(in which we squish a fluffle like a stale baguette)
Arriving at the cusp a' the Scarlet Devil Mansion, I march towards the front gate wit' resolve.
I might need ta be a little stronger, but I don't need to do no grinding. I got all the resources I need right here. All I've gotta do is use 'em well enough. It's technically possible.
Me, my copious mountain of bullshit, and a whole lotta heart.
...In the gentle snowfall beneath the warm glow cast by the well-lit manor, I march towards the gate.
Meiling, despite looking like she's sleeping, winks an eye open as I approach. Aw, yeehaw.
When I reach the gate, she lazily pans her gaze towards me. "...Y'sure you should be movin' so much after yesterday? Didn't I tell you ta relax?"
"We're going to spar." I'm here to skate fast and eat ass. "I wanna try something."
...Meiling parts from the wall, givin' me a lazy look. "Those're two different things, far as we're concerned. If I sparred seriously, I'd fold ya into a pretzel by glarin' at 'cha."
Hoh. "Alright then. Lemme land one or two good blows on ya."
Meiling raised a brow. "...Well. Alright."
"Weapons? I mean- can I use a weapon?" Ho~h…
"Yeah, sure. Expect me to block though." Meiling provided. "Takin' a cast-iron to the face's annoying, no matter who you are."
Eventually, Meiling got into posture before the locked manor gate.
"Just so you're clear, I'm not trainin' ya today. You don't got the strength for it." Meiling affirms yesterday's terms.
Aw, yeah. "That's fine. You ready?"
Meiling snorts. "I should be askin' you."
I find my footing on the snowy ground. Y'know, if I look unsteady, this'll go better. I wonder if Meiling is super aware at dusk…
See, I've got a plan. I wanna see if this works.
We stand ten-twenty meters apart. Meiling raises her fists, mostly to guard, I assume.
...I've thought about my approach before we came here. I saw what she did the other day as we sparred and goofed around.
"Your eyes're a little red." Meiling notices…?
"It's like- dusk, maybe I had a long evening!" I basically lie, but…!
Meiling snorts. "Ooh? I won't pry, I guess… but I'm assuming someone had fun playin' doctor..."
Genkan in a nurse outfit.
With that image in mind, I sprint at Meiling, sliding along the snow in my grav boots as I do so.
Crunch, crunch, crunch! Stomping across the snow, I come at her. She grins, readying up. I sling my hanger back as if to use my back-n-forth combo I've been trying to force this whole time.
But I don't.
Fwi- Click! I summon the Bee-Fitty-Four Bawmber.
SWISH! At the same time, I click my gravity boots on for just a second, crouching down as I slide forward into Meiling.
Meiling thinks I'm 'boutta faceplant at her shoes, I can see it in the slight smirk she's gaining.
Instead, I spring into standing. As I raise, I jump, click my gravity boots on, and-
Thunk! Holding the plant hanger by the middle of it like a tonfa, I punch the central weight of it up against Meiling, the center of the hanger's mass aligned with her jaw.
That impact on its own? Nothing. Since it's the Bawmber?
KABOOM! It explodes. The blast pushes me down, and my heels bounce off the floor, my body snappin' numb from the blast. I only just barely feel the aftershock roll though me. On the rebound, I jump again.
THUNK! I uppercut the hanger against Meiling's jaw again.
KABOOM! Snow flares out around us. I'm shot back down, gaining more hops.
THUNK! I have to ascend higher to uppercut her, because she's caught in the air.
KABOOM! Fuck- aagh! Nngh-
Crunch! My heels dig into the floor- but with my jumps restored, I jump rapidly to catch up with Meiling-
She begins to lean away from me, but it's not quite quick enough.
THUNK! Before she can get her bearings, when I make eye-contact with her mid-air, I uppercut her again.
KABOOM! With this explosion, I surpass her in the air. My momentum from rebounding against the floor was so great I just go fifteen meters into the air.
Using up the rest of my jumps- all like one of them- I continue getting height over her as she falls away, towards the gate an' the snowy floor.
This leaves me fifteen meters high with no way down. But, I had a plan…
Woosh! I toss the bomb hanger into the air at the apex of my leap.
As I start to fall, I close my eyes. I feel gravity take me, and-
Fwi- Click! I summon my panty-rope adorned yin-yang flail.
It's so heavy that it takes a moment before it can meet my speed-
Twang! Except- I fell so fast that the rope pulls against my arm when I grab on for life. "Rrgh!" Fuck that hurts by the way!
I'm pulled up towards the yin-yang ball, which now rockets down past my face-
Click! I jump off of it.
THUNK- KABOOM! Argh- haagh! My bomb hanger- hits me in the spine as it comes down- and I'm sent hurtling down at Meiling, just as she lands.
Fwi- Click! Forward flipping dozens of times mid-air, I summon the Red Scare.
FWI- SHING! Channeling it with magic, a trail of flames is drawn all around me, turning me into a hell wheel.
Meiling looks up- probably, surely beholding me as I descend towards her as the big air fire wheel.
"What-" She looks up. Eyes wide, beaming, she claps her hands.
CLAP! FWOOM- KABOOM! The impact of Red Scare creates a massive swathe of flame that rolls down and around Meiling, and also pushes heat out against me.
"Agh-..." That grunt was me, by the way. I don't think Meiling gave a shit 'bout the elemental damage.
Leaping when I feel impact, I stop myself from hitting the floor too awkwardly.
Meiling fucking caught the flame hanger, stopping my ten-whirl clobbering attack with her bare hands, by clapping her hands on it. "Heh-... hehehehee~!" She starts to chuckle!
Stumbling back, dizzier than all fuck, I heave an inhale, and an exhale…
Fwi- Click! I summon One Million Revenants, holding it by the most solid part. This thing acts as the Market Gardener too.
I have Fallen Comrade out. I channel it, and feel my strength buff begin to empower me.
Fwish! Magic coalesces through my form, strength welling up in me. I let go of Fallen Comrade, abandoning it.
KABOOM! My bomb hanger lands behind me. I'm sent flying!
"Ghh- aaaa~!" Roaring like a bat outta hell- I shoot like a bullet at Meiling.
Meiling's eyes widen again, as she still has the previous plant hanger held, thinking I would've stopped there.
I connect One Million Revenants with her gut.
It's a holy weapon, so it's effective against youkai, this strike's gonna be critical- and it's an amplified critical hit.
THOOM- NK- KRACK. It's like the sound you'd hear from a skydiver's GoPro as they leap outta the plane.
BAM- KLACK- KLANK! The gate of the Scarlet Devil Mansion behind Meiling snaps open. It just barely creaks open.
I'd punched Meiling against the gate so hard it fucking broke open.
...crunch. Staggering back, I collapse into the snow.
Meiling stumbles in place for a moment, before taking a breath. "Hfuh…" Then, she grins down at me. "Holy-... shit. Now that's what I call a punch. Damn, Brad…"
I- I like how she's still standing. I like how what was basically lowkey a limit break probably only took off like, an eighth of her max HP.
"This's why I wanted you to have resolve yesterday." Meiling propped her arms on her hips, as she stood over me. "When there's a will, man, there's a way. Yesterday we were yuckin' around… but this…"
Shaking her head, Meiling looked kinda proud. "This is what I was talkin' about. You're pissed about something. You wanna use force."
...What- the fuck- is this?
Sitting up, I notice some- blue magic fade out from my chest. I feel so fuckin' warm…
Aah. It's like that orange shit- when I was mad at Maribel. Some orange magic leaked from me when I was yellin' at her. Now it's blue? The fuck…
"Maybe pissed ain't the right word. But, you're worried. You're motivated to stop whatever it is you wanna stop."
Meiling crouched down near my face, as I lay lumpified in the snow. "You know, I had my doubts 'bout you gettin' anywhere. But, with drive like this… man."
"The hell was- that magic…?" I'm so fucking exhausted. I'm gone, man.
"That was your magic." Meiling laid her arms across her own knees, and sat down more easily. "Nnh. You felt such intense emotion that it just kinda burned. Its color depends on how ya feel. If it's just burnin' blue, that means you're worried. Be it about surviving, or pulling off that attack, or doing something critical. It's not easy to draw it out.
"...I'd consider it the most common color. Not that even havin' one is common among humans, mind ya."
...Taking a moment, she looked back at the gate. "You broke the gate. ...We got a ton of spare locks for this kinda thing, but still. That's something for a stick-and-bones outsider."
I'd probably never be able to take Meiling squarely in a fight. But, I'd never really need to. If I was playing dirty, and she wasn't status resistant, I'm sure my usual Red Scare and Bawmber combo would leave her reeling.
That, and it's not like I'm gonna be fighting martial arts masters. Shimokoa is anger. Shikome is raw stat-god. Matt is Matt. Seiga seems more like an armchair commander than anything, what wit' all the zombies...
Meiling smiled as she centered her gaze on me. "Feel like staying the night? You don't look like yer in walkin' shape."
"I~..." Oh, fuck. Genkan wants me home for decorating and furnishing! "I~... am actually expected- at home…!" I really wanna decorate the house with her an' help her!
