(FEATURING MATT FROM THE matt series)

Let's see. What are my options, in getting out of this situation…?

I stare off of the deck we're seated on. We're on the second story of some house, which looks western. We're on an exposed second floor deck of some kind.

Past the rails of the deck, there is a field of snow, and huge teal cone things. The sky is a constant dusk. Some kind of massive red light glimmers over a gradient horizon.

In short, it's a winter wonderland cast in eighties vaporwave twilight shit.

"Mmh…" This blonde, white dress-clad Louise chick sips tea before us. "...Novelty brands like these are the best."

She has rather short, bobby blonde hair that tufts out near her shoulders, and wore a serafuku. I'd call this outfit 'oddly anime-esque', but-... this is Touhou.

Louise is actually loli-height too, which would be interesting if I didn't hate everything about this situation.

...Slowly, Mima nodded warmly. "Mmm, I can see that. It does have that real throaty feel to it…"

Well, I don't hate this situation, necessarily, even if it is fucking boring. More aptly, I'm thinking of how to recover Shikome. I could really care less about this magic crap I'm learning, but it's not the end of the world, I guess.

In the end, this comes down to something along the lines of, 'how well can I make Mima cut the bullshit and get to the fucking point already'. The answer to that idea is 'not very well'. She suffers very severely from old lady syndrome.

While she acts old, I devise a plan to myself. Shikome's trapped in Eientei...

I'm wondering if a trade deal with Eientei is possible, if even only to let me perhaps exploit their vulnerabilities. Not that I know how vulnerable the clinic would be… but, if I know large organizations, I know it's probably pretty vulnerable.

"Here, kitten Matthew." Louise slides a white and blue cup across the table to me. "Frozfluer tea."

"Gesundheit." I'm probably not drinking this. She's a Makai-person, and Mima is actually dead. I'm neither, despite how much I consider myself the latter. "I feel like this tea will not be healthy."

...Louise gave me a blank look. "It's- actually just tea. Frozfleur's a rather potent flower, sure, but the flavor can actually be used in human-safe tea."

"Bu~t…" Mima smirks at me. "Is she telling the truth, or is she lying…?"

...If I take a hammer to the teacup, it won't matter. "What if I broke the tea."

"That's called 'any Makai aristocrat would kick ya out or stop talking to you'." Mima's grin became greater. "There's a better way a' doin' that. Don't kitties have sharp eyes?"

"I can dip my tail in the tea." That sounds like a good alternative. "How about I just pour the tea on you."

"Hey, Louise, mind if I...?" Mima reached for my cup.

Louise gave a nod. "Go ahead."

ploop. Mima put a plume of green-black bullshit in my cup. "There, I poisoned it. But, do you got a way to tell 'bout this shit? Some people act like Louise here, even if they mean to gulp ya."

Gulp me, huh. Time to drink the tea. Taking the cup, I give Mima a cheers, and tilt my head back.

I take a sip. Immediately, the tea hurts my lips. I only keep drinking that one sip, and I swallow it down hesitantly, the liquid hurting all the way down…

"Freaking…" Mima looked dry. "If I was one 'a the grittier types, that would just be the end of ya. S'a good thing I just made it bone hurting juice."

"Fuck you." You piece of shit. "Why couldn't you have just made it a love potion, or something?" I could've actually used that.

Mima snorted, then smiled. "Oh? What, you want one 'a us to rape ya?"

"It'd have been better than bone hurting juice." I contest. "And potentially useful, after I figured out it was love potion."

"Aa~h." Mima tilted her head back… "Well, I was gonna be gradual about it, but some poisons have magic signatures an' shit you can check. Often, findin' out it's poison's the easy part."

I'm tempted to drown myself in this shit just to prove a point, but it actually hurts.

"Useful love potion, pftah." Mima shook her head at the idea. "Useful fer startin' shit, perhaps…" Who do you think I am, Mima. Of course I'd like to start shit.

"Our aristocratic types may trap you into a social engagement." Louise starts to lecture me, too. She's about as bad as Mima. "When you refuse to drink the poisoned beverage, they'll consider it an offense."

"Fuck 'em." Kill 'em all nineteen ninety eight. Ten billion dead demons.

Mima smirked. "I mean, s'kinda hard when they're the big fucker vampires. But-"

splash. I splash the bone hurting juice at Mima.

"Boy." I'm kinda surprised it actually got on her. "You little motherfucker."

...Getting up, I wave my kitty tail in her face. I think I've already pissed her off.

She grabs me by the shoulders. "Alright, if that's how ya wanna play it…"

woosh. She pushes me down, and I phase through the floor.

Clack. ...I land on the lower floor, after seeing inside the floor- or ceiling- boards for a moment. Louise actually has normal furniture down here.

Did she just push me down one floor as disciplinary action? That's kinda lame.

Oh, there we are. There's a little amber orb floating down from above, hovering towards my face-

fwash. It expanded, and blinded me.

...When my vision comes back, I've already done a backflip, lying on my stomach in vague discomfort. I'm surprised how little of that backflip I felt.

"I- I can't believe you've done this." I monotone in abject misery.

Let's scurry on all fours. I crawl ahead- wait, this floor is really fuckin' dusty, fuck that. It's also wood, so it feels bad.

...I'd run through a horde of evil monster girl demons who want to rape and immolate me, but I wouldn't crawl on a dusty, shitty wood floor for the life of me.

Why's she keep it so dusty. I can't believe this.

Fwi- fwi~sh. Down here in the mundane, fairly retro living room, a figure of crystal forms before me.

She looks like Louise, except she's the NERF Clear Strike version. I don't think that was a brand, but whatever.

"Hello." She greets me, and smiles. "Mima would like me to discipline you. But, she said you could fight back… so please, struggle for me."

Oh. She'll either be target practice, or this'll end with me getting spanked. There's probably a reason it's a big shiny crystal avatar instead of the actual Louise, especially since she's just on the next floor.

Glowing bright blue, the womanly avatar of Louise progresses closer, shining brighter and brighter.

"Uh oh." That's probably not good, so I express this in monotone. Duck and cover.

I take a pastel pink couch cushion from nearby, and crouch down behind it-

KRAK- FWASH- FWASH- FWASH! Oh. A spreading omni-shot of blizzard magic explodes out from Louise's crystalline form, layering upon literally every surface which faced her.

...I stand up from behind my cushion, which now has a thick layer of ice on the front, weighing it down.

She'd froze some of the floor around me, and the exploding sapphire chunks spread a layer of blue all across the room.

The whole room was now alive with blue light not dissimilar from the kind you might see laptops naturally emit. I don't think I ever found out what the point of those lights were. Probably just to say the power was on.

pap! I kick the frost-crested cushion at the looming Louise.

Clink! "Aah…" She bobs back in the air, catching the cushion…

Let's flee. I move for one of the doors in the back of the room…

There's one on the furthest back left wall, and an opposing one on the right wall. I take the left one, since it's closer.

Click. I shut the door behind me.

Oh. I've found the kitchen. Maybe I'll find a pair of scissors in here again. Even though, a butcher knife would probably done a lot better. Can I switch my weapon theme to butcher knives?

WHAM. The door into the room slams open after I move away from it. The cold is welcomed in; by which I mean, Louise drifted inside vaguely ominously.

"Come back." She requests gently.

I wonder. Drawing my fire scissors, I pivot around instantly instead of just running off.

SHINK. Wielding them backhand, I stab them right into the crystal Louise's eyes.

fwoom. A small fire is ignited on her face, but since it's ice, it goes out instantly. "Ooh…" She blinked for a moment, her somewhat melted eyes finding it hard.

Darting back towards the room's midst, I close my eyes for just a second. My mana forms just before the scissors like I remember practicing, and I snip them forward. "Fire."

Fwoom! A homing fireball rolls out from my motion, and the rapid mana combustion. I focus on the now-burning mana to make sure it travels to a waypoint of my choosing: Louise's face.

Fwam! The bolt of flame spreads across Louise's crystalline features. "Nnh…" She began to hold her arms out, glowing brighter. "Alri~ght…"

I run for the counter. Let's hide-

FWISHISHISHISHISHING. From Louise's form, massive walls of 'laptop power light blue' expand out from her in six directions.

...They're not actual walls, just some kind of energy.

Oh. Part of my left hand is frozen. It had been caught in one of the magic 'walls'. "...I can't believe you've done this."

There's an obvious line where the freezing starts and stops, not even encompassing all of most of the fingers. It kind of stings, too. This is probably cutting off my internal circulation something fierce.

"Oh?" Louise continues to hover forward, smiling despite her semi-melted face. "It's not that rude, is it?"

"It is." I confirm. "Gonna hafta pay-..." What the hell was it called. "Damages." I expect at least one hundred million yen. You might've frozen my fingers, but my shoulder hurts, and you're gonna have to pay for it.

"Damages…?" Louise raised her ice brows in worry. "Aw, come on. I've hardly touched you, yet…"

Getting away from the counter, I swing my scissors again, ambushing her right after she speaks.

Fwoom- fwoom! Two fireballs rolls out, one for each swing, and I close the distance with her. I- can't really focus on them so well, so the tracking kind of sucks-

Fwam- fwap! They patter against her form-

Shink- swish! I graze her twice with my fire scissors, drawing an X-shape across her from. Then, I hold my free arm up. "Saw!"

VRR! VRRRrr- thunk. Uh- uh oh. The sawblade spawned in the roof, because it's kind of tiny. It got stuck.

...Louise stared up in plain vexation. "Wh-... ah. Speaking of damages…"

...Her eyes meet mine. I turn away, moving for the door behind myself-

She's somehow there at the door, looming closer. "Hey, kitty."

Crack- clink! I stab her with the scissors twice more as she nears, but her ice has gained new rigidity, no longer even flaking from the slashes.

She reels her left arm back, smiling plainly as her eyes flare with azure energy. "Hehehe! Freeze!"

FWASH! ...Ah. When I stumbled left, she sent out an expanding pulse of ominously ineffective energy to my right. Snow flaked in the wake of a white, magic ring that spread only to the right there.

"...You missed." I help out.

Smiling adorably, she drifted closer. "You know, kitty…"

She's going to make me play kitty dress-up, isn't she.

FWA- FWASH. Her arms grip mine, trapping me in place. Ice melds around my limb. "I could really use a pet, you know. Oh! I know what'll pay for the damage…"

She's going to make me play kitty dress-up, isn't she.

Her face came closer, the semi-melted ice of her face gazing into my eyes. "I should speak with your mistress, Mima. How many years do you think fits…?"

Years? What. No dress-up?

"Years of kitty dress-up, you mean." I have to wonder. Also, her hands are fucking cold. Probably doesn't help that they've become vices custom-fit to my shoulders.

"Mmm? Maybe…" She licks her lips, looming closer. "Years of servitude. You're mine, now."

Oh. "...Wait, really?"

...She nods. "Mm- mhm. You don't believe me?"

"To be honest, no." I already had one really shitty moment that I couldn't prevent. I'm really not letting another one just happen.

...She shrugged, and smiled. "Well… that's too bad. Yo~u're mine, now. I'm talking with your mistress right now."

"Oh, yeah?" She can talk to two people at once, huh. "What's she saying."

"If you can't get back up to the second floor…" Louise's face got nose-to-nose with mine. "I can keep you forever."

I see.

She turns her head, as if to kiss me. "Good night, my kitty."

I reel my head back. My eyes closed, I think of mana.

The crystal Louise's mana is shining, great and bright, like a web of crystal spikes. But, her mana's also really fucking jagged and weird.

My mana shifts to the edge of my forehead.

"Awh…" She seems adored by the way I shy back. "Don't be scared, kitty. I'm a nice mistress. Come on, kiss mistress-"

WHAM! My forehead meets hers, dead on.

FWA- BOOM! Fire explodes from her head, blowing the top open.

"Wh- ooah…!" She staggers back for a moment, eyes wide, while her head sizzles loudly. "Wha-"

Cra- crack! I drop onto my butt, and her arms actually let go of mine. Her icy clamps just break.

Like this, I scramble away from her, and onto my legs-

Whish- whish! Her cold presence is felt along my back. She's clambering for me. "Wh- ki- cat, you-"

Click! The moment I get onto my legs, I leap hard and turn right to face her, so I can react better. My boot heels click against the floor.

As she neared, and my leap made me face her, my rightmost little kitty leg curls back semi-awkwardly.

Whaclack! Wh- oh! My right boot's bottom met the side of her head as she leaned forward.

That was actually largely accidental. Yet-... perhaps, I'm onto something. I'll have to keep this in mind.

Cra- crack… Her hollow head began to crumble to slush, as she faced away. "Wh- what the hell-..." She held her cheeks together with her arms. "I underestimated you."

"...Did you." I stand away from her, my body sort of tense. Why is everything in this house fucking ice themed.

Wait. The only thing that's not teal or cyan is the-... this thing that looks like a fridge. It's a wood box, with a pastel red trim design.

Woosh. Louise hovers straight for me. "Submit."

I skirt around the counter, skidding on the tile floor even in my boots, and sprint up past the red box thing.

Click! I swing it open. Heat pours from within. It's the opposite of a fridge- it's a heater.

Louise's lovely 'laptop light blue' eyes pierce mine with their gaze. "Hehehe~. I'm gonna make you walk around the house naked tomorrow."

I gaze back. "I've had enough shitty cat jokes."

She snorted, rounding the counter. Her gaze was eye-damagingly bright, the blue growing greater as she neared, and the howl of wind growing throughout the room. "They're not jokes. Nothing about this, was a jo-"

As she spoke, I darted forward. My whole body hot and tense, I ram my left palm into her right cheek, drawing the red scissors into her.

Creak- cra- cra- crack! Her whole body jitters, as I curve her head towards the heater. "Ghot- yo~u!" Her voice howls on the house's wind, her arms grabbing my torso- holy shit that's cold-

Her head's almost in the heater.

WHAM. I punch my whole right arm against the heater door, and with my right leg.

Her ice is running up my chest, up my shoulders. I'm about to freeze.

CRACK. The heater door shut on her head.

Her neck was snapped clean off her shoulders, leaving only her collar and icy rock where it was.

...click, click. Louise's arms broke off of me. Stumbling back from me, she leaned back and forth.

"hwu- aa-" The house's walls gave lucid moans back, her voice rippling across the whole room. "aaa"

Shoof. The crystal replica of Louise collapses into a pile of snow.

...I wonder if this means I have infinite time to explore, now.

"Guess it really was a joke." I say to no one in particular.

...I look down at my form, where the ice is crumbling from me. Some kind of azure heat traces my chest and limbs, but fades a moment afterward. Must've been the ice, or something.

I'm really more nimble as a kitty than I thought I'd be. Way more balanced, too. That time I accidentally kicked her in the face was good.

Yeah, fuck being a dress-up sex slave for eternity. I'm taking your scissors.

shoof. I start sliding open cabinets. I will find these damn ice scissors if it's the last thing I do.

...Actually, I should search her ice shavings too. Maybe there's a super ice cube I can shove up someone's ass.

/ / / / MISERY COMES ON BEAT / / / /

There were indeed ice scissors. I took them for damages.

Bam. Once the door was open, I rammed the door out of the way, coming back onto the second floor deck where the other two bitches were. "Hey, bitches."

Louise was leaning onto the tea table, a hand over her own face. Mima looked smug, arms behind her head as she reclined…

"Heheheh…" Mima slowly panned to her. "Looks like you owe me yer tome."

"You're kidding me…" Louise stopped facepalming, giving her a vain look. "Look- it was just bad luck."

Walking up to her, I took her hat off her head, and put it on over my nazi cap. "I'm you now."

She gives me a drained, flustered look. "What- agh, no…" She tries to reach up and reclaim it, but I backpedal too quickly. "Dang it."

"Deal's a deal, frosty." Mima leaned forward, resting her ghost arms on the table. "Toldja she's a weasel. 'Course you didn't listen, being the glutton fer punishment you are."

"No~." Louise gave her a ginger look back. "...Man. I should've known, with you." She's being really weird about this.

"What's with you…" Mima too was confused.

Let's be an asshole and kiss her anyway. I get closer to the blonde Louise, and she pouts up at me.

I bring my face close to hers, and see into her yellow eyes. Her face is actually fairly soft looking-

"Mmh-..." She steals the kiss when I get close enough. I refuse to open my mouth however, because what the fuck.

