(in which maria headbutts!)

Yeah, so uh, I backpedalled on that fast food order…!

However, Sakuya was apparently fine with making an instant pizza, so we're havin' pizza! Again!

She had the dough all ready, covered in sauce and on a tray within like one second. "Just cheese. Nothing else?" She confirms again.

"Ye." I am a simple man. I like my none pizza. Or, cheese pizza, but it'd be funny if I did order none pizzas…!

Noddin', Sakuya pans her gaze over to the oven.

Creak. The oven door opens on its own. At first I think it's Sakuya just bein' lazy and using magic on it…

"Hel-" A suspicious sound is emanated, off the squeaky hinges of the oven door. "Hello." Wait.

"Hi." Sakuya greeted the oven. "How are you?"

"...I'm fine." What. "It is like an oven in here."

"Ha." Sakuya gave a fake laugh…! "Today, I'll be making a pizza. If you could set yourself to four hundred degrees, that would be nice."

"Sure, Sakuya." The oven-... it's fine with it, I guess!

I remember this thing trying to talk- but…!

Genkan smiled gingerly, as she beheld the speaking oven. "Wh-" She was tryin' not to jump to a conclusion! "What-... was that?"

Sakuya gave her a smile of her own. "I taught the oven how to speak normal languages."

"Oh." Genkan slowly nodded. "Ww- what."

"Have you never seen an oven?" Its English was slightly rough!

"Nn- not one that spoke to me, no…" Genkan really had no idea what to make of it!

"Isn't it cute?" Sakuya's really revelling in everyone's mixed surprise!

The least surprised of us is Ha-chan, 'cause she's totally the kinda person to just expect this to happen, an' take it at face value…! "Hello, oven!"

"Hi." Freakin'... ovens.

...Sakuya gave us all a plain look. "You may proceed to the dining room. When the food is ready, you'll know." Aw, yes dude.

Maria is equally as lost as Genkan…! "What happened? How…?"

"It was some time ago." Sakuya hardly remembers…! "Someone used the oven more than improperly. They put fairies in the oven, and gave it life." I still don't really know how that works…!

"You-..." Maria's even more weirded out! "Is- that how that works?"

"No?" Genkan tried to answer! "I-... that shouldn't be."

"The amount of natural life energy the fairies infused into the oven accelerated the process of becoming a youkai by age." Sakuya explained? "It's not quite complete, however." Is- is it not…!?

"It's-... it looks pretty complete to me." Genkan decided!

"Thank you." The oven took that as a compliment!

"It can speak, yes." Sakuya continued to explain. "But, older tsukumogami gain a bipedal, human-looking form. You might've met one, but you didn't see it as an object. For example, a talking umbrella being just a girl with blue hair." Aah, yeah. Kogasa!

"But-..." Genkan stared at the oven in awe! "Fairies- have such power?"

"Technically, yes." Sakuya conceded. "If you bake them." Uh oh.

No one asks, 'why bake the fairies', or even 'who baked the fairies'. Oo~h, ho ho ho…

Wasn't it Matt? I think Matt baked the fairies. I really don't remember that day, holy shit.

Genkan an' Maria briefly give Ha-chan a look fer some reason, before staring at the oven again! "So-" Maria's the one to speak up! "Who just- like um, decided to bake fairies? Did- did… who?" Maria didn't even wanna point fingers!

"It was some outsider." Sakuya remembered! "...No, it was not Brad, if you were curious. Shockingly." Wahaha!

Genkan snorts, and raises her brows! "I think I'd've misjudged Brad if he did throw fairies into an oven for some reason. He's reckless, but not cruel." Hoh…

...Maria smirked! "Y- y'know, you say that, but um, you wanted to pile drive those fairies earlier..."

Genkan smiled back at her. "When they're cruel first, I see no reason not to repay them for their kindness." Hoh!

...After we stand here fer a moment, Ha-chan moves first! "Let's go see the decorations!" Wait, aw yeah! The dining room should be all decorated!

When I follow, the girls quietly come with me, still kinda flabbergasted by the oven!

Cla- clack. We accidentally hit the plain door against the wall after we push it open enough, between me an' Ha-chan whompin' it…!

I look up- ohp! No mistletoe this time! Guess it'd be assfuck if Sakuya had to get molested by fairies every time she went in an' outta the kitchen.

Also, holy shit, they really renovated the dining room. I mean, the room's the same, but now there's fancy curvy white tables everywhere, with variant seating!

"Ooh…" Genkan likes the layout! "This… is a big… eating hall." Eating hall, huh.

"I- I think this is the dining room." Maria corrected her!

Genkan stared up, at the blinking Christmas lights hung up around the ceiling. Man, they're dazzling… "A mansion this scale… would have a dining hall, wouldn't it?"

You'd be surprised ta know, most generic western houses on the outside have a dining room! Whether or not it gets used fer anything useful though, eeh…

The whole room is much dimmer now, the huge warm chandelier that normally occupies the big negative space replaced by a big, upside-down pine tree, with a huge, full red moon at the tip.

An' that moon's not a ball, it's a spinnin', scarlet plate, that emanates dull red light. Gold and white shines down from the tree above, mixed with variant colors that come from the white, curvy tables all below.

The tables are all kinda bean-shaped in profile, fit with two tiny pine trees on each, decorated with monochrome lights. By 'monochrome', I mean like… one table is like mint and green, one table is pink and red, the other's cyan and blue, so forth.

"Wo~w." Ha-chan is impressed! "This is gonna be aweso~me!"

"Where-..." Genkan was lost and confused! "Where do we sit?"

"...Anywhere!" I dunno, place probably still works the same!

'Cause it's just appropriate, I near the blue-cyan table. Aw… wait.

I look up at the ceiling again. Taking a closer look, I realize somethin' I hadn't noticed before.

There are tables on the ceiling, and chairs too. One table up there is fixed with yellow and cream lights, one with bright pink and duller purple lights, and one with orange and some kinda lame brown light.

This cannot go unnoticed, son. As we near our table, I point up! "Y'know… there's tables and shit on the ceiling, too!"

...Wh- aw, Genkan doesn't look. "I was born a few decades too early to fall for that one." Son…

Maria's already lookin', though! "...He- he's right, actually."

Genkan blinks, and looks up, noticing that I am indeed correct! "What. Re-... really."

"Really." I confirm!

"Really?" She asks again!

"Really!" I confirm, again!

Takin' in the dining ceiling, Genkan keeps goin'! "Under what circumstance would that be in the most remote capacity useful."

"For when the whole mansion flips upside down." Inverted castle, here we come, dude!

"Please-" Genkan meets my eyes! "Tell me you're joking."

...I raise a finger! "I dunno if that's actually a thing or not!"

She grins! "Wh- why'd you think to suggest that, then? Actually, maybe... just, don't answer that."

"It's… probably something not too far off." Maria supposed! "Like, inverted gravity wells. Look at the walls." Wait-...

Aw, shit. She played us, dude. Near each corner of the room, there was indeed a big, black path that began at the floor, curved up along the wall, and kept going right until the ceiling. The purple arrows on the curved walkways imply their use pretty clearly…

"Ah, I see." I nod, 'cause it's obvious. "If ya walk on those pads, yer gravity must change."

Genkan looks very skeptical! "How-... how is that obvious? You say that like it's mundane."

Alright, we're gonna hafta show it off! Sorry, blue table, you're not upside-down enough!

Movin' across the room, passin 'the green-mint table, I waltz up to the purple, vaguely luminescent arrows of the black path up the wall…

Cli- click, click. Ooh, very clicky floor material. Anyway, I start to step up the slope. It… y'know, it looks like a totally fucky, impossible to step up slope, but after an unsure moment, I just… keep walkin'.

Click, click, click. After I keep goin', my head and body feel really weird. Suddenly, the wall becomes down, and I start walkin' on up it…!

Genkan slowly drifts up, her expression tiny and cute. Noddin', I grin, and turn! I gotta look up to see her, and I see her looking… up- down, at me. Well, down to me, up to her. Wait- that means, to her, I'm lookin' down. Oh fuck…!

Cla- cla- clack! Ha-chan bounds past us, up the wall! "I will be the first in zero gravity!" That's-... wow. I don't-... she- she confused two different terms for gravity fuckery. Like- neither even happen enough ta justify- freakin'...!

Slowly, Genkan walks up onto the wall with me!

"Welcome…" I hold out my arms, and this just feels so weird. My mind's telling me the floor is down, so I keep getting scared when I move suddenly! "To warp zone!" Alright, this is where the men become the boys. Who here hasn't played the first Super Mario Brothers!?

"...When we came here to eat, I didn't think we'd be casually defying physics too." Genkan smiles awkwardly, as if unsure about everything!

I snort. "Whaddaya mean, we do that all the time."

...She can't resist smiling wider! "I hate that you're not wrong." Wahaha! "Let's- get on the ceiling. I'll get dizzy if I stand like this too long…"

Cli- cli- click. Maria trods past us, eyes wide! "Je- jeez…"

An' real soon, some moments later, here we are.

Upside-fuckin'-down. Everything on us is even weighing towards the ceiling, so there must be some kinda real gravity shit at play. Even more real than normal gravity shit.

And, man, this even looks like how the room's supposed to look. Like this, the center tree is right side up.

"I refuse to believe this was Remilia's idea." I voice openly! "This is too cool…!"

Genkan snorts! "You say that so openly. What if she heard you?"

"Then she'd hear me!" I don't really care! "I'm figurin' she let Sakuya do the decoratin' this year!"

We near the yellow table. Yellow's a pretty good color…

Each table has like, eleven seats around them. Yeah, fuckin' huge tables.

"You're not entirely wrong." Oh, hey Sakuya. "...The mistress decided on the tree, and its decor. I decided to make it upside-down. When she wondered if your schizophrenia wore off on me, I demonstrated the gravity plates, with some help from Lady Patchouli."

She places down the kickass pizza on a platter on the table before us. Aw, yes. "She couldn't resist." Sakuya finished her short story, too!

I have like, negative two good ideas on why any of this gravity shit works, but holy shit does it work!

Lookin' out the big window of the mansion, I see that it's like, afternoon outside now. Big treetops are pointing down, there's great earth above us, and there's a blue abyss below.

"Amazing…" Maria's super impressed! "...You even made the gravity fields natively. How…?" Whah.

Smirking, Sakuya snorted. "It's a secret. If they were purely artificial, they could be dispelled. Lady Patchouli bet that some miscreant would be fully willing to do just that, and it would be… unfortunate. So, she went the extra mile."

...I sit down before the pizza. It's pizza, dude.

Genkan sits down really close to me, scootin' her chair closer! And- y'know, I can't help but let my eyes flick down for a moment as she does so.

Alright yo, I know I bring up her boobs a lot, but-... not only are they amazing- she's just really beautiful as a whole, too. Like-... fuck. I-

I have ta stop ogling her, or else I'm just gonna work myself into hopeless arousal. Like, really! That freakin' sweater! God, I just want to hug her so bad-

Pizza. Food good for Brad. Unga bunga, me eat.

"...That difficult, for you?" Genkan noticed my struggle!

"Ye~s." It's incredibly difficult. "I don't think you understand, how-... nngh." Even now, without even being aroused-... it's like, looking at her just-...

Genkan blushes, too! "What don't I understand?"

What is this desire…!? Like-... I'm not even particularly horny right now, I just- well, a part of me would like to be- but at the same time...

We sit awkwardly like this, fer a few seconds, before I finally find what the hell I can say to describe this…

"Being near you-..." Oh, god, I've realized what I formulated the moment I began speakin'. "Makes me feel good."

shoof. Genkan scoots closer. "Oo- oh? ...Well. You're normally not so forward."

"I- I know! That's the weird part!" Normally, her bein' around is just a kinda subconscious happiness- but this is like-... I'm bein' distracted!

...Oh, right. Sakuya's still here.

Her expression is jaded. "How did this happen?" She's still confused…!

I-... you know. You know what part of it might be? I haven't jacked off in literally two weeks, about. That on it's own? Not that big. Well, kinda big when fairies try to ride me, but otherwise, not so bad, I usually walk off whatever vague thoughts pass my way, 'cause I'm busy.

An' then Genkan literally threw herself all over me in the bath. If it weren't for her bikini, she'd have literally just been hugging her naked body against mine.

Just thinking about it- makes me-...

"Om." I take a slice an' start eating. Pizza's not gonna be good forever! An' I ain't the kinda dude to microwave it up after it dies, I like it fresh. No week old pizza shit fer me.

"Brad's gonna explode." Ma- Maria, don't make me laugh when I'm eating… "Genkan's driving him nuts." Don't talk about my nuts either…!

"I didn't know he had the capacity to be embarrassed." Sakuya was impressed! "...I suppose he never took kindly to the wanton lewd atmosphere amongst the fairies. Personally, I thought one day he'd cave and do a fairy he particularly found adorable."

"Like me!" Ha-chan, I'm gonna-...!

"Surprisingly, he's quite an… if not innocent, evasive person." Genkan- stop bein' so accurate…! "I've never wanted to step on his boundaries… un- until recently."

She's already made it clear-... that, me getting pissed off at Merry apparently ticked some kinda box for her. She already liked me before, but like… well, the whole freakout was 'cause I coulda lost her.

While I massacre my pizza slice, she stares at me. "I-... I don't think he minds. I hope he doesn't mind." I-... I don't mind.

"He doesn't mind." Maria-... y'know, she knows what's up. "He loves you."

Both me and Genkan simultaneously have a mini-heart attack. An' no, it's not 'cause of the pizza…!

I have downed my slice, however, so progress is being made, no matter how small!

Maria faces me with a blunt expression. "I'm gonna throw you a rope." Oh? What the heck do ya mean, fluffy. "Brad, why do you like pizza so much? It seems to be, like… your go-to food."

Aah, I see. The life-raft out of blue ball zone. Maria is a force for good in this world after all.

"I dunno, me and cheese…" Hmm. "Cheese's pretty good! And, like, everyone from the outside loves this stuff. It's not exactly good fer you, bu~t it's a good combination!"

Takin' another slice, I look it over. "S'probably… well, on the outside it was kind of a-... like a hyper-bastardization of old italian cuisine, where it was made en masse to cut profits fer mega-scale corporations. An' then you got the small-time parlors, sometimes run by people good at their jobs, sometimes… nnh, not so much!"

But, y'know… "This stuff seems pretty different, though!" Sakuya must make her own damn dough! This shit's like crack!

Sakuya snorts! "I'd hope our food is of higher regard. I know too well of how the outside treats nourishment." It- it's food, Sakuya, not nourishment. Well, it is- but it'd be a lot easier to say food!

I didn't notice, but Genkan's midway through her own slice. Maria takes one soon after…

Ha-chan gives her pizza report once again! "I don't like cooked food." This has been Ha-chan's fruit program! Now, back to the weather…!

...Maria snorts! "You're missing out."

"It feels fake." Ha-chan contests! "Like-... all messy."

Swallowin' my bite, I give 'er a big grin…! "Ooh… oh, you don't know fake, until ya try real outsider food. If ya hate what they serve here, that crap'll make ya cry."

Ha-chan looked encumbered! "I- I don't wanna cry…"

Not that it's all meteors, grand pianos and tears on the outside, but if ya order a pizza from Dominos, don't expect a cuisine…! I've been in there, they got oven conveyor belts fer that shit, and dough comes in pre-made, freezer-ready lumps all ready t'be straightened out!

I'm down to the crust on my slice. "Kid cuisine…" Man, Kid Cuisines were overpriced as shit. Freakin' marketers.

fwoof. Wh- wait, what the fuck. Dude…!

A fluffle crawled out from atop the underside of the table. When it left the edge, it fell up, towards the actual ground.

Sakuya catches it before it can make a dusty mess, floating sideways fer some reason, before nearing us and righting. "...One problem. These things, they don't consistently obey the gravitational pulls. When they form… they manage some manner of anomaly, where they dodge the gravity, briefly enough to fall great distances and release their dirt."

They dodge the gravity and release their dirt. That's both completely surreal, and also oddly snuggly at the same time. Release their dirt…

"They release their dirt." I echo.

Sakuya looks disheartened! "I-... yes, that is what they do."

She looks down at the fluffle in her hands, and it tries to squirm out, but she keeps a tight hold on it. Her eyes narrow, as she holds it up closer…!

"Give it a sniff." I helpfully suggest.

"No." Sakuya is wiser!

An' then, she's just gone, and so is the fluffle. Uh oh…

"The way the maid spoke earlier…" Genkan speaks up, halfway inta her own slice. "Do other people tend to put other things, on pizza? Like… hmm."

"Ah, ye." Hoh. "I'm actually kind of an outlier, in that I don't put anything on it. Most people get cheese and other toppings. Like, pepperoni was a popular one, and if I remember right, those were like, sausage slices of some kind, basically."

Genkan nods at that! "Oh? Toppings…" Hoh. That is kind of a word that only comes up in regard ta like, pizza and ice cream. "If there's a name for that… manner of eating it, there must be more than a few variants."

Aw, yeah. "There is! Like, various kindsa meats, some people like the eccentric choice of like, pineapple slices fer some reason, some people have two or more at once…"

"I wanna pineapple!" Ha-chan really wants a pineapple! I have no idea if she'd like pineapple pizza, however…!

"I don't think I can think of any other… kinda regular food, that's so… variable, I guess." Maria finds some words, while we consume. "Aside from bread, I guess." Oh shit, she's right. There's like twenty thousand different types of bread.

"Muffins." Genkan immediately follows up…!

"I mean, now we're getting into desserts." Maria counters! "If we wanted to go that far, candy and cookies are also like that. I don't think comparing those to pizza is really fair."

"...Mmh." Genkan hums in agreeance… "I must say, this is overall… higher quality, than the previous ones we've had."

I'm sure every freakin' recipe in the mansion is a Sakuya family recipe, so ta speak. I wouldn't be surprised if she's had more experience than any other chef on the freakin' planet, by virtue of being a time god.

...Genkan looks at me, an' I look back at 'er! When she finishes her slice, she gingerly speaks up… "Has anyone ever put ice on pizza?" Wh- uh oh.

"No." I-... I'm gonna go with no. "Firm no! ...Some people can stomach it cold, but I like it warm!"

"I see." Genkan smiles down at the pizza! "Before you ask, no, yuki-onna don't eat ice regularly. If I may remind you, we don't need to eat human food, and we don't digest food like humans do."

Wait, yeah. "I've never seen ya take a shit before. I just realized…!"

Genkan smiles wider…! "I will never cease to be perplexed by the fact that humans must… do that. I don't know if I'll ever see that sort of action as anything but animalistic."

"S'cause we're actually animals!" She's not wrong, yo.

Anyway, let's stop talking about shit, 'cause we're eatin' a pizza. "Aw. Y'know what the best topping is."

...The girls slowly focus on me, and I grin! "None pizza, dude."

...Only Maria follows up, after a moment! "Nn- none pizza? Like-... like, just dough?"

"Yes." I nod. "None pizza."

Genkan's expression is dubious, when I center on her again…! "An' there's also another thing, where people like, order a pizza with one half having on set of toppings, and the other half has another set. Usually a thing fer like, couples to get two different flavors, but it could also be fer variety."

...She nods at that. "That makes sense."

"It's also lead to the wonderful combination of none pizza with left beef." I have achieved my entire life goal for the next ten minutes.

"Wh- what." Maria looks intimidated! "That's-... that's going too far. I feel like… cheese is kinda the point."

"It had like, two meatballs on it." I reinforce my grin! "Freakin'... it was a dinky pizza!"

"Tw- two…?" Genkan almost chuckles! "Considering the size of a pizza, that's pitiful."

We need a pizza where there's just an entire pineapple placed atop it. Only then, would Ha-chan be satisfied…!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Genkan's hands are propped under my arms, an' she slowly floats me up off the dining room… ceiling.

"Alright..." I beam up at the big, scarlet moon atop the tree! "We're gonna get to the bottom-... ooh!"

When Genkan floats far enough up, we start to tilt sideways in the air!