Meiling snorted. "Should've thought of that before you came over here and got yerself wasted. Man, picking up all your toys is gonna be... slightly troublesome..."
"Oh!"
Suddenly, Ha-chan. "Brad-kun! I already found you!"
Ha-chan stands over me fer a moment, lookin' expectant!
Yeah, woohoo, upskirt. You know, upskirts have marginally lost their value after Genkan molested me. I mean, a Genkan upskirt would still tickle me in the slightly-lewd-enough-to-drive-me-crazy department, but…
Y'know, Ha-chan's cute and also my fairy friend, so her panties still have value, dude. Sometimes, a silly fairy is a sexy fairy.
That's not gonna excuse her absence from the classroom! "Where were you!?" Ha-chan hasn't caught up with me all day!
"I was in a meeting!" You have those!? "And chief wanted me to at least put the star decorations away…"
Expression slightly flatter, Ha-chan looks at Meiling. "Why's Brad-kun dead? Mei- um, Meiling, stop flattening him…" I- I like how Ha-chan's reluctant to call her Meiling. She pro'lly don't say it a lot!
Meiling smiled. "Hey, Hana. Why don'cha carry him back home? And, uh…" Meiling looks around! "Help me pick up his things, too."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
With my gravity boots left on, Ha-chan has a far easier time carrying me than she normally would! Man- I undersold the value of these things when I first got 'em!
"Alright- we're almost there!" I've been giving us directions, 'cause Ha-chan can easily become lost and confused!
I really wanted to go on a massive quest in the SDM to assert my dominance over specifically the fairies and Koakuma, but unfortunately I have run out of strength and the day has ended!
We went like around the Forest of Magic. It was a weird trail, but uh, we're on the way.
Actually, we're like, almost there. "Aah- yeah, around this rock…"
"I think I-... yeah!" Ha-chan finds the entrance! "We made it!"
...woosh. The wind parts around us as Ha-chan carries me on inside the cave.
cla- clack, clack, clack. We hear the distant clacking and clicking of Genkan's ice farm as we go deeper into the cave.
Ooh. Eventually, we get to the deepest place.
Maria's here. She lit that small campfire in the center of the cave that's been there for freakin' forever. Genkan's nowhere ta be seen, however.
"Oh…" Maria sees me! "Brad."
"Ooh." Yeah, Maria! "Hello, Maria!"
"Where's Genkan…?" Maria looks around! "I thought I could catch you guys here, but…"
"I thought I'd catch Genkan here too!" I thought I was the one who'd be back late!
Maria has a sassy yet flat expression! "Since the snow let up, I wanted to see how the oven business went. Maybe spend the night here. But, um… how the heck'd you lose track of Genkan? Has she become an agent of chaos too?"
click. I flick my gravity boots off...
Ha-chan puts me down. Ooh-... okay. I can stumble around, we're in business! God, my legs feel like the sticks they are right now!
"Maybe, man!" She's off buyin' furniture, but I'm gonna leave Maria in the dark for a moment!
We both stare at the fire. Ooh.
Y'know, the way the flame flickers and reflects light around the nearby ice isn't bad. The cave is filled with the dim crimson glow of flame- which seems a little more orange than red 'cause of the fire being right here. I guess it is red…
Maria speaks up! "So, what'd you do today? I know Genkan was looking for a stove."
"I got wasted. Wiped out." Oouh. "Blown away!"
"Meiling killed him." Ha-chan pouted… "I told her to take it easy, but she didn't." ...Didja!? I think you told her too late!
Maria snorts. "Still training, huh. ...You should really think of being a mage. It's a bit more think-y than brawling. I think you'd like magic."
Aaw, yeah dude. "I'm going to be the king of all trades, man. The jack of all kings! The king jack. The Jocker king!" Yeah! "Jocker class!"
"...Uh huh." Maria doesn't seem to think so! "Did you do anything else?"
Ran around with Reimu and Marisa for like, an hour or two. Wait, actually… "I visited the taoists!"
"Oh." Maria nods. "They didn't kill you? ...Wait, why'd- um, did you ever ask them why they went and tried to like, obliterate Sanae's windmill? You know… they would've probably killed us back then, if they had it their way."
I did, actually! "Something 'bout business! They basically wanted to blow up the windmill, and whatever was around was collateral. I didn't find out why, but I assume the reason was pretty stupid!"
Maria snorts! "Probably…"
...In retrospect, eating food they offered wouldn't be a bright idea from a 4D chess standpoint, but unless the poison is late-acting, we seem to be good!
"Why'd they not beat you up?" Maria wondered! "...Might be 'cause of whatever Sanae told them. Or maybe Miko was just too embarrassed."
The first one's a bit more likely, now that I think about it.
Aw, that reminds me. "How's the ice farm down here going, Maria? Is Genkan making a lot of ice?"
...Maria gives me the flattest expression, before giving it to the icicles hangin' around the place as well! "Yeah. Now we got a lot of ice to eat."
Aw, yes. "I'm gonna feed you a fluffle."
"That's abuse." Wahaha!
...beep! beep! beep! Ohp. I hear vehicle noises.
"Huh…?" Maria doesn't recognize 'em, for good reason! They're truck backing-up noises!
...BAM! Impact! A noise vibrates through the cave slightly. Uh oh.
"Um…?" Maria has one of her staves up now!
Aw! Movin', I kinda meander towards the front of the ice cave- and you know, we should probably have an actual entryway at some point instead of this long tunnel of ice I can barely walk on…! It's really inconvenient, actually!
We all manage to make it ta the doorway, a~nd…
Ooh. Someone's parked another tractor-trailer truck out here. One of the Eientei kinds. How'd it even get over here? Did it just fly over the forest? Y'know, considering those anti-grav thrusters, it probably can…
clack. The gentle noise of a truck door slamming is audible.
Aw. Wait…
Genkan drifts up to us. "Oh. … Hello, boyfriend." Aw. "It seems I was the one who was late."
"How'd- how the fu- how-... did ya get this truck here…?" I know she helped with that other one that Stormy drove in at the SDM, but...! Also- they moved that truck outta there fast, I just realized!
"Somehow." Genkan smiles awkwardly, and looks the truck she parked over! "...I hope they don't mind the damages."
Wait. "Did you drive it in reverse the entire time." This sentence does not deserve a question mark.
Genkan gives me a look. "...Was I not supposed to?"
Oh my god. "Uuh, eeh, well, technically no, but…!" I mean, there's no traffic, and it worked, so uuh!
"...I'm just worried, because you seem incredu-" Genkan snaps her gaze to the truck, alert.
Maria and Ha-chan flinch away from it as it slowly reverses towards the cave-side again oh god-
BAAM. The ground rumbles, and the mountainside is damaged further, dust billowing off the impact of the trailer against the rock. Y'know- it's somewhat mundane, but also holy shit it dented the rocks.
She forgot to put it in park! Aaaa!
"Aa-... ah." Genkan didn't put it in park…! "Damn." Oh my god Genkan swearing is cute.
"If we lived on the outside you would've just lost like ten thousand entire dollars and a month worth of making phone calls." Letting your truck back into your own house would be kind of a disaster!
...Genkan smiles as if she didn't just damage things! "I'm not sure where to put it. The truck, I mean. Eientei apparently sells them for as cheap as fifty thousand yen."
You bought the truck- also damn that's actually retardedly cheap for an anti-grav vehicle. "Didja fly it over the forest?"
"Mmn." She nods. "The canopy serves the anti-grav thrusters well." Oh my god it works on the same thrusters as my boots, but it's an entire fucking tractor trailer. Which Genkan backed up for like five entire miles before backing it into her own home.
"That said…" Genkan starts to move for the back of it… "Um. I bought a lot of furniture, actually… if, um…"
We can't get to the back door of the truck, it's squished up against the rock wall.
"...I- I think I have to move it." Genkan supposes!
I move instead! "Aah- hol' up, I've actually driven a car before, so I know how the gears work…!"
"Gears?" Dude they told Genkan nothing about how cars work when they sold it to her!
...If Eientei's tractor trailers only cost fifty grand yen, or five hundred dollars, couldn't the Human Village replace every house with a tractor trailer and call it a day? Unless village houses are actually way cheaper and there's just even less money to go around.
Also, as fun as that idea is, turning the Human Village into a trailer park feels like an awfully cursed idea.
Before I shamble on into the this bigass truck, I pause, and face Genkan. "You're really snug when you swear."
"No I'm not." What! "It's undignified."
...We're gonna have to press this point later!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Cli- click.
Within Genkan's ice cave, I twist the knob beneath the metal lamp's shade, and the gentle fluorescent bulb turns on.
Moving furniture's kind of a pain in the ass, but Genkan is fortunately inordinately strong.
Speaking of, Genkan hovers into the cave again, holding up a big fluffy blue chair.
CLACK. She firmly plants it down, which looks really surreal. She has no problem moving a chair that probably weighs as much if not more than I do.
That said… "Nnh- fuh." Soon, Genkan collapses onto this nice new blue couch she bought. "I'm… tired?"
Maria's just kinda idled near the stove we brought in, reading the manual. Yeah- it's an electric stove, and Maria is actually a stranger to them, 'cause the village does not use electric stoves! And they write those manuals in like twelve different languages, so there's no way to get left in the dark.