I dart back. "Fwuh-... hey, hey."

She played with some of her fluffy, blonde hair, looking up at me airily. "...You're mean." I don't think this is how social interaction works. "If you lived with me-... I'd treat you nice."

"No." I took your sun hat, and that's enough. I just noticed, she's barefoot, for some reason. Her weird white-blue serafuku matches her sunhat.

"We'd be the tag team champs." She-... justifies? Clarifies? Mima's right, she's fucking weird. "Don't you think I'm pretty?" No. Yes. Fuck you.

She is pretty much loli-height when she's not a fucking ice statue. The ice statue version of her is adult-sized. Her fluffy hair and short stature is admittedly appealing, but not worth twenty million years of indentured servitude.

"Whelp, see ya Mima." It's time to become an indentured servant. "I'm a house cat now."

Mima rolled her eyes. "Too freakin' bad, you lost- I mean, won. No goin' back now."

Ah, ass. That's actually a good thing, but Mima was less uncomfortable about it than I'd hoped.

/ / / / LOUISE IS IRONICALLY PRETTY GOOGLE HER SON / / / /

/ / / / ALSO YES SHE'S CANON | PC-98 SON / / / /

We're now just outside the grey wood home. Well, by 'just outside', I mean it's in the distance behind us. We're stepping through a path out of the snow field, and crystals are forming in the sky all around.

"So!" Mima faced me, as we walked off to who the hell knows where. Where are we going. "How was that? Louise's a real oddball, but she's nice, ain't she?"

She tried to eternally indenture me. "She was fuckin' weird."

"...You felt it, didn't you?"

I blink at her. "...That she was fuckin' weird?" It was also cold as tits.

"The will to survive, an' shit." Mima said something incredibly vague, even for her. "The moment ya fuckin' crushed ice wit' her head. Ya noticed that azure light along yer skin, didn'cha?"

"No." Never. I super didn't notice it. I refuse to notice it. I retroactively cease to notice it.

...She gives me a flat look. "Well, normally, that kinda shit don't happen wit' humans. But since yer in Makai, it's a lot easier ta hone yer will like that. Ya thought ya were fucked, so yer adrenaline kinda mixed wit' yer mana. Other emotions do similar shit, but yeah."

Ah. "Sounds useless."

Mima snorted. "Bo- boy. The big deal about that, is like-... how do I say this? The magic kinda blurs the lines a' what you can physically do. Wait- kinda like a limit break, in an RPG! 'Cept it ain't a big dumbass attack. S'more like… a little more physical versatility.

"Kinda like Chi, I guess." Mima supposed. "Or rather, Chi is pretty much just fuckin' magic." As if there were any doubt.

"...What'd you say? I wasn't listening." I was too busy taking in the snowy sights.

She didn't take the bait, sadly. She's actually sentient, somehow.

...You know what, I'm actually reminded of something. "What's the Makai side of the village-makai portal look like?" I'm actually curious.

Mima didn't bother to face me again. "...Makai-like. What, you curious?"

"To everyone's surprise, perhaps so." That's to say, yes. I'd like to seem shy about it so she doesn't notice when I just fuckin' book it.

"Mmh." She nods… "We could do tha~t. Might be eye-openin' to drag you 'round there, as well."

"Why'd you kidnap me into your ponzi scheme again." I'd like to know. Also, persistence with these kinds of questions usually makes anyone snap and drop the act at some point.

Mima's breaking point was right now. "Alright, few big reasons: that Shikome chick, you're a weirdo human and human belief's especially valuable here in Makai, and draggin' you around helps kill boredom. Yer like a new pet cat. I jus' happened to pick a human who was actually kinda interestin' to my personal shit to use the faith offa'. And, yer the only bitch who'll get me closer to pokin' and proddin' that Shikome-chan."

"...'Bitch' is technically incorrect." I return. "The correct saying would be 'female cat'."

I've also got this feeling that me and Shikome together would kick your ass, especially if you actually give me skills that can be used to kill you.

"Anyway." Brushing off my sass, Mima looks around. The ice crystals in the air around us are slowly closing in, as if to attack. "Let's go."

Click! She snapped her fingers.

fwish. Ah. We're gone.

/ / / / AN ENTIRE JAKUZI / / / /

fwish. We reappear-... somewhere.

"Welcome ta the castle." Mima nodded, looking oddly lazy. "...Y'know, Shinki's. We're in the center a' Makai."

This place is surprisingly gaudy. The floor here reflects akin to those foil cards you get in trading card games, the pattern shifting, made of purple diamonds and triangles. The same texture is on the ceiling.

The walls are grey, and have smaller, brighter grey variants of just the diamonds in the floor and ceiling pattern.

"Oh, yeah." Mima perked up. "That thing I said 'bout adrenaline and magic. S'pretty important now that I think about it, 'cause it can mean the difference between surviving a laser to the ribs and not." Why say this here and now.

"I wonder if I can get this loli curse lifted." I wonder aloud. Mostly of curiosity.

"...Here? Yeah, no." Mima shook her head. "People might joke that ya'd have better luck beggin' to Shinki, but trust me, as benevolent as she can be, she don't play the takeback game with curses an' deals. You'd have better luck beggin' the Hakurei to purify ya." Not happening either.

Let's wander off. Actually-...

There's no doors on either end of the hall. In fact, the hallway seems to stretch infinitely in either direction. There's some kind of vague, overcast light shining in through these infinitely repeating, open-air windows.

Static, neutral light is coming from somewhere in the ground. Somehow.

"What the fuck." These halls suck.

"No brute-forcin' this dungeon." Mima drifted past me. "Last person who managed that was a real souped-up Reimu. Y'know-... how she managed ta walk up into here and pretty much conquer the place's a real funny story, actually."

"A funny story?" A new voice comes from behind us. "...I suppose you could call it that."

Shing. Immediately, steel is held before my throat, forcing me to stop walking idly. Figures.

...Mima turns around idly, a grin on her face. "Just who~ I wanted ta see. Also, hands off the merch."

Immediately, the blade is gone. I turn around…

Behind me, there's a red-clad maid with long golden hair. She pierces the floor with her sword, and bows at us. "Welcome to Makai. I take it neither of you used the correct inbound tourism channels."

"Who the hell do ya think I am." Mima remarked lazily… "The missus busy, or does she got a moment fer tea?"

"...You know the answer." The golden-haired girl moved her gaze to the wall beside us.

Now, there was a big door there. It was a solid red, made of no discernable natural material.

Shoof. It opens, the maid stepping forward as either half of the door pans inward.

Pat. Mima pats me on the back, inciting me to move. "C'mon, frisky. We're gonna get drunk on tea, again."

"What is the point of this?" I can't help but wonder.

...She gives me an idle look. "Does it need one. Don't worry~. I'll get you into more trouble here, too. Shinki's a real good sport 'bout most things. I mean, you might not know it, but she's basically this world's mom. S'probably to make up for all her creations bein' huge assholes."

...My options are to either walk in, or walk endlessly to the left or right for hours. All things considered, I might as well drink their piss-water.

I follow Mima and the red-clad maid into the room here…

It's a long platform. It's hard to keep my footing, the floor in here nothing but snow and ice.

Woo~sh. Fierce wind begins to blow at my hair, and I have to hold onto my sun hat and nazi officer hat to keep myself from becoming less clashing and inappropriately dressed.

All around us, there's a boundless void of grey, offset by flakes of frost blowing in from somewhere unknown. I'm the only person who seems to be bothered by the fact it's bone-piercingly cold in here.

We continue in the grey, along the uneven straight walkway, until we reach a rough, diamond-shaped platform.

Here sits Shinki, upon a little, black metal chair. She's facing an awkward direction, eyes closed.

"Master." The maid bows to her. "...You-know-who is here."

"He~y!" Mima yells over the wind. "Mind turnin' down the AC…!? Some of us're tryin'a think here!"

Just before I blink, everything changes.

The void around us is black. The ground becomes a purple stone, and there's a table with more seats around it before Shinki, who is now facing us properly in her seat. "Oh. Yes, I felt them. Thank you, Yumeko."

Mima floats for a seat. My body takes a moment to recoil from how it just suddenly became temperate in here.

That Yumeko girl is also just gone now. Good.

...I find a seat across the table from Mima, and to the left of Shinki. I wonder, actually...

Using my newfound mana-seeing abilities, I close my eyes.

I can still see Shinki clearly, even after closing my eyelids. In fact, closing them feels even better now, as if I'd fallen asleep immediately upon closing them. Her form radiates a strange sensation; a constant-... feeling, of difficult description. It's not good? But, it's refreshing.

"That's life." She speaks to me. "Is this your first time, so close to a god? Any god, actually? Even close proximity to Gensokyo's gods will let you feel their element, emotions, and raw life energy."

"I-... felt nothing like this, when you visited the bar." This is an entirely different sensation. It's distracting is what it is.

"Well, I'm home now." She smiled. "My essence can be felt for miles around. The fact you have mana in this realm, means a little bit of me is flowing in you. The majority of every sensation you feel, everything you step on, and everything you see… is mostly me."

She leaned back, a little. "...Of course, to someone like you, that might sound a little arrogant. There's no other honest way to phrase it."

"Basica~lly…" Mima faces me, and translates. "If she let her belly hang out like this in Gensokyo, the other gods would call her fat, an' certain people'd make fun of her."

Shinki snorted. "...Something to that effect, yes."

Let's do this anyway. "Remove my curse."

Shinki snorted at that, too. "...Bad things happen to people who say things like that. I admire your forthrightness, at least. Do you not enjoy it?"

...Well. It's certainly agile, and my hitbox is smaller. It feels like something has been lost, however. Oh well. "Don't know. Would've rather done it myself."

"Mm~h…" Shinki lets her eyes close. "I would say, 'some people should roll with the punches', but it's not really fair for a god to say that, is it. Yes… this is the part that's the most bitter, about deceiving and tricking people into contracts. It requires me to be unfair."

"...Considering you're this powerful, what do you even gain." I can't help but wonder. "You could just take it by force."

"Ooh…" Shinki gives me a carefree smile. "Nothing, really. It was nostalgic for me."

Nice.

"That, and I wanted to see if I was rusty or not." Shinki decided. "...I'm plenty rusty, but that's beside the point."

"Why a contract?" I narrow down my question. "You could so simply steal from me without having to bother to frame it."

"Ah. By introducing a contract into the scenario, suddenly there is binding legislature." Shinki sure knows how to talk. "This legislature makes my actions… a civil exchange, rather than crime. Of course, its true legal relevance is pointless. The fact it's a document at all marks the difference to all viewing parties.

"For some, it's an expression of understanding and obedience regarding mortal-immortal relations." Shinki starts to slow down, at last. "...For others, it's a demonstration that I'm 'playing fair' so to speak. Amongst my subordinates, and in my earlier days, it was necessary to limit the kind of magic we used to as to remain discreet from other parties."

...I suppose it must have its uses, then. She probably just used it for the sake of it, however.

She closed her eyes, and smiled. "I used to have my days, using wordplay, deceiving ideas and outright unfair- but well-sounding- offers to persuade humans into giving to me. Now… well, considering how self-sustaining this world is, such a practice is obsolete, essentially."

Shiki stood up, suddenly looking enthused. "I was a force to be reckoned with."

"...Don't tell me yer havin' a mid-life crisis, now." Mima leaned into the black tea table. "Can gods even get that?"

...Shinki pouted, a little, but was clearly still happy. "I simply feel like it's been forgotten, that… I've lived through essentially every gruntwork scenario one could fathom. Maybe by myself."

"That's called a mid-life crisis." Mima began to grin tiredly. "Yer gonna binge fer a week, and then suddenly remember why bein' a kid sucks."

"...Probably." Shinki just outright agrees. "Are you not afflicted similarly? Here I thought Marisa was your shining star. Considering how she turned out, I don't think you're going to shoot higher than that, if I may be honest."

"Well, she's not really the point, although it's a little nostalgic, yeah." Mima waves my existence off. "I'm lookin' to snag the attention of the little hell on legs she's friends with."

"Oh?" Shinki perked up. "Oh, right! That little youkai girl, yes? The purple one, born of Saigyou?"

"Saigyou…?" Mima blinked. "No shi~t? S'more important than I thought. She's got a fuckton 'a dark energy, an' she seems real young… so I wanna y'know, tinker wit' 'er. She looks like she's got higher than average development potential, unlike a good fraction 'a other youkai an' shit. An' 'cause she's technically a surface youkai, I could drag her ass anywhere. Unlike yer little shitheads you got cooped up here, who're only good in here."

"Please, don't call them shitheads." Shinki requests kindly. "...But, yes. I've not been one to soften my realm for others. I quite like my little pandaemonium."

"Ha, ha." Mima smiled at her turn of words. "That's why yer always takin' vacations in less fucked up places. This's why the one daughter yer proud of both isn't fucked up, and doesn't live in a fucked up place."

...I suppose she's not only annoying to me, then. I'm not sure if that's refreshing, or disappointing.

"Well, yes." Shinki admits. "I care for the state of this world. Were this world threatened-"

Mima interjected. "Again."

Shinki snorted. "Were this world threatened again, I'd protect it, again. And yet, I can't help but see what goes on in other worlds, you know? You could say, 'the grass is always greener', but… I'd also like to some day incorporate some of the things I've seen that seem to work well."

"Sounds like theft." Mima smirked. "You gonna steal worldly concepts, now?"

Shinki flicked her gaze up. "That's unfair… isn't this one of your most valued tenets?" Thievery. Makes sense. Can see where Marisa gets it from.

"Where's the tea…?" Mima began to look around. "If yer bored enough to start whinin' at my jeers, then the tea's takin' too long."

"Aah…" Shinki leaned back in her seat again. "I forgot."

"Yeah, okay." Mima rested her head on the tea table. "Nnh…"

...Well. "This fucking sucks." Will these old hags ever shut the fuck up.

My intense boredom seems to awake Mima from her relaxation induced coma. "Ooh…! Hey, Shinki! Tell the kitty here 'bout the day Reimu shoved her gohei up yer ass!"

Shinki furrowed her brows. "Why must everyone constantly ask for that story. I'm tired of telling it."

"I gots a good reason." Mima held up a finger. "I'm teachin' kit-kat here the importance a' belief in this land, both in magic and in bodily self-defense. Y'know, the blue shit."

...Shinki sighed. "Well… the abridged version would be that-... Reimu was put into this land, and directed specifically to foster her beliefs. Combining her faith-bound blood, her young age, and her god's power, this land became the perfect playground for her to become something terrifying."

"Reimu? Terrifying?" I monotone. Not that her powers aren't; or, rather, they're boringly authoritative. It's like giving a gatling gun to a mall cop.

"Yes." Shinki nodded. "...She became so powerful, that in this realm, she became an avatar of the Hakurei god beyond what it simply meant to be a shrine maiden. For some time, she was the Hakurei god. I almost lost this realm to her. Now, she doesn't even remember much of this place. It was a very short, eventful time in her life."

"Cool story." Hakurei this Hakurei that. "This applies to me how."

...Mima's stare at me was dry. "Oh, come o~n. Basically, she really didn't wanna fuckin' die, so she got stronger. Happened wit' Marisa too."

"...Could've just told me that." Sounds like grinding. "Don't know why it had to become a story about Hakurei shit."

"It's just an example of how one's magic melded with their will." Shinki gave me an oddly slanted smile. "And, as she is human too, I figured it'd be easier for yourself to consider the effects." I just heard a whole lot of sucking up to Reimu, but sure.

You know what? Wake me up when we're done being metaphysical about everything.

/ / / / AZURE ESSENCE / / / /

Basically: different emotions and sentiments can make you stronger here because human belief is amplified magically. There. No shitty recanting of the world's two most shoehorned people required. I just saved everybody ten years of tea and me nearly falling asleep only to hit my head on the back of the chair.

We're back on the move again. "See? Wasn't that pretty good?" Mima smirked back at me, as we meandered outside-... into wherever we are.

"Sure." I had nothing to say, which made it very, very fun. "Where was that portal again?"

...Mima swiveled ahead again, reminding me she just has no legs. "Nnh. C'mere, I'll show ya."

Suddenly, we turn the corner through the vague halls into somewhere with an open clearing on the right side. It's still got that weird shifting purple floor tileset, and the same walls, but there's a big blue door into another room.

