(in which we put a sneaker in a helicopter and send it packing)

Land, sea, an' air. We're powerful, dude.

"Woa~h…!" Ha-chan points, slightly late to the party! "What's that!?"

Last time on dragonfluff… Maria approaches in her helicopter, and the other dudes're in transit ta here on a tractor trailer!

"It's the emergency loaf shipment." I nod gladly. "It's on the way, dude. They heard our call."

brbrbrbrbrBRBRBRBRBR. Oh- god, I forgot how fucking loud helicopters were…! And I've never seen one up so close before either- so it's actually kind of intimidating!

"Um…!" Ha-chan gets nervous!

I start ta move! Takin' my sprinting as advice, Ha-chan and Flandre zip along with me!

BRBRBRBRBRBR. The big ol' helicopter hovers on over the roof of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, twirls around in place awkwardly, and uuh…

BAM- SRKII~K! Maria's doing a really shitty job at landing it! She like- dipped it onto the roof and made it skid around…! Y'know- I don't know if drifting in a helicopter's a good thing!

BRBRbrbrbrbr- swishswishswishswish. The rotors an' the blades slow and stuff. The blades like, whine and emit an airy noise as they wind down.

Flandre holds onto her hat…! "Wo~w. That's so cool!" She likes it!

Ha-chan is extremely fwoofed out, her long cyan hair flailing everywhere. "Wo- ack…" She chokes in the air as it comes at her! "Ho- ah…!"

Click. Maria opens the door a' the helicopter, and leaps outside!

"Yo ho ho!" Holdin' out my arms, I approach her!

...She runs at me! Aw- yeehaw!

"What was the big idea!?" She yells at me! "I don't know how to fly a helicopter!"

Wha- I hold out my arms! "But ya just flew in on one right in fronta' me!"

"Yeah- and I had like, twelve heart attacks!" Twelve exactly…!?

"Ooh…!" I recoil. "Twelve heart attacks? That's the cursed number!"

Maria beams, and shakes her head! "You jerk…! What- what the heck's even a helicopter...!?"

Big. Well- "It's an air vehicle!" An air ride machine! ...Literally!

...Flandre is loafsome, as she approaches us, her expression gentle.

An' then she gets really excited! "Helicopters seem really cool! Where can I get one!?"

Aha~...! "Ask yer sister! They cost money, and not a small amount!"

"Ooh…" Flandre purses her lips! "Man. It looks like so much more fun than a yacht."

"Yachts are for shmots." I dunno what those are but it is now so. "Yacht a shit." Shmots, I mean. I know what a yacht is, at least!

"A wh- what?" Maria does not know, because boats have next ta no value in Gensokyo! ...At least not normally! "Well-... aa- anyway… um…"

I start ta move! "Yo- let's go!" Wait…

Stopping, I behold the oncoming tractor trailer, comin' up on the mansion's open gates! Aw… dude.

Looking back at Maria, I beam. Lookin' at Ha-chan, I nod!

Then, I sprint at full speed across the snowy roof. Coming up to the rails-

Clack! With two jumps, I leap safely onto them with ease.

"Woah- Brad!" Maria runs after me!

"Hyee- heeeaa~!"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: GENKAN'S PERSPECTIVE ====

I hate motor vehicles, and whoever thought of the concept of them.

As we slow to a stop, I sit compact in my seat. If I wasn't wearing a skirt, I'd have just balled up to be comfy, but I'm not even allowed that luxury.

Shi~ff. The 'tractor trailer's exhaust pipes let out a steamy sigh as the mighty automobile construct slows to a stop. We've driven between the open gates of the mansion, parked right here at the front door. I hope they don't mind this ugly pile of steel and gas on their front lawn for an hour or two. On Christmas Day. Yes.

"Lock up your daughters." This radio is horrible. "Shoot your sons." What?

cli- click. "Dad!" There's the cocking of a gun, followed by a son's yelp over the radio.

bang. My gods, that's horrible.

"Pft- heheheh…" Stormy has failed the test of character.

"'Cause Choujuu Gigaku is coming to town!"

...Kyouko perks up, seated on the front 'dashboard' as it's called. "Oh! That's us!"

"Yeah, it is…" Mystia pondered. "Wait. ...Oh, right. Yeah, we are heading there, in a few days."

"Was that advertisement your idea?" I must ask.

...Kyouko gives me a very glad sort of smile. "Would it hurt you if I said yes?"

"Yes." Therefore, you have ten seconds to backpedal.

"It was 'cause of uuh…" Kyouko goes in a different direction than I expect. "The concert competition in the village! This dude with a gun just like, shot someone. And the misfortune goddess became really big."

"I wasn't there." Concerts, especially in the village, are not normally my thing.

...Kyouko became smug. "Aw. Issa shame, 'cause you coulda seen your boyfriend performing there…"

"I don't think me and Brad knew each other existed at the time." If not for what we've become, I almost definitely would have forgotten his presence on a stage… unless he was the main role, but I've got a doubt he could sing or perform to carry a show.

Unless it was a comedy, maybe. ...It sounds insulting when I put it that way.

...Smiling with a strange energy, Kyouko slowly turns the radio down, as the truck sits still here amidst the mansion courtyard.

Ah, yes. More quiet 'rock and roll'. After a very distant strum of chords, the lyrics begin. "holy diver"

"youve been down too long in the midnight sea"

"I'm getting out." I move for the door.

Mystia chuckles. "Pfheh…"

Clack. Swinging the heavy side door of the grey truck open, I drift out, into the air. "Oh-..." Oh, yes. So cold. A marked improvement over the heating inside the truck.

...Ah. Meiling is sizing up the tractor trailer, standing right before the front of it, arms on her hips.

"Ooo." She sees me, and smiles. "Genkan!"

"...Meiling." Short time, much see. I'm pretty sure we talked not long ago. Provided… the massage session we had was a day or two ago. Or three, even.

...Ah. For some reason, the notable brigade of fairies-I-especially-dislike is here too.

"Oh, fuck off…" Komi's in a fluffy black jacket of some kind. She turns away, unwilling to face me. Is that fear in her voice? I didn't think fairies felt fear in a way that mattered.

...Mmh. I say this, but I wouldn't be quite as venomous towards Hana. Then again, it's clear some fairies aren't cut from the same cloth.

"Heya!" Koi is eager to address me.

I act like they don't exist. "I apologize in advance for being related to this giant metal box we've put on your lawn."

Meiling grinned. "Oh? Ah, I don't think we'll mind… much. 'Sides, Brad's up to somethin', ain't he?"

How did she know? He must be really excited. That, or she interrogated him for coming here on his own. "Did he leave yet?" I may as well ask.

"Nah." Meiling shook her head. "He's, uh-"

"Hyee~... aaa~!"

What…? Oh. Oh, no.

Brad plummets from the fifth story roof, roaring towards the floor off of a forward flip. A basic cast-iron hanger is wielded in his left hand.

Komi looks up at him, and her mouth opens.

WHAM- KRK. Brad slung the hanger down into her forehead at deadly velocity, almost the moment it was feasible.

Leaping again mid-air as she staggered back, Brad whipped the same arm down-

WHACK! He struck her forehead in the same place.

With a third mid-air leap, as Komi crumpled back, Brad drove it down again.

WHAM- KR- KRACK! Pi~chun! Komi exploded from the third skull impact, the hanger passing through her head.

"Woah- shihh-" Brad flails, backflips by accident, and before he hits the floor awkwardly, his gravity boots activate, and he seemingly leaps ten feet into the air. "Yee~haw!"

Koi chuckles. "Hehehe… I'm in danger!" Um.

Crunch! Landing on both gravity boots, firmly stomping onto snow, Brad stumbles back, looking glad. "Ho~h…!"

...Meiling folds her arms. "Man. Now who's gonna help me shovel snow?"

Brad blinks in her direction. "...Whah?"

Beaming in slight incredulity, she marches towards him. "Y'just clobbered one of my helpers fer today, buster…! Now we're down a few hands!"

"Hey-...!" Brad holds a finger up, stopping her. "Alright. Under most circumstances, s'my bad… but that fairy in particular's got a grudge match wit' me!"

I will help him. "She is quite persistent, and annoying." Drifting up, I support Brad. "I wish she would cease."

...Brad gives me a cute look. "Genkan would like to file a complaint." Oh…? "With the better business bureau!"

Meiling didn't say anything at first. She just kinda looked back and forth between us, as if examining us…

Brad keeps going. "It was good fer once to finally completely cheese her in one turn on my own!" They do seem to have a history.

...Meiling tilted her head back, and closed her eyes. "That's right, isn't it? I remember Sakuya talkin' about that, actually. It was awhile ago, huh? She was bettin' you'd either get dirty with her, or Hana. Or y'know, Koakuma."

All of these options innately disturb me. For obvious reasons, I'm sure. Except for maybe Hana. Hana at least means well, and they kind of… hmm. I'm not sure if they were ever an item. Brad definitely didn't allow himself to be vulnerable around her. But, I also think she's quite harmless.

Brad double-took. "Sakuya was placin' bets…!?"

"Why the black fairy?" I-... her name was Komi, right. I'd just remembered it on sight a second ago. Between ten seconds ago and now, I'd nearly forgotten.

Meiling fixes her gaze on me. "...Y'know. Komi's a lot like you, but stupider, an' meaner."

"I'm sorry, but those are grounds for combat." There can be no peace.

Brad erupts with the quiet chuckles. "...Y'know- that's only like one-fourth accurate, if even! Genkan's peaceful, dude." How-... ironic. Well, my cold opposition was mostly in jest, but still.

"Mmn. I don't know you that well, admittedly." Meiling also looks peaceful. "But one thing I do know… is that Brad here definitely has the hots for long-haired ladies."

...The way Brad purses his lips says it all. She's onto him.

"You better run." I tell him. "She's onto you."

"How'd you know…!?" Brad rewards my random comments by proving they had foundation all along. "Oh- no!" Ah… he actually starts running.

"Hey-... hey!" Stormy is out here, now. "We came all the way out here for you, dickhead! Get your skinny ass back here!"

After looking fed-up, Stormy drops all pretenses and runs after him.

This is exactly what Brad seems to want, however. "Aw! Aw- it's the Shadow Mario level son! C'mere!"

"Don't make me run! Oh- fu~ck…"

...I face Meiling. She yawns.

Once she's done yawning, she blinks at me. "...Y'gonna wait for 'em?"

"Probably. Brad has more people to talk with than him."

Meiling nods sagely. "...Wanna talk girly stuff?"

...Gi- girly stuff?

"Hell yeah!" I forgot Koi was here. She spooked me.

"Mmmn…" Who is this blue fairy? Where'd she come from? Have I seen her before?

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Aw… aw, I know, dude.

Fwi- Click! Around the corner of the central stairwell, I hide and change my appearance!

Makin' sure my black wig is fixed in place, I adjust my red retro Patchy cap, and uuh...

Why the hell don't I have a maid outfit? It literally never occurred to me. Y'know what, I'll think about it later! Genkan in a maid outfit…

I've used the Kaguya dress too much. I suspect he might just know! So… oh. Oh.

I take out that sweet sleep pillow Doremy sold to us a good while ago. One of the two, anyway! And-

Fwi- Click! I wear Reimu's top, along with the skirt, hold the big pillow up to my chest to obscure my assets, and uh… aw. My Hakurei ribbon's in my wig!

Slipping out a sheet of paper- I fuckin', hold it up against the underside of the stairs and start folding it up! Aw yeah, generic white paper fan. Just- fold it into equal segments so it's all ridged, an' then hold it by one end…

Alright. We powerful now, boys. I'm also wearing those red ruby heels we found in random Scarlet treasure chests, 'cause I forgot to give 'em to Genkan, who would obviously be able to better use 'em.

Click. Click. Oh god how the fuck do you walk in heels-... well, if I take my time, it won't matter!

Obscuring my face with the fan, pillow held tight to my chest, I daintily progress out, and, aw…

Stormy gives me a big frown at first! An' then his gaze eases. "...You. Are you-... a shrine maiden?"

...I can't say anything or the jig is up! An' if this fan lowers, he's gonna know what my face looks like!

Smiling, letting it reach my eyes, I hold up the fan, jerk my head in one direction while makin' eye contact, and then uh…

I shuffle off! Wait- right, heels and legs, no Kaguya dress. Wait oh fuck- if he looks at my legs too closely, he'll notice how they're quite distinctly not female…!

Cli- click, click. I even stumble a little- and ooh! Oh boy…

Stormy snorts. "Walk much? ...Were you sleeping here? Mmh. Probably for the party, I take it."

Aawh. I'm the master of disguise, son.

Jerkin' my chin into the air, I start walking faster…!

Wait, what'd I wanna ask him again? I got a little sidetracked!

Oh, right. I gotta tell him and Kyouko all 'bout hooking the things up to the machine. An' Genkan and Ha-chan can help hold open the garage portal!

Coming up to one of the sofas, I pause before it, and just- oof.

Sitting down with my legs together, my pillow fwoofs into me, covering like most of my midsection.

...Stormy furrows his brows, and moves ta sit with me. "Talk much, at that? It's awfully inconvenient for you to be mute. The one time I need directions."

Obscuring even my eyes with the fan, I turn my head way away from him!

...Stormy huffs. "Alright, I'm sorry. Do you know where he is? Curly hair? Stupid dress thing?" You've been here fer like two months dude- it'sa kimono!

...Uh oh. The encounter gets more complicated.

Sakuya appears! She gives us both a look!

"Ah." Stormy gives her a vacant look, at first. "...Izayoi. Who is this?"

...Shielding my face from Stormy, I eagerly purse my lips at Sakuya! Sense my energy…!

Sakuya blinks idly, before just kinda strolling on up ta me!

"I wanted to ask about that truck." She regards Stormy first, but continues to stare at me! "It won't be there too long, will it?"

"Mmh… probably not." Stormy accurately- I think- deduces!

"That's nice." Sakuya is at peace, dude. "...What are you doing?"

Alright dude, the jig is up. Sakuya is suspect!

Lettin' go of the pillow, since it can just sit on me, I extend my arm way out before Stormy, and the Hakurei arm sleeve dangles in his lap.

"Wh- what're you…?" Stormy shifts uncomfortably from the motion, and I slowly retract my arm… "Seriously- who is this…?"

thump. A pillow descends from the aether, landing on his face.

Flinching, clawing it with his arms, he grabs it tight, and holds it before himself. "The- fuck…" He glares at it! "...What? Oh… your power is summoning pillows. I get it now." He sniffs the pillow. "...Eugh- fuck. What... is- this?"

Gainin' a shit-eatin' grin, I let go of the paper fan and answer! "Well, y'see, that's a complicated question!"

FWII~SH! Hoh- yeehaw! Aw- he's got water beams in his sleeves! He starts shooting it at the pillow to get rid of it!

