(in which we use our CO TAG POWER)

...Me and Genkan both stare upon the pinned fluffle.

It is trapped. Tiny ice fencing has been built around it, such that it cannot escape. The fence's only half as tall as it, but the fluffle is still corralled.

Maria adds a second fluffle, and they start scuttling around inside the fencing together.

"Brad," Genkan gives me a neutral look, which I am predisposed to say is cute because I personally think it's cute, "I cannot believe you talked me into this."

We stand before a small gallery of yuki-onna side characters. Genkan has done me a favor, and collected some of her people for a meet 'n' greet special!

They're all quiet, observant and apprehensive of life. It's very, very snug, and also slightly awkward!

...When I look at the pen again, the two fluffles are trying to headbutt the fencing together!

"Once the fluffle gathers its confidence, and numbers, it charges." I purse my lips as I examine them putting their entire bodies into each headbutt! "Look out."

whump, whump. whump, whump. We all quietly watch the fluffles headbutt the fencing, making it more dusty.

...I look fully at the yuki-onna horde!

"Nnh! Nn!" Ichigo-yuki is somewhere in the crowd, trying to leap to navigate past her taller sisters! "Get- get outta the way- oof! Hey…! Wh- don't hit me with your butt- I'll hit it back! Enh enh enh enh-"

"Sto- stop that." A random yuki-onna is opposed to having her butt boxed…!

A very common trend is that Genkan's sisters all have deep colors of hair… fer the most part. There's a couple with pastel hair!

With my Greek crown thing on, and my camou-mono, I walk forward to be amongst our snow people, dude.

Soon, I am amongst the cuddly. "Greetings, comrades!"

...Ichigo-yuki pauses before me, and smiles up at me!

A yuki-onna in a white kimono with earth green trims what is that- just kinda drifts up to me. "I'm mad." Oh.

Fwash! Wha- hey~, now. Who shot me with ice…?

Fwish- Fwash! Fwash- Fwash, Fwish! Kra- fwash! Oh no- the yuki-onna are starting a snow riot! They're lobbing ice magic at one another for no reason, and then just zooming away…!

Genkan glides up to us! "Um. Sisters- please, I- I didn't mean for you to-"

Fwash! Ha-chan's frozen solid in the background!

Fwii~sh. Genkan narrows her eyes, when a random yuki-onna that's just her but shorter drifts up and gently blows a stream of snowy air into her face.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Um…" Ichigo-yuki stands next to us now, as the entire congregation disperses and falls apart! "Is this the demonstration?"

...Genkan still has her eyes narrowed, her hair now frozen in a blown-back state. "No."

"Why're they all so aggressive, today…!?" I question the premise! "I know I'm a human, but sheesh! Usually they ask if I'm someone else's food first!"

Genkan sighs. "They're all on edge. One of us was killed recently, so they're all very eager to make themselves scarce. They did say, if one thing went wrong, they'd probably panic and disperse." I can't believe me approaching them was something going wrong…!

...Aw! The stockier Genkan came back up to us!

Fwii~sh. She blows in Genkan's face again, and then zips back off!

...Genkan looks blown away, dude.

"Someone got killed…?" Maria questions, her hair also blown back and frozen that way! "How?"

"It was today. That one youkai... the one with the purple tendrils, that we saw in the village." Genkan- hey wait a' minute.

That's that-... chick with Matt, right? Was she Shikome? Aw, is Matt just going around killing random snow chicks? Fuckin'...

"...Hmmh." Maria huffs. "It might not be an incident-worthy thing… but someone has to stop her."

Genkan shook her head. "There's not much need. We're good at keeping ourselves hidden, and hiding for a long time. Even among youkai, we're… not necessarily targets, but we attract a lot of attention we don't like."

Yeah- I'd imagine! Not every yuki-onna is like, ascended beauty, but they're all fairly pretty overall. And y'know how horn dogs can be about pretty girls…! If- if there was a camera, it'd cut to the Golden Grin!

"Yeah- well…" Maria wonders. "How many people die? How often?"

Genkan doesn't have the exact figures! "...I- I mean… not many? It happens a few times a year, maybe. Considering some of us are born from the snow and of mother nature, not of a mother... it's not as crushing as it could be. We'll never have a… population problem, necessarily. But, if our numbers dwindled, we would lose precious memories and traditions."

Hoo~h. "Man. I was hopin' we could create a crack squad of moderators. Ta unleash frozen-... moderation, on our foes! T'keep our foes in moderation!"

...Genkan gives me a neutral look! "You're going to have to gain their trust. You can't really expect them to fight for you, either. I mean… I fight with you because I love you, and before that we were friends, but these others are much sooner to turn tail and run before even considering laying down their lives or well-being."

After we give each other a cute neutral stare exchange, Genkan addendums her words. "Also, to them, you are either food or guilty or both."

"I dunno," I hold my arms out! "I just thought they were so fluffy that they'd just kinda accept!"

"I'll accept!" Ichigo-yuki is, for some reason, the exception!

"You don't count." Genkan smites 'er! "You're also my friend. If you didn't know me, you'd seem just as weirdly quiet as the rest of them."

"...Y'know- I guess I would be!" Ichigo-yuki confirms the trend…!

"Why do you guys got like a vow of silence when yer around new people…!?" I- y'know, that might be slightly hypocritical of me!

"Because it's awkward." Genkan summarizes! ...An' then she smiles. "We're shy."

...I hold a finger up! "That's- as good a' reason as any, actually!" Yet they were not awkward enough ta not break out into an ice magic playfight fer no reason!

Y'know, I- I like how it was just punctuated by a single yuki-onna just saying 'I'm mad' before all hell broke loose.

Genkan focuses on me again! "You never told me why you wanted to randomly heckle a bunch of my sisters over a demonstration. I just sort of accepted because I felt a lot of them were already in the area."

"I'm thinkin' of big ways for us to amass defensive power!" Yeah dude! "An' I'm really pushin' my thinker here, y'see. 'Cause it's gonna be like ten hundred years of grinding for me to actually get muscles of any description, and also eating actual food, and even then, physical strength ain't everything in a battle these days!" And if I wanted magic power I'd have to grind that in a different way and oh my go~d the grind…!

"...Well, maybe. Maybe not." Genkan becomes passive… "Unfortunately, my sisters do not share the same mild insanity you've infected me with. They will not reciprocate your whims."

...Aw- what! Someone froze our fluffles in the pen!

"Maria- our fluffles got frozen!" Woah no!

"Good." Maria fixes her hair with her hands! "They can be frozen."

"Well…" Genkan looks thoughtful! "What kind of things do you have in mind? For… gaining power, that is? In a timely manner, too? ...If you're thinking of dark magic, I'm going to have to stop you."

Aw yeah, dark magic! "Alright- so here's the plan! I've been thinkin' about this since eatin' that ice cream, and while this whole yuki-onna militia thing was falling apart!"

"I take it back." Genkan tries to reverse her move! "You are not allowed. It's Christmas day, in the afternoon."

That's a good point, but also! "At least hear me out on the plan a' action first! We don't gotta get on it right away!"

...Genkan looks more at ease, dude. "...Perhaps you can illustrate the plan of action when we get back, then. If-... if we have anything we can illustrate with." Wait, oh no.

I turn to Ha-chan, who is nearby and frozen. She looks so surprised!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

In Genkan's cave living room thing, with the one table, I pull up-... a sheet of ice! Just- a sheet of ice. Since the floor is also ice, it slides around nice!

Genkan actually does have a cool little box of art supplies. For what? I dunno! I guess she just painted ice at one point!

Oh my god these sharpies are beyond ancient. Fuckin'-... fossilized. Preserved by the cold, and-... preserved maybe too well, because they're frozen! Yeah- really is a 'cool little' box of art supplies- they're so cool they can't be used!

"Genkan, your sharpies are all frozen." I hold up the rock-hard, totally solid-tipped sharpie…

...Genkan looks happy. Just seein' her smile naturally now is like- "What's a sharpie?" Uh oh.

Ohp- aw. Maria comes up ta me… "Here." Wait- whah.

...It'sa brush. Just a brush.

"Wha- where's the paint…?" Son…!

Maria gives me a big smile! "I- I forgot I packed it! The brush, I mean. It- it was in my old outfit- back when we first started-... aa- adventuring, together."

...I can see why you never took it out! "Ah, yes. Fer emergency rectal insertions…!"

"No…!" Maria grins back at me! "I- I just-... I didn't have a pen, and I didn't wanna take any of Marcus', so I just- brought a brush! But I forgot the paint!"

"I'm gonna burn a chair into charcoal and use its smouldering remains as writing material." How do we not have anything…!? "Hey- Genkan, d'ya have crayons!?"

"I have crayons!" Ha-chan has crayons!

"I have crayons!" Oo- oh. Ichigo-yuki spoke up at the same time…!

"Son- will crayons even write on ice? Efficiently…!?" Oh my go~d! "I'm gonna just- cook this sharpie instead!"

Takin' out the Red Scare, I drop it on the floor.

Clink. Fwoom! It just- lights on fire when I lay it down! Then, I drop the sharpie onto it-

"That's a bad idea." Maria backs up…!

...Genkan doesn't know why, but she retreats too!

Trusting them, I retreat with them!

...KAP- POP! Oo- oh. The sharpie very quickly went nuclear and exploded, into a blotch of black shit. Oo- oh no.

"You're replacing that." Genkan instantly decides! "That was mine…" Aw. She seems vaguely crestfallen...

"They're like- two yen at convenience stores…!" Sharpies are everywhere! Wait- that'd be two hundred yen, uh oh.

"...Re- really?" Genkan seems surprised! "I thought it was special… I- I'd found it in some hole somewhere, when I was fifteen or so." That's an ancient sharpie!

"That's so long ago I'd be surprised if it still worked!"

Aw. Actually, what else is in this art box… oh. Colored pencils. I'd draw on paper, but that'd be a little bit munted…

"I can't believe we do not have writing utensils." I dig into my bag, an' ransack it! "Freakin'...!"

...Ha-chan's in front of me, holding out a box of crayons! "Here you go!"

Ichigo-yuki stomps in place! "Dang it…"

Well. We got two choices. Run an hour round-trip to the Kourindou fer a fookin' sharpie… or write on paper wit' some crayons.

...Y'know what?

Takin' some paper out of my bag, I lay it down on the room's single, simple table, accept Ha-chans crayons, and get ta work! Aw-... ah yes, the white crayon.

...Daah- let's start with brown, s'a nice neutral color!

"What're you drawing!?" Ha-chan takes this moment to pull up a chair an' sit next ta me!

Pain. A gun. Video game schematics! "The plan." Hoo~h…

"Can I draw too!?" ...I mean- uuh…!

"Sure!" I accept purely on impulse, and because Ha-chan is unironically still really damn cute!

Everyone gathers around, more outta morbid curiosity than to actually hear out a plan! But I got one- lemme tell you!

"Alright-... so!" I rub my hands together! "So let's suppo~se…"

Takin' the brown crayon, I, uh… hmm.

Aw yeah! "So let's suppose we meet our foes!" ...Man- the tone of the scene really isn't where I want it to be right now but I also don't really wanna change it ouu- "We're out in the woods- and we get jumped!"

"That sounds typical." Genkan summarizes! "I feel like we're always getting-... 'jumped'."

I mean like- Matt could freakin' finally be done wit' my shit somehow, or Shimokoa could do her teleport rush on in outta nowhere-... and Shikome's a whole big can a' worms we ain't takin' in normal combat!

Tappin' the paper with my brown crayon, I gots an idea. "So what if-... we had a big plan. Some kinda attack or technique we could do if we absolutely, positively, had no way a' gettin' outta a situation with our own skills!?"

...Maria looks curious! "Well… what kinda scenario would that be? If you mean like, Shimokoa, we can take her easily. I know more fire magic now- and your gun hangers together seem really strong. And Genkan can get in her face better now, too. I don't think Sakuya is weaker than her, even heavily handicapped."

I raise a finger! "What if- we got jumped by super Shimokoa and Shikome and the assfuck horde at the same time!?" I propose! "What if the entire town guard comes up in an all-out come from the back sneak attack!? Ooh!" That reminds me!

Genkan! "I met Merry today!"

...Genkan blinks! "Merry? ...Oo- oh, you mean, Maribel? ...Really?"

"Yeah!" I nod! "She was in the Grin! ...She wasn't so happy t'see me either!"

...Genkan looks at the paper, then up at me! "I left you alone for thirty minutes and you ran into her again. Brad-... mmm." She concedes the point! "Alright. I'm listening."

"Is she actually like, mad with you? About nearly killing you- and us?" Maria asks!

Well… "I dunno if she's mad, but she was all icy. Actin' real edgy. She took away the front door and gave me five minutes ta find a way out. That's why I picked stage up! It was like, five minutes 'or else', and I wasn't stickin' around to find out what her idea of 'or else' was!"

...Genkan looks more focused. Maria has her brows kinda furrowed, and Ha-chan's…

Scribblin'! Aw- she's trying to make a-... a-... round thing. I'm sure there's a noun that exists to describe it!

Maria concedes the point too! "Well… I guess you have a point. If we ever met two of the shady people who don't like us at once, we… might come out worse for wear."

"If we come out at all." Genkan adds. "...Why do these things have to happen to us? I- I suppose these people have their reasons, but why can't they leave us alone?"

Maria shakes her head, closin' her eyes. "I-... I don't think it's easy for us to understand. Maribel is… strange. Shimokoa's blind with anger. And-... um. That Shikome… thing. It's just a blatant murderer. A- a pure carnivore."

And I nod too! "An' if you think us gettin' jumped by multiple people at once is the worst case scenario-... then that's probably what's gonna happen 'cause luck works like that!" Law of probability dictates that shit's fucked!

Genkan looks down at me, 'cause I'm sittin' on this chair and she's standing!

"Well, Brad?" She asks the question. "Do you have any ideas? Or, do you just intend to have a big idea, at some point?" That- somehow feels dangerously accurate to how things typically go!

"I actually got…" I rub my hands together again! "A plan. Kind of!"

...Man, dude. Ha-chan scribbled over half the page!

"I'm making a map!" Of- of what…!?

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

The grand design has a few simple prerequisites. We gotta visit Alice. I'm gonna need… a bigger bag.

"We're gonna need…" I draw a huge boat, on a separate sheet of paper, "a bigger boat."

...At everyone's plain stares, I beam an' keep going! "And-...!"

We're gonna need hydro jets. A whole lotta water. "Hydro cooler jets." I draw some big air conditioner jets- well, one, on the side of the 'ship' we can see- wit' the grey crayon!

And also! I draw a pogo stick on the bottom a' the boat! "A tall thumper."

Wait, yeah. I draw a huge speaker. "Our own personal band and theatric music system!"

I draw a huge boomerang! "A zoomafoo! Dude- me, and you, and zaboomafoo! Yeah- that's what it was!"

I draw one of Flandre's wings. "The drakenfluff. Oouu~..."

Also- "The Tiananmen Square! On our boat!"

"Oo- okay, hold on." I- I like how Genkan stopped me at the Tiananmen Square part! "Slow down. Why… the hydro jets?"

...Well! "Y'remember how Stormy had those water generators that flooded half the place?"

"Oh, right. The flood." Genkan took pause! "...Wait- machines did that?"

"Should we even be questioning it?" Maria wonders! "I, like… I kinda wanna just not question him and see what happens."

Genkan twists to face her! "And, do you think that will be a good idea?"

...Maria purses her lips! "Well, maybe. Okay, one more question." She looks at me! "What's the sound system for…?"

...I shrug! "So we can listen to tunes on our galactic cruise ship!" Also, if I remember right… Kyouko and Mystia's stereos can output such raw musical magic force that they do wind magic damage to foes. If we can get shit like that onboard…!

Oh man, oh man. Y'know what…

"Since it's Christmas Day…" I stand! "I got… I got an idea. An idea about how this idea'll go down, that is!"

...Genkan looks pensive! "This had better be done by evening. I want us to spend the night in peace."

"It might be!"

Parting from the table, I aah…

Crack. ...Ow! I cracked my neck!

"Alright." I swallow, and stretch my arms. "We're all gonna get on some shit."

"That- sounds bad." Genkan is instantly apprehensive…!