"Of course you're tired." Maria speaks up! "Moving furniture's kind of a pain no matter what you are."
...Moving from the nice lamp, I take in how the whole ice cave has this warm orange color to it now. Unlike a regular cave or a big house, the ice reflects light really well, so even one lamp is…
Beautiful. It's beautiful. It's like a city at night… and it's one lamp.
I sit on the couch next to Genkan's head. She looks up at me, before scrambling to sit more properly. "Nnn…"
She also appreciates the lamp. "...Lights truly are beautiful."
Now the discussion must continue. "That reminds me! You're really cute when you swear!"
"...It's undignified." Genkan contests again! "You get away with swearing like a sailor, because you're-... Brad. I dislike being uncouth."
"Mom yells at me if I swear..." Considering Maria, I'm not sure if that's a complaint or a happy memory!
"But it being undignified's what makes it hot!" I argue! "Although I guess that'd be 'cause yer composed most of the time. I dunno though- when someone who looks like a princess acts really regular, it just has this energy. Y'know?"
...Genkan is suddenly fascinated! "Are you saying I look like a princess?"
"I mean, long black-hair- your hairstyle's called a hime-cut, 'cause it's like, the traditional Japanese princess cut, so yeah you do!"
"It's called that?" Genkan- are you tellin' me that's a recent outside terminology thing!?
"And I mean, you dress in that kimono and stuff, which is like a dress." I suppose. "...Y'know- that's why it was so hot when you were going around in a sweater and skirt. It was so casual and not-you that it was so-... good."
Maria chips in! "Wait- do you mean you didn't mean to look like a princess?"
...Genkan sorta shifts in her seat! "I um, I dress this way because it's traditional… and it looks nice too. You could call it cultural."
I mean, I dunno. "Your kimono's really nice too. The full formal attire's really good, but formal girls in informal clothing are also really hot."
...FWII~SH! Ha-chan slowly but loudly slides by us on a sled that Genkan bought for literally no good reason- we just have a sled now. "Woohoo!" She's not going very fast, but she's havin' a good one!
"...Truth be told, I don't find casual clothing too offensive." Genkan considers. "It seems like rags to us snow women, but… when I visited Eientei today to shop, I noticed the advertisements for casual apparel. It was demonstrated in a way I hadn't seen before."
With that, she looked at her legs, hidden by her kimono's long bottom as she sat. "It's just not something we've been exposed to, out here in the wilds. I suppose if I'd visited Margatroid more, I'd have learnt about fashion."
"Aww, don't worry." I leer at Genkan. "I am the master of fashion."
"...I find that hard to believe." Genkan gives me a worried look!
That reminds me. "When we first had sex, it was 'cause I was appreciating a lamp, wasn't it!?"
"Why is that something you remember?" Genkan contests! "You were pretty awkward going into it. But, I suppose I was too."
...Then, she wraps an arm around me, snuggling up to me.
"Buttering me up, are you?" Genkan- oh fuck- "You won't take my dignity as a trophy tonight, Brad. You're exhausted, I can tell."
Her face comes close to my ear. "Tonight, I'll help you relax. I won't let you even think."
clack. Maria bonks Genkan on the head with the stove manual! "Awh- aa-" Genkan's surprised!
"Guys- I'm still right here." Maria decides to interrupt us! "Save that for later! I ought to be teaching you both how this stove thing works!"
...Genkan's face is really red now! "Maria, forget anything you heard. I thought you would stop listening."
"I can't just stop listening!" Maria comes around the couch and gives us a big red-faced grin! "You guys better not be noisy, 'cause I'm staying the night too."
Genkan perks up. "Oh. Those two beds I bought might actually have a point."
Wat. "Why two."
"...So we could choose?" Genkan smiled unassumingly! "I picked my two favorites. I'm going to take a guess and say you never cared about interior design."
"I mean, you'd be surprised!" I kind of do, actually! "...Y'know, buying furniture is often a couple's activity sorta thing. Maybe I shoulda gone with you!"
"...I'm sure we're going to need to buy more stuff." Genkan figured. "What I bought felt incomplete. I didn't spend all of the yen, either. I only got… essentials. Beds. Chairs, lights. Those power generators you spoke of."
Hoh. "Yeah, that's true…" Maybe that's not the right thing to say- but I think Genkan gets my sentiment anyway.
...Maria- oh fuck- she yanks on one of my arms, and I stumble off the couch-
thud. -and onto my side.
"...Um." Maria looks worried! "Aa- are you okay, Brad? I'm sorry…"
"Ooh!" I make a noise to confirm I'm alright! "I'm a fluffle!"
Maria looks forlorn. "He's not okay…"
"Shame." Genkan monotones! Then, she smirks. "I suppose you'll have to replace him as my... human pet." Oh my god.
Maria's face flushes a little! "Sh- shut up. Alright- get over here or I'm cooking a fluffle."
Genkan quietly chuckles under her breath. Not one of those chuckles you can hear- but you can see it!
Getting up, Genkan watches me slowly get up too...
FWII~SH! Wait- Ha-chan baby no-
Wh- whump! THUD! She slid her sled into the back of us, and we both fall back onto her!
"Aaaa~!" Ha-chan squeals as she's crushed by us both!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
...Ha~. Man.
cr- crack. It is… a new day. Not sure if that was my arms, or my back. Or both.
I'm still a little achey-breaky, but as long as I don't get beheaded by Meiling's mighty Heir to the Cum Throne-style techniques, I should be fine!
We're all out here on Genkan's front lawn. That big ol' truck is still here, making me feel like I live in that dingy one-story house I had my earliest childhood memories in. By which I mean, it makes the lawn feel claustrophobic and it looks ugly!
"At least you guys didn't spend a third of the day touching each other again." Maria illuminates on the fact we did not go absolutely nuts this morning.
Genkan snorts. "...It wasn't necessary. It's not like we go crazy with it every day. In fact… it's only fairly recently that we became comfortable with our sexuality."
Yeah- I'm not sure how it happened. I think we both just came to a silent, mutual agreement to scratch each other's itches.
Genkan likes to make me forget how to be sad and overthink-some, and I like to make Genkan forget that she's-... sad and overthink-some. Hmm.
Gradually, Maria smiles the most evil carefree smile possible. "So which of you bullies the other?"
"Both. Neither." Genkan was right with the first one! "I don't think that's any of your business."
"I guess not." Maria shook her head! "So, Brad. What're you planning, today?"
Hooh. Well…
Things needed for the biggest boat: some kappa help, a few days of combing over the handiwork, uuh… yeah.
I snap my fingers. "I need some wheels."
...Maria looks at the truck.
"Shit." We already got wheels. "Alright- well. Hmm."
We haven't been to Heaven in a little while… although it's not like there's anything to do up there except party. Also, Tenshi's people might be angry at us. The sky sure does look nice, at least!
"We could shop for furniture." Genkan suggests! "...More competently, that is."
We also haven't been underground in awhile, but like… hmm. Caves are dark and evil, and there's not a lot to practice my skills on. Like, what's there, oni? As fun as it is to get nearly raped by oni ladies- or probably actually raped, considering everything- getting my pelvis broken's a bad idea!
We were at the SDM just recently. But…
"Well, first thing I wanna do is hit the mansion. I got some business ta finish there." I decide! "And it's not just the boat, even if giving that a check-up might not hurt!"
Genkan nods. "We could go shop for furniture afterward."
Maria seems excited! "Take me with you! I wanna see miss Patchouli. And, uuh… I haven't really had many targets for magic practice in the village."
Genkan gives her a look! "Are you saying we should be doing something violent?"
Maria looks sheepish. "...Fairy violence?"
...Genkan thinks it over, before nodding! "Well, fairy violence is always acceptable."
Speaking of fairies, Ha-chan looks intimidated! "You guys are really hyper today…"
Noticing Ha-chan's somewhat foreign reluctance, Genkan gives her a smile! "Don't worry. You're the fairy we won't destroy."
"You're too cute to destroy, Hana." Maria really goes all in on comforting her!
"Oh…" After being taken by the compliment, Ha-chan beams! "Yeah! I'm cute!" Yeah woohoo!
Maria becomes rambunctious. "We're gonna destroy Brad instead." What- no!
Genkan turns to me! "She is right. Come here." Oh god-
Ha-chan actually objects! "Wait- no don't do that! No!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We advance for our siege on the Scarlet Devil Mansion. We're here for Maria's piano lessons, dude. I gotta steal some of their fancy lamps for home. Wait, they're all candlelit, and Sakuya is infinitely times better at maintaining that kinda shit than us. Unless they're infinity candles…
Wait, if Genkan has a fireplace, how come we haven't died of carbon monoxide poisoning? You tellin' me she has a chimney…!?
It's a really grey kinda day today. Colorless, wet, and raw. The trees feel both parts somber an' gritty.
"It's so… raw." Genkan speaks my mind! "We should have gone furniture shopping."
"Aw, don't worry." You know- I wonder how musty the library is on these kinds of days… or if Patchy has the world's biggest dehumidifier hanging around! "The mansion will feel ironically alive, probably!
