Shikamaru knew he was the closest to understanding his best friend, acolyte, and fellow slacker. But he had a feeling he did not come close to deciphering the mystery that was Chouji Akimichi,
The fourteen-year-old was a fan of chips, specifically the chili flavored ones with the weird foreign name, and had seemingly decided to replace water with a ridiculously sugary soda that he could not, for the life of him, enjoy as the 'big boned' boy did.
The boy seemingly refused to wear whatever their parents deemed was appropriate ninja gear, opting instead for a pair of sweatpants, tongues, a fedora hat, and an undersized shirt that failed to contain his err- 'muscles'... yeah that.
But the worst part?
The Goddamn neckbeard.
All in all, Chouji was a sight to see and tended to keep to himself most of the time. But even then there were tons of questions that the Nara heir simply failed to answer.
From the advanced technology, only the Akimichi heir seemed to have access to, to his horrendous temper when it came to whoever these 'karma whores' were.
He didn't know, he'd never seen his friend so much as touch or talk to a girl, or female (the boy seemed keen on pretending Ino or his mother did not exist, claiming they were a product of a government conspiracy).
But that wasn't the most intriguing thing about the bigger boy, he was 'special', and Shikamaru was about to witness, once again, why.
They were currently in the preliminary rounds of the Chuunin Exam. After barely surviving the Forest of Death (no thanks to Chouji who had just continued munching on his never-ending chip supply on the way), the crazy proctor had told them there were simply 'too many of them' for the third part.
So this brought them to this moment.
Shikamaru didn't want to let his nervousness get to him, and opted to simply grip the railing in worry, while the rest of Team 10 seemed widely unconcerned.
He understood why that was.
Chouji was a monster.
The teen in question walked down in front of his opponent, a Genin from the Sound Village that looked like a Mummy trying for a career change.
Shikamaru snorted. No matter who it was, Genin, Jonin, hell the fucking Hokage…
No one beat Chouji.
"Hmph so, that's the best the Leaf has to offer? A trash scavenger?" the foreign Genin spoke condescendingly.
Chouji didn't reply to his taunt, he merely made like a Cow, and continued munching his food.
"Heh, nothing to say? Well, I'll make this quick!" the mummy seemed to take offense to being ignored and adjusted their weapon, taking a fighting pose.
The proctor, a sickly fellow with a forgettable face, drew down his hand and yelled "Hajime!".
Immediately, the Sound Genin dashed towards Chouji, raising his sound-making weapon to punch at the big-boned boy.
Chouji didn't react, even as a punch landed into his stomach and sent soundwaves coursing through his body.
"M-MASAKA!" the opponent realized this and with widened eyes jumped back to make some distance.
"How are you still standing?" he yelled in shock.
The Akimichi, for the first time in the last five days, stopped eating.
"What is it you son of a bitch? Answer me already! Are you so fat that sound can't pierce through all those lipids? What? Got nothing to say? Then again a fat fuck like yourself can barely read the number of calories on a can, much less form a good comeback."
The Fedora-wearing boy looked at the man with a pair of eyes that conveyed nothing but self-loathing and a hatred for all living things and opened his mouth.
The remnants of Team 10 simply took out umbrellas, much to the curiosity of everyone else.
"No u" the words were spoken softly, almost inaudibly.
Dosu Kinuta promptly exploded in a shower of gore, dousing everyone in the room in a red coat.
A/N: I have no words to explain myself.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, or just Happy Holidays!