"Oo-" She finds it hard to properly hold me- or float even…! "This-... oh, gods."

"Don't ba~rf." Maria calls up to us, plainly!

Me an' Genkan both snort, 'cause after we got hit by that stomach-annihilation ray, we're really not easily queased anymore!

...Once she gets me further to the actual ground, we slowly flip into uprightness, adjusted to gravity again.

I wonder if I can fire a NERF dart that gets stuck in the gravity vortex, pulled on in all directions. Actually…

That'd hafta be near the scarlet moon ornament in the center of the room. It's big and pricey lookin', so I don't wanna tempt fate or anything.

"We should find that gatekeeper." Genkan suggests, as she lets me go at tha base a' the tree. Aw- dude, there's probably fake presents underneath it!

"We should." I agree, 'cause that would be fun. And, honestly, a massage after fillin' up on pizza would be good…

Ah, who'm I kiddin', dude.

From my bag, I draw the Red Scare, and aim it at the big scarlet moon ornament…! Let's try firing-... hm. Actually, it ought to hit the tip of the ornament. Let's see!

Pap! I fire one dart up at it!

fwish. It passes into the scarlet moon, and being the shiny plate that it is, it spins around real fast on its hinges after the dart strikes it. Ooh…?

Pap- fwish- pap pap- fwish, fwish. Huh. Can-... can I actually do anything like that? Wait.

Every time that big thing spins, a spot behind the tree lights up. A square becomes rainbow-accented, glowing for a moment, until the treetop stops spinning.

But when I turn, Genkan is suddenly really close! "Bra~d." Oo- oh? Please no boner. "I think, that last thing that would be kind to our patrons, is to break their most valuable looking… thing." She's not sure what ta call the Christmas ornaments…!

Also, her drawing out my name is inherently enticing. But anyway-

I walk on around the tree's upside-down… ceiling zone, to the tile I saw glowin'. "But- I saw a thing! Dude!"

"You have ten seconds." Genkan, why…!? "I'll remove you from this room if I have to."

Running up to the tile- was this where it was? Ah, fuck it.

Pap- fwish! I fire another dart through the dish-like moon. It spun on a top and bottom axis-like hinge. The moon itself was in a circular frame, that kept it from actually flyin' off and exploding.

Silently, a square panel amidst scarlet flooring glows with a very dim border of rainbow light, marking a pretty tiny square.

"...Oh?" Genkan notices it, when she trails behind me. "Um?"

I stand on the rainbow square, as it slowly dims. It's just in the middle of generic-ass carpet, so like… whah.

"Hmm." Genkan's not sure what to make of it herself! "...That is strange, I admit."

"Dude." I grin back! "Maybe it's a pop-up treasure, dude!"

Genkan looks neutral yet also mixed about the idea! "Pop-up treasure…?"

"Let me just- ouh…" I kneel down, and lemme tell ya, they make it look easy in the games…! My poor knee, dude. "The~re we go."

Even as the light fades, I continue ta kneel here.

...Genkan's got this look of morbid curiosity, as she just watches me do this.

Five seconds of silence pass. Ten seconds. Fifteen.

Maria walks up ta us with Ha-chan, having gotten down from the roof dining whatever-the-hell-ya-call-it. Dining ceiling! "Um."

I grin at her! "I'm standing vigil for the upside-down tree, dude."

Genkan seems to have relaxed. "You seem to be out of ideas."

"Maybe." I mean, it usually doesn't take like a minute of crouching to-

BWUBWUBWUBWUP. What- the fuck. Wait… aw.

Slowly, from the strange tile floor that marks a circle under the upside-down tree and scarlet moon ornament, a spazzing rainbow treasure chest floats up out of the floor.

It stops right there before us, sittin' on the tile floor, flashing all the colors of the rainbow with enough velocity to require a seizure warning…! It's even emitting light, holy shit!

Genkan lets her mouth hang open! "You- have to be-... how. This couldn't be guessing anymore. How do you just know these things…?"

"What did you do." Maria gawks at the chest too! "What-... you sat there- and it appeared."

"Konami pop-up treasures, dude!" I explain absolutely nothing!

Gettin' up outta kneeling- almost losin' my freakin' balance on the way- I bound up to the rainbow chest, and tilt it open!

Ooh, holy shit, there's good stuff in here! Like-...

I take out a blood red dress. Well, s'a bit dark. More like scarlet or crimson, with a lotta black. It's Remilia-sized, too. Or maybe Flandre-sized.

Either way, shit's not fittin' on me or Genkan. I already tried one of Remi's outfits once, never again…!

"I found a small dress." What a reward, dude. What else is in here…

There's a giant, neon green sack. It's full of-... oh. Like… one yen coins. It's so fuckin' heavy though, holy shit.

"...Genkan!" I need help! "Help me scoop all these pennies inta my bag!" Gettin' out my own sack, I fold it open!

Still kinda flabbergasted, she reaches in-...

"Hnn-" Her breasts press against the huge bag, as she slowly lifts it. "This-... this is- immensely heavy…" Holy shit…!

She sluggishly tilts it forward, and my eyes widen as I hold my bag way open-

FWII~SH! Glittering, shiny, new yen coins waterfall into my sack! "Aw, yes, du~de!" They're so bright, amidst this chest's rainbow light! These might all be worth nothing on their own, but there's probably like, twenty bucks here between all of these! Or like, two thousand yen.

"Wh- what the he~ck!" Maria beams as she watches the waterfall of cash pour in, though!

"Yeheha~h!" Let's play it up even more, just because this looks like a real big dick moment! "Ye~s, du~de!"

Genkan's eyes slowly widen, as she slowly lfits the bag higher and higher…!

The roar of metal clicking and glittery, rainbow ecstasy ends as quickly as it begins though, and now it's just Genkan shaking the last trickles of yen from within the bag.

"Yo ho ho…" I shake my head, dude. "S'a pirate's life fer me, dude." I need a pirate hat. Next time I visit the temple, dude…

"That-..." Genkan seems ta have calmed down, too. "You know those were all one yen, right?"

"Oh, I know." I give a flat nod! Some day in the near future, a shopkeeper is going to have a really bad day.

"Wh-..." Maria didn't, though! "...Of- of course. They… were they all one yen?"

"Yes." Me and Genkan reply at the same time…!

Also, this tiny red-black dress…

Takin' the dress, and the flower hat thing that went with it, I hand it ta Maria! "Guess what, ya got a fancy dress now. Now you can go to the prom! That, the Human Village probably doesn't have..."

Maria snorts, accepting it. "...It's um, probably not ice resistant, so I dunno how much it's even good for. Um…" She stares down at it, now that it's in her hands. "It's-... kinda… magical, though. Su- surprisingly so, actually."

I wonder. "...Maria, do you know how ta read resistances?"

"No." Maria shook her head! "...But, since we're um, you know, where we are, I could probably learn, now that it's on my mind."

If we had an on-the-road appraiser, we'd be at least twenty percent less assholeish about our equipment!

Since Maria doesn't have a hat, she does put on the fake lookin' rose, though. It's basically just a rose with a black, thorny and adjustable stem, which she kinda just slides into her hair.

Wait- I was wrong! Maria does have a hat! It's those grey-red ear winglet things she put on back at the Eientei rave party! But, she puts on the rose anyway. S'not a freakin' RPG, they don't take up too much room for each other!

...Although, between the ear wings, the rose, and the yellow shirt with a picture of a snowflake on it, we've slowly been turning her more and more into a hipster…!

"Those accessories don't go with your outfit at all." Genkan addresses the issue!

...Maria shrugs. "I mean… they're all magical, so they might help me not die. And- at this point, I'd rather look like a weirdo and not die, than look nice while I'm dying." Oh, man.

...When, Genkan says nothin', I give Maria a big thumbs-up! "Well said, yo!"

Ha-chan runs past us, looking excited. Wat.

fwii~sh. Oo- oh fuck. It's another one of those fluffles- the ones with the bombs for arms instead of fins!

"Wh-" Maria holds up a staff! "Guys- look out!"

Fwash. Genkan freezes it solid.

...Oh. We slowly center our gaze on her.

Wait- Genkan, hol' the fuck up now! "Yo-"

"Genkan- wait!" Maria holds up her staff again!

Genkan's raised her hand, to smash the ice! "Perish." Wh- dude-

KRACK! She smashes the ice horizontally-

KABOOM! Son…!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We have found… the front lobby, again. It's like, the easiest place to find in the entire mansion, somehow.

We're all slightly wet, covered in slight slush from that freakin' muffled explosion.

Genkan's somewhere between calm and embarrassment, givin' the hallway ahead an unreasonably cute level glare.

Every time we're ambushed by a bomb fluff from Maria's ear winglet accessories, we agree to never speak of it again! This time especially…!

"In my defense…" Genkan decides to talk about it again! "I did not expect the bombs to work, with the wicks frozen."

"...Well." Maria gave her an unsure kinda look! "They do."

Genkan slowly pans to her! "...Do they."

Maria grins back, but doesn't say anything!

We reach the front doors of the mansion. Aw, this is around where we sent Komi into the next goddamn dimension with an all-out team combo attack.

Crea~k. Genkan easily pushes one of the huge double doors ahead fer the rest of us. I mean, they're not the heaviest doors ever, but they can kinda kick your ass a little…

Thankfully, we were only slightly slushified by the kaboom, so we didn't have to be extremely depressed that we got whunked right after relaxing.

My camoumono, freshly clean after our last bathventure, keeps me defended from the whipping winds. Why's it so windy out here, at half-day…?

Anyway, we're here to heckle Meiling!

The cool air seems ta perk up Genkan. "...It's nice and breezy out here, today." She inhales, dude. "The air-... outside the manor, it's so… fresh."

Yeah, the manor air is… if not stale, stagnant. Which is comfy in its own way, but emergin' outside is always really cool 'cause of it!

We come on up to the gate, and I get out Lion's Lindwurm from my sack, s'the one with like, the guitar hanger, among others!

CLA~NG! I whack the gate really hard! "Yeehaw!"

Genkan cringes, and doubles back! "Brad-...!" Wahaha!

"Wh-" Then, Meiling stumbles from her station, awoken by the loud bang! "...Oh." Lookin' back inside, she notices us here. "Uh…"

"Hi." I wave at her. "We- we got a jingle jangle problem."

"I've been sniffing fluffles." Maria knows what's up!

"I still wanna pineapple…" Ha-chan's not lettin' that go, dude.

...Brows raised, Genkan nods, accepting our collective input as she nears the gate before the rest of us. "I'd take it… that you are knowledgeable with massages, miss... gate guard." I mean, at least she didn't call 'er China. Ahah, ahah, yeah dead meme. For Marisa-eyes only.

Meiling smiles, only accepting Genkan's input! "Oh, yeah? Who's askin'?"

"...Me." Genkan decides, after a moment. "Um. I'd-... you see, neither myself, or Brad here, have received a massage… in some time. In his case, never. So… I was wondering…"

...With a moment's thought, and a shrug, Meiling grinned! "We~ll… I'm gonna hafta leave the gate here unattended fer a moment, but…"

Crea~k. She pushes it open, and grazes on in amongst us. "S'no big deal, I'm sure." Aw.

Immediately, she leads ahead of us, towards the door again. "Since it's cold out, we're gonna go somewhere a li'l more suited. Believe it or not, we actually got a room fer massages. Rarely used as it is!"

I mean, considering you've also got a giant assfuck cross room, the stars are the limit…!

...Then, once we're at the front door again, Meiling snorts. "You guys sure are quiet." S'been like one minute.

"I'm tubby." I defend myself.

"...Sorry." Genkan apologizes! "I just- don't have much to say."

Maria's lookin' around, searching the corners of the room ahead. Maybe she's trying to find fluffles.

Meiling immediately picks the right hallway, once she pushes the front door in without hardly thinkin' about it. "Anyway, when we get there, whoever wants ta go first is gonna hafta go shirtless. S'a lot easier that way." Aw.

"Is… that so." Genkan isn't sure what ta make of that. "Brad, I propose you go first." Aw.

"Yes, dude." I'm interested in the concept!

As we near the entrance of the foyer's rightmost hallway entrance, Meiling gives 'er a smirk! "Any special reason him first? You just shy, o~r…?"

"A little." Genkan admits! "But… aa- aside from that, I decided so arbitrarily."

Meiling nods. "Aah. I see. So…" Suddenly, she twists her torso back around again, beaming at Genkan! "You just wanna see him shirtless!"

Maria snorts, an' speaks before Genkan can! "They already took a bath together earlier today."

"Wh- ah…!?" Meiling's surprised! "Woah!" She even rotates around, walkin' backwards as she looks over us! "No shit!? I- I mean-...!"

...Slowly, Genkan looms closer to Maria! "You could have just said we were boyfriend and girlfriend." Genkan gets really close ta her! "You didn't have to illuminate absolutely everything."

...Maria gives a playfully aggressive look back! "Be brave, Genkan…!"

Meiling snaps her fingers. "Aw, I got it. Snow lady…"

Genkan meets her gaze. Meiling continues. "What if I taught ya how to give a decent massage?"

...Ooh. Oh, boy.

"That-..." Genkan's expression becomes pensive. "You know, I um, wouldn't mind that."

Smilin' more smuggly, Meiling twists forward again, an' keeps goin'. "That's what I thought."

Hoh. Y'know, now that I think about it, me and Meiling have hardly interacted to any lengthy capacity. S'probably why she wasn't completely flabbergasted by me and Genkan existing…!

As Meiling searches the doors on the side of this long hallway- which we blazed down earlier- she speaks again. "What made a snow lady decide on a human? If it ain't too embarrassing ta ask."

"I've had to repeat this a lot today." Genkan criticizes the general public…! "He's… smart, and kind. I love him."

Meiling has nothin' ta say to that, past takin' it in. Fer now, at least.

It's a brief minute, 'fore she comes to a room door. "Al~right. I wanted the mistress ta make this style into a whole hall wing, but it always keeps gettin' pushed back…"

When she pushes it open, stalkin' inside, we follow…

Ooh. Oo~h.

The whole room is somewhat dimly lit, with jade light. Raised, sorta-medical beds make a pattern in the midst of the room; and by that, I mean there's six of them, in two lines a' three.

Them paper walls made of a grid of wood line each side of the room. Not sure what purpose they serve, or where the vague jade light that emanates from behind them comes from. Are there more rooms?

In any case, Meiling moves up ta one of the tables! "This is the super unused massage room!" Ooh!

"How massagy." It's pretty oriental, alright…

Meiling snorts. "Massagy? I guess if asian equates ta massages." Then, she pursed her lips. "Y'know, that's not entirely wrong. I can't think a' many other cultures that do it quite the same. Europe's kinda got a thing fer it, or used to, but it was… it was fer leisure and company an' stuff, not necessarily skilled therapy or anything."

I could see that kinda environment. Was probably rarer than in China and Japan, considering Asia land like, had all that magic shit about qi or qui… chi? Chakra…!? Magic blood vein bullshit!

"So…" Standing in the room's middle, Meiling's arms prop onto her own hips! "We still havin' mister guy there go first? Brad, was it?" Holy shit, she somehow knows…!

"I believe so." Genkan decides for me…! "Of us here, he needs it the most." Y'know- maybe she's right…!

Meiling snorts. "Y'sure ya don't wanna just feel him up?"

"I'm pretending it's not." Genkan pretty much just admits it…! "Work with me here."

Smiling again, Meiling strolls towards the center-left blue bed thing. "Al~right. Well, not that what I'll have ya do won't be real technique. This'll be stuff you guys can use for a lotta different things, and not just gettin' each other horny or something."

Then, she looks at me! "First, we gotta see what we're workin' with, here. Off with the shirt, Brad-guy."

...I almost go to take it off the normal kimono way, before I remember I got magic that can just do that fer me! "Oh, right." Hol' up, lemme…

After focusing, particularly on the chest torso region, I feel myself drift into the air…

Fwi- click. Aah, there we go, kimono-begone. Instead, I'm wearing Miko's skirt pants thing, 'cause it's pants. My kimono doubled as both pants and chest on its own, so I had ta put on actual pants, too.

Suddenly, Meiling strolls up ta me, and outright just lays her hands on me- which is weird, I'm not from a land a' physical contact son-

"Oh…?" Meiling mostly uses her hands ta force me into rotating, though. "Oh. What… the-... what do you do all day?" I'm not sure what emotion she's experiencing! "You're-... thin like Sakuya, but frail and creaky like Patchy. Well, not too much, 'cause it seems like you've been running around and getting some light exercise, but… what've you been doing all your life? Sitting down…!?"

I raise a finger! "That's exactly what I've been doing! Well, up until the last few months..."

...When I rotate back around, she's just givin' me a half-depressed, half-displaced, one third-amused look! "You're weird. Alright, lie down. On your stomach." She gestured to the bed… thing.

It's like, table-height, so gettin' onto it is like, ten percent more involved than normal.

As I do, I actually got a quick question… "Do ya massage fairies too, actually?"

Meiling snorted. "Well, yeah. More ta practice massaging than for them. Their bodies fix themselves."

Ooh. "Didja massage that Brittany dude, at some point!?"

"...What a weird question." Meiling criticizes me, before grinnin' back! "I don't think he- she- it wants anything to do with me! Which is fine, honestly. I'm skeptical about inter-dimensional foolery. Pretty sure he left 'fore I could really talk with 'em."

Oh? He just, left? Y'can just do that? I think I remember Brittany sayin' he established a freakin'... back-and-forth between the mansion and his mansion.

Does that mean anyone can go to and from his weird ass sex dimension? ...Not that I'd wanna. One Gensokyo is big enough for me!

Actually. What if another Genkan exists over there. ...Tempting thought, but I'm sure the meeting would be more cursed than it would be helpful…!

...Then, noticing her gentle skittishness, Meiling gestures for Genkan to come closer. "Co- c'mere. Aren't you already a pair? Shouldn't cutesy shame be over with?"

"It comforts me." Genkan countered immediately! "Let me handle that at my own pace."

"Pft." Meiling held her hands up. "Awright, sorry. Just sayin', I don't think anyone here'd look down on a relationship, 'specially one as… I dunno. Y'don't see a yuki-onna run around with a human! Typically, humans are on a yuki-onna's 'to eat' list!"

"Not that he doesn't provide heat, either." Genkan brought that back up… "Or rather-"

"I know how ya work." Meiling's savvy…! "I mean, before this Gensokyo thing, I'm pretty sure there were some other weird cases of human to yuki-onna romance. So it ain't unheard of…"

Genkan blinked! "...Re- really? How'd those turn out?"

Meiling gave a vague shrug, with just her shoulders, fer an instant. "Who's to really say? All I heard were the fables, an' between you and me, I don't always hold 'em too close to heart. They're passed around so often, an' people change parts… just 'cause they wanna, really."

"...I see." Genkan accepted that. I dunno if Meiling was sayin' that she heard twenty million different things, or if she dodged the question. "Perhaps, later, I'll ask Brad about it. Maybe the outside world still shares something about my kind."

She's not entirely wrong, actually! Just, y'know, not as much as you'd hope, perhaps…

"Anyway!" Meiling had little else ta say about that, so she moved on! "Let's really see how fucked his back is." Uh oh. "...Lotion's not really required fer natural massages, but y'know, you can do that if that's your thing."

"Hmm." Genkan's probably not into that for now, I bet…

"So." Meiling lays her hands on my back, and holy shit. They're warm! "First, findin' knots is gonna be important. Tight places, rigid muscles- not that he has a ton to begin with- and aches where the bones an' other interior-but-exterior bits are. They get all… kinda wrong."

Genkan lays her hands on my back with ease, considering what happened earlier today. They're cold! "Knots…?"

Meiling snorted. "Well, they ain't literal knots, but that's kinda what they're like. Lemme see…"

Slowly, Meiling drifts her hands against my back, pressing down in places, feeling me.

The way this bed is designed, there's a convenient place fer my chin, so I don't have to lie with my neck facin' one direction. Well-designed!

Meiling's hands are sorta rough, but- man, I'm just-... melting. Genkan's hands are silky, comparatively.