"Genkan-..." Ah, shit. Hmm…

I think until my thinker's sore. There is a way… to get this all done, in like, one day almost!

"Maria-" I turn ta Maria! "I'm gonna toss cash at you! I need you to go to Eientei, get eighteen stereos, like-... a band kit, and like, a helicopter. Also ask for helicopter lessons!"

"Um…!" Maria gives me a big smile! "What…?"

"We're gonna need wings!" I'm tellin' ya! And, hmm… "Genkan! Yer uh, I think yer gonna head to the buddhist temple, 'cause the people there are friendly. See if ya can find Kyouko and Mystia, tell 'em to head east fer the Scarlet Devil Mansion. If they give ya shit- say yer my girlfriend!"

"...Who?" Woah no.

"I, ah…!" Aw shit. "This green-haired doggie chick! She actually lives there, you're more likely ta find her just, on her own. She sweeps the front walkway."

"Oh, her." Genkan recognizes her! "...I'm tempted to ask why."

"It'll all come together later!" Yeah man! "Also, look fer this kid called Stormy. Kyouko knows 'em! Toss like, aah…" I take out some yen, like two million or somethin'. "Toss this cash at 'em, tell 'em to see what he can do about some like, air conditioner water generating doohickies. Tell 'em Eientei has tech if he has coin, probably!"

...Genkan tilts her head! "If he gives me problems…?"

"Tell 'em I'll freakin'..." I'm tempted to take out a plant hanger just to slap an open hand wit' it! "I'll freakin' take 'em to clown town! Also- send 'em wit' Kyouko over to the mansion so I can like, manhandle him."

"...And, you?" Maria asks! "Where're you going?"

I nod! "Ta the SDM! I got some real big shit ta do. An' I gotta see Alice. 'Cause I need… a bigger bag." A bigger bag… fer a bigger boat!

"What about me!?" Ha-chan gets up from her seat! "Can I go with you!?"

"Yeah- that, is actually in the plan!" I need a bodyguard! "I am the only person who's relatively munted on his own…!" I can melee, and magic, but I don't do either really well…!

Maria'll handle the Eientei relations, an' amass all the tech we need… Genkan'll get the friends, and I'll… handle the big stuff, man.

Genkan purses her lips. "And, this will all only take…?"

I snap my fingers. "One day. Pre- preferably. If we gotta do more, we'll do it after Christmas's over, but fer now I think we got this!" We'll do it on Canadian Boxing Day. Boy, I sure do love to box… in a Canadian way…!

...We all turn to Ichigo-yuki! "What about me!?"

Genkan comes up to her. "I'm kicking you out."

...Ichigo-yuki double-takes! "What- why!?"

An' so the real Christmas rush… shall commence!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Maria an' Genkan're headin' off to the village. They'll probably split at the junction between Eientei an' the Myouren.

This leaves… the classic party.

"It's just you and me!" Ha-chan flies a circle around me, as we stand here in Genkan's lawn! "Nnn~... I'm so excited!" Oohp- she up and glomps me!

An' gettin' glomped by Ha-chan is like-... man, I forgot how awkward but nice this is. Less awkward now that I have deeply embraced the Genkan, but still uniquely awkward!

She rubs her cheek against mine, and she smells like perfume, or fairy, and her chest presses against mine- and it's not even that small either, it's like-... I mean, it's not that much smaller than Genkan's, but Genkan's seem bigger 'cause-

Y'know this isn't really a relevant train of discussion! ...But I will clarify, Ha-chan is a lot thinner than Genkan, which is probably why this feels so different!

"Mwah!" Ha-chan kisses me on the cheek! "Hehehe…"

"Son-" I freakin'- pry us apart!

"This is gonna be so fun!" She flies a circle around me! "And I love Genkan- and I love Maria too- but you guys always talk about big stuff and I never feel like I can say anything- so when- aa-..." She ran out of breath holy shit! "So now that it's just you and me I can talk and yell!"

"Eeee~!" She fuckin' squeals! "I love you, Brad!" Wo- woah…!

...That- hits my heart harder than I expect! Like-... I dunno!

"...Y'know!" But suddenly, fer some reason, I'm reminded of somethin'! "I wanted ta make a joke about Chess that suddenly popped inta my head- but uh… d'ya know a whole lot about Chess!?"

"...Um!" Ha-chan stops in the air! "No!" Woohoo! "But I know there's horsies."

...I wag my finger in the air, dude. "Yeah- atta' girl. Alright- we should get movin'!"

"Yeah!"

An' so we get movin'!

Why's the air above Genkan's cave like, normal biome mode, but the moment we approach the magic woods, we enter the night zone?

The canopy's full a' fake stars. I can't see the roots on the ground. Everything's fuckin' navy blue…!

Ohp- aa, fuck.

Thud. I trip on a root!

...Stopping next to me, Ha-chan gets on the ground too. "Hi." Fuckin'-...!

"Hi!" Lemme just-...

Fwi- Click! Slip my anti-grav boots back on, and stand back up…

Click! Flick 'em on with magic, and-

"Yeehaw!" Yeah- we're rollin' man! "Let's go!"

Ha-chan floats inta the air around me! "Woohoo!" We're gonna be on Alice's place like a freakin' hurricane!

fwi- fwish- fwish- fwish! Wh- oof! We're gettin' bushwhacked…!

"Aa~h…" I give a very faint yell as we lean outta the way of a wave of brush an' leaves an' glittery shit!

"Oh- woah!" Aw, shit! "The fuck's this…?"

Aw, yes dude. Target practice.

Some orange-haired cat guy's just kinda standin' around near some pile a'-... a' shit over here. Wood and bits and things! Standin' up, he meanders on over to us as we float here. "A human?" Aw, yeah yeehaw.

"I'm a he-man." I leer down at 'em…! "I am going to fire an ion cannon at you and eradicate you from the plains."

...The dude jerks his head back! "Heh? Well… mmm. You can fly, I guess. Well…"

He floats into the air! "I can fly too."

"Oh no." I monotone. "I'm scared. I'm'onna- drink a bottle a' piss. Freakin'..."

...The dude frowns. "You-... really aren't scared? At all? These woods ain't a place for a human, y'know. This place's our turf. I kick your ass here, and you're ours."

Fwi- Click. I am guns.

Red Scare, the Bawmber, both aimed straight forward. "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"

PATATATATAT! Shooting both- I start spreadin' 'em out when he starts trying to move to one side!

BOOM- BAM- BOOM- BABOOM- BAM! "Mrree- reo~w!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

...I hover up ta Alice's house, slidin' both hangers away. Man-... I feel-...

I dunno. It's been so long since I've just romped around these woods on my own, and like… I- I feel weirdly… weird! Real- real descriptive!

But- like, we got attacked by like five fairies and it was so irrelevant that I didn't even hafta show it between the linebreaks. They zipped up- I shot 'em, and they poofed. Admittedly, these hangers are a really good trash clean-up thing, but they're also like… not my power, really!

But at the same time- I amassed 'em, so like…! It's weird!

Ha-chan is wrapped around me as I float up to the house. Like… just hugging onto my back.

"Mm- mmn…" She hums, squeezing onto me. It- feels good. Just havin' her limbs coiled around mine is-... good! Y'know what, I don't mind this.

She breathes out- and I sure as hell feel it 'cause she's got her head on my shoulder, and- man.

Click. Focusin', turnin' my grav boots off-

Bam! Wh- ah… ow. I land on Alice's porch- and Ha-chan- is hangin' onto me like a monkey- so I have to support my weight and her's…!

Encumbered, I huddle up ta the door- and just-

THUMP. I ragdoll onto the door, my face smearing across the wood! "Nngh…!" Ow!

Bonk! "Wh- ow!" Ha-chan's chin was on my shoulder- so she had a forehead-bound crash-course with the door that I'd braced for- but she didn't! "Ow- ow- ow…"

...Click. After we lay here, defeated, the door starts to recede.

Creak! Our limp bodies push it open, and we fall inside!

Alice darts back, avoiding us! "Aah…"

...Stopping myself from eatin' shit with my arms, I look up at Alice! "Yo- Alice!"

Wh- ah- stop tryin'a crush us in the door! "Wait- no, help! Alice- we need your help!"

"Your help- uhf!" Ha-chan gets squished with me! "Help!"

She tries to crawl over me- as I try crawlin' forward- and- oof! We're squished by the door again, and we stop…!

"Alice-" I propose an idea! "What if- there was a chess board-... and white was about ta lose- but they played their ultimate trap card!?"

Alice snorts. "...Flipping the table?"

"Even better!" I suggest! "Resettin' all the pieces to the way they were!"

"...Resigning?" Alice wonders!

"You'd think!" I shake a finger around! "But nah- it's just that the game starts over! An' only white can do it!"

"...That just sounds like cheating." Alice sighs. "That defeats the entire point of playing. Rules are to establish common ground and a common structure. Otherwise, you're playing with toys and imagination."

"But dude…!" Awww~! "Five-D Chess, du~de!"

"No." Alice- onf- tries ta squish us with the door again! "I'm unimpressed."

Wh- ah- Ha-chan succeeds in crawling over me, and her boobs drag over my head- and eventually I, uh… yeah, cool white-blue panties.

...An' then she pauses in front of me- alright, that's it.

"Wh- ah!" Ha-chan jumps, when I like leap forward and wrap my arms around her waist, my cheek against her butt!

"Go, sparky!" I yell!

An' so, she starts crawling along- which pulls me through the door- and yeah we're in business!

...Alice has a semi-disdainful look! "The moment you're not with your girlfriend, it feels like you lose approximately more than half of your IQ."

"'Cause I do!" I tell 'er! "...Genkan carries the family brain cell!"

Lettin' go of Ha-chan's tiny butt, I fight inta standing… hoh. Alright!

Ha-chan just floats into standing, like a cheater. "I never had brain cells!" Wahoo!

Alice is even more jaded! "Self-awareness from a fairy scares me."

"Aw…" Ha-chan takes pause, dude. "I'm not scary. I'm me!"

"She ain't scary… she fairy!" Yeah they rhyme!

"Oof." Alice takes the pun like an impact! "...I didn't expect to see you here on Christmas. Are things going well?"

That's a very strange question to be asked by anyone! "...Well, yeah. But-"

"Did she like your gift?" Alice smiles! "Patchouli told me all about it."

"She did!" I nod! "...Only complication's that uh, her body can't make its own heat, so unless it's the summer, wearing it is uh… y'know."

"Oh. Ah, I see." Alice nods. "The ice immunity causes her body to take on more human properties. I'm sure that's… highly exploitable, but also slightly dangerous."

Whah. "Exploitable…?"

Alice snorts. "Yuki-onna eat humans for two things. Soul, and heat. Soul is spiritual energy, heat is… well, heat. They can store heat for a long time, but they can't make it. Despite being beings of frost, they are not pure ice. This can vary, 'cause bodies are imprecise, but um, yeah."

She takes pause, before realizing she didn't directly answer my question! "My point being- that if a yuki-onna could just put that on, get near a fire and take heat, then take it off, they'd eliminate their hunger for heat altogether. They still need soul. That's probably something she gets from you just by cuddling. ...You guys cuddle, right?"

"We do!" Ha-chan pipes up!

...Alice looks jaded again! "I- I mean, him and Genkan."

"We do!" Ha-chan's answer remains the same!

...I grin! "We do!"

"Well, goo- good." Wahaha! "Anyway… it's Christmas. I thought you'd be spending the day with her."

Well…! "We're gonna chill out in the evening- but since we spend every wakin' moment together otherwise, and I had a plan, we all split up ta search fer clues!"

"...A-... plan?" Alice is curious!

"Yeah man! I am going to teach them, how to be… fluffles!"

"That's not a plan." Alice shoots me down! "That's not a plan at all."

"Tangentially!" It's tangent time son! Wild tangent! "I need ya to make my bag of assfu- my bag of holding able to like-... stretch, really wide!"

"...I- I was worried you were going to ask me to make your ass really wide." Alice jokes in an uncouth way! "If you actually said that, I would've kicked you out." Wahaha!

...I nod bigtime! "I didn't even think of that, but now I wish I'd said it!"

Alice just shakes her head! "How wide do you need it?"

Hoo~h… "As wide as physically possible. Or rather, wide enough ta fit a small combat ship through. Y'know- with a sail, and a hull, and like… maybe as big as like, three houses?"

...Alice's eyes slightly widen! "That's- really big. You're… not actually going to try and slip something like a ship through, right? You're basically asking to turn that bag into a huge gateway as well. How would you even open it?"

Very carefully! "With a lot of help!" I'm sure all four of my party members could open the entire thing like a trap.

...Alice nods. "Well… considering the spatial properties of the thing, that's certainly possible. Though… working with metaphysical nonsense like that's also a pain. How much are you carrying? In cash, I mean."

"Big yen." Big pharma. "How's a million 'er two sound!?" It pains me! I am frugal at heart, but ow oof my wallet!

"Sounds good to me." Alice is fine with that! "You may perhaps be short-changing yourself... but if you really want to offer it, I won't deny it. It's Christmas, after all… and I've done you a good favor, or two."

"Yeah- buy yerself a vacation!" I don't give a shit- some day we'll be able to counter-shakedown Joon! Hopefully! ...That- or we get Reimu in on the brawl!

Wait. "Didn't I pay ya hilariously high for something else?"

...Alice shrugs! "Well. Maybe? ...I'm forgetting too. You probably did, honestly. I'll take five hundred thousand, then. That's honestly enough."

I wonder what she used the last huge sum I gave 'er on!

"Shouldn't take too long, right?" I ask 'er!

"Probably not." Alice shook 'er head. "The hyper-elastic band is the easy part. Unless… perhaps I should use a dynamic linked steel wire system. Hmm…"

...Wal. I can't believe she's got ten hundred options she could do.

"Regardless." Alice holds her hands up! "Gimme."

I fork over the bag! "Ye, ye."

"It might be a few hours."

Ho~h. A few hours, huh.

"Do ya got a Chess set?" I ask 'er!

...Alice purses her lips! "If you're expecting me to play with you, I admit, it'd be rather hard to work and play optimally."

Aw. "Nah, I mean, fer me and Ha-chan here!" I turn ta Ha-chan! ...An' then I pat 'er on the head, pat pat pat-

"Mm- nn…" Ha-chan leans around my hand eventually! "Yeah! ...Wha- what're you doing…?" I- I like how I got Ha-chan to question what I was doing…!

"Ah. Well… sure." Alice starts ta move!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENKAN'S PERSPECTIVE ====

"Well…"

Maria and I stand at the windy juncture. The one amidst the plains, before the Myouren Temple and the road towards the Bamboo Forest of the Lost.

"This seems like where we part ways, for now." My gaze meets the full, blue sky above. "How do you feel?"

"Um… good?" Maria looks at me like the question's strange. "Not tired, if that's what you were asking."

On the way here, we stopped by Maria's mother's home. Or, I suppose, Maria's home. She gave us some bread for the road. Apparently she'd baked it for herself… before realizing she had no actual ability, nor need, to eat and digest it. Strange. Although, I wouldn't know what being dead is like.

It's good bread, too.

Fwish. Maria places hers in her technological backpack… thing. "And, um…"

"Omh!" Ichigo-yuki is still with us. "Mmh…" She's making rather noisy work of her bread, which we must have gotten awhile ago.

I turn to her. "Ichigo-yuki. Would you mind escorting Maria?"

Maria seems to blink. "Oo- oh… that, um, would be kind of a good idea, wouldn't it…?"

Indeed. "Brad may think highly of your abilities- and they are quite powerful- but on your own, you're still a mage, and a human at that. Even Ichigo-yuki here can probably take ten times the abuse you can."

Ichigo-yuki swallows her bread. "Aa- abuse…!? Who's abusin' who? I'll abuse them!"

"Random youkai, on you, potentially." I answer her question. "You will be protecting Maria. If anything wants to eat her, or anything else bad, or otherwise disturbs her, please, help her in combat."

"Aah…" Ichigo-yuki nods. "I see! She does seem nice… and I don't really want your friends to die. That'd be really bad." You… don't say. "I hear like, all the time, from my sisters… honestly, I think they talk about death a little too much. I mean, I get it's all bad and stuff, but sheesh. Talk about dead horses!"

