(in which we sprinkle a li'l fairy dust son)

Tenshi steps forward, leadin' the lot of us towards the edge of the final sky island of Heaven. "What was this about a-... wooden key, again? You wanted to make a pitstop, up here…"

"Yeah, yo." Thank you for repeating what I just said about ten minutes ago! "What were we lookin' for again, Iku…? A uh, giant stone bulb? ...A giant stone boob…!"

"Bulb." Iku clarified! "It is in the sky, forward and up of here, visible only to the immediately near, or those who it seeks. This includes you, because you… somehow found that key."

"The hell's this key for anyway." I take it out, and look over it again! "...S'it the key to my heart!?"

"I hope not." Iku shakes her head harder! "...It's not something I'm supposed to really know about, either. But, it is a passing topic in the clouds, and between the heavenly administration."

Like what, 'how's the weather' tier stuff? Freakin'... it's a key! Why's this key so confusing!?

"Why is it significant?" Genkan wants ta know too, now! "While the wood it's made out of is unique… I don't see anything special about it."

An' Iku starts talkin'. "...A certain someone bestowed the key down onto the earth, specifically inside Gensokyo, as their blessing. It was meant to be found and claimed only by one with a strong affinity to fairies, one which would border on a level that's almost spiritual."

A strong affinity to fairies, huh. One that's almost spiritual. Freakin'... Brittany.

"Huh." I look the key over again, an' then look back at her expectantly…!

"...I don't know why someone like you has it, but it may be for a reason." Iku figured. "This individual considers this trial a sort of 'last stand' for fairy kind. Not in Gensokyo, but relative to the whole world." Whah.

"Although," Iku gazed at the white flowers near us. "Those in Heaven often speak mockingly of her, since her intentions are so… basic, and will never see fruition. Myself, I've never spoken with her."

An enigma in an enigma, dude. Sounds like the only straight answer we'll get is by meeting this 'individual'...!

Genkan brings up our fluffy snow day. "...That frost spirit we met. She spoke, and said the key was meant for one with unifying potential. Are there… some manner of spirits, seeking help, then?"

"You could call it that." Iku, stop bein' vague…! I'm gonna oar your fish! "Myself, I'm not really sure what to make of what I've heard. It's not really relevant to my situation."

Tenshi moves closer! "Let's find this stone thing, then! I wanna be the chosen one!"

"You don't hold the key." Iku almost rolled her eyes, I saw it!

Wh- Tenshi just yanks the key outta my hands!

...Iku's stare intensifies! "You were not granted the key."

Tenshi gives it back to me! "Grant me the key."

"I knight thee." I hold it over her shoulder.

Iku's eyes and her stare slowly widen, from incredulity! "I'm completely certain that that is not how that works."

...Comin' up to me, Tenshi begins to lift me by slippin' her arms under my shoulders! "Wh- yo, hold up now…!"

"We're gonna find this island stone thing place." Tenshi decides immediately! "And I'm gonna be the chosen one." You don't even know what it's about, yo! Well, nether do I, but-... finders keepers!

"Hold on." Genkan holds her arms out! "Where are you-"

WOOSH! Oh- shit! Tenshi just takes off, and suddenly she's carryin' me through the sky…! "Oo- ho~h…!"

"Tenshi!" Iku bolts after us! ...Uu- uh oh. I just realized. As 'chill' and 'cool' is to Genkan, 'bolt' is to Iku…! Electricity puns!

"Hey- take me, too!" Maria yells, for Genkan to carry her around!

"Woohoo!" Ha-chan has liftoff!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Aa- fookin' slow dow~n!" Tenshi- you fuckin' maniac…!

She roars back at me! "I don't know where it is!"

"Well- I do!" I can see the giant fuckin' thing in the sky! But- Tenshi can't, 'cause she don't got the key thing, ya see. So we've been doin' fuckin' figure-eights around it at high speed while Tenshi gets her head outta her ass…!

Also, this is freakin' spooky dude. Professional advice ta myself: don't look down. There is a lot of down.

I hafta blink really fast and wince an eye shut to see anything, because oh my god is it bright and Tenshi is going really fucking fast!

"Bh- back!" I yell! "You're going the wrong way!"

WOOSH. We do a huge U-turn in the air- and- we're gonna miss it again, Tenshi~...!

"Le~ft!" I yell- too late.

WOO~SH! We pass right by it again…! Aaa~h!

"I don't see it!" Tenshi- I'm gonna force feed ya fluffles…!

"You passed-" Eck- swallowed air- "Back!"

"Fu~ck!" Tenshi~!

Iku gets in our way for like, the eighth time! "Eldest-"

WOOSH! We leave her spinning in place for like the third time, as we plow through the air next to her! "Aaa-...!"

We U-turned again, and- oh… I think we might have it this time!

"Yea~h!" I point ahead- then don't 'cause holy shit that made me shift in her arms-

"Is it the~re!?" Just- shut up and go forward, Tenshi!

...Wait- not that forward- we're just gonna ram it, and I'll be hitting the rock first! "Slow down- I ain't a bh- ah-..."

...Ho~h. Tenshi does slow.

Anyway. Yeah. In the air before us, just floating there, is a bi~g stone rose, or-... maybe it ain't a rose. Maybe it's a tulip, or- one of those other generic folded up flowers! I don't know…!

"...You see it, is it ahead?" Tenshi talks quieter now, since we're slow.

"Yeah, it's ahead…!" I remark! "The stone's up ahead, yo."

The exterior's really smooth. Like-... impossibly smooth. Although, it's the same discolored greys any rock-esque thing would be.

...As we near it, Tenshi's eyes widen. "Oo-... I see it now. Damn it." Yeah- we're like point blank to it now, almost!

Once we get inside the 'space' the stone flower exists in, the air all around us dims super hard. Like-... everything around us becomes a very dark maroon color, and it kinda makes me jump at first!

"...Who turned out the sun." Tenshi wonders!

...Then, she huffs. "My arms are full. Touch it."

Eeh. "...Wh- what, touch the- stone?"

"Well, I can't touch it." Tenshi remarked! "Unless I drop your ass." Uh oh.

Why do you wanna touch it. Is it 'cause it looks smooth. Well, yo. Wait…

"Couldn't ya just-..." I turn to her- as best I can, anyway! "Put me on a keystone?"

...woosh. After I say this, a tubby keystone slowly rises from the earth way below.

Tenshi sets me down on it! "Aren't my ideas the greatest. Anyway-" She yanks the key from my hands, and moves for the stone petal we're near!

Clack. She pokes it with the key. Nothin' happens. "...Hmm."

Woosh. She floats up towards the top of the bulb, an' I end up floating up after her, since she moves the keystone fer me.

Nope. The top here's all folded up, too.

Clack! Tenshi actually stands on it! "...What the hell." She gives it a few stomps.

...She reels her leg back, and-

BAM- TI~NG! She stomps hard enough to make a shockwave of air, but the floor shimmers magically, becoming light for a moment, before returning to stone. "...Oo- oh. You kiddin' me."

...I step onto the stone flower top, too. Well, it's like a giant ball 'cause it's all folded up.

I crouch down, and feel the stone. Smooth as a marble pebble, dude. "It's smooth, dude."

"Like that helps us." Tenshi frowns. "This key thing's useless." She tosses it back at me-

Ohp! I got it! "Hoh- shit…" Don't wanna go dropping this into the infinite sky, now. Good thing it's like, the size of a football! Actually, it's probably bigger.

Fwish. Oh, magic noise. What was that about…

...Aw. On the cusp of the big flower, I see Genkan an' Maria float up. Hello, friends.

Wait- what. I try to walk, but my legs don't move. Or rather- my shoes are stuck to something…! My Toyota sandals, I mean.

Fwiwhiwhish. The flower bulb top beneath me's become a grid of hexagonal panels of light, which- I seem to be sinking into…! "Uh. Yo- Tenshi, help…!" I don't wanna be vored by a giant rock!

Tenshi moves to grab me! "Wait- what the fuck-"

FWISH! A~nd- suddenly, I'm like- chest deep-

Tenshi pulls on my arms- ow ow ow! "Stop pulling!" Holy shit- I heard somethin' crack! She gave my joints the 'one second workout' treatment!

"What do you want me to do, then…!?" Tenshi holds on with no force now, as I slowly sink deeper into the top of the stone thing! "You're gonna sink."

I grin back…! "Yeah- an' if you pull too hard, the only thing that won't sink will be my arms- 'cause you'd have freakin' detached them from the sockets…!"

Oh god- I'm in too deep. "Uuh-" Help.

Clack- clack- clack! Ooh- someone's runnin' up to us.

"What's going on, here?" It's Genkan! "Brad- are you okay?"

"I don't know!" This is fucking weird! "Uh oh…!" Ohp- up to my head-... not that it feels like I have anything other than downward pressure on the rest of me.

Genkan holds onto my left arm, along with Tenshi on my right arm! "...Wh- what…" Genkan tries to pull gently, but no progress is made. "Aah-..." She crouched down and tried to stick her hand into the light, but the hexagons acted like just stone for her.

"Oof." I'm just a head and hands now, son. Wait- oh shit-

Fwish. They sank my battleship…!

"Brad…!" I hear Genkan's voice, outside all the light. "Brad!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

...Alright, where the hell am I. Too much light…

Oh. After a moment, the teal-white light fades. Above me, the hexagons of pulling fade out of existence, since I'm… under the ceiling of whatever it is I phased into.

I'm slowly floating down amidst a beam of gentle white light. And… the hell is this place?

There's some maroon-leafed trees in here, and cherry blossoms that're in full bloom.

I slowly land on the ground, where the grass is also maroon. That's fuckin' trippy…

There's not too much random foliage at the inner-flower's sides, though. Pretty soon, a huge fountain begins…!

"Aw, yes." I move for the fountain! This must be the bonus stage, dude.

Splish, splish. I decide to get my sandals and kimono wet this time, 'cause whatever. Hopefully there's no diving involved, or I'm gonna have to switch…

...For how fuck-wide this fountain is, there's just a piddly-... what is that, in the center?

I step forward, and into it! It's just… a mysteriously rippling tuft of water, that spreads out into the rest of the fountain. Cool!

Where the hell's the light coming from. The air? We're in a closed space! ...I say 'we', but no one's with me. I think…

Spli- splish. I hear water splash somewhere behind me.

I look, an' there's no one, but the water's rippling.

Spli- splash! Ooh-

Spla- splash, splash, splash! The water's ripplin' around a bunch, now!

An' all of a sudden, I'm not alone.

Every angle all around me, there are fairy girls. They all stand around the edges of the fountain, on the maroon grass. They're of varying heights, seeming ages, and body types, but they all share some details.

They're all blonde, an' they're all wearing featureless, white gowns.

"Fae…" Suddenly, a deep, womanly voice comes from the center of the fountain, an' I look back.

Her legs folded, a ten foot tall woman with golden eyes hovered in the air, her hair long enough to meet the water some distance beneath herself.

"When you lose your way…" She twirled around a gold chalice, which was the only decorated lookin' thing, compared to her huge white gown. "It's because the fairies led you astray. Playing their pranks, as usual."

My ass is empty. Wait, no. "Hi." I'm plain paul.

"To whom do I owe the honor?" She leaned back, which was freakin' weird lookin', 'cause she's so big! "It's most strange."

whish. Leaning forward, her chest bounces. She practically did a one-eighty to float down and forward. "I don't remember seeing you. But still, that key you hold…"

"...Does this like," I hold it like it's confusing, "does this actually go in a lock, at some point?" When do we get to the part where I actually open somethin' with this key…!?

The big woman chuckled. "Nn, fufufu… you don't. It's symbolic."

Wat, no! Awh… "Why not anything but a key, then…!?"

...She blinked a few times. "Why not a key?"

"I thought it'd open a big door, or a big chest!" I hold it up! "All it did was get me eaten by a rock."

The huge fairy placed her hands atop her large chest. "It opened the door to a big chest, alright…"

Da- fh, oof. This chick's a real stinker, dude.

"Son." I am the one who does the bamboozling…!

Where are her wings, actually? Wait. Calling it now: the petals of this big flower station are her wings. That feels like it makes sense, at this point.

"To think you'd have known to come here, too…" She moved to sit on her legs, in the water.

Soundlessly, she landed, and the water lit up with teal energy.

"Who are you?" She gave me a smile. Man, her face is sharp.

Also, I don't know how to answer! Carter Mario. Brittany. Uuh…

"Brad." I guess I'll be sincere, fer now.

"Brad…" Big woman voiced! "Brad, Brad, Brad. That name reminds me, of something…"

"Do ya know a-... thing, named Brittany?" I wonder!

"Who?" She- whah. "...Brittany. Brittany. That name feels even more familiar, to me. Although… it is hard for me to rely on my senses alone. I speak for a million fae." Uh oh.

"In any case…" Her gold eyes met me! "You must be here for a reason. I cannot ascertain what reason… because, I know nothing about you."

She tilted her head back, staring into the air. "None of your virtues, if any. None of your detriments, if any."

"...What if I don't got a reason." I reason…! "I came to sniff fluffles."

...She suddenly gave me a really huge smile!

"Then… someone sent you to me." Oh, she's getting warmer! "They sent you to me, knowing. Oh, me, oh my."

Spli- splish, splish. All around us, the barefoot, blonde fairies in simple dresses start to step into the fountain. Uuh.

"Well, then." She took in a breath. "Lie down."

"Wat." Let's not, son.

"I'm delivering onto you the leisure they sent you here for." The gihugic fairy announced…! "But, you're right. We should play, first."

Fwish! Standing up tall from the water, she stepped back, out of the fountain.

"Do as you will, my daughters." Lookin' expectant, she folded her arms. "Pin him to the wall. Show him what love, our love, is made of."

Suddenly, fairy chatter! "It's a human…"

"He can't be-... the unifier?"

"He only has a little of nature's gift… so, that's unlikely..."

"Still… for a human, to grant themselves to us, of their own volition..."

Uuh. This is a lot of fairies!

KRA- KRACK, KROOM. Ooh- holy shit!

The big, stone petals of the flower we're inside start to fold open. The maroon ground glows a bright pink. The cherry blossoms light up gold and white, and a huge, hexagon-y teal-white barrier remains where the expanding petals used to be.

Pink-white cherry blossoms swirl around the fountain, as it ripples with the footsteps of excited looking fairy girls.

"Let's overwhelm him." I hear one last fairy speak somewhere to my left. Then, they all start to float into the air at once…!

Blonde-haired beauties leer down at me from all angles, amidst the sunlight-like light shining through the maroon bleakness of this weird ass fairy realm.

I close my eyes, and focus on my gear, yo. Oh, boy…!

Fwi- Click! Alright. I have gone with…

Anti-grav boots, the nazi outfit fer now, Red Scare in one hand, and Bawmber in the other…!

Also, I got Miko's cape on, set to red mode, the strongest mode. Oh, boy…

The air's alive with gold, glittering fairy dust as the absolute swarm circles around me. Holy shit…

FWI- FWI- FWISH! Three bolts of light suddenly fly from them, and towards where I stand…!

I leap- and leap again-

Fwoa- fwoa- fwoash! The bolts hit the water where I was, and expand into flashes of healing energy. They're shooting healing spells at me…!

Now that I'm outta my kimono- I can feel that it just feels like spring in here. The temperature's regulated!

Fwi- WOASH! WOASH- WOASH- WOASH! Suddenly, huge spirals of expanding healing energy form amidst the fairies all around me-

Whish! A girl two-thirds my height whirls up to me as I land! "Heya, mister-"

Pap! I shoot a bomb NERF dart at the floor where her tootsies are!

KA- SPLASH! It explodes in the fountain, a geyser of water exploding into the fairy girl!

"Ehe- ehehe!" Despite being enveloped by the blast, her form blurs out for a moment, before reforming a moment later. Wait-...

Pap- pap- pap! I fire a salvo of darts into the crowd of fairies around me-

BAM- BLAM- PI~CHUN! A bunch of fairies explode-

fwi- fwi- fwish! They reform nearly instantly, their magic visibly returning into place! Holy shit! They've got hacks!

Alright, that's it, son. I'm gettin' outta here!

Click! Crouchin' down, I turn on the anti-grav of my shoes! "Behold, my sci-fi movie powers!" I can not-fly, son!

A tall, blonde fairy floats up to me! "Be- behold, you say?" Her arms open, as she floats closer! "Behold-"

WHAM- FWOOM! I hook Red Scare 'cross her face as she hovers closer! "-mhe-"

Clank! She keeps movin' for me, so I whip it back inward, and reel both it and the bomb hanger back like a bat kinda, together! "Hnn~...!" Holy shit- my boots-

WOO- WOO- WOOSH! When I swing 'em both at once, my boots can't actually work with the awkward move I do, so I tumble through the air, spinnin' around after I swing! "Woho- hoa~h-"

WHAM- BAM- BLAM- FWOOM! Who- what did I hit…! I hit way more than just that one fairy!

Pi- pi~chun! Aw, I hear explosions around me! You know what- let's just-

Patatatatat! As I spin around, I fire berserkin' bad luckin' darts and exploding darts all around me, without rhyme or reason! "Aaa~h!"

FWOA- FWOA- FWOASH! Aa- I'm hit by some healing magic- and holy shit that feels good. Too good, actually- it's, uh, making me feel good. Like- in my pants. Freakin'...

...Oh. I'm upside down, moving along the hexagonal barrier ceiling now.

I look down at the fountain- and everything is flashing. Raw, intense light meets my vision, blinding me and- my body fuckin' shudders, holy shit.

"Hey…" A blonde woman's behind me, and she's got my arms in a lock, all of a sudden! "Stop." She speaks into my ear-

WHABOOM! I- hit myself in the gut- with my bomb hanger!

FWOASH! The tail of a healing spiral nearby hits me- and the damage is instantly undone! Wait-... I can stop myself from getting horny due to the overheal by constantly kamikazing!

BAM- BOOM- BAM! I start shooting myself in the gut with my bomb darts-

Pi~chun! The big fairy lets go-

Woosh! I finally activate my double jump mid-anti gravity!

There is just a thick scent of flowers, as I zip through the cloud of fairies, an' near the fountain's surface-

BOOM- BLAM- BOOM! I fire both kinds of darts behind me, into the cloud of fairies!

"Hey- ow!" Some of them begin fighting each other!

"They're confused…!"

"How cute…"

FWOA- FWOA- FWOASH! Holy shit- it's just like-... that mass of healing energy, holy shit. I didn't get hit, 'cause they're all casting spells on each other, but dude…! That is just- too many fairies!

"Aa- oof!" Suddenly, I'm blindsided by like five chicks…!

"Hey- stop wiggling!" One of 'em tries to pull off my right boot-

Ah- oh shit! Bye, Red Scare! It got stolen…!

KABOOM- BLAM- BOOM! Keep shooting, Bawmber! Holy shi~t!

BOOM! Shooting my own gut after a moment, I freakin'- blow myself outta the fairy horde-

KABOO~M! A huge fire nova envelops half of the big crowd ahead of me, all of a sudden! One of them musta used Red Scare randomly…!

I look at the gihugic fairy, who's still just watchin' us.

Pap- pap- pap! As I coast by her, I fire up at her.

wo- wo- woash. Oh. The darts just go through her.