Launching up from the couch, I slip past Sakuya 'cause she stood close enough before us! "Ho ho ho~! Aw… I'm a master of disguise, son!"

"Oh- fuck! No!" Stormy is livid! "That-... wh- ah- the fuck was on that pillow!?"

...Sakuya just kinda slouches, pivoting to give me a somewhat wounded expression!

"I'm gonna fuck your world up!" Stormy is even angrier than he was when he ran inside after me!

"I can be in different places- wit' my many funny faces in disguise, son!" Aw yes dude-

My smug is interrupted by Sakuya being gone in front of my eyes, and then-

FWIISH! Stormy tried ta shoot me with water! I duck under it, 'cause hoh shit water!

Fwi- Click! Summoning my grav-boots, the camou-mono and roman crown thing, I hover into the air! "Remember- this is a sneakin' mission!"

Man, if I had a voice modulator or something, I could totally become a menace to society! Aw- if I had something that hid my face very well too…

Stormy bares his teeth, and-

FWIISH! Oo- oh! Using his water jets, he hovers into the air with me, and we both float just below the ceiling!

"I'm tellin' ya- I'm as sneaky as can be, dude!" Yeehaw! "No one's sneakier than-"

"You threw a cum rag at my face!" ...Yeah, well, pedantics! Devil's in the details, y'know…!

"I'm gonna make you eat a sneaker!" C'mere son!

Oh shit- here he come! That boy, he's comin'! Uh oh-

FWIISH! Dipping towards the floor, he tries to swirl around, comin' at me erratically.

Fwi- Click! Changing into my Honda no Miko outfit, blue magic cape on, Booty Void or whatever this VCR hanger is called equipped, I aim it at him as he tries to be tricky…!

Clack! Clack! Clack! Aw- yeah! S'time to fire VCR tapes at 'em!

Clickack! ZAP! "Fuck!" Yeah- I hit 'em! Oh- shit, they deal electric physical damage. Stormy grits his teeth, kinda bobbing away!

...Oh, man, y'know, two dudes with anti-grav they can hardly control is some shit!

I bob at him- but only at static velocity, as he spins around, newly adrenalized I'm sure…

Clack- Clack- Clack! Unloading VCR tapes into the air, I continue to gradually advance on his position. C'mere, son.

Clickack- Clicack! ZAPZAP! Each VCR tape's impact is a small flare of electricity, causing him to recoil and retreat!

CHUM- CHUM- CHUM! Oo- oh! Floatin' back, he unleashes some big yellow-purple danmaku orbs from his sleeves, and they kinda bob out…

FWAM! FWAM! FWAM! They explode into aimed spreadshots! And, uh… y'know, I'm not moving nearly fast enough for them to actually be a threat, 'cause they're not aimed at me.

Flippin' the fuck around, Stormy stops in the center of the hall ahead, and-

FWOOSH! Oh- holy fuck-

SPLAA~SH! Wahoohoohoo~! He just fired a water bazooka at me! The danmaku was a distraction! Also- I was struck, so I'm kinda just- goin' wild!

Fwoa~m. Wait- Boot Void casts a random proc in an area too…!? I forgot! It, uh, blinds you. This includes me. Awesome!

Aw yeah. Now I'm wet, spinning, and blind.

"Take that- you fucking cock!" I can still hear though…! An' Stormy's not a quiet man!

I let my body lax as I hurdle through the air.

Bam- bam! I rebound off a few things I can't see- which hurts- but eventually, things kinda like, even out!

My vision returns to me- and hoh shit-

Woosh! Stormy lunges a knee at me, ascending through the air past me as I just kinda ragdoll outta the way! "Who- noah!"

FWII~SH! Water furiously jets from him as he pivots around! "Rrgh-..."

Reeling my left arm back- I chuck the hanger! And- I focus on it too. With my mana, and mind.

Woosh, woosh- woosh! It bobs through the air erratically, and Stormy wigs out, duckin' real hard- doing a forward roll mid-air to avoid it! "Huh-... heh- hahah! You missed! Now- behold!"

ZA- ZAP, ZAP! Ooh- some lightning starts to arc from his wet sleeves, visible and lively! "Sit your ass down- you skinny-"

CLONG! ...Booties Void does a fuckin' loop behind him, per my telekinetic command, and whacks 'em in the side of the head.

ZA- ZAP, ZAP! Stormy's fingers spread out, and the electricity at his hands dissipates.

fwhm- vhir. Some black energy shrouds out on impact from the VCR hanger, as it rebounds off the side a' his head.

"Fhk-... what-" His water jets become erratic, and he lowers to the floor. "The fuck…!?" The dark-ish debuff that was applied to him seems disruptive in some way!

Fwi- Click! Drawing Lion's Lindwurm, the combined wind guitar hanger, in my other arm I wield Aqueous Ageous, that random topaz shape-shifting weapon hanger thing we stole from Heaven…

Fwish- fwish! Oh- right! I was gonna jump really high- but Lion's Ringworm replaces my jump with air slides, so I just kinda flank Stormy by complete accident!

Channeling magic into the wind one, I aim it down at Stormy as he aims his water jets up at me-

FWIISH! WOOSH! Aw- yeah! I like- fire a burst of wind!

The water goes fuckin' everywhere, raining around the hall-

"Ghk- aaa~h!" What!? How'd that ragdoll Stormy so hard!? This hardly displaces regular humans ever…!

Fwoam! Oh god- Bootass Void can still cast blind in a radius even though it's not equipped anymore!

"Who turned out the sun…!?" I punctuate the stupidness verbally!

Bobbing down, I like, see a thing! My yellow crystal hanger thing, Aqueous Aqueous or whatever it was, shows like… a path to travel.

It lets me see like, twenty different lines and various methods of engaging- but every other frame it's like they all change to something completely different and basically I have no idea how to make good on any of these things it's showing me!

Also, like uh, I'm blind but can still see them, which feels like cheating!

Thrusting forward in the black, I swing my wind hanger up-

THUNK! Oh shit! "Ghka~!" Stormy was struck!

Vision returns to us both- as he's flung the fuck into the air, wind exploding off the impact of the hanger's tip against his chin.

FWIISH! His water jets activate to save 'em- but…!

Fwi- Click! Unequipping my gravity boots in favor of sandals, I leap a whole bunch.

"Hyeeaa~!" And I flail that topaz shifty hanger thing overhead!

BAM! I hit Stormy in the face wit' it so hard I disarm myself.

"Gngh-" He just descends to the floor, half-ragdolled-

Alright- I gotta equip a new weapon!

Fwi- Click! Totally randomizing my loadout, I get all kindsa shit!

Click, click, click! What the fuck. What are-... what? Oh fuck- I got wooden nunchucks!

"Hoya~!" I make ninja noises and flail 'em around! Why am I wearing a spaceman helmet- this doesn't make this convenient!

Stormy lands on his feet, and- where's that water bazooka coming from that he keeps pulling out…!?

CLACK! Flailing the nunchuck, I smack it against the barrel of the metal tube that is his water cannon-

SPLAASH! The blast like grazed the side of my spaceman helmet! Water like, spritzed off the glass!

"Hoya- ho~h!" Yeah- look out son! I got nunchucks now!

SPLAAASH! Stormy fires randomly into the air, alright…!

Clack- click- clack! I randomly flail my nunchucks around more!

SPLAAAASH! "Fuck off!" Why're you shooting at the ceiling…!?

...Wait.

I run up to Stormy, and just lamely swing half a' the nunchucks at his dick.

thump. Oh.

"Gghk-" Oo- oh. It actually hit- and with more force than I intended!

FWII~SH! Stormy balls up, activates all his jets- and-

THUMP! His lower back hits the bazooka that he just kinda lobbed into the air- and it flies towards me by accident!

WHUMP! "Ohf-" The bazooka lands on me and fuckin' crushes me oof…!

FWIISH- FIZZ~... While I lay defeated, Stormy rolls around as a super-defeated ball in mid-air, fuckin' zipping around like a physics prop…

Fzz- fzzz~t! Fwoam! Ohp- and that one hanger's passive skill activates, and we get to be blind again! Woohoo!

"...Brad?" Oh. Genkan's calling for me from the afterlife, dude. "What-... okay."

"Genka~n…" I'm dead…! "Help! It- it went bad, dude…!"

"...It went bad." Genkan summarizes, from somewhere! "I can see that." Ooh…!

That was like a really shitty Terraria PVP encounter! There's a reason no one PVPs in Terraria, man...

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

...Meiling had a hand on her chin, as she stood between the both of us! Me an' Stormy, I mean!

We're back out in the yard, where I am gonna instruct the people on the processes and things. We got a little carried away beatin' the shit outta each other, but we survived!

Stormy looks cynical, which is not new, but y'know, more so than usual! "...The next time this shit happens, I'm kicking your ass. And I'm gonna enjoy it."

"Y'know…" Meiling looks smug, fer some reason. "Maybe yer fighting strategies would be a li'l more effective if ya had some good setups into other attacks. Most a' that scrape was the both of you randomly just using magic when ya couldn't be bothered to get into melee range."

Well, a' course Meiling'd argue ta get into melee range. I wonder if Patchy would instead focus on criticizing the fact I was just kinda pickin' spells at random!

Y'know, I find I easily set up combos fer Maria and Genkan 'cause they're really focused on their raw damage that works, but I am very, very non-committal to any given style of attacking or even magical element!

"I am not a man of strength." Stormy prefaces! "Tools are my weapons. It's not my fault there's so fucking little affordable parts in this land. I do with what I can."

Y'know! "I would like ta get off melee combos at all- but there's also the magic game- and I don't exactly even know what all my hangers do half the time…!" Aaa~h!

Meiling gives me a focused kinda smile! "Maybe you should at least sort out, like… specific configurations of your stuff? I get the feeling you really don't wanna buckle down with one strategy at a time. So at least really think out the few you can do."

She props her arms on her hips. "An' I'm not gonna say anything about the whole plant hanger thing! But even those might be better weapons if you relied more on yer skill with wielding them, than on their random magic shit ya can't even memorize half the time. A weapon's only as skilled as the wielder, see."

Ho~h. I see… yeah- I've been meaning to focus on that sorta thing- but without just forcing random combat, it's kinda difficult to get practice in! Actually, maybe I should say that!

"I kinda wanna do that, but finding good an' dynamic practice dummies is hard!" I provide!

...Meiling tilts her head. "Well, I assume ya mean targets that aren't fairies. 'Cause yeah, bullying the fairies can get a bit mean. But…"

She takes a stance! "I mean, you got me! ...And I dunno, is Genkan much of a fighter?"

...Genkan is roused from her sleep state on the sidelines. "Mm- me? Uh- ah…"

"Yeah, you!" Meiling scoots up to her, somehow! "If Brad wanted ta spar, would you spar with him…!?"

...Genkan purses her lips, and shies back! "I- I feel like that would end poorly for one of us. Or both of us, depending on how wild Brad decides to get with his... equipment."

Stormy snorts! "There's no way that sentence could not have been slutty, is there?"

Genkan gives him a plain stare, dude. "There's no way you're going to survive the winter." Uh oh.

"Well, anyway." Meiling starts ta meander off… "One a' these days, just gimme a ring." Hoh.

...Turnin', I look at Genkan!

"Where the hell are you going?" Stormy wants to stop Meiling fer some reason! "Does this mansion have cops? Are you a cop?"

"I'm gettin' some cocoa." Meiling announces as she leaves!

...Stormy just kinda slouches, as she goes!

Genkan is soft. "I'd disagree more with your decision to randomly fight him, if I didn't actively dislike him." Wahoo!

"Fuck." Stormy stomps up to me! "When my water cannon is finally complete, I'll-... fuck."

"I agree." I agree with him!

Clack. Aw. The truck door opens, an' the others finally get on out…

"Brr~..." Kyouko shakes, huggin' herself! "Man. It's so cold…" Is it? I wouldn't know, 'cause whenever I walk out into the cold air I just like, automatically switch into my ice resistant loadout…!

Mystia hovers above the snow, only landing onto the mansion's front path when she's outta the way. "Does anyone shovel here? Man…"

Kyouko gives 'er a look! "It wasn't so bad when a big truck wasn't hogging mosta' the path. I don't think they were counting on big trucks parkin' in the gate."

"...Well, yeah." Mystia is peaceful, dude. "I guess not."

Stormy points at me! "Brad here just attacked me. Again. He lured me into the mansion and hit me in the dick with a pair of nunchucks."

...Kyouko chuckles! "Pfhk-... what? Oh no."

...Stormy frowns at 'er! "What do you mean, 'oh no'? He's a loon! We came out all this way just so he could hit me! ...In the dick!"

"Yeah, I'd hit you in the dick too." Mystia is unkind to him! "Anyway, Brad guy. What's the big plan? We just picked up a crazy pile a' equipment. I'm assuming you're not just givin' it to us all for charity."

Ho~h… well.

Holdin' up my bag, I grin! "Hey, Genkan… help me hold this open."

Click- ack- ack- ack! It clatters as I expand the steel string lining, and I make it so big I could stand in it! "Grab a side an' pull!"

...Genkan's eyes slowly widen!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

We enter the garage dimension.

Genkan looks around in vague wonder, as we navigate on into the realm of garages.

"This-..." Stormy looks up an' beholds. "Where-... the fuck?"

We behold the S.S. BONER, in all of its suspended in the air by wineracks glory. Lit by floodlights, casting shade in the grey stone storage room.

Mystia and Kyouko progress in through the somewhat expanded bag opening. I'm just- standing in the middle of it kinda, holding it open! S'a good thing I'm so tall.

The crystals Flandre put up earlier create a green, prismatic field which we walk through.

Fwish. Once we're all through, I step through too! Let's find out if that's a bad thing or not, 'cause we're in the mansion anyway!

...Oh. When the bag closes, there's a small red area, alike to the surface of the bag. Oh- it probably fell on the floor, and that's the opening of it just lying there.

"Behold!" Runnin' up, I gesture up to-... all of it! "It is… the warship!"

...Stormy gives me a tired look! "Oh. Stealing my idea, are you?"

I grin at him! "...Actually, that didn't even cross my mind- 'cause I made this boat thing before you showed up with yours!"

"Of course you did." He does not believe me! "I see. You want those fucking water cannons on this, don't you?"

I nod! "Yeah, man!"

He rolls his eyes. "Well, you can go fuck yourself."

"I have money!" I remind him!

...He growls. "Hhh. Nevermind. Fine. Extra hundred thousand yen or two won't hurt your pocket banks, surely."

Comin' up to Mystia and Kyouko, I point at 'em! "...You guys've got more simple jobs. Whenever I summon this boat for my stuff, I wanna be able to summon you guys with it!"

Mystia folds her arms back behind her head, an' stretches… "Tha~t… sounds like a drag. What's the catch?"