Mmm. Perhaps. "I'd like to hear you say that after you've lost a loved one."

...Ichigo-yuki cringes. "Um. Ye- yeah… I'll consider um, that."

"Don't bully her." Maria looks sympathetic. And, well…

"I just want to make sure she takes this seriously." I don't mean to disturb her, but… "You and Brad are very important to me. I don't think Ichigo-yuki would understand that connection without me making it understood."

Ichigo-yuki smiles, somewhat awkwardly. "Ehe- heh… you know me better than I do! But, I understand. Maybe I'll like her too!"

...Considering your energy is quite similar to Hana's, Maria should be in her element. I did notice Maria and Hana have found some kind of curious common ground. It's not much of my business, I suppose, but I do feel it.

"You can count on me!" Ichigo-yuki salutes me. "Ichigo-yuki! I'll turn the bamboo into bamboo shoot shortcake!"

...Is that a dish? I've never eaten bamboo shoots. Then again, I don't actually need food matter like that, so I guess I'm not one to talk.

Maria smiles, and nods. "Alright. Good luck and stuff, Genkan. When I'm done, we'll um… meet back here, right?"

"Right. If that fails, then in the village square." We've got it all figured out. "...And if that fails, just make your way to my home. Only as a last resort, however. If it gets too late, just stay with your mother. The magic forest at night is not exactly what I'd call a leisurely stroll."

"Yeah, I know." Maria nods again. "Alright… good luck!"

"...Bye." It feels strange. Saying 'bye'. I typically say 'farewell', but… we're seeing each other later today, so that'd be awkward.

I'm really no good with small talk. Not like we're expected to be, but…

"See ya Genkan!" Ichigo-yuki, ever the exception, has a far easier time. "Let's go~!"

…'See ya', huh? That would feel wrong for me to say.

As Maria and Ichigo-yuki progress along the sunny path, along the rolling plains, I face the Myouren stairs from afar.

"...See ya." I mutter to myself, to see how it sounds. And… it- it sounds weird. Let's refrain.

I come up to the stairs.

...Ignoring them, I come up to the front gate, hovering over them entirely.

Open and welcoming. I do wonder what the point of it is, if it's always open. Do they close it at evening? I've seen it closed in snow storms. But, you'd think they'd leave it open for travelers? Was it at night, and I'm misremembering?

...One of the tenets of buddhism is to let go of possessions, so why even have a fence?

I think I'm being obtuse. Letting go of possessions is a novel idea for many, but letting everyone steal what belongs to you and letting yourself be killed by their greed is perhaps too much even for religious belief.

It's not like I ever owned much. But, if my cave was destroyed, I would be sad. I've lived there all my life, and everything I've ever spent time with is there. It's… all my stuff.

"Um…" Oh… oh.

I'm confronted by this short girl in brown, with green hair and dog ears.

I didn't expect my mission to become relevant this quickly. "Kyouko?"

"He- hey…?" She doesn't exactly recognize me. "Who're you?"

"You know Brad, right?" I try to appear personable and relaxed. So… I try to not emote, essentially. My sisters and I often give each other such easy expressions to keep one another at ease.

She blinks twice. "Ye- yeah? Why?"

"He… requests your assistance." I- I'm not sure how he'd want me to word it… or what he wants from them. "I'm… his girlfriend, you see. The specifics will be provided to you later. If you head towards the Scarlet Devil Mansion, he should be there at some point today."

"Oo- oh!" She blinks twice. "Right! You guys were at the party weren't you? I think we saw you... briefly. We didn't stay the whole night…"

"We got embarrassed in front of hundreds, yes." We were on stage… unless you weren't paying attention for that.

"Oh, yeah! That!" Kyouko looks surprised. "...Um, t'be honest- I was a li~ttle too um… nn- not tipsy, but… inebriated?"

Hmm? "Isn't that against your beliefs?"

"Shhh." Oh, okay. "Anyway… um. Is that all you came for?"

Oh. "Also, um… some guy named Stormy. And- your band partner, Mystia. Brad needs them both too."

"Re- really…" Kyouko looks somewhat incredulous. "Well… I- I guess Stormy could use a walk. Mystia, though… if she's not too hammered, I think I could do that. She might be, um… in the bamboo, somewhere."

Oh. Additionally… "There will be technology waiting for you at Eientei. ...I'm not sure when. Perhaps in a few hours."

"Te- technology…?" Kyouko seems displaced. "Well… oo- okay. It seems strange. Why on Christmas?"

...I give her a plain look. "Brad had an idea. Brad and waiting are not a typical mix."

...Kyouko purses her lips. "Well. It's not like Mystia has anywhere to go today… and Stormy, well, you'll see. Yeah, I think we can make this work..."

She starts to move. "And, uh, personally, I think we kinda owe Brad a thing or two. It was kinda his song suggestions that helped with that whole thing. I can't imagine winning against Yukari with anything short of that song. Through the Fire and Flames…"

...Did I hear about this? I remember Brad perhaps talking about them when he obtained one of his-... his plant hangers. Yes, they met here, I think.

So, we go inside the Myouren Temple. Even the well-lit inside of this place feels dark compared to the sunny day outside… but, the natural temple aesthetic also soothes me.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Dark halls become more natural the further we go. The less left to the windows and sun to light, the more luminary fixtures and candles can work.

...Luminary fixtures? Hmm. That's needlessly descriptive, even for me. When I meet up with Brad, I need to tell him we need luminary fixtures in the cave.

The shoji and rooms this far into the temple feel quite… natural. It's quite a thick structure, with so many rooms, and a wealth of patrons.

It's hard to appreciate when in other's company. I've seen the central courtyard before, been in these halls before… but, there's something very simple and natural about them that makes it feel like a home, despite all the people.

Eventually, we come to a common room. Unlike many rooms here, it has multiple kotatsu, a large counter on the far end, multiple square lamps, even couches and tables.

Then, I see him. Without anyone saying anything, I can recognize him.

Brad accidentally hurt him the other day, didn't he? ...Or, was it intentional?

Either way, his face is unmistakable. His orderly brown hair, and his eternally drained gaze. He leaks cynicism, in a very different way from me and my sisters. We're cold, but not always tired. Not eternally tired, at least.

"Nnh…" He gives Kyouko a very familiar, easy look however. "Ah. Kyouko…?"

"Heya, Stormy!" Kyouko gives him a wave. "Snap outta yer dazing! We got some stuff to do!"

Stormy closes his eyes. "Byakuren can shove that rainbow sutra-whatever up her fat ass. It's Christmas. I'll daze if I damn well please."

Kyouko chuckles. "Mm- my gods, Stormy- aa- anyway! No- Byakuren's not tryin'a boss us around today. Or, um, you. Someone you know actually wants to meet you, and I thought we could use it as a good excuse to get some fresh air!"

"...Hmm." He looks thoughtful. "A sentimental walk on Christmas, is it? And, who wishes to see me?"

...Kyouko slowly smiles wider. "Brad?"

"Oh, god fucking damn it." Stormy rolls his eyes. "Well, of course. Do we have to walk far? I hope we have to walk far. The less time I spend wishing I could shoot his hair off, the better."

"The mansion we were at last night!" Kyouko told him.

"...Good." Stormy is placated. "...Who's the prostitute?"

...He may not be worth my ire, but even so, "excuse me?"

Kyouko snorts. "Tha- that's not very nice. She- she's not even dressed that bad."

...I look down at my sweater. Between my knee-length skirt, and this sweater, I'm… perhaps obviously dressed to seduce, but it's not licentious.

"Well excuse me for having the power of observation." Stormy seems to practically seethe his every sentence. There's something implacably sickly about the way he delivers his statements. "No one else in Gensokyo goes around in a virgin killer sweater and a fucking cow skirt."

"Vi- virgin killer?" Is that what it's called? ...So this was Brad's plan all along. The fact the concept leaves my heart aflutter is embarrassing. I'll compromise and say it's a guilty pleasure.

Kyouko smiles in a knowing way. "She's, um, Brad's girlfriend."

...Stormy gives me a vague look, his eyebrows raising.

"She does not lie." I'm still hung on the fact this is a-... a virgin killer sweater, apparently.

"I'm not sure if I should feel sorry for you, or call you a fucking retard." His strange aggression falls past my ears, as I'm still caught up on that one detail…

What makes this 'virgin-killing'? It's… um, just a sweater? Is it magic? There's nothing strange about it that I can tell. It's just a sweater.

I'll ask Brad later. It might be a cultural thing I'm unaware of.

"So." Stormy looks directly at me. "Have you fucked?"

Kyouko huffs. "Stormy, you- dumbass…"

"Yes." I deliver it plainly.

He snorts. "You're-... even more retarded than I thought. I mean-... how?"

...I humor his strange anger. "How? What do you mean, 'how'?"

"How could you let that little fucking bone goblin jizz all over you?" I- I have to admit, he's creative.

"Be- ba- bone goblin?" Kyouko beams wildly, despite her disbelief. "Stormy- I know you and him don't get along sometimes, but don't be mean!"

"...How did you let yourself get clobbered by a bone goblin?" I make this about him.

He bites. "Wh- fucking-... if he had a gun and shot me- it wouldn't make him any less of a NEET degenerate!" He gestures to himself. "I was the son of a corporate king!"

Kyouko gave him an easier look. "And also a NEET degenerate?"

...Stormy gives her a strained look. "...Quiet, you."

"Well." I suppose I'll answer the initial question. "I love him."

Stormy sighs, practically heaving from how heavy it was. "I guess some children are simply born stupid. It's okay. Not every sentient being is equal."

Kyouko giggles. "Sto- Stormy, it's Christmas, ease up…!"

This outsider has gone so far to be offensive that I actually don't care. "It would seem so." I agree with him, leaving the implication of doing so unsaid.

...Even so, he's not that stupid, and picks up on it. "Oh, you smarmy-... fuck." Unfortunately, his comeback was not as powerful.

"Anyway…" Sensing he was out of complaints, Kyouko speaks up. "Um. Was there anything specific you needed of him?"

Oh, right. "...Stormy. Brad needs your help. Do you know where to find those flooding machines you used?"

...Stormy blinks at me, and opens his mouth well before speaking. "...Aaeueh." Taken off-guard, I see. I can understand. "Eeh. Also, fuck you." He sensed my internal commentary as if it were ambient…? Maybe it was written on my face.

Cracking his neck- albeit nearly too quietly to be heard- he frowns at me. "I obviously don't have access to that crap anymore. Neither the money to buy it. So, you're shit out of luck."

I take out the yen Brad gave me. "How about a few million yen? Is that enough?"

...Stormy's eyes become sharper. "A-... a few fucking million yen? Well, fucking, yes, but where the fuck'd you get all of that from?"

Mmm… "We have our means." Let's be vague. "If you waste it or horde it, instead of using it to help us, Brad will be angry with you."

Stormy folds his arms. "Well, if there's nothing in it for me, why should I help? Fuck you." My gods, this man has no tact.

Kyouko sighs. "Stormy- they'll probably let you keep whatever extra's left. You could turn a profit if you weren't too busy being an asshole to people."

"Aa- am I supposed to take her seriously?" Stormy holds his arms out vaguely. "She looks like-... well, I'm not sure how to phrase this in a way this time period would understand. I guess magazine girl. ...Doesn't have the impact I was looking for."

"If you don't help out, I'm gonna beat the crap out of you." Kyouko seems to know how to talk on his level, at this point. "I'm gonna yell in your ear, and you're gonna be deaf for a week."

"Aa- alright, fine, fuck, I'm sorry." Stormy looks incredibly jaded. "...Mmh. You might be right, about the whole 'cutting a profit' thing. And the walk… would be nice. Even if it's cold as ass outside. Even if we're going to meet some dumb asshole."

Coming up, Kyouko pats him on the head. "Good boy." This feels… backwards.

"This feels backwards." Stormy says literally what I just thought.

"You act more like an animal than I do." Kyouko… speaks truth. "You earned it."

...Stormy closes his eyes. "I guess I have."

...Well. I-... guess I've accomplished what I set out to accomplish. Somehow.

Shoof. The door on the opposite end of the room opens. ...Ah. It's that Shou character.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MARIA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

I really get the idea I've just let myself end up with one of the shorter ends of the stick.

"Ooh- oh my go~d!" Ichigo-yuki is currently being consumed by a giant fake wooden alligator. It was unleashed because she stepped on some enchanted stone pressure plate along the trail. "Help! He- hehehe~lp!"

Today, I'm wielding Iron Beacon, 'cause the light generated in the lantern while I cast helps in the dimness of these woods.

"Fireball!" Aah- let's aim where Ichigo-yuki isn't- so the fire doesn't blow her up too…

Focusing on the tail of the big wooden thing, I- feel my mana surge around my staff's lantern tip…

Fwoom! It lights up blazing red, and a fire is lit within the glass.

Then, I see it. Like a flare, the wooden 'gator's tail begins to glow with the white-orange star of blooming flame.

KRK- FWOOM! Then, it unleashes. A rolling waft of consuming fire, bubbling out of the tail's fibers like a bursting boil. The pure, condensed flame washes up the rest of the rich wood-and-bamboo contraption.

"Woah!" Ichigo-yuki leaps from its maw, as it snaps way open in recoil. "That's ho~t!" Is it…? I- I guess to a yuki-onna, it might be.

CLACK! It slams its jaw shut, and-

fwoom- krk- fwafwoom. Um. Oh.

Cla- clack, clack. Within a few moments, the fire gets the better of it, and I've made a bonfire. It clatters apart, now molten wood and metal.

...The yellow-orange, young flames dance and fill the otherwise earthy green-teal forest with lovely, warm color. And-...

Oh. It's spreading. Wait- oh no!

"Ichigo- help!" That's bad! "We gotta put out the fire!" A lot more'll be in danger than us if we don't!

"Oh- oh no!" Ichigo-yuki floats up after it! "I'll freeze it!"

Fwii~sh! She unleashes a stream of pink-white snow, jetting it over the spreading flames. What makes it pink…?

Regardless, um… that's spreading way faster than her tiny jets of ice cream can stop. Well-... mmh. She's stopping the spread, but the bonfire rages on.

"Ice Shard!" I might as well stop that fire by stopping all the particles altogether.

Fwish! My staff's lantern tip glows blue. I'm… almost unsure what's going on inside. The ice burns almost like fire, flowing freely, but it's probably just the cold being manipulated in such a way it looks active like flame.

Krick! The first shard of ice snaps into place amidst the core of the bonfire, causing it to sparkle and flare white.

Kra- kri- krack- krack- krik! The air freezes around it, the fire and wood being abruptly frozen rapidly by snapping, violent cold. The heat is being rapidly commanded to leave, displaced with such ferocity-

KRACK! The ice snaps, the cold unleashing almost as infectiously as the initial flame.

BOOM- KABOOM! Oh- shi- aa- duck!

Woah! ...Whew. The thing's 'head' soared overhead of me! I almost got clobbered!

The ice sent the heat away so quickly the entire thing just exploded. Since it was an amalgam of wood and metal wire, some of the looser parts just went flying.

The chassis of the wooden alligator is a molten, ice-and-ember core of black charcoal.

FWOASH! Ichigo-yuki heals some huge amount from the ice pulse. "Hh- hanh…" Um.

...Well, anyway. Looks like we did it.

fwoof. Because of my fluffle I'm still wearing on my head, the ashes of the wooden construct shift, and a coal-black fluffle forms amidst the remains.

"Oh my god." That's horrifying.

"...puff." It coughs up a cloud of dust. "pupupupup" It keeps doing it, as if it likes doing it.

Taking my staff, I poke the butt-end out, and-

Shiff- fwoof. I put the fluffle down, by poking its brain out. Or rather, I crushed the head part, and the rest of it collapsed.

"Wow…" Ichigo-yuki beholds the destruction. "Ma- magicians are… kinda strong, huh…?"

"I- I guess." Undeniably, of everyone in my uh, 'party', I'm the one person who can just do straight-up elemental damage. Well, Genkan can too, but only in ice. And Brad… forgets he has elemental options half the time.

"...I- I thought I was a goner!" Ichigo-yuki beams at me. "Man…"

Thunk! She kicks the remaining wood.