"It's been too sunny recently." Maria contests! "...But, now, things are almost too calm."
Genkan snorts. "...I suppose it's been awhile since our lives have been mortally threatened."
Maria pouts! "Don't jinx it."
Aw. We mosey on up to the gate!
Ha-chan speaks as we arrive, dude. "Immortality... threatened!" I'm surprised she pronounced 'immortality'...!
Meiling leans her head, watchin' us ramble on up!
She's all bundled up with a scarf and stuff, and she seems reluctant to move. "...Back already? ...Guess it's been a li'l while, huh. Braddie-boy. You sure you-"
"I'm here to gain mansion access!" I interject! "Not ta spar!" Not with you specifically either!
"Ooh? Huh." Meiling snorts! "Was kinda looking forward ta some crazy shit."
"We'll see, man…" Hoh, hoh hoh. "Maria wants to become a grand piano."
Maria nods. I nod back at her. We both give Meiling some reassuring nods.
...After some quiet, Maria interjects! "I- I don't even know... what to say to that."
Meiling grins! "Alright. You and Genkan play nice now, Brad. This ain't a love hotel."
...fwii~sh. Genkan gently blows some flakes at Meiling with her arms, before advancing ahead of us! "Hehehe." Meiling chuckles it off!
Alright. We're headin' on down to the library, son.
I start on' runnin'! Leaping, I clear all the front steps, and bolt on up to the front door-
BAM- clack! First, I kick it.
My gravity boots click on at the same time-
Voom! Oh fuck- they push me-
pap! Genkan catches me. I used my gravity boots to propel the front door open, but almost did a backflip onto my skull in the process!
"Oo- oh." Maria jerks her head back! "You almost freaking killed yourself."
"Don't die." Genkan cautions me! "I won't be able to pick outside-style furniture without you." Yeah man yeehaw!
"Ehe- heheh." Well, the door's open, and that's the most formidable part of getting inside, so…!
After sheepishly lettin' the cute girls mosey on inside first, I run in place behind them!
Eventually, once we're in the lobby, Genkan and Maria pause.
Clackclackclackclacklclackclack! I'm still stomping at hyperspeed in place behind them, as if trying to pass!
Genkan notices the commotion and fully turns to me. "Stop moving around so much." What, no. "I'll make sure you don't move around again." Uh oh.
Genkan gently picks me up. Wh- oh.
Tucking my waist under her right arm, she begins to drift along. "Let's go, Maria."
Maria snorts! "Oo- oh. Okay…"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
The fairies all seem relaxed today. It seems like their moods changed a little with the super calm weather. We didn't get harassed or flambeyed on the way to the library, or anything.
We were however followed. Koi, the orange-haired shortie maid, is just kinda passively following behind us…
Wait- there's a few more than her! There's some freakin'... random assortment of maids behind us!
"What." I turn around, now that Genkan has set me down after my time-out. "Shoo. Get, get…"
Koi smiles at me! "...I know you guys aren't big on threesomes, but-"
"Don't make us toss you away." Genkan does not hesitate to aggress the fairy folk.
"Okay- sorry!" Koi holds her hands up negotiatively! "But, um… I- I really wanna hang out with you guys!"
The other fairies look like wandering fluffles, staring at us expectantly, with varying degrees of boredom and restlessness…!
"And you like, own Komi-chan now." Koi brings that up…! "So like-"
I turn away! "Nope! I'm not running a fairy horde!"
"Aw, come on!" Koi tries to get closer, but Genkan just- reaches down and pushes back on Koi's forehead, stopping her progress. "Brett! We can like, do things for you and your girlfriend!"
"His name's Brad." Genkan counters!
"Whatever, same difference." Pft…!
Koi tries again, only for Genkan to push back on her forehead again. "You can touch my boobs! We'll even give you candy!"
Maria chuckles quietly, looking somewhat encumbered. "What's with the fairies today…?"
Genkan gets closer to me! "Brad, what did you do? Candy is quite precious to fairies. To have them say they'd give you candy, you've truly enamored them…"
Something something gift of the fairies. Freakin' fairies, dude.
Anyway! I turn around an' face Koi. "I can touch Genkan's boobs already, and they're bigger."
Actually, are they? ...Yeah. See, Koi's are big for her frame, but she's a shortstack. Genkan's are above average, but there's a whole lot more a' her lemme tell ya.
Also, we got that bra that makes Genkan's just bigger without contest!
"Fph- uu-" Koi's genuinely offended oh god! "You stupid jerk!"
One of the fairies in the small horde spoke up. "Koi-chan's getting a taste of her own medicine…" You know, I bet. Koi's got some real bahongaladongas compared to the average around here!
Koi pivoted around! "And you guys shut up! I'll blow you away!"
Ha-chan interjects! "Guys. No. Stop fighting…"
She floats up between the two sides, peaceful and well-intentioned.
...After looking like an angel for a moment, Ha-chan speaks words of wisdom. "Everyone has boobs." You know, Ha-chan's also got like, average-ish boobs. I dunno if they're on par with Koi's or what, I haven't checked too closely!
I start moving- actually, me and the others all start moving at the same time!
"Let's just- go." Maria beckons us!
Genkan snorts! "Agreed."
Koi runs after us! "Maria! Hey- at least- ah-...!"
Ha-chan elects herself to be the distraction! "Koi-chan. We haven't played with the safety rails for a long time…" You guys did what.
"What…?" Even Koi's confused! "You- don't you start talking to me like that again-"
"I'm so glad you're not being mean anymore!" Ha-chan suddenly scoops her up into a hug!
"Let me go! Wh- aah!"
clack. Genkan gently shuts the library doors behind us.
...When we both pause to stare her down, she gives us a gentle neutral expression in return. "We escaped." Aw yeah.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Maria somehow just knows the way to Patchy. Maybe she can read magical signatures in a way me and Genkan just don't care to look for.
My objective, however… is to kick Koakuma's ass. I mean- I think we've kinda-sorta done so with Genkan's magic and my status dart shenanigans, but I haven't ever really come close to just… doing it, with a good ol' cast-iron.
The first time me and her tangled, man, we really tangled! The only reason me and Koakuma didn't fuck was basically Flandre…!
Not that anything would've necessarily been lost if Koakuma wasn't planning to murder me, but that woulda been stupidly awkward, especially now!
"I see you've all chosen to come back right after our Christmas break."
Patchy speaks up from this desk she's seated at. We're at the far left wall of the library, fer some reason.
"What brings you three here, on this twenty-nineth of December?" Patchy looks real snug. Chillin' all out, man.
"Maria wants to learn magic." Genkan has arbitrarily become the arbitrator! "...And, Brad was bored, I assume."
"Yeah man!" Yeehaw.
"Do the three of you always have to travel in a pack?" Patchy questions the premise! "Or is there something more to you that I don't know about…?"
Maria chuckles! "Well, I was taking the time to practice my magic, and Brad visits here often enough. I figure I got less chance of being jumped and eaten if Brad's around."
...Patchy gives me a dubious look! "I find that extremely hard to believe, but if it comforts you, I can't complain."
Patchy's desk is still done up with some soft Christmas lights. Yeah man, it's still Christmas in our hearts!
Click. Click. Ohp. That's Koakuma's heels.
Me and Maria both look at her as she comes up behind us.
"Okay, look." Koakuma has a santa hat on, and a big ol' grin.
She wraps an arm around me and Maria, which is hard because we're pretty different heights!
"Unpopular opinion: you two would make a cute couple." Koakuma's brought this up before, I'm pretty sure!
Genkan approaches. "Those are the words of someone who will not survive this winter."
Koakuma chuckles! "So? Why not make like one of those dumb harem manga? Everyone fucks, everyone wins."
Maria has her nose plugged, to resist the horny experimental internet gas that is Koakuma's scent. "Um. No thanks." Her voice is really weird when it's nasally, holy shit!
Koakuma lets go of us, letting her scent fan out. "Oh well. Christmas kisses, anyone? How about you, Brad?"
"You deserve only a plastic flip-flop." Man I wish I had a plastic flip-flop to give her…! "You can kiss the sole a' my shoe!"
"Pfft." Koakuma grins back! "Maybe I would, if you weren't wearing your-... whatever those are." I can't believe anti-gravity boots aren't in style. "Or that kimono. And what the hell's with the crown? Yuck."
Genkan snorts again. "You speak as if Brad has ever worn something a human being would wear."
Koakuma gains a smarmy look. "You know, you ain't wrong. Do you-"
"Koakuma." Patchy interrupts! "They're not here for your life advice."
Koakuma clicks her tongue. "Well, Maria here ain't. I can shmooze Brad's honeybun over here all I want."
Genkan looks as apathetic to these things as usual. "You will pass away in the evening." Despite her apathy, her venom really comes through in her phrases…!
Koakuma actually lets her brows curl up at that! "That's pretty mean to say…"
Wait. Aw-
"Also. Brad…" Patchy speaks up! "Here."
thump. What. A cardboard box just drops from the air next to her. Is- is it empty?
