Ho~h. Man. S'been a long time since I've written myself! I've done so much other writing…! That twenty thousand word Matt chapter, the like book of other unrelated story content...
We left the gold fairy electric room some time ago. In fact, I interrupted an actually useful scene cut just to have this moment!
...Immediately, I turn ta Genkan. We're in the midst of some mansion halls, on the way ta something-or-another, that's really not important right now!
Genkan meets my gaze.
Don't care what anyone says. Immediately, I hug her. "I love you. I missed ya." I hug 'er tight.
Genkan freezes in the midst of the hall, and hugs me hard back. "...I've, um, been here. Are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah." Just… "Let's, uh…" Aw. "Let's go sit on that couch."
Genkan blinks! "...Sure."
cr- creak. We sit on the good couch. Issa good couch, dude.
creak. Oh, right.
Pink Hana, that somewhat bitchy pink-haired fairy we came across last chapter quietly sits next to us. She's been stalkin' us, not saying anything! Kinda like, uh, how the actual Ha-chan used to be!
...Since she hasn't been botherin' us, we haven't been botherin' her.
I look at Genkan, and wrap an arm around her 'cause she's snuggly. "Let's nuzzle, dude."
Genkan snorts, lookin' displaced! "Why nuzzle. Aa-" When my face gets near her neck, she compacts! "Aa- alright, come here, you-" Oh- shit!
Now, back to the regularly scheduled fluffmania…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
(in which jingle bell jingle bell jingle bell fluff.)
We're on the mansion's roof! There's snow up here! ...As such, I've got my camou-kimono on!
A jaunty theme plays in the background, organized by a really tiny fairy band, as we all stand on this rooftop!
Before us, on a ten meter diameter platform made from a black cast-iron plate, Genkan stands wit' a fluffy, red batter's helmet on.
thump. A tubby, limbless fluffle lands on its tub before her, looking slapdash and dusty. "aw"
Remi raises her voice! "Rea~dy… go!"
Quietly accelerating into the fluffle's face, Genkan holds her arms out. Snowflakes erupt in the air to harass the fluffle! "ow oof owch ow" It gets hit upward by the ice all around it somehow, but retains the fact it's positioned upright, ta land on its tub…
Y'see- me and Meiling have been spendin' the last day working on my greater plant hanger arts! ...Y'didn't need ta see that 'cause it was honestly just a lotta futzin' about until we found some things that worked.
So now, we're testin' it out!
Thump- thump- thump! Genkan launches the fluffle into the air with a wild, spinning kick! She hit it like thrice, in three rotations!
Floating up after it, she holds her arms out, and more ice explodes in the air around the fluffle, flipping it around midair. "Waa~l!"
We're havin' a home run contest, dude!
The fairy band behind us is made of these cute little chicks with pastel cyan and pink hair. They're all really stout, and really uniform! I wonder if sound fairies are a thing. If no one's in the woods to hear sound, are sound fairies a thing that exists…!?
...Well, the answer's probably, 'cause we've confirmed sound's a physical phenomena, but I'm parodying that philosophical notion of witnessing events an' cause and effect… an' shit!
Anyway, I face Remi an' Sakuya. They're both watching the fluffle violence with variable actual focus…!
Oh, yeah. If ya wanted ta know how Remi wasn't fried yet, it was 'cause she's got an umbrella over her… throne thing. Which, she's just got up here. She chose a throne instead of a tea table this time!
Noticing my stare, Sakuya looks over at me. She responds, dude! "This is almost an actual sport."
It's three days 'till Christmas now! Yeah, we skipped one. Freakin', there's only so many intermittent training sequences y'can have until the procedure gets repetitive to show off…!
Although, basically, it was like this: Meiling told me I gotta work on my overall strength, an' she showed me a few ways a' swingin' a hanger around so I could have a natural combo limit of like, more than one.
Also, no, me and Genkan didn't rail each other again last night! It was all cozy, with a fireplace, and this bed in a real dark, mahogany corner of this one room- nnh… man, I wanna go back there. That was snug.
Remi snorts. "This is about as much of a sport as Gungnir Toss." Uh oh.
...Sakuya looks visibly intimidated at the mention of it! Which is somethin', 'cause Sakuya doesn't do the intimidated look!
At the table beside me, we got Maria, me, Ha-chan, and Hana. Wait-... wait, yeah.
We got pink-haired neon neo-nazi Hana, and then we got regular Ha-chan. We never actually tied up that plot point yesterday, we just kinda let it rot!
"...Will someone answer my questions!?" Pink Hana demands!
boof. Maria chucked a fluff loaf into her face, and it bounced off on impact. "Pft- kaugh- what the hell…" It must've been really dusty, dude!
So, Meiling's advice was that I like- wait, she's right here, standin' next to Sakuya and Remi!
...But, it's not like I can just ask her to repeat what she told me. I didn't forget, but I feel like it'd be better for the invisible audience in my head! That, and, you know, double-checking is nice, 'cause we didn't actually do that much yesterday.
Thankfully, Sakuya speaks up after an idle moment. "Meiling. You're having-... Brad practice, what now? In relation to this?" She gestured to the fluffle home run contest!
"Ah? Eheh. Well-" Meiling cleared her throat. "So he said, he wanted ta learn how to wield a plant hanger. Like, as a real weapon, as well as them um, great hangers, or whatever. My recommendation was: to learn how to wield a little of everything."
"Aah." Sakuya gave a big, knowing nod. "...Wouldn't that take months?"
Meiling smiled! "Yeah! So, we're doing a hilariously clumsy version instead, where I just give 'em beginner-safe versions of the weapons, and let him figure things out himself."
Sakuya's stare was static, fer a few seconds! "...That's-... you know, I call you lazy, but…"
"I mean, I'd train 'em for a few months if he wasn't the one jumpy about committin' to a schedule." Meiling folded her arms. She briefly gives me a look, but keeps talkin' anyway! "Look at it this way. If he doesn't figure out much on his own, eventually he'll come back ta me and start learnin' the right way. It'll take him the same few months anyway, at that rate."
"Ah." Sakuya's stare became neutral again. "I definitely don't exactly see him being interested in or acclimating to most weapons. I'm sure he'll still get bored enough to play with them all."
I was tempted to ask 'why'd she care about training me at all', but then I remembered. This is basically 'cause Sakuya really liked what me and Genkan got goin 'on! Also, I get the feeling Sakuya gets a little stir crazy in the mansion sometimes…
By 'a little of everything', Meiling was like… she said she'd give me one weapon of a fuckton of different weapon genres.
Nunchucks, a polearm, a katana, a european broadsword, a freakin' knife, a buncha shit I'm probably never gonna use! But, y'know… I've never thought of using a serious weapon to any capacity. Makes me slightly interested what retarded shit I might be able to do with them!
Also, they're not giving me anything cutting edge either. Pretty sure the katana's a bokken, the nunchucks're made of wood, so on. Which suits me just fine, 'cause I don't wanna accidentally anyone- or myself- wit' 'em!
Wonder what the family-friendly knife is. A spoon…!? I didn't actually get the shit yet!
"Here!" Suddenly, Meiling lifts a sporty lookin' wood bat, and chucks it forward!
Genkan catches it, and gains an adorably intense look as she reels it back…
thump. The fluffle lands on its tub before her, fluff escaping from its seams as it sits there miserably, half frosted-over. "oouu-"
click. Remilia snapped her fingers. Instantly, the fluffle became ubercharged, with scarlet energy oh god dude-
SMAAAA~SH! An ear-splitting kring sound screeches from the impact of Genkan's bat on the ubercharged fluffle. It makes me, Maria, Ha-chan, Pink Hana and the fairy band all jump at once! Music stops, too!
WOOSH! Ohp- and, uh, the fluffle's gone. Way gone. Holy shit. It rocketed up into the overcast sky so hard, the clouds parted…! That blotch of blue in this solid white sky is really unnatural looking!
==== MATT'S PERSPECTIVE ====
We're in the woods. Which? Don't ask.
fwii~sh. I'm rolling a snowball, because Mima. I don't know why. I guess this is her and Shimokoa's idea of winter leisure.
Fwii~sh! Beside me, Shimokoa rolls a comparatively more massive snowball, ten times the size of mine. She hasn't said a word for the past hour, or so. Something something dexterity training. Good excuse as any, really.
"Rrh- rnnh-" Pearl is freezing her hands off, trying to pick up snow off the floor repeatedly. Not sure what the hell she's doing.
Anyway-
KAWHOOMP! What the fuck.
BWOOF! Shimokoa's snowball to my left just explodes for no damn reason.
It avalanches outward, eclipsing the trees near us, as it rushes into and threatens to bury me. Pearl sucks at life, so she just gets buried.
"Unf…" Shimokoa's sent skidding along the snow, her face planted into the floor.
Kri- krack, crack, crack. ...Apparently, she was struck by a fluffle, in the back. It had some kind of audibly charged effect around it. Was that… an ubercharge? Like the kind from Team Fortress 2? Where'd it get that from? I need that.
The fluffle wiggles around, tickling Shimokoa's back as she lies there in abject defeat. Her face was entirely obscured by floor snow, her bangs resting on the powder which hid her forehead.
==== BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====
"...I don't think it hit anyone." Sakuya gave a nod, and looked back at Remi. "Clocked in four hundred twenty three meters."
"Mmm…" Remi gave Genkan a nod, an' a big smile. "Those are rookie numbers."
...Genkan gave Remi a plain look. "I take it you've done this before, then?"
Remi blinked. "...Well. Not exactly. But-"
Pink Hana yelled again! "You! Brad!"
...Remilia paused, having been cut off. She pans her gaze to our table, giving us a flat glare!
Pink Hana cowers…! "Sor- sorry…"
I yell! "She's like a bad itch, Remi!" The moment pink Hana found out I was Brad, she also wouldn't leave me alone! ...Like, uh, like Ha-chan actually, now that I think about it. Makes perfect sense, dunnit...
"Y'know." Maria gave me a fluffy look. Man- why is her hair so fwoofy. I wanna ruffle her hair! "Maybe you should like, do something about her."
"I'm not going to just bide my time, today!" Pink Hana stood up! "Brad-... I'm taking you back home, with me!"
"Probably not." Sakuya was suddenly next to her.
...Pink Hana looked frazzled, as she looked Sakuya up an' down. "We- well… why not?"
"The fact you'd slipped in with that 'Brittany' person is already less than incredible." Sakuya declared. "I don't know exactly what issues may lie with letting many people phase between different realities... but I get the feeling that it's not a good thing."
"...Well- why can't I just- do it like they do!?" Pink Hana yelled back! "If they can come and go, why not me!?"
Remilia spoke up herself. "Patchy was talking to me about it. You start to make more exceptions, and next thing you know, half of this other Gensokyo's flooded into this world, and-... there's magical consequences for it too, you know? Especially with fairies. A fairy is a piece of nature. When a piece of nature leaves its world to mingle with a different one, something is lost from that other world."
Aw. Y'know, I can see that, actually.
...Pink Hana holds onto her own head. "Fu~ck. I just-..." She looks at me! "Brad-... I- I'm Hana. You love me. You'll let me stay, right?"
Y'know, the desperateness of this question surprised me! My gaze meets the actual Ha-chan's, and she just looks as confused as I do…!
Genkan floats up next ta me! "You're not our Hana. You have-... Brittany." Genkan looks weirded out as she says his- her- its name…!
Then, Genkan compacts next ta me, and speaks quieter! "To be honest, I'd like to refrain from us dealing with this 'alternate reality' thing. It's... complicated, and weird…"
Man, yo. Having twenty million people on the roof for this informal home run contest got complicated…!
"Alright…" Let's do this in a way that's informative and efficient! "Pink Hana! What's uh, yer relationshp wit' Brittany?"
...Pink Hana pouted. "Bad. We- um, she-..." In a moment, I was reminded of the actual Ha-chan, except this version of her takes a moment to collect herself! "I wanted to be close to him. No matter what I try, I'm pushed away. If only those sluts weren't… around…"
Genkan pursed her lips. "Do you perhaps think, that… Brittany might not reciprocate your feelings?"
Pink Hana frowned hard back! "Does-... I- I think she- he would!" Even Pink Hana fucked up whatever amalgam gender Brittany's supposed to be…! "He fell for Komi 'cause she pushed him down and did him. That could've been me. If love's that simple- all I need for us to be in love, is for those whores to just… poof!"
...Genkan gives me a vague look. One which emanates the desire to not deal with this! It's also a really hot look. I'm gonna be saying that about Genkan a lot.
Ha-chan herself interjects! "That's not love at all."
...Pink Hana looks awkwardly confronted! Like- she looks like she saw a car explode, or somethin' amazing…!
"I couldn't say what love… is. But, it's not like pushing someone down and doing things to them." Ha-chan met her other self's gaze, seemingly dead-on. "I'd know. 'Cause Brad-kun would never let something like that happen. And, like… it wouldn't make things like, um..."
She looks over at me an' Genkan, trying to find words! "It wouldn't make their friendship. Just lying with people doesn't make what you're looking for."
...Aw. The gut feeling preventing me from gettin' my dick wet with random fairy maids has paid off! No doomed timelines for me, dude!
Pink Hana stood up! "You're nothing but a fragment of me. The stupid me I let go of long ago."
She leaned across the table, glarin' down at Ha-chan. "Don't you feel it? That hungry feeling, in your belly? The one that won't go away, no matter how much you eat?" Uh...
Maria noticeably adjusts her posture, focusin' on the pink Hana.
"That's 'cause you want to cling to him." Pink Hana declared. "'Cause you want him. Brad-kun doesn't love you, he loves someone else. And you're an idiot if you think it's fine just sitting here!"
"Nn- no." Ha-chan shook her head! "...I'm hungry, 'cause I wanna be smarter."
Pink Hana pursed her lips. "Are- they not one in the same?"
"I think... I think everyone- would like me more, if I was smarter." Ha-chan, uh, huh. "Ss- so-"
"Then, start eating." Pink Hana practically barked it out. "Go to the vault! The electric room, the others- they'll join you-"
Then, duct tape, applied to pink Hana's lips in an instant. "Mmm- mmhm- mmh! Mmr~h!" She doesn't like it…!
Sakuya steps up ta her. "Self-explanatory, isn't it? How this problem with dimensional cross-contamination pans out."
"Mmrgh!" Pink Hana is taken, quite literally, kicking and screaming from the table near us! "Mmrgh- mmh- mmm!"
Then, Sakuya is gone for a moment. She's back the next, standin' plainly beside Remilia.
Meiling's just scanning the clouds, not necessarily carin' about our extra-dimensional dirty laundry.
Remilia smiles, satisfied with that outcome. "Thank you, Sakuya. Honestly- the last thing I need when we're having fun is between dimensions gossip and politics. Eugh."
"Even worse than normal gossip and politics, I assume?" Sakuya sasses her…!
...Remilia smirks back! "You see, I can do the superficialities of our home. To think about different dimensions, and the woes and headaches those may bring with them-... it just makes me realize how abstract and pointless some things are."
She looks over at me an' Genkan! "You two. Imagine thousands of permutations of yourselves. Now, imagine them all having different yet similar problems. Imagine dealing with all those problems, or being involved with them yourselves. Imagine some being the same, except more or less meaningful. imagine some being rooted in things your other selves were too stupid to realize. Imagine being told of and witnessing all of that unchangeable, massive insanity unfold. It'd start to make you feel rather small, wouldn't it?"
Holy shit, Remilia knows fanfiction exists, except framed as bullshit philosophy instead. We've gone too far. Go back, friend, go back!
"I'd rather not, and say we did." Genkan is the voice of reason! "...Actually, I'd rather we say we didn't, too. I'd rather forget all about it, actually."
Remilia snorts! "What? Are you not at least intrigued? By that beyond our cosmic spectrum?"
"If I were younger and more naive, maybe." Genkan decided. "But, it's as you said. It makes me feel small. Like my world, in a sense, doesn't matter. I don't want to feel like that. I take pride in the autonomy I've found…"
Her gaze softly centers on me. Aw…
Remilia smiled. "...Agreed." Hoh. I'm glad her and Genkan somehow get along…! Remi's felt like bein' cuddly today.
Then, her piercin' red eyes meet mine. "And, what of you, Brad? How're you making out, from this conversation?"
Nougat-like. "My other self may have contracted the big gay." I start…! "I've seen enough, son."
...Remilia's smile grows slightly more awkward once she realizes I'm done! "Fair… enough."
Serious answer: s'not my world, so I don't care! Kinda the same principle as 'if we all died instantly, we wouldn't be around to be pissed about dying instantly'! S'one of those 'out of sight, out of mind' things!
"Remember when this was home run contest, and not home ruin contest…!?" I bring up how we've gone off course! "Whatever happened ta Robot Jones…!?"
Remilia grinned! "How about you go next, if you're so eager?"
Freakin', why not? "Yeehaw!" Whippin' Fallen Comrade from my bag, I march up ta the big black plate! "Alright, dude!"
With the preamble outta the way, we should be able ta get on down ta business! Which is, bludgeoning fluffles and competing for the best distances!
...Oh, man. Fallen Comrade feels a lot heavier than it did before. Y'see, Meiling had me lift a buncha stones earlier, and they kicked my ass. I wish strength training didn't require so much commitment…!
Click, click. I've got my gravity boots on. I step onta the black, cast-iron plate.
Fwi~sh. A big, prismatic barrier is erected around it, from seams in the plate.
thump. Another tubby, limbless fluffle lands on its tub before me. Sagging a little, it stares down at me. It's like, two feet taller than I am… which makes it eight feet tall! "im spud" Aw.
I'm not going to rack up as much damage as anyone else, so let's see how short my max fluffle launching distance is…!
"Ready?" Remi asks, leaning back in her chair. "...Go!"
Aw- I had my plan on the brain, dude!
"Pulse!" Reelin' the big, black-brass plant hanger along my left with both arms, I force mana through it, an' focus on the fluffle.
bwomp! From the fluffle's center, a pulse of dark energy expands out! All it did was toss the fluffle into the air a little, and the energy made its pudge a slightly darker shade.
Then, with just my right arm, I stroke Fallen Comrade over its head.
fwump! The fluff's chubby cheek easily receives the whipping swing, and it tilts slightly, before righting. "fwoof"
Pulling it back with the same arm, it takes awhile, but I slap- or poke- the other end of Fallen Comrade into the fluff.
Ri~p! The scythe-end on the back a' Fallen Comrade cuts through its cheek, scrapin' through the cloth. "nooo!" The fluffle protests at me!
thump! Dude- it's hoppin' closer, on its stubby tub!
Once it gets closer, it cringes back, hiding its smile within rolls of its own tufty fluff. It's charging a headbutt…!
"Gaia Bloom!" Bringin' up my hanger, I cast again as I defend myself!
thump. The fluffle whumps its head into my hanger. Aw. It's so freakin' tubby, dude.
fwoo- fwoo- fwoo. Airy, ominous green magic circles appear in the air around it, emanating an earthy, vague aura.
"uuf" The fluffle's forced into its headbutt charging posture, weighed down by the earth's pull. ";',;.',;." What!
Whap! I whip Fallen Comrade across it again-
SHINK! Ho~h! I had ta like- tear the hanger from the fluffle's face to get the scythe end of it out!
"Hnn~...!" Reelin' it back like a bat, I keep my wrists close to my neck, and arc that shit on in! "Yah!"
FWUMP! Oh, god, it's like hitting a big dusty couch with a sledgehammer. I can see all the dust part from the fluffle's cloth…!
tink. It was sent skidding back by my strike, into the barrier around the platform. Aw…
Clink! "Tundra!" My hanger clacks against the iron floor, 'cause I poked it down into it!
Kring! A spike of glacial ice erupts under the fluffle, from the iron floor. It's somehow launched towards me by this…!
"Lucky Star!" I cast my arm up, and thrust it down before the fluffle body slams me!
Ting! DIDING- DINK! Moments after it generates, as it arcs down, it satisfyingly intercepts the fluffle, launching it ahead!
"Hey!" I heard Meiling yell out fer me! "Catch!" Uh oh.
WOOSH! Holy fuck- how'd Genkan catch this- um-
CLICK! I use Fallen Comrade to hit the homerun bat outta the air, and into the floor before me. Abandonin' my hanger, I crouch down an' claim it!
The fluffle skids back into place before me, its smile obscured. "eon" Hi.
The fairy band in the background reaches the final flourishes of its jaunty track, as I wind the bat back real, real damn hard…
KRIKRAKRAKRACK! The fluffle before me becomes freakin' ubercharged! I shwing inta it-
SMAAAA~SH! Holy shit it's like the bat in my hand went off like a fuckin' gun!
WOOWOOWOOSH! It goes flying years in the opposite direction, leaving my hand after I hit the fluffle wit' it. Wow…!
woosh. The fluffle gently soars off into the overcast sky. It's like I launched a freakin' sack.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: SANAE'S PERSPECTIVE ====
I feel like we've gotten really far off the beaten trail…!