"You- probably would've been okay…?" I think? It- it was some kinda trap, so I dunno…

"That's what you say!" She scratches the back of her head. "I was gonna get swallowed whole! In one bite!"

Well- it's made outta wood, so even if it did, it's not like you would've been digested or anything…!

"That's, um, terrible." I kinda just agree with her, though. "I'm glad you were not swallowed whole, in one single bite."

"Hehe… yeah…" Ichigo-yuki seems at peace with my new interpretation.

Mmn. We're, um… hmm. I dunno how close to Eientei we are, but…

"Oh! Like, um, this way." Ichigo-yuki just knows though? I haven't been asking, but she's a youkai, so I assume she knows the way…

While I follow her, metal lantern staff held tight, she twists to look at me while floating ahead. But, then she keeps moving without saying much more.

Surprisingly, even though she's kind of a bundle of energy around Genkan, she takes a lot more to silence around me. And, I'm starting to see what Genkan means. She… really gives off a similar energy to Genkan when she's not spilling her pent-up excitement out. It leaks whenever she does anything, but when she's not, she's really sedate.

Yuki-onna are just normal women who're predisposed to being inordinately quiet, I guess. For the most part. ...I still remember Ongaku, that one yuki-onna DJ here in Eientei. Maybe we'll see her today.

"...You, um…" Ichigo-yuki is also clumsy with her words when she's being shy. "You can hit stuff pretty hard."

"Yeah?" Where's she going with this…?

Also, she smells like strawberry ice cream. It's pleasant…

She keeps floating forward. There is no follow-up. That was her entire thought.

"Well, um. The elements do most of the work for me, to be honest…" I might know how to manipulate them around points, but it's really nothing more intricate than shoving elements around. "Destruction is easy. Creation is hard."

"Hmm. Is it really?" Ichigo-yuki takes pause, and seems interested. "I feel like destroying can be hard, too. Like, for a cause, or to purify something."

...That's a really interesting way of thinking. "What makes you say that?"

"Um. Well…" Oh, I shouldn't have said that. She might not know how to articulate it. "When humans kill yuki- youkai, to cleanse the land, they really struggle doing that. When we pull weeds from gardens, it can be a real struggle being thorough about that. Anything with the ground is kinda hard to do. When some of my sisters fight back against humans and youkai in turn, actually getting anything done there is kinda… hard. And no one likes a killer, or to kill."

I don't know about that last part. "If some people knew how to kill, and freely, they would. A lot of what keeps the Human Village in check is ignorance."

"Really…" Ichigo-yuki smiles at me. "Are you ignorant then?"

"Maybe?" Eheh. "I'd rather consider myself not part of the human village." Not like that, anyway.

"Hehehe!" Ichigo-yuki likes that. "I guess that's fair!"

The green-blue of the air amidst these tall bamboo shoots, and the way the sun seems so distant among the canopy is… ethereal, in a way. Without anyone else, and just us, it feels… very serene.

Also spooky. 'Cause, traps. Also, youkai. I used to be really scared of walking through the outer lands of Gensokyo, outside the village. I had a huge amount of fear about it.

Until I met Brad. Brad is, seemingly, not scared of anything. Except for when he is, but he's not afraid of dancing close to danger.

Maybe I'm not afraid of this as I should be.

"Is doing magic hard?" Ichigo-yuki asks me. "I wanna be a mage!"

Oh! ...Well, her thoughts are probably fleeting, but whatever. "How much do you know?"

"Not a lot!" Oh. "It's really easy to spread ice! 'Cause I am ice. But I dunno about the other elements…"

I'm inclined to believe, not feeling cold, therefore not feeling truly warm ever, that yuki-onna cannot perform fire magic. Not unless they do what Genkan did, and make it so they can feel heat and cold in balance. It's definitely a very uphill learning curve.

"Maybe thunder and wind." These seem like safe elements. "Or water. Those elements would suit you."

"And fire?" Ichigo-yuki asks.

"Obviously not." C'mon. What do you think this is?

"Why not?" I'm gonna have to explain it, aren't I?

"...Yuki-onna do not feel hot and cold in balance." I explain it as summarily as possible. "You might feel heat as pain, or as sustenance… but you do not feel cold in the way we humans do. Extreme cold is painful. If we freeze, we die. Frostbite can burn like fire on our skin. You are immune to such things."

...She nods her head. "I guess. Whenever I'm in my cave, and all cold… I feel really happy. Like, where I'm supposed ta be. But then I get hungry, or there's a blizzard, and it feels nice to feel that way and get some new scenery."

"How do you feel right now?" It's not snowing, and the snow that is on the ground is pretty still and stagnant.

"...A little empty?" She smiled wider. "Yeah. Like I just wanna go back into my cave, and relax. That feels… good, in some way. It's cool, but kinda draining to be outside when it's not snowing. But going stir-crazy isn't any good either. Not until summer."

"How do you feed? Yourself, I mean." I wonder…

...She smiles big at me. "I bug my sisters to gimme some of the stuff they got! That, and, eating humans isn't a popular thing these days… so I dunno where they all get theirs from. I think the bigger people among us just kinda… dispense it. Like Letty, and stuff."

Hmm. That really makes me wonder. But, I don't think I'll find any new answers from her. I'll have to ask around if I meet any other snow women.

"Oh! Maybe it's outsiders…" Ichigo-yuki notes. And, well, maybe.

"Anyway, what I do isn't anything special." I shake my head. "I'm just… really good at destroying things. A novice at magic, otherwise..."

Ichigo-yuki doesn't have much more to say.

We continue among the nice-looking jade bamboo in silence.

fwi~sh. A cold wind pierces the land. I'd probably be more opposed to it, if I didn't gain energy from it. This enchanted clothing is good… albeit gaudy.

Crunch, crunch. My um, golden treads... do make navigating the snow kinda easy. They're basically boots.

There's lots of stagnant snow around from the other evening. It's spotty inside the bamboo, but it's still here.

...Oh. Soon, we come up to the clinic itself. Eientei, I mean. Is it a clinic, or a hospital…?

Shoof. The glass doors slide open automatically as we come up to them. "Woah!" Ichigo-yuki is surprised. "...How come they open for you, and not for me?"

"You're floating." These doors are easy to figure out. They're pressure sensitive. They operate using weak electrical signals and conditional checks that initiate a set amount of operations. Namely, um, opening and closing automatically.

...Ichigo-yuki lands. "What's that matter? If I wanna float, I'll float!"

"The door senses you're there by pressure placed on the floor." Probably. "If you're floating, it can't see you."

"...Oh." Ichigo-yuki looks neutral, and peaceful. "That's dumb."

You'd think they could just… detect motion or something. Like, with heat signatures. Wait- heat signatures wouldn't work for yuki-onna though…

Well, I don't know anything about technology. Brad would know more about that sort of thing.

We navigate inside…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

The front counter seems interestingly… well-lit? It feels like an outpost in the midst of the wilderness… because it is, but it especially feels that way from the bleak lighting.

"...Um." Reisen is at the counter. She seems preoccupied, but takes pause when we come up to her. "Hey."

"Hey." Um. I was here for…? Oo- oh, I remember! "Um. Where would I go~... to- to get a stereo system? A big one. And a band kit."

Reisen takes pause, mouth ajar. "...Uh, huh. I~... I can give you a-... hmm. I guess I can handle the vending… 'cause I don't really trust anyone else to, at the moment. And it's not everyday we sell music equipment."

"You- you guys have music equipment?" I ask skeptically, but… I mean, it makes sense. If they have night clubs… and considering all the other stuff they produce, of course they produce music stuff too.

"...Yeah." Reisen, knowing how much of a tiny society this place is, hardly spares a thought to my impulsive skepticism. "C'mon."

Ah. She's gonna show us to it.

"I've never really been in here before…" Ichigo-yuki seems to snug up next to me… "This is so exciting!" Then she beams at me. "No one's gonna try and kill us in here, right?"

"...Hopefully not." Reisen clarifies from ahead. Um. "I'd like to believe we're all fairly civilized people. But, if anyone jumps out and tries to bite ya, I'll help out. Don't be afraid."

"I'm also here." I add. "...I- I might not know how to fight lunar bunnies, but like…"

"You~'d be in trouble." Reisen interrupts me. Would I…? "Even if you're a good mage, our shields are no joke. We're also way more pain tolerant than humans."

...I guess so.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Last I che~cked…" We're lead by Reisen near that club Brad took us to that one time. Back when we had to beat up Shimokoa. "We got a lot of excess band equipment that doesn't belong to anyone in particular here. You got cash?"

"You- you know it…" I do a weird job of trying to be charismatic. I- I don't know why, but Reisen comes off as… kinda confident.

...She gives me a weird smile, before moving for the currently unguarded club front door.

The Pink Pond, I think. Yeah. Pond Pink? Whatever. It seems closed, for Christmas day.

Shoof. The black door glides open easily, and she guides us into the now completely dark club.

...Well, there's some boring, tiny yellow lights on the ceiling. They don't do a good job.

Fwoom. I channel fire into my lantern staff, illuminating the black metal of this upper catwalk. Black metal seems like a really bad pick considering how dark this place is. Tripping and falling seems easy if you're not careful.

We take a large, metal stairway down to the bottom floor. It feels just as harrowing as when us and Brad were here, but now I'm at least not worried Brad'll blow up the stairs and send us tumbling to our doom.

When we reach the bottom… there're fluffles.

"honh honh honh" There's three of them, milling over an abandoned shirt. They're sniffing at it with their shell noses.

...Reisen is taken by impulse, and she moves to make them scuttle. "Get, get…"

"honh" They dart off at cat speed, before stopping a set distance away, looking standoffish…

...When Reisen stops focusing on them, they begin to advance again…

"Fluffles find their confidence in numbers." I'm reminded of what Brad did earlier today.

Reisen looks at me. "...Huh?"

whump. They've attacked. One headbutts Reisen's ankle from behind.

whump, whump. The others join in, on Reisen's other ankle.

"...Oh." Reisen gives them a vague look, as if taken off-guard by the mere notion.

The fluffles don't even notice she's noticed them, as she turns around to look them over. They're completely oblivious.

"My gods." Ichigo-yuki blooms with glee. "They're so sma~ll…"

Reisen keeps walking, ignoring them entirely. "I don't get why they're backup dancers, but… they do add something to the atmosphere…"

The fluffles continue to harass Reisen as she power-walks along. They're committed, now.

"Hey, Ongaku!" Reisen calls out. "...You here!?"

"Yo, yo! It's ya birthday!"

Poof! Wh- oh…! Ongaku appears, in a cloud of pink frost and glitter. "Hey- yo! It's yer birthday!"

Reisen exhales. "It's not my birthday. It's Christmas."

Ongaku beams, adjusting her pink-lensed, heart-shaped sunglasses. "Everybody! R, E, I-S-E, N and N now- alright!"

"Sh- shut u~p." Reisen actually starts to look awkward…! "I'm not here to-... fool around. Do you got any spare equipment lying around here we can sell?"

Ongaku relaxes, a little. "Oo~h! Y'tellin' me someone here's interested in performing!?"

...Well. "Not me exactly. It's for a friend." In a way. It's- complicated…

Noticing me, Ongaku starts dancing in place. "Aww~, yeah! It's you! ...I don't remember your name- but I saw you wit' Genkan! How's ma' girl doin'!? And-"

She notices Ichigo-yuki. "Ichigo-chan! It's really you! Good to see you~!"

...Ichigo-yuki's mind is blown. "Aa-... wh- a-... Oo- Ongaku?"

"Genkan and Brad are dating." I guess that'd be the word for it.

"Ooh! 'Bout time." Ongaku states the obvious. "Practically a couple already. Glad they didn't catch no anime romance syndrome." ...I don't know what that means.

"You're-..." Ichigo-yuki is still in raw disbelief. "You're not Ongaku…? Ongaku was-..."

...Ongaku slips her neon pink-rimmed star sunglasses off, and smiles. She clears her throat, too. "Stiff? Full of class? A prideful connoisseur of the fabled western arts?" Her voice is so different. "It has been many years, Ichigo-yuki. I have gone where no sister dares."

...She puts her glasses back on, and a big grin creeps up her face. "An' only if they could see me now!" She throws her arms out! "Look at me, ma! I'm a DJ, woo!" Wh- what the heck…

Ichigo-yuki looks about as displaced as I am. "...You-... they said you ran off and died. Wha~h…?"

Ongaku snorts. "Yeah- 'course they did. And I'll betcha that half a' them wouldn't even have the mind fer this whole business. But I just kinda accept that now. Exploring all music has to offer is my passion, an' no one else's."

...Well. What do we say to that?

...Reisen is unimpressed. "We're here to buy drums and stereos, not get your life's story."

Ongaku's brows curl up. "Yo- chill. I know these- yo, me and these girls got history. Ain't that right yuki-babe?"

"...You're so cool no~w!" Ichigo-yuki came around eventually. "But I'm still really weirded out!"

Ongaku beams. "That's understandable actually!" Pft… "And anyway…"

She starts to move. "Lemme show ya the wares. Y'see- I only own a select amount a' the stock here. This place's actually a warehouse fer the music goods. Anything someone don't own is community use."

Oh? "People are sane enough not to break them?"

Ongaku snorts. "If they break 'em, they buy 'em! An' if they can't buy 'em, me and like thirty other people reserve the right to knee 'em in the teeth!" I guess getting kneed in the teeth would be pretty bad, yeah.

So, we follow her across the club floor. We come to a black swinging door, and Ongaku pushes it open.

Crea~k. It's metal, and not the most well-kept.

...Aah. I've… never been to a warehouse before… but this kind of visual is unmistakable. The image of a 'warehouse' is instantly burned into my mind.

Shelves, shelves and shelves galore. Tall, made of ugly but uniform steel and wood shelves. The entire place is made for efficient storage. It's… a house of wares, in the most pure essence of the idea.

The ceiling stretches two or three stories high. The shelves are just as high. If one of these shelves fell, the results would be catastrophic and deadly.

"Oo- oh my gods…" Ichigo-yuki shrinks in fear.

The floor is grey. It's not stone… but it's dirty. Something you wouldn't use for a home's floor.

...Reisen notices our intimidation. "Those shelves aren't steel. They're more than steel. There's also emergency anti-grav sensors. Don't get too violent, or-... y'know. We'll be doin' flips."

Ongaku's grin held. "Yeah, it's cool! And slightly scary- 'cause you still don't wanna break no equipment, lemme tell you…"

It does sound cool. How 'violent' would you have to get…?

"So!" Reisen pivots around. "What do you need exactly?"

...Well. Um. "...Eighteen stereos, as a set, probably. And… a guitar, microphone, drums… pr- probably a keyboard? And-... um… wha- whatever other instruments. As long as like, two or three million yen covers it…"

...Reisen and Ongaku look at each other. Ongaku beams.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Ha-chan has ten kings on her side of the board. Don't ask!

"...Behold!" I sweep my queen over like five of them, deleting an entire row! "I activate- my Super CO power! Trail of Woe…!"

Bam! Ooh- shit! Ha-chan gets so excited she knees the underside of the chess table! Half the pieces fall over!

"Ouu~!" The pain is immediate! "Oo- oww…" She rolls over in her seat, gone. "Owie…"

...Alice is just kinda- loitering next to us, sittin' backwards on some wooden chair.

I look at 'er! "Shouldn't you, uuh…?"

"Oh. I'm done." Oh shit! "Here you go."

I catch the new bag! And- hoh shit, this shit's fancy…

"Though… I do have to ask." She plays wit' her hair a little. "How does this… work? You and your fairy, I mean."

Hoh? "Wat do you mean."

Alice snorts! "I mean… you and that yuki-onna are lovers now, yes? Who is that fairy, then?"

...That's- something strange I've considered! Ha-chan seems fine, like… not being the center of attention, but also Genkan seems to just not care that she's so close, and like-...

Also- asking them these questions on-screen is variably thematically monotone for an unknown fraction of the readerbase, and hell knows I don't get that much offscreen time to do anything…!

"Ha-chan is a friend." A friend who Genkan allowed to basically watch on as we fucked the other day- y'know now that I think about it that was slightly fucked up, but we sure as hell weren't stopping just 'cause Ha-chan happened to pop outta nowhere!

