. Heals the user for the heat taken from the target. Does not work well on bosses or the instant death resistant. Instant death proc is nullified if the target's ice or freezing resistance is over fifty percent. Skill may only be performed by my kind.
= = ► EQUIPPED ITEMS - GENKAN:
WEAPON: Fans
HEAD: None
TORSO: Absolute Zero Kimono
PANTS: [Absolute Zero Kimono]
SHOES: Plain Sandals
MISC ONE: None
MISC TWO: None
MISC THREE: None
RESULTING STATUS:
300% ice resistance [200% native]
300% freezing resistance [200% native]
-50% fire resistance [native]
-50% burning resistance [native]
==o==
Absolute Zero Kimono - A better version of the stock yuki-onna kimono. Outfited with new royal blue and cyan trims. It's fun, dude...
STATS:
100% percent ice resistance.
Effects vary when not worn by her…!
=o=
Heavy Tanker - Huge, metal-grey cardboard fans!
STATS:
+150% max HP.
Quadrupled defense.
Speed reduced to 25%.
Knockback effects halved.
100% Stagger immune.
50% Bomb resistance.
SKILLS:
Super Armor - When casting or melee attacking, user is way more knockback resistant.
Tundral Disaster - User can create a pinnacle glacier of ice, and then detonate it like a warhead. Half magical bomb, half physical ice attack.
Defender - Defense is increased in critical situations. Passive.
=o=
Fever - The tiniest pink fans...!
STATS:
100% Confusion resistant.
100% Slow resistant.
100% immunity to evasion debuffs.
Defense halved.
Attack halved.
Speed doubled.
SKILLS:
Break Time - Take a break. You've earned it, dude! Heals all MP and HP, if user is given some time to relax. User has to do three party tricks to get the HP and MP.
Hastega - Speed up the whole party! Doubles everyone's speed. Stacks...!
Rising Rotor - Do a breakdance move to fend off attackers and get back up!
=o=
Love of the Lindens - Pink, azure fan set which emanates a windy aura. They're traditional dance fans, too, fit with patterns of a specific type of tree.
STATS:
25% Wind resistance
25% Earth resistance
SKILLS:
Freeze Pose - Allows the user to freeze amidst a dance-style skill, and seamlessly combo into another.
Sunrise - Flourishing motion, filled with repeated three-sixty spins which roar into an enemy, staggering them repeatedly. Wind elemental physical skill.
BreezeFazer - Heavy physical skill, where the user coasts the wind to skate into their target, clotheslining them with a limb. User must be able to fly to use this.
=o=
Two thousand yen - Pocket money.
Bagged Money - We still dunno how much Reimu gave us...
Peppermint - Yo- Genkan has candy…!?
Fans - Regular fans. Helps her spread out frigid air, but she mostly holds onto them for personal fashion, apparently...
Ninjas of Love - Novel? Yo- what...
Viking Rune - Reusable rune that summons a viking monolith. Once summoned, it greatly increases everyone's physical attack prowess, before firing a frost spark with massive freezing capabilities. Very costly to all party members. Uses two inventory slots.
3DS - Genkan likes to play the single video game, dude…
[no space remaining]
==o►o==
Maria, the Actually Ordinary Magician - A villager from the human village. Sort of down on herself, and not very confident… but when she gains steam, she can be very determined. Resistances and weaknesses depend on equipment. Can cast basic elemental spells.
SKILLS:
Fire - Small, homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes! Doesn't do much damage.
Fira - Slightly larger homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes. Bursts broader than the preceding spell.
Blizzard - Spread shot of big snowflakes. May chill foes.
Blizzara - Big spread shot of myriad ice chunks, with magical snowflakes whirling around inside them. May freeze foes.
Thunder - Random spread of bolts in an area. Basic electric spell.
Thundara - Random spread of bolts in an area which explode on impact with the ground. May stun foes.
Charm - Boosts magical attack of self or an ally moderately.
Seduction - Skill that temporarily seduces a foe. Single target, and doesn't work well on bigger girls...
INVENTORY:
WEAPON: An Eternity Together
HEAD: Zephyr Bombshells
TORSO: Casual Freeze Clothes
PANTS: [Casual Freeze Clothes]
SHOES: Casual Shoes
MISC ONE: None
MISC TWO: None
MISC THREE: None
RESULTING STATUS:
50% ice resistance
100% freezing resistance
25% bomb resistance
Slightly improved magical defense [native]
Befriending bomb fairies is easier
Randomly summons kamikaze fluffles
==o==
Pine Frost Staff - Made with pine wood and an icy reagent.
STATS:
25% ice resistance.
100% freezing resistance.
-50% burning resistance.
SKILLS:
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.
=o=
Way of the Tiger - A really good wood staff, dude!
STATS:
-75% max MP.
+75% max HP.
Weapon is very light!
Defense increased sharply!
Attack increased sharply!
Magical defense decreased sharply...
Magical attack decreased sharply...
SKILLS:
Staff Skill - Doing effective moves with the staff is a lot easier because of its combat design!
High Jump - User can jump a bit better!
Polearm Beatdown - Critical attack that users tend to pull off once their adrenaline is running high. Hits multiple times.
=o=
An Eternity Together - Grey staff, with a very, very intricate top piece.
STATS:
50% Time resistant.