Flandre stands next to me, decked out in a winter hat and mittens. "That is so!"
"Is that so~?" We ran into Rumia, 'cause we left the mansion walls a while ago. We've been here for a little while now, just… doing whatever.
"That is so!" Flandre's making a snowman! I think. She's got this neat trick, where she just spins her hand in place over a pane of snow, and it spins into a growing ball right before herself, without her having to roll it. Kinda… defeats the point, if you ask me.
"Is that so~?" She and Rumia have been having this intellectual debate the moment they came across each other. It's, um… interesting.
Myself, I'm out here with them 'cause it's nice to get outta the mansion, once in awhile. And, Flandre's kinda gotten used to not having a lot of space, so hanging out with her leaves us both in her room or the cellar most of the time!
"That is so!" While Flandre and her just kinda do their thing, I sorta stand here and take in the sights, and veg out. It's cold.
Rumia's not doing much of anything. Just floating around, holding her arms out like a weirdo, and-
"Is-..." What happened to her!? "Is that- so…?" Something came down and gently squished her while I wasn't looking!
...It's a fluffle. It's big. "raccoon" What- why doesn't it have limbs. Who did this…?
"Tha- that is so!?" Flandre reacted with similar surprise, looking over and noticing how Rumia was defeated. Oh, no!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====
"So!" I'm vaguely winded after that, somehow…! "How'd I do!?"
...Sakuya pursed her lips, after lookin' off in the direction I flung it. "One hundred or so meters. Rounding up, that is." Uh. Oof. Oh no, yo.
"Ya did keep the pressure on…" Meiling nodded, as if agreeing with herself! "But, ya don't hit strong, and fer the kinda spells you used, they were… oddly weak. Like, I've seen Patchy use like, that bloom one before, and the one you used wasn't even half as strong."
...Then, she grinned. "Not that anyone's as good at elementalism 'round here as Patchy, but still! I bring this up, 'cause like… usually, people do one or the other real well!"
I was neither a martial artist, a barbarian, or a magician in my previous life!
"Y'know what I do well, yo?" I give Meiling a smug look.
...Meiling's gaze falters. "What."
"Sniff-"
"If you say 'sniffing fluffles', I'm gonna be disappointed." Meiling knew.
I smile bigtime! "...Sniffing sniffs."
Meiling slowly grinned too, unsure how to follow-up!
I just realized. The batter's helmet never got given to me.
My gaze pans over to Genkan, who's at the table with Maria an' Ha-chan. She's still got the fluffy batter's helmet on. How freakin' snug, dude.
Anyway. Once we're done with smashing fluffles, let's see…
Christmas is in like, three days, so honestly we got enough time to kill, we might not even need ta hang around here all three a' them days.
Actually. A thought has occured to me.
I pulled off somethin' like telekinesis during that one boss, didn't I? Wit' the kool-aid vase bottom, shard, thing.
Let's see if I can do it again, when things are quiet!
"Anyway, uh…" Meiling speaks before I can even begin, yo.
Fwi- click. I equip Miko's blue cape of magic doom… to my camou-kimono. ...It falls to the floor behind me, not able to attach to anything, 'cause I'm not wearing Miko's outfit!
Meiling watches me with idle amusement! "Sakuya's hauled the training weapons up here. They're over by yer table. Don't forget 'em. Also, you sure you don't wanna just… y'know, come by here and get some formal introductions to them, once in awhile?"
Hmm. I might, but like-
"Actually." Meiling held up a finger. "...Even if you asked for any of them right now, you're just not strong enough. Kinda why I'm just givin' ya a pile of 'em like they're toys."
Y'know what. "What is the quickest way ta get strong that also meshes wit' my lifestyle?"
"Lift weights. A bunch." Meiling gives the dreaded news. "...I mean, y'asked me yesterday. Unless you really wanna just swing weapons at shit for awhile. I can already tell, yer stronger than when you came here… but, tell me, just what is it you've been fighting? An' how?"
...Hu~h. "Fairies. Village guards, wit' magic…?"
Smiling, Meiling nods. "Exactly. And if not that, in recent times, I'm sure ya count on your girlfriend and… that magician chick ta take care of the worse foes. Yer not good at magic, or hittin' things, and you at minimum just toss stuff at the people wit'cha that can. So!"
Meiling pressed her palms together. "How's about this? For stretches a' time… what if you decided to use one or the other?"
...Hu~h. "So, ya mean, like…"
"Goin' hard into gettin' in there with Genkan, not givin' a shit about getting hurt, and tradin' blows!" Meiling's pumped while explainin' this, for no good reason! "Or like, sittin' back with Maria and shelling things from a distance. Hell, Genkan can do that too, actually."
Hu~h. So… "I should pick a single strategy and work on gettin' better at it?" I wonder if 'stupid bullshit' can be one of them…!
Meiling nodded. "Basically! ...But personally, I'd start with strength. Bein' aggressive, takin' hits, an' returning them's kinda important in fighting. An' you wanna defend yerself and yer woman, so… seems like a no brainer ta me."
Y'know, I bet Meiling couldn't imagine living a day as a twig person. She can lift entire columns with enough effort. I can't lift a rock as big as my ankle if it's dense enough! Or, y'know, heavy ass weights.
I might be overplaying her strength, but it's something similar!
"Well, uh." All of this said, I am not the man who discusses training seriously often. "...Thanks fer the advice." Man, that feels awkward comin' outta my mouth.
Meiling seems to notice! "Don't mention it."
Ho~h. Y'know- even though I know they're touhou canon people, Sakuya and Meiling are so abiding that sometimes I can't help but be skeptical. People on the outside are way more selfish.
This's a good time as any to stroll on over to the table of friends. The friends of the round table, dude.
Genkan an' Maria look over at me, as I approach. Ha-chan seems thoughtful, which may be new or old depending on what kinda thinkin' she's got goin' on, and uh…
Genkan plops the batter's helmet on my head. "Have a hat." Awh. Aw- dude! Her hair- it's frizzy and slightly fwoofed out from having the helmet on! Oh my god, dude.
Fwi- click. I, uh, reclaim Miko's blue cape from the floor by 'unequipping' it. Wonder if Meiling noticed…!
We're all relatively idle right now. The overcast's made it a low-energy kinda day, dude.
The weapon crate next ta our table is… pretty big!
Y'know, I probably could've really launched that fluffle if I used the bawmber. But… I really gotta train my hit-stuff ability too.
Actually. Idea.
Fwi- click! Sendin' Fallen Comrade to another dimension, I get up! "Yo, Genkan! Let's go!" I got the carrot medallion that Tewi gave me on!
"Um…" She watches me get up! "Go where?"
I take off, ass fast. I zip past Remi, Sakuya and the others with startling speed, and just leap right off the edge of the mansion! "Wahoo!" Oh, shit. This has reminded me of something, too…!
Oh, man, I got a lotta shit to do, dude!
...I imagine Remi and Meiling are gonna continue to take their turns. Or, uh...
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Huh. No one followed me…! Everyone really wanted ta finish that home run contest! That, or just, loaf out in the snow-accented overcast.
But not me, dude. They can catch up later, yo. I got some real shit goin' on right here, dude.
We're going to enslave Mario Mario, of the Mushroom Kingdom. Or, uh… does Mario have a middle name? Mario Mario Mario. Yes, perfect.
But before that, I gotta hit up the Patch fer some things. I need my game patched!
I've infiltrated the mansion again, and I still don't got an easy compass, but I got my two feet of runnin' and it's good enough! With nothin' out, an' just the carrot medallion, I can just fuckin' go dude!
Oh, fairies! Hello, friends.
I run right up to two fluffy girls walking together, and force them to part by barrelin' between 'em. Aw, yeah!
"Ooh-"
"Anh…" They emit fluffy noises as they part, making me wish I stopped and hugged them.
...Anyway, library! Freakin'... man. Trustin' the RNG hallways is always a trip.
Fairy wing noises are heard. A gentle flicker, of sorts. Someone's gainin' on me…
Aw. Oh, it's you!
Komi flies up next to me as I sprint! She can fly fast!
"Slow down!" She yells! ...I'm gonna pretend I can't hear her over my shoes.
"What!? Speed up!?" I am speed, son.
woosh. Ooh- she lunged a leg out to trip me-
Oh. Oh, right! The carrot amulet makes you floatier a bit, too! Falling forward, I accidentally my way into a single handed handstand- and flip forward! "Ho~h!"
Didn't Merry also do this…? This evasive technique? S'probably why it stuck in my head. When your air buoyancy is set to low- if that's how that works- it's easy to just kinda make your body do!
I land on my feet again, and- ah, Komi's already shot into my way. Freakin'...!
Actually, I wonder. Sakuya did some weird ass sliding motions in our last slapdash shitfest. Since I'm so flighty and unnaturally speedy…
"Well?" Komi was pissed, as usual! "Do you have anything to say, slave?"
GameSlave, aw yeah. "...No?" I grin! That 'no' came out with such awkward timing!
Komi senses the strange energy herself, and stalls for a moment, before resuming her scheduled programming. "It's because of you, that Koi isn't talking with me."
Wat. I wave 'er off. "Freakin'... what'd I do?" Am I just bein' blamed fer random happenings, now…!? S'that how we're doin' this?
Still glarin', Komi comes up ta grab me yo oh no-
Fwish. I jerk my whole body- and, woah!
Just by thrustin' my chest the way I wanted ta go, I just slid on my shoes! I'm along Komi's… her left, my right!
"You-" She pouts, dude. "It's because… it's probably because, we've failed to capture you, and now she thinks how I do things isn't cool."
Ho~h. "I mean, ya could afford to, like… have more charisma, I guess. An' like, do the dominatrix thing better." She might need some actual realistic life goals, other than trying to sex dudes for no good reason!
She glares harder. Like, a real glare!
Fwa- fwam! Ooh! She fired her revolving black orbs at me, which circled around me.
Fwish! I slid outta them, thrusting myself past one before it could even clip me, despite bein' so close.
Tick! Ooh-... that- was a graze sound. The hell'd grazing do in the games? Give ya points? ...Where's my point counter!?
Komi yells! "That's changing right! Fucking! Now!" But why, though.
However, this is now something ascended beyond horny energy. Komi raises her fists! "I'm going to break your teenage ass." Uh oh.
The two danmaku orbs fade out, as she glares me down.
FWOOM! Then, a whole electron shell of black orbs actualize around me. Basically, I'm trapped by a whole sphere of condensed orbs...
Komi runs in through them, ignoring them, her limbs glowing with black-white energy. Uuh, hoh shit.
Fwish! She slides up to me herself- holy fuck-
Fwish! I slide back near the shell of orbs. Wait- they're movin' oh shit-
I end up aside some as they pulse inside, towards the center. Komi just runs up ta me, throwing an arm overhead-
Thunk! On impulse, I throw a thrustin' kick, and despite my joints hating it, my flightiness sends it out quick! My gravity boot's bottom meets Komi's gut. "Uuhn..." Um. That looks like it hurt…!
This freakin' orb of orbs she trapped us in, it's got no obvious ways out of it. Wait. She's a dark fairy…
Fwi- Click! I change from my batter helmet and camou-kimono into my nazi officer outfit, still wit' the carrot medallion on. Oh- man, this feels really different.
Fwish! Now on my dress shoes, I slide back through the black orbs. They dissipate on my form-
fwoash, fwoash. Healing energy makes me glow a soft white, fer a couple seconds. Well, we did it. We've officially outscaled Komi and her bullshit.
Drawing Fallen Comrade, I feel my speed dissipate. "Y'know…" Oof. This suit's heavy, dude! "Maybe, the thing that's makin yer fairy pals skittish is like… you."
"Bullshit!" Komi thinks Mario ain't hot shit, dude! ...Alright, that thought might not even be tangentially related to what's goin' on, but I wanted to think the line 'Mario ain't hot shit'...!
"I'm the most commanding maid of the foyer halls!" Komi announces! "In this place, I'm second only to the chief!"
Do fairies even have organization like that? I, uh, don't think so…
"I'm not letting some human fuckboy make me look like a joke!" Komi's face is gettin' red… "Fuck you! Fuck you!" Oh shit- here she comes!
She runs straight at me, and like, leaps to tackle me-
WHAM! I club her across the head with the safe end a' Fallen Comrade. "Uhk-" Saliva flies from her mouth, and she staggers, almost falling over. "Oo- ow…"
Putting my whole body inta it, I whip the hanger back into her face, the scythe end coming for it- uh-
SHINK! Oo- oh. Um.
Her pretty, grey eyes flare in surprise. My right arm fully extended, I kinda accidentally ran Fallen Comrade's blade into her throat- just the front of it, where it's easy to graze and there ain't no bone.
"hh-" Oh, shit. Her throat emits a hissing sound, and she falls back-
Pi~chun! ...Huh. Yeah, this is why I'm normally careful wit' the business end of this thing! She may've been a fairy, but holy shit that looked spooky…! Chance a' fuckin' instant throat slitting!
"Jesus." Well… time ta pocket my deadly hanger and sprint off like I committed a crime. A fairy crime.
Oo~h! Speed! The moment I put the hanger away, I'm fuckin' fast again! Yeehaw!
Running in the nazi outfit is slightly awkward, but it's warm, so I don't particularly care too much. Anyway, uh… Patchy's library should be about infinity-o'clock any which way.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Patchouli Knowledge. This library is the knowledge, dude.
Man, I never really thought about it, but the dim brown horizon aesthetic this place has goin' on is especially jarring when it's overcast outside. Somehow less so when it's sunny. S'a weird thought, 'cause like… daylight ain't even anywhere near this place. Aside from when Patchy opens some windows, which I swear happened once, but I can't recall when it would've…
Maybe I'm thinking of that incident with the vines. That was a real trip…!
Oh, right. I wanted things ta be quiet so I could attempt telemakinesis again. I did somethin' like transferrin' a line of my mana to an object and focusing really hard like it was a danmaku bullet, except… more. An' I had to physically hold it like I was actually lifting it.
I got this feeling Patchy don't gotta pretend to physically hold anything she lifts, if only because she probably has less lifting strength than I do.
So… what I must've done is found some way to transfer force. Maybe it was just a way my mind came up with to like, move mana in general. Ta move mana that was really damn close to just not being attached to my body. Y'see mages make arm movements sometimes. Maybe it was the same thing?
Yeah, I got no idea what the fuck I did, but I'm gonna try to replicate it!
Along Patchy's random ass shelves, I see a big green book on a higher level that's slightly ajar.
Now, I got choices. Attempt to: telekinize the book. Attempt to… vulcanize the book, or do I attempt to taunt the book.
I only got one option, dude. "Hah." I point at the book. "Blockhead."
...Lookin' around, I make sure no one heard me!
Alright, for real this time!
Fwi- click. I change into Miko's outfit, wit' the blue cape. Alrightie…
So. Holdin' out a hand, I focus on the book way up there. Closin' my eyes, I can kinda see my mana travel up to it. When I open 'em again, I can feel how it's travellin'. It's, like… you can feel it on your skin, almost like a phantom sorta pressing sensation, but it's way more vivid, palpable. S'a real physical reaction.
It's sorta tingly, makes it a bit strange to focus, but I'm reminded of how I just kinda did it without thinking too hard or goin' on tangents about it. It was some do or die time shit!
Then, my mana reaches the book.
Shaping my hand, I arc it like I'm grabbin' onto the thick spine of it.
Now, in this moment, I kinda realize… this isn't the telekinesis I see anyone else do. The object I'm fuckin' with doesn't glow, like other telekinetic objects do.
Slowly, my mana pulls on it. It- has a really shitty actual grip, so the amount of force my pull applies is really, really subtle! That, or that book's wedged in damn good.
Woosh! Ohp- oh shit! I got it out, and it began to fall! That- is a bigger tome than I thought, so y'know what, I'mma just-
BAM! -let it hit the floor unceremoniously. Wow! The carpet shook from that! Book's probably heavier than me!
Hoh. Well, time ta-
"Must you taunt the book." Oh. Yeehaw, dude. Patchy has been located!
Her gaze is tired and relaxed, but also slightly incredulous! "I thought I'd detected an oddly quickly moving entity. As I close in, I hear you taunting a single book. Just once, too."
I shrug exaggeratedly…! "Yo- I was outta options!" I ran outta SP to cast anything else! My PP points ran out…!
That only serves to mystify her further! "...If you-... nnh. Where is your beloved girlfriend?"
Snortin', I grin. "Straight ta the point, huh? S'too bad, y'got me instead!"
"In all honesty, yes, I'd rather her than you." Patchy kicks my ass! "...Though, I have no idea what to think of you, at this point. You're here for a reason, right? Spit it out."
"I accidentally did telekinesis while saving Genkan from the ice shavers." I voice the rough series of events! "I can apparently do it again- or, I can still do it, that is- but it's really shitty. Help."
Telekinesis was never something I like, thought much of, but… when I really think about it, I kinda wish I knew real telekinesis. Dude- I could do bullshit with my hangers at long range!
"...Telekinesis is a rather primitive, entry-level sort of operation." Patchy breaks it down, dude. "You did it by accident, you say?"
Ye. I give the big nods.
"It's likely not the commonly agreed upon format for it." Patchy- alright, what council a' mages decided there was a right way to taunt the books…!? I mean, telekinize? "Commonly agreed upon because it is the most efficient." Oh.
She held her arm out. The big ass book on the floor before us glowed with a light somewhere between pink, lavender and white, but only on the edges of its silhouette.
With a vague gesture of her arm, it floats fuckin'... thirty meters into the air, no problem. "See? I need only think of it, and it moves."
"Yeah- see…" I interject! "When I do telekinesis, I gotta like, physically yank it still."
Patchy tilted her head back. "You're drawing a line of your mana straight to it, aren't you?" Uh.
My voice is as flat as my expectations. "Yeah."
She snorts. "Don't do that. You must move the mana independently of yourself. No lines, no transference of force like so. The mana does a far better job at lifting than you do. With the proper sequence of commands to the particles, movement of an object becomes relatively simple."
...Then, she clarifies, after lookin' thoughtful. "Provided, mass and the style of movement you choose determine the cost of mana. Movement takes energy, and your mana will only provide so much. Thus, you must also recognize spell reinforcement for anything other than single movements or pulls. No, drawing a direct line isn't the solution."
Hoh boy. Y'know, even something like telekinesis issa bit more precise than I'd bargained for…!
"Are you following me?" Patchy asks immediately! "It's not like you to ask questions actually appropriate for your skill level."
"Well, yeah, I follow." I must defend my two entire IQ! "Energy's some weird freakin'... or, uh, mana's some weird freakin' bank a' energy in a way, which ya use to do the pushin' and pullin'."
"Oh. That reminds me." Patchy looked up, for a moment. "Don't use telekinesis on living things. Not for any ethical reason, it just demands a level of focus beyond most mortal beings. I can't do that, not without fancy tricks. While one can stop and move a whole space, you cannot precisely grab all of one's moving limbs. Even then, the slightest disturbances undo such controlled columns. It's messy."
That moment when you can summon suns and volcanos, but ya can't pick up a dude. Y'know what, I should voice that! "I like how you can make a tiny sun, but you can't pick up a dude…!"
...Patchy gives me a flat stare! "Have I ever shown you Royal Flare?" Uh. "...You may have heard of it. Still, largely different principles. Also…" She held her arm out for me.
vhir. Ooh. The air around me rippled. After a moment, that silhouette outline formed around the cube of air near me.
I start tryin'a move, but she lifts the box, and I'm kinda quickly stopped!
The box raises into the air, but 'cause I was flailing as it picked me up, my limbs continued ta slo~wly chug along, as if I was submerged in water. Then, after a little erratic struggling-
clack. I land on my toyota sandals. The box around me kinda just dissipated and petered out.
"Not easy." Patchy shook her head. "It takes concentrated effort, to do some things without relying on elements. If I wanted to stop you otherwise, time magic, ice magic, barriers, or a number of other concepts would suffice instead of telekinesis."
"...Hoh." Nougat. It's a fluffle-sniffing adventure, dude. "So! If I was interested in telekinamanemesis, how would I go about actually learnin' it?"
...Patchy blinked. "Well… myself, with the holidays coming up, I remain relatively busy. In both contexts of the word." She probably means 'actual work' and 'doing her own thing'. "However, Koakuma has plenty of free time."
Uh oh. "Does she, now…"
Patchy nods casually. "Yes. In fact… I can think of a very apt scenario to learn. You know of Chess, I hope?"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Seated across the Chess table from me, Koakuma brings her arms behind her own head, to thrust her boobs out. "Mmn~..."
We're in the middle a' some aisle of books, somewhere, with a chess table, and some dim candles hung around us wit' shit.
"No pheromones." Patchy waves her finger between us. "I've put up a barrier around the boy. I know you're tempted to jump him, Koakuma, but at the moment that'd be less than optimal. You can get naked if you really want to, however."