Like… it was like that anime scene where you're 'boutta kiss, and- ohp! The comic relief is here! ...Except, uh, it was us about to have sex. And we also didn't give a shit. ...So we just kept havin' sex. Yeah.

"Yeah!" Ha-chan recovers from her fatal injury! "Brad-kun's my lover too!" Wait- Ha-chan that doesn't mean what ya think it means…!

Alice jerks her head back! "Wh- what." Pft- hehahaha~!

"Th-" I- I can't- "Ha-chan- I don't think ya know what that actually means- in this context!"

...Alice relaxes! "Oo- oh. Darn it. She played me like a fiddle. To be fair, I just spent three hours busting myself over expediting the process of making that thing. I think I'm allowed a few braindead moments."

"The final brain death." I caption the moment! "...Ha-chan- lovers usually is-... a term used ta refer to two people who have sex."

...Ha-chan focuses on me! "So you and Genkan-... you have this sex thing! I'm going to learn what it is! No one tells me anything!" Oh shit oh fuck!

Alice looks lost! "You-... she doesn't know?"

I hold my arms out! "There was never a good moment ta tell 'er! And, how…!? And should I!?"

"I- I think you should!" Alice decides!

"Me too!" Ha-chan, you don't count! Oou…!

Alright, whelp, you only live once son, James Bond style. "Sex is when you take a-"

Alice interjects. "Wa- wait- are you just-"

I begin again! "Sex is when you take a man's penis-... often referred to as a dick or cock! And then you put it in a- and then the man puts it in a female's vagina!"

Thunk. Alice hides behind the back of the chair, in the same way one might ram their face into their desk.

Ha-chan has a vague expression. "...What's a penis?"

"Alice, kill me." I come up to Alice. "Alice- take my bag, take the super fiber steel god wires- and choke me out…! Choke the chicken, Aa- Alice!"

"Leave me out of this." Alice gets up, and practically glides away. "This isn't my problem…!"

Well, son. "The penis… y'know how ya got like, a hole between yer legs? Dudes don't got that. They got a stick instead. Round peg, round hole! Tada! That's sex!"

...Ha-chan purses her lips. "You're lying."

Wh- wait… "Hah?"

"You're lying!" She pouts at me! "That can't be it!"

Pft- a- huu- whah. "But-..." Oh god the truth has become stranger than fiction! "That's how it do be do though! It really do be like that!" Do be do!

Ha-chan props her arms on her hips! "Well- prove it!"

Oh no. Wait… oh, I know.

"Boners." By the power of bulges and boners. "The man gets the boner. That is their stick enlarging. The dongus expandus. Do you see now?"

"Shut-..." Alice can't take it! "You're a maniac…!" Why's she standing in the corner of the room as if she's being assaulted…!?

"Maybe you put something in your pants!" Ha-cha~n. Ha-cha~n! "...Y'know what- lemme see!"

Son! "You have become the very thing you have sworn to destroy…!" From my new bag- I draw the classic plant hanger, except this one's from the dream realm! "If you attack my pants like a wolverine- I will be forced to engage you in holy combat!"

"If it's no big deal, let me see!" Ha-chan pouts at me again! "...Plea~se?"

...I look at Alice!

"Keep me out of your fetish." Wh- huh…!? Son…!

I look at Ha-chan-

Fortunately I'm wearing my camou-mono, and being unfamiliar with their design, Ha-chan reaches for where my pants would be but doesn't know where to start!

"That's it…!" I must regain control over my bodyguard! "Back, meme demon…!" I start proddin' her with the hanger!

"Wh- hey! Come o~n! Hey- ow…!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

This new bag is some shit. When I look inside it now, I can see stars an' sparkles…

Reaching inside-... ooh. It feels weirder now! But I can still take things out as I please.

The edges of the opening are now way more pronounced. Instead of just being a brown cloth bag, the edges are like… red cloth and grey, glimmering steel.

cli- cli- click. When I stretch 'em, the bag expands. Each red segment splits apart, into more red segments and more wire, as if it's just duplicating or something.

cla- cla- clack. When I stop applyin' pressure, the bag recedes into its original shape. Hoo~h…

We're outta Alice's place, moving around the lakeside, on the way to the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

Anyway, the bag itself is made outta some black stuff now! I dunno how Alice did it. She probably copied whatever enchantments were goin' on to like… the new cloth, or something.

"Mmn…" Ha-chan has a fluffy band-aid on, placed very uselessly over her bangs instead of on her forehead itself. "I just wanted to see~..."

"Yeah- and so does Koakuma, and every other fairy in the mansion!" It really do be like that! "This will not turn into a hentai, or my name's faceless hentai dude… an' it's not!"

Y'know. I probably had this thought before-... and like, Ha-chan's very debatably a Gensokyo fairy, but I can't really tell. But she's from a western mansion, and is the only person who gets a -kun suffix attached to the way she says my name!

Actually, I should ask 'er. "Are you native ta Gensokyo, or are ya from Europe?"

"...Oh!" She blinks! "That's really random! ...But I'm from Gensokyo!"

...Huh! "How was life before the mansion?"

"A lot smaller." Wat. "...I was shorter!" Well, I guess it would be a lot smaller. Technically…! "Uum. It was like… what, a year or two ago? Or more? Yeah. I forgot what I was doing, but... I was really doing it!"

"How did you get taller…!?" Why're all the mansion fairies taller fer no reason…!?

"I don't know!" Aaaa~! "...But anyways- the mansion's really different! I remember stuff about it a lot more than I remember stuff about the forest."

I'd ask how electric fairies just exist in nature, but I dunno. Something something static and cloud friction, maybe. Maybe it's the kappa's fault…!

We arrive at the mansion's gates!

...Aw, right. 'Cause it's Christmas day, the gate's just kinda open.

Doesn't mean Meiling's gone, though! ...Albeit, she's not at her usual post.

fzzt. Wh- wat. Oh.

fwi~sh. ...The fluffle at the stand outside the gate unleashes a canister of seltzer seemingly telepathically when we start to pass by it.

fsssh. Foam bubbles out of the canister, hissing. The fluffle just kind of stares at us, its smile obscured.

...After we both pause to look at it, we start moving! "Yeah, woohoo!" That- just happened, an' we're not gonna tell a soul about it!

In the front lawn here, we got Meiling standin' around wit' her arms on her hips. She's in her usual outfit… except for her hat, which is a green Santa hat!

"...Oh!" Meiling notices us! "You're back…?"

"We're back!" Yeah dude! "We got some things to do! Or, specifically, I've got some things ta do!"

"S'that so…" Meiling looks easy, dude. "Y'got time to kill with the little mistress today, actually? When she wakes up, she's gonna be all excited. And- uh…" She pauses! "Where's yer miniature army?"

"They're out tyin' up a couple loose ends!" Yeah dude. "Real loose ends…!"

"Huh." Meiling snorts. "Christmas is usually all 'bout bein' together, isn't it?"

"That's every other day for us, so today's opposite day." ...My logic sounds really sound once I actually say it aloud!

"Oh." Meiling snorts! "Well, okay… I guess. Still seems weird!"

I wave 'er off! "Aah, we can have a-" time skip day- "a rest day tomorrow. No one cares about Canadian Boxing Day…!"

"I- I guess not!" Meiling grins!

"That- and we'll probably spend the evening relaxing…" I kinda let myself trail off as I start moving. "Anyway- I have the urge to move, so I'm gonna move!"

Meiling snorts again! "Aa- alright…!"

Alright yo! Yeah, let's go!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Crea~k! The front door cries open.

...THUMP! I jump like three jumps in the air, and land on my shoes obnoxiously loud.

...THUMP! Ha-chan does the same!

THUMP, THUMP. THUMP, THUMP. We continue to leap obnoxiously large strides into the foyer, shaking the room and the chandelier by existing.

Alright, so we're gonna hafta see~... Patchy, basically! And maybe Sakuya. Oh, right. Flandre will be crucial to the operation too!

"...No." Remilia's still here in the foyer! "Stop that."

THUMP, THUMP. We bunnyhop closer. "You're still here…?" I have to ask! It's like when ya backtrack in an RPG and the plot hasn't updated yet!

"Yes. I am." Remilia snaps back! "Or rather… I went and did some other things before coming back to appreciate the mild chaos that's befallen this room. Why are you back, anyway?"

"Hey, Remilia!" Question! "Did Sakuya put the S.S. BONER anywhere? Or uh- where'd she put it…!?"

"Ee- excuse me?" Remilia's blindsided by the question! "...Oh. Oh- you mean… that. The battleship, yes. Well…"

She plays wit' some a' her hair. "Yes. We do still have that. Flandre would not let us dismantle it." Woohoo! "...I'm pretty sure we had her hollow out a room in the ever-expanding basement, and Patchouli transported it there. To be hopefully forgotten."

Well, son… "It's about to be un-forgotten!"

"The word is remembered." Remi gives me a fluffy but aggressive look…!

"That's for the deceased. An' deceased it ain't; it's still here!"

"I'm gonna beat you up." Wahaha! "Well… you do that. Patchouli will probably help with… whatever you want to do with it. Yes. It will be her problem."

"Yeah dude!" An' I leap off!

THUMP! THUMP! Me an' Ha-chan land loudly again!

...Remi doesn't say anything. Aw. Wait-

BAM! Fuck! Gh-... god! Damn it! I jumped into the bit before a hallway and brained myself! Ghahaha- oww~!

"Pfhk- khk…" Remi knew. Oh- you squeaky li'l motherfucker! Oouh…

"Pft- he- hehe…" Ha-chan laughs it up too…! "Oo- oh no. Brad-kun, no…"

"O- owh- ho ho…" I'm dead, man. Game over: return of fluffle.

"Look before you leap, they say." Remi- I am gonna take your hat an' drag it down ta yer waist! Like a reverse wedgie!

...Ow. Yeah- gimme a second, I just gotta find the pieces of my physical confidence scattered around on the floor…!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Y'know, if I was on the outside, I would've felt a lot more embarrassed about a mistake like that. Then again, I wouldn't be fuckin' moon jumpin' on the outside either, so there's that!

I think it'd have to do with how I was like-... like, get this, on the outside I feel like I was as cynical as Patchy or Alice sometimes! Meanwhile in here, it's like… really different!

I'm holding a fluffle. It's in loaf form, freshly baked and ready to sniff.

"...Wait." Ha-chan has an epiphany. "I think I've seen a penis before."

Turning to her, I hold the loaf overhead, and chuck it.

whump. "Wh- ow." Ha-chan leans back, the fluffle rebounding off her. "No, really!"

"When…!?" I wonder if there's books on that here. I'm willing to bet Patchy has books on skeletons.

"Don't you remember?" Ha-chan gets closer! "Wait… oh yeah! You were asleep! I think you were sleeping..."

...Whah.

...Seeing my stare, she beams! "I thought that was just something that goes inside the vagina. Or like, grows out of it. Is it really a body part?"

Audible ellipses.

I turn to my right. Sakuya is walking with us.

"Sakuya- am I going crazy?" I give 'er a small smile…! "You-... you hearin' this…?"

"What Sakuya?" Sakuya says…! "It's just you and Hana."

And- an' then she's gone! "What…!"

Ha-chan frowns at me…! "Don't make fun of me, just 'cause I don't know."

Yo hey! "I wasn't makin' fun of you, I was makin' fun of me!"

"...Really?" She's still unsure…!?

"To answer yer question, yes the penis gl- the penis is indeed… a body part. Unique to the male species. Gender. Body."

...Ha-chan beams! "That actually makes sense!" I-... am so glad that it does!

"I'm glad!" This is good! Ha-chan is saved from Tumblr!

"So…" Sakuya is back again! "You've come to ask a woman about a boat, hmm?"

I like how she can just leave the voice chat when she feels like being cursed, only to pop back in when she's actually curious. "...I feel- I feel like there's a few meanings to that question!"

"Considering you seem to be educating her on the birds and bees, I'm slightly suspect." Uh oh. "...Though, I suppose it's not my problem."

"Son." I'm gonna give you a fluffle and call it a foot-long. "...It's not my fault no one here ever took 'er seriously enough ta answer her questions!"

"It's not our fault the youkai of the woods didn't, either." Sakuya~. "...Though, I suppose I'm being obtuse. Admittedly, I see where you're coming from."

"You guys are being vague." Ha-chan notes our weird-... semi-intuited conversation!

...Sakuya flicks her eyes up! "I'm more surprised it took you both until now to tackle this topic. If I remember, months ago, Hana was on the verge of pulling down your pants and finding out."

Ha-chan is smug. "I found out though!"

...Sakuya blinks! "Really? When?"

Ha-chan winks. "When he was asleep!"

...Well!

I shrug! "Ho ho ho..." I am Santa except deflated.

"Huh." Sakuya doesn't know what to say either…! "Well. All's well that ends well, hmm?"

"I guess so!" I'm just not gonna ask on that any further…!

So I guess we're just on the way to the library. Y'know, hmm. "Hey, Sakuya. Is t'day a day off fer you…!?"

"Yes and no?" Sakuya isn't sure how to answer! "...We may jeer about my lack of vacation days… and the rumors are fully true, but on holidays like these, I'm allowed to enjoy myself despite my responsibilities. As long as I'm responsible, and keep within reason, of course."

Totally unrelated question! "...Where the hell's that saying come from? 'All's well that ends well'? What's it even mean!?"

...Sakuya purses her lips! "Think about it longer. If everything ended well, all is well. Does that make more sense?"

Shit. "Y'know- yeah. Now I feel munted."

"Because you're munted." Hearing Sakuya say 'munted' is an experience, fer some reason! "The phrase is actually the name of a Shakespearean play. It was a comedy."

Oh. Huh. That- makes sense. "No wonder…" Although, it also speaks to Shakespeare's existence that he could make a name as powerful for a play as All's Well that Ends Well.

"Want me to spoil it?" Sakuya asks as if I'm ever going to come into contact with it in my life. Or, even better, read shakespeare. An' don't get me wrong, Shaky's got my respect for experimentation and trying to write entire books solely out of poetry following strict rules, but also school really doesn't let you properly appreciate his work in a way that matters!

Also, when he experiments, he's legendary, but whenever anyone else tries to experiment they get a B on their project and are dismissed as another fookin' pissant cog in the machine. Not that getting an A would change that outcome much, but still!

"...Sure!" Yeah look out, spoiler warnings for All's Well that Ends Well, the Shakespearean play from the late 1500s to the early 1600s. I'm sure many of us care…!

Sakuya inhales! "I'll keep it succinct. A ward in service of some countess becomes infatuated with the countess' son.

"The countess' son goes to the capital to stand in as the King's attendant. He is sick, you see. So the ward travels with him, and offers her services as a healer. The King is skeptical of her skill. She places her life on the line, offering to either be beheaded should he die, or should he live, the prize of choosing a husband from the court."

We take pause in the midst of a four-way intersection. Sakuya looks into the distance fer a moment, before taking a left turn!

"The King is healed. The ward chooses the countess' son as her husband." Sakuya delivers promptly! "The countess' son immediately issues a challenge; that she must bear his child and wear his family ring. So, to make that as difficult for her as possible, he goes off to war immediately." Yeehaw.

"While at war in Italy, he romances local virgins. The ward goes after him and, in essence, arranges with one of the virgins to trade an evening with him in bed. That way, she bears his child. She also obtains the family ring from said local virgin."

"She proceeds to fake her own death as her former identity, so the countess' son would return home. He'd gone to war to avoid her, see. Once home, with the family ring and his hand in marriage, she revealed herself and her plot."

...Sakuya nods, smiling. "He was impressed she fulfilled the challenge, and swore his love to her. And so, all's well that ends well."

Y'know, it'sa real 'ends justify the means' moment that actually turns out weirdly okay. That's probably where a lotta the comedy comes into play!

"That wasn't short at all." Ha-chan shakes her head!

"It wasn't the only thing short here." Sakuya counterattacks! "The other thing being your attention span." Oof!

...Ha-chan gets in Sakuya's way!

"Hmm?"

Ha-chan reels her entire body back like a fluffle!

...Sakuya just kinda blinks- but I know what's coming-

WHUMP! Ha-chan headbutts her in the gut super hard!