I hold up a finger! "Fer one! We'll like, tell ya ahead of time. And two, y'get paid each time you're required!"

"Better be a lot." Mystia decides! "...But, yeah, sure."

"That sounds interesting…" Kyouko seems to be content with letting Mystia manage the business end of things, mostly. "Are you gonna have us play soon? Or, um, today?"

I shake my head! "Well, it might be a good idea ta set up the instruments and stuff, but otherwise not really!"

...Mystia kinda pans to look at Kyouko! "What do you make of this? You're bein' awfully quiet."

Kyouko beams! "He~y. I mean, the whole airship thing seems really cool! And if we play in the air, and it's really loud and reaches really far, we could totally make it a wicked PR stunt!"

...Mystia nods! "Y'know… you're kinda right. But this doesn't really look like a-... like, I dunno. It's not like Eientei makes vehicles."

Kyouko waves it off. "Ooh, it'll be fine. Probably. Um…"

Stormy focuses on me! "Electricity, on that thing. Where is it?" Oh, right! Uh oh! Ho~h…

Wait. "There's a kappa-operated cafe in the mansion fer Christmas, isn't there? Maybe we can hire some help there!" It'd be nice to just have an actual electrical generator…!

Stormy nods. "Tch. Of fucking course it's not already wired. Well… if it's not installed at the moment, then… you know, I can do that. Or at least, oversee it. For a fee."

I wave my hands! "Yeah, whatever, just don't go over like a million yen."

Kyouko smiles at me! "Where'd you get all this yen from anyway…?"

...I grin! "We landed one attack on Joon while she was rampaging, an' she kicked our asses, but she left behind a ton of really expensive gems that we sold!" To the mansion we're inside of right now!

"Oh…" Stormy perks up! "Fuck, really? So you're saying all we have to do is jump her and rob her?"

Kyouko speaks up! "We're not doing that, Stormy~."

...Stormy turns to her and holds an arm out! "She's carrying a lot of money, she better be prepared to fucking lose it when people who could spend it better are living in the same vicinity."

"I don't think Byakuren would let you…!" Kyouko continued to speak out against the idea! "And that's assuming she didn't totally beat you and steal everything you had on you! Including the weapons you'd've made to fight her!"

...Stormy slouched. "Mmhgh…" Then, he pauses! "Wait. Do you mean Joon or Byakuren?"

Kyouko smiles broadly! "Both?"

"...Seems legit. Alright-" He starts ta move! "So how the fuck are we getting anything into here?"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Ha-chan, who finally caught up with us earlier, releases the upper part of the triangle we made outta the extended bag, and Genkan releases the right corner. I release the left!

...Slowly, it shrinks back into just enough for me to claw open with my hands.

"Okay." Stormy now stands next to the pile of equipment that is inside here! "Hfhu…" He's also tired, 'cause he helped move shit! "That's how… apparently."

Meiling's in here now too! During the timeskip, she finished that cup a' cocoa, and is now wearing a big like, pastel pink sweater for no reason. Also jeans!

"You guys've got arms worse than historic aristocrats!" Meiling remarks on our lack of physicality! "Seriously…!"

Y'know, I wonder! "Arm wrestling: me or Patchy. Who wins…!?"

...Meiling stares at the foglights overhead, before given' me a sassy look! "Alright- that's not entirely fair. She's got a body worse than most-... anythings in existence. You like, walk around at least. An' swing yer arms around, even if ya don't exercise."

I'm reminded of this one Kingdom Hearts fanfic I read where they said Sora had a six pack because he swung his keyblade around all the time. Considering he swings it around like it's fuckin' air, it kind of makes some sense, but at the same time how'd he survive KH1 at all…!? At what point did the pack become six…!? When am I gonna get a six pack fer swingin' unwieldy blunt objects around randomly!?

If I did a combo with a broadsword, it'd be even worse than my plant hanger combos lemme tell ya!

Genkan is near. "Arm wrestling. Me and Brad. Who wins?"

...Meiling purses her lips! "Y'should find out. I'm not gonna tell ya."

Uh oh. After her proclamation, Genkan remains close to me…

So we got a whole fuckton a' instruments! And we got two big ass water cannons. Now all we need's the generator things, which Stormy said he'd go and do…

I just realized! "Where's Maria…?"

Genkan takes pause. "...Home?"

I shake my head! "She landed a helicopter on the roof here!"

...Genkan double-took! "She landed a what?" Oh, right! She wouldn't know…!

Y'know what she probably did- she probably ran off to see Patchy. Probably! Y'know, I do wonder…

Turnin', I start to move for the exit of the dark, bleakly lit garage! "Yeah- let's go catch up with-"

"Ho~ld on." Oh shit- Meiling gets me, graspin' my shoulders! "Yer not goin' nowhere, bud. You two're gonna do some arm wrestlin' first." Woah no.

"I don't even know what's going on, either." Genkan reminds me she's totally not caught up! Oh, boy… I almost forgot! Aw… "What is this-... ship? Ship. That's what you called it, yes."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MARIA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

"No." Oo- oh.

Patchouli just, um… yeah. I got shut down immediately. I came up to ask her if we could like, you know… practice anything, but I kinda forgot it was Christmas, and uhm...

"It's Christmas. I'm relaxing." She shook her head. "If you came by tomorrow, perhaps I'd be more receiving. That, and it was only a day or two ago I'd asked you to practice your craft on your own."

...Koakuma's here, and she's bubbly for some reason. "Mhmhm… maybe ya shoulda been more specific. Like, 'use fireball on fluffles near the Misty Lake twenty times'."

Patchouli gives Koakuma a flat look. "Don't even joke about that. There exists horror stories of incompetent mentors who ask such things. Then again, there are realms with magical colleges as well. Once an institution gets in its head what it's doing is right or justified, it's impossible to change it."

...Well. Shoot. I don't know what I'm gonna do now. I guess find Brad, but I sent Hana off on her own to do just that.

So, um. "...Do you, um… wanna hang out?"

...Patchouli gives me a very flat look. Then, her expression softens. "I think being part of Brad's-... thing, has given you a strange lack of formality. In short, no. Today is a day of my rest. Those who I asso-... my friends know not to bug me today. Others expect privacy on these sorts of holidays too."

"We- well, I know that…" I mean… "It's just… I- I didn't know what to expect."

At my awkwardness, Patchouli smiles. "It's okay. I'd kick you out, unless you feel like doing something with Koakuma."

Koakuma subtly steps closer, shifting about. "...Hey, Maria. Wanna play… Chess?"

"No thanks." Yeah um- I'd rather get kicked out, thank you. You just tried to-... I- I don't even know, just a little while ago. I'm not gonna forget that easily. "Bye…!"

"Mmn." Koakuma is disappointed- which is good. She can be disappointed.

So, I just… shuffle for the library's exit.

"Aawh. How cruel, Patchy…"

Oh- geez. Remilia just swings around a corner. Right- that event was partially her fault too! "Your latest protégé visits you to keep you company on Christmas day, and you thank her by calling her socially inept? Poison to the bone, Patchy."

"She's not the only one lacking in social awareness." Patchouli starts snipping at Remilia, too… "I'm relaxing. If you've come to disturb me, I won't resist, but I will be upset."

"Ooh, don't cry now." Remilia slips past me, moving towards Patchouli with dancey motions. "I can't spend time with my closest friend? On Christmas…?"

"...You can spend time with me, sure." Patchouli decides. "Not disturb me."

"That's too difficult." Remilia held her arms out, just before reaching the desk. "Everything disturbs you."

...When Patchouli met Remilia's gaze, Remilia smiled wider.

"You're disturbable." Remilia insisted.

"Hey, mistress." Koakuma slipped up behind Remilia. "...Maria's looking awfully restless, isn't she?" Sh- should I have stuck around to watch them talk? I'm not sure anymore…

Remilia gives her a flat look too. "Been there, done that. At least you've stopped trying to come onto me."

...Koakuma slips up really close to her. "That all doesn't change the fact that you're delectable."

"Uh huh…" Remilia's not having any of it. "Patchy- for boxing day, it might be a good idea to sate your familiar's appetite. These recent events- and these guests- have decidedly wound her up more than usual, wouldn't you think?"

"With what?" Patchouli asks. "We have very little… besides that one villager who willingly charged at us and got assimilated." Um. Who…? Wait. I- I think I know. Wasn't it the captain…?

Koakuma huffs. "I don't even gotta syphon soul crap or anything like that. I just wanna fuck. I mean, I guess a boyfriend would be nice, but…"

...Koakuma looks over at me. "And I know you want a boyfriend. Don't pretend you're innocent over there."

What? "Wh- what prompted that…? I'm not-... like that."

Remilia casts her eyes up. "Koakuma can smell if you're in heat. Unfortunately for humans, being youthful is basically synonymous. Hormones are something, aren't they?"

"They are." Koakuma moves for me! "Hey-"

"No!" Let's go!

"...Ah." Koakuma huffs. "Whatever."

Remilia shifts where she stands, smug. "You spooked her off..."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Aboard the S.S. BONER, under the bleak garage floodlights, we all stand on the wooden table-and-steel string deck.

Months have aged the tables only a little, and the strings are now so dug into them that they probably exercise an insane, inhuman amount of tension in their neutral state.

"This…" Genkan is somewhat baffled by whatever this is! "So, this is… yours? What is this?"

Turnin' to her, I beam. "This… is the boat. This is the S.S. BONER."

...For a moment, we're both quiet, and I just pose wit' my arms on my hips!

"And so a little man so fall aboard beneath this tiny ship." I manage to say nothing in like twenty words.

My bullshit updates the server's tick rate, and Genkan smiles! "Funny. I assume you bought this from the mansion?" I think Genkan's never seen a boat before…! "What is its maiden name?"

I smile at 'er! "No. I made it!"

...Genkan's smile becomes more strained! "You-... made it? Wait..."

"The deck's made outta tables! Boats aren't normally made out of strings, tape an' tables!" I tap on the very misshapen, uneven table deck wit' my heels!

"And you called it the S.S. BONER." Genkan reaffirms the premise!

Aw! "Me and everyone who helped made it fer its maiden voyage picked a letter, and it just happened to spell out 'boner'!"

"This shouldn't exist." Genkan's smile is the most intense now! "Who helped make it?"

Aaw… "It was a rainy, stormy day in the Forest of Magic… and ta keep the vampires from gettin' wet, me 'n' Flandre and Remi began building the hull of the craft. An' then Alice came 'cause we were yellin' near her house, and she helped tie the whole thing together! Literally!"

...Genkan looks slightly distressed! "I-... I know you have a penchant for the unbelievable, but I still just can't. My mental image of the vampires does not allow it."

Ha-chan pushes the door of the cabin open, and strolls on outside! "Yeah! Arrr!"

"Yarr harr, flarharhar!" Yeah man! "Genkan- it's Leif Erikson day!"

"No it's not…" She protests! "It's Christmas."

"Hup!" Ohp- and Meiling just… leaps. Straight up onto the deck! On landing, she lets out a breath. "Hah." Oh, look. Boobs which bounce. Not an atypical concept, but a welcome one indeed…!

"And so a little man shall fall aboard, beneath this tiny ship." I announce to Meiling.

...Meiling is only slightly bewildered! "Is he havin' a stroke?"

Genkan shakes her head! "No, but he does need to stop saying that for no reason. Brad- what does that even mean?"

Instead of answering, I'll think over the scenario lore instead!

So, Stormy's off seein' a kappa 'bout some wire. Kyouko and Mystia are getting the equipment onto the ship together, 'cause it's heavy but they can fly and stuff. Meiling's doin' whatever heavy lifting's required… if there's any left…!

"Brad." Genkan exists! "I will not let you get away with this one. What does that saying mean?"

Nothing! "I- I think you could probably divine some kinda greater meaning from it, 'cause of the weird sizes I used to compare the man and the ship, but in all actuality, I was just letting my subconscious flow…!"

"I'm surprised you know who Leif Eriskon is." Meiling announces her lack of faith in me!

"I don't!" I heard the reference on Spongebob, and all I know's that it's about vikings!

...Meiling pans her gaze up fer a moment, and fixes her pink sweater a little. "Well, before ol' Columbus, some random viking from Europe found the land that later became North America first. I, uh… couldn't tell you when the day is off the top a' my head, but I think we already passed it."

Uh oh. I can't believe this story started after Leif Erikson day came and went.

"Wh- fuck…" Meiling almost trips 'cause of the retarded table-clad deck! "Geez… s'like you made the floor outta random uneven rocks. And yes- I know it's tables!"

"Why were you and the vampires in the woods?" Genkan wants to know! "It doesn't make any sense."

Meiling grins at 'er! "See, 'cause they went camping. The little mistress just got done rumblin' wit' the big mistress at the time... an' Brad kinda happened to be around, and was like… involved. An' Flandre kinda took a liking to him."

...Genkan looks down at the hull again. If you look at the correct angles, you can see like-... a layer of tarp. Y'know, wasn't the tarp on the outside? Maybe there was some small-scale reformatting while this thing was parked for an eternity…

"Aw, Genkan!" I move for the cabin! "Let's go inside an' check it out!"

Quietly, Genkan follows me, looking slightly doomed!

Movin' through the open doorway-... man, it's dark in here.

Fwi- Click. Aw, yeah. Pointin' One Million Revenants around like a flashlight, I freakin'-... stumble down our table stairs, and enter the inner hull.

Aw, yeah. There's some tables and chairs down here! ...Arranged like actual furniture, not hull blocks!

"How is this held together?" Genkan is nothing if not skeptical...! "Did this move?"

"Yeah, it moved!" I will keep assuring her! "...An' when I said it was tied together, I meant it! With steel strings!" Kinda harder to notice now, 'cause they're like… dug into all of the outer hull.

There's some fluffles in here, looking dead as they idle in the corners of the hull…

When I approach them, they re-actualize and update! "there is a message and the message is cool"

The other fluffle stands on both legs, after being quadrupedal. "im standing over here outside the school"

"mini mini mini mini message in a bottle outside the school"

The quadrupedal fluffle begins waddling back and forth in place, as if dancing. The standing fluffle just talks.

"meni mini message mess- outside the school and the message is cool"

"I'm not even sure what to think." Genkan doesn't know what to think…!

Smiling broadly, I shine the light at Genkan's face.

...Becoming aggressive, she glides up to me and steals the flashlight-hanger! Wh- then she shines it in my face!

"This is how it feels whenever you do that." Genkan's fed up with me shining lights at her!

...Oh god- she makes it go strobe-light mode.

Narrowing my eyes in the face of the fierce light, I beam. "So, Genkan! Whaddaya think of my boat…!?"

"I have no idea what to think." Genkan insists again! "I can't even apply my newfound hate for motor vehicles to it. It has no motor, and I'm not even sure if it's a vehicle."

