A/N: Standard disclaimer. All science in here is B.S.

Bold italic = text/email

I would like to thank the guest that left me a review. They were the only one. This story is going in a weird direction and I'm not quite sure how crazy its gonna get.

Chapter 4

Sheldon woke up groggy the next morning, unable to really fall asleep the night before. Thankfully it was Saturday and he didn't have to go to work. Even more thankfully Dr. Who was a repeat and he didn't have to get up to watch it. So for the first time in a very long time, Sheldon remained in bed, warm under his blankets, and staring at nothing ahead of him while his mind whirled a million miles a second.

He thought about what to do that day, not having any plans. He knew Penny and Leonard were going to the farmers market that morning and that Berenadette was going to force Raj and Howard into helping with the nursery. He did have work to do, he was almost to the final stage of his theory of monopoles but he still needed to work out the additional math. Though his trip to the Arctic ended in disaster and humiliation the untampered with data that Leonard had handed over did in fact help further his theory. He was almost to the point where he would need another expedition, though he doubted he would get one. The disaster that was his first attempt had nullified any chance of his doing it again.

He was once at the top of his field, sought after by the greatest minds of their time. He still was, as he told Bernadette. He was still wanted and still one of the leading minds in string theory but that didn't matter to him anymore. His reputation had taken a hit, he was humiliated, and his University that he had once considered home now viewed him as a liability and stifled his work.

Closing his eyes Sheldon tried to force himself back to sleep. If he slept then he wouldn't have to be conscious and think about anything. His brain was for the most part his ally, but he knew far too well it could also be his enemy. It was those times when having an eidetic memory was the worst thing possible as it would replay the worst moments of his life. He felt the depression inside him swell and closing his eyes he wished to sleep but knew he wouldn't.

On the nightstand Sheldon's phone pinged indicating he had a message. He reached over to grab it, giving a sad smile at seeing it was a text from his sister. He had missed their last couple skype chats as he was busy, and he was afraid she'd know something was wrong. He wished he could talk to her about what was going on. He knew he could and that she'd understand, she'd have advice on what to do. But a part of him was hesitant to do so as he felt himself slipping further and further away as she could enact section 34b of their twin sibling agreement.

"Morning Shelly. What are you up to today?" The text read. He thought about not answering it but his compulsion wouldn't let him just ignore it.

"Just waking up." He replied.

"Now? Isn't it like almost 9?" Sheldon rolled his eyes at her use of the word "like".

"It's not like almost 9, it is almost 9." He corrected.

"Smartass. Hop on Skype."

Sheldon thought for a moment of coming up with an excuse not to. He didn't want to leave his bed, he didn't want to get up. There was nothing pressing waiting for him. He knew it was the depression. Yes, Sheldon Lee Cooper knows what it is and that he has it. He's always had it, he just refused to let anyone know. He didn't want others to know he was weak. Letting others know gives them a power over him that he refused to allow. His sister however already knew and would see right through any ruse he tried to play so with a huff he got himself out of bed and out to the living room where his laptop was.

Looking around the living room and kitchen he saw no hint of Penny or Leonard, not even a coffee mug indicating that they had stayed at Penny's apartment last night. He was grateful for that, he didn't think he had the energy to put up what they termed the 'normal' Sheldon. So with another huff Sheldon sat heavily onto his desk chair and opened his laptop to call his sister.

He loved his sister, more than any person other than her knows. He had once told Leonard when she first came to visit that while yes they had shared a womb they had pretty much gone their own ways after birth. And it was true in some respects but not in others because no matter the difference between them the fact of the matter is, they were twins. Conceived at the same time, growing together in a tight little space, and coming into the world together. She was the one person who truly understood him. Far too well he sometimes felt.

"Hey You!" Missy said happily upon seeing him. Sheldon gave her a wane smile as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Hello Missy." He said carefully. But he could tell from her expression that she wasn't buying whatever it was he was trying to convey. She always did have a knack for reading him.

"You've missed the last couple scheduled chats. What's been going on?" She asked him concerned. He thought about lying to her, but again, she's his twin and could always see right through him.

"I've just been busy at work." He said simply watching his sister raise an eyebrow not buying it.

"Are they going to let you publish your thing about the north pole thing?"

"They're monopoles and I'm not sure yet. I'm still working on some of the math. I'm aiming to have a report ready for review in the next week or two."