"Wow." Meiling begins. "Holy shit." Uh oh…! "Dude, you've been sleeping on rocks? So the stories are true!" What stories…!?

"Sto- stories…?" Genkan snorts!

"Yeah!" Meiling grins, probably! "Ya'd be surprised what people tell me, just 'cause I stand in front a' the gate. An' yeah, Brad, I asked about you once or twice, since ya kept coming back. And, Flan talks about ya sometimes." Ah, well, everything's startin' to come together…

"I hate to break it to you," she continued, "but you might need to take it easy with the… rock sleeping. 'Cause your back is all kindsa beat-up. Stiff as a board and sturdy as a gravel wall." Uh oh.

"I always felt like he was… oddly stiff." Genkan admitted!

"Ah, oddly stiff, huh." Meiling nodded. "Y'know, there's a remedy for that. Y'see, when a boy and a girl love each other…"

"Not- in that way." Genkan presses against my back slightly harder! "I'm not sure if I misspoke, or if you're simply perverted."

Meiling's right hand nears the back of my neck. "...Wha~t. How's a neck this stiff. This is gettin' weird…!"

"And…" Meiling continues summore, "it was probably obvious, but all your qi lines are basically nonexistent with how badly mangled you are. Yer a minefield." Uh oh.

"Is that a bad thing?" Genkan wondered.

Meiling snorted a little. "Well, no. Most humans don't really have good ethic with their body's energy processes, an' I expect outsiders even less so, 'cause of their highly synthetic world. S'kinda ironic, now that I think about it. Still, it could make muscle memory harder, and like… physically, it makes yer life harder in a lot of ways, but… I dunno how to say it. Not really ways you'd ever experience, probably."

Aah. I think I get it. Like, if Meiling had my body, she'd probably be in indescribable, crippling… I dunno, dread, or uselessness? Maybe some pain? Meanwhile, if I had her body, I'd feel like fuckin' superman!

"Also, reminded me." Meiling tilted her head back a little. "Are you in pain, right now?"

Uh. "No?"

"Good, good." Meiling nodded. "Probably kinda used to it, then." Uh…!?

"Let's get started!" Meiling abruptly decides! "So… Genkan, was it? What ya oughta do first, is feel for his knots, as I said. You can probably tell, by how tense some- or uh, all- of his back is, and how randomly distributed that tension is."

The hands runnin' across my back already feel good, and they're not doing anything to me yet even…!

"There's a couple levels to this sorta thing." Meiling went on ta say. "There's the surface-level muscle tension and aches, the knots, and then the deep tissue. Deep tissue massage kinda hurts at first, but helps a lot, 'cause it's meant for easin' like… trapped nerves, injury recovery, releasing energy, working with qi, and undoing some of the imperfections left by potions and healing magic." Ooh?

"...Healing magic leaves imperfections?" Genkan wondered. Yeah, I wonder too!

"Well, on the greater biological level, not unless it's way too much." Meiling seemed ta be gettin' focused. "Like, using a god-tier restoration spell on a human just gives them some kinda mutation or cancer that instantly wipes them out. But, when the tissue reforms from regular magic, some of it remembers what the body went through, and others kinda… don't share the right energy channels anymore. It can kinda screw things up, especially if yer a martial artist."

She pats my back! "But, some good massage work can undo like, all of that!" Wh- how. "It reminds yer muscles what's what!"

...After an idle moment, she followed up. "Improperly made health potions too are a nightmare on tissue regeneration. S'why you don't see people casting healing magic like nothing. Kinda has an art to it. Even wishin' for a prefab… like, the cure spell series eats an obscene amount of mana ta do what it does, and it's not even that good at what it does."

Y'know, this just makes me feel even better that I went all in on ice resistance. As far as I'm aware, I haven't grown any extra limbs 'cause of absorbing an element…!

Actually, lemme ask that… "How's like-... healing from absorbing elemental magic work?"

...Meiling pauses a moment! "I- I mean, that might depend on the kinda magic. S'kinda out of my knowledge. But, I've never heard a bad story 'bout it. From what I know, it just accelerates the body's natural processes… 'cause, if you absorb an element, you gotta in part be of that element, right? Some crap ya wear changes what ya are, believe it or not."

Huh. Wait, s'that mean wearing an ice kimono technically makes me an ice elemental? Genkan did say, awhile ago, that wearing that kimono made my body temperature stop doing its temperature things.

"Now." Meiling nodded. "Let's start on them knots, Genkan. How about… his shoulders."

Genkan's hands travel to my shoulders. "What should I do?"

"Follow this motion." Meiling presses her palm into my right shoulder-

Cr- crack. Wh- oo-

...Meiling pauses for a moment. "Dude. Wait…" She places both hands on my neck…

Cr- cr… crack. Crack. I- don't know what the fuck she did, but it felt… neutral, if a little good! She moved it like, independent of my head itself, and stretched it, I guess.

"Alright, now the tension won't hurt ya." Wh- how. "Lemme just-" She starts to knead a circle into my shoulder- woah. That's-

Crack. The rhythmic motion makes my shoulder and neck creak again. "Ho- holy shit…"

"Yeah- your body's pretty fuckin' fucked!" Meiling admits! "This is gonna take awhile!" Y'don't say…!

Wh- ow. Holy shit- she feels at my shoulders proper, and squeezes a hand on my right shoulder's top, near the collar. "Wh-.. does that hurt?"

"Kinda!" I admit!

"How." Meiling is actually surprised…! "What the hell do you do to yourself. This all from the outside?"

I nod! "...Comes from starin' at a screen all day!"

...Meiling slowly nods, too. "Man- the outside's fuckin' scary now. Your neck's wasted. Like…"

She feels along my spine-

Cr- crack, crack. She presses the muscles around it into place, and suddenly- li- like-...

"Wo-... woah." My eyes are wide…! Relief, somehow!

"I don't actually know what to say." Meiling is completely lost…! "How are you even alive right now." Is- is it that bad…!?

...At Genkan's vague alarm, Meiling clarifies! "Aa- as in, he's so weak, and his muscles so tense and locked an' bad, like… if someone came up and just fought him on the street, he'd just get blown away. He couldn't even move a pile a' wood on his own, without bein' a total mess at the end of it. How's someone like this not just get murdered?" Ho- hoh, shit…! Don't say the M word…!

"Funny you say that." Genkan monotones back!

Meiling snorts pityingly…! "Re- really? Well… shit! Yer boy's lucky, then!"

Yeah. I am!

krik. She presses near my lower back, and just… aa- aah…

"Question." Meiling poses a question, dude. "You been twisting yourself into pretzels?"

"Nn- no?" Not really…?

"Wro~ng." Meiling presses into my sides, where my ribs are-

crack. Wo- woa~h! "Ya crack as much as one!"

Then, she looks up at Genkan. "Alright, now we can start wit' knots…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENKAN'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Addressing Brad's shoulders, I try and follow Meiling's motions. She had kneaded the back of it, but also seemed to use the base of her palms on his upper shoulder…

So, I do the same to his left side. He's tense in more ways than one; both natively, and also from the social tension of being handled by multiple girls at once.

As we work both of his shoulders however, he quickly melts. How are his shoulders… this bad? That might explain some things, regarding his arm strength. The way he reacts, they're for some reason… very sensitive.

Occasionally, Meiling brings her hand to his neck, just above the base, and seems to feel at it as if checking it.

"Of course, on yer own, yer gonna hafta do both shoulders yerself." Meiling removed her hands from his right shoulder. "Even if it ain't exactly required, try symmetrical motions. They feel real good!"

I knew that much. Not about knots, but the basics of giving a leisurely massage. No sister I've ever massaged has been… as excessively tense or, apparently, as annihilated as Brad's shoulders are.

I'm not sure if I match Meiling's pressure, but I press hard, trying to work the tension from his shoulders. I'm also not sure if his little reactions are a good or a bad thing, at the moment.

Meiling instead turns her attention to his back, somewhat down from the shoulders. She seems to demonstrate how some proper dual-handed motions work, using her palms and thumbs, and a lot of pressure.

"If ya wanna work on the shoulders specifically, try some soft chop motions." Meiling notices my attempts. "Like, papapapa." She superficially uses the sides of her palms to tap Brad's back. Hmm. "S'good for some momentary loosenin' up."

So, I start doing that. Perhaps I should use thumb motions on the upper back soon instead…

The body is quite confusing. This makes me realize how many similarities the human body and the yuki-onna body share, in muscle structure. I know very little about either, but they seem to feel similar.

"Hmm. Ah." Meiling makes some contemplative noises, before suddenly leaning down and taking a few steps back.

She uses her forearms to press hard against his back, and his posture instantly straightens, making him fidget as he has to completely straighten out.

Cr- crack. "Aa-" He makes a little noise, after she… I don't even know. She cracked his back somewhat. Again.

"Actually…" Meiling holds up his right arm, and traces her hand along it. "Aha. The mystery continues! Lemme guess: they make ya work in factories on the outside!"

"Wh- what, no…!" Brad confirms that the outside is, at least, not that terrible.

"I'm outta ideas, then."

Pursing her lips, Meiling starts to stretch his right arm back. Um…

Cr- cr- crack. It- it almost looks like she's about to bend it the wrong way, and I'm not entirely sure if she bends it the right way, but she's… really pushing it, if she is.

"Wh- aa- uu…" Brad might actually be in some pain. "Ow…!" He is.

"I know." Meiling planned for this, apparently. "Y'got a trapped nerve here…!"

She slowly brings it over his head, his eyes widening as she pulls the arm past his head and out some, still twisted three different ways. "Wha~t- the fu~ck…"

"And-... there." She exhales, and begins to bring his arm back-

crack. "Oo- ooo~!" Brad hisses. "Hoo~...!"

...Then, once she lets go of his arm, he seems to experimentally articulate his fingers. "Hoh…"

"I don't know what tha' fuck ya've been doin' with that right arm, but you really did whatever it was ya were doin'!" Meiling commentates on Brad's mysteriously crippled muscles.

"Imagine if like-..." Brad speaks. "Patchy had like, one book, that had all the other books in the library inside a' it. My life has been basically sittin' in front a' somethin like that, and my right hand was like… used fer a specific tool that allowed fer precise uh, precise navigation."

...I'm about as lost as Meiling is. What?

"Aah." Meiling nodded. "Wait… s'that that computer thing? I've heard an-... a comparison like that before."

"Yeah, it is!" Brad exclaims. So-... that's that computer he spoke of. I remember him saying something similar before. I'd considered the outside world a dreary place then, but I hadn't known it'd have an effect on the human body too.

Yesterday, Brad had even briefly shown me a computer. His right arm was on that… multi-buttoned part. A small, white wedge on the screen had reacted to his movements, and he'd moved it with such precision. I didn't understand what was going on, with the colorful screen, or what any of it represented, but he had an odd attachment to the interface that I could feel despite his brief moment with it. A kind of practiced familiarity, like when I'd see one of my sisters sit down before, or pick up an instrument.

Then, there was the moment where he paused, read my confusion, and decided that in that moment, he was better off explaining nothing. Some things are better understood than taught or told, and you can't speak understanding.

Maybe, one day, I can persuade him to teach me more. Since he always tries to tell me about technology and the outside, I hadn't thought to press him. Especially since there were many people there…

Using the sides of my hands, and my thumbs, I start kneading his upper back.

He's so vulnerable, like this. Of note, it seems like his acne went to his back, instead of his face. While his face is spotless, there's more pimples and imperfections here than on any other part of him. It's mostly noticeable now, rather in the bath, because soap and water aren't smoothing it out.

That said, his skin is much smoother now. I've done a good job.

His hair is still somewhat straight from the bath, but the wetness is quickly wearing off, and it's fluffing up again.

"Well, that ain't good for ya!" Meiling eventually decided, as she kneaded Brad's lower back. "I say this ta Patchy too, you should walk around outside more often!"

...I'm sure. He does enough of that now, I'm pretty sure.

"Ye- yeah, thanks…" Brad's about as knowingly sarcastic about her advice as I am internally.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

That took some doing…

It's probably… not too long since we started, but likely twenty or thirty minutes.

My part and learning is done, essentially. Meiling's putting the finishing touches on him.

Cra- cra- crack. Every press she does against him makes multiple cracks.

Fwi- fwish! The fairy wings he receives from quadruple jumping randomly flare from him, as Meiling pummels his back into submission. "Uu- whoah-"

Krkrkrack. Alright, I've had enough of watching this and just trusting her. "Is this healthy?" People… don't typically sound like- whatever this is.

Meiling pauses, before continuing and nodding. "It's deep tissue. It'll help his qi balance, among other things. An' it's to undo sleeping on rocks for forever…!"

It's the most helpful part of the whole process. But it's no regular massage, and it's nothing I could be doing.

Meiling presses one thumb precisely along his back, twists that whole hand by just her thumb against his back, and then uses her other hand to press down.

"Wh- oooaa~!" Brad twists his head, like his insides are being twisted. "Ho- holy shit…!" At least nothing cracked like a stick.

"...I thi~nk." Pressing down hard onto Brad's back again, Meiling rubs out any of the damage she inadvertently caused. "I think that's good! Get up an' try movin' around!"

...Once she releases him, he moves. Slowly, unsurely, Brad uses his arms to push himself up.

"Wh-..." His eyes widen, as he positions himself into sitting. "Ooh."

Then, he stands.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

That was somewhat painful! But, not like, unbearable, or the worst thing either.

My limbs all produce myriad, refreshing clicks as I get onta my feet, and just like-...

Holy shit.

Cr- crack. I crack my neck, an' then my knuckles.

I try hookin' at the air- 'cause my limbs are so limber, and then-

woosh. I kick, dude! Oo- oh shit- then I stumble back onto balance, 'cause throwing that kick undoes most of it…!

"So limber now, aren't'cha?" Meiling notes!

"I've got a need fer speed!" Like… I feel like I can look at stuff better, too! I feel good!

Fwish! Wh- oh shit! Those magical fairy wings bloom from my back, fer a moment!

Genkan rubs her face, 'cause my wings whunked her. "What-...?"

I look behind myself, but they ain't there!

"I hope you know what those are!" Meiling smiles unsurely! "Whenever yer qi and magic flares, they like… strike back." My wings attack people, dude. Wait…

Can I just summon them, now? Not that they're like, useful in any way. But if I can, I can surprise people, dude!

Fwish! I face my back ta Genkan, and my wings attack!

"No- really, why." Meiling really wants to know! "I refuse ta believe yer just part fairy."

"The fairies like me, dude." I'm pretty much accurate in saying that!

"That doesn't answer my question!" Meiling grins back!

"That's the short of it…!" I retort! "Waddaya want from me?"

...She gives up! "Well, sure. Whatever it is, it uses your life energy, if you weren't already aware."

"Does it drain from it?" That's the important question!

She snorts, an' shakes her head. "Well… no."

Good. Aw…

We turn to Genkan, who's lookin' cuddly and casual.

Maria, Ha-chan and some fluffles are gathered around the opposite medical bed. What're they freakin' doin'...

"Didn't you wanna massage, too?" Meiling smiles at Genkan. "It's his turn ta please you!"

Genkan looks put on the spot! "Aa-... oh. Um. Right."

...She reaches fer her sweater's bottom. "Just shirtless, right?"

Meiling snorted. "It'll be smoother if everything comes off. No fuss wit' the bra bands, or bindings."

"Oo-... oh." Genkan is now very intimidated… even though I pretty much saw her on full display like a couple hours ago.

She looks over at me right at the moment I was lookin' down at her boobs. "...Hi." Help.

Inhaling, she reached for the hem of her maroon sweater, and lifted.

With it off, her breasts briefly bounced in place. That's… never not gonna be mesmerizing.

"So that's what the skirt was supposed ta pair with." Meiling slowly nodded, takin' in the cow-styled bra.

Genkan's skin is so pale. Like, snow-white. When she's just in the cow skirt and her bra, she's like… a step above naked.

Her face reddens, as she stares at me starin' at her. "...Turnabout is fair play, I suppose. Yet… something about this- doesn't entirely feel fair."

Yeah, no one cares about a guy's boobs. I say this, as Genkan stares at my chest idly for some reason.

"Anyway." Meiling took in a breath, readying herself. "Yer bra's gonna hafta come off."

...I catch Maria lookin' over from behind! Ha-chan doesn't even notice…

After a brief moment, Genkan smiles, as her face reddens further. "...Aa- actually. Um." She looks at me. "Brad… do you know how to unclip a bra?"

Um. Uuh. "...No, but I could try…!"

"How don't you know." Meiling is confused…! "I'll help ya both out-"

I mean, it doesn't look too hard. There's a-... aw. There's just a cloth hook in the back, here.

Plainly, I undo the hook- oh.

The cow bra falls off. "Aa-" Genkan's arms perk up, freezing in place…!

Fwash. Her boobs become the smaller boobs. Y'know-... they're not actually that much smaller. They're reasonably sized now!

...Genkan turns around halfway, and- ohp, yep, boobs. Holy shit.

Me an' Genkan just keep staring at each other! "Compared to earlier, this really isn't so bad." Genkan supposed. "...I'm reminded of how often I casually let you bury your face between them."

Y'know, yeah. It started 'cause she thought literally nothing of me, so it wasn't anything weird for her!

Also, I'm still stunned. She's- so beautiful.

"You people are weird." Meiling decided! "I half wanna propose a breast massage just ta see what'd happen!"

"Nn- not in front of you, we're not." Genkan- y'know, that implies-

She struts over to the bed where I was, and climbs on herself. Holy shit- seeing her move her body is-... it's a show, alright…!

"Nnh…" She laid down, and her breasts pressed against the mat-like bed top.

...Standin' across the bed from me, Meiling gave me a smile! "Summon your courage, Brad! Since her body's a whole lot better, I think I'm gonna… show ya how to make her feel good."

Oh.

Immediately, Meiling rolls her palms and fingers across Genkan's back. "Oh, oh, yeah. She's a little tense, but…" She felt Genkan's shoulders. "Oh, yeah. Healthy youkai body. Cool."

Reaching over- aa- Meiling takes my hands. "Hey, Genkan, how pervy're ya okay with?"

"Wh- what kind of question is that?" Genkan wasn't sure how to answer that…!

"Like, can we rub yer butt? Fine with him gettin' near yer tits?" Meiling- is really forthright, holy shit! "Like- you people are weird, I'unno how close you are to each other. I'm guessin' close."

"...If- if you get near my rear, I won't mind." Genkan's surprisingly okay with things, so far…! "Nothing intentionally sexual."

"Keep it classy, then." Meiling gave no one in particular one big nod. "Alright, Brad. Let's make her change her mind!" Genkan, I don't think ya realized what ya signed us up for…!

An' why's Maria suddenly paying a lot of attention…!? Actually, no, son. I know exactly why. Genkan's all but like one-eighth naked, an' I'm half-naked.

Then, Meiling presses my hands hard into Genkan's back, and together we begin kneading her already smooth skin.

Genkan's skin is, as everyone guessed, soft and smooth. Meiling immediately brings my hands back for a long motion up her back…

It's one long pu~sh. I feel my hands brush across like, all her back's skin, up to her neck.

"Nn." Genkan makes a tiny noise. Ooo...

We keep pushing on her upper back, and Meiling forces me to use my thumbs and knuckles to roll into each like… does the back have shoulder plates? Is that just upper-back?

"Aa-" Genkan likes that, apparently…! "Hnh."

"Squeezin' sensations can be kinda funky." Meiling provides, as we do a squeezing sensation."A lot of it's kinda similar to the principles of a simple destressin' massage. Just, ya can afford to superficially caress more."

My hands are drawn down her sides, Meiling's fingers careful to keep mine away from Genkan's boob region, but allowing them to brush her stomach.

When I run my hands down her hips, this starts to really sink in…! This is freakin' lewd!

We repeat this process for a couple passes. Every time my hands stroke straight up Genkan's sides, she squirms a little, and I'm gonna be honest son my body can't handle that.