"My children…" The big fairy woman leans back, holding out her arms! "My fantasy nature. They were put on this world to flourish."

whish. A real distinct flare of wind comes off of her-

FWOAWOAWOAWOAWOAWOASH! What the fuck- ooo-

BOOM- BAM- BOOM! I start shooting myself- oh my god…

I almost fall asleep, but bombing my own gut saved me from just- goin' light's out…! She'd unleashed a huge fuckin' pulse of healing magic, and the entire sky flower thing was bathed in white light.

The maroon grass glows a bright, teal-white, and the maroon-tinted, foggy sky around us lights up blue like day, for just a moment.

WHA- BOOM! As I drift by another big lady-type fairy, I club her in the skull at swift speeds- and explode!

Cli- clink! I draw One Million Revenants from my bag, and swing it around like a flail! "Freakin'... why're there so many of you!"

WHACRUNCH! A shortstack fairy zips ups to me, but I club 'er overhead-

Wait- what- oh shit.

"Mmh…" On my left, a fairy breathes into my ear, her hand on my right cheek. "Found you." Where'd you come from-"

whi- whi- whish. Oh- oh my god, they can teleport now. What the fuck- uh oh!

My right arm is gripped by a stout fairy, the forearm wedged into her chest, as she curls her limbs around it. "Goh- got 'em!"

"Mister…"

"Brad…"

"Ye- yes- finally…"

"...Was he 'Brad' or 'Brittany'?" What kinda question's-

"Omh." Aa- one of the womanly fairies kiss me on the lips-

Um. I'm just- entirely swamped- yeah this ain't good…!

My hat's gone- my boots were taken off- I'm being held up by just fairies right now. Their stares are all intent as just- why are they all so close-

I feel a hand on my ass. "He's got a little butt!" Son!

Ap- apply Tewi's training- start poking eyes! Wait- my arms are bound.

Pap. I butt my head against the blonde kissy fairy's nose-

"Mm- mmh." She just wraps her arms around my head- and stuffs me into her chest. "There…"

"Hey- hey- let me in-"

"That suit thing looks annoying."

"Ha~h." Aa- one breathes into my right ear- "Hehehe! He likes it…"

What can I do- what can I freakin'-... wa- wait! Remember your training, Luke!

I start makin' wood blocks outta both hands! "Aaa~h!" I use my yelling magic on this fairy's chest! "Patchouli~! Genka~n! Ass fuck!"

fwoof. I also cast a scent pillow, which lands somewhere. "Ee- ew! What- ew…!"

"What the hell…! No- don't throw it at- echk!"

"Mmm~..." A young fairy pecks me on the cheek- "Mwah! Ehehe…"

DINK- PI~CHUN! I casted Lucky Star too- and it hit someone I think. How many fairies-

Aa- yo bad touch son- wiggle for your life…!

DINK- PI~CHUN! Got another one with Lucky Star, son!

"Where the hell're all these blocks coming from!? No- ow!"

"That smells- get it away from me!"

"...That smells like-... cum?"

Fairy hands are just all over my face- under my shirt- holy shit-

FWOA- FWOA- FWOASH! Oh my god, this healing magic-

"The gods gave onto this earth for us." I hear the huge fairy speak, over the chitter chatter of all the littler ones who're trying to rape the shit outta me. "We are the essence of creation."

Fwi- click! Before they could totally derobe me of the nazi outfit, I change into Miko's weird outfit 'cause it has some things to it, and my racecar helmet! "Wahaha!" Good luck getting me in here, son!

I can't actually get out any weapons 'cause both my arms are freakin' stuck. Aa-

A fairy with short blonde hair worked through the other fairies, into my face. "He- hey, mister! C'mere…!" Y'know, I couldn't even if I wanted to!

shoof! From behind, someone just yanks my racecar helmet off! "What- what the heck."

Again, my face is squished between a blonde fairy's breasts. "Nn- hehehe." Fuckin'-

Wait-... that shitty fire spell I know. Let's combine that with the blocks!

...Yeah, it's not a lot better, I don't think- wait-

"Aa- nnh!" A fairy let go of my left arm, 'cause I dropped a burning building block in her tits. "Ow!"

Fwi- Click! With Fallen Comrade summoned, now in that left arm, I bring it over to my other arm-

Clunk- thunk- whunk- Ohp, after clipping a few fairies with it, it's gone…!

I raise my arms and try to fall through the crowd, but-

whunk. I, indeed, get pinned to the wall. "Nn- ah…" I dunno when they were even moving me to the wall.

For some reason, they rotate me around. My face is now against the hexagons, an' I gaze out into the-... whatever's goin' on outside. Maroon darkness!

"Hehehe- ooh! Awh… tickle tickle tickle!" Wha- ya son of a bitch- don't- nnh-

"Fwoo. You like it when I blow in your ear…"

"I'll lick you clea~n."

"His muscles are so tense. We ought to… loosen him up." I- I don't even have muscles!

"You know I'm good at massages…"

"I wonder what he likes to eat?"

I'm just-... wow. Overwhelmed, entirely.

As I face the outside of the barrier, getting molested into oblivion, I see someone hover down on the exterior.

Ha-chan's there. She knocks her hands on the barrier like it's glass. "Hello~, Brad-kun!" Dh- ah…

...Genkan hovers down next to her, looking more casual. "You've gone insane, haven't you."

Ha-chan blinks at her, then gestures to me! "But- Brad-kun's right there!"

"That's a stone wall, Hana." Genkan returns…! "I'm freaking out, too-... but, in a healthier way."

"Genka~n!" I yell!

"Ooh!" The fairies around me flinch!

"Rela~x, you!" A tired looking blonde fairy leans into my face. "Don't panic. We won't hurt you."

"We love you." Aa- "Mwah." She kissed my right cheek-

"Mwah." The other fairy kissed my left cheek. "Now… for that massage."

I feel two hands on my shoulders, and-... that- that's really good…

"He's calling out for you!" Ha-chan turns to Genkan! "You gotta do something, Genkan!"

...Genkan just kinda frowns back. "That's not funny, Hana."

My eyes begin to get heavier. I can kinda see the light from some kinda- healing magic they're using on me, but-... da- damn…

Aa- someone has their hand up my shirt- and I can feel them cup my chest region. Just-...

Ti- ti- ting! Ha-chan bangs on the barrier before me. "Stay awake, Brad-kun! Or, don't! ...They all look pretty nice, actually! Maybe take a nap!" You- are not helpin'...!

"Nnn." A fairy moans into my neck. "Aa~h." She- she licked my neck-

"Mwah."

"Nn- nnh-"

"Chu."

"I love you-"

"Your shoulders are so stiff. What'd you do…"

"He smells nice…"

The big fairy speaks again. "We are the essence of creation. We are storms. We are heat and cold. We are death and rebirth, the sun and the moon, and all conceivable time."

This-... this feeling…

A fairy's fingers enter my mouth, when I let it open for a moment. "Aa- ngh…" She intentionally slides more in, and- what the hell…

Bi- big fairy… "We are Earth. We are life. We are fantasy."

Fwi- Click! I draw-... that fuckin'- wood key…

"Sh- shit…" I just- wap it against the hexagon-built barrier.

Fwish. It starts to glow, like when I got freakin' vored by it. Am- I gettin' out? ...Apparently not.

"Ooh!" Ha-chan perks up. "See that!? Brad's reaching out to you!"

...Genkan blinked. "See what?" My ass is empty!

"Ghen- aah!" I tried to yell 'Genkan', but that fairy's fingers entered my mouth again. "Aaa- fhuh! My aah ih' ehm'y!"

...Making a playfully aggressive face, Ha-chan hovered into the glowing spot in the barrier-

Fwish! She was accepted- oh shit-

Instantly, my face ends up in her chest.

"Brad-kun!" She yelled, hugging onto me. "Ya~y!"

"Mmh." You smell like fairy…

...Genkan blinks. "Ha-... Hana?" She knocks on the barrier, but stone sounds are made. "Hana?"

...Wait- uh oh-

Thud. I land on my butt, Ha-chan pushing me onto my ass. "Oof…" Get your- boobs outta my face! Freakin'... that's another one for the 'sentences I didn't think I'd think' list!

...All the blonde fairies around us darted back before I realized, bewildered by Ha-chan existing. "Who is that…?"

"She's only one element…"

"That means- she's a fragment, of thunder…"

"Don't you mean electricity?"

"Tch. Same thing."

"No. They're not the same thing…"

...I am like, half-naked.

Ha-chan runs her hands across my chest. "It's warm in here!" What yer doin' and what yer sayin' don't correlate…!

"How… interesting." The fat fairy sings! Or- you know what I mean… "So, you have a connection to fae after all." No shit, son…

I'm so tired, now… freakin'... Genkan'll have to lug me to the Moriya Shrine in a freakin' bean bag, dude.

"Fairy girl." Super tall lady steps forward…! "What is your name?"

"...I'm Hana." She replies! "I love Brad a whole bunch!"

"...Is that so?" Tall lady nods… "That's something, coming from a fairy of your kind. Your sisters rarely meet humans, and when they do, they remember their wrath for humanity. Or, nothing at all. It can depend."

Ha-chan gives her a snuggly-kind of confused look. "I dunno about any of that. But, Brad-kun's really cool!"

"...You must be part of her better side." Tall lady decides!

...I- I try ta get up, but Ha-chan pushes me back down. "Fr- freakin'..."

Playin' with her own hair, tall lady leans to the side. "I suppose it is not our place to impose on him. I see your connection… and, it is about as I'd hoped for, of the unifier. I only ask that you seek the adoration of more fairies."

"Freakin'..." The heck're you talkin' about. "Whaddaya mean…?"

Soundlessly, the ten feet tall fairy lady stepped up to us, looming down with a weird smile. "You must be one of Gensokyo's outsiders."

Gee, I wonder what coulda gave it away.

...Me an' Ha-chan look up at her, as she smiles down at us plainly.

Her smile became warm. "I'd intended for my daughters to… 'educate' you on the merits of loving fairies, but it would seem you're at least acquainted." Uh oh.

"The hell's this about a 'unifier'?" That sounds oddly foreboding! That's also what I wanted ta know in my first question, but she apparently didn't think it was worth questioning!

Big fairy pursed her lips, and placed a finger on her chin. "Mmh? ...Well. I believe you capable of unifying fairy kind; or, at least, having the potential to."

...Huh. Wait.

"When an outsider lands here naturally… the nature of Gensokyo can read a fraction of their essence." She shifted her arms behind her back. "You were one of some, gifted by the fairies. And, the more you gave to us, the more we gave to you."

I feel like that's significant, but I'm gonna hafta think about it first!

...I try ta sit up again, an' Ha-chan resists my motions by pushin' me back down! "Son-..."

It takes some effort, but I get up, offa' the maroon grass. Why is this place freakin'... dark red, foliage-wise?

When I turn back to the fountain after gettin' up, the super tall fairy is right there. "You, in particular… did not give too much. But, you've made more of a connection with my daughters, than any other prospective human." Wha- really. Huh!

"...Yer daughters, huh." That stood out to me, yo. "Who're you?"

"...Hmm?" She tilted her head. "I will be all fae. Or, more appropriately, I will bear the burden of nature."

fwish. She sat down onto her knees, and was still taller than me. "I suppose it's not correct to call them my daughters. But, I believe it will be later."

So… she's sayin' she's had new outsider shipments on her radar. And… I take it I was one of the focus groups! So, I'm not some unique-ass arbiter of the covenant or anything, but I was the only dude who came for the interview...

"...Also, what's yer name!?" I wanna know! Big, big fairy, dude.

"A name?" She blinks in vague surprise! "...Hmm. That's funny. Few have asked me for a name, before. Usually, I am named."

Named, ya say. "...I could give ya a name, if ya prefer."

She snorted. "Oh? Certainly. What do you have in mind?"

"Jimmy." You're Jimmy now.

"No." She just outright denies…! "If-... if you'd like a name representative of my nature…"

"Jimmy." Represents yer nature perfectly!

"Fae." She supplies in turn! "...How about Fae?"

...I look at Ha-chan, an' she's all like…! "You look like a Sammy."

"Compromise!" I raise my finger in the air! "Jammy."

"...Fa- fairy?" Big girl wonders!

I clap my hands tagether. "Jam Fairy, s'decided!"

Ha-chan beams! "Jam Fairy!" Yes, dude!

The Jam Fairy raises her brows…! "Well-... I won't stop you. It is that whimsy that makes you our ally..."

Yes, dude. Jam Fairy.

"In fact…" Jam Fairy smiled down at us. "Considering your effort… I don't want to let someone such as yourself leave here empty-handed." Aw.

"Can I have my clothes back…?" I'm lookin' like freakin' fluffy-haired Rambo right about now. Except, without the muscles, or the guns!

"Oh." Jam Fairy smiled! "Pardon us."

Clap! She clapped her hands together once-

Suddenly, some of the myriad, golden-haired fairy girls in the sidelines around us begin floating up to me. They've got my equips and stuff, and start unfolding the clothes as if they're gonna dress me wit' 'em…

"Hold out yer arms…" A short fairy requests of me, holdin' out my nazi suit! "Or, hold 'em up."

"A suit's not like a shirt, littler one…"

"Who you callin' little, tree-legs."

"I'm just-"

Cla- cla- clack! Ooh- one's stackin' my hangers up in my hands-

KABOOM! Wha- you freakin' noob! She dropped the bomb hanger onto the stack- and it blew everything outta my hands!

FWA- FWOASH- FWOASH! Everyone starts spamming healing spells! What the fuck's goin' on…!

"Oof…!" Amidst the spirals of blindin', healing light, Ha-chan glomps me!

Wh- aah-

Thud. Some of the blonde fairies cling to me too, an' I just fall over…

"Aa-... oops."

"Brad-ku~n!"

"He- hehe…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Everything inventory-related… is sorted! My nazi outfit is on, my hangers are all tucked away, and I'm not getting molested…!

I've also still got the key thing, actually. Speaking of that, I just asked about it!

"You may keep it." Jam Fairy informs me! She's sitting in the air now, and holy shit her legs are long. "You're welcome here any time, Brad, so long as you treat us as you do. If you stop by again, my daughters here will soothe your weariness." Uh oh.

Standing again, she suddenly walks regularly up to me. I just realized- her stride is super fuckin' long…!

Bending down- what, is she gonna pick me up-

She does! And I realize just how big the rest of her is; I mean, my ass fits in her left hand almost, so… she's kinda big!

"Mmmh…" She brings me closer to her face, and it's easy to see how irregularly smooth everything is about her, even more than for regular fairies. "Thank you."

She gives me a quick lip peck on my lips-... which is a relief, 'cause I thought she was gonna try and freakin' annihilate me, in the sexual way! Also- her lips were just bigger than mine, so it was more like she pecked my freakin' chin.

Then, a gold light flows from me fer a moment. Wait-..

Fwi- fwi- fwish! Some gold orbs of energy come from the air around me, and combine inside 'a me.

This-... that's that thing I thought was a level-up, wasn't it? So, wait…!

I look up at her! "Are-... are you the reason I got a double jump…!?"

She snorted. "I told you, didn't I? You showed promise. Nature- or, I, granted you… a boost, so to speak. I didn't specifically give you a double jump or anything specific… but, you must have shaped your magic mentally to your own convenience, be it wakefully or not."

Holy shit! She is! I finally got a fuckin' answer to this! Goddamn!

Wait. I push myself from her hands, and start fallin-

Ohp! I flail my legs a bit, doing my first double jump before I hit the ground-

Hoh! Yo- I did it again! I got a little height! The good third jump-

Fwish! Then, I do one last, fourth leap in mid-air. Behind me, light flares. Some magic that looks like teal fairy wings blooms out behind me, before fading out a moment later.

And- that gave me way more height than I bargained for, actually-

Splish- splash! I slip on my ass when I land in the fountain, 'cause I fell from like twice a person's height. Not easy on the legs…! "Oo- oof…"

Fwo- fwoash. Healing energy immediately assaults me! "Gee- geez…" Every time I get healed by them, it makes me feel like I'm getting freakin' snuggled or something…

"You had wings!" Ha-chan exclaims, rompin' up to me in the water! "They were pretty!"

Aw, let's do it again, dude!

Hup! Jump, and a hoop- second jump!

Water splish-splashes offa' my toyota sandals, as I flail my legs-

Hnn! Third jump…! This one feels like it barely gives me any height.

Fwish! I hear the magic bloom out again, and I go way up compared to my other jumps. Like…

Like, lemme break it down: the first jump is a fuckin' lame human jump, the second one is that but again, the third one is like delaying the inevitable… and the one where the fairy wing-like magic assists me is like, double my own height. It's freakin' crazy!

I just realized. Didn't Brittany have a jump like this, when I last saw him- her- it?

Aa-... ah. Before I can sprain an ankle by landing too hard, Jam Fairy grabs onto me. "Be careful, like that. You may hurt yourself severely, if you don't look where you leap. You may get along with fairies like one… but-... please, remember that you are human. Don't make us worry."

"Oh, don't worry…" All I gotta do is overspec into an element resist and hurt myself with it, yo. Or chug potions an' pray… or let Seikatsu help me.

"...While I'm on the topic, do be careful." Jam Fairy really wants me to not die! I mean, I don't imagine many other people just rove around like me, so a human like me who isn't a mentally ill boy is probably hard to come by!

She goes on wit' her warnin', "some fairies may try to make a plaything of you, or… you know, break you, thinking it's good fun." S'a little late ta be warning me of that, son. "You may care for them… but be firm about yourself, too."

"Freakin', okay, big momma!" I'm not just gonna get ass fucked when I step outta this flower pod! Which- it still looks open to me, which is weird.

I like how the open stone petals on the outside just don't exist for the others. I can kinda see Genkan and the others still lookin' around in uneventful confusion.

...Settin' me down, Jam Fairy patted Ha-chan on the head. "Take good care of him. And… if you desire fullness again, it'd do you well to seek out your other selves, too."

Ha-chan smiled big, dude! "I don't know what you mean!"

Jam Fairy snorted, and gave her-... y'know, that kinda smile you semi-awkwardly give a kid when they're being unexpectedly weird! "Do you not feel it? Especially now, with that chaotic natural energy you've ingested, and the time you've spent in such proximity to a human. I'd be surprised if you couldn't sense a compatible sister nearby yourself."

...Ha-chan looked away, at the air. "I guess I get hungry, some times. I dunno what you mean."

Jam Fairy flicks 'er gaze up fer a moment! "...Find fellow electric fairies. Not simply any, either; those who you feel drawn to, almost in the way you feel so drawn to this human. Or, so I assume."

"But, I'm an ice fairy." Ha-chan…!

"Of course you are." Jam Fairy gives up…! "Still, find electric fairies. Talk with them. They're nice. You'll know what I mean…"

"Okay!" Ha-chan may have gotten that!

...Wit' that, Jam Fairy gave us a bow. "Will you both be leaving?"

"I think so!" I am just about done here, and having a mass orgy with the uniform blonde fairies is not in my schedule! I might keep that massage idea in mind, though… albeit, not involvin' this place perhaps. "Thanks for-... life!" I dunno what to be thankful for exactly, but I'm thankful!

