A/N: I hate these but here it goes. This chapter was late because I was considering where to go with it how far crazy it should be, i wanted to draw out the suspense and make a well rounded novel like story. I always marvel how fanfic writers can produce such random things to draw theirs out. But as I rewrote this chapter a couple times I finally thought to myself "Missy, (my name is Missy if you didn't know.) You're 38 years old with a full time job, two kids, and a video game to play. You've written fanfic since middle school. Eff drawing it out you make whatever angsty drama crap you want!" And I agreed with myself and had an ice cream.
Standard Disclaimer: I own nothing, every itty bitty bit of science in here is fake and made of up big words i know. (thought shouldn't be together heh). Completely ignores Young Sheldon.
DeathCrawler, Guest, Emma Schuester Thank you for your kind words
silvakerllyany: Never fear! It will be completed. I've only ever abandoned one fanfic..
Lonny J: I never considered him that way either but I thought I would explore some mental issues stuff. The Missy part is complete AU. I always liked thinking that Sheldon had a good relationship with his twin but just wasn't on the show. After watching Young Sheldon i was disappointed that they didn't.
Bold =Text/read
Itallic = Flashback
Bold Itallic = Self thought.
Chapter 5
Sheldon stared at his screen reading over what he had just typed for errors. As usual there were none, but he liked to check just in case. Ever since that math blunder with Hawkings and that time he almost discovered a way to synthesize a new element, Sheldon had been extra diligent in checking over his work.
Satisfied that everything was as it should be he stood from his chair and walked over to the whiteboard that was covered in equations, reviewing it as well. His work had been progressing well over the past few months once Amy and he renewed their relationship. He hadn't known until then how much his work had sunk before she ended it. His work had been slow progressing and he was frequently stuck, worried that he had made a mistake changing disciplines. But his renewed relationship with Amy had also brought with it a renewed connection with string theory and he had once again made the jump back to his first love.
The university was ecstatic about it as well. They may not trust him but they do still need him. He was still a leading authority on string theory and particle physics. That and his teaching a class was not going well. Luckily the school had thought of that and while he was not strictly forced to teach one he was expected to give lectures.
'Pre-approved lectures that is'. He thought. And he had to have a chaperone.
Sheldon wrapped his arms around himself as his mind wandered from the board. He had a lecture that afternoon and he wasn't looking forward to it. It was for a group of undergrads and he was to give an overview on their physics department. He felt that was worse than just teaching a class. He didn't feel he should have to sell physics to people who were 5-10 years older than he was when he started his own undergrad work. To him, they were late in the game, though he realized he was a special case. At least teaching or lecturing a class, those he taught had already chosen physics and had some kind of background experience in it already. Albeit basic.
"Sheldon, are you ready for lunch?" Leonard said from behind him, causing Sheldon's heart to jump. He turned around to see his roommate standing by the office door.
"Don't you knock?" He bit out, hand over his chest. Leonard knocked on the open door.
"I did but you apparently didn't hear me." He said simply.
Glancing back at his board for a moment Sheldon gave a quick nod to it before grabbing his wallet from his messenger bag and followed Leonard out of his office, locking the door behind him. He didn't used to do that, he didn't have a need to. Nobody would dare break into Sheldon's office in fear of his relentless retribution or even worse, having to talk to Sheldon. But he found comfort in doing it lately, knowing his work was safe, or believing it was.
"What are you working on that had you deep in thought?" Leonard asked conversationally as they walked down the hall.
"Just exploring the secrets of the universe as always." Sheldon responded vaguely. He felt Leonard look up at him but ignored it as they continued walking down the hall.
They arrived at the cafeteria and grabbing trays they got into line. Sheldon looked over the selection but finding nothing appealing just grabbed a bowl of fruit and some water. Leonard gave him a funny look and asked if that's all he was having. He made some suggestions but Sheldon declined, his stomach churning at the thought of eating any of it. He paid for his lunch and headed for the table Raj and Howard were already at. They were in yet another argument about zombies that Sheldon just wanted to be left out of. It was an argument that had been going on since before Sheldon met them.
