Chapter 11 – Lockhart Folly

'What've we got this afternoon?' Asked Harry.

"We going to have a useless class." Said Lewis.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Hermione at once,
walking up to the twins.

"He is useless, you do know this right." Said Lewis.

"Lewis is always proven right." Said Ron.

Lewis, Harry, and Ron stood talking about Quidditch for several minutes before Harry became aware that he was
being closely watched.

Colin was looking at the Twins as though transfixed.
He was clutching what looked like an ordinary Muggle camera, and the moment Harry looked at him, he went bright red.

"A picture?" Harry said blankly.

"So, I can prove I've met you," said Colin Creevey eagerly,
edging further forwards. "I know all about you.
Everyone's told me. About how you survived when You Know Who tried to kill you and how he disappeared and everything and how you've still got a lightning scar on your forehead"
His eyes raked Harry's hairline, "and a boy in my dormitory said if I develop the film in the right potion,
the pictures will move." Colin drew a great shuddering breath of excitement and added, "It's brilliant here, isn't it?
I never knew all the odd stuff I could do was magic till I got the letter from Hogwarts."

"My dad's a milkman, he couldn't believe it either.
So, I'm taking loads of pictures to send home to him. And it'd be really good if I had one of you…" Lewis interrupted him.

Lewis walked up to Colin and said,
"Colin relax, you are already our friend, you don't need proof and if you turn it down, I will tell you the real story of what happen that night, in the HQ." Said Lewis.

"Sure." Said Colin.

"Making new friends Lewis." Asked Draco.

"You're je…" Started Colin, but Lewis grasped him in a hug,
which seems to have stopped him.

"Who can't use more friends?" Asked Lewis,
"Colin is sweet and kind."

"Jealous?" said Malfoy, who didn't need to shout anymore,
half the courtyard was listening to. "Of what?
I don't want a foul scar right across my head, thanks.
I don't think getting your head cut open makes you that special, myself and only one got the scar."

Crabbe and Goyle were sniggering stupidly.

"Eat slugs, Malfoy," said Ron angrily. Crabbe stopped laughing and started rubbing his knuckles in a menacing way.

"Be careful, Weasley," sneered Malfoy. "You don't want to start any trouble, or your mummy will have to come and take you away from school." He put on a shrill, piercing voice. "If you put another toe out of line."

A knot of Slytherin fifth years nearby laughed loudly at this.

"Weasley…" Started Draco.

"Draco please don't, you have been good." Said Lewis.

Ron whipped out his wand, but Hermione shut Voyages with Vampires with a snap and whispered, "Look out!",
but it was too late he shoot a spell at Draco but
missed and hit Lewis.

"What's all this, what's all this?" Gilderoy Lockhart was striding towards them, his turquoise robes swirling behind him.
"Who's giving out signed photos?"

Lewis and Harry started to speak but he was cut short as Lockhart flung an arm around his shoulders and thundered jovially, "Shouldn't have asked! Ouch." When Lewis shocked him,
he released Lewis' shoulders immunity.

The whole hall noticed Lewis starting to look very pissed.

"Come on then, Mr. Creevey," said Lockhart, beaming at Colin. "A double portrait, can't say fairer than that,
and we'll both sign it for you."

Lewis give Colin a look saying you best say no.

Colin was fumbling for his camera and decided it wise not to take the picture. "Na, I am good." Lewis smiled at him.

Lockhart looked confused, the bell then signaling the start of afternoon classes. "Why not?" Asked Lockhart.
"Why do you think that happened Lewis?"

"Colin is a good and he is under my protection, leave him be."
Said Lewis. "And your still an old fraud so stop talking.
This is your last warning, touch me again. You have no hands."

Then Lewis had this look on his face then he threw up on Lockhart's robes, but it was slugs, then again, and again.
Lewis collapsed backwards.

Colin then started taking pictures of Lockheart robes.
Lockheart then saw this saying, "Give me those pictures."

"No." Said Colin running off to his next class.
Then Lewis took a potion from his bag and drank it.
Through up slogs a couple more times and stopped.
They had reached Lockhart's classroom. The brotherhood headed for a seat at the very back of the class and sat down.

"You could've fried an egg on your faces," said Ron.
"You'd better hope Creevey doesn't meet Rob,
they'll be starting The Potters Fan Club."

Harry was going to say something, but he seen a look on his twins face that said don't, then Lewis said,
"Ron, sweety, you know I love you right."

"Yes, and I love you too." Said Ron.

