(in which we find a nestled fluff community)
Shimokoa is clad in a white kimono with very simple but sharp grey sakura flowers drawn on it.
"There." Genkan smiles, giving Shimokoa a peaceful look. "Now you're more beautiful."
"...So you say." Shimokoa looks up, as if trying to see her own tattered, burnt and charred hair.
We briefly stopped to buy her some clothing that was not disintemagrated. Y'know, she doesn't need to walk around half-naked and half-skinless…!
So, putting away the ship took like a million hours, by which I mean thirty minutes and a little highway baton-waving action, but we eventually got it done!
Tonight, we're goin' campin' wit' the scarlet sisters! Time to actually make good on that trip we planned a million years ago!
...Ooh. There's a fluffle hiding under a very small crawl space coincidentally made by stacked plywood. It's small but strong, dude. I wanna go over and obtain it…
But, when I get close, it hides away.
...With pursed lips, I crouch down and behold it!
Since it is a fluffle, I can reach in and acquire it-
fwish! Ooh! The snow fluff scuttles across the crevice and starts trying to tunnel its way out with its face!
Eventually, it escapes, and just- glides across the snow! Look at it go! Aw, oh…!
"My festive fluffle ran away." It's been unleashed into the world. To wreak havoc…!
It's gun metal grey out today. The snow's become some flurries, so it's not so hard to see the evening lights, or the distant, blue-grey sky.
"I think your boyfriend has acquired brain damage in the last fight." Remilia quips about my outburst! Her eyes glow in the gloom, dude...
Genkan holds her head higher. "Me too." Uh oh. Her eyes also glow a little! Not as piercingly… they're more gentle. An' snuggly.
Flandre finds a tilted smile. "My brain is damaged." Uh oh.
"If you say something like that again it will be damaged." Remi decides!
We meet on east mainstreet; the one facin' the Hakurei Shrine's path stuff and the lake.
"...It's been a month or three and we still haven't bought a tent." Remilia laments! "We should have brought Meiling."
"Hey, Brad!" Flandre scoots closer to me on the road! "Have you and Genkan ever built an igloo!?"
Damn- I didn't even think of that! "Shit, we haven't!" Ironically the most ice construction we've done is that bridge, Genkan's cave and-... that time I fixed Marisa's house! Also, oh shit, Marisa's gonna become- gonna embody anger, when she finds out about her house later.
"...An igloo, huh?" Genkan is receptive to the idea. "That might be a fun project."
Maria gives the evening air the spaciest look possible. It is a good evening for that. We're also freakin' munted, because we fought Shimokoa for two goddamn hours.
"Hmmnn~..." Ha-chan hums anxiously, sprinting in place out of what I'm sure is sheer boredom.
Oh, right! "Shimokoa- didn't you have a friend y'said you could bring?" I'm actually curious about who the heck it could be!
"Oh…" Shimokoa feels at her new kimono. "Um. Right. ...I could go get them."
Aw, yeah man. "Yeah dude! We gotta see 'em, dude." Maybe this'll make her more comfy!
"...I'll be back." She starts to move.
Genkan looks slightly uneasy, but eases up after a moment. Honh...
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Instantly, the party comp becomes ten times as schizophrenic, because the 'friend' she brought is actually some-... rando? Wait, oh fuck.
"...What is this?" It's that fuckin' cow guy from the Golden Grin, that Orato guy. "Who even…!?"
"Wha-... what?" She doesn't intuitively understand my question!
"Who is he?" I refuse to believe he is your friend.
"My friend." You're lying!
"I- I refuse to believe this guy is your friend!" I'm gonna put that out there too!
"He's not." Wait- shit, she was lying! "...Earlier, um, I decided it would be in my interest to have an impartial witness." Www- what!
"...Did I just sign up for something fucked up?" Orato looks between all of us with folded arms! "Because I only do certain kinds of fucked up."
"You really had to invite a cow." Remilia snarks about the scenario…! "You, plain and simple, have invited a cow to our camping trip."
Flandre hatches a stupid smile! "She- she's really having a cow, Remi!"
...Remilia just kinda nods a bunch! "Flandre-... nnh. You know what, I'm just not going to say anything."
"You just said something."
"That doesn't count."
"Yes~, it does."
Orato huffed. "If this is babysitting in disguise, I am not going to be happy with any of you."
Shimokoa tries to talk him down! "We're coworkers. If you can't do this for me, I can't do anything for you."
Maria sighs. "What is even going on?"
Aw, yeah man. "Why don't we just- invite the entire town while we're at it? Pick up Sekibanki and freakin' the entire instrument brigade, we'll have our own party that lasts all the way through new years!"
"Please, don't do that." Genkan makes a small request! "This has already gotten out of hand…"
Despite my best efforts the party size has become like, XCOM squadron size. So why not double down!? Let's just build an army! Can't get fucked by Shimokoa 4 if we have Shimokoa 3 on the team as well as half the entire cast of relevant characters!
...Actually, no, this is Gensokyo. If I brought half the relevant cast, that'd be at least eighty people. If everyone needed one paragraph to talk, can you imagine how many pages everyone talking simultaneously would take up? More than ten, probably!
Like, let's count. Me, Genkan, Maria, Ha-chan, Remilia, Flandre, Shimokoa, Orato. I- I thought I was joking when I said eight people, but this is literally… eight entire people.
We cannot speak of any single focused topic either because everyone wants to talk about their own shit!
Flandre is a fluffle. "Remi, you shoulda worn your sexy dress."
"I don't have any sexy dresses."
"What!? Wha- no, you're literally lying!"
"None that should be sexy to you, at any rate."
Orato interjects. "If it's anything to you, I find her sexy."
...Both vampires give 'em a slightly disdainful, disgusted stare. He smirks at them. "Don't be that way." He doubles down!
"Creepy." Flandre moves closer to Remi! "And this is the guy she brought to keep checks on Brad? Brad's gonna have to keep checks on him at this rate…"
Remilia snorts! "Fu? Indeed. What were you thinking? Bringing this raging cow out from the clubs?"
Shimokoa folds her arms. "I had figured a beast would know a beast."
...I kinda purse my lips! "I will devour you whole like beast…!" Why's she keep calling me an animal!?
Genkan takes a breath, and just lets it out. "My boyfriend isn't that awful. He's only a beast sometimes."
"Sometimes?" Shimokoa would like to know your location!
"A fluffle is a wild animal." This statement is factually incorrect, but no one will question me anyway! "What makes me a beast!?"
"You're violent." Shimokoa begins! "You're a human."
"He's only somewhat violent. No more than us. He's peace-loving." Genkan is peace-loving, dude. "But, he's assertive."
"Mmm." Remi nods, butting in! "That's it, isn't it? You both like your men mildly assertive."
Shimokoa bristles! Genkan gives Remi a disdainful look, an' also speaks. "For- forgive my attitude, but… that doesn't summarize my feelings."
"Yes, but what will? Let's face it, we're talking romance. Romance doesn't always have to make sense." Remilia waved the whole topic off! "Whatever fills your heart and makes you wet."
Flandre chuckles! "Oh- oh my, Remi. Wow~."
Orato nods. "Well said."
Remilia looks at me. "Brad, kill this cow. Let them eat beef."
Flan corrects 'er! "It's- it's 'let them eat cake', Remi."
...Remi gives 'er a look! "I- I know. Isn't that a variant in some book or show or something? Let them eat beef?"
Also! "Why's it my job!?" I wanna know!
Remilia snorts! "Oh? Well, you seemed quite capable earlier. If a magician-addled snow woman isn't too much for you, you should be able to kill a cow the old-fashioned way with ease."
I can't get over how Orato is like eight feet tall for no goddamn good reason. For reference- that's two heads taller than me. I am huge compared to the average Gensokyo citizen. He's a fuckin' genetic freak! ...Perhaps literally since he's a youkai!
"What did I do?" Orato is slightly incredulous! "Women like you are why incels are a growing trend on the outside." What the fuck- how do you know this? What the fuck's an incel?
Remi looks equally confounded. "What in blazes is an incel?"
Orato holds up a big-ass finger. Yoai hands! Fuckhands McMike over here! "Involuntary celibate. When a man has no sex not of his own volition, but because the human female populace of the outside was too cruel. Never given a chance. He scorns the female populace. It was never his decision to not gain sexual experience."
Remilia sighs. "Oh, what logical backwash."
Orato chuckles at her! Man- the height disparity between Remi and fuckhands over here is huge. "Ee- excuse me?"
"Getting laid isn't hard." Remilia waves her hand. "You just have to keep trying. Going into it with a defeated mindset means you've already lost. It's not involuntary, such men are simply losers. If they can't read other people, they're doomed. It's not complicated."
...That said, Remi leans towards Flandre all hush-hush. "If you ask me, there's nothing too special about random sex either."
Flandre nods. "Well I mean, I think it can be cool if it was with someone you liked and you got really into the situation. Like um, semi-arbitrary sex. But it's really all about build-up. Like Koakuma says, it's all about the foreplay!"
...Remi gives her an offended look! "I thought you were busy pretending to not know what sex was."
"What's a sex?"
"It's too late to keep acting…"
Orato interjects before they can go off into their own little conversation! "I mean, yes. Those men are simply losers. But, it might be a phenomenon on the outside. I was reading about it on the internet."
Wait. "What site you get this shit from?" I ask him!
He looks at me! "Oh? Some place of discussion called… Reddit." He smirks like he's the most clever shit.
An' I just can't even.
...I look at Genkan and Maria.
"Wow!" Ha-chan is beaming at the scarlet sisters! "You guys are so smart!" ...I- I like how Remi and Flandre just smile at her strangely, like that was unprovoked.
"We gotta go." I decide.
Genkan blinks at me! "Why?"
Remilia is arguing with a fucking redditor. It's been ten goddamn minutes of being in the village and Shimokoa invited a redditor to the party who promptly got argued down by Remilia Scarlet. Where the fuck did Shimokoa even meet a redditor!? What was she doing!? Where'd she go!? What was her quest!? What!?
"It went bad." I give Genkan the only conclusion I can think up on the spot!
"...I agree." Genkan agrees! "Let's go, Brad."
"Wa- wait, hold on!" Flandre runs after us! "Take me with you!"
Genkan moves, and I follow her! "Hop on my back, Brad!" Yeah- let's ride the wife! Ride wife, life good!
"The fuck- okay!" Yeah woohoo! I leap onto Genkan!
"Oof!" She receives me-
"Ouof!" I oof in turn when Flandre lands on my back-
Shimokoa grabs Flandre, by the back! "No you don't! I-..." She dials herself back, after her outburst. "I- I heavily disagree, with what's happening here."
Orato grabs Shimokoa by the back-
SHINK! Shimokoa lets go of us, U-turns, and stabs him in the abs.
Orato just staggers back, disappointed. "Ca-... can I go two fucking days without getting shanked?"
"Mmm, probably not, no." Remilia contributes her opinion! "Considering you, I'd say it's more your fault."
"This is- usually true," he admits. What! "However-..."
"No howevers there, mister." Remilia moves, as if to follow us! "Bye." Pfft.
Orato holds his hand out! "Wait! Aah-..."
Despite being the biggest man of all of us, he was actually the littlest man, because he's actually the slowest. Oouh.
...Where the fuck is Genkan taking us? Y'know what, I don't care, I'm just gonna enjoy the ride.
I put my nose in her hair. Wait.
Moving her hair aside, I put my nose against her neck.
"Wh- aa- aah…" Oh my god. She cringed a little and shook!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Okay…"
Sally Yamada looks doomed. "Maria- I know you have a lot of friends, but this is kind of ridiculous."
She gestures to me and Shimokoa! "What happened to Brad? Gods- why is he so bloody? And who is this?"
Me, Genkan, Maria, Ha-chan, Orato, Shimokoa, Remilia and Flandre all occupy the kitchen at the same time. This room has immediately become very hot.
Orato has to fucking crouch because he's too goddamn tall.
Flandre is crouched under a table because she's too short. "I'm the table snatcher…"
"They're not even all my friends." Maria- I'm not sure if your mom's gonna like that answer! "It- it wasn't entirely my choice to bring them here either!"
Orato lumbers closer, as best as he can. "Maria, was it…? Your mother is fine."
...Sally just gives him the plainest look possible. "If that's your best pickup line, I feel sorry for you."
Orato nods. "I'm being obnoxious, because someone who likes to stab people decided that I needed to chaperone whatever the fuck is going on here."
"This is my house. You don't need to chaperone anything." Sally's smile intensifies! "In fact, if you don't leave, I'm going to hurt you."
Shimokoa drifts closer! "Quiet yourself, undead human breeder." Shimokoa, this isn't an RTS, y'can't just call units by their technical names! "He's here to make sure you humans don't make a toy of me."
...Sally looks at Maria again! "Maria- some of these friends of yours-"
"Omh!" Flandre snaps her hands like claws beneath the table nearby, as if trying to pinch Sally's legs. Wait- that's very dangerous coming from Flandre, I just realized! ...But nothing explodes, so-...!
Sally continues! "Maria- some of these-... they'll have to sleep outside."
Orato objects! "Ma'm, please-"
"I'm no ma'am, honey." Sally puts her arms on her waist! "I'm hardly even thirty."
Orato chuckles. "You dress over thirty. Still-"
"Get out."
Maria covers her own face! "Oh my god, you suck."
Orato gets indignant! "But-... uugh. Fuck this. I don't have time for whores." What a big baby…!
I look at Genkan. Genkan just gives me this smug-ass look back. I- I like how she's taking pleasure in what's happening too…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We are now outside Maria's house!
"Sorry, Maria~." Sally gives us a pleasant goodbye, before she shuts the door. "You can come back with your actually good friends later."
She almost shuts it, before pausing, and pointing a finger out! "Oh, and Brad- if anything happens to her, you're in trouble." Uh oh.
Clack. The door gently shuts, and we all stare at it, forlorn.
...Remilia turns to us! "You know, I don't think we're getting anything done tonight."
Genkan speaks for me! "Because the party is too big."
"The fact that I, the literal ruler of my mansion and estate, was kicked out of some hovel for being included in the same category as this manwhore," she gestures to Orato, "... I know it shouldn't insult me. Yet, on some internal level, I am still profoundly insulted."
