(in which we visit genkan city)

Clack. Genkan closes the door to my room, that I haven't touched ever.

"There's only one bed." Maria immediately observed! "Again." Yeah, not the first time this's happened, huh.

Ha-chan moseys on over to the bed, and flops on it. "I'm-... nnh." She was annihilated, dude.

It's not particularly a huge bed, either. It's like twin size, which is only one size up from unreasonably tiny.

Floatin' up to the bed, Genkan gave it a vague stare, and looked over Ha-chan's body. "...I wonder."

Then, she looks at Maria! "Would you two- you and Hana- mind sharing your own bed?"

Maria blinks a little! "...Wh- why's that? Why specifically me and Hana…?"

"I was just curious." Genkan looks casual, dude. "Humans are often self-conscious about this sort of thing… and, unlike before, we have a choice."

"Don't you go telling me about being self-conscious." Maria puts her arms on her own hips! "You just wanna sleep alone with Brad, don't you?" Oh, does she… I- I mean, actually, that would be fun, I think!

Y'know- for a moment there, I thought Genkan was implying Maria and Ha-chan were somehow an item.

"Was it that obvious?" Genkan looked worried…! "I'd- like it if it weren't… I- I'm not sure."

"If you guys wanna have some alone time, that's cool." Maria gave us a nod! "...Maybe I'll ask Hana where her room is. We can nap there, I'm sure."

Genkan paused, at that. "Do you really want to wander alone, at night?"

...Somehow, Maria's face was completely stoic! "I don't see why not. It can't be that bad." I thought she was timid…!

"Re- really?" Even Genkan's put off by her sudden resolve! "...Well. If you're certain."

Comin' up to the bed, Maria pokes Hana on the boob twice. "Get up, Hana. We're gonna find your room and sleep there."

Hana gave her a woesome look. "Bu- but I wanna sleep here. With Brad-kun."

...In this moment, Maria seemed ta take pause, staring over us awkwardly. Inexpressively, but awkwardly!

"Maria would be wandering the halls alone." Genkan tried ta reason wit' her. "...Unless, you're that uncomfortable with the whole idea of moving."

"Mmn…" Hana finds it easier ta just close her eyes an' lie there.

...Maria shrugged at us. Hoh, hoh.

Then, Maria made for the door herself. "Y'know what… um, I'm gonna go explore."

"On-... on your own?" Genkan really had doubt about that idea! "It'd really be easier, if you slept with us, at this rate. Especially considering these halls."

"I guess." Maria did look tired. "...Maybe that would be wise."

But then, she moved for the door. "I think I'll be fine, though."

"Hol' up." I hold up a hand.

Maria furrows her brows at me! "Brad, you've done ten times dumber. Lemme do this."

"No, wait, yo!" I move for the dresser on the room's edge!

shoof. Aw, yes dude. Upon sliding the drawer open, I find that the panty stock has been renewed!

Takin' out the black and white panties, I bring 'em to Maria! "Make a rope an' throw it down, dude!"

"I- I don't-... think there's enough." Maria had some kind of grin…! "I'd have better luck leaving an ice trail and following the stains." Y'know- isn't that severe carpet damage. Ah, well.

"Maybe don't do that." Genkan's savvy enough with furnishings to tell that's a bad idea…! "You know. Carpet damage. Carpets don't like water."

"Idea." Aw, dude. "Put a panty at every intersection, like a flag of your conquest, dude. Also, put one on our door, so ya know where we are if ya come back!"

...Maria just raises her brows. For a moment or two, she doesn't say anything, and just looks offended by my idea!

But then she turns around! "Stuff as many as you can into my backpack." Woohoo~!

"That's…" Genkan doesn't know what ta say! "If it works, I suppose..."

Before I do that, comin' up to Ha-chan, I give 'er a stare. She does look pretty cute, all spread out like that. But…

"Ya sure yer not gonna tail Maria, yo?" I wonder aloud ta her. "Ya went with her last time, an' all we're gonna be doing here is sleepin'. Wouldn't it be more interesting ta show off yer… fairy barracks place?" I remember when I met her, and she had presents there! Aw, now it's actually the right season fer that, too.

An' then I point at her! "In the morning, we'll meet ya there! ...Or try." Maybe more like 'try and not succeed' all things considered…!

...Ha-chan sat up! "Let's go, Maria!" I talked her into it!

Ohp! I hurry up to Maria, and shove panties into her backpack-

fwoash. Oh, shit, it eats them!

"Let's go!" Ha-chan romps towards the door, and hooks Maria along with her with her right arm as she goes!

Bam! The door slams open! "Uu- woah!" Maria gets pulled outside with her!

An' like that, they've skedaddled. Right quick, yo.

Idly, I go up ta the door, an' look outside.

Woah, that's… new. The hallway candles are all dimmed. That's surprisingly creepy. Wait- come back, Maria, come back! ...Ah, s'probably mostly aesthetic. They're already freakin' trailblazin'...

Oh, right, she never put a panty on the door. Lemme just do that for her. Actually, maybe it should be a sock. I'm not sure which would draw more or less questions…!

Both. Obviously both…!

Takin' a very somehow clean sock from the probably unused drawer, I also take a plain white pair of panties and move for the door.

Panties first, sock goes on second. That's suspicious as fuck… which means Maria should be able to notice it pretty easy! That, and I bet fairies also toss shit on their door knobs, but I must ask how many put both on their door knobs. Ah? Ah?

Click. I shut the door!

"There we go." Tha~t… is everything.

Genkan casually stands next to the bed, watching me approach. I greet her with equal snug. "...Hi." She's cuddly, dude. Wait, I just realized- we're going into one of those scenes again aren't we-

"Hi." She's snuggly, dude! "...You look like you can hardly keep your eyes open."

"Whaddaya mean." I ask, as I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Snorting, she ignores my question…! "You know what I mean. ...This day really wore you out, didn't it?"

"Being nearly massacred... is pretty tiring." Man.

I'd like to fall over onto this bed right now and die instantly. "...I mean, that giant floating cross we beat up fer no good reason also coulda been bad, but that was the normal level of 'vaguely threatening'. Actually…"

I raise a finger! "Remember that freakin' deer we fought, that almost instantly killed all of us with lightning…!?"

Genkan snorts! "Nn- now that you mention that, that was pretty bad."

Pretty fun, but also, somewhat scary!

"One day, we might not be so lucky." Genkan supposes.

Maybe not. Even so, "I think there's a way fer us to get past that kinda bullshit."

Genkan tilted her head. "Stay in one place and never leave?"

Grinnin', I shake my head! "We just gotta be prepared fer more situations! An' the only ways to do that, is like… well, exploring and finding out how we can avoid getting in bad spots, I guess.

"We wouldn't leave things up to happenstance alone. With a little luck and preparation, and a little strategy… we should have okay chances. More than sixty-seventy percent, which're still bad odds, but kind of okay!"

...Genkan looked fair and fluffy, dude. "An admirable will, but I somehow doubt it's as easy in practice. Let's say we attend the village, and suddenly meet an intense fire mage who casts one spell and kills both- or all- of us instantly."

I hold my arms out! "That'd be really bad story and game design, so I somehow doubt it…!"

Genkan blinks twice!

"Or rather-" I hold up a finger, "at that point, I wouldn't really blame anything in particular! I mean, it'd be a reason to be pissed, but y'know if we all died instantly, s'a little late for that…!"

"...Fair." Genkan supposed. "It'd be the worst if just one of us was dead."

...Yeah.

Man, Gensokyo's really got me freakin'... pondering mortality. You would be too if you got inserted into an RPG that didn't bend to yer every freakin' beck and call. It's like a freakin' Iron Man Mode run…!

There's a really soft lamp in this room. ...Is this electrical? Yeah, it is. Huh. Weird…

Genkan drifts up to it, looking soft.

I come up and stare at the lamp casually, too. It's a gentle lamp, dude. "Lamp."

"...Lamp." Genkan agrees! "What do you want out of life, Brad?"

What is this, Kingdom Hearts? To see rare sights! To build that eternal life machine from TF2 so I can make mercenaries fight over gravel! Actually, shit, since I'm in Gensokyo that might actually be a bucket list-tier plan…

But uh, legitimately… "To be comfortable. An' like, have fun." Basically synonymous.

...Genkan considered that. "I'd have thought you'd have something outrageous up your sleeve. Like, a fluffle war, or to see rare sights." Uh. Uh oh. I think I just got hard-read.

"I can't believe I didn't think of a fluffle war myself." They'd call it the loaf war. The war to end all loafs. The loaf to end all wars. Loaf.

"But…" Genkan continues, "I think that's an admirable want. To be comfortable. It's somewhat easy to obtain, at least in theory. With a little self-discipline, perhaps."

"It was harder on the outside." I clarify.

She tilts her head back. "I might see your point..."

"If I wanted a home in Gensokyo, I could just live here in the mansion for... foreverish."

Genkan spoke up. "You can live with me, Brad." Ooh. That's-... reassuring to hear, actually.

I guess I could live up in Genkan's cool cave, set up with that laptop I got from Eientei, and like, exist.

I grin at 'er. "My point was even havin' a home just 'cause I found it and called it mine, is a lot easier inside Gensokyo! But… you'd want that?" I ask her. "To lemme live with you?"

"Ye- yes." Genkan nods twice. "I don't consider this place a proper home for you." Ooh.

"Is it not? It's a bed!" I argue! "With walls, and a roof!"

"This mansion doesn't love you." Genkan argues. Aah... "Your- your home should be somewhere where you're loved."

"That's-... true, innit. With you?"

"With me." Genkan smiled. "Because I love you."

...My heart. Holy shit.

Genkan smiled more smugly. "I see my line worked."

Whah. "Your line?"

"It's something I heard from a book. I just happened to find an opportunity to use it." Ooh.

"...It's still really effective!" I wouldn't've known! What book- wait, it's probably in Japanese.

"I know." Genkan nodded, looking pleased. "From books, we can reference knowledge. Books can demonstrate wisdom and understanding. I'd realized the potency of such a sentiment when I read it there on the page."

Man…

I voice something that was on my mind. "It's just, on the outside, society made just keeping your home complicated. You had to serve so many obligations not only to keep getting food, but to keep living inside your home."

And-... and that's like-... aah…

Stepping up, then circling behind me, Genkan lays her hands onto my shoulders. She presses down, massaging them a little, and- I'm kind of loving it…

"What kind of obligations?" Genkan guessed. "Food to eat?"

Well. "Yes, but actually no! Y'needed money to buy food, sure. But, you're also taxed for having property within a government's borders."

"Taxed?" Genkan questioned. "Money?"

"Ye. Yen and bucks and stuff."

Genkan has the big brain plan. "Just don't pay them. What would they do, remove you?"

"Yes." Yeah, they entirely would! "At best, you're losing all your stuff and your home. At worst, if you resist, you're going to jail. Or maybe both, I dunno, most people don't like finding out."

...Genkan keeps pressin' into my shoulders. "They just… get away with this?"

I nod! "Yeah! That's society, man. That's how y'keep millions of people in line. Millions."

Idly, Genkan considers the collective sentiment. "Millions. That... does sound horrible. You humans do truly inflict your own pain onto one another."

I suppose I am a broken record, huh. Man.

Genkan continues, as she works on my shoulders. "I can't imagine what such a society or structure looks like. It's almost beyond imagination. If that's what civilization is, then we're better off being condemned as lunatics and monsters."

Yeah. At least as morons and monsters, we get to live the way we want, by our own standards. Not by human society, at least.

We return to staring at the lamp. It's a nice lamp. Blue and white, an' everything, dude. Kinda dim, which is comfy, but makes the room feel isolated in a way. Probably 'cause it's such a big room, and the halls outside are dim too.

Y'know. "Sudden tired realization. If the overall population were lower- would there be less societal demand? ...Or, would the scope of civilization- and-"

Genkan interjects. "Society didn't love you." She interjected with a real clothesline too! "On the outside, would it be wrong of me to assume that no one loved you?"

Whaah... "I- I dunno, my parents… loved me." In their own way, anyway.

"But was it the love you yearned for?" Genkan immediately follows up. "I know my mother couldn't offer it to me."

...No. "I- I guess… not. No, it wasn't."

Is it picky of me? I guess. But... at what point is not putting up with something, and not settling for being happy with it, your fault?

For example, at times it felt like my parents' love was backed purely by instinct, with strange logic.

"Hey, Genkan." I turn to her. "Do you really want me to talk about my parents?"

Genkan smiled, and made a little finger gun. "Shoot." Ooh…

Well.

"Me and my parents… we weren't always friends. I feel like we didn't know each other in a meaningful way. My parents were very limited. Unable to adapt to new culture, unable to see most different perspectives, and unable to see ideas from different angles.

"Conversations would become... circular, I guess. I'd have to go over things multiple times, and they had to consider ideas multiple times."

Wait. I've just realized how to put it into an example!

"It'd be like, whenever I try to start a freakin'... paragraph, if you just interrupted me to make an incorrect assumption every like couple seconds." I demonstrate my reasoning! "And every time an incorrect assumption was made in complete confidence, I'd need another speech to explain that. And at the end of that, since they weren't listening to begin with, everything I said was wasted anyway."

Genkan saw what I meant. "That does actually sound annoying."

Took me a hell of a while to adjust to that. Especially when these people were 'normal' for a lot of my life. God, if there's anything I have to thank the internet for, it's exposing me to both the common Roblox memester, and the common forum asshole. It was something that wasn't my family or school kids.

These are the kinds of people that just can't enjoy art as a whole. They just can't make the logical leaps required to appreciate more than a few happenstance things. They can't learn or research or discover. Life has been and will always be what it is.

They end up being far less because of it.

"The tools and books and knowledge was always right there, but they'd never trust themselves enough to actually read it or use them. So fucking close, always, but always so far.

"To me, because they were so simple, it felt like we were more like acquaintances most of the time. The moment I started to become my own person, I started keeping secrets. I found out I was better off. I was richer in the mind and heart when I did so. They couldn't be trusted with reason or knowledge."

I didn't want their inability to become my inability.

And, well… "In a way, it feels unfair for me to be like this. They can't, could not and never would understand more. As such, their love for me was the deepest thing in the world to them.

"So is it unfair for me to consider such an automatic, instinctual love cheap? When it's gold to them? It's not like I hated them, but..."

They left me feeling bitter and empty if I was over-exposed to them. They weren't enough. They were so fucking blind and simple. It was nice sometimes, but only sometimes. They're just one little part of a whole, when other people could be so much more.

Like Genkan here. She's kind of a specific-styled person too, but she's willing to learn and make leaps. Life just hasn't put her in a starting position to do it, but she's put thought in for herself and for me.

Focusing on her again, I give Genkan a firm smile. "This's why I didn't need a soul on the outside. I never needed it. On the outside, if you're not picking friends carefully, they make you weak. They drag you down. Friendship's not all sunshine and rainbows. There's a logic game behind it, and-"

Genkan pulls me towards the bed. Right off my feet, and throws me.

Creak! Ooh- oh, god! She just- chucks me onto it, holy crap…

I landed on my back on the bouncy bed.

"Brad." Genkan stands before the foot of the bed, looking down at me. "That tired heart of yours…"

Genkan crawls onto the bed. She walks across it on her knees, then onto flops right onto me. Air pushes out from between us, and from the bed.

She shoves my face between her sweater-bound breasts, and I'm just-... it just shuts me up.

"And- like-..." I'm-... Genkan- I'm- "Friendship is-..."

Damn it- I can't think… I uh…

I cup Genkan's breasts, and press them against my face.

"Despite your irritation, you've surrendered." Genkan sounds smug, her voice audible through her chest. "If friendship and love are so weak, why do you grope me?"

She hugs me fucking tight, and I'm just trapped between her breasts, on my back in the bed.

I mean- that's not quite-... "Be- because…" I'm done… "I love you…"

Genkan knows she's won. "I love you too."

…So good.

She smells nice...

"Live with me… because I love you. Because I'm the equal you desire… and there is no one more fit to be your girlfriend than me."

I shut my eyes.

Genkan slips her hand behind my head, between it and the pillow.

"Why do you love me?" Genkan asks again.

...I- I wait for her to smother me a little less, so I can reply. "Because… um… you're smart. I think how you talk is too damn cute. You're beautiful, and-... sexy…"

Collecting brain cells. Wait, yeah. "Being so smart and beautiful is a dangerous combo." I declare. "I just…"

Beauty is one thing. If I wanted beauty, these fairies would be good enough. It wouldn't be hard to get… a girlfriend. A quick fuck, or something soft to hug. Freakin', considering the fairies 'round here.

Genkan shifts, laying to my right side, so that we can face one another and speak. I hug my arms around her, and she presses her face against my bare chest.

"How am I smart?" Genkan wondered. "Mmn…" She stares into my skin.

I mean… "You're a decent human-... a decent person!" Not exactly a human! "You pick up on emotions really well… and, uh, I guess I just… I like you."

Just being emotionally intelligent enough to be aware of things is a low bar, especially for Touhou people.

"You're flexible." I find an explanation. "I'm someone who's nothing if not flexible as well. I couldn't live with someone who couldn't think to change and adapt with me."

Finding someone to love? Where you'll both commit to each other? Not as easy.

Genkan's been with me. Genkan's grown to appreciate me, and I'm… really attached to her too.

"I'm a decent human, hmm?" Genkan makes fun of my slip! "Mmm…"

She squeezes up against me a little more. I'm so tired...

"As long as you adapt for me, as well." Genkan reasoned.

"Ooh, I know…" Yeah. It's a two-way street.

"When we…" She loses focus while squeezed against me. "We spent a lot of time together. I thought the way I felt may've just been because of that. But… when you got upset at the idea of losing me, I knew you cared. You knew how to care."

Y'know… "I guess I've already adapted a little, huh?" So this is what love's really like...

The lighting is dim. The room is comfy, distinctly Victorian and dark, as we lay together, me squished under her. It's so… wonderful. Invigoratingly fitting. So comfy.

"You're good at picking up others' emotions when you try." Genkan told me. "So I know I can love you, and you'll love me for myself in turn."

Genkan trusts me.

God. I love you…

I hug her tighter against me. Genkan hugs me back.

"Do you trust me the same way?" Genkan asked. "To make the jump to save your life?"

Hmm. "Yeah."

"So easily…?" Genkan questions!

"I love you." I tell her.

...Her embrace tightens a little more, for a brief moment. "I see. I love you too…"

We spend a few more moments hugged together. Just, snug. Together.

"Brad…" She speaks up.

She pushes against me, and straddles me. From here, she raises her arms, and takes off her sweater.

Her cow bra-bound breasts give a healthy jiggle once the sweater is off.

Taking my hands, Genkan pressed them to each of her breasts for me. She smiled brilliantly, using my own hands to play with her breasts.

Taking her intent, I work my hands under her bra. She bit her lower lip a little, and scooted closer.

I end up seated up against the head of the bed, my lower back to the pillow.

Genkan presses her forehead against mine, hugging onto me while I feel her up. She sits between my legs, her own legs spread to accommodate me being between them.

"...I see you like it, when I do this." Genkan noticed me struggle and shudder while embracing her; my excess energy and excitement is spending itself.

"He- hehe…" I chuckle a little! "Yeah…"

Saying nothing, we just stare into one another's eyes. Genkan's hands start searching my chest, trailing across my ribs, cupping my own chest, while I play with her.

"Nnh." Sitting down between my legs, she lays her own legs across me.

When she unbuckles her skirt's belt thing, she tries to slide it off, but I'm kinda in her way. "Actually, um... help." Genkan calls for help!

Reaching between us, I pull her skirt back.

She ends up holding her legs up to help out. Her forelegs dangle in the air, and I get such a view.

Sitting up myself, I eventually get her skirt off.

She lets her bare legs lay on my shoulders. She's just in her cow bra and black panties now.

"...Do you like this?" She watches me as I ogle the fuck out of her.

"Yes." You're-... amazing. "Holy shit…"

Genkan's snow white body, framed by her perfect, blunt bangs and black hair.

She has to take her legs off my shoulders. "Let's get your kimono off."