He sat in the chair opposite Raj while Leonard sat next to him. Picking up his fork he looked down at his bowl still feeling kind of queasy. He had missed breakfast that day and knew he should eat but he couldn't really convince his stomach of that. He let the conversation go over his head without any comment, allowing his mind to continue to process the math he needed to continue on once he returned to his office.
He wondered if he used a different approach to the last section he had worked on if it would help with the current one. He wanted to run it by someone just to talk it out but he couldn't talk to the three people currently at the table. He thought about calling Amy and the thought of her made him smile.
He thought about their zoo trip the day before and a feeling of contentment washed over him. He felt like every single time they are together they seem to grow closer. Though he didn't quite like having to express so much of his emotions to her, He didn't like allowing someone behind his defensive wall. He had built that wall so long ago and with good reason he believes, refusing to allow anyone in. Allowing them to see the fragile mind he truly was. But somehow Amy had punctured out a few bricks and was able to squeeze herself through.
He hated to admit it but he did enjoy the delight it seemed to give her when he showed his affection for her. He enjoyed the brighter smiles and lights in her eyes and how she would shyly ask to kiss him. He would sometimes give a huff for show but normally now he would easily concede as he enjoyed kissing her. He loved how it took his breath away and made his heart beat faster. He relished in the electricity that seemed to course through his entire body with each kiss and the way his heart would beat even more wildly at her happy smile afterwards.
.
"What are you smiling about?" Howard asked him, breaking Sheldon out of his own musings.. Blinking a few times Sheldon noticed his friends eyes on him.
"What?" He asked dumbly.
"You're smiling like a goof." Howard added.
"I bet he's thinking of Amy." Raj jumped in knowingly. Sheldon could feel his cheeks flush at his friends teasing.
"Oh was it a dirty thought?"
"Howard!" Raj admonished. "That's Amy you're talking about. Show some respect."
"Oh please, you hear how I talk about my own wife. Why would I censor now?" Howard dismissed and turned back to Sheldon expectantly. "Well?"
"What I'm thinking is none of your concern. And you should be less vulgar about your wife. She is having your baby." Chided Sheldon. He looked back down at his bowl feeling even more queasy than before so he put his fork down and grabbed his water instead.
"Don't tell me how I should talk about my wife. And by the way, I did not appreciate your scolding of me on Friday.
"Howard, are you seriously mad at Sheldon for standing up for your wife." Raj cut in.
"Yes I am. Did you not hear him. He said and i quote " She already had sex with you, hasn't she been punished enough?"."
"It was a valid question." Raj laughed but stopped at the annoyed look on his friend's face.
"Alright guys that's enough." Leonard cut in, fulfilling his life long designation as mediator. "We were being asses, not giving up our seats. You know he didn't mean it."
Oh if only Leonard knew he meant every word and more. He's always had a distaste for Howard in general, the way he's always vulgar about women, the way he treats his best friend Raj. And worse of all, he refused to get his Ph.D.. He only acquired his masters. And it was in Engineering.
"Fine, but I don't know what you're up to with my wife but just know I'm watching you." Howard snapped.
"What are you talking about?" Sheldon asked him confused. Howard glared at him, raising a brow.
"I don't know, but suddenly it's like you're BFF's or something." Howard railed. "As you've pointed out before, she's pregnant and hormonal so whatever game you're playing with her or some experiment you're running you need to stop. Now."
Sheldon felt like he was going to be sick. He knew he should respond, he knew he could respond. He could easily put Howard in his place but he didn't want to risk his new friendship with Bernedette. She would hear from Howard about the argument and to keep the peace they would go back to just being acquaintances.