"Do you think they'll let you publish it?" She asked him again, and Sheldon took a deep breath, sitting forward with his elbows on the desk and his hands covering his face. He stayed like that for a minute or two before looking back up again at his sister's worried face.

"I don't know MIssy. I doubt it but I have to try." He sat back again in his chair. "I don't know what else to do."

His sister gave him a sympathetic smile while boring into him. It always made him feel nervous when she stared so intently at him, like she could read his thoughts in some way. No they do not have that twin power thankfully. "Have you spoken to anyone else about this? Maybe they have some solution or idea on how to help you. Your friends?"

Sheldon gave a derisive snort as he shook his head. "Why would I do that? I'm in this situation because of them." He ground out.

"I know Shelly, and trust me I'm pissed off at all of them and you know how I feel about you forgiving them, but they are in your circle, they know your sciency field. They may have a solution that could help you."

"I don't care Missy. I'm not letting any of them near my work again. Ever." He said angrily. "What I have now could finally get me my Nobel. I could have had all this figured out years ago but I couldn't because of them."

"Ok, Shelly."

"They will not come near it."

"Shelly, ok, I'm sorry I suggested it." Missy said, trying to quail his tirade. Sheldon looked away from the screen as he tried to compose himself again. He hated that he just let his emotions get in the way. He knows he's losing his grip on them and it frightened him. It always did. That was why he locked them away. But after a few minutes of silence Sheldon finally looked back at his screen, back into the worried face of his twin and didn't know what to say.

"Shelly, answer me seriously, are you alright?" She asked point blank. Immediately a lie came out, telling her he was fine, just tired. She didn't look like she believed him and he couldn't blame her. His twitch of the eye aside he knew he was paler than normal, staying huddled in his office with his blinds closed or in his bedroom with the same. He knew that he was looking thinner, not having an appetite from all the stress of his job and his friends, as well as his relationship with Amy that he put more effort than before in. He needed to make it work.. Sheldon knew Missy saw it.

"Shelly, I'm really starting to worry about you. Have you been taking the medication your doctor gave you?" She asked him. Sheldon rolled his eyes and huffed.

"I didn't like them Missy. They made my brain foggy and I could barely stay awake." He told her. "Of course everyone ran away and left me alone thinking I was sick."

"Then you need to talk to your doctor to try something else. You need help Sheldon."

"Stop saying that!"

"It's true Sheldon! Look at you!" She said firmly. "What about Amy? You can talk to her right? She had nothing to do with your work problems."

Sheldon bit his bottom lip as he thought about Amy. He had thought about it last night, talking to her about what was happening with him. But he was afraid of any consequences that may be that comes from it. "I...I...can't talk to Amy." He said simply. "Not about this. Not right now."

He watched his sister as she grabbed a tissue from a nearby table and dab away the moisture in her eyes. He hated making his sister cry. He knew he should have skipped skype and just called her. "Sheldon, you're going to have to talk to her eventually." She said simply. Sheldon didn't respond. "She's going to want more from you, and she deserves more from you."

"Missy…"

"'I've never met her but from what you and momma say about her she's a right bright woman who deeply cares for you."

"Missy stop." He pleaded softly.

"She will understand Sheldon. She'll understand what-"

"I...I..I have to go, Missy. I'm sorry. I'll talk to you later." And with that Sheldon slammed his computer shut, leaning heavily on it with his face in his hands again. He took deep breaths to try to control his heart and the sobs that wanted to come out.

"Breath. Don't feel." He chanted under his breath. "Breath. Don't feel."

He didn't need his sister to tell him any of that, he knew. He knew it wasn't fair to Amy to get involved with a crazy person, even though he's pretty sure she's figured it out already. He's had too many close calls with her as a witness. But still he kept convincing himself that she didn't know. That she was blind to the depression that plagued him so heavily he wanted to just end his life. Or the mania when his brain would take over and all rational thought would leave him.

He didn't know how long it took but eventually he was able to get his emotions back under control. He sat there at his desk and just stared at the wall with glassy eyes, thinking of nothing, detaching himself from his world. He needed it to be that way to keep from feeling stayed that way until he heard his phone chirp indicating a text message. He looked down at the device curiously for a few beats before picking it up and hoping sincerely it wasn't his sister. He wasn't sure she could handle anymore from her that day.

"Hi boyfriend. I'm procrastinating work. Want to go to the zoo?" The message said, causing Sheldon to smile for the first time that day.