"Stop sending your latent summon requests to me. The box is finally done." Oh wait- this is my capturing box! "A factory was placed in your bag, so you may create as many of these boxes as you want. Be aware, unlike your stupid blocks, these will dispell after you make five or so of them." Oh.
I make a block in the palm a' my left hand. "Oh, right. I could do that."
...Patchy gives me the flattest look! "Amazing."
Wait, hold on. Oh shit. "Is Mario still here…?"
...Patchy blinks. "What?" She didn't parse what I said!
"Mario!" Who's never heard of the famous Super Mario brother!? "Mario Mario! Of the Mushroom Kingdom!"
"...Marisa is not here today, no." Pfft.
"I mean the fat plumber wit' the M on his hat! Dressed in red!" That guy! "I know he was here!"
"...Oh." Patchy snorts, and nods plainly. "Yes. Somehow. He keeps coming back here once in a while. He doesn't seem to do any harm, most of the time. No one can talk with him, and the border of translation doesn't seem to work on him." Oh no.
I can't believe we're not gonna get the epic Super Mario Bros fanfiction dialogue with him. "How'm I gonna write edgy Mario Party teenage rave smut fanfiction now…?"
Patchy nods once. "I'm going to pretend you never said that." Wahaha! "He's in the library right now, if you were wondering."
Oh shit! Duuude! Man- ooh…
"I'm surprised he hasn't gotten murdered yet!" In all honesty!
"Not for a lack of trying." Patchy notes. Wait, wat.
"Tries from who? Who tried…!?" How many enemies does Mario have!?
"Sakuya. Flandre. Remi." Holy fuck. What. "Even if he can't fight back, he's quite durable, and also very evasive. Somehow, Meiling determined he was a skilled martial artist, of some kind. Of no earthly style, to be certain."
I can't believe Mario's a fuckin' space alien even by Touhou standards.
Man, today's shitlist is piling higher. Now it's got two people on it. Koakuma, and then Mario! But, uh, I think I'm gonna need the full party to even think of approaching Mario…
"Really…?" Maria's kinda surprised! "He didn't seem all that strong…"
Patchy snorts. "Never think that before you go into a fight."
Maria smiled awkwardly. "Ye- yeah, I guess not…"
I start runnin' off! "I'm gonna go pinpoint where Mario is!"
Everyone just lets me meander on off into the shelves, yeah let's go!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
I think I am now hopelessly lost somewhere in the midst of the library. Nothin' but dusty ol' books for miles, man. Or, well, meters. Place's huge, but it ain't that huge!
Also, shit, Patchy really does dehumidify the fuck outta the place. When I flipped between my kimono and some other outfit, this place is ice cold.
As such, I'm rockin' the kimono right now! Along with my crown wreath thing, and my boots. These gravity boots are honestly too useful!
...It's like I'm playing Terraria! Man, the day I can do this boot shit without the boots, I'll be some kinda freak.
"That Mario thing isn't over here, by the way."
Oh, speak of the devil!
Koakuma strolls out from around a shelf before me! "...Lady Patchy sent me. You know, so you don't get entirely lost."
I had a feeling she'd catch up wit' me. Woulda been hilariously awkward if she just didn't and I went on to spend two hours being bored around some bookshelves like an asshole!
It's been like, thirty minutes-ish. Some time ta work out my game plan, think over shit…
"Ouh." I act disappointed that Mario Mario is not in the center of the library here. "Dang."
...Koakuma snorts a li'l! "Dang?"
"Doggone, man."
...After a few moments, Koakuma finds herself a big smile. "You're incredibly bored, aren't you?"
"Nah." Less than you'd think! "Just reminiscing."
She snorts! "Oh? ...Oh. I see."
She takes a few steps closer. I take a few back!
She stops! "Aww. I thought I sensed something from you. You're thinking about me. That much is certain."
She steps up way faster- practically not using the floor at all. She's almost close enough fer our chests to touch.
"Having second thoughts?" She locks her eyes with mine. "If we say it's rape, Genkan won't mind. She loves you too much for that."
"Heh." Man. "I forget. Why are you so desperate?"
"Rude." Koakuma leans back, and folds her arms! "Ugh. I'm done playing hard-to-get with you, you know."
"No, really!" I'm curious! "It's been awhile, and some days yer more uppity than others!"
Koakuma gauges my relative seriousness! "...Hmm. Because, you're my type. It's that simple. Your snowy girlfriend is my type too. Well… I guess I have many types. But you're my type, and you're a guy. In Gensokyo, that's actually sort of rare."
"Rare?" I dunno 'bout that…
"Do I need to remind you?" Koakuma put her arms on her hips. "Your mind is sexy. I love bitchy people. People with a lot of problems, cynical in just the right way."
Daah. "Who, me…!?"
"Yes, you, stupid." Koakuma said that affectionately and I don't like that! "Don't you remember? Your life on the outside. Constantly stressed, constantly thinking about every little piece of your future, and why it ailed you…
"I'll never forget that glimpse of you I saw."
Aah. Right. She jumped into my mind to try and mindfuck me, back then! By back then, I mean basically when I first arrived!
She saw basically everything, through a realistic-ass dream. Had me fooled fer a hot minute… 'till I saw my computer and a logic paradox made me realize I was a dreamin' boy.
Or, uh, to put it in plain English: she tried to dream-rape me, and it failed!
"Y'know, if you approached me like this earlier, y'mighta had a shot!" I admi~t…
Koakuma laid her arms on my shoulders.
"You might not have the same problems anymore, and you might have Genkan there to shoulder all your woes…" Koakuma licked her ruby-red lips. "But, even if it's just once…
"Can I have a taste?" Koakuma asked. "Can't we pretend, for just an hour?"
She presses her nose against the side of mine. "You can try it before you buy it. I see that look in your eye."
Eye… ah.
Before she steals a kiss, I press my hand against her lips, and push her the fuck away.
My vision spins for a moment once I break eye-contact with her. Now that my focus on her is broken, her irises are visibly a vibrant purple, casting a dim glow on the shelves around us with their ferocity.
Her spade-tipped tail's wagging around. She doesn't rebuke or yell back or anything after I push her away.
"Please," she sighs, "just, tell me. Yes... or no."
"Y'know, maybe you coulda been way more amicable earlier." I bring this up again!
Koakuma presses both of her index fingers together, at the tips. "I didn't think I had to be articulate with a man who wanted to live fast, the way you did. And you were a virgin! We would have had plenty of time for pillow talk. Honestly, sex is the best way to break the ice with someone. You'll know pretty quickly after if they're the one for you, or just some cheap fuck."
Maybe that's true for a succubus, but not exactly for a human!
"I'll tell ya what…" However…
It's time fer me ta pull… lemme just blow into my hands, rub 'em together a li'l bit… what we might call, a pro gamer move!
"One last duel. Winner takes all." I hold up a finger, pointin' at her. "If you win, you get to fuck me. Hell, I'll fuck you."
Koakuma's mouth hangs open, and instead a' pressin' her fingers together, she presses both palms together.
"But if I win," I wave that finger around, "you're gonna owe me a favor. And it pro'lly won't be a sexual one, I'll tell ya that much!"
S'a real power move, innit!? I'm placin' some shit on the line here. Stakes.
"...Brad." Koakuma speaks my name, face red, leering. "I hope you realize… you're a human. I'm a devil. I may be little for a devil, but a devil is what I am. If we actually have this duel… your love will be mine."
Grinning myself, I hold out my hand. "Let's shake. It'll be a deal."
"Cocky," Koakuma snorted. "Dealing with a devil…"
Koakuma's smooth, porcelain palm meets my hand, and we shake on it.
"To the beginning of a blooming passion," Koakuma's eyes are locked on mine, "and a beautiful relationship."
Hoh. "Yeah, a beautiful friendship!" Get friendzoned, nerd…!
"Heh." Koakuma beamed. "I might not take your soul, but your love is the next best thing. Some might even say they're the same."
Oh, fuck- that reminds me of a corny thing I thought up while me and Genkan were getting freaky. "I've sold my soul to the snow."
"Not if this deal has anything to say about it."
...Oh.
A heart-shaped crest forms on the back of my hand.
Koakuma opened her mouth. Two tongues- or one forked tongue- briefly flicked out between her lips, as if to tease me. "I sure feel bad for Genkan. Having to bet on you finding a way outta this one."
Koakuma lets go of my hand. Both of our hands have the heart mark on them.
"On five. Okay?" Koakuma smiles wide. Her black wings spread out, and her eyes glow.
"Yeah…"
We step back a few meters, making a little room. Ten or so meters apart…
Koakuma counts down. "One. Two. Three. Four."
...Koakuma inhaled. I exhaled.
"Five."
WOOSH. Koakuma comes right at me.
"Be my boyfriend!"
POMF! I thrust myself straight between her breasts, hugging my arms around her. Air presses out of her suit, the heavy, intoxicating scent of vanilla rushing around me.
"He- hehehe!" She embraces my upper back. "Yeah!" She raises her legs, floating into the air as if to cling onto me.
Crouching down, butting my head into her stomach, I grapple under her knees with my hug.
Click! I flick my gravity boots on- and try to jump back at the same time.