"Gh- fuh…!?" Saliva flies from Sakuya's mouth…!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Ha-chan has a second, larger fluffy band-aid placed on her bangs now, overlaying her other one, and also a black eye…!

We're here in the library wit' the Patch now. We're getting the expansion pack, dude.

Patchy's set up in one of her many clearings, today. I haven't frequented here enough recently ta learn whether or not she had a rhyme or reason, or if she just felt like it, or if the specific areas were for specific studies.

"I'm amazed you managed to keep her from crying all the way here." Patchy takes note of Ha-chan's new injuries…!

"Hey!" Ha-chan puts her hands on her own hips! "I'm a tougher girl now! ...And more painful things have happened to me the past few weeks, too!"

"So they have." Patchy closes her eyes, an' nods. "Sakuya. I'm resting today. Is there any particular reason you've lead them here?"

"Surely Brad doesn't seek to try your time too much." Sakuya supposes! "...If he does, that will be his issue."

Alright, yo. This is the big moment of getting things organized, or at least trying to!

"Where'd ya put ma' boat…!?" I say it as informally as possible! "As in, the S.S. BONER? If possible, can we like- use my bag as a garage fer it…!?"

Patchy had the vaguest look on her face! "...Aah. Aaa… huh. Come back when you find a bigger bag. I'm not bothering to make something entirely new for you today. I'm not your errand girl."

Cli- cli- click! I extend the bag's access point, and hook my foot into it-

Clickickickick! Ooh, yeah! I can make the entrance as tall as me! The old one was already like, stupidly expandable, but now I got something stu~pidly expandable!

"I sequence broke." If this was a really bad RPG I could not have used my intuition to make this before Patchy told me to backtrack to Alice's. The flag coding wouldn't be there! "As in- I already gotcha covered!"

"...Ah." Patchy has a raised brow! "That reminds me. Where is your lover?"

Home. "Home." I smile broadly.

...Patchy gives me a look, wit' a raised brow!

"They're out helpin' me pick out parts to soup up our new ride!" Yeah man! "We're gonna go on a cruise, dude!"

"...A cruise." Patchy still has a raised brow! "In the middle of winter, with all the cutting wind?"

My expression is neutral. "We are all ice resistant. You know that's not gonna stop us."

"...Mmn." She closes her eyes. "Hmm. Hmm hmm. That bag uses the same enchantment as the last one. I'd have to add a conditional gate to sense when you'd want to… take out extremely large objects. More for re-routing purposes. Additionally, someone would have to set up the magic over in the room I've stored it in."

...She nods. "I think I see the most efficient solution. Yes… Flandre will be given four crystals which define an area of entry. You and her will go there and do as you please. She knows enough about magic now to follow the basic procedures to do at least that."

Ho~h. "S'this a clever way of gettin' me to kill time with her?"

Patchy snorted. "Yes… but actually, the room is deep in the basement, and I just don't feel like doing that much myself. You will give… hmm."

...Patchy waved a hand around, and it glowed fer some reason. "Find Koakuma. She'll give you the crystals necessary. Then you will give them to Flandre. Too complicated for you?"

Wh-... aw. "Yes." I'm dead, dude. Gone.

She snorts! "...Good."

Sakuya starts ta move. "I'll see you to the little mistress once you leave the library. Until then, I'll be… around." So you say…!

An' poof. She's gone the next frame!

"The crystals are turquoise." Patchy describes… "Hardy enough to attach to walls. Don't get violent with them, however."

Ah, yes. "What if they get violent with me?"

"Then perish." Uh oh.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

...There's Koakuma!

Hustlin', bustlin', all-out tusslin' I rambo on up to her at full sprint-

Oh shit she turns around! "Hi~, Brad!"

Wh- oh god oh fuck I tripped-

Koakuma zips into my way- so that I'd fall into her boobs.

woosh. I jump, and jump again mid-fall, flying over her strategic positioning, and-

THUMP. -land on my back behind her. "Oo- ooh- oof…" Fuck- that hurt…!

"He- hehehe…" Koakuma giggles, and- yeah nice upskirt. Ooh- she's holding the crystals in a glass box… which reminds me of a tupperware container! Also, she's got a big purple gift in her other arm. "Well? You gonna get up…?"

Black, by the way. As if there was any doubt!

"No, I'm dead." I roll over.

Whump. Wh- oof! "Ow!"

"Dead people don't whine." I think she's mad that I denied the upskirt by rolling over…! "Get up."

...Standin' up, feeling at my ass, I look the big purple present over. It's really flat-ish…

"Here's your stupid shit." She hands me the glass box full a' crystals! "Aaa~nd…"

She shakes the present some! "'Member when you asked me for mistress' gowns?" ...Oh- oh shit, right! I did that! 'Cause I wanted Genkan to wear them sometimes! "I got a complete set. Down to the perfume and everythi~ng." Holy shit.

"...This feels too good to be true!" It's almost like it's- wait, yeah, it is in fact Christmas day.

"Naah. You can take it." She winks at me! "Pervert." Whah.

...But when I go to take the present, she holds it away from me!

"But first, I'd like that kiss." Oh, right. That was the deal, wasn't it? "On the lips."

Well. It's ultimately to unlock the Patchy outfit for Genkan, so I guess it'll be worth it. "Just a kiss on the lips." I hold up my fingers! "...Nothin' else?"

"With tongue, of course." Koakuma adds! "You think I'd take a peck? You and your snow bi-... I'm sorry, snow chick, you only peck each other?" She is not sorry!

Admittedly… no, we go full-in on the kissing! "Y'know, true, but also-"

"Shut up."

Setting the present down, Koakuma swooces up to me, and wraps her arms around my waist.

Smiling, she hovers her face close to mine, lookin' over either side of it. "...Hmm."

Then, she looks away. "You know what? I think I won't kiss you."

Oo- oh? "...Really- mmn-"

She rams her lips against mine- and instantly brings a hand up to the back of my head.

"Mm- mmh-" My mouth was open 'cause I was talking so I couldn't even control how the kiss began. Just- instantly tied my tongue with hers- and- Jesus.

Her grip's so strong, what the fuck. "Mmn- hmhmhm…" She giggles into my mouth, an' her lipstick starts to smear all over me…

I'm forced to breathe through my nose instead of hold my breath- it just goes on so long.

She curls a leg around my side, and just- hugs me with both arms, one around my head and neck, the other around my waist.

It doesn't end until she's explored every fuckin' edge of my mouth, and until she's spent half her freakin' lipstick making a red stain on my own lips.

The back of my mind clicks in the same way it clicks when I'm buried in Genkan's boobs- and that's really weird!

"Mh- aah…!" Koakuma parts from my lips, and inhales.

"Haa~h…" Oh, right. I forgot pheromones were a thing. Yeah, I'm uh, oof…! Anyway- I inhale too…!

Instantly, Koakuma leans forward, and speaks into the fuckin' core of my left ear. "Wanna fuck?" Her voice is a jolt of lightning up my spine.

"No." Hol' up, lemme just punch myself in the dick-

SLAP! Oh, I didn't even have to, Koakuma just slapped my ass…! "Loser." And- not my ass, I mean, my face!

"I lose!" I stretch my arms out- and fall over! Oof!

thump! She tosses the box onto me! "Well, if you ever feel bored, and particularly not-retarded, keep me in mind, 'kay?"

Ass fuck.

...Ha-chan drifts back down from the aether. "I found my book!" Your book, huh. Ha-chan's auto-biography, dude. "...Wha- what happened to you?"

"Pain." I'm horny. Y'know what, I wanna see how long this takes to just wear off. "...Well!" I got my Patchy outfit for Genkan though, and it wasn't so bad!

...Ha-chan looks down at my kimono bottom. You know where. "Ooh. So- Brad, why do penises do that-"

"Let's-... get a move on!" Aaaa~!

"No, really!" Ha-chan tries to grab onto me as I get up! "Tell me!"

...Ohp- but first, let's vaporize this lipstick off my lips.

Takin' out Deep Blue, I hold it up ta my mouth and-

Fwii~sh! Ha-chan watches in vague bemusement as I flush my mouth with water!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENKAN'S PERSPECTIVE ====

...I mean. I don't really… have anything else to do.

So, hopefully I can 'accidentally' rendezvous with Brad. I don't imagine whatever he's doing at the mansion will be timely. Nothing at the mansion is timely… and I've perhaps been given the briefest job of all.

"If I break my spine on an icy rock in the snow somewhere, I'm considering it your fault." Stormy really doesn't like me.

"You should."

...Oh. When I say that, he takes a cautious pause, as if he didn't expect retribution.

"Hey~." Kyouko knocks on a door. "Mysty~." Fortunately for him, Kyouko is here, which means he is safe from my quiet wrath.

We're in the outskirts of the bamboo forest.

The jade lighting reminds me of… an everglade, perhaps brighter. Not that I've ever been to marshlands, but books do love their use of everglades. They've been described as deep blue, shaded but under an overcast day's light.

This is kind of similar. The green tints all the light that manages to come in through the canopy, and even though we're just on the outskirts, this forest is nearly as thick as it'll come.

Mystia's home is some kind of hut built into the bamboo trees. Up on a higher level, as she's a bird youkai. Not that it matters much, when everything can float with magic.

Provided, the bamboo sure is thick enough. I don't think this huge clump she's housed in will ever be taken down by anything short of an inferno.

Thump thump thump! "Mysty~!" Kyouko bangs on the door with both fists. Then, she inhales. Hold on- wait- "MISTY!" ...Gods, ow.

"Fuck me…" Stormy, despite living with her, hasn't the mind to cover his ears either. "You will pay for my ear surgery, I swear."

Creak! Oh. The metal door to the home swings open. "Who~..." Oh.

Mystia is quite short. She's a pink-haired bird youkai, it seems.

"Hey Mysty!" Kyouko waves her arm a whole bunch. "Hey- before you're super mad- we're getting paid a whole lot, and we get to play music with instruments we didn't buy!"

...Mystia blinks sleepily. "Fghh… fine. Fine. It's-... what is it, Christmas? Yeah. What-... do the Scarlets want some music that ain't the Prismrivers for a change?"

"I'm not really sure!" Kyouko admits. "...Um. Genkan, was it? Do you wanna, uh-"

fwish. "Wh- aa- fuck! Fuck!" Oh. Stormy slipped from the uneven bamboo platform. "Fu~ck!"

...We all kind of stare, as he's obscured by the ledge.

Huh. Well. Guess that's that, then.

Fwii~sh. Ah. It took longer than I thought, but a noise from past the ledge informs me that Stormy has not fallen to his death.

Fwii- fwii~sh! He hovers up from onto the ledge, jets of forceful water shooting from inside his monk robe. They spray so wildly that they lose their consistency after a mere quarter-meter of length, becoming formless water spreads.

fwish. He turns them off, and lands back on the snowy bamboo platform. "...Not one word." He says this to me, for some reason.

Apparently he's also devised some method of flight that isn't flight. Why can't outsiders learn it so easily, with simple magic? ...Or, rather, I suppose I should ask why humans often can't learn to do it so easily.

"Brad is assembling music instruments, technology, and musicians." I suppose. "I'm not sure why. But he seemed to want to talk with you all directly."

"I'm apparently supposed to be buying water pump cannons." Stormy adds. "Fucked if I knew why."

...I'm not sure if that should be before or after we talk with Brad. We don't know where Maria will drop off the technology. Maybe… we should stop by Eientei, and see if they know anything about it?

"We should visit Eientei, and see if they know anything." I suggest. "If not, we can leave."

Mystia speaks up. "Yeah, whatever. As long as we get paid good."

...Probably not a problem. "Alright."

I wonder how Maria's making out. I hope she's relatively sorted her business out… or this may be awkward.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MARIA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

BRBRBRBRBRBRBR.

Oh my god!

"Hey- easy! Oh- fuck-"

VRRRR! The helicopter's blades skim the top of the bamboo, giving the stringy stalks a slightly awkward trim, as I fight the control stick- and why is it so hard to fly a helicopter!?

Brad- what was the idea behind helicopter lessons!? What…!? When will this ever be useful!?

Instead of Reisen- she doesn't have time for this sorta thing surely- I ended up with this black-haired rabbit guy.

"Okay-..." He seemed really prim-and-proper, but I think I'm trying his composure! "Okay- Maria!? I'm going to need you to-"

Oh no! "Hold aaa-"

VRRRRRR~! "Woaaa~h!"

BAM! Gods…! I- I think the hull hit something! Probably a tree!

"Okay- just-...!" He holds his arms up! "Don't-... touch-... anything. It-... it can idle. It'll just float. It will just float."

...I- I'm so nervous! "I- I've never flown a helicopter before!"

"I know!"

...After I sit here with my arms in the air for a moment, he sighs. "These legacy training models- fucking suck. The new ones aren't even like these."

Oo- oh…? "Ca- can't we use one of those…?"

He shakes his head, frowning dismissively. "No~. They're not for consumer use. We don't even have a consumer air division. You're the only customer. The consumer air program was made up just now- so specifically you could learn how to fly."

What…! "Wh- what do you mean…!?"

"You paid us so much money- the higher ups said 'screw it' and threw us in a declassified copter." I- I don't even remember his name. "But it's not a racecar. You can't just wobble the wheel around and drift it up and shit- it's-... it's a helicopter, Maria. You've seen it on TV, right?"

...Um? "TV…?" Wait, Brad told me about this! "I- I don't own a TV. I'm from the village…"

"Oh." The black-haired guy facepalmed. "Fff… okay. Do you do-... what do you do?"

"I'm a mage?" I think he'll like that answer?

He sighs, kind of in relief. "Okay, that's a good start as any… so…"

He gestures to the ten hundred buttons this little cockpit has, mostly centered around my seat. "Most of these buttons-... well, normally for military training there're like, tests and quizzes and a book you read. But…"

He leans back in his seat, looking out the front window. "These things have become more idiot-proof in recent years. 'Cause y'know, we can just throw anti-grav thrusters on things. These legacy models that operate like standard Earth craft are for being discreet… or something…"

"So…" Um?

"We'll start by gaining altitude." He gestures to the stick. "Now, the normal procedure involves some levers I don't think you can find… so we'll just use the emergency anti-grav."

"Is that bad?" I ask…

"Nah, the battery's good for a month or two of stress." Oh…? "Flip the red hatch, and pull up on the stick."

...Aa- ah. Okay.

CLACK. Cli- cli- click. I do as instructed, and-... oh. Oh. Oh wow- we're…

We're flying! Straight up! ...Really fast, too!

"Not that far up!" He reaches for the stick- and-

Cli- cli- click- CLACK! I try and help out and make it go really low-

We're falling!

"Oh fuck!" He- climbs out of his seat and-

Cli- CLACK! Oh- we shove it all the way back up-

BAM! I hit the ceiling. Ow.

WHUMP! He's flung from his seat- but the seatbelt stops him. Wait- was that the ceiling I hit…? I have a seatbelt thing on too. What did I hit…!?

Cli- cli- click! While he's dazed- I adjust the stick into the middle! I notice there's a blue notch on the stick's midsection, so I use that as a guide…

"Oo-..." The instructor sighs. "Oo- okay…"

...Leaning back, I just- lax my whole body, and sigh.

"If this was the outside, you would have really died." The guy tells me…! "Like-... really, really died…"

You know… "What happens if we crash?"

He waves it off. "Aah-... well, this is a training model, so if things go bad, we just get teleported to air control. If that fails, our seats have heavy gravity repulsors… to scrunch us into balls of folded limbs, so a dome can close around us, shielding us from any impacts or enemy fire."

Oo- oh. "So…"

"Worst case scenario, we'll be really, really uncomfortable for a few hours while a rescue team comes to pry us free." He reaches into his suit, and takes out a cigarette pack…

That sounds… bad. Really bad. Like, very bad. I don't want to have to wait hours to be saved by a rescue team.

Click. He lights it nearly instantly. Taking a drag, he sighs the smoke out. "Hfuh…"

...Yeah. Smells awful. As usual.

...He notices my stare. "Anyway… let's practice movement."

Actually, I wonder… mmh. I was gonna make his cigarette burn down instantly, but if he has a lung attack 'cause of dragging the entire cigarette at once, and dies in this helicopter, I think I might get charged for murder…

We're high enough to be above the bamboo, so… I should be able to move forward safely.