She folds my kimono open. She urges me without words to take it off completely- and completely take it off was what I did.

Wh- ah. She spreads my legs open, and-

"I've wanted to do this since the bath…"

She lays her hands on my underwear.

Before she goes any further, she stops.

Reaching around my side, she takes my bag, and reaches inside.

Genkan's holding the box of condoms now, smiling parts anxiously and parts happily.

Shoof. Clumsily, she rips it open while keeping her gaze on mine. Smiling nervously, she takes a ribbon from inside. "I-... I want to mate with you."

Oh my god.

"I- I love you." I tell Genkan.

"...I ta- take it that's a yes."

Sitting on her knees, she places her hands on my thighs. "Scoot up. Before we get to anything else…"

Her face nears my underwear. "I'd like to give you a closer look. To make sure I've... properly cleaned this area…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MARIA'S PERSPECTIVE ===

The halls are quiet at night. There's still fairies about, just less. I get the feeling they don't subscribe to any typical sleeping pattern.

"It's right around here!" Hana remarks, for like, the eighth time.

And so, Maria and Hana adventures continue. Genkan owes me one. Technically she owes Hana too, but…

That said, I actually like, kinda expected the night halls to be kinda treacherous and spooky. Not… not really. As in, it's not really any different than usual.

At first, the dimness of the halls was kinda spooky. But, it felt pretty natural after a while. Nothing out of the ordinary's happened.

"Um…" Hana realizes we got turned around again, probably. "C'mo~n. I know it was like, right around here. Why's it not letting me go there today…?"

Good question. Well, we haven't wandered totally out of bounds of the plain halls, where Hana's room… better be. If they're not here, then we're not even close, and I'm gonna be mad.

These Christmas trees look nice, at least.

We're at a four way intersection again, and um… it's kinda bright, actually-

I just realized. The dim lights are so the colorful bulbs on the trees glow in the evening light. What a mundane explanation to something that actually seemed kinda creepy at first.

Coming up to a stout, tubby tree, I look at the crystalline, diamond-like star on the top. It's just a little taller than me. What a munted tree.

"Nnh…" Hana makes a sad noise next to me. "I'm… so tired. I- I wanna-..."

...Grabbing onto the edge of the tree- it's spiky- I hold its branch up a little. "Thu- Thunder."

za- zap. Tiny arcs of light run through the branch-

ZAP! It jolts Hana, as she gets nearer to me. "Ooo!" That should juice her up. "...I- I think I'm better! For now!" For now, huh. Guess being healed doesn't stop her from getting more tired.

"If you lose your way…" There's a voice, from around us.

I answer it. "It's 'cause of the fairies, right?"

Oh. That fluffy-haired, orange-haired fairy from earlier came out from around the tree I was looking at. "Tha- that was my line!"

"Mmm." The black-haired fairy came out from around a taller tree. "Not the first time you've been tricked, huh?"

...When the third, silent blue fairy comes out, I idly comment. "Tricked…?"

"That box of candies you took." The tall, black-haired fairy leered at me. "You shouldn't take Valentines candy out of season, you know?"

...Whah. "What candy."

The tall fairy paused. "...You- were the one who took that heart-shaped box, right?"

"No." I didn't even see it.

"Huh." The tall fairy nodded. "That fucking sucks. I baked those myself. Who the fuck took them?" Um, oh no.

"You bake chocolates?" I'm more interested in that than like, anything else going on here.

She took pause at me, staring down. She's like, as tall as Brad is. "So- sometimes. It's none of your business, little girl." Hey, rude.

"I- I was just asking." I frown back. "I-... I've uh, had an interest in baking and cooking stuff, so like… you know, I thought like, I'd ask if you baked things too. You don't gotta get defensive about it."

"I'm not as plain as you." She's still defensive, for some reason! "...If you want, you can be my cook. You wouldn't have to give me foot massages, if you made good food."

"We also wouldn't need ta rely on that maid anymore, either!" The orange-haired shortie piped up behind me.

"What's all this about foot massages." I give her a stern look, my eyebrows… not furrowed, but level. "You know something I don't?"

"Yes." She smiled down at me. "I'm mistress Komi. You're my new slave girl."

I'm the new holy fluffle emperor, huh.

Ah. Oh, yeah. They did try to beat up Brad before… and, I think he has a history with them, or something. So, they must be looking at me by association.

"She's a cutie, Komi-chan…" I think the orange-haired one was called Koi. She's like, shorter than me. What a shortie.

The blue-haired one who I do forget the name of comes up to me. "Ha-... have you- ever had sex?" What, why.

"Freaking…" Komi shook her head. "Shut the fuck up, Namori."

"You guys…" Hana shook her head. "Maria would be nice to you, if you were nice to her…"

Komi glared over at her. "You be silent. She'll be grateful for my grace in due time. Koi and Namori understand me. So will she."

Fwish. From my backpack, I wield my pine frost staff, and clutch it with both arms. "I'm gonna blow you up if you try something weird. All I wanted to do was talk food."

"Hmh!" She beamed at me. "You? I can sit your ass down, little girl. There's three of us, and one of you."

"Two." I correct her, pointing at Hana. "...Y'gotta admit, um, she's nothing if not a wall."

"I'm a wall!" Hana testified.

"Fine, three on two." Komi folded her arms.

"All 'cause you didn't think it was cool to talk about your own um… cooking hobby." I shake my head. "That's more lame than anything else you coulda done."

That's when Komi just bolts towards me, reeling an arm back to backhand me. "Shut the fuck, up, little girl-"

Whunk! I- I hold my staff in her way, and stop her arm.

"Waterra!" I'm gonna punish her.

Wet, dripping blue light bubbles up along the tip of my pine wood staff.

Slosh- slush- fwush. From the plants around me, and the inner manor air, water rushes to me in tiny streams. A flowing, messy mesh of rushing water streaks around me.

Spla- Splash! It lets me glide up into Komi's form, the water crashing against her maid outfit and freaking her out. "Ee- nnh!?" Eyes wide, she staggered back, from both the water's cold, and the slight force.

Flourishing my staff into the air, the water combining around it, I aim it back down at her.

FWUSH! Once all the moisture's gathered, a bolt of blue is thrown at her like a big bucket of water.

KRAK- SPLASH! The raw blast of water to her chest throws Komi right off her shoes. "Ngh- ya- aah…!?" Sent rolling through the air, she tumbles down a hall ahead, making sure not to crash into anything clumsily.

I- I wonder. This staff- let me cast a weaker variant of Ice Shard before… so now that I really understand it…

Vuum. The icy reagent Alice put into the staff's tip starts to glow, as I feed cold energy through it. It must boost the power of ice skills, too!

"Ice Shard!" Feeling my mana pump, I thrust my pine frost staff into the air, and my power rushes through it.

Komi stops tumbling, righting herself in the air. "You- fuckin'-"

KRA- KRACK! A huge shard of ice snaps into existence, amidst her torso, obscuring half her face and taking up one of her thighs. "Ee- aa-"

KA- Fwi- fwi- fwi- fwish! Smaller fragments of teal, then crystal ice extend out from her body, the air diamondizing under the cold snap's effects.

KRACK- KRAKRAA~CK! Then, the shattering of the ice was fierce enough to leave a layer of frost on the carpet beneath. Komi's form was now gone, her fairy body erased by the raw magic cold that broke apart her own magical energy.

...I pan my casual look over to the other fairies.

Koi had her arms up, surrendering again. Namori was starting to move to hide behind the tree she'd come out around again…

Hana yawned. "See, guys. Maria's like-... she's tough to fight. In fact-..." Hana has a realization, too. "A lot of my friends are really tough to fight! Next time, you should like, bring fluffles to hide behind, or something."

Somewhat dry, Koi speaks plainly. "Ya-... ya know. I'm startin' ta lose faith in fighting yer whole buncha whackjobs, if all three of us can't even fight just you."

"One of us is a yuki-onna." I shake my head… "Even if you were immune to ice, she could probably just... push you into the floor, or hit you with a table. You can't elementally align yourself with being hit by a coffee table."

Anyway, um. I guess I'll just go. Fairies are weird.

But, when I pick a direction, there's something waiting for me.

It's a fluffle as tall as a human, with bombs for arms. Wh- where the heck'd- I really need to take these ear winglet accessories off! Even if it's rare, I'm being attacked by bombs!

Fwi~sh. The fuses burn shorter, as the fluffle accelerates towards me!

Turning, I run! "Hana- go!"

"What- oh, no!" Hana sees it, and moves with me, and we try to sprint away!

But, when we pass Koi, she saunters past us, towards it. What- does she think she's-... oh, wait.

BOOM- BOOM! The fluffle combusts in amber and power, a bright flash flaring down the hall, as the crack of noise pronounced its non-existence.

Fwoash! Koi staggers back, healed by the blasts. "Nn- nnh…!"

Cracked carpet and wood marks where the fluffle blew up. That- was oddly powerful that time, for some reason.

...I step back up to her. "Tha- thanks."

Koi twists around to look at me, her chest swaying. Wh- why are her boobs kinda big? They're not as huge as Genkan's are, 'cause she's way smaller than Genkan as a whole, but like… for her frame, they're impressive.

"The- the hell was that about?" Koi's smug face was kinda wayward…

"Um, nothing." It'd be a lot to explain… "It was after us, and you stopped it, so… thanks."

Hana, where are we going? Oh, man, she probably got super distracted with that little bit of fighting I had to do. Oh, no.

"Ye- yer welcome, I guess." Koi's expression became kinda vague…

...Idly, I turn to Hana. "Hana, we-... we gotta keep going to your room." I'm- getting really tired, too. Ee- especially after just- wasting a buncha mana…

"Aa- oh, yeah." Hana's out of it, too. Even though we're hardly in any danger, we might be in trouble if we just fall asleep in these halls, with fairies around…! "Um…" Please don't give me a skittish look, Hana…

"You both, um…" Koi speaks up, coming up behind us. "You guys lookin' fer a place to sleep?"

Hana gingerly faces her, and nods. "Ye- yeah. I- I'm trying to find my room, but like…" She starts stomping the floor. "I ha- hate these hallways, sometimes!"

Then, all of a sudden, Koi's smile became smug. "How about you both crash at my room? Or, um, our room. I like, share it with Komi-chan and Namori-chan."

"Could you even find it." I wanna get that clear first off. If you get lost too, I'm gonna go nuts.

"I think I know directions better than Hana here." Koi remarked plainly… "Hana wouldn't know her way out of a cardboard box."

"I would too!" Hana yipped back. "...That's not nice, either. There- really are fairies who don't know their way outta boxes!"

"Ye- yeah, I know." Koi grinned. "Just sayin', not being able to find your own room is weird."

"I don't know why I can't!" Hana's getting frustrated… "It- it just isn't there!"

Koi snorted, and turned, facing her fully. "Maybe you're just dumb. Dummy."

"I- I'm not dumb!" Hana-...

Koi had a giddy smile. "You're pretty dumb. You can't find your room. Any maid can- well not any maid- but a lot of maids can at least do that!"

Hana's frowning, glaring down at Koi. "But- it just isn't there- when I look…"

"Maybe you forgot what it looked like, 'cause you're stupid." Alright-

"Sh- shut up…" Hana looks upset.

I step up next to them. "Yeah, hey, Koi?"

Koi blinks, looking at me. "Ye- yeah?"

"Screw off." Just listening to that made me kinda mad, too.

"Wh-..." Koi blinked faster. "What? Why?"

"Hana-..." How'll I word this. "She might not be, like, the brightest bulb… but, at least she's not a jerk like you."

"But-" Koi tries to retort or something. "...Co- come on. You serious? She'll get over it. What's it matter…?"

Coming up to Hana, I pull on one of her hands. "C'mon, Hana. Look at it this way: this'll at least give you energy to keep looking." I was tired, but...

Blinking herself, Hana gave me a nod, and smiled. "Ye- yeah." Her eyes stop threatening to water. Crisis averted.

"Oo- okay, look-" Koi follows us, as I pull Hana… away, generally. "I- I'm sorry, alright?"

If she was sorry, she wouldn't have said it. I ignore her, and keep pulling on Hana's hand when she herself almost pauses and turns.

"He- hey!" Koi keeps following us anyway. "Seriously! Wa- was it that big of a damn deal…!?"

Who's the dumb one now? If you're such a genius, find the answer yourself.

"Come on- say something…!" Koi's hands plant themselves on my shoulders, which is a real reach for the shortie fairy.

Well, if she's so insistent.

Turning around, I glare at her. "What'll it take for you to leave us alone."

Koi-... um, huh. She looks like she's almost about to cry. "Le- leave you alone…? Wh- why!? I'm sorry!"

Her fists balled up, she stands awkwardly with them propped up at her sides, her red face glaring up at me. "I- I just-... I just wanted to- look cool! Aa- and Komi like- talks shit about Hana! I don't- even know why it matters!"

...Hmm. Well.

"What's this matter to you?" I'm still not clear on that, yet. "If Hana's that lame, then I am too. Why do you care?"

Koi looks surprised. "You-... you're not lame! You're fucking cute!" Oh. "Are-... are you guys friends? I- I'm sorry..."

She seems sorry. But…

"I don't really care what you thought was cool." I decide. "You were being mean just to be mean. Even if I just met Hana today, on the outside, you were just… you were just being mean. People like you… are someone people learn to stay away from."

"Bu- but…" Oh. I, um, made her cry. "But- Ko- Komi-chan said-..."

"I'm sorry, but Komi-ch-... Komi just tried to assault me." I counter. "I um, I wouldn't be taking lessons on kindness from her. In fact, I- I wouldn't be taking many lessons at all from her."

If Komi just… like, talked cooking with me and didn't attack me like a maniac, we could've hung out or something. But, no. She had to be a jerk, so I made her explode.

Koi latched onto my side, when I turned away. "Gi-... gimme another chance. Please. I-... I don't wanna be so- someone no one likes. I wa- wanna be cool."

...Hmh. Well.

I'm tempted to hit her away, and let her cry it out. Maybe reaffirm that she's someone no one would really be real friends with right now. Hint at her that she should get a little more of a clue before she tries something like this again.

But… I- I don't know. When I really think about it, that's kinda just being mean to be mean, too. I- I'd argue it's in revenge, and in a more elegant way, at least, but…

I don't know. It's not something I see Brad doing, not unless the crime was really bad or dumb. Genkan… I don't know. She'd probably be considerate, too.

"If you're really sorry," I decide, "you'll help me and Hana find her room. This whole thing made us less tired, so we can keep looking. You get to help out or whatever."

Koi seems to pause, taking in my words for a moment, before speaking again. "Re- really?"

"Yeah." To my begrudgement, at least. "...If Hana's fine with it." I look at Hana. "What do you think, Hana? Do you think-"

"Sure!" Ha- Hana nods way quicker than I expected… "She really looked like she was sorry. And- I always wondered, what it was like to talk to her if she wasn't bullying me!" Is- this a regular thing, or something.

With that, Hana begins to romp ahead. "Let's keep looking!" Oh, boy.

...Koi lets go of me, and slowly meanders after Hana. When I move to follow too, she looks at me, uncertainty clear on her face.

Well. Seems like the excitement's over…

"Now, I'm gonna say…" When we come to a four way ahead, Hana arbitrarily picks the left hall. "We're gonna go this way!"

I wonder if we're ever gonna find it, or if we're all gonna get wiped out before then.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

I-... I don't know what to say.

Our bed still smells nice. I'm just-... drifting, on that after-ejaculation high, but my feelings and just how attached I am to Genkan exponentiates how potently dizzy I am. My mind clings to that high, too. I want to be dizzy. I wanna be lost in her.

Y'see, here's where the disconnect is. I'm not sure how I can communicate… just how in love I am with Genkan in this moment. So, this is how this sorta thing can deepen relationships, on a primal level. Holy shit…

It's morning. Mid-day? I don't know when it is.

Genkan's lying on me, snugged into my right side. A blanket covers the both of us in shade, and I just… feel so good, lying here numbly, with her pressing into me.

This is the second time I've woken up. Earlier, when I woke up, Genkan caught me, and uh, yeah. I passed the fuck out after cumming again.

If her just hugging me is mildly sedating- not through her magic, but through the mere physical contact and embrace… this was something way beyond. Words aren't coming to me…

I'm trapped, and it feels so good. But, at this point, I'm actually like… fully energized. Really energized.

And no, I'm not horny. Just comfy, and dizzy, and awake. Horny energy has been expended.

My legs are trapped in a vaguely straight posture by Genkan's, her own legs draped over my lower body.

I-... I try ta experimentally shift, but her embrace is tight, and her body's… way heavier than I'm used to. I probably just… shouldn't.

Last night was the best thing ever. And, I don't think any level of description will do true justice to what it feels like to share that kind of feeling, or that kinda like… intimacy. It-... it had a totally different like, connotation, than like… y'know, just masturbating, or nailing a fairy 'cause she looked cute, or something.

A lot of that experience was how Genkan handled it. She was having fun.

It wasn't just me fucking her, or her fucking me. We fucked. We got fucked. Fuck.

...With nothing to do with my arms, I just hug her, and feel at her smooth back. So damn soft. The way her body presses me down, traps me and just-... I uh, like feeling overwhelmed. It just feels good.

You'd had to have been there, and seen the passion.

That gets my mind off on a random tangent. The passion experienced by more slutty dudes and girls is probably, while not totally lust, not something they're self-aware enough to ordain or control. I think this 'cause those kinds of people seem to touch on passion like a dubious, unable-to-be-qualified thing that's more visible in retrospect.

When you're with someone you love, it's not only instinct. It's justified indulgence. Because you've got actual reasons to love one another, when you do indulge in instinct, you don't have to second guess yourself.

Lust in the bed's probably not something lovers ought to be ashamed of. Just, y'know, it's a luxury on top of something that already works.

...Is it possible to have a fetish for passionate love and cuddling?

Yeah, I'm awake. It's been awhile since I've lied in bed enough for my mind to wander in random ass directions.

But, this haze, this tinge of after-orgasmic bliss is somehow still riding the back of my mind, and I'm trying to hold onto it too. It feels so damn good, and Genkan being right here for me to love and squeeze is a big help. Feeling her soft legs draped over mine, framing my body perfectly, her chest squishing into mine.

...She'd abandoned her cow bra at some point, probably because everything about it was uncomfortable in some way, I'm sure.

Well. I'm-... I got nothing.

Mysteriously, after I press my head into her chest enough, I start to get tired again. Just, like I'm instinctually lulled by her loveliness. So damn hot.

My heart-... I- I can hear her heart, like this.

How is this-... so effective…

"Mm- mmh…" I give out a tired coo; the death knell of my consciousness, as Genkan's sweet-smelling body gets the better of my senses.

Cr- crea~k. Some undefined amount of time later, I hear our door opening.

They pad inside, plainly. "Who's idea was the garments, on the-... door." Uh. Um.

Sakuya's voice. Why in the fuck… what the hell'd she come here for. Oh, well. She's probably just gonna leave.

She pads over to the dresser, placing the panty and sock there. I feel her staring at the bed, and since we have the covers over one another, our embrace is obscured.

"It's ten in the morning." Sakuya announced. "...Brad, Hana, I assume. One of you has to be up."

Then, she pauses. She must've seen one of Genkan's clothes pieces, or-... or, the filled condoms. I dunno where Genkan put them, but she had commented on the lack of a tiny trash bin.

Click. Without any more steps, our door closes.

I can return to death, now.

"Was…" Genkan's voice is tired. She- she's awake, too…? "Was that-... that maid…?"

"...Mm- mmh." I hum back. "Yeah…"

Genkan still has her eyes closed. But then- I feel her whole body shift, her legs and arms moving…

"Nn- nnn." Letting out a little noise, she stretches some, brushing my chest and legs a whole lot accidentally.

Then- "Mmm." A kiss on my cheek, that makes me want to sleep again. "Mnh…"

Her hand wraps around the back of my head, and she brushes her head past mine, hugging onto me and locking her body into mine. "Nn-..." If she's trying to knock me out-... it's working…

...Noticing me giving up to her, she snorts. "It's been… quite awhile. We should probably get up."