Koakuma pouts! "I- I ain't that easy. Y'gotta lead 'em in-"
"Yes, yes. Anyway." Patchy mows her down with her quiet voice, somehow! "This chess game has a unique rule."
"If he loses, he's mine?" Koakuma beamed.
"No." Patchy shook her head. "Pieces may only be moved using telekinesis."
"...Aah." Koakuma gained a sideways look. "Are you really havin' me teach this bozo? Just a few weeks ago, y'said he could be food for me- or, well, not food, but-"
"Conditions change." Patchy handwaved it! "Very few things in life are constant. That said, I'd appreciate it if you actually showed him a thing or two about telekinesis, and did some explaining. Perhaps aside some banter, if you two have anything to talk about. You can tempt him as much as you feel appropriate, but no succubus techniques. No magic, none of that."
"Alri~ght, I won't burn the place down." Koakuma rolled her eyes. "...What if he jumps me?"
Patchy snorted. "If he actually did so of his own volition, then you two will do as you may. I have a feeling he wouldn't."
Then, she meets my gaze. "Yell really loudly if you have trouble." What a blunt way of doin' that…! "Abuse your yelling powers, and I'll stop coming." Aw. S'a slight presumptuous to already assume I'd abuse them, but… y'know, maybe it isn't…!
With that, Patchy casually floated off. Watching people float around is still surreal. Even when Genkan does it, even though floatin's also her idle state…!
This leaves me wit' the black pieces, and Koakuma across me wit' some scarlet-tinted pieces.
Koakuma immediately folds her legs, and sits back. "How the hell much do you actually know about telekinesis."
"A little!" I admit. "Patchy said like… y'gotta separate yer mana from yerself, didn't she?"
Koakuma's eyes tilt up. "Oh, brother." Brother from another mother, dude.
Anyway, let's stop starin' at Koakuma's tits. She might not mind, but it's not gonna help me telekinize the chess board.
So. Separating my mana from myself.
"How do I do that." We just don't know, dude. It's impossible. No one's ever done it before, dude.
Koakuma gains part of a smarmy semi-smirk. "...Well. You know how to feel your mana, yeah?"
"Ye." Even when it's in a line, it's sort of like… part of my body in a way. You will it to move, and it does, but actually making it move is like… s'like when you're trying to scrub your own back and you struggle to angle your arm the right way. Except worse, 'cause you don't actually have motor skills for it!
"...You go first." Koakuma smiled. "Just push it outta your body, and put it in a piece."
Ah, yes. Alright, son. Time... ta move my mana.
How do ya push it outta your body. Actually, I have an idea.
As before, I draw that line of my magic to it. It takes a moment a' focus, before I can sorta feel the chess piece I select.
Then, the line is severed, and I kinda push the magic out from the base of my palm. As before, I can still kind of… feel the piece, somehow. Actually, I can feel way more than the piece! I can feel the whole board!
Grinnin', I tug my arm up-
Cla- clack, clack! Oh, shit! I flung the whole board!
"Ky- aah!" Koakuma squeaks, as the pieces attack her! Behold, the almighty chess army! This is the plot of numerous anime!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We reset the scene, dude. By that, I mean we put the board back together, and started over!
Koakuma takes her last queen out between the buttons of her shirt, where her boobs are, and puts it down. "You just wanted to make me panic, didn't you? Naughty boy."
I'm reminded of Bayonetta, all of a sudden. "...If ya don't know how ta talk to a dude, ask yer dad!"
Koakuma's expression is vague. "...Was- that an insult?"
"No?" Let's not taunt the succubus, now…!
"Good." She nodded, resting her elbows on the counter before the board, interlocking her fingers. "We wouldn't want a repeat of one of our other encounters."
Koakuma's feisty, dude. Anyway… let's try that again.
I draw the line a' mana, grab the piece- and this time make sure I grab just the piece! No flippin' the table this time!
Wait. Maybe I will flip the table this time.
When my mana focuses properly on the pawn before me, I see it light up with a cyanish sorta aura.
"...Your favorite color's blue?" Koakuma figured.
I'm reminded of this time I told a girl at school my favorite color was cyan. She didn't know what cyan was, so I had to explain it was light blue. Good times, dude. This was high school, by the way!
I point at her! "It's cyan, yo." And-... huh.
The piece's silhouette continues to glow cyan, and I continue to feel it. The mana doesn't just fuck off the moment I'm not worshipping the chess piece.
"Same shit." Koakuma doesn't care! "Especially with magic auras. ...Also, if you haven't already noticed, magic you put in an object stays yours. Most objects hold mana the same. It doesn't immediately leave, but if you really lose focus of it, or a number of other shit happens to it, it will." Ah.
Instead of drawing a line, I just- will all my mana onto the chess table! Oh god, that makes my skin tingle…!
The silhouette extends to the entire table. Koakuma meets my eyes! "Don't you fucking dare-"
CLACK! I pull my arm down, and the table bounces off the floor slightly!
Fwi~sh! All the pieces rocket into the air! Hohohoh! Yeah!
Koakuma's mouth hangs open! "You-... fuck!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Attempt three, dude.
"I swear…" Koakuma idly shakes her head, as we finish resetting the board again. "Do you even have enough mana to be wasting it like that? ...Do you know how to check how much you even have left?"
Wait, what. "You can do that?"
...Koakuma's stare grows increasingly jaded!
Grinnin' big, I focus my mana into the entire table again-
Koakuma stands up! "You curly-haired motherfucker. If you launch it again, you'll be the one picking up all the pieces."
Maybe I shouldn't.
Quickly, I call all my mana back from the table-
clunk- Fwii~sh. It tilts towards me and spills onto my lap! "Ooh- oh, shit!" I'm being attacked! "Dude- augh!" I punch the table back, but end up hitting it into my own knees…!"
Koakuma's gaze dies a little.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
...Okay! I've gotten all the table-flipping… out of my system!
I place the last piece on the board, while Koakuma continues ta just recline where she sits. Y'know, the funny thing about a succubus is you can just ogle them all you want, and they don't give a shit.
...After I stare her chest down enough, Koakuma snorts. "Most girls would say to 'look, don't touch', but I promote the opposite."
"No." She might be smoking hot, but I'm smokin' cold, son.
"Why stare at me, if you aren't planning anything?" Koakuma furrowed her brows. "Am I just not your type, or something? Seriously."
I shake my head! "I dunno, but I got a girlfriend, fer one thing!"
"Oh. Right." Koakuma tilted her head back. "Her." Pft. "...Ye~s. I've known about your little entourage of women."
Shifting her legs, she brings her arms back behind her head again. "If you're going for three, why not four? I can be your little missy here in the library."
"Wat. No." She's got a way of wording things, I'll give 'er that! "I'm pretty sure Maria's not on the love interest list, either!"
Y'see, Ha-chan's snuggly and I really gotta think about what she wants outta life, and Genkan is belovable, but Maria, like, I dunno 'bout that one chief.
"Oh?" Koakuma snorted. "What a shame. She wants your dick, you know?"
I hold up two fingers, one on each hand. "...Citation needed!"
"Is it so far-fetched?" She gave me a teasin' smile, dude. "A young, fertile maiden, wishing to surprise a young man as he wakes up? To get her fix, worshipping the opposite sex?"
Yeah, 'bout that. "I think a sixteen year old would want a lotta things, but that doesn't mean they want-want a lotta things!"
Koakuma smirked deeper. "And, what of you and the yuki-onna? Have either of you had sex yet? I don't think it's your place to confirm or deny-"
"Yeah, we did." I speak over her!
...Koakuma blinked.
"Twice, actually…!" Genkan just buried me the other day. Her love's way more alluring than anything else. Man, all this thinkin' about sex…
"You're- not fucking with me, are you?" Koakuma's red eyes betray skepticism. "Say it again."
"Me and Genkan had sex." I'm startin' to get the same feeling Genkan got, explainin' it to Maria! "We broke the ecchi anime taboo of pickin' a waifu and actually committing!"
"...Ah." Koakuma tilted her head back again. "Damn. She's a bombshell, too. Here I thought a virgin like you would keep anyone from beating anyone to the punch."
Then, she looks slightly more incredulous! "What the hell does she see in you?"
Y'know. That makes me wonder. I point at 'er. "What do you see in me?" I don't see her rollin' up to the village and enslaving random dudes. What makes me special?
Koakuma's gaze was flat. "Nothing special. You'd make a good pet, I think. I mean… you seem like a fun guy. Your fate would be determined in time. And by dick size."
Huh. Y'know, if things were framed like that, I'd probably have chosen to hang out with a lot more chicks instead of just being an insane person. Except for the dick size part…! Like, the way Koakuma's saying this makes it seem like she actually wanted a person to hang out with.
...I'm reminded a' Stormy. She and him kinda-sorta hung out. Stormy's kind of a tool, though.
"Genkan thinks I'm fluffy, dude." That said, I can't really think of a good way to explain how we connect! Not to someone who kinda-sorta might want a hang-out type a' relationship, but might also just wanna get her brains fucked out.
Wait, also. "Also, like, ya are hot, but one thing I was always skeptical of, was y'know, the whole 'succubus killing people they succ' thing." It's one of the big reasons I've kept away from her!
Koakuma snorted. "Succubi learned a long time ago, that you can shear a sheep many times, but you can only skin it once. You like porn mags?"
Pft, porn mags. This victorian lady knows not of the internet. "Ye." Same thing in essence, though!
"If you've jerked off to a lady, wouldn't you want to jerk off to her again? 'Specially if she was your type?" Koakuma pursed her lips. "Or, like, wouldn't you not just throw the mag away? You wouldn't just throw something good away, would you?"
Aah. I see what she's gettin' at. "You'd wanna keep your dude options open, huh."
"Exactly." Koakuma smiled! "It'd be quite a waste. Especially with you being one of few. But, if you ever chose to be one of my boytoys, you'd have to live with the prospect of me eventually getting more. After all, no pornographic collection flourishes with just one image."
She leaned forward onto the table now, peering her eyes at me. "Wouldn't you agree?"
Somehow, this feels like a loaded question. Instead, I focus on the chess pieces…
As I feed my mana into the pawn, she lets out a breath. "Oh, come on."
Focusing on the pawn, I- uh, oh god- woah!
Somehow, without tipping over other pieces, it goes all Gmod prop on the board, spazzin' out and bouncing in place, before I just toss it away into the aether!
Koakuma gives where it was a very brief, jaded stare, before picking her charisma back up. "Don't dodge my question, now."
I like how she kept her train a' thought even throughout that! She just freakin' looked back down from the ascending chess piece and smiled at me…!
Also, this dim warm lighting gives this whole exchange a weird mood!
I raise a finger. "I feel like it's got a double-meanin' though!"
Koakuma laughs openly. "Fufufu… oh, come o~n. Don't play dumb. Or, are you trying to?" She smirked! "Guys can be cute like that, sometimes."
Actually. I know a good answer. I'm half torn between 'what was the question' and my actual answer, though…!
"I really like particular genres of porn!" I decide! "An' I like said collection to be of a really narrow scope!"
"So, an ice woman and a sixteen year old." Koakuma flicked her gaze up. "I'm trying to encourage you to be open-minded, here."
"Only 'cause you wanna molest me!" I point my finger back! "I ain't about the playboy life, son!"
Koakuma hissed out an exhale. "Oh, fine. Every time I try, I conclude that you're too much trouble."
She was totally tryin' some power of suggestion mumbo jumbo stretchin' stuff. All I gotta do is be big brain enough to be above it, dude.
Wait. All this talk about kinky bullshit's reminded me that I gotta kick Mario's ass. "Hey, Koakuma. Do you know anything about like, settin' up familiar contracts?"
"I'm not gonna be your whore." Koakuma took it the wrong way! "That's not how this works. Unless…" Her eyes lit up. "What if you made Maria your little slut?"
Aah. Yeah. "Uh, no." I shake my head! "I wanna enslave fluffles."
"Come on!" Koakuma props both her arms at her own sides, and grins! "I saw that spark of interest! She's so fucking cute!"
"It was a spark of primal fear, 'cause you're a freakin' pedo!" Son…!
Koakuma jerks her head back! "Wh- she's sixteen. She's legal here. Or- in Japan, rather."
I click my tongue. "...Well, freakin'-"
"How old are you?" Koakuma pointed at me.
Freakin'... "Well, I'm eighteen, but-"
"Oh my god." Koakuma leered. "...You really need-..." She places a hand to her own chest, sighing. Uh. "Can you imagine? Waking up, with her-"
"I could." I nod. "...But why would I?"
"She's a fuckmuffin!" Koakuma spills her heart out! "You could make her squeak for you!"
"I sure wouldn't!" Freakin'...! "I'm gonna- toss fluffles at ya! ...I also get the feeling she's not that into me!"
Koakuma raised a brow. "Since when has that been a factor?" Son. "And she totally is. Probably." Son.
...Then, we both lose our conversation energy, and things taper off as Koakuma just sorta blushes and leers at me. Her tail of doom is waving around behind herself, doing coils in the air.
"You know who'd squeak well, too?" Koakuma pursed her lips again. "That fairy. Actually- how's your yuki-onna sound in bed? It might be a mundane question, but-"
"So. About them- familiar contracts…!" I'm tryin'a learn here!
Koakuma flicked her gaze up again. "Ask Patchouli. Myself, I know the client end of things often has loopholes. She'd be best for the framework. Unless, you really plan to just enslave stupid shit like fluffles."
I raise a finger. "How about… that one fat dude in a red suit who ran around here one time!?"
...Koakuma smiles big time! "God, why, in the name of fuck would you ever do that. He looks like a fucking cartoon character- he probably is, so for the love of whatever fuck-shit you believe in, please don't."
I get the feeling Koakuma doesn't like Mario.
Focusin' on the chessboard again, I give it another try. This time, I just try ta move another pawn…
This time, once my mana silhouette encapsulates it, I imagine a gentle pressure bein' applied to it…
shoof. It slides ahead almost to Koakuma's row of pieces. Y'know, not quite precision, but I'll take it!
"I think I got a vague handle on uh, telekinamanesis, at any rate." Vague bein' the keyword here, kinda. I dunno if there's more intelligent ways of movin' my mana into somethin', but I can't really think of any more that I can just do.
"Mmh. Roughly." Koakuma figured so too. "...Are we actually going to play Chess, or did you just want to flirt with me?"
I think it was her flirtin' with me! ...Or, something distantly related! "I want my mommy."
Koakuma smirked. "Mmm? Is that the kind of play you prefer?" Ah, shit, I set that up super hard. Woah no.
"I feel like we're already playin' Chess!" We've been playin' some 4D chess this entire conversation!
Anyway, I stand up! "I'm gonna get the Patch!"
"Hey-..." Koakuma stands up too! "I could show you a thing or two about summoning, too."
My question was not about summoning, it was about familiars. "I asked about contracts, son."
"...Of all the people to call 'son', I'm perhaps the least apt." Koakuma critiques me! "Well… ngh." Wahaha.
I'm somehow more tired. Like, I expect it to be that time of the night where everything's fancy. Alright, maybe that's not a good descriptor…! Like, it feels like it's ten-ish, even though it's probably still midday. S'weird.
I point both fingers at Koakuma. "Help me~... find the Patch, yo."
"Nah." Oh. She shakes her head plainly.
…Wait, help no. "Why not, yo."
"You can just yell, probably." Koakuma figured. "The hell do I get out of finding her for you?" Must everything be a trade, son. Well, not that many people here are like Koakuma.
"My eternal moderate gratitude?" I grin!
"How about…" Koakuma strolls closer to me, uh oh. "A kiss, maybe? Or, we could cuddle, if you're into that."
"No." I already got cuddlebugs in my party. I don't need a cuddly succubus! "Y'know what- I'm just gonna go wander randomly!" Maybe I can exercise what I've found out about telekinesis on the way!
Koakuma blows me a kiss. "Consider it an open invitation."
"Some dogs are best left closed, son."
"Wh-... nnh." Wahaha!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Alright-... I think… I've discovered some of my limits…!
"Hu~fh…" Slowly, I tug along a big tome that I yoinked out of a shelf! And, it's eating all my mana to do so…
Looking back, I see fluffles have begun to roost atop the orange tome. Freakin'... no, dude. Get offa there.
Ah, whatever. They may be a dusty menace, but they're a sniffable menace too, dude. They also don't weigh virtually anything.
shoof. As I walk along, I continue ta pull the tome with my magic- and, oof…
Yeah, I'm gettin' my ass kicked by my mana pool! The silhouette around the tome is vague, and I feel… like, weirdly tired, but also not actually tired. It's not physical exhaustion, but… somethin' else that just makes me wanna feel idle. Which, considering my general erraticness, ain't pleasant!
Also, I kinda have no formal idea how to move the book around, so I keep doin' random shit to it as I drag it along! ...Well, that stopped after a little while when I figured shit out, but like, dude…
Turnin' to the book, I kinda try ta make a pulling motion. But, the way my mana turns makes the book spin around on the floor instead.
"honh honh hon hon" The roosting fluffs are stirred, dude. One of them puts a fin down on the book, as if that'll keep it still. Fluffle fins, dude…
shoo~f. As I walk along, slowly, the tome keeps on keepin' on behind me. Jeez…
Wait. On my right- there's a clearing revealed between two shelves! Aw…!
I jog between the shelves, seein' Patchy ahead! "Yo~... ho, ho-"
Thunk. Behind me, the book gets stuck on the corner of the shelf to my right. "help" Oh, no. The fluffs got spooked.
Patchy perks 'er head up from her desk, an' looks in my direction. "...Oh."
In this particular library clearing, there's some really big Christmas trees set up, with tons of shiny lights on 'em. Aw…
By 'some' I mean like, three. They're taller than the book shelves. They're- like, alive, too. They ain't just huge plastic ones! Those are some huge pine trees…!
Also, this clearing's freakin' beautiful. With the dim, technicolor lights, everything's cast in a real nice low-energy shade. The colors and contrasts make me really warm inside!
shoof, shoof. I help the big tome get dragged into the clearing. I can't just fluently pull it along anymore, 'cause my mana's all crapped out, dude… I gotta use jolts a' force instead.
"How have you already used up all of your mana." Patchy immediately begins being exasperated! "It's been two hours."
"I've been-" Oof. "I've been pushin' books…!"
"...I see." Patchy gave me a plain look. "You should probably stop spending mana, at any rate. If you're trying to answer the question, 'will using it all knock me out', the answer is yes. You can lull yourself to sleep by total exhaustion."
Oh. I, uh… huh. How do I turn telekinesis off, then? Wait…
I make the mana part from the book, by just, splashin' it about randomly, and it stops bein' held. Phew.
Oh. Koakuma's now standing on it, smiling.
"Good thing you didn't pass out in the aisle." Patchy voiced. "It's unlikely Koakuma would have left you unattended to." Uh oh. Y'know, I thought your orders would've influenced somethin' about that…
...Koakuma idly shoves the fluffs off the tome with her heels! "loaf culture" Once they're pushed off, the fluff stuff convenes together along the tome's sides, forming the loaf culture.
One of the loafs stands, its smile obscured. "never talk to me or my son ever again" A tinier fluffle stands up next to it. Uh oh…!
Once I'm done being endeared by their potato-shaped heads, I focus on Patchy again! "Ah, yes, the aisle." I question Patchy's choice of words! "Of this quaint, remote li'l local library."
...Patchy looks snug behind her desk. Man, between the shade and how much of her is snuggled into her floofy outfit, she is freakin'... snug. "I take it you've-... actually, no. Did you have something to ask me?" She was about ta make an assumption, dude. It would've been correct, too!
Y'know, I wonder if she ever gets tired of this psuedo-night aesthetic she's got goin' on in the library. Considering I never got tired of my shitty drafting table desk back at home, or my moderately green walls, I'm bettin' on no.
Oh- I should ask my question 'fore I get lost in the Christmas lights. "How do familiar contract do."
Patchy's gaze promptly becomes lower resolution. By that- I mean she's about ta sass me! "No. I mean- you are far too inexperienced to be summoning familiars."
"No, yo." I shake my head. "I don't wanna summon no little devils. I'm wondering, like… how would I go about enslaving a fluffle?"
With a gesture, I bring up the fluff culture that's aside the orange tome. Roosting, dusty, and convenient to sniff.
"Tie a leash on it." Patchy- freakin'... "What? Was that not what you expected?"
"So." I reach into my bag… wait, hol' up, lemme just…
shoo~f! Thump! Aw, there we are! The cardboard box slides on outta my sack! It's the one holding Seven-chan!
thumpthump, thumpthumpthump! Instantly, she starts givin' it hell once it lands! "He~lp!" What, no! Seven-chan's tryin'a break free!
Hunchin' over, I hold onto the top of the box! "Yo- Patchy, help!" Wait!