She smiled! "Thank you, for your pleasantness. May nature shine on you." An' then we walk outside and instantly die to level one ladybugs…!

...Oo- ooh, I'm floating, all of a sudden.

Did I say Jam Fairy was ten feet tall, before? I mean, she may've been at one point, but right now that feels like twenty feet, or something.

"Ooh!" Ha-chan squeaks, when Jam Fairy places her hand beneath both of us!

"Going up." She starts to float up, bringin' us towards the light dome's ceiling…!

"Bye~!" There's a chorus of parting, that comes from the buncha cuties below!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Aw. As we're lifted towards the top, I can see the friends through the ceiling…

Genkan's sitting on her knees, looking really uncomfortable. Wow…!

WHAM- BAM- BLAM! Tenshi wails on the roof with her assblast sword, and makes no real progress! "Fucking-... I hate barriers!"

"...What do you think Brad's doing in there?" Maria tries to prod Genkan out of looking uncomfortable! Then, she taps the stone top- to them, probably- with her staff.

"I'm sure he's fine." Genkan decides…! "He often finds ways, to stumble out of these situations. He'll be fine."

Tenshi whips her gaze back ta her! "What part about gettin' swallowed by a giant meteor seems fine…!? The fact I can't dent it isn't good news!"

"He'll be fine." Genkan reaffirms…! "He's not survived this long for no reason, surely."

Iku stopped staring into space, to give them a fluffy look. "Considering where this is, he's most assuredly fine. Stop being dramatic, eldest daughter."

"...Nnn~ no." Tenshi refuses!

Fwi~sh! Aw. Then, we connect with the ceiling, and start to phase through!

Fwi- fwiwhi- fwish. As we exit through the top of the light dome, I can see that it does just seem like a closed flower still, on the outside.

...The others kinda stare, as me an' Ha-chan phase up through the floor! Aw- man, we shoulda T-posed up from the floor.

Fwi- fwi- fwish. Ooh. Jam Fairy's hand shows from the floor beneath us, pokin' out a bit. Me an' Ha-chan step offa' her big hand, and it returns into the stone…!

...I stroll leisurely up to the friends. "Hello, friends!" I just hitched a trans-dimensional ride on a big hand!

...Genkan gets up from sitting, and looks slightly bewildered! "Aa- ah. What-...?"

"I take it, that it went well." Iku summarizes the obvious!

"Get me in there." Tenshi- wat, no.

...I shrug! "I dunno, yo. Don't uh, got the key anymore." What a huge fuckin' lie I just told…! "Probably locked forever, now!"

"...Fuck!" Tenshi glares down at the rock-top!

"Eldest-... nnh." Iku rubs the bridge of her own nose! "Please. Leave this-... thing be."

...Tenshi meets my gaze again! "What was it like!?"

"I met the jam fairy!" I exclaim! "She tried to rape me wit' a fairy army, dude. But this boy is versed, in the fairy arts. I fought them off for what seemed like decades, dude! Until they were so impressed, they put me on a big hand so I could leave!"

...Genkan and Maria are immediately skeptical looking!

"No, really." So's Tenshi…!

Wau. So- I take in a good breath. "Well- I did meet the fairy army! An' they did try to rape me...! ...An' they woulda succeeded, but when Ha-chan here fell in wit' me, they relented, and the big fairy kinda talked our ear off 'fore we could leave."

...I feel at my shoulders. "And I realized I really need a massage." Like-... holy shit. Those hands on my shoulders- were just heavenly, for how little time they were there. I wouldn't mind, you know… if a fairy just groped just my shoulders, for awhile. I'd be alright with that!

Like, my shoulders ache, dude. I must have knots and knots fer knots!

Genkan snorted. "...When was the last time you'd been massaged?"

Oh. Yeah, um, let's see: never? Never. Pretty sure it's never! "Never…!"

...Genkan was only vaguely surprised! "...Huh."

"Us humans-... we're generally less touchy-feely, like that." Maria explains some stuff fer her. "Not many humans get massaged, really… especially um, villagers."

Then, she looks at me! "Do people get massaged a lot on the inside- I mean, outside, Brad?" On the inside…!

"Not a lot of either!" Yeah, yo! "You can like, buy massages an' stuff, but it's kinda pricey, and I never thought ta go out of my way to just buy one. You can also just buy sex, but it's really expensive, and-..."

I face Iku! "Does Gensokyo have STDs."

She shakes her head! "There's a brief history on that… but, ever since Eientei got involved, no." Hoh.

Genkan raised a brow! "STDs…? And-... buying sex?" She seems perplexed by the idea! "That-... sounds in poor taste, at best."

"Sexually Transmitted Diseases." I start explainin' this shit…! "Basically, really deadly viruses that hop around from person to person… through sex! An' they're not sexy viruses either, make no mistake!" Anything but…!

"The most deadly of which disarms the body's entire defense system against bacteria, leading to imminent death." Iku explains the big shebang…! "Others deform and create unsightly… messes, of the genital regions."

"...Wh- why are we talking about this?" Genkan's intimidated, dude! "For this reason alone, I'd hate the outside. That sounds-..."

"When the hell'd we start talking about STDs." Tenshi looks lost! "In any case! We gotta get off this rock and go somewhere."

Get offa' this rock and go somewhere, huh.

"I was thinkin'...!" I hold up a finger! "That we head on down to the Moriya Shrine."

At that, Tenshi kinda raised a brow at me. "Hu~h. You religious, then?"

Hoh. "Nope! I just haven't ever really gone there, so I wanna go there now!"

I've gone there once or twice, but I've never really hung out. Mostly just 'cause y'know, it's on the peak of murder mountain. Maybe I coulda looked for clues on the easy way up or some shit, but I was in no~ hurry to bother!

"Sounds like a good reason as any." Genkan starts to move slowly, in no particular direction. "...I've heard of the Moriya Shrine before. Apparently it's frequented by youkai, unlike a certain other shrine."

Yes, dude. I start moving with her, away from the others, even though we're all stranded on a giant smooth rock in the middle of Gensokyo's airspace.

"Y'know." Wait… "Isn't every shrine in Gensokyo frequented by youkai, actually."

...Genkan looks at me! "I suppose the difference would be, that there's no question in regards to how the Moriya do it, whereas the Hakurei have a nebulous... anti-youkai-while-being-friends-with-some-youkai relationship."

Ho~h. I could see that! I dunno how the local yokels respond to the shrines that much… aside from the village freakin' hating Reimu for no good reason.

...When I walk too far, Genkan grabs onto my shoulders from behind. "Brad. You'll fall."

"Uh oh." There's only one way to go, son. All the way down…!

"What do you mean, 'uh oh'." Genkan pulls me back a little more! "...I can carry you down, you know."

Ooo. That reminds me…! "Aw- yeah!" I turn around, and face 'er! "Check out what I can do, dude!"

Now that I'm free of her grasp, I run up onto the more solid ground of the big sky flower, and leap!

"Hup!" Second jump, third jump, and then-

Fwish! My teal fairy wings bloom from behind me, carrying me up like a meter, before I start falling…!

Clack! Oo- ow! I land on my legs super hard once I fall- and nothing bad happens, but I can feel the pressure of my feet against my sandals. The stands of the sandals really dig into my feet 'cause of that landing, even through the socks…! "Ge- geez!"

Y'know, I've always kinda been afraid of falling from a big height. After that one time that I did and broke my legs and Seikatsu fixed 'em… I'm still afraid of falling! That fuckin' hurt so much…! Us humans are not made to fall very far!

"Woah!" Maria is impressed, dude. "...Are- your legs okay…?" She also noticed how I almost ate shit!

"My legs are okay!" I inform her! "You also gain Brouzouf." This reference's really stretching it…!

"Who?" Maria blinked…!

"Wh- what was that?" Tenshi beams at me, rompin' up! "Were those- fairy wings…!?" Yeah, yo!

"Yes, dude!" They mighta been fairly fairy, but they work, son! And-... I just realized the contrast of fairy wings and my nazi suit.

"It's just-..." She's still grinnin'! "What, you wanna be a fairy, or some shit?"

"Yes." Let my wings be free, son. "I'm fairykin." What an incredibly cursed reference…!

woosh. Woah! Suddenly, a big wind hits us, and- I remember how freakin' cold it is! Holy shit!

Fwi- Click! ...So, some moments later, I get back into my camo-kimono, and for a hat, I put on Reimu's hair bow, for no reason.

...Tenshi grinned again! "Nice-... bow."

"I'm floofy." Reimu's hair bow is snuggly, dude!

...I turn to Genkan, who's now behind me again, looking at my bow!

She is also very snuggly. I'm gonna whump ya with my hair bow, Genkan. I'm gonna just turn my head at ya, and like- unh. Unh!

"Wh-..." She leaned back, but only slightly. "Hey…"

Suddenly, she just- grapples me, into a bridal carry…!

Only after a few seconds of this, she speaks! "We should probably get moving." I'm being stolen, dude.

Ha-chan romps up to us all of a sudden, and- oof! She- leapt into the bridal carry, onto me! "He- hehe!"

...Maria walks up to us, too. "Um…"

"She's not the only one who can fly, y'know." Tenshi moves to scoop Maria up! "C'mere."

...While they awkwardly make their situation work, Genkan starts to move.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Ha- Hana…" Genkan has trouble, as we touch down on the mountain's peak…! "Must you- squirm, like such?" Ye- yeah, freakin'- why, yo…!

"...But," Ha-chan smiles back up at Genkan, her hair in my face… "Brad-kun likes it." You~...!

Also, the top of Youkai Mountain is really barren! Like-... up here is just rock and wind. Also, some snow.

...The others haven't quite reached us yet. Wonder who's slowin' who down.

Genkan tries really hard to place both me an' Ha-chan onto our feet, but-

"Ho- ho!" Aw, there we go. I have prevented myself from tumbling into the snow!

fwump. Ha-chan is… not as successful! "Aa- nn- co~ld!" She shoots up outta the snow, and into the air!

"So…" Now that it's just us two, Genkan turns to me! "What really happened, in there?"

Hoh… "Most of what I said in the second take was actually true! Just, kinda shortened, 'cause it was actually kinda crazy. I did learn to quadruple-ish jump."

For me, that's really hype, 'cause it's suddenly a lot of air versatility that I didn't have before! I also say quadruple-ish 'cause the third jump hardly does anything by itself.

"I see." Genkan's understandably not super impressed at the onset, 'cause she can still do so much more…! "How does it work? Is it some kind of magic, or…?"

Knowin' what I know now… "I think it's some kinda magic! But, s'also kinda just… intuitive, kinda like walking." Basically like what my double jump became for me right after I got it.

...Genkan nods! "I see. Like flying, but less." Aaa~h, aaa~h!

Soon, Tenshi arrives, with the fluff of the hour, dude.

She places Maria down on the snowy mountain top. It's actually a small, rounded plateau up here, not just jaggedness.

"Aah…" Maria gazes out onto all of Gensokyo, dude. "W- wow…"

Gensokyo actually looks big, from up here, even though most walking distances are relatively sane!

The sky's full an' big, the wind's trying to kick our ass, and the snow-... man, all of Gensokyo's also really, really bright!

"...Admittedly, I've never spent a lot of time, on this mountain." Genkan stared down into the great snowy forests and plains. "It's even more mesmerizing, to be able to see vaguely what lies beyond the barrier." Oh, yeah. We can kinda see past it.

Freakin'... was hard to appreciate this view from my legendary air ride machine. Aw, I can see the shrine from here. Both of them, actually!

Tenshi exhaled. "Yeah, yeah. See it everyday. What, you all didn't think to look over the ledges in Heaven?"

"...It was spooky." Genkan defended our lack of ledge vigor! "And, up here, the sight is more immediate. There's something of a presentation about a mountain's peak, versus some island in the sky." Pft. Let someone on the outside hear that, and they'd probably tell ya that's the wrong way around…!

"Fluffles are spooky." I decide.

"No they're not." Maria interjects just ta shut me down!

Woosh! I leap from the mountain's top! "Wahoo~!" Time to embed my legs in my shoulderblades, son!

Genkan lunges forward an' grabs onto me before I take liftoff! "You-...! Be careful! This isn't some hill!"

"It ain't just some hill!" I agree! "It's the hill!"

...Genkan brings me back a little, an' lets go once I'm somewhere solid at the peak again! "Even if your three other jumps prove semi-useful, there's no telling whether or not you'll even find somewhere solid to land. Spare us both the broken limbs and headaches, and just-... be careful, until we get onto a trail."

Oh, shit, she's kinda right…! Upper mountainsides like this can be fulla holes. Actually, how deadly to climb this mountain actually is, s'probably a question for Suwako. S'freakin', her mountain after all, basically!

"Mountains aren't that scary." Tenshi waved Genkan off, and began steppin' down where I was plannin' to leap. "What? Do you think the ground's just going to swallow him whole? You're clingy."

"...Well- genuinely, something to that effect." Genkan defended her reasoning…! "What do you know-... celestial?" After sayin' the last word, she quieted down some…

...Tenshi twisted back ta look at her, and frowned. "Shut up. What could you possibly know, that I-"

shoof. Upon stepping forward, Tenshi fell straight down into the snow. "Ee- aah…"

...It ate her completely! "Woaa~h!" Her voice echoed out from the tiny gap she fell into, before it faded out!

Genkan snorted. "...Looks like what I heard was right." Hoh.

Yeah, didn't really hear about this thing until recently on the outside myself. Aside from oxygen being a problem- which Gensokyo just kinda ignores it feels like- the upper parts of big mountains can have huge asscracks in the world that are just… really jagged caves that go way down into the earth, and there's no way outta them. Unless you can fly…!

shoof. Tenshi floats outta the omega-asscrack in the mountain, dusting snow offa herself. "Nnh…"

"Let this be a lesson." Oh, hello Iku! "Don't be so quick to judge the advice of others, eldest daughter. Genkan here is a snow woman, so it'd only make sense that she at least knows of mountain exploration tropes."

Tenshi just kinda tries not ta pay too much attention… "Ye- yeah, yeah…"

What can we do at the top of a mountain, dude. Wait. Echos…!

...I look at Genkan, and grin!

...She smiles back! "Wh- what?"

"I gots an idea, dude." I take some steps back, so I'm not too close to anyone. "An' it's not skydiving, so ya don't gotta harass me!"

...Hoh. Now, to inhale, and…

"Ass!" I yell! "Fu~ck!" Man. I really can't yell that loud…

The hills reply! "ass fuck" Ho- holy shit, dude!

...I face Genkan, an' she's got her brows raised in vague concern! "I can't yell loud enough. You should try, dude."

"...Do you expect me to yell the same thing you yelled?" Genkan looks even more concerned!

"Yes." Now that ya mention it…! "The world's gotta know, dude."

"Wh- why that." Maria wants ta know, too! "Why'd you think this up…?"

Tenshi starts to reel her body back. Uh oh…

I yell, too! "Ass, fu~ck!"

"Ass fuck!" Tenshi roared!

"Aa- ass-... fuck." Genkan's so embarassed. "Oh, gods…"

"Ass fuck!" Yes, Ha-chan!

"Oh, no." Maria covered her mouth with her hand…! "Oo- oh-"

"Ass fuck!" We hear the hills reply! Wahaha~!

"He- hehe!" Ha-chan giggles!

"Fuck yeah." Tenshi is as satisfied as I am! "...We gotta do it again. Iku-"

"Just-..." Iku's got the best facepalm goin' on! "Let's just move on."

"...You know." Genkan faced her! "Our instinctual hesitancy towards these sort of things-"

"Genkan." Iku gave 'er a hard grin! "There's a big, big difference between disco dancing, and yelling 'ass fuck' from the top of a mountain. I'd like to think I don't have to spell out the difference for you."

"...Oo- okay." Genkan grins a little, and actually backs down!

...Ha-chan romps into the middle of all of us! Aw, she's ready to sprint, dude!

"Let's run like the wind, fairy friend." I turn, and- y'know, how do we get down from here? Y'see- this is why I didn't go here earlier! Mountains are a clusterfuck!

"I know the way." Iku- you came very close to making a very dated meme reference, even by my standards. Some day, everything we say will be memes. "Follow me."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We're just about at the Moriya Shrine, I think.

"So." Tenshi asks us a question as we meander on the snowy trail. "What do you assholes do for fun."

Ass fu- wait, no. "...Move." We move an' do, dude.

"Follow Brad!" Ha-chan exclaims!

"...Sa- same." Maria follows-

"Same." Genkan summarizes! "We became boyfriend and girlfriend."

Gradually, Tenshi grinned at her. "When'd you get good at telling-... that wasn't a joke, was it. Just remembered the club…"

"It was not, in fact, a joke." Genkan moves- and just lugs me over towards her! "Say hi, Brad."

"Ha- hi." I say hi to Tenshi. I dunno why, but I am!

"What…" Tenshi wasn't sure what her thinkin' was either! "Why're you introducing me. I've known him-... I know him!" Good…!

...Genkan pulls me close, an' I bump my head against her side as we move. And- y'know, it'd be easier to obsess over how good she looks an' how close I am-... if we weren't constantly tripping over ourselves, trying to walk down this steep ass mountain trail…!

Genkan don't have that problem, 'cause she floats. Tenshi can just flatten the rocks beneath herself, Iku floats, Maria-

"Ww- ah…" Maria feels my pain! She's got her arms wrapped around one of Ha-chan's, 'cause Ha-chan is also floating. Wait…

I grab onto Genkan's left arm! "Jesus- take the wheel!" Wh- hoo!

I slip offa' my feet- an' try to hold onto her arm, but quickly discover my arms aren't strong enough to hold up my entire body without a fight- and it's a fight I don't wanna fight…!

shoof. My ass meets the snow. "Oof…"

Genkan rubs her arm where I tried ta hang off 'er like a monkey…! "What're you doing." I dunno, yo!

...Tenshi turns to Iku-

zap. Iku makes a spark in the air between herself and Tenshi…! "No."

We round a side of the mountain, and- aw, the Moriya Shrine's right there!

Aw. I should be able to show Genkan more video games here. And, unlike at Kaguya's place, where Kaguya assfucked us- I'm really getting too much mileage out of the term 'assfuck'- we might get ta use Sanae's computer, too!

We come up towards the front door, and porch. Aw, man. What should I do when it opens, dude…

"The Moriya Shrine…" Genkan speaks softly. "Time to see what the gods are like."

"I- I hope they're nice." Maria looks kinda scared, for some reason…!

"I'm going to tell them my ass is empty." I confess.

"Do- don't you dare…!" Maria instantly reacts!

Genkan puts a hand on my shoulder, and tightens it! "Brad. I know you have a thing for completely disregarding authority, but please, for the love of these particular gods… we- we're talking actual gods here. Does your defiance know no bounds?"

"My ass knows-..." I- I haven't even come up with the second half of my sentence, and I'm already cracking up…! "Aa- alright, I got nothin'!"

...Maria gives me a look, like my ass needs to be kicked!

Knock knock. When we're in front of the door, I knock!

...After a tense moment for everyone but myself, and probably Tenshi an' Ha-chan, the door opens!

"Aah- hey…!" Sanae blinks at me! "Um-..." She's got a fluffy can of soda in her hand. "Wh- where'd you all come from?"