"Pr- probably." I admit.

Unwrapping the arm from around me, Genkan pushes against the bed, and off of me.

I get a full view of her beauty, as we share a look of blissful satisfaction. That was exactly what both of us wanted.

"...You look flattened." She smiled down at me.

"You- you like, molested me." I defend how blown away I look.

"He- hehe…" She places her hands down on my skinny chest, and rubs it a little. "You-... I love you, Brad."

"I- I love you too."

...Letting out a breath, she sat up off of me, onto her knees, beholding my annihilated form.

After giving me a good once-over, she finally got off the bed.

Taking care with the room's cold air, she fixed the covers back over me, since they still held our shared warmth. "Here. Keep warm." Wo- wow…

"Tha-... thanks."

I- I wonder where Genkan put the condoms. I look-

She froze them to the wall. Just-... literally froze them on the wall over the night stand. Holy fuck I love her. Only thing that would've been better is if she fuckin' nailed 'em to the wall.

Out of curiosity, I look along the somewhat ignored left edge of the bed, and at the ground.

Ah, yes. A very tiny, very empty garbage bin obscured along the bed's upper third. Basically only visible if you try to look for it.

"You froze the condoms to the wall." I have to comment on this sheer ridiculousness, because it's amazing.

"Ee- eheh…" Genkan giggled a little. "They-... they seemed too awkward to leave on the nightstand, and the floor was asking for trouble. I wasn't going to put them in your bag, either. And-..."

Scanning the bed's side, she saw the tiny bin. "Mmh. I hadn't seen the bin at the time. Even then… is that the proper way of disposing of full condoms? I-... I don't know."

Good… good question, actually. Well.

"I have no idea." I admit. At least we weren't big-brained enough to not figure out how to use the condoms, like some freakin' brain geniuses. There's thankfully a tiny instruction manual inside the box! It's got a few more steps than I thought. Like, the whole 'pinching the tip' so the condom actually properly catches the stuff, so on…

Well. I should probably yoink my bag back onto my waist. Alright, I gotta ask Remi why the hell the bag has like, a polarity to me at most times. I didn't use to question it, but as time's gone on, I realize it's very seldom been removed from me!

Um. Anyway, let's… reluctantly crawl from this love-induced crater in the bed.

I watch Genkan slide her panties back on. "...I- really need more panties. These ones… need to be washed, surely."

Aw, wait. "I got Miko's panties here." I pull 'em outta my bag! "We won 'em at Game Jam, remember?"

"At-..." She gives me a vague look, and then shakes her head! "Yes, Game Jam, certainly. Tell me they aren't also in need of cleaning."

Ah. Well, I hold 'em up, and give 'em a sniff. Hmm. Nah, smells like nothing, and a vague hint of dry-cleaning. "Nope. Washed up, maybe even cleansed or somethin'."

I hand 'em off to her, while she just gives me a ginger stare. An' she keeps starin'...!

"Whah." Why- why're you starin'...

She hands me her panties. "Tell me if these are clean, then."

...I- I feel at the still-damp spot with my finger. "Gee, I wonder."

Genkan clicks her tongue. "Here I thought you'd… actually, nevermind-"

I mean, if you insist, I'll give it a try. Holding up her panties, I uh, stick my nose in, and...

Alright, y'know what, that's a reasonably questionable scent.

"I-..." She looks worried! "Brad, I wasn't se- serious, you-..."

Grinnin' back at her, I chuckle sheepishly! "I- I can see why ya'd want something… a little less worn!"

"Gods." Genkan's face reddens! "Ha- hand me both of those."

So, I do!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Here I am. Fully dressed, and ready for today!

Genkan has her cow bra and sweater back on, as well as her cow skirt. "...Do you think we smell fine?" She wonders aloud…

"Maybe." I think our clothes smell okay! We? Well, I dunno. That sweet scent made in our bed's somewhat dissipated, but when we get close, I can still smell it on her. It makes me wanna bury my face in her chest and keep sleeping.

I got my nazi uniform on, just 'cause it feels like a suit. I don't got anything really fancy on its own, aside from this! It's also kinda warm, despite not featuring ice resistance of any kind.

...I could put on Miko's cape, but I feel like that'd clash with this uniform really hard!

Wait.

Fwi- Click! Aw, there we go. MP Prize Pin, Patchy's frilly retro hat and the moon crescent associated wit' it, and Reimu's ribbon in my hair!

"...I don't think that hat fits." Genkan decides, decisively! "It's too different in tone."

I'm wearing the MP Prize Pin and Patchy's crescent like badges of honor on my uniform. If only Reimu's ribbon was smaller...

Genkan moves to get the condoms off the wall. "We probably-... shouldn't leave those there."

Probably not!

Crea~k. Comin' up to the door, I squeak it open, an' look around outside…

Aw, the daylight's here. Or rather, the candles and things are bright again. Table fort, dude.

"You know…" Genkan came to a realization, from inside. "This room has no bathroom. In fact, I have no idea where any sort of bathroom could be."

...Uh oh. Wait.

Fwi- fwish. Genkan froze the full condoms, and put them in the little cast-iron trash bucket…! Good. I'm sure that won't be an awful mess fer someone later… or us, if this place never gets checked out…!

I turn to the door, and hi Sakuya. "Aw-"

She holds up a plastic bin, with a little biohazard symbol on it! "...You two slept in."

Genkan blinks, looking between the iron bin, and Sakuya. "...Aa-"

"I really hadn't expected it, myself." Sakuya announces her presence louder, this time! "You two are genuinely… physically closer than I'd expected."

"Tha- that so, huh." The secret's out, Sakuya knows…!

"What-... what did you expect, then?" Genkan hovers up to us, looking slightly awkward as she does so.

"I expected you two to not even share the same room." Sakuya admitted! "I thought he chose to sleep alone, and Hana harassed him again, as she does. Imagine my surprise, when I saw two condoms nailed to the wall."

"I- I mean-..." Genkan has nothing to say, dude.

"No need to explain yourselves." Sakuya smiled. "As for what I came by for, it was to make good on Brad's wish to be… stronger, or more skilled. It wouldn't do if you both spent all day being empty-headed together."

Y'know- this somehow feels surprisingly awkward! But-... kinda in a good way, too.

Genkan gingerly looks me over. She's so damn cute. Aa- anyway…

"Ye." I give Sakuya a nod! "We're just- startin' right now?"

Sakuya shook her head. "No, we're eating breakfast first. Or rather, you're eating breakfast, while I take care of my work, and some back-end which will preface the testing." The- the testing.

"Ah." I don't got a lot ta say about that. Part of me doesn't wanna just sit down an' eat breakfast, but y'know… I'll take everyone's word for it!

That said, we gotta find Maria at some point, now that I think of it. Since it's so late, she's probably already up an' about.

"Do you know where Maria and Hana got off to?" Genkan asks of Sakuya, as she floats in place. "They wandered off in the evening."

Sakuya tilted her head back. "Mmh, yes. She's already eating breakfast herself, you see." Hoh, shit! "She befriended some fairies, who showed her the way. It would be wise to join her."

Wise, huh. Why's that? She gettin' fluffed up…!?

"Is she in danger?" Genkan questioned!

Sakuya snorted. "I wouldn't think so."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MARIA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

I got good news and bad news.

Bad news is, we never found Hana's room, and we had to sleep on a buncha sofas. I hid under some blankets and extra cushions, just behind a couch that was almost against the wall. Worked like, a lot better than you'd have thought. I entombed myself.

Good news is, I met some more bomb-elemental fairies for some reason.

"I- I really like the Waffle Bomba!" Nine-chan announced. She was this fairy with bright red hair, and some kinda white makeup under her vibrant orange eyes.

Eleven-chan was just as tall as her, with long white hair, and red shading applied under her own orange eyes. "The Waffle Bomba's good, but- you know what Maria would like? An Aloha Snackbar!"

"Or, maybe…" Nine-chan smiled hard, leaning in and putting her arms on my shoulders. "A Little Bar!"

Eleven-chan held onto my shoulders, too…! "A Fat Pancake!"

I feel like there's something I'm just not getting here.

Some seats away, Komi exhaled loudly. "Will you maniacs just shut the fuck up."

"No!" Both the fairy girls pipe up in unison.

"Om…" Koi's sitting in my lap, for some reason. She smells like citrus. Also, she's eating from a pancake plate on her lap, which she got earlier. Or, sorry, not pancakes, necessarily. 'Tasty Cakes', whatever those were. "Om- mmh."

"Hey, Maria!" Hana's here, too. I'm just- surrounded by fairies! "...I- I toldja- I needed to find electric fairies, not bombs!"

I- I mean, I didn't ask to be surrounded by bomb fairies! It just sort of happened.

...I'm just trying to eat my plain, buttered waffles. And then there's these clowns, all around me.

And, surprisingly, these waffles are really, really good without syrup. Even the unbuttered parts have a… really, really good flavor. I don't know how to describe it. It doesn't feel fake like some of the types of waffles I eat most often.

Not that I eat many that I don't make myself in the village… but, when I ask people to make them, they either can't, or they use this stupid batter-... wait, no, I'm thinking pancakes. They just, have frozen waffles. No waffle irons. Heck, waffle irons are actually real expensive. I don't even know if anyone sells them.

"Aa-" The distance from my plate to my mouth is a long one. I gotta bring my bite over Koi's head. And, even though she's a shortie, she's freaking fluffy. Like… she's kinda heavy, and fairies aren't usually too heavy! Especially not ones of her height! "Mmh…"

She's also kind of cute. We haven't had any hiccups since that kinda tense moment the other night. Fairies are… more fickle than me, that's for sure. Totally thought Hana would want revenge the other night… but, no. Drama's over. Let's sleep on a sofa. Yeah.

I kinda wanted that drama to last longer! I was-... I was in a mood, of some kind.

Oh well. Maybe I'm just a weird person myself…

Maybe I should be glad these fairies are really simple people. Easy to read, and get along with.

Brad should wield a waffle iron. I should wield a waffle iron.

"Mm- nnh." But, man. Sakuya… cooks some mean waffles. Nnh.

We keep eating, and it's a weirdly comfy time. Even fairies know to-...

I just realized. Why're the fairies eating too. Isn't that a huge waste of resources…? They- they don't need food, I don't think.

"Aw…!" Wh- ah… Brad's here? "Yo!"

He jogged up to us, in that um, black uniform, wearing some royal-ish, fluffy red hat. He's got a bunch of pins on his suit… "You're so fluffy~!" ...Yeah.

Genkan drifts up alongside him, and after her gaze lingers on him, she looks at me, covered in bomb fairies.

"Ohm-" Koi sees Brad, and perks up. "Mm- hmh! Ih' mh' nhn!" Whah.

"Swallow before you speak." I recommend.

Koi swallows, and then speaks. "It- it's him!" She points at Brad. "The fuckmuffin!" What, why.

...Smiling, Koi twists to meet my plain expression. "Does he fuck you?"

"No." That's really- no. I'd only think of him if I was really worked up, and it's mostly 'cause… I'm pretty sure he's only at all attractive to me 'cause we're friends, I'm a horny teenager, and like… people you interact with a lot typically look kinda better when you're more used to them, I think.

It's a kind of phenomenon, really. Especially as far as guys are concerned. Some women too…

Then, you got fairies. Koi twists in my lap again, smirking at me. She's devilishly cute, and if I was a guy, or Brad, her proportions would probably kill me. "Would you want him to fuck you?"

"...No?" I mean, I'd be flat neutral to the idea, but since I'm talking to what's basically a step above a kid, I gotta be decisive. And if I'm gonna be honest, then I'm gonna lean towards no. "He isn't my boyfriend, even. He's Genkan's boyfriend."

"Who?" Did- Koi just forget who she was.

Genkan floats up. "Hi. I'm Genkan."

Koi makes an 'o' shape with her mouth. "...Oo- oh, shit. I- I see why, now." Wh- what do you mean?

...Then, Koi smiled at Genkan. "Does he fuck you?"

Genkan freezes, and looks away. That's-... I was expecting a 'I think not' sorta answer from her.

Then, there's Sakuya, stepping up aside them. "Yes. He does." Good joke.

Genkan looks like her heart jumped a little. "I-... um-... Sa- Sakuya, did you really have to-..." Um? Weird reaction.

I read Brad's expression. Brad is always honest.

...Honest, yet unreadable, because I can never tell just what emotion Brad is experiencing until he vocalizes it. When he decides to be quiet, that's when it gets hard, 'cause like… let's say seventy percent of his general emotions are masked with some kinda semi-amusement or mirth. I- I never thought about it a whole lot, but jeez. No wonder he seems really mad whenever he actually gets, well, really mad. The vagueness drops.

"Oh." After some seconds, Sakuya gives Genkan a blunt look. "Are we not being that honest?"

"We- we aren't…!" Genkan's surprisingly abrupt. "She wouldn't need to-... to know." She gives me a stare, her cheeks becoming cutely rosy.

"Did-" But, I think I've pieced it all together. "...Did-" It's hard for me to say it out loud. "Did you guys have sex?" I feel like an idiot even suggesting that for real. Like, the kind of dynamic they have, it's probably gonna be awhile before they-

"Yes." Genkan compacted. "We… if- we might as well be honest. We- we mated, last night." Wh-

...When Genkan puts it like that, I- I'm just-... woah. "Re-... really? You're not joking with me, right?"

Genkan furrows her brows a little, even. "I- I wouldn't joke-... hmm. I'm not joking in this instance, then." She must've thought of yesterday.

...I can't even wrap my head around it, somehow. That's especially ironic, 'cause I briefly think of it when I- well, nevermind that- but in this moment, I just can't.

Brad's cheeks are kinda red now, and he-... wow. It's always amazing when he's staggered by embarrassment.

Genkan wraps an arm around him, and her head leans up against his. "I- I love you, Brad."

...Koi actually looks like, strange about this.

"You-... you guys really did it?" Why's she surprised; she asked.

"Yes." Genkan looks a little more annoyed now, since she had to keep clarifying. "I- I know it's strange, but it shouldn't require that much clarity."

"...Damn it." Koi's mad? "I'm going crazy here. I haven't had a good fuck by a dude in like… ever. An' then there's you, with the one guy who's shown up here in awhile, fuckin' 'em silly."

Genkan's embarrassment has faded, replaced by dry cynicism. "I... don't think you really get it. What makes it truly amazing, or meaningful."

"But- Komi-chan used to fuck guys all the time!" Koi remarked loudly, from my lap. "I used to fuck dudes with her! It was so much fun! But-... that was so long ago. And-..."

Then, Koi looked thoughtful. "Well, I did get ta play with Brittany some, when she came ta visit." Visit? Does that mean they're not here anymore?

"That doesn't mean you understood what you were doing." Genkan shook her head. "Or, what emotions it made you feel."

Koi almost objected, but Genkan hugged Brad from behind, her head leaning around his neck. "Sex-... sex with someone you love is amazing. Being immersed in- in being how you want around them… tr- trying to pleasure each other. I sa- said some embarrassing things while we did it, but… it was really good. Brad liked it."

Brad doesn't say anything, just looking somewhat awed and happy. Woah…

Koi opened her mouth. "Sex-... well, that's sex! Ya play around wit' each other when you're trying to be nice, and be friendly and stuff afterwards for a few hours. Get some food, or like- I dunno. But, I remember it feelin' really good."

"Was it love?" Genkan asked her. "Was it attachment? They're not around anymore, are they? Did they love you? Did you love them?"

...Koi looks confused.

"I like booms." Nine-chan added.

"I like Brad-kun!" Hana's been listening this whole time, by the way. "What's a sex?" Nice timing.

"A gun." Brad decides on impulse…! "Aa- actually, issa waffle flavor!"

You know. I just realized, this is kinda… weird towards Hana. She- um, she likes Brad herself, doesn't she? I mean, I don't… I don't know if they share the connection Genkan and him do. Hers is more simple and like… naturally… a thing. No one questions it, but it's also really… static.

Static. Static electricity. Mmh.

"I- I don't know…" Koi's voice is quiet, as she stares down at her food.

Hana had a thoughtful look on her face. "A waffle flavor? I've never heard a' that flavor. An' I've heard other fairies keep bringing it up, too. I don't think it's a waffle..."

...Brad had a big grin. "In my defense, waffles can be involved!" Wh- how. What's that- okay…

"Regardless." Sakuya interrupts everyone with the voice of authority. Also, she has food. "Here, you two. Find somewhere to sit."

As opposed to the last time we were here- as in, last visit- the dining room here is still split into six different tables, three on the ceiling, fighting gravity, and three on the floor.

The Christmas tree being upside-down is an amazingly weird, but neat sight. Especially how the branches pull up. Or, to it, down, but it looks like up to us on the ground. Slightly confusing...

...I keep eating my mansion-style waffles, as Brad and Genkan find somewhere to sit near-ish to us. Komi's giving them a glare, and Koi just keeps consuming her 'Tasty Cakes' with a troubled kind of look.

"...You look like you need a birthday blow-out." Eleven-chan's a weirdo. So's Nine-chan. They're both freaking weirdos.

Koi chuckles a little. "Sh- shut the hell up. Nimro~d…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Home style, fluff style. Those waffles, they were really freakin' good!

Man, this morning's been the best. In part 'cause Genkan whumped me right when I woke up, but also 'cause it's been like, a really coherent morning! I like my chaos as much as the next dude yo- if not way moreso- but having a regular morning like this is good.

"Sakuya has something planned for us, doesn't she?" Genkan reminded me idly, also just about done with her waffles.

"She seemed ta hint so." I wonder what she's got planned.

...A few moments later, Maria hustles up ta us, her bomb fairy posse tailing behind her!

"For- for some reason, I feel more out of the loop that I thought I'd be." She admitted. "I can't believe you guys actually, like…"

"I seem to not have anticipated how much of a stir it'd create." Genkan remarked idly…!

"But- I mean…!" Maria fluffs up! "It's-... it's big!"

"Big, you say." Genkan nodded plainly. "...As a milestone in our relationship, yes. I- I suppose you'd have a reason to be befuddled, considering everything, but… these fairies?"

...Maria turns back to Koi, who's grinning beside her. Lookin' back at us, she chooses her words wisely! "Fairies are like teenagers. They talk about it like it's a big deal, but you know they fool around with each other all the time, and it's really not. They just have nothing better to do, and they kinda forget easy."

"No we don't!" Koi objects! "That's just a kind way a' callin' us dumb!"

Maria actually rolled her eyes, and looked back at 'er. "You're not dumb, just-... youthful."

...Koi's not sure how to take that! But, I think I get what Maria's going for. The whole 'they could be more learned and knowledgeable if they tried' sorta angle. Capacity fer learnin' and varying experience and yeedeyah…

An' then, Koi hurries up to us! "Can-... can Brad fuck me too? Genkan- threesomes are hot, right!?"

"I will push you into the earth." Genkan lives up to everyone's expectations, rising from her seat and slowly skirtin' around me!

"What!?" Koi holds her arms out! "It doesn't get in the way of your relationship! Just- love me up real fast then, and- and then do your thing!"

Genkan- holds up a chair oh god. "I will toss furniture at you."

Koi crouches, hiding away from Genkan despite staying right there in front of her.

...Genkan relents, 'cause Koi is so small, dude. When she crouches down and balls up, she's really tiny compared to a floating Genkan!

Thunk. Setting the chair back down, Genkan continued to leer down at her. "Someone like you will never get along with people like us. For the sanity of us both, please keep a distance." Hoh, shit…!

...Glaring, Koi stood up, and looked like she was ready to go on offense! "Oh, yeah!? Well-...!"

Turning, Koi sprints away, not willing to deal with Genkan.

"Fairies never cease to annoy me." Genkan shook her head, watchin' Koi scurry on off. "...Unless they're Hana. Then they only sometimes annoy me."

"I'm a Hana!" Ha-chan's also behind Maria! "Hi!"

"Hi, Hana." Genkan gives her a wave…!

Standin' up myself, I kinda mosey on in front a' everyone… "We~... should probably get movin'!" We already spent so much time eating. We gotta get doin' stuff!