Meiling varies the pressure a little, and we press particularly rough on the fourth pass down her sides-

"Nn- aa…" Holy shit. She cooed. This makes my penis the big penis.

Then, suddenly, Meiling crosses my arms, and we press down hard on the nook of Genkan's back-

"Aa- nnh." Genkan's really surprised by how Meiling makes my hands press! I- I gotta remember these motions…!

Meiling noticed how hard I was blushing! "Keep yerself tagether, now. We ain't outta the woods yet."

There's something satisfying, about making circles in her back like this. Like… it feels good to get a response outta her like this. Even when I'm not getting a total rise outta her, she kinda twitches as I just do… and, y'know, I love abso- freakin'- lutely everything she does.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENKAN'S PERSPECTIVE ====

This is dangerous. Again.

Brad's hands have way more force than I'd imagined. Meiling must be helping him. Still…

He- he's tracing my sides again. Getting worked up- just lying here, might be a problem.

I hadn't imagined, that hands from anyone but my sisters would be this-... stimulating.

I suppose I'll be honest with myself. I like it when Brad touches me.

Then, he starts to use his knuckles to work down my back again, around the sides of my spine. Ironically… I might have needed all of this. That special bra… it's ironically hard on my back.

It feels nice being back to my normal size. They feel… natural. Also, so much lighter. It's not a huge size difference, but it's a huge weight difference.

I need bras that aren't breast enhancers.

"Aa-" Br- Brad caught me off-guard again, when his knuckles met the nook of my back.

...Meiling has an awful suggestion. "Brad. Yer nails- her sides."

"Whah." Thankfully, Brad is sometimes slow on the uptake.

"Tickle her, stupid." Meiling states it outright. "Isn't that why yer nails're strangely long…!?"

"...That- could be why!" I'd-... never realized it, since my sisters had long nails, but Brad does let his nails grow out. He probably just forgot to take care of himself, again.

"I- I thought this was a massage." I object to being tormented. "Tickling isn't very relaxing." Not that I'm exceedingly opposed, but...

"Nnh, fi~ne." Meiling seems like she wanted to do that more than Brad did, somehow. "We need ta work more on yer spine, anyhow…"

...Mmn. That's pretty nice. A massage doesn't really need to be over the top. It can just be a quiet, caring moment.

Some of his motions are still… stimulating. He doesn't necessarily need to know that.

I let myself sigh.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MARIA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Everyone doesn't necessarily see it, but Genkan made sure the front flap of her cow skirt was folded up against her stomach, for her to lie on. And, I mean, I can't see under it, but I'm gonna assume it was for a reason.

"honh honh hoh" One of the fluffles I'm playing with tries to gnaw on its playing cards.

We're gambling. I guess. I don't think we're playing anything in particular. A fluffle just came up with a deck of cards, so we began fooling with them.

Oh- yeah. I think Genkan didn't want to get her skirt wet. 'Cause, yeah.

thuthuthump. Hana splays some dice out on the bed top. We're at a different bed. This room has like, six. "Yeah! I gotta-" She took a moment to read. "Twenty… no. You add 'em, so um… seven."

"Two and four make six, Hana." She tried so hard, too.

"What…" Hana- no! "But-... one, two, and then, three, four, five, six, seven." Um. Hana forgot to put up one finger as she counted, so she went to seven instead of six. "See?"

I hold up two fingers on one hand, and four fingers on the other. "Two and four. Six."

...She counts my fingers, then counts hers again. "Wh-... whah. Dang it!" I think she realized. "Math is mean."

I mean, it can be. But, um…

Brad and Genkan are gonna be here at least another half-hour at any rate. And, while I kinda wanna get a massage too, it's like… do I really wanna be in here for another hour, or more?

I'm feeling kinda adventurous. And, I wanna see Patchouli Knowledge again, before we decide to set off.

Actually, wait. We might be sticking around for the Christmas party in a few days. It's five days from now, right?

In that case, I've got a lot of time, bu~t…

I don't know. Will we really stay here for five days?

"Hey, Hana." But, these guys're gonna be busy. I mean, if they're learning a lot about massages, maybe one of them can give me one later. I know I'm nowhere near as generally unhealthy as Brad is. Mom fed me right… and I know how to bake and cook and stuff, too.

...Anyway, Hana's really cute. She gives me a big smile. "If it's about how I do math, I'm gonna be mad."

Be mad. Actually- "Do you know how to get to the library?"

Hana perks up. "Yeah!" Awh. She takes a look back at Brad and Genkan, then at me. "Should we go…?"

"Yes." I wanna meet with 'Patchy' before it's time for bed. "Let's go, Hana." Let's pressure her…

She seems mixed up at first, before nodding. "We- well, okay! Um…" She gives a mixed look back at the two fluffles.

"Bye, fluffles." I say goodbye to the loaf farm. "Um…" I put down some playing cards. "Have your cards back."

They give me ginger, blank stares as I set down the cards, and move for the door. I tread carefully, my boots quietly and slowly resting against the floor with each silent step.

I know more than someone should about keeping my steps quiet. Both 'cause my house was tiny, and 'cause, you know… it keeps bad attention down in the village, if people can't hear you, sometimes. But, it's easy there, 'cause the floor's dirt most of the time.

And then uh, all my pretentiousness about walking quietly gets thrown out the window, 'cause Hana romps behind me towards the exit like a stampede, almost intentionally trying to be as loud as possible 'cause why wouldn't she.

Thankfully, Brad's too distracted by Genkan's… Genkanness.

Crea~k. Hana pushes the door open ahead of me when I wait, and hustles outside. Seems we're in the clear to avoid awkward questioning…

That's odd. You'd think a room with shoji would have a sliding door, but it's a regular wood door instead. Probably 'cause it connects to the outer hallway. Heaven forbid we let this place have any sorta landmarks…

Oh? Oh. The fluffles followed us. Um.

"we're small but strong" One decides.

"im the ottoman empire" The other announced.

"Okay." Well, if they wanna follow us, they can, I guess.

So, we begin our tiny adventure.

"It's thissa' way!" Hana immediately sprints ahead. "I know, 'cause it's always to the left, somewhere! If you stick to the left wall, you'll find it!"

...So, like a generic maze puzzle, then. I mean, the puzzle solution does lead you to the library, so maybe that's intentional.

Or, Hana's just bad at navigation. I'm honestly not sure which is more correct...

While we walk down the halls, I look at the fluffles behind us.

Why're they following us. Do-... do we have something they want? Where'd their cards and dice go?

I stop, and they stop, staring forward at nothing.

...I keep going, and so do they.

I stop again, and they stop again.

What lumps. If they aren't gonna make trouble, I guess I don't care.

Wh- ah, Hana's gotten really farther ahead! "He- he~y!" I call out for her. "Wait u~p!"

After a brief moment, we run right through the lobby again, and straight into the hallway past it.

All the lights- and the feeling of running along these chilly halls… it's really, really cool actually.

My brown boots pound against the carpeted floor, as I try and keep up with Hana, who eventually started floating. "Co- come on! Wait…!" She's-... ugh, she's not stopping…

Wait. Slowing down, I reach my hand into the backpack we got for me at Eientei. The boxy, red one that leads to some hammerspace dimension, or something…

It's light, but feels like metal, and when my hand enters the side of it-... it phases inside.

Fwish. I draw my time staff from inside of it, and stop entirely, thrusting it forward. "Stop!"

KA- KLINK! Prisms of temporal power snap into existence around Hana as she accelerates way down the hall, and then… she stops, completely.

I wish I knew actual time magic. This prefab… like-... that one cast was a fifth of my mana. A fifth! I mean, you can't argue with the results… but still.

Since Hana's stopped now, I take the moment to catch up to her, and catch my own breath. These couches and random Christmas trees… they seem like all really cool places to rest at.

This mansion's size is still something I can't just get over. It's… one room in a lot of its areas is bigger than my house.

Kli- klink! Hana's allowed to move again, and keeps accelerating. She doesn't even notice anything happened.

Woosh! Then, when we reach a certain four-way, she stops abruptly, and looks back. "...Woah! You really kept up…!"

"I walk fast." I lie.

Then, slower this time, Hana goes down the left hall, true to her words. "Should be do~wn… this way."

So, I follow her, but there's another four way intersection right away, and Hana takes another left.

"Um." These are ninety-degree turns, too. I think we're going backwards. Wait- if that was true, then we'd have already turned… like, into space that violates the front face of the mansion. What…? We should be outside, 'cause of these turns…!

But then, Hana finds us at another fourway, and goes left again. Wh- that-... what's that even turning into? The hallway we came from, where that turn would lead into-...

Finally, Hana turns left again. "Alright!" She pauses, making sure I kept up with her.

This hallway-... it's different. I know- no, I feel that it's different. We're somewhere different. This place...

Then, ahead, Hana turns right, and I weave down the corridor with her. "What-"

Then, ahead of us is the door to the library.

"See?" Hana smiles back at me innocently. "Just go left! Until you don't wanna."

That made absolutely no sense.

...Um. The door to the library is open, too. It seems to be hanging open freely, decorated with some dim, unblinking bands of little lights.

They're gold and purple, casting the open door in a neat glow, as me and Hana proceed up to it, and through.

Then, the scent of books. "Mmm~." Since we're basically alone, I let out a little hum, as I take in the great library.

Some people from my village might consider this place a horror beyond horrors; endless shelves of tomes and potential danger... and, I don't know, they might be right.

But, then you got Brad. He just kinda walked in here like he owned the place. No fear, no reverence or hushed rumors. Just… he came and called out Patchouli's name like she was some kinda-sorta friend of his, and she responded equally casually.

Considering all I'd heard of 'the witch of the Scarlet Devil Mansion', that was… pretty disarming, I gotta say.

"Here we are!" Hana flourished her arms, exemplifying… the entire library. "Books!"

"...How about one better." Let's see… "Do you know where I can find Patchy?"

"No idea!" Hana beamed. Well, this is good enough, I guess.

"...How's Brad find her?" Next question. I doubt he has a rhyme or reason to it.

Hana gave me a wry, sorta confused or questioning kind of smile. "Um. He~... goes. He just does it!"

He just walks into the shelves until he finds her, then. Considering he's still alive, that's probably gonna go well for me too. If not, I have Hana.

"free range"

...Um. I kind of- give the fluffles behind me a look, and just keep going. I'm being followed by dust people.

The shelves are tall, and I already know most of these books are things I can't read. Written in uncountable, numerous different languages, and some probably laced with traps.

So, I can't do anything until I find Patchouli.

"We should find some picture books!" Hana proposed. "Brad and me read some, like um, awhile ago!"

"I- I'll pass." I don't wanna. I'm not sure if they'd even be in Japanese or English. Or, even if they did point out either section, I dunno if they'd either be the books I wanted, or…

I'm going to be honest, I never got familiar with the Dewey Decimal System. The human village had very few libraries…

"aether" One of the fluffles… spoke.

"im roosting" Oh.

I face the fluffle that said it was roosting. It became a loaf on the floor.

I'll let it roost, then.

"But…" Hana gave me a disappointed look. "Picture books are fun."

"You can go find them, then." I tell her. "...Don't let me stop you."

"But I think you'd like them!" Hana objected. "Brad liked them…"

"Brad-..." I don't know what I wanted to say. "He would. But- I came here for a reason. I wanna talk to Patchy."

"...Alri~ght." Hana seemed okay with that. For some reason, she didn't dessert me, however.

We just… go. We take turns, we move down long, dark sections of shelves, and sometimes we find clearings.

In fact, we stop at one clearing where there's a host of myriad, plain tables. Then, there was a counter, or maybe a desk, which had a whole stack of colored tomes upon it.

"I wanna get smarter."

...I face Hana. "You-... do?"

"Yeah." Hana's face had a smile, but she seemed neutral in mood, all of a sudden. "I hate getting lost, when you guys are talking. And… I- I wanna hang out with Brad and Genkan more. But… I... don't think they see me, the way they see each other."

Where is this coming from, hold on. "Ha- Hana?" That's-... sort of heavy! I- I haven't even been thinking about how she'd feel in all of this. Because, like… she's a fairy who hardly understands things. I didn't think she needed-

"And-... that big fairy, she told me how to get… stronger." Hana considered something? What big fairy? "Um. Maria…" She focused her gaze on me properly, now. "I want you to um… o- or, I wanna ask you- if you can help me find other electric fairies."

"...Why?" That's certainly a request…

"They can help me." Hana was vague. "I wanna feel close to both of them."

...The way she put that was somehow kinda cute. "Um. Sure." I accept on that principle alone. Not that I know like, what I'm supposed to be doing to help her.

"Thanks." Hana gave me a genuine smile. "I love all you guys."

...Moments like these, make me feel really guilty for looking down on her. She tries her best. Even if she's sometimes noisy, or a little annoying.

Maybe that's why she keeps quiet. Maybe she knows. But… I always got the impression that asking these kinds of people things was, well, kinda hard.

Anyway. Um. Man… finding Patchouli isn't gonna be timely, huh. My gut says I should've waited with Brad, but… sometimes, bravery is going against your gut. It depends.

"Should I just- try yelling…?" I get a stupid idea, and voice it to Hana.

...And, Hana delivers and then some. "Patchouli~!" She cups her hands to her mouth and yells. "Lady Patchouli~!"

Well, awesome. If she asks, it wasn't my idea.

...Hana gets an adorably aggressive smile. "Patcharino~!"

Can't you, like, get in trouble for that. Or something?

"Pistachio~!" Hana~. "...Cappuccino~!" A what.

"My, my…" Then, a voice that distinctly isn't Patchouli's. "What a racket."

Koakuma descends from above. Patchouli's… assistant. I guess. I'm not sure how, or why. Actually- she's Patchouli's familiar. I forgot about her, 'cause Patchouli had her busy with chores while I was around last…

"Oh, no!" Hana chooses to panic immediately. "Shoo, shoo!" She tries to shoo Koakuma like a fly.

Koakuma's gaze dips into sardonic territory, before becoming smug again. "What's a little girl like you doing, wandering alone in the library?"

She's speaking to me, ignoring Hana. I hold my time staff tight. "...Um. I'm- looking for… Lady Patchouli."

"Oh, really?" Koakuma crouched down, sitting aside a stack of books. "Nnh."

Then, she stood again, and stepped closer. "I'll have you know… she's pretty busy, this time of day. Especially with Christmas coming up. She's rushing to get her work done, you know?"

"Re- really?" I don't trust her a bit, but…

Reading my distrust- I can tell by the smarmy, knowing look in her eyes- she smirks. "Certainly."

"...Can-" Be brave... "Can she say that to my face?"

Koakuma's brows raise in vague surprise. "...Oh, I don't think so. She's quite busy. Even a simple distraction could change her mood, you see."

"You're lying!" Hana drops all pretenses, of course.

Koakuma scrunches her nose for an instant, slightly annoyed by Hana's… Hananess.

"Myself…" Brushing her own hair back, Koakuma came even closer. Hana's pretty close to me- and Koakuma gets about as close as she is, staring down at me. "I believe there's something you want more."

I back up. "Wh- what? Like-... what do you mean?"

"You keep those two company." She's speaking of Genkan and Brad… "Do you not desire for either of them? Both of them?"

Desire? She can't mean-...

"What are you getting at?" I look at the tip of my staff, then back at her-

fwish. Koakuma was behind me in the next moment, a streak of black detailing her quick motion. "I think you know exactly what I mean."

When I turn- or try to- she stops me, her hands on my shoulders, and she speaks into my right ear. "You haven't gotten off in a few days, have you?" Wha- how?

"Le- let go of me." She smells-... she smells thick of cherry and some kind of… floral scent I can't place.

Her left hand meets my chest- wait! Wait!

I grab at the hand on my chest, as it tried to knead my left breast through my shirt. "He- hey!"

"Do you masturbate, thinking about them?" Her voice- is- is so deep in my ear-... "The snow lady's lovely, blanket-like body? Brad's… perhaps, deceptively strong grasp, and consuming desire?"

My-... my body-... her right arm's cupping my other breast, and she's too strong for me to stop her from kneading either.

"I-..." I grin back. "I like- how you had to add 'perhaps' to that last part…"

"Fu- hehe." I grit my teeth when she giggles. "But, I'm not wrong. You'd love mating with either of them. Both of them."

"I- I might be perverted-... but I'm not an idiot." Her breasts press on my back, through her black… outfit. Whatever it is.

"It's not foolish. Satiating desires is just human." She's… she's trying to deceive me. "The game those two play, it just isn't fair. If only you could break that love, and expose them for the simple-minded lust chasers they are."

What? That-...

"No." Those last two sentences pull me from the hazy state her scent's put me in. "That's-... that's stupid."

Koakuma turns me around, and her red eyes meet mine. She's-... she's gorgeous. My mouth waters just seeing her lips, and those eyes. All of her is perfectly smooth.

"Admit it." She smiled, her cheeks rosy. Her lips curl perfectly as she speaks. "Those two share only lust; and you will no longer wait. It's your time to hold the relationship, within your reigns."

She's not as smart as she thinks she is. "...You're just- wrong. Flat wrong. You don't understand anything."

"...Hmh." She calmed, staring me over again. "Oh, I see. You're smart." No, you just don't understand. "But, what does your dark side say? You have one, don't you?"

"I have a side that'll clobber you with my staff." I'm not buying any. "Let- let go of me…"

I try to pry her arms away from me, using my staff- but, ugh...

...Koakuma closed her eyes.

"Then, I'll show you what life's really all about." Her- her face beams, her smile becoming huge! "You'll know what pleasure is when I am done." When her eyes open, they glow with an eerie light-

I shut my own eyes, as her face nears mine. "St- stop!"

"No!" Hana leaps at us!

KA- KLINK! Thump! Hana makes contact with us, the same time my spell goes off.

"Nrh-" Koakuma- wasn't frozen! She's immune! But, Hana still displaced her, with her tackle. "You-..."

My heart beats hard, and I stumble back, staff held high. "You don't- know anything!" My eyes widen, as I yell back. "They're my friends! And- I have better things to be doing!"

Angrier, she glares back at me.

FWASH. Big, violet-outlined black wings bloom from behind her, and she hovers into the air. Um…

"None of that matters." Koakuma asserted. "Do you not see it? The future where you hold your two lovers of either sex? Your personal dominion? I know you seek domination." She speaks quickly, wildly, as if she knows something I don't. "And I curse the idiot who sent you astray."

"No~!" Hana yells back at her, as if that'd help. Um…! Still- I'm gonna have to agree with Hana on this one!

"Nn- no!" I keep stepping back-

thump. I- my back hits a shelf!

"I'll set you right." Koakuma decided.

"Then we shall see your attempt- at remaking this world, in your own, licentious vision."

I blink, and out of the corner of my eye, I catch something.

A scarlet, full moon shines in the dim, brown shade of the library. Then, as soon as I see it, it's gone.

Koakuma's voice emanates from around me:

"I can see your fear. It surrounds you."

Spreading her arms out, Koakuma swoops down for me, to pick me up and take me away-

thump! Hana bodyblocks her! "St- stop- unfh!"

Thud! Hana's body bounces aside, when Koakuma thrashes one arm at her. "Fufufu~!"

Then, I have an idea.

fzt. fzt. Sparks crackle on the tip of my staff, and I thrust it up with both arms, my energy plowing up into it. "Thundara~!"

KRAK- THWASH! One bolt comes down on Koakuma instantly. "Hyn- yaanh!" Her form lights alive with dancing jolts and volts, and her posture arched back.

Za- zap! One bolt struck Hana! "Aa- aaoh…!" Instantly, Hana shot back up off the floor.

pow. What.

A tiny bang came from one of the fluffles, who're both now to my right. It's holding a little musket!

pow. What- ow. That hurt a little. Why'd the second one shoot at me? The first one didn't even shoot at anything particular.

Across from me, Koakuma held her arms out-

Krack- kla- klink- klink- klink. A strange, metallic segment-like noise came from all around me, made by magic.

All around me, Genkan's figure stood at every angle, clad in only her panties and cow bra.