"But don't ever say that again, please." Said Lewis.
"Especial around that old fraud at the front there,
but I don't need Colin getting the idea either.
If you do might hide all you robs, but might do it anyway.
I like the no close look on you, but might do that for Rob to."

When the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and silence fell. He reached forward,
picked up Harmonies' copy of Travels with Trolls and held it up to show his own, winking portrait on the front.

"Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well,
"Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class,
Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League and five times winner of Which Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award.
But I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!" He waited for them to laugh;
a few people smiled weakly. "I see you've all bought a complete set of my books well done…" Started Lockhart.

"Did we all not got book lists telling us we must buy a long list of useless books." Asked Lewis. "If these books are optional,
I am off to burn them. But I don't think they keep fire."

Then a student from Slytherin said, "You made us buy these books, why do you look surprised we have them, I think Lewis is right you are a fraud."

Not paying attention, "I thought we'd start today
with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in."

When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class and said, "You have thirty minutes.
Start now!"

Lewis looked down at his paper and read:

1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?

2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

On and on it went, over three sides of paper, right down to:

50. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?

Last page had question 400. When Lewis stood up to walk out but Lockhart asked, "Where are you going?"

"I think I can teach this class better,
you just gave us a Four hundred question quiz on you,
the world most useless wizard." Started Lewis.
Then all the quizzes burst into flames.
"This is Defense Agent the Darks Arts, not Class on the most useless wizard ever." Said Lewis. Then sat down.

"For burning the quizzes twenty points from Gryffindor."
Said Lockheart. "Burning my quizzes."

"There one intact in the Headmaster office." Said Lewis.
"He should know what kind of quiz his teacher is giving for the most important class at Hogwarts."

Lewis asked. "If you the expert Hermione thinks you are.
Can you answer a few questions?"

"You want to try and trip me up." Said Lockheart.

"Sure, why not. Done it before. What is a Patronus?" Said Lewis.

"A spell." Said Lockheart.

"Any thang more specific?" Asked Lewis,
"That also," pulled out his spell book, "Fits every thang
in this book and lots of others."

"It is a camouflage spell." Said Lockheart.

"You sure?" Said Lewis.

"Yes." Said Lockheart.

"You are wrong, it is a defense spell one use is agent dementors,
it drives them away," Then casting it, a wolf and a bear runs around the room and then disappears.

"So why is your Patronus spell two instead of one and
why those animals? The animals are usually based
on the wizard's past and self." Said Hermione.

"Our Dad and Mom." Said Lewis.

"James…" Started Hermione.

"How is that for our Dad and Mom?" Asked Ron.

"That what there are." Said Lewis. "Ron don't tell them I want to surprise them. How about Protego?"

"A protective spell." Said Lockheart.

"You halfway there, anything else?" Asked Lewis.

"Nope." Said Lockheart.

"You are sure that all you know?" Asked Lewis.

"Yes." Said Lockheart.

"Protego is a shield spell, I mean creates a real shield."
Said Lewis, "A Protective dome or wall."

He bent down behind his desk and lifted a large,
covered cage onto it.

"Now – be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."

In spite of himself, Harry leaned around his pile of books for a better look at the cage. Lockhart placed a hand on the cover.
Lewis secretly put a lock on the cage only he could remove and made the cage unbreakable.

Dean and Seamus had stopped laughing now.
Neville was cowering beside harry. Lewis whispered in his ear,
"You with your brothers, relax. You won't get hurt with us here."
Nev now relaxed.

"I must ask you not to scream," said Lockhart in a low voice.
"It might provoke them."

"Really Lockhart Pixeys." Said Lewis.

He then turned-on Lewis and asked, "How did you know,
did you read my mind?"

"Why do I need to read you mind, you are broadcasting your thoughts better than a radio station." Said Lewis.

Lockhart then whipped off the cover but there was a lock on the cage. "Yes," he said. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies."

Seamus Finnigan couldn't control himself.
He let out a snort of laughter which Lockhart mistaken for a scream of terror. "Yes?" he smiled at Seamus.

"Well, they're not very dangerous, are they?" Seamus choked.

"Don't be so sure!" said Lockhart, waggling a finger annoyingly at Seamus. "Devilish tricky little blighters they can be!"

The pixies were electric blue and about eight inches high,
with pointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to a lot of budgies arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they had started jabbering and rocketing around. rattling the bars and pulling bizarre faces at the
people nearest them.

"Right then," Lockhart said loudly. "Let's see what you make of them!" And he tried to open the cage.

"Can't even open your own cage?" Asked Lewis. "Such a powerful wizard, defeated by a simple lock."