Around it are some blonde, long-haired maids who immediately remind me of Alice's dolls, considering they have the same hair style.

Somehow, there's a wealth of activity around this point. Tons of girls are trying to go inside, and a few are walking out. There are three gates to the big open blue door set up, each manned by a maid.

"Good morning, Mima." We neared the green, weird gate. It's green because there's a green tile on the floor beneath it.

By 'gate', I also mean 'opening amidst stone dividers'. Sort of like an airport terminal, or the metal detector gates.

The blue gate sees chicks going in, the red gate sees chicks going out, and the green gate…

Mima slides in, and speaks to the blue-clad maid watching the gate. "Kitty behind me, too." I'm going to assume it's VIP-only, or something.

We meander through the gate without issue, and get to the door here…

Inside, there is a big, lucid portal, just like on the Human Village's side. Unlike in the village, there's no nexus of shops and shit here beneath the soil; just a portal, and more windows with grey light shining in. Girls are coming and going at a slow trickle in both directions.

"Why are so many demons girls." There are no men simply coming and going.

Mima snorted. "Makai tourism's more popular wit' the ladies. Squint hard and ya might actually see 'em. In general, the ladies're way more active than the guys. A lotta guys are either good fer nothin' boy toys, or baron-type dudes."

Oh, well. Time to wander into the portal and see where it goes. I expected the Makai end to be… more disordered, to be honest. In fact, how each end should look is actually the exact opposite of my expectations.

/ / / / TESTAMENT OF THE SHINIGAMI / / / /

Yep. The human end of things is… shitty, dark, and full of demons manning a twisted underground bazaar.

"Human panti~es!" Only the best vendors sit under here.

"You might not be allowed to steal and eat here… but you can prete~nd! Enter my booth to test your skills!"

"Blood potions! Take one to stock u~p! Buy more, or eat the floo~r!"

"Invinci-Cameras! Only eighty thousand yen- or four-... four five-... a buncha tokens!"

As we step through the round anti-village square, various girls of differing heights center their gazes on me.

"Hey…" A stout, brown-haired girl romps up to me. How fluffy.

Mima drifts from the portal next to me. "...No."

"Nnh…" The stout, brown-haired girl became sad. "But-"

"No buts." Mima waved a finger at her, before beginning to move. "...Oh, yeah, I wanted a low profile. Ah, fuck it." Shrugging off her own mistake, she floated ahead plainly. "Come on, kit-kat."

"...Wait, why're you leading." I ask. Especially out here.

But, when I turned to face her after shooting a look back at that short girl, she was gone. Huh.

...Well. Question answered: she's stopped leading.

"Hey." Some ash-red haired insect girl lumbers up to me. "Cat."

"No." Let's run-

Something pokes my side- so I leap!

/ / / / KITTY LEAP / / / /

WOOSH. Oh, shit. It's snowing outside.

It's just before nightfall, and the snow is coming down very hard. I think. It's really fuckin' dark, at least.

I've just stepped out of the half-trashed Makai-village embassy, and into some nitty-gritty village alleys. Snow is piling up even back here, making everything… fairly pretty, but also hell to actually move in.

These shoes that went with my nazi outfit actually serve me well, here. Now that I think about it, Mima must have mended my clothing too, because otherwise, I should be riddled with abrasions and holes right now.

"Oh, shit!" Mima comes out of fucking nowhere. It's like just thinking about her summoned her. "The snow reminds me! There actually was somethin' I wanted ya to do today!"

"Nice job." I really don't care… is going to be my answer, probably. "Did you wanna build a snowman."

...Oh, she's gone, again. The fuck.

Well, sure. Let's try not to think about her again, so she stops showing up.

Woo~sh. A harsh wind threatens to steal my new white sunhat and nazi cap, again. Actually, I think I'll just put the nazi hat away, for now.

...There. Sun hat fitted tightly to head. Maybe it's ice resistant, or some shit. I did steal it from a snowy chick, after all.

I make my way onto main street. Immediately, the dim lanterns here greet me, and I have to trudge through snow that's already up to my forelegs…

There aren't just guards out here, this evening. Villagers bundled up entirely in brown blankets are walking around, although some are dressed fairly normally, with just heavier layers on.

As I meander towards the town square, a particularly short villager meanders towards me…

"Psst!" She smiles widely, stumbling through the wind and snow up to me. Her eyes glow emerald green, shining through her big hat and scarf. "Hey, kitty…!"

My ears are concealed, how do they know? Wait- shit, my tail… it's a good thing it's snowing right now, so everyone's visibility is piss.

"What…" I give her a drained look back. Who the hell is this.

From behind herself, a brown, rough looking tail sways out from her villager garb. "Ehehe. I'm a monkey girl!" ...Wow.

"Good for you." Must be a great accomplishment. "How's it feel to be among your more evolved brethren."

She snorts. "Nn- now that's not very nice. Are you on tour, too?"

"...Of a sort." I suppose. "The hell do you want."

"I'm bo~red!" She leaps in place. "Monkey see, monkey do, you know? There's no tour guides, or anything. We're just left to kinda run around, which is cool, but like-... you can hardly do anything! No breaking or entering, no beating each other up…"

"Who says you can't do that." I'm pretty sure I set no rules.

"The tourism agency." The monkey girl began to look casual, as we stumbled ahead in the cold. "We could get in big trouble. Lady Shinki'd know…"

Apparently there was something else I should've talked with Shinki about. No crime? That won't do. Hopefully the villagers aren't retarded- I mean, are retarded enough to pick up the slack.

"Do you have to listen to them." Never go back. Start all the crime here. Become your own god.

She snorts. "Of course! I always obey mistress, let alone Lady Shinki!"

Well. That's nice. Sadly, she's not necessarily a loli, she's just kind of petite. If her hat's any indication, she has outlandishly short hair. Freakin' monkey.

"That's nice." I say as much, and just leave. Don't got any business with her.

On that note, I'm pretty sure most of everyone outside who isn't a guard is either a demon tourist or a youkai. Maybe we should be like, searching them, and not just-... you know, where are half the sentry guards? Did they really flake just because it's snowing like hell.

The monkey fuck bounds up along my side. "So! What'd you come to do, kitty?"

"Rape and plunder." It's kinda hard to talk, through the wind. Not sure how this tiny ape is managing it. "...Why aren't you and the other Makai demons just attacking?"

The monkey snorted. "...That sounds like a question a human would ask. But, if you wanna kno~w… I mean, it's 'cause we're tourists. To begin with, Lady Shinki personally screens outbound tourists towards favorable locations. Back when we had missionary days, there cou~ld have been the shipping of our surlier agents to places like this… but Gensokyo's so small and remote, that I doubt it."

So we're not getting the full take, then. "If she screens them, why're the demons in the cave so eager to jump people who go down there."

The monkey girl snorted. "Down there…? Well, that's their own dang fault. Don't just walk into a crowd gathering of demons under your village. It doesn't end well!"

Fair enough.

After heading up the north road, we're just about to Small Packages. Wonder if it's getting any business in my absence, even in the snow. I've got this feeling that all big stores are either closed or in special hours, or something. Then again, this isn't America… and I didn't live somewhere where it snowed often anyway. People jumped on the chance to shut down when a flurry started.

...I turn to that monkey, who is still following me. "Get lost."

"...Wha- why." She's suddenly surprised. "...You need to go take a piss?"

"Yes." Precisely.

She smiled. "Alright! I'll wait here!" You do that.

Sliding my hands into my pockets, I strolled towards the somewhat snowed in saloon door that lead into Small Packages.

/ / / / SCOOBY DOO GANG ASSEMBLE / / / /

...I should've bought more candles. This place is somehow really dark, I've just realized. Maybe it's the fact that there are no windows. Wait- the candles aren't lit, either. We must be closed.

It's also just as cold in here as it is outside. This might be a problem in the coming months. We need open-air lava heating, dammit.

Moving for the rubble pileup in the room's back-left corner, I start climbing up it. It's become a familiar procedure, and also ironically comfortable. I like my pile of shit over here.

...Going through the hole in the ceiling over the pile, I reach the second floor. In the first room is my idle, crappy little bed. As opposed to all the very active beds out there. Where's the loli playroom…

It's across the room from the exit. I step into it. It's-... still what it is. Full of dark magic. What a strange rush, stepping in here.

"Aa-..." Oh, hey. Vanilla is here. "...Aah."

"Aah." I aah back. "Yeah."

"You're-... you're back." She speaks up quietly. "...It- it's cold. Everyone left." Mmh. When your relationships are built on thin deals and juggled task management, it happens. Rumia probably went looking for food again-... the traps went I don't know where, and-...

You know. That one vampire girl- I think she was blonde-... she's not stuck in the wall amidst Shikome's wood shit anymore.

Yes, even though she's not here, it's all still here. Not very active-looking, though. If I had to describe what feeling the walls emanated-... I'd have to call it 'incredibly cursed'.

"...Amazing what one day of absence does." I swear I wasn't gone that long, even. Then again, Shikome has, which may be the big difference. She is the muscle, around here. I'm just the politician.

...Looking down at Vanilla, I gesture for her to follow me. "I'll get a fire started-... somewhere." This building's made of wood. Maybe we'll go outside and find a nice fuckin' cardboard box. "C'mon."

Idly, moving out of the room, I meander up to the room where the trap guys would be. Inside, there's… as expected, nothing going on. Wonder where those traps got off to.

I'll find them later; they're just mooks, anyway.

I move for the ramp down to the first floor, along the room's rear. Vanilla follows me, as I-... slide my way down, there we go.

The candles down here are suddenly all lit.

"Hello~, hello~." Mima gives me a friendly wave. "I did the shit I wanted ta do."

"Too much information." Go away. I'd rather not be a schizophrenic.

...Behind her, two people meander inside.

One is a yuki-onna. She has a mint green kimono on, and short, messily-cut black hair. Oh, wait. This is the one Aiko had nearly killed, the other day.

"Nn- nnh…" Behind her, there's this doofy human villager. He's the debatably sane, straight-haired, aristocratic one I'd seen that same day. Not sure what his relation is to this yuki-onna, but apparently there is one, since this is the second time I've seen them together.

"These two'll also do…" Mima smiled at them, then at me. "Mostly the yuki-lady. But-... maybe that shitty guy's useful fer somethin'. Whatever, logistics shmogistics."

"Who the hell are they." Is Mima bringing hookers into my establishment? These hookers are not my hookers. "Did you drag them from a drainage ditch." They both look less than kempt.

"You-..." The snow woman seethed, despite looking like she was about to fall over. "You- will respect-..."

"Chill." Mima drifted closer to her… "Pun intended. I'm plannin' on makin' the four 'a you get along! Or-... work in relation to one another, if ya end up hatin' each other's guts."

"She-..." The foppy guy shivers, pointing at me. "She is-... she is youkai-..."

Mima let her gaze meet the ceiling, for a moment. "The guy here's Sanjiro. The chick's Shimokoa. Kitty here is-..." She looked at me vaguely.

"Mary Sue." I state completely seriously.

...Mima gives me an odd look for a moment, before it turns wry. "I think it was Matt, that was his name."

I've already forgotten the other people's names. However, I'm also going to un-forget them, because referring to them with vague descriptions instead of names really sucks.

Shimokoa looks absolutely dour. "...You imply we are just supposed to trust this feline?"

"Mhm." Mima nodded. "Consider it yer first gift from me. She's awfully connected in the underground an' shit. She can get ya places."

Sanjiro looks defeated, and we've not even done anything yet. "Yh- yhoukai…"

"What if I told them to get lost?" I propose to Mima. "They are not interesting to me."

"Um-..." Vanilla speaks up, now finally down here behind me. "Maybe-... maybe we should hear them out."

"You cannot make me leave." Shimokoa decides immediately. "...I am here to become more knowledgeable in combat, under the tutelage of Mima. I need this power to reclaim something dear to me."

"I- ih…" Sanjiro blinks tiredly. "Yhoukai…"

...Shimokoa's face sours, and she slaps him on the back.

Pat! On impact, he seems to wake up. "Hn- ah, I-... co- cold…" Kind of.

"Is he okay…?" Vanilla lets her brows raise in worry.

"No." Shimokoa shook her head. "Fortunately for him, he is not worth consuming, or I'd have consumed him already. You two, however…" She centers her narrow gaze on me and Vanilla.

"Yeah, hey, footnote here…" Mima drifts aside the space between us. "No killin' each other! This ain't a fuckin' trial of elimination, yer not gonna be my personal minion at the end a' it! Yer gonna be my business associates. Think of it like, uu~h…"

She faced me. "That one fuckin' computer game, with the nations an' shit, and you can make one. You get advisors."

"...Civilization?" I guess.

Mima snaps her fingers. "Yeah, like that! 'Cept I'm the player, and yer all my advisors!" I recommend you build a temple right now. Or, if I'm military, I recommend you do nothing but build scouts on repeat.

"What could we possibly offer you?" I wonder.

Mima shuts her eyes for a moment, before centering her gaze on me. "Kitty~. Freakin'... you offer me Shikome, Shimo-chan here lets me make ice cream, Sanjiro is fuckin' useless, but I ain't gonna say what I got planned wit' 'em, and uh…"

She rests her gaze on Vanilla. "Vampire girl, huh. Vanilla, was it? You'll be eye-candy, I guess. Wasn't really plannin' on more than these three bozos."

"...Would you happen to know why Seiga was interested in her?" I gesture to Vanilla. I distinctly remember them speaking together.

"Seiga's yet to get her hands on advanced European-style undead." Mima smiled at me. "That's why she cares. Myself, if I wanted my hands on someone like that, I'd walk ten meters in Makai."

"She-... she came by a few hours ago." Vanilla revealed. "She wanted me to come with her… and I said no. So she said she'd wait…"

You know, Vanilla must be freezing her fucking tits off, walking around naked-... wait, she's undead. Why'd she say she was cold, then. I don't think I get how loli vampires work. I guess being cold would just be severe discomfort and not a direct priority anymore.

"Huh." Vanilla is, if nothing else, a loyal loli. Potentially also a royal loli.

"So…" Mima floated for the door. "All a' you, come with me. We're gonna work under the cover a' snow."

"Wait…" Sanjiro looked worried. "Cursed ghost- please, I will freeze!"

fwish. Mima waves her hand at him, and some kind of blue shell appears over his form. "Aa-..."

"There, now you won't." She monotones, before getting livelier. "All a' you, follow me. Ideally, yer all gonna learn somethin' useful fer a change."

With that, she's out the door. Shimokoa and Sanjiro mope after her, and Vanilla seems to move, too.

...Facing me, Vanilla gestures for me to follow. "Co- come on, Matt. This-... well." She looks awkward. "I- I guess I should leave this up to you. I don't know them at all, but-... I- I'm really excited to do something, you know? And, the past few days here have been… weird. I don't like feeling like something to just be traded around."

...Hmh. Well, if Vanilla really wants to go.

/ / / / FOR BUDDY / / / /

We made our way outside the village, to somewhere just on the cusp of the Forest of Magic.

A single, solitary pond sat frozen in the midst of the snowy woods here. Weird, broken grey stone sat before it; like they were parts of shattered monoliths that stood here previously.

...Actually, I recall, now. This was where me and two idiots went to fight a yuki-onna. Brad was carried off by that yuki-onna, almost leaving me without pay.

...That's the same yuki-onna he constantly hangs out around now, isn't it. How appropriate. I wonder who raped who into submission.

Mima faces us, after having floated just before the frozen pond. "Alright! You all fired up fer some good ol' fashioned violence!?"

"Uninspired practice does nothing." Shimokoa shook her head, her butchered black hair flailing in the harsh wind. "I seek innovation. Realizations."

"I need a better sword!" Sanjiro scowled at his rapier. "One that gives me supreme power." ...Good.

Vanilla seems skittish. "...I- I don't-... I don't wanna hurt anyone."

"No." I refuse outright. Not even for any particular reason.

...Bobbing in place, Mima smiled at us. "Maybe you'll all change your minds… if I gave you a fitting target?"

Whi~sh. Then, her form turned vague. She regressed into being a blob of spirit energy for a moment, before reforming a moment later.

Crunch, crunch. The snow crunched, Mima having shifted to take on Brad's appearance, sauntering towards us. "Yo, ho, ho!" Except, his hair was still Mima's bright green, and his eyes shined emerald.