"Mmm." Genkan hums in agreement… "Did you take that multivitamin, Brad? The one you carry around?" Why do you remember that. Why would I remember that.

...Slowly, I take it out, and eat one! "I~... did not!"

"We, probably should get going." Maria agreed too! "...Oh! I can show you guys the new magic I've learned!" Aw!

After poppin' a multivitamin, I walk on past Maria's weird fairy company, and on up to the door at the end of this huge fancy dining room.

You know what Remi needs? Chandeliers… on the floor. Hell yeah, dude…!

thump. Pushin' the door open, I exit on out to that mid-hall clearing that's just outside.

Of course, by 'mid-hall clearing', I mean an open room wit' no swingin' doors; only open paths that just leads to more hallways. Or, in this case, the left an' right halls. Forward is just unnecessary negative space!

...Was it always like this? I swear-... no, no it wasn't. This used to be just a hallway. Where'd the clearing part come from

I step up into this clearing area of the room, an' Genkan an' Maria… and her fairy horde come with us, chatterin' idly in the background.

When I look back at the cuddle fairies, I notice the dinin' room door we came from is gone. So're the hallways!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We're on a dim, marble tiled floor. The aesthetic around us screams like, basic, brown victorian manor, and nothing Scarlet-like.

"Um…" Genkan pauses at the sudden change in atmosphere. "Wh-... where'd we end up wandering?"

"Uh." Maria holds up- where'd she get that staff from…!? Hoh, shit. In the time we were gettin' massages, Maria was findin' sweet dungeon loot!

"We're lost." Genkan remarks simply, and fluffily. "How spooky." Aw.

Behind us, there's a throne atop a raised, wood platform in the midst of this strange space. There are windows which lead nowhere, boarded up despite being filled with a weird plate of patterned wood. The doors outta this strange Victorian room are boarded shut too.

A dim, brass chandelier hangs in the air, some of its candles unlit.

"Aa-..." Aw, there's Koi. "Where the heck're we."

"...The fuck." Aw, Komi made it here too!

Nine and Eleven just look empty-minded, as they take in the stuffy, somewhat grungy walls and marble floor.

Well. This is an interesting li'l room. S'not little, but in comparison to most mansion rooms, it's little. Like, the ceiling is… kinda high, but half as much as any actual room in the Scarlet parts a' the mansion.

The distance from the boarded-up double door to the dank ass leather throne is also pretty short. This is like, half as huge as Remilia's throne room in length. Width-wise, uh… also half, about?

Dim candles hung on pillars built into the side of the grungy, blue wallpapered walls. Crappy, sorta rich wood boards sat in super rotted state along the edge of this marble floor we stood on.

There's furniture all around us; old dusty chairs, some sofas, and some vanities which're missing shelves and their mirrors.

And then, when I look at the dusty-lookin' dank throne again, Sakuya's sittin' on it.

She's, uh, in a surprisingly casual outfit. She wore a sorta raggy pair of navy-colored pants, remindin' me of my blue sweatpants I came ta Gensokyo with, and a sorta torn apart brown vest.

Also, a white undershirt. She's even got a doofy brown hat on, instead of her headdress!

Clack, clack. Standing up on plain, brown shoes, she began to stroll towards us.

"Who-..." Komi blinks at her, brows furrowing. "Who the hell's that?" Komi, son, please. How many chicks do you know with silver hair an' blue eyes.

"She's a cutie!" Koi romped up next ta her again, and leered ahead at Sakuya. "No- a hottie!"

With a sorta uneven smirk, Sakuya gave us a somewhat uncharacteristically confident look. Uncharacteristic, 'cause she's like-... she looks almost like just a normal chick! A little paler than most, but like…

"You wanna get stronger?" She tilted her head back, referrin' to me. "Then, perhaps, you ought to learn from example."

Cra- crack. She cracked the knuckles of her thin, kinda bony hands. "I'm gonna see where your skill levels are at. I figured I ought to dress the part, too. I'm going to be holding myself back… by a lot."

Crack. She held a hand to her neck, and cracked it by applying pressure-

Kri- CRA- CRACK. Hoh, shit…! She's about as creaky as me!

"Then…" Genkan spoke up! "Sparring, you suppose?"

"Mmm." Sakuya nodded once, and in a-... a different way. It's like, subtly different than the mechanical, smooth motions she typically uses. More laxed, an' unrefined. "Yes. I won't defer from my act, unless I feel truly threatened. This means no time antics."

From behind her back, she drew a cast-iron plant hanger…!

Whi- whish, whishwhish! With focused effort, she twirled it around with one hand, blue afterimages left in the air where she made it spin.

"I thought it'd be cute, to give myself this challenge." Sakuya supposed…! "If you don't realize… Brad, does this scene feel at all familiar to you?"

...I look at Koi, Komi and Namori as they move around behind Sakuya, and Nine and Eleven move before Maria, and Hana's somewhere along my side, too.

We're standin' in a throne room, and Sakuya's surrounded by semi-hostile fairy girls, wielding only a cast-iron plant hanger.

This was my first shitshow of a fairy fight in Gensokyo, in front of Remila! Except, the throne behind Sakuya here's just empty.

"Maybe!" I admit that it's pretty familiar!

"So- so…" Maria speaks up, too. "We're just-... we're just gonna fight? Like-... go all out and hit each other?"

Sakuya snorted. "Yes."

Steppin' back a few paces, surveying all the fairies around herself, Sakuya slung the plant hanger into a stance on her left arm.

She kept her arm on the largest metal arch, the rest of the 'handle' straight along her arm, like it was a tonfa.

"Whatever happens, try not to cry. Don't hold back. Show me everything you can do."

Oo- oh…! She's- pretty confident, for someone who's like, probably restricting themselves to starter me tier weaponry and skills…!

...Well. I think I'll…

Fwi- Click! Wieldin' Fallen Comrade, I hold it up with both arms, and kinda feed mana into it so I can get its generic-ass strength buff…!

Whi~sh. Genkan floats closer, cold energy flowin' from her body. "If you say so…"

"You…" Komi starts to advance closer…! "I don't know exactly who the hell you are… but…"

Cla- cla- clack! Koi bolts straight towards her, gaze intent. Sakuya slowly pans to look at her-

Woosh! Koi leaps into the air! "Nn- hehe!" Beaming widely, she poses herself to land right on Sakuya's shoulders, to lock her legs and hips around Sakuya's head. "I'm Koi! Aa-"

Whump! Sakuya just thrusts her plant hanger up, parrying Koi's whole-body tackle by ramming it up her ass.

"Uuh-" Koi shoots straight up into the air…! "Sh- shit, ow- fuck…!"

"You-..." Komi sprints up to her, dukes raised! "You humans- and your metal clubs-"

WHUNK. Sakuya slid forward, and slid the top of the plant hanger right into Komi's gut. "Uhf-"

CRACK- Whack! Rotating it in her hand, Sakuya flicked the 'handle' of the plant hanger along Komi's jaw; before punching it straight into Komi's gut in the next motion.

"Hehehe~!" Nine-chan sprinted in for her! "I'm gonna shatter- yer sky~!" She started floatin' into the air-

Shink! Sakuya flicked her offhand at the fairy, and a single dagger met Nine-chan in the ribs. "Aa- enh-"

"Ya~h!" Her whole body flaring with a sudden surge of blue light, Sakuya leapt off the ground with both legs-

WHACKUNK! She- she replicated my old 'double jump and clobber 'em' attack with one jump, arcing her cast-iron right down into Koi's head just as she landed aside Sakuya.

"Aa-..." Locking up, Koi numbly fell backwards, her whole body jiggling from the blunt trauma…!

Thump. Suddenly, Genkan planted her sandals on the floor, and a wave of cold air bloomed from her.

KRI~NG! Her big fuckoff iceblade erupted under Sakuya!

KLA~NG! Wh-... Sakuya parried the entire, eight foot tall ice blade's side by holding her plant hanger in the way and just tanking it. It sent her sliding back and unsteady, but- it didn't even connect! Holy shit! S'a real freakin' royal guard…!

FwiChoo~m! Wha- was Namori always here. She just shot a thin blue laser at Sakuya, which just missed flat-out 'cause it was aimed at Genkan's ice sword.

Running for Namori, Sakuya-

Whack! She blew into Namori's side with an amateurish slap of her hanger. "Nnh- aa-" Namori leapt back in pain and surprise-

Shink! But then, Sakuya thrust her empty hand forward, a knife sliding between Namori's ribs.

WHACK! Stumbling up to Namori, Sakuya gave 'er a clean one across the face with the hanger again-

WHACK- ACK! Her hanger spun in her left hand, the back of it striking Namori's face as she kept stumbling back. In a near-instant, Sakuya reeled the extended hanger back, and cleaved the handle part across Namori's head.

Mouth open, Namori rolled onto her stomach- "Aa- nhn-"

Pi~chun! Wh- she fell onto the knife in her ribs and died instantly. Holy shit!

Alright- if we don't do something, Sakuya's going to tear through all the fairies in like, a couple hundred words!

So, I'm up, son. With Fallen Comrade held up high, I stomp up ta Sakuya…! This is kinda tense…!

Sakuya pauses, keeping her stance neutral as she sees me advance…

Then, she just runs at me. Uh-

WHUNK! Oo- ooh- fuck that hurts- she just ran past my hanger and nailed me right in the gut with hers. Mine takes too much time to lift compared to her dinky little cast-iron one 'cause it's too big for Smash-

"Ya~h!" Oh- fuck- Sakuya copies my skull clobbering leap I used to do, light flourishing off her body as she takes to the air.

Wham! Genkan just rams 'er. "No- you, won't."

Thud! Sakuya lands on her side next to us. "Nnh-"

"Ice Shard!" Maria holds up her staff, which glows with light! Aw, shit…!

We gotta synergize! "Aa- Genkan, ice blade- use that!" I lug Fallen Comrade overhead, to plow into the floor.

Thunk! My big-ass hanger meets the floor first, my magic workin' through it-

Kring! A spike of tundral ice erupts under Sakuya! "Unh!" Ooh- I think it got 'er in the boob-

KRACK! A big shard of ice is made in her torso, all of a sudden! Holy shit!

Ka- fwi- fwi- fwi- fwish- KRI~NG! As the air froze around Sakuya's body, Genkan's ice sword blew through the floor!

"Ngh- aa- rgh!" Holy shit! Sakuya just went flying!

THUD! Bouncing hard off her back, she rolled along the floor on her side. There's-... a really small amount of blood on the marble floor, the combined assfuck of ice attacks doing nothing impressive to her. Like-... what- what even happened. Did she take more damage from the blunt trauma than the spiky bits…!?

Thunk! Komi ran up to her, and stomped her mary jane shoe into Sakuya's side. "He- hehe! How's that, slave?"

"Nnh-" Sakuya pushed up off the floor with surprising velocity- we gotta keep this pressure up!

"Maria!" I yell! "Bless Genkan- wit' magic shit!"

Ding, ding! As I requested, Genkan's body lights up, the gentle yellow star of magical force spinning amidst Genkan's form. Thanks, Maria!

"Ice Shard." Genkan flourishes her arm out, and- hoh, shit, is that the same spell Maria used…?

KRACK- FWASH! As Sakuya stood, the ice that formed amidst her body was huge this time, and it locked up a leg, and both arms. "Nnh-...!"

KA- FWI- FWI- FWI- FWISH! The huge shard expanded, glowing amazingly bright, almost white, as the air around Sakuya froze. Komi darted back cautiously, shivering.

KRAKOO~M! The huge ice shard detonated, huge chunks of water and snow sploshing across the whole room.

"Aa- nh-" Sakuya went flying so hard the plant hanger was left spinning in the air where she used to be-

Wham! Her body bounced off the throne in the back of the room- and it tipped over!

"Kaugh- kauff- nnh-" Landing sloppily on her arms and knees, Sakuya scrambled into standing, coughing a whole lot-

Cla- cla- clack! Genkan ran after her, her sandals boomin'!

Swish. As she stood, Sakuya flicked her arm up. A single knife soared through the air. Across the whole room, even-

Shink! Maria staggered back, the silver dagger meeting her ribs. "Aa-..." She blinked, looking down at it. "My- my mana…"

Eleven-chan flourished her whole body in the air! "Kaboo~m!"

KABOO~M! A raw blast of fuck-you energy enveloped Sakuya's front!

"Anh-..." Sakuya- wow, she just ate shit really hard, sent straight onto her back, rolling off her shoulders, and onto her stomach. "Uhf…"

"Um- Brad!" Maria yelled for me! "...She- she syphon- ow- syphoned me!" Sakuya's knives have a really high syphon proc, of course. Even at freakin, level zero, apparently.

When Genkan got up to Sakuya, she dropped right onto her own hips and spun around!

Whack- whunk- whack- whack! Whirling around, Genkan pounded Sakuya's body against the backwall over and over again with many limbs…!

"Aa-" Sakuya looks pretty trapped…! "Nnh- aa- ngh-"

Fwi- Click! I swap out Fallen Comrade for Fragile Flower. "Cl- cleanse!" Holy shit, I feel dainty, even despite my nazi outfit. I'm a dainty nazi right now- a loadout probably not fitting for this fight…!

Fwi- fwi- fwoosh. Swooshes of light flare up Maria's form. Immediately, she just casts again. "Ice Shard!" We're just gonna assfuck Sakuya with raw ice damage, huh.

Woosh. Snapping up, floating across the entire room from Sakuya's body, Genkan flared her arms out. "Freeze."

whish. Oh. Sakuya's freeze immune, for absolutely no reason. Well- I say that, it's probably a charm in her pockets or something- but still…! Guess she didn't want no status cheese in this fight.

Krack! Maria's ice shard forms amidst Sakuya's body as she's midway through getting up, trapping her like that! "Wh- nnh-"

Ka- fwi- fwi- fwi- fwi- fwish! As the air froze around Sakuya, she hopped on her locked limbs to get into the room's midst again-

KRA~CK! The snap of cold air made the ice chunk explode, and Sakuya stumbled back, almost fallin' over awkwardly. "Annh- nnh…"

Taking deep breaths, Sakuya held her limbs out rigidly. Her doofy brown hat was gone, and her silver hair was all messy.

Fwish. Azure, blue light began to pour from inside her body, as she stretched her neck idly. "You've-... done adequately, so far."

She drew- just another plain cast-iron plant hanger from behind herself, ignoring the one she'd been desperately trying to scramble back towards for the entire freakin' battle.

Fwi- fwish, whish. "I'll not lose so promptly, however." Also, she even did her freakin' spin-the-hanger trick with her hand when she drew it again.

...I like how Komi's just standing along the back of the room, intimidated. Koi's just on the floor dead, Namori's actually dead, I- right, Nine-chan was syphoned, so she's useless- Eleven-chan is… being weird in the air over us, and the rest of us are fluffy.

Ha-chan is near one of the walls, being loafsome. She's always laggin' out, dude. I think she just doesn't like to do anything when a lot of us are active. I mean, not that she has a lot she can do, usually.

"Have we not hurt you?" Genkan's kinda intimidated, though! "Our magic-... it's more than enough to murder a regular human."

Sakuya snorted. "I'm anything but regular."

I'm gonna bet she just had Patchy lather her up in defense buffs.

Click- WHISH! Sudden, Sakuya broke into an absolute sprint from nothing, and bounded right off the floor on her brown shoes. "Haa-" She flipped forward, hanger overhead-

CLA~NG! Maria stopped Sakuya from clunking her on the head, with her staff held high an' horizontally. "Wh- aah…!" Maria's eyes were wide, as the force of the blow sent her skidding back on her own boots-

WHISH! Jumping a second time in the air, Sakuya gained height, flailing her left arm around-

WHACK! She brought it down on Genkan's head, as Genkan tried to just catch her. "Aa-"

Shink! Sakuya left one knife in her, and backflipped away by kicking against Genkan's ribs-

SHUNK! The knife plunged even deeper, driven in by Sakuya's kick. "Ouh-" Genkan landed, stumbled back, spun around in sheer amazed awe, and then fell to sit on her knees. "That-... nnn…"

Fwi- Click! Switchin' to Fallen Comrade again, I feel my strength surge back, and use it to roar it on into Sakuya's side-

Wha- SHUNK! I cleaved the scythe end of it right into Sakuya's body!

"Egh-" Sakuya leapt like ten feet from getting stabbed! Wh-

WOOMNK! Ouh. Sakuya twirled around, and annihilated me by whipping her cast-iron plant hanger across my head.

Thud! I go rolling across the ground- absolutely fuckin' launched by the impact-

THUNK! While I'm on the floor, Sakuya kneels down and thrusts it into my ribs. "Aa- gh!" Ow!

"Waterra!" Maria suddenly swooces right towards us fer some reason, her staff glowin' azure itself as she nears us.

Fwi- fwish, fwish- splish. Water rolls up all around her form, makin' a really pretty shield of churning globs of water all around her.

Splash! WHUNK! Sakuya slid right up through it, and thrust her hanger into Maria's gut. "Oou-"

KASPLASH! Suddenly, all the water around Maria combined on Sakuya's form and detonated, sending water fuckin' everywhere.

"Nnh." One of Sakuya's knees buckle from the blast. One. She didn't even stumble or fall over. She literally just like, had that moment where you almost trip but you catch yourself.

Ha-chan ran up to her, looking panicked!

...Sakuya stalled, beholding and blinking idly at how absolutely adorable Ha-chan looked just looking around in absolute confused panic.

Za- zap! Then, she poked her hand forward, and a little jolt met Sakuya!

"Aa-" Sakuya leapt back, the energy running across all the water on her body! "Ah!"

"Yeehee- ha~w!" Back up again, I just fuckin' leap at Sakuya- hanger held overhead-

Woosh! I leap back mid-air, when she whips out her own hanger to intercept my cleavin' motion. Wait-

Woosh! Using my third jump to go left, I avoid a tricky silver knife slid after me in my trail. She usually followed up her clumsy attacks with a linear projectile to cover what she did, so I knew to guess!

"What-" She also didn't know I could jump quadruple!

Fwi- Woosh! Usin' my fourth jump, my fairy wings bloom from my back, and I reel Fallen Comrade up overhead-

WHACK! I clobber Sakuya in the head! Holy shit!

"Rgh-" Teeth grit, blood seepin' through them, Sakuya leapt into the air- wait did she not stagger at all what the fuck-

WHACK- ACK! She leapt once, and cleaved her stock hanger down onto my forehead.

My neck cracked unhealthily, getting stretched in a new sorta way, as my whole body recoiled from the absolute, crushing, terrible force of her own clobbering motion.

Thud. I loosely flop onto my back, vision kinda blurry. Ow. Ow. Ow.

KRI~NG! Genkan erupted an iceblade under Sakuya again.

"Ne-" Sakuya stumbled off of it, having not even blocked or parried it. A huge red mark ran up her side, leg and arm, and ice crept along the water on her body, as she grit her teeth. What the absolute fuck is she made out of.

Zap- zap. Oh- oh dude. Maria abandoned her staff, and took out her stun gun! She romped right up to Sakuya, as she stumbled from the huge ice blade-

ZA- ZAZAZAP! She thrust it right into Sakuya's gut, before she could react!

"Ee-" Sakuya's whole body locks up fer a moment! "Ebe- gh- nnhaaa-"

CLO~NG! What. She- she took that. She tanked being tazed, and hit Maria across the head with her hanger. What. Sakuya, what the fuck.

Fwi- Click. Amidst my headache, while I lie on the floor, I pull the Bee Fitty-fore Bawmber from hammerspace, and aim it at her. Fire!

Pap- BOOM, BOOM- BOOM- BOOM- BOOM! One of these will fuck you up, Sakuya! Holy shit-

CRACK. Genkan chore a chunk from one of her like, three standing ice blades, and chucked it at Sakuya.

Shoof. The ice chunk exploded against Sakuya's head, when I lulled in my shots to let it do its thing.

"Nn- ngh-..." Sakuya's finally starting to get tired again, or something. An aura of azure light is billowing from her form, as she brings her plant hanger up to try and parry my explosions.