He didn't know if he could deal with that. Though he was surrounded by friends and he had Amy and her love, he increasingly felt alone. It was a feeling he was familiar with as it was what he felt for the majority of his life. His high intelligence had made him a figure for ridicule from those his own age. He remembered how, after an encounter with Andrew Riggs on the way home from school in third grade, he would sit on the floor of his bedroom and repeat softly to himself that he was ok. That he was special and the others just didn't understand. Once he was declared a genius and moved to high school he was frequently shunned and tormented by his classmates there as well. Between the high school bullies, elementary bullies and his family Sheldon had felt alone and scared for a good portion of his developmental years.
He hadn't stayed in High School long thankfully and began college. He thought he would find relief being amongst others who were more intellectually educated and could understand him better. But if anything he felt even more isolated. Instead of children tormenting him for being different, or teenagers annoyed at his mere presence in their school, he felt rejected as those around him, who understood him on an intellectual level, was afraid of him. He felt like an exhibit in a freak show. They would look at him curiously but quickly run away should he try to interact with them.
Telling Bernadette his secret that he's having problems at work had scared him. It was personal information, something he didn't like giving out if possible. Not since that man in Germany. Sheldon had kept everything to himself. With the exception of Amy on an intellectual level. She was always his exception. But it had been over a week now and the others did not know. Bernadette had kept her promise and hadn't told anyone. His stomach churned at the glee it felt and he had thrown up.
Sheldon blinked a few more times to clear the buzzing in his ears before responding. "Excuse me, I have work to do." He muttered, pushing the bowl of fruit at Raj's tray and standing. Without a second glance he quickly left the cafeteria and his friends.
Leonard watched as his roommate quickly walked out of the cafeteria. He was surprised he left without any retort, expecting to have to calm the two men down but Sheldon surprisingly remained calm and just left. It wasn't the reaction he was expecting which raised an alarm in him..
Turning to Howard he furrowed his brow and took a bite of his salad before speaking. "Was that really necessary?" He asked.
"No but it was fun."
"How was that fun? He was sitting there quietly and you had to go and poke the snake."
"Are you seriously blaming me?"
"YES!" both Leonard and Raj shouted.
"On the plus side I got some free food." Raj gloated, taking a piece of melon from the bowl.
Leonard frowned even more as he watched his other friend eat what was to be his roommate's lunch. Being always observant of Sheldon he had noticed an increased amount of skipped or barely eaten food in the past few weeks. He wondered if his current melancholia is a result of lack of food or the other way around. He hated how Sheldon could go on and on over the littlest things but it worried Leonard more when Sheldon was quiet. It usually meant something was wrong and that always seemed to end badly.
"Guys," He started, then paused, thinking about what he wanted to say. Both Howard and Raj watched him and waited for him to say something.. "I'm worried about Sheldon."
"You're always worried about Sheldon." Howard scoffed annoyed as he went back to eating his lunch.
"Don't do that. Don't dismiss it." Leonard admonished.
"He does seem a bit lethargic lately but it could just be his work." Raj cut in. "He's seemed preoccupied with it lately."
"Does anyone know what he's working on?" Leonard asked. The other two men shook their heads. "Since he switched back to string theory I haven't been able to find out what he's doing. He barely works on his boards at home anymore, and what he does do makes no sense to me.
Raj leaned into the middle of the table, pushing his tray aside and talking softly. "You don't think it's another, you know?" He said cryptically. An outsider wouldn't know what Raj was asking but Leonard knew what he was hinting about. He looked around them to see if anyone was paying attention to them, not wanting the conversation to get out. Knowing that if it got out that Sheldon Cooper was as crazy as everyone thought he was, could spell disaster for Sheldon's credibility and damage any work he does.
Raj was referring to Sheldon's little trips into insanity. Leonard hoped his current state wasn't leading up to another episode. It had been months since the last one, almost a year. Sheldon had been working on a theory of dark matter's place in the creation of black holes. Leonard didn't fully understand what the premise of Sheldon's theory was, all he knew was when he came home late one night after staying at work to conduct an experiment, he found his apartment a mess with water and dye all over the place. He had quickly traced Sheldon's phone, hoping the man had it on him and thankfully found him easily.