He stood in some retarded all-blue pajama top with sweatpants combination. For a plant hanger, he had a big, warhammer-sized steel one.

"Yer all… fuckin' stoopid!" He gave us the middle finger. "Yer all fuckin', suckin' cock!"

Whi~sh. Wind begins to spin up around Shimokoa. "...My mind has changed. This will do."

"Still need a better rapier…" Sanjiro reminds me of retards back at school.

...I draw my fire scissors, again. Maybe I can warm myself up in the process of whatever the hell's about to happen.

"Um…" Vanilla's mind probably hasn't changed, considering she probably doesn't know who the hell this guy is. It's better that she doesn't.

And so, the ceaseless clattering of our bullshit begins.

"Come to me…" Immediately, Shimokoa floats higher into the air, holding both arms up. "Ice Blade!"

Fwi- SHI~NG! Above her, a huge ice blade is summoned, stretching three times her size into the air, and spanning about as wide as her too.

"Oo- ah…" Sanjiro immediately gets the hell away from her. I do too.

WOOSH. She brings the blade straight down, cleaving it into the ground where not-Brad was. "Die!"

FWA- FWASH! The impact creates a huge, explosive shockwave of snow and frost, a tornado of cold enveloping him immediately. The whole clearing lit up with teal, frosty light. I'm quite familiar with that shit, from just a few hours ago.

"Oo- oof…!" Within the epicenter of the great magical reaction, Brad's just getting back up off his ass, barely scathed. Obviously, because it's just Mima pretending to be him.

"What…!?" Shimokoa does not make this immediate connection.

"Alright…!" Sanjiro runs in aside her, his… rapier, raised? Is that a rapier? It's like a fuckin' lance tip with a sword handle. It's fucking retarded looking.

Clack! He thrusts it at Brad, but this version of Brad can actually think of blocking, so he uses his huge featureless hanger to divert Sanjiro's thrust easily. "Ho~h!"

Thunk! Once he diverted the swing, he simply brought the top of the hanger down, and it bonked Sanjiro's head. "Ngh-...!" Sanjiro somehow goes recoiling back many meters from that.

"Welcome, happy Oblivion…!" Shimokoa holds her arms out, and purple-white lightning begins to crackle across them.

FWI- KRA- KRACK, CRACK! She summons a dark ice blade, and a frosty shield to go with it.

"Hra~h!" Instantly, she comes down like a hurricane, whirling her blade outward as she does so-

WHACLACK! Her blade meets not-Brad's great hanger, and very unrealistically, he doesn't stagger from blocking her dark ice katana at all, which stops Shimokoa dead in her tracks. "Aa- ah…!"

Cra~ng! He flourishes both his arms out, forcing Shimokoa to spin back awkwardly by shoving her blade back. "Wahaha!"

Clank! As she spins back into facing him, her shield barely blocks a quick, clumsy inward one-handed swing of the hanger. "Aa- shit!" Brad recoils-

Shunk. Shimokoa stabs him in the chest with her blade. "Yes!" Her face lights up. "Got you!"

Whunk. Not reacting at all, the fake Brad lamely bonks her across the cheek with a two-armed push of his great hanger.

"Nghk- wha…!?" Shimokoa is surprised, again, as she draws her katana from his chest.

Woo- WOOSH! Fake Brad double jumps, an alarming flourish of amber exploding out from beneath his legs as he reeled the great hanger overhead. "Wahahahu~e!"

WHACLA- CLA~NG! The downward cleave of the great, metal club onto Shimokoa's combined katana and shield was so loud it echoed in the snowstorm. "Aa- aah…"

"You know…" I drawl idly. "This is very unrealistic." Brad's a fucking wimp. Mima, why are you pretending he has super armor against being stabbed.

Landing after the great downward cleave, not-Brad faces me. "Oh, yeah…!?"

whish! Shimokoa tries to stab him in the gut again, but somehow, he slides forward nearly instantly just by jerking his limbs, getting out of range.

Then, he's running at me. "I'm gonna get ya gotten, son!"

...The moment he gets close, and brings the big hanger overhead, I drop down like a cat, and skitter behind him nearly instantly. At least, by comparison to his movements.

"Woah- shit-" He looks around, eyes wide-

Shink! Standing up behind him, I snip my fire scissors into his neck, and watch the flames begin.

"Ngh- aah…!" As he begins to burn more, he flops over onto his side. "Wa- aa- aah…!"

Fwoom- fwam! I also make a point-blank fireball and nail him with it, just to taunt him. Or, her.

fwish. Once I back away, he instantly goes out, and moves to stand up like nothing happened.

"I don't see the point of this." After murdering him once, the appeal of murdering a complete fake has lost its charm.

"Well, 'course ya don't yet." He replied simply. "Part a' the reason I'm stronger than the real him is 'cause I'm not just gonna play dead every time I get so much as slapped. But also, you gotta know how to deal with crazy 'what if' situations!"

Fwish! His whole form lights up with bright, yellow energy. "Here I co~me!"

WHUNK. Instantly, the cast iron great club thing meets my gut. "Nn-" Mima-Brad is just snapping around instantly, now. Not sure if she's actually fast, or just teleporting.

WHACRACK! Then, Mima-Brad is gone. I hear a clattering sound behind me, likely from Shimokoa's shit.

WHUNK! "Unh!" Shimokoa got hit in the gut, too.

"Nn- no, please!" Sanjiro is just pathetic.

WHUNK! "Uuh!" He stood no chance.

I turn around. Mima-Brad skirts around Shimokoa impossibly fast, coming for me again, not even using his feet to move.

WOOSH. I duck under the first wide swing.

Shink! My scissors snip into his stomach-

WHACRACK! He cleaved the great hanger down onto my back effortlessly. "Nnghk-" Fucking…

Shik- shik! I drive the blade deeper up his stomach, even though this Brad can't bleed-

Whathunk! He flourishes both his arms out, inadvertently throwing me off himself with the clumsy motion. "Yo ho~!

Fwam! "Ho- hkh!" A fireball meets his face, sent out from me. Surprisingly, he seems to flinch at this, giving me my opportunity.

SHI- SHIK! I snip him in the dick. "Ooh!" He seems to give me a mandatory recoil, because come on, it's the dick.

SHUNK. Whipping the scissors up, I puncture his eyes next, and then spread the scissors as best I can. His body is burning again. "Uu- aa-" Mima lets her fake Brad recoil at this, too.

SHUNK! Oo- woah. I had to lean out of the way. Shimokoa came up to help, driving her blade through Brad's back and out of his stomach, and nearly poking me in the process.

Whack! Brad finally retaliates, flourishing both his arms out again and accidentally pushing me away in the process. "Freakin'...!"

I thrust for him again, from the side-

BOOM. He clotheslines me with the head of the great hanger, while spinning around to punish Shimokoa. "Oh- woah!" He beams down at me-

whish! In the next moment, he snaps into a cartwheel towards me what is this-

WHACRACK! "Wehehe~!" Agh- damn- fuck…! He- cartwheeled so that his knees would crush my side, his entire body weight put into those knees. What the fuck. I'm positive that Brad could do nothing of the sort.

WHABAM! Standing again, he crouched down and swung the huge hanger like a bat, clubbing Shimokoa in the side with his while she forgot to stop it.

"Wh- aanh!" She literally flew way fucking away. When was Brad the incredible Hulk.

"Nn- ngh…" My ribs hurt, a lot.

Fwish! Suddenly, as I spring into standing, Brad slides towards my form faster than I can run, even though I'm a fuckin' cat-

Wham- BAM! WHAM! He's moving too fast for me to swing my scissors, which should be outright impossible. As in, he's swinging his hanger so fast that I can do nothing but guard or dodge.

"Ffh…!" I've really had enough of this shit. "Fuck you!"

WHUNK! Deciding to eat a hit, I plunged my scissors deep into his right rib cage, and a satisfying noise meets my ears.

"Hu- uoh…" Mima actually lets go of the great hanger, stumbling back and out of my scissors blade. "Hua- aa~..."

Shoof. Mima-Brad collapsed back into the snow.

Idea. "Saw!" I summon the good saw blade.

VRRRR~! It roars as it careens down from the air above myself, arcing straight into Mima's fake Brad.

As he sits back up-

VRRR- SHKSHKSHKSHK! It cleaves him straight down the middle. "Hkh- aa- ngh-..."

...The cool moment passes, and of course, Mima-Brad is not split in two just half a second later, as he starts to sit up again. "Yeowch…!"

Shink! As he stands, Shimokoa stabs him through the back. "Just-... just, stay down. Please…"

"Oo- ooh?" Not-Brad grins at her. "Wh- why's that…?"

"You-... you took everything from me." Shimokoa exhaled. "...Or, not everything. But, you took what was dear to me. I know-... that this is a chink in the armor, and that you will take more. That-... that, I cannot allow."

...woosh. Not-Brad finally stops existing.

Slowly, Mima fades back into being, standing- er, floating casually before us. "Mmh. Some of you learned somethin' here, and that'll be good enough fer now."

"What'd I learn." All I did was get clubbed in the head, repeatedly.

...Mima faces me plainly. "That thrusty stabby thing. If I was a human, you'd've pierced my ribs wit' that shit. Or, y'know, scratched the bone somethin' good. It was more of a puncture than a cut." Hmm. Well, at least it's not weakly slicing at something.

...Shimokoa exhaled. She just looks depressed, and like she's about to fall asleep at any moment.

"Mmh…" Sanjiro comes back. Pretty sure he learned literally nothing.

Vanilla was here the whole time, but she just looked worried after all of that was said and done. "...Um. Is everyone okay?"

/ / / / ESSENCE OF CATGIRL LOLI '88 / / / /

"As a team, you~ guys suck." Mima took us to a diner.

It was a quaint little diner. The little golden lights in here are dim, but pleasant. Hardly anyone is here, which means some people actually are here.

People that aren't us, I mean. They're giving us weird stares.

"Sanjiro, you're fuckin' useless." Mima started. "Shimokoa, you gotta think a' the fops around you. Kitty Matt-... that wasn't terrible, but ya didn't innovate like I thought ya would. Vanilla did nothin' at all…"

"The fuck ya want me to innovate on." I tilt my head up at her, for a moment.

...Mima snorted. "Ah? Basically, martial-type shit. I've got an idea up my sleeve, but the three of you've gotta get good at not getting your asses kicked all around first. Actually workin' together might help, but so does gettin' more skilled."

"I don't know any kitty martial arts." I confess. "And ya say that like working with them…" I look at miss-mopes-a-lot and the almighty retard, "were so simple."

Shimokoa frowns at me while we sit here in the midst of the bleary diner. "I didn't want to work with someone who reeks of human filth, like you. I just-..."

"Shut the fuck up, you were supposed to be dead." I monotone back my statement in return.

She narrows her eyes, at me. "...What? ...Crawl into a ditch and die."

"No one's crawlin' into any sad corners and croakin'." Mima waved a finger at the both of us. "Shimokoa, I know you're outta your element, but you wanna get better to save yer sister, yeah? Then pipe down yer complainin'. Don't think of 'em as friends, think of 'em as tools, or somethin'. 'Cept for Sanjiro, just don't kill him, even if he is useless."

"By the way," I face Sanjiro. "Who the hell are you, again?"

...He wrinkled his nose. "Sanjiro. Sanjiro Coda. Have you heard of me? My father was a popular-"

"Nope." I shake my head. "Not a damn clue."

...He exhaled. "Very-... well. You see, some days ago, I set out on a quest."

...End thought? End thought. Let's never speak of this again.

Since I wasn't going to inquire what the quest was about, he kept going anyway. "If you were curious, that quest was one of vengeance. For-... a deranged little child, with a fixation on magic, has sought destruction of the Coda, my clan."

"Nice sob story." I face Mima plainly and point at him. "Why did we take this pussy boy off the street?"

Mima grinned. "Oh, I have plans fer him. The big ordeal's that, like Shimo-chan there, he's got a grudge. And ain't it peculiar that their grudges are traveling together? An' I know you got some kinda shit goin' on with that one other boy. Now-..."

She looks the other two over, then me. "I ain't tryin'a play no one, but somethin' about this dynamic's givin me ideas."

So, you are trying to play someone. The important question here is, 'what does she get out of this'.

"You just seek to profit off of the conflict between us and them." Shimokoa vocalized her own suspicions. "...How so?"

"Well, easy." Mima leaned back, even though she's a ghost, who doesn't need to get comfortable posture. "All the conflict drawn together in one place oughta draw somethin' interesting outta the two people bangin' rocks against each other. Still not sure what I wanna catalyze, though. I mean, preferably you bozos get somethin' outta it."

"If I learn, that you've only taken me under your wing to abuse me…" Shimokoa's frown wilted, if it was possible. "I will hunt you to the ends of the earth, and beyond."

Mima snorted. "Y'wouldn't be the first!"

"...You know." I look at Sanjiro. "Doesn't Mima count as a magical girl, too." If we're talking mage hatred, I feel like Mima is a prime candidate.

He gives the most befuddled of shrugs. "Well- you know, I- see here: look." What. "...I am only participating in this exchange-... for beneficiary reasons."

Mima sighed. "Which means he wants somethin', yeah, don't gotta explain it like a rocket scientist now, 'cause it ain't. Fuckin'- that's why we're all here. It's a business venture. Fuckin' dumbass."

Sanjiro glowers at the table, which is probably wiser than making himself look even more terrible.

...I turn to Vanilla. We still haven't been served yet.

Upon sensing my gaze, she fluffs up. "...You-... you guys…" She begins to look around, looking flustered. "Why do you all hate each other?"

"Humans are scum." Shimokoa uttered. "They should be eradicated."

"I am just here… for my own problems." Sanjiro-... yeah.

Mima gave Vanilla a catty smile. "...Can't please everyone, yeah?"

"Actually, shit…" Mima suddenly perked up. "We gotta steal some elixirs. Alright, when we get outta here, we're stealing a metric fuckton of elixirs."

"...Why?" Sanjiro frowns hard. "What good will youkai brew serve us?"

"You are retarded." Mima states outright. "Any other questions?"

"Why?" Shimokoa wonders next. "...We do not need healing." I need healing.

"We need healing." Mima summarizes. "You also nearly died recently, so don't gimme that shit, y'cheeky bitch. This is for literally everyone else. Also, we can sell what we don't need, and make huge bank."

Selling illegally obtained goods, huh. That sounds like a hard crime worth hard time.

"Who the hell even makes elixirs." If she makes us walk ten miles to Eientei or the mansion in the snow, I'm going to grope her ghost boobs.

"There's a place in the village, actually." Mima smirked. "The Eientei stall. There's enough of us; I just need some clowns to… stall for time, essentially. Actually, idea."

She looked at Vanilla. "I'll teach vampy there lockpicking, especially lunarian-type locks. The rest a' you will keep the stall manager busy."

"Busy. Busy how?" I assume we'll be putting on fake moustaches and heckling her for price checks.

...Mima looks around, since our food isn't here yet somehow. "Nah. You'll all steal some random bullshit from behind the counter and bolt. Then, you'll tangle wit' the bunny clerk in the snow. When I get the goods, I'll warp ya all outta there. How's that sound?"

...That might be doable.

Finally, the food arrives. A plain, brown-haired girl deposits our five plates. "Here you go…"

I look at Vanilla. "Where'd the vampire assholes go, anyway?"

...Vanilla seems caught off-guard for a moment, before replying. "Aaa-... they, um, went somewhere in the woods. I think they have a mansion, somewhere." Good. Probably not a big one.

...While we get nice and snuggly with the food, Vanilla gingerly looks at me again. "Where's-... where'd Shikome go?"

Ah. Hoo~, boy. "That's a long story." Not really.

...I don't relay said story, by the way. Vanilla doesn't ask again, either.

/ / / / SNOWY POINT / / / /

So, here we are. We're standing in the village square.

The Eientei stall is actually lit, right now. Warm, fluorescent light bathes it in convenience store gold, amidst the dimming, nearly black snowfall around it.

There's a lavender haired woman inside, in human villager clothing. She has red eyes. I'm pretty sure we all know who this is.

"Alright…" Mima speaks to us over sound stones she handed out. They're like walkie-talkies, but magic. Convenient, isn't it. "Me and Vanilla-illa are out back, no one's seen us. You guys go start the big stink." The big stink.