"Um…" Eleven-chan is just in the air, not doing anything.

"She- she's scary…" Nine-chan still has that knife in her chest, and is probably still syphoned!

Then, from Sakuya's inner vest pockets, she drew a-... a scripture, or something. "By-... by the church's name…" Um, whah. Oh shit.

She thrust her off-arm into the air, unfurling a huge, old-ass looking document, with a royal seal on it and everything. "Bestow me God's power- in my time of need!"

FWISH- SHISH! FWISH! Gold rings of light flare around her body; a royal crest envelops her form in gold-white light. Raw azure light flares up along the plant hanger, making it glow solid blue. Dude- it looks like it's crit-charged, what the actual fuck…!

"Temper!" Then, she held her hanger into the air-

FWISH! A solid-white image of a sword flared amidst her form, and-

KRA- KRAKRAKRAKRAKRACK! Her plant hanger shines pure fucking white, energy crackling along it so hard it's arcing towards me. What are those buffs.

Oh god. That's-... we're fucked. Wait.

Do we have anything that dispels. If we could dispel her buffs, we might actually be able to win this. We can immediately cross anyone who isn't me or Genkan off the list.

Wait. Dude.

I turn to Genkan. "Genkan- your panties."

Genkan blinks at me owlishly.

"Genkan- those black panties you had on last night!" I point at her! "They let your melee attacks dispel!" She took 'em off 'cause they were dirty!

...Genkan continues to blink at me owlishly!

"Put 'em back on!" I- this is fucking ridiculous- "I'll guard ya- put the black panties on!"

"Dispel?" Sakuya's voice is distorted by the absolute raw buff energy her body exudes. "We'll see about that." Oh, fuck.

KABOOM! BOOM! Ooh- Nine and Eleven aren't useless after all! They made explosions around Sakuya-

ZAZAZAP! Standing again, Maria thrust her stun baton into Sakuya's gut-

Za- zap! Ha-chan finally let out another little zap. "Aaaa~h!"

"You- bitch!" Komi ran up- and kicked her leg in!

As the visual clutter faded, Sakuya simply marched out, ignoring fucking all of that, coming right for me what dude-

I guard with Fallen Comrade, and crouch, and pray-

KAKLAA~NG! The grinding of iron echoes across the room, ear-piercingly loud, Sakuya shoving her omega crit-charged plant hanger into my guarding one-

Whump! My dummy thin ass whomps into Genkan's side from how hard I almost get sent fucking flying.

"Wh- oo- ooh!" Genkan was on one leg, busy changing her panties back- so my ass upset her balance…!

thud. She gently fell onto the floor, on her side. "Uhf…" I'm sorry, Genkan!

Sakuya spun around- what the fuck is she- y'know what nope-

Thud! I leap to the floor, abandoning my hanger for now. Wait. I gotta defend Genkan oh shit-

WOOSH. Sakuya thrust the handle of her hanger at the air, expecting me to still be there. Sakuya's form has so much raw ass energy, afterimages of her attacks are moving before she actually fucking attacks.

Coming up to her while she stood there lookin' for me, I grabbed her on the boob!

"Aa-" Despite being all but immune to damage, she jumped 'cause I grabbed her tit!

WHI~SH. Oh my god. So- I like, got down low to stay under a whipping swing, and I could hear like static power humming along the fucking thing. Jesus Christ…! Maybe even literally in this instance!

Hopping along on one leg, Genkan pulls her dirty black panties up, under her cow skirt. "I- I got the panties- on, Brad…!" Yehaha~h!

I paddle away from Sakuya on all four limbs, gettin' the fuck outta there! "Hit- hit her! A lot- maybe!"

Sakuya faced Genkan. Genkan gave Sakuya an open-mouthed look.

Then, Genkan ran for her. Sakuya brought up her plant hanger to defend against impacts.

Runnin' close, I get Fallen Comrade off the floor, and stumble back-

Woosh! When Genkan got close, she spun along Sakuya's flank, and did that once dance move where she spins around while flailing one arm down repeatedly!

Thu- thu- thu- thunk! Sakuya just blocks each clawing swipe of Genkan's arm. Holy shit- if we don't get that Dispel proc off…!

WOOSH! Sakuya lunges her plant hanger forward, for Genkan's gut-

But Genkan rolls onto her back, and into a handstand!

Sakuya stares down at Genkan's flourishing form with an open mouth. "What-"

Whap! Genkan kicks her sandal into Sakuya's collar while upside-down. "Ha~h!"

whish. Though it did physically literally nothin' to Sakuya, that's when a breeze visibly billows through Sakuya's clothes and hair.

As it leaves, it carries her magic reinforcement with it, the big, ominous glowing rings gone, her hanger turning back to a plain, solid black hanger, and even her azure aura that came from within was snuffed out for like, a moment.

Fwish. The azure aura from within Sakuya picked back up not a frame later, but she didn't retain any of the ultra assfuck defense buffs. "Da- damn-"

ZA- ZA- ZAP! Maria thrusts in now, tazing Sakuya's form, and I run up-

WHUNK! With one arm, I cleave my hanger in, across Sakuya's face-

ZAZAP! God- Maria was tazing her owowowowowaaaa-

"Rrgh!"I heave, drawing the hanger back towards her again after it scraped clumsily over her face.

Sakuya's like, 'staggered' by the sheer amount of bullshit hitting her, doing that thing where one leg buckles for half a second. What- are we making her ankle roll by hitting her in the face-

WHUNK! "Aa-" Grunting, I whip the entire hanger out with one hand. It's almost stabilized by hitting Sakuya's rigid head, but I have to use my other hand to clutch the 'hilt' part 'cause it almost flew from my own hands. "Fhuck-"

I reel it back, sweeping it up from low, like it were a huge, fuckoff bat, or club, or axe. "Nnh-"

WHUNK- UNK! Sakuya hits me twice in the gut with her plant hanger, rocking my ribs, my headache spiking, her body jolting and smitten with frost. She'd thrust her metal in, and flipped the handle into the side of my ribs.

Pushing my legs against the ground, putting all my force into my biceps, I swing despite the pain-

WHACLO~NG! Clumsily, I smash the side of Fallen Comrade against Sakuya's head so hard she finally falters.

Thu- thud. Falling back onto her arms and legs, sent into a falling spin from my bat-like swing, Sakuya's hyperventilating. "Aah-... nnn-... hah…"

Thud! I land on my own ass- the spiking pain in my ribs- too much...

Whump! Komi immediately leaps onto Sakuya's back! "Nn- hehehe! Yes!"

"Yhou-..." Sakuya tries to crawl ahead, but soon, Komi's weight is getting the better of her. "Not-... like-"

Slap! Komi slaps Sakuya on the ass. "Shut up- slave!" Hooking one leg around Sakuya's face, Komi beamed. "You like that- don't you!?"

...We all just kinda stare idly, as Sakuya tries to shake Komi's weight from her back, until-

thud. Sakuya collapses, giving up with me. "Ss- so… so, I- I was-... nnh…"

"He- he-... nn." Komi adjusts her throat. "Fufufu. Silly human girl."

...We-... we did it, huh.

Assfuck. Ooh…

Genkan moves for me, a knife still in her chest from earlier. "Aah-... Brad, are you alright?"

"...Ki- kinda." I'm not omega sad, just in pain. A lot of pain. Nnh…

"How would you like to be my newest slave?" Komi rolled Sakuya over, either still not convinced of who she was, or really wanting an excuse to make fun of her. "I think- the first thing on our list, will be pony-rides across the mansion."

"Nn-..." Sakuya numbly stared up at her.

...Furrowing her brows, Komi stood up, and took a shoe off. "Or, perhaps…" She held her leg up, to rub her foot down on Sakuya's face.

shink. Then, oh so mysteriously, a knife pierced straight through Komi's foot from the underside, tearing through her black stocking.

"EEAHH-" Holy-

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Genkan put the clean Miko panties back on.

I sip from the gold, oddly orb-shaped bottle I was given. "Mm- nngh…" Sakuya has distributed elixirs to everybody. Jesus…!

At some point, Sakuya literally just disappeared, then reappeared in her maid outfit and was perfectly fine again.

Ahead of us, she lazily rested in the throne that was here. It was recently undusted by how her body just whumped against it like an hour ago…!

Also, she's just back in her maid outfit again. 'Cause yeah.

FWI- WOOWOOWOOSH! Oo- oh. Elixirs-... wow. They work fast! Holy crap. Super assfuck light of healing power just billowed up my form.

"I feel like I can see forever." I turn to Genkan.

"...Li- likewise." She stared down at her own elixir bottle strangely! "Are these safe for-"

"I drink them, yes." Sakuya returned plainly. "Custom brew. Patchouli is somewhat of an alchemist herself, you see."

...You know. I'm curious.

"Sakuya." I look 'er over. "Was-... all that, like- was that how powerful you were when you first started out?"

In the strange, internal dimness of this abandoned, throneroom-like backroom, Sakuya considered my question.

An' then, she answered! "It was approximately how strong I was before I got a job. Before I professionally got a job. A lot had happened in my life, up until then. This was the level of mastery I was familiar with before I began meeting true monsters. Also, before I began valuing not being hit at all."

What the actual fuck. And- that means you were just in fucking London, or England or whatever nationality you are for like- so long, and... wait.

"So…" Let's narrow the age range down! "How old were you, when you fought like that?"

Sakuya snorted. "...I'd say sixteen or eighteen. That range blends together for me."

...I'm eighteen! She coulda been sixteen…!? I was dying running the couple laps before every gym class, and you were summoning the powers of the church, syphoning boys, and bludgeoning people with cast irons ten times better than I could…!?

"How." You could've single-handedly caused the first school-plant hangering in the existence of both schools and plant hangers. "How are you a plant hanger god."

...Y- y'know, I say this, but Dream Brad successfully caused a school plant hangering in my dream realm, I realize!

Sakuya flicked her eyes up. "...I'm not. I just applied an amateurish understanding of tonfas to an amateurish understanding of one-handed blunt objects, and mixed them together. In the true, primal and unrefined nature I used to hold close."

...She coulda single-handedly caused the first school tonfaing in existence. There's not even a word for tonfaing in my word processor because that's something that not even the sculptors of language would bet could be done.

...To Sakuya, that whole exchange was like her flailing wildly and using the pass turn button every couple turns, until the very end, and we still very nearly got blown the fuck out. And some things she did still looked fucking cool and did serious damage!

I think it uh, it should be known now that Sakuya ain't quite like most people. Is- is this what all the heroines are like? Fucking unstoppable protagonist gods?

Like- I always knew that, but I never got a sense of scale. I just thought they carried around win buttons. But- for some reason, Sakuya-... holy shit.

"Why- when-..." What do I ask. "How'd you just get powerful. Why? Fer what reason are you this freakishly strong…!?"

"Europe was rough." Sakuya only said this.

...I blink at her. "...Aa-... like- in what way? Explain…!"

"Europe was rough." Sakuya doesn't feel like explaining… "I was either tough, or I was to be sold, or eaten. Some fates are worse than death even, and I was one of those who would have much rather been torn apart and consumed... than, you know, consumed. Consumed metaphorically."

She smiled, and glanced at the side walling fer a moment. "Of course, some fates aren't worse than death after all. Rather, they're just different. I'm sure the me of old would rather run a knife through her own throat, than be sitting here right now. But, the me of old was also juvenile, temperamental and lonely."

Holding an arm up plainly, she relaxed on the old throne. "Of course, you have the flipside. Those sold into indentured prostitution under monsters or demons, or under fellow humans. It was a far different, far more… voracious time than today's outside. People died all the time, from both the mundane and one another, in great excess. Why… the population spike of recent decades, it didn't come from nowhere."

...Hoh, shit, she's right. Medicine and social and human rights have sure come a long way, huh.

"Which reminds me," Sakuya continued, "there would be those sold into a life of lifeless, thoughtless use and abuse, who would forget what luxuries they had, and would happily submit to being enslaved. In that sense… I'm grateful that my mistress was who she was, and I'm grateful that I could impress her long enough to gain her companionship.

"Of all the beings out there to get the better of me, and have a chance at destroying who I was, I didn't think a vampire would have been the ideal. It would have been too convenient to think of at the time."

...Still talkin', Sakuya nodded. "Yes. While Remilia can seem ill-intentioned, fickle, vampiric and out-of-sorts at the worst of times, at heart she's simply a person like the rest of us. Somewhat childish, maybe. Personable, caring, and even thoughtful by the right stroke. Though, she's always been greedy, even if she's become kinder."

Genkan inquires onto that, as we all sit on dusty sofas we've gathered around the throne. "Has-... has she really grown kinder?"

"Yes." Sakuya remarked plainly. "...I suspect we may see another silly powerplay of hers in due time. But… given her track record for 'successful grasps at Gensokyo domination', I highly doubt she'll do anything more than stir someone's status quo again."

...Man.

That-... that was ironically pretty fun! Not the pain, that was fucked, but y'know, what's the point in collecting weapons and power if ya aren't gonna use 'em sometimes!?

And a sparrin' match like this is like-... it's just really cool!

I was about to be like, 'why don't we do this in real life'. Answer: Sakuya has elixirs, your boss at the office doesn't. Even the lamest douchebag here can heal off wounds in moments with the right drink, to variable success. Anyone on the outside, if they got shot by a gun and lived, they suddenly gotta spend the next couple months in a hospital bed.

Man, the outside's HP economy is fucked.

"I didn't take you for someone to be awfully candid." Genkan continued to discussimate wit' Sakuya. "Aren't views like that… I don't know, risky?"

"Perhaps." Sakuya didn't seem to care too much. "Not that it matters in this era of Gensokyo, and the mansion. You three seem trustworthy enough."

Ha-chan's here too, but not particularly paying attention, and the three chucklefucks aren't here for various reasons…! An' I dunno what happened to Nine 'n' Eleven. Never forget 'em, dude.

Can't believe Sakuya flew into them like a plane, dude.

"Do-... do we?" Maria has a fluffy smile, as she questions the premise…!

"Trustworthy enough." Sakuya reiterated! "I got the feeling during sparring. That, and considering Brad and Genkan here, the only true unknown might be you. Yet, at this point, if you asked Patchouli for trivia, I'm sure she'd tell you. It's of no true advantage to anyone, in my opinion."

Aw, yes. Scarlet Secrets, dude. This just in, hot off the presses: Remilia is not an all-knowing mastermind all of the time! Gee, who'd 'a thunk it.

...I like how Sakuya used silver knives even when she was a freakin' noob.

"So!" This all had a point, if I remember right! "How'd we do, yo!?"

Sakuya began! "You all did an alright job of supporting Maria. However..."

Uh oh. "Despite your natural inclination for teamwork, you both restrict it to those within your party, and it's not at its strongest with your skills all disjointed. Genkan as a combat youkai seems particularly young and unskilled, but to my knowledge, yuki-onna aren't combat types. They're assassins of the ancient warrior, and scavengers." Hoh.

"Sca- scavengers…?" Genkan didn't like gettin' called a bird! "...I suppose that's not untrue, but…"

"Call yourself what you want." Sakuya didn't care! "Maria's set of spells is a constant, reliable source of strategy and lethal force, but she herself is a critical target considering a lot of your strategy is centered on her competence. Genkan may make up for her own lack of elemental variety and strength with her physical techniques, but in some instances she's simply a tank, or at worst, useless." Her? Useless? The fuck'd we be fightin'...!?

Then, she focused on me! "Calling you support would simply be me being nice. While you play a strategic role as a body on the field, you still do so about on the same level as any random civilian or fairy. Just, you're one who has particular affinity towards your friends." Wau.

"If you wanted to be a tank or physical combat option with more variance than Genkan… you would need to hit harder, faster, and more fluently. Strength would help, but it's not a requirement."

Hol' up. "...You mean, like some of the shit you were doin' with just, that plain ass hanger?"

Sakuya nodded! "In essence, yes. At the same time, you also demonstrate-... hmm. No. You really ought to be, at your basest, skilled in swinging a weapon around. For someone as limber and- in parts, fragile as you- a weapon is a crushing advantage, and if used right, an impenetrable defense."

I was reminded, both in the fight and right now… "When I was at the temple, that Shou cat showed me like, a thing or two about how I could swing it around."

"I remember you stringing together one fluent chain of attacks in that whole fight." Sakuya was also reminded! "Near the end, that bat or greatsword-esque swing. The one that finally broke through my endurance. That was a good attack. That was the one you were shown by Shou, wasn't it?"

Wh- how. "...Well- yeah, but it was just a bat swing-"

"A bat swing preceded by two seemingly clumsy motions, which were to promote your constitution and transition smoothly into the bat swing, with incredible momentum." Sakuya apparently knows more about all this shit than I do…!

She stands from the old throne, and takes a deep breath. "...Ha~h."

Man. That was all some shit, dude. I dunno what else to consider, at the moment.

But, in the silence, as my party members consume the knowledge, I gots another question.

"What could I do ta get better?" I mean, this was all so she could size up my skills an' speak openly about them. So this question is kinda warranted!

Sakuya tilts her head back, realizing how she kinda meandered off-topic. "Ah…"

"For one thing, I don't remember you ever having a good ethic with smaller objects. You're going to need to become better at taking hits if you want to swing the big ones around. If you can't finish your attacks and force foes aside, you're just a big, slow target, and you're going to spend a lot of many fights on your butt."

Better at taking hits, huh. Yeah-... yeah, when I think to any fight I've had in the past ten years, it's me getting juggled around like I'm in Smash Bros, and my opponents are made out of freakin' titanium.

"And, an important note is how complacent I was myself." Sakuya kept noting things! "I had no strong blades, or tools with which to instantly dispose of any of you. If we spar again in the future, I'd like it to be as quick as a real brawl. I likely wouldn't be as tough to take out, but I'd strike back much harder in part.

"All of this said, I hadn't anticipated actually losing here either." Sakuya admitted. "...In other words, that was all somehow impressive."

Somehow impressive, huh.

Fer a few moments, we all just kinda relax. Maria sinks back into her seat, while Genkan slowly looks me over again.

"...Let it be also said-..." Sakuya was winded from all the talking she's been doing! After takin' another breath, she leaned back as if a little light-headed. "You, Brad, could potentially also specialize in the sorts of magic techniques Maria needn't worry about."

At that, Maria pursed her own lips. "Wh-... magic I needn't worry about? Like what?"

"Debuffing. Buffing. Support." Sakuya supposed! "If I remember right, those hangers Brad has been collecting, have provided him with a wealth of mediocre magical techniques, made even worse by his overall terrible magical affinity. But, if I had to say, he has the most diverse toolkit of either you or Genkan right now."

Strollin' up ta us, she gestures to me! "He can hit things. He can cast spells. He can fall back and sling healing items or cleanse party members. If none of those, he can apply crippling effects maybe, or simply aid in other's attacks. And…"

She leans directly towards me, lookin' down. "Strategically-... let me say this. He somehow knew, within moments of me powering up, to have his girlfriend change her panties mid-battle, because he for some reason remembered her other pair of panties provided dispel magic on physical attacks. You don't see that kind of mid-battle strategizing often."

...Genkan looks at me! "How did you anticipate that? I-... the only reason I actually did as you asked, was because I was already quite hopeless that we'd come out on top."

I can't let people know I actually keep stock of our inventory sometimes- my reputation'd be ruined…!

An' I just kinda spread my arms out a little! "I mean-... in part, 'cause it made sense fer like, what, ya got those from the Moriya Shrine? Those were Kanako's, right? They were wind elemental. That- and, I remember us jeerin' about 'em at some point! Like, when we were gettin' outta the baths."

"Aa- ah." Maria nodded. "I did mention… they had an anti-magical… affinity. I- I sensed the wind stuff, but I figured that was like-... I mean, they were panties. Ventilation, maybe?"

...Sakuya had the vaguest look on her face. "Your strategy was tied together with panties and offhand banter, then." Y'say that like that's not the usual affair…! "This aside, he has a vague knack for preparation. It'd only go to show, considering all the junk he's amassed just in case."

Just in case, dude.

Also, where the hell are we. What's this room…!? It's the place we fought in, but I still never got a good handle on where this is!