It's-... well, it ain't an automobile. It's not quite seacraft either…!

"I guess the fact it is stable enough to not immediately fall apart… is a testament to your spontaneous enginuity." Aww… "Though I can't help but feel that, perhaps, you could have made it out of something other than tables."

No. I shake my head. "Tables were the sole requirement man. Nothin' more, nothing less!"

...After a stare from Genkan, I reply! "It was also all we had, unless we wanted ta chew the bark off trees!"

Aw, Meiling's joined us in the hull. "I think the best part a' the whole thing was Sakuya's reaction when ya rammed it into the mansion."

Genkan's actually surprised! "He- rammed it into the mansion?"

Then she's surprised at me! "You rammed a slapshod pile of trash against a vampire's mansion? And survived?"

"I didn't." I slouch.

...Genkan gives me a slightly ominous plain expression, before hatching a smile! "I guess what you say is true. Miss Scarlet… isn't really that cruel, I suppose."

"james" The standing fluffle speaks. "while john had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher"

The waddling fluffle stops dancing, taking pause 'cause of the nature of the strange-ism the other fluffle uttered…!

Meiling rubs her hands together, comin' up to the slightly-battered round table in the midst of the hull. "Alright…"

She lays her hands onto them... before takin' pause and brushing her fingers against her palms- probably 'cause these tables got some shit on 'em now- she grins at us a second later. "I'm glad we found a perfect place fer that arm wrestling!"

"You're really set on this…?" Genkan was vague 'bout the idea…

Swoocin' around the table, Meiling practically glides up ta Genkan's side, and says something really quiet to her.

"...Oh?" Genkan tilts her head! "Well…"

"Cool!" Meiling claps her hands! "A'right, keep it clean!"

"I- I didn't say I agreed…" Genkan protests!

"Aw, boohoo." Meiling laughs off her concern…! "Alright, y'each take a chair. If ya put in enough force that yer ass moves the chair or breaks it yer cheatin'."

And uh, before we know it, me and Genkan are in armwrestling position! Man…

I- I like how her arms are somehow thicker than mine, even if not by too much. I'm all bone man…! I am the bone of my bone! Also, her snowy skin is, as you might expect, soft.

To trip her up I must commentate on the obvious. "Ooh… we're holding hands."

"Ss- so we are." Genkan recognizes the unbelievably licentious lewd energy causing a galactic, universal catastrophic meltdown in our vicinity. "...We don't really do that enough, do we?"

"I guess not!" There's a lotta things we don't do enough!

"Aand…" Oh- shit, Meiling calls the start too. "Go~!"

We start. And- yeah oh fuck ooo s'almost as I expected…!

Immediately, Genkan nearly just floors my arm to the table outright in one fuckin' second, but she seemingly just relents, letting me slo~wly push against her arm!

She like, intentionally sandbags super fuckin' hard. She even like, makes it somewhat appear like she's struggling even though it's still kinda clear she's not really trying that much.

But once I push her ta the halfway point… I- I can't keep pushin' her anymore!

"Hfuh-..." I'm winded way before Genkan would even be thinking about being tired from this… "Ho- holy fuck…"

...Genkan looks at Meiling- while I'm still tryin' to crush her arm…! "As I expected. Between humans and youkai, strength seems to be worlds apart. I'm hardly strong among youkai, but that still leaves me beyond the stronger common humans."

"Nn- nngh…" I will squish your soft arm Genkan- mark my words…!

"Mmm. Maybe." Meiling admits! "S'good exercise fer 'em, though." Wh- hey. Was this all just to throw an exercising idea at me…!?

"...Ah." Genkan also realizes. "It's as I expected, then." Aw- she precognitized it dude.

"Hehehe…" Meiling is smug again. "Not that armwrestlin's that good a' exercise, but y'know, it serves as a good reminder."

"Genkan." I gaze into her eyes. "Lend me your psycho-whyco brain schematizing precognitization powers." I raise my left eyebrow with each latter word for emphasis!

Genkan's brows curl up! "My-... what?"

I must make her laugh, this is the only way to win. "Do you think the cow bra would give me boobs?"

"I will send you to sleep." Genkan- I can see the way her chest moves! She's suppressing her amusement!

"Genkan- if you do not give me the power to shoot polygons from my eyes- I am going to lose…!"

"Wh- what-... what is a polygon?" Genkan riddles me that!

"It's when you do a whole lotta math and draw a box with like forty strings a fuckin' silly string symbols." Hmm… "They're a box, basically! Oh- wait…" Dude. I remembered…

Visualizing the cube, I turn my head, gazing expressionlessly but intensely into Meiling's eyes.

...Meiling looks at me, her expression small!

Closing my eyes- I channel my energy, an' snap 'em open!

The gravity-influenced, red-blue seizure danmaku rectangle is fired!

fwam. It rams into Meiling's face, between the eyes! "Wh-..." Meiling blinks twice! "Wh- what…"

"Haha~!" I beam-leer at Genkan! "I~ have the upperhand now!"

"You didn't do anything…" Genkan- slightly pushes my arm back…!

"Awh." I wonder… "Aw!"

Fwi- Click! Summoning Fallen Comrade in my off-arm, I channel magic into it, and-... aw yeah.

With my dinky strength buff of yore re-enacted, I~... have a slight advantage!

"Hmm…?" Genkan notices me graduate from 'pitiable meme enemy' to 'just slightly a threat'!

"Game over." I affirm. "Return of fluffle."

...She meets my gaze, as we struggle it out.

Man, this was a mistake! Even when Genkan's amused, she's never like, burst out laughing for more than like half a second!

What would do the trick…? Political jokes? Puns? Stupid humor? More nonsense-isms…?

Genkan takes herself and her surroundings sorta seriously, so she's like, really only grasped by really consistently retarded and intensely schizophrenic situations.

What would be universal in that sense, then…? Oh.

Aw, wait. Maybe…

"Y'know…" I begin. "On the outside, I used ta own a cat."

...Genkan seems surprised! "Oh? That's… the first I've heard of that. I can't see you taking care of something else that easily..."

I grin at 'er! "Well- on the outside, there's both no explorin' ta do and you kinda sit in one place most a' the time! An' also, my family did most of the care. I had my hands full a' not being involved with life."

"I see." Genkan nods. "The outside is quite different. Especially for you to be so… uncaring, seemingly. Which is to say… I can't imagine you having such a dismissive attitude." Yeah. Even now, it seems-... like, if outside Brad and inside Brad- me- talked with each other, I'd probably call outside Brad just a bit of an asshole!

...Oh my god, dream Brad is closer to home than I realized.

Well, that was nice and all, but when I really think about it, it didn't help me get closer to winning this arm wrestling match at all!

I now also realize- Genkan needs like, things happening to be amused. Being a told a story might be amusing, but not knee-slappin', breath-takingly hilarious.

Ooh. Ooh. Idea… number two.

With my offhand, while I'm struggling with Genkan's arm… I use my other arm to telekinetically~...

Grab Meiling's chair by a leg, from the underside!

While she's staring intently at the exchange, lookin' pumped, I just kinda~...

I take a look around the side of the table, really briefly. Aw- thank fuck the table hull is so awkward!

Clack! With just a little pull, Meiling's chair's balance on the various table edges is compromised!

Cli- CLACK! It slips backwards, becoming embedded in the table floor, the rear legs of the chair slipping into the abyss between tables, locking the whole thing in place.

"Wh- aho!" Meiling accidentally springs into standing, now left with just her legs after the chair gives away-

CLACKACK! Oo- oh! When she sprang up, falling backwards, she kinda twisted her legs with the chair- and fuckin' ejected it from where it was stuck…! Like- the chair's legs just slipped from their friction locks with the table bits 'cause of how strong her clumsy motion was.

THUD! Meiling goes rolling around on the table floor, and ends up belly-first on the uneven table floor! "Ghn- nnh…"

CLACK! The launched chair twists in the air, and then bounces off the side a' our table as it comes back down.

Genkan's worried, but is also chuckling! "Wh- fwu- what... happened? Me- Meiling?"

thump. She lost her concentration dude. I successfully push Genkan's arm into the table while she's off-guard.

...Refocusing on us and our concluded battle, Genkan lets her mouth go ajar for a moment. Then, her expression flares in excitement! "You…!" Woah no!

I get up- when she tips the table aside! "You-... that was your fault!"

"Yeehaw!" Yeah let's go! "Let's go jump ship!"

"I'm making you walk the plank!" The yuki-onna has been startled! Mission complete, boys. Wait- oh shit she's quick-

"Meiling help-" Meiling's still wiped-out oh god-

Genkan's boobs bury my face. I can't see.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: MARIA'S PERSPECTIVE ====

What.

I crouch down, under a small volley of paper airplanes.

There's just… a hallway full of paper airplanes. Some are doing loops, and others are just diving straight into the floor.

"Gravity-chan!" This yellow-haired fairy yells really loudly! "Fuck you! Fuck you fuck you fuck you!"

"Noo~!" Gravity-chan, this purple-haired fairy, zips around a corner in the hall. Wh- why's she covered in so many cuts…!?

...Silently, she and the yellow-haired fairy toss paper airplanes at one another. Wait. Oh my god.

They're fighting. None of the planes they've thrown in the last couple minutes have landed on anything, but they're… throwing them.

They both seem to have similar hammerspace bags to Brad's, and they also seem to have an outright endless supply of paper airplanes.

I yoink one out of the air after three attempts, and-... yeah, it's not danmaku. It's all real paper.

"Ow!" Yellow fairy yelps, after being struck by one. "Damn it!"

Gravity-chan darts up to her, and tries to chuck a paper airplane into her friend's eye, before the yellow fairy darts back and whirlwinds both arms, tossing like, four airplanes…

None of them are even close to hitting Gravity-chan, but she flies way back anyway- past me, and throws really slow-moving paper airplanes the whole way.

I can hardly step down the hall without stepping on paper. But, um… at least I don't have to defend myself from the crossfire.

When I try to pass the yellow fairy, she- hey hey hey!

Pap. I stop her from jabbing a paper airplane into my eye. "Hey, jerk."

She glares at me, but says nothing. Running backwards, she keeps tossing paper airplanes, and-... yeah. Um.

"Ow!" What…! One of Gravity-chan's came up and actually cut me after passing by me! Or-... I- I don't even know who threw that, some are going backwards.

...I'm just gonna move quickly. Maybe if I move fast enough, they'll leave me alone.

So- I sprint! ...The yellow-haired fairy kinda zips to keep up with me, but after just a few meters, she stops and returns to being aggressive to Gravity-chan.

Wh-... oh. Sakuya. "Um…"

"You're looking for the others, aren't you?" She's here to save the day, apparently.

I feel at the paper cut on my arm. This- stings more than some of the actual wounds I've taken… "Ye- yeah. Why are the fairies throwing paper airplanes?"

...Sakuya lets her head tilt back slightly. "That's a good question."

Pi- Pi~chun! I- I guess they're not anymore.

"Come." Sakuya beckons me to follow. "I'll help expedite things. We have to go to the cellar, you see."

Ooh. The cellar. ...Have I ever been to the cellar myself?

"What's in the cellar?" I don't think so.

"The little mistress's abode. ...The garage, as well, perhaps. At least, one of them."

With that, Sakuya just starts moving. Ga- garage? Do they have vehicles here too? ...Boy, I kinda hope they don't!

"What-... kind of things do you have here? Aa- as vehicles?" I'm kinda curious…

Sakuya takes a turn ahead, and I follow her. Oh… there's the cellar door. It's in a wedge opening, just… against the wall, somewhere.

Creak. Cracking it open, folding away both little iron doors, she starts to descend.

...These stairs are dark. Really, really dark. But, when we get to the bottom, things are relatively more well-lit.

"We have tanks." Sakuya provides. What-... what is a tank? In this context? "Antique ones, at least. Nothing like the kind at Eientei."

Something scuttles along the floor in the gloom of these marble-floored cellar halls.

Oh, it's a fluffle. After scuttling around the side of the wall like a big bug, it just… stands.

Sakuya gives it a peaceful look as it approaches us. "romeo" Um. "romeo"

It holds its fins towards Sakuya. "why are you romeo" Okay…

Sakuya just keeps walking. The fluffle lowers its fins.

"why romeo" It continues to be confused as we pass by it. "broadway" Getting onto all fours, it starts scuttling after us when we get past it! "its a fluffy story"

"Heckling loaf." Sakuya decides. "Be quiet."

shink. Oh. She pinned it to the floor, a knife through its tubby body.

It keeps trying to waddle on despite the knife. These things clearly can't feel pain…

Woosh! Wait- what the heck's that oh fuc-

"Eee!" I yelp!

WOOSH! ...Oo- oh. It just shot by us. Sakuya's skirt and hair flare, the rainbow-clad lady blurring by us. Wait… isn't that Flandre? Yeah.

...Sakuya shook her head. "Silly girl." Then, she turned ninety degrees, and went left down a deviating hall. Oo- okay…?

Oh. We're at… some kinda heavy metal door. Suddenly, wherever in the halls we ended up, the floor was just, bare plain stone.

Creak. The big, green-grey door opens. "Inside." Sakuya says it like it's a command… "You'll find your friends there."

Why's it so weird down here…? "This-... this isn't a trap or something, right?"

...Oh. Sakuya has a flat look. "Ye of little faith." Um.

Wait- ah… I got displaced. I can instantly see why too. Sakuya got impatient and just put me inside.

Thud. Wh- ow! In- instantly I just slip and fall on-... what am I standing on? Is this a- a pile of furniture…?

There's no guard rails on the side of this thing. What-... oh?

THUNK, THUNK. On the top of… a further up part of the pile, some youkai-looking girls put some-... um…

Those stereos are the ones Ongaku helped me pick out! They're placing them up on the top of this thing!

"Ohp- aauaa~!" I hear Brad dying somewhere. "Genkan…! Genkan- my brain is wrinkling!" Uu- um.

"Sh- shut up." Genkan's voice is heard from the pile of brown tables.

Oh! That's where they are.

Brad hobbles from within a part of the pile so deep it had a door installed to house the interior. The reason he's hobbling is 'cause Genkan's hugging him, so he's encumbered.

Clack, clack, clack, clack. He stumbles around on the super uneven floor awkwardly, unable to find his balance as Genkan occasionally tugs on him by the waist.

"Wh- ohp… ooh…" He ends up stepping on two invalid spaces, and just kinda slowly starts going down. Instead of helping him out, Genkan slowly crouches to let him lower, as if he's falling in slow motion. "Ho~h…! We're goin' down wit' the ship…!"

I stumble up to them.

Brad looks at my shoes. "...Aw- yeah! Nice boots!" You got them for me. Today.

...Genkan looks up at me. "Ah. Maria, there you are."

"I feel like I'm in a fever dream." Why are we here? Where is here?