"Maria…" They all speak at once- oh, gods…

Suddenly- arms grip me from either side. "Aa- hey- no!"

Brad locks me in an arm lock from behind, nearly naked himself. "Y'know-... yer- yer really… cute, Maria." Woah…!

"I- I know…" A Genkan comes up before me, her expression- absolutely dangerously wanting. "Do you like how I look, Maria?"

Another one of them cups her own breasts together. "I-... I chose this outfit for you and Brad."

Aa- two of the Genkans get my arms- and-

"Nnh…!" I'm forced onto my knees- Genkan's hands on my shoulders and head. "Guys- let-..." I- I know it's not them, but-... it's so real.

Then, another Brad's crouching before me, his face level with mine, before being joined by two Genkans.

"You should stick it in." One of the Genkans recommended. What…? Wh- where? "You know Maria needs her fix…"

"Yeah…" Smiling widely, Brad stood up, only in his underwear. "So damn cute."

I see his underwear, and- "Let me go!" That- that must be-

Genkan's smooth hand holds onto the bottom of my jaw. "Nn- aa~h!" I yell- Hana, where are you!? Hana!?

I look up at Brad's eyes. He looks playfully aggressive, as he lays his hand on my head, and his bulge gets near my face- no, no- come on, wh- why-

fwish. Just as the fabric brushes my cheek when I turn my face away, Hana falls through the fake Brad's form, dispelling it. "No- no, no, no!" She's flailing her arms, disrupting all the illusions around me. "It's all wrong! Wro~ng!"

KABOOM! Oh- oh my god!

Koakuma hit a shelf ahead and up from us so hard, it cracks, and books fly out! "Hnnh…!"

Her neck and head shakes with surreal force, her eyes glowing bright lavender, as her whole body orients itself. She's aiming her body at us, ready to launch!

I grab Hana's arms, once she dispels enough Genkans for me to move again. "Hana- move!"

KRAKABOOM! Koakuma hit where I used to be so hard, wood exploded from the floor as shrapnel. "Eee~!" I yell!

TI- TINK- BAM- BOOMBOOM- BAM- BOOM! Books and wood explode in all directions around us. Koakuma's form unleashes hell on the architecture around us as her body tackles around with whipping speed.

KAWHUNK! "Uuhnu-" Hana's sent flying away- from a blurry impact!

My heart's beating so hard-

Then, on a dime, Koakuma stops before me-

"Thundara!" I thrust my staff up, casting my spell, my mana flaring both from fear and surprise-

Then, having stopped on a dime, Koakuma has me. "Fufufu…" No- nnh- no! Let- go-...!

I'm stuffed between her breasts, and a perfume-like scent invades my nose. "Mm- mngh…"

Her hands under my armpits, she holds me up. "I win." What- what do you mean!?

She holds me closer, as if to kiss me. My eyes are stuck, locked on her perfect features, her victorious grin, and her amazing, smart-looking eyes.

Fwish. No- I- I'm-... I'm… stupid-...

Her eyes-... they glowed- and I was-... staring...

Brad-... Genkan-...

Koakuma's lips near mine. I close my eyes, leaning in to kiss her. I'll be her little slut.

Bap. Wh- what… ah.

Hana, newly recovered, jittering with electricity from my impulsively cast spell, shoved a picture book between our lips. I kissed like-... a tiny ladybug thing, that was molded into the book's… cardboard.

I try to push it aside; Koakuma's face right there. I want her tongue in my mouth- I want to get pushed down… I- I want to be lost. Sorry, Brad, Genkan, but-

"Maria!?" Hana yells at me. "Don't- give up! Brad likes you!"

"Shut up…!" I glare back at her. "Let- let me-..."

Wham. With her free hand, Hana punches me in the face. "Aa-" It's enough force to make my head whip to the right, spit flying out.

Thud. Koakuma drops me. "You- accursed, fairy slut!"

SHUNK. Sliding past me, as I sit on the floor, she shoves her elongated fingernails into Hana's stomach. "Ugh- uu-"

BAM! Then, she slid back, and connected her heel deep into the stab wound she'd made.

thud. Hana fell back, limbs spread. "Aaa- hnhaah!" She wails like it's the worst thing in the world. It probably is.

"Thundara~!" Ba- back to my senses, I raise my staff again-

KRAK- THWAASH! A bolt met Koakuma, unlike my last cast of the spell. "Etgh- fuahabebh!?" That got more of a reaction, this time!

Zap- zap- fwoash! A bolt met Hana, healing light pulsing through her body as she absorbed the magic. I'm keeping Hana alive, come hell or high water!

Koakuma's stumbling back now, her form slightly charred, her magic shaky along her hands and wings.

Her red bangs part, and she glares at me. "You can't control- the hate you have learned."

My own body shaky, my heart pumping miles a second, I aim my staff at her. "You're-... you're not hurting anyone today! Brad-... and Genkan, are counting on me!"

"Bless!" I thrust my staff into the air, and empower myself with a moment of self-focus.

Di~ng, ding. The star of magical force rotates within my own form, and I feel my body flare. It's an indescribable feeling, my skin all tingling as my mana grew in potency. Spending mana to amplify the rest!

Koakuma smiled venomously. "He- hehehe. How cute."

WOOWOOWOOWOOSH. Koakuma did innumerable backflips in an instant, landing all the way down the aisle of shelves from us.

FWISH- FWISH! Visible, pink gas and light emanates from the floor all around us, spreading out from Koakuma's form.

"Sleep for me, honey." Koakuma's silky voice meets the epicenter of my ears, as whispers from both sides, my own arousal and surprise flaring suddenly. "Show me your inner, depraved, useless teen girl."

"Maria!" Hana is panicking even harder! "I-... I'm sorry~!" Why- why apologize now!?

Koakuma's tail flares from her form, glowing with ominous, pink light, and then, she plunges it into the floor, sticking her tongue out at the same time.

za- za- zap. Amidst the stinky, gross pink mist along the floor, an electrical pulse starts to jitter across the ground.

It's- it's horny electricity! Oh gods! Wh- I-...

The shelves. The damaged shelves, beset with slanted wood and tilted books, and open slots.

"Aaa~h!" I yell, as I run for the shelf near me- and jump.

THUNK! I lock my staff into an open slot, a meter higher than I could reach normally.

ZAP- ZAZAZAZAZAZA-! The floor becomes a dizzying mess of black, pink, yellow and white. Oh-... oh my god.

Hana's in the air over it, jaw dropped as she beheld the damage.

Then, the sparks creep up the shelf, towards me. Oh- no-

"Hana~!" I yell! "Help!"

Hana snaps her gaze to me, and-

ZAP- ZAP- ZAP! The line of jolts meet my boot- and-...

"Nnhn-" Wh- what is- my body- "Ahn- ooh-" No-...

Hana catches me, as I let go of my staff, legs and arms weak, mind flushing.

"Nn- enh…" I-... I need-... new-... panties.

It feels so wrong- so… so bad. There was no lead-up- nothing I liked… just- a jolt, and then my senses were on fire.

A blush heavy on my face, I feel Hana struggle to carry me to the next shelf-

"Don't-" I- I can't breathe, I'm so-... "Don't ev- ever give up, Hana-..."

Thunk! My boot meets a shelf's side, displacing a loose tome as I launch us from it, bounding us ahead. Hana can hardly control herself, for some reason-

"I- I'm…" She's dropping! She mutters, losing focus... "So-... so good." The electricity, on the ground! It's drawing her in- like a moth!

Fwish! My eyes teary, arms shaky, I get a new staff from within my backpack…

It's my ice staff. Okay…

"Blizzara!" I aim it down-

FWASH! I fire a shotgun spread of huge ice chunks into the void of violent colors, propelling us into the air.

"Maria…" Koakuma's voice is a sweet whisper, over the violent crackling below. "You seek to master magic."

"Such is the bait, the lure. But, pleasure is its own kind of power." These whispers aren't seduction. They're an offer. "You don't know how to spend your hate."

"Please. Let me show you, a world so fit for you. A kind of power fit perfect for you. Eternal age, eternal beauty."

Then- it meets the forefront of my mind- a series of thoughts, or events, like something from another world.

"The torture test can wait no longer."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

I open my eyes.

I can't move anything. I think I'm in my body. I-... I can still check my mana. It's… woah, that's a lot of mana. Okay, maybe it isn't me.

But, when my head tilts left, I see a staff, in what looks like my hand. It's a huge, black staff, made of cast iron. Like Brad's plant hangers, except actually… you know, something that looks good.

On the tip of the black staff was a bramble of twisted iron, bending at ninety degree angles. A red eye sat in its midst, frilly red ribbons at the tops and bottoms of the strange gap atop my staff's tip.

The room I'm in…

It's got no roof. It's sunset, and the day's ending. The walls are partially-constructed wood and stone, unfinished at uneven elevations. Not sure how high they're supposed to go. There's spaces for windows not yet installed.

The body stands, from some kind of throne.

"Katai." My voice comes from my body. "Progress for today… was satisfactory."

...Katai's apparently this old, kinda sad looking man. "Was it, miss Yamada?" He looks like he owns a business. Or, um, would. I dunno...

"Mhm." I nod. "Keep up the good work."

"Certainly." He waved. "You take care, now."

My body steps towards the door out. It's a huge, double door, but the door itself is only half-installed, with one door on the left.

Today marks the last day of the first week. Aa- are those, my thoughts? I heard my voice in my own head!

...Everything's going according to plan. I seem to be running through recent stresses, or something. Everyone's happy, with the way things are going right now. Who's everyone…?

Crea~k. I push open the left door, and-...

It leads out into the village square. Behind me, the medicine stall is gone.

In-... in fact, um. What.

When my body traces the sides of the big stone room with her eyes, I can see… I've erased the storefronts down northwest main street. Golden Grin's lights are off, and…

Keine's school, from here, emanates a lonely vibe. Is-... is it abandoned, now?

But, my body doesn't go explore that. Villagers in the square stand wary of me, as I stroll into its midst.

"You-" Suddenly, ahead of me, someone who I recognize as being a student from when I used to go to school romps up. He's a short boy, and kind of stupid. "I can't fucking believe you-"

"Pulse." My body holds its staff up, and black energy emanates from the gap.

fwoam. A black orb encapsulates his body.

CRA- CRACK- SCRUNCH. Wh- oh… oh. Oh my god.

When the orb dissipates, his body from the waist up is shriveled together, collapsed, blood and bone and organs all ruined and combined into one big twisty-tie of… of death.

thud- splat. The dead boy fell over, and I felt my body's heart sink with my own.

"Anyone else?" Yet, her voice was firm, calling out to the crowd. "I could kill you all, right now. But I don't."

The villagers emanate animosity.

It's been a year since mom died. Oo-... oh. I've killed the entire village council. My powers are so great, the village guard bows to what I can provide. I own the Yamada territory.

I recognize that spell now. Pulse, the one she used. My mother used to know it… I- I've only ever seen her use it once, in self-defense.

What-... what am I doing, here?

A man in full samurai armor struts from the crowd, coming up to me.

"Still haven't found 'em." He's a much taller, older man, giving me a droll, dead expression. His hair is black, and his skin is tan.

"Keep looking." My body speaks automatically. "Find who killed my mom." As if he'd find him. As if he'd find him. Oh- oh, jeez, we thought the same thing in unison…

This village will know my pain. The youkai, too. I'm not going to let anything stop me.

...I see. This is the me who went all-in on grieving.

Slowly, the villagers disperse, when it's clear I'm just thinking to myself, and not addressing them.

The sadness and guilt from this me seeps into myself. Ugh. She really regretted- killing that kid…

thwoosh. Oh. Someone threw a brick at other me. An ethereal barrier protected her, stopping it entirely and deflecting it.

...She turned, seeing a middle-aged man running into the crowd. The father of the teenager she just murdered.

"Thunder." I tapped my staff against the ground.

THWASH! In the distance, a bolt fried him as he tried to escape. His limp body collapsed against the floor, and villagers yelped in surprise.

...You know.

Something like this is something I've fantasized of doing. Not- exactly murdering random innocent people, but like… ruling the village. Becoming more powerful, taking it over, and…

I wanted to ruin it. My whole life came undone in an instant, and no one cared. It made no difference to me whether or not everything was obliterated the next day.

Well. Until, um, Brad and Genkan. Marcus too… Brad and Genkan are my friends. I'm putting all my time, care and social health into my trust in them.

That said… I wanna see where this particular dream goes. This reality is sad, but… something about it feels right. Satisfying.

My pain is surely pain other villagers know. But, not all of them do. I wanted them all to remember it, to feel it.

It's annoying. As my body stood here for thirty minutes, she thought loudly enough for me to hear it. These people, who still… despite everything, live on.

My eyes trace families, no matter how rough or fragile they seem. No matter how fearful, or abused, the human village was the only haven in Gensokyo, so everyone lived here, and they bonded like so.

"honh honh hoh honh" Wait, uh oh.

My attention is turned to a stall on my right.

"Dude…" That's- "I ordered loafs."

Brad stood there, in some kind of… unrecognizable outfit, of many colors. "I got too many loafs!" He held a whole armful of writhing fluffles, which very quickly escaped his hands. Despite this, he always held the same amount of fluffles, which meant he was just rapidly producing fluffles to hold.

Genkan was there, too! She was clad in a black kimono, a shuriken pattern dotting the lower half. It seemed to show off her cleavage, for some reason.

The vendor held his arms out. "Wh- we don't sell these. What are these!?"

"They're loafs!" Brad insisted. "Y'can make 'em an' bake 'em!"

The vendor jerked his head back. "Like hell they are!"

"I- I don't think you're tricking him." Genkan informed him… "As I said before… fluffles are not easily mistakable for bread."

...Brad held out the replenishing pile of fluffles towards her. She cringed back before it even got near her, the emanating dust too intimidating. "He- hey, hold on. Why bring them towards me."

My body proceeds towards them, pressing her staff against the ground like an oversized walking stick as she moved. Um…

"You, again…" I greet them dryly. "You cause our vendors so much trouble."

...He looked over at me, and held the fluff market closer.

"Shockwave." I tapped my staff's hilt against the floor.

woosh- KRAFWAA~M! A tiny, remote shockwave of slicing air in his arms made the entire fluffpalooza explode into a hilarious storm of dusty giblets, rocketing out every which way.

"Whoahw, shit…!" Brad staggers back, the dust in his eyes. "Fuckin'-... aaa~h!"

Genkan snorted. "I told you the village market was a bad idea."

"Jesus!" He rubbed his eyes, working the dust out. "Freakin'-... s'not every day you run into their freakin' edgy OC queen! It's like sunset, she should be writin' in her freakin' diary or somethin'!"

"I'm a what now?" I step closer.

Instantly, Brad saluted me. "All hail the queen of England! I mean- Gensokyo! Yamato?" Wow. "...Ta- tomato!"

"Yamada." If- If that was actually me, I'd be giggling. I'm giggling at my other self's reaction. "You live here. Get it right."

"Whoops." He smiled, and nodded. "Sorry, yo. Y'see- I gots a learnin' disability."

"Evidently." Pardon my 'french', but um, this other me is kind of an asshole. "...Just- stop heckling the vendors. People could be using them for real market-... purposes. Not whatever you're doing."

"Aw, c'mon." He dares to argue with me. Um. "I just got here!"

"Brad…" Genkan speaks up, a hand on his shoulder. "It's not worth it."

"If she keeps killin' villagers at this rate, she's gonna run out of a village ta kill!" He protested, because that's how he is. "Look, I'll buy a real brad-... bread loaf. I meant bread loaf!"

...My other self centered her gaze on Genkan, running her gaze across her body.

What a hoe. Wh- hey! I wonder… That was uncalled for! She's really pretty!

"Would you treat our market seriously, if I threatened your… friend, there?" I-...

I hold my staff up, making my intention clear. "I'm sure you wouldn't want to lose her."

Brad took pause, and seriously too. Genkan froze where she stood.

I smile. Will he make the first move? They often do, in situations like this.

...We stayed like this for awhile. The vendor was already gone.

I tap my staff's hilt into the floor. The other me opens her mouth, to say 'pulse'.

From his pocket, Brad draws an outside-style pistol, flicking it up.

I remember his voice, from earlier today, when he yelled at that Merry chick. I see the look in his eyes; and myself, I know that he's ready to kill me.

"Pulse!" Eyes widening, the other me thrusts her staff up-

fwoam- BANG!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Nhn-" In this one moment, my head shakes from whatever affliction- or suggestion- Koakuma fed into my mind. "No!"

The violence, the loudness, the colors- it all pounds my head again. Hana's carrying me above the shelves of the Voile Library, as Koakuma's tail drills the floor full of amazing power.

Genkan and Brad meet the forefront of my mind, surpassing my arousal, and my dream of grandeur.

"What…" Koakuma's jaw drops, as she peers up at me.

Behind her, a shade in the form of a smaller woman flickers, the red of her own eyes jittering for one moment, exposing her.

"How!?" Koakuma barked. "The power- you could-...!"

Brad's anger, and his willingness to protect Genkan-...

I hold my pine frost staff forward, as Hana dips low again. Except, I aim it at Koakuma.

Genkan's paranoia, and love for her sisters-... and her, setting that aside to be with the person she loves.

"Lumen!" My faith feeds into the tip of my staff.

A ball of white slowly forms, at first gold, then becoming more pure as I feed it with mana- and my thoughts of love…

One of Hana's arms meets my staff, as we take a dive for the floor. "Maria~!"

"Lume~n!" I scream.

VRRRRRRR~! The holy orb becomes the colors of the rainbow, as it fires from the tip of my staff, as a spark-like beam instead of a simple holy projectile.

BOOM- THWATHWATHWATHWACK! It blew into Koakuma's form.

"Ughuh-" Koakuma's eyes were wide, her magic dispelled. The floor became normal again.

BAM- THOOM- BAM, BAM! Her limp body rolled down the floor ahead, rocketing across carpet, staining it with blood.

The scarlet affliction, and its shade, had vanished.

Thu- thunk. My staff clattered across the floor.

Thud. I faceplant. "Nnhk…"

Thud. Hana faceplants right beside me. "Oo- oof…"

...Oo- ow. I-... I need… a nice, warm bath… aa- again.

...Lifting my face up off the floor, eyes teary with excitement, I beam. "Ha- Hana… we- we did it. We did it!"

Um. Then, the two fluffles that were following me walk past us.

pow- pow. They fire their muskets forward, after having finally managed to reload them.

"im doctor kill" One of them informed me.

"gun" The other-

BANG. Um. It shot the other fluffle, with an outsider-styled pistol. That other fluffle went flying. "im the classic"

...It looked at me.

Getting on my elbows- I clutch my staff on the floor nearby, and poke it at it. "Fi- fire."

fwoom. I ignite the fluffle quite simply, and it collapses into dust and ash instantly.

Oof! Su- suddenly, Hana hugs me- lying on top of me oh god…! "Ya~y! Brad's gonna be so happy~!"

...Ye- yeah.

I lay my face down on the uncomfortable carpet, as Hana snuggles me. I don't-... nnh.

When I look forward, my eyes heavy, I see-...

Lavender slippers.

"...Hmm." Patchouli's quiet voice hums over the silence.

Hello, lady Patchouli. I've been defeated in mutual combat. Help me.

Patchouli closes her eyes, and leans her head around. "Koakuma has some work to be doing. I send her on one simple errand, and she goes ballistic over a prospective playmate again."

Ah, yeah. 'Ballistic' was a word for it.

"I apologize for the trouble you went through." Patchouli's at least courteous enough to offer that. "I will say, your display was quite impressive."

Wa- wait… "Were-..." I start speaking again, some energy coming back to me… "Were you- watching?"

"Halfway through, yes." Patchouli returned simply…

Oh… "So-... so, I wasn't… in any real danger?"

Patchouli snorted. "Considering how badly Koakuma wanted you, I'd considered just letting her have you."

"Wh-" Wait… "Really?"

"I say that as if joking, but I would have." Patchouli-... "I'd considered it… upon observing it, a sort of 'impromptu test' of your magic affinity. Obviously, you came here for a reason. This reason is me, yes?"