Standin' up, I take in the weirdly grungy atmosphere of it. It's like it never got upkeep in like, awhile.

'Cause I stood up, Sakuya had to step back from me. She had nothin' to say, other than to tiredly stare me down…!

"It's not the first time Brad's tied panties together." Genkan remembers, dude! "Nor will it be the last, surely."

Man, this room is dusty, dude. Where's the fluffles.

...Reachin' into my bag, I take out that black, cast-iron plant hanger I got out a' dream Brad's room. Did I just call it Dream Hanger or some shit…?

I hold it like Sakuya held hers. I mean, they look basically identical.

woosh. Hookin' it forward, like Sakuya did to whunk people in the gut a lot, I try to spin it in my hand-

Cla- clack. It just falls from my hand instead! How'd Sakuya do that!? Man- if I could use this stock-ass piece a' shit with half the proficiency Sakuya used in anything she did, I'd be like three times as strong as I ever was…!

With a sorta-kinda sort of smirk, Sakuya browsed up, as I picked the hanger back up.

...Holdin' the hanger upside-down compared to how Sakuya held it- she somehow did all her spins with the hanger free to fall from her fingers- I try just spinnin' it around my fingers like a hula hoop, before finding it's like… it kinda hurts my fingers! It's cast-iron! It brushes against the like, skin between my fingers and is generally unpleasant unless It's a really specific, useless kinda spin.

"Having trouble?" Sakuya, freakin'...! Yeah, I am!

"That spin ya used was not a natural motion." I remain unconvinced. "Like-"

So-... wait, how the fuck'd she even hold it. Uh oh.

"Hold it with your fingers on the big, slanted piece." Sakuya pointed at the right place on my hanger. It was like, just under the 'tip' I'd usually use ta pickaxe into noob's heads.

"Unlike a tonfa, it has no part for forward punching, making it hilariously ineffective like that." Sakuya criticized my weapon of choice…! "It has a great affinity for being used to swipe and flail, however. Perfect for you, I'm sure." Aw, is it.

...When I hold it like she suggested, it makes so much damn sense. My fingers and knuckles get beat up a little being close to the steel like this, but I can swing it left and right just fine, and it feels a lot more useful than using it like a tiny whackaroo stick.

"It's good for defense against big things." Sakuya used 'things' as a descriptor! "If anything hooks into its ornamental parts, you'll quickly find yourself disarmed. It's hard to keep a solid grip on it, too. Surprising, surely."

"...Awfully freakin' savvy, fer someone who doesn't main plant hangers…!" I accuse her of reading the strategy guide!

"I used to use impractical objects all the time." Sakuya retorted…! "If anyone can turn a chair leg into an- at least- strategically sound weapon, it'd be me."

When I hold it like this, by that metal arc-y bit, the 'handle' of the plant hanger defends the right side of my right arm. Wait…

Woosh! I punch it forward, and-...

After clumsily trying to spin it around, punching it forward again and again, I realize how she did it.

Whish! Letting go of it after I punch, I hook it so it spins on its own, and I grab the 'top' of the hanger.

Woosh. Like this, I can punch my hand forward, and thrust the hanger's handle into an opponent's gut.

"Slow and clumsy, but yes." Sakuya confirmed! "...You'd mostly use this for a potentially crippling additional hit. That sudden blow can disrupt defenses and hit humanoid weak points."

I can definitely put my all into the thrust, when I actually get it off. Du~de…

"Myself, I'd suggest throwing knives between certain vulnerable attacks, but…" Sakuya gives a suggestion that does not apply to me.

"No." Me no no this strange knife bullshit. The only thing I know is NERF darts and plant hangers!

Let's see… there's that weird shit where Sakuya spun and slid the hanger into one's gut and that did damage. Let's see if I can somehow replicate that.

Woosh. I punch forward, and-...

No matter how I dice it, twistin' my wrist to spin the thing halfway is like-... it doesn't inflict any amount of force! It's not like spinning it around and then thrusting. It's like trying to hit with the spinning motion. It just doesn't work.

"Take note." Sakuya speaks! "...Whenever I do that wrist flick attack, it's usually only if my opponent has not recoiled from the gut strike. Then, I can use their own skin as leverage to quickly flick my hand and begin the spin. Then, I must let go then grab it again mid-spin to finish thrusting it in for a precise impact."

That sounds like altogether too much effort for something that can be followed up with like, a smack to the face. Actually- "Why would you do that if you can just punch them in the face again."

Sakuya snorted. "Rib pressure. It's precise, but if you do it right, you'll-... have you ever ran for hours, and felt your ribs begin to hurt too? This strike inflicts that sort of weakening."

So yer sayin' I could, in theory, pull off a physical debuffing flick-a-dick whip whack shit sack thing. Wa- wait, lemme mentally process that one again…!

That's it, I'm naming the attack that. Flick-a-dick whip whack shit sack attack.

"If I ever pull it off without striking anyone first, or using their body as leverage, I'm cheating." Sakuya says outright…!

I guess that'd be something to practice on angry fairies and fluffles.

...Y'know, now that I think about it, Sakuya's strategy was basically to just flail her hanger around and guard a lot. Sometimes she did that 'I'm gonna clobber 'em' sorta attack to blow a fairy the fuck out, but uh… I think I know how that one goes, so I'm not gonna practice it right now!

"From here, you have a few options." Sakuya spoke up! "...We could practice those tonfa-esque arts, and do something entertaining at the same time. Or, I could leave you to speak with Meiling about arts for your larger, greatsword-weight weapons."

"How about timed hits." I wonder. "Can I learn about timed hits."

...Sakuya stared at me fer a moment, before shakin' her head plainly!

"How- how about takin' hits…!" I correct myself! "Can I get that spell that crit-charges my plant hanger with fuck-you energy…!?"

"Ask Patchouli." Sakuya's not gonna help me that much! "My customized variant of it is very much my own, and it'd ruin your abysmal mana pool." Uh oh. I'm gonna have to learn the variant that's a like ten percent boost and gives me one second of crits, aren't I. Meanwhile Sakuya's walkin' around with freakin', Kritzkrieg: The New Order in her pocket.

"As for taking hits…" Sakuya looked away. "Ask Meiling. There's not much I can suggest myself. My constitution was forged by everything I've went through. Meiling would know about expediting that process."

That makes sense…

Genkan drifts up to us, looking ginger.

Maria's standin' somewhere random, lookin' up at her staff's weird lamp tip thing.

"Something entertaining, was it?" Genkan brought up that one thing Sakuya said.

...Slowly, Sakuya nodded. "Yes. We would explore the halls, and I'd be disguised as a generic human woman. If we encounter anything worth fighting, we would."

"Yes." This is an adventure worth partaking, dude. "We are gonna get super lost."

...But first, I look around! I still haven't asked where the hell we are!

"Where the hell are we." I gesture across the room. "I can't even get from anywhere else in the mansion to here, without like, buying a boat."

...After registering my nonsense, Sakuya filtered out the unnecessary information! "Apt, because even with a boat, you wouldn't normally be able to meander into here. This is a remaining fragment of the mansion's layout from the past. Almost all but untouched."

Y'know. "Didn't this place get blown the fuck up a whole bunch. How's this exist."

"That question has the same answer as another one: why does the mansion only take a few days to rebuild?" Sakuya raises 'er finger into the air…! "Most of the internal architecture is stored chaotically in fate, time and space. Only recent improvements, like the lobby, and some of the generic halls, guest rooms, and maid rooms are stored in a way that such damage can affect them. Others, like the Voile, are too awkward and prominent of spaces to be exempt even by the lucid rules of space-time manipulation. Also, too magical."

So basically, ya can't comprehend the true form of Sakuya's housekeeping powers, and they transcend space and time. Good…! Except, footnote: Patchy's dust hut is immune to good housekeeping.

...Sounds like my room back in my house on the outside!

But, yeah. Ye olde mansione is pretty coole. Wonder if those super boarded-up windows used to actually lead outside at one point.

"...Most of that went over my head." Aw Genkan, it ain't just you, Sakuya can really talk when she's gotta explain shit! And uh, I don't think anyone can get what the hell mystery dungeon bullshit is going on behind the scenes.

"I've been talking too much." Sakuya decided.

Walking into the room's midst, she beckoned us all. "Well? What will you all decide on doing?"

...I turn ta Genkan! "We should explore wit' Sakuya, dude." I wanna get up to hijinks! Especially wit' Sakuya forced into the party again…!

"...We should." Genkan agrees, maybe 'cause she's literally out of ideas at this point! We've gotten massaged, we've ate food, we took a bath where we molested eachother, we freakin'- we had sex- "I really don't have any other ideas." Aw!

But then Maria snugs us with a counterargument. "What about finding some liter-... some books in the library? Ma- maybe some at least one of you can read."

...Y'know, that would be a fun idea, but we'd hafta find Patchy to part the shelves like Moses, or else we'd be in for hurt tryin'a find anything.

I nod, but… "That'd be fun, but… I think we can do that later." I decide. "Or at least, when we're done wanderin' around and seein' stuff." We already burned through like, ten tons of relaxation tropes.

Actually, that'd be a really fun way to close the day, I realize! Oh, man. If we find a good book, by some miracle, we could sit outside amongst the breeze and settin' sun and read. Aw~...

That, and wandering would give me some time to think about some things I wanna think about.

...Maria gives a single good nod. "Well, um… while you guys do that, I wanna go see Patchouli again. Maybe find a book myself, or something."

Aw? She doesn't wanna explore, huh. At the same time, this is probably the best place to amass magical knowledge in like, all of Gensokyo. That, and if she liked to read books, this's probably the first real chance she's gotten to do that in awhile.

Especially 'cause we're for sure not goin' anywhere far away, anytime soon. So she can actually maybe like, settle down and read something…!

Ha-chan romped up aside her! "I'll go with her!" An' then, fer some reason, Ha-chan danced in place.

...We all watch her move her arms and legs! Yeah, unh! Dance, Ha-chan, dance!

Doing her best to ignore her, Sakuya slowly stalked off! "Th- then… this way. The right path will lead to the library. The left will take the rest of us on our way."

It's four days until Christmas, son. Four days until the Pringles man attacks the fire nation. Four days until Majora makes the Earth crash into the moon, and uh-

Genkan floats closer to me! "We should meet up with Maria later, however."

"Ye." As planned, yo. "She's the softest thing alive, dude."

...Maria gave us a ginger look! "Whah."

Wait. "Wait, actually, correction." I hold a finger up. "...Genkan's breasts, are the softest-"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We wait around the corner, in a generic Scarlet-type hallway. I have a big cardboard box over my head, ready to be whapped down onto an unsuspecting noob…!

"Brad…" Genkan has a pitiful look! "When I agreed to sightseeing, this wasn't what immediately came to mind."

"This wasn't what I'd planned, either." Sakuya had her old ass european rags on again. Apparently just not being in a maid outfit is good enough to fool most fairies. I mean, it worked on Komi an' the chucklefucks earlier…!

Anyway, I had an idea.

"Sakuya." Givin' her a grin, I nod as I keep the box held overhead! "Have you ever captured your enemies in ancient roman Europe?"

...Her expression, fer a moment, is indecipherable. An' then she's like…! "That's too far back. Also, no. Demon extermination features the word 'termination' for a reason."

"What if we captured our foes." I suggest…! "Like- beat 'em up, and trapped 'em in a box, and made 'em fight for us!?"

"That's called enslavement." Sakuya follows up…! Oh, shit! "...Do- don't look surprised. You're not the first person who's had that kind of idea."

"Like-" I want to object, but she's right…!

An' then, my target appears, comin' around the corner I was hidden around.

It's Seven-chan, the fairy girl wit' brown hair and slot machine eyes. This is my big chance!

fwump. I immediately drop the box onto her!

"Wh-" She freezes up, and drops down onto her knees, getting compressed by it…! "Aaa~h!"

Thu- thump! Dropping onto her arms and knees, she starts trying to crawl away, but I drop down and hold onto the box- "Oh, shit!" Dude- she's tough!

"Stop! Let- nnh!" She starts attacking its sides- I didn't anticipate resistance!

"Genkan, help!" I- I can't hold onto the sides of the box, she's gonna wiggle outta my arms…!

Genkan quickly slides up to me, and kneels down, trying to stop the box with me!

"Why-" Sakuya fights a grin! "Why are you helping him."

"We- we gotta seal the bottom of the box, dude." I gesture to the flaps of the box! "We gotta trap her in!"

"Aa- alright." Somewhere between jaded and focused, Genkan begins to pull in on the box side closest ta me, and I pull up on the side closest ta her-

Thu- thump, thump! We flip the box rightside up! "Wh- aa-" Seven's balled up inside, eyes wide as she looks up at us.

Thump! Genkan closes the flaps over her! "Wh- what now?"

"Ho- hol' up!" Lemme just-... ahah!

Duct tape! It was in my bag, still! Man- this is some old duct tape!

Loudly tearin' a piece from the roll, I run it over the slit of inner box, where Seven was tryina' break free!

But- every time I try to apply the tape- she like, hits her arms and head against the box's flaps, undoing some of it- it's annoying!

"Should we rough her up first?" Genkan's worse than I am, for some reason…!

"I- I dunno 'bout that!" I don't feel like being that mean…!

"You idiots!" Seven hollered out at us! "Le- let me out! Aa- nnh-" Wh- why's she rolling around…!?

Ohp- oh, shit, she's punching her way outta the box flaps-

Genkan pushes her back in! "Nn- no- you- nnh-"

"Nooo~!" Seven screams at Genkan!

DI- DING! Oh- shit, her eyes are spinnin'! It's gambling time, son!

DING. One settles on yellow. Oh, boy-

DING. The other settles on yellow, too. Um-

FWA- ZA- ZA- ZAP! Oh- shit! She shoots lightning from her eyes!

"Ebh- nnh- aanh!" Genkan arches back, seizing up and stumbling away! Holy shit-

Whap! Seven punches me in the face, trying to stand up! "I- I hate you! I hate you- I hate you!" Oh god-

Drawin' my Dream Hanger, holdin' it like Sakuya showed me, I club 'er across the head with it-

THINK. Oo- oh, holy shit, I- I hit the side of her head with a swipe-

Thu- thud- thunk. Um. Oo- oh…! I- I knocked Seven the fuck out with that one hit, and she unceremoniously fell over, the box thrown onto its side as she lied there freakin' out cold.

"Nn- nnh…" Sakuya holds a hand over her mouth in the background. She finds this chucklesome, dude. "Wh-... why…?"

...Aw, dude. Genkan's hair is all frizzy now! Just by like, some. It's actually kinda cute.

Glaring, she scoops the dead-from-the-neck-up fairy into the box, and folds it closed. "...Se- seal it."

So, I do! I like, use one long piece, and then two smaller ones on the edges. Oh- yeah, one down the middle too.

"...If that wasn't a fairy, you probably would have just committed a national felony." Sakuya passes judgment…! "Wh- what made this thought occur to you?"

Y'know, people ask that question a lot, and it's seldom that I even have the answer! "I- I wanted a summon, dude!" One that wasn't a viking monolith that eats all our freakin' mana!

Sakuya has that kinda internal chuckle ya can barely see, where her chest just convulses subtly and she tries not to grin. "There-... are perhaps better routes toward that sort of thing. Also, better subjects."

...Foldin' open my bag, I grin at Genkan! "Alright- let's try an' fit the box in here!"

"It- it's also not going to hold her forever…" Sakuya felt the need to phrase! "It's a cardboard box. If you don't poke air holes in it, she's just going to die, too." Oo- oh shit! "How would you even deploy her? Would you need to stuff her back in the box when you're done…?"

...We both stare at Genkan, as she feels at her own frizzy hair!

Slowly, she looks more gentle, as she notices our stares on her. "Wh- what…?"

"I ask again, what your plan was, in all of this." Sakuya wants to know!

...Genkan blinks a little! "I just really wanted to trap a fairy in a box. If it wasn't clear already, I don't particularly like fairies." Atta girl, dude.

I snap my fingers. "You know what we need a box of. Fluffles."

"Let me stop you right there." Sakuya really doesn't like that idea…! "You know what? Just-... just, take this idea of yours to Patchouli later. Summoning contract magic may be dynamic enough that you could legitimately tie it to garbage like cardboard boxes." Holy shit. Dude…!

...I nod. "We still need a box of fluffles." They'd make the enemy waffles. Welcome to the waffle house, dude.

"You really don't." Sakuya starts walking in some direction…! "Come on. I'm getting us out of these halls where you're prone to do dumb hijinks." Y'say that, but-... I dunno, we'll see when we get there, yo…

...As she starts wandering off, I look at the box of fairy we obtained, and hold open my bag again. "Aa- alright Genkan, let's slide it in…!"

Slowly, clumsily, me an' Genkan work the box into my bag! It takes awhile, and Sakuya even has to slow down and wait!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Aah, yes. This is the peaceful walking I kinda wanted.

Bein' in Gensokyo and doing all this shit, havin' to focus on Sakuya's suggestions and talkin' to people in the mansion…

It's reminded me of the life I used ta live on the outside. Not like, anything specific… but like, the way of life one subscribes to out there. The sheer, prospective monotony of trying to follow many interests, while constrained by the resources of money and time, and the planning required to collect just enough of them raw resources to sustain a home.

Planning 'passions' years in advance, placin' bets on maybe-probably shitty paths of discipline, living not in days, but in months, or even years of repetition.

And then, here. The kind a' life I got in Gensokyo right now is like… compared to the kind of shit you need to do on the outside, it's not even fair. If people on the outside knew of the resources an' way of life you could live here, they'd probably say I deserve ta have my head lopped clean off.

An' I know, that sounds a little jarring. Like I might be suggesting that they'd be jealous, or somethin'. Nah, I don't think they'd be jealous. I think they'd view it as a leak, or a deficit in the way things are.

Just in the way we might think the simple-minded would freak out about monsters, so would business owners, the government, and the wealthy about the status quo of this unknown. There would be a huge shitshow over how people could just go here and do as they do. How the people here already do as they do, and have resources they haven't been sharing with everyone else.

Even if they eventually went 'oh, s'too much trouble to fuck with this place' in the same vein you might not feel like screwing with an African country, or a deserted island with very angry tribal people on it, it'd still rub me the wrong way.

'Cause it'd just be so ultimately petty. So far beyond 'missing the point'. Either way it's diced, I'd hate how ass-backwards the outside would seem. I can see the articles an' bitchin' all over social media now. This place would be considered, in America and Europe, raw hell on earth.

It'd be so ironic. So damn ironic! Like- modern anarchist-ass, narrow-minded, crowd-followin' numbnuts who just wanna live free would look at a place like Gensokyo- a place so far more close to free than any outside country- and be in total agreeance that this whole damn land oughta not exist. It'd be all just 'cause their friends down the street have it in good faith that it's bad. That it's a drain on resources, not fair to the world in some way, perhaps deserving of destruction simply because it tried to remain hidden, among many other abstract-ass excuses.

I know if the prats in my extended family saw my sorta life here, they'd call it beyond reprehensible. Because of tradition, because of its relation- or lack thereof- to their world. Because it'd fly in the face of their beliefs of obedience and development, seniority and asskissing. Their loosey-goosey ass dynamics of worth and wealth.

It'd be all in supreme ignorance of the culture, the lifestyle, the combined peace and enjoyment here. 'Cause to those kinds of people, they're all too used to only their view of the world mattering. Might- and wealth- makes right. Everyone else sucks dick and hangs themselves.

This sorta thing makes me view people as so simple. I mean, I'm a simple dude myself. But, thinking of so many different people on such a wide scale… man.

"Boo." Genkan breathed into my left ear.

"Eey- oohoo~!" Holy shit! That was so close in my ear, too…! I- I like, cringed in surprise!

"Nnn…" She smiled widely at my reaction! "You let your guard down. You don't do that often."

"Do- do I not…?" I wonder.

"You had a serious look on your face." Genkan- yeah, she's pretty spot on ain't she…? "Considering you, that's a pretty strong sign."