"I heard there was a LAN party." I give 'er a grin, and already strut inside. "I brought my best gamers, son." An' I gesture to-... everyone!

"She's Genkan." I gesture to Genkan. "Fastest Halo sniper you've ever seen. An' that's Maria."

I gesture to Maria next! "Don't laugh, but she speedruns Mario! And, uh…"

Last is Ha-chan. She looks increasingly snuggly as I stare at her. "Ha-chan-... might know how to watch puppet plays and Marvel movies."

...Sanae perked up, after a moment! "Aren't you that guy that fixed my computer-... five or so months ago?"

"More like three-ish!" I return! "And yeah!"

"...Huh." Sanae smiled, dude. "Usually, outsiders like you who stop up here like-... keep coming by until you cause a scene, or something. No- not saying you would have! But, like-"

"I would have started a scene." I nod! "I am going to start a scene!"

"...Oo- oh." Sanae blinked!

"An' it'll be the biggest scene you've ever seen- mmh!" Genkan- get yer smooth, nice icy hands offa my mouth…!

"...Forgive him." Genkan smiled down at her, from over my head! "He's… energetic."

...Sanae smiled, and did the super anime thing of scratching the back of her head, totally on purpose too she knows dude- "Eheheh. Um, it's alright. At least you guys aren't as weird as the last outsider who showed up."

Wait- I ain't the first in line? I mean, I guess I wouldn't be, but if he was weirder than me, I'm 'boutta shit myself…!

Slowly, she releases my mouth. "Yes, dude." Also slowly, I regain my momentum…!

But first, I'm curious. "Who the heck showed up last…?"

"Some girl with plant hangers and stop signs for weapons." Wh- aa- ooo. "...I had a real bad feeling about letting her beat me up- which is what she eventually tried to do- so I whacked her until she went away. She was kinda nice, but just-... really weird."

woosh. Suddenly, Kanako freakin' Yasaka hovered into the room, from one of the open doors.

An' she starts speakin' prophetic shit! "The way she spoke implied she'd been off to visit others, as well. Comparing Sanae's strength to Reimu's, and Youmu's, and so forth. Notably has a thing for incident resolvers. She seems to sample power from those she skirmishes. As such, I had to step in last time, and… keep it short."

...After their words, I pump a fist inta the air! "Only place we were already at was Eientei, and all we did was game Kaguya so hard she freakin' exploded." Let it not be said that we frostified her and then gibbed her…!

After scannin' our forms, Kanako gained a wry look. "...You wouldn't happen to be the ones who yelled 'ass fuck' from the mountain's top, would you?" Wuh oh!

Sanae snorted, all of a sudden! Aw…

"Wow, huh." I just nod along…! "What vandals, dude. Who'd'a done it." I turn to the friends, dude. "Do you guys know anything, yo."

"No." Tenshi blurts! ...Everyone else just stares.

"See." I smile at Kanako. "We're triple sniffable."

...Kanako looked like she didn't know what ta say, for a moment! "Ah. Huh."

Then, after another moment, she finally found something to latch onto. "Not that you should describe yourself as sniffable, without perhaps a bath, and some perfume." Uh oh.

"I'm a dirty boy." I confess. "Genkan, we must now look up porn on the computer."

Sanae speaks up, suddenly! "He- hey-... you're skipping a few steps, there. Who said you could use my computer…?"

Oh. I point at Ha-chan. "She heard it from a girl."

Ha-chan points at Maria! "She told me!"

Maria points at Tenshi! "Um-... ye- yeah."

Tenshi points at Iku! "You're a messenger. Yeah?"

...Iku just puts her arms on her own hips. "What's that got to do with anything. No-... myself, and the eldest daughter-... aren't necessarily in on this whole 'LAN party' thing." Oh yeah, that was my jest to get us in the door. I- I just remembered!

Ultimately, Sanae's question returned to being unanswered! "...Wait- what?"

"Do you have any requests of us?" Kanako raised a brow at my party, yo… "Or, are you looking to talk?"

"We're here fer the video games, son." I let my arms flop. "Also, Sanae, do you have the good bathtub? As opposed to the bad bathtub! I am only half-squeaky, and therefore only half-clean."

Maria interjects! "You would've been more clean if you actually scrubbed yourself… and let Hana do some of the scrubbing." I dunno- I think Ha-chan would've made it more difficult, even if I let 'er do it!

"...Wa- wait." Sanae blinked at me! "...I- I mean, I guess um, Lady Kanako did call you smelly, but-... don't you have your own bathroom?"

"Actually no." I am… the definition of a hobo! "We do not live anywhere!"

"...We technically have my abode." Genkan supplied! "It is a cave of frost, amidst the magic forest's dwellings. Since I need only bathe scarcely, I use ponds and waterfalls. Not something which works well for humans."

"...I don't, um, live anywhere." Maria returned as well! "Yeah."

At all a' this, Sanae lets her brows raise. "What the heck."

...She faces Kanako, somewhat mixed about this!

Kanako leans back, sitting in the air… "Yes, Sanae, they're telling the truth. I suppose it'd be no problem to let them relax here, for even a night, maybe."

Hmm. Not sure if we're gonna stay overnight. As much fun as it'd be to meet Sanae for real a bit more, I've got an itch to stop by the SDM again! We'll see, yo… we'll see how much time we spend with the technology an' shit!

But, let's not think too much on that, yo. Maybe we can get a real party started in the meantime!

"Hey, Sanae." I come closer to the good girl. Wait-... I was just thinkin' how pretty she was. What if we stole one of her outfits for Genkan to wear. I am a fuckin' mad genius, dude.

Holy shit, Genkan in that armpitless miko outfit is actually a dangerous idea. We need one of Sanae's frog hairpins, too. We need all of it! I'm takin' the wardrobe, son…!

"Wh- what." Sanae stares at me, while I give the air a lecherous, excited look! Holy shit, what was I gonna even ask her? Curse me for not narrating it sooner! "Are- you okay…?"

No. "Sorry, my brain stopped." I gotta reload my mental RAM and try to find what the fuck I wanted to say. "...I probably meant to say something about your video game collection! Uuh." Damn, yo…

"Thinking hurts." Ha-chan speaks up, from the peanut gallery! "Stop thinking, Brad-kun." Son.

As I move my head a little, my red-white bow sways a little. Y'know- on this train of thought, I should see about getting Genkan in Reimu's stuff. The chest area, though… hmm. Better for me, but I don't think Genkan'd see that the same way!

"Well." Sensing my immense mental struggle, Genkan comes up to my side…! "You had a… computer, yes? I've never accessed this 'internet' thing, so Brad here is probably fairly excited to show me that. You understand, right?"

"Aa- aah." Sanae is marginally more persuaded by her than me! "I guess that would be calling in the favor I owe him. He did fix it, and everything. "

"That, and there are some people here worth talking to." Kanako's gaze met Tenshi an' Iku. "I believe I've heard of you two, although I've never had the opportunity or necessity to speak with you."

...An' then, Kanako regards Sanae. "Why don't you accomodate the others? It can't hurt, surely. I don't see why you of all people are feeling hesitant about this." Sanae's hesitant, huh.

"We- well, it was just really sudden!" Sanae objects! "And it's a lotta people! I- I didn't even clean my room- or-"

"Do you think they care." Kanako returns…!

...Sanae looks over us. I shake my head! "My room, was probably worse!"

...Wait, I just realized. Upon lookin' down, I noticed Genkan an' Maria left their sandals and shoes at the door. When'd we do that. Was that a thing that just happens?

"I'll hold up the celestial and her oarfish, for you." Kanako waved us all off!

"Well… alright." We musta interrupted Sanae before she was gonna go flick it to porn. "But, don't freak out, when you see my room." We're gonna freak out, son.

...Genkan just looks kinda puzzled, and Maria is as neutrally fluffy as she usually is. Hoh, hoh.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

The inner halls of the Moriya Shrine are a bit more than the Hakurei Shrine, I can say fer certain! Provided, we got the actual gods here to do upkeep and building, instead of just Reimu, and maybe Suika.

shoof. Sanae slides open the wood door, an' pads inside in her socks! "Here we are!" Aw.

It's about as I remember it! Her bed space is to the left and kinda clean, but to the right is the computer, and the huge mess around it that it entails!

Except, on the counter next to the bed, there's some not-so-well-hidden balled up tissues behind a tissue box. Uh oh.

shi~f. Out of a box of cereal sitting on the floor next to the computer desk, a fluffle pokes its head out. What, aw…

"You have fluffles." There's a fluffle living in your old cereal, dude.

"Yeah." Sanae admits! "They're kinda cute! And they keep coming back."

Maria drifts towards the bed- metaphorically, while Genkan literally drifts towards the computer…

...Sanae begins to look around! "You're all- kinda quiet, aren't you…?"

"Yes." Genkan confirms! "...For myself, it's more out of comfort. But, I should stop things from getting awkward, I suppose."

"Nn- no!" Sanae gets awkward! "I mean-... alright. Do you three travel together a lot? When'd this happen."

"We do, now." Genkan confirmed again! "...We became boyfriend and girlfriend. Maria there lost her home, and just sort of ended up with us."

Ha-chan bounds in behind us! "That's me!"

"No, it's not." Genkan shook her head… "I don't even know where you came from. That maid outfit implies you're a mansion fairy, but you've followed us everywhere that is not the mansion. At this point, I've accepted you as a universal constant."

Sanae blinks, as if really surprised! "Bo- boyfriend, and girlfriend? ...Huh!"

...They look back at me, as I pick up the cereal box with the fluffle in it.

shi~f. The fluffle sticks its head back out, some Cap'n Crunch washing off of its forehead. It even looks around just a little…!

...Lookin' really snug, I bring it towards the girls! "It's chieftain fluff, dude."

"big tuft" The fluffle expresses!

"Fluffles are dirty, you know." Sanae leans back a little, as I bring the box closer… "And dusty."

fwash. When I bring the box close to Genkan's face, she just freezes the fluffle by looking at it. Uh oh.

"Still-..." Sanae is still surprised! "You know, not many outsiders, actually like-... um, adapt. Heck, a lot of people were surprised I adapted the way I did."

...Genkan blinks! "Ah-... you're an outsider yourself, aren't you?"

Sanae beams, all of a sudden! "Hehe, yep! Took you a moment to realize it, huh?"

"To remember it, rather. I've heard of you before." Genkan revealed casually. "You're eccentric too, as the rumors go."

"Yeah…" Sanae blinked! "Wait, what rumors?"

"The fluffle rumors." I look down at the frozen nugget person. "Goodbye, fluffle." I drop the box of cereal.

THUNK. The ice hits the floor hard!

"Careful, now." Genkan immediately reacts! "...If you dropped that on someone's feet, it'd hurt. A lot, probably."

"Next time we gotta fight someone, we're doing that." The toe crusher.

"Oops." Genkan realizes what she's done…!

Also, now that I think about it… "Yeah, my room is worse!" It's not half-organized, and her mess is comparatively less!

Actually, Kaguya had a comparable mess at her own desk… but her own room was still mostly ironically organized, with all trash being on tables and stuff. She probably had rabbit janitors too.

On the left end of the room, there's a big flat-screen TV with a buncha consoles hooked up to it. And just, a blue pillow on the floor before it.

"What should we start with, yo…" Console games, or internet?

Internet's a hard sell, 'cause while the internet has a lot to do, I spend most of that time with personal entertainment, myriad pet projects or things that specifically interest me, makin' it a hard sell for someone who doesn't know it.

Console games are pretty straightforward and party-oriented, however! An' if Sanae doesn't have like nineteen freakin' controllers, I'm gonna be weirded out!

"What do you mean…" Sanae wants to know, dude. "Do any of your friends know about technology?" No…! Actually, Genkan played with my 3DS a little, an' so did Maria I think. So, they have some basic experience…

"We should probably start with a console game." I decide, yo. "An' then we'll demonstrate the wonders of the internet afterward…!"

"Hey." Suddenly, Maria speaks up, all soft-like. "I found fluffles." What, no.

...We all face her, and she points.

"honh honh honh" Uh oh. They're under Sanae's bed, dude.

"Don't mind them!" Sanae suddenly distracts us all from the fluffle horde growing under her bed! "Mind-... ah, hold on." She went to go turn the TV on, dude.

Sun's brightly pouring in from the adjacent windows, dude. There's also a good wind blowing into the room.

"Hey." Genkan suddenly speaks up, after gazing into the sun with me. "Kochiya, was it?"

"Call me Sanae!" Sanae starts to get ahold of her social charisma, dude! She even does a V-thing with two fingers! "And what's up?"

"What was your life like, on the outside?" Ooh. Genkan asks the good question.

...Sanae blinks, then smiles. "Aah. Um, nothing much, really… I just lived and stuff, yeah!"

"But…" Maria speaks up next! "You're a shrine maiden, now. When'd that happen."

"When I came here!" Sanae beamed! "...I mean, I kinda was before- but I'm not gonna-"

Genkan's really intent on drilling into her backstory! "So you weren't one, on the outside?"

...Sanae sees the trend, too! "Freaking, not really. But- they do exist. It's just- my situation was unique."

"Unique?" Genkan asks. Taste my pain, Sanae! Taste it all…!

...Sanae's suddenly exasperated! "Where's this coming from?"

"You said it was nothing much-... but it was also unique?" Maria questions, next! She and Genkan know no limits, dude! I've created backstory gobbling monsters! "What was it like?"

...Sanae beams at them! "I~ don't wanna talk about it! What's this, an interrogation…!?"

"Yes." Genkan replies impulsively! "...I- I mean, no. I apologize if we're intruding. We may be too used to Brad here, and how he goes on about his outside life. Or, more appropriately, about how he doesn't miss it."

"I really don't!" Even what lead up to getting put into Gensokyo is kind of a blur! Meanwhile, I can remember these past few months pretty well.

"...Let's just say, I really don't miss mine, either." Sanae smiled, dude. "I don't care about the dangers, here. Gensokyo's just... better."

"Yeah, yo." I can agree! "Aw…" That makes me wonder!

I point at her! "You quiet as a mouse in school, too…!?"

...She blinked! "Were you?"

I clap my hands together! "Spent all day surfin' the internet!?"

"We- well, yeah." Sanae nodded… "That's not weird."

"...I didn't say it was, 'cause that's me!" And probably most people reading this right now! "Y'know, I probably should've come here sooner!" Sanae seems really freakin' cool, dude.

"I- I dunno about that." Sanae looks at us all awkwardly again! "You guys are really curious about stuff, huh…"

"Yes, dude." Anyway, that console…!

Maria comes closer to us, dude. "Sanae."

"I'm Sanae." Sanae smiles back at her! "You're really cute, actually."

...Maria blinks! "We- well, thanks. I just-... you seem kinda uncomfortable. You really don't have to be."

...Sanae grins, at that! "Who the heck are you people. This is so weird…! Did- did Lady Kanako send you, to test my character, or something?"

"Yes." I lie! "...Actually, no! These two're just really nosey!"

"No thanks to you." Genkan harasses me! "...Perhaps we should do something other than make Sanae here squirm."

Sanae quickly flicks on the Nintendo Switch before us. "We're gonna play games."

Aw, yes. The good topic an' scene switchin' apparatus… the Nintendo Switcharoo son-

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

You know, considering the year is still 2015, this whole Switch thing just shouldn't be possible! I dunno who to blame for this!

It's time to ask that. "Sanae, why do you have a Nintendo Switch when it's twenty-fifteen." I've also realized our dialect has evolved to us asking questions in a really blunt monotone sort of way, so as to not need question marks…!

Sanae smiles back at me. "Why do you know about it?" Ah, shit! "...Joking. And uh, I dunno what that is." Wait, uh oh. "This is an Eientei Glitch. Which, you know, feels a lot like a Nintendo console, so I wouldn't be surprised if they just stole stuff."

No shit, huh.

We're playing some kinda new Mario platformer right now. It's not one I've really heard of, but there's so freakin' many…! New Super New Mario New Bros, the one hundred and fifteenth installment of the freakin' odyssey of Mario.

"So-..." Maria is transfixed by the huge screen! "So bright. So many colors…"

"Genuinely." Genkan is also dazzled! "I can't imagine the effort that went into... each and every component, of this presentation."

"It- it's just Mario." Sanae grins! "Relax…!"

"Wh- what do you mean just." Maria returns! "It's so colorful!"

Wait. Isn't a Mario still runnin' around in Gensokyo, somewhere…!? Oh, shit!

"Actually…" Sanae speaks up again, dude. "Who are you guys, actually? I'm gonna assume I can't trust what Brad said to a T…"

"You probably shouldn't." Genkan admitted! "I'm a yuki-onna, were it not obvious. Genkan."

"I'm, um, Maria." Maria tells us her name, dude. "Yeah."

Crunch, crunch, crunch. Ha-chan's eating cereal, since we cannot trust her with a controller! "Mm- mh- aa' ih' 'Ana." Wat. No.

...We're all sittin' cross-legged in front of the TV, on a buncha pillows.

Sanae's between Maria an' me on my left, and Genkan's on my right! Freakin'... that perfume Sanae uses is just emanating from her, and being between the two like this is distracting at best…!

But, freakin'... Mario, yo.

"So…" Sanae speaks in the midst of the gameplay, dude. "Genka~n. What do ya like… see in this outsider, Brad?" She's returnin' fire, oh shit…!

...Genkan looks fluffy for a moment, before responding. "He's nice, and he's cute. He's promoted some change in my life, ones that… I think I needed. Speak not of my general stasis; intellectually, I just-... I cannot go back to simply condemning all of humanity, not after the compassion I've seen, or the differences I've witnessed."

Genkan looks at me, all of a sudden.

"And… I feel like I'm giving Brad some of the care he needs." Genkan decided. "I'd like to level with him on topics of his interest, more. Technology is new to me, as is modern entertainment. Although…"

She scoots closer to me, nearing my pillow! "Brad. When we make the rounds, back to my home, I'd like to show you some of my texts."

Wait. "...Ain't they in Japanese?" Oof.

She snorted. "...That is a little restricting. Then, I'll read them to you." Hoh, shit…!

"That could be fun!" I like the sounds of that, actually. Usually, cut and dry contemporary stuff needs me to be in a very particular mood to consume… but, with someone reading it to me, it comes off real differently. We'll see!

"The heck." Sanae looks displaced! "When'd this Brad guy become someone you can just talk to. When'd he become someone intellectual, to you…?"

Genkan snorted. "That's almost part of the puzzle. Provided, we've yet to really spend time together, only knowing one another for a few weeks, even if we've… spent much of said weeks together, without end."

"...Gensokyo's so weird!" Sanae decided! "When do I get my own quirky, personal boyfriend who just spends time with me…?" Wh- where'd that come from!

I snap my fingers at 'er! "That'd be way easier than you'd imagine!" Freakin'...!

"Brad." Genkan spoke plainly…! "You're the exception, not the norm." But- yo!

"Wait…" Sanae perks up! "Brad, do you still speak English? Ahem…"

"Well, yeah." I bring it up! "I'm speakin' it right now, but the translation barrier fixes things!"

An' then, Sanae shows off her English. "I-... can speak, English, too!" Wow! That's-... somehow like fifty percent more jank than how she talks normally. "We study, in high school! It is cool!"