"Because you are." Genkan counters. Uhm. "More accurately, that should be what you've come to expect."

"Welcome!" Brad announces, while on his stomach atop the dirty tables. "Ta the S.S. BONER!"

"The S.S…?" What's the S.S. part for? "What's S.S. mean?"

...Brad's brain stops. "Oouh. You guys need Google…" Guh- Google?

At my inquisitive stare, he shook his head again. "Which is to say, I dunno what the S.S. part of boat names means! But it's part a' boat naming convention!"

Oh… oh! Right, it is! Hold on. "Wait- this is a boat?"

"Yes." Genkan confirms the truth. "Impressed yet?"

...I- I don't know what to say. I just blink a bunch.

"Maria shares my sentiments exactly." Genkan apparently had a similar reaction, which is telling.

"How's it float?" I wanna know. "The hull's… trash. Like, literally."

Brad beams at me. "It floats- in the air!"

What. "That's even worse!"

Genkan giggles silently. "...I'm on the awkward between. This is very strange, but at the same time, I'm only mildly used to Brad's… Bradness."

...Oh! Some things click in my head. "So you sent us running around so we could help you build a giant flying boat. But-..." Something seems wrong though! "Why's the hull made entirely outta tables? Couldn't you've hired a carpenter…!?"

Brad starts to get off the floor-

Genkan places a sandal on his back. "Oouf!" I guess he's not doing that. "Y'see- I made it…! A while ago!"

"Brad saved the mistresses of this mansion from a rainy day, because they'd went camping… with him. And he had them- and the doll magician- build a table boat, because he happened to have too many tables on him back then as well."

Brad chips in on the explanation. "An' they kept it around fer reasons even I don't understand!" Not to deny or clarify anything, just to validate it.

"Didn't I tell ya?" Oh, it's Meiling. "Flandre took a liking ta it!"

"That I did!" Oh, hey. Wait…

Flandre lands on the boat next to us. "If you guys're even thinking of taking it apart, there's gonna be thunder!"

Brad speaks from the floor. "We're upgradin' it! So assfuck can fly at midnight- once again!"

...Oo- oh. I- I like how no one else had a response to that either. Flandre's mouth is just hanging open, as if her expression froze where it was.

"Assfuck sails at midnight…!" Brad hammers the point home. "Ye- yeah man!"

Genkan takes pause, her sandal still planted in Brad's back. "Should you be swearing before Flandre?"

Flandre's smile blooms, and is just huge. She shows off her fangs, too… which're actually kind of cute. "Swearing? What? Which of those was a swear? ...Assfuck?"

Genkan cringes back, looking slightly vulnerable somehow. "Mmn… Brad."

"Bra~d." I look over at Meiling, to see her reaction…

Oh. She's not reacting in any strange ways. Just kinda smiling. Then…

Genkan grinds her sandal into Brad's back. "You're really pushing it today. What will Remilia think of us? You've corrupted her sister on Christmas."

Brad grins despite the maybe pain. "Aa- and thus-... a- a new era of racism- has been birthed…!" Oo- oh no.

"Hehehe!" Flandre lets out a cute giggle. It's a little hearty, that's what makes it cute. "I'm kidding. I'm like, five hundred! Or well, I'm going on five hundred, in five years."

Genkan sees where she's going with this. "...So-..." Maybe. "Implying?"

Flandre's eyes become flat, but her smile is smug. "Hehe… I know what swears are silly I wasn't born yesterday. I-... well, I grew up sheltered, but I think life as a sheltered vampire is a little bit different than it'd be for humans. 'Specially 'cause humans don't live all that long."

Meiling knew all along, obviously. I had a hunch, too.

Genkan blinks, slightly taken off-guard. "...Mnn. I- I-... hmph."

Instead of grinding Brad into the dust under heel, she kneels down and lifts him off the ground, back onto his legs.

Patting him off, making sure he's at minimum less dusty than the fluffles, she points at Flandre. "Go. Inflict." In- inflict? I didn't know that word could be funny, but in that context it kinda was…

...What- oh no. Brad takes a fluffle off the floor. Folding it into a loaf, he hoists it overhead, and-

fwoof. He chucks it at Flandre.

boof. ...She blinks rapidly once it hits her face, encumbered by dust, and the fluffle's natural scent.

"I have inflicted." Brad announces. He said it in a very Genkan-y way...

"I've been inflicted." Flandre does it too!

...Genkan silently giggles a little! "Goo- good. I'm glad everything went as planned."

That's when Meiling walks up. She- um, she lays a hand on my shoulder…

"Maria." She's- really pretty, actually… "You an' Brad. Arm wrestling."

...Hu- huh?

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====

Aw, yes dude. It's time ta go two fer two dude!

We're seated in the hull dude, ready to rumble…!

In the right corner: Maria! In the left corner, me!

"Yeah, get 'em!" Why's Ha-chan cheering fer Maria!?

"Be careful." Genkan rubs Maria's shoulders! "Brad cheats." Oh no…!

The only one in my corner is Flandre, for some reason! "Alright, Mac. All you gotta do is win and win and win and win." Oou.

I actually have a chance to win this, because Maria is a human girl who is two years younger than me, and not some kinda extra-dimensional assfuck extraordinaire…!

Our palms meet.

Of course, I must begin with the classiest trash talk. "We seem to be holding hands."

"No duh." Oh shit Maria has superarmor. "Put up or shut up." Ho- hoh, shit…!

"Oooh!" Meiling's now in her corner too! "You tell 'em, girl!"

Alright. After a few moments. Meiling starts the countdown! "Three… two… one. Go~!" Jaaooo~!

Aa- ooo~! Instantly, I buckle my teeth, and push!

Maria gasps, and- puffs out her cheeks, and- ooo…!

Ohp- ooo~... I am-... slowly but steadily-... winning, I think! But, once I get Maria to neutral, we just kinda-...

We're like almost equal. Man- my arms are slightly longer- which feels like a big disadvantage for me, 'cause they're like a very unsupported bridge!

Man- Maria has it easy…! Genkan wore me down before she got here! Oouf.

When I get Maria three-fourths towards the big sleep, she-... Jesus fuck- where'd all this new strength come from!?

Maria's face is red- and so's mine…!

"By the power of Coldsteel the Edgehog…!" I- I am so tempted to try and clutch the table with one of my other arms! Ohp- oh Maria has the same urge, but holds off…!

Well- good news! I'm apparently like, just slightly stronger than Maria, but jury's still out on whether or not I am gonna be consistently stronger than her. This is good: she is the dedicated mage, I am-... not exactly the dedicated mage!

Ohp-... oh- yes, dude. Yes du~de…!

Maria and me glare at each-other with the force of a thousand burning fluffles!

"Mmn~...!" Meiling hums loudly in the background, watching closely! Oh- it's down to the wire for ol' Maria dude…! "Come on, Maria-chan!"

"You can do it, Maria." Genkan feeds her hype energy! Man- this feels so stacked!

"Go, Maria-chan!" Ha-chan jumps in the background!

"Rrh- gh…!" Oh god Maria's going into overdrive! "Hnn- nnnn~!" Oh my god!

We're back at neutral.

"Haaa~h!" I enter Super Duper Saiyan Cyan, and the tension of our elbows on the table blows up America on the other side of the world.

"Brad! Brad!" Flandre, however, is enough hype cabal to make up for everyone else! "He's our man! If he can't do it-..." Wh- why'd she stop that thought…!?

"I- ca~n…!" Maria heaves!

"Assfu~ck…!" I will not lose arm-wrestling to the dedicated mage who is both younger than me and also a girl!

Ohp-... ooh- it's my advantage again!

"Maria- no…!" Even Genkan's somehow getting excited!

Ha-chan holds her hands over her own mouth, and Meiling zooms into the action…!

"Nn-..." Maria is running out of energy…! "Nnn-... no…"

And-... and…!

thump.

Genkan holds her hands over her own mouth too!

Meiling claps her hands! "Oouh… ooh. Maria~..."

"Yeah!" Flandre does a little leap! "We won!" We…!?

Maria huffs, sitting back, face flushed. "Fhuh… man…" Aww… she's all disheveled.

I gently raise both arms into the air. "Yeah I did it…!" I'm not sure if I should be proud of that victory or not…! Especially considering it was neither instant nor decisive! Provided, I never was at a disadvantage, but uh…

"Alright." Uh oh. Genkan rounds the table. "Brad must be forced to atone for his crimes." But I won…! Actually fairly, that time!

Maria gets up too! "Yeah. Sic' 'em, Hana!"

"I'll sic!" That's not how that works, Ha-chan. "Sic, sic." Wha- what're you doing…?

"I'm curious, actually." Meiling announces. Wait, uh oh. "Maria, scoot over."

...Genkan gives her a small look. "That does seem like acceptable punishment." Oh no.

Maria slowly gets outta the way, stumbling around upon standing- both 'cause she's tired, but also because the floor is really good dude.

Meiling takes her place. "Alright. You beat me, and I'll owe ya three favors. Like a genie!"

"Aw, yeah!" Flandre cheers! "Brad, you gotta win this one!"

"There is no way." I am doomed.

"But you gotta try! You could!" Flandre, that is blatant lying and you know it…!

Rolling up a pink sweater sleeve, Meiling- oh god those are some toned arms. She gives me a teethy smile! "Alright." An' then she gets her arm into position…! "Starting whenever you want."

...Flandre speaks up! "Can I possess Brad for this?"

"That's- cheating, almost…" Meiling grins! "But a body's a body. Doesn't matter who's controllin' it, right? Why, what's yer angle?"

"I'm sure there's some algorithm to finessing the movements such that your arm specifically can be turned aside by a small amount of force." Flandre announces her plan really quickly!

...Meiling grins! "Ain't that basically cheating…!?"

"Nuh uh." Flandre contests! "It's technique!"

...Meiling nods her head around. "After this game. An' no prizes fer that."

"Aww~..." Flandre is just slightly disappointed!

Well, son. I dunno if Meiling would be the final boss or the super boss of the armwrestling video game.

...I meet her palm with mine.

Third verse, same as the other two! "So it seems we are holding hands." I make sure to sound pretentious when I say it this time!

Meiling does not care. The attack failed. It went bad.

...Since she seems to just wait, I apply pressure!

Can anyone guess what happened? ...If you guessed 'Meiling's arm didn't move even an atomic particle', you'd be correct!

...Standing up, I punch my hand against Meiling's arm!

When that fails, I step back and- kick it! Unh!

whap. Oo- oh god, my boot bounced off.

...Nodding, I sit down before her, and hold my palm against her arm again.

thump. She wins instantly, and without much effort! Her expression has not changed since she sat down either…!

"Good." Genkan is satisfied. "The balance, restored."

"This all feels really unbalanced, for some reason…" Maria lampshades the premise!

I point at Meiling! "Y'know-... if you held yer arm horizontally, things would've been different!"

Meiling snorts! "Oo- oh…? You mean, set it already in a losin' position?"

"No, actually!" As amusing as that would be- I had a different, demented idea! "Hold it sideways, in the air over the table."

...So, Meiling does that! She just holds her arm leaned horizontally in the air.

"Alright." I rub my hands together! "This one's in the bag!"

I climb onto the table, and then onto her arm.

"Wh-" Meiling beams! "Ooh, I see…"

...Once entirely curled onto her arm, I remain there.

"Nngh…" Oh, wow. Finally a balanced matchup. I just had to put the entire weight of my body on her arm at a bad angle. I'm like… a hundred thirty- a hundred forty pounds. I weigh less than human-proportioned fairies.

And all of those pounds are not enough to instantly collapse Meiling's arm. She's actually like-... she's struggling, probably because the angle could not be worse, but the fact she didn't just instantly lose is a testament to how fucking strong she really is…!

"What." Genkan's brows are raised…!

"I- I don't think this is arm wrestling anymore…!" Maria also protests!

...Carefully, I sit on Meiling's arm like it's a pole, and then I like-... carefully attempt to stand on it-... aw yeah.

I just stand on her arm. It's- kind of shaky, but-... holy shit.

"Heh…" Meiling grins! "Dude… you weigh like air. Before you go trainin' strength, maybe y'oughta like… go on a diet. Or eat, at all!"

"Aw yeah…?" She's probably right! "Well, get owned!" I jump on her arm!

pap! I dig both grav boots in, heels first, even though they're flat!

Meiling's arm jerks down a little, before regaining strength and correcting itself. Oh my fucking god.

"I am gonna use yer arm like a trampoline." I will win eventually!

I jump again! And I ball up, and when I land-

Wham! Standing at the time of landing, I push as much fuckin' force as possible into my landing!

"Nn-..." Meiling's arm bobbed down a good bit, before bouncing back.

"Y'know-..." On the outside, I ate kind of okay! "Every week- I used to eat an entire cheese pizza on Friday!"

"Not even often enough to gain big fat." Meiling shook her head! "You just need calories. But, good ones. Some good meat every day, and in like a year or two y'might be a real hunk. If you trained too, that is."

Jumpin' off her arm, I triple jump.

My hands meet the table bits on the ceiling of the interior hull! I push off them, and roar back down-

WHAP! I also do the standing thing, and thrust both legs into her forearm superhard!

But then- I jump again, and do it like nearly instantly after a single jump.

Wham! "Nnn-" Wh- why's here arm so hard now? Oh my god, was the last few minutes just her trying to keep good form, and now I'm actually forcing her to seriously push back? Why's she so goddamn strong…!? If she's this strong, how strong are oni…!?

"Question." I raise a finger! "You, Suika Ibuki. Arm wrestling. Result?"

"I'd lose. No doubt. Instant loss." Meiling declares…!

Oh, ho ho ho. That's some spooky shit right there…! Meiling is mook tier to someone else, and I am mook tier to Meiling. What's that make me ta Suika, an ant…!?

...Alright- let's go crazy!

Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! I jump in place and stomp a whole bunch!

"Mm- mmm…" I- I wonder if I'm hurting her skin with all this stomping. I'm gonna say maybe, but also maybe not.

Oh god, who's gonna run out of stamina first? Am I gonna run out of entire body jumping strength before she runs out of strength in her left arm alone…!?

Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! I- am going- to flatten- your arm! Jesus fuck!

"Assfuck- has just begun!" I yell!

"Stop-" Genkan protests! "Stop yelling about assfuck…!" Wh- hahaha!

"Pfh- nnhehe-..." Maria's caught off-guard by that!

Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! "Will- your arm- just- die- already…!?" Oh my god…!

"Heh- hahaha…!" Meiling apparently loves this shit!

Wham! Wham! Fucking-... dude. Why is your arm made out of the entire universe's supply of steel girders…!?

Wham! Wham! "Y'know- the human village- has roofs and floors- vastly weaker than this…!"

Meiling chuckles! "We- well, yeah…"

Wham! Wham! Unfortunately for you, I am so light that it is not a huge tax to just leap all over your arm for ten minutes.