"...We- well… yes." But-

"Then, as of now, you're in safe hands." Patchouli assures me, I guess. "Now that you've impressed me, I've got no reason not to at least promise your safety here. Within reason, of course. It'd be a shame to lose such intellect to your basest instincts. Wouldn't it?"

...How-... how shrewd. Whatever.

"Yeah." I agree. I'm… I'm not sure what to think. She's so casual, I can't help but relax, but-... would she have really… let my life be ruined, if I became Koakuma's… whatever she wanted me to be?

What was that vision about? Was that-... what I could have been? What Koakuma thought I could have been? None of that was sexy at all, though. Just… just kinda sad.

"Alright." Patchouli turned away, and began to move. "Come. Tell me what you'd like to learn. I'll lend you some knowledge, for the time being."

...Just-... just let me get the strength in my legs back first…

Anyway. Um.

It was a little after the fact, but I realized a few things, about that dream Koakuma gave me.

One. Genkan was wearing something that looked dark-resistant. My pulse wouldn't have worked on her. Brad would have just executed me in a draw I was doomed to fail, unless I aimed at him, and that version of me wasn't.

Two. Koakuma uttered something strange. She wasn't herself for the most part, for that whole… thing. But she said something like, 'you can't control the hate you have learned', or something along those lines.

It's… something to think about. I mean, I value more level-headed things now, but… it's an important lesson, I think. To let anger drive you, but… to not let it control you, or take away your control.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

I think my hands need their own massage after all that shit, holy shit…!

We mosey on outta the massage room. Dude-... my body feels good in places I didn't think could feel good! Freakin', phantom aches dude.

Genkan's got her cow bra on again, and her sweater slung over her shoulder. "...I hope you got a good eyeful." She quips at me, 'cause I stare at her for too long again! "I-..." Then, she pauses. "I don't know where I was going with that." How.

Meiling pats her on the shoulder! "Awh, s'nothin' to be ashamed of. In all honesty, yer damn hot! Dude'd be crazy if he wasn't ogling ya every ten seconds."

...I- I like how offput Genkan looked, when Meiling gave her that shoulder pat. Just like 'what the hell're you doing to me'.

Ho~h. "Haa~u." I yawn. Holy shit… I can- I do that, these days?

"You two got a room yet?" Meiling wondered. "If yer workin' on daylight hours, it's gettin rather late. I mean, it's like… sunset, but yeah."

Well, s'not too late yet, but all this relaxin', combined with how much energy I spent earlier in the day…

"Wait." I wonder. "Don't I got that room that like… I had, when I first came here?"

Meiling snorted. "Do- do you? They gave ya a room? Since when?" Meiling does not keep up with me at all…!

"I dunno where it'd be, though." I have not seen it in eighty somethin' chapters. Didn't it get blown up in the more dubious early ones, too…!?

"Well, I can find it, maybe." Meiling turns off, an' starts ta move. "If not, I'll ring Sakuya. She'd know fer sure." No shit…! Sakuya's freakin' psychic!

It would be nice ta have a home base here, though.

When Meiling starts to trail down the hall, I focus my attention on Genkan as we move…

"Did you actually use the room here, at all?" Genkan wondered immediately!

"Aw." Hoh, hoh. "A little! It came in handy, fer when I wanted to lay low from the fairies." Of course, Ha-chan still managed to get into my room, and- Ha-chan and Maria escaped from us.

They are both nowhere ta be found. I'm assuming Maria got bored of waiting and just ran off to see Patchy herself!

Yeah, she's probably fine. Koakuma's kind of a pushover, so a few thunders oughta deal with her. An' like, Patchy an' Hana are there too, probably.

"We were deserted, dude." I inform Genkan! "Maria an' Gen- Ha-chan escaped."

...Gingerly facin' me, Genkan snorts. "I've escaped, have I. Gen-chan, hmm...?"

She said that like she was considering a nickname. Aw... "I dunno. I like calling you by your whole name. Even if I seem ta use honorifics somehow, I'm actually not, 'cause those didn't exist in America land…!"

Genkan, I dunno. It's a name I've become more attached to with time…

"The border of translation is strange." Genkan agreed, dude. "...When we get to your room, do you plan on napping?"

Hmm. "...I dunno. I'd like some way to consistently get back to it, other than wandering randomly!"

Meiling paused, overhearing my plight…! "Wh-... you still don't know how to traverse the halls?"

Pft- oh, traverse the halls, ya say. Just like riding a bike, which I also do not know how to do!

"By walking?" I walk faster in place, fer emphasis!

"Well-..." Meiling pauses. "Yes, but, no." Pft… "I guess ya'd have to talk to Remilia, if you wanted to know more about the hallway's weirdness. But myself, I just gotta think about where I'm goin', and I get there."

Man, if it was always that easy. Maybe that's what I've been doin'? But like, the halls lead ya to where ya wanna go when they feel like it, it seems like! Provided, I've never seen 'ancient church zone', or 'mall zone' before.

"Sakuya gave this green-haired shrine maiden a compass of sorts, earlier." Genkan noted. "...Perhaps, there are more?"

Meiling paused, and looked back at us! "Wait- we finished the compasses? ...Sakuya never told me!" Freakin'...!

We take a turn, dude. A turn… for the worse, dude.

By that, I mean, more hallways. How much wood does this mansion use? Man, construction of this place… how's it work. By human hands, this'd be a titanic ass effort…!

"Aw, dude." I got an idea! "What if we laid down a rope, dude."

...Genkan gives me the vaguest look, amused by my enunciation. "A… rope."

"Yeah, dude." Wait, isn't that a thing people actually do? "Ya get a really long rope, and unfurl it behind yerself as ya go, to leave a trail. Then, if the maze loops ya around, you'll know where ya were with less thinking."

"...That's-... oddly practical." Genkan admits! "However… you'd need quite a long rope." Aw, shit.

...Meiling twisted to face us as she lead, and shook a finger in the air! "Y'know-... no one's tried that before, but I think yer onta somethin'!"

Imagine if we tried to follow the rope back, and it just got freakin' cut apart by the hallway bullshit magic or something.

"We're gonna make it outta fluffles." I decided.

"Now you've gone too far." Genkan shook her head, dude.

I wonder how long it's gonna take us to find my room. Place your bets, people! Ten minutes? Ten hours? Ten years-

Oh, hey. Meiling turns right, and-...

Holy shit.

I meander up to my table fort thing I made in front of my room. It's… it's still here. Somehow. How the fuck- this place got shook up, though! How…!?

"Man." Meiling shook her head. "Can't believe Sakuya missed this. It's actually in our way…!"

I move up to it, in its defense, 'cause Meiling's starting to look like she's gonna wreck it! "Yo- yo! That's 'cause it's mine, yo. S'my pad."

...Meiling lowered a leg that she'd raised, as if she were about to kick it. "Do you sleep in it."

"A few times, yo." It's kept me safe. Some… how? I mean, would you climb into a hobo's table fort? I think not, son…!

"Stop." She requested! "Don't do that! These floors aren't good for sleeping! I'd know!" Wh- how'd you know? You sleep on the brick wall outside…!

I step over the outer barricade walls, which are just tilted over coffee tables, and get under the table canopy I'd made!

"...This better not be your room." Genkan's voice ruefully emits from outside…!

"It's not." I clarify. "...But it's also my room!"

...She steps over the barricade like I did, in her sandals, and gets down onto her legs.

When she crawls up to me, I- yeah, wow, this is weird! I can see straight down her cleavage.

"These carpets… are not comfortable." She protests…! "It's dark, and dirty, and you're-..."

Turning her whole body right, she crawls up even closer, to my own right. "Why would you do this." Wahaha!

"It was fun, dude!" Not gonna lie, I thought the fairy maids were gonna get to me sooner or later!

The way she tries to navigate this fairly tight under-table… room, it seems like she keeps brushin' her chest against the floor.

We're both facin' the mansion wall ahead, dude. She crawls until her left bumps my right, and then looks at me!

"Are you going to move, or will I have to crawl past you…?" She somehow looks trapped…! "This carpet is unkind to my skin."

Wait. "...Couldn't ya just pad yer skin wit' ice." When I think 'irritating carpet abrasion' I also think 'I wish I had joint pads or clothes there'!

fwish. Immediately, she does that! "An inelegant solution for an inelegant problem, I guess…" I think she's just mad she didn't think of that herself. I would be too…!

...When I stay where I am, Genkan starts to crawl around me! And- since she's in her cow bikini, holy shit.

Once she's mostly past me, I start movin', and come up to the other barricade with her…

We poke our heads out, at Meiling standin' on the other side. "We're tiny." I assure her.

"...While novel, I refuse to go back under there." Genkan places her hands on the edge of the wood table we're behind, dude. "Not unless the floor is covered with blankets instead, perhaps. That would be cozy."

...I give a hard nod. "Inelegant solutions for inelegant problems, son."

...She slowly grins wider, unsure of how to respond herself! "I'd consider that an elegant solution."

"A blanket?" I dunno! "If we wanted elegant, they'd be like, scarlet pillows. A custom-made pillow fer the dimensions of the floor here!"

"I think that'd be overdoing it." Genkan decides! "For the intent of what it is, especially. Not that this place isn't one to overdo things."

"It's elegant though, yo." I contest.

She stares at me fer a moment, just lookin' snug, before replying. "I live in a cave, you realize." Oo- oh, right…! "Even I have an upward limit, where what might be elegant to some, I simply consider wasteful."

How's she articulate her words so cleanly. If I said a sentence like that, I'd be fallin' over my own ass…!

Also, that part about the cave…! "Y- y'know, that's true, innit..." I'm surprised she brought up the cave thing herself!

...Slowly, we pan our gaze back to Meiling.

"Y'know." Meiling had her arms folded, as she waited fer us to stop killing time! "I'm startin' to get a clearer picture of how you two got together now."

"Re- really…" Genkan snorted. "How so?"

"Y'made fun of this table fort when ya first saw it, but ya went and climbed in anyway!" Meiling exposed her, dude! "...An' yer only problem with it was that the carpet's not meant for crawlin' on!"

...She took a moment ta consider Meiling's words. "I thought the experience would be worse. It was still pretty bad, but… I liked how cozy it was. Were it not for your awful carpets, I'd have acclimated to the neat atmosphere."

"But-" Meiling held an arm out! "Don't you think it was like… improper, fer you yourself, to go down there?"

"Mm? Well, yes." Genkan admitted…! "I let myself be put in a cow bra, and I almost lost myself while scrubbing my boyfriend. My threshold for trying new things has become exponentially larger."

...She looked down, her cleavage pressing up against the table before herself. "Mmh. I feel… oddly free, when I'm this close to being naked. I'd almost said 'oddly naked', but that's probably because I am actually… oddly naked."

Genkan looks at me. "You know what. Brad, crawl back and forth under this table, on your bare arms and knees."

"Wha- why." Da~h…!

"You will feel my pain." She shifts closer to me! "You said you'd take off your shirt for me, right? I'd like to make good on that now. In fact, take off everything. My stomach was brushing the carpet, too." She gestures to her midriff…! "It'd only be fair."

"But-" I gesture my arms around! "I'm like-"

"Take it off." Genkan insists…! "For me."

...Well.

Fwi- click! I'm in my underwear again, it looks like…!

Smiling, Genkan scoots back, and crouches lower, onto her elbows. "Now crawl."

...So, I do! And- oh, god, she's right. This is terrible…! Oough!

"My- ass!" My elbows, my knees- it's all bad! "Get me outta here!" Holy shit! I always knew this carpet was bad, but this is annoying…!

I try to scramble to the other side- but I just get myself more abraded instead. This floor!

...On my return trip, I see Genkan just watchin' me approach her. My arms and legs are all red.

"That hurt…!" I assure her!

"It- it sure looked like it." She watches me come up to the table barricade, keepin' close ta her.

...While I'm gettin' onto my knees here too, she just stares down at my chest again, and over my body.

"You guys are fucking weird." Meiling's finished with this weird kinky shit, dude! "Anyway! If you're done-... flirting? I'mma go with flirting- if you're done with that, I still dunno what to do about the compass situation. Actually." She snapped her fingers. "I could just have a fairy lead ya where ya need to go."

"No." Genkan shook her head at her! "We're not doing that."

Meiling blinked. "Bu-"

"No." Genkan really doesn't want a fairy escort…!

...Meiling slouches. "I'm tryina' find a way fer you guys to get around on yer own. Y'know how it goes. Give a man a fish, he'll eat fer a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat fer life."

"Give a man a fairy, and she pranks him in the sexual way." Genkan delivers that so bluntly…! "I see your point, but fairies aren't the answer."

...Meiling's smile slowly grows, as she becomes more incredulous! "Maybe if ya let him put some clothes on, she wouldn't jump on his dick!"

"No." Wha- "Eyecandy is important. Tell her, Brad."

"...It makes my penis the big penis." I admit!

...Genkan holds a hand to her own forehead. "I-.. I feel like I made a mistake, trusting you to make a normal sentence." Wahaha!

"But-" Meiling held onto her hat! "You freaking people! I'm tryin'a do everything possible not to summon Sakuya for this!" I mean, Sakuya like, rules the halls, and while you might also rule the halls… you do not lord over the halls, dude. Or, would it be lady. Lady over the halls. I don't think 'lady' can be used as a verb like 'lord' can.

I like how Meiling is like, a moderate amount of impersonally awkward too!

...Genkan looked over at me, then at herself. "Perhaps summoning Sakuya at this moment... would be the incorrect order of actions."

"Yes. Yes, it would." Sakuya adds. Uh oh.

She's standing next to the table fort, arms folded! "...I don't know who set this back up, but I see you and your girlfriend absolutely could not resist the urge to strip down buck naked and crawl around under it."

"I-" Genkan's actually embarrassed! "Wh- when'd-"

"Just now." Sakuya continued! "...I also heard my name, and became curious."

"Um…" Meiling had a big dumb grin! "So, uh, they wanted ta find Brad's room. And a reliable way around the manor, too. They told me you finished the compass stuff!"

"They'll be finished proper in a few days." Sakuya shook her head. "I gave away the tester zero so the results could be studied. Patchouli has magic collecting the data on its usage as we speak. It's not a lot of data, but there's the potential for imbalances and errors in the way the magic is imbued into the device. Not my words, Lady Patchouli's."

Meiling tilted her head back. "Aah, I see. Well, how else do people get around, 'round here? I mean, I just… I just go. Apparently other people have it a lot harder, still! I thought we changed that."

"They'd have to meet with the mistress." Sakuya clarified. Hoh, boy. "...Not while essentially naked, however."

"You caught us at a bad time." Genkan contests, face red…! "I-"

"I'm sure." Sakuya shuts her down…! "Where did you wish to go? Or, was the compass a simple curiosity of yours?"

"...We got separated from Maria, didn't we? Hana too." Genkan realized, too!

Sakuya blinked once. "They're at the library." Oh, good. "...If you're done here, I can get you there quickly."

...Genkan let her head lean to the side a little. "Just-... just, give us a moment."

Sakuya's gaze was plain. "Clearly."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Sakuya told Genkan there were some goodies in the drawers inside the room, so Genkan's off diggin' through those, an' fer some reason Meiling went with her.

Costume changing fer me though, is a one-turn action! So I'm already… all ready!

That means we're just waiting. An' by 'we', I mean me an' Sakuya.

We stand outside my table fort idly. I'm in Miko's outfit again, with her cape, 'cause it's surprisingly limber! Guess the 'prince' does use a freakin'... sword. Thing.

"...As peaceful as this silence is," Sakuya interrupted the quiet, while I take in the carpet! "I'm still morbidly curious, how you even met a yuki-onna, and lived to… entice her."

I grin at 'er! "Well, she did try ta kill me at first. I was just one hundred percent ice resistant."

...Sakuya just lets her brows raise, formin' the most jaded expression…! "Re-... really. Ice immunity. That… was all it took?"

"Well, ta open communications anyway!" She still freakin' hated my guts at the time! "She-... hmm." Actually, what even enticed her ta keep following me? "I think she ran around with me at first to see the human village. I took a job ta rescue some loser kid's wife, 'cause he tried to…"

Now that I think about it, that kid- Akihito- he took a job to pulverize Genkan over… wait, did he take a job to whomp her? I remember something about Genkan or someone else icing some flowers.

Wait, yeah. I think Akihito insulted Genkan, so Genkan stole his wife. Not entirely a balanced tradeoff, but she also thought humans were literal scum, so she at least didn't just murder them both!

"Akihito insulted her, so she stole his wife!" I exclaim!

"...It really does sound fairly stupid, when you summarize it like that." Aw, hey.

...Genkan's just in her sweater again, an' still in the cow skirt. I guess she didn't find anything useful in there!

I grin! "So! I took a job he posted, to kick 'er ass and get his wife back!"

"I was awfully surprised." Genkan admitted! "Your immunity to my magic, which I now know is because of your clothing, had me somewhat afraid at first. I was suspecting the humans were devising magic to pressure specifically me and my sisters. I wanted to find out more, in case I had to warn anyone of an oncoming attack, or something."

...Sakuya's gaze was plain. "Did you find out more?"

"I found out Brad was a strange man." Genkan summarized…! "That, and resisting ice magic was actually painfully easy. As well as many other types of magic."

Sakuya nodded once. "All powerful beings utilize a variety of techniques, magic, and crushing force to exterminate their enemies. If you only have one affinity or method, you are not a powerful being."

Genkan tilted her head back. "And what does that say of you? Has an opponent ever resisted your mastery over space and time?"

Snorting, Sakuya smiled. "I speak from experience." Hoh, shit…

With that said, Sakuya took some steps into the hall ahead. "That reminds me." She paused, half-facing us again. "I remain morbidly curious about what had stressed your party out enough to come here. I'd planned to ask Brad alone this, but you found the maid outfits unsatisfactory faster than I'd thought. He never seems to be alone, these days."

"I assume that was a staff room, at one point. Judging by the maid outfits." Genkan figured. "I've done enough embarrassing things today. I'll not be volunteering myself to a completely unnecessary one."

"You really wanna know, huh." I regard Sakuya's random curiosity…! "What's it to ya, anyway…?"

Sakuya snorts! "The mere fact you became at all defensive about it piques my curiosity further. I stand by how immovably dense and jovial you were about a month ago." Shit, she's right…! I mean- I wasn't defensive… but, a month ago, I probably wouldn't have-... or would I have? Well, I wouldn't have given a shit about a girlfriend I didn't have a month ago, so-...!

Man, thinking about my past self is always weird shit. Let's stop doin' that!

"Earlier today, someone tried ta kill Genkan." I start. "...Also, me. Maria by extension. Maybe Sanae too…?"

"I'd intuited as much, from what Sanae told me." Wh- oh right, she and Sanae talked. Wait, how much does she already know…!? "Maribel, yes? I'd always felt there was something… slightly off, about her."

Oh, yeah, 'slightly', huh. "Did Sanae tell ya her freakin'...?"

"All Sanae told me was that you pulled some kind of miracle." Sakuya flicked her gaze up, rolling her eyes slightly. "Naturally, things become miraculous whenever she's involved."

...I mean, it kinda was, wasn't it? Not sure if to thank Sanae, blame Sanae, or yell at Sanae for trying to steal my thunder!

Takin' a brief look at Genkan's face- centered on me, not sure why I bothered, that just made me slightly more awkward- I tell Sakuya a' Merry's reasoning.

"Merry… told me she thought she knew best fer us." I recall that whole moment, before I found a reason to be mister angry eyebrows. "She wanted to kill us, and through that, take us to her own Gensokyo-like place, so that we could… do whatever the hell she wanted to do there.

"But, you know, I…"

Now that I think about it, I kinda-sorta figured out how to levitate shit. A lot of Gensokyo's magic… is like, kind of as you think it to be, but like also not. I'm also not sure if I could pull that shit off again!

"She didn't win!" I grin, like it weren't obvious! "I won that…!"

"No~." Sakuya sasses me!