I tilt the stick forward. Ooh… oh, that's weird. The helicopter tilts to move. It's gonna take so long to get used to that…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENKAN'S PERSPECTIVE ====

BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBR. The sky is angry. A mighty gale causes the bamboo all around us to shiver, and a windcast snowfall begins due to how the bamboo shudders…

"What have we done?" I ask my company, as if we've angered some manner of sky deity. "The sky is angry."

"Oo- oh no." Kyouko looks only very slightly worried. Whatever's doing it sure is loud…

Oh. I see it, after a moment.

VRRRRR! A huge, black-grey thing with a massive rotating blade of death roars overhead of the bamboo, rending air and parting the treetops below as it accelerates by.

"Oh- hell yeah!" Stormy pumps a fist into the air. "...Not sure what model that is- I'm not a plane guy- but still! Badass!"

I'm going to pretend I didn't see it, because it scares me. Brad and Maria aren't here to help blow it up if it attacks.

"Let's move quickly." I start accelerating. "Before it kills us."

Stormy chuckles. "Pfhk- huh…? What are you, a fugitive? Was that the police looking for you?"

"Wait-..." Mystia is worried for a moment, before shaking her head. "Wait, that's just a helicopter."

Kyouko is worried, however. "What's a helicopter…!?"

"Big machine. Flies. Like a wagon, but uses a propellor to push the air." Mystia summarizes it. Oh… right. It did look like a machine.

I was worried it was-... I don't know. I don't know what it could have been, and that scares me. I've been taught to flee from things that qualify as unknown and also horrifying. A giant metal rotating death blade machine in the sky counts.

I accelerate anyway. Maybe it will descend from the sky because it's actually a wood harvesting device. If it did, it would 'harvest' us all effortlessly.

You see- this is why Eientei scares me. I do wonder if Brad has ever had experience with one of these. Perhaps his opinion of frequenting here would change if he did.

"Hey- get back here!" Mystia calls out for me. "You're following me! I'm the one who knows where they're goin'!"

...Damn it. "Right." I'm ready to claw at the Earth to hide if I have to.

...VRRRRR~! The helicopter- it returns…

Backing up- or so it would seem- it positions itself overhead of us, and-

BRRRR! It lowers!

WHACKACKACKACKACKACK! Bamboo is shredded- but only along the canopy's top. The noise is unearthly and violent. Machines… are something to be feared.

Then, after a tense moment, it ascends, and-

WOOSH, WOOSH, WOOSH! It twirls around in the air away from us, past the canopy, where we could no longer see it…

I have my arms up. I was ready to attack…

Stormy gives me a dull look. "...Ease the fuck up." He rolls the rest of his thoughts around in his mouth for a moment. "...Took me a good minute to find a phrase that wasn't inadvertently an ice pun at the same time."

Mystia snorts. "Yeah, chill out. Probably just some idiot learning how to fly."

Stormy recoils as if physically struck. "That was a fucking ice pun, you fucking fowl."

"I'm going to fuck your world up." Mystia threatens Stormy as hyperbolically as possible. "You better back the fuck down."

Stormy chuckles internally, and it's evident on his face. "Fu- fine…"

"You guys are so mean to each other…" Kyouko is far more innocent, comparatively.

We all just stare at her. I'm sure we all have our own thoughts, but we don't care about each other enough to vocalize them.

"Anyway…" Mystia begins to move. "C'mon. Almost there."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MARIA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

"Where's the landing pad…?" We're lost, and we're over the forest.

"I'm very tempted to say you oughta just land in a field outside." The black-haired guy suggests. "There's no way you're finding the clinic with no sense of direction."

And, you know, I feel challenged. "Well…"

VRRR. Turning it ninety degrees, kinda messily, I um, keep aiming the helicopter ahead. Considering the rotors and blades-... if I hit anything solid enough head-on, this thing's just gonna get scrunched. That'd probably be um… really, really bad.

Like… it's only the blades that keep us stuck in the air, besides the emergency anti-grav. Which means if they stop, we just fall. In a giant, metal-and-glass box.

Maybe I shouldn't think about it too hard.

Scanning these treetops feels like a mission in-... futility. There's so many.

The sea of bamboo and green is lush amidst the sunlight, and feels very… right, with the speckling of snow that's on it. You know, the snow that's left after my helicopter nonsense.

I can kind of, like… aim this thing now. It's really, really hard to turn and stuff in a way that doesn't like… really influence it. It's so sensitive to turning and stuff.

Like, if I turn and move this or make it strafe- I guess- to the right too much, the whole freaking thing tilts as I turn… and if I try to ascend from there- I keep going to the side! You can almost tip it over! It's so-... so different!

Also, if I actually tipped this thing over, we would be in big trouble. We'd get pulled straight into the floor.

It's like how flying would be, except there's… a one to five second delay on what my controls do. It'd be so much more simple if I could just fly…! Even with a broom or something!

Although… I guess the weight feels nice. It might not matter in real combat, but if a fairy tried to fight this thing, they'd probably get cut in half and just die super fast. ...You know, that's probably why the fairies don't seem to be bothering us.

"How does a helicopter defend itself?" It seems like a big dumb target in the air…

"...Oh?" The guy didn't think I'd ask this question. "Well… they're usually armored. Also, this one doesn't have guns… but it could have guns. Rockets, too."

...Oh. Guns. Guns and rockets. "...Rocket guns?"

"Gun rockets." He declares. Woah. Wait- that doesn't quite make sense. Well- whatever.

He keeps going. "Lasers and other things too. Basically anything you can shoot, you can shoot it in mass amounts... from a helicopter, I mean. These things're made to fight tanks, other ground armor, and infantry too. They're versatile… just weak against other air units. Also, anti-armor, if it hits 'em."

I see. It's… really weird, and different. They have these on the outside, too? Combat must be… totally different out there, and way more scary. You have this, and guns, but no magic? That sounds… awful.

Well, as Brad can attest to, I'm sure. Wait…

Oh. I see it! The clinic!

"Oh…" The instructor sees it too! "Huh."

VRRRR. Why are helicopters so loud…?

We fly over into Eientei airspace. Where, um… would I even land? Ooh- there're buildings too, and they're different heights than the trees…

"We're gonna land around where we started. At the warehouse helipad." Oh, that's, kind of useful… but only kind of.

Um. Oh, I see it…

VRRRRR! The helicopter's blades whir, as I guide it past the one or two towers high enough to be a worry. I don't want to ascend to dodge them… but things are kind of dangerous.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

BRBRBRBR- brbr- brbrbr… We lower the helicopter onto the landing pad...

"...Okay." I sigh. This- isn't the landing pad he had indicated, but it's marked with a big H, so I think it's safe. I saw a few other landing pads from above… so, I guess it shouldn't matter too much if I pick one that seems close.

And-

CLUNK. Phew. We've landed, but we haven't turned it off.

"Alright-..." The instructor guy speaks up. I haven't actually talked about him, have I? I've, um, been distracted… not dying. "Alright. Turning it off's one of the harder parts, actually." What? Why?

Leaning across the buttons between us, he gestures to the… the board. Thing. The other place of buttons. "Here- along the dashboard." The whatboard?

Click, click, click. He presses three glowy buttons, then feels at the ignition key that was placed in the-... the key slot, I guess. It's really weird, to think of using a key on a… machine, like you'd use it on a house, but it also makes sense.

Clu- clunk. What…? Oh. The machine just-... stopped.

There's an ominous whining noise as the rotors of the blades slow, and the blades themselves very gradually become less and less deadly…

Or, I mean, less fast. Slower. Yeah. My mind feels like saying that something's speed is directly proportional to how deadly it is.

...The instructor sighs.

...I look at him. "Um?"

He looks at me, somewhat tired.

"Did I do good?"

He snorts. "...No? Well- by safety and training regulations, no. For a human, you picked up pretty quick. And, uuh… I wouldn't trust my life on your skills if this were a regular helicopter. But that's just me." Yeah, me either.

So… "What're we gonna do with the helicopter?"

He blinks at me. "...That's your problem. You paid for it."

Wait what. "Wait- was that really enough…?" I swear there wasn't that much left over… but the numbers were really big, so I don't remember how much this even cost.

He doesn't say anything, 'cause I didn't buy it from him after all. He wouldn't know what I'm talking about.

"Anyway, great getting to know you, Ma-... Marianne? No-" He shook his head. "Mary."

"Goo- good enough…" I don't really need to correct him…

Click. He casts the helicopter door open, leaps out, and just kind of jogs off.

...Wait- if I'm the owner of this helicopter now- where do I park it…!?

There's some people nearby. Maybe I can go ask them…

Click. Casting my door open, I um… carefully climb out of the helicopter, and um… right.

This helipad's on some kind of roof adjacent to the club warehouse. It's… really fancy, actually.

Stepping off the helipad stairs, I find myself on a semi-snowy wood porch, which otherwise seems well-waxed. There's… some kind of big tub, maybe a hot tub, going unused on the left hand of the deck.

There's some big potted plants arranged around, shielded by some kind of aura that keeps the snow from murdering them. Coming up to the really clean desk, I um… oh!

Eirin's here! And-

"Oh!" And so's Ongaku… "It's you again!"

"Aw!" Ichigo-yuki climbs up onto the counter, barefoot for some reason. "Heya, Maria!"

...There's this nine-tenths naked blonde girl next to Eirin. Why only a cape? Is- is it fetish apparel…?

cli- clack- click- click. Woah. She's really moving those cups around. Glass cups, a metal canister, and some bottles are all moved in like, a couple seconds.

Ongaku leans on the counter, intentionally putting her kimono's cleavage on display, adjusting her heart-shaped glasses. "Hee~... flew in fer a drink, didja? Why don'cha get a Vanilla special?" What's going on here…?

Well anyway, "I'm not a drinker."

"Ouh!" Ongaku whips her head back like I hooked her in the jaw, her boobs bouncing in the process. "Stone cold! You gonna take that, Vanilla!?"

...Vanilla, the nakey girl, gives her a small look. "...Yes?"

Ongaku so briefly facepalms. "Wh- no- y'see- y'gotta entice your guests! Wait." Ongaku gives me a firm look. "How old're you?"

"Sixteen?"

Ongaku crosses her arms. "Nope! Not me! Couldn't be me! No drinks fer minors here, folks!" ...Then, she pauses. "Eirin- s'that a law here?"

Eirin gives her a flat look. "Yes, technically. It's only vaguely enforced. It's to keep a degree of moderation involved. The young's brains are developing. As a doctor, there's not much I can say other than that drinking before the human age of eighteen or twenty is a bad idea… and even after that, it can have varying effects."

She looks off into the air. "Do you ever think it weird? How humans have taken to ingesting random drugs en masse for entertainment's sake? Do you ever wonder how it could have been different?"

...That's- a really good point… and also a really alien way of looking at it. I guess alcohol is a drug… and not many people even know that much. They'd know it gives a good buzz better than they'd know what it is.

"Well-... I guess it is a drug." So I've read, at least. "What makes it a drug though…?"

Eirin focuses on me. "It's a depressant. It slows the mind and body. Anesthetics are similar. One of a few side effects of alcohol is stress on the liver. As with any anesthetic, overdosing severely is simply death. Other drugs are not as popular, common or social because of how destructive they are. Alcohol strikes a balance of being minimally destructive, but still granting foreign effects."

...Such is to say it's still destructive, huh. I'd say more, but I don't really know anything… about drugs or medicine. Eirin's not only an actual doctor, but she's also… something else.

Ongaku shook her head. "Guess that's it, then. Sorry, toots. Gin barrel's dry here. Come back in two years when yer a bit taller."

...Taller? Wait- that's a height joke. Wow. That's like… the first time that's happened before. Probably because I'm not actually that short.

"I will say, lunar rabbits- as well as earth rabbits- mature sooner than humans." Oh…? "A lunar rabbit reaches adult age between ten and fifteen in human years. For convenience's sake, we equivocate those years to human years as well. Makes translation easier. As such, the ages between twenty and thirty come quickly. A year of maturity for a human may take months for a rabbit. Once they reach a young adult age, their aging slows down severely."

Woah. "Is that-... really good evolution at play?"

Eirin snorted. "No. I made them that way." Oo- oh. Right. "Before lunarian intervention, the native lunar rabbit species was similar to earthen rabbits."

Wait. "Earth rabbits- how do they do it then?"

...Eirin nods. "That's more simple. Their bodies simply stop gaining height in childhood and teenage years, and their development ceases quite soon after. By ten years, a youkai rabbit is at its peak physicality, and will continue to be for centuries to come. They've only got exercise and learning to do after that. Of course, their features- especially those which make them feel more adult- go on to develop into their more adult years still.

"I'd say by a hundred, you can safely consider an Earth rabbit's unique progression cycle totally complete." Eirin finishes. "It's a weirdly oddly weighted spectrum."

...And then, everything's quiet. Vanilla continues to quietly shake and mix drinks in the background…

"Where was I…?" Eirin takes pause. She- she can forget things? Or- was she just transitioning the topic? "Ah, yes." It was totally the latter. There was no moment of realization. "I was tasting your drinks."

Oh! "Can you get drunk?"

Eirin gave me a brief look. "No." Figures.

Ongaku snorts. "Tha~t must suck."

...Eirin seems to freeze a moment. "Rather-... well, no is the short answer. It's technically possible, but…" She shakes her head, leaving the implication standing. "Regardless. Bottoms up."

She kicks her head back, and-... slowly sips from a wine glass Vanilla's prepared. I imagine the abruptness was going to be for comedic effect, but then she actually wanted to sample it like a normal person.

...After her sip, she rolled her mouth around. "Mmm…" Then, she swallowed.

"Fruity. Yet, there was so much alcohol that it could be compared to oni drinks." Eirin shook her head. "You need to get better at withholding the urge to pour as much as you can. More alcohol does not equal a better drink."

"Oo- oh…" Vanilla seems surprised. "I- I thought-... like-... aa- at our- at my other bar- we mostly just had-... bottles of blood, with very little real alcohol."

...Eirin has a vague expression. Then, she shrugs. "Hmm. Sounds difficult for unrelated reasons. Provided… it's good to know how to serve a heavy drink for when they ask for it. But, you have a duty to read the room too. Do you know what that means?"

Vanilla pauses. "...Like-... reading people?"

"Exactly." Eirin smiles. "Where do you think I'm going with this?"

...Vanilla purses her lips. "Reading how much alcohol they'd be okay with?"

Eirin nods her head more firmly. "Yes. Though, do be advised, if you're unfamiliar or if they're unassuming, don't be afraid to go for the middle ground. They may ask you otherwise if they so choose. It's about communication, you see."

...Wait- yeah, my question! "Where do I put my helicopter?"

Eirin looks at me. "Anywhere but here. That is, off Eientei grounds. We have aircraft yards and facilities; they are military use. We have very little for public and casual aircraft parking. This area is, unfortunately, private."

Huh. "...There wasn't any helicopter here when I landed, though."

Eirin nods. "Yes, that's because mine is out for repairs and maintenance. When I get around to it, that is. This apartment is one of my getaways."

Ongaku beams. "...No wonder it always looks unused. Aside from like, the times that uh… y'know, nothin'."

Eirin closed her eyes. "The times the rabbits decide to have a party up here anyway? I know. Fortunately, this area is part of scheduled routine maintenance. My employees trash it, my employees clean it back up. If cleaning staff have a problem with it, there's no one to blame except their friends. Maybe even themselves."

...Ongaku gives me a small look. "This chick's got eyes on the back a' her head…"

Yeah. It sure seems like it.

"...Do I have to move the helicopter now?"

Eirin nods. "That would be most convenient, yes. I know it may seem obtuse in some way, but the alternative is me sending an employee to fly it for you only for them to have to walk back. You only have a sixty percent chance of crashing horribly, and it's fortified such that you will survive." Um. I don't like those odds.

...She tilts her head just a little. "Albeit, you may need to be rescued. ...I suppose I can promise to make that timely, if you crash nearby."

As I move for the helicopter, she speaks up. "Oh! And, Maria?"

Um… "What's up?" I stop in my tracks.

"Your friends came by. They've taken the equipment exports, and made a purchase or two of their own. They're en route to the Scarlet Devil Mansion, by shipping vehicle. You may be able to catch them at their destination… if you travel by air."