"That not my lock." Said Lockhart.

"It is your cage, who else would it be?" Asked Lewis.

Then Lewis said something in a different langue.
Then the pixies responded to him, they were now all looking at him and still talking. "Lockhart why did you
capture these poor people?"

"Where you talking to the Pixies?" Asked Lockhart.

"You mean you, the teacher can't." Stated Lewis.

"No one can." Said Lockhart.

"Let us test the teacher, do you consider yourself to have good mental defenses?" Said Lewis.

"There strung." Said Lockhart.

Lewis started staring at Lockhart and went through all of Lockhart memories, then he had a look on his face of joy,
"You have no mental defenses at all.
My little brother Rob has better defenses. Your whole life a lie, your stories are either stolen or just pure fiction. You have erased the memories of so many good wizards and witches. You're a criminal." Said Lewis.

Then Lockhart tried reading Lewis' mind but nothing,
all he could see is a dog dancing, then tried again,
clutching his head in pain, trying again and only pain,
he made one last try at it and this time fell in pain.

"You done trying to get into my mind little man." Said Lewis.

"You have incredible defenses." Said Lockhart.

"Thank you." Said Lewis.

"How do you know how to keep people out?" Asked Lockhart.

"I am just that good." Said Lewis. "And your never know,
because I will slather myself in BBQ sauce and run into the forbidden forest, nude before I tell you."

"I will figure it out." Said Lockhart.

At that second the hole brotherhood started laughing at him,
including Draco who said, "I know what he capable of,
you don't stand a chance you old fool."

Then Lockhart somehow got the cage open.
It was pandemonium. The pixies shot in every direction like rockets. They all proceeded to wreck the classroom more effectively than a rampaging rhino.

They grabbed ink bottles and sprayed Lockheart with them, shredded his books and papers, tore pictures from the walls, upended the waste bin, but the class seem to notice they were untouched not there book or papers or ink either.

"Come on now, round them up, round them up,
they're only pixies." Lockhart shouted. He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand and bellowed, "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"

It had absolutely no effect; one of the pixies seized Lockhart's wand and the pixie stealthy brough it to Lewis.
Lockhart gulped and dived under his own desk.

Then Lewis called at the top of his lungs,
in a foreign langue, and the Pixies stopped,
and said back to Lewis, he said something back to them,
then bowed, they did the same, then disappeared.

Now calm was returned to the classroom,
Lockhart asked, "What did you do? Where did my Pixies go?"

"Your Pixies?" Asked Lewis.

"Yes." Said Lockhart.

"I can bring them back, they wanted to talk to you anyway,
and by talk I really mean kill you." Said Lewis,
"You should be thankful. Saved you life you know.
So do you want them to come back and play with you?
They would only be having fun with you and only you,
and they really wanted to."

"No, you keep them." Said Lockhart.

"I don't have them, their living in their own protected lands in a secret location under the Protection of the American Magical Government, in the words of one of the founding fathers,
All being Created Free, there included in that."

"Who said that?" Asked Hermione.

"One of the Founding Fathers of the American Muggle and Magical governments." Said Lewis. "Thomas Jefferson."

The bell rang and they went to leave, "Can you believe him?" roared Ron.

"They were never going to heart us." Said Lewis.
"They caused damage to the room and his books but that it.
I talked to them before he removed the cloth,
they agreed to it all, before being sent to freedom in their own state with their own people."

"He just wants to give us some hands-on experience,"
said Hermione.

"Hands on?" said Harry, "Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he was doing."

"Rubbish," said Hermione. "You've read his books look at all those amazing things he's done…"

"He says he's done," Ron muttered.

"Hermione why can't you see through his shit?"
Asked Lewis, "I read all his memories,
all his books are garbage. Complete fiction or stolen stories.
None of them happened to him."

"Surely they would not be published if they were lies."
Said Hermione.

"You can think that all you want to." Said Lewis.
"But if you're going be one of his flunkies,
get the fuck away from me, I through more of you then that.
And if you got the money, you could publish that say the earth is the center of the universe. Even through science has said otherwise for a long time."

"No, you can't." Said Hermione.

"There are real books on this, these people are called flat earthers there real." Said Lewis, "I can get you copy if you want to see one. Just because there in print,
does not mean it is right."

"I will think on it." Said Hermione. "Can I join your group."

"You can start you own, will even make you a HQ,
but no you can't ours." Said Lewis. Then they walked off.
"Especial if you want to follow the sicko who touches people who that keep telling him not to."