"I would love to girlfriend." He replied and waited.

"Pick you up in 20."

And with that Sheldon put his phone down and hauled himself up making a list of what he needed to do, starting with a shower. He went to his bedroom and picked out his clothes for the day and took them to the bathroom, setting them carefully on the dry countertop next to the sink. He turned the hot water on in the shower and began to undress, catching himself in the mirror. He paused as he looked at himself, moving closer to it. He didn't like what he saw. He saw a pale thin man with heavy bags and tired eyes staring back at him. He wondered if anyone else had noticed. But with a shake of his head finished undressing and got under the spray of water.

He loved showers. The water beating down on his body felt good and warmed him. He loved the scent of soap as he cleaned away the dirt and grime from his body. It made him feel renewed and ready for the day.

Once he felt he was sufficiently clean, Sheldon turned the water off and proceeded out to get dressed. In less than 10 minutes he grabbed his wallet, checked his zoo pass was in there with his bank card and was out the door heading downstairs where Amy would be waiting in her car. He felt excitement inside himself and a happy calm feeling at seeing his girlfriend.

Amy loved going to the zoo. She always had, ever since she was a child. It has always held some kind of fascination with her between the exhibits and the nice walk. Before she met Sheldon she would frequently spend her weekend there alone. She would just wander in and out of the habitats, but mostly stuck by the monkeys. Sheldon had admitted to also going to the zoo many times alone before meeting Amy. She thought about that sometimes, on whether or not she had ever seen Sheldon. If there were a chance she had seen the love of her life before but just didn't know it, but she couldn't remember.

Sheldon didn't either, which was odd to learn considering his eidetic memory. But he has explained that when he came to the zoo alone he was usually deep in thought working out the mysteries of the universe and if he had seen Amy he did not know.

She was lucky when she met Sheldon. In so many ways but in this way in particular, his love of the place as well. He always somehow knew some new fact or trivia and she would just let him talk freely. She got a sense that wasn't something he had in general. She could understand why people just wanted to shut him up but when she listened to him like this he'd come alive. As selfish as her boyfriend could be, she always admired how freely he gave knowledge. Always trying to educate.

Especially when it came to Penny. It amazed her sometimes how patient Sheldon could be with her. Her bestie was a bombshell beauty and she was intelligent in her own ways but the distance between her knowledge and Sheldon's was lightyears. Even between Amy and Sheldon it was lightyears. But Sheldon never seemed to give up on Penny. He would dumb things down for her but she picked up quick.

If only he did it with a little less condescension it might go over better with others.

Honestly though the biggest draw the zoo had was holding Sheldon's hand. It took some wrangling and a negotiation of the relationship agreement but she won the fight so that she was free to hold his hand in public on outings. It wasn't too hard to negotiate though, she knew that he wanted it but Sheldon was always complicated and can't just say what he wants when it comes to emotions.

Today's trip to the zoo seemed different though. When she had picked up Sheldon he seemed his normal pleasant self. They played a car game to the zoo and held hands as they walked up to show their passes. But Sheldon seemed off to her. He was quieter than normal, a tad sluggish. He had requested they take a break early on, too early for them and he had just sat there with glazed eyes for several minutes.

She didn't know what to do so she just stared at her boyfriend, taking him in. She noticed his face seemed thinner and that he had bags under his eyes. She wondered if his current project was taking up too much of his brilliant mind to allow him to sleep. His mind was beautiful but when it took full control of Sheldon nothing could stop it. It was almost as if it were trying to self-destruct. Nothing was more important than acquiring the answers it sought. Like that time he had ended up on the ledge of a bridge trying to calculate some particle research. It frightened her. She really thought he would jump. She didn't think she had ever been so scared in life than that but luckily Leonard arrived and was able to get him down, suggesting a different experiment to calculate whatever the hell it was.

Once he was firmly on the ground and in her arms she wanted nothing more than to get him home and tuck him into bed and watch him until he came back. Unfortunately police policy dictated he be sedated and put in a ward for 72 hours. It was the longest 72 hours of her life, but she was there with Leonard and Penny helping him when he was finally released. He was still sluggish from whatever medication they had given him, and he had bruises on his wrist where he obviously fought at some point. She hated it. She had taken him home then, and Sheldon slept for two days straight before waking to his normal routine as if nothing happened.

That situation is what normal people don't see. If their lives were a TV show that part would be edited out.