"...Yeah." Man, being fully immersed in bein' a laughin' jokin' numbnuts ain't as easy when I got shit ta actually care about. Still, I think like, a month or two of being a full-on lunatic though… s'been pretty good, dude!

"What were you thinking about?" Genkan's being snuggly.

Rub yer hands together, boys. It's 'summarize rambling internal monologue you can't even fully remember' time!

"The outside." Alright, good so far… "How people there probably just couldn't adapt ta Gensokyo." Yeah, s'a bit of an understatement, innit!?

"Many have already failed." Sakuya assures me…! "It is no news to anyone."

Also, now that I think about it, Japan would have a more understandable reason to be pissed at Gensokyo. It's on their land, or what they're ninety nine percent sure is their land. The resulting political debate there would suck, but, nnh...

We're, uh… actually, shit, I haven't been paying attention to the fruity hallway transitions.

We're somewhere gold as fuck. Dude- why's this place stylin'...!?

As we step down a dingy, marbled black-white tile floor, on either side a' me is freakin'... huge piles of just, gold coins. Gems of all colors rest amidst glittering piles of shimmering, plate-like coins.

Since we just stepped into this huge hallway, Genkan takes a moment ta recoil at the visual! "Oo- oh. So-... so bright…"

Those gems remind me of Fruit Gushers. Flandre would enjoy Fruit Gushers, dude.

Ti- ti- tick, tick- tick. As we mosey further into the massively money-lined halls, we enter a huge common room somewhere in the depths.

Ti- tick, tick, tick. Above us, on high-up, grated platforms, typewriters are automatically inputting text at blinding speed, seated at by no one. Actually- there are a few with fairies at them, but others are just unmanned.

All around us is an absolute sea of gold. We've stepped onto a grated catwalk that cuts straight across the room, and across the shifting money below. Yeah, shifting. It's like water.

From below, amidst the glittering, blinding gold, wisps of energy or somethin' billow out of the abyss. "nnh" Wh- they make noise.

They almost have faces, as they billow up and out of the money pit like gas. The room has dim lamps way above, but they're vastly outclassed by the sheer light just emanating from the money and jewels below.

"...Welcome to the Scarlet treasury." Sakuya monotoned!

Speakin' of wealth and money power, there's a whole absolute assfuckton here.

"Don't go swimming in the money, by the way." Sakuya recommends something that felt kinda obvious…! "You'd drown, and I'm not joking." That moment when your money can defend itself.

...Anyway. I think I know why I wanna be stronger.

I wanna break some big damn egos. Y'know, as well as protect myself an' Genkan from noobmania.

"What's with all those ticking noises?" Genkan hears all those typewriters…!

"Typewriters." Sakuya looks up at 'em, through the many layers of grated floors. "Most are automatic inventory output, powered by magic conditions. Others are standard financial reports arranged by money-oriented fairies."

Financial report: we still have a Scrooge McDuck money bin. I dunno, you might not need a lot more than that…!

SWII~SH- SKRII~SH! Below us, a tide of passing money rushes by, or some shit. I- I dunno what the fuck that was, but it was loud!

Then, a thin vapor of some kinda ethereal gas billows from the money below, towards us.

"Don't breathe in." Sakuya held her breath, so uh, I collected some air and did the same.

Ooh- oh shit. A thick, metal smell rolled by us-

"damn you"

"mmh"

"apologize"

"return- the debt"

...That's some cursed-ass money, dude. I only start breathin' again when Sakuya relaxes! Something about these fumes makes me uncomfortable on a safety-regulations level!

"Why- did I hear speaking?" Genkan looks slightly weirded out…! "What was that?"

"Money holds a lot of value to humans." Sakuya states plainly. "In the changing of hands, it carries the greed, anger, sorrow, desperation and hunger that fueled its exchange."

She stared down, into the brilliant void. "Yes, this place isn't just an amassment of wealth. It's a semi-molten mass of misery. Of need and want."

Hot damn. That- didn't quite answer Genkan's question, but it was metaphorically powerful!

...Reading our expressions, Sakuya deciphered her own poetic! "Money inherently carries some magic and belief. When it all got put into one place like this, the toxins of their metal combined with the faith and belief created gaseous, 'damned soul'-esque vapors that carry uttered grievances."

She began walkin' ahead, to show us more. "The only reason you wouldn't breathe it in, is because it's a semi-toxic metallic vapor. Won't kill you, but it's not good for you."

Ah, yes, perfect. Stanky money gas. Wonder if me an' Genkan're gonna smell like brass when we get outta here!

We enter a hall that exits the huge, industrial money bin room, and find, uh…

Klunk- klunk, clunk- clunk. On our left, a huge, and I mean hugely long line of thick, spinning cylindrical rotors are revolving around. Long lines of ivory paper being stretched and slowly spun on them, and fed into a slot that lead up into the ceiling.

The walls are thick, grey brick. Speakin' of, on the right wall, there's just a repeating portrait of a really different looking smug Remilia. She looks really excited, and kinda wily! Also, like… more mature than she is right now? Just by a bit. I dunno, maybe she just looks different.

"Hey, Sakuya." I wonder. "Would you have lesbian sex with Remilia?"

"Just because the money's cursed doesn't mean you need to be too." Sakuya kicks my ass…! "Let's keep going."

Man, yo. I feel like Maria'd be impressed by all the sheer swag shiftin' below us. Even this room has a grated floor, and beneath us is an ever-churning river of coins and jewels and bullshit.

Something like this is like, moderately cartoony almost, but it really makes me wonder! How bad would people want this dope ass coin vault!? It's even more jarring, 'cause I really don't care about any of it…!

The gems are shiny, though. But, in this era, you can make just as nice looking plastic shit, really. Makes me wonder why people still care about them.

Like, if I was dressed totally high-class and showed a fuckin' shaped ringpop to a dude- maybe put it in a silverish or steel ring, there's a good chance they'd be fooled and think it was a real ruby ring…!

This paper rollin' hallway goes on for ten freakin' years, but there's thankfully diversions and stuff.

By that I mean, Sakuya takes a right, 'cause we can choose different hallways!

Over here, there's a staircase up, further up from the brilliant void below. The stairs are grated too, and like… everything's so rickety, it feels. I feel like one of these grates could just break apart at some point. Maybe that's the point…!

Clack, clack, clack. We reach the… the second level? I dunno how far up this place goes. There's more stairs up, but Sakuya stops climbing and turns to another hall on our left.

Like we're basically at a four-way, where forward is up, and back is- well, we came from there, it goes down. To the right is that big room again.

To the left, instead of infinite hall, it ends quickly.

Fwii~sh- cla- clack, clack! Uh. There's a waterfall of money down the left hall, coming from the wall and pouring into the vast, shifting tide of coins and jewels below.

There's a fairy in the air there, before the spilling coinage, who gives it a nod. She's wearin' glasses, and has long, kinda-curly pinkish hair.

Seeing us, she takes pause! "Oh…! Oh, Chief."

"...I see you aren't fooled." Sakuya smiled at her.

Man, this fairy's tall. She smirked back at Sakuya. "Should I have been? As far as disguises go, that's… rather weak."

"As expected." Sakuya nodded. "Are the low traffic veins still as they are?"

The fairy nodded. "Ah, yeah. Both the faux-vein electric maintenance routes and the general maintenance access ones are clear as usual, and will remain so."

"...Interesting." With that, Sakuya just kinda trots off, beckonin' us to follow. "You desire to find secrets, yes, Brad?"

"...Maybe!" It- it's usually like, my idea, though!

"Then, come on." Sakuya starts to move for the stairs up again. "And, keep your eyes peeled. I won't make anything obvious. You get to keep whatever you happen to find. But, keep your guard up, and your wits about you. I didn't take you somewhere safe to do your thing." Oo- oh.

Sakuya takes us up another two levels on the stairs, and with each flight, we get higher from the shifting gold sea below.

Then, at the top, we enter a passage into a new, strange room.

It's dark. The glittering gold below creates a churning night sky beneath us, as we venture into this really, really dark room. I'm thankful these catwalks have guard rails…!

"Any reason ya turned out the sun in here…?" Why's it dark.

"Mmm." Sakuya hummed somewhere ahead of us. "Because this is one of the coin screening rooms. Gems are filtered out from the mass, and evaluated elsewhere. Then, they feed back into the massive vault, where they funnel down to the top of the abyss, and the process begins once again."

"So-..." Genkan sounds somewhat intimidated! "The-... the process never ends, then?"

"No." Sakuya smiled in the darkness, and shook her head at us. "Mistress perhaps took the advice of 'keeping your money in circulation' a slight too seriously."

Fwi- fwii~sh- claclacliclack! A rain of glitter erupts all around us, coins falling in from dark, unknown surfaces in the great space around us.

"To answer your previous question, it's kept dark so the magic can accurately screen the coins. Light pollution interferes." Sakuya voiced… "To that end, very little you do in here will create light amidst the light-devouring wards."

Man. So freakin' dark, dude.

Za- zap. Oo- oh. Somewhere in the distance, I could see the static light of traveling electric jolts, but their high-contrast lines were gone in a near instant.

Fwi- fwii~sh- claclacliclack! Again, an avalanche of coins glittered down in the black all around us.

Ahead and right of us, I see somethin'. The coins bounce onto and off of something else that glitters amidst the near pitch-black of this loud, pulsing room of shifting gold.

"...Yo." I got an idea. "Genkan."

"...Hey." She makes her location known amongst the black!

"I see somethin' sparkling in the air there." I point at the strange, bright sparkles that remain in the air after the coins are gone. It's somewhere past the guard rail of the cat walk.

"...What do you want me to do about it." Genkan doesn't wanna fly out there!

"If ya put an ice shield over yerself, the coins won't kick yer ass when ya investigate." I counter!

"Brad, almost everything here sparkles." She complains back…! Y'know what, yo…

Fwi- fwii~sh- claclackcliclack! With a rush of coins, I get a gauge for where them sparkles are in the abyss. I can see the coins landing atop of- and falling through- some surface out there.

Standing atop the guard rail, I take a deep breath.

Then, I jump off!

"Brad-" Genkan hears the rail rattle, as I soar ahead into the black! Oh- god this is terrifying- "Brad…!?"

I jump a second time as I fall, my heart and adrenaline suddenly pumpin' as I try to find the thing-

My knees hit somethin' and I fall forward! "Whoa-"

Cla- clack! Land ho~! Six meters from our platform, a platform rested in the pitch black!

Cla- cla- clack. I- I grab onto the edge with my arms, and, ow.

"Brad…!" Genkan's voice is getting closer! "Did- did you fall!?"

"Nn- not yet!" My voice is strained, as I-

Nnh! I use a jump ta thrust onto the platform, rolling onto my side as I get on it. So- somethin' on it stops my roll, lettin' me rest here. Ooh…

Fwi- fwii~sh! Oh- shit, the coins are coming-

Aa- ohf! Genkan- she rammed her body into mine-

Fwish! A shield of ice flares into existence over us, briefly visible, before its magic is obscured.

CLACLACLICLACK! The crashing of coins is louder now, roaring against Genkan's ice umbrella, pushing us both down against the jittery grate, before sliding off.

My hands feel at whatever the fuck I bumped against. Aw…

Cli- click. I find the chest's latches. It's a chest, dude!

Crea~k! When I cast it open, light flares from inside, just briefly enough for me to get a quick look and see that things existed inside the chest. What kinda things? I don't freakin' know!

Uh. Hmm. Well-... I guess I'll feel around. Man, total darkness sucks. It's all edginess and lollipops and dark magic appreciation until ya realize not being able to see actually kinda sucks…!

Oh. I found-... a small book, it was quite small. A pair of ruby red heels, and-...

It's a red, crystalline dragon's skull. Holy shit! Dude, this is awesome! I- don't know if it's worth anything strategically, but I can chuck it at people if nothin' else!

Sliding it all into my bag-

CLICLACLACLICLACK! Holy shit, these coins make everything feel so much more intense. It's like we're in a giant goddamn machine- 'cause we are! "I- I got the goods! Let's- oof!"

Genkan immediately snags me away, and we depart from the vague platform that held the treasure chest.

"Don't just do things like that." Genkan spoke softly to me. "If- if you fell- I-..."

"I- I mean, I had more jumps." The fourth could break my fall, at least.

"I don't want to find out if you can jump out of drowning in coins." Genkan returned. "Do you?"

...Well, to be honest, no! "Nn- not really-"

"Then be more careful." She stated that with force…! "Daringness in combat is one thing. There's no fault in patience when it comes to tackling environmental-... problems?"

"Puzzles." Sakuya stated outright! "...Truth be told, we sometimes put those chests around as death traps for unsuspecting outsiders, or intruders. With treasure in such plain sight, what daring adventurer or vampire hunter wouldn't give one of them a shot? Especially when one bag of gold can differentiate between your quest leaving you a starving hunter, or a high life of women, love and prestige. Suddenly, the chance of dying in retribution is just fine, for those people."

...Damn. I never thought of chests in video games that way. "What about the easy ones, then? Wit' shit like sticks and bad swords in 'em?"

"It lures you into a sense of security, does it not?" Sakuya's amusement was in her voice, as we now more plainly waltzed down the black catwalk. "To believe we were so random, careless, and generous to provide you just the tools you needed to keep raiding the mansion. Then, you spot a chest bigger and shinier than all the others, upon a featureless platform, stories in the air from where you are. It's just a little harder to reach."

...Yeah. This ain't a video game, where you get a slap on the wrist for mistiming that shitty jump. A boy mistimes it here, and if they can't fly like youkai can, pfft… they'd be done. Suddenly, arbitrary featureless platforming is a lot more sinister!

"What about pop-up treasures." How about those chests…!?

"Flandre placed those." Sakuya stated plainly. "...She wanted some hand in the procedure. So… we workshopped the idea with her, until it was… like that. I- I didn't think anyone would ever find one of those."

Aw, yes dude!

...I wonder how well this design philosophy aged when Reimu and Marisa zipped by. Being able to fly happens to negate like, a lot of navigational hazards.

We escape the pitch black, and...

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We end up in a really dim hallway! Gold bricks line the walls around us-... like, they made the walling of this part out of gold. Jesus Christ…!

Yes, that linebreak was just 'cause we haven't had one in awhile. Yeehaw!

However, 'cause there isn't much light, all the gold is a more dirty yellow color.

sniff- sniff. Uh oh.

shoof. On the path before us, a pile of coins stuck to the grate walkway before us dispersed, and a fluffle came from them. It was a golden fluffle.

Immediately, it rested on its chest, and folded itself up like a loaf. "golden goose" It's roosting, dude.

...Bending down, I pick up 'golden goose'.

"Here, Genkan." I hand her the goose. "Goose."

...She holds the fluffle with both hands, in an absolutely, adorably clueless manner. Li- like, for the moment she holds it, she just looks really tired and awkward…!

"Goose." She reiterates, and tosses the fluffle at a gold wall.

CLA~NG! Wo- wow, that was loud! Genkan smiles and flinches really hard, not expecting it herself! "Oh!"

Fwii~sh. The fluffle dissipated into glittering, gold dust, that strange greenish haunted gas, and solid coins of various types. I see some yen in there, and a buncha pennies and dimes, and some weird fuckin'...

Then, when we look ahead at the rest of the hall, we see something.

shi- shink, shink- click- clack. It's a mass of coins. It moves unnaturally down the fiercely square, unslanted hallway channel, all together as one clump.

"Oh." Sakuya stepped behind us. "...Well, it's nothing you two can't deal with." Aw, gee, thanks.

"Ee- is it?" Genkan looks intimidated…!

As the coin wave gets closer, it rises up, its gold doubloon-based form phasing through the brownish, shitty metal grate that persisted down the hall.

"Rrh-..." As the coined clump writhed and wriggled into a presence that dominated the path ahead, two arms began to form out of the surging currency.

Then, for stability, solid gold bars and various chunks of gold of differing size bubbled out from within the tiny coins, forming the joints of its arms, and its uh… jank ass legs.

It tried to stand, but its knees were caught by the grate floor, and the hallway's ceiling was too small. "Hruu- hrr- hhuu~h." Its voice was really, really deep…!

Fwi- fwi- fwish. From the gold mass that would be its shoulders and collar, a huge golden skull rolled out of the coins, and peered down at us. One of its eyes was filled with a blue, crystal twenty-sided die, and the other pulsed with some kinda yellow light.

...Sakuya- yer writin' checks my body can't cash here, holy shit…!

"Freeze!" Genkan thrust her arms out-

Fwash- Ice crept across the coins.

FWOASH! But, then it all vanished, a healing and pulsing light billowing through the coin golem. The blue twenty-sided die in its left eye spun wildly, and its yellow glowing eye expanded past its eyeball socket briefly in stimulation.

"Hrrh- hrhuh!" Its jaw snaps open-

SWISHK. A huge, impossibly sharp icicle forms in the air, and slowly accelerates out, forcing us to kinda awkwardly fidget to avoid it. Turns out it was gonna miss anyway- but holy shit it was long-

KRA~CK! It broken against the grated metal floor, before its chunks instantly vaporized.

SWI- SWI- SWISHK! Oh god that's a lot of them-

KRA- KRA- KRA~CK! But, Genkan swooces into my form, pulling me away from the path entirely.

"It-" Genkan inhaled, catching her breath. "It's ice elemental…!"

Ice elemental, huh.

"Genkan, keep a hold on me…!" I got an idea!

Fwi- Click! I change into my camou-mono, and wield the Bawmber and Red Scare in either arm.

"Hruh- heuh!" The giant skull's jaw drops again, and the twenty-sided sapphire die in its eye begins to glow.

FWII~SH! A mesmerizing, laser grid of innumerable thick blue lasers stretch down the entire hallway from that eye. There's an impossible amount of them, and as its eye slowly turns, the entire laser grid shifts, bouncing off of the golden walls. It painted the entire hallway a deep, brilliant azure.

Fwo- Fwoash. A bunch of beams pass over us, but both me and Genkan just-... we just heal. The beams were all purely ice elemental. Imuh- imagine if I didn't change outta my nazi outfit…

Papapapapap! I unload both NERF guns of either hanger onto the big ass gold golem!

BAM- BOOM- BOOM- BAM- BOOM! "Hrrh…" The blasts make chips of dust billow from the skull. That green, ghostly gas billows from it too, and the coins that comprise its body start splashin' out everywhere, bouncing all over the damn place…!

I- I dunno if bad luck and confusion actually do anything to this thing. "Genkan-... try an' fly us closer." This thing- my hanger- has a flamethrower too, so…!

"Are- are you nuts?" Genkan doesn't wanna!

"Hrrh- hnh- hruh…!" Reeling its head back, the big skull made a teeth-chattering like motion. Was it, like, trying to laugh…?

Fwi- fwi- fwish! Oh, shit! From the pouring mass of coins that was its torso, three golden fairies flock out at once! They don't have any features to their glowing yellow eyes, and they're eternally grinning, fer some reason.

They all hold out their arms-

ZA- ZA- ZAP! Wh- ow- that kinda stings! They're shooting little Ha-chan-esque bolts at us!

ZA- ZA- ZAP! Okay- if they keep doing that, this is gonna be-

ZA- ZA- ZAP! Ow…!

Papapapap! I fire my darts up at them-

Pi~chun- pi- pi~chun! The fairies explode into nothing easily. Instead of mana, their bodies dissipate into splashes of gold coins, and that shitty green gas.

Genkan floats me closer, havin' also been annoyed by the thunder fairy damage!

Fwoo~m! A jet of fire pours from the muzzle on the Red Scare, licking across the skull of the big ass skull. That skull is like, five feet tall. It's almost as big as me, and that's just its head…!

Fwam- fwoo~m! As we bob through the air, I keep pouring mana into my hanger, fire washing over its features, but failing to ignite it. For, y'know, obvious reasons. S'made entirely outta gold.

Fwii~sh. Heated, green stank billows from its gold metal, and one of its nearly useless arms lurches to hold onto its skull head. "Hrr~h-..."

"Aa- alright!" I think we're gettin' somewhere-... "Genkan, pull us back…"

So, she does.