"But what really pissed me off…" I pause, thinking about it. Like… what was the essence, of what made me angry? Ah, right.

"'Cause of how I beat her off, Genkan almost bled out on the shrine floor." Yeah. That was it. "An' if she died there… hell, she wouldn't even be part of Merry's gay little scheme. She'd just be dead."

I mean, trying ta murk all of us was pretty bad, sure, but she had some inane reason. She thought she was doing us a solid, or something. Even if our current lives woulda ended, like, we'd still be together, if she wasn't lyin'. So, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

But, 'cause of how clumsy she handled it, Genkan was almost just dead. If she screwed up something in the process, all of us would've just been dead. But just, in that moment, every time my thoughts ran over Genkan being dead, 'cause really she was the one most at risk of actually dying, I just-

"Of all of us, Genkan was the one closest to being like… dead." I'm just… not gonna think too hard about it. "And-... we spent so much time together. It might just be a month, but for me- it's-... it's like, a lot. And-"

Nope, we're done here. I'm not letting that energy come back full force! Not unless I need it!

...After a moment, Sakuya sees how I'm just kinda- managing myself, instead of still talking.

She smiled. "I could relate. Not to your love, no… but, to someone more powerful and self-centered taking choice out of your hands."

...Oh, yeah. Yeah, that would be a big thing for you, wouldn't it? Hoh…

"I will give you advice." Sakuya offered, apparently… "Cherish that anger."

Well. Ain't that mystifying.

At my half-smirk, she clarified. "You want to stop something like that from ever happening again, right?"

"Somethin' like that will pro~bably happen again." I'm bankin' on it. Life rolls ya some ways. "But it'd be nice if it wasn't so damn close to the wire. It'd be nice if I didn't think my life and happiness were in constant jeopardy…!"

"Then, let that anger be your power." Sakuya advised me. "Or at least, an inspiration, or a fuel source. There are many reasons someone might want to defend themselves…"

Facing us fully, she smiled fully again. "The truly powerful draw from many reasons, and they allow it to fuel many techniques. Do you follow?"

Sakuya's referencing the comment she offhandedly made about powerful beings earlier. Like freakin' clockwork.

"...I think so!" I grin back! "What, next time Merry has a bright idea, I just shoot angry energy from my eyes…!?"

Sakuya withholds a chuckle! "That's-... hmm~h. Must I spell it out. Use it as motivation to improve. Emotions can give you inspiration and adrenaline, not aa- angry eye lasers."

...Oh, shit, I see what she means now!

Wait. 'See'. Aw, dude… how'd you shoot danmaku again?

I bring my mana up to my eyes, and envision a like, laser shape. Wait, no, Marisa said beams started as pinpricks. Then I guess, I focus along the-... did she ever teach me lasers? Ah, screw it, I'll just make big oblong cylinders! Good enough!

"I see what'cha mean now, Sakuya~!" I have become a god! "Hnee, hnee, hnee!"

I blink hard, snap my eyes open, and-

Soundlessly, I shoot two super fucking stupid yellow cylinders from approximately ahead of where my eyes are, and they just flop forward and into the floor.

"Pf- nhgk…" Sakuya makes some weird noises, trying to not guffaw at that…!

Mission failed, son. We'll get 'em next time…!

"I-... I had a witty retort and everything, in the event you did make another joke." Sakuya lamented. "Yet, I was still surprised. How mortifying."

Son…! I hold my arms out! "I mean, what'cha told me's almost about as good as a self-help book when I dunno where to look!"

Sakuya snorted again. "Oh, really? Must you be handheld the entire time?"

"Lewd." I say on impulse. Whoops! "Wa- wait!"

Sakuya's eyes widen briefly! "How is that lewd. Alright…" She held up a finger. "Tomorrow, perhaps, I'll show you and your party a few things."

"...Re- really?" Genkan wondered! "Aren't you busy?"

Sakuya clicked her tongue. "I have all the time in the world. It wouldn't hurt to share some like this, I'm sure."

...crea~k. Slowly, my room's door swings open.

Meiling looks really snug on the other side! "I can't believe Sakuya's making friends!"

"Shush." Sakuya pivots around immediately! "Come."

"Hey, hey!" Meiling waves at all of us! "Doesn't he swing plant hangers around!? I can help teach him how to actually swing weapons!" Ooh!

"I'll consider referring him to you." Sakuya gives 'er the cold shoulder…! "For now… I'd like to get an understanding of his hilarious incompetency myself." Ho~h!

Genkan steps up next ta me! "Would-... why are you helping us, like this?"

Sakuya stops advancing, fer a moment. "...Must you really ask? I thought it was obvious."

"...Our-" Genkan fidgets. "Our love… would mean that much, to you? Someone who it doesn't affect in any remote way?"

Meiling chuckled. "Ahaw, Sakuya's always had a soft spot fer warm stuff. An' I'm sure some of what ya said gave her some flashbacks…!"

"Meiling-" Sakuya addresses Meiling, ironically akin to how Genkan addresses me, or how she addressed Maria earlier! "...Why."

"Why not?" Meiling's grin widens! "It's Christmas! Let's be cheery~!"

...Without further comment, Sakuya marches ahead! Y'know, I think that's the best a conversation at the mansion's ever gone…!

Wh- aw, as we go, Genkan wraps an arm around me again, pulling me closer to her.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MARIA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

It's time for some active practice!

"Mmh…" But first, I drink from a glass of water Patchouli had here. I sure needed it, after… everything I went through, before she started showing me stuff.

Koakuma sat in a wood chair near where I stood, for some ungodly reason. A fluffy band-aid had been applied to her forehead, under her bangs.

"I see you're awake." Patchouli floated in from elsewhere, claiming the air beside me. She addressed her familiar. "Was sleep pleasant?"

...Koakuma blinked awake, giving me an absolutely drained stare.

"You still haven't told me, what that was all about." I criticize her. Because, really… "You act like you know, too."

"Mmm." Patchouli just seems tired, like she usually is. "Normally, Koakuma isn't so energetic. Nor so proficient, or powerful. I'm sure Remi had a had in it, if the magical signatures around were anything to go by. I'll bet she was just having her fun."

If terrorizing me was having her fun, I'm gonna have words for her. Who's Remi anyway, even.

...I look at Koakuma again.

"I- I just wanted to fuck someone…" Koakuma seemed to whine to herself. "Was that too much to ask for?"

"Apparently." Patchouli replied bluntly. "You have some shelves to be fixing, when you're able. The floor, too. Quite troublesome, though it wasn't fully your fault. I left a marker where the damage happened."

"I feel hung-over…" Koakuma held her own head. "What the fuck…"

...How she's acting right now is a huge far-cry from earlier. Something's… screwy.

"As for you, Maria." Oh, Patchouli centers on me. "You will be testing your arts out on training dummies."

fwi- fwish, fwish. Big, two people-tall fluffles shift from nothing, many meters before me!

"You will kill an assortment of pests, using highly volatile combat spells." Patchouli has too much fun describing the activity… "Do your best to choose the right tool for the right job. Don't worry about collateral damage, for the path ahead of you has already been prepared." Really? That quick? Guess Koakuma didn't do all the behind-the-scenes legwork.

Last time I was here, Patchouli taught me about the second tier prefabs, since she thought I was more than ready for them.

This time, Patchouli's gotten me started with something simple, before we get into the kinda meatier stuff.

Fireball, Ice Shard, and Thunderbolt. They're different from Fira, Blizzara and Thundara, in that while the latter come from my staff, the former are cast directly onto an enemy from the elements around them, or in them.

They're way more demanding on my mana, but way more powerful.

Suddenly, one of the really big fluffles scuttles up to me, moving really fast! "im loaferson son"

...It stops before me, as if expectant. Okay.

Patchouli's given me this staff that I can just… well, use, for training. I don't know what it's called yet, but it's definitely gothic. The top looks like some kind of lantern, and whatever element I channel lights a light in the tip. It's really pretty…

"Fireball." I raise the staff.

Fwoom! A beacon of fire blooms from within the lantern's glass-like crystal panes, and I feel my mana roar from my body-

Fwoom- FWAM! Boom! First, a surge of flame lit from within the fluffle, before exploding out into a body-encompassing ball of flame. Once the warm ball was fully actualized, it let out one last boom of air-consuming force, before it retracted.

The fluffle was eradicated, reduced to nothing more than a few licks of flame on the floor.

"cuddle bug" The second fluffle came up to me, at first on all four limbs, scuttling like the other one, but then it stood up. "aww"

I take a deep breath. Then, pouring my mana into the staff, I raise it again…

"Thunderbolt." This makes the amount of mana I spent on my other go-to elemental spells seem… a lot smaller.

ZA- ZAP. Topaz light blares from my lantern staff's tip, lighting up the immediate area around me.

KRAK- THWASH- THWASH- BOOM! Lightning strikes where the fluffle stood, in a cone from above, conversing exactly where the fluffle stood. It came down three times, an entire storm's worth of electric charge being dispensed three times where it stood, ending in a blast of raw voltic power.

For how sudden and forceful it was, the fluffle's still, um, there. Except, a huge black plume of torn fabric and charred stuffing is now stretching into the air, as if it chased the electricity as it struck it.

"huwoaah" The fluffle is really surprised, apparently. Wh- how's it still making noise. I don't think it has a face anymore.

"Wo- wow…" I'm… surprised a fluffle can survive that. I guess nothing in it is biological. It doesn't have a heart or organs that can fail 'cause of all the electricity. Thunder magic is so dangerous!

Let's put it out of its deformed misery.

Here we go~. More mana expending…

"Ice Shard…" I raise my staff again.

Cyan light pours from within it, almost white in a way, as cold energy flushes from the crystal lamp's panes.

Krack! Suddenly, a chunk of ice snapped into the midst of the fluffle's form, immediately cooling the cracked, hot, solidified dust-matter.

Ka- fwi- fwi- fwi- fwish! From that central shard, the air around it freezes and cracks with cold, and numerous more cold nodes form in a sporadic pattern across the air, and the fluffle's body.

KRACK! Then, as all the ice shatters, unable to maintain its form, the fluffle is chipped away with it, quickly becoming dust when finished off by the forceful snapping of the crystals.

"...Mnn." That's-... a lot of mana, I just spent. I only have like… half of it left.

Provided, those spells are… way more effective than my outward staff-based counterparts. Those layer an element onto an enemy, and apply a sort of combat pressure that like… Brad and Genkan don't so easily do. It's, if nothing else, really flashy.

But, sort of like the 'Pulse' spell in that vision Koakuma showed me, these elemental spells of Patchy's… they're almost raw command of an element, even if they're a lot like a prefab in how they work. They can demolish a normal human nearly instantly.

Patchouli taught me how to grab the elements in the air around someone, and call them to attack in a predictable manner. Basically… 'how to make your own prefab-esque spells'. In a nutshell, anyway.

Fireball will melt someone's insides, exploding them from within. Thunderbolt-... it's thunder, even my staff-based thunder was already kinda deadly. Ice Shard freezes someone's body from the inside, then thaws again immediately.

"Hmm?" Patchouli noticed how I was lost in thought. "You've only expended half your mana. Not used to spending so much?"

"Well, no." I admit. "But-... I was thinking about something."

"Oh?" Patchouli inquired.

"Do you know of a spell…" I wonder. "It's called 'Pulse', I think."

I faced Patchouli. She stared into the air for a moment, looking like she was about to fall asleep, which was normal. "Pulse…?"

"It's dark magic." I remembered. "...My mother used to know it."

"Ah. That pulse." Patchouli knows what I'm talking about…! "You wish to learn it, then? Considering what you know of the three beginner elements, I don't see why you couldn't. At the same time…" She pursed her lips. "It'd do you good to get more elements under your belt. Dark magic is less forgiving to toy with than others. Like holy, its energy is volatile. Knowing how to control different elements will give you a stronger grip on how mana works."

...That's fair. I know so little about the elements I can use as it is.

"Additionally, in terms of self-defense, dark magic is at its most stunted in Gensokyo." Patchouli provided. "The protectors of the faith of this land are balanced, and resist it. The youkai of this land are inherently resistant as well, being born of magic. And, dark energy at its core is an amalgam of energies, much like holy."

I see. While the elements have tangible physical effects… matters of holy and dark are a different ballpark, in league with the generic effects of non-elemental spells, except, well… with vigor, I guess.

"Unlike what media may have you to believe, holy is not a safer option." Patchouli actually gives me something I kinda didn't know… "Misuse of it weakens the muscles, and makes it harder to concentrate. Misuse of dark energy makes your constitution weaker, and your mind more fearful. Whereas, if you 'misused' fire, you'd just burn yourself, or at worst, incinerate yourself."

Self-incineration's a pretty extreme case, though. Burning yourself carelessly, I could see… it's too easy to just go wild with the elements. It's so much… power. Power one might not've wielded before, so it's tempting.

If you want a spooky element, lightning. Electricity travels nearly instantly, and if it passes through your heart, you like, just die. My basic 'Thunder' prefab doesn't have that kind of voltage, but Thundara… might. Thunderbolt, definitely. If I use Thunderbolt on a human, if it's not the electricity that kills them, it's the boom afterwards.

"So…" I stare her up and down… "What elements should I try working on next? Or… should I finish the -aga prefabs?"

Patchouli shook her head. "Tier two is good enough. If you really want to master those arts, you can. They are the awkward between of your cheap -ara type spells, and the more proper prefab creation methods I've taught you."

Mmh. I don't know if I really need something like that right now, then. Those explosive spells are really powerful, so I could always choose between power and pressure if I wanted to. There's no real reason for me to have a between. The -ara spells aren't too weak.

"As for elements you may want to connect with…" Patchouli allowed herself a smile. "Hmm. What's the first interest that popped into your head? Healing magic is not a valid choice." Wh- why.

Well, whatever. Um… "Water." When I think of things I want… the beauty and fluidity of water is just breathtaking. There's something arcane about it. Especially because Gensokyo has one tiny body of water… and, gods; I just remembered what Brad told me of the outside, and Keine's teachings of the Earth's map.

All that water. It's… terrifying, actually, when I think about it. Imagine being stranded, amidst entire deserts of blue sky and shifting liquid. Raw distances that surpass Gensokyo's by thousands of times.

Water's kinda pretty, too. A lot of elements can be, but like…

"Water, hm." Patchouli considered my choice. "An element of deceptive, patient power. I'm sure you already know, but rivers carve through mountains and valleys, in an effort to take the most efficient path towards a lake, or the oceans."

Re- really? I-... don't remember hearing about that, even. "How do they do that?" Not that the information is super useful, but…

"The waters, as they flow and push, ever gradually strip away layers of the Earth." Patchouli explained. "...Or, less poetically, when water brushes against stone enough, it erodes. The water takes trace amounts of the surface it brushed against with it. Like this, land is slowly removed by water in very, very subtle ways."

That… huh. So that's how that works. Not that Gensokyo has many moving bodies like that. "How long's that take?"

"Hundreds of thousands of years." Patchouli delivered bluntly. "Geography is not a timely process. But, the essence of what water is still stands."

Landing from the air next to me, Patchouli actually paced ahead, into an open space amidst the clearing we're in.

She held out both arms, and above them, two growing balls of crystal-clear water were formed. Turning around, she faced me, and smiled.

"Water." Is- is she gonna give me a presentation, or something…? "Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah." She's right. Those jiggling orbs… I- I just realized that thought came out somewhat weird-

"I pay particular attention to the study of the taoist five elements."

She looked between the big, swirling orbs, either at least twice her size. "This includes wood, fire, earth, metal, and water. While the roots of physical, applied magic may not necessarily connect with my experiences, I find the cycle between these elements true and efficient. It holds its roots in the cycles of nature itself."

The orbs emit a faint blue light for a moment, to stir my attention. "Water is the last part of the five-stage cycle of matter. Representative of intelligence and wisdom, flexibility, softness, and pliancy. It is the most yin of the five elements.

"Its energies are drawn downward, inward, conservative in nature. The low point of matter, where it returns to rest."

Lowering her orbs down slightly, Patchouli turned her attention to the one on her right, or my left.

"On that note, take the principle of rivers. They run on the notion that water runs to the lowest, easiest place for it to be. It follows gravity to a mysterious degree."

She let a small trickle from the orb to her right stretch to the carpet, perfect and pure. It began to darken the carpet where it drained onto…

"Fortifications, even the fiercest of human design, dread the seeping ruin of ambient water and weather. Even if they don't penetrate those structures now, if they're not upkept, with time, that water will wear down anything."

Cr- crack, kroom. Suddenly, the ground shook a little. A spike of rock erupted from the library floor, somehow not breaking it open in the process.

The water orb floating above Patchouli's right hand… its water stream now trickled down the rock in various different directions.

"See how strangely the water webs down the rock?" Patchouli pointed out an observation. "Rivers are like that on a planetary scale." Suddenly, everything makes sense.

After all of this, Patchouli makes an amendment. "...Left unsaid, is that wind also helps a lot in mountainous erosion, as well as structural erosion. But, when it comes to how they pierce and ruin structures, armor and rigid metal, they play somewhat different roles."

Whish- whi~sh. The orbs of water retract into nothing, and the earth spike near Patchouli just… vaporizes, leaving not even a trace.

"Last, a foreword about the misuse of water." Patchouli gave me a dry look. "Don't drown yourself. Air bubbles are not for deep water diving. The obvious aside, an overabundance of the water element and energy is said to cause difficulty in being decisive. Because of its utilities, but also its inefficiencies, I must remind you to choose your tools carefully. Do not default to water for its safety, or your strategies will indeed be… wishy-washy, one might put it."

"I believe I've waxed philosophy and context enough." Patchouli's getting to the good stuff, now. "Let's talk strategy."

THUD. Wh- oh. Suddenly, there's a really tubby yukkuri behind her…! "Nnh…" It- it sounds encumbered.

It's a really fat Marisa yukkuri, with a huge hat. That's a colossal hat.

"Water synergizes well with ice and thunder." Ooh, yeah, it would, wouldn't it? "If you're not confident in such magic doing anything on its own, get opponents wet just to use another follow-up. Since you travel with a yuki-onna, this kind of magic synergy will be helpful."

bwoomp. Oo- oh. Patchouli conjures a huge, crystalline bubble of water. Airy blue emanates from the center upon its creation, but the light quickly dims back out. And, by huge, I mean… five times her size.

KRAK- SPLAA~SH! She unleashed it down on the big yukkuri. "Nhu- oohuh!" It wailed in response.

"Water also, while not being a particularly crushing offensive tool other than for its raw impact, may also be used to be annoying and harass." Patchouli explained further. "If you've ever been soaked by the rain, you know how disorienting it can be. It can hurt one's grip and control of their weapons, or slow their movements if it's cold."

THOOM! The big yukkuri leapt blindly to the right, at nothing. The huge witch hat was all soggy, practically trapping it. "Ih- cahn't shee~!" It- it's really loud!

Patchouli even looked away from it, to look at me directly. "The perks of mastering water yourself, include how you can attempt to avoid some of that harassment yourself, be it by nature, or otherwise."

THOOM! I- don't know where that yukkuri thinks it's going. "Nhoo~!" It sure is going, though…!

Patchouli drifted into the air again, gazing down at the yukkuri.

"Whirlpool." She spun a finger through the air, misty azure kicking up around it.

BWUP! Suddenly, a huge bubble of water formed off the yukkuri's form, stuck to it. "Huugh-"

KRAK- POP! SPLA- SPLA- SPLASH! The water bubble exploded! Yet, the blast was contained enough, for the diamond-like clumps to rain down in a roar upon the yukkuri, instead of out and everywhere.

But, it was already deceased. The mere force of the huge bubble popping into a spinning explosion of water turned it into a puddle of skin-colored paste, and some white stuff. Yuck. It's even mixed with all the water now…

That must be the water-element mirror to the advanced direct magic she taught me. It sure looks effective, for being water.

...As Patchouli drifted down towards me, she gave me a nod. "Let's try guided practice. We will fight a foe who is insurmountable to water attacks, and I will use only water. I trust you to use an element that will play nice."