Under the dim lights, me, Shimokoa, and Sanjiro systematically approach the stall in a way that is, assuredly, not suspicious.

"What're you three up to." Reisen is immediately suspect.

"Uh oh, gang." I turn to the yuki-onna and the motherfuck. "Hurry, let's split up."

We walk closer, all in a uniform line together.

"Umh- aah!" Sanjiro goes full retard mode. When we reach the counter, he slams his arms on it, leaning forward as hard as he can- "Nh-" Did he just hurt his pelvis on the counter. "I- would like to inquire…!" He crawled onto the counter. "Your finest wares!"

"U~m!" Reisen stared him down. "What-... no- get down from there." She moved to push him off. "Stop looking behind the counter!"

She stopped him from looking upside down at the random pharmacy crap under the counter, by pushing his shoulders up.

"Aa- aah…" He made a sexy pose on the counter. "Hello- potion seller!"

"Get the fuck off the counter…!" Reisen let her brows raise. "Really!"

"I am going, into battle!" Sanjiro is legendary, truly. "And I want, your strongest potio~ns!"

pap. Reisen pushed his ass off the counter.

shoof. He landed in the piled up snow before it. "Nnh…"

...Shimokoa is fighting a grin. "What-... was the actual plan, there. I swear that humans are mentally deficient."

Shoo- shoof! Fighting his way into standing, Sanjiro glowered at Reisen. "No- really, potion seller! I am going into battle! And I need, your strongest potions!"

"You-... you can't handle our strongest potions, sir." Reisen shook her head plainly. "I'm sorry. Anything past a simple potion would be a huge waste."

"No!" Sanjiro barked. Then, he smiled wryly. "...Potion selle~r. Heheh- I'm going into battle. And I need… your strongest potions."

"Our strongest potions would be wasted on beast youkai, let alone a man." Reisen looks absolutely perplexed. "You really, really can't handle our strongest potions, sir."

"Potion seller." Sanjiro digs his elbows into the counter. "Please. I be~g of you…"

"No!" Reisen is grinning too, now. "Seriously!"

"I'm-..." He shakes his head, jittering. "Eheh- I'm gohoing… into battle. Aha- and I need, your strongest potions…!"

"Screw off!" Reisen is bewildered. "Like-... look. You know that Yuuka lady? An elixir would heal her nearly entirely, from near death. She can take-... infinitely more punishment than you. I don't think you understand-"

"Potion seller." Sanjiro huffs. "I don't think-... you understand. I'm going into battle, and I need your strongest potions."

"I can't give you my strongest potions…" Reisen begins to lean over the counter towards him, her eyes widening. "You can't handle my strongest potions!"

...Sanjiro sighs, looking defeated. "Why can't you just sell me, your strongest potions, potion seller? Why?"

Reisen holds her own head. "Yo~u… can't… drink them!"

"...Alright." He gives her the stiff upper-lip. "Alright. Fine. I see how it is, potion seller. You are a fraud. A swindler. I will find my potions elsewhere, potion seller!"

"Good!" Reisen beamed. "Go away…! Nn- not to be mean, but seriously!"

This is actually fucking working, isn't it. Shimokoa looks blown away.

"But, if I die in battle-" Sanjiro tries the ol' guilt trip.

"No~!" Reisen has heard enough. "You're gonna spook away anyone who really wants to buy anything!"

Who. There's hardly anyone on the road.

"Just be aware…!" Sanjiro glowers at her. "That it will be your fault! For-... for you did not sell me, your strongest potions!"

Reisen huffs. "You know what. How much yen you got."

"Hundreds of thousands." Sanjiro- uh oh.

"We…" Shimokoa detects the danger. "You are right, potion seller- we don't need them anymore-"

"No." Reisen shook her head. "If you're buying, I'm sellin'. How many you want?"

Sanjiro snorted. "Finally. Thank you. I will take ten, potion seller." I think Sanjiro really is just retarded.

"Ten elixirs. Got it, cool." Reisen nodded gladly. She began to turn around-

"No, wait!" Shimokoa pipes up. "Potion seller! Hear me too! My-... my brother here is retarded!"

Reisen snorted, looking back incredulously. "He- he's not your freakin' brother. You're a yuki-onna, he's human."

I have my hands over my mouth. This is too much.

"Alright, so…" Reisen opens the back door, at the end of the stall.

"No, wait!" Shimokoa barks at her. "Potion seller! I want you to-... do you have any- skin ointment!?"

...Reisen is dead still. She darts out the back door faster than we've seen her move all night, and she looks around.

Her red eyes glow when she sights us again. "You little, piece of shit bastards." Uh oh.

Shimokoa snorted. "That's no way to-"

fwish. Reisen was gone.

WHAMBAM! Shimokoa's face is now in the counter. "Mmhk-"

Reisen is right there in front of me. Since her back is to me, I draw my fire scissors-

whish. Before I can think of using them, she falls in a perfect circle around me-

PAT- PAT. She shoots plasma shots from her fingers themselves, into my ass. "Nya- oowh!"

Sanjiro raises his rapier-lance piece of shit. "Mirror-"

WHAKRACK! Reisen is standing before him, and unleashed some kind of fucktacular, crescent-shaped kick faster than the eye can see, catching him by the shoulder.

"Wh- aauu~!" He literally goes flying. He went so far down the road I don't even see him anymore.

Shimokoa has her shield back, facing Reisen. "You can't-"

Reisen is gripping her, having already brushed the shield aside effortlessly.

WHACK. She rammed Shimokoa face-first into the counter again. "Ghk-"

WHAKRACK! She stomped her villager boot into the back of Shimoko's head, with enough force to crack the counter.

"Aa-..." Now crying, Shimokoa falls away from the counter limply-

CRUNCH! Reisen stomps her face, smashing Shimokoa back into the snow. Blood explodes out from her nose.

"Mima-...!" We might need an evac right now! "Mima!"

"On it!" Mima yells. "Castin' as fast as I can, z- ah…!"

My ass is bleeding, and burns. That aside, it's just me against Reisen now. Sanjiro was sent to another galaxy, and our tank Shimokoa got ass fucked in two seconds.

"Fire!" I exclaim, slinging my scissors outward.

Fwoom! The ball of flame rolls towards Reisen in the cold-

"Hup." She does a slow backflip, her hair and back just barely avoiding the oncoming fireball perfectly the entire time, ruining my attempt at focused tracking with it. What the fuck.

I get out my sliding scissors next. Time to run.

fwish! I slide to the left-

WHU- CRUNCH. Reisen flicks up to me right after backflipping, her right leg embedding itself under my ribs. "Kh- aa-..." My saliva flecks out into the winter air, along with a huge plume of breath. Goodbye air.

Bouncing off the momentum of this blow, Reisen flicks her other leg up-

WHAM! It hits my ass, where the bullets hit me, knocking me forward into the snow-

WHU- CRUNCH. Reisen flicks the other leg back up. God, fucking- damn-

whap. She lightly hits me with her left leg again, keeping me standing just barely after correcting my posture. "Aa-" I just crumple, because fuck-

"Hya~h!" Her limbs blur, as she unleashes another crazy crescent-shaped kick out and upon me.

WHAKAKRACK-

/ / / / PAY DAY / / / /

I wake up somewhere. That, or I stopped being in pain.

...Shimokoa is also here, nursing her nose. "Aah…" She sights my awakening.

Seems like Mima took us to her ass dimension, with the weird Mima-style houses, and the little universe cube that makes pale green light.

"...That was the most pain ever." I state to no one in particular. I'm not sure, but I think it was worse than that sniper round that nailed me.

"She nailed ya in the head." I hear Mima state from somewhere. "Ya went flyin' so fuckin' hard."

I look around.

...Ah. There's Vanilla. She's just before the universe cube, looking at me pensively. When she realizes I can see her, all her adorable loli energy bursts. "I was really worried…!"

"Like…!" Mima drifts down from above. "You did like, five spins in the air, 'fore landing on yer shoulders!"

Good. Well, I don't feel it now, which means everything went about as planned.

"Hey." I speak up. "Ya half-dead bitch. Y'absolutely sure I can't be a guy again, even temporarily?"

...She pursed her lips. "Temporarily, huh…? Maybe if ya bought cheapo Hakurei talismans. Or, y'know, the weird off-brand village bullshit, like the Toka clan's shit, or the Aoyama."

...Wait, is it really that easy. My kitty ears perk up.

"I just… buy a charm?" I confirm.

Mima snorted. "Well, yeah. Shinki didn't curse you super hard. S'really a slap on the wrist, more like. Of course, you can get it reversed, and pro'lly pretty easy, but you'd need a shrine maiden to walk ya through it. One that knew what they were doing… which, just gonna say now: no one in Gensokyo could do that. There might be one faithful maiden to the profession in the whole damn village… but otherwise, yer best bet would be convincing Reimu ta learn about yer problem."

You know, if I can just cheat the contract like that, doesn't that mean I sold that Myouren trap to hell itself for nothing? Wait- I paid for the demon traps who screwed off, not getting cursed against my will.

...Regardless, toggling the curse with charms would be interesting. "So, if I wore the charm, and took it on and off…"

Mima snorts. "Yeah, y'could pro'lly toggle it, or some shit. Play switch-a-roo, peek-a-boo. Charms can run outta energy though."

Hmm. Well, they can't be expensive, surely. I'll just buy them in bulk, and switch maidens if the deals ever get really shitty. I have to remember to not use them around Reimu, or she'll ass fuck me.

"Where are we putting those elixirs, anyway…?" I look up to see what the fuck Mima is even doing.

Oh. "Up here!" She waves down at us. "Since none 'a you fuckers can fly, I'm puttin' the elixirs somewhere where I can hand 'em out."

...Promptly, Shimokoa gently drifts up and takes a bottle, before drifting back down.

"Fuck." Mima states plainly. "...Gonna need a new idea, then."

"Why?" Shimokoa gave her a thin smile. "I will not abuse the community goods."

"Yer gonna abuse the community goods." Mima deduced. "Yer gonna abuse 'em all day. An' then you're gonna need ta get yer skull kicked in by a bunny bitch again."

...At that, Shimokoa became indifferent. "I suppose it will be your problem, then." But she said- nh, whatever.

Sanjiro idly polishes his rapier, sitting on a dumb wooden chair.

"What is that sword." It's not a rapier. It's not a lance. What is it.

...Sanjiro smirks at me. "It is my rapier." Of course. "The Village Centrifillia." Is-... is that last word in any dictionary? "We had it cast, from platinum and silver. It is the family's namesake; a heirloom."

"...I thought the name was Coda." You know. The 'Coda clan'.

...He frowned in acceptance. "Well, they refused to let us be the 'Centrifillia' clan, and so we settled for Coda. Both begin with C." Fucking genius.

"If I had to judge all of humanity on Sanjiro here…" I speak in reference to the ice bitch. "I would probably hate it too."

...Shimokoa snorts. "Such is to imply all humans are not deceivers."

"Such is to imply some of them are smart enough to deceive." I counter plainly. "You're giving them too much credit."

She smiles at my words. "Aah… but, you see, it is in their ignorance, that they deceive. In silence, they forget the promises and bonds they've made. They dare shackle us with their need and greed. This alone should necessitate their eradication… but, there are those I know who do not see it the same way. They do not see the threat humanity poses… for, they too may be suffering human afflictions."

Well. That's some shit, huh.

She keeps talking, clearly passionate about this. "...I believe my sister to be too far gone. She is young, and unknowing of the true scale of humanity's burden on the planet. The scale of their own suffering, wrought by years of incompetence, hate, greed…"

I want to see just how long she'll talk about this for, now. "I have seen my sisters suffer. They suffer at the hands of human pollution." Oh? Didn't know Gensokyo had global warming. "There are youkai born of the human condition who defile my sisters with their own lust and greed. Nothing hurts more than seeing a dignified friend through the years turned into nothing, or melted away."

...Are yuki-onna not also born of the 'human condition'? Don't youkai come from humans, or something? Wait. "Don't youkai come from humans? Wouldn't that mean, without humans, there wouldn't be yuki-onna?"

...Shimokoa seems to process this. "While this may be true… if humans were more limited in scale, they would pose no need for culling. They could keep their tiny domain, and we of the snow would live elsewhere. Sadly, this is not to be." Sounds like you need to move to Russia. Or northern Canada. Or, Antarctica. Whole lot of nothing but snow there.

...She catches Vanilla staring at her, and smiles warmly. "Don't you see? Humanity is an infestation, to be purged from the planet."

"Will somebody talk about something else." Mima bluntly requests from mid-air. "I can feel my ghostly brain cells wilt away just listenin' to this."

Sanjiro spoke up, because yes. "You see, the name- Village Centrifillia- occured to my late ancestor-"

"Be silent, human filth!" Shimokoa puts way too much energy into yelling. "Kh- kaugh…" She even coughed afterward.

Mima chuckled depressedly. "These're gonna be some fuckin' long weeks. Can you guys stop bein' motherfuckers."

"What?" Shimokoa finally gets tired of being jeered at. "Do you side with humanity, apparition?"

"I side with the 'it's fuckin' impossible to genocide all of humanity' club." Mima contests. "Also, youkai live off fear and belief from humans. No humans, no fear, no youkai, boom; empty Earth. All that's left is the fuckin' braindead animals, and evolution."

...Shimokoa sighed. "Maybe-... maybe that would be for the best."

"No~!" That's when Vanilla spoke up. "...I- I mean, I haven't seen a lot of the world yet- but that makes me even more against breaking it."

"But, think of the suffering!" Shimokoa proposes, I think.

"...What suffering?" Vanilla has no idea what she's talking about. "Look-... even if people are feeling bad about something, that just means you have to try and fix it, not blow them up."

Shimokoa exhales, annoyed. "Some problems are beyond understanding and compassion. You will learn this in time, vampire. When you do, I'd love to be your acquaintance, again. However, as of now, you reek of youthful naivety."

"...Do- does that smell bad?" Vanilla grins.

...Shimokoa stares into space.

I'm apparently seated on a stack of blankets, and Shimokoa is on a similar stack nearby.

Sanjiro's on that shitty wood chair, and Vanilla's sitting before the universe cube. The comparison between it and her is cute.

"...Still." Shimokoa starts again.

"You need like, hobbies." Mima refuses this. "You ever play wit' a fuckin' Rubix cube?"

"A what." Shimokoa huffs. "No. But-... well-... my hobbies? I-... I read."

"Not enough, 'parently. Or too much." Mima smiled to herself, while she idly drifted around the overhead elixir-holding platform. "Mmh."

...Shimokoa says nothing more. We had thought it impossible; and yet, ladies and gentlemen, we have shut the chatty yuki-onna up.

I thought too soon. "Why-... why belittle me?" Shimokoa frowns up at her. "I've placed my logic out, demonstrated my thinking. Do you find it-... poorly thought out, then? Or are you arrogant?"

"Gee, I wonder." Mima reached her arms out, to move the platform. "Ooh, idea. Anyway-... let's see. Undead mage who taught most fearsome general mage in all a' Gensokyo, compared to some random fuckoff yuki-onna who wants ta genocide humans 'cause of her own limited perceptions. Wonde~r 'bout that."

"My perceptions are not limited." Shimokoa countered. "I have observed the human travesty that is their natural inclination to greed. The desire to take and overcome. Despite the exceptions, this is an overwhelming and oppressive force."

"Is it really." Mima gave an actually tired look down at us. "Hey, tell me this. Why's other people's problems gotta be yours?"

...Shimokoa furrowed her brows. "I-... what do you mean?"

"How many sisters you've seen killed in the past-... in your life? Versus how many you heard were killed?"

...Shimokoa exhaled. "Six. I have witnessed the destruction of six sisters."

"How many sisters you seen total?" Mima contested.

"...Hundreds." Shimokoa admitted.

"What killed those six?" Mima smiled, as if knowing where this was going.

"...Nnh." Shimokoa knew where this was going, too. "Four were killed by other youkai, raped and defiled. One killed themself. One was slain by a human."

"What'd that human do? Who were they?" Mima began to move the elixir platform, pushing it through the air. It was just-... a suspended wood platform.