"Aw, yes." I answer! "Freakin'... English is the good language, dude." For some reason, Genkan's givin' me a look!

"You can't read Japanese, but you can speak English?" She seems oddly surprised! "...It makes sense, but it's still… quite odd."

"Aw. Wait…" Hold on, somethin'... feels different, when speakin' to Genkan versus Sanae.

I turn ta Sanae. "What language am I speakin', son. Am I speakin' the ten-gallon one, or the risin' sun one?"

She snorts! "You are talking… English."

I turn ta Genkan! "What language am I speakin' now?"

"Japanese." Genkan looks surprised! "...This 'border of translation' is strange."

"Bad, Yukari." Sanae mocks Yukari in a foreign language! "Not good!"

"How much English do ya know, son." Aw, I wonder how my verbal ticks come through. "Genkan is incredibly sexy!" I give Genkan a thumbs-up!

"What was that?" Genkan only heard her name…!

"I know-... lotta vocabulary!" Sanae reveals! "Pron- pronounce-... to say words, hard!" Yeah, it is. You're not really hearing it through the text well, but she's got a lotta random Rs and Us everywhere! Like… rotta rocabruraruruey, son. The languages got really different linguistic skillsets!

Then, Sanae turns to Genkan! "...Brad said you were incredibly sexy!"

...Genkan blinked, a few times! "Not unexpected. Incredibly sexy, you say."

...While they stare at me, I look at Sanae! "Aw." Feels like it's still in English, as long as I talk to Sanae context-sensitive to her English speaking! "You should give Genkan your perfume, dude. Or- now that I think about it, any perfume!"

Not that she smells bad, but she doesn't really have much of a smell. Other than like, ice. And whenever Ha-chan sleeps with us, we all end up smelling like intense static, which feels ironically unhealthy even if it's totally fine!

...When Sanae turns to Genkan again, I keep speakin'! "Also- give Genkan a copy of yer outfit! It's blue, and she likes blue things, so it'd be cool!"

Sanae double-took back at me! "Hey, wait a minute, now. This outfit represents the shrine, y'know."

"Exactly, yo." If it wasn't obvious, we mostly forgot that we were playin' Mario…! "We'll be the forward scouts who bumrush the enemy's economic buildings!"

"What enemy…?" Sanae grinned back! "Wait… actually!" She blinked at me! "Do you guys run around the human village much?" Ooh?

...I look back at the screen, to see that Maria has helped by throwing us all off the nearest ledge systematically, out of boredom. Uh oh!

"Ki- kinda." However, Maria just now got invested, too! "We've been… taking some time away from it. Last time, we were kinda there to fix problems… until we weren't."

Yeah, we kinda lost direction! Which is like… the essence of me. Probably because we kept seeing horrifying and traumatizing things on a regular basis, and kept nearly dying. That got old pretty fast! Or, rather, we didn't want it to get old, 'cause that would mean our lives were in constant peril…!

...Sanae lowered her controller a little, lookin' over at us. "Now-... I'm not planning on taking this anywhere yet, and try not to tell so many people… but Lady Kanako here is thinking of leading some reformation projects on the village, and stuff. Not really of the social kind, of the uhm… she calls it the aesthetic kind, but it's more like structure and architecture. House stuff."

Aw. Is this so. "Are ya upgradin' them to rock huts. Or, even better… wind huts…!?"

Sanae snorted! "Wi- wind huts? And- no, we're gonna push the village to actually like… make the houses out of better wood, and to actually make them non-temporary fortifications.

"'Cause, you see-... this overall push actually trickled down from some people-pushing on Yukari's part, or so Lady Kanako says."

Genkan was intrigued, dude. "People-pushing? And-... this is by that gap youkai, then? She'd have to be so roundabout?"

Sanae snorted. "Well, no duh. That's how she always is. She'll give people money to give other people money, and beckon some people to do things that influence other people- that's the kinda thing she does all the time. I never really think a lot about it, 'cause she's never really… like, done anything bad, that I know of. But, she's really, really subtle about it."

"How so?" Genkan wants to know!

"...I'm reminded of what Lady Kanako said about her." Sanae gave us a nod. "'When she's doing her job right, you'll have no inkling that she was involved to begin with'. Which is to say… when she's getting her way, we'd never actually know she like-... catalyzed events. Which is then offset by when she is really obvious about things, either to mask it, or like-... to just throw off people's ideas."

...Every time I talked wit' her, she was generally imposing, but didn't really ever give an aura of complete authority. Mostly 'cause some of the times she felt a little annoyed, or perhaps needlessly flamboyant, which made me not just completely revere her as an omega-elegant entity.

"The point of this is to make the village better in an abstract way that they think they're doing themselves, basically." Sanae hypothesized! "Or so I think. So she's basically talked to us and given us stuff we want, so that we can do it. But…"

Now, she smiles at us. Uh oh, yo. "This is where you come in. If you guys are just somebodies who run around there… we- well, not to seem dishonest, but if you guys really did do some work for us, that'd be really cool. Not that this won't be a like-... Moriya thing, but…"

Genkan leaned back, on her pillow seat thing. "You don't want to do the dirty work yourself."

Sanae cringed, a bit! "Nn- not… exactly. I mean-... Lady Kanako doesn't necessarily want me running around, interacting a whole lot with the villagers. I'm sort of needed here at the shrine… and, even though villagers are kinda below me in power, my gods still don't wanna put me there for anything other than like… official business. Nn- not to say you guys are expendables-"

"We're expand- expendables." I almost called us expandables. Not sure if true! "Ya pretty much said it yerself!"

Sanae smiled pitifully! Or, is that pityingly. "Ehehe~h. Well-... you'd only be safer from our perspective-... 'cause you guys aren't like, integral parts of our shrine. You're literally just people we're asking to… help middleman some things, and to do some odd jobs."

"What would we be doing?" Genkan's quick to get at the details…!

"I dunno yet." Sanae admits! "I'll um, get back to you guys on that. But… if you agree to help me now, we can give you some things, to show our good will and stuff. Even if you back down later, we won't take it back… probably, unless you take something really important, somehow."

That's when a fluffle approaches, dude.

"hi im chuckles"

"the clown" This statement it made had to be split into two paragraphs! "i like sanae"

...We all watch its sniffableness approach. "Hi, friend." I wanna sniff it, dude.

"bring me" It looks up at me! "sanae"

Aw, yes dude. "Sanae, our payment is you! We're takin' you to the circus!" So we can play a shitty paintball game with Chuckles, here.

"Wh- what, no." She grins, an' shakes her head!

"sanae" The fluffle approaches Sanae!

...She pouts down at the fluff. "And what're you doing here?"

"sanae" You know, Sanae is a fluffy name. San, ae. Aa~e.

She picks it up, and gives it to Maria. "Here."

"Oo- ooo." Maria takes the fluff, and nuzzles it. "...Nn- tst." She sneezed! "Dusty…"

"Animal planet." Fluffles are the animal arcade, dude.

That reminds me! "...Sanae- do ya have Smash 4?"

"Ooo!" Sanae stands up! "Yeah!" Ho ho ho! Yeah- my copy lost a Mario a few days back…!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Tenshi barges in! "Ff- finally. That old hag talks your ear off."

Sanae shot her gaze back to the door! "...Wh- who. Aa- you're that celestial-"

"Name's Tenshi!" Tenshi Tenshi'd! "What're we doing-..." She saw the game of Smash that was goin' on! "Wo- what's that…!?" Uh oh.

When Tenshi got near, the fluff sitting near Maria got up, and leapt for her!

fwoof. It got on Tenshi's ankle. "Aa-..." She looked down, and saw it! "What the heck."

I have chosen to sit this round out, so that Ha-chan could get a turn! Mostly because I don't think Ha-chan's interest is gonna last long! I mean-... on the up side, she's learned how to use the control stick to move her character.

On the downside, she's still holding the controller upside down. So, she's also adjusted to the reversed control stick…!

"I keep telling you…" When Sanae looked back at her, Ha-chan had the gamecube controller upside-down again! "You hold it the other way around!"

"I don't like it like that." Ha-chan returned. "I like it like this."

"...I guess!" Sanae wasn't gonna argue with her!

"It's…" Tenshi blinked at the screen! "It's like a computer, except not boring!" Wait.

I give her a small look. "Hold the fuck up, son…!"

She points at me! "Fuck you." Wat, no!

I point back! "You~ just do not use a computer right! Didja find all the porn yet!?"

...Tenshi blinked! "Wh- porn? How. Whatever- fact is, it's used for math, and math is very easy and very boring!" Whaddaya mean very easy. Son…

...Sanae gives us a brief but dour look, before payin' attention to the screen again!

Now that I think about it, I need a drink, yo. We've been at this for awhile…! "I'm gonna go get drinks, yo. Who wants some?"

"Me- me, me." Multiple girls say 'me'!

"Some juice, if it's here…" Maria was allowed to speak amidst the resulting, clumsy silence.

"Kool-aid!" Wh-... Sanae. Sanae, my girl! If Genkan hadn't stolen my heart, and Patchy wasn't my unobtainable waifu in the sky, you'd be the runner-up!

Actually, now that I think about it, Genkan can help me make Kool-aid pops, dude. Would milk-pops be good? Hmm...

"...Water?" Genkan requests as a question, for some reason…!

"I'm gettin' everyone kool-aid!" Genkan- ya can just make water, basically!

...Wa- wait, 'cept for Ha-chan. Kool-aid makes fairies explode into elemental storms, and the last thing we need in the console and computer room is a plasma-lightning hellstorm!

Shoof. I slide open the door outta Sanae's room, and lumber on outside!

Huh. Suddenly, the air feels a lot crisper, when outta the range of our combined heat, and also Sanae's perfume.

White-ish sunlight pours in from myriad shrine windows, as uh… where's the kitchen, yo? Do they have a kitchen. I mean- they've gotta have a kitchen! How would ya have kool-aid otherwise!?

I walk inta the common room at the front of the shrine through the hallway. Basically-... there's a central hallway, an' then some offshootin' rooms to the left and right. Don't wanna take a guess, and walk in on Kanako pissin' and end up in some weird YouPorn video…!

But, that's all impossible, 'cause Kanako's still out here right now.

She's drinking some tea, at the kotatsu. A clearly inferior option to 'video games and kool-aid'.

"Hi." I greet the wind god. "Where is the kool-aid." I wanna get indoctrinated to the Moriya cult.

...Kanako smirks up at me! "You're that boy."

"I'm very much a 'that boy'!" I'm the thattest of boys, dude. "I'm so that, yo…!" I wave my left arm around disco-style!

"I'd written it off as coincidence, last time…" Kanako leaned back in her seat, under the kotatsu. "But, you're fostering some strange affinity with nature, aren't you?"

"I'm an illegal fairy harborer!" I admit…!

"...I suppose you do have the personality to match." Kanako sees it, yo. "Still, for an outsider to be seen by nature like such, is interesting."

S'a bit more like 'we put out a random sweepstakes job drawing and you happened to qualify by virtue of bothering to show up, because we hid the address inside of a really bad crossword puzzle'. It's more a stroke of luck, in the end…!

"You were looking for… the kitchen, was it?" Kanako got out from the kotatsu, and stood up! "Follow me." Honh.

As she moved past me, she slowed a little. "What's your opinion on Sanae? As a fellow outsider."

Da~h. "...Good." She's a good girl. "She's a fluffmeister." I could put fluffles in her hair, and she might not get mad, dude.

"Is that so." She kept movin' along, and I followed 'er. "I heard of your intention, to… help us out."

"Ye." We also still have the right to decline! Which is good, 'cause we dunno what they'd want yet.

"I find it interesting…" Kanako is very interested, all of a sudden! "That an outsider would become attached to a yuki-onna. You know her sisters must consume humans, yes? And, do you not fear that one day she may consume you?"

I snort. "Why would she wait, yo. An' if I die yo, I die." If, hypothetically, Genkan homicided me for no perceivable reason, I'd be fine with that 'cause it's not something you'd think would just happen to begin with…!

"But, what of the lives lost to her and her sisters?" Kanako's really stretchin' this! "Do they mean nothing to you?"

"Yeah, they don't!" Honestly! "I dunno them, or anything about 'em."

...Stopping before the rightmost door in the common room, Kanako grinned at me! "How… delightfully offkey. Few humans in Gensokyo proper have such an outset. Or rather… thinking like yours is probably quite indicative of your life outside, yes?"

"I'd say… kinda." You still got super blind righteous boys hangin' around everywhere at times, bu~t you're probably more apt ta see contrarians, too. Considerin' how many people make race a problem at all, there's still a big issue with lumpin' people into groups!

"Kind of?" Kanako- just open the door…! "How so?" Aaa~h!

"There's so many people and so much deviation outside, that you get people of all kindsa thinking." I argue. "Therefore, it's not so strange to like, see anyone of vaguely strange disposition. I'd say uh… I'd say the interestin' part's more from experiencing and interacting wit' a person, and not just like, knowing they exist."

Shoof. Kanako slid the kitchen door open. "...Harsh, but true."

Aw. Suwako's in here, dude. She's being a loaf.

"Brad, was it?" Kanako got my name right, dude. Brett rests, for now…! "I ought to keep you in mind." I dunno if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"Mmh…" Suwako is stirred. "Keepin' somethin' in mind… it'd be a firsht…"

...Kanako comes up ta Suwako, and whaps 'er with her own googly-eyed straw hat. "Awaken, you. We have guests, if you hadn't noticed." Why's a god sleep, now that I think about it…!?

The earth goddess has awoken! She looks up at me! "...Y'mean he's the guest?"

"Hi, I'm guest." I answer her question completely! I also wa~ve…

She smiles at me! "Hi, guest!" Yes, dude! An' then-

Clack! Suwako leaps real good from her seat, and lands before me! Holy shit she's fast, for an earth god…! "I remember you! You helped with that computer thing, and then we killed a bad outsider guy." Yeah, somethin' like that!

"Yes, dude. Right now, I'm trying to get some kool-aid, yo." And my path is being impeded by, in fact, multiple gods!

"I got an idea!" Suwako stands up, and is in my way when I move for their regular-ass fridge! "You've rounded Gensokyo at least once by now, yeah? Speakin', uuh, generally."

...I raise my brows! "I think so! Only places I haven't been to yet..." Let's see. "Tengu land, the needle castle I think, and uu~h, Haku-wahaha, that ghostie place, if it counts."

"Let's go play outside!" Suwako proposed! "I wanna see what you've learned! 'Cause it's been what, a couple months, right?"

Son, why. "I'm just gonna disclaimer right now- I didn't learn a whole lot!" I can swing a hanger and jump approximately one and a half more times, I don't really think that counts!

"Also- the kool-aid-" Suwako- son-

Suwako comes up and pulls my arm- hoh shit that's a grip son. "Come on!"

"Son- the kool-aid!" I try ta push her away- but you do not so simply push away the local earth goddess. "The kool-aid!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Now we're outside. In the snow. There's apparently a healthy back lawn to the shrine, even though it's on death mountain.

"Mmm…" Suwako takes in the cold air. I'm in the good camono, so hoh. "It's so nice out." It's also ass bright…!

"Ass light, ass bright, don't sear my ass tonight." I mutter something that I only vaguely think is a reference, as I keep one eye shut…! Wait- I was referencing Rudolph, I think. Wait-... something like that. Star light, star bright-... guide my sleigh tonight? Guide my way? Aaa~h! I want kool-aid, son!

"Wh- where'd that come from?" Suwako comments, before she can stop herself! "Anyway... let's play some games!"

Play some games, huh. "How about Smash Bros."

She pouted at me! "If I wanted to play Smash, I'd just ask Sanae! No, we're gonna play the old kids games. Like leapfrog, and hop-frog." That last one- I dunno!

"Fuckfrog." I say on impulse!

...Suwako blinks, before smiling! "Normally I only play that with Kanako…!" Wh- oh!

SHOOF. The back door to the shrine slammed open-

fwiwi- WHISH! A blade of wind roars across the ground, snow exploding into the air in its path, even rocks rended from the floor.

WHAM! It pierces Suwako in a near instant, and I feel literally nothing off of it. Holy shit…!

Suwako just leans back a little! "Ehehe!"

Snappin' back into standing, she beams at me! "Let's go!" Wait, where're we goin'...!?

SHOOF- SHOOF, SHOOF! Suwako leaps along at mega speed across the snow, towards a far end of the yard! Holy- shit…!

All this snow- feels alright, but it's in my way! Freakin'-

"Hohp!" I leap outta it- aw, wait…

Cru- crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch! By repeatedly using my second and third jumps, I kinda do a retarded-looking, but quick strut across the snow's top! "Hoo- hoo hoo…!"

Wait, I can glide with One Million Revenants. Lemme just…

Fwi- Click! Drawin' the big ass kinda-a-flail hanger wit' a flare of magic, I leap again, and-

Ooo. I do that weird glidey motion-... and, let's jump again!

Fwish! Ooh- my wings activate instantly- oh my god I'm spinnin'...! Holy shit!

All the blinding whites of the ground below me spin around outta control for a moment, while I curl up and just whirl around-

An' then it's back to gliding, and I'm like a meter higher than I was before. My wings seemed yellow, like that. "Wh-..." And now I'm super dizzy. Like, holy shit…

I glide into the snow next to Suwako, gently and quietly. "Oof…"

"The- the heck." Suwako was just as confused about that spin as I was!

What else do I got, that modifies jumps? Uuh…

Wait. I kinda remember, actually! I put it on, uh…

Fwi- Click! I change One Million Revenants out fer Lion's Lindwurm! This has that Vortex Hanger in it, so it should boost me way up!

So… I leap-

"Hu~!" Second jump! Wow, just having this out and kinda swinging it makes me jump higher!

Whish! "Nnh!" Just by swingin' it back up and jumpin' again, I suddenly go up like a meter!

Fwish! My wings activate, and- holy shit…!

"...Suwako, help!" I'm like six meters in the air. This is not gonna make for a good landing! Wait…

fwi- fwish, fwish. I keep swingin' the hanger, and my fall slows to safe velocity. "Ho- hoh…"

Crunch. I land in the snow, an' safely too. "Ho~h…"

Crunch! Suwako leaps, and flaps her arms to keep air! "Yeah!" Ho- holy shit, that's some arm flapping…!

Shoof. Upon landing, she gave me a thumbs-up!

KRR- KROOM, KROOM. Wh- what the fuck's that sound.

I look behind myself, where it's comin' from- to see a giant… stone bowl has formed, snow sliding outta the way as the rocks raise from the soil beneath to form it.

Fwi~sh. Water from a nearby pond pours into it, and some kinda powder ends up floating into it from somewhere I can't see…!

"Look out!" Suwako exclaims, flapping her arms again! "It's the kool-aid monster!" Wait, what…!? Oh, no!

shif. A spooky rock monster face forms on the front of the bowl, an' it starts floating towards us!

...Once it gets too close, it bumps itself into me! "Oof."

"Fight it!" Suwako demands! "It's gonna eat you!"

Fwi- Click! I draw Fallen Comrade, and- wow, this thing is so abstract, altogether! I haven't swung this around in a couple days, and I already forgot how it's basically a club with a spike on the end of it!

thunk. I boop the giant stone bowl in one of its teeth.