Somehow Sheldon made it to the beach and was waist high in the water looking down putting drops of food coloring into the waves. It was dark out at that time and very cold for a California winter but somehow he was able to get his friend out of the water and back home safely. He had refused to think about how lucky he had been. That the probability of Sheldon being swept out to sea was higher than not.
"God I hope not." He muttered, more to himself than to the others.
"Why don't you just call his mother and let him be her problem." Howard clucked. "I've never understood why you even bother. If my roommate was nuts I would find a new roommate."
"Howard, he's your friend." Raj sighed sadly.
"No, I'm a 'treasured acquaintance.' if you remember."
"Well he's my friend and honestly, I don't know." Leonard responded. And it was the truth. He should have just moved out at the first sign of crazy but something had kept him there. Somehow Sheldon triggered that nurturing feeling he held inside him, the thing he wanted the most from his own mother but never received.
It had been the quiet sob coming from Sheldon's room one night a few months after Leonard moved in. He was going back to bed after a trip to the bathroom. It startled him at first, not expecting it. The man he shared the apartment with seemed robotic. He had his routines that he stuck to unwavering. He had to have everything a certain way and it bugged the crap out of Leonard.
He had quietly opened the door to peek inside, seeing Sheldon sitting on the floor, furiously scribbling on paper as he rocked himself, tears coming from his blue eyes as he seemed to beg someone or something to stop. But there was nothing and no one in the room other than his roommate. Leonard picked up one of the stray papers that littered the floor, seeing equations but not able to make any sense to it. So he stood there for about 20 minutes and watched Sheldon in this state before his heart couldn't take it anymore and stepped into the room.
He crouched down by Sheldon, placing his hand on the other man's shoulder. The reaction was instant as Sheldon threw himself away from the hand and crawled backwards until he hit the dresser. They just stared at each other for a few moments before whatever compulsion Sheldon was under took hold of him again and he reached for another nearby notebook, pen in hand and scribbling away, muttering 'please stop' over and over to himself once more.
It was then that Leonard realized the real reason Sheldon couldn't keep a roommate. It didn't take a genius to figure it out. Growing up with an emotionally distant mother who was a leading psychiatrist in child development did bring with it a basic understanding of the human mind. So instead of being scared or annoyed, Leonard just crawled over to his roommate, his new friend, and grabbed hold of his wrist. It had taken a struggle but eventually the compulsion wore off and Sheldon collapsed into an exhausted heap on the floo Asr. Leonard covered the tall man up; he had somehow decided that Sheldon needed him, so he stayed.
After meeting Sheldon's mother the first time he understood more of what made Sheldon tick. She spoke of Jesus and demons. She talked about getting him tested, concerned that her son was crazy. Turned out he wasn't, he was just a genius. And that was the end of testing. He wasn't crazy, that's all his family wanted to know.
"I think it's because you have a nurturing soul, that's why." Raj said, interrupting leonards thoughts.
Howard scoffs as he finishes his lunch. "You should still call his mother more to deal with his crap." But Leonard just shakes his head.
"Something tells me that getting his mother involved all the time would be a bad thing for Sheldon." He told them.
Raj furrowed his brow at that as Leonard drank the last of his coke. He looked at his watch knowing he had to get back to his lab to finish testing with the ion laser before he could go home that evening. He had a date night with his wife planned and wanted to discuss plans for their future again. It had not been easy to pin her down to do it but it was important to him. So with a farewell to his friends, Leonard stood from the table and exited.
Sheldon walked quickly back to his office, his long legs covering the distance easily. His mind racing at Howard accusations. He didn't understand what the big deal was over his befriending Bernedette. She's been a member of their social group for so long, he thought it would be more of an 'about time' situation rather than something nefarious. He felt like his friends didn't know him at all. That while yes he can be difficult, he's never set out to harm anyone.
His step faltered as the voice of his father invaded his mind, and he paused and placed his hand on the wall next to him to steady himself.