What a cheeky way to word that…!

Well-... it makes me feel cool too, so it's okay I guess. Not like I could tease her for it. I mean- she's Eirin. She'd probably have a paragraph-long retort to whatever I could come up with anyway.

Swallowing my guts, I look up at the helicopter. Oh, gods. Nnn… I- I dunno if I even wanna do this…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENKAN'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Shii~f… shoo~f. The vehicle exhales something that sounds like a waft of boiling steam. I don't think Brad's ever told me about whatever this is supposed to be. But-... it makes me uneasy.

It feels oddly theatrical in a way- but the way it moves, and the way it contains me…

Stormy sits in the 'driver's seat', hands firmly on… a wheel. It seems intuitive enough.

Pulling over snow, crushing a trail in the grass and white, this… truck we've been stuck inside of progresses steadily. But, the ride is bumpy. Very bumpy.

"Ooh…!" Kyouko, who has stationed in my lap, snuggles up to the window. "This is so coo~l! We're moving! Automatically!"

Mystia is awkwardly placed between me and Stormy. "...It- it's something."

Stormy huffs. "Does this heap of crap-... oh. It does have radio."

He presses a button on the truck's 'dashboard' and-

BEEP BWUP BWOOP BOOP BOP. My senses are assaulted. I compact, as if threatened by the truck.

"If you can't wear a spandex bunny suit- what can you do!?" Who's yelling that…? Is it-...?

Oh. Radio. That's-... a radio? It's so clear… "This… is V-Rock!"

Stormy turns a dial. I soon learned this is the dial for volume.

Suddenly, the radio is really quiet. "i wanna rock"

"rock" ...It's so quiet, it's kind of cute, actually.

...Mystia gives Stormy a look, before glaring at the radio.

"i wanna rock" It's- so quiet.

"rock" Kyouko has a small expression in my lap, turning to stare at the quiet radio. "Ooh…"

Thump- bam! Oh- ah…! I- I think we… traversed over a rock.

"Fuck." Stormy curses, as he bounces in his seat. "Couldn't be fucked to pave a path to the fucking village even…"

Whatever path we were put on, it got us out of the bamboo instantly. But, Gensokyo's plains are uneven and slanted at times, making this venture… strange.

We obtained a drum kit, a guitar, an 'electric' keyboard, some microphone stands, a triangle, and two really big water pump… cannon, things. As such, we needed something to transport them with us… and as we didn't have Brad's gift of infinite holding, we actually needed something to move it all.

One thing lead to another, and we negotiated-... this. A really big truck, with anti-grav stabilizers, and a huge, boxy payload on its back.

"turn it down you say" The radio's English lyrics seem… very, very stilted by how quiet they are. "well all i gotta say to you is time and time again i say no"

"no"

"This is fucking awful." Mystia seethes. "Why is it so fucking quiet?"

Stormy snorts, chuckling under his breath. "Because I don't feel like listening to the good old classics for the fucking eightieth time in my life. Sue me. They've been playing on the radio for the last three fucking decades."

Mystia glares back at him. "The- the radio? You act like any of us have heard any of this before…!"

"Oh. Right." Stormy has a flat expression. "Fuck. Alright. Who wants to get your ear drums blown out?" Oh, no.

"Crank it!" Mystia demands.

"Yeah!" Kyouko pumps an arm in the air.

"I- I object."

...Everyone gives me a plain look, before promptly ignoring me.

"Heh." Stormy takes joy in my disappointment. "You get used to it. Take it from me."

"How high's a truck go anyway?" Mystia folds her arms. "I bet it ain't even loud."

Stormy snorts. "Good question. Let's find out." No…

He twists the dial three times.

"I WANT TO ROCK"

"Nhn-" I take physical damage.

"ROCK"

"No!" I yell back.

"Wh- whow!" Kyouko recoils too.

Mystia beams- and also recoils. "Oh fuck!"

Stormy twists the dial back twice. "Pfhu- heheheh…"

"You little gremlin." I'm disturbed. "You-..."

"I want to rock!" The music is still loud enough for me to feel it in my chest- but it's not loud enough to hurt my ears severely. It still makes me uncomfortable.

"Rock!" Ugh…

"No!" I object, in the best English I can muster. "No want to rock!"

"Pfh- hahaha!" I'm going to take a really big rock to this Stormy human's skull.

...Well. I still want to ask questions.

I'll just have to fight the noise. "How-" Ugh… "What is- a tractor trailer!?"

"Turn the power up- I've waited so long so I could hear my favorite song so let's go~! Go!"

Stormy huffs. "We're in one right now!"

Shuff- BAM! Wh- ah!

"Woah!" Kyouko leaves my lap for a moment…!

"Fuck-" Mystia guards herself from hitting the ceiling. "You know how to drive!?"

"Fat fucking words- coming from a flightless bird who just learned what a truck was today!"

...Mystia doesn't like that. "Who you callin' flightless- you fucking-... rrgh!"

"Wh- let go of me! Retard! Fucking retard!" This is going well. Stormy is being apprehended. "I can't see the- road-"

Mystia's anger has built for far too long. "Shut up! Shut up! I've had enough of your bullshit! Today!"

"I wanna rock! Rock!"

"Guys-" Kyouko yells over the volume too. "Guys! Stop- hold on!"

Vroo~m! We're going really fast, down the snowy plain…

"I wanna rock! Rock!"

I wish I had my rocket launcher. Or that cannon. Either would be good right now.

"I wanna rock! Rock! Rock! Rock!"

WHUMP- BAM! Oh- oh my god-... this is like flying- except I'm not in control at all! My heart keeps leaping!

"I will fucking kill you!" Stormy is practically out of his seat. "Ow! Oww!"

"Ar- mgh!" Mystia bites onto him.

Fwii~sh! Stormy shoots water in her eyes from one of his sleeves.

"Guys- woah- aah-" Kyouko leaps out at them- and ends up in the front pane of glass, along the front-... board.

I compact in my seat.

...In the snow far before us, along the crest of the Human Village's walls, and the forests that guard the Hakurei Shrine, I see snow fairies pop out of their snow.

...Um. Oh. We're barreling towards them.

WHUMP- BAM! BAM! I feel like this 'truck' thing's just- going to take off. Like, sprout thrusters and leave.

"I wanna rock! Rock! Rock- rock! Rock- rock! Rock- rock!"

"Fuck! Fuu~ck!" Stormy is just wrestling with Mystia now. "Fuck you!"

"Human- fucking- bastard! Die!"

"GUYS AAAAA SHUT UP!" Oh my gods- she's louder than the radio-...

...Those snow fairies are just- watching us coming. They're just sitting there. They're just waiting. They're just-... why? Why are they just waiting?

I may not like fairies, but getting hit by an object this size is cruel and unusual punishment. "Guys-" I'm not loud enough. "Guys!"

"Rrrgh!"

"I wanna rock! Rock! Rock-"

"AAAA!"

This is pitiful. "Guys! Guys- look out! Guys! Everyone!"

Well. There's no preventing it.

The fairies start to move much too late. The moment they stand from the snow, knowing they can't take the impact and we aren't stopping-

WHUMPUMP- THUMP- BAM- CR- CRACK- BAMTHUNK.

I hold hard onto my seat as the fairies are obscured under the front wedge before our window.

"EEE!"

"AA- aa-"

...That- was actually the hardest impact yet. That's really something. And-... somehow, it's like-... I felt it. It's like you can feel their bodies under the wheels.

I just- hold my hands over my mouth.

Everyone goes quiet.

Stormy leans back in his seat, as if he wasn't just fighting Mystia. "Oo-... oh. Ah, shit…"

"The- the fuck was that…?" Mystia was bewildered.

"Um…" Kyouko looks at me. "Did you see anything?" She gets off the front board, into my lap again.

Should I even say anything?

"We ran something over, that's for damn sure." Stormy knew. "...Fucked if any of us saw it."

...Well.

"The one hundred percent official home… of rebellion! V-rock!" The radio continues to exist, insensitive of the violence.

"Alright, we got some more rock lined up." Some bunny girl starts talking through the radio. "But first… I think you'd rather listen to me talking first." Great.

"Not like anyone'll arrest us out here." Stormy gets the truck back up to speed, after we'd slowed. "Who gives a shit? It was probably some fuckin' deer, or raccoons, or something. We're in a tractor trailer."

"Yeah, whatever." Mystia snorts.

"Mmn…" Kyouko isn't entirely pleased. "Imagine getting hit by this thing, though…"

Yeah. Imagine. Imagine if those weren't fairies, and they just got absolutely murdered immediately.

"That's what you get with V-rock." The radio girl keeps going. "Rock… and me. Hehe… not sure which I prefer."

Stormy sighs again. "Oh, shut up." He turns the radio down, again.

"anyway heres the crue" Honestly, this is less obnoxious.

At first, the instrumentals are incredibly soft.

"you say our love is like dynamite" It's so quiet again.

This feels a lot cozier when it's quiet. Us, the sea of snow, and the weathered glass of this transportation vehicle.

...The strange roughness of quality is likely from improper storage of the vehicle itself… or it's simply seen a lot of abuse in the garage. Either way, it's strange. You wouldn't think Eientei would have much reason to use vehicles at all.

That, and… I like listening to the sounds of the wheels and the churning snow rather than the music. Perhaps I'd like to listen to the music more closely on my own… but, as I am now? Partially irritated, disturbed, and in the company of people I don't care about? That's a lot to ask.

Stormy pulls right on the wheel-

SHOO~F! Wh- ah… ah. We- practically drifted amidst the snow, aligning with the oddly trodden-looking Hakurei path.

"Make sure you don't hit anyone here." Kyouko has a good head on her shoulders. "If you guys start fighting again- I'll make it so you can't hear the radio music. Let alone each other." ...I'd be willing to make that sacrifice, honestly. I think I'd rather be momentarily deaf than put up with this noise.

"Yes, yes." Stormy sasses her back, as if he hadn't just mowed down ice fairies. "Very well. Just keep Mystia from going feral on me."

"Just stop saying stupid shit. It's that simple, fuckwad."

He snorts. "You really thought of that one."

"...I want to hurt you."

Kyouko inhales. Everyone tenses up.

...Oh, yes. Sweet silence. Silence could never be more sweet.

...After a few moments, I ease into the almost hypnotic vibrations of the moving vehicle.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

The white floodlights cast by magic shine on down across the big, empty-ish cave room.

Empty… save for one big ol' S.S. BONER, mounted in the air atop what looks like wine racks too old ta be cared for anymore. Just as it should be!

"Alright…" Flandre drifts down from the wall in front of it! "I got the crystals all set u~p!"

Ho~h. Well, that was basically all I wanted to do today! Oh, right. I gotta meet up with Stormy and the band at the front gate, and brief 'em on where the equipment will be… an' maybe like, a day or two from now we'll begin the construction.

S.S. BONER is a piece a' work, lemme tell ya! Man, it's been-... like, I thought it was gone and dead. I didn't think it even still existed! But apparently Flandre was attached to the idea of the thing, and neither Sakuya or Remi had the heart ta tell 'er no. Not after the shit that lead up to it, either!

My craft made outta chairs, coffee tables, a door or two and steel strings. Literally held together with fuckin' strings! It's some ascended 4D chess shit man!

"So when're we gonna fly it…!?" Flandre wants ta know!

"...I'm not so sure yet!" I got… some plans. "But I do know, I want it ta be-... easy ta start. Like, snap a' the finger, rip open the bag, an' the gang's all there. Maybe on the idea that there'd be a long rest period after whenever I do it!"

"...You might need a few more portals t'make something like that work though." Flandre notes! "Especially if you're gonna have a band!"

Oh, right. I was gonna ask Patchy fer like… another summon contract helperino thing or two. Aah, we can handle that when Mystia and Kyouko show up.

"So!" Flandre's curious! "What're we gonna do now!?"

I got no idea. "...Let's go stand on the roof!" That way we can see the dudes coming and get to fool with whatever snow's left!

"Good idea!" Aw yeah! "I'll bring my toboggan!" Your what!

...Ho~h. Man- this underground storage area feels cool. The floodlights give it a super nighttime garage feel! Ooh… y'know what this place is dude?

Wait. I wonder. Should I save this joke, or not…!? I just also realized it'd really fit in Genkan's cave too!

Ah well, I can use it twice. Different people! "This is now… the Brad cave." We need people with Brad symbols they shine at the sky. Wait- the fuck'd a Brad symbol look like…? Oh. A plant hanger.

...Flandre smirks at me! "Would it have a Brad symbol…?" Oh shit!

I grin back! "The plant hanger outline in the sky, dude!"

...Flandre leans her head back, as if she waltzed right inta that one!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"Ooh…" Flandre stares into the distance with about equal splendor!

"Ho- holy shit…!" I'm slightly incredulous too, actually!

Across the plains of snow before the Scarlet Devil Mansion's gates, a stubby-ass tractor trailer is pullin' across the undisturbed sea, crunchin' through the snow!

In the air over it, a black helicopter unevenly bobs around, makin' a beeline for the mansion too!

I clap my hands! "Awhawhaw, yes dude! The helicopter lessons actually worked!" I was only half-joking when I suggested them! ...And uh- it also looks like they only half-worked, 'cause that's some video game-tier piloting! Ho ho ho!

Aw, yes dude. Land, sea and air. Tractor trailer full a' upgrades- or so I hope- S.S. BONER, and an attack helicopter.

With my arms on my hips, I beam down from the top a' the mansion's roof! We are going to assemble the machine dude!

"Y'see that?" I gesture to the helicopter, an' the truck! "They're bringin' the good shit! We're gonna tune that ride up, yo!"

"Ooh!" Flandre realizes what's goin' on! "You know those things…!?"

"Yeah! They're vehicles!" In case you spent the last century under a rock…! Wait. "New ones!"

...Oh- aw! There's Ha-chan, comin' up along our flank!

"You spotted me…" She was sneaking up on us! "Brad-kun!" An' then she plays it off like she wasn't! "I found the book!"

"Yeah!" It's very hard to be excited about that when the other party members are quite literally flying in and hauling supplies over…!

Aw. Eleven Hungry Caterpillars, dude. "What about the fifteen hungry fluffles."

"No." Even Ha-chan knows to smugly deny the notion…! "I know I read this to you already- so when we come across Genkan, we read it to her."

Oh no. "Must we all suffer…!?"

"Yea~h!" Ha-chan gives no fucks! "I wanna see her react to it! 'Cause the last time I showed you- it was like a month or two ago- and you were kinda busy!"

...Eleven hungry fluffles.

grrh. Oh. Right, my stomach was capable of such emotions. Back, vile thing.

...Flandre's lookin' at me. Why's she lookin' at me…?

"You should pull out a table!" Flandre suggests! "So we can picnic up here and stuff…"

Aw. Pick, nick. "Let's invite fluffles."

"No we're not." Flandre just- summarily denies the idea!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 111

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

a very long chapter, but a really fun one - w -

once again, the separate party members needed a lot of screen time, but this time it was a lot more concisely divided! ...because they weren't together!

in this case i think the sporadic switching nature is to its favor, because this is a sorta chronological deal, and the times i get the most switchy with the pov are to enhance the experience and highlight some of the really fun points - w -

having everyone divided for a change is a really unique way of going about it and i wouldn't mind some split-up-and-search-for-clues strats later, but i'd definitely hafta think about it

i didn't wanna end this chapter until a certain amount of progress was made, 'cause i wanna load a good amount of things into the next chapter too without making the pace in-chapter feel awkward - w - and in this case, i think this progression of events is best housed like this

i think the party scenario used to lend quite well to screentime 'cause both genkan and maria are quieter, but as mutual care has risen and each of them continue to flesh out, the competition for screentime becomes real! especially because some of the people who actually bother to give feedback are picky and impatient at times!

well, not like i take them into account but y'know - w - i do wanna keep things respectably varied, and those opinions are at least an early caution sign about composition and content

i do feel like these scenarios have semi-played into each of the characters strengths - w - provided, not necessarily highlight-tier moments, but still pretty good

in post i might wanna expand more on certain ideas and touch up on consistency in others but overall this chapter feels really strong in both composition and content

honh, honh…

as always, see you all next time!