Wham! Wham! "There are- video games, with bosses less durable than this arm!"

Ha-chan is in mild awe. "Meiling's so strong…"

Maria snorts! "Maybe Brad's just really weak."

...Genkan silently is amused. "It's both."

Maria nods a bunch! "Ye- yeah… probably."

Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Holy fuck man…! "That moment- when the fluffle's forehead is not accessible! That is this moment!"

"This is-... so stupid." Genkan's getting fed up!

Maria is suppressing giggles…! "Wh- what-... what even lead up to this?"

Ha-chan speaks up! "Um. Well-... um, Meiling wanted to-"

"I know, Hana." Maria insists very firmly! "I-... I was- I know!" She was being incredulous!

Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Meiling's arm is like, level sixty, and my legs are level two.

"This is stupid." Genkan reaffirms! "It just is."

"Yeehaw!" Yeah let's go! "You won't be laughing, when I shift into-... maximum overdri~ve!"

Whamwhamwhamwhamwham! I start march-stomping with both legs! "I just met you-... an' this is crazy-... but here's my boots! Unh, unh!"

"Nn- nngh…" Meiling is finally, after a long and bloody battle, losing the strength in her left arm! "Pf- hehehe…!"

I start stomping to the beat of 'Call Me Maybe'. "Boy- ya came into my life- I missed ya so bad…!" Wahahaha!

And then- the sneak-up come from behind mixup! I jump in place- and twice!

WHAM! I do Gannondorf's down-A attack on Meiling's arm, for like the eightieth time.

BAM! After the longest battle, Meiling's arm hits the table.

"Woah- ohoo~!" Instantly I fuckin' just start falling away 'cause my platform is gone! "Wahoo~!"

...Genkan zips up and catches me before I'm cast into the void!

"...What a battle!" I wrap my arms around her! "Hello, silver knight of rescue."

Genkan purses her lips like an opposed cat. "...You- you're having too much fun." Wahaha!

"Hoo~, man." Meiling leans back in her seat! "What a-"

CRACK! Her chair just fucking gave. Just now. It broke!

"Woah!" She ends up on her ass amidst the table hell! "Pfh- hahaha~!"

"Oo- oh my god." Maria gets a kick outta that one! "Pfhu- ouh- oh no…"

...Meiling shakes her head! "I'm havin' the worst luck with chairs today…"

Aw, man. Aw, yes dude. That was some shit, dude.

We're all just idle, reeling off the strangeness of whatever just happened!

"...What the fuck." Aw! We hear Stormy from the deck topside! "I'm going to kill all of you. Was that Call Me Maybe? I'm going to fucking shoot you, Brad."

"Wahaha~!" Yeah! "Come on down here an' get me, little man…! I'm gonna down-A you inta next week!"

Actually shit, I just realized… since I can telekinetically flip the switches on my boots, I can actually go around Captain Falcon'ing people with stomps and knee strikes. Aw, man… I really gotta spar with Meiling one a' these days. I need a training mode session, and she seems pretty capable of handling my bullshit!

"...Man." Flandre shook her head! "This Christmas has been awesome."

Maria snorts! "If, um, not exactly festive." Yeehaw!

Y'know, I wonder. "Meiling-... in those sparring sessions, d'ya think you could survive being inflictd with like ten status effects at once!"

...Meiling snorts. "Bo~y. I'm tough enough ta give Flan a run fer her money when I actually try." Aw…!

Flandre chips in! "I would know! Meiling punches really hard! And she can take a lot too!"

I get the feeling if Meiling punched me in the ribs at max power, my heart would just stop, my body would ragdoll out of the combat zone, and-or I would not have ribs anymore. An' if Suika punched me, I'd just be gone!

Ho~h…

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

With the aid of one or two random no-name kappa working solely under the pretense of capitalistic virtue, the stereo system and the water jet cannons are now properly installed.

A surprising amount of progress has been made, actually! The only good-but-also-bad part was, to install some things, the kappa actually had to… get ahold of some actual wooden hull pieces. Like… actual segments of wood crafted to be affixed to the ship, and not just random fuckoff tables!

In the rear cabin, along the bottom, there's the electrical engine. It just powers the hacky water cannons, which we're gonna use mostly as jets. But it also powers the kickass giant giga stereo system.

Flandre apparently had some cannons just lying around- or rather, she probably took some of Remilia's antique cannons that were lying around- and we opened up windows on the sides a' the hull for those!

There's an actual deck floor for like...most of the ship! The kappa, also having actual power drills, were able to affix it to the main hull of table bullshit-and-strings with bolts and long screws.

Click, click. My gravity boots click on the sheet of fancy chocolate wood used fer the upper deck floor! "Hoo~h… yeah man."

I turn to generic lime-green haired kappa A! "You guys're really efficient, actually! ...Where'd ya even get like, shapeable wood from? Or, I- I mean like, wood free to sculpt."

He is, understandably, very plain about basically everything. "Leftovers. Cafe Scarlet took a lot. Mansion's got a lot to give. So we used some of that. Big blocks, easy to work with." Ho~h…

Maybe we should get around ta visiting that cafe at some point. Well, anyway…

I overhear Stormy and his band of loafs discussing the things. "Calibrations on this crap will likely take more time than you'd really expect. You know- these aren't water pistols I'm installing here, they're basically ripoffs of the water generator model my father invented. Wouldn't be surprised if they were refurbished scraps, or something…"

"So what?" Mystia folds her arms! "We still got other things to do, too. My idea of Christmas isn't spending so long here that we spend the night."

Stormy waved her off. "Well- you can piss off. Kyouko can do whatever she wants- but I know this neighborhood. I'll be fine staying here. You know, money's money."

Aw. An' then I come up to Genkan, who is here, fluffy and idle.

"Let us sway to your invisible beat, Genkan." I adopt her idle animation, swaying my body ever so slightly and very slightly bobbing my head forward and back…

...She gives me a soft look, before gaining a more persuasive one! "The day grows older. As this project shapes up… I believe that, perhaps, we should finish this tomorrow. Or something similar."

Ho~h. "Yeah. Probably!"

We got the jets, the stereos, some cannons that I did not plan for, and also some mildly competent carpentry… built onto the base a' what is basically a mass of freakin' tables!

"The S.S. BONER is shapin' up dude." Wahaha! "It's standing tall…!"

"We're renaming it." Genkan attempts!

"No~." I firmly deny it! "The S.S. BONER shall stand the test of time!"

Maria suddenly comes up to us! "It wouldn't be funny if we renamed it…"

"You've become corrupted." Genkan affirms! "What will you tell your mother?"

Maria chuckles! "I- I'd tell her I was corrupted."

Genkan shakes her head! "...I- I don't know how to follow up to that. Something between saying 'how shameful', and 'how unfortunate'."

All we gotta do is the whacky shit like the familiar contracts for the band, and uuh… I dunno, maybe Flandre'd be a good idea. She was, after all, the one who drove the original draft of this ship! ...Also- I ain't putting all of my faith in water thrusters, lemme tell ya! Definitely not!

"Honh." I nod, satisfied. "Well… when we're all done here, I guess we'll go home."

...Genkan and Maria stare at me!

I give 'em small looks! "Why're ya all so surprised…!?"

"Words I never thought I'd hear you utter seriously." Genkan notes! Oh, right…! "Here I thought you had abandoned the concept of home for the nomadic life. ...How does it feel?"

I tilt my head! Genkan snorts before clarifying. "To have a home with me." Aw…

She's snug. "...It feels good."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

It is the evening… of Christmas. Not before, but during Christmas! Does anyone have a name fer it!?

Actually, nah, y'know what it is? Canadian Boxing Day's Eve. Yes. S'powerful, dude!

Outside, the sun is setting. Genkan, me and Maria have returned to the refuge of the-...

"Brad cave." I announce, out of the blue.

"Wrong answer." Genkan decides!

"Ouh." Gone. Anyway…

So, Genkan's love cave is divided into a few small sections! I think I talked about 'em before, but it was pro'lly forever ago…

So, you got the entrance, which is just a long tunnel. But then there's the common room; this is where Shimokoa stabbed my guts out ten hundred years ago.

To the right of the common room is… what seems like Genkan's bedroom, or one of them. It's a room with a small plain of soft snow, and a frozen skylight that lets in the sunrise and noon sun, somehow.

The back-right is a collection of knickknacks and paddiwhacks. Basically her storage for things; she's got more shit than I thought! Most of her rooms are like, mostly empty, but that one's got a fuckton a' cheap outside-style shelves, some random plain wood shelves, and a buncha just-... well, it mostly looks like junk, but it's her junk, which means it's comfy.

Back-left is just… an empty room. It's kind of thin, and has some things like blankets just laying around. Genkan couldn't really give an accurate answer what it was about, but she said she didn't really move things around in it since she was like, ten. I guess it's a big nostalgia gate or something.

And the very left… is bedroom two!

It has a western bed. It's got a fireplace that's never lit. But worst of all, is it's got all of this and still has the pristine ice floor of the rest of the cave!

Thunk! I kick the bed and it goes fuckin' sliding! "Yeehaw!"

"I- I told you to stop doing that." Genkan is disappointed that I turned her bed into a pool ball!

"The first two times were like, by accident!" I tried to fall into it and ended up going ice-skating in a four-legger!

...Maria points her street lantern staff at the fireplace. "Fire."

Fwish. The staff lights up a gentle red, which colors the entire cave room.

Fwoom! She lights the fire. Wait- there were no logs. Hardly even ash. What's burning…?

...Maria turns back to us! "Genkan-... what's with the enchanted fireplace? Isn't that, like, kind of against your nature?"

Genkan, however, is surprised! "You managed to light it?"

Maria snorts! "We- well, yeah… it was pretty obviously enchanted. And a little fireball's not hard..."

"I got it because I think fire can look nice." Genkan decides! "The contrast is… pleasing. But I never figured out how to light fires on my own. So, it became useless, and too much effort to light… and too much effort to remove. So I left it here."

I just realized. "I have a really shitty fireball spell. Could I light it…!?" Wait- Red Scare's also a flamethrower, which probably definitely could.

"Probably." Maria shrugs!

...Genkan purses her lips. "This may actually prove useful. Brad being human, and all. That, and the fire does not draw an oppressive amount of heat. Nothing like the summer sun, or the summer's ambient heat. Just enough to mix things up… or to keep a half-frozen human happy and alive."

...After standing in place in a slightly low-energy moment, the ancient lizard brain realizes something. "If the bed goes sliding and hits the fireplace, it'll light on fire and annihilate the person inside it!"

Genkan slowly turns to face me! "...Of all people, I-... how were you the one to find the safety hazard?"

Luck…? Circumstance…!? "Fire burn bad, ooga booga."

"Just put a fence around the fire…" Maria figures!

"Or make it so the bed doesn't go pinball mode! ...Aa- as hilarious at it is, I can't imagine going to sleep on a moving object randomly colliding with walls. I- I can pass out on the floor, on rocks, but pinball mode is a challenge I'm not ready for!"

"Well…" Genkan chuckles silently! "I- I'm glad you draw the line somewhere."

I get this feeling that the human body does not like going to sleep feeling like it is in motion. Cars, well, they kinda make you feel it, but they also do a good job of keeping you still, 'cause you're contained. Mobile platforms, like sliding beds, are a different story!

fwii~sh. The bed slides back towards me, and Genkan manages to intercept it before it can go on a larger journey. "Do not taunt the bed, Brad." Oo- oh no. "A third offense will require… recompense."

Aw. "Like a fluffle."

...Genkan gives me the gentle but spooky look, dude. "No."

Aw. We got some cannonballs while we were at the mansion, for the ship, but also… "Y'know, we should go in the woods and shoot that pirate cannon I got ya fer Christmas!"

Genkan is closer! "No~..." Yeehaw! "That wasn't what I meant by recompense... but, I suppose we could do that… at some point."

...I stare at her sweater, then at her cowgirl skirt.

"Y'know what you need?" Aw, man. "A cowboy hat. A real fwoofy one!"

Genkan gives me that look wit' her eyes, as opposed to the one without her eyes. I mean- she's givin' me that level look, which is cute!

"It'll be cute!" I also think the cowboy hat'll be cute!

"Cu- cute?" Genkan is taken out of her spooky disposition! "A cowboy hat…? A cowboy hat can't be cute."

Ooh, them's fightin' words. "Now I must prove to you that it looks cute. You'll be the Mario Party superstar." I still need to enslave Mario.

"I-... superstar." Genkan wants to have a wordier rebuttal, but just kinda settles for echoing 'superstar' instead!

"Genkan superstar." I affirm! "Welcome to Genkan City."

"Genkan City." Genkan becomes peaceful, dude. "I guess we'll see, then…"

Aw. Ha-chan shuffles inside, in her big fluffy winter coat. "Genkan…"

"Hmm?" Genkan turns ta face Ha-chan. "What's-... oh."

Ha-chan gives her some extra hand warmers! "Hand warmers. I found these..."

...Genkan puts them on. They're just red mittens.

"Tha- thank you?" Genkan doesn't know how to respond! "...I appreciate your care, but I can't see myself wearing these very often."

Ha-chan nods! "But when you put on Brad's kimono, you get cold for real! So that'll keep your heat from leaving your hands!" That's-...

...Genkan takes pause, her eyes widening a little. "Oo- oh. That's… ve- very thoughtful of you." It's actually a really powerful gesture!

Ha-chan smiles big! "You're welcome!"

...Genkan smiles too. "It's in this moment why-... it's in this- mmh." Genkan gives up on her sentence. "I'm reminded of why I'm more alright with your presence, than of the common fairy. You care about others, even despite what being a fairy entails for you."

"I don't have a tail." Ha-chan clarifies!

Genkan smiles harder, closing her eyes! "Thank you for reminding me."

"You're welcome again!"

It's a relaxed evening in the ice caves, dude.

"Genkan's family home." I narrate the comfiness, dude.

...Genkan just looks at me again, but doesn't have anything to add!

"We need to mine to the bottom." I decide. "To find the adamantite. That ol'... hihiirokane or whatever it was called!"

"I don't think mining works quite that easily." Genkan denies the idea! "Although… this cave does go respectably deep. I have the internal exit sealed off for safety, however."

Uh oh. To stop the passage of the large fluffles to the world above.

I wonder. "Genkan, do we own any board games…!?" I just kinda say 'we' naturally!

An' Genkan takes pause! "Board games… perhaps." Aw.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

"This game is called Guess Card." What.

Genkan sets down a grey box. It's-... shaped like a regular board game box, but it has no features!

"Guess Card…?" Maria doesn't know what it is either!

We're all seated at that central, chocolate-brown table in the midst of Genkan's cave home.

"It's Guess Card." Genkan says like it's the most obvious thing in the world!

...She realizes we don't know! "You've never played it before?"