"Pulse!" Let's use the dark magic! Channelin' my energy into the hanger, I poke it forward!

Fwoam. An orb of blackish energy expands, eclipsing like one-eighth of the bowl.

...And, that's it! Alright son, let's follow up on it.

clunk. I poke it, really hard. "Nnh." Nothing really happens! This bowl is like- three times my size…!

"Wow." Suwako blinks at me! "You talk a lotta game, for someone with such a messy moveset!"

"Wat-... wat do ya want me to do." I gesture to the giant mean bowl! "It's big! An' I can't just combo master it with my magic, reality-defying weapons!" I only have one weapon that phases through, and that's just the tip! Wait- that's lewd.

Suwako exhaled. "Alright. C'mere, I'm gonna feel your ass." Wait- hold on, now…!

I turn towards her-

Aa- she really did grab my ass! "Your butt is tiny!" No shit!

And then, I kinda like-... feel somethin', from her, for a moment.

I hear Suwako's voice from both ears, really low, all of a sudden. "Lemme help ya out, a little."

It feels like her breath runs down my whole body, and like-... ho- holy shit-

KR- KROO~M! CR- CRUNCH- SHOOF. My body sinks into the earth slightly, the ground and snow giving away to my weight almost explosively.

"Let's see what you can do, if you weren't limited by your body." Suwako asks of me…! "Go crazy, guy!"

...Ho- hoh, shit. My body feels-... pretty normal, actually. But, it does feel a little stronger already, I think-

KRACK. I step forward, and the ground kinda shudders from my step, soil sinking out of the way. Holy shit, what's this power…!?

I swing Fallen Comrade inward, wit' my left arm-

WHA- CRACRACK! My strike sheds off a whole half of the huge bowl, sending it spinning away. The red liquid inside pours out, and- I don't wanna get soaked by whatever it is…!

To avoid the red stuff, I jump back-

KROO- KRA- KRACK! The ground caves in a little, as I jump. And, aah, what the fuck…! How much air did I get. Uh oh.

My backward leap cleared some trees, and- wow, that's a lot of mountain-

CRA- CRACKABOOM! Snow, rocks and shit all explode outta my way when I land…! Jesus!

I look up from the freakin'... ravine that I planted myself in just by jumping back. Wait-

CREA~K. A tree begins to bend over from my landing; a small one, but it's falling for me…!

CRA- CRUNCH. It lands on my side as I try ta move, an' just shatters. I raise my arm to stop it, an' it does. What the fuck.

"Ho- hoh." I didn't even feel it brush by my hand's skin, what the fuck.

Now, I'm on some lower ridge from where the shrine actually is, 'cause my jump took me so far. Somewhere further down the mountain…

"You've got the strength to swing stuff around all day!" Suwako exclaimed-... from the void, or something! "Let's see some stuff!"

Aw, yes dude. Wait…

Bringing up Fallen Comrade, I channel my magic inta it, and-

fwish! Ooh! When I buff myself with its strength buff thing, red light runs up my body for a moment! That's new…!

...Well. I guess it's time ta rove around the mountainside like a lunatic. Jesus- I feel so… light.

WOOSH! I swing Fallen Comrade wide, and holy shit- I could see the wind off my swing! "Ho- holy crap…"

CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH. I tread down the mountainside a little, my steps crushing rocks and roots outta the way of my feet.

"Alright, son…!" I reel Fallen Comrade back! "Let's see this shit…!"

BAM! I drop onto one knee, and reel it back like a bat- and then-

KRA- KRAKABOOM! I club the side of a tree super hard!

BAM- BOOMBOOMBOOM! The tree immediately tips right into the dirt right ahead of me, and the sheer volume of that shit makes me jump ten feet in the air! Or- like, one or two meters.

"Woah!" Suwako jumped too, apparently! "Don't go clubbing down too many trees, now! They're a little more complicated than rocks!"

"Son…!" You gave me the power to level a house in one swing- and yer tellin' me not ta play baseball with trees…!?

"What…" Oo- oh, is that Genkan? Wait-... no. No, it ain't!

Comin' out from nowhere near me, some random yuki-onna shows up! "What is that awful noise?" She sights me! "...Human."

"Hi." I'm human. "...It's so much easier to even talk now!" It's hard to resist being loud and jovial! An' I thought I was loud and jovial before…!

This yuki-onna too has long, black hair, although she's a bit shorter than Genkan. "You will cease your destruction of this forest, vermin."

...I blink at 'er! "What if I don't, yo."

She snorted. "That was neither request or demand. That was fact."

Fwi- fwi~sh! She summons a big icy polearm! "If you will not go quietly, you'll go in a pool of blood." Jesus!

"Yo- why so hostile…?" I grin big at her! "I didn't mean ta wake you up, or anything! At least offer ta peacefully devour my soul and snuff out my heat stuff..."

She snorted. "You humans are all the same."

...Wait. "What human clubs down trees." I've also got a plant hanger weld combo piece of shit thing, by the way!

She really doesn't wanna talk about it, though. "That's enough. I'll kill you, and go back to playing in the snow."

"I want peace, dude!" I hold out my hand-

Fwash. Oh, she tried freezin' me. Didn't quite work 'cause of my camouno- she trapped me in the ice, but didn't yaknow, freeze me.

CRA- CRACK! She thrusts her polearm into the ice, shattering it instantly. "Die."

"Yo ho ho~!" I march outta the ice, beamin' big! "I'm cap'n Crunch, son!"

"Wh-...!" Suddenly, she's really spooked! "What!?"

WOOSH. I swing my hanger intentionally way short of her, and she feels the wind off of my swing! "Aa-..."

KRI~NG! Oo- oh, shit. She summoned that glacier blade thing- the kind Genkan summons- under me, an' it tips me over a little! "Hoh…!"

"Wait-..." Suddenly, the yuki-onna stops! "You-... you have the scent of one of my sisters, on you." Aw, shit!

"They have a scent?" Honestly, Genkan just smells like ice! And, something slightly pleasant…

Fwi- shi- shing. She suddenly has two of those spooky frost claw gauntlet things on, held in the air before my cheeks, ready ta skewer them! "What did you do to her. I will send you to hell."

...I make a small smile. "She set my soul on fire, dude."

Cra- crack. She thrusts her claws into my cheeks, but they just broke when they tried to press against my flesh. "...Wa- uh…" She blinks! "What-"

I reach forward and grab her hand. "I'm tubby."

Fwish- fwam- fwash- kring- fwash! A mess of ice spikes, magic, and blossoming snow meets me, and I just kinda heal a little, and the spikes don't hurt me!

"Nn- no!" She's suddenly just horrified. "Le- let me go! Let me go! Help! He~lp!" Dude- holy shit, she's freaking out so hard!

So, I let go!

fwish. She darts across the clearing from me, and floats into the air.

FWI- FWI- FWI- FWISH! An armory of frosty polearms bloom in the air around her. "You." Her eyes glow with cyan light! "You should have taken me, when you had me. Now, you die." Man, this was quick turnabout…!

"Hey, fuckhead."

Suddenly, there's a guy to the right of us. There's no guys in Touhou though, son.

He's-... hmm. I don't think he's a tengu? He's more like a grey wolf-lookin' dude. His hair's long and messy, and his teeth are-... aw. What quite big teeth he has, dude. He doesn't have any weapons, like I think a tengu would. He's also just in some crappy, faded-lookin' clothes.

"You givin' this lady trouble?" He smirked at us.

"No-..." The yuki-onna doesn't like it, though! "Go away. We don't need you, canine. Leave me alone…"

"Hey! Ice lady!" An' then there's another person!

fl- flick. A short li'l kappa shows up! She's got fluffy red hair, and a big red backpack!

Chi- chik. She's got a shotgun, which she pumps…!

"Oh…" The yuki-onna likes her, dude. "It's you. Hisano."

"Heya, what's-yer-face!" Hisano waves her shotgun around…! "Hands up, an' step away from the ice lady, everybody!"

I put my hands up! I, uh, don't step back, 'cause I'm already pretty far back.

"Hey, easy." The grey wolf boy strolls closer. "I'm just bein' a good samaritan, here."

"Yuh huh." Hisano snorted, pointing her boxy little shotgun at him. "No one believes ya fuckin' wolf types."

"...Nah, look-..." Awkwardly, he felt at his own hair. "Look- there's a difference 'tween me and the fuckin' cocksucker-types. I'm as jumpy 'bout em as you are-... but it takes a wolf ta know a wolf, and those ain't wolves. I'd know. I-... I'm a wolf."

Still distrustin', and all up in the air, the yuki-onna hovered into the clearing's midst. "Not a word from you, beast. Nor you, child of man."

"I am a manchild." I grin back at 'er…! Alright son, let's move closer.

Cra- crack, crack! The yuki-onna thrusts some of the ice polearms at me, but they just break once they hit.

"Yo- easy…!" Freakin'- why're we all so violent today, yo!?

Bam! Suddenly, the wolf guy is behind me, and he rams his arms into my back, with no effect! "Get-... ah?" He noticed my unyielding god strength! "The hell-"

WOOSH! Pivotin' around to face him, I swing Fallen Comrade wide-

WHISH! He leapt over it, and came down from above.

WHAM! His sandal met my head- but nothin' happened! How much power is this?

Fwi- fwish! Frost runs up my legs- but I could just step outta it if I needed ta-

Fwi- fwi- fwish! Suddenly, some kinda yellow shield orb lights up around the wolf guy, the yuki-onna, and Hisano.

"Alright!" Hisano ran up between the yuki-onna and the wolf guy, a remote in her hands! "I see our problem! We gotta blow away that human, first!"

"This filth…" The yuki-onna's limbs lit up with frost. "I'll kill him- and kill him, and kill him!"

The wolf guy ran back at me! "I'll rip yer goddamn entrails out- you human shit!"

"Hey- leave me a few pieces of him! Bones are useful, an' you don't come across human bone that often!"

Even though I can't get hurt like this-... this is some serious animosity!

"Don't you feel it?" Suwako's voice in my head's all cheeky. "Isn't somethin' different, about this?"

"Uuh…" I speak to myself like an insane man, "s'it 'cause I got engaged by a JRPG party all of a sudden?"

KABLAM! The kappa Hisano shot her shotgun from afar, and very few of the bullets came fer me-

BAM! The wolf guy punched me in the chest-

KRI~NG! A glacier blade erected under my ass. You could say-... I got ass fu-

"Yer gettin' closer!" Suwako spoke up! "But-... it's how power changed this situation."

"Huma~n!" The yuki-onna roared, in the air over the clearing.

The kappa pulled a launcher thing from her backpack, and three rockets poked from the barrel. "Alright- if we're goin' all in, the blame won't be on me if he dies! Settin' to lethal!"

The wolfy boy tries to grab my head, but it doesn't budge no matter how hard he pulls. "You- shithead… standing there- like we don't mean anything, to you!"

"I couldn't help but notice…" Suwako's workin' some strange juju here dude. "You became real good friends, with that magician human, an' that other snow woman, didn't ya?"

What direction we takin' this in, yo. This feels like it's becoming a lecture!

"S'this gonna be a lecture on how people can view power differently?" I speak to the air. Y'know, the air needs speakin' to, sometimes!

"Kinda!" Suwako admits! "But, if ya already get that, then I don't gotta lead things in!"

Fwi~sh. Coated in gold, shielding energy, the wolf man suddenly gets huge ice fists, provided by the yuki-onna behind him. "Hell, yea~h!"

WHA- CRACK, WHACRACK- WHACRACRACK! He sprang up ta me in an instant, smashing the ice fists against my head, as I just kinda stand there, blinking from all the wind and visual clutter…

Suwako speaks ta me over the noise! "But also, ta demonstrate how circumstance can shake things up, so much. If ya didn't have power, ya probably woulda just been skewered by that yuki-onna 'fore anything could get outta hand."

Yeah, as far as my random encounters usually go, this has been extraordinarily shitty!

"Since I can tell yer tryin'a get more power… I thought it'd be a little fun to look at the pros and cons! An' also… show ya a little bit about how to wield it."

Kri- kri- kri~ng! The ground under me almost boils with ice spikes, trying to pierce my shoes-

WHABOOM! The wolfman uppercuts my chin. "Move, assho~le!"

shoo- shoof, shoof! The kappa Hisano fired three rockets at me, in a salvo. "Yo- get outta the wa~y!"

BOOM- BAM- KABOOM! They explode into flourishes of amber and smoke when they hit me, blinding me.

"You don't wanna swing much at them, 'cause you don't really wanna hurt them, huh?" Suwako immediately reveals why I'm not attackin' so much…! "Ya can't control all this power I just gave ya, after all."

"Which, kinda surprises me!" Suwako admitted! "I thought ya'd be at least a little upset or somethin'. These three got no problems icin' a human! Like he was a cake!"

"Son- I'm the only one allowed to make ice puns." I say, as the smoke around me fades…!

"What…" The wolf guy staggered back, brows twitching. "What the hell is this guy?"

"What!?" Hisano's jaw went slack at the fact I was pretty much unscathed! "Those-... how?"

"There is something terrifying, about this human." The yuki-onna glowered down, at me. "He shows no fear. He bears no injury…"

"I'm not here ta give ya a judgement on whether ta defend or attack." Suwako provided! "I wanted ta see how ya'd react to power. So far, you've been surprisingly chill 'bout it!"

"What'd I say about the ice puns, son…!" I look to the side, to make sure to the peanuts that I'm not talkin' ta them!

"The guy's insane, too." Hisano kinda stepped back, towards a tree. "Maybe… we should just- forgedda 'bout 'em."

"You fuckin' cowardly kappa." The grey-haired wolf sneered at me. "Of course you'd run, when the going gets rough. He's just a fuckin' human. He's probably found some shitty bullshit to try and get around us. We just have to be smarter." I- I feel like 'shitty bullshit' is a bit redundant…!

"Now…" Suwako spoke up again! "I bet yer thinkin' that ya can just scare them away now." Suwako- do ya have like, mental-kinesis or some shit. "An' you could! But, just doin' that alone's not the point here."

When I wait, lookin' over the skeptical lookin' youkai, I hear Suwako give me advice.

"I wanna show ya what the essence of power feels like." The what, yo. "Somethin' beyond just being powerful. The grace, an' the divine power of being absolutely convicted in yer attacks. It's somethin' I feel from ya, when ya use weapons. An' ya really enjoy yer weapons, don'cha?"

Well, ye, I do-

"And… I wanna teach ya somethin' about anger. 'Cause conviction in combat, comes from anger."

"Anger…?" I say aloud.

"The will ta pick up yer weapon and fight; not just ta survive, not fer shits an' giggles, but for a reason. I thought ya'd latch onto somethin' humans usually latch onta, but yer not that shallow, it looks like!"

Wh- ah. I start walkin' forward involuntarily…!

"Although, I'm not a good person ta teach anger. I'm not human, after all. I hardly even get mad! Kanako would be a lot better-... at exemplifying it, but y'know, even what she does is just kind of a facade, compared to somethin' to really be angry about."

"So…" Suwako took a breath in my head which is- how and why. "Lemme tell you a story." Uh oh. Storyception, son.

The yuki-onna, wolf boy and Hisano-kappa-o come up before us- er, me. "C'mon you two- surround him!"

"On it." The yuki-onna went left.

The wolf guy went right! "So-... the fuck do we-"

My voice comes out, but I ain't speakin'. "Once, long ago, there was a girl." Suwako's voice mixes with mine! "She was an innocent li'l school girl. Or-... I suppose she wasn't a school girl yet!"

While the three youkai circle around me, Suwako continues. "Nn~h. But, this child had a god's power. Or rather… she had a holy curse. The curse a' miracles. The curse a' bein' able ta see gods among mortals, in an era where gods were dead."

KRI- KRI~NG! Two glacier blades erupt under us, but mean nothing to my body as Suwako drives it forward, marching head as the three dance around us.

BAM! A fist meets the back of our head, the flutterin' of my hair the only thing that lets me know it happened.

"An' this curse haunted her life." Suwako grinned through me…! "I mean haunted it, yo!" Suwako- stop usin' my own inflections, it's weird! "And lemme tell you, vocal as she tried to be… let's just say, she was born in reality."

We look to the left, where the kappa had her shotgun aimed at us. "Aa- distract 'em!" The kappa barked-

KRR- KROOM. A huge blade of earth, bigger than the trees, cataclysmically erupted between us and the kappa. Guess we're not gettin' shot by the danmaku pellets today…!

"An' as we gods tried to comfort her…" Suwako stood in the midst of the icy storm we were slowly gettin' enveloped by! "Mortal society only pushed down on 'er harder. And lemme tell ya, people call modern necessities an' science all that an' a bag a' shit…"

Swi- swish! The wolf guy tried to claw along our body, but- yeah, I think ya can guess how much nothing happened.

Also- Suwako's probably talking about Sanae. I'm gonna take a wild guess an' say the story's about Sanae!

"But, I'll forever despise this era in human history." Uh oh. "The sheer, brutal unkindness shown to that young girl…" Wh- oh, woah shit!

My body kinda tenses along with Suwako's mood! I- am actually being forced to feel how she feels…!

"I'll never forget what I had ta just sit there and watch." Suwako calmed a little, and boy do I feel it…! "The sheer, simple, stupidly shallow exchanges. So much waste."

"What-..." The yuki-onna comes up to us, dual polearms wielded! "What do you speak of? And who are you to claim the mortality of others? Disgraced mortal."

Wham- bam! Behind us, the wolf guy punches my body twice! "I oughta twist off yer fuckin' head-... ngh." Then, he actually slowed down! "Fuck you, human."

"I'm tryin'a read their magical signatures!" Hisano yells! "It's unlike anything I've ever seen…!" She's probably never measured a god directly before.

"You all hate humans." Suwako closed my eyes. Help. "But, compared to mine, your hate is shallow. This shallow, half-assed hate…"

"'Cause of this, I had ta watch her get hurt." Suwako clenched my fists on my big hanger. "Her parents had forsaken her. Damn that great- something- granddaughter, of mine. The girl cried, prayed in vain, and even her routes of mental escape, eventually, were blocked off. Circumstance wouldn't permit her even a breath, for so long. For her circumstance, her peers would pummel her. She was the butt, of trickled-down misery."

...Ah. Oh.

The youkai around us kinda stepped back, as my voice- an' Suwako's- grew louder.

"But…" Suwako beamed, crying through me. "She found a light, in a single human. Ya reminded me of him. And, after all… me an' Kanako, the frog and the snake; we are a symbol of immortality. Sanae was so far from life, yet could not die."

This ain't really a lesson on anger. This feels more like a lesson in sad.

"So…" Suwako beamed-

ri- rip. My mouth ripped, her beam too much for my face. Holy shit. "Kill me? I'd like ta see you try."

Three iron rings rose from the ground around us, soundless, shining an impossible, hard-to-look-at silver.

whi- whi- whish! They spun outward, through the shields around the three youkai.

The wolfman lost his left arm, blood not coming from the wound at first. "Aa-"

"Ghk-" The yuki-onna also lost an arm, a huge gash now visible through her kimono, too.

"Aa- aha-..." The kappa only lost half of her backpack, and the stuff inside spilled out through the huge bisection. "Oh gods-"

Fwish! Amber energy lit up along my body, as the wolfman ran for us still, eyes now glowing solid silver back.