Pap- pap- pap- pap! I unload just the Bawmber ahead, onto the lurching golem's head.

BAM- SPLACK- KABANG- KASPLACK! This time, whole messy, gold chunks blew off from the head, the skull starting to break apart from the combined pressure.

Clack! Genkan's sandals land hard on the grate floor, and she stomps down! "Hnh!"

KRI~NG! Her ice blade erupts, within the struggling golem.

"Hrrh- Hrghooa~h!" The sheer physical force of it being a giant ice blade piercing its entire body, straight up its slanted and awkward torso, was too much. Didn't even matter that it was ice elemental!

KAKRA~CK! The big skull shot from its shoulders, flew ahead towards us, and shattered on the metal grate ground. The back of it blew into a million little pieces, and the big twenty-sided die in its head rolled out, coming even closer.

BWOBWOBWOMP! The die glowed impossibly bright for one moment-

CHIUM. A blue laser bolt shot straight through me and Genkan both, impossibly fast.

FWO- FWOASH! We heal really hard from it…! What a suckerpunch of a last attack that was!

"Aa- nnh…" Genkan shifts a little, displaced by the sudden sensation. "That-... wh-... wow."

"Ye- yeah!" Being pierced through the heart with an ice laser was like getting hit by a really cool breeze on a warm day. That would have been utterly cancer with the wrong resists, I'm dead sure.

fwi- fwii~sh. Slowly, the metal mass before us just peters out into nothing, the coins spreading out lazily. The whole thing doesn't even fully flush out from the path ahead, 'cause there's nothing pulling the money anywhere. S'all just sittin' there now.

...Approaching the pile, as it emanated a thin green smoke, I picked up the now lifeless blue die. Dude, we can use this!

shoof. From the pile of coins, a gold fluffle emerges again. "im active" It began moving its little body in impulsive ways, before falling over before us…

shoo- shoof. Fluffles keep forming from the pile…!

Sakuya gave a golf clap from behind us, as she browsed up. "...See? Trivial."

Genkan glared back at her! "That-... that wasn't trivial. That was huge!"

Sakuya rolled her eyes, only very briefly. "Even without proper fire magic, I'm sure you'd have figured out some neutral physical attacks that would have quickly ended it. If not just… repeatedly using that big ice blade attack. Myself, a single knife to the yellow eye would have ended it instantly." Wh- really. Wait…

Would syphoning that big thing have just killed it instantly?

"Thank you for helping us." Genkan sassed her back! "...It's almost like you want to see us get hurt."

"Oh, please." Sakuya snorted. "I'm not here to hold your hand. You're a proud yuki-onna, yes? Act like it."

Genkan fluffed up at that! "You-"

"Y'know." I speak up…! "Wasn't endurance training kinda the thing we signed up for? Albeit, not platforming and golem smashing, but…!"

...Genkan focused on Sakuya again. "If we were truly in fatal danger here, would you let us die?"

Sakuya only answered after a little while, but she didn't look like she wanted to! "No. I wouldn't. But, you'd be surprised what you can live through. You two are lucky that I find your romance endearing. I… wouldn't extend even the simple generosity of picking you back up, were it not for that."

Y'know, I personally think Sakuya's just tryina' play the hardass instructor type card. Regardless she'd probably still let us get beat into an inch of our life if we just sucked, so…!

"...Fi- fine. I understand." Genkan's probably put off by that idea, though! Genkan may've been big on like, fickle life-or-death stuff when she hated humans, but by now she's probably been comfortable with stuff like… y'know, sane humane generosity.

"Aw, don't take it personally." I pat Genkan's back, 'cause it looked pattable. "Sakuya's just bein' cold 'cause she cares, yo."

"That-" Sakuya went to object, but stopped! Then, realizing that was really obvious, she started again! "If the- if that thought comforts you." Yeah, uh huh.

...I'm still patting Genkan's back, by the way. I pat it progressively harder, as the idle silence continues.

Slowly, she gives me a smile, and a playfully encumbered look! "What-... are you doing to me."

I pat harder! Thump, thump, thump, dude-

Whack! Genkan pats my back really hard-

Cla- clack! I land on my arms and knees on the grated floor! "Oof- oh-" Wait I had Bawmber out oh shit-

KABOOM! It explodes ahead of me, and ahead of Sakuya as she kept walking, coins exploding into her face! "Wh- ow!" She actually got hurt, and staggered back! "Ffh-... nnh…"

...As I get back up, Genkan has a hand over her own mouth, restraining a couple incredulous giggles…! "I-... I'm sorry, Brad. Sakuya. Are- are you both okay?"

I stand back on up. "Well, s'not gettin' impaled by golem ice, so I'm good!"

...Sakuya turns back around at us, a hand over one eye, and her face in vague distress, which is actually kinda unique! "...Give-... give me a moment…" Aw. She drew like, a basic potion from her bag- wait, she has no bag. Where the fuck'd that come from.

She must've stopped time to drink it, because she's fine a frame later. "Yes, I'm fine." With that, she turns back around, and keeps going!

...I look at Genkan, and she cringes an' grins awkwardly a little!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We quickly browse past the golden goose fluffles as they roost in the gold.

Hurrying up behind Sakuya, comin' to her sides, we tail her as she takes the right turn in the hall ahead. I say the right turn, 'cause that's the only turn!

Ooh. Along the straight way ahead, there's a door on the left, somehow. It's a chunky metal one, also made of the crappy brown-bronze that the grate platforms are made outta.

Sakuya leads us up to it, and opens it for us. We wordlessly follow, 'cause yeah. Man, there's something really cool about all these grated paths through these gold halls, actually. The aesthetic comes together, somehow.

Crea~k. Ooh. In here, there's some weird shit goin' on!

Za- zap, zap, zap! There's fairies in here. Some got long, golden hair. Others have long cyan hair like Ha-chan does.

They're feeding electricity of multiple colors into big, generator-like machines back here. But like, they're not even really being worked to do it.

Za- zap, zap- kazap! As the fairy maids sit around, drinking tea and eating oranges, red, yellow and blue-tinted jolts of lightning spark from them meeting the huge, whirring, whining generators along the room's back.

The machines all have these slots, with two electrodes inside, which catch the electricity, maintain its arc for awhile, before letting it dissipate, probably gathering energy from it or something.

"Wee~!" Some fairy girl is really happy-

"Omh- mmh-"

"Oh, look! People!"

"They look like intruders. Chief doesn't like intruders…"

"Jitani-chan, gimme your oranges…" What kinda name is Jitani.

"No way, hoe." Pft-

"We should shock 'em dead!" What- uh oh!

"Yeah! Dead parrots!"

"Imagine, wh- when they stop moving!"

"They'll deserve it, for sure."

"Wh- guys, stop! They're kind of cute!"

Man, there's a lot of electric fairies packed into here. They're, uh, not all entirely friendly sounding, either…

Fwi- Click! Preemptively, I become a spaceman, who is immune to being thunderbolted into nothing. Two hundred percent thunder resistance, son.

...By that, I mean I'm in my space suit! Body an' helmet and everything dude.

Takin' a couple small steps fer man, I advance further into the dangerous electric hazard room!

ZA- ZAZAZAP- ZAP! One of the fairy girls holds her arms out, and teal sith lightning arcs into my form! "He- hehehe!"

Fwo- fwoash! I- I heal from the zappy damage!

Holdin' out my arms, I slowly march inside. "Yo~ ho ho! I come in peace, dude!"

"And you'll be leaving in pieces!" Oh shit, that's clever!

"Wo- wow, Jitani-chan…"

"Wait-... wait- she's here!"

woosh. That's when, amidst the gold and cyan fairies quieted down, and like, all shuffled away from me. Awh…

From above, the wooshin' sound I heard was made by this one fairy chick. She's sorta like the one we saw Sakuya converse with earlier.

Her wings are massive, jagged neon shards of pink energy, not fully attached to her. Her hair was long, kinda fluffy, and faded pink.

"Hoh, hoh, ho~h…" She goes 'hoh', dude! We're gonna get along, I hope! "What is this? A spaceman? You're more than a little out of place, mister man."

"Hoh, hoh, ho~h!" I hoh back at 'er! "I am Gorbo Grandman, of the space plan! I came ta survey-... yer space!"

"...That voice." The pink-haired chick dipped down, closer!

She stared into my space helmet, at her own reflection. I saw her eyes cross as she looked between it an' my face.

"That's weird!" She smiled again, and leaned back. "I guess I don't know you. Well, whoever the heck you are, you're not supposed to be here with your raggy friends."

Sakuya stepped up, her arms folded. "I don't necessarily remember putting you here, either."

The floaty, long-winged fairy pursed her lips, and put a knuckle to her chin, as if thinking. "Really~? Hmm~." She gave Sakuya a look over. "...Oh? You're mister miss chieftain sir, here? I couldn't tell! You look like a hobo!"

"That's the point." Sakuya monotoned. "The only reason I'm breaking character is because I'm not sure how your presence is affecting the balance here. The electric fairies who were allocated here were for a reason."

"You should really buy generators." Pinkish fairy smiled! "They're much more reliable than electric fairies like me, y'know."

"They're also way more expensive." Sakuya prodded back! "Even if probably equally annoying, upkeep-wise."

"Ah. Hmm." The fairy nodded, closing her eyes. "Didn't think about tha~t. That's not what you-... hmm." She shook her head. "I see~..."

Snakin' around me, smiling, the fairy browsed towards Genkan…! "Also! What the heck're you wearing, Komi? And, did you really think coming here with the chief and a- a spaceman…" Slowly, the fairy looked at me, confused again! Then, she shook her head. "Did you really think that'd spare you?"

"I'm-... I'm not Komi." Genkan glared back at her. "I'm Genkan." She held up a hand, making ice in it. "A yuki-onna. Not a fairy."

...Brows furrowed, the fairy spun to face Sakuya. "I'm sorry. I can't help but-... think that I missed something, somewhere."

"Me too." Sakuya was beginning to look slightly incredulous! ...S'not that different from her usual deadpan!

As I look around this little room, I notice these cute little flag things set up around the place. On tables, and on the gold walls around us.

These flags had red backgrounds, to fit in with the gold walls. In the center, they had a figure of a cyan-haired fairy girl, but her face was blacked out like it were a silhouette. A NASA-esque swooshy ring went around her head, adorned with stars. Blue lightning was imposed behind a picture of the Earth in the background, behind her long cyan hair.

I can't believe this is the order of galaxy-brain Ha-chan clones! Oh, shit!

"Well." The fairy came up into my face again, as I looked around! "Can I take them captive, chief?"

"Hmm." Sakuya hummed. "If you could actually rough them up on your own merit, I don't see why not." Aw, yeah dude.

"Oh? Go~lden." The fairy pumped her arm into the air! "That space suit will go well for my costume collection!"

Genkan gently came up along my side, took an orange from the personless table next ta me, and chucked it at her.

Whump! It beaned her in the head! "Wh- ow!" She held her nose! "What-... the heck! Yuki-chan-... why side with a human, anyway!? I'll even let ya eat him, if you like-... don't hurt me."

"He's my boyfriend." Genkan returned! "If there's anyone here who's getting eaten, it's you."

"Bo- boyfriend?" The fairy blinked! "...What- did he dominate you?"

Genkan snorted! "Nn- no?"

...The fairy beamed! "You're retarded, then! It all makes sense!"

Genkan picks up another fruit, and chucks it!

Whump! The fairy tried to flinch outta the way, but it was too fast. "Oww~!" After it bounced off her head, she glared back! "You stupid bimbo! Only a whore would let a human do them dirty like so!" Where'd she learn that vernacular!?

"Do- do them dirty?" Genkan echoed her, and it was really surreal! Man, Genkan speaking modern is always really freakin' cute. I need to persuade her to speak more modernese, dude.

"Genkan." My heart pumps. "Call 'er a freakin' noob."

"...You freaking noob." Genkan does as asked! Why's this turn me on…!? "Regardless-... I find it awfully short sighted of you, fairy, to be so presumptuous against love."

"Because!" The pink fairy beamed back, rubbin' her own face. "Humans are just beasts, when ya get down to it. Obsessed with nothin' but sex! So's fairies, so's youkai, so's everyone! Sex this, sex that, sex."

She adjusts her neat, sorta flat bangs, and beams at us. "Considering you already look so much like Komi-chan… it's safe to assume you're just really lucky! Lucky, lucky, lucky."

"I don't think love works in the way you think." Genkan counters. "While luck may be involved… it's involved in most social interactions, if that's the case."

"You're lucky you have black hair and big boobs." The fairy girl counters…! "No one likes cyan or pink. No~..."

I got the feeling already that this fairy is salty fer some reason!

"Cyan's a nice color." I act gingerly, as a spaceman should be. "...Genkan's got cyanish eyes!"

Genkan blinks. "...Mmm."

The fairy- who actually has cyan eyes too now that I look at 'er- glares at me! "And- who're you!? You-... human-..." Uh oh. She's trying to look ominous, dude… "Stupid, mindless, stud of a man." Uh. I wouldn't say 'stud', but…! Also, I'm in a spaceman outfit, freakin'...!

"I don't think you're going to find love like that." Genkan smiles a little, taking in how angry this fairy is!

"Oh- fuck off." She's mad at Genkan again! "Don't speak like there's a method to it. There isn't."

Man, what's it with fairies and not knowing how to get along with people? I mean, I guess they're all like, teenagers in terms of maturity, so they would have a problem with identity and stuff.

Then again, love and stuff really is… like, kinda hard to pin down in terms of definition. Affection fostered over mutual care, friendship, and experience I guess. Ah, yeah. So…

While Genkan can't answer, I've reminded myself what it is! "You can define love, at least in part."

The fairy beams at me. "Yeah, uh huh, I'm gonna learn what love is from a fucking spaceman." Pfft…

I hold up a spaceman finger. "..." Wait, oh shit. Wait- I got it! "It is… well it's like-" Alright, try three. "It starts as a kinda friendship, built over time. An' then, with mutual care, experience, and I guess like… attraction, it can become somethin' more." Sexual attraction not quite always required, but y'know, it can get involved if it wants to. It helps!

"Bullshit." Wh- oh man, this fairy's 200 IQ dude. "Love is sex. I don't get sex, so I don't get love."

I chuckle. "Hohoh, well," I point at 'er, "you're stupid."

She just pouts at me!

"Are you angry that someone took a lover from you?" Genkan tries ta read her!

"Nn-" The fairy looks mean! "...Nn- no. I'm mad that- humans are so shallow, so stupid, so predictable. All it takes is a little sex, and a fairy's got them wrapped around their finger."

I hold up a finger! "True fer some! ...Not so true fer others!"

"Of course you wouldn't understand." Her gaze became immeasurably dry, somehow. "If you understood, you wouldn't fall for feminine wile so easily. Komi-looking bitch over there." Wa- was that an insult, or somethin'...

Genkan doesn't look like she knows whether to be offended 'er not!

Who're you. "Are you Timpani-cha- uh, Jitani-chan." I wanna know what freakin' noob's named Jitani. Where the hell'd I think of Timpani…?

The fairy huffs. "What? No. I'm Hana."

Oh, Ha- whahaha now? Wait…

"How many fairies here are named Hana…!?" I'm curious! A bunch look like Ha-chan, but…

"Me." She folded her arms, glaring at me. "What other idiot's going by that name? I've only been here a day or three. Or four. Oo- or more."

Well, this is right confusin'-... hmm. Actually, I think I know a simple solution.

I turn ta Sakuya. "...How many fairies 'er named Hana."

"One?" Sakuya- ooh. Ooh. That's the complicated answer, huh.

Well, this is right confusin'!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 103

NEW ITEMS (BRAD):

Twenty-sided Ice Die - Icy dice that emanate a frosty energy. Probably an ice reagent! Used ta be part of some feral money youkai, but it might be dead…

Golden Shower - Some red-yellow tome I found in a chest in the Scarlet treasury! Pro'lly gonna hafta have Maria decipher it. Or, Patchy. Someone…!

Ruby Red Heels - Brilliant red heels. Maybe Meiling used to have these? They're like her shoes, but a bit more fancy.

STATS:

Boosts the power of kicking skills.

50% Fire resistance.

100% burning resistance.

Moderate boost to accuracy.

Decreases evasion sharply.

Decreases defense some.

Red Crystal Dragon's Skull - Holy shit! Dude, this is awesome! You can see through it! Incredibly powerful fire reagent and crafting material.

NEW SKILLS (BRAD):

London Tonfa Technique - A new way of wielding tonfa and single-segment plant hangers, turning them into incredible single-target weapons. Increases the general strength of standard attacks with single segment plant hangers.

Plant Guarder - When guarding with single segment plant hangers, Brad can actually guard and does so with mild efficiency. Reduces knockback received. Not as good as the tonfa equivalent, Tonfa Iron Guard, or Sakuya's Maiden Royal Guard.

Clobber - Brad's thing where he fuckin' smashes someone's head in with a cleaving hanger blow after a jump. Basically, he just gave it a name…!

Thrust Flick, or Flick-A-Dick Whip Whack Shit Sack Attack - After punching someone in the gut with a plant hanger, Brad uses their body to do some hacky bullshit that lets the handle hammer into their ribs. Reduces physical attack of the target.

Piercing Thrust - Flipping the hanger around, Brad thrusts it handle-first into an opponent's body, breaking guarding posture and staggering them. If it goes wrong, they can just grab onto it, however…!

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

i planned for an extra maria/hana section at the very end but 28 k words is LONG ENOUGH MY MAN OOUU

and this is a good cliffhanger - w -

i'm not sure how to feel about the pace even after lookin' over it; simply because sakuya does indeed talk for a long time and i dunno how engaging it is, i felt good about it but we'll see, i also get the feeling it could be a bit much for some

we also fight sakuya for ten years but i think it's pretty good 'cause there's a lot of gags in the combat and it really doesn't go on too too long

that and i tried to keep the visuals interesting!

also ME AND GENKAN HAD SEX

i didn't know how that felt when writing in-chapter character reactions to it, but after giving it a once-over, both the pace and the tone of it, and the pace of the reactions felt goo~d, so that was nice

the lead-in to that scene was actually based vaguely off of a private document i made for myself where i actually got into the NITTY GRITTY DETAILS, jury's out on whether or not i'll actually ever make it public in some way shape or form (and if it does go public it'd be on my discord eheh)

so i had to make more of the lead-in EXISTENCE FRIENDLY

i may or may not need opinions on whether or not the first chapter of this batch is a-ok in some respects, because in retrospect it REALLY GAVE NO SHITS, so we'll see~...

man, ratings are weird

i feel like if people could be candid and honest about sex stuff, art and other mediums could be a lot richer for it; the act itself is an expression of passion, and cutting it out is like… it's like skipping a fight scene, kinda; necessary and acceptable when the theme matters more than the nitty gritty or the content is literally just mundane timeskippable crap, but like… there's a degree of emotion, expression, and personality lost, i feel

especially prevalent in FREAKIN GENSOKYO perhaps because the fight scenes here are typically comedically integrated, show brad's actual stance on tension like that, and depicts a sort of tone for gensokyo

i think both fight scenes and sex scenes have a lot of the same shortcomings and advantages as one another; although sex scenes deal with the unique additional challenge of fetish bullshit

that and for some reason violence is twenty million times as normalized as you know love making

ANYWAY,

skill and technique stuff can be surprisingly simple, but the raw knowledge is important - w -

that and i'm somehow way more confident doing things like actual weapon techniques and like the process of learning magic, if mostly because maria both gets really as much screentime she needs for it, and actively wants to learn it to a… ai guess more mundane degree than either brad or matt

brad was just kind of a LOONEY and matt was kind of a looney in a different way

i still can't believe how much the party dynamics bring to the table, i say after having gotten molestigated by genkan

i dunno wat else to say…!

this chapter was kinda sorta slower than most, but i don't think that's a bad thing

in retrospect this batch as a whole has been more ordained and slow than most

let's see if we can CHANGE THAT MAYBE but then again it did still have a buncha respectively moderate/fast segments

that and there was one really stretched out day that lasted like two chapters and was just me and genkan relaxing - w -

as always, see you all next time!