Flandre puts one a' her red nails into one of her own ears fer a moment, as if workin' out some wax. Do vampires even have that problem? "Wow, Remi. You sure know how to say words that-... are words, and a lot of them."
"I'm gonna shit myself." This party is extremely huge!
"Please don't." Genkan requests!
The day is now slightly later. We're literally killing all the time being complete motherfuckers out here on the streets.
woosh, woosh, woosh. Ha-chan spins in place, encouraged to be extremely random because she can't even possibly interrupt anythings that's going on. We're already talking over each other all the fuckin' time!
"Let him shit himself." Shimokoa decides for us both!
"Shimokoa-..." Genkan speaks up as if to chastise her, before looking sad. "I can't wait for your hair to grow back in full. You were so beautiful."
...Shimokoa swallows, and stares at the floor.
"Every time I see her, she has less and less hair." Orato isn't helping either! "You know, people aren't usually into bald chicks, right? I thought you had a bad haircut yesterday. Yikes."
"I'll fucking kill you." Shimokoa is perhaps not incorrect in feeling this way when it's towards him!
"Hah." What a dick! "Fine by me."
Flandre walks up to 'em, and gingerly reels an arm back.
Whap! She punches him in the knee-
CRACK. Oh. "Fghk- aa-" He gasps, eyes poppin' wide in alarm.
THUD! Orato fuckin' collapses, because Flandre broke his knee with a gentle-looking punch. "Fhuuck! Fuuuck! Ah-..."
...Shimokoa closes her eyes. Genkan snorts, but also kinda scans Shimokoa to see how she feels.
Flandre gives Remi a sheepish shrug! "What can I say? He said it was fine. He consented! I consented too!"
I hold up a fluffle, found on the road about five seconds ago. "There's someone you forgot to ask."
Taken out of their sibling snarking mode, the scarlet sisters stare down the fluffle. I decide to hold the fluffle in Remi's face. ...When she leans back, I rubs its forehead against her cheek and lips!
Remi takes the fluffle from me. Ouh. Wh- she floats up and starts smudging it against my own face now! "Yes. See how you like it? No- I insist. Smell it. Smell it." Aaaah!
Unfortunately for her, I sniff fluffles daily. I was born for this moment. I use my nose to peck at the fluffle's freckles when she waves it around.
Soon, she realizes the futility in bullying me with the fluffle.
whump! She smashes it across Flandre's face, and it bursts into dust!
"Wha-" Flandre is dustified! "Remi!? You jerk! You jerk- you jerk! It's in my eyes!"
Remi chuckles! "Hurts, doesn't it? What, I thought you could ignore a little dust. Considering you've lived in it." Wow!
Flandre's eyes snap open. Wait- uh oh-
WHAM- KRACK!She jabs Remi right in the chest with her fist. Holy fuck that was loud!
Remi took the punch no problem, just standing there.
thud. Or, maybe she's got a small problem with it! Remi falls right onto her back along the snowy road, mouth ajar. "Fuuh."
Flandre chuckles. "Tha- that's right…"
I turn to Genkan! "Y'know-... I like how this is all sorta just happening. Like, I'm not even participatin' in this!"
Ha-chan speaks up abruptly. "Now you know how I feel~."
...We just kinda nod at her. There is no dispute, we just understand.
You know what? Wait, two thoughts.
First: Maria. "Maria if you ever learn mute, you gotta mute all of us except for Ha-chan." That sounds like the best party game!
Maria snorts! "Wha- ah…?" She was roused out of her idle state!
Second, I turn to Orato. "Also I have arbitrarily decided this is all your fault."
Oh, right. He's still on the ground, because his knee is broken. "Fhuuh…" Wahaha! "Fuck off!" He gives me a middle finger! Man, he yells loud!
...Flandre scratches the back of her head. "In um, retrospect, now is kind of a weird time for camping, huh? Especially after you guys had your, um… pirate war. And apparently you actually know the pirate!"
Shimokoa speaks up! "I am not a pirate."
Flandre shook her head. "You are a pirate. At least be proud about it! No self-respecting pirate would go-" Flandre slouches, half-lids her eyes and murmurs, "duuh I 'mh not a pirate."
"I am not a pirate…" Shimokoa insists! She opens her mouth to insult her, before remembering that she's Flandre, and decides to just glare instead.
"You sure as heck act like one!"
Shimokoa points at me! "This man is ten times the pirate that I am!"
Oh- dude. "I plunder Genkan's booty all day."
Shimokoa stares at me. Genkan stares at me. Maria stares at me. Flandre suppresses a snicker! I am glad me and Flandre share the same brain age.
I just realized. "Flandre, I have to really thank you for knocking out both Orato and your own sister to reduce the party clutter for this scene."
Flandre gasps. "Wha- how'd you know!? Crap!" Wait- that was the idea!? What the fuck- I was joking!
"I was just guessing! Was it really!?"
She nods! "I mean- do you think I'd really get upset at getting hit with a fluffle!?"
Remilia speaks up from the floor. "I have elected to stay dead. The punch didn't actually hurt, much. I've just been staring at the clouds going by."
"Fuck…" Orato is still taking a moment to think about his broken knee, however.
I like how we're still just, in front of Sally's- I mean Maria's place. Man, Sally exerted enough authority for me to subconsciously acknowledge her ownership of it!
Well, anyway…
"I too am exhausted." I start to fall backwards. "Genkan, catch me."
...shoof. She lets me flop back into the snow!
"Caught you." Genkan's a wise-ass today apparently! Wh- ahaha!
"Thanks…!"
...While we fuck around, Orato slowly recovers from critical knee failure 'cause he's a youkai.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ===
Orato has abandoned the defense because we splinted his shin into a million pieces. Y'know, I can't blame him, I guess!
We exit outta the southern gate of the Human Village. And-...
"You guys'll be la~te!" Flandre just runs ahead way too fuckin' fast holy~ shit.
Remilia waves back at us. "We'll scout ahead! You guys catch up! When we find a nice spot, we'll let you know!" I can't believe Remi's embraced her inner adventurousness.
In the slowly fading day, we gaze up at the snowy, glittery, darkening sky. Unlike on the outside, stars are already visible. I guess the overcast isn't full coverage anymore.
When Genkan settles her eyes onto the visual, she immediately mellows out even more than she already was, soothed by the mystic lights cast down onto the snow around us.
Shimokoa tiredly glares up into the cosmos. "...Mmhn."
Y'know, I gotta wonder. "Why were you workin' with Mima? Shimokoa?"
Shimokoa gives me a look. "You don't deserve to know."
Genkan faces her. "Then tell me, instead." Aw yeehaw.
Shimokoa looks reluctant, but feels obligated to give a real response. "It was just business. I was a means to an end of hers… and she gave me the power I needed. Yet… that was still not enough."
Shimokoa looks up at the sky again. "I knew she would abandon me, when it helped her. I knew she would be of no help in my struggle. I thought I could see it through, in spite of this."
She looks at me, then at Genkan. "As I am now… if I failed before, then there's nothing I can hope to do now. I'm at your mercy."
I catch Maria starin' idly from behind us, decidin' not to contribute anything. Hoh…
shoof. Ooh. A fluffle emerges from the snow, and begins eating the snow it came from…
"No~..." Flandre pops out of the snow on the opposite side of the path, and walks up to it! "You can't be eating snow. It's not good for you!"
The fluffle uses its fins to scoop in like five more mouthfuls of snow!
shoof. What. The fluffle died. Why…?
"Oh." Flandre smiles awkwardly!
Genkan looks at Shimokoa. "Do you see yet, sister? There's nothing sinister to be seen here. If you simply give us time to be ourselves, you will see. You could have had these questions answered weeks ago."
Shimokoa glares at her! "You think it's so easy, don't you?"
Genkan's expression remains fully neutral. "I do."
"Naive little girl." Shimokoa is one to talk!
Despite like, apparently being older than Genkan, Shimokoa is still really similar in many ways visually. Not identical obviously- and especially not anymore- but...
"You're the naive one." Genkan commences the argument!
Shimokoa narrows her eyes. "How?"
"Have you ever loved someone before? As a lover, and not as family?"
Shimokoa glares hard. "Who are you to say you know love?"
"I have tasted it. I know what I know. What do you know?"
"For all I know, Brad is waiting for the time to strike." I can't believe I'm a bird of prey, dude.
"Don't worry." I give 'er a little look. "I'd only eat a fluffle."
Shimokoa briefly becomes casually vexed. "A fluffle is not edible."
"Not with that attitude!" Yeah man!
She shakes her head! "I have been deceived too many times to believe what you know."
...Wait. "You mean a fluffle!?"
Shimokoa glares at me! "No, you- asshole. This… party."
Genkan nodded. "Do you even love me as family, then? To assume me so naive, even in spite of what I present?"
Shimokoa frowns harder. "What do you present?"
Genkan comes up to me- and suddenly interlocks her fingers with mine, our palms pressed together.
"What you lack…" Genkan starts pulling me along- woah!
She spreads my arms out, pressing herself into me. She then starts to spin- and I bring my arms overhead to match her motion. Ow- Jesus- I'm getting a workout!
With us both facing away from one another, the way our arms curl back together draws a heart when we're viewed from the side, which Genkan presents to Shimokoa.
"Is this!" Oo- oh, holy shit...
...Shimokoa's mouth hangs open at the presentation.
"Ge- Genkan-..." She glares at first. "You wouldn't dare dance with a human. That's…"
"I would." Whah- when'd we become highschool musical!? "That's how much I'm willing to give love a chance. You just can't understand my emotions. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let your own emotions take mine. If you want to reason with me, it must be as an equal."
Shimokoa wants to not believe so bad. "A friend wouldn't hurt me."
Genkan disagrees! "A friend wouldn't let you destroy good things meaninglessly. Sometimes, love is tough. You were about to subject me to the same thing. Don't be hypocritical."
"Human slut." Oouh! "Genkan. Think about the sacrecy of your body, and the grace of our dance."
"Think about the warmth of love." Genkan counters! "Think about friendship, in general. Maria here is a good example of a quality human being."
Maria's put on the spot! "I- I mean, I guess…"
Ha-chan swings down from above! "And I'm a fairy!"
Genkan snorts. "And she's a fairy. A more hospitable fairy, at that."
Maybe if I give Shimokoa a lot of pans she'll be happier. That's what worked in the Love Hina dating sim. Y'just give girls a whole lotta pans. That'll make 'em happy, man.
I'll ask Genkan to confirm! "Hey, Genkan. Want a pan?"
"A what." Genkan's thrown outta her serious mood!
"We should buy pans." I suggest.
...Genkan thinks about it. "We don't actually own any, do we?"
I gotta wonder. "Genkan, how did you live in that ice cave with only a like fridge-sized bookshelf for longer than I've been alive?"
"How have you sat at a device the size of a book for a quarter of my lifespan?" Genkan makes a counter-argument!
...Oh. Lookin' around, I see the village guard at the gate here is hiding behind a clump of snow around the wall itself!
Not really thinking, I approach him.
"Stay. Back." Uh oh. He comes out, and points a lance or spear or whatever at me. "I mean it, youkai."
"Uh oh." Big trouble…!
Genkan comes up and pulls me back by my shoulders! "Brad, don't torment him. He did nothing wrong. Not at this moment..."
Shimokoa is immediately bam-fuckin'-boozled. "What makes him and Brad so different?"
Genkan gives her a flat look. "Shimokoa, are you slow in the head?"
Shimokoa's stare back is equally flat. "Fuck you." Wahaha!
Chuckling incredulously herself, Genkan looks back at me! "I- I'm sorry, but... the difference is that I know Brad. What's the difference between you and another snow woman?"
"Snow women are complex. Humans, not." Gasp! Shimokoa is racism all along!
"I'm gonna point a gun at the head of a fluffle." Holy shit.
...Maria interjects in the strange silence I punctured into the conversation! "If that's what you want to believe. If you ask me, you're not being very complex either."
Shimokoa's eyes remain narrow, but she looks… inquisitive.
It's time to decide who's the next shogun. "Imagine a society of Orato, that fuckin'- cow guy." Let's throw that out there!
Shimokoa snorts. "That's… a prospect. How do I know you're not just trying to change my basis of reality?"
Genkan exhales. "Shimokoa, I'm going to be honest with you: Brad isn't smart enough to do that. He doesn't do it instinctually either. He just-... is him. He goes with the flow. He does not command the flow. If he did-... well… I'd imagine he'd act a lot more like you."
"Also, the proper term is 'gaslighting'...!" I didn't know it for a while myself, until I did!
Genkan gives me a drained look. "Brad-... nngh. When we're alone, I'm going to torment you." What, oh no! "Next time you say something, make it helpful."
"What'd I do…!?" I just wanted to edumacate on the situation! Wait-
"She's just going to think you're actually a freak because you know that term." Genkan raises a good point oh shit oh fuck! "Did you even think before you opened your mouth?"
I hold my head! "Yo- like, I had that thought in the back of my head, in my gut, but I also didn't feel it enough to actually act on it! And-"
Suddenly, Shimokoa just is closer. "Brad. Where did you learn that term?" Uh oh.
Well! "I mean, that kinda thing does happen on the outside. People actin' a certain way and tryin' to persuade people that they're crazy. Pretty easy with mega-bad relationships in closed households. Social interaction is not a big human strong suit, when y'look at the scope a' things!"
"How does it work?" Shimokoa's being weirdly inquisitive for someone with an eternal hate boner. If your hate boner lasts longer than four hours, consult a therapist.
"Well, uh, say a girl and a dude are in a house on their own… and, like… the guy somehow manages like all communication with the family. He starts rephrasing what is normal for certain things. Like where boundaries of things should lie, what is and isn't social abuse, what people would think of a situation. People think it's kinda silly when they're not in the situation, but it's somethin' that can very easily slip off any radar."
Shimokoa's pistons are goin' full-throttle, dude. "...I- I see. Like, you and Genkan...?"
Bo~nk. Wrong. Genkan shook her head! "Wrong answer. Brad has not locked me anywhere."