WHUMP! Koakuma's legs are thrown out from under her. She lands on her ass, and I elude her arms. "Whoa-"
My heels project me backwards and into the air.
click! Mid-air, I disable my left boot, and fold my right leg towards my butt.
This starts rolling me into a forward flip- oh fuck it's taking me closer to the ground than I thought holy shit-
PAP! Mid-forward flip, I try and ram my arms against Koakuma's waist- but instead my head just kinda eats her soft belly instead! "Ohf-"
"Ouh-" Koakuma giggles! "Wh- hehat- the fuck-"
Once I finish my flip, I'm right in the air… over her head.
My right boot disables too; both are no longer on.
Both heels together-
BAM- CRUNCH! I straighten my entire body out as my feet meet her face, metal gravity boots ramming down with all hundred-twenty pounds of my body onto her nose.
"Mnnnghk!" Koakuma's arms flop around, before moving to grab my legs.
click- Woosh! Activating my boots again, I take the fuck off…!
The anti-gravity expels the blood from Koakuma's nose.
"Yhou-" Ooh- did I break her nose!? Holy fuck! "Skhinny lhittle- MOTHERFUCKER!" Oh god!
Koakuma propels herself off the floor, her wings now vibrant, glowing bright pink.
FWAAM! Purple magic is unleashed from her with such ferocity- that it pushes me back in mid-air…
That wasn't an attack- that was her getting serious. Oh fuck…!
Arms held out, wings now each wider than the thin part of the shelves, Koakuma glares down at me with solid purple eyes.
"If you want to play," oh god her voice is in stereo- "we can play."
What do I do next? Right- I should-
Koakuma's right hand glows with electric power. Her nails extend, becoming bands of light.
Woosh! I leap on over 'em-
FWAMFWAMFWAMFWAMFWAMFWAM! The bands weren't the attack- they were a telegraph for a sheer tidal wave of purple orbs holy fuck-
I've already used up three jumps- but I've got one more to dodge this shit-
click! Clicking on my boots- I curl up into a ball and explode my body on out with my final jump.
Lookin' like a sky star- twirling with all limbs spread- I glide on over the fuckin' ass fuck wave! "Hoo-"
Thud! Ow. I bounce off the ground on my side, and end up on my knees. "Fuck-"
"I have to confess." Koakuma landed before me, walking menacingly towards me…! "The kinkiest thing- ever-... is a snuggle with a struggle."
PAP. Koakuma grips my head with her smooth hand.
Ow- ow ow ow ow holy fuck ow. She holds me up by my head itself- fuck my neck ow…!
"Cry uncle, honey." Koakuma can feel my pain. "The pain will stop faster."
"You know-..." I speak, fighting the pain. "Me- gh- and Genkan- like to pretend some kinky shit too, these days!" It's surprising how we-
ZAPZAPZAPZAPZAP! FUCK- FUCK! FUCK- OW!
"Hehehehaha!" Koakuma fucking tazed the fuck out of me holy fucking shit! "I'm sorry. Did that hurt?"
Wait. Lightning-
Fwi- Click! Closing my eyes, I switch outfits.
"Aa-" Koakuma's hand is repelled by my new headgear.
Thud! I land on my ass- in my spaceman suit! Electricity resistance, son!
Koakuma flares both arms out. "Hahahaha~!"
FWAMFWAMFWAMFWAMFWAMFWAM! Holy fuck why is all her danmaku so fat holy mother a' fuck-
Fwoash- Fwoash, Fwoash! But, when I'm struck, instead of taking absurd damage, I heal. Oh. Ooh… oh, holy fuck. Dude. All her danmaku- was lightning elemental…!
Fwi- Click! I summon One Million Revenants, and leap at her.
"Hoiyaa~!" Remembering some stupid shit Meiling showed of the other day, I hold onto my nunchuck-hanger's actual solid part, and barrel roll through the air at Koakuma!
Koakuma jerks her head back, and brings up her arms!
WHAP- WHAP- WHAP- WHAP- WHAP! The second, ethereal end of the holy-lightning nunchuck hanger amalgam rams against her arms with every revolution of my body.
It's so much, she starts moving away from the impacts, to avoid the pain.
Fwoash! My space suit casts zero gravity on the both of us while I'm in mid-air.
Woosh! Activating my boots while sideways in the air launches me in a direction, and I spin wildly away from Koakuma.
Koakuma grabs me, in mid-fucking-air, by my shoulders.
"Fuck- you!" She flips backwards, and throws me head-first at the floor.
dink! Zero gravity means fall damage and impacts just aren't a thing anymore, so I just kinda… bounce off the carpet, and drift upwards, upside down. Holy fuck…
Koakuma fucking appears before me, standing upright.
Grabbing me, rotating me around, she bends backwards-
BAM- CRACK! Oh- GOD- fucking-... owww! She fucking- suplexed me- holy shit… aa- and the way my back bent- couldn't be excused by no-grav…
"Oouh-" When she lets go of me- I fuckin'- spasm across the hallway floor, onto my knees-
crack! Ooh, my achin' back. Fuck me…
fwish. Koakuma appears before me. "Lose~r." She leans forward, and kisses my spaceman helmet.
ZAPZAPZAP- Fwoash! Oh. She intended to zap me with the kiss, but I healed from it instead. She jerked her head back, surprised again. Does she just not get it yet…!?
Fwi- Click. With One Million Revenants still held, I summon the Bawmber in my other hand. "Aah, shit! Wrong weapon!"
"Hah?" Koakuma chuckled a little at that! "You fucking idiot. Even in a moment like this-"
I toss the Bawmber behind me.
KABOOM! It explodes along my ass- and sends me flying straight at her.
Holding Revenants tight mid-flight, I punch right for her core.
WHOOM- KRACK!My entire body's weight is packed behind a guaranteed critical hit from Revenants, right into her squishy fuckin' gut.
"Oouh!" She makes a very similar sound to the one I did, and goes fuckin' flying back!
Thud- thud! She flops onto her back, then rolls onto her stomach, before using her heels to dig into the carpet.
I don't think she's gonna be happy. Up until now she's used magic, but-
Wait…
You know what saved me from gettin' raped the very first time I visited the mansion?
Fwi- Click. I draw London's Cross from the recesses of time, space, and my mind!
"London!" Help me out here! "Kinda need-"
FWIKRAKROOM! Koakuma is on me light bolt of fucking lightning. She tackles me right in the gut, gripping my legs the same way I took her down at the start of the fight.
Except, instead of just tossing me on my ass- she tackles me into oblivion.
SKRIIISH! We slide along the floor for three shelves. That's like, forty meters. Fucking- thank you, space suit. That would've hurt like hell otherwise!
fwoash. I heal very slightly from the mere static friction!
FWISH! Oh- shit! Koakuma twists my helmet off and discards it!
I prepare to be kissed, or licked, or for her tail to kiss my lips or something.
WHA- CRACK! No, she just plows her left arm into my face.
"Aa-" Oo- ow…
WHA- CRACK! I- can't take many more of this, holy fuck she's strong.
WHA- CRACK! "St- aa-" I'm actually crying it hurts so much-
WHA- CRACK! Damn it-
PATATATATAT! Oh- yellow diamond danmaku comes from somewhere-
SHING- SHINK! London stabs her spear into Koakuma from the side.
...Koakuma stops pounding me, and exhales. "Get- your tinkertoy- BULLSHIT- out of here!"
WHAM- KABOOM! She kills London with a single swipe of her arm, just annihilating her. Holy fuck-
Fwi- Click! In panic, I summon Deep Blue and expel water!
fzzzt! The water flares all over both of us.
ZAPZAPZAP- Fwoash! Fwoash! Fwoash! Oo- oh, Koakuma charged the water with electricity, and uh, free health. Thank- fucking- god.
Koakuma gets off of me. "You're-... actually- really- fucking annoying."
The Bawmber is on the floor nearby- it got scooped along with us when Koakuma fuckin' tackled me earlier. Revenants is on the floor near me-...
I haven't healed much. Fuck- my neck.
Cla- clack. Abandoning Deep Blue, I clutch Revenants an' Bawmber.
Koakuma is before me.
WHAKRACK! She thrusts a heel-tipped kick into my gut, and I fuckin' crumple, ragdolling away! Ahaha- ow…!
While I'm on the ground-
WHAM! She punts me- and I really go rolling!
"He- hehehe…" She crackles with electricity as she power-walks closer as a follow-up. "It doesn't have to- be- like this."
Fighting off the floor, I grin at her, both hangers held. "Ko- kgh- Koakuma…"
Koakuma's in my face, a palm placed onto said face of mine. "Don't worry. I'll say sorry to Genkan for you." I can see the heart crest underneath her palm- holy shit-
Kneeling down, I feel my gravity boots flick on- and-
THUNK! Activating all my jumps at once, I uppercut Koakuma with the Bawmber as she pushes against me.
KABOOM! We explode!
THUD! My heels hit the floor, and I take right the hell off again-
THUNK- KABOOM- BOOM! I land another uppercut against Koakuma's jaw- along with a recursive impact, two blasts giving us both true hell.