"Oo- okay." So, anything but fire. Actually. "He- hey, wait. How's fire work with water?"

Patchouli took pause. "...Hmm. Steam and pressurized water are effective tools of torture and more powerful attacks. Properly combining the elements to make steam shots and geysers however, is… more problematic, than one might initially consider."

"Is it?" I wonder…

"With no special tools, yes." Patchouli decided. "The ground below isn't particularly kind, but if you had a puddle beneath someone and heated it with fire, water can share its talent of scalding and searing people. It won't help you ignite your enemies, however. Not unless you burn something particularly flammable. Wet cloth, skin and wood simply does not burn so easy. Water and fire are close friends, and distant enemies."

I see…

"In this case, if you use fire, I will hurt you." Patchouli decided…! "You'll see why soon."

...Silently, from above the shelves ahead, our enemy appeared.

It was a massive, really floaty fluffle, like the kind me and the others saw at the temple, trapped in that one room. "im gonna go crazy son" It leapt two stories high every time it jumped, and looked really happy about it…!

Yet, it was so floaty, every time it landed I didn't even feel a shock, and it was free to leap egregiously high again...

"Whirlpool." Patchouli threw her arm up at it, and a flash of azure escaped her.

BWUP. Along the huge fluffle's… pudgy torso, a big bubble was made.

KRAK- POP! SPLISH… The bubble popped, water soaking way up across the fluffle's huge body, but… unlike with the yukkuri, the results weren't explosive or deadly.

"honh hoh! ! ! ! ! !" It- it yelled really loudly- or something like it! The water all soaked into its torso, making a huge, deep brown stain on its plush doll-like body.

Except now, it could only jump a meter or two.

BOOM! Wh- oah! Now, when it lands, the ground shakes, and it's getting closer! Dust and wetness seeps out of it, and onto the floor where it slammed. "honh HONH"

"Aa- Ice Shard!" I thrust my staff up, and teal flares from within its crystal panes.

Krack! The chunk of ice that formed in the thing's chest seemed small by comparison to its size, as it practically floated up and onto its legs again.

Ka- fwi- fwi- fwi- fwish! As it leapt- it's moving so fast…! But- ice spreads along its torso, crystals visibly spiking up along it-

Krack- FWASH! Um. With the final snap of cold, and the parting of the formed ice crystals, the cold energy seemed to resurge back into the fluffle.

Somehow, the entire core of its torso is frozen solid, with ice that extended an arm's length out from its pudgy chest. The cold pierced all the way to its back, even.

THOO~M. The fluffle collapsed onto its own legs, unable to support its own weight now.

...Now stuck on the floor, it slowly used its fins to paddle closer across the carpet. "im swiffer"

"swiff" It shuffled forward… about the distance of one step. "swiff" Um.

"Ice Shard has a chance to freeze opponents." Patchouli informed me of its intricacies. "Do not count on physics always being kind enough to force the air to invert, and the cold to come back in. Fireball may leave a lingering inferno, aside from its searing blast. Thunderbolt, if not deadly enough, has a chance to paralyze a foe indefinitely." Wow… "Do keep in mind, however, that those specific spells were made for damage and potency, and not necessarily strategic effects."

"But," I add, "they're more likely to occur if the target's already wet, aren't they? Aa- aside from the fire one."

Patchouli smiled at me. "Yes, you are correct." Ooo. "Water is both an excellent conductor, and simply the warmer, more active variant of ice. Or rather, ice is a variant of water, balanced even further down the yin spectrum."

I see. So…

"Today, I'll teach you Water." Patchouli decided. "A somewhat defensive staff-based spell, mostly useful for… getting your opponents wet. Like Fire, it's a single, simple homing projectile. Unlike Fire, however, it explodes out into a blast which may hit additional foes, with its effects centered on one. Natively, it's less potent than Fire in terms of raw power."

Ah. She's gonna show me a prefab that allows me to study the basics of how water controls and works…

Floating up to me, Patchouli's palm neared my forehead, and rested there.

Fwish. Aa-... aa- alright. That- made me blank out for a moment.

"There's your prefabrication." She gave me a nod. "As before, study it like you studied the -ara spells I'd allowed you last time you were here. If you were curious, I've already given you access to Waterra, as well."

Oh? I guess I'll have to experiment with the two, then.

...Suddenly, I hear someone running!

"Aw, yes dude!" Wh-... how'd Brad get here!? When did he-... I- I guess they finished with their massage stuff!

Oh, right, that reminds me. Hana's sitting somewhere nearby, reading picture books. I wonder how bad Thunderbolt would make her um, go silly.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

We got over here pretty quickly! Sakuya's a freakin' genie, dude.

...As we approach, Sakuya even havin' stuck along, I wave at Patchy! "Hello again!" We return!

Immediately, Patchy's stare is drawn to Genkan's chest, even though she's got the sweater on. Oh shit- I didn't think about it, but oh boy…!

"He- hey, guys." Maria pipes up! "Where'd you come from…?"

Home. Hell. "Far." That was like a haiku, but even shorter, and less clever.

Genkan snorts. "Quite far, perhaps, considering the dimensions of this manor, and the short time we took to get here…"

Patchy floats up to Genkan, lookin' fluffy and casual.

Genkan's casual back! "Ah. Hello, Knowledge."

"Your breasts are magical." Patchy immediately points out…!

...Genkan blinks. "Ex- excuse me."

"Your breasts are emanating a suspicious amount of magic." Patchy clarified…? "Or rather, they're magical enough to be suspicious."

...Genkan blinks a couple more times, looking somehow more intimidated!

"I'm a magician, and even mine aren't that magical." Patchy keeps pressin' her…! Verbally, I mean!

"Well…" Genkan smiles unsurely! "Um. You-... well, you see…"

Genkan slid her sweater up again, showing off her cow bra! "I'm, um, wearing this. It-... it's for the increase to my vitality. It makes my constitution greater."

Aw, wow. Patchy is just… she's just stunned. Her mouth is slightly ajar, as she stares at Genkan's slightly red face, and then down at the bra…!

"What-..." She starts, dude. "What possessed you, to do such a thing? That looks like fetish getup. Koakuma would put that on you, so you'd seduce that lunatic you travel with. In fact..." Patchy's right hand snapped to her own chin, for chin stroking action. "Her illusions of you had the same bra." Whah…!?

...Fer a moment, Genkan doesn't reply, just smiling unsurely at Patchy's reaction! "That's-... funny, Knowledge. You see-... me and Brad, we're boyfriend and girlfriend now."

Sliding her sweater back down, Genkan comes up ta me, and- ooh! She wraps an arm around me again! "I love him. He-... he's really cool." Ev- every time she repeats this routine, I pause even longer in awe…!

Speaking of pausing in awe, uh, Patchy… wow.

Sheer, jaw-dropped excitement. I think this is the one time I'll ever see Patchy so suddenly energized in a good- question mark on the good- way!

Genkan slowly grins wider, at Patchy's raw disbelief. Then- "Mmh…" She kisses me on the cheek, pecking it gently.

Afterward, she seems to hold her face closer to mine than usual, so like…

I- I peck her cheek back quietly. She seems surprised- and her right arm hugs me harder…!

"That, and… I- I was pressured into wearing it for him." Genkan revealed! "I turned out to not regret it."

Patchy rubs her own eyes. "I-..." She's so breathtaken, holy shit. "I-..."

...After a moment, slowly shaking her head, she finds a word. "Wha~t."

I grin back at her, an' wrap my left arm around Genkan in turn! "She is extraordinarily sexy!"

Maria speaks up, from beside Patchy. "She almost got caught up staring at his dick while washing him today." Wh- Maria son y'don't gotta put it so straightforward ooo-

Patchy jerks her head back!

"Maria…!" Genkan wasn't ready to reveal that much! "How could you? What ha- happened in there- should stay in there!"

"That's-" Patchy is just annihilated, dude. "No~..." No…!? "Wha~t?"

Genkan almost chuckles! "Aa- are you okay."

"No…!" Patchy objects! "I- I am not okay. You are not okay. How could you let this happen to yourself?"

Genkan was on the verge of chuckling! "Ee- excuse me?"

"That man- is an idiot." Patchy insisted! "Juvenile at best. He's Kirisame, if she hadn't read a book in her life, or had no interest in self-improvement. You're-... you're just giving him your body. What did he do to deserve a snow woman…!?" Holy shit!

Genkan couldn't even be offended, Patchy's sheer disbelief was too strong! "I-..." She gave me a look, and grinned mischievously. "I was too weak, Knowledge. He bettered me, and I had no choice but to be his woman." Wh- where are we taking this joke my boys.

Patchy staggers back as if physically attacked. "Wh- aa- a-..."

Genkan wraps both arms around me, from my side! "He-... I came to realize-... I- I didn't need- I didn't need my pride as a snow woman anymore!" She gave me a huge grin! "Ri- right, Brad?"

I actually have nothing to say, 'cause this joke's taken me out of my 'acceptable joke climate' zone! But- "Hell yeah!" I lied, this is perfectly fine. Gotta commit now!

Oh. Oh, wow, Patchy's really convinced, too! Her jaw's dropped again, and she's just- stumbling back. Her eyes are wide!

...Oo- oh shit! She raises a hand at me! "How-... I- aa-"

Sakuya steps up from behind us, before Patchy could have an asthma attack. "You three are cruel."

"Sa- aa-" She sees Sakuya! "Sakuya, explain, before I have to absolutely murder that human male." Uh oh…!

Sakuya snorts a few times, havin' to compose herself! "It's-... it's not as bad as they make it seem, I assure you." She faced us! "Genkan, please clarify, or she will vaporize your boyfriend."

"Aa- um…" Genkan's put on the spot, sorta! Then, she smiles sheepishly, her blush huge now! "I-... I lied, about- the… the parts- where I deprecated myself. I- I really just think he's smart and kind… and, he loves me back."

...Patchy lurches as she leans towards Sakuya, a hand on her own chest. "Sa- Sakuya, that almost doesn't help at all." Her gaze is so forcibly flat it crosses into ironic territory…! "I'm nn- not sure if that even means he's not still a bad person, somehow."

"You find either scenario unlikely, don't you." Sakuya knows exactly how Patchy feels right now…!

"Yes- exactly." Patchy gave her some big nods! "Both scenarios are immensely, humongously-"

"Cursed." I finish.

...Patchy pauses, and points a finger at me. "Not- not what I was thinking, but that fits perfectly." Wahaha! "I was going to say impossible. Unlikely would be a severe understatement. Undeserved, hmh. I feel like terrible fits too. Awful, even."

"If you keep calling our love a bad thing, I'm going to actually be opposed." Genkan gets defensive…! "This is the most I've lived in years, Knowledge. In my opinion, more sisters should make as I do."

"Sakuya- I'm going to die here." Patchy- hohohoh! "My heart can't take this."

"I'll arrange the funeral." Sakuya refused to help her! "How many fluffles would you prefer attend?"

...Patchy slowly works up a glare, focused on her!

Then, she sighs. "...Aa- as fun as it is to overreact, I feel as though I've been transported to some terrible, parallel universe where this single impossibility was made possible."

"I can't believe Patchy's ass is empty." I shake my head.

Sakuya uses a hand to cover her own face, completely taken off-guard…!

Patchy holds her own head! "This- just further reinforces it… this shouldn't be happening. This is a crime against nature, I'm sure of it."

"Probably." Genkan admits…! "That doesn't make it any less… I don't know. Amazing? Happy?"

"Even you're confused." Patchy just cannot believe assfuck is cancelled. "This is the worst thing to ever happen."

"I thought that was Marisa stealing from the library." Sakuya contested!

"That's ordinary, at this point. A cruel fact of life." Patchy is too much, dude. "This is an extraordinary terror."

"The disaster, you might say." Genkan- dude, everyone's killing it right now! Holy shit!

"...Extraordinary cancer." I'm rollin' with it too, dude!

"Mmm, yes." Patchy nods again! "Cancer. That's what this is."

"The- the disaster?" Sakuya questioned…! "The definitive disaster?"

"Yes." Patchy builds offa' that! "It is the precursor. Soon, we will see Yakumo submitting herself to barely of age boys, Yagokoro participating in blind dates, and the many women of class the world over settling for amazingly unrealistic life partners."

Oh, man. That was fucking great. Holy shit.

The momentum tapers off, after Patchy's long-winded follow-up, but that's good. I think we all would've fuckin' died if we kept bein' freakin'... laughin' jokin' numbnuts, dude.

"Alright, I'm prepared to accept the unacceptable." Patchy has prepared her body. "Genkan, yes? I remain morbidly curious. What do you see in him."

Genkan's expression was plain, with traces of her former amusement still there. "Do you want a real answer, or something satirical?"

...Patchy hesitated to choose. "I'll go with a real answer."

"He… really, really cares about me." Genkan decides, her arms still around me. "He'd protect me, because he loves who I am. He'd… he'd be at an extreme loss, if I was out of his life now. And, um… I- I find him cute, now." Aa-

She forces me to turn, facin' her, and-

"Mm- nnh-" She just- kisses me. Ha- holy shit-

She hugs me so tight, and her face is so close- her body's so soft-

"Mmm-" I grunt back, squeezed hard in her arms. "Mn- nnh…"

"Mwah." She releases my lips! It was a long, drawn out peck-type kiss, or I guess more of a press. Her smiling face is rosy and bewildered. Probably like mine, right now!

...We- we look back at Patchy, our hearts beating really hard.

"I~... I remain unconvinced." She looks really jaded…!

"There's- not much more I can say." Genkan's in disbelief that she can be so disbelieving! "He's… probably smarter than you think, but he's by no means genius. He needs more care than you'd believe."

Genkan looks into my eyes. Hers are so nice, so just- I know it's cliche, but they're so enticing, I can stare into them all damn day. "Brad. You should talk about me. Maybe that will convince her."

Awh, maybe. "Genkan makes my penis the big penis."

Genkan's hug briefly tightens to somewhat painful levels! "I will squeeze the life out of you." What, no! "Try again." Hohoho!

Hmm. I gotta be quick, but not too quick with my thoughts…

"She just-" Oh, boy. "She's really… I- I dunno, aside from her being really cute and smart, she's really receptive- or I guess receivin'- of the stuff I do. And like… she really gets me."

This is a fun moment, dude. Let's not think back to the anger hanger man episode. I don't need to get it on like Donkey Kong at the moment, I already feel like collapsing into Genkan's boobs enough as it is…

…Patchy nods. "Sakuya, I'm going to bed."

Sakuya snorts summore! "Pa- Patchouli…?"

"This day has ended." Patchy puts it bluntly! "I wish you immense luck, Maria. The world is falling apart around you."

"Uh oh." Maria has a little smile! "I'm in trouble now."

...Man. Speakin' of tired, I really do wanna just collapse into Genkan's boobs. It's gettin' late, innit.

...As Patchy drifts off, abandoning us all, my gaze centers on a big ass puddle of white shit, tan shit, and water on the floor ahead and to the left. There's a huge ass witch hat there too, fit for a fuckin' shed! "What the fuck's that shit." I wonder aloud!

Genkan's slightly taken by my blunt question, smiling, before sighting the 'shit'. "Oh. Good… good question."

...I yawn.

Sakuya comes up to us, noticing my rapidly draining vitality. "Perhaps now would be a good time to return you all to… the guest room."

"Likely." Genkan notices, too. "...Sleepy, I see." Freakin'...

"I- I'm not that tired yet." ...I just announced my death knell, I realized. "But I probably will be in like, two minutes!"

"...Yeah." Maria joins us. "I'm done, too. I just wanna fall over."

Genkan slowly looked her over. "...You're quite more drained than you were before. Did anything happen?"

"Well… magic practice." Ah, yeah, Maria an' Patchy had a sane powwow before we showed up to blow Patchy's universe. "Koakuma… um, she gave me trouble." She looked back, at something, but only Ha-chan's resting on a table in the background.

Wait, by resting, I meant-... so like, she's lying on her stomach on the table, kickin' her legs back and forth as she doodles on some paper or somethin'.

Woosh! Then, suddenly, she springs from the table, and runs at us! "Hey! Hey- Brad! Look what I drew!"

Oh god, she drew the end-chapter summary! Oh shit-

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 102

NEW SKILLS (MARIA):

Fireball - A somewhat costly fire spell which blooms a hellish inferno from within an opponent's body. It's quick and destructive, as well as crudely forced, only sometimes leaving a lingering blaze.

Thunderbolt - A rain of multiple lesser lightning strikes, which touch down all at once upon a single target. By the time the third strike lands, all the condensed voltage explodes. Focused more on the raw destructive ability of lightning, this spell only sometimes stuns foes.

Ice Shard - Magic which rapidly freezes and thaws parts of a foe's body by rapidly cooling a central point in a messy, imprecise manner. Relying on the energetic force of rapid freezing and thawing, whether or not the cold actually freezes opponents is down to luck.

Water - Briefly creating streams of water in the air around herself, Maria fires a slow-moving glob of water to burst on impact with a foe, or the terrain near one.

Waterra - Shielding herself with a sphere of shifting water streams, Maria collects a bunch of water from the environment around herself, and unleashes a huge bullet of water that explodes on impact with terrain or foes.

NEW ITEMS (MARIA):

Iron Beacon - A big, somewhat heavy iron staff with a big lamp on the top of it. It lights up with magical light depending on what element is channeled into it. The panes of the lamp's windows are made of some kind of clear crystal.

STATS:

50% Time resistance.

100% Instant Death resistance.

50% Dark resistance.

Provides a balanced boost to magic attack and magic defense.

=o=

Scarlet Event Dress - A red and black dress worn by Remilia. It's small enough to fit Maria, though. It emanates the slight scent of wine and iron.

STATS:

50% Dark resistant.

-20% Water weakness.

-20% Sun weakness.

Boosts wearer's magic attack moderately.

Boosts the power and effect of life-draining or leeching skills.

=o=

Unwilting Crimson Rose - A pretty flower you can put in your hair! I- I think it's made outta plastic, or something…

STATS:

25% Fire resistance.

25% Ice resistance.

25% Thunder resistance.

-50% Holy weakness.

Slight boost to magical attacks.

==o==

NEW ITEMS (BRAD):

20,000 Yen, in one-yen coins - Otherwise known as, 'how to ruin a cashier's day'...! They're really pretty, though.

==o==

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

more sdm exploration dude

im not sure how im gonna scale five days yet to not make the locale monotonous, but i do have a LOT OF DIFFERENT EVENTS IN MIND

considering two chapters totaling about 50 k words put together defined the like, FIRST day of the five

next chapter will likely begin with the end of the first day, and i dunno how much jumping around will happen 'cause i gots STUFF planned

that and the SDM has so many sub-locales and i got so many ideas in mind that this might be able to last for another batch and still be PRETTY GOOD

last batch ended on a matt chapter, so we still got another brad chapter coming next

so far i've particularly liked how the pace of these last few chapters turned out, 'cause they've covered a lotta interesting places and also gotten kinda in-depth

things have kinda centered on the brad-genkan romance, but i attribute that partially to the area, and i think it adds onto the fun comedy in a lot of places

particularly because we're seeing more about patchy and sakuya and the area than we ever really saw while brad was just DOING AS HE DID, and they feel actually approachable now while still retaining the charisma they had while brad was an absolute DANGLER

if not also getting more charisma as i refined some things - w -

the maria-koakuma strange moment was pretty fun, 'cause it broke up the second relaxation period genkan and brad got, and had some interesting moments

myself i liked the concepts it implied, especially compared to recent events…!

as a whole this was a really fun chapter - w -

I DUNNO WAT ELSE TO SAY

as tradition goes i've been playing tf2 again after not touching it in ten thousand years, and my opinions on it have not really changed; SOMETIMES FUN, sometimes not so fun

really it's only bearable 'cause playing it with people on this place's discord is fun - w - we all get to be mutually frustrated at the lack of player control together

...that wasn't meant ta be cutesy shilling of the discord either, but that's kinda what it turned into…!

as always, see you all next time!