"Who would want to be friends with you?" The man sneered. 'Please not now.' He thought to himself, leaning his forehead against the wall as a memory floated to the front of his mind.
Sheldon watched his sister through his bedroom window as she played with one of her friends in the backyard. The two girls laughed as they dressed up their barbies in ridiculous clothes, imagining some kind of party they were to attend. It was utterly stupid but Sheldon couldn't help but feel jealous.
"I wish I had a friend." He said softly to himself.
Who would want to be friends with you?" His fathers voice sneered behind him, causing Sheldon to jump in fear as he turned around. His father stood at the open door, beer in hand, glaring hard at Sheldon. Fear coursed through Sheldon's veins as he plastered himself to the wall by the window afraid to blink.
He watched his father take another gulp from the beer. Finishing the last of it the man burped loudly and crushed the can in his fist before throwing it on the ground. Sheldon fought his need to pick it up and put it in the recycling where it belongs. He would never make it with his father standing right there at the door.
"Where's your mother?" He growled, and Sheldon tensed further.
"S-ss-she l-lle"
"Stop stuttering you fucking retard." His father shouted at him, Sheldon cringed and slid slowly down the wall. "So where is she? She has her womanly job to do." His father laughed menacingly, the sound causing goosebumps on Sheldon's arm and a shiver to go down his spine.
Sheldon didn't know what that meant but it sounded quite horrible. He looked around the room looking for an escape but none was to be found. His only option was to duck into the closet and go through to the secret hiding spot in the attic but he didn't want to expose it to his father. He and Missy used it to hide when their father came home really drunk and angry. Sheldon needed that spot to stay hidden for their protection, so he just sat there, pressed against the wall as his father advanced slowly.
"Church." He answered softly. "She went to church." His father laughed and entered the room until stood right in front of him. Sheldon couldn't look up at the man so he kept his eyes trained on the man's knees until he was grabbed by the shoulder roughly and thrown upon the bed.
"Your mother is so stupid. Believing in God. Wasting her time when she should be here doing her job. Cooking, cleaning this house." The man paused, leering down at Sheldon. Sheldon shivered, he could smell the alcohol on his fathers breath and it made him want to vomit.
"You want a friend? Well let me tell you something. You are only good for one thing, and that is to be used." He growled. "Wheather its that fucking brain of yours," He paused again as he reached down to his pants and unzipped himself. "Or filling in for your mother who should fucking be here."
With that he pulled himself out and grabbed Sheldon's wrist pulling him closer."
Sheldon breathed in short breaths, trying to control himself. The memory came so suddenly he couldn't stop it. He felt dirty again. His shoulder ached from the imaginary bruise he received from his father, and his hands felt contaminated with so many germs and violated by the act..
Standing straight from the wall Sheldon looked down at his hands. He saw nothing there but he felt it. He felt his fathers skin and bodily fluids seep through his fingers. With that he quickly pulled out the bottle of purell he kept in his pocket and poured a large amount before rubbing his hands together. He had to do that several times before he felt they were sufficiently clean. Taking a deep breath and looking around, Sheldon was thankful nobody seemed to pass him in the hallway. He wouldn't even know where to begin explaining what he was doing standing at a wall.
Starting down the hallway again at a slower rate than before, Sheldon thought about what his father said. He didn't think his friends were just using him for his brain and just tolerating the shell it came in. Though sometimes he felt they did. But he refused to believe that was the basis of their friendship. He fully believed them to be friends, for more than just his mind.
Rounding the last corner to his office Sheldon suddenly crashed into something or someone, paper spilling everywhere as he tried to stay on his feet, succeeding only by hitting the wall hard with his side. He blinked a few times before looking over to see who it was and scold them properly but his voice disappeared as he realized it was the man he had wanted to meet.
"Dr. Owlster, I'm so sorry." Sheldon exclaimed as he bent down to help pick up the dropped items. The man before him just laughed and waved him off. The man was several inches shorter than Sheldon with a stocky build and a graying beard and mustache. He looked every bit the celebrated Professor of Physics that he was.