Holding tightly to his hand Amy reached up and brushed aside a piece of hair. Sheldon's hair was longer than normal, another thing to add to the list. He looked over to her as she did it, meeting her gaze and giving a soft smile that warmed her insides. She was Amy. She was Sheldon's exception.

"Are you alright?" She asked him quietly. "You seem a bit listless today."

Sheldon stared straight again, watching the bear in the cage play. "I'm fine Amy, just a little tired."

"Are you stuck on a problem?" She tried remaining calm. No point in panicking until they know if he's on another psychotic bender. "Maybe I can help you."

"No, no problem. Just tired."

Sheldon left it at that and after a few minutes more got up and they headed towards the Monkeys. They had just allowed the new baby into the cage with the others and Amy had been looking forward to seeing. "Isn't that wonderful?" Amy said as she pressed her nose against the glass.

"Every time I see a Monkey I think of you." Sheldon stated casually. Amy looked up to her boyfriend with wide eyes.

"You do?" She asked him.

Sheldon nodded, not taking his eyes from the cage. "Every Time. Whether it's on TV or a stuffed animal, or a picture, I immediately think of you." He looked down at her then and Amy's heart fluttered.

"May I kiss you?" She shyly asked him and Sheldon leaned down and placed a chaste kiss upon her lips. "I love you." She muttered.

"To quote Hans Solo, "I know."

Bermedette rocked gently in a chair that was placed in the corner of what would be the nursery. She placed her hand on her bulging stomach and grimaced as she watched Howard and Raj try to put the furniture together. It should have only taken an hour, maybe two, but they were going on five and Bernedette was starting to lose patience.

And she was hungry again.

SIghing she tried standing up but found that she couldn't so she just sat back. "Will you two hurry up?"

"What's the rush Bernadette? You still have a few months to go." Raj said.

"Yes and the baby will be born before you guys even get their crib together." She sighed. "I should have taken Sheldon up on his offer."

Howard looked over to his wife confused. "What would Sheldon do? He's more inept at assembly than Raj."

"Hey!"

"Sorry."

"That's true but he would have you all organized and finished by lunch." She prickly said.

"Well it's just as well. I don't think I would be able to handle a lecture on the history of cribs or diapers or whatever else he found fascinating." Howard replied putting some pieces together to stand the crib up.

"You should listen to him more Howard, maybe you'll learn something."

Howard stopped what he was doing and just stared at her confused and for a blink of a moment Bernadette felt bad for saying it. But it went away quickly as she knew she was right. Even if she was guilty of tuning Sheldon out as well.

Thinking of Sheldon, Bernadette reached into her pocket and took out her phone, searching for the text box for Sheldon.

"What are you up to?" She sent and waited.

"At the zoo with Amy." was his reply. "Is the nursery put together?"

"Not even close."

"Should Amy and I stop by to help?"

Bernadette thought about it for a moment before replying. "Not right now, but I'm sure the threat of you coming over will motivate them."

"Lol. Let me know. Amy says "Hi""

"What are you smiling at over there?" Howard asked.

Bernadette just smiled a sweet smile and rocked in her chair. "I was texting Sheldon. He'a out with Amy but he said he can stop by if I needed help."

"Since when did you start texting Sheldon?" Howard asked wide-eyed.

"Since last week when you went to drink booze while I was stuck sober."

"Don't remind me of that." Raj whined. "It reminds me of my stupidity and you know how sensitive I am to that."

Bernadette rolled her eyes, wondering not for the first time how he sacked two girls at the same time. She could see it easily, but then he opens his mouth and poof and all that charm is gone. At least he had his parents money to fall back on.

"Regardless, either get done quickly or I'm just going to call Sheldon." She threatened, ignoring her husband's troubled look.

"Who is that?" Amy asked as they walked, eating ice cream cones.

"Bernadette. She's having trouble getting Howard and Raj to finish with the nursery furniture." He answered, noticing Amy's confused expression.

"Tell her I said Hi?" she said, or was it asked? Who knows. He sent the sentiment to Bernadette.

"So, Sheldon." Amy cleared her throat and directed them to an empty nearby bench. "I'm noticing that you and Bernadette are having a thing." She couldn't think of a better way to say it, and by the look on Sheldon's face it wasn't even clear to him either.

"Well we texted a few times. Mostly on tuesday. We were sending toast jokes to each other."