Shimokoa points at her, smiling strangely! "Un- unless… you think he hasn't locked you anywhere, because he convinced you locking wasn't-... mmh." I like how she started to realize that was absolutely retarded halfway through saying it.
"It usually happens to two people with no grasp on reality or other people being smashed together by bad luck." I tell 'er! "For me and Genkan, we basically traveled Gensokyo and met a lot of cool people, so we validated our existence. Also she used to kinda hate me!"
"I thought Brad was a menace to society." Genkan informs her! "...Brad may still be a menace to society, except he's my menace to society. There's a big difference."
"Prepare for Dante's fourth gunslinger special." My brain is melting. "Lesbian time."
"Exactly." Genkan gestures to me! "Menacing."
Shimokoa starts again! "Well-... can you tell me why humans are such scum?"
Aw, well that's easy. "We live in a society."
Shimokoa tilts her head back, as if a spark went through her mind.
Looking around, as if staggered, she centers her more open eyes on Genkan. "Then…" She looks at me, and regains her haughtiness a little.
She clears her throat. "Ahem. I will never concede the idea that Brad is not out to capture your beauty and body. Nor will I ever believe he deserves it." She has too much pride to back down now. She really went all in on that bet!
"That said…" She glares at me. "I will consider what you've said. If society really is to blame for the world's sin… then I will destroy society. If I'm ever convinced you've lied to me, you're next."
Oh my god. Shimokoa graduated from Disturbed album cover to the Joker movie. I'm not sure if that's an upgrade or a sidegrade.
Genkan exhales. "Can't you just take it easy? The human village, while disgusting, is but a small blemish on this peaceful landscape. Look around you. There's plenty of snow."
Shimokoa closed her eyes.
"...It isn't just humans. I've realized this, just now." Ooh. "Youkai have inherited humanity's sins as well. If these sins by large are from the corruption of society…"
Fwish! Shimokoa can still summon that giant fuckoff paddle without Mima oh god-
WOOSH, WOOSH, SHOOF! She spins it around overhead, and shoves it down into the snow, but only with great effort! "Nnh! I will shatter society next!"
...Me and Genkan stand from crouching. "Sister, you'll poke someone's eye out." Genkan chastises her! "Don't just swing that thing around with abandon."
"I don't care." Shimokoa decides! "I've already cut ties with most of my decency. That vulnerability is… too human for me. You know what?"
She comes up, an' lays a hand on Genkan's shoulder.
"You can be as much of a soft bitch as you want." Shimokoa decides. "Brad can slobber all over you. As for me… I'm starting to realize. I need to tackle the root of this problem first. If it makes you happy, you can keep your warden."
Genkan is just absolutely befuddled. "Wha-... what are you going to do?"
Shimokoa smiles. "I'm going to destroy society. I will degrade humanity to the status of us subhumans. Maybe then it will learn humility and decency, just as us who are forced to live outside of the whole."
Wow. We truly do live in a society. Her 4D chess mental gymnastics are as profound as they are self-obstructive.
Shoof. Shimokoa tears her steel paddle from the earth. "I've seen everything. Goodbye, Genkan."
Genkan held an arm out. "Shimokoa. Wait. You tried to ruin us today. You can't just leave now. I expected-"
"Just try and stop me."
Y'know-... "Shin-coma, I get the feeling that Genkan misses ya. Can't we just hang out and yuck it up?"
Shimokoa pauses. Apparently my bastardization of her name was close enough, 'cause she acts like I didn't say it. Twisting around, she looks at me past the hilt of her damn-hugic paddle.
"I don't have time to waste with your illusory pleasantries." Uh oh. "Never again will I be so gentle. This is a road I have to walk all alone. All, alone. No more deals. No more gifts."
She stops before twisting back around. "Actually. I must thank you for reminding me."
Reaching along the front of her torn-up-as-fuck kimono, she takes out a-... a something.
It's a luminescent, ivory and yellow fragment. Most of the material is like a disc fragment which fans out from the wheel's center. However, no more than a quarter of the wheel is present, the rest of it acting as a handle; the core's just a hilt of sorts now.
"Here. Brad. Mima's parting gift to me. Your might has earned you it. May it bring you bad fortune."
She tosses it on the ground before me. Kneeling down, I pick it up…
What the fuck is this? It makes my hands tingle when I hold it. "Is- is this shit radioactive…!? Is it gonna give me brain damage!?"
She suppresses a chuckle! "No, stupid. It's a fragment of the fake moon. The one which berserked the land many evenings ago. Perhaps months, at this point. The imperishable night."
...What. Where the fuck did you get this!? Again, what the actual fuck were you off doing!?
"That item is what I considered to be a hand of the gods." Shimokoa states this so plainly. Like, aw yeah, it's snowing, it's Wednesday, here's the hand of the gods.
Wait. Oh no. Ooh, no, I just realize what the universe has concocted into existence.
Holding up the fragment with my right arm, I lay the fan-like edge in my left hand. It is… plant hanger-shaped. More like a club, but that's beside the point! If I wanted to hang a plant from this thing, I totally could!
It's God Hand. It looks like the God Hand I dreamt of randomly so long ago!
Experimentally, I channel magic into it-
FWAASH! Oh! It lights up solid gold, and jerks my arm into the air with it.
"Oh- gods." Genkan shies away from the light. "Brad- that hurts to look at."
"Ow." Maria's covering her eyes.
Shimokoa stares straight into the light-bending energy around the thing, as do I. What the fuck.
After a moment of me makin' it glow, Maria speaks up! "Brad- channeling that thing's chewing through your mana!" What!
fvhhr. I stop channeling it, and it returns to glowing gently.
"Are you retarded?" Shimokoa is displeased!
"What'd I do…!?" It'd be nice if you tutoralized me on this thing!
She goes on to explain how it works! "The moon's fragment magnifies the force which passes through it. It gave my lasers more power. You don't know magic, so I can't see it being useful for you."
Ooh. Shimokoa held this to fire her cosmic sparks! ...I can't make spark-like lasers to begin with so yeehaw.
FWAASH! I channel it again! "Brad- why?" Genkan cringes away again!
Crouching down, I swing the light-bending lunar fragment at the floor.
KRACK- BOOM! A puddle depicting space, stars and cosmic gas spreads out at my feet. The impact was like fuckin' thunder touching down.
...Oh. It also launched me like, five stories into the air. "Ho- holy…"
Not gonna lie, this is a pretty sweet albeit self-destructive reward for beating you, Shimokoa!
Before I become a smear on the ground on landing, I jump again- ouhf.
Shoof. Ow. I land in the snow, and collapse onto my ass.
"Brad, never do that again." Genkan asks, knowing full and well that I'm going to do that again.
Not gonna lie, God Hand's already feeling pretty broken! ...Actually, isn't the mini-hakkero just a magic amplifier? Probably a way better amplifier than some piece a' shit glowing rock broken off of a fake moon.
"Shimokoa." Genkan speaks up! "Build an igloo with us. It will be fun."
Shimokoa's glare levels out to a flat look of disappointment. "Genkan. You really are still such a child."
"I see what you see, and yet you can't bear to admit your magnificent arrogance in demonizing my boyfriend."
Shimokoa rolls her eyes. "You cannot even begin to see what I-"
Maria interjects! "We already went over this! You were wrong the first time!"
...Shimokoa gives her a calmer look, somehow. "You're not entitled to a counter-argument."
Maria takes that like a physical impact!
Genkan snorts. "Then you aren't entitled to me believing you. I think you're deluded. You'll have to convince me otherwise."
Shimokoa. "Likewise."
Genkan. "As if you know the measure of proving."
Shimokoa. "As if you know the measure of sin."
Genkoa. "As if you know the measure of how relevant that is."
Shimkan. "As if you know."
Woouh! "I know. You don't. That's why we disagree."
"Exactly."
Things are really gettin' heated up at the second Gensokyo political debate! Someone's gotta bash Windows 10 to really fulfill the prophecy!
"As such," Shimokoa decided, "I will leave you be. You live your life. I live mine. I have bigger things to work towards."
Genkan comes to a realization. "...Were we never that close to begin with?"
"Perhaps we weren't."
With that, Shimokoa turns away.
"You'll always be lonely, if you place yourself so far above others." Genkan argues as Shimokoa leaves. "Relationships are about trust. Me and Brad… we trust one another outside what youkai or humans think at all. We're outside of society. As such, aren't we allies?"
"An enemy of my enemy is still my enemy, even if we prize similar means." Shimokoa decides! "You're more complicit to human cruelty than you think."
...Genkan sighs.
Shimokoa speaks as she drifts off. "One day, we may meet again, to prove our ways of life once more. Whenever, however circumstance brings that about… when you die, you'll know why.
She waves a hand back at us. "Not everyone can be saved, when this world is late."
Hold up! "Shimokoa- before ya go!"
I move to follow her, 'cause she doesn't listen to me!
Fwi- Click! I draw Frost Broker. Yeah, that thing that freezes me randomly and is only good with one outfit on.
Woosh- woosh! Oh- fuck. I swing it randomly after equipping it for no reason- it was not my decision to do that! It did that!
She turns back, hearing the noise of my equipment change magic, locking a level glare on me.
"Yo." One more favor! An' let's talk on her level as we make it, I guess. "Since I kicked your ass… can you change the magic of this? It freezes me when I equip it, and it forces me to attack!"
woosh. Oh! Shimokoa took it from my hands immediately.
FWISH- FWISH- FWISH. She makes it flash randomly a whole bunch, and it changes shape a few times, before reverting to be a very sickle-like shape. Still has a crystalline, plant hanger-y base, but that sickle tip…!
She tosses it back at me- oh fuck-
woosh. I duck under it, 'cause it's really sharp!
Saying nothing more, she just takes off. That's… that, I guess!
"I can't stand her." Maria brings up the obvious! "She's so-... ugh."
"Yeah." Genkan can't do anything but agree! "'Ugh' is… about how I feel. I guess we just can't understand her, and she can't understand us."
I mean, "if y'ask me, she's entirely doin' it to herself. Like, no matter how ya dice it, we're bein' amicable, and she is patently not."
"It just feels… so weird." Genkan shook her head. "It's so confusing. She makes it seem like we just… cannot understand one another, in the same ways. We've become entirely incompatible. I saw through my hate, yet she doubled down."
"I think she knows she's wrong," Maria considered, "but she's just way too full of herself to admit it. It'd take a lot of courage to just admit she's wrong after trying to kill us. And what then? Would she feel she was indebted to us... 'cause we didn't kill her in turn?"
I mean, that's probably why she wanted us to kill 'er in the end. Don't gotta do mental gymnastics when you're dead.
Genkan held the side of her own head. "But it's not just a matter of pride. She really feels that way, at least about some of her arguments. I just wish… that she just let that damned pride of hers go and lived a little."
Hoh. "Sometimes, y'just gotta let people worry about themselves."
Genkan acknowledges that. "Yes. I suppose. It's just-... she was right there. She just wouldn't listen."
Wal. Yeah.
"Do you think we should go back for her?" Genkan wonders. "She said she'd watch us. She's not even bothering to do that."
I smile. "Y'wanna hang out with your old friend again don'cha?"
Genkan's neutral stare is gentle, dude. "Mmm. Well… that too. I miss her. I wish she'd stop doing this to herself."
I wave my hand. "Y'know, give 'er a little time to herself. She might be listening, but y'know, it's not like we can force it."
...After a moment, Genkan nods. "Yes. She's the kind of person who would like that."
We wander forward aimlessly, before we lose track of what we were doing, or where we were going…!
Uncertainty enshrouds our party! Slowly, we stop walking…!
An' that's when Remilia steps up between us, all of a sudden, coming from behind! "Alright. Are you lot done? You're burning hours, and we have a party to attend within twenty four. We quite literally do not have all of a day, even if we have today to kill."
shoof. Flandre appears out of the snow again, romps on up, and suddenly assaults Remi's hair with her hands!
"Wh- ah- get off!" Remi is alarmed!
WHPAPHPHPAPHP. What the fuck did we just witness. They flailed at each other so fucking fast, I can feel the air off of the exchange! Like, they had a slapping contest all within one second, and used every frame available to do so!
Remi ended up with Flandre's mob cap on, and vice versa. "Remi~. Don't be so insensitive." Flandre wags her finger at her! "Studies show that most pirates are actually from within the family. Screwed up, isn't it?"
Remi giggles a little. "Fufu? That-... that's the saying about sexual offenders, Flandre."
Flandre just gives 'er a big smile, and doesn't say anything!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"...Wait, the fuck happened to Orato?" I just realized we're down a deluxe camping set and also a giant cow man. I think I forgot when he abandoned us!
"We made beef out of him." Flandre delivers the news remorsefully.
"Wha- wait, really!?" Uh oh!
Remilia stops patting snow into the side of her own igloo. "...I believe he parted earlier, yes? Quite displeased with taking his lumps. Such a weak man, despite his stature."
Flandre nods. "Mmn. Lump…"
"I can't believe he didn't want to try his luck at some tight vampire puss."
...Remilia just, stops, and gives me a bewildered smile.
Flandre's mouth opens excitedly. "Hehehe~!"
Genkan drifts out of our igloo we had set up.
Ha-chan floats around between the two igloos we built! "Vampire pussy!"
Remilia nods gladly. "Don't say anything like that again."
Wahaha! "But- that's what he was lookin' for!"
"You didn't have to-..." Remi shakes her head! "You know what, no. You know what you did." Yeah man, yo ho ho!
...I know Genkan is behind me. Slowly, I turn, and we're nose to nose.
"Hello, Genkan." Why are you so snug. She's present, dude. A silent warning…!
I back up. She hovers closer!
"I'm going to impose my presence upon you." Genkan knows exactly how present she is! "Lest you raise the restless dead with your foolery."
Wait, that's a good point. "Remi, is a vampire undead, dead, or living?"
Remi huffs. "Undead. Special variety of undead. I've had this conversation too often. You'd think that mortals, with their fixation on vampirism as a pop culture concept, would already know."
"If that was the case Remi, we'd sparkle in the sun." I wanna know how the hell Flandre learned about that-which-shall-not-be-named without a computer.
"...Perhaps. Actually, yes, it's better that mortals don't know." Remi seems to not understand the cursedness.