"It's quite alright. I should have been watching my path instead of reading." The man said. Once everything was back into the man's arms, Sheldon stood straight with his hands clasped in front of him. "You have me at a disadvantage. You know me, however...wait, are you Dr. Sheldon Cooper?"
"Yes, I am. It's a pleasure to meet you sir." Sheldon affirmed, delighted that Dr. Owlster knew who he was.
"Oh I followed your work in supersymmetric theory. It was absolutely brilliant. And you were only 15 years of age. That is remarkable." The scientist praised.
Sheldon couldn't help but stand straighter to his full height at the high compliments given to him. He was known to have a huge ego and he loved getting praise for his accomplishments. It just reaffirms his view of himself and the work he does. And when others praise him he feels that validation that he's doing something right that he misses from his day to day life, though you would never know it from how confident he acted.
"Thank you Dr. Owlster. That is very kind of you to say." Sheldon said. "Though it's nothing like your work on relativity and proton decay. It gave insight to a few issues I was having in my current work. I was finally able to 'crack the code' so they say."
"That's great! I tell you young man, the accolades from accomplishments are wonderful but I feel the most proud of my work when I find it advances science for all. What is it you are working on?"
"I'm working on magnetic monopoles sir." He told him. Dr. Owlsters smile slid a little bit causing a twinge in Sheldon's stomach at realizing he was thinking about the Arctic disaster.
"I would have thought you'd moved on from that after...well…"
"Yes and I did for a while. I had switched to dark matter and I had done tremendous work. But my heart belongs to string theory and I couldn't fully ignore it." Explained Sheldon. And it was all true. The work he had done on dark matter had expanded the theories surrounding it to an enumerable degree. And that's not just his ego talking. It was a scientific fact. However he couldn't think of that now as he watched Dr. Owlster continue to frown.
"What about your premature claim?" Sheldon cringed at that.
"Well, it was a miscalculation of the data I had collected. I should have been more diligent and that's on me. But while it did not prove string theory it did have a lot of valuable data that has moved me to the next steps of my work."
Dr. Owlster stood there silently for a few moments, which felt like an eternity to Sheldon. He searched his mind for something else to say, something to show that he's not a hack scientist like so many other people.
"I was actually wanting to meet you Dr. Owlster. Your work on proton decay is certainly fascinating and I believe further research into it will result in exhibiting how magnetic monopoles interact in multidimensional space."
"That is a wondrous theory Dr. Cooper." Then the man said pensive. "As you know I'm choosing a location and a team to put together for my work. Why don't you put together a proposal for me to review."
Sheldon smiled in excitement and reached out to shake the man's hand. "Thank you very much Dr. Owlster. I'll get that to you by the end of the week."
With parting pleasantries Sheldon walked the remaining distance to his office. He unlocked the door and entered, closing it behind him and leaning against it, his smile still prone on his face. His introduction and interaction with Dr. Owlster went better than he thought it would. He was pleased with how Dr. Owlster seemed interested in his theory and Sheldon was more than ecstatic that he was requested for a proposal despite knowing about the Arctic incident.. He already had one ready to go, working on it for weeks before Dr. Owlster even arrived in anticipation. He thought about sending it right away but didn't want to seem too eager, he was a respected scientist after all.
He wanted to share the news with somebody so he turned around with his hand on the doorknob ready to exit again but paused. Who would he tell? He couldn't tell Leonard, Howard, or Raj. Doing so would bring them into his work and he was steadfast in keeping his friendship with them and his work completely separate. He thought about Penny but he knew she had a huge presentation to attend that day for a new listing of drugs her company will be pushing in the coming weeks.
He thought about Amy and his heart beat faster. If there were anyone in the world he'd want to share the good news with it would be her. She would understand the significance of it the most and encourage him in the best ways. However she had a significant breakthrough in her current research and was spending extra time in her lab. He didn't want to disturb her, understanding how important the work was to her.