"They were a Hakurei maiden." Shimokoa spoke. "The second shrine maiden, in the midst of her training. She applied a seal too great, and a sister of mine melted in the heat of her magic. Yuki-onna typically will not die from heat itself, but the holy affixation combined with the sheer, furnace-like temperatures she made on purpose…

"When I seeked recompense, the first Hakurei maiden saw me off. She told me of humanity's conquest, and the vanity of my people. It was then that I began to behold all's vanity; or rather, the true pain my sisters around me endure. It was so great, that I spent sixty years in slumber, trying to forget it."

She looked down. "The way humans act-... the way my sisters act. So-... it's all so irregularly-... soulless, to me. I- I feel like the only living being in the world, now. The only sanctity I held-... was in my sisterhood, amidst those I knew best. But, recently…"

Lying back onto the neat blanket stack she was seated on, she looked as if she just wanted to sleep.

...Vanilla stared at her plainly. Sanjiro continued polishing his weird pike-rapier-sword thing in the background.

Shimokoa began crying. "I-... I miss-..."

She rolled over onto the blankets, hiding herself from us while she sobbed.

Tonight has gone well. It is time to welcome the winter in style.

"Hey…" Vanilla is too kind. "Why're you crying?" It's hard to place, actually.

Shimokoa doesn't reply. Her sobs quiet down, as she buries her face in the blue, moderately uncomfortable blankets. These blankets are some economy shit.

Eventually, her eyes red, she rolls back over, facing us again. "For-... forgive me. That was-... inappropriate."

Sanjiro pretends to have not been paying attention, by polishing that rapier harder. Pretty sure he was done ten years ago.

"Are there-..." Shimokoa pans her dreary gaze around, looking a little lost. "Are there separate cave junctures, here? Or-... in human terms, beds?"

Mima snorts. "Hell no. I got loaned those blankets yer sittin' on just the other day. You wanna sleep, you either get zipped home by me, or ya doze off in a chair or on those blankets 'er somethin'." Good.

"Can I go home." I request plainly. "...To rest?"

...Mima gives me a plain look. "To that ice-cold, creakin' box? Nnh, sure. Pretty much done here, fer today. Tomorrow, we're goin' back at it. You three- four chucklefucks're gonna be not entirely wastes of space in combat yet."

Alright. Time to go kill the evening hours.

/ / / / FISSION FIREWORKS / / / /

Creak. I land on my own bed, in this shitty, poorly insulated bar. Time to get some things done.

"Anh…" Vanilla lands softly near me, too. Now that I think about it, Vanilla pretty much offers nothing that Mima would want.

Getting off my bed, I stare down at Vanilla while she gently gets up off the floor. "That- hurts..."

"Hello... Vanilla." I greet Vanilla. I wonder if she's vanilla flavored.

"...Hi." She looks up at me, then springs up onto her legs. "Um."

...Me and her rarely have conversations, do we. Usually Shikome does all the loli interaction.

"You're a loli." I tell her.

...She tilted her head. "What's a loli?" You.

My gaze traces her blonde twin-tails. You know, maybe I should ask questions of her species rather than make assumptions. "Can you die of the cold?"

...She purses her lips. "Um. I don't-... think so? I- I think it would've already, um, happened… by now. And my body- I can make it cold on my own, too. So... it wouldn't make sense if I could just die from it. I think."

"How long did you spend sitting still in that room?" That might answer my question.

...She blinked, and became pensive. "Um… I dunno, but it wasn't night. I think-... when you came in, I woke up. My body was ice cold, but it got heat and stuff when I started moving."

Ah. So, she hibernated until something happened. Vampires are part bat, after all.

Moving from the bed, I start towards the hole in the floor. I can't just sleep here in the ice cold, for obvious reasons. I'd probably just die.

"...Follow me." Let's take Vanilla with us, since this property is devoid of life anyway.

"Aa- aah, yeah, um…"

Shoof. I land my cat butt onto the rubble pile in the hole, and start sliding down it.

/ / / / FLUFFUREI SHRINE MAIDEN / / / /

I've realized that I don't actually know what to look for, both in shelter, and in village shrine maidens. I didn't know there were local village shrine maidens.

Vanilla and I have proceeded aimlessly down the village alleys. After much meandering, in the upper-left corner- or northeast- of the village, I did manage to find some strange, orange-red Shinto-esque hut.

The overall property is twice the size of the average village house, but looks to still be only one story.

It has warm lanterns lit on the outside. This far in the village, walking lanterns are seldom, so the warmth and intensity of these ones are interesting.

The property is at the edge of a small lawn, located on 'pleasant street', which is a bland, dirty road that doesn't connect to anything more than the village's outer wall. Maybe one time, this road used to lead somewhere.

Not that any of that matters to me.

It's the black of night, and the snow makes everything both parts bleak and black.

crunch, crunch. I proceed across the snowy lawn, and come up to the tiny orangish shrine.

The wooden porch has two lanterns on either side, and has three steps to it. The lanterns are of cloth, and each have some kind of Japanese printed on them. I have no idea what they say. 'Buy one get one free'.

Also, it's the middle of night, so no one's awake, probably.

Knock, knock. I've come to collect.

...I turn to Vanilla. She's still barefoot. "How do you put up with snow, without shoes?"

...She looks innocent. "I stop feeling my feet." Good. No wonder she keeps stumbling everywhere.

Also, no one's woken up yet.

Knock knock. We need sanctuary from the youkai.

As a whole, this shrine's not that big. I'd say it's about half as big as the Hakurei Shrine. It's also totally boxed in by houses on every other side.

"Where is this shrine maiden…?"

Bam- bam- bam- bam... bam! FBI, open up.

Shoof. The sliding door shoots open faster than I'd anticipated.

"Uu- um…" A woman with navy-colored hair answered the door.

Inside behind her, a fireplace was burning gently. Cozy place. "...Who-...?" She seems timid.

She's in a regular shrine maiden kimono, which is tinted orange and white. Rather similar to the big shrine maiden's colors, albeit… offkey. Probably because it is offkey.

"I'm here to buy talismans." I'd like some. Wait-... "I mean, I'm here to buy curse-repelling charms." More apt.

...She looked around awkwardly, before nodding. "Uu- um. Okay. Let me…" She gazed inside. "I need to find-... hold on."

Rather apt, at least. I should ask her about sleeping here, too. There's a fireplace, which means these people will be surviving tonight. I'd like to survive tonight as well.

She came back. In her hands were some blue charms. "These-... these are mine. I studied really hard to make them."

By 'blue charms', I mean they were white talisman papers, with odd blue trims. They look almost plastic, their surface shimmering as if laminated.

"Um…" Before giving them to me, she pauses. "It's-... since I'm new to this stuff- it's like, one-fifty yen per charm. How many do you want?"

Oh. Ah, whatever. I take a random stack of big bills out of my pocket, and splay them out by tossing them into her face. "Buy yourself a nicer bow."

...She looks around, blinking at the floating yen bills. "I- I don't know how big these are."

"There's more than a thousand." I argue.

She just hands me half of the talisman- or charm- stack, which seems to be… at least ten of them.

whish. ...The moment I hold onto them, I'm taller. Blue, water-like energy shimmers along the surface of the charms. Um…

My suit still fits fine, but it's tight. The pants, however, are very tight.

I'm now level with the navy-haired girl. "Um…!" Her brows are raised very high. "Um!"

"Matt-..." Vanilla gets my attention. I was that short? I feel huge now. "You're-... big!"

Yeah, I'm big. Let's see-... my hair's the color it used to be, it seems. My body's back to normal-

Oh. I look behind myself, and my swishy cat tail is still there. I must still have my cat features. They were genetic, after all, and not magic-related. How… peculiar.

"Miss-... sir-..." The shrine maiden doesn't know what to call me. "Uum… tha- that- wasn't supposed to- I don't even know how you-..."

I slide all the charms into one of my suit pockets-

Wh- ah, holy shit. Suddenly, I'm-... tiny again. Everything fits right. Those charms only repel the loli curse when they're actively touching me, then. Guess I'll need some tape, or to stuff one into a sock, or something.

This is also good, because I'd like to avoid wasting the charms. Don't know how much 'gas' is in them.

Product inquiry, actually. "How long are these talismans expected to last?"

"Uu-..." Oh, right. She just saw a loli become a young man, then a loli again. "Wh-..."

She collects herself fast enough. "...Wh- what'd you ask me, again?"

"When will these charms die." I rephrase myself.

...She looks worried, for some reason. "U- um. Well-... each one should be good for at least a day. If you don't use them, they should stay good for a few months, at least. And- they only work on really minor curses, so..."

Honestly, that's all I'll need them for. Small stack of yen for a bunch of non-loli time is fine. I'm still fairly interested how Shinki only gave me a minor curse in exchange for a boy's soul.

...When I think about it that way, it sounds like I got ripped off. Which, I-... am going to deny. Being a loli is alright, just not for every situation. And, regardless, I don't know what I would have done when Sakuya the debt collector decided to shank me.

"Also, we need a place to stay tonight." I make my next case. "It's cold, and we're dying." Would you let lolis die in the snow.

...She blinked. "Aa- are you youkai? I can't-..."

"No." We aren't. This can be said with total certainty. "Right, Vanilla?"

...Vanilla nods. "We- we're just humans." Perfectly normal humans: a blonde, naked loli and a cursed nazi cat.

"...Are you, now." The navy-haired girl gave us a dubious look.

I need to lie. "We were cursed by youkai." This story might actually make sense, too. "You saw it. I used to be a man. Now look at me." I sway my kitty tail around. "They took away my pride."

"Ye- yeah." Vanilla grins like a shithead with me. "I-... my name used to be Vince. Now I'm a Vanilla. It's all their fault."

"Those nasty youkai." I shake my head. "That's why we came to you."

...The navy-haired, orange-white shrine maiden nodded hard. "Oo-... okay! I'm gonna let you stay the night!" Yay. "...You're, um, gonna stay in the common room. Tomorrow, you can talk about this with my parents, and sisters."

Wait, how big is this family. There's a family here? She's a daughter?

"Come inside." She gestured into the house-... shrine, thing. "...Do you, um, guys-... need anything?"

"...Hmm." I scarcely eat, do I? "No." I'll find whatever I need.

...She exhaled. "G- good. I can't cook, so…" Why'd you even bother.

If her parents are more competent, we're probably screwed if we stick around until morning, unless we sleep in a rafter or something. Or… idea.

I turn to Vanilla. "Eye thing. Her." I gesture to the navy-haired shrine maiden. We could use a mole, for now.

"Aa-..." Vanilla nods fast, and steps ahead. "Mm- miss! Excuse me."

...The navy-haired girl turns to Vanilla-

Fwish! A light flares across the room, from Vanilla's red eyes.

...Alright. Now… what to actually do with her.

The common room is wide, apparently spanning the whole front of the shrine.

There's a small staircase up in both the left and right sides of the room. The very center has a well-managed looking fireplace, and some warm interior candles sat within stone lanterns illuminate everything gently.

It's kind of cramped, since it seems like this room has almost two separate living rooms worth of furniture.

"That-..." The navy-haired girl stepped back, leaning on a nearby chair. "Mm- my head-..." Oh?

Eyes widening, Vanilla staggered back. "Uu- ah…" What.

Vanilla meets my gaze. "Sh- she-"

"What-..." The tall and navy-haired maiden shudders. "What- did you do to me…?" Leaning back against the chair, she held her head.

"Nothing." This is not going as planned. "Why?"

"Pl- please-...!" Vanilla began to powerwalk closer to her. "Obey me!" She held her arm out-

Fzt- fzz~t! A connection of white energy forms between her and the navy-haired maiden, then snaps a moment later.

"Nn- no!" The woman held her own head. "Nn-... I- I can't-..."

"Stop!" Vanilla commands again. "...Te- tell me your name, at least!"

"Ke- Keiko…" She answered. Then, her blue eyes flared. They're glowing all of a sudden. "Aa- nn- no! I won't-... you're trying to- control me..." Looks like the jig is up. Somehow.

"...Oo- oops." Vanilla began shaking, raising her arms. "Um-... kneel!"

"Aa-..." Keiko reels her body back, like she's ready to scream.

I almost draw scissors, but remember what Yukari told me. As fun as it would be to challenge her paradigm, I'd like to not meet an untimely end by murdering haphazard local shrine maidens like this.

"I-..." Keiko's glowing, wide eyes met ours. "I'm- not a failure-... I- I'm not go- going to fail here-..."

"Relax!" Vanilla walked closer. "It's-... going to be okay!?" What's even going on.

"I'm not-..." Tears streamed down Keiko's face. "I- I'm not worthless-... I'm not- going to let- youkai-... take our home-..."

"St-... stop…" Vanilla stumbled back, eyes widening. "Mm- Matt! Run!" How'd this even happen.

fwi~sh. Oh. No longer are tears merely streaming down Keiko's face. Her eyes are openly flowing, liquid murky with magic dropping from her wide eyes.

The water runs down her dress, and as she leans forward, it patters against the floor.

"Ih- nnh- ahh…" She heaves, water flowing from her kimono's sleeves. "Aaa~h!"

SPLI~SH! What the fuck. Water pours out from all around her body, spreading across the room.

To avoid the soakage, Vanilla and me go back outside.

"Hh-..." The leaking woman Keiko almost limps up to the door, her eyes glowing teal through the murky stream of water constantly pouring down it. "How- dare you…"

"We- didn't know!" Vanilla does her best to bullshit her way out of this situation. "We're sorry!"

"Of course- this had to happen-..." Keiko lumbered outside. The water all around her was beginning to creep back up her form, while also spreading out.

It's pouring off the sides of the porch, making the nearby snow into a slushy mess.

I face Vanilla idly. "This was a worse idea than I could have possibly imagined."

"Yhou-...!" Keiko thrust her arm out, a whole bucket's worth of water splashing off of her arm.

Cla- clack, clack. I stumble down the wet steps, onto the road before the shrine. Vanilla almost falls after me.

"...Ev- everhyone- will see! I- I can fight youkai!"

KRACK- SPLASH! Keiko whipped an arm back, towards the fireplace inside. A huge wave of water roared from her arm, smashing the fire out.

Shi~ng. Suddenly, she had a katana that was previously mounted over the fireplace. When she pulled it from its sheethe, an azure light akin to the sun shone. It was like the sun when seen from under water.

"The- the strongest of all the shrine maidens- is me!"

/ / / / THE GRUDGE / / / /

crunch, crunch, crunch. Me and Vanilla performed loli-sprints in the opposite direction: more adorable than your average sprint.

We're moving down the road in our escape. Fu~ck all of that.

Spli- splish. From the door of the orange-white shrine behind us, an ever-growing, murky mess of clear water crept onto the dirt and snow road.

"So-...!" Vanilla shoots me an energetic look. "Where're we, um…"

"Away from here." I say what doesn't need to be said. "But- stay near me." Let's power-walk away, before it's too late.

Splu~sh. In the snow of the dirt road behind us, the flush of murky, clear water begins to turn just barely azure.

Keiko is atop the two meter tall blob of water that rolls across the snow. Her katana is arced overhead.

The light from Keiko's katana illuminates the whole road clearing, and combined with how vibrant the snow is even at night, it's somehow very easy to see everything.

I immediately pick an alley, one which would lead back to west main street. "Vanilla, let's go." Since the water blob is slow, there's really no threat of being chased down.

"Mmm!" Vanilla jogs in the cold snow after me- "Aa- nnh…" Ah. She can't walk fast, because her feet and legs are numb from the cold.

...Nevermind, we're only barely faster than the rolling tide.

To our left, there's the snow-filled alley that I picked. I move into it, and watch Vanilla as she follows.

fwi~sh. Once we're both into the freezing alley, the water is behind us, pooling ankle-deep around the entrance. Actually, where the hell is-

FWI~SH. Water begins to pool down from the leftmost house's wall. Oh, good.

Azure light fills the alley. Keiko is atop that house, her dark form peering over us.

She rides the thin wave down, katana raised overhead.

Clap! Hunching down fast, I pick up an empty wood crate from the side of the rightmost house. Hold it up, I near Vanilla to defend her.

Keiko drops down suddenly, her blade flaring with light. My heart pumps-

THUNK! The katana met the wood of the small crate. "Nnh…" Holy shit-

I slip in the snow, getting out of the way by dropping onto my rear. There's no way I can out-force her.