Alright, I gotta ask. "Flan, who told ya 'bout Twilight?"
"Oh, I read it!" Oh, uh oh. "And Marisa told me about it! She said she learned about it at Eientei!" So that's how deep the rabbit hole goes… hnee hnee hnee-
Genkan grabs onto me, and pulls me back like, a quarter of a meter. I skid through the snow. "Whah." Why…?
"I am going to displace you." Oh no.
Fortunately, with Shimokoa and Orato gone, the party has been reduced to a semi-reasonable composition. It could be less cluttered, but it's not awful.
"Back at the mansion- the other fairies told me about vaginas." Ha-chan picked today to be irredeemably cursed. "That reminds me. Genkan, have you seen Brad's pussy?"
Remilia hangs her head. Flandre just sits down in the snow.
"Hana, I refuse to believe you don't know what a penis is." Genkan is done with her already! "You saw me and Brad making love. Do you even know how it was happening?"
Ha-chan shakes her head! "No! I watched and I watched and- I didn't learn anything 'cause you guys were covered in blankets!"
...Genkan looks at me! "I think we should give Hana proper sexual education. It's really about time."
Remilia gives us a pitiful look. "Can you all be aroused on your own time?"
Genkan snorts. "This is hardly even a matter of sexual play. Hana is uneducated."
Y'know! "You have not properly educated your fairies!" I must grill Remilia over the standard fairy education!
"Because they're fairies, they teach themselves. Fornication is one of life's more intuitive procedures. Hana is… simply one of the more innocent cases. Fairies can tend to be that way sometimes."
Aw. I see. "Ha-chan was born bewildered."
Remilia blinks. "Excuse me?" Wahaha!
Dude…! "On the outside, social equality advocates declared that we oughta condemn the word 'blind' being used in art. It's offensive to blind people! ...So instead, y'just say they're bewildered!"
Remilia looks drained! "That's-... that is not at all an accurate replacement. Who is even that perplexed by blindness in texts? What?"
I look at Genkan! "I was born bewildered!" In stating this, I look as bewildered as I sound!
"Be- be quiet…" Genkan is bewildered, man.
"People aren't blind, dude. They're just extremely confused." Yeah man! "I'm sure actual blind people will appreciate this sentiment proposed by non-blind people!"
Remilia's red eyes widen. "Hold on. This is in texts, right?"
Oh my god I didn't even think of that. "Dude- what if the blind people read the word 'blind' on the page!?"
Remilia gradually facepalms. Flandre grins as she gets outta the snow.
"That's-..." Genkan chuckles quietly! "That's terrible, Brad."
Aw. "My favorite phrase is, to be 'bewildered as a bat'."
"Why bewildered?" Remilia really wants to know! "It's not even the same thing!"
I gotta say, this camping is going relatively better than last time! …'Cause Genkan can build igloos way better than me, and practically automatically at that!
Quietly abandoning the conversation, I try to move for the door to our igloo, but there's a fluffle in the way.
"I know you are the homogenous and indiginous people of the front door of the igloo, but you must move." I make my decision abruptly, and pick the fluffle up!
I give Genkan the fluffle. "Hold this fluffle, forever."
"Forever?" Genkan asks.
"Forever." Wait, aw yeah. "Hey, Remilia. Before we teach Hana what sex is, she needs to become a full woman."
Remilia puts her arms on her hips! "Ee- excuse me? And what the hell is that supposed to mean...?"
"I need you to teach Ha-chan about the complex geopolitical situation in Kashmir." Yeah, man.
"Um…" Ha-chan gradually goes from inquisitive to encumbered. "Yeah! ...What's that have to do with sex?"
I stare at Ha-chan. She stares back, smiling brightly after a moment.
"i don't even know where Kashmir is." Remilia admits! "It's a region around India, is it not?" What!
"I'm gonna be honest, I have absolutely no clue." I heard the name 'Kashmir' from somewhere, and figured it had a complex geopolitical situation!
Flandre holds up a big igloo brick. "I'm sorry, Remi. I'm gonna have to beat you to death."
"Huh?" Remi looks back at her with a wistful expression!
BAAM- SHOOF. Oh, wow. The brick split in two when she clubbed Remi in the head with it.
"Ouh-" Remi's legs briefly buckle! "You- damn-"
Flandre darts inside her igloo! "Hehehe! Remi- oouf!" Remilia basically flies inside after her, presumably tackling her!
...Aw, that reminds me, fer some reason.
I turn to Genkan. "I can't believe I was entirely paranoid for fearing Shimokoa would come back and maul us without context."
Genkan's stare evens out! "...I'll have to give you that. I'm not sure why or how you anticipated it... but your worries were apparently founded."
I mean, I didn't expect it to be today. Well, after I saw that Staples gift card I kinda did, but until then…!
Hooh. "Now I'm gonna wander off into the evening aimlessly."
I turn to do that, but Genkan grapples me instead. She hugs onto me, pressing my face right into her chest.
Woah, shit. She smells really good. When'd this happen? What a-... good scent, holy crap…
"You're relaxing with us. You're in no shape to go around throwing yourself around." When Genkan puts it this way, I'm really in no place to argue.
"Well-..."
"No." Ouh.
woash. Genkan displaces me into the igloo, where Maria's probably still smoothing out whatever's gotta be smoothened out. Oh…
Oh, holy shit, we've lowered the snow in here so much it's like we're on a basement level.
shoof. Genkan places me on a mound of snow, by just abruptly letting go of me and thrusting her waist to send me off-balance.
"...Aw, I see. Too cool for beds, huh!?" Yeehaw!
Maria has her gaudy gold boots on. When paired with her ice-themed t-shirt she is immune to the cold. "The first thing you had to say was an ice pun."
...Wait! "Shit! I didn't even realize!"
"Impressive." Genkan is impressed by my lack of restraint! "Should we think of a sky light? Normally, an igloo is to keep heat in, but since we're immune to the cold's effects…"
"I'm not!" Ha-chan reminds us! "I'm only half-immune!" She followed us inside, and is holding herself despite 50% resistance! "And it's really cold…!"
"Ah." Genkan gives her a calm look. "...Hmm."
"We'll just light a fire in here, and have a small skylight for the smoke or something." Maria decides. "We might need some wood, though…"
Wait. I just realized, the most practical of applications for one of my random abilities.
In the center of the igloo, where the snow is lowered down to the grass level, I start making wooden cubes outta my hand!
No one was paying attention for a moment. When Genkan checks back on me, I have dispensed the cubes. "Huh?" She is confused!
"I am the man who dispenses the cubes." I inform her…! "Compared to me, you are nothing!"
Genkan nods! "If I hug you, you will become useless again. Do not tempt me." Yeehaw!
"What…? Oh. Okay." Maria just kinda nods at the cubes! "Not gonna ask. ...I'm gonna ask. Brad, where did you get like, thirty wood cubes from? I almost feel bad about burning them. They're like… a pristine set. What were you even doing with thirty cubes?"
I make a cube in my hand, showing it to her. I feel like we just forgot I could do this! Trust me, sometimes I do too!
"Oh." Maria blinks! "I-... I guess you could just do that."
"It's my most powerful spell card." I remind her. "The Mii Brawler special: Foot Fetish Flurry!"
"What's with you and this joke about foot fetishes…?" Genkan continues to heckle me!
I just realized. "Maria, will your mom be worried about you not being home tonight…!?"
"How are those two thoughts related?" Maria really wants to know! "...And, I mean, probably not. I've been just, exploring the world with you guys for a while now. I think she can understand, if we just get lost somewhere."
Hoh. Bold of your mother to have so many brain cells. Then again, she didn't look that old. S'kinda impressive, since she's actually dead! I guess Seiga's just really damn good at her job.
Maria speaks up about something! "Wait, when was the last time Brad made a feet joke…?"
Genkan shook her head! "Nevermind."
Hoo~h…
Well. I think I'm just gonna… sit back here in the snow, and take inventory. Man, after sleeping in a bed in Genkan's cave, this feels so ghetto!
Maria speaks up! "You know. Um. Genkan. Since you're a snow woman… like, how does it work?"
Genkan tilts her head. "How does what work?"
"Uuh. You and Brad. In, um… bed." Maria wonders! "Aren't you cold, Brad?"
Faced with the idea, Genkan pursed her lips. "How does an igloo store heat?"
"An igloo's a lot of space." Maria notes! "It stores warm air."
"Just as a body stores heat, or a blanket stores warmth beneath it." Genkan notes. "We yuki-onna consume body heat. The human body creates soul and energy."
"So how's Brad not die?" Maria wonders!
"...When we sleep, if Brad's not resisting the cold, I contribute my personal 'food' source. When Brad's warm enough, I slowly feed off of him."
Ha-chan interjects! "They're really warm when I hug onto them at night. Or they're really cold if Brad doesn't need to be warm."
Maria continues. "I- I kinda figured that. Eirin really said a lot when we spoke with her. It was a little too much information at once, but…"
Genkan raised her brows. "What are you curious about, then?"
"Wouldn't Brad's… di- dick freeze off inside you, or against you?"
Genkan has a flatter expression! "No, because I know to keep a lot of my personal heat there. I can feel when he's cold, through a lack of how warm he is."
Maria has a new question as a result! "You can just… move heat there? How?"
"Same way I eat it. I can… interact with it." Genkan had no idea how to describe it. "It's like a sense or instinct. Similar to how you move magic, perhaps. I know you and Brad can't simply detect life energy, the way I can. It's something only beings like us have, I'm sure."
Ha-chan has an entirely different question! "What's a dick!?"
"Okay, look." Maria breaks it all down for her! "Listen to me, Hana. Women have a slit. Guys have… pointy, flesh, things. That's what a penis is. Sex is when-... you- you put the penis, into the vagina!"
Genkan speaks up next! "Brad has no vagina. He is male. He has a stick."
And y'know, this revelation is just freakin' baffling to Ha-chan. "Aa-... ooh. Koakuma was telling the truth after all. And so were the others…"
Oouh. She kinda shuffles back towards a random wall of the igloo, staggered by the knowledge.
Next question, asked by me! "Genkan, where does your heat go when you teleport into mist…!?" I was curious about it when she brought it up the other day.
"It's in the mist." Genkan provides! "...Normally, it's along my heart or stomach. We snow women eat heat after all."
"Don't you lose heat along the way?" Maria wonders on my behalf!
Genkan shook 'er head. "A little. Not enough to matter. Especially not with Brad here. ...Having a human lover is a surprisingly efficient way to not need to hunt for food ever again. However…"
Genkan comes up to me and pinches my cheek. "That won't mean anything if he dies of hunger of his own volition. Eat… du- dude." Oh my god. "Remind me to never say that again."
I need to get Genkan a backwards bill cap. It would look very ghetto on her, but fluffy hats look cute with her. Dude, Genkan with a cowboy hat. Super flying cowboy mode.
Meanwhile, a backwards bill cap with me would just look munted. "Genkan, would a bill cap look good on me?"
"A what cap?" Oh, uh oh. "I'm going to pre-emptively assume no." Awh.
"You know what we should do?" Maria has an idea! "We should get a bunch of outfits and dress him up. It'd only be fair, wouldn't it?"
Genkan adopts a sorta fair expression, one brow raised. "Mmn. That would be… indulgent, in a good way."
Hoh. "I already dress myself up all the time!"
Maria snorts. "As if we'd put you in more clown outfits. No, if you're putting Genkan in silly outfits, we're putting you in real outfits." Wait…
Genkan lays a hand on one of my shoulders. "We should make you look sharp. That will be a real trial. People might not even recognize you, in a regular yukata or one of those outsider dress suits." Probably not, let's be real!
Man. "You guys are perverted."
Maria chuckles. "That's really rich coming from you."
Genkan agrees wit' 'er! "Truly."
"Not sayin' I'm not, but-...!" Y'know! "I remember a time when Maria was more innocent!"
"...Yeah- that's really weird to think about." Maria admits!
Genkan doesn't think on it too hard either. "I can't speak for Maria, but I've heard that teenage humans have heightened hormones. That's probably what's in effect here."
"I- I mean… ye- yeah." Maria becomes put on the spot! Which is good 'cause it takes the heat off me! "It's just 'cause you guys are really cute together!"
"It's because you're horny." Genkan is really blunt about it holy shit!
"I- I'm not horny, Genkan! I'm just a little more interested than is probably normal, but…"
"One who exhibits horny-like behavior." I narrate what I think about Genkan's point!
Maria pouts at us. "Well- what about you, Brad?" Aren't we goin' in circles!?
"I was never innocent!" I am many things and truly innocent I am not!
Ha-chan speaks up. "Put Brad in a maid outfit!"
...Genkan looks woesome. "I'm not sure if he'd love that or hate that."
Maria shook her head. "I mean, we could, but we wouldn't get too much out of that. I'm pretty sure Brad enjoys crossdressing."
"...Perhaps." Genkan still isn't sure! "He's not been put into many actual female outfits, as far as I'm aware."
"He hasn't been put in a maid outfit!" Ha-chan really wants to put me in a maid outfit, apparently!
"Oouh." I shall simply not commentate and hope the storm passes on its own…!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Guys! We gotta tell spooky stories! And-... oh. What."
Me and Genkan and Ha-chan are lying clothed in a pile, as is the usual strategy. Maria's near us, just kinda dozing.
Flandre looks down at us with contempt, man. "You guys are sleeping already!? It's only noon!" Noon for you! That means it's midnight-ish!
I slowly twist to look at her! ...Genkan opens her eyes, giving her a strange look!
Flandre grins at us! "Also, this is really… like… we already went to the village and got some sleeping bags and you guys're just lying out here for no reason. Like a buncha animals."
"To nap in the snow... isn't so bad." Genkan contests! "It's clean, and not so dirty. As long as there's enough of it."
"I guess." Flandre's surprisingly averse to the idea of sleepin' like a barnyard animal! "Man. Remi hardly wants to sleep in a sleeping bag, and here you guys are going without one. Like, what?"
Hold up. "Why're you tellin' spooky stories if it's noon ta you?"
"It's still midnight for everyone else!" Flandre insists! "C'mo~n. You guys can't be that tired. It was just one pirate…"
"Mmnh." Ha-chan grunts against Genkan's stomach.