Standin' back, holdin' my arm out, I send my mana to control the top of that box! And- ooh, boy. I just wanna sleep…
Patchy stands up, lookin' slightly awed! "What-... are you doing?"
"I'm- gettin' myself a summon, dude! An assist trophy!" Something along those lines! "...Not like a-"
thump- thump! Oohp- this fairy! She's really fightin' the box! The tape's coming undone…!
Patchy gestures at it, an' suddenly my cyanish, blurry aura is cancelled out by a sharp, lavender one.
...Ooh. The box is stationary now, dude. Even the little flappy bits are bein' held rigidly.
I let myself relax. When'd usin' mana make my body all tense?
"Before anything else, you're going to need more mana." Patchy noted. Freakin'... yeah. I'm fadin' fast, here. Aw. I bet she's got a ton a' ethers.
She looked over at Koakuma. Wait… "Koakuma. Refill his mana."
Hol' up… "Don'cha got like, an ether stockpile somewhere?" I can't help but think-
"Koakuma, as a devil, produces mana at a rate beyond typical youkai and humans. It's more efficient." Patchy explained. "It's probably nothing like what you're thinking, either."
Koakuma trots up to me, licking her lips. "Looks like I'm gettin' that kiss after all." Freakin'-
"It can be on the cheek." Patchy interjected. Honh, honh.
Gaze focused, Koakuma faced her. "It's gotta be on the lips."
Smiling, Patchy nodded. "No it doesn't."
...After lookin' confused fer a moment, Koakuma shook her own head. "Fine, whatever…" Then, she quickly leans up to me-
"Mwah." She gives me a really quick peck on my right cheek. Issa wet impact- did that leave a lipstick mark? It better not have!
And-... huh. There's no cartoony sound associated with it, but- instantly, I feel… wow.
"Holy shit!" I throw punches at the air! "I'm like-... woah!" Dude! "Yeehaw!"
"Don't spend it all in one place." Patchy felt inclined to quip about the act a' mana recovery! "...Now. The actual act of a familiar contract… is perhaps more heavy-handed than what you seek to do. What do you intend to do with… fluffles, and a fairy?"
"Make 'em hit my enemies!" I propose! "I was gonna say, they wouldn't be followin' me around. They'd be so I could summon 'em for one quick suckerpunch on whatever I'm dealin' with."
"...Hmm." Patchy considered this idea. "Not something that hasn't been attempted in the past. But… would you prefer this to be for any being or creature you may catch? Something like a fluffle cannot truly agree to a contract of intelligence. It isn't truly sentient. Nor would be animals or certain youkai."
Hmm. "Is there some other way? I mean..."
Patchy steps out from around her desk. Lookin' sedate herself, she comes up to the box.
"It could be a contract of will. It's… less ethical, perhaps, but it's a method. When your target's will is reduced to nearly nothing, you could attempt to capture it. How the agreement goes from there, it can depend."
She neared the fluffles… but didn't get too close! "Something like a fluffle… would likely submit to a rewiring of will quite easily. They're essentially magic constructs, so those you'd capture would then just… be aligned to your vision. For whatever that's worth."
Then, Patchy came up to my box! "A fairy? Not the hardest thing, either. But, they can't be rewired like a wild animal. You cannot make them instinctually decide to help you. In capturing them, if you don't keep them in captivity, summoning them requires a mana cost. Some particularly powerful subjects may decline to help or place a cost on helping."
"Get me ou~houhout!" Seven-chan whines, dude. "Who's there!? He~lp!"
Patchy placed a hand to her own chin. "To summon this fairy and force it to help you wouldn't be impossible. In this scenario, it'd be called before you, instinctually perform an offensive action, and then be dismissed to whence it came."
I wonder. "Ya say… more powerful beings. Would there be a limit on who ya can familiarize?"
"Yes." Patchy's stare is blunt. "I'd like to see you make a familiar of a native god, perhaps. Yasaka will do. Technically possible, if you were strong and charismatic enough. Both together, as each on their own certainly wouldn't do. Do you see yourself doing that, however?"
"Yes." I nod.
An' then we just stare at each other, smilin' like idiots!
"No." Patchouli corrects me! "Let's bind this fairy. In fact…" She ran her gaze over the box. "Would you like something to use to bind your contract with those of weakened wills? A talisman? A knickknack, or a weapon?"
"This box!" I come up ta the box!
"...Of course." Patchy seems ta stop in her tracks! "Fine. This box will suffice. Then, anyone who fails… to escape this cardboard box, will be bound. The terms of the contract will mandate that the contractor may expend their own mana to utilize a technique of the contractee. It's… a very skimpy sort of contract, which is the only reason I'm even considering doing it for you."
"Oh? S'that simple?" I wonder…
"For me." Patchy nodded. "For you? Mmh. Mmm. I couldn't give an estimate, but it'd take awhile." Oof… "It's going to be very light weight, in the sense that it can't be exploited since it is so straightforward. At the same time, you're not getting exactly anything amazing out of it. You'll want to pick one technique of whatever you captured, as well. Mostly so that you reliably use the same amount of mana to summon that being, instead of it changing."
Aa~h. Considerin' what couldn't escape a cardboard box is fairly limited as it is, this might not be as gamebreakin' as one might think. The range is slightly extended by whatever's ass can be kicked by Genkan to the point of sheer immobility, but then my mana pool comes inta question...
I mean, if I get ta enslave Mario and steal his hops, I don't care! S'basically why I'm doin' this…!
Holding out her hands, Patchy makes two pentagram-filled magic circles before herself, one for each palm. They're purple, dude.
"Now, let me just…" Patchy took a moment to focus.
thud. Inside the box, Seven-chan freakin' passed out, it sounded like. It contorted strangely!
"Oo~h." Koakuma seemed ta realized something, lookin' thoughtful herself. "Since it only mandates them to do one specific technique, even sentient shit would just, do it to get their job over with, wouldn't they?"
"Mmm. In theory." Patchy nodded, eyes still shut. "It is done."
Whah. "...It's that simple? Or- takes that little ta just, do?"
Patchy snorted, lowering her arms. "Generally, yes. It's quite an equal exchange, making it relatively… I wouldn't say flimsy, but it's unlike a familiar contract. It's more like… contracted labor, and the salary you give them is your mana."
She slowly padded back ta her desk, in her little purple slippers. Man, she's fwoofy. "It's also currently bound to really low-power entities, because I haven't actually contacted a spirit or god to aid with the whole procedure, or written any sophisticated back-end myself. I don't even know what you'd want to 'capture' that would require something sophisticated."
Huh. Yeah, I'm probably gonna forget about it the next time we're getting our asses kicked, or be on the fence of whether or not it'd be too middle-groundy to actually be worth using. That said…!
"Ya think it'd be good enough to capture that fat italian plumber dude…!?" I wonder! "The one in the red overalls!"
Patchy grinned! "...Why that- thing-... well. Probably? I imagine it and you are of similar power levels, really. Sakuya currently has him sealed in the dungeon." Wh- the dungeon. I can't believe Mario lost to Sakuya.
Actually, I can totally believe that! As someone who's lost to Sakuya on multiple occasions!
Y'know, Remi's comment earlier about protecting the fabric of reality's starting to make more sense. Enslaving Mario is honestly power I-... shouldn't-...
Wait. He's Smash Brothers Mario, 'cause Yukari stole 'em from Smash 4. So, he wouldn't be runnin' around with no Paper Mario skills or anything. But, he would have some spooky fire magic…
Y'know what. I click my tongue, and uh…
I just realized.
I gotta get Genkan something for Christmas. We got like, three days 'till Christmas, an' here I am trying to gank a freakin' plumber!
...Maybe I can kill two birds with one stone, dude.
"Good luck." Patchy reaches for a book on her desk, and places it before herself. She's got a cute little cup of something next to her, and a dim candlelight is lit nearby herself. "If you don't mind… I'd like some peace and quiet."
"Wait." I uh, hold out a hand ta her. "I- actually got another thing-"
"I've already done enough for you." Patchy tells me ta fuck off! "Go play with your new toy, already."
"Yo- listen, though-" I wanna get my message out there!
"What." She raises her voice some! "You better have a good reason. When I say I'd like to be alone, I mean it."
Yeah, cool! "I uh… I think I thought of a good Christmas gift fer Genkan."
...At that notion, Patchy slightly tilted her head, pursing her lips.
She hasn't said anything, so I think I'll just keep talkin'! "A uh… maybe somethin' she can wear that'd resist sun and fire. Cover the, y'know, big glaring weakness of bein' what she is… and maybe, like… helping her exist in the summer, when that eventually rolls around."
We haven't really thought of that, have we? I mean, with a desktop, I'd be fine just sittin' in her cave for ten hundred thousand hours. But, like… if I can just resist cold, ya think it could work the other way around, somehow. The summer's far ahead.
...At that, Patchy exhaled, and shifted her posture in her comfy arm chair. "You're… really not the first person to think it so easy. Affinity to the cold- as well as opposition to fierce heat- are part of her nature."
Um? "...Are ya sayin' s'not possible?"
Patchy shook 'er head. "I'm saying… if you fortify her against heat, her affinity for the cold will be reduced. Elemental attunement of a costume changes one's affinity, ultimately. I'm afraid, under most circumstances, plain heat resistance will level with her nature. She'd be truly resistant to neither as long as she wears it. She couldn't use her ice magic nearly as well, if at all. She'd feel like a human elementally, really."
...Huh. That's… interesting, actually. I wonder. "What if she somehow became really fire resistant?"
"I don't actually know." Patchy smiled! "Perhaps she'd become a fire magician? ...I'm kidding. Wipe that surprise and interest off your face." Son…!
Maybe I should give her two gifts. I dunno if feeling elementally unattuned would feel nice ta her. An' why decide on just one gift if ya can be indecisive and pick two?
But, that second gift's probably a conversation for someone else, if anyone.
"As for such a design…" Patchy's face became thoughtfully neutral again. "Were it custom, it'd have to be a Margatroid creation… which would certainly take some time. Unless, you'd… hmm. I don't think we actually have any decent outfits for the endowed." Yeehaw.
"I'll sprint off an' visit Alice and make the order myself if I gotta." I decide. "...But, y'know, it'd be nice if like…"
"No need." Patchy waves the idea off. "Alice and I have a communication spell. We order new clothing from her often, here." Ah. Hoh.
"I'm also gonna leave this box in your care, fer now!" I kneel down, and pat Seven-chan's tomb! "So ya can do that spirit-hook-up thing." I don't think we're actually gonna fight Mario soon. If only because his fire magic would actually kinda kick our ass.
"...Sure." Patchy agrees! "Another chore for Koakuma, I suppose. Any requests for usable skills, while it's in my possession? You may only pick the most mundane of entities."
"A fluffle's headbutt." Aw yeah.
Patchy doesn't dignify that with a response…! Actually, how do I use the skills from that?
"How do I summon the things, actually!?" Aaa~h!
Patchy flicks her eyes up. "Think." Oh, thank fuck, it's relatively simple. "Similar to prefab spells, really. Only dissimilar in the varying costs."
...Oh! Idea. "Patchy. One a' your outfits, for Genkan!"
Grinning ironically, Patchy furrows her brows! "Now you're pushing it."
Turnin', I see Koakuma plainly gazing at me, as if she'd looked at me just after I'd made that suggestion.
I grin at 'er. Then, I mouth ta her- 'see what you can do'!
Koakuma stepped closer, smiling. She spoke real quiet. "Only if you…" Freakin'... of course I gotta make a deal with a devil to get Patchy's outfit in the inventory.
"Yeah, whatever, I'd kiss ya for it. No funny shit, though." An' I know all about funny shit…! "Also- later, when y'actually-" I tilt my head ta Patchy in gesture. When she actually gets the outfit. No hokey deals, now.
"Fine." She gains a fair, slanted smile. "Fair enough." She must've been hopin' for me to just jump into it!
...Patchy has a dismal look when I look at 'er again, and I grin!
"We~ll." I think… I'mma mosey on outta here. "Thanks fer yer everything, Patchy!" I have learned how to capture fluffles and taunt the books. Quite an effective magic lesson, dude
"Good luck, again." Patchy folded open her book. "You have lipstick on your right cheek, by the way. Don't get caught dead with it on." Aah- freakin'...
"Fufufu." Koakuma does that hearty chuckle of high-class noobs. "If you do get caught, you can always come back to me, honey." Who're you. Get away from me…!
Get- get-
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
I should get Genkan a tubby fluffle. It'd pop outta the gift box and raise its fins into the air. Freakin'... cuddly, dude. It'd be snuggleable.
Sprintin' down the halls, I try and find a freakin'-... way back out. Where is the outdoor access…!? Man. Actually, the home-run contest would pro'lly be over by now, wouldn't it?
Also, since roughin' up Mario and stuffin' him into a box is probably not viable until after Christmas, we're just gonna do that later!
Wait. Dude. Ooh, dude… we should all mail letters to Santa, dude! If, he actually exists, which I really got no idea if he would or wouldn't. I think Eirin… confirmed… he did? I kinda forget, ironically. You'd think that'd be something big, but when yer in Gensokyo… y'know. Y'can see gods, but ya can't see Santa!
That, and, ain't Santa kind of a western tradition? Though, considering the outside, I'm sure it's gotten around.
I reach a good intersection of generic hallway-
Genkan accelerates from my left, and stops when she sees me. "Oh. There you are." Aw!
From the right hallway… there's a fluffle that accelerates out!
"Waaa~l!" It yells at Genkan!
Genkan gives it a look, before centering her gaze on me again! "What have you been up to?"
"Aw, dude!" Idea! "Genkan, we gotta troll people."
...Genkan curls her brows up! "I take it you're fully energized. And, bored enough for insanity."
Well… "Yeah! But it'd also be a riot! And-..." Maybe I should answer her question! "I was off thinkin' about magic, and shit like telekinekinekineisisisis."
"You forgot about that weapons crate, by the way." Genkan reminds me that I forgot to sort through all a' that shit! "...I think Meiling's going to have it at the front gate, whenever you feel like dealing with that." Honh.
"fly me to the moon" The fluffle arched itself back, now on four limbs-
fwoof. It does a floaty leap, comin' at Genkan!
pat. Genkan pats it back down to the floor… an' then she keeps talkin' without skippin' a beat! "What did you even mean. The phrase, 'we gotta oni people' makes perhaps the least possible sense."
Uh oh. I don't think trolling is in the common Gensokyo vernacular.
"I did not, in fact, say oni, in the way we typically think of it!" Freakin'...! "Basically, we should trick people in a really clever way…! Like what the border a' translation just did ta us right now!"
Maria comes up behind us, sprintin' on up! "You-... you're too fast, Genkan…"
I turn ta her! "An' you're gonna be a conspirator!"
...After a moment, she looks worried too! "What…"
Also! I wonder how fast Patchy got ta work on that box of… box power…! Yeah, I dunno.
Steppin' back, I point my arm at Maria! Focusing my mana, I feel it well up in me! "Come forth! Fluff 'n' stuff!"
Fwi~sh! On the floor before me, a small, cyan pentagram is drawn! Oh, shit!
Fwash! The fluffle is unleashed!
...It crawls on all fours up to Maria. After securing its fins on the carpet, it lowers its head, and thrusts its whole body forward!
It whumps Maria in the ankle.
...Afterward, it stands up, and turns to the other fluffle! "im local"
"hi friend" The other fluffle smiles back, dude.
Fwish. Oh. The fluffle I summoned's just gone like that, huh. What an awesome and incredibly powerful unique attack.
Idly, Maria uses her heel to scratch at her ankle where the fluffle headbutted her! "Was that… like, a summon?"
I point at 'er! "It was, yo! I can call on fluffles to soundlessly descend on my foes!"
"You went through with that box thing after all, did you…?" Genkan remembers it from the other day! "Was that fairy still alive?"
"Somehow!" I, y'know, I didn't think about it, but how the fuck'd that work? "...I dunno how, actually."
Both me and Genkan are mystified, dude.
"What did you have in mind, for this mischief?" Genkan was curious, dude. "...We have spent the last days or so rejuvenating. I'm up for something interesting. Not risky. Interesting."
Ho~h. I wonder.
It'd be so easy to be a complete maniac in the village. S'harder in the mansion, 'cause the fairies are already kinda ridiculous, and the people ya'd bamboozle in the way I'm thinkin' are too wry and witty ta be tricked easily…
Wait. Have we told Remi we're boyfriend an' girlfriend yet!?
With a small face, I hustle up ta Genkan…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Ahead of us, Remilia sits on her throne drinkin' tea. She seems to be relaxing after the home run contest, dude.
"I-"
"Yes, yes, I know." Remi waves us off immediately. "People have sex. Very surprising. I'd already known this. And, by this, I mean you two being an item. Something like that happening within my walls is… obvious."
Yeah, I had a feeling. I mean, I dunno yo. There was a chance she wouldn't, but the odds weren't in our favor!
"...This plan really would have been more efficient on human villagers." Genkan acknowledged some of my earlier thinking! "That said… this is fine, too."
"Hi!" Ha-chan waves at her! Wh- when'd she- y'know what, whatever…! "I'm here, now!" Wh- s'like she knew how abrupt that was, too!"
"Ah. So you are." Remi- I have no idea if you did or didn't know she'd arrived. "...You're a maid here, aren't you? It's hard to tell sometimes. Could you fetch us some tea?"
Ha-chan salutes! "I'll get all the things that start with the letter T!"
"...You know what?" Remi tilts her head! "One of those must be tea, so… do that."
But, Ha-chan was already gone.
"That was a mistake." Genkan deduced.
"Yep." Remi nods idly…! "Well. Since you three are here, why not take a seat? Despite everything, we haven't spoken in awhile."
...Genkan has a small expression. "Do- do I know you?"
Remi snorts. "Not you. Your heatbag of a lover."
I step forward! "Hi, I'm Brad from Freakin' Gensokyo. Yeehaw."
...Remi shifts the way her legs are folded in her seat! "Wouldn't that be, 'Brad from the outside world'? Or, even better, 'Brad from accounting'?"
Oof! Remi comin' in hot with the snark today, dude. Aw…
Thrusting my left arm out, I call upon the power of the ancients. "Heed my call, and fight! Fluffle!"
Fwish! From the aether, my fluffle exists!
...It comes up to Remi's throne, walking plainly and snuggly-like. Then, it gets on all fours, and positions its head…!
thud. It aims for the leg Remi has crossed, so it just misses her sole entirely and flops on its pudgy face. Wow. How depressing…!
Remi withholds some chuckles herself! "How-... how dreadful." Wahaha!
"Hey, Remi." I wonder. "Can I get another copy of yer outfit for Maria…!? I used up your hat in freakin' crafting!"
"You weren't supposed to have my outfit in the first place." Remi's stare intensifies…! "Are you a pedophile?"
"I am now, son!" I rumble closer! "Get 'er fluffle!" I give-... how much mana does a fluffle headbutt cost. What's the fluffle do with the mana?
woosh! Aw! The fluff does a floaty leap into her face! Remi's eyes widen, not expecting it to just go hyper-aggressive! "Yeahahaa~h!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
The fluffle was defeated.
We're all seated around a black tea table now, with Remi at one side, and all of us at the others! Genkan's ta my left, Remi ta my right.
"Um…" Ha-chan has a, like, shopping list out, and a couple a' filled peach crates behind herself. Not filled with peaches mind you! "I got a tool…" She put a hammer down on the table. "A tang." She puts down an orange next! "A tensile." A what.
Remi watched her place down a pitchfork! "...I'm praying at least one of these is a tea set, or tea."
Cla- clack! Ha-chan sets down a tricycle on the counter before Maria! "A trike…"
"You know-" Remi suddenly perked up. "Is that a jab at my size?" Wahaha!
I look at Ha-chan! "Didja get a Tetris…!?"
...Ha-chan holds up four rows of ABC blocks, all glued together! "Um! Yeah, actually!" Holy shit!
"You know-" Shakin' her head, Remi looks slightly confounded! "I'm starting to believe this is willful ignorance, at this point…!"
"Where did you get some of these from?" Genkan looked weirded out, too! "Some of these aren't even easily found."
"Well!" Ha-chan fluffed herself up! "...I- I had ta ask around. I had some people help me find things that started with the letter T."
Remi had flicked her gaze up. "...Stupendous. You know what tea is, yes? The drink?"
Ha-chan nodded! "Yeah, I got some of that too."
Leanin' back, Remi exhales in relief! "Ha~h. Well, that places you in the top thirtieth percentile, at least." What, uh oh. I dread to think of service that misses the point even harder by some anti-miracle…!
"I was told by chief!" Ha-chan beams aggressively! "To serve the chief- I mean, to serve the mistress to a T! To be flexible about how I do it!"
Remi smiled, and opened her mouth. "Aah. It's coming together. And, she never told you what that T was, did she?"
Smilin' hard back, Ha-chan shook her head. "No she did not!"