"This does not exist on the outside!" Or if it does, I have no idea!

The notion seems slightly surprising to her! "Really…? I'm not sure if I should feel proud of that or not. I received it as a gift for one of my birthdays, from a sister of mine."

"Um." Maria looks at the grey box with vague skepticism…! "How do you play?"

shoof. Genkan opens the box gently. Aw…

"Well. There are cards." Genkan begins! "First, a deck of cards is shuffled. These are not normal playing cards. They each have a color."

fwoof. She splays the cards out on the table. "As you can see, these colors are red, blue, green, yellow, purple, pink… and then there's the special cards, North Star and Rising Sun."

She takes a small squeaky hammer out of the box! "A card is placed into the middle, into a pot. If you guess correctly, you win the pot. An incorrect guess is met with capital punishment… and you must place a card into the pot. After which, everyone else begins to guess."

fwi- fwi- fwi- fwish. She telekinetically deals cards randomly! "For the sake of example, I'm placing some cards to help me explain. Each player starts with ten random cards. When you run out of cards, you lose."

From the deck, she draws the special cards. "There are only a small amount of these cards with symbols on them, however. If you have a North Star card, and someone chooses to inflict capital punishment on you for an incorrect guess, you may play it to draw five extra cards from the deck. You'll still play a card to guess, but it will be from the deck."

Then, she holds the orange-red Rising Sun card. "The Rising Sun card is a symbol of hope. You may play it during the guessing phase to receive some free cards, five of them. If you play it and no one guesses it, you get ten extra cards. If you play it and someone guesses it however, they receive five extra cards from the deck and it is removed from play. Regardless, once it is consumed, it's gone for good."

squeak. What. Genkan attacks me with the hammer! "If you choose not to inflict capital punishment on someone, a card is played from the deck to guess instead of theirs. You get to draw a card."

Then, she smiles. "The victorious one is the last one with remaining cards. If the pot is still in play, you may guess after running out, but the next time you are inflicted with capital punishment, you lose."

...After pausing a moment, she blinks! "Oh, right. If you choose to play a North Star card for guessing, and it's claimed by someone as part of the pot, you may blindly pick five cards from their hand. Unless they guess it at the time of playing it, that is; then there is no effect. If you happen to play multiple North Star cards, the number will only go up by three per each one."

I place a fluffle on the table. "Whoever gets the pot also gets a fluffle."

"They get a roasted fluffle." Genkan decides! "That, or a frozen one."

"nugget meal" Yeah, dude.

...I wonder! "What if I guess a card color that doesn't exist…!?"

squeak. Genkan bonks me! "You will be punished. I'll remind you that it is primary colors, then yellow, purple and pink. Then, the special cards."

Aw, dude. "Can we invent our own cards…!?"

Genkan doesn't reply fer a moment, looking pensive! "Not in the middle of the game at least, no."

Aw. "Can I put on a disguise and play two players at once!?"

"Decisive no." Genkan shuts that idea down quickly! "You'd guess your own cards. You probably didn't realize this, but that would actually be cheating." Oh shit she's right…! "If you always guessed your own cards incorrectly, you'd simply be stupid. Either way, you'd have increased odds, of… one of you winning."

Ha-chan puts her hand up!

"...Yes?" Genkan looks slightly strange about this exchange!

"Can I use the bathroom?" Ha-chan- do fairies even like-... need to?

Genkan has a flat expression! "You asked that question just to annoy me, didn't you?"

"Ehe- eheheh…" Ha-chan shrinks back, guilty…!

"Can we decline the fluffle?" Maria proposes!

"The fluffle is not part of the game." Genkan's smile intensifies! "Are we going to play, or do you all want to spend the rest of tonight finding unusual ways to test my patience?"

Me an' Maria just both chuckle! Yeehehaw! "Se- seriously." Genkan chuckles too!

Wait. "Strip Guess Card." I'm a genius.

squeak- squeak- squeak- squeak. Genkan punishes me with the hammer! "You will be banned forever." Uu- uh oh…!

"I blame the fluffle." I see that the fluffle has decided to loaf out on the table. It just- laid on its side, cards splayed randomly underneath it, displaced by its fluff and dust. "When do we patch the fluffle out of the game?"

"The fluffle will be removed from the game because it was never part of it to begin with." Genkan gives me a really focused look! "We're going to start playing before anyone else has a demented, stupid question."

Maria speaks up next, grinning! "I think the fluffle gets in the way."

"Yeah." I nod! "It really… it really distracts-"

Genkan picks up the fluffle, folds it into a loaf, and-

boof! "Pfhu- ooah!" She chucked it at me! "Yuh- yehehehaw!"

fwish. Casting all the cards back, she-

CLICKICKICKICKICK. Ooh. She furiously shuffles the deck, doing a telekinetic bridge shuffle so intense little ice particles come off of the glowing cards.

shiff, shiff, shiff, An' then she folds it in half like three times, before dealing.

shoof, shoof, shoof. Four hands exist, Genkan's being generated more quietly than everyone else's 'cause it had less travel time.

The deck is placed in the center, closest to Genkan. "...Ah. Right. Place your cards horizontally, and not just atop one another, perhaps. So there's less chance of becoming confused about who placed what and when. It'll likely form a square."

Maria pursed her lips. "Why horizontally?" Aw, an actual gameplay question.

Genkan readied to overreact to a joke question, but upon hearing it she became less spooky. "Ah. So that, if you forgot what you placed, you may look at it without the others seeing it. Pertinent in the case of Hana here especially, I'm sure."

"Ooh. Smart…" Maria acknowledges the value of this placement strategy! ...Then, she asks something else! "Is there an instruction book?"

"Yes." Genkan nods! "...In Japanese. Which, Brad and Hana struggle with."

Maria snorts! "Ah. Yeah."

Aww. It's time for the games… to commence, son.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Aw. I got… three blues, a pink, a red, two yellows, a Rising Star and two purples.

The rest got cards. Who knows what kind…!?

"Guessing turns happen clockwise of the person who plays a card to guess." Genkan informs us. "If the rotation comes back to them and none have guessed correctly, we move on clockwise. If that player's last guess was correct or they have otherwise not had to play a card, guessing takes place on the next clockwise player's most recently placed card."

Hoh. I think I see~...

"The first player, having made no guesses, places a card from the deck in the pot to start things."

Genkan draws a card from the top of the deck, looks at it, and places it before herself, past the deck where the pot will be.

Then, she looks at me! "It is your turn to guess." Aw.

"Blue." I'm big.

"No." Genkan shook her head…! "However, I will not punish you." And, fer refusing to punish me, she draws a card! Oh- I see how you 'heal' yourself really rapidly now…

Genkan places a card before me, without looking at it herself. "Your pot card will be from the deck, because I did not hurt you." Aw, yeah.

She looks at Hana! "It is now your turn to guess my card." Aw…

...Ha-chan beams! "Blue!"

Genkan deflates! "...Blue has already been guessed."

Squeak! She bonks Ha-chan on the head! "Oo- oh…!" Oh no. Ha-chan has lost a card, man.

Aw, man, the pot fills up quick then, huh. That's like three cards right away.

"Yellow." Maria guesses!

Genkan shook her head. "No. You will be spared, however."

Genkan draws another new card, and Maria draws one from the deck to put inta the pot.

"Once the guessing phase is over, and if guessers are unsuccessful, your card remains in play. Each player has their own pot. As your played cards accumulate, guessers may choose any card to guess. This is why you may check and see what you've played at any time to confirm."

Aaah, I see. Even though she said 'the pot' earlier, she kinda meant each person's pot. I see...

"So if the other people guess wrong, and have two or more cards down, which one's the guessing card?" I wonder…

"All." Genkan clarifies! "I believe I just told you."

...Oh, yeah! "I think I get it, yeah!" Yeehaw…!

Aw. That means it is the friends' turns to guess.

Wait- the fuck card did Genkan put down for me. Oh- right, I can check!

Green. Right, green cards exist. "Do I lose points for incorrectly guessing what my own card is…!?"

"You lose our respect." Genkan- wahaha! "Remember to remind yourself frequently if you have short-term memory loss."

It's Ha-chan's turn to guess, dude! "...Blue."

Aw! That's super wrong! Wait-... I reach for Genkan's soft hand and steal the mallet she's still holding. "Oh- right…" She's reminded that she does not own the mallet!

squeak! I take the mallet an' whack Ha-chan!

"Oou…" Ha-chan looks warm and defeated.

She places a card inta her card river.

"Yellow." Maria guesses again!

"No…!"I insist!

squeak! I whack Maria next!

Maria fixes her hair a little where I bonked her! "Man…" An' now Maria's finally down a card.

Me: ten. Ha-chan: eight. Maria: nine, and Genkan: twelve. Genkan clearly knows how to play this game, an' it shows this early!

Genkan looks determined! "Rising Sun."

"Wat." When I question her, she lights up with a leer! "No." An' then she looks tired again!

Squeak! I bonked 'er!

Genkan lays down a card, leavin' her at eleven. "Your time will come." Yeehaw!

The mallet is in Ha-chan's hands now. "It's guessing time!"

Maria gets to guess first! "Yellow." She taps on Ha-chan's leftmost card.

...Ha-chan pauses, and tilts the card towards herself.

...Brows curled up, she looks at Genkan helplessly! "Wha- what do I do if they guess right again?"

Genkan snorts! "They obtain your pot."

"Oh…" Ha-chan slouches. "Aww."

Maria takes the stuff Ha-chan laid down. "Mine now…" Maria gets to take the mallet too, 'cause Ha-chan's guessing time is over!

"Noo~..." Ha-chan wanted to bonk people! "The hammer's the best part…"

squeak. Maria bonks Ha-chan, just to rub it in…! "Awhawhaw…" Ha-chan is dead, man.

Maria is now in high command.

Genkan gets to guess first! She points at the right card. "Green."

Maria's eyes widen! "What. No…!"

"Yes." Genkan takes the two card pot. "Thank you."

"How." Maria shook her head!

"I guessed." Genkan's freakin' cheeky, dude…!

Maria chuckles pitifully! "Di- did you…"

"Guess Card." Genkan reminds us! "As it is my turn, I will now claim the hammer of justice."

Now that Genkan is in control… it is my turn to guess!

She only has one card placed down, 'cause Ha-chan and Maria got blown away super quick. So…

"Pi-" Wait, was pink a color? No. Yes. No. "Pink!" Yes…!?

"Wrong." Oh no.

squeak! Genkan inflicts one hit point of damage to me. "Play your card…"

...I nod! "Alright!" I take the North Star from my deck an' use it! "I activate my trap card in ass-... ass mode."

"Ah." Genkan nods. "Early to play such a thing. Not that it matters much." Yeehaw!

I draw my five cards, an' obtain a pot card from the deck! Aw, issa pink.

"Magenta!" Ha-chan guesses the color I guessed, again, except different!

Genkan looks vague! "...I'm considering that the same as pink. Which has already been guessed."

Ha-chan protests! "Nuh uh! Magenta's a different word! It might look similar, but it's not!"

Genkan silently chuckles a little! "...Okay then. I regret to inform you there are no cards in that color."

"Oo- oh." Ha-chan looks weary…!

squeak! Genkan attacks! Ha-chan took all the damage.

"Red." Maria guesses!

Genkan passes her the card. "Tragic. My one card."

"Woohoo." Maria accepts the victory anyway!

The banhammer is back in my control man. Aw, man, this game's gonna last awhile innit? S'time to snug in tight, dude.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

The score when we left off was uh… me: fifteen, Genkan wit' thirteen, Ha-chan wit' eight, and Maria wit' like… nine still was it? I forget if I counted pot cards fer some of them.

Anyway, the score has changed since the commercial break! I'm sitting on… twenty cards. Ha-chan has two, Maria's still at ten, and Genkan has like twenty five.

Ha-chan has no pot left. She has often announced the colors of her cards when asked to, which is not good!

Maria has simply had bad luck, but hangs on, dude. She does have a like, five card river though.

I've got twenty cards and a ten card river. This has been a particularly violent game of Guess Card…!

Genkan's only got a four card pot. We've found that if you randomly guess at one card, you're just gonna eventually guess right!

Also: we have come to realize that if you just keep guessing at one card, you're eventually gonna guess right on the like, ninth guess at worst! And since you can keep drawing cards from sparing people, eventually so many cards are in play that it's impossible for people to lose!

"A man has fallen into the river in LEGO city." I announce…! "Therefore, it's time for commerce!"

"Stop saying that." Genkan is aggressive! "We don't live in LEGO city."

Yeehaw! "Maria- build the rescue helicopter!"

"No." Uh oh. Maria doesn't wanna build the rescue helicopter…!

So, uh. "If cards never get taken out of play, what happens when no one will win or lose in the foreseeable future…?"

"I suppose we could say the winner is the one with the most cards, then." Genkan decides. "These games are supposed to take a very long time, and they don't usually end when multiple players are involved…"

Every time someone spares, two cards are introduced. The spared get a free card in their river, and the spare-... sparing person gets to draw a new card. Those're two cards that'll never leave the game!

"It can be very back and forth." Genkan states the obvious…!

Also, both the Rising Sun and North Star only add more cards, they don't remove cards from the game, except themselves. North Star only lets you directly steal cards by playing it as a pot card. Otherwise, if you use it as a counter, you just- get a ton more cardsand a free pot card!

"Maybe a turn limit would've been a good idea…" Maria supposes! "Something big. So things can develop. Like, twenty or thirty."

"Maybe." Genkan nods… "My sisters don't mind spending egregious amounts of time per game… although, upon losing, things can get heated. Such is why this game is usually played in duels only, rather than in parties. However, if it's being played like the party game it is, no one should really care about the outcome that much. It's literally centered around guessing."

Maria snorts. "I guess even yuki-onna can get competitive."

The deck also has like, a hundred cards. That's a lotta cards! I mean… we began with forty on the field. Now we got sixty in play.

"What happens when the deck runs out…!?" I wonder!

Genkan takes pause! "...Some people play with multiple. I guess the game just ends. You couldn't draw anymore cards."

Ho~h. "We need the updated ruleset where we can do battle with rock 'em sock 'ems for our cards."

"As much as I enjoy tossing rocks and swinging larger rocks, I don't think it has place in this card game." Genkan doesn't know what rock 'em sock 'ems are…!

...Ha-chan looks mixed, 'cause she's really close to just losing at the moment!

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

It's probably been another hour.

Maria has twenty cards from lucky draws. "Oh my go~d…"

Genkan's down to twenty-five! "Mmn…" Yes, down to. It was thirty earlier.

I've got twenty. Y'can't even lose cards that fast! "Ho~h…"

Ha-chan died. "Hmm..." She's trying to build a small house of cards with the few cards that do get sent outta play; namely Rising Sun cards an' North Star cards on occasion…

"Tomorrow…" Genkan speaks up while we're just kinda goin' through the motions at this point! "What do you want to do? Brad? Aside from sort out more of that… boat situation."