Genkan yawns. "Haa. Mmn." Aw. "Please, let us sleep. We can tell scary stories… later."
"Later? But later's morning! They won't be scary!" Flandre objects to the premise!
Hooh. I'm half comatose already. I don't wanna get outta the snug we got goin' on…
Flandre comes on up ta us! "You guys~. Guy. Girls and guy."
"Burger and fry." I echo the sentiment. "Genkan is soft." Press face into boob.
Genkan exhales. "You-... not when someone's-... nnn." She's too tired to care, and just gives up. Yeah.
...Flandre folds her arms! "Well. You guys do look weirdly cute like this. ...I dunno what to even say about this. Just, um… I'll wake you up at seven! Maybe the weather'll be right, and the sun won't come out."
We baffled Flandre with casual living and inscrutable defiance of normality even by her standards. We've really done it.
Now I sleep. Girl… energy…
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Dawn cracks on a cold world… again. Did I mention how I feel like the sky is cracked with cold? I love saying it, but I feel like I've said it a million times!
The clearing we're in is smitten, kissed, just mmm- mwah. Like that! ...With blue light, I mean! It's blue.
Our campsite is under some trees, so Remi and Flandre are able to avoid the morning's light readily enough without needing to try.
Remilia sits under one of those fucking foldable plastic-metal lawn chairs with a visor overhead. In one of the cup holders, she has a glass of wine.
Genkan and Maria are taking turns poking sticks into a fire. Over the fire, there's a fluffle inside of a cage, being fucking cooked alive by the hot metal. It flops around excitedly, on the hot seat!
Flandre claps her hands, as the cage is mysteriously lowered deeper onto the flames.
"Did I wake up to somethin' weird?" You know it's weird when I go 'what the fuck' on my first impression…!
Ha-chan sits on a stump near the flames. She looks constipated…
"Uh oh." Ouh. "What's wrong, Ha-chan?"
"I don't like the complex geopolitical situation in Kashmir." Oh. Oh no. "Also, penises are weird." What oh no.
I look at Genkan, expecting answers!
...She stops poking the fire with her stick. "Good morning, Brad. Let us make smores." Ooh. She gave me such a persuasively beautiful smile that I can't help but erase my mental RAM and not question anything that's going on.
Wait, no. "What happened while I was out…!?" Why are we torturing a fluffle to death!?
Flandre speaks up, romping up from the nearby woods! "Genkan showed everyone your penis!" Www- what!
Genkan frowns hard! "I did not show everyone, gremlin. Hana asked to see it. You were not given permission to enter the igloo."
Flandre proceeds to be a gremlin! "I didn't know you guys would be that weird in the morning! You knew I was here!"
Genkan is opposed. "You have good hearing. You knew I was going to be educating Hana. You chose to walk in."
When registering this opposition, Flandre pouts. "Sorry to say, but I wasn't fully entirely paying that much attention! Me and Remi were talking, and stuff. And then I walk in and you guys are being really really weird!"
Remilia had a hand on her own face. "Flandre, I told you they could have been having a private moment. I figured you just went in anyway because you are strange like that."
...Flandre beams at her! "I mean, kind of, but still!" Yeah, okay!
"Then, you have no room to complain." Genkan has passed her judgment! "Silence, night creature."
"Mmnnn." Flandre has no choice but to accept judgment.
...I look over at Maria. Maria still looks drowsy and peaceful. Yeah, I can get behind that!
Man. The world around me just looks cold. Not feeling the cold is still kinda trippin' me out.
I can't believe I was molested while I was out. Wait… "When did you guys wake up? You an' Ha-chan, I mean." I ask Genkan!
"Hours before you… or Maria." Genkan informs the world! "We had some time."
Ooh. Maybe that's why Ha-chan looks aggressively snug.
"Today's already been… really weird." Maria decides! "I kinda forgot how weird we can get on the road."
Yeah man. "Today's been weird? How so…!?"
Maria gives me a look! "I think you lost any ability to decipher what's abnormal living and what isn't." ...I mean, she's right, you know!
Wait, shit.
I look at Maria. "Maria, do you have any spare panties?"
Her eyes widen at me, all of a sudden! "Wha-... what? Why?"
Shit, when we were at the mansion earlier, we shoulda stolen more panties! Man…! Ah, maybe we can buy some at the village. A value pack.
"Don't just say that and stop talking!" Maria gets rowdy with me!
"I need them to make the device!" Yeah man!
Genkan snorted. "The- the device?" Oou… she does not know.
"Oh, god." Remilia knows exactly what I'm talkin' about…
I inform Maria of the schematics. "I need panties to make the device."
"No you don't." What, no. "You're not getting any. Of- of mine."
"I only need like, three!" Aah! "Oh well…"
I turn to Ha-chan! "Hey, Ha-chan, are you wearing panties!?"
"Boy am I!" Yeah that's what I wanna hear!
Genkan speaks up! "Brad, you're not taking off her panties. Not in front of people."
"What?" Ha-chan gets offended! "I can take 'em off myself, Genkan."
Genkan becomes worried! "Ha- Hana, no that's not what-"
Floating into the air, Ha-chan balls up, and spins around as she fights her skirt! "Wh- aah. Um…"
...Genkan gives me a spooky look. Aww. Hmm.
"Why do you need panties?" Flandre can't help but wonder!
Genkan faces her. "Don't encourage him."
"For a rope!" Even so, I continue!
"Oh, okay~!" She stands on one leg, folding the other up so she can reach inside her skirt.
Remilia gives 'er a sharp look! "Flandre- you will not take off your panties."
"We're in America, it's a free country." Flandre lies!
Remilia almost stands up! "I will fight you before you take off your undergarment so help me-"
Flandre goes back to standing. "Ooh, okay, fine." Awh. "...Hey, Brad!" Ohp- what! "Catch!"
She tosses her undies into the air. Wait- she was wearing boxers fer no reason!
...They flutter around in the air between us, before landing in the snow.
"Crap." Flandre swears!
"That-..." Remilia's just confused. "Why were you wearing boxers…?"
Flandre blushes a little. "I- I felt like it was a boxer's kinda day, yesterday." Hoh, hoh… "They're pretty spacious!"
"You're weird." Remilia decides!
Flandre snorts! "You're the weirdo. They're practical."
"Guys wear boxers." Remi counters!
"They're just better bloomers!"
Remi shook her head. "As sweatpants and a t-shirt are more practical than any dress, yet you still put those on."
Flandre smiled peacefully. "Sakuya dresses both of us."
...Yeah, yeehaw! While they're both quiet, I take Flandre's boxers off the floor!
"Wait- then…" Remi comes to an epiphany! "Sakuya did this?"
"At my command." Flandre reveals!
Remilia relaxes. "Oh, so the fault still lies with you. It's something slight enough that I understand her allowing it to you… but-"
"No one can even see it. Shut up, Remi."
Ha-chan hovers up to my side! "Here, Brad!" She presents her blue-white striped panties! "They're mine, and mine alone!" Oh, okay!
I take 'em! "They sure are!"
"I forgot to stop her in the confusion." Genkan looks displeased! "Brad, I am going to put a stop to you."
...I still never asked why we're cooking a fucking fluffle over the fire. Looking back at the cage, I still see the fluffle flopping around, playing hot potato with the floor.
"WOOOOAAAH" Oh god- holy shit! Wahaha~! It suddenly yelled, really loud!
Everyone jumps, even Flandre and Remilia!
"What…" Remi has a similar look to Genkan: one of fluffy aggression. "What was that?"
"Holy cow." Flandre snaps into casual posture. "That was loud!"
"Why are we cooking a fluffle!?" I still never figured this out!
Genkan bumps into me, displacing me very slightly! "Why are you collecting people's garments…?"
"Remilia, help!" I need help! "I think I need like three pairs for a good rope! You can help!"
"You've asked everyone but me." Genkan stresses!
...I mean, "aren't you in your stock- I mean, regular outfit? Do you even wear panties normally…!?"
Genkan's face reddens a little! "Nn- now I do! The ones you- we-... that we obtained at the Moriya Shrine." Oh, yeah!
I wave 'er off. "The panties will be consumed in the crafting, so I want you to keep your magic panties of dispelling!"
"What." Genkan didn't realize I was playin' 4D chess!
"Also, they look good on you, and it'd be sad if they were consumed!" Yeah man…
...Genkan has no reply!
Okay, Ha-chan's, Flandre's…
"Consumed in crafting…" Remilia laments over the danger of that statement! "Do I dare ask?"
"You'll find out if I get another pair!" Yeah, man! Wait, didn't I steal a Remilia outfit an eon ago? I forget if panties were part of the set… I think I didn't open her drawers. Plus, I crafted most of that outfit away.
"...A good reason to not humor you." Remilia, no! I need pantaloons! "That would be too easy, wouldn't it?"
Dang. I'll have to see if I have spares in my inventory. 'Cause there's no way Maria will-
"He- here!" Oh. Oh!
Maria walks up from around a nearby tree, having slipped away in the confusion! "I- I've been meaning to buy new clothes anyway- ss- so-"
"Maria." Genkan is the storm that is approaching! "You… did not seriously…?"
Thrusting them up with both hands, Maria's red face intensifies! "They- they're my summer stuff anyway! I've only been wearing them 'cause- 'cause I've had this ice protection stuff on!"
"You're giving Brad your panties." Genkan rephrased the premise! "Have you no shame?"
...Maria's face is really red! "Do- do I look like I don't…?"
Casually, I walk up between them, making sure to be unassuming. "Thanks, Maria."
Genkan is not fooled by my ginger disposition, and tries to body block me! "Brad, no. What would Maria's mother say? Can't you see what you're making Maria do?"
"It- it's not that serious…" Maria justifies my weird request! "And I'm curious…"
...Genkan has her lips pursed, pensive. "Curiosity killed the cat."
Maria skirts around her! "That's not a strong reason not to, so-"
Genkan bumps me aside! "You won't be walking around with any panties on. That's indecent."
"No one's gonna care." Maria is determined! "Scoot, Genkan. Or I'm gonna toss a fluffle at you."
Genkan has no choice. "If you insist."
Aw. "...Hey Genkan, I forgot how to tie knots."
"No you didn't." What! "You will not make me tie the knots."
Well, she can watch me fail to tie knots fer a couple minutes, then…! Let's see. How I wanted this to go was…
Reaching into my bag, I take One Million Revenants outta captivity.
The combined shaft of Market Gardener and Escape Plan is tipped with the hilt of the ethereal Horseman's Hanger.
I run my hand along the chain of fake gold cross necklaces that stretch an arm's length. The- the whole band, not every necklace! Youkai Inconveniencer hangs off this chain.
Let's see. Yeah- this is the chain's middle. Holdin' the necklace chain by the middle, I took… Maria's panties, and held the bands close ta the necklace…!
Actually, this is easy. I unclick one a' the necklaces… oh, holy shit, they're tough. Well, they better be, considering what I do with 'em! Are the clickers broken? Oou, they better not be…
CLICK! Oh- shit. That was loud.
Ohp! Gotta sit down to fuck with this!
Laying the panties in my lap, I make it so Maria's panties are stuck amidst the necklace, along the right of the other chains.
Click! Snappin' the necklaces back together, I uh, hmm… how to tie the rest a' the shit together…?
So~. Boxers… Maria's panties. Panties, boxers. Wait, yeah!
I fold the right of Maria's panties through the left leg. Ah, yeah, an' just… tie 'em into a knot together.
...Genkan crouches next to me, as I try and work this knot!
"Speaking of sexual offenders, I think Brad counts." Remilia decides to heckle me! "Genkan, finish off your boyfriend."
shoof. Even though I'm sitting, Genkan ineffectually pushes me over. "What, no!"
...However, she just lets me continue doing my things afterward! And-
Genkan expedites the process, tying the knot without the need for a timeskip. Ooh.
Alright- now to tie the next one to the boxers! ...Uuh.
Genkan ties Flan's boxers to Ha-chan's panties in one smooth motion. Holy shit. Did she just practice tyin' knots or what?
Finally, I draw… Frost Broker from my bag.
Actually, shit, I coulda had Genkan configure the thing instead of Shimokoa. Actually, nah. Let's see what personal touches Shimokoa added to the thing…
I wrap Ha-chan's panties around the hilt of Frost Broker.
fwi- fwish, fwish. Ooh. Frost runs along the fabric of the panties…!
Holding it by Frost Broker, I swing it all up.
Both the holy end and the lightning end flick over my shoulder. After they ineffectually wrap over my shoulder, I pull 'em back.
Woosh. The necklaces and panty rope rebound, both unheld ends flying outwards! Ooh- s'a good striking motion!
Woosh- woosh- woosh! "Aw- yeah!" Just flailin' my arm in a circular pattern now, I spin around both ends in the air! Holy light and sparks dance around either handle as I spin 'em around! Holy shit that looks cool!
"Brad-" Genkan takes shelter! "You're definitely going to take someone's eye out with that, if not simply your own."
Slowing the spin down- I grab it by the lightning end.
Whish- Clack! Whipping it by the Market Gardener handle- which bends on its own too- every hanger wraps horizontally around my waist.
Before I pull on the hangers and use the rebounding momentum of them briefly kissing my waist, I turn on my boots!
Ascending, I twirl around in place- and swing!
Wooshwooshwoosh! Spinnin' around, I take off into the air, frost and light emitting around me when I channel magic into the whole hanger mess!
Remilia shields her face with a hand, but Flandre doesn't seem to have to! "Ugh…"
My hands let go of the three hangers entirely, and I let my magic take control of them.
WOOSHWOOSHWOOSH! All three hangers whirl around me in a tri-elemental hellstorm, forming a-...
Oh, holy shit. A pale blue, magnetic disc forms in the air around me.
Maria's iron lantern staff floats off the floor, into the air. "Wha- what…!" She moves to grab it!
The cage the baking fluffle is contained within kicks around, while the fluffle inside goes crazy!
Some kinda tingly energy builds among all the hangers… like- I can feel it as if I can feel each of the hangers, as an extension of myself.
Tilting onto my side in the air, I spin towards the floor, holding onto the center of the panty rope and necklace chains! "Yeeheehaw!"