...Shruggin', Remi looked over at me. "Pretty typical anomaly, actually. I think it's nerves." Huh.
Genkan moved the tricycle off the table. "Nnh." Then, she gave me a half-grin, probably feelin' awkward about havin' to toss it aside…!
Wait. Why's there a trike in the mansion, anyway? ...I got a feeling Remi'd say it was for the short fairies.
Anyway! While Ha-chan looks for the actual tea stuff amidst her horde of things she collected, I start an actual discussion!
"Christmas is in, like, three days, innit?" I bring up!
"That's what the calendars say, yes." Remi sasses me. Son. "...You can't expect to use a small-talk opener without someone eventually one-upping it."
"My ass is empty." I decide.
Remi double-takes! "Now, non-sequiturs just aren't fair." Man, Remi's a tough one today, too!
"Forgive my boyfriend." Genkan capitalizes on me! "He's felt a growing urge in the past week to inform people of his chronically empty ass. We're going to get it checked out by a professional."
...Remi meets my face with a hard smile!
"Now it really is empty! I'm gettin' my ass kicked!" I rest my elbows on the table! "All I wanted ta ask was what kinda festivities would be goin' on!"
"...Hmm." Remi wanted to socially pummel me even more, but realized there wasn't any room ta do that. "A fair question. Well, on Christmas proper, we're going to be having a party, but we will be having one Christmas Eve, as well. Not many tend to stick around for eve afterparties, but this time we intend to capitalize on the hangover crowd."
Ooh. Like… "They come, get drunk, pass out here, and when they wake up Christmas mornin', you sell 'em hangover treats?"
"Since so few other goers stay, it's typically a quiet time. In some places, at least." Remi grinned wryly. "As the fairies open their myriad small gifts, and other sleep, those recovering from their alcoholism may rest easy. As well as anyone genuinely comfortable enough to stick around come Christmas morning."
She leaned forward in 'er seat. "Like you, as I'm sure you have nowhere else to go. Unless, your girlfriend actually has a cave somewhere. It's a little vague, whether a yuki-onna sets up shop or not…"
Genkan replies, yo. "I'm unfamiliar with this whole 'Christmas' idea. ...That, and I'm sure the day would be more eventful here. This place is actually quite hospitable, when one looks closer."
...Remi blinks, and her brows furrow slightly! "What do you mean actually? We may not always come off as nice, but we're civilized."
Maria speaks up, when it almost seems like Genkan ain't gonna say anything. "You guys don't have a… well, a good reputation in the village. Not as nice people, anyway. That might have something to do with it."
"And, do the youkai listen to the villagers?" Remi looked weirded out! "I thought youkai spread fear to the humans, not the other way around…"
"Ironically, I might believe it. If only because the mansion is such an oppressive structure, from a distance." Genkan supposed. "Picture this. You look from the village's east gate. Past the Hakurei hill, through the trees, down the straight path and across the lake, you can see a direct line straight to the huge vampire mansion in the horizon. You're also just a human villager."
...Remi beams! "Well. Hmm. I see your poi~nt. Yes, that is as I intended." Yeah, okay…!
Immediately, Remi can see that none of us here really buy that! "It's damn cool, and none of you are telling me otherwise." Wahaha!
"That's-..." Genkan had nothin' to say about it! "Hu- huh."
"So!" Let's help Remi save face from soundin' like a regular person! "I was thinkin' we could hit up the village and get up ta some hijinks in the days before Christmas eve!"
I focus on Maria! "Maybe solve a few in-she-dents, if ya know what I'm sayin'...!?"
...Oh. There's more followin' vague silence than I thought!
"...Why me." Maria wonders aloud! "Why'd you say it like that."
"Freakin'...!" An' I just kinda laugh idly!
Ha-chan places a tophat on Remi's head. Holy shit, these exist. I totally forgot.
"...This looks atrocious stacked atop my other hat." Remi acknowledges.
Genkan raised a brow. "It doesn't look atrocious in general?" Note to self: Genkan does not dig the tophat!
Remi jerked her head back an' snorted! "Re- really? If- if you say so…" I think she actually really digs the tophat herself.
Then, all of a sudden, Maria speaks up herself. "Hey, Hana."
"I'm Hana!" Ha-chan puts a blue-banded tophat on Maria's head! ...Why'd she have two.
...Fer a moment, Maria gets a strange look, as if she's summonin' up courage. Then, she looks at Remi.
"Can-... can Hana absorb some of- some of your electric fairies?"
...Oh. Uh. Now that's a big one to drop at the tea table…!
Remi takes pause herself! An', fer a few moments, she just forgets to blink. I doubt a vampire would have to.
Genkan fluffs up, slightly alarmed!
"Aa-" Ha-chan herself pauses. "Ma- Maria…?"
...Well. This got tense all of a sudden! But-...
Ah. That shit 'pink Hana' said earlier comes to mind. But, also… what if Ha-chan did just, eat- or I guess take on other electric fairies to become something like the jam fairy or that one ice fairy? What would that be like?
"Hmm." Remi smiled, a more contained sorta smile. "Where's this coming from?"
"Hana's self-conscious." Maria swallowed, before taking a deep breath. "...She-... she wants to be able to, like… interact with us, on a human sorta level. If she combined with other fairies… then, maybe…"
Remi slowly leaned her own head back. "...Mmm. How brave of you, to request so on her behalf."
Stretching her own neck a little, Remi gave her head a slow shake. "Unfortunately, you won't be able to feed on our electric fairies. You see, of any fairy- and of any time of the year- they are one of the kinds we need most, at the time we need them the most. Hana herself was only excluded from the amassment because, of course, we also only need so many. Too many cooks, etcetera."
She licked her lips. "...Did you think I'd be more offended? What were you thinking of, perhaps?"
"I- I don't know…" Maria looked around, then at me an' Genkan, then back at her.
"I can see your fear. It surrounds you." ...Then, Remi smiled wider. "I do like saying that." Freakin'... she's no better than I am with cheesy lines…!
Maria seems ta focus hard on Remi, havin' a moment of revelation. Hoh...
Then, she continues. "Now, I can give you a hint or two about where you could find wild electric fairies. Those who look and are of similar plasma-like disposition to Hana are not, in fact, all that uncommon. She's a little different than your run-of-the-mill yellow-haired zappy fairy, however."
She looked into the distance fer a moment, then spoke again. "Search around the kappa valley. Eientei, also. You may find some in the bamboo, or around the blasted lands." The- the blasted lands. Nice biome reputation, kappa…! "Worst case scenario, go up during a thunderstorm. Plenty of all kinds to go around there."
My spaceman suit makes me immune to electricity.
I face Genkan. "We need to explore the lightning storm."
"What part about not taking huge risks do you not understand." Genkan's just incredulous about it at this point! "You-... literally- I- ah…" Woah no! "It's going to take some serious convincing, and precautions, before we go exploring a thunderstorm."
If you guys could see the face Genkan's makin' right now…! It's like she knows. It's gonna happen anyway, dude. At some point.
...I look at Remi, and she's just givin' me a flat look, her head propped up on one arm! "You could probably use a few gallons of the littler one's fear. I don't see fear surrounding you, and honestly, that slightly troubles me." Uh oh…!
She strokes her own chin, 'cause that's what we western edgy people do I guess. "I can't think of-... well, I can think of a couple other humans who would so willingly soar into an electric storm. Or, you know, jest about doing so, but considering you, I'm sure you're adding it to your bucket list as we speak."
I nod! "It's gotta happen, dude. Like- dude, my space man suit makes me immune to thunder! All I gotta do is not fall to my death! Which is, y'know… actually a huge challenge."
Remilia blinks. "...You don't know how to fly yet, do you."
"Not at all." I shake my head!
"What the hell have you been doing these past few months." Remilia wants to know! "Any other outsider I've confronted has expressed a deep, nearly clairvoyant desire to instantly acquire skillful flight, and here you are, forgetting it's a thing."
...I dunno. "I've never really given it thought! I got enough trouble with two dimensions…!"
Remi stops herself from chucklin' at that. "That's- that's fair. Still… I doubt it's as complicated as you might expect. Well, skillful flight and maneuvers certainly are, but the same could be said of martial arts, and those were practiced quite fervently by humans, sometimes to amazing degrees."
I nod! "Humans, who're also not me!"
"Oh, it's like swimming." Remi waved my concern off. "...Not that I'd need to. Swim, that is. Water…"
"Also something I can't do!" I cannot swim!
Remi's mouth hung open slightly. "...Se- seriously? Aren't you from America?"
"That doesn't mean I can swim!" I counter…!
"Christ." Remi makes a ha-ha funny joke. Or rather, more like uh, she just likes to use the lord's name in vain, probably! "Riding a bike?"
"Still no!" I grin wider!
"What the hell'd you do all day?" Remi's gettin' incredulous! "Fine. It's like walking. It's like-... I- I was about to say, 'it's like flying', but-..."
Ah, yes, flying's like flying. The definition of 'cool' is 'something that is cool', dude.
"...What if I couldn't walk, dude." I propose! "Also, like, I really seldom ever had an opportunity ta swim, and I didn't exactly live on the coast…"
"Yes, yes." Remi shook her head. "Honestly, swimming, that can be understood. Riding a bike, though…"
I shrug! "Dude, American towns ain't what they used ta be! Ya drive a car, or ya drive yer skull up someone's bumper! Everything's ten thousand hundred hours away, even by- by boat! I- I mean, bike!"
"...I'm not sure where to start with that sentence." Remi admitted! "I'll have you know… that, at one point, I did take a vacation over in America. Or, you'd perhaps describe it as early America now."
Hoh, shit. Early America, huh?
"Eighteen hundreds, maybe?" I wonder.
"Something like that." Remi admitted.
"Things are to~tally different." I gesture my arms out ta express it! "Like… no shit. All that psuedo-European kinda culture and industrial grit, and the wild west sorta shit? A~ll gone. Super gone. Two hundred years are a lot."
"...Huh." Remi actually looked really interested! "Outsiders do tend to say things like that. Though, I never get a good, comprehensive take of it. They typically say… quite childish things, even by my standards." Did she just diss herself. "Complaining about school, complaining about their family, about social ethic… nngh. How I'd hate to be their nanny. The human social system on the outside is… deficient, to say the least."
Hoh. "Well, they ain't wrong, but… I'd think a lot of them also aren't always right in the way they're wrong, either."
...Remi smiled at me. "Mind rewording that?"
Alright- here we go! "I take it that like, they correctly assess the outside's got a shitty social scene... bu~t they also fall short of realizing the whys, and of realizing the pointlessness in their particular complaints?"
...Remi pursed her lips. "Something like tha~t. It's more like, they seem to treat explaining it as a therapeutic, experimentative process. Myself, I'm past such boring squabbling. I've come and realized what they have time and time again, and to hear them explain things to me is… annoying. It feels pointless, and leaves me disassociated."
Then, she smiled. "Similar to that talk of multiverses we had earlier. Talking with outsiders can sometimes feel the same. Well, anyone random and unimportant, really. Talking with some such people on a mutual level starts the relationship from zero, and once they become comfortable enough, they start explaining things to you, voicing their problems…"
Meeting my gaze, she finished. "Sometimes they feel disassociated. As if they simply wanted anyone to listen to their drawl. As if they fail to recognize the specialness of each person they speak with, and think only of themselves."
"The true irony being, even were I to help them, to convey my understanding, they'd still progress through their problem at a normal, mundane rate, as if they went to be comforted by anyone else. There may be a myriad of psychological explanations why this happens, be it comfort in complicity, or simple stupidity. Still… it's people like those I'd rather fear me."
...Then, she blinks. "I'm getting off-topic, aren't I?"
"...Maybe!" I agree! "S'interestin', though!"
Genkan looks invested, somehow. The moment I look at her, she meets my gaze…!
Maria's-... somewhere between invested and fiddling with a piece of tree bark Ha-chan gave her. Uh.
"Anyway!" Since Remi seems done despising the human race's many faults, I speak up again! "...I think the biggest difference that comes ta mind about how America's different is like, the cars."
Remi snorted. "The cars, you say."
Ye. "Yeah. Basically, like… transportation is almost invalid without havin' one. Laws, are like, so automated, and the system of driving so heavily utilized and automated itself that it's almost a joke not to consider it the way of gettin' around."
"Even in cities?" Remi wondered.
...I give 'er that, and raise a finger. "Except, perhaps, in cities, if only because so many people are using cars, that it's near-constant gridlock. That, and they're the one place anything's close enough fer anything."
"...I see." Remi has a good stretch. Why's a vampire gotta stretch. Even nearly demigod beings need to revitalize the joints…! "Did you use one, then?"
Ah, well. "I was in driver's ed-... education! Before this whole Gensokyo thing." Not like I'd have a lot to do with a car. Shit's needlessly expensive, and I don't care about car fashion. Everything I like to do is online, so like… nnh. Plus, transportation takes awhile!
"Probably not, I assume." Remi closed her eyes. "You said it was automated. How so?"
"Traffic now has very rigid ways by which it's regulated and by which it moves. Roads have been unified in law and style throughout the entire country, coast to coast. The biggest killer in America is literally car accidents from people fucking up, 'cause some of the automation of traffic flow shit is left to human error."
...Actually, wait. "I think the biggest killer was actually heart disease- but cars might be a close second! And the easiest way to get into legal trouble is to try driving your car around for awhile and accidentally bumping your car into someone else's, for expenses into the four-five digits."
...Remi nods. "Well. That does sound depressing. Not that human cities are ever not depressing." Hoh…!
And now, we're ginger, dude.
"Talk of the outside…" Genkan slowly begins, dude. "It always makes me feel bad. Not always, but… it reminds me of disdains I've held. I tire of despising things."
Meeting her gaze, Remi snorted. "As do I. Such is why I keep this manor. Though, fortune is in my favor. Many have guessed the weight of their crosses and blades, deciding they were above my blood right. So far, none have guessed correctly."
"Leaders seldom play games with their own power." Remi declared. "...True ones, anyway. For two reasons. One being that they've already gotten their satisfaction from the lively life. The other being that they wouldn't be above others, if they fought level with the rabble."
"Such is why leaders defend what is theirs, rather than take what is someone else's. Unless, of course, it is presented to them."
Yeah, basic principles of defend an' attack. Attackin' takes more effort than defending, so it's not hard to just defend yer ass off and become a big-shot that way. But then shit like surprises and ganks and other shit can come into play… an' it gets more complicated than armchair philosophy!
Bu~t… honh. Defending, huh. S'one of the primary uses fer power. Deflecting the wills of other freakin' noobs.
"We're probably gonna go to the village, and be back in time fer Christmas Eve." I figure. "...Ya think that's possible?" I question Remi fer no reason!
She snorts, and raises a brow. "What? Well, of course. You don't see Reimu or the others just running around here. The party doesn't start until Christmas Eve."
thump- thump- thump! In the hall outside the throne room, Sanae sprints past the open door! "Woa~h!"
...WOOSH! Flandre roars after her, as indicated by the wild rainbow glimmer that blew by!
Remi flicked her eyes up again. "She's an exception. Much like you." Hoh, shit…!
Then, Remi stood up. "This was nice. I somehow feel as though you're different, however." Ah? ...Oh, me? "How are you confused?" Son…!
"I'm me." I contest. "Big he. The ne, hnee, hnee, dude!" Then I shift closer ta her!
"...Odd." Remi labels me dude woah no my feelings man ough- "On that note… how about I make your trek to the slums easier? Actually." She pauses, and gives me an inquisitive look! "Why even bother going there?"
"It's easy to chew ass and eat ass." I decide.
"Try again." Remi's not takin' that!
"I skate ass and die-... ass."
"I think not." Remi wants another one!
"...Ass."
She puts her arms on her hips!
Alright, in seriousness…! "It's 'cause it's easy to screw wit' people there! That, and we've been explorin' it for awhile…"
It's a good hub for if we wanna go elsewhere, like for that Ha-chan fairy stuff. Also, didn't Sanae want us to like… do something there? Aah, we'll figure it out. Maybe.
"Basically, s'a good central location." I finally conclude! "An' we got unfinished business with the noob armada. We're gonna make the village guard eat an entire cock."
"I've- heard enough." Remi gestures fer me to cease! "I'll have Sakuya help you get where you want to go. Sakuya."
And then a Sakuya! "Yes?"
"Brad and his company would like to use access portal H-V." Uh. Uh oh. We're gettin' HIV, dude.
Sakuya blinked! "...I don't believe they're authorized to know of that whole system."
"They are now." Remi doesn't care! "Christmas miracles, or what-have-you. I'm sure they're not going to do anything meaningful with the information." Probably not!
...Then, when Sakuya turns around, Ha-chan's behind her. "Hiya, chief!"
Sakuya jumps slightly! Did- did Sakuya just get surprised by one of her own maids…!?
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
I try to help the fluffle use the tricycle. I think its stubby legs- with fins on their ends- might not be strong enough. Awh…
"Hey, Sakuya." I hold it up, when it can't use the tricycle. "Give this fluffle a sniff. It smells comfortable."
...As we stand before the door to destiny, Sakuya gives me a standoffish look. Then, she leans forward while the others size up the door, and takes a quick sniff.
Then, she leans back, as if offended! "...I- I suppose, that'd be a word for it…" Why the fuck did you actually sniff it. I say this, even though I also sniffed it!
Fwish. The fluffle despawns. I'm getting too much mileage out of summonable fluff culture.
Crea~k. Movin' ahead, Sakuya pans the door open! "In here." No, out here.
Me, Genkan, Maria an' Ha-chan all browse inside the place. Ho~h…
In this room is… brick. Sections of brick, wood beams, a creaky wood floor, and to our left and right, tons of dark wood boards, scaffolding…
Uuh. I can see through the cracks of this creaky floor- and it actually- ooh… holy shit.
"Welcome to the space between walls." Sakuya reveals where we are. "Don't fall off, and don't wander off. We needn't explore here."
Oh, shit. These're the mansion's back rooms. Endless rafters of weird ass, non-euclidean architecture, scaffolding, supports and-
CHUNK. CHUNK. CHUNK. CHUNK. The beams, long platforms, rises of ladders and ramps and shit- they raise and lower to our sides, with volume loud enough to make me jump, an' stay on edge.
All around us, the very walls shift and change, the only constants being the wall behind us, the door we still got open, and the platform we're standin' on. Everything else-... becomes something different.
CHUKLAKUNKUNKUNK- KLUNKUNK. Eventually, the grinding hell of noise stops.
...Sakuya seems unaffected. "The mansion's halls ever shift. But, for now, they'll keep quiet." Does- Sakuya just control this place. Holy fuck…!
I can think of many people who'd describe this endless, vast void of unlit, uncharted, stuffy woodwork as hell, and I think I might be one of them!
"Do-" Genkan might be one too! "Do we have a good reason for going back here…?"
To our left, the slightly raised platform that was once there is now replaced by a wooden staircase, which seamlessly transitions into the floor of the platform we're on. On our right, three steps down lead to a broad platform that spans either wall, for the most part.
When I look up, an' down, there's even more shit that's different. What the fuck…!
"Yes." Sakuya nodded. "This area in particular is where we shelved away… I suppose Brad might be familiar with the term. Sanae compared it to 'fast travel', like in her video games. Or, a 'warp zone'."
"...That's basically what this is!" It's- a warp zone, apparently!
Glowing purple pentagrams, like the kind Patchy made to teleport me outside the mansion back in the first chapter, are positioned here. There's plaques atop weird little wood signs, giving each teleporter a vague name. H-V must be fer, well, human village.
"What-" I wanna ask about all the shit that ain't the warp zone though! "Is this how the mansion's halls shift?" I look at Sakuya! "...Who made this…!?"
"Many bored people." Sakuya concluded! "Primarily me. You'd be surprised, at what enginuity can be executed between time control and more mundane magic."
The absolute scale of this shit. The mansion has to be like-... twenty times bigger on the inside than it appears outside.
"This considered, once you're at your destination, you'll have to manually trek back here." Sakuya informed us. "Just to let you know."
Ho~h. "...Do any fairies live back here?" In the back rooms, dude.
Sakuya shook her head. Really? Wow. "Though some may spawn as a result of this place, this isn't a livable space. Those who get lost out here are sent back automatically. Other living beings- like mice- are less fortunate."
Comin' up to the pentagram labeled H-V, Sakuya gestured to it. "Here is… the exit. Not to sound pushy."
...Genkan looks at me, all snug-like. "We should use it soon. If you still want to visit the village of all places, that is. Haven't we taken enough punishment there?"
Hoh, hoh. "Maybe! But… I dunno, dude. 'Sides, it'd be a good place to start. It's still in the center a' everything."
"...Perhaps we could find some target practice there." Genkan's on board, dude! "Maybe actually… do something good."
Actually, y'know… "Where's this teleporter go to in the village?"