THUD! My legs buckle as I bounce off the floor, but the mixed gravity signals of my rolling, powerless ankles still send me up- and I can still do my magic hops…
Thunk- KABOOM! I land a third uppercut on Koakuma's limp form in the air overhead.
Alright- I still have air time- but not a lot- and-
No time to think- just do it-
"Haah!" I do a barrel roll while in the air next to her, and poke One Million Revenants out so it flails around with my rolling-
WHAP- WHAP- WHAP- WHAP- WHAP! Thanks to the boots and their strangeness, and the fuckin' rolling motion- each impact on Koakuma keeps me more in the air than her, and she's sent as a crumpled mess towards the floor.
Fwi- Click! I de-summon Revenants and instead bring out the fuckin'- yin-yang flail. Uuh-
As I fall right for the carpeted floor-
Twang! Ooh- the yin-yang flail pulls me- and I accidentally let go of the Bawmber oh shit-
Woosh- thunk! Accidentally propelling myself underneath the orb before it hit the floor, it actually hits the floor and I fly way over it-
KABOOM! Ow! Bawmber hit the floor- and I was sent flying.
Skating around the air in my boots, I strafe back around...
"Hiyaa~!" I barrel-roll through the air again because this is pretty reliable. Using Revenants as a nunchuck for rapid damage is really good!
Wait. Critical hits while blast-jumping-
WHAPAP- THUD- THUMP- WHABAM! I just realized what actual gold One Million Revenants is. Critical hit multi-hit midair bullshit.
"Aaa- aanh!" Koakuma wails, bouncing against the floor from each impact. "Fhuck- oaa-"
Hovering higher into the air off my boots, I summon what'll be my last scheduled attack…
Fwi- Click! Summoning the Red Scare, I curl up in the air.
FWASH- VHIR- VHIR- VHIR! Lighting it up with flame, I click my boots off, and let myself drop towards her.
As a spinning giant air wheel of flame, I descend on Koakuma as her wings flare and she pushes off the floor.
FWOOM- KRAKABOOM! A seismic blast of flame is unleashed on impact, scorching the shit out of us both.
"Nghk- aaaa~!" Koakuma screams.
thu- thud! I go rolling away-... ooh, right. I can't burn in my space suit. Fuck, thank you arbitrary burn resist…
Wait. Wait- shit, my hair! That's not burn resistant- oh fuck-
Fwi- Click! I summon- some of that water from my bag oh god Deep Blue's somewhere else.
Fwiii~sh. Oh, thank fuck. Still had some left-over water. Ooh, ho ho ho… but now I'm soggy.
"I-..." Koakuma shudders as she leans up from the floor, trying to sit up, before getting onto her side. Her wings've gone back to normal, but her eyes still glow fiercely. "There's- no way-..."
...I see the Bawmber on the floor.
As I strut towards it, I hold my arms out. "Wh- what…? Ya scared?" I grin like an asshole too!
Koakuma glares hard. Her anger lets her push back into standing. "He- hehe… confidence- is killer…"
Fwi- Click. As I hold up the Bawmber, I draw Fallen Comrade.
Channeling its energy into myself, reinforcing what little remaining strength I got worth multiplying, I exhale. My legs are all shaky, my arms hardly able to hold each fuckin' hanger…
Koakuma beamed. "You're-... you can't take much more shit. You're mine…"
"I- could say the- same thing…!" I'm way more winded than she is, somehow…
Fwi- Click! I replace Bawmber with Revenants. The haste from being on my last legs-... I could sure use that!
Koakuma beams. I beam like an asshole right back…!
CRACK. CRACK. Her dress heels break the fuck off, as she digs her shoes into the carpet, tearing it up in the process. Electricity forms a storm all around her…
I press my gravity boots into the carpet. Holding Fallen Comrade with both arms, I fuckin'- just, I stuff Revenants into my underwear!
...FWISH! I slide first-
FWIKRIK- KRAKOOM! Koakuma takes off towards me like lightning, her wings flaring white.
Fallen Comrade glares with red magic- and blue shit pierces from my own core-
SHUNK. SHUNK.
Koakuma stabs me in the stomach.
Fallen Comrade pierces her straight through the stomach with the scythe end.
Fwoash. But, Koakuma's ambient electricity gives me a jolt of clarity. Just a little more health...
...I stagger back, this hole in my chest… piercingly painful. Have I been stabbed-...? Yes, actually, nevermind, I vividly recall when Shimokoa stabbed me right through. It also hurt about this bad!
Koakuma drops onto her knees, then onto her face. "Uu-... uhf."
I drop onto my knees, holding my gut. "Ho- kaugh- cough…!" Fuck…
...Yeah. I'm not sure who won.
"Koa-..." Uuh. "Koak-...?" I can't even say her fuckin' name.
...Oh- god, Fallen Comrade is still poking through her. Uuh.
Quickly, I roll her over, and-
Shunk! I take Fallen Comrade outta her!
"Mmgh…" Ooh, good, she's fine.
...I stand again.
She met me with so much tackling force-... aah. This stab is painful, but Koakuma made sure to stop herself to stab me, and not to tackle me again.
That stab wound of her's, though… it's a lot meaner. Wait- that's why she stopped. She stopped because I fucking skewered her, and her pain receptors went off.
So, in the end, I really did stop her, all on my own…
I look at my arm; at my palm, where the heart crest is.
It's gone. And, I didn't lose, so…
"He-... hehe-..." I~ can't even grin that wide. It feels weird, after all of that. Too much… adrenaline.
kr- krack. God- was my neck that stiff? Fuck. "Sa-... sorry, Koakuma. Looks like I get away again."
...Aah.
Koakuma's crying from one eye. Well, good, 'cause I cried a little too. Not out of sorrow, mind you, out of sheer ouch factor. Seriously! Holy~ fuck.
"Ss-... so…" Koakuma held her stab wound. "Damn. I'm-... really-... really, outta practice…"
Pfteh. "Yeah-... that lightning shit- really didn't help you…"
Koakuma snorted. "Fuck instinct…" Oh? Ah. That's why she kept trying to shock me. Probably worked so well the first-... every other time it was used on someone who wasn't me.
She sits up, just a little.
Fuck. God-... ma- maybe I should be worried about this bleeding. Maybe it's potion time… of any time to use a potion, I think this is a good one.
"How-..." Koakuma gives me a really confused look. "How-... do you care about her this much?"
"Genkan?" I assume she means Genkan!
"Yes…" Koakuma shook her head! "Really. What the fuck. God…"
She flops onto her back again. "I- I guess… she can keep you. God… damn."
Yeehaw. "...Was all this worth it!?" I gotta ask!
She snorts! "Honestly? Yes. I-... I think I needed this."
What. "How."
She gives me a flat look from the floor! "For- one thing, I really have to work on my technique. For another… I- I mean, I lost. To some fucking-... stupid outsider. With stupid hair, and a stupid attitude-... and he's stupid. For all the things I know, and for all my appeal…"
"If I'm stupid-... what's that make you…!?" Yeah woohoo!
...Koakuma really thought on that shit! She just kinda vibed fer a moment.
"Weak," Koakuma supposed. "It makes me weak. If I weren't so weak, if I could cast magic half as efficiently as Lady Patchouli, I'd be the one with a mansion."
...Hmmh.
"I wouldn't say I was all that powerful." I argue!
"What's that make me? A fairy?" Koakuma grinned!
"Nah…" I sigh. I'm in pain. "I-..."
Is it power? Is it power to bring the right tools and ta use 'em? To abuse niche techniques to succeed? I'm not sure if I could call that power or strategy. Maybe luck, too!
"Fighting's kinda dumb." I decide. "If I got unlucky, this coulda gone so different…"
Koakuma's mouth hangs open. "You just now thought about that."
"Yeah. Just now…!" Woohoo!
"You're- such an idiot…"
...Right. Potion. Holy shit-
Fwish- fwash! Ohp- god- I got hit with ice magic, and my body partially froze! "Aa-"
Fwi- Click! I change into my kimono- and the ice flakes away-
Fwish- Fwoash! This time, when I get hit with ice magic, I actually heal!
Aw. "Hi, Genkan."
SLAP! You know, I probably deserved that.
Fwoash! Did I just fucking heal from getting slapped by Genkan?
She grabs onto my shoulders, and then-
"Mmh." Oh. Genkan smooches me, pulling me in. "Aah." She breaks the kiss after a really quick tongue moment, and as such we make a mess immediately. "Brad, you-..."
Uuh. "So~... how much didja see?"
A different but similarly monotone voice arrives. "All of it." Oh no. It's the Patch.
Patchy drifts down from above. Oh god. "We were watching through the crystal ball." Oh, right. I totally forgot she could do that! Oh fuck. Ooh my god. "Did you think I wouldn't see what happens within my own library? ...Were it not that, it would be the cacophony of explosions you both made in the process."
"Why?" Genkan asks me! "You-..." She folds open my kimono, and notices the blood on my stomach.
Fwoash- Fwoash, Fwoash. I start to feel better an' better as she just pumps ice magic into me.
"What you did was profoundly stupid." Genkan deduces! Pressing her forehead against mine, she continues. "What reason did you have? You had no need to do this."