When I make impact with the floor, I feel this tingly energy along the three hangers just expend itself.
THOOM! When the hangers meet the snow, they like, pierce their magic into it.
KRING! A big, ugly spike of crystal-clear ice is formed in the morning overcast, aimed outward from where I landed in the snow.
It's tall, glittering with pale light, sparkly like smashed plexiglass.
kring. It snaps away in a near instant, silently- like that one attack Shimokoa used near the start of the big fight…
Wait. Hold on.
Just grabbing onto Frost Broker and the other hangers, I channel mana into Frost Broker in particular.
Crouching down awkwardly, I thrust it into the snow. "Hooh!"
Shoof! It hits the snowy floor!
KRING! Oh! ...It projected an ice spike out before me!
Standing back up, channeling more mana in, I kneel down quicker and with more force. "Hoh!"
KRING- Kring, Kring! Three more spikes roll out of the snowy floor, abstract in shape and not all that sharp…
Bringing all three hangers into the air, I inhale.
FWISH! My fairy wings bloom from my back, now white and blue.
"Yeah!" Holy shit- this one's gonna be good!
Dropping to my knees, I plunge the hangers into the earth.
KRACKAKRING! All around me, a cluster of icy spikes jet into the air. "It's cool!"
Kring! Kring! Kring! Kring! A snaking trail of ice spikes trails ahead, progressing into the forest ahead.
Uuh. When I stand, I find that all of the ice has me trapped! Four quadrants of it came up in a like, shield around me but I'm uh, stuck.
It's all really pretty though! So damn shiny.
...crack! Oou. After a few moments, all of the ice spam just shatters when I stop focusing.
"Ho~h… shit." I might need to actually take a mana potion after that shit. I'm… admittedly, winded after all of that!
...Genkan is on the approach, dude. "That is the last ice pun you will make." Wha- uh oh.
"What- the heck kind of spell was that?" Maria is confused.
Genkan briefly looks towards her. "...A cool one."
Maria mirrored Genkan's flat expression.
Flandre cheers! "Yeah! You did it!"
Remilia snorts. "Did what…?"
"He sprouted his wings, Remi! Now he can save the fluffle!" Flandre looks back at the captive fluffle!
But, it's too late. The fluffle is now a loaf, baked and served fresh daily. "loaf" It is now an even toastier brown than it already was.
"Wow…" I take in some air! "You guys burnt it!"
Ominously, Genkan gazes at me. There's no emotion behind it, it's just flat! ...I say ominous, but ominous coming from her is I'm gonna say it man it's cute man-
"Look what you've enabled." Remilia mocks either me or her sister, I dunno which.
Genkan stares her down. Flandre grins! Maria is neutral, her embarrassment and surprise neutralized by the sheer incomprehensibility of what just happened.
"I need exotic items to craft my weapons!" Yeah man! "Yeehaw…!"
"Exotic items." Genkan slowly starts to smile "That's a way of putting it."
Shit. I just realized. "Orato is just Gastin. Oh, god damn it." He's straight up Gaston! He's like, super Gaston! He's like if you took the beast and put 'em inside Gaston too, and just- ooh!
We need to go back to the Golden Grin. I need to make fun of this absolute unit.
"Ga- Gastin…?" Remilia blinks in mild confusion!
I look at Flandre! "Ever read Beauty in the Beast!?"
"Yeah!" Aw yeah!
"Orato is Gaston." It's time to deal in 1700s memes.
Flandre holds her mouth. "Oh my god you're right."
"We gotta go make fun of him." I have decided this. "It's imperative that we go make fun of him."
I need ta buy a dictionary and a thesaurus just so I can call my weapons the most profound and esoteric shit. We oughta stop by Kosuzu's, man.
We start ta move! "Alright-... if we're finished here, we're gonna go raid the village for supplies!"
"Yeah!" Ha-chan is ready to raid the village! "Raid the village!"
Remilia stood up from her boomer chair! "What…? I mean... I suppose today had to move on, but I'd just got comfy…"
Flandre came up to Remi's chair, took the wine glass, and chugged it.
...A moment later, she stumbles back! "Re- Remi! Uuoh! Why- was that so strong? It's like, six in the morning!"
Ah. It's six? We woke up that early? Damn! No wonder we were a little groggy. I'm kinda awake now though!
"Because I can hold my alcohol, sister." Remi sasses her! "It's not as if I can't stomach a little pick-me-up in the morning. We're camping."
Flandre shook her head! "But-...! That's just an excuse! Where'd you even get this from?" She reels her arm back, and chucks the wine glass into the snow!
Sakuya appears. She claims the wine glass from the air before it touches anything. Just as quickly, she's gone.
Flandre instantly knows, mouth hanging open in contemplation.
"Town gathers to watch ninja parade." Yeah, man.
Genkan blinks. "...Ninja parade?"
"Exactly." That's how you know they're doing their job!
I move up to Flandre to get her in the mood, man. "She doesn't know- don't tell her!" I tell specifically Flandre!
She beams! "Huh? Oh, yeah! Don't worry!"
Alright, man. The town is not far.
...Pausing, I turn to everyone! "Hey, everyone, what's a good name- word for frosty things, or morning frost?"
"Cold!" Thank you, Flandre.
"Bitter cold." Genkan decides…
"Fro- frost…? Um?" Maria did not pick up what I was putting down!
"Snow!" Thank you, Ha-chan…!
"Hoarfrost." Remilia is powerful by comparison to everyone else!
"What the heck's hoarfrost?" I wanna know!
"Think of frozen dew on a clear day." Remilia informs me. Ooh, shit. That's perfect.
Thunder, holy, ice and sun. This hanger combo's the most powerful, dude…!
Woosh- woosh- woosh! Spinnin' the hanger around, hands on the electric hilt, I beam! Aa-
Whack! Ow. I hit myself in the side of the head. "Ouuh…"
"Um." Genkan snorts at my expense! "Are you okay…?"
Remilia speaks up for me! "Physically? Probably. His pride? Probably not." Aaaa~h, aaa~h!
Hoarfrost Forecast. Freakin', cloudy with a chance of Shimokoa. Hmm. Imagine if I just named my weapons after my enemies. Shimokoa, the mighty nunchuck panty plant hanger combo.
...Eeh, nah. It's not like she turned herself into a weapon for me to use or anything. Can a youkai even do that? That'd be fuckin' metal, but also incredibly unlikely! ...Oouh, maybe the instrument types can.
Although, imagine if a tsukumogami let you use their object and you just fuckin' broke it and killed them. How munted!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
I think Sakuya came out of the aether and cleaned up Remilia's boomer-ass chair. Wait… did we ever let the fluffle outta the cage!? Ah, well. The raccoons, or the tanuki, can find the roasted fluff later an' eat it…
Ding, ding! I walk into Kosuzu's book store, first of all! First thing's first, let's get this shit squared away!
My entire one hundred man army follows me into the book store, ready to lay down the fuckin' law!
Kosuzu raises her brows as all one thousand of us file into the book store, single file, one at a time- it takes like, twelve entire hours to get us all in here. Kosuzu's store is going to be replaced on the atomic scale with the members of my army.
"Yeaa~h!" I conga dance up to the desk! "Yo everyone- do the conga with me!"
...Ha-chan gets really excited, but doesn't know what the conga is. No one else does the conga. Wait- we did the conga earlier- Ha-chan, get over here and start conga'ing with me!
"Not again." Genkan, however, did not forget.
Even Flandre refused! She just smiles very brightly at me, but also for no good reason so it's kinda weird!
"I've been culturally appropriated." Game over: return of Flandre.
Genkan pushes me! "We're scaring customers away, I'm sure. Please be quick about this."
Alright, Kosuzu. D'ya remember me!? Probably not, let's be real… "Kosuzu, I've been culturally appropriated, and to make a long story short, I need a dictionary and a thesaurus."
Y'know, I already named a weapon so it's not like I even need them. Duuh. Actually, I wonder-
"Uuh." Kosuzu gives me a flat look! "...Are- are you from the village?"
"Yeah, man." I nod at her! "From the streets to the Golden Grin. Call me fatman scoop." Especially hilarious because I am neither fat nor man! I am cryptid…!
"Uuh." She looks at my company! I look back…!
Remilia and Flandre hide behind Genkan. Flandre's wings still stick out from behind Genkan.
"Actually… on second thought," I decide, "just find me like, an English book, if y'got any of those."
Genkan snorts! "You, reading books?"
"Yeah, surprisin' innit!?" Yeah man!
"...Well, you do look English." Kosuzu concedes, yo… "Are you-... have I seen you before?"
"Around town? Yeah, man. I'm in the flapjack tribe."
...Kosuzu nods. "Oh, right. You're… Brad, right?"
"Ass fuck."
She nods faster! "Yeah, okay- well, um… how'd the cube thing turn out for you?"
I turn to Genkan. "I got a girlfriend."
"I'm the beloved girlfriend." Genkan declares! "I bring good fortune." Yeah man!
"Oo- oh." Kosuzu looks freakin' mystified…! "Wow. Okay. Good… for you?"
She moves from around her desk, and starts to peruse fer me. "Well, uuh. You'll bring it back on time, right?"
Wha- wait, what, these're timed? "How much're the late fees?"
She gives me a flat look. "Dude."
"Wh- I mean, if I miss the times, I'd like ta know!" Just sayin'!
She gives me a fluffy yet stern look. Oh my god those bells in her hair- they jingle! "The price caps at like, triple the book if you don't bring it back. But I also might just not let you borrow any more if you make it a habit."
Oh. "You mean I don't rack up like, infinite library debt…!?"
"This isn't a cartoon, no." Says you! Y'walked around the village recently…!? Actually-... maybe you haven't, considering… yeah, book girl.
Genkan moves up next to me! "I will help return the book." Aw, right. Yeah, Genkan'd be way better at that shit than me.
...Kosuzu eases up! "Well. You seem… um…"
"I know it's hard to tell us apart, but… I've been here before, once or twice." Genkan informs her! "Kosuzu. It's me, Genkan. If that means anything to you. Last time I was here, it was one of your parents working this place."
"Oh…? Oo- oh." Kosuzu blinked a bunch! "Ok- okay. ...Why'd you only come back now?"
"I like to own books, not borrow them. This village is also an awful place. I hate every second I spend in it. Considering that, I only came here when I was desperate for something new." Hooh.
"...Huh." Kosuzu nods! "Well, uh… do you want fiction? Or nonfiction?"
Yes, bring me the fuckin' manuals, the enclosed instruction books. "Fiction!" Yeah, if I wanted to sleep, I'd tell Genkan to pick me up and take me away.
You know what? After New Years- that's today, actually- I gotta do that a day in January. Just, tell Genkan, fuck my shit up, carry me while I'm asleep ta somewhere interesting, surprise me. That'd… be kinda cool, actually.
See- I have a good idea once in a while, I just gotta spam the think button.
"Want a story…? Mystery? Fantasy? Sci-fi?" Kosuzu looks over a shelf along the left a' the store…
What the hell would sci-fi be like in the human village? Fuckin'... would it just be cars and ballistic guns? Yeah man, really… science fiction. Wait, how far back does sci-fi as a genre go?
How weird! Also- fantasy? We're in Gensokyo. I mean, I guess certain settings aren't represented in Gensakey but like- the fantasy's all right here! Do people write books speculating about the outside? Well- if they do, they sure as hell ain't writing them in English…
"Y'know what- just gimme a book on like, poetry." I can read poetry to Genkan and woo her.
"Ah…" Kosuzu stops and considers this! "Right this way." Aw yeah!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
I gotta return this book in like, a month. That's like five hundred batches of chapters from now. ...Joking, just in case anyone thinks the pace'll actually get that slow!
We're before the doors of the Golden Grin. It's still relatively morning.
Maria may not have said much last scene, but rest assured, she has also borrowed a book by using my money! She got some kinda romance, I think. I didn't have time to check!
Ha-chan has a manga, because it had pictures. She flips through it randomly, very unenthused by its attempt at having a presentation at all! ...What's the manga? Fuck if I know, I'll hafta ask Genkan later!
Remilia speaks up! "Are we really just-... going to that club, now? Are they even open for New Years day? I somehow doubt it."
Since we're right in front of the place, one of the bunny girls there corrects us! "Oh, we're open, alright." The black-haired tomboy one spoke up, gazing down all unimpressed at Remilia.
Remilia opens her mouth. "Aah-"
"But not to you." She smirked!
Remilia's stare is flat. "...Hmm?"
"Gotta be this tall to ride, babe." She raises her hand way up into the air! "Tell your parents to take you to a restaurant. We don't do babysitting."
Remilia sighed. "Do you know what I am…?"
"Mmm? Yeah." The bunny girl unfolded her arms, before takin' out a pack of cigarettes. "So? Your little dollhouse in the woods'd be in some hot shit if you fucked me over. So don't be a brat. Run along. You're not invited."
...Remilia nods! "Flandre, I think I hate this place, with a passion."
Flandre walks up to her! "Hey lemme in."
"No."
"Lemme in."
"No."
"Lemme memi."
"No."
"Lemmelemmelemmelemme."
"Fuck off." She flips Flandre the middle finger! "Go play in traffic. Actually- aren't you the brat's sister? Weren't you supposed to be locked in a cellar?"
...Flandre turns to us! "I gotta- I must say, the customer service here is terrible!" I- I like how she got posh too all of a sudden! Her inflection changed and everything!
"What traffic…?" I'm just wondering what traffic there is to play in! It's Gensokyo!
The bunny girl looks up at me, and smiles all coy like! "Oh? Right. You're that boy the mistress likes."
Wait, whah. "Yukari?"
"Huh?" She blinks! "Hah! No. The intern mistress." Pfft.
"Ass fuck." Well, this bouncer's probably just lyin' up a storm 'cause she's a bunny bitch.
Genkan interjects! "She does now, does she?"
The bunny sneered, sinisterly. The classic bitch sneer. "Heh? Yeah. Hey, Brad, was it? How'd you like the manager as your girlfriend? I could hook you u~p…"
Faced with opposition, I did the only thing a socially awkward small man could do. I read poetry. "Who's the girl next door, living in the haunted plywood shack!?"