Sakuya had a small smile, for some reason. "A very small room which leads into the alleys." Aw. "...We'd considered a small shack just outside the walls, but we figured it would be too conspicuous." Maybe…! "Precisely, it puts you down in the north-west, near the school."
"Ah." Maria speaks up, 'cause she recognizes that location! "That would be a good spot. The alleys near the school are typically quiet."
...Genkan looks at me again! "When we're done there, we're going to… hmm." She really wanted ta propose an alternative!
Ha-chan just looks pensive, fer some reason. Ho~h.
"Also, I'd recommend you use the teleporting magic one at a time, if it weren't obvious." Sakuya states something that is in fact not obvious!
Maria dares to wonder. "...What would happen if we did?" I'm gonna assume telefragging! That, or we both get molecularly combined and just die.
"It's supposed to prevent that, but you might seriously injure each other." Sakuya propped her arms on her hips! "I wouldn't fool around with it."
I wonder. "Have you ever teleported bread for three days."
"I'm going to ignore that." Sakuya apparently hasn't!
Aw! I'm gonna warp a loaf! "Yay fluffle! Go!"
Fwish! From a light before me, the fluffle emerges! It leaps bravely into the teleporter pentagram ahead!
vii- REUOP! With a flare of light, the fluffle is removed from this dimension!
...At Sakuya's stare, I clarify! "I warped a loaf, dude."
"Good job." Sakuya gives me a good nod. "For your sakes, I hope that thing desummons promptly. The moment you arrive, you should open the door immediately ahead and leave the room before the other does. To avoid grievous injury. I'll make sure each person goes about twenty seconds between one another."
Aw. "So…"
Sakuya moves to tug on me! "You first." Uh oh.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
vii- REOUP. For some reason, teleporting even over here's left me slightly disoriented!
I'm already outside, holdin' the door open, s'just that I'm still slightly disoriented!
Genkan an' Maria stand outside with me amidst the snowy alley, an' the last out is Ha-chan, 'cause yes.
Inside this strange building is a tiny room. It's literally only as big as the teleporting pentagram, with a metal door leading outside right before it.
On the outside, it's literally an omega-dinky shack, styled with the same scarlet-esque brick as the manor's perimeter walls. It's even got a really tiny roof, similar to the mansion's shingles!
The most defining thing, s'that on the back there's a clock. It's eight in the evening, dude.
It's also dark out. Aw… village at night. Y'know, we don't often do nighttime exploring. I really like how night looks.
Fwi- click! Now that I'm camouflaged, it's time to adventure outward!
Ha-chan forgot any winter gear, so now she's quietly dying out here with us. "Mm- nnh…" Awh.
"So…" In the darkness, as we stand on the snowy floor, Genkan looks smug for absolutely no reason. It's fluffy, though! "What ideas do you have for tonight?"
Aw. I think I know something… "We're gonna go eat some good food!" Like waffles! Alright- maybe not waffles again. "Like, uh, I dunno." Personally, if they got nuggets here, I'll be happy! I think we got enough yen to get a cook to do whatever the hell we want…!
Genkan snorts! "Who are you and what have you done with Brad." Help, no. "It's not like you to actually think of eating."
I shrug exaggeratedly! "I dunno, it's almost Christmas! I wanna feel fancy!"
"...Does- like, food mean anything to you." Maria speaks up skeptically! "Is the point of going to this restaurant to eat, or be fancy?"
Well, y'see... "I dunno! I want a place with good lights! I'm not a big food person, when it comes ta formal dishes! An' if I wanted to eat what I usually like ta eat, I could go anywhere!"
Fancy plates you can't pronounce? Miss me wit' that shit! Gimme some nuggets, some bread- s'not that I'm opposed to fancy pants food, s'just that fancy pants food feels like it more often than not just misses the point entirely. And, when it comes to food, I'm picky when I'm just outright disinterested in how something looks, smells, and if I don't like its prospective texture.
"Brad…" Maria looks like she's gonna whump me, dude. "I oughta show you what real baking tastes like. I don't think you know." I probably don't! Also…
"Y'know, I kinda dig baked goods like, the majority of the time!" So that's not treadin' new ground! "They're good, an' with my tastes, it's hard ta go wrong. At worst I'd like, be disinterested in a certain bakery item, not disgusted."
Maria jerked her head back! "...It might be different on the outside, but it's not like there's a lotta variety here to begin with."
Woah no. "That's slightly worrying! But, y'know… hoh."
Leadin' us out of the alley, I step out onto the road outside the front a' Keine's school. Oh, man, between the night air, and the warm lights of the nearby houses, dinky as they are… it feels so good.
The sky's just barely before night, with the sun already set, but blue still in the sky. It's a deep navy color that just makes me wanna go and do, dude. Stars are forming amidst it, and it makes me feel so full inside…!
"Yeehaw!" I start runnin'! "Let's go, dude!" Oh- shit! I still have the carrot medallion on! Yehaha~h!
"Aa-" Genkan hurries after me! An' so does Ha-chan!
Maria has to book it to actually keep up, though! "What-...!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Here we are. Zap Brannigan, bar and grill. That's not actually what this place is called, but I dunno, I just walked inside a nice-looking place!
It's distinctly oriental. Y'know- is what I call oriental, just normal here? What's western design, then? 'Dog shit'? I'd be fine with calling it dog shit, to be honest…
This place is classy. It was some joint along the… south east of the village, so somewhere in line with like, the Kirisame magic shop. This restaurant ain't quite in the asshole assfuck district, so like… it's a little confusing why it's so fancy!
The borders of the room have a mighty moat, to keep the squabbling horde at bay. Wailing hands tore down your tower, son…!
Alright- s'not a moat! Like, the corners, the area before the windows, and the sides of the room have this angular pond. At the bottom of the water, fancy tiles with leafy patterns color the water a healthy, pleasant and-... thirst-inducing color? I dunno, the water looks good, so I wanna consume water.
I wanna go in that water. Y'know what, fuck it. I make for the water-
Genkan stops me from committing an atrocity! "Brad. I know you love-... attempting to drown yourself in every shallow pool you find, but I feel like you could wait at least until after we eat."
Y'know what, that's a good compromise. "That's fair…!" I might even forget by then! It'd be awkward eating while I'm soaked, anyway…
The tables here are stout. Stumpy. They're little red rectangles, and the seats are freakin'... they're a degree above just sitting on your ass, which is weird. Marble boxes, huh. For some reason, that doesn't seem as comfortable as it could be. The price of looking fancy, dude.
Exotic, diamond-tinted lanterns hang from the ceiling. They're like the red oriental paper lanterns, except white, emanating the ultimate light energy. Behold… the amazing, recolored environment design asset! Oo~h… aha~h! Wahaha!
There's even some people eating here, tonight! Women in kimonos, stuffy-lookin' dudes… some in kimonos, some in out of place suits.
"Woa~h…" Ha-chan is awed by the colors! "This place is cool."
"Um…" Maria looks wayward and fluffy; not an uncommon occurrence, but she must be feelin' slightly awkward! "Brad. This is like, a place the high-class people go…"
"We're all-class." It's big brain time, son. "Where do the left-class people go, dude."
Maria gives me a big grin. "I- I felt like you'd say something like that."
We have ascended class, son. We're playin' with the big boys now, dude.
Struttin' up like a ghetto boy, I near a table! "We're gonna use this one!" Off and to the right, nice and snug and near the water. Ho~h…
"Ryutaro-" Some lady ahead of us at another table speaks. What the fuck, her boy pal's named Ryutaro? I can't believe he's a freakin' badass! "Hold on…"
She's in a kimono herself, and a hakama. Sitting up, she turns around, and sees us.
Oh. It's Meira! That chick! ...She eats at a fancy place like this?
I wonder if she recognizes me, with my camouno and nazi cap on. Genkan gives her a plain stare fer a moment, before steppin' for the table…
It has two marble benches. Well, 'benches'. Uh…
Sittin' down on the right of it, I-
Genkan sits on my left. Ha-chan immediately pushes me inward, into her, and sits on my right! Man. They smell good. Help.
...Maria sits on her own on the marble bench across the table. "This feels really lopsided…"
"Because it is." Genkan observed so too! "...Um." Um, huh. "What happens now?"
"Have ya been to a restaurant before?" I feel like she'd read about one. "Do books ever detail the orderin' process?"
"...Not well enough, apparently." Genkan figured! "When's the waiter show up?"
...I see no waiter walking around. There is, however, a front counter. What fancy place doesn't have a waiter. I mean… this ain't the wild west an' everything, so I dunno. Maybe the customs're different!
"Maybe they don't!" I figure myself! "We gotta man up, dude. Endure the social interaction of ordering the food ourselves…!"
Genkan began to raise from her seat. "I'll go. You too, Brad." Ye, he he.
I stand up, an'- ooh. I wonder.
At the counter ahead, there's some bar stools, and a dude's sittin' there eating food stuffs.
Gettin' close ta Genkan, I tell her the plan. "We're gonna bamboozle a dude, dude."
"Oh, no." Genkan rues my increasing energy…! "Do you have a plan this time, too?"
"Ye." It's a sinister plot, dude. "So…!"
Leanin' in close, I quietly mutter the dark prophecy into her ear. She fluffs up slightly, and smiles awkwardly!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Gently, Genkan glides across the floor to the counter on her own. I stand in wait well behind, outta sight of anyone at the counter themselves.
She sits down at the bar stool next to the one guy there, who's enjoyin' a freakin'... a lobster. Hoh, shit? They get those in Gensokyo? Where…!? How?
Anyway. Genkan minds her own business as she sits there, waitin' for the customer service.
Eventually, the brown-haired dude pauses his meal, noticin' how Genkan sat down next at him, at the empty counter. "...Hey."
Genkan looks plainly in his direction, before goin' back to starin' ahead.
"What's up?"
Genkan remains cold and gentle, dude.
...Smiling, the guy tries ta lean to look at her face. "Want a drink? Hey-... y'want a drink?"
"Hmm?" Genkan plainly pans her gaze halfway towards him. "...What kind?"
He takes a moment to think on that, before findin' an answer. "Finest wine money can buy. How's that sound?"
...Genkan keeps on lookin' ahead. "Mmm. No."
"...Really?" He seems surprised! "Well-... what do you want, then? A water?"
"No, that's fine." Genkan doesn't want it anymore, dude. "Thanks for asking."
"Wh-" He gets flustered, somehow! "No, I- I insist. How about a lobster? Have you had it before?"
Genkan doesn't reply, and just ignores him!
"It's-... it's really good." This poor old dude…! "Have you had it before?"
An' now I walk in, dude. The battle of the two absolute units begins, dude.
I sit on Genkan's right, and prop both my elbows on the counter like an asshole! "Yo ho ho! What's goin' down here, yo?"
Genkan gives me a cold look, too! "What are you doing here?"
I wrap my arm around her, and pull her close ta me! Genkan actually has to let me pull her in ta act along!
"You-..." After a second, Genkan then pushes herself away. "I told you. I'm not going with you."
"Aawh." I lean in closer ta her, like a scumbag! "Come on, yo. What do I gotta do?"
The other guy speaks up! "I think-... you should probably get lost."
...An' we just ignore him, and keep doin' our thing! Genkan gives me a glare, but has to resist smiling with nervous energy! "I- I think… I think you should leave me alone."
I lax my body, and let my head tilt ta the side. "What if… what if I bought ya a koto."
The older guy grins! "Where the hell'd that come from?"
"Hmm." Genkan hums, as if slightly interested.
"Ooh!" I put my hands up! "I'll get you-... a bucket!"
The guy raises his brows! "...You hear this guy?" He tries ta get Genkan's attention, speakin' quieter.
Genkan looks over at him. "I don't know. I do need a new bucket."
The guy blinks…!
"How about…!" Standin' up, I display the most powerful trick! "Behold… the amazing, floating orb!"
In my right sleeve, I contain a ladle I had telekinetically robbed from the kitchen earlier! Holding the arm up, I let the end of the ladle hang out, the handle itself obscured by my sleeve. Like this, I make it appear floating, completely invalidating my telekinesis training itself for a brief moment! "Oo~h! Yo ho ho~...!"
Genkan looks uncharacteristically awed! She looks back at the other guy, and points at me! "Do- do you see that? He's performing magic…!"
The other guy's just got his mouth ajar! "...That's-... that's a fucking ladle. He- he just has it in his-"
I take the ladle outta my sleeve, and give it to Genkan. "Fer you."
She takes with both arms. "I love it. Fine. I'll be your girlfriend."
The other guy drops his jaw!
...Suddenly, one of the cooks ushers on out, and leers at us! "Is that-" Uh oh, he sees the ladle.
I slap fifty thousand yen down on the counter. "No it ain't!"
Pausin' he looks down at the yen. After countin' it, he meets my gaze. "What can we do ya for?"
"Orange juice fer me and the lady." I hold Genkan closer! "Also, twenty orders of your chicken nugget meal."
"...What?" The cook is confused. Aw, son of a bitch. "We don't have 'orange juice' here." What the fuck.
I hold up my arms. "What kinda juice do ya have…!? An' I mean juice, no alcohol! No soda, either..."
Bald cook man kinda shrugs. "Eeh… we got apple juice."
Y'know what, that's good. "Four apples, four waters. Keep our options open, dude."
The guy with the lobster next ta us continues to have his expectations ruined! "...Wh- who's the fourth for?"
"Me." I decide. "So's the third. You ain't gettin' any, buster…!" I point at 'em fer effect!
"Can you buy me a well?" Genkan asks out of the blue!
I hand her two hundred thousand yen! "Consider it done!"
The guy next to us is just freakin' stupefied, dude. "Wh-... I- I could buy you a-"
"And!" I give her another two hundred thousand. "A diamond-plated wheelbarrow on top of that."
"You really drive a hard bargain…" Genkan wraps her arm around me! "Alright. I'll go. I'll go wherever you want me to."
...Dude- the cook just looks weirded out! "What's-... you know, the chicken nugget dish is a children's meal, right?"
"That's why I'm orderin' fifty!" I place another fifty thousand yen down! "I think I'm givin' ya enough for the 'custom order', if y'know what I'm sayin'!"
Noddin', the cook picks up all hundred thousand yen, and looks around fer the clerk who's supposed ta be here, 'cept he ain't! "Ri- right away, sir."
Standin' up, Genkan moves with me, as we start ta part from the counter. "We'll be- at a table-... in the back." Awh. I tried ta tell the cook where we'd sit, but he buzzed off.
...My gaze connects with the somewhat broken man who Genkan sat next ta. He just dunno what ta think…!
Comin' up ta him, I lean close. "Remember. Chicks, dig, ladles."
"Who the fuck are you." Wh- hahahah!
"I'm you now." My smile expands…!
He looks worried!
"Can you buy me a tree." Genkan- freakin'...!
Ha-chan suddenly comes up to us, and leaps in place! "I want fruit, Brad-kun!" Oh, yeah!
As I turn ta look fer the cook, I notice the guy here just-... lookin' completely overwhelmed by the events!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We're all seated back at the table, with our nugget meal. Ha-chan has bananas instead.
"That was weird." Genkan concluded! "You're weird, Brad. What made you even think of that."
...I give 'er a big smile! "I feel like I heard the scenario once, an' I wanted ta try it out myself!" Aw, man, that was fun. "We gotta perfect it further, dude. I think we assblasted that guy too suddenly. It's gotta be subtle, dude."
...Genkan stared down at the nuggets with a smile. "Well… I can't deny; it wasn't easy to keep myself from laughing. That poor villager."
"I think you've both lost it." Maria gnawed on a nugget, dude. These nuggets look freakin' good. "I dunno when. Maybe it was when you both-..."
Genkan flicks her gaze up. "You were going to finish that with 'had sex', weren't you?"
"That's why I stopped!" Maria returned!
"I thought I recognized you." Uh oh.
Meira looms over me from behind! "...Brad. I forget if I fired you or not. Regardless, you're needed now more than ever. As are all of us."
...I look back at her plainly! "I'm busy, yo-"
She reached down, and grabbed onto the hems of my kimono! "That's too damn bad- because I've got to brief your slacking ass-"
"Let go of him." Genkan has entered defense mode. Uh oh.
Meira pauses, lookin' at her.
"We're eating." Genkan affirms. "Surely whatever petty need you have can wait."
...Scrunching her face, Meira glowered at her. "I'm youkai hunter Meira, of the human village guard. I lead a division of the acting hunters, as the captain's a complete do-nothing. What do you do? Silver-spoon bimbo."
"Some protector you are." Genkan frowned at her. "Who are you to torment us? We're just trying to eat in peace. You're worse than a youkai."
Meira's eyes shot wide, and she flinched like she was struck. "I-... wh-..."
"Leave my boyfriend alone." Genkan protecc, but she also attacc.
With that, Genkan actively goads me ta twist back around, before doin' so herself!
"Hey." Goddamn it, who's this now? I just wanna eat my freakin' nuggets!
"Aa- rrgh." Meira sounds disgruntled. "Ryutaro-"
Ryutaro steps up next ta Genkan. "Meira busts her ass, you stuck-up bitch. I-"
Maria stands up, herself! "Go away-"
"Why are we under attack!?" Ha-chan starts to yell! "...No!" No…!?
Ryutaro's face contorts in anger! An' this dude's kinda chonky! "You- fuckin' whores. Uu-" Then, he sets his gaze on me. Ho~h, boy.
He is the angry man. As he comes up, pushing Meira aside, I can tell by the look in his eye he don't mean fluffles and sniffs!
I stand up, makin' sure preliminarily that I don't have anythin' on me. So, y'know, carrot medallion buffs work. "Son. Are ya really-"
Not saying anything, he just winds back a hook, and I see it.
"Hup!" Let's get the fuck outta here! Jumpin', I toss myself towards the table-
"Nn-" With both arms, I push against the surface of our table, my hair grazing the nugget meal, as I copy Merry's evade-cartwheel of intimidation…! "Ho~h!"
Aah. I land where Maria was sat, but she's already scooted out of the way, having anticipated my landing.
The dude's standin' on my seat, but there's no way he can get me from across the table-
Eyes hard, Genkan grabs onto his side, and just- oh.
WOOSH. Genkan yeets the boy outta there!
WHAM! His ass meets Meira's midsection, and they both go skiddin' back, Meira endin' up on her own ass a few meters away! "Uhf- nnh!"
"Leave us alone!" Genkan reaffirms the premise! "...The next time this happens, there will not be a next time. Do not make me do something we will both regret."
Ryutaro just glares back up at her, brows twitching.
...Maria turns ta look up at me, as I pat myself off next ta her. "Um… ni- nice flippy thing."
Aw. "Ye, yo."
Meira- the sword girl, not Maria, easy ta get confused I know- pushed her boyfriend I think off of herself. "Get- off…"
"Aa-" He jumped up offa her! "Sorr- sorry, Meira-chan."
Lookin' up, he sees my gaze. After we just kinda plainly stare one another down, he shakes his head. "Fuck this. Meira-chan- let's go eat somewhere else."
Meira huffed. "We already finished eating. I'm done with this date, for tonight."
"What…? Aah…" Ryutaro looked at the floor, brows furrowed. "Damn…"
Ho~h. This is the village excitement we came back here for! My adrenaline's still kinda surgin' from that one evasive maneuver I did…!
While the two noobs deal with their own problem in the background, I move back around the table, and sit down between Genkan an' Ha-chan again.
Now, it's really time fer the nightly nugget meal!
Genkan scoots closer ta me, and I look at her gingerly. Awh… "I hope the village is living up to your expectations."
"It certainly is!" I decide! "Lemme tell ya!"
Man, these nuggets, dude. They're still nice and warm. Wait- I see one of my hairs on the pile. Eheheh. Lemme just… yoink. No one's gotta know, dude.
"...'Lemme tell ya', is an odd turn of phrase." Genkan thought deeper into my instinctual way of emitting noise! "Particularly when there is both no need to tell me, nor did you proceed to tell anything."
"Yeah." I think I agree! "In that particular scenario, it was just weirdly heavy agreement! An' the actual meaning of the words kinda just happened t'not line up. Pain…"
Language, dude. It's freakin'... mystical, sometimes.
That reminds me. "Genka~n."
"Mmm?"
I touch a nugget against her face. "Nugget company."
...Smiling, she bites into the nugget I hold out for her! "Omh…" Oh my god, dude.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 104
Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Robot Demolisher, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Factory Disassembler, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Conscientious Party Member, Winter Warrior, Village Revolutionary, Has Forgotten What Half of These Titles Stood For, Holder of Too Many Titles - Aw, Genkan gave me a summary! I can change elements, skills and resistances depending on the situation! Weaknesses vary…!
NON-EQUIP SKILLS:
Lucky Star - Non-elemental magic that does very random damage to one target. The star is summoned from above, and simply coasts into people.
Scent Pillow - A spell taught by Koakuma. The end-game strat, dude.
World's Wimpiest Fireball - A spell learned from a book given ta me by Patchouli. Not very good for anything…! May dry out targets.