Suwako held my left arm out.

A plume of snakes, albino white, erupted from the earth before us, but without sound. The geyser caught him by the collar.

fwoom. The amber around my body pulsed like an explodin' transformer.

BOOM! Everything around us was drawn inward towards me, trees turning to dust, grass evaporating, and soil uprooting.

"From the shadow, comes light." My body shakes as Suwako speaks…! Jesus- holy shit!

KROOM- KROOM- KROOM- KROOM-! Around us, a gallery of great, stone and iron blades erupted from the earth, locking the three in around us.

"You nearly took us, when you pushed her down. We failed to die."

And-...

I can't even comprehend what's going on. Like- what the fuck.

Around us, there's just-... rings. Rings of metal, I dunno what kind- they're everywhere I can see, amidst a sea of amber light, the sheer visual pressure making me feel like I'm shakin'- even though I can't feel my body.

There's just a roar, that sounds like what you'd hear if you sat at the bed of the sea, and tried to interpret all the water pressure as sound. It's almost funny- it's just-... holy shit.

This is an angry Suwako…! This is pro'lly also a sad Suwako.

It's like we're standing under a rocket as it takes off. Rapid, constant flashing, brighter than the sun, as the soil around us evaporates-

"You know…" Then, Kanako's heard! "Destroying the evidence after this will be annoying. It'd be rather unbecoming, for a god to pick on mortals in such a way."

I'm havin' some kinda weird ass out of body experience- but when I look at myself, I just see Suwako, her whole form amber, eyes pinpricks of sun-like light. It makes me feel like my heart- my ribcage is just shakin' way outta control- this is more like an adrenaline rush than it is transfering emotion to me, at this point…!

An' then there's just Kanako, floatin' down to whap us, or something. "Suwako. Look."

Kanako held up a fluffle. How the fluffle survived- I got no idea. How Kanako survived, I got no clue.

Letting the fluffle sit in her palm, Kanako pursed her lips, and brought her face close to it. It turned to her!

She booped her own nose against its shell nose, and it tipped over, flopping onto its loafy back in her palm.

"waaaaal" It let out a gentle wal-like noise, upsetted.

"Achoo." Kanako sneezed!

The jet engine noises stopped. My body was hyperventilating.

My jaw jittered. Suwako contorted it into a smile. "He-... hehehe…"

Around us, the soil was all distilled into fine grains of powder. No foliage, nor solid rock remained.

And by some miracle, all three chucklefucks were still here. They shivered, seated on their asses amidst the powdered soil, eyes wide. They were nearly naked, and missing a few parts all-around, but…

"Pl- please…" The yuki-onna shivered. "P- pl- please… please… pl- please..."

"Tsk." Kanako gave us her typical semi-annoyed expression! "You just had to show this human an ugly side of yourself, didn't you? I don't get you, sometimes."

My whole body shivers violently. My jaw feels unhinged…!

"So-... sorry." Suwako apologized! "Just-... y'know. Thi- this was supposed ta be fun, an' everything…"

Suwako had my body look down. I could feel her despair setting in- and she was afraid of something- and I dunno what- but- holy shit that's a lotta fear oh god-

"I-..." I speak up! "I- hah' fhu'." Yeah, she broke my jaw at some point, I think. And my lips…!

Cli- click. I feel my jaw click back into my face, and numbly, my skin reforms. "Wh- what was that?"

"I had fun." I admit. That was cool! Albeit, uniquely terrifying, and I am still mentally windswept, and probably mildly shell-shocked or something, but…! "That-... was really cool, yo!"

...Kanako blinked, opening her mouth a little!

...Suwako laughed! "He- hehehe-... hehaha!" It's hard not to laugh too; 'cause she's still using my body to do things- so I literally cannot not laugh…!

"Aa~h…" Suwako exhaled, an' it felt good, dude. "So, yeah! Whoops. I guess I just wanted an excuse ta blow some stea~m. An'... I thought I wanted ya around to see it, fer some reason. Gods work in strange ways!"

"You can't say that as a god." Kanako criticized her!

She did say I reminded her of someone. Maybe that's it. Not sure if I wanna dig!

"Still, hope ya learned something about anger an' pain along the way!" Suwako grinned stupidly at the air! "...I feel like one 'a those really crappy math tutors, who just do all the work in front a' you and expect you ta follow along."

"That is essentially what you did, yes." Kanako criticized again! "It's a miracle that you haven't entirely horrified this man."

...Suwako had a shit-eating grin! "You just said the M wo~rd." Oh my god. Suwako is a person of my culture, dude.

...Kanako gazed into the air! "God, damn it." Wahaha~!

"Oh, yeah." Suwako looked down at my clothes, which still existed somehow! "Whoops."

And then, I stumbled around, in control of myself again. "Ho- holy shit…"

Suwako flapped her arms, and landed before me! "Nnh! Alrightie!" She also pivoted around to face me! "So- that's kinda what the inside of an earthquake looks like!"

My body really is shaking really hard. Jesus, fuck. I'm still holding Fallen Comrade!

"Good…!" All my Brad particles are still in one place, dude. "Freakin'...!"

SHOOF. Around us, the cataclysmic earth blades descend into the ground once more. Trees and grass immediately begin growing, and-

Kri- kra- krack. The youkai around us begin to rapidly regrow their limbs. "Aa- nngh-" It- doesn't sound like a happy process, though.

Yeah- I kinda overlooked how Suwako nearly homicided three random bystanders! Provided, they were kinda super asking for it. I mean, if I were them, I'd've run when I started doing the double voice thing! That's usually never a good sign! Or, if I didn't react after the like, tenth blow.

"I'll give ya a souvenir later." Suwako hits all the right notes, dude! "For now, we oughta get that kool-aid and join the others! Awh…" She stepped up to me! "What's yer Smash 4 main, boy." Suwako is best god.

Also- that is a hard question…!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MARIA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Man. This Smash game thing is hard. Sanae keeps making us fight an army of these "level nine" things.

"C'mon, guys!" Sanae bounced in her seat…! So much energy! "They're not that tough! There's more of us!"

Iku held the controller thing like it was a foreign object. "...I'm still-... not used to this thing."

"You have to move your fingers so precisely." Tenshi grimaced down at her own controller. "How the hell do mortals get so used to this…"

"Those computer players act so perfectly." Genkan was at as much of a loss, as I was. "What is anyone supposed to do, against them?"

...Hopping into Brad's empty seat, Sanae gets closer to Genkan. "Oh, yeah. That reminds me… you and that Brad guy are together, right?"

At this point, only Hana's still in play. She's… barely enduring the stock battle against the computers. She's just jumping around under the stage with that Kirby character, and the computers are kind of having a hard time getting to her, somehow…

"Yes?" Genkan faced Sanae, brows raised casually.

"Ha- have you two, had sex, yet?" Sanae just had to go and do it.

...Genkan almost slowly double-takes at her, and looks a little lost. "Wh-... why would you just ask me that?"

"I'm just wondering."

"Why would you just wonder that." Genkan was even more lost. "Are you- some kind of pervert…?"

"Sure." Sanae pouted at her. "Hey, this is just what girls do. Don't you and your-... other snow sisters do something like this?"

...Genkan made a simple face. "To be honest, no. We discuss humanity, the condition of our sisterhood, and the beauty of nature."

"So, nothing." Sanae beamed.

"Basically." Genkan admitted it… "Both more and less than you'd think."

...Shifting onto her butt- since she was sitting on her legs, Sanae looked more casual. "Well, this is the same, really. It's kinda how it went on the outside, anyway. Or so I think..."

...Having had enough of arguing the meta about the question, Genkan actually answered it. "No. We've not-... had sex. Or, anything of the sort."

"Why not?" Sanae's definitely getting revenge for earlier.

"Why ask." Genkan leans towards her, intensifying… "Who are you."

Sanae grinned back harder. "A perverted maiden girl. Now tell me."

...Genkan slouched, which was rare. "You-... well-... we- we just haven't. Now that I think about it…" Ah, there's Genkan's stoic logic stuff. "I'd-... I'd like it to be romantic. You know. And, perhaps after we've had some good conversations."

"They do cuddle a lot." I'm not sure if I'm helping! "...Th- they don't make out or anything, but…"

"You should make out!" Sanae has no shame, huh. "You guys are really cool together! Pu- pun unintended, actually…"

Genkan leans back, a little. "We- we've hardly so much as talked in front of you. You've already come to a conclusion, so drastic?"

"Dr- drastic, you say?" Sanae smiles at her word choice. "I dunno, you guys had a shtick together right at the door, and you weren't afraid to manhandle him. Y'know- I also kinda pegged ya to be the tsundere type, so if you're not instantly freaking out at the idea of sex… the plot must be really far along!"

"...Tsundere?" Genkan wonders. I dunno what it means exactly, either. Well, 'bittersweet', so… hmm. Nope, not getting it. "And-... what do you mean, by 'freaking out'? I'd simply prefer to pace things. There will be a- ah…" Suddenly, Genkan got really embarrassed!

"Ah." Sanae nodded once. "Well- like, 'Tsundere' as in, your character. You'd be real lovey-dovey with him sometimes, but you'd be too shy to show it to him, so you'd just be really mean to him and disgusted the next moment."

...Genkan pursed her lips. "I suppose? My disdain is quite thinly veiled, however. Or rather, it's quickly devolved from legitimate disdain into a sort of character trait. Not to say that Brad's an actual strategic genius, or anything. For how well he thinks sometimes, he can also be quite impulsive."

At this, Sanae looked back at the screen. "That's probably tru~e."

...Then, she smirked at Genkan. "I can lend ya some perfume, you know. And my outfit, too. Actually… do you use a bra?"

"You had me until 'your outfit'." Genkan furrowed her brows. "Also, a-... bra?" Wait… "No." Oh, so she does know. I mean, she'd technically be like thirty in human years, minus the hibernations, and from her inactivity… she might actually be mentally twenty-ish.

"Wait!" Sanae suddenly piped up! "...Are you a virgin?"

"We- well, yes…" Genkan compacted in her seat. Oh my god… "I've never actually done what some sisters of mine have done-... which is, to rape a male as they consume their soul. Me and some of my sisters considered that practice hypocritical. Although, that was what my mother did. Aa- anyway… there are men of snow, too, but…"

Wait. Now I'm kinda interested… "Snow men?"

Genkan nodded. "There are only a few, and aren't necessary to keep our species alive, since we can produce pure yuki-onna from humans. We could also produce half-breeds, but-... most of my sisters would probably refuse such a child. Regardless, men of snow are not particularly nice people, I find."

...After looking around all shifty-eyed, Sanae smirks at Genkan. "Are any snow people particularly nice people, at the end a' the day?"

...Genkan snorted. "Well, to be honest, I'd be hard pressed to say yes, in any case. Some of us don't fit what you may call the 'stereotype' of a yuki-onna."

Yeah. Ichigo-yuki comes to mind.

"But only some of you, huh." Sanae noted. "...Y'know, this is the first time I've ever really sat down and talked with a snow woman, now that I think about it. You guys usually just attack me."

"Oh?" Genkan met her gaze again. "You've been attacked?"

"Well, duh." Leaning back, Sanae lied against the floor, her back on the blue pillow. "Nnh. I mean, I always beat 'em off easily enough, but yeah."

Tenshi stopped staring at the screen, to leer at Sanae. "You always beat them off easy enough?"

"Yeah." Sanae looked up at her. "Just, don't get too close. Yuki-onna can't freeze you, if you keep them just out of sight, and if you keep a charm on yourself."

Tenshi looked blunt, suddenly. "Y'know. To beat them off. I'm making a dick joke."

Slowly, Sanae gave her a hard grin. "...That crossed my mind, but I didn't think you were takin' it that way!"

Wait-... now that I think about it, which did Genkan consider hypocritical? The rape, or the soul eating? ...Probably the rape.

"So!" Sanae sprang into sitting up again, and slapped her own arms down. "...We should make you look sexy!" She suddenly turned to Genkan…

"Wh- wait." Genkan compacted, again! "When did we decide on this?"

"Just now!" Sanae beamed. "Let's do this! Um…" She looked around the game pillows we were all on. "Who wants to help?"

Tenshi gets up. "Hell yeah!" Uh oh.

I- I stand. "...I- I'm not sure what's sexy, but-"

"Me!" Hana- I'm pretty sure you know even less than I do.

Iku lowered her controller. "...Since everyone else is choosing to bother you, I may as well too."

...Genkan began to stand, as we all got up and began to circle her. "Uu- um. Hmm..." She looked around at us gingerly.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENKAN'S PERSPECTIVE ====

"Alright!" Sanae bounded into her wardrobe, in the back of the room. "Lemme get you some things!"

Hana tugs at my kimono. "We're gonna put you in your birthday suit!" Wh- what…

"Don't just look confused." Tenshi is annoying, as usual. "You can't put on clothes if you're still wearing clothes!"

Silently, even Maria betrays me, gently pulling on one of my arms to work it from the sleeve, as Hana pulls on my left sleeve.

While I could very easily resist, we are all girls, here. And, I haven't removed this kimono since we went to the baths. Even then, I don't believe I've cleansed it in some time. Not that I necessarily need to, as my existence isn't conducive to bacteria in the first place.

But, it's still worn, matted with odd stains in some places, and- I really should have been more upset with its hygiene sooner, now that I really look at it. It's hard to retain the spotlessness of everything, when I spend so much time moving around now.

And so, the kimono comes off.

...Tenshi stares at my breasts. "You-... don't wear a bra or anything, then…"

"I typically have control over my kimono." I inform her. "...Since no one else has near body-like control of their clothes, I should explain. I consider my kimono… something like, another layer of skin."

"Well-... my raiment functions similarly." Iku brings up. Really…? That's actually surprising. Its movements aren't from a natural wind, so I should have realized sooner.

When I look over her, I notice where her eyes are.

I feel naked, now. Probably because I am naked.

"Huh." Iku still traces my figure. "Not even a fundoshi…"

"Why would I have one?" I don't need it.

Tenshi grins at me. "What if Brad pulled your kimono off with a swipe? And you were just, naked underneath? Wai~t. Is that the idea?"

"He wouldn't manage, because my kimono can be held firmly by my own mana." This celestial has too many ideas. "This is an innocent fashion discussion."

"Ye- yeah." Maria's face is red, for some reason. "We're just- talking about clothes…"

Hana- "Wow…" Hana- stop touching my chest. "They're bigger than they look. And, so soft…"

I push her back. "Begone, Hana."

"Hehehe!" She smiled, leaning back but stopping herself from falling. "But- you're so soft!"

"You're a pervert." I state what was already obvious.

Sanae runs back out of her wardrobe. Which, must have been larger than I thought, considering she could just go inside of it.

She holds up a plain black shirt before me. "You should show this to Brad!" There's text on it, in English. I can't read it.

"Oo- oh, dear." Iku doesn't look happy with it, however. "Why- do you have something, like that?"

"...Uum." Maria had her brows raised. "I'm pretty sure one of the words there says 'fuck'." A good omen.

Sanae beams wickedly. "It says… 'pin me down and fuck my tits'!"

"Absolutely not." I step closer, carefully. "I'm going to destroy it."

"Hey- no!" Sanae leaps back with it. "This was a lotta trouble to get imported…! You wouldn't believe how long Yukari kept trying to talk about it!"

"It wasn't worth it." I'm not sure what she went through to get it, but no effort would be worth it.

"Hey…" Hana began to crouch down. "Can I touch-"

"I will embed you into the earth." If you actually touch me down there, I'm going to actually destroy you, Hana.

She stands up. "Okay…!" By some miracle, she listened.

"No bush, huh?" Tenshi- ugh. This is mortifying. "Is that a yuki-onna thing, or do you know how to shave?"

She's not asking seriously, I'm sure, but… "It- doesn't really grow, much. The little that does, I can freeze off." On that note, I don't really get armpit hair, either.

Tenshi snorted. "How lucky."

"Well-" Sanae brought out a whole pile of new outfits. "It makes sense. Body fur's for keepin' warm-... and, a yuki-onna doesn't hafta keep warm, does she?" Body fur.

Coming up to me, Sanae held up a T-shirt, reading 'MEGA MILK'. "I think Brad'll really like this!"

"No t-shirts." New rule. "T-shirts are terrible."

"Awwh." Sanae pouts. "But, they're casual and cool. And I think you in a casual outfit would really freak Brad out!"

"...Without my kimono, even in other clothes, I'd still feel naked." I feel. "I'm not really sure-"

Sanae brought out a black-white maid outfit. "Ooh! What if you were Brad's personal maid?"

"But, that's me." Hana objected. "It really is me, too!"

As tempting as that is- and it's only minimally tempting- I decline. "I'd rather not."

"But-" Sanae holds it up higher. "It casts Cleanse every other moment!"

"Please, don't put useful magic on embarrassing outfits." This is starting to sound like an unfortunate trend.

Fwi- fwish. As Sanae said, feathery light washes up Tenshi's form, for no reason. Oh, no. It even casts randomly.

"Alright, I want to know something." I've had this on my mind for awhile. "Who makes outfits which just randomly cast magic? That seems like a horrible idea."

"Oh. That reminds me…" Maria paused, and reached for her boxy backpack… device. "I- I um, actually held onto some things, for safe-keeping."

"Some things?" Maria was quite vague, so it's hard for me to follow.

She reaches into her red magic technology backpack- and-...

I stare at the cow-styled bikini top and skirt.

Maria… "I can't believe you held onto that." Maria was, all this time… simply holding onto that thing of an outfit.

"Oo~h…!" Sanae's jaw drops when she sees it. "Aweso~me! I ought to get someone to wear one of those, too!" Why someone. You maniac.

Stalking up to me, Maria held up the bikini top. "Can-... can I put it on, for you?"

Wh- but- that thing-...

"Ma- Maria…" Alright. "Are you being genuine?"

"Ye- yes!" She nods hard, looking dizzy. "I-... I think Brad will really like it!"

The thought is shameful and embarassing. But-... at the same time…

I think back to what Iku said about cutting loose, and taking risks. And-... I- I would like to see Brad's reaction. Perhaps, the only person the most mortified here is myself.

"...I- I guess." At least Maria won't feel me up, in the meanwhile. Maybe. The way Maria beamed to my agreement isn't promising.

I hold my arms up, and Maria moves around my back, fitting the cow pattern-clad bikini against my breasts.

fwish. Wh- wait, um… my breasts begin to glow, and-...

We- well. They're-... heavier, now. I forgot; the bra makes your breasts twenty percent bigger.

I don't normally let my vocabulary degrade, but I think this warrants it. "What the fuck."

"Wh- hehehe!" Giggling at my exasperation, Maria beams, her head pressing against my side. "Hehe- ww- wow!"

"Great." Now it's actually kind of hard to see what's under me. "Is this everything you'd hope for?"

"Ye- yeah." Maria grins, blushing. "They must be really soft, now…"

Aside from that, I actually feel sturdier, wearing this. As if my bones were simply stronger.

On the downside, I'm literally wearing just a bikini top, which sort of offsets any potential strategic benefit of this.