...The bunny girl blinks at me!
No one continues my thought, so I do! "You better know her name- 'cause she's Ma~ria!"
"Wh- what...?" Maria didn't want to be called out in front of the class!
"She knows the darkest spells, and she brews the meanest potions!" Yeah man!
...Since no one still continues my thought, I get up behind Maria and attempt to use a higher pitch! "Yh- oo… you might be the ingredient I seek!" I use a hand as a puppet to emulate a Maria!
...Wait, shit, how'd the rest of it go!? "...Do not be deceived by her innocent demeanor!" I've dropped all the cadence of trying to sing the song! "She turned her teacher into a spoon! Look the fuck out!"
"Oh my god Brad- shut up…!" Maria tries to silence my art!
Aw. "What if I say no!?"
Maria looks confronted! "...You- you're toast!" She's a little more flippant than Ashley, though. Genkan woulda stuck that.
In fact, let's test that theory. "Hey, Genkan, repeat what Maria said!"
...Genkan smiles knowingly. "You're toast." Oh, there we go, I'm in love.
Now! "Maria- use Genkan's cadence and attitude!"
Maria gives me her best glare. "You're toast." Oou. Man, that makes me kinda imagine an alternate reality where Maria was more… I dunno, stoic. Somethin' about being in command fits Maria. Maybe it's the irony!
"What the fuck are you people talking about?" The bunny girl is getting sick of our bullshit!
I open my poem book I just bought, and flip to a random page! "Uuh- hold on, I don't know how to talk to girls! Book, help me!"
Remilia looks worried! "Brad, I have bad news for you. You've been talking to nearly exclusively girls for the past three months." Wahaha!
Suppressing my chuckles, I keep goin'! "Alright- here's a-... uuh…" C'mon, gimme a good one. Oh, this one's short.
The Proverbs of Hell, by William Blake. "Prisons are built with stones of Law, Brothels with bricks of Religion." Punctuation's his choice, by-the-by. A real [sic] moment. An' he's allowed to do it 'cause he's old!
"The pride of the peacock is the glory of God. The lust of the goat is the bounty of God. The wrath of the lion is the wisdom of God. The nakedness of woman is the work of God."
...Well, that was a poem!
The bunny girl has no fucking clue what to say. She just opens her mouth, but says nothing.
"Hmm." Remilia's pleased! "I rather liked that one."
"Yeah." Wha- Flandre too!? "Remi, I told you, we shoulda hired Brad as an entertainer."
"Shut-" Remi almost tells her off! "Mmgh. I didn't think he even knew how to read, period. Let alone poetry."
Flandre contests her! "You can tell by his like- stereotypical poem-reading inflection that he's seen a good few!"
Remi grinned incredulously! "I didn't know he did that until just now!"
Actually, hey. "Genkan, if I had a huge beard, would I look like a lion…!?"
"You'd look…" Genkan narrows her eyes. "Hmm. Glare at me."
Oh, man. Glaring feels so foreign. I attempt to look like Kazuma Kiryu. It's funny, y'can't really bother to glare in a fight, y'gotta try to not die, which is a uniquely intense but typically ugly expression.
"Maybe." Genkan judges me! "I feel like a beard would feel strange. It'd have to be short and soft. Otherwise, I'd take it off for you." Uh oh.
"Can you idiots stop loitering?" The tomboy bunny girl gets angry! "I'll call up some bouncers if you don't get out of here!"
Ouh. Wait. I got an idea.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Remilia and Flandre are stacked. Remilia is on top, taking command! She's sittin' on Flandre's shoulders.
They're dressed up with the Camou-mono, with the nazi officer hat on!
I've got my ice crown on for some resistance, and the nazi officer coat.
The tomboy bunny girl stares at us with plain vexation! "...Uuh."
I point at Remi. "She's a nazi. Let us in."
Remi clears her throat, as we practiced. "...Pepe meme."
I nod a bunch! "See- she's got a frog in her throat, we gotta get in to get it out!"
"Fuck me…" Wahaha! I dunno if she likes it or not! "You're all retarded."
She moves aside! "Okay, fine, but if your little vampire bitches get laid, it's nobody's fault but their own. Okay?"
Flandre's voice emanates from the crotch of the kimono! "Oh my!"
I~ don't think we'll have to worry about them. I'm sure they've been to crazier, seedier parties in middle-Europe…
As we quietly progress inside, the tomboy stops us however! "Hey. The brown-haired girl. How old is she?"
"Old." Yeah man.
"Six- sixteen." Maria- why'd you-
"Oh! Perfect." Wait- what. Wait- hold on!
She takes out a-... a paper, and hands it to Maria. "You'd make a cute waitress."
"Uuh. Thanks…" She gave Maria a job application. "I'll um, yeah…"
We progress inside the club. Thankfully, there is no music goin' on…
Also, it's just kinda chill. A real civil kinda day.
Everyone's standing, for some reason. Some tubby old businessmen are talkin' it up with some bunny chicks and each other, along the main tables in the midst of the floor.
Man, it's a lot warmer in here than it is outside! ...Which's good!
"I'll never work here." Maria has a strong opinion! "I-... I considered it earlier, when mom died, but… I- I went to Marcus' shop instead."
Aw, right, I remember that. Man, Maria would've been fucked if she worked here. Both literally and figuratively. S'kinda crazy to think about!
"Good on you for that…" Remilia regards Maria quietly! Man- without the loud music, we can use indoor voices. "If you're working for anyone, you ought to be working for me."
Maria gives her a flat stare! "Your place really isn't that much better!"
Fighting words. Remi tilts herself back on Flandre's shoulders, to look haughtier! "Oho? Well, aren't you opinionated? Would you rather be manhandled by greedy old men, than touch a dusty shelf?"
Maria disagrees! "I mean, fairies would be prettier I guess, but I don't wanna get manhandled either way!"
Remilia licks her lips! "Mmm? Do you not? Be honest."
"...Nn- not by strangers."
"Oh?" Remilia's brows raise! "Would you rather Brad manhandle you?"
Genkan ceases the conflict. "I will manhandle you." Yeah, man.
Ha-chan interjects! "Genkan- you can't manhandle her. You're not a man." Oh my god.
Genkan gives her the most done flat stare possible! Ha-chan smiles wider!
"I'm sexist." I decide to become fucked up and evil. Aw, hey, I think I see Maribel!
She's in a yellow-white dress, like she's going to a funeral-wedding. She's on the front stage, where a food table is set up, chatting it up with some random suits.
Well, that's nice, but I also see Orato!
He's in the back-left corner, arms spread along the back of a C-shaped couch, three different pretty women in his grasp.
Alright, it's time. Takin' my ice crown off, I steal my nazi hat back from Remi and instantly power-strafe up to the couch he's at!
Before he can notice me, I go around behind the couch.
"Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston, looking so down in the dumps!" I rest my arms on his bicep! He's got this long-sleeved white shirt on.
He looks at me!
"Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston, even when taking your lumps!" Yeah man!
"Hfuh. Shut the fuck up." Uh oh! Yeah man!
"There's no man in town as admired as you! You're everyone's favorite guy!" Yeah man! ...Shit- I forgot the transition into the fun part! Yeah- whatever! "No~... one's…!"
woosh. He tries to articulate his arm back to swat at me, but he's not at all flexible! "Nngh-"
"No one spits like Gaston! No one's slick as Gaston!" Yeah man! "No one's neck is as incredibly thick as Gaston's!" This man's like a bad DBZ character drawing…!
Orato looks at the chicks around him, who are both parts confused and also amused!
"Sa- Sammy." He brushes this freckled girl outta his lap. "Give me a moment…"
"Bro, who's Gaston?" Oh my god.
Orato doesn't answer her, standin' up and turnin' around!
"Who's much more than the sum of his parts, like Gaston…!?" Yeah man! You're a sum, Orato!
He grabs the bottom of the couch-
SHOOF- BAM! He tries to scrunch me against the wall with it- but I jump up onto the back of the couch. "Oou- yeehaw!"
"Woah!" He tries ta grab me- but I jump over him-
My bony butt bounces off his mane of brown hair- and he tenses up briefly!
"No one fights like Gastin!" Yeah man! "Everyone hates Gastin…!"
Oh no- I land on the table.
BAAM- CRACK- CRACK! I land on the plastic-wood table on my knees and the entire thing goes away. Just folds. Cake, wine and other bullshit just bounces, most of it flowin' off the table like water!
"Oo- oh, holy crap bro!" Sammy holds her hands over her mouth!
This blonde lady with a pony-tail lets her jaw drop. This other brown-haired chick wit' long curly hair also drops her jaw!
Scramblin' outta the crap- I marvel at how little got on my nazi dress pants- and-
BOOM, BOOM. Orato lumbers over the table towards me! "Fight me, limp dick!"
"In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston!" Yeah man! Ohp- here he comes!
Thump, thump, thump! Orato runs really slowly, but really loudly!
Wait- I wonder if I can convince him! "Dude- it's me, your wing man! I ain't here to fight! I'm here to help you get laid!"
"You're dead meat!" Uh oh. He points at me with a thick finger! "Do you even realize what you've done?"
"No. I'm hero." Hero.
He gestures a powerful arm to the table! "You've ruined our evening."
"It's morning." Broad daylight!
"You crushed the table and ruined our meal." He folded his arms. "It's your duty as a man to make it up to these women, and to me."
"You are especially good at expectorating." Yeah man!
Orato huffs, and looks back at the ladies! "Hey, girls. Watch me. I'll fold this fuckboy into a pretzel. Hey- anyone want to see him suck his own dick?"
"Um…" The blonde lady adjusts her pastel-blue blouse.
"You- you don't-" The other curly-haired lady spoke up before getting interrupted-
Sammy- this brown-haired shortie- stood up! "Yeah! Blood! Get 'em, bro!"
...Ooh! Genkan and Maria hurry on up to me!
"You idiot." Genkan has conflicting opinions about this! "This may be a felony, but I have no choice but to help you." She still sides with me though! "Violence is the answer today." Yeah man!
Maria draws Iron Beacon from her techy backpack! "Brad-... I might not like this place- but this isn't the way to go about it!"
I look at 'er! "Hey- if we had a full sixty-four stack of TNT, you'd totally level the ground floor abruptly! There's no ideal time to commit terrorism! Any time is a good time!"
"Hahaha!" Orato enjoys that joke! "Are you going to have your girlfriends fight with you? Are you sure you want to do that?"
"I simply want to beat you up." Genkan feels violent too today!
"I don't like this place- so I'm more willing to beat you up than admit Brad did-... did a stupid." Maria decides to also commit the felony!
Genkan looks at her. "Did a stupid…?"
"I- I misspoke. I ran outta breath." Maria clarifies. "Brad- why?"
"It distrubed me to see Gaston all down in the dumps man!" Yeehaw! "There's no one as easy to bolster as Gaston!"
Orato bears his teeth! "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
Sammy chips in! "He means it's easy to get your ego up, bro. 'Cause it is."
Orato looks back at her, an' just has a look fer a moment!
He looks back at me! "Last time, I wasn't prepared. This time, I don't care what you cast. I'll kick your ass." He probably came with generic debuff resistance this time!
Uh oh. "My ass is allergic to the kicking…!"
"It's a little late to be saying that!" He cracks his knuckles! "When I'm done with you, your bitches will be licking my dick to pay off your debt, whether they like it or not."
Sammy interjects again! "Bro I don't think a blowjob's gonna fix the table or the cake, dude."
Orato twists a little to talk back to her! "It's going to make us even when it gets cut out of my paycheck."
"What…!?" Maria objects! "That can't be legal!"
Orato centers his glare on us. "Hah? Who gives a fuck what's legal? You think this town does?"
Genkan becomes dangerous…! "There's no speaking with him. We'll just have to fight our hardest."
"Exactly!" Orato beams, holding his arms out wide! "Hit me with your best shot! When we're done here, we'll take this party upstairs."
...Aw. The planning phase has begun!
"...Everyone go all-out!" By comparison to Shimokoa, this's the breather boss!
Maria thrusts her staff into the air. "Stop!"
Ka- KLINK! Orato is stopped abruptly by the time prisms of doom that flare out around him.
FWISH! While he's frozen, Genkan freezes him.
"Hah- nnn!" Genkan fuckin' spins around three times, before dropping onto a hip and flaring around on the floor!
Fwi- Click! Swoocin' around his side on my gravity boots, I dangle Hoarfrost Forecast around- man, what a freakin' mess this thing's become! It's a little less intuitive than nunchucks 'cause each 'chuck' can get caught on one another pretty easily…!
Genkan flares her way into the bottom of ice sculpture man.
CRACK! Oh- shit! The time debuff wore off already, and he's already free! "Whgh- fuck!" He shivers, shuddering intensely!
Whack! Genkan sweeps both legs underneath his at once!
Orato holds his arms out, falling backward immediately. "Wh-"
After the initial impact, Genkan begins to just flare into him. This immediately has a fuckin' hilarious effect.
WHACK- KRACK! WHACK- KRACK- KRACK- KRACK- KRACK! Every quarter of a rotation Genkan does has just enough overall force to keep him flopping around. He's stuck in the air just barely off the ground. He gets put into perpetual motion. "Wh- aa- aagh- arh- aa-"
"Yeehaw!" Swoocin' on in, I spin the fuck around as I come at him!
My hangers all flail horizontally. I must land like six or eight blows against him-
WHACKACKACKACKACKACK! Oohoho- now he's spinnin' like horizontally and vertically!
Genkan continues flaring, landing eight-ish impacts around the same time I land eight more while spinnin' around. Oh god I'm getting dizzy-
WHACKACK- KRACK- WHACKACK- CRACK! We both just… fuckin' wombo him. Holy shit- this dude's gettin' beat down!
"Haa!" Genkan grabs the floor with both arms, stopping with her legs just-... parallel to the floor.
"Fireball!" Maria thrusts her staff forward, and the lantern tip flares red!
The following sequence of events is particularly assfucktacular, I'm gonna be honest…!
Genkan lands ass-first on the floor, and uses both arms to thrust herself under Orato like a missile.
She hugs one leg into her chest and kicks it out- springing into a handstand in the process.