Lumen - Low-grade holy spell that eats mana. Requires a source of holy to actually be cast. Homes in on an enemy and deals a burst of mediocre holy damage.
Double Jump - The good skill. Allows the user to completely cancel their falling momentum and jump again.
NERF Marauder Combo - A wimpy, back-and-forth slapping motion, one hand on the very bottom tip of a hanger's handle. Relies on the weapon itself to just bean a person's head! The way it works allows attacks to be chained together easier.
Combo Length - Brad's combo length without equips is one. He's really good at this, dude.
Reflex IX-1 - No strike combo finisher! Reeling the plant hanger over his head, Brad charges it with magic and just fuckin' whunks it down like a club! Weapon effects are stronger. Attack is stronger with great hangers. Known as Cleave to swordsmen…!
Secret Strike AS-1 - One strike combo finisher. After a single swing, Brad can drive the hanger back under the arm that swung it, pivoting himself around and getting in a sneaky gut thrust on an opponent with the weapon's tip. Works best with great hangers. May hit twice. Known as Tonfa Turnaround.
Barrel Break IX-2 - Two strike combo finisher. Reeling the hanger back like a bat, Brad freakin' clubs a guy across the head with it! Or, tries to. Stagger and knockback potential! Known as Batter Up to people who aren't Brad!
Switch Shot EX-3 - Critical move. Learned in a moment, after being inspired by Shou's tonfa-related technique. Seeing an opportunity, Brad uses the back of a plant hanger's screw region to pull an opponent past himself by the neck, before rolling the hanger over and into their head. Works best on weaker foes. Known otherwise as Essence of Tonfa * Third Gear. Works best with smaller hangers.
Noob Combo - Blindingly, alarmingly fast unarmed ""melee"" """"combo"""" that does next to no damage, but prioritizes striking weak points and chaining into many, many consecutive attacks.
Pivot Claw - Many strike unarmed combo finisher. Once his enemy is on the ropes, Brad pivots on a shoe, doing a one-eighty rotation with a backwards kick towards his enemy's gut. Might make him lose balance, 'cause it's a whack attack!
London Tonfa Technique - A new way of wielding tonfa and single-segment plant hangers, turning them into incredible single-target weapons. Increases the general strength of standard attacks with single segment plant hangers.
Plant Guarder - When guarding with single segment plant hangers, Brad can actually guard and does so with mild efficiency. Reduces knockback received. Not as good as the tonfa equivalent, Tonfa Iron Guard, or Sakuya's Maiden Royal Guard.
Clobber - Brad's thing where he fuckin' smashes someone's head in with a cleaving hanger blow after a jump. Basically, he just gave it a name…!
Thrust Flick, or Flick-A-Dick Whip Whack Shit Sack Attack - After punching someone in the gut with a plant hanger, Brad uses their body to do some hacky bullshit that lets the handle hammer into their ribs. Reduces physical attack of the target.
Piercing Thrust - Flipping the hanger around, Brad thrusts it handle-first into an opponent's body, breaking guarding posture and staggering them. If it goes wrong, they can just grab onto it, however…!
INVENTORY:
= = ► EQUIPPED ITEMS - BRAD:
WEAPON: Unarmed
HEAD: Yellow Racecar Helmet
TORSO: Camouflage Kimono
PANTS: [Camouflage Kimono]
SHOES: [Camouflage Kimono]
MISC ONE: None
MISC TWO: Mew Shoes
MISC THREE: Carrot Medallion
RESULTING STATUS:
STATS:
50% sun resistance.
150% freezing resistance.
100% blinding resistance.
100% electrical stunning resistance.
150% Ice resistant.
100% Silencing resistant.
100% cat damage resistant.
When unarmed, evade is vastly improved.
= = ►[Bag of Holding] - The best piece of equipment…! It's good, dude! Infinite enough inventory space!
==o==
= ►WEAPONS:
Fallen Comrade - Great hanger made of three smaller ones. Sharper Than Darkness is at the front edge of it with the sickle facing out, and Swordbreaker is along the broad front edge to engage blades. Hard Winter makes up the backbone of the thing and the hilt so that it's actually wieldy! Dark, ice, earth elemental weapon.
STATS:
Slightly debuffs target's physical attack on impact.
50% darkness resistance when wielded.
Attacks are darkness elemental.
Sickle end may make opponents bleed.
SKILLS:
Revenge - Skill that increases in strength when health is lower. Power doubles for each deceased party member. Power is increased by fifty percent for each defeated party member. Fairies count as defeated rather than deceased no matter what. Power and effects depend on current weapon. High accuracy.
Bloody Mess - User bleeds faster and longer. Oof!
Jack Hammer - Y'know, I have no idea if this still works with it as is…!
Generic Buff - Channeling mana into the hanger gives the user a marginal increase in physical stats. Moderate increase to physical defense and offense.
Pulse - Basic dark magic, which creates an influx of dark magic in an enemy's form and stresses their whole body. Reduces magic attack.
Gaia Seed - Basic earth magic which intensifies Earth's pull a little. May make targets slightly tired.
Gaia Bloom - Advanced earth magic, which intensifies Earth's pull, with multiple instances of hazy earth magic. Makes the target tired.
Tundra - Crate-sized spike of ice that erupts under people and throws them off balance. I suppose it'd hurt if you fell on it. Basic ice attack.
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, before initializing fully by flash-freezing the air all around them.
Combo Plus - User artificially gets an extra hit. Can be canceled out of.
Combo Jump - User cancels out of combos easily.
Frost Trail - User leaves frost in their trail while jumping.
=o=
Lion's Lindworm - Hanger made of the good harp and a guitar hanger thing! It's pretty good, dude! It's- it's also windy, dude...
STATS:
Boosts the power of Wind skills.
SKILLS:
Gust - Basic wind magic. Pushes the feeble. Fee~ble…!
Fairy Dust - Weapon status effect replaced with fairy dust. Wind attacks with this weapon get fairy dust all over the enemy, reducing accuracy and senses.
Sick Ill Harp Cords - Get ready for my next great mixtape…!
Combo Plus - User artificially gets an extra hit. Can be canceled out of. Obtained with combo technology!
Aerial Plus - Forced aerial support! It's vaguely easier to hit aerial foes with it! Obtained with combo technology!
Combo Jump - Allows the user to transition to jumping while mid-attack.
Combo Air Slide - Allows the user to transition to air sliding while mid-attack.
Aero Finish - Combo finishers deal air-toss status, artificially blowing foes into the air. Works best on human-weight foes.
Auto-Sucker - When this weapon is equipped, Brad will always lash out with it immediately.
=o=
Red Scare - A red and crimson plant hanger comprised of purplish-red gems and crimson metals. Boosts the power of fire skills. Also's got the good NERF gun attached now!
STATS:
Danmaku confuses the target.
Danmaku degrades the target's luck.
Danmaku may berserk the target.
Ignites things with physical impacts.
May berserk targets on physical impact.
SKILLS:
Hellfire Plume - A jet of hellfire. Berserks the targets, and isn't put out as easily. Not quite a grease fire, but unless it's totally frozen into oblivion, it ain't goin' out! Obeys fire resistance like any fire, though.
Fume - Makes hot air fume from the earth below. Might sear the feeble.
Berserk - Non-damaging fire spell which berserks a target for awhile. Can be removed with water or ice stuff!
Danmaku Adaptability - Now that there's a NERF gun on it I can shoot the good danmaku dude.
=o=
Deep Blue - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Boosts the power of water skills.
SKILLS:
Freakin' Leaks! - Can produce limitless fresh hanger water…!
Geyser - Basic water attack. Gush of water erupts from the earth and might fling the feeble…!
Valve - I can control the water flow with this!
=o=
Bee-Fitty-Fore-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Made of a lot of weird freakin' parts and stick bits and piston things. Has a NERF gun slapped onto it too!
STATS:
Danmaku explodes, dealing knockback and splash damage.
Accuracy falls moderately when used to fire danmaku.
SKILLS:
Boom - Hitting stuff makes booms!
Danmaku Adaptability - Can also shoot the good danmaku, dude.
=o=
Fragile Flower - A cute hanger with floral designs and light colors. Aesthetically pleasing!
SKILLS:
Enfeebled - Wielder has halved physical defense and offense.
Cleanse - Basic healing skill which cleanses one target of all debuffs or status problems.
=o=
Dream Hanger - Non-elemental hanger. Black and unassuming metal. Currently balanced, and easy for Brad to use. Has innate magical properties to it.
STATS:
Increases accuracy slightly. Somehow…? So said Genkan.
10% instant death resistance. Hoh…!
=o=
One Million Revenants - Great hanger. Sun, holy, electric weapon. Market Gardener acts as the hilt, followed by Flandre Scarlet's modified Million Bucks. On the tip 'a them, the purple hilty bit of the Headless Horseman's Hanger is there, and Youkai Inconveniencer is tied to it like a flail!
STATS:
Hanger is warm like the sun on contact. Glows in the dark…!
25% Dark resistance.
Boosts the power of sun skills.
Boosts the power of holy skills.
Lowers user's defense slightly.
Attacks are electric and holy elemental.
Farther two thirds of the weapon phase through matter. More reliable the more magic is in the weapon.
Attacks can become magical rather than physical, with more mana in the weapon.
Critical hits during blast jumps.
Youkai Inconveniencer (holy hanger tied to the main body) sometimes deals a second instance of physical holy damage per attack.
SKILLS:
Headless - Summons pumpkin-head danmaku from nowhere to assault targets. One spawns every combo-finisher!
Combo Plus - User gets one more melee attack!
Critical Plus - User gets critical attacks more often!
Magic Attack - Physical attacks phase through targets and do magical damage. Makes chaining together attacks way easier.
Magic Attack - Physical attacks are converted to magic attacks, and fluidly pass through objects.
Flash - Blinding magic. Works best on dark-elementals, but also works on youkai. Humans don't resist it, so it still works on them, with reduced efficiency.
Flashlight - It's a flashlight! Might blind dark youkai, I dunno…
Shine - Basic holy magic. Generates a holy orb in the target's body, randomly battering them with a raw holy gush.
Saturn - Electric holy magic. Creates an expanding shockwave of electricity and holy light in an enemy's form.
Panic Attack! - Run faster when health is lower!
Combo Jump - Allows the user to transition to jumping while mid-attack.
Aerial Plus - Forced aerial support! It's vaguely easier to hit aerial foes with it!
Air Slide Plus - Lets the user awkwardly air slide.
Glide - Replaces my double jump skill with gliding.
High Jump - Increased jump height while running.
=o=
Frost Broker - Hanger-fan hybrid which never melts. Based on that time Shimokoa freakin' gutted me!
STATS:
Deals chilling on impact.
Randomly freezes the user.
Boosts the power of ice skills.
SKILLS:
Freezing Impact - Spreads frost along anything it strikes.
Auto-Sucker - When this weapon is equipped, Brad will always lash out with it immediately.
=o=
London Operating Cross - A cross that lets me summon good 'ol London, yo. Non-elemental in nature. Not actually a plant hanger. London herself uses Fireball, Ice Shard and Thunderbolt, but can only use a few spells before runnin' outta mana. Also fires diamond-shaped patterns 'a yellow, diamond-shaped danmaku. Hoh! Costly-ish to use…!
=o=
Neon Sparkler - Metal junk from a DJ booth called the MixMaster GIGA! Non-elemental… plant… hanger? Has a bunch of rod-like parts, and boxy metal bits, and stuff!
STATS:
Boosts the power of non-elemental skills.
25% Seduction resistance.
May cast Velvet Sparkles on impact.
SKILLS:
Velvet Sparkles - Weapon lights up, and gets sparks everywhere! When the weapon's fizzling, it might jolt foes, or stun them…
=o=
Boötes Void - Amalgam of VCR parts and VCR tapes combined with odd, hard to hold plastic parts. Emanates a lucid feeling. Apology gift from Maribel.
STATS:
50% Electric resistance.
50% Dark resistance.
50% Space resistance.
Immunity to blindness and stunning.
Randomly casts Radial Shroud. Blindness resistance stops this! Can be turned on and off using the 'next track' button on the midsection.
SKILLS:
VCR Shot - Shoot VCR tapes at enemies. They record the element of the enemy they struck, and are able to be used as throwable weapons later. By default, they deal minor physical electric damage and may stun.
Magic Defense Drain - VCR shots and physical attacks drain magical defense.
Radial Shroud - Blinds everyone in a radius. Uh oh…!
Gravity - Spatial orb powered by dark magic which weighs heavily down on a foe. May make targets heavy.
Astrology - A beam of galactic energy, which grows in strength and power based on nebulous criteria. It's not bound to HP though!
Geometry - A buncha fookin' non-elemental shapes fly to attack your target! What the fuck! ...Hits three times!
Plasma Cage - Electric magic which encapsulates a foe in weak magic that has a really high chance of stunning foes. May also bind targets.
=o=
Aqueous Ageous - A holy, crystal-looking hanger that resembles an utmost pure topaz-stained gem. Resists being dual-wielded by hand, and is difficult to craft with.
STATS:
Legendary boost to accuracy.
Transforms to a form that best suits the user.
=o=
Yin-yang Flail - A yin-yang with lots of rope freakin' decoratin' it! Hmm...
NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means! Maybe one day this will actually come in handy…
NERF longsword: the sequel - Now I can dual wield these useless, narratively non-existent armaments!
==o==
= ►ARMOR:
Camouflage Kimono - This kimono means business. Doesn't actually help him hide in the brush.
STATS:
150% ice resistance.
50% freeze resistance.
50% dark resistance.
-50% percent fire resistance.
-50% percent burning resistance.
=o=
Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Pink dress with lots of white ribbons. I'm not sure what to say about this...
STATS:
75% time resistance.
=o=
Yellow Racecar Helmet -It's like a really knockoff space marine helmet! It feels like it's got good physical defense, too… at least for my head.
STATS:
50% sun resistance.
100% freezing resistance.
100% blinding resistance.
100% electrical stunning resistance.
=o=
Lunarian Prototype Space Suit - A suit meant for combat in deep space. So far, it's only got the whole 'exist in deep space' part down…! Has an oxygen tank, but that's only useful if you wear the helmet to go along with it.
STATS:
100% electricity resistant.
100% freezing resistant.
Randomly casts Zero Gravity when it feels like it.
Zero Gravity - Area of effect spell which removes gravity from debris and the feeble!
=o=
Lunarian Prototype Deep Space Helmet - It's a freakin' space helmet.
STATS: (alone)
Fifty percent blinding resistant.
STATS: (paired with Lunarian Prototype Space Suit)
100% electricity resistant. Again, yo!
100% resistance to burning and being actively poisoned.
=o=
Testing Oxygen Tank - The oxygen tank used by the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit. Lasts for two and a half minutes. Not meant to actually be used outside of testing, but it's possible. Refills automatically in breathable air.
=o=
MP Prize Pin - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field.
STATS:
Extends prize grabbing range. Yay…?
=o=
Sun Badge - A badge that looks like the sun. How interesting, dude.
STATS:
15% sun resistant. I need to smelt this into a weapon…!
50% resistance to blinding and electrical stunning.
Replaces the on-impact effect of all weapons with Sunfire Flare. Yuck…!
SKILLS:
Sunfire Flare - Flash of light that blinds everyone. Doesn't work on the sun-resistant.
=o=
Stock Outfit - Blue, long-sleeved shirt with a huge V-neck button-up collar. Blue sweatpants. Most balanced outfit.
STATS:
-5% wind resistance.
May make the wearer tired.
=o=
Retro Patchy Hat - A really old hat of Patchy's. It's freakin floofy, du~de…!
STATS:
Moderate increase to magical defense and offense.
=o=
Moon Crescent - Patchy's favorite accessory.
STATS:
Immunity to silencing.
25% moon resistance.
Moderate increase to magical offense.
=o=
Anti-Magic Amulet - Deep blue, crystalline necklace given by Patchy in exchange for a blue dragon's bone. I should incorporate this into an outfit too so I don't freakin' forget it, 'cause it's real important!
STATS:
Sharply increases magical defense.
=o=
Cow Costume - Female clothing, of some description…? I think! S'freakin' weird, dude!
STATS:
Increases breast size by 25%.
Increases max health by 50%.
Wearer is immune to dispelling.
=o=
Autumn Dress - An actually sensible dress…! Looks like generic villager garb, except prettier and with brighter colors. Even aged, it's still bright!
STATS:
Wearer is immune to tiredness.
Wearer is immune to holy weakness.
Wearer is immune to stunning.
=o=
Iron Cross - Big World War II medal! Freakin'- holy shit…
STATS:
Randomly summons explosion backup.
50% bomb resistance.
Stagger immunity.
=o=
Officer Hat - Nazi officer hat…! I better not get a million angry letters for finding this!
STATS:
50% darkness resistance.
Wearer is immune to instant death.
=o=
Officer's Coat - Nazi officer coat, too! Oh boy oh boy…
STATS:
50% darkness resistance.
Wearer is immune to being cursed.
Slightly boosts defense and magic defense.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Regalia - Dress of the Crown Prince... of all Taoism or something, I don't freakin' know!
STATS:
100% Dispel resistant.
100% Blinding resistant.
50% Sun resistant.
Gives the user Bravery, improving critical rate by 50%, and reducing enemy critical rates by 30% while active.
Vaguely boosts defense.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Earmuffs - Makes it hard to hear when worn right. Has an awesome symbol on the sides! I... have no freakin' clue what it means.
STATS:
100% Silencing resistant.
Immunity to all sound damage, including Mandragora-tier screeching when worn properly.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Cape - Miko's fancy ass cape. It shimmers in the light!
SKILLS:
May be set to three different colors, changing cape properties:
Purple Mode:
The Prince's Will - Passive which constantly gives the user Morale status, preventing them from dying when struck by a blow that would fell them in one hit if they're of high vitality. Stops even Instant Death, although the wearer will be left on the cusp of death.
Red Mode:
Adaptive Combo Plus - Passively extends melee combo length on the ground and in the air by one.
Strength Up - Boosts strength somewhat.
The Prince's Strength - Boosts defense greatly.
Blue Mode:
Danmaku Plus - Each bullet fired has a 50% chance to be two bullets instead.
Magic Hastera - Mana regenerates 50% faster.
The Prince's Cunning - Boosts magic defense greatly.
=o=
Toyosatomimi's Panties - The prince's panties. They're purple and shiny...
STATS:
Improves movement speed slightly.
50% Dispel resistance.
Randomly grants Morale status.
100% Blinding resistance.
=o=
Carrot Medallion - Noob rabbit training tool, offered by Tewi to help me suck less at life!
SKILLS:
Essence of Pacifist * Unarmed - When unarmed, Brad gets an automatic evasion boost. +70% Evasion, but does not stack with magical buffs, and gets worse if he improves his speed naturally. Only works when unarmed.
=o=
Theimer M01 - Improved anti-tank RPG with armor-piercing capabilities. Huge weapon that must be slung over the shoulder. Known among lunar soldiers as "The Tamer". Only usable amongst the party by Genkan.
STATS:
200% damage bonus against armored vehicles.
-50% damage bonus against people.
High chance to fracture bones and cause fatal bleeding in opponents.
Very long reload time. Has limited ammo.
Hilariously bad accuracy.
SKILLS:
Theimer Lance - Large metal warhead that gores into people and armor alike. Travels slowly, and does physical damage. Next to no splash radius; the rocket more falling apart than actually exploding.
=o=
Ruby Red Heels - Brilliant red heels. Maybe Meiling used to have these? They're like her shoes, but a bit more fancy.
STATS:
Boosts the power of kicking skills.
50% Fire resistance.
100% burning resistance.
Moderate boost to accuracy.
Decreases evasion sharply.
Decreases defense some.
=o=
Fragment of the Antichrist - A chunky bit of platinum cross, which emanates an uneasy, queasy aura. Parts holy an' dark.
Red Crystal Dragon's Skull - Holy shit! Dude, this is awesome! You can see through it! Incredibly powerful fire reagent and crafting material.
Eientei Gamer Pro RX3 Laptop - One of Kaguya's clean spare laptops, with a free BunnySoft Suite subscription. Respectably powerful hardware.
Generator Router Modem - Staggeringly convenient Eientei technology, which sustains a minor power supply autonomously from ambient mana. Doesn't work outside of Gensokyo. Provides access to Eientei's internet connection, for use by modern devices.
Black Carrying Case - Soft case with foam-insulated inside to protect technology in transit. Could also be used for field trips, or adventures. Not that it's very relevant, with a hammerspace bag on hand…
Nintendo DS XL Charger - A charger which works on all big DS models.
(x3) Themier Lance - Metal lances constructed for the Themier brand of lance launchers. Inside, they have a payload that pounds the metal architecture of the projectile into a target, rending flesh, armor, and stone. Might go off if you drop them.