Ho~h. "I dunno!" Maybe loaf around, dude.

"I should check and see if mom's getting by tomorrow…" Maria figures. "And buy you guys some board games that don't take forever."

Aw, yeah. "Monopoly!"

"That takes even longer!" Maria protests! "No…!"

"Break the Targets!" I suggest a board game that doesn't exist…!

"I-... don't think that's a thing." Maria is wise dude…

"Oh Shit: A Game of Regret." I nod gladly…

...Maria gives me a snug but skeptical look. Oh no.

An' so another round of mindless color guessing fills the void.

Genkan exhales. "Pink."

Squeak. Maria closes her eyes, an' bonks Genkan. "Go fish."

"Mmn…" Genkan lays a card into her river.

"Boobs." I guess. "I mean blue."

Squeak! "Go fish." Maria tells me an' bonks me with more force!

I place a card into the river!

Now that Genkan is queen, Maria gets to guess. "Yellow." She really likes guessing yellow sometimes!

"Not this time." Genkan shook her head.

squeak! She attacks Maria. "Surrender the card."

...I smile broadly at Genkan.

Genkan smiles too! "You know, Brad…"

"Hi it me." It me, dude.

"We should have stakes." Genkan decides all of a sudden! "If I win, you will massage me later."

Aw. "And if I win?" Somehow…!?

Genkan gives a small shrug of her shoulders, leaning her head back. "Then you can request something you like. Be it a massage, or otherwise."

"I want a fluffle." I decide.

"Except for that." Genkan shook her head! "I suppose I'll give you a hint. It should be physical." Yeehaw…!

"It is getting a little late, isn't it…?" Maria's givin' us a slightly wry look! "Are you getting that anxious?"

Genkan purses her lips! "...Well. Yes. I also want to... relax, this evening. Later this evening, that is."

Aw. "If I win, I will massage you, but from the front."

...Genkan smiles somewhat smugly. "Hmm. We'll see if it comes to that."

I wonder. I have three Rising Sun cards in my inventory. That's fifteen cards. I have not used any of them yet! And if I put 'em in a pot…

"Yellow." I guess wrong on purpose! I point at the card I know ain't yellow!

Squeak. Genkan bonks me. "You won't win playing like that, however. Maria already called that card." Oh no.

I place my first Rising Sun card. "Wau."

...Genkan point at the one I just placed! "Purple."

Squeak! Takin' the hammer, I bonk 'er! "No~...!"

Maria guesses- wait, they went outta order. Oh well. "Red." Wat, no.

Squeak. I bonk 'er. "Gone."

"Dang…"

So we get another rotation of Genkan and Maria idly guessing…

"Yellow." I point at one of Maria's cards!

Squeak. Maria bonks me! "Gone." She repeats my single word-... thing, too!

"Rising Sun." Genkan- ooh, I'm glad she guessed that fer Maria…!

Squeak. Maria punishes her. "No way."

But, with my wrong guess… I now have my second required card in place.

It's also Genkan's turn to be guessed at.

Maria guesses Genkan's card! "Purple…"

"I knew you'd call that." Genkan is supremely smug. "Unfortunately, no."

squeak. Maria is bonked. "Nnn."

"Yellow!" I guess again! "Wait- shit, I forgot…!" I didn't actually, this is all according to plan!

squeak. "Foolish." Genkan chastises my inaccuracy with the hammer! "Learn from your mistakes."

Both of them don't guess any correct colors on any individual card. I forget if guessing rivers was like, individual or based on the entire river. I feel like the latter'd make more sense but… maybe there should be a way to go on the offense and remove cards from play more proactively.

Woohoo, offbrand custom homebrew card games!

But now I got three Rising Sun cards in my pot. If none of them are guessed, I will obtain thirty cards. That, or I'll find out a rule exists about dwindling returns!

They guess my cards again, but Rising Sun is never called. But, no one guesses any of the other cards right either. Ooh...

We guess Maria's cards again… "Ge- green." I almost say 'gentle' when it's my turn, instead a' green!

"Wro-... ah." Maria checks the card I indicate, and I'm correct! "Wow. Well… okay." Oh!

I won her pot! I just got like, eight cards. Aw, dude…

It is now our turn to guess Genkan's stuff…

Maria points at one of Genkan's cards, one we haven't guessed on before. "Pink."

Genkan faults. "...Oh."

Maria now has twenty eight total cards in hand! Bu~t…

Raising a card for myself to check, I mouth the color, and lay it down. It's a blue card. Part of my like, eight card river as well.

Maria was not immediately perceptive of this, somehow! "...Red." That or she thought I was being tricksy and overthunk it.

"No~..." I smile, and nod. "But the debt is forgiven…"

"Oh." Maria gets to draw the good card, dude.

"Blue." Genkan smiles wider!

"Aw. You got it right." Before she can sweep up my cards, I hold a hand up. "You have activated the big boomba. Observe…"

Somewhat tiredly, I display the three Rising Sun cards and start to grin…! "I got a Guess Card, dude. Is there any rule against getting thirty cards this way…!?"

Genkan just stares into me. She's just-... in vague disbelief!

"I feel like this game was not adequately playtested!" I've gotta voice my worries and complaints!

Maria leans into the table…! "Probably not…"

"Y'know, this does pose a question." Raisin' a finger, I get a thinkin'! "Should a card game be this awkwardly unbalanced, or would balancing it just make it more unpredictable in a predictable way? I really don't know…!" Party games are fun, but also a really weird realm of design!

"As interesting as that line of thought is, you will have to finish it from the great beyond." Genkan drifts from her seat, ominously! "Because we just played this card game for the last two hours, and I hastily traded you my body in pursuit of a tense game, only for you to win just because you got a good hand."

Man, this dim cave lighting makes my body think it's night. It's probably sunset if anything… "I still accept fluffles as payment."

Uh oh. Genkan gets closer.

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Man. That was one fuckin' eventful Christmas day bonanza… we did like twenty million things today.

We're in the western-y bedroom wit' the pinball bed and the fireplace now… all four of us.

"I regret not having a proper guest bedroom…" Genkan laments the fact that Maria and Ha-chan are not going to be easily housed tonight. Unless we decide to just go lie in the snow, but… I kinda wanna not!

Wait.

With my legs and arms, I enlargen the bag. "If they walk into here, they'll end up at the mansion, won't they? An' if we open it back up, we'll be able to get 'em back out!"

Maria doesn't look about that idea, though. "I- I think I'd rather sleep in a pile of blankets somewhere in this cave, rather than, you know… in some dark cavern inside of a clumsy table thing. And I want Hana to be warm, and the only good fire we can get to easily is in this room."

Ho~h. Yeah, I bet the BONER garage would be pretty cold. And dank, which isn't quite ideal for sleeping conditions.

Genkan closes her eyes. "Hmmn. I don't necessarily want to leave Maria alone in a random room in my cave, either. This is… more inconvenient than I thought."

Y'know what. "What if we just-... hmmn. Y'know, it'd be really convenient if we just slept in a pile!" But Maria wants to give us our space, and hnnh…

"Yeah! Pile!" Ha-chan obliviously agrees, but no one else does!

...After we're all just silent and idle, thinking hard about it, I just come to a conclusion before I get too tired! "How 'bout we just take my bag as a portal to the mansion, crash in a random room once we get out, and then go back through the bag?"

"Let's take a bed or two while we're there. As in, for my-.. for our home." Genkan is now as much of a thief as I am! "...Not like the fairies will miss them that much."

"Yeah, good enough…" Maria's fine with the idea too! "Let's hurry before we crash…"

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

Y'know. The whole romance thing is weird. A day or two ago, me and Genkan were really, really clumsy about sharing our emotions without taking a really obtuse, roundabout method of doing so.

The lights off, we hold each other snugly in some Scarlet guest bed we invaded. Whatever fairy owned it was not here to stop us, and it's like ten at night now, so y'know… finders keepers!

It feels good to be overwhelmed by her in a way, but that's fetishism talking. Beyond that, it feels good to just… be with her. It's cliche, I know, but… it just be like that. I guess that's kinda what love is.

"You're… getting quite comfortable." Genkan recognizes how willingly I just- exert squeezing energy onto her. "I'm glad. You were so tense before."

"Yeah." Hoh. "I love you."

"I- I love you too, Brad."

Once logic takes a side seat to the whole context of the romance, there's simple moments like these. Moments where you just wanna turn your brain off, and feel… loved. Secure. Secure not only physically, but mentally, socially. Unconditionally loved.

To share an understanding with your loved one… that's, I dunno. Greater than words, maybe? Perhaps. 'Specially 'cause y'know, repeated signs of affection are sweet and all, but when they're not being experienced as instinctual and carnal things kinda should, they probably seem a lot weaker. Like, say, if they were being outwardly consumed like scenes in a book.

"I kinda realized something." I'll keep it succinct this time, though! "I love being caught up in you."

Genkan hugs me tighter. "I love embracing you."

Between her chest, I continue. "And- nn…" God. "I- I dunno…" I forgot- what else I wanted to say. Maybe it didn't need to be said.

"Perhaps, tomorrow, we can… take our time together." Genkan suggests. We did kinda wanna screw around, but when we actually got to a bedroom, we just collapsed and cuddled, too tired to bother.

My consciousness-... ooh I'm fadin'.

"But…" Genkan holds my slack form against herself, allowing me to just-... recede into my mind. "For now… you sleep."

"Hell yeah…" Man… "S.S. BONER sails at midnight…" My mind keeps thinking about ways to make the rainbow cruise test course kickass too!

"I said sleep, my love." Genkan squeezes me really tight- and it feels really damn good! "No thoughts. Only sleep."

Y'know, she's not wrong. When I have excess energy, I have a bad habit of-

She squeezes me again, and her chest squishes against my cheeks more. "Nn- nnn…" She's so-... hot…

...

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

END OF CHAPTER 112

TO BE HONEST, i am NOT SURE if i want to even keep adding the inventory each time and not just keep it on a single routinely updated document!

if i do that i may show it off in the discord but let me tell ya the inventory is now like 7k words of random shit and even though i only place it at the bottom at the end of batches now, it's like… holy shit that's a lot of words of repeated flavor text!

BOY I DO WISH FF DOT NET HAD HTML/CSS OPTIONS FOR THIS SORTA THING AAAA

anyway...

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

ALRIGHT LADS IT'S WAR ONCE AGAIN

==== CHAPTERS 7 - 11 HAVE BEEN REVISED ====

yeah big first note: big revisions. how big?

this batch is like 60-70 k words. the revisions were all total rewrites, totalling 100 k words. the revisions are as big as two average batches.

so they're pretty big, and i encourage reading them! as always, there's no big need to read them, but it could be really fun 'cause i added a lot of fun scenes and dynamics, and made everything overall flow smoother

i anticipate it being controversial on my discord, 'cause like… i tried to maintain the fever dream sequence of events in places, but overall i made the plot of that period of time make actual sense and the "scarletvania endeavor" arc, even though the linebreaks no longer have weird inconsistent names, is now comprised of a coherent series of events at the very least

although really the base formula for what went on didn't really change! brad helps flandre a bit more proactively, and flandre's situation makes more sense and is actually tangible, but brad's approach to the problem is… still very brad-y and stuff

i get the feeling people won't really like the original take's complete mayhem being hidden from the world, but there were some things that i feel like that series of events just feels so much better without, like the random pointless visits to reimu's shrine with no travel time or meaningful exchanges

ANYWAY…

as for this chapter!

this chapter was a really fun follow-up to the rest of the christmas day shenanigans! even in the span of the chapters i had here, i didn't quite do everything i wanted to… which just means i got a ton of ideas for the next batch!

it ended up having a lot of ironically fun moments, like the ARM WRESTLING MANIA

S'THE REAL TOURNEY ARC MAN

this chapter's a firm 20 k words i just realized; 21 k with this AN, and once i add the inventory… probably way way more! inventory stronk

next batch even gets the two matt chapters, which means i'll probably end up making the brad chapters bigger than usual to compensate subconsciously

anyway we'll see! now that the S.S. BONER is underway, we got some options!

genkan is cute

i kinda wanted to do more for the stormy v. brad sparring thing but i dunno, it feels good as is but also i'm not sure if i should've taken it in a totally different direction

as for this BATCH as a whole, i found it was full of a lot of fun moments, but as is the norm with genkan and maria around, the pace retains a veeerryyy slow quality - w -

which is why i experimented with some ideas that'd get brad away from the party for a moment or two, and overall i think the things that resulted from that were really creative and interesting

i do wanna emphasize the power of being together and friendly, but i also wanna do this by highlighting each party member's individual elements and what they bring to the table; a more contextual way of doing it than y'know, huhuhu power of friendship

cough kingdom hearts where sora's the only person who can do anything and everyone else is useless 99% of the time

i do find things more meaningful when the "leader"-type member is more of a catalyst than the whole kit and kaboodle

the matt and friends chapter was quite short, only being 10 k words and not even to my usual 40 page self-imposed minimum, but it's largely 'cause i wanted it to frame a transition in operations

they've largely achieved what they all wanted to transition into the next phase of operations and ambition, and we'll see the next matt chapter (coming right at cha next chapter in fact!) expound on this stuff in way more detail

honh

anyway…! i can't believe this entire batch spanned christmas day alone

(to compensate, the next brad chapter's probably gonna skip canadian boxing day, because canadian boxing day's that important man)

that and, in spite of the novelty of this batch's ASSEMBLING THE BONER stuff, actually assembling the parts when they're there as they are now is gonna be a slightly technical process that i think's better left offscreen, so we can immediately gauge the results of brad's MASTER PLAN

honh, honh

as always, see you all next time!

==== OH, AND BY THE WAY… ====

we have a- oh, wait

we've HAD a discord for ten million years now!

https SEMICOLON SLASH SLASH SON discord DOHT gg SLASH mcVps2R

if you know how discord invite links go you only need that last bit; sorry it's so FREAKIN' ugly but fanfiction DOT net is deathly scared someone's gonna link to kiddy porn so we can't have nice things

also we're not too terribly big so you probably won't get drowned out too easy, but we also talk entirely too much so sometimes you still will

social existence is weird dude; but we're tight-knit!

also:

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====

The morning of Canadian Boxing Day. Genkan looks peaceful in the morning light, eyes narrow and hair disheveled…

Fwish. Turning around, I sprout my fairy wings at Genkan.

...Fwish. Fwish. Fwish. I keep doing it until she notices!

"Mmn…" She lets out a morning death knell. "What-... are you doing? Stop it."

Fwish! Fwish! Fwish! "I'm gonna sprout my wings at you, Genkan. I'm gonna sprout my wings."

Genkan moves to harass me! "Stop that."

==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====