CLACK! Keiko's katana met the wood of the rightmost house. A huge wing of water was attached to just behind her bicep. "Hmh…" It seemed to push into her arm; a whole two meters of tide rushing against her skin.

Spla~sh! Then, the water enhancement along her arm shatters into particles. The whole clearing is pretty wet, now.

"Eee~!" Vanilla jumps from the cold. "Ss- aa-...!" Because holy fuck that's cold.

"Saw!" To hell with Yukari's rules, this is self-defense. Casting my arm up, I yell my spell.

VRRRR~! In the air, the big circular saw blade spawns, roaring down towards Keiko-

KRI- KRA- KRA- KRA- KRA- KLACK! An ear-rapingly terrible noise is made, teal sparks exploding from where her katana met the giant whirling blade's metal.

WOOSH. The water around her all rushes to smother the saw, to slow it and prevent it from breaking her guarding blade.

"Gh…" Vanilla lifts a whole trash can, with some effort. "Take this!"

Splish. She tossed it into the ball of water that congealed over the saw blade, and it stopped instantly, the water gently accepting it. Good.

SPLA~SH! Once the blade is stopped, the huge mess of water Keiko summoned for herself all crashed into the floor. Keiko herself is gone.

I look to the rightmost wall aside me. Keiko is sliding right on the surface of the water, without moving any of her body to do so, flanking me-

WHA- CLACK! I stop her from cleaving her katana straight down into me, with my peach crate. "Nn- nnh!" Her swing is tough-

Whunk. Vanilla tossed a brick at the side of Keiko's head. "Gh- anh!" It worked.

SPLA~SH! Water explodes around us, diamond-like drops flecking all over the alley and blinding us.

When it settles, I see Keiko limping towards the entrance we were running from, feeling at the side of her head. "Oo- ow…"

"Let's- nnh- go!" Vanilla begins to wade through the knee-deep water. "Ckh- cold…"

I shiver, wading after her. "Wh- wh- what- do-... you think- I'm- nnh-" Why is it so fucking cold.

Hunched over, her azure energy dim, Keiko turns around the corner, leaving us.

Spla- splash. We successfully wade out of the flooding alley. At the edge of it, the water just-... refuses to flow out. What the fuck kind of magic is this.

"Where-... wh- where do we go?" Vanilla asks again. Probably not a bad question.

"Follow me." I have no idea, but 'away' is my very strong gut feeling.

I'm a member of the council, so the guard headquarters wouldn't be a bad spot to shack up.

Soon, we weave out of the alley network, now on the west road. There's hardly anyone out at this hour, and it's snowing hard. So...

Spli- splish. As we stomp around in the layers of undisturbed snow, I begin to be disturbed. There's a thin layer of water along all the snow, some of it frozen; visibly so.

Keiko is in the middle of the road, her katana held up. She'd beaten us here by taking a different alley.

"What- the fuck." I begin looking around again. The guard headquarters is past her, to the right. We have to get around her.

"I won't rest…" Her eyes burned with an azure light. "Until I have defeated you!"

Whi~sh! Suddenly- she roars down the road at us.

Vanilla gets in my way, holding out her arms. "Nn-"

Wham! I shove her out of the way, flame scissors and sliding scissors drawn-

CLACK! Oo- ow, my arms, the fuck. I stopped her downward cleave by snipping at the katana's base and tip-... or, not 'snipping', more like 'holding the scissors open and hoping they stop the blade'.

In this instant, she blinks into my eyes, surprised.

Shing! Then Keiko snapped both arms back, taking her katana with it, ready to slice at me at a new, unpredictable angle.

Woosh. I slide back, as she swings it down.

WHISH! She thrusts ahead, swinging the blade back up, moving faster than I can-

Vanilla grabs onto her side. "St- stop!"

"Rgh-..." Stopped, eyes wide, Keiko's gaze snaps down to her. Then, she reels her blade back-...

Like fucking hell I'll let this shit happen again. I bolt ahead in the cold, against the slushy snow, which splayed outward from Keiko.

Woosh. She swings her katana for Vanilla- and I let my shit go-

I grab the blade. "Ff-..." Ow. It doesn't really cut deep, nor did she swing it that hard really, but you know, fuck that stings.

Spla- splash! Seeing my scissors flop into the snow near me, Vanilla dove into the watery, shitty mess to grab them. I'd dropped them to get the katana.

shink. Keiko brings the blade back, slitting my fingers in the process. "Kh- ah-" Yeah, ouch doesn't really describe it.

KLACK- SPLACK! I hook my arm into her torso when she tries to just thrust the blade into me, and water just explodes around us as I do so, even though I hardly hit her.

Then, Vanilla runs up from behind me-

Swish! She flails the fire scissors into the tall Keiko's side. "Fa- fire! Nn-"

Vanilla blinked, and her eyes flared a vibrant red. "Hellfire!"

Fwoo- fwoom! A surge of heat in the form of three fireballs explodes from the scissors, meeting Keiko's only loosely leaking form.

"Aa- uagh…!" Keiko staggered back, steam billowing from her form. "It- it hurts-... how-...?"

Woo~sh. All around us, the currently built up snow-... just leaves. As Keiko lurches over and shambles into an alley down the street, the snow flows off the roads and into the alleys.

I look down at my hands. That's-... really a lot of blood for how small the cuts are. "Le- let's go." My whole body is shaking uncontrollably.

"Aa- aah." Vanilla nods. She's taken both my scissors, apparently. That's fine.

We make for the guard headquarters, which is just right there. Wait-...

To the left of the front door. There's a rack there, with broken and crappy katanas hung up.

Vanilla moves for the front door of the guard headquarters. Except… "Um." She steps back from it.

Water is running up it just now, shuddering and rippling intensely, blocking the door. Are you fuckin' kidding me.

I take one of the shitty, iron blades off the wall. I wonder when they started reproducing katanas, instead of pikes. Maybe these are old shitty ones from- whatever-

SPLA~SH! What the fuck-

FWUU~SH! A huge tidal wave of water roars into the front of the guard headquarters. "Aaa~h!" Vanilla yells over the sound of us getting fucking rammed.

After getting slammed, I stumble from the wall of the headquarters. Everything feels fuckin' numb; from the cold, and from the pain.

"The- gh- kaugh- they…!" Not sure why Keiko's coughing. Maybe she's just as cold as we are. "They'll all see! The strongest- shrine maiden…!"

She stands in the epicenter of where the massive wave erupted. Her form billows with an azure light, as she marches towards us, katana overhead.

"Kauh- mmh…" Vanilla coughs up water-

Shoof. And then Vanilla falls in the snow trying to walk down the front steps of the guard headquarters, landing face-first next to me. "Onh…" God, damn it this sucks-

Spla- spla- splash! Keiko runs up to us, beaming. "He- hehe! I've got you now- youkai!"

"Vanilla-...!" I yell, but then ready my katana. Keiko is just going to cleave it down again- like she can hardly use the fucking thing-

KLA~NG! Our katana blades meet, the ring of our steel meeting echoing across the night.

Spirals of water flood up Keiko's form, combining around the arm putting the most pressure onto the katana. "Hh-..." Her throat hisses unhealthily, and water pours from her mouth. "Uu-..."

My head pounds, as I put everything into pushing back. My shoes slide against the slush, murky azure water shimmering beneath me, blue light dancing across the whole road.

I-... fuck! My arms- if only I'd had one of those fucking talismans on- I can't fucking win this-

Vanilla tosses herself into my side, and pushes with me. "Don't-... dh- don't- give…!"

Keiko's eyes widen at her strength. "...Yhou-... yh- yhoukai…"

"Just-..." Vanilla suddenly pushes with way more force than me. "Go~! Awaa~y!"

KRI~NG! She thrusts her arms, and our blade thrusts Keiko back. "Aah…" Keiko's eyes stop smouldering for a moment, as her dominant arm gets blown back in recoil.

But, we're recoiling hard too. "Nn-" We clumsily whip our blade up together, and cleave it down-

CLINK! Keiko whips her blade to deflect our swing. "Hrah!"

KABOOM- FWUSH- FWUSH- FWUSH! What the fuck is going o~n!?

Geysers, small peaks of grey stone and eruptions of water explode all around us.

It's practically raining all of a sudden, and Keiko's body begins to become vague, water pooling all around her.

"I fight strong!" She bellows through the water, her voice uneven. "I swim fast…!"

WOOSH. She shoots out of the water that enveloped her like a spinning missile, katana pointed straight ahead-

KRI~NG! Our blade meets it- but only because of Vanilla's youkai senses- because how-

"Saw!" I yell a spell-

"Hellfire!" Vanilla barks, too.

Fwish! Azure energy flares up our forms, and suddenly, we're warm.

VRRRR- FWAM! My saw blade arcs down into Vanilla's fireballs, all of which meet against Keiko's blade when she sprung back to endure the magic.

"I'll live o~n!" Her form is glowing brightly. "Yhou- won't last! I'll live o~n! Lord Suiji~n!"

KABOOM! Grey stone rockets from the ground, annihilating the charged saw blade. Keiko weaves past it, cleaving down a dual-armed, overhead swing-

KLA~NG! Our katanas meet again. Keiko is aided by what is practically the arm of a colossus, all the snow and water in the clearing piling up on her in this moment, pushing from the waist up.

"Hrr-...!" Vanilla roars, strange blue light rippling like an engine through our bodies. It's like smoke, or heat, and it restores feeling to our bodies even in the solid cold.

KRA~NG! We push hard enough to make the recoil happen again. Keiko's eyes are wide in disbelief.

This time, we swing our blade down in unison. "Hrah!"

SWISH. Our katana passes down Keiko's chest, through her clothes, the water, and below her blade arm.

"Gh- aah…" Keiko stumbles back.

Fwush. All of the water that was built up spreads out. I didn't realize it, but there was also some kind of dark, mist-like visual clutter going on too. She must've been drowning our vision with the water in the air, too.

"Sh-..." Keiko feels at the great cut across her chest. "Suijin-... Lord- Suijin-..."

Splish. She falls onto her back, mouth agape.

Fucking. Finally.

...I tug the katana from Vanilla's arms as she stands there in shock. My form still alight with this azure, I bolt towards Keiko.

I might not be allowed to kill her, but I'm going to make her pay for being such a fucking whore.

"Suijin…" Keiko whined something, as I waltzed up to her, past all the odd grey stones and new malformations in the floor.

I raise my katana overhead. I think I'll just stab her through the thighs. No more walking, bitch.

Shink. I pierce her right thigh. Not sure how deep, this katana sucks.

"Gh- haa~h!" Keiko yells, eyes wide. "Aa- aa~h…!"

Fwish! Her form roars with blue energy, and her body begins glowing. Take that, you piece of shit.

Shi- shink, shink. I churn the shitty katana deeper into her right thigh. Come on- ugh, this thing needs to be sharper, I can feel how useless it is.

"Sui- Suijin…" Keiko says some Japanese shit while I ream her leg with my sword. Shut the fuck up, bitch.

FVRAR. That's when her form glows white, and I'm sent stumbling back, sliding on the snow. "Ngh-..." What now.

Shi- shi- shing, shing- shing. Platelets materialize in the air, also pure white, while the bleeding incisions I made in her leg seem to reverse.

In fact, after some moments, her legs blur together.

FWASH! A gust of air comes from her when the holy light vanishes.

...She tries to sit up, but has trouble. A sapphire mermaid tail has formed over her legs, although the legs can still be seen within them. "Aa- nnh…"

Spla- splash! She bounces in place, getting water all around herself. What the fuck.

Fwu~sh. Like a reverse-whirlpool, the water nearby coalesces around her form again. At first she seems limp, as the water lifts her.

Then, the water postures her upright. She glares down at us. From where her tail touches the dirt road to where the water's raised her, she technically stands thirteen feet tall, now.

Teal light is running through the wide slash down her chest and abdomen. "This-... this power…" Ironically, she seems to be crying normally now, although it's hard to tell. "I'm-..."

Vanilla pulls on my arm. "He- hey, Matt. We gotta run."

I turn towards her, only vaguely. "Why."

"She-" Vanilla swallowed. "She's-... got a god's power- flowing through her."

Then, Vanilla just began sprinting off. Not one to be outdone in the 'running away' department of things, I sprint after her. "Aa- Vanilla… Vanilla, I need my scissors! The black ones!"

Once I get to her side, she hands them off to me, and we sprint around the guard headquarters. I trade her the shitty katana in turn; so she has some way to defend herself.

fwu~sh. There's a quiet rush of water behind us, at first.

We're no longer slow and numb; this adrenal, blue light coming from the both of us is hot enough to keep us protected, for now.

FWRAA~SH! Then, there's what sounds like a tidal wave behind us.

"I thank you, Lord Suijin!" Keiko's voice is doubled, and we hear it coming from the main road. "There's no way to contain- this storm inside me!"

Fwi~sh! Me and Vanilla skid as we turn the corner behind the guard headquarters.

I look back-

SWI- SWI- SWISH! Keiko roars across the alley we just sprinted down, her katana drawing a jagged line along the wall of the guard headquarters, the burning holy blade rending the wood effortlessly, leaving it smouldering.

"Run!" Wait- the back door!

I run up to the porch. "Vanilla, in he~re!"

Ba- ba- bam! We practically fall up the stairs, and get to the door-

Click. Locked!

Vanilla's face flares. "Ngh- you damned-"

WHAM! She punches near the doorknob, and the door shudders, broken open. Ahah!

We ram ourselves inside, and once Vanilla's in, I turn and slam the door shut.

BAM! I shut it, hard. We broke the lock- how do we lock it-

fwi~sh. Vanilla slowly pushes a water cooler into the way. Wh- when'd we get these. How-... out of place.

...Fwu~sh- clack. We hear water lap against the door from outside. Some of it pushes the door open, and it begins flowing inside-

WHAM! Vanilla rams herself against the water cooler, shutting the door in the process. "Mmh-... mm- Matt! Push more stuff into the way- I'll keep it shut!"

Sure, why not. Let's see…

This shitty bench thing, with three cushions on it. I move to the other side of it, and begin pushing.

Shoo~f. That's-... god damn that's heavy. Even though I feel stronger than usual- must be adrenaline- this is fuckin' heavy.

...I can't help but notice that god-graced son of a bitch didn't cut down the walls and smash apart the building. Perhaps she has enough common sense not to entirely dismantle the guard headquarters in order to get to us.

Speaking of which, this place is kind of quiet right now. It's night.

"The fuck…" One of the night shift guards comes up to us, absolutely perplexed.

However, the building's not inactive. It'd be silly if the village guard shut down at night in a place this tiny and in need of defense.

Vanilla sees him.

Fwish! Her eyes flash. "Mister. Help us keep this door shut."

...The middle-aged looking doof nods hard, and salutes. "It's an honor!" I feel like she's gotten better at hypnosis, at some point.

...I huff. "Ha~h." What an evening. I feel like I've spent all of today just getting my ass nearly kicked repeatedly.

Funny how that happens; Shikome being not here and everything. She'd have butchered that shitty maiden in seconds, and then Yukari would wag her finger at us and drop a piano from the sky or something.

Vanilla comes up, to help me push. "Al~right…" We're both very wet. How lewd.

Shoo~f. Together, we easily push the bench into position before the door, sealing where the water was trickling in.

...That was… some shit. I'm not sure if we're even safe yet.

"...Wh- what, um… what do we do now?" Vanilla turns to me, in this moment. "...We might be stuck here, tonight."

Ironically, this place is vaguely heated. When I look around the room, I can see small forges built into very odd, unique branching areas of this main room. They're all lit tonight, not to repair basic metals, but to keep the building warm.

"Follow me." We're going to hide upstairs.

/ / / / EVENING WORLD / / / /

After bypassing a few more evening guards, we arrive on the top floor of the guard headquarters.

It's nice and warm, up here. That blue light that came from within us has gone out on the way up.

There's no one actually up here; there was just a guard at the stairs beneath us, and Vanilla basically told him to forget we existed. Funny how that works.

"...Maybe we should have this third floor walled off for tonight, or something." I consider. "The stairs are being refurbished."

Vanilla smiled at the idea. "...Mm- mmh."

All the heat in the building travels up here… and, 'up here' is a big room that houses the whole of the third story.

Normally, the guard captain spends the day at this shitty desk, facing away from the window. I'd like to ask why he's faced away from the window.

I come up to the desk. Lots of boring shit here.