WIth a sad sigh Sheldon let go of the door and walked towards his desk. Sitting down heavily in his chair he let his mind wander a bit before reaching for his phone to text Bernedette. He was halfway through the message when he paused and Howards angry words came to the forefront and he felt a depression crush upon him.
He felt truly alone at that moment.
Amy enjoyed girls' nights. They were sometimes the highlights of her week, which is saying something as she is the girlfriend of one Dr. Sheldon Cooper. But being as she'd never had girlfriends before, these nights were definitely up on her list.
It was nice to trudge up the four flights of stairs to the apartment of her bestie to drink wine and chat with Penny and Bernedette. Especially on days like today where she just needed to unwind. Her current project yielded some undesirable results and with a review for the funding of it coming up soon she was under a lot of stress.
Finally reaching the fourth floor, Amy stood there at the top of the stairs for a moment like she always did to get her heart rate back to normal. She looked at the door for 4A and contemplated going to see Sheldon before getting a buzz at Penny's but decided against it. Sheldon too was under a lot of stress and she didn't want to add to it by making an unscheduled visit.
With a shake of her head Amy walked over to 4B and knocked on the door three times before entering. Penny was in the kitchen dumping fresh popcorn into a bowl. She looked up and smiled at Amy.
"Hey there!" She said cheerfully, grabbing a bottle of white wine from the counter behind her.
"Good evening Penny." Amy replied as she dropped her bag in a chair. "Load her up! Mama needs a buzz."
"Uh oh, something wrong?" Penny asked, pouring a large amount of the wine into a glass. Amy picked it up and gulped it all down, slamming the glass down and asking for another. She saw the concerned look on Penny's face and debated telling her. She knew Penny wouldn't understand any of the issues Amy was currently having at work, never having to do research herself. "Is this about Sheldon?"
Amy placed her glass back on the counter thinking of her boyfriend. She knew she could talk to Penny about him but she worried about Sheldon's reaction when Penny blabbed to him. She loved her best friend but she really didn't trust her to keep secrets. On top of that she was still a little jealous of how close Penny and Sheldon were.
Luckily she was saved from responding by another knock at the front door before Bernadette peeked her head in.
'"Hey you! Come on in." Penny said enthusiastically. Sometimes Amy envied Penny's ability to express herself. She couldn't think of a single time she had been that enthused.
"Sorry I'm late." Bernadette said as she waddled into the apartment.
"Oh no, not at all. Amy was just about to tell us what Sheldon did to make her drink."
Amy looked over at Penny with furrowed brows not liking the implication of Sheldon causing her to drink alcohol. She knew that Penny did, needing a drink after spending time with him sometimes, but Amy never felt the need. She understood Sheldon, and knowing his stance on alcohol she was sure he wouldn't like the implication either.
"Is there a problem? I just spoke to him and he seemed fine."
"When did you speak to him?" Amy asked, puzzled.
"A few minutes ago. He helped me up the stairs." Bernadette said, plopping herself on the couch. "He said he's put a complaint in with the management about the elevator."
"That can't be good." Penny said, "God only knows what they'll find down there."
"I bet Sheldon $20.00 there's a dead body down there."
Amy frowned as the two other girls continued making wild and crazy hypotheses as to what would be found in the long unused elevator shaft. Once again the feeling of jealousy stirred in her stomach. She was confused as to Sheldon's interest in Bernadette, and that Bernadette seemed to genuinely like Sheldon. She flashed back to their trip to the zoo and his soothing words. Amy knew there was nothing to be jealous about. That she should be happy that Sheldon, who found social interactions difficult, was able to connect with someone on that level.
"So what did he do?" Bernadette asked Amy, shaking her out of her own thoughts. It took a moment or two for her question to register.
"Nothing. Sheldon's been great." She told them. Amy went over and sat in the chair by the couch
Penny looked incredulous at her. "Really? He gave me a fine this morning for not washing my breakfast dishes and then went on a twenty minute lecture on the perils of leaving dirty dishes."
"He's right, you know." Bernadette replied.