Amy froze at that and looked to Sheldon, her ice cream melting away. Bernadette was texting jokes to Sheldon. To HER boyfriend. And Sheldon participated? Sheldon never participated in that kind of banter. He found it trying and banal. She, Amy, the exception to everything Sheldon rarely even got to do that. He had all her emails go into his junk folder for a month because she sent him a meme with a turtle on it. But now she's learning there's another person. Another person who had an exception to them. And this person wasn't a stranger, it was her own friend. She hated that she felt so insecure.

Amy took a couple deep breaths, telling herself to play it cool and not spook Sheldon. "You two are getting kind of close." She said, "I mean, jokes and a trip to Pottery Barn. What's next?"

Sheldon gazed over at Amy and she could see in his eyes calculations of her words with a furrowed brow. "I don't understand." He said simply.

"I'm just saying, you barely had any contact with Bernadette and now well, you go places, you text. She sat in your spot."

"And this makes you concerned?" Sheldon asked innocently. Amy couldn't help but smile at confusion.

"A little, well, not really. But-"

"Why?"

Amy pursed her lips and looked up to Sheldon's confused concerned face. She could tell that he genuinely didn't understand and Amy just wanted to forget she said anything. She couldn't though because now that she said something to Sheldon, she couldn't leave him struggling without resolution.

"It's silly." She said, "It's just, you're giving her allowances that you normally only allow me. And then some." She looked to the ground unable to meet his gaze.

"You're jealous?"

Amy looked up again and nodded. She hated admitting to it but the fact is she was jealous. She was Amy. She was supposed to be the exception. She saw Sheldon ponder on that, her own mind desperately wanting to know what he was thinking. She always wanted to know what he was thinking.

"Last week Bernadette exhibited a level of patience and understanding that I've only ever experienced with you." He started off. "WIth Leonard and Penny, I frequently feel like they treat me like a child to be placated."

Amy pondered his words as her heart ached for him. She noticed it too, she's called them out on it on numerous occasions. She however did not know that Sheldon had noticed. "I didn't know you felt that way Sheldon." She genuinely told him as Sheldon looked away.

"I do. I know I have some bad idiosyncrasies, and I lash out, but I don't know what else to do. If I don't then I'm just ignored and pushed off."

Amy reached up and forced him to look at her. Her heart twinged at the water pooling in his eyes. "Sheldon, I see you." She told him earnestly. "I hear you."

"I know you do. And that is why you are Amy. My exception."

Amy's heart fluttered as she felt a tear start to roll down her cheek. She wasn't used to this Sheldon. The one who openly admitted feelings to her. Breaking up with him months ago had been the hardest thing she ever had to do. Followed by his rejection of getting back together again. But Sheldon admitted on valentines day, on live recording that he felt their relationship was stronger than ever because of it and she couldn't disagree. She felt closer to Sheldon and she knew he was putting more effort into their relationship, giving her the romance she always craved.

In private of course. As he says he's not a hippie.

"But that evening with Bernadette," He continued. "I felt like she saw me too and we kind of connected. And it was nice to feel that with another person."

Amy looked away not wanting him to see the jealousy she knew hid in her eyes. She didn't know how to feel exactly. But Sheldon squeezed her hand in his and she looked up again.

"There's nothing to be jealous of Amy. She's fastly becoming a good friend and it's nice to have another person I can talk to, but you're the person I love." He stated firmly. "Besides, she's having a baby AND she's had sex with Howard. I don't think she'll ever leave that mark behind."

Amy laughed at that. She felt she should defend Howard, being as they are both huge fans of Neil Diamond and he was starting to grow on her, but she decided to just leave it. Sheldon and Howard can fight their own battles against each other. "Can I kiss you?" She asked for the second time that day.

Sheldon leaned into her, closing his eyes before Amy and placed his lips upon hers. Instead of the chaste kiss of earlier this one lingered as Sheldon brought his hand up behind her to hold her close. Butterflies fluttered through her and her heart seemed to skip beats as he deepened it. Another side effect of their reconnecting after the breakup, Sheldon was open to more.

Unknown amounts of time passed before they parted, needing air again in their lungs. She felt Sheldon lean his forehead against hers and give a tired sigh. She clasped both of his hands into hers and pulled apart a little, taking him in again.

"Are you okay Sheldon?" She asked him again, concerned.

He didn't answer.

A/N: Well...This chapter is putting the story in a weird place.

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