User is immune to slowing and stop.
+15% max MP for every party member.
User's speed is halved for every additional party member.
SKILLS:
Stop - Freezes an enemy in time. Only works on weaker foes. Any damage the enemy takes while frozen is relayed to it on fast-forward once it's free again!
=o=
Stubby Rapier - A shiny, brass rapier. Imbued with magical energy, for spell swords.
STATS:
50% dispel resistance.
=o=
Casual Freeze Clothes - Casual, neon villager garb. Bright yellow shirt with a blue snowflake stitched onto the front, a bright blue skirt, and a tan vest.
STATS:
50% ice resistant.
100% freezing resistant.
=o=
Wood Staff - Training foci for magic. Not very good for much else.
Magical Lens - When coupled with magic, this lens shoots non-elemental lasers. Gift from Marcus Kirisame.
Travel Bag - Item that grants inventory by holding more items. Wahaha! Eight slots.
Two Mana Potions - Alchemical blends which restore magic energy.
Sabbath Pamphlet - Dark brochure imbued with instructional magic, and desires from a land far, far away. Teaches Seduction to mages.
=o=
Lance Construction Brochure - Mass-produced lunar-grade instructions on how to cheaply and quickly construct lances of many materials on the battlefront.
SKILLS:
Construct Lance - Combine technical know-how with magic to create more lances. They serve as ammunition for Theimer, Lancaar, Yatsu-VB PL, Pzf. 98 Lanze, or Ultimortar anti-tank lance launchers.
=o=
[LunarStorage: Recreational Model] - Allows extended inventory. Has an undefined capacity, but can't fit objects beyond a certain size. Allows Maria to draw any item at any time easily, as well as put them away. Exists as a square, red box of a backpack.
=o=
SafetyZap! OVERKILL Edition - Half baton, half knife taser. When the grip is, well, gripped, the edges of it energize with one million volts of electric energy. Very efficient self-defense tool which has an amazingly high chance to stun foes.
STATS:
When the skill is active, deals magic, electric damage. Stuns foes.
SKILLS:
Taser - When the handle is gripped, the thunderstorm begins.
=o=
Zephyr Bombshells - Premium, bomb-elemental fashion accessories which attach above the ears, making the user look like they're some kinda android from really old nineties animes.
STATS:
25% Bomb resistance.
Randomly summons kamikaze fluffles.
Makes befriending bomb-elemental fairies easier.
=o=
[eighty six spaces remaining]
==o==
Hana, the Electric Fairy Maid - Snuggly fairy maid companion…! Healed by electric magic. Immune to electric stunning, 'cause yeah. Weak to earth, poison and darkness. Quick to become ill from poison.
SKILLS:
Little Zap - Basic electric magic. Zaps a target twice with static from above.
Random Electric - When pressured, uses random electric spells.
Electric Control - With true power, she's able to stun opponents into submission by touching them.
Electric Elemental - 300% electric resistant. 100% percent resistance to electrical stunning!
INVENTORY:
Hana's Fairy Maid Uniform - Stock standard uniform from the mansion! Cyan-tinted in places to match her hair color. Hoh...
==o==
Seikatsu Kikai, the Human Salvation Robot - She no longer T-poses! Now, she just-... uses stock animations! Yes, dude!
SKILLS:
Medibeam - A slow-healing beam, which takes a couple minutes to rejuvenate someone. Feels good to be targeted by…
Cloaking - Seikatsu becomes invisible.
Scan - Returns data on a foe, including name, biological info, stats and strategies. All of us can call on this skill.
INVENTORY:
Nothing.
WEAPON: Seikatsu Kikai Offense System V.3.63
BODY: Regenerative Skin Armor Augmentation with Limb Enhancement V.3.35.86
MISC ONE: SLUT T-Shirt.
MISC TWO: None.
MISC THREE: None.
STATUS:
Robot physiology (immunity to poisons, psychological effects and bodily damage)
Tough to fight (immunity to freezing, stunning, silence, syphon, and instant death)
Immune to stagger, blinding, tired, among others.
-80% radiation resistant
-50% thunder resistant
-80% bomb resistant
-50% water resistant
200% holy resistant
-50% dark resistant
80% earth resistant
-80% magnet resistant
-30% wind resistant
80% fire resistant
80% ice resistant
100% poison resistant
100% moon resistant
==o==
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
this was a pretty fun batch even if college shat on my soul and delayed it until literally christmas
some of the proofing may be spotty in places so beat me up and i'll fix it yo and maybe i'll give it another look later
this chapter was pretty fun, and although i had more ideas for eientei, we did spend about the whole batch at eientei and it was pretty fun
but now we're BACK HERE YO back in the GOOD HEAVEN and now we can actually learn a little about heaven and exist a little, and i already got some neat big ideas to do up here...
genkan is also really snuggly oh my god dude
==== DISCORD LINK ====
https SEMICOLON SLASH SLASH SON discord DOHT gg SLASH mcVps2R
this is the link to the discord by the way!
==== OTHER STUFF ====
honh honh
anyway this shift in inventory organization should be less of a mess wordcount-wise
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all yo
...IT'S MID-CHRISTMAS AS I WRITE THIS AUTHOR'S NOTE SO I DON'T GOT A LOT TO SAY
as always, see you all next time!