There's a door to the balcony that's on this floor. Just from here, I can see some of the falling snow through the window above the door, and I can tell how it's piling up against this wood-and-paper door.

Funny thing, it being made of paper. The desk area happens to be the coldest part of the room because of it.

...There's no beds here, or anything, but it's warm. I'm sure a lower floor might have basic provisions-... but, do I really want to nap in a bed that's probably been used by the entire town guard?

No, the answer is no. I'll take the comparatively more sanitary floor. Unless-... they have janitor magicians, or something. Knowing how retarded this place is, I'm just going to say 'probably not'.

I sit in a corner. Home sweet home. Guess I'll just-... sit against this wall right here. Ah, yes. This won't get old fast.

...Vanilla comes up to me, presumably done telling that guard to refurbish the stairs. "...Hi." She says hi. Her being nearly naked all the time is distracting.

"Hi." I say hi back. "...Seems like we aren't being followed, at least."

"Ye- yeah." Vanilla nodded. "...I'm-... really tired, now."

I actually am, too. Too bad all we have to sleep on is this shitty room corner. Wait-... I bet Vanilla is used to this kind of thing, actually.

This really isn't that different from the loli play room. Taste of my own medicine, this is.

She sits next to me in the corner, here.

Cla- clack. She sets her katana down on the ground nearby. "...You know." She gazes ahead, at the snowy window across the room. "What-... what was that light? The one that came from us."

I have no fuckin'-...

Mima said something, earlier. She rambled on about some blue shit. About how it's the 'will to survive', or something to that effect. I'd just assumed she was wasting my fucking time, like usual.

...And, chances are, she probably was, because it's not like I cognitively channeled that blue crap or whatever it was. I don't even know how it helped, aside from being warm.

...I guess that was help enough, at least. Warmth, this time of the year.

"No idea." I finally answer Vanilla's question. "Fuckin' blue shit."

...I'm actually-... getting really tired…

"Matt." Vanilla looks at me, now. "...I wanted to slap you."

I snort. "What, oh no."

"Seriously." Her expression was flat. "I know-... I know that lady tried to kill us-... but, what you did wasn't right either."

"She tried to kill us." I argue. "I don't give a shit." The only reason I didn't kill her right there was because Yukari is a fucking bitch.

"But-..." Vanilla sighed. "Okay…" No use arguing about it.

"Might as well not argue about it." I voice, getting the idea across. "If someone tries to fuckin' hurt me, they get what's coming to them. If they didn't want to be crippled, they wouldn't fuck with me."

...Vanilla looked down. "But-... you went for-... you went for her leg for a reason, right? Nn- not that there's a harmless place to stab, but-... kn- knowing you…"

Knowing me? Huh. "Yes. I wanted her to not walk again. Although-... now that I think about it, I should've gone for her dominant arm." Wonder if she was a blade practitioner, or something. Would've really ruined her shitty day.

"...Is-..." Vanilla closed her eyes, and balled up where she sat. "Is that really okay?"

"Yes." I really don't care anymore.

I lie on my side.

I've got the feeling I'm going to be trying to cripple a lot more fucking wastes of space, while I try to get a handle on things again.

My eyes drift shut.

Wind howls around us. We're in the-... about the second-tallest building in the village.

"Good night." Vanilla speaks quietly.

...Sure. "Good-... night."

I already hate this fuckin' floor.

/ / / / FREAKIN HAKUGYOKUROU / / / /

END OF CHAPTER 97.5

PROTAGONIST: Matthew, the Debatably Sane Outsider, Lord of Edges, Scissor-Slinging Slasher, Insurance Fraud Expert, Used Goods Reseller, Evil Spirit Cultivator, Shrine Maiden Evader, Professional Youkai Developer, Legitimate Business Man, Transfeline-Loli

=o=

SKILLS:

Gravity - Basic space magic. Slowly expands a dark, spherical field from above the target, which weighs them down when fully initialized. Only works on the feeble at the moment.

Saw Blade - Advanced non-elemental attack. Summons a saw blade to fall from directly above the caster, which whirls forth into infinity before dying. Very effective slicing on those not resistant to it.

Fire - Small, homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes. Doesn't do much damage.

Magic Mark - Magical residue. Of unknown purpose, but likely related to Mima.

=o=

PRIMARY WEAPON: Dash Scissors - Succubus training tool. Doubles as scissors for kinky, cloth-cutting occasions. Or stabbing. Sleek, black design.

SKILLS:

Succubatic Slide Dodge - Slide artificially in a horizontal direction of the wielder's choosing. Spammable, but makes the wielder tired with excessive use.

=o=

OFFHAND ITEMS: [A Single Rubber Glove] - For those moments one needs to touch a live power wire with one hand and fap with the other. Protects hand from zaps.

INVENTORY:

Pocket Mirror - For admiring my loli-ness, and other mirror-related activities. Contained in suit pockets.

[Bag of Holding] - Takes up no inventory space, because it is the inventory space. Has nine slots, and is easily accessible.

Steel Scissors - Sharp, shiny, and to the point!

Quick Scissorang - Non-elemental scissors that are enchanted to return to the owner with ferocity. Not that powerful of a weapon, but combined with strong string it can be used like a powerful grappling hook. Looks like it belongs in a Barbie catalog.

Shadow Hell Scissors - Red scissors accented with elemental gems. Fire elemental weapon. Ignites with every swing. Boosts power of fire spells.

SKILLS:

Fire Aura - Confers forty percent fire resistance when equipped.

Fire - Small, homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes. Doesn't do much damage.

Fira - Sizable fireball with less effective homing and speed, but greater ignite chance and initial fire damage.

Dark Fire - Basic dark and fire combo spell. Very slow, tight homing black fireball. Does both dark and fire damage. May ignite foes.

Dark Fira - Moderate dark and fire combo spell. Even slower black fireball, with even weirder homing. May ignite foes. May reduce target's magic defense.

Hellfire - Low-tier vampiric fire spell; less effective when used by me. Vertical wall of three fireballs, with no homing. May ignite foes.

=o=

Blessed Steel Scissors - Stained lightly with dried blood from a young human female. Sharp, shiny-ish, and to the point! Also blessed...

Steel-alloy String - An experimental item provided by Alice as part of her testing. She uses these herself to manage her dolls, or so I'm told.

A Tuft of Cloth Strings - Pink, regular cotton string. It's soft, and clean.

Danger Scissors Plus - Let's get dangerous. Randomly spawns anything from anywhere at any time at all, dependent on the power of the party or people around it while it is equipped.

(one more space remaining)

[Backpack] - Allows extended inventory, of twenty slots. Can hold larger items, but it takes longer to pull them out. Items inside are safer. It's also baby barf green.

Hedge Cutters - Rusty lawn pruning tool used by farmers to keep the vile hedges at bay. They're also sharp, so they've probably been used more than once in self-defense.

Teal Stone - Cool and refreshing to hold, exuding power of the wind. It's sort of shiny, too. Perhaps usable as a reagent.

Hackjob Rifle - A pseudo-railgun, made from an AK-47 barrel and a mangled toy gun. Laced with duct tape and wires to function, powered by electrical scissors, and uses small iron pellets as ammunition. Explodes violently if fed anything non-iron as ammo. Outside is coated with vegetable oil and must be wetted regularly to avoid violence upon powering up. Quite powerful.

Water Scissors - Scissors that continuously produce water. How troublesome.

Goldfish Snack Crackers - They're smiling. They might make a good snack...

Modern-ish Surge Protector - Protects against surges. Not very useful without unified electrical practices in housing. Can still be used as a paperweight and a brick, though.

[Rubber Pouch] - Stores electrical objects safely. Too small to add extra inventory, but doesn't take up any space when it's filled. Currently holding electric scissors.

Electrical Scissors - Must be held by gloves at all times, lest they cause electrical fires. Can cause severe shocking and electricity-induced stunning in individuals susceptible, including myself if I'm stupid. Unable to be turned off.

Holy Pot - A torso-sized holy pot used as a vehicle by flufflekind. Has holy properties and resistances for obvious reasons.

Financial Officer's Card - A card handed to me by the chief financial officer of the human village. Bears a complex triangular insignia and shines depending on the angle you hold it. Has some Japanese printed on it.

Love Dart - Some dart with strong aphrodisiac mixed into the tip, which pierced me.

Red Organ Cooler - Secure cooler capable of storing ice for great periods of time, as well as organs. Small, but big enough to get a single job done easily.

Officer Hat - Nazi officer hat. Has a skull ornament on the top.

STATS:

50% darkness resistant.

Wearer is immune to instant death.

=o=

Officer's Coat - Nazi officer coat. Comes with pants and boots, too. Has the red armband, too. Not much as far as meaningful medals to make it look pretty, which is appropriate, I suppose.

STATS:

50% darkness resistant.

Wearer is immune to being cursed.

Slightly boosts defense and magic defense.

=o=

Child Eater's Yukata - Navy blue yukata, with warm cloth. Smells of sweat and curves. Really big on me.

STATS:

50% moon resistant.

Wearer is silencing immune.

-50% wind resistance.

Boosts the power of Pizza used by the wearer. Slices of pizza now heal health and mana when distributed and used.

=o=

Mother's Pendant - The pendant of that one child, who was abducted. Brimming with holy energy. Maybe useful as a reagent.

STATS:

50% increased chance to encounter and attract mature women.

=o=

Sigh of the Moon - Unremarkable looking moon-elemental ring, which glows with ominous energy and expands when equipped. Seems to be some kind of strange technology. Found in the yukata that slut gave me.

STATS:

100% percent moon resistance.

Silencing immunity.

Increases defense moderately.

(three more spaces remaining)

==o==

PARTY:

Mima, the Evil Spirit, Ghost - Piece of shit ghost. Versed in a variety of spells, but of unknown strength.

STATUS:

Halved damage from magic attacks.

Immune to purely physical damage. May be struck by enchanted weaponry, but holy and dark arms work best.

Halved duration of all status effects.

Immune to magical binding.

Immune to silencing.

Immune to cursing.

Immune to electrical stunning.

Immune to freezing, burning.

Immune to tired.

Immune to various other statuses that wouldn't affect something without a body.

Immune to most time statuses.

Immune to spatial statuses.

SKILLS:

A lot - I'm not listing them again. Too fuckin' many.

==o==

Shimokoa - Earth-flavored yuki-onna, who gave Matt trouble by not getting killed by Aiko, and by being general dissatisfied with the village. Seems depressed.

INVENTORY:

Gaia's Kimono - Mint-green kimono. Shimokoa's favorite.

STATS:

50% Earth resistance

100% Tired resistance

=o=

Frozen Pride - Shimokoa's shield of ice she can summon. Familiar, and easiest for her to use.

SKILLS:

Diamond Guard - Guards all attacks from the front, be they physical or magical. Ice magic passes through, healing Shimokoa. Fire magic is exempt.

=o=

SKILLS:

o - Yuki-onna Skills

Bushido * Iceberg Blade - Shimokoa summons an almighty ice dreadsword, which she can slowly swing around to crush opponents. When she's done with it, she may break it against the floor to create a great ice shockwave that may freeze or chill opponents.

Reform - Shimokoa repairs her shield.

Freeze - Shimokoa freezes the enemy. May actually be avoided by fast opponents.

Tracer Needles - Shimokoa's successor to Glacier. Punching into the floor, Shimokoa creates ice spikes out that erupt in a line that follows a particular opponent.

Ice Breaker - Shimokoa's standard melee combo with a shield. She bashes an enemy, spins around, then punches the floor, erecting a huge ice spike before herself. If used on a frozen enemy, this punch will shatter them, with a high chance of instant death if they're not very resistant.

Yuki-Onna's Embrace - Ability to drain heat and life from targets by hugging them. Doesn't work on those resistant to ice magic. May comfort and make targets tired, too.

Yuki-Onna's Entombment - Ability to kill targets by hugging them. Those with more than 50% Ice resistance are immune. May also be resisted with 100% Instant Death resistance.

o - Mima's Tutelage

Ebonice Katana - A katana made of dark ice, spookier than regular ice. Shimokoa summons it magically, and it becomes her new primary weapon.

Snow Sister's Darkness - Shimokoa's depression given magical form. Casting her katana into the air, or in re-summoning it, Shimokoa empowers herself with dark magic, increasing her defense and offense moderately. Gives magical effects to some attacks.

Dark Aura - Shimokoa teleports around, thrusting her katana through her targets manyfold. At the end, she casts Heal This.

Heal This - Giant dark-elemental blast which attacks all enemies near or on the floor. Named after she used it on Brad's party, because they kept using healing items, and it was annoying.

Sliding Slicer - Melee combo consisting of two slices, the last of which thrusts Shimokoa forward. May unleash a projectile if Snow Sister's Darkness is active.

Roundhouse Slice - Shimokoa leaps back, and slams her katana into the floor in an attempt to cleave an enemy behind herself. Creates a horizontal shockwave of dark magic if Snow Sister's Darkness is active.

Counter Slice - Shimokoa spins around, parrying all incoming melee attacks. Often followed up by Attack.

Attack - Shimokoa attacks!

==o==

Sanjiro Coda - A loser who can't even fight a little mage girl. Might be schizophrenic, or at least stupid. Has long, pale hair, and a hard face.

INVENTORY:

Sanjiro's Aristocratic Apparel - Custom outfit. Does nothing useful or interesting.

Village Centrifillia - Weird fraction-of-a-lance-on-a-stick made of solid platinum, with ridges encrusted with rubies. Must be worth a fucking lot. It's sort of like a jousting lance, but made for very squished knights and horses.

STATS:

Item Boost - All items do 50% more of whatever it is they do. Now the potion seller's strongest potions are even stronger.

Prize Boost - Enemies are more likely to drop rare items.

Money Boost - Enemies drop more money. Somehow, they always drop 1.5x what they had.

SKILLS:

Wind Thrust - Lame thrust attack which makes Sanjiro eat shit.

Wind Art - Sanjiro flails wildly, hoping to hit something.

Godly Form - Sanjiro poses, bringing his 'fencing sword' over his head. That's it; this doesn't do anything useful. Leaves Sanjiro open to attack.

Magi-Reflect - Using his weapon, Sanjiro copies the last magic spell used. May be to his detriment if he copies something stupid.

==o==

Vanilla - Everyone's favorite three-quarters naked vampire loli. Kind of naive. Friendly. Uses powerful status magic.

INVENTORY:

Her Cape - Black cape. Hard to unequip.

Her Panties - Vanilla's panties. Pink, with a little bat where you-know-what is.

Iron Katana - Cheap ass katana for self-defense. It cuts.

SKILLS:

Eyes of Hypnosis - Hypnotizes weak people into doing her bidding.

==o==

ACTUAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:

hi world

this was a LENGTHY matt chapter, but it had a lot of good moments

initially i was kinda like "how'm i gonna tie this into some good growth" but somehow this chapter really picked up after a certain point and from therein just felt so good yo

mostly the party shenanigans just feel right; and they strike that good itch of everyone not caring about each other that much, which is a luxury brad is slowly becoming unable to experience because his friends are cuddly and tight-knit

and then we had that contrasting moment with vanilla which was like ironically really powerful; including that one shrine maiden was pretty fun

obligatory "pls read sendai" here, if you hate it with a passion or are extremely bored by it the recent like 200 k words of updates and revisions might change that; give that first chapter a peep yo, that chapter 1's a hell of a hook now (so me and some other dudes believe)

but that's enough plugging myself

anyway yeah, as i was writin' some of the good moments in this matt chapter i was just kinda like "if shikome was here we wouldn't quite have these"

provided, we see good dialogue during the bar shenanigans at times (mfw no one in my discord knows who kotohime is because, despite her cool moments in the matt chapters, they're still matt chapters so no one remembers she was there)

but like, shikome sitting out for now just makes the scale of this feel so much BETTER, like yo

not that she can't come back later and be potentially well done, maybe

also i ended up giving matt a little more personality in this chapter in places; mostly just because like-... it's hard making him do anything interesting if he's not reacting to the world around him; like exchanges that're that pointless typically get timeskipped you'd think

so yeah

writing shimokoa outside of an encounter is pretty fun

sanjiro feels weird because he is the typical FG human village insano boy, but he's such a heavy foil to shimokoa XD

hoh

but yeah, this was real fun - w -

as always, see you all next time!