"Holy…" Sanae came up to me, looking greedy. "They're just bigger than me, now! Dude…"

"Hh- hey-" Sanae touched my chest, so I nudged her away. "I didn't-"

Tenshi comes up to me next, caressing my right breast. "She's cold to the touch, too."

Hana comes up from behind- and starts groping me too…! "Genkan's really soft!"

"Nn-" You- all...

whish. I elbow Hana, and spin around, and everyone backs off a little. That was getting dangerous.

"Oof…" Hana fell back onto her butt, like she deserves.

"Look at 'em bounce…" Sanae-... everyone here is altogether massively perverted. Except for Iku perhaps, but she's not intervening. "That's crazy~. Oh man- when Brad sees you…!"

whish. Then, all of a sudden, a god is here.

Yasaka gazes down at us, and- oh, damn- "I see you girls are getting up to hijinks."

I'm all but naked, except for this breast enhancing cow-styled bikini. I cover myself with my hands.

I compact where I stand, and-... there's really no hiding. "I'm embarrassed."

"Are you, now." Kanako asks rhetorically. "You'd better look out, because Brad's coming." Ww- when'd you even learn his name. Well, earlier, but I hadn't expected her to remember. She is a god...

"I-" Sanae, do something. "Give me the skirt, Sanae."

"Um…" Sanae holds it up, and- is that a mess of belts? Oh, hell. "It'd take some time to get on."

"Well- I need something." I've hardly let Brad see my limbs- and to see me so revealed… it'd- just, take awhile to explain. Regardless, it's intimidating.

...Kanako held an arm out. "I have an idea, perhaps." Oh? Help me, god.

Floating down closer to me, she gave me a pair of black undergarments. Just, black panties. They look fairly modern, and honestly, fairly elegant.

As nice as these are… "These- are not going to cover my legs… or my…" I look down at my… maidenly place.

Kanako snorted. "Beggars can't be choosers." Why. You had the power to fix this. "Usually, you wear these under pants, anyway." Oh, right. That does make sense.

"Can I have pants, too?" I ask.

"No." Why, god?

Sanae comes up to me with the cow skirt. "Alright- I know my way around a belt, so~...!"

Tenshi beamed at that. "How lewd." How was that lewd…? I might never know. Wait- I just got that-

"Aw!" Gods. We hear Brad somewhere outside. "Where's the kool-aid!?" ...Somehow, hearing that makes me less embarrassed.

"Distract him." I say this, while gliding along the floor, towards the bed.

Sanae jerked her head back. "Woah. That gliding thing you do looks funny, when you're almost naked…!"

Kanako moves for the door, and as the footsteps draw closer, she slides it open and floats outside, shutting it behind herself.

"Wh- hey, woah!" Brad makes noises, implying he's being harassed. "Uh oh…!" U- uh oh? Well, anyway…

I move away from the bed. I was willing to slide under it, but was also hoping that it wouldn't come to that.

Sanae comes back up to me. "Alright… um, sit down and raise your legs, so I can-"

I raise my legs. I'm 'sitting' in the air. Wait…

Before she gets on the skirt, while like this, I slide my black cloth panties on. You know, before I give Maria any more of an eyeful.

"Or that." Sanae grinned, moving around my mid-air legs. "Alright, now…"

Once I was done with the panties, she slid the black-white skirt up over my legs, and up onto my waist. "You're so ho~t." It seems more and more like human girls have some kind of strange fixation with me.

...Once it's on, and she's fastened the multiple belts, I stand up, and sway around, tracking the skirt's movements. Instead, I notice all the new bounce my breasts have. They- really are something, now… wasn't it just a twenty percent increase?

"Whelp." Tenshi trots up to me, arms on her own hips. "You look like a hooker, but one I'd pay highly for."

Li- like a hooker? "Re- really…" I feel so naked. Also, sexy, but- I'm not sure if I like feeling this sexy… and, especially not like a hooker.

"It's also really American, I think! Which, Brad's from America, right?" Sanae creeped around my side, hands on my shoulders. "Girls dress like this all the time over there!"

"...I- I find that hard to believe, nor a good thing." This also implies America is full of hookers… and, if Brad's pessimism is to be believed, that's probably not wrong.

"You should go up to Brad like that!" Maria is both a blessing and a curse.

"If I do, he ought to assume I'm trying really hard to entice him." I argue.

Maria smiled. "You aren't?"

Wh-... Maria~.

"Judging from your chest, now…" Sanae is too smug. "It'd work pretty effectively, too."

"I thought I was getting a Moriya Shrine outfit." I recall. "...If this is the initiate outfit, I'll go around saying this shrine is illegitimate."

Sanae snorted. "But- the shorter girl- Maria had it. Unless you mean Kanako's panties! I dunno about you, but it'd be kinda weird if we always gave those out!"

...I was so distracted, I forgot Maria had this outfit on her, and Sanae actually has yet to give us the initiate outfits. Curses.

Tenshi smirked at her. "Would it be ineffective, though?"

...Sanae huffed. "Well- anyway, you're gonna get that outfit still." At least... that's good.

I feel… I don't know how I feel. Being out of my kimono is very irregular. Admittedly, the panties feel pretty good, and this bikini bra is nice. Since it's a bra, I could just… wear it under something else. I'm not sure how the magic of many garments will interact with one another, so it'd be best if I only wore so many accessory-type things at once.

But, it's just a bra and panties. It's not like I wear any strange jewelry, or a hat.

"Where would I store my fans, now that I think about it…?" I wonder.

"Wh- are you freaking…" Tenshi looks at me like I'm mentally deficient. "Between your breasts, of course!"

...You know. "As novel as that sounds, I have a few fans that are genuinely too big to be stuffed in there. Shocking, I know."

"Under your skirt then, I guess." Maria figured. That doesn't sound too bad. This skirt does go past my knees, ironically, so it serves as leg coverage.

...My fans float out from my kimono that was placed on the bed, and drift towards me.

tsst- tsst. Aa- aah. Sanae sprayed something onto me…

"The~re we go." Smiling, Sanae shifted back. "Perfume! It's my kinda stuff, so I know he'll like it!"

"...Normally, I don't take kindly to matchmaking." Or, rather, interference with my… events.

Sanae gave me a peaceful smile. "But- the match is already made. I'm just helping out!"

...And yet, part of me doesn't immediately freeze everyone in the room. I'm kind of surprised myself, that I let this go so far. I guess I don't hate it… although I may have appreciated a modicum of seriousness. This cow costume is ridiculous.

...I have no idea how Brad may react, however. I want to see, even if it's perhaps going to be predictable.

"I suppose… I'm ready." My socks are still on, after all of that. Not that they really needed changing out.

"You're really pretty!" Hana's vote of confidence doesn't instill the same in me.

"Ooh- oh, if we're really going with this…!" Sanae moved for one of the 'gamecube' controllers. "Here! Put this between your boobs, so it pokes out!"

"The pillows…" Tenshi moved for the pillows around the room. "Let's make 'er a big seat!"

...I gaze at Iku helplessly. She gives me a thumbs-up. "Loo- looking… good?" Why are you unsure about this. You're watching.

Knock knock. "I heard you." Kanako's voice is muffled on the other side. "I'll send him your way." Gods. Literally, in this case.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

I got a buncha party cups, an' a pitcher of kool-aid! "Ho ho ho…" This is gonna be a good evening, dude. I can feel it!

"So, yeah!" Suwako leads me down the hallway again, after we took entirely too long to get this pitcher of kool-aid! "It's good ta look back, sometimes. Pain's a double-edged sword, you know!"

"Perhaps so!" I give a non-answer, I just wanna chug this freakin' kool-aid and then make more!

...She gives me a grin! "It ain't 'perhaps so'. It's true! You hafta have some bad days yourself. Like, no human'd be complete without a few traumatizing, awkward life experiences."

"Son." I shake my head! "I'm just lookin' ta drown my sorrows in kool-aid, tonight! And Genkan." Her presence, that is…! Freakin', just had a spiritual experience with Suwako. I got astro-turfed, son.

Also, a bath, prospectively! Hoh. I bet Sanae has good soap, dude. Where's the soap god.

shif. Suwako peeks inside the room ahead a' me, fer some reason. "...Oo- ooh. Maybe I will, too." Wat. Do what now; drown in Genkan…!?

fwish. Suwako sinks into the floor. Uh oh. She's gonna T-pose out of existence.

Shoof. I slide the wood an' paper door open, and- it smells like perfume in here! "I'm back from the astral plain- wit'-..."

Everyone's off to the sides, like it's a birthday party. What the heck-

Genkan's in the center of the room, before the TV.

She's sittin' on a stack of square pillows, her body facin' to the right of me. She's looking up at me, her left hand placed above her chest, and the other trying to keep the pillow stack in place.

Ho- holy shit. Wh- whah. When'd- how'd they get her in a bikini top. Wait- that's the cow outfit. Holy shit…!

Her left hand feels at the gamecube controller lying half-embedded into her boobs…! Considerin' the blush on her face, this is about as much of an encounter for her as it is fer me!

woosh. Suwako drops in from above! "Woohoo-"

pap. Before she lands on Genkan's chest, Genkan holds up her left arm and catches her! "What-..."

"Uhf." If Suwako wasn't a god, that posture she took after getting caught by the tummy would be very unhealthy!

thu- thud. When Genkan pushed her away, the stack of pillows gave out, and she slid back onto her butt. "Aa- nnh…"

Her chest jiggles from that little motion, and just- holy shit. Genkan's, like-...!

While I hold the pitcher an' the clear cups idly, Sanae just comes up and takes 'em from me! "I'll take these…" Freakin'- sure…!

I step up to Genkan with complete uncertainty! And- holy shit she smells nice, now. Her skin's so pale…!

She starts to stand, and awkwardly looks down at the controller in her boobs! "Aa-" She looks up at me, an' I meet her gaze instinctively! "...I- I've been attacked." She decides!

"Di- didja…" Hohoho~ly shit.

"Yes." She glances around, but just a little! "By... everyone here, who is not me." Everyone, huh.

She looks freakin' amazing. I mean, I'd probably say that just gettin' to see her bare skin at all, but-...!

And I can confirm; the cow bra thing does make your boobs bigger! Ho~ly crap…

...I- have to slide my kimono forward a little. Time to apply all I know in the art of arousal concealment!

"Ss- so…" We're both really awkward, right now! She kinda fidgets, a little! "Do-... I look good?"

"Yes." There ain't a contest, son. "Holy shit, yes…!" Plus- she's even doing that cute thing where she compacts a little- which is really fucking sexy when she's just- so revealed…!

Oh, man- imagine if we lied down like this. That'd be at least half as clumsy as when we're both clad in outfits as thick as blankets.

Ha-chan's the first to romp back up to us! "You should feel how soft her boobs are!" I think I'm startin' to get what Genkan meant when she said she was attacked…!

"That-" Iku floats up to us, next! "That would not be proper."

Sanae comes up to us with two kool-aid cups! "Here, you guys!" Aw, yes!

"I want some!" Ha-chan immediately requests! Wait.

"Yo- no!" I shake my head at her! "Fairies explode when they drink kool-aid!"

"I wanna explode!" Ha-chan…!

Sanae looks a little cautious of the idea, an' goes to get more! Aw…

It's been so long since I've had cherry kool-aid, dude. Tiltin' my head back, I take the good sips. And-... holy shit- it's so sweet! That is unbelievably sweet! Yo ho ho!

Genkan decided to drink hers at the same time, and her eyes widened…! When she lowers the cup, her eyes are a little wider. "Th- that's-... that's sweetened, alright…" Wahaha!

I almost made 'cup' plural in that previous thought. 'Cause y'know, cups. Boobs! Genkan is the sexiest thing alive.

"Wow." Tenshi walks up to us! "Are you gay?" Son.

I point at her! "Are you?"

"She is." Genkan decides! "Everyone here is." Wait, no…!

Now with two more cups, Sanae comes up ta us again, to give some to Iku and Tenshi! "This is like an anime…! Except- the girls aren't usually this big!"

Nah- y'see, if this was an anime, Genkan would have gone beast style and punched me through the door back out already, and then we'd scene cut to her being in a more clothed outfit!

Genkan speaks truth, dude. "Animes sound terrible."

...Smiling at us, Sanae gestures for the pillows! "You guys should sit down! Together!"

"We're surrounded by succubi." Genkan tries to control the situation…! "Brad, the situation has been compromised. Do something."

"Let's sniff fluffles." I propose!

Suwako gets up off the floor! "Ooh! That reminds me!"

fwi~sh. She holds her hand out, and before her, all the dust in Sanae's room coalesces before us and the TV. This includes some of the fluffles that were under the bed! "what help"

"Look at this!" She beams at us! In the pile, the alarmed fluffles start rolling around, making a small dust cloud…

"Hey, look." I look. "Dirt…!"

...While Genkan looks, I look back at her chest. Just- outright. It looks so fucking soft. I feel weird, dude!

...When I glance back at the fluffle pile, there's more than there were before. All the dust Suwako gathered; it's making more fluff!

...Back to Genkan's chest- ohp she's staring at me!

Maria's stopping Ha-chan from getting into the kool-aid pitcher. "Nn- no. Go back…"

"No." Ha-chan tries to pick her up, but Maria pushes back!

Sanae comes by with two more cups! "You guys really should sit together. Oh- I wanna see how you play, when you sit on each other's laps!"

"We- well-..." Genkan doesn't really offer a counter-argument! And-... y'know, I don't think I will either…!

"Yer bein' too tame, Sanae." Suwako pivots around to face us, with the fluffle horde as a backdrop…! "Obviously, she should sit on his lap facin' him, while he tries to play with his arms around her! An' then she gets to distract the shit outta him!"

"Th-" Genkan is maximum compact…! "That's-... awfully devilish, for a god."

Suwako grinned! "Well, 'from the shadow come light', as they say!" Y'said that seriously just half an hour, ago…!

"...Judging by Brad's current state," Genkan looked me over! "I can't imagine his lap being very comfortable."

"Oh?" Suwako has the good grin on. "You just gotta sit the right way. I'd imagine it'd be very comfortable." Holy shit…!

...In the meanwhile, I finish off my cup of kool-aid! It's some good shit, dude.

"...These- now actually make it somewhat awkward, to hold things." Genkan's adjusting her cup holdin' arm, and keeps brushing it against her breast by accident! "They're-... unwieldy."

She starts ta finish off her little party cup, while Tenshi slinks behind us.

"Unwieldy, huh." That's a word for it, I guess…!

"...Huh." When Genkan finishes her cup, she lowers it. "All that sugar-... how much sugar is in this? I feel-"

Pap! Wh- Tenshi pushes me forward!

Genkan catches me- as Tenshi literally just pulls on my legs- forcing me to hug my arms around Genkan to prevent myself from bending too awkwardly.

And, yep. My face ends up exactly where you'd expect! It is very soft…

"...Of- of course." Genkan was forced to grasp me before I could fall more, too. She smells so good.

There is the extreme temptation to just, bury my face deeper. But, I look up- Tenshi still holding my legs, and just see Genkan blushing down at me. I'm pretty sure I'm blushing too, all things considered…!

"Wow." Suwako chuckled, a little! "I have never seen a yuki-onna be this passive, about something like this!"

...Genkan looks over at her! "Re- rest assured-... I'm simply- plotting. Biding my time, you- you-... see." She looks down at me again! "And-"

She pulls on me, and Tenshi lets go of my legs-

"Mm-" Keeping my head respectably spaced from her chest becomes impossible, and the act of recovering from the slight tumble forces my head in deeper.

Then, Genkan raises me out! "...We- well?" Whaddaya mean, 'well'...!?

We probably both look very frustrated. "...Good!" Thumbs up! "Can we do that death hug thing again…!?" Oh god- I feel weird askin' that-

"Probably for the best." Genkan sees the utility in it! "Wa- wait-"

Sanae moves in, and picks up the controller that slid outta Genkan's boobs at some point! "Let's play some Smash, already!" Freakin' Smash…! "And- someone get Hana away from the freaking kool-aid!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 99

=!= STATUS =!=

= = ► EQUIPPED ITEMS - BRAD:

WEAPON: Unarmed

HEAD: Reimu's Bow

TORSO: Camouflage Kimono

PANTS: [Camouflage Kimono]

SHOES: [Camouflage Kimono]

MISC ONE: None

MISC TWO: None

MISC THREE: Carrot Medallion

RESULTING STATUS:

150% Ice resistant.

When unarmed, evade is vastly improved.

= = ► EQUIPPED ITEMS - GENKAN:

WEAPON: Fans

HEAD: None

TORSO: Cow Outfit

PANTS: [Cow Outfit]

SHOES: Plain Sandals

MISC ONE: Yasaka's Black Panties

MISC TWO: None

MISC THREE: None

RESULTING STATUS:

200% ice resistance [200% native]

200% freezing resistance [200% native]

Immune to Dispel.

+20% max HP.

+20% breast size.

Elemental effect of weapons is replaced with Dispel. [Yasaka's Black Panties]

-50% fire resistance [native]

-50% burning resistance [native]

= = ► EQUIPPED ITEMS - MARIA:

WEAPON: An Eternity Together

HEAD: Zephyr Bombshells

TORSO: Casual Freeze Clothes

PANTS: [Casual Freeze Clothes]

SHOES: Casual Shoes

MISC ONE: None

MISC TWO: None

MISC THREE: None

RESULTING STATUS:

50% ice resistance

200% freezing resistance

Slightly improved magical defense [native]

25% Bomb resistance.

Randomly occasionally summons kamikaze fluffles.

Befriending bomb-elemental fairies is easier.

==o==

=!= NEW LOOT (GENKAN'S INVENTORY) =!=

Yasaka's Black Panties - Holy shit! ...Also, replaces the status of weapons with Dispel, for some reason!

==o==

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

this chapter nearly reached 27 k words

it's a long chapter

we meet sanae! and we also get that good suwako meet n greet, too

the moriya shrine's a fun place that i really shoulda visited sooner! but we're visiting it now so hoh

whether or not brad has learned anything useful is YET TO BE DETERMINED

but this was a pretty overall fun trip nonetheless - w -

oh yeah we also learned how to quadruple jump, and what exactly 'leveling up' meant in the earlier chapters

what brad thought was a gamer trope was actually NOT, and while it worked sort of similarly, the exp requirement happened to not be anything conventional - it was like, bonding with gensokyo's fairies rather than winning fights or anything

i wonder if brittany's fairy friends are so OP because brittany spent his/her/its stat points in them instead of itself

that does remind me, i should probably rewrite the shikome x multiple fairies fight to be less convoluted at some point and so the brad x brittany fight can actually be funner

at this point whenever i mention revising in my discord, people groan - w - that and everyone in my discord is scared to even touch sendai despite revisions being done because "i'll just revise more"...!

i forget if i said anything about sendai last chapter or in the matt chapter but it did get an intro reworking and chapters 1-10 were updated to have stronger pace and plot elements, basically to just be overall better (again) and i feel like it has a super strong opening this time

if you disliked the original take for ANY REASON it'd probably be good to give final mix another try!

ANYWAY, i can't believe i found an excuse to get genkan in that cow costume, having a large party is scary dude

and holy shit she's hot- well she's cold but you know wat i mean son

now that i think about it this chapter was full of sexual tension

aw man next chapter feels like it's gonna be a fun one, too

as always, see you all next time!