Reimu's Outfit - Shrine maiden clothes, dude. Holy resistant, but I dunno how much! Even comes with the bindings and tubes and ribbon 'n' everything!
Reimu's Ribbon - Man, that's cuddly looking. I need to hug Reimu now, dude...
Hakurei Arm Sleeves - No- teach me, how do you wear these!?
Remilia Scarlet's Mob Cap - Twenty five percent dark resistance. Legends say that if touhous do not wear this hat, they die dude.
Monk Robes - Doesn't really stack up to my other shit at this point! Wonder what I can do wit' it...
Gravity Boots - Boots that reduce the user's gravity! More like, propels them off the floor a little. Reduces the effectiveness of space statuses on the user. Really weird to control…!
Ed Edd n Eddy Sound Badge - A badge that replaces nearby noises with stupid cartoon ones when worn! I- I got it a few chapters ago, but just now added it to the inventory…!
Twenty-sided Ice Die - Icy dice that emanate a frosty energy. Probably an ice reagent! Used ta be part of some feral money youkai, but it might be dead…
Golden Shower - Some red-yellow tome I found in a chest in the Scarlet treasury! Pro'lly gonna hafta have Maria decipher it. Or, Patchy. Someone…!
==o==
= ►CONSUMABLES/OTHER:
14,100,000 Yen - Cash just got a lot smaller, son… if ya know what I mean hnee hnee hnee-
20,000 Yen, in one-yen coins - Otherwise known as, 'how to ruin a cashier's day'...! They're really pretty, though.
Four Health Potions - They give you youkai-like regen for like, thirty seconds! No chuggin' these babies to indefinitely survive the cold reaches of outer space. Unless the regen outdoes the asphyxiation, but I think I'd rather die by that point…
Mega Potion - Youkai-like regen for thirty seconds… except for the whole family! Applies to entire party. Good for when we all suck at life!
Four Mana Potions - Restores an average amount of mana, I think. More than enough for someone like me!
Three Panaceas - Cures all status effects. I dunno if it works on debuffs, though...
Akihito's Broadsword - Too big for me to use as a weapon. I wonder if I could use it as like, a tent stake or something.
Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!
Rope of Red Bikinis - Wahaha! Gonna getcha, son!
Some Fancy Key - A key lent to me by Brittany. Wha- why. What's it for…!?
Youkai Exterminator Badge - I still have this, dude! Yo ho ho! Allows me to not be considered a youkai by most guardsmen!
Yellow Star Gem - A star-shaped yellow gem. I really should've asked Patchy what this did…! It's shiny and luminescent, though.
Sweet Sleep Pillow - Doremy's nice cuddly pillow. Really soft. Random chance to survey you on pillow quality while you're sleeping.
Genkan's Sweet Sleep Pillow - It's also pretty poofy...
Another 3DS - Especially 'cause I picked up anotha'!
Picture of Sendai Hakurei no Miko Sleeping on her Side and Facing the Viewer while Drowsy - ...Yeah uh, what it says on the tin. Reimu must see this, dude…!
Masturbation Pillow - ...Genkan probably would've given me a look fer this, if she could! Wau…
Dark Knife - Where the hell'd this- oh, wait! This is the thing Genkan got from that fairy! She just slipped it in here while no one was lookin'...
Empty Combo Technology - Red, orange and yellow piece of plastic and metal, about the size of a plant hanger. Adding its magic to Lion's Lindworm gave it Combo Plus and Aerial Plus! Now that it's empty, it's just plastic metal stuffs...
Wasp Stinger - Let the crap pile o~n!
==o==
= ►RANDOM CRAP:
Tables and Furniture - Impromptu furnishings!
==o►o==
PARTY MEMBERS:
==o►o==
Genkan, the Yuki-onna - A bitter yuki-onna from Gensokyo's wildlands, mostly active in the winter, and on particularly cold days. Heals from ice damage. Commands powerful control over frost, and has a wide variety of ice-affinity attacks. Weak to fire and burning. Cuddly, dude...
SKILLS:
Ice Control - Freely use ice to make stuff. Inherent one hundred percent ice resistance. Negative one hundred fire and burning resistance.
Freeze - Instantly freezes one to two enemies. Low chance of working on stronger foes.
Creaking Freeze - Generates a spinning, magic snowflake in an enemy's body, which instantly freezes them after a moment. High accuracy.
Tundra - Precursor to Glacier. Weak spike of ice that serves more as a warning. Physical ice attack.
Glacier - Erects a massive blade of ice from the ground, dealing incredible physical ice damage.
Triple Glacier - Same as above, except with more sudden scope across more targets. Less accurate. More costly.
Ice Spin - Creates a ring of initializing frost around a wide area, with a high chance to freeze.
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.
Snow - Make it snow locally. Very minor ambient ice damage to everyone on the battlefield, including allies. Has a low chance to instantly freeze someone for no reason.
Yuki-onna's Embrace - Hug. Binds target close to her. Makes the target tired, severely lowers accuracy and magical defense, and makes them comfortable. Skill may only be performed by my kind. Negative facets reduced by ice and freezing resist. Someone with over a hundred resistance will be buffed and healed by it.
Yuki-onna's Entombment - Final, optional stage of the hug. Guaranteed instant death inflicted by the draining of vitality. Heals the user for the heat taken from the target. Does not work well on bosses or the instant death resistant. Instant death proc is nullified if the target's ice or freezing resistance is over fifty percent. Skill may only be performed by my kind.
Breaker-onna Combo - A playful, goofy style of combat realized while dancing with Iku. Specializes in dealing with many close-up enemies, breaking grapples, and annihilating one's defenses, especially those of other youkai or yuki-onna.
Freeze Pose - Every combo finisher may transition into another combo finisher, as long as the user's body permits it. Genkan may also freeze herself during a Freeze Pose for additional versatility and defense, as well as healing, at the cost of speed.
Last Stand - Quick combo finisher where Genkan flails her arm into an enemy one to four times. Cures Genkan's dizziness and confusion.
The Breaker - Quick unarmed combo finisher, where Genkan rolls onto her back, handstands, and kicks a leg out. May launch foes. Breaks enemy guarding postures. Cures Genkan's dizziness and confusion.
Handstand Spin - Unarmed combo finisher, where Genkan spins while handstanding, assaulting opponents with her legs as they spin around up high. May break guarding postures.
Thigh Pendulum Sweep * Circular Revolution - Unwieldy combo finisher that takes a lot of setup to pull off. Sweeping her legs around, while barely standing with her arms, Genkan wreaks hell on an opponent's balance and guard.
Ice Shaver - Genkan chills the whole battlefield by spinning atop one of her glacier blades, getting ice and frosty mist everywhere. Chills everybody.
Rising Rotor - When Genkan's knocked down, she may spin around on her shoulders with her legs extended to try and launch or knock over nearby enemies. Defensive recovery option.
Joy Aura - If Genkan really has fun with it, her mana flares pink or amethyst, increasing speed and physical abilities until the battle's over.
= = ► EQUIPPED ITEMS - GENKAN:
WEAPON: Fans
HEAD: None
TORSO: Cow Outfit
PANTS: [Cow Outfit]
SHOES: Plain Sandals
MISC ONE: Yasaka's Black Panties
MISC TWO: None
MISC THREE: None
RESULTING STATUS:
200% ice resistance [200% native]
200% freezing resistance [200% native]
Immune to Dispel.
+20% max HP.
+20% breast size.
Elemental effect of weapons is replaced with Dispel. [Yasaka's Black Panties]
-50% fire resistance [native]
-50% burning resistance [native]
==o==
Absolute Zero Kimono - A better version of the stock yuki-onna kimono. Outfited with new royal blue and cyan trims. It's fun, dude...
STATS:
100% percent ice resistance.
Effects vary when not worn by her…!
=o=
Heavy Tanker - Huge, metal-grey cardboard fans!
STATS:
+150% max HP.
Quadrupled defense.
Speed reduced to 25%.
Knockback effects halved.
100% Stagger immune.
50% Bomb resistance.
SKILLS:
Super Armor - When casting or melee attacking, user is way more knockback resistant.
Tundral Disaster - User can create a pinnacle glacier of ice, and then detonate it like a warhead. Half magical bomb, half physical ice attack.
Defender - Defense is increased in critical situations. Passive.
=o=
Fever - The tiniest pink fans...!
STATS:
100% Confusion resistant.
100% Slow resistant.
100% immunity to evasion debuffs.
Defense halved.
Attack halved.
Speed doubled.
SKILLS:
Break Time - Take a break. You've earned it, dude! Heals all MP and HP, if user is given some time to relax. User has to do three party tricks to get the HP and MP.
Hastega - Speed up the whole party! Doubles everyone's speed. Stacks...!
Rising Rotor - Do a breakdance move to fend off attackers and get back up!
=o=
Love of the Lindens - Pink, azure fan set which emanates a windy aura. They're traditional dance fans, too, fit with patterns of a specific type of tree.
STATS:
25% Wind resistance
25% Earth resistance
SKILLS:
Freeze Pose - Allows the user to freeze amidst a dance-style skill, and seamlessly combo into another.
Sunrise - Flourishing motion, filled with repeated three-sixty spins which roar into an enemy, staggering them repeatedly. Wind elemental physical skill.
BreezeFazer - Heavy physical skill, where the user coasts the wind to skate into their target, clotheslining them with a limb. User must be able to fly to use this.
=o=
Two thousand yen - Pocket money.
Bagged Money - We still dunno how much Reimu gave us...
Peppermint - Yo- Genkan has candy…!?
Fans - Regular fans. Helps her spread out frigid air, but she mostly holds onto them for personal fashion, apparently...
Ninjas of Love - Novel? Yo- what...
Viking Rune - Reusable rune that summons a viking monolith. Once summoned, it greatly increases everyone's physical attack prowess, before firing a frost spark with massive freezing capabilities. Very costly to all party members. Uses two inventory slots.
3DS - Genkan likes to play the single video game, dude…
[no space remaining]
==o►o==
Maria, the Actually Ordinary Magician - A villager from the human village. Sort of down on herself, and not very confident… but when she gains steam, she can be very determined. Resistances and weaknesses depend on equipment. Can cast basic elemental spells.
SKILLS:
Fire - Small, homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes! Doesn't do much damage.
Fira - Slightly larger homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes. Bursts broader than the preceding spell.
Fireball - A somewhat costly fire spell which blooms a hellish inferno from within an opponent's body. It's quick and destructive, as well as crudely forced, only sometimes leaving a lingering blaze.
Blizzard - Spread shot of big snowflakes. May chill foes.
Blizzara - Big spread shot of myriad ice chunks, with magical snowflakes whirling around inside them. May freeze foes.
Ice Shard - Magic which rapidly freezes and thaws parts of a foe's body by rapidly cooling a central point in a messy, imprecise manner. Relying on the energetic force of rapid freezing and thawing, whether or not the cold actually freezes opponents is down to luck.
Thunder - Random spread of bolts in an area. Basic electric spell.
Thundara - Random spread of bolts in an area which explode on impact with the ground. May stun foes.
Thunderbolt - A rain of multiple lesser lightning strikes, which touch down all at once upon a single target. By the time the third strike lands, all the condensed voltage explodes. Focused more on the raw destructive ability of lightning, this spell only sometimes stuns foes.
Water - Briefly creating streams of water in the air around herself, Maria fires a slow-moving glob of water to burst on impact with a foe, or the terrain near one.
Waterra - Shielding herself with a sphere of shifting water streams, Maria collects a bunch of water from the environment around herself, and unleashes a huge bullet of water that explodes on impact with terrain or foes.
Charm - Boosts magical attack of self or an ally moderately.
Seduction - Skill that temporarily seduces a foe. Single target, and doesn't work well on bigger girls…
INVENTORY:
WEAPON: Iron Beacon
HEAD: Zephyr Bombshells
TORSO: Casual Freeze Clothes
PANTS: [Casual Freeze Clothes]
SHOES: Casual Shoes
MISC ONE: Unwithering Crimson Rose
MISC TWO: None
MISC THREE: None
RESULTING STATUS:
75% ice resistance
100% freezing resistance
25% bomb resistance
25% fire resistance
25% thunder resistance
Slightly improved magical defense [native]
Befriending bomb fairies is easier
Randomly summons kamikaze fluffles
==o==
Pine Frost Staff - Made with pine wood and an icy reagent.
STATS:
25% ice resistance.
100% freezing resistance.
-50% burning resistance.
SKILLS:
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.
=o=
Way of the Tiger - A really good wood staff, dude!
STATS:
-75% max MP.
+75% max HP.
Weapon is very light!
Defense increased sharply!
Attack increased sharply!
Magical defense decreased sharply...
Magical attack decreased sharply...
SKILLS:
Staff Skill - Doing effective moves with the staff is a lot easier because of its combat design!
High Jump - User can jump a bit better!
Polearm Beatdown - Critical attack that users tend to pull off once their adrenaline is running high. Hits multiple times.
=o=
An Eternity Together - Grey staff, with a very, very intricate top piece.
STATS:
50% Time resistant.
User is immune to slowing and stop.
+15% max MP for every party member.
User's speed is halved for every additional party member.
SKILLS:
Stop - Freezes an enemy in time. Only works on weaker foes. Any damage the enemy takes while frozen is relayed to it on fast-forward once it's free again!
=o=
Stubby Rapier - A shiny, brass rapier. Imbued with magical energy, for spell swords.
STATS:
50% dispel resistance.
=o=
Casual Freeze Clothes - Casual, neon villager garb. Bright yellow shirt with a blue snowflake stitched onto the front, a bright blue skirt, and a tan vest.
STATS:
50% ice resistant.
100% freezing resistant.
=o=
Wood Staff - Training foci for magic. Not very good for much else.
Magical Lens - When coupled with magic, this lens shoots non-elemental lasers. Gift from Marcus Kirisame.
Travel Bag - Item that grants inventory by holding more items. Wahaha! Eight slots.
Two Mana Potions - Alchemical blends which restore magic energy.
Sabbath Pamphlet - Dark brochure imbued with instructional magic, and desires from a land far, far away. Teaches Seduction to mages.
=o=
Lance Construction Brochure - Mass-produced lunar-grade instructions on how to cheaply and quickly construct lances of many materials on the battlefront.
SKILLS:
Construct Lance - Combine technical know-how with magic to create more lances. They serve as ammunition for Theimer, Lancaar, Yatsu-VB PL, Pzf. 98 Lanze, or Ultimortar anti-tank lance launchers.
=o=
[LunarStorage: Recreational Model] - Allows extended inventory. Has an undefined capacity, but can't fit objects beyond a certain size. Allows Maria to draw any item at any time easily, as well as put them away. Exists as a square, red box of a backpack.
=o=
SafetyZap! OVERKILL Edition - Half baton, half knife taser. When the grip is, well, gripped, the edges of it energize with one million volts of electric energy. Very efficient self-defense tool which has an amazingly high chance to stun foes.
STATS:
When the skill is active, deals magic, electric damage. Stuns foes.
SKILLS:
Taser - When the handle is gripped, the thunderstorm begins.
=o=
Zephyr Bombshells - Premium, bomb-elemental fashion accessories which attach above the ears, making the user look like they're some kinda android from really old nineties animes.
STATS:
25% Bomb resistance.
Randomly summons kamikaze fluffles.
Makes befriending bomb-elemental fairies easier.
=o=
Iron Beacon - A big, somewhat heavy iron staff with a big lamp on the top of it. It lights up with magical light depending on what element is channeled into it. The panes of the lamp's windows are made of some kind of clear crystal.
STATS:
50% Time resistance.
100% Instant Death resistance.
50% Dark resistance.
Provides a balanced boost to magic attack and magic defense.
=o=
Scarlet Event Dress - A red and black dress worn by Remilia. It's small enough to fit Maria, though. It emanates the slight scent of wine and iron.
STATS:
50% Dark resistant.
-20% Water weakness.
-20% Sun weakness.
Boosts wearer's magic attack moderately.
Boosts the power and effect of life-draining or leeching skills.
=o=
Unwilting Crimson Rose - A pretty flower you can put in your hair! I- I think it's made outta plastic, or something…
STATS:
25% Fire resistance.
25% Ice resistance.
25% Thunder resistance.
-50% Holy weakness.
Slight boost to magical attacks.
==o==
[eighty four spaces remaining]
==o==
Hana, the Electric Fairy Maid - Snuggly fairy maid companion…! Healed by electric magic. Immune to electric stunning, 'cause yeah. Weak to earth, poison and darkness. Quick to become ill from poison.
SKILLS:
Little Zap - Basic electric magic. Zaps a target twice with static from above.
Random Electric - When pressured, uses random electric spells.
Electric Control - With true power, she's able to stun opponents into submission by touching them.
Electric Elemental - 300% electric resistant. 100% percent resistance to electrical stunning!
INVENTORY:
Hana's Fairy Maid Uniform - Stock standard uniform from the mansion! Cyan-tinted in places to match her hair color. Hoh...
==o==
Seikatsu Kikai, the Human Salvation Robot - She no longer T-poses! Now, she just-... uses stock animations! Yes, dude!
SKILLS:
Medibeam - A slow-healing beam, which takes a couple minutes to rejuvenate someone. Feels good to be targeted by…
Cloaking - Seikatsu becomes invisible.
Scan - Returns data on a foe, including name, biological info, stats and strategies. All of us can call on this skill.
INVENTORY:
Nothing.
WEAPON: Seikatsu Kikai Offense System V.3.63
BODY: Regenerative Skin Armor Augmentation with Limb Enhancement V.3.35.86
MISC ONE: SLUT T-Shirt.
MISC TWO: None.
MISC THREE: None.
STATUS:
Robot physiology (immunity to poisons, psychological effects and bodily damage)
Tough to fight (immunity to freezing, stunning, silence, syphon, and instant death)
Immune to stagger, blinding, tired, among others.
-80% radiation resistant
-50% thunder resistant
-80% bomb resistant
-50% water resistant
200% holy resistant
-50% dark resistant
80% earth resistant
-80% magnet resistant
-30% wind resistant
80% fire resistant
80% ice resistant
100% poison resistant
100% moon resistant
==o==
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
this chapter ended sooner rather than later 'cause gotta get this out on the 16th son
happy birthday FREAKIN GENSOKYO!
proceeding batches may return to the 10k-15k word formula because 20-29k word chapters take a while to proof, and a while to write, between some of my other endeavors
i'm curious how some of the pacing turned out, in that respect!
23 k words before inventory! 29 k words after, that is… like, 6 k words of inventory holy shit
REALLY GLAD IT'S ONCE PER UPDATE
if there's any weirdness between the latest matt chapter and this particular chapter don't hesitate to let me know ON THE DISCORD WOOHOO or in ff net private messages 'cause i didn't exactly have the most time to proof them
though i did look over this chapter and the matt chapter to make a couple minute improvements
this whole batch was way more focused on character moments and biome-character banter than most other batches
i don't think the next batch will necessarily be as heavy-handed or quite as serious as this one was overall, 'cause y'know comedy and brad being brad is the heart of FG after all, even with a plot of a sort
not that this batch didn't have a lotta good comedy moments though 'cause honh
THAT SAID, next batch can probably be expected by christmas 'cause ai'm gonna set a more realistic word count (10k min per chapter) again, it might vary though
not sure how overall interested people are in the progression of power brad experiences amidst the comedy and character moments; not that there's an overwhelming amount, but it is the basis of some of brad's desires 'cause not dying to freakos like merry is pretty good
everything said i think i'm in a good place to continue into the next batch - w -
i've had so much fun writing this whole thing, and i'm lookin' forward to where the future takes us
==== OH, AND BY THE WAY… ====
we have a- oh, wait
we've HAD a discord for ten million years now!
https SEMICOLON SLASH SLASH SON discord DOHT gg SLASH mcVps2R
if you know how discord invite links go you only need that last bit; sorry it's so FREAKIN' ugly but fanfiction DOT net is deathly scared someone's gonna link to kiddy porn so we can't have nice things
also we're not too terribly big so you probably won't get drowned out too easy, but we also talk entirely too much so sometimes you still will
social existence is weird dude; but we're tight-knit!
also:
==== TWO MILLION WORDS, SON ====
...as for when an actual ending will happen, i got some PLOT POINTS in mind, but no notable time estimate at the moment
even after FG does end, i'll probably continue to write shorts post-ending about it, particularly because genkan is bae
maybe there'd be an FG two of some description, issa bridge i'd probably cross when i get to it, but shorts are a high probability
AS FOR THIS CHAPTER ITSELF,
the patch, koa and remi moments were fun
i did kinda wanna push brad out the door quickly to change up the scenery by next batch, but the way things went, i think it was pretty good; we basically spent a batch at the SDM doing some cool things, and that's pretty nice
now we get a good ROUND TWO SHOWDOWN with the human village! with improved skills, and even more party cohesion!
i dunno wat else to say, i should probably upload the batch now
as always, see you all next time!