I got to admit- my reasons are very me! On one level, this is the pay-off of all the heckling I've taken fer the past so-and-so… and on another, I just wanted to play some competitive Smash Brothers.
But-
Genkan interrupts my thinking. "I have to admit... I can't help but love you for it."
Genkan hugs me. "I'm confused." Oo- oh no.
Koakuma chips in from the floor. "Stupid-... is sexy."
...Genkan takes pause, staring down at her. She decides not ta say anything, and just returns to hugging me.
Admittedly, it was a little dumb and selfish of me to make some stakes for the sake of getting some action in. But… that's part a' the pain of getting power and stuff sometimes. S'not always a bundle a' roses; you get some fuckin' dandelions in there too, and it fucks the whole thing up.
With this practice, maybe when we meet an equally-if-not-more serious threat… I'll be freakin' ready. A bit more ready than I usually am!
Man. Even with my stab wound healed up, I'm fuckin' tired. "Oof."
"I appreciate you fighting for me." Genkan decides! "I could even say it's... sexy. Just, do not seek to find excuses to fight for me. You could have avoided this.
"It may pique my heart when you fight for us with your all, but I appreciate your company more than your protection. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
Yeah most definitely! "I mean-... Koa here made a good test. S'just- if I don't got stakes, I don't think I'd really fight other than to escape."
"A test of what?" Genkan questioned. "Skill? Courage?"
Hmm. A bit a' the ol' columns A and B. "Maybe skill!" I decide! "Pro'lly some courage even. Wanted to see how much damage I could do..."
Genkan furrowed her brows. "Do you not fight to escape?"
Well, "I do, but some fights ya can't run from."
...Genkan has nothing to say to that!
She puts her mouth against my kimono, along my shoulder, and speaks. "Next time, screen your demented ideas with me. You cannot be trusted with your own personal safety."
"Yeah- maybe not!" Yeah man!
God. Oof.
...I try to sit down- but Genkan just scoops me up instead.
"And now what will I do with you?" Genkan somehow looks more adoring than annoyed. "You're a lump."
"I'm a loaf."
"Same thing…"
Patchy's floating over Koakuma, looking casual. "I told you, you should have diversified your elements. You didn't listen."
"'Ca- 'cause when the fuck- would I ever fight a lightning mage…?" Koakuma asserts! "That wouldn't be stopped by you, Meiling, or me, throwing punches and kicks?"
Patchy stares into the sky. "Mmm. I guess you are more of a diplomat than a fighter."
"Tha- that's lover. The saying goes 'lover, not a fighter', not-... ugh…"
You know. "Patchy- why the fuck- no, why in the actual fuck does Koakuma have fucking Sith Jedi force lightning abilities." I just now made this connection.
Koakuma inhaled. "I~ didn't think about that before, but now I fucking hate you." Wahaha~!
"...I don't understand." Patchy hasn't consumed Star Wars but Koakuma has, apparently? What the fuck? You know what, I won't even question it… maybe they got their hands on the fuckin', Star Wars Japanese Translation from across the barrier or some shit, but Patchy was too busy.
"Yeah- you wouldn't, 'cause you don't read fun books." Koakuma counters! "How's that for unprepared?"
"I'm not the one who just lost a decisive encounter." Patchy shuts 'er down, dude. "...On that note, Brad is surprisingly vastly more competent than I gave him credit for."
Wait. "Didn't you lose to me once?" Just because I could fuckin' double jump ten years ago?
Patchy looks at me, then back at Koakuma. "I have scrubbed it from my memory. Cease your lies. It never happened. Burn the records."
...Koakuma has an easy smile. Wh- ah, right, youkai regen. Her wound's just gone, by now. Hot damn. "You think stupid's sexy too, don't you, Lady Patchouli?"
"The word you're looking for is 'charisma'." Patchy returns! "Often confused with incompetence, though both are tied to the idea of taking action confidently. I-"
"Quit worming yer way around it." Koakuma interrupts her! "Tell me. Did you think Brad was hot?"
"Broadly speaking, no." Patchy returns books to the return counter- by which I mean she returns a statement! "There were many factors at play which lead to my restlessness. Your antics included."
...Genkan considered this! "I wasn't attracted to Brad when I first met him."
Patchy snorts. "You thought he was food when you first met him."
Genkan concedes immediately! "Um. That is… true. Maybe not him, but… broadly speaking, yes."
Koakuma grins. "What, lady, you don't think Brad is just delectable? Look at him. Lying useless in his girlfriend's arms. Wouldn't you love to take him to your room, after the battle, and just- have your way with him?"
...Patchy's gaze is super flat. Ooh. "No. I'm not a pervert."
Koakuma furrowed her brows. "Fucking liar. I know you write smut in your room."
"Do not make me discipline you." Patchy threatens her familiar outright!
"Alright, sorry." Koakuma eases up… "Fine."
...Genkan speaks up! "Thanks for the idea." Yeah woohoo!
Patchy interjects! "It's a perverted idea. Are you a pervert?"
"Yes." Genkan's powerful, dude. "If the past week has been any indication, when it comes to my lover, I'm quite perverse."
"Fuck…" Koakuma bit her lower lip. "Look. Look. Can I at least watch?"
Confronted by the proposition, Genkan narrows her eyes. "...I don't know."
"You both know you can obviously kick my ass. Tie me to something if you have to." Koakuma bargains! "...Or something. I- I'd-... whatever. Please?"
I'm reminded of that time Genkan let Ha-chan watch. She thought we were wrestling. That was some real shit.
Koakuma perked up, finding an idea. "I can give you tips."
"Alright, I'll think about it…" Genkan was tempted by the idea!
Koakuma took pause. Then, she smiled. "You guys gonna do that right now?"
"Hmm. Maybe." Genkan looks down at me. "There wouldn't be any other time for this opportunity." Oh, you got no idea how often I'm gonna get wiped in the next few days. "So…"
Genkan starts to move! "Let's go, Brad. Somewhere within the mansion…"
Tagging along behind us, Koakuma holds her hands over her own heart. "Omigod, omigod…"
Patchy just numbly watches us go, vaguely mystified!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 115
NEW SKILLS (BRAD):
Revolver - In mid-air, Brad snaps into a barrel-roll, holding onto one half of his nunchucks of choice, letting the other half strike foes repeatedly. Deals impressive combo damage and can capitalize on already stressed foes, but leaves Brad very open afterwards.
Freakin' Impact - Using the Bawmber specifically to uppercut a foe, Brad uses the knockback to land many recursive blows. Hits 1-5 times. Brad takes half of his total damage as recoil; as such, the raw damage isn't high, but the knockback leaves the enemy open and staggered.
Crucial D'Effrayeur - A variant of the hell wheel finisher, only possible after being launched way up in the air, and if Brad restores his jumps with an object. Whirling down, Brad lands a critical hit with seismic impact, which amplifies on-hit effects.
Ascension Game - Brad summons the yin-yang orb gifted from Reimu while in mid-air. Its weight and the physics behind it allow him to break his fall, as well as restore his jumps.
The Plant Hanger - If a blast near Brad launches him, he may land a critical hit using One Million Revenants. Huge holy physical damage.
Sky Star - Mid-air evade which consumes a jump and sends Brad spinning away. Only possible with anti-gravity boots equipped.
i'm stuffing the inventory into the end of the next batch 'cause honestly if anything's getting cut for time constraints it's gonna be this inventory son yeehaw
I DON'T THINK ANYONE WILL BE SERIOUSLY AMISS...
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
a notably different sort of chapter where brad comes to grips with his lack of a coherent moveset
in which, he develops a different style of combat that better enables him to deal with uphill battles and boss-type foes by chaining together intricate combo attack that half rely on statistical advantage pressed at the right time, and half rely on physics prop bullshit to take control away from his enemies
the mostly great hanger-centric (or broadsword-focused) style of combat he's been largely developing most of this time didn't really take advantage of necessary agility, and while he has so many tools at his disposal to actually fight, there's only so far you can go by the merit of equipment benefits alone
like this, brad both maximizes synergistic equipment benefits while also keeping himself mobile as he needs to be, rather than grounded and waiting to guard- or outright eat- attacks
i had a longer spiel here about fighting autism but i think i'll save that thinking for another time; it was rambly and my informal tone here wouldn't be the best for organizing the information
ANYWAY…
yeah, another chapter where i couldn't necessarily force any absolutely hilarious moments by any means, just some little cute and fun exchanges like the usual
although in retrospect, this batch does have a good share of memorable funny moments overall, just nothing as commanding as the big miko blow-out of the christmas special
KOTOHIME IS QUITE THE DRUG MAN
although i do think it's notable that the pace isn't as slow and setting-focused as it has typically been, considering we've only been in or around the SDM itself for a fraction of each chapter of the batch where it pertains
even in mitigating the amount of character development autism that's going on, it was still pretty thick this batch
and y'know, if you think that's betraying from the core focus of FG, don't worry because i know and sometimes, for a story like this, individual character and emotional beats take a little time
lemme tell ya; we're 'boutta get onto some good shit!
yeehaw
this was a pretty fun chapter - w -
as always, see you all next time!