"Doesn't matter." Penny dismissed. "What I want to know is about Amy and Sheldon." Amy looked at her best friend who had a glint in her eye.
"What do you mean?" She asked curiously. She had no idea what it was Penny was fishing for, but she had a feeling it was something she probably didn't want to answer.
"Well, it's been what? Six months since you got back together? Tell us the deets!"'
"The deets?"
"She's fishing for dirt on you and Sheldon." Bernadette explained as she attempted to stand up. After a few tries though she just sat back again and asked Penny to grab the popcorn on the counter.
"There's really nothing to tell. Everything is as it had been before the breakup." Amy said. It was a lie though. The breakup had changed Sheldon, mostly for the good. He was sweeter, he was more caring. He expressed emotions to her, only when not around the others of course. She loved this new side of Sheldon but she wasn't sure he'd appreciate her gushing about it to their friends, though she was aware it was the cultural ritual of having a boyfriend, gushing the goods to one's girlfriends.
"Yeah right. You know he smiles whenever someone says your name?" Penny said. "Did you hear he bought new dishes for their date nights?" She said to Bernadette.
"That I did. I was there. He couldn't decide between the flowers or the patterned one." Bernadette confirmed, popping some popcorn into her mouth. "I said go with the pattern, it was less girly."
"On that trip to Pottery Barn. He mentioned that to me." Amy said.. "I'm still confused on why."
"Oh, well Penny had to go to that reception thing and Howard was going as well. I figured you'd be too so I asked Sheldon."
"You didn't think Sheldon would be at the reception?" Penny asked. "Wait...he wasn't there?"
"You seriously didn't notice Sheldon wasn't there?" Bernadette said incredibly. "You would have had to drive him."
"No, I didn't. It's like...he's always just there."
"Back to the question." Amy interrupted. "Why didn't you think Sheldon wouldn't be going if your own husband was?"
"I really have no idea why." Bernadette said honestly. "Maybe it's because I know Sheldon and his abhorrence of social activities, who knows. I just asked and he said yes."
"I guess that makes sense." Penny dismissed again. Amy thought of this and her logic did make sense. She herself did not attend due to the impending deadline of her current work. While she knew that Sheldon didn't go she couldn't help but wonder still why. "So come on, Sheldon smiles and buys new plates, what else?"
Amy thought for a moment, carefully considering what she would be willing to divulge. She had no qualms other than Sheldon when it came to her relationship. "Well, he let me kiss him in public a few times." Penny squealed in delight.
"Nooo, the man who barely let you hold his hand?"
"Yes, and he sometimes allows cuddling during a movie on date night." She added.
"You know what that means right?" Penny asked with a glint in her eyes. "Someones gonna get laid soon!"
Amy furrowed her brows as she gulped down the rest of her wine. This was red light territory and she didn't want to get into it with them. Penny and Bernadette both had what was socially considered as normal healthy sexual relationships with their partners. Amy's relationship was anything but. She knew that her relationship was not normal. Her relationship with SHeldon had been progressing at a snail's pace, something she was relieved for in the beginning.
Now however, she wanted more. She wanted what her friends had. She wanted to come home from a hard day of research and just snuggle with her partner. She wanted to get into bed and be held, kissed gently before going to sleep or more amorous activities. She wanted to have sex. But the topic had never really been broached, and she wished she could ask her friends for advice. But they were all too close in this weird circle of friends they have.
"Penny." Bernadette admonished softly. Amy looked over to her and saw concern on her pretty face. It was then that Amy realized that she knew something. Bernadette knew something about Sheldon that Amy didn't and she felt the bug of jealousy in her stomach once more.
She sat there silently as Bernadette expertly directed the conversation to a safer topic, but Amy still stewed. Still wondered what it was that Sheldon would tell Bernadette and not her. But then she remembered what he had said at the zoo. How he said it was nice to have someone else to understand him, and suddenly she wasn't so jealous. She knew if it were important he would tell her.
At least she hoped.
tbc