KACRACK! Her sandal strikes Orato right in the abs, when he's in the air over the floor. Dude gets launched nearly straight up, but falls away from Genkan after the apex of his ascent...
Allowing Hoarfrost to levitate around myself, I force the hanger collection into hyperspeed orbit, whirlin' around me!
Still handstanding, Genkan draws a circle in the air by spinning mid-handstand with her leg still held out.
As Orato falls from getting fuckin' launched, Genkan's swinging extended leg meets him.
WHAKRACK! Her leg hits Orato in the gut while he's upside-down in the air. "Oua- nn-"
WHACKACKACKACKACK! "Yeahahaah!" Orato gets flung into me- but the whirling hanger meets him first! So many impacts holy shit-
Vhh- vhiir! The whirling, quad-elemental storm of the hanger creates a magnetic field around me which draws the silverware around the table closer!
"I-..." Flourishing my arms out, I behold my newfound power! "I am the silverware god! Ooou! Ahaah! Oooh…!"
FWAA- BOOM! Oh- shit- Maria's fireball formed in the air before me- both scorching Orato and getting sucked into the magic magnetic field!
Whapap- whack- whack! Genkan drifts into standing and just wails on the guy by spinnin' around with her arms held out! Yeah- crying windmill style!
Grabbing the hangers, I hold onto the frosty and electric ends, and dive onto my knees!
CLACK! I drive both ends into the floor!
KA- KRINGKRING! Four massive glacial ice spikes flare around me-
FWOOM! The fire from Maria's fireball rolls down the ice-
ZA- ZA- ZAP! The ice lashes out with electricity! "Aah…" Genkan leaps back, zapped!
I yell over the chaos! "It's cool!" Wahaha!
...kring! When I stand, the frozen silverware drops outta the ice as it instantly just dissipates.
Hooh? Where'd he go?
...Oh. Oh, holy shit.
Orato's lurched over a rail on the next story up. Holy fuck he got launched. His clothing is half-singed, Maria's fireball having burnt him from the inside-out on one chunk of his body.
Remilia, hatless, is immediately beside us. "By god, you've just assaulted a man. We're going to get kicked out in seconds." Uh oh…!
Maria is peaceful. "I'm not sorry."
Genkan brushes floor off a' her kimono. "Mmn. That… went well, all things considered."
"Crazy, huh!?" I grin over at the freakin' table of girls Orato used ta be at, puttin' my arms on my hips!
"Holy crapoly." Sammy has her hands over her mouth! ...The other girls are standing and trying to simultaneously leave but also be scarce!
...Man. This feels weird. Not getting my ass handed to me immediately feels weird. Then again, I guess we were just fightin' some big walkin' muscle man. That was basically a mook encounter.
"Hey! What the heck!"
Ooh! Maribel comes up to us! She's got heels on, dude.
Oh no. Quick- run away!
Turning around, I try to bolt-
Aagh! She gets me by the back a' my suit's collar!
Oh well. It's time to own up to my mistakes, man. Turning around, I nod compromisingly at Merry...
Coming up close, she holds a hand up to my face- don't do that! I bat it away!
"What are you doing...!?" She yell-whispers at me!
"We're here for the New Years party!" I tell 'er, not in whisper! "What better way ta celebrate not dying?"
Maribel flares a hand over at the old men around us who, frankly, seem to not really care about what just happened somehow! "You're gonna scare away the investors! They think this was some kinda show- but if crap like this keeps happening, this could go really bad!"
Who the fuck cares about investors!? I'm here to party! "D'ya guys got any punch, or is it all wine and-... horderves!?" What a fuckin' weird word…
Maribel gives me an intense look of semi-amusement! "...Just- just get outta here. This isn't your scene, Brad."
"I just came by to annoy that cow guy 'cause I remembered the Gaston song from Beauty and the Beast existed!" Yeah man!
Maribel shook her head! "That's not a good reason to show up and crash the party!"
Wha~t! "It's a perfect reason!"
Maribel held her head, and began to walk around my party…
"I don't see what's so great about all this." Maria kinda speaks my mind! "We just beat up a-... a weird guy."
"He spoke of us like pieces to be traded." Genkan reminded everyone. "If he had his way, we'd be his pets. He deserved a reality-check."
Maribel rubbed her forehead, basically face-palming. "You all just don't get it, do you?"
...Remilia speaks up! "I think the part I enjoyed the most, was the fact that the most fatal damage was dealt by that single fireball Maria cast."
Maribel points at me! "Brad. Fantasy is so much richer, when it's mixed with enough reality to almost seem real. This stupid hell hole might not be my idea of fun, but it's still got fun things in it. It's all about the dichotomy. You wouldn't have a-... a rapist cow man to fight and be awed over if beds of sin didn't exist to create animals like him."
Genkan is baited into contesting that point in a sideways manner. "So you're saying this place is evil? Then, what good is it? Why participate in or defend it? When you could be spending time somewhere healthier?"
Maribel glares at her. "Because good people live for their future. You can't hope to have a future if you're not willing to make sacrifices."
Genkan kinda looks standoffish, suspicious of the point, but doesn't know how to reason back.
"Isn't that right? Brad?" Maribel looks smug as fuck dude!
"Holy shit you're smug!" She's so confident!
...She blinks awkwardly! Yeah- dispelled the smug by lampshading it!
Anyway, "y'know, you might be right, but like…" I dunno! "I am dealin' with real shit."
"But if you had more courage, you'd have a finer fantasy."
"If courage is lettin' you be stupid, I'll be a coward!" Yeah yeehaw! "'Cause I ain't movin'!"
She's staggered physically! Yeah- I attacked her life points!
Maribel takes a step back, holding her arms up ta gesture outward. "Look around you. Things could be more. You wouldn't-... you shouldn't settle for good enough."
"I ain't settlin' on shit…!" That'd be pretty unfun! Settling on shit, I mean- I feel like that's a bad thing to settle on! "I'm just doin' things my way."
Maribel says nothin' back to that, starin' me down.
"I think you're a coward." She decides! "A real dumb idiot."
"Uh oh." Woah no, man.
"You love Gensokyo because it lets you escape… yet, you don't even want to escape your memories of the outside. You put up with how weak you are here. How little control you have. These past few weeks, you've spent every moment with Genkan like it could be your last."
Maribel steps closer ta me!
Genkan and Maria move closer-
TING! TING! They're pushed backwards by barrier bullshit! "Nn- ah…!" Genkan regains her balance, stepping back.
Man. "How do you guys do it!?" I really gotta know!
Maribel blinks. "Huh?"
"The like- cutscene magic barriers!"
Turnin' around, I come up to the barrier she summoned, and put my hand on it!
It's just, so non-distinct. When we fought, she used none a' these! It's probably totally impenetrable, but it's only used to keep people inside arenas!
"What the hell kinda magic is this!?" I gotta wonder! "Hey- when we fought last time, why didn't'cha just use this to squish us all super hard?"
"Two reasons." Oh? Let's hear them. "One. Sanae. I didn't wanna kill her." Aah nah don't pretend y'can't just take a pair of scissors to these things. "Two. Overcoming you like that wouldn't mean anything."
"It means something ta begin with!?"
Maribel puts a hand on one a' my shoulders! "Brad. You're not an idiot. You're a thinker. I know you. I know you more than you know me."
Oh, yeah? "What's my middle name?" Wait, didn't she probe some a' my memories earlier?
She says my middle name. ...But I'm not tellin' you!
Well, that's easy. Let's try somethin' harder! "What was my ROBLOX username…!?"
"TOYSIPO2."
Ah. "What's your ROBLOX username!?"
"MerryBerry, with two more Ys… at the end."
What. "Wait- did you actually play, like at all?"
"No." What!
"Noob." You have not seen the horrors I have seen!
She sighs! "Brad-"
Wait, stop. "Have you searched deep anal drilling on Youtube before…!?"
Maribel just looks fluffy yet ominous! "You freaking loser, stop distracting me and let me make my point!"
"I don't wanna let points be made, that's the problem, I wanna party…!" Yeah man!
Maribel hugs me. Oh, okay. ...I half-brace to get super murdered, but nothing happens.
Vanilla. I need to get Genkan vanilla perfume. Vanilla is sex.
She parts from me, and I rub my nose!
Maribel adjusts her freakin', white alt costume a little, and we just stare one another down.
"Mmh…" Genkan pushes against the barrier. "Brad, be careful."
TING! Ohp- Ha-chan flies into the barrier on a delay and gets freakin' swatted outta the sky!
Maribel sighed. "I don't think you're seeing the big picture. If you and your friends come with me, we can have a world to our own making. I could give you any fantasy you want. I could make the game as hard as you want it, or as easy. You could fight an uphill, dirty, real battle… or you and Genkan could have picnics everyday, or something."
She held her arms out. "No matter what kind of world you want to see, I'll give it to you! Just, trust me. I'll put you and your friends back together."
No~. I didn't trust ya the first time!
"And give up everything I have here?" Son.
"You could die!" Maribel protests! "In my world-... no death of yours would ever be permanent. No matter how many times I had to rewrite you. No matter how many times you and Genkan would have to meet again."
Hmmh. I see.
"What if I don't think you're the most genius doctor gamer in the universe?" I ask 'er. "What if I don't want to be limited by your imagination?"
"Trust me, Brad." Maribel holds out her hand. "I'm just as desperate for escape as you are."
Ho~h. "Really?"
"Really."
...I nod. Hmmn. Well. "You make it sound like a pretty sweet offer, but I'm gonna hafta decline."
Maribel lets her serene expression sink. "But why?"
"That'd be too easy, wouldn't it? Besides. I got it too good here to care about an offer like that. Maybe if y'got me after some fuck shit. Like…"
I step closer. I'm tall enough to tower over her.
"If I got nothin' left to live for in Gensokyo, I'll think about it. Be it 'cause I'm fuckin' dead or if I lose the people I love. But right now, I'm lovin' life. If you're so happy to help, y'could just hang out with us. You're pretty strong on yer own. You ain't goin' nowhere."
Maribel glares. "But-..."
"If you want me, yer gonna have to take me. Kickin' and screamin'."
...Steppin' back from me, Maribel shook her head. "Does it have to be this way? I'm not your enemy. I'm not the kind of person who'd put you down for-... nothing."
"It has ta." Ye. "You don't see things my way. You wanna force your way. If that's how it's gotta be, I've just gotta be good enough to stop ya."
"It-" Maribel doesn't like that. "It shouldn't be about stopping me. This isn't a battle of strength. You just-... don't see. I almost want to make you see."
"An' how well'd that turn out?"
She pouts up at me. "...Stop trying to tower over me like an idiot. I weigh more than you do. I could push you and you'd like, fly away."
Pfft…! "I- I mean, yer not wrong, but…!"
I smile down at her, and her snooty grin sorta fades. We stand like this a while more, attractin' attention.
Maribel places her hands on my sides. That's- weirdly tickly, even with this suit on!
"Would you like to dance?" She asks me, looking sorta tender for a moment.
"No!" I didn't come to dance!
SLAP! Ow!
"Dumbass." Waha- hahaha! "Alright. Look, Brad…"
She pulls on my tie, forcin' me to lean over to her level! "The way I see it? You're stopping me from escaping my hell. This tense nightmare of mine won't end unless you make good on your end."
Whah! "How's any of that my fault…!? Can't ya find another dude!?"
"No!" Ouh! "It has to be you!"
Wait. "Y'don't have a crush on me, right?" Just checking-
SLAP! Okay- I might have deserved that. Still- "how's hittin' me gonna convince me!?"
"Maybe I'll beat some sense into you!" Oh god oh no! "Ugh…"
Thud! She pushes me onto my ass.
"I'm not letting you think you're high and mighty on me, Brad." Maribel glares down at me. "You're not pulling the morality card on me. Don't be an asshole."
This is like the top ten anime battles of mental gymnastics. Like- Shimokoa was just rigid, but this is like two player mode where we both think the other person is Shimokoa!
"An' don't think you're so high an' mighty either!" I grin up at her from the floor! "Mario ain't hot shit!"
Maribel's brows furrow. "Mario? No- I'm not trying to be a bad guy. You're gonna step all over my dream with your ignorance if you don't-... grow wiser."
"I'm not a gangster tonight!" I was reminded of a song! "Don't wanna be a bad guy! I'm just a loner, baby! An' now you've gotten in my way!"
Maribel's glare cracks! "Brad- shut up! Take this seriously!"
"Do ya even know who yer talkin' to!?"
"I'm talking to Brad! A moody, observant loner!"
...Who the hell's she thinking of?
I stand up. "Who?" Like, seriously.
...Maribel's mouth opens.
shing. The barrier of cutscene magic disappears behind us. Oouh...
"Ah." She sounds more resigned. "Well. Mmhn. Um…"
Genkan and Maria come ta my sides, looking aggressive!
Maribel shakes her head. "If this is how it's gotta be. I'll talk to you later, Brad. I don't have time for this conversation right now."
Wait, hold on- I never learned how to do barrier magic! Man that shit would make life so easy! "Hey- Merry, hold on, teach me how to make cutscenes!"
I catch up with her!
"No, dummy." What! "Teach yourself."
Whap! Ow! She just gave me a brief history of pain wit' the back of her hand!
thump! I land on my ass, then roll onta my back! Whahahy does she have so much force…!? Oouh...
...Genkan and Maria come on up, and Genkan crouches down next to me. She doesn't help me, she just watches me.
"Hi." Hello, friend.
"You have been defeated." Genkan delivers the status to me!
Man. How's Merry backhand people so hard? Yeesh…
"Total defeat." Wipeout! Oouh.
Gettin' back up, I see Maria eying the bar counter nearby. This provokes me to look too!
There's some maids there, in the stereotypical black-white getup that's obviously a show for today in particular.
"Have any idea what she was saying?" Suddenly, Maria speaks to me!
Some? "No…!" Regardless, it's not very important!
"Weird." Genkan continues with the idea that Merry is simply a strange child. "...Does she know you?"
"I mean, kind of?" Not sure how Genkan means that…
...Neither Genkan nor Maria have much more to say about whatever that was. Me and Maribel were moving so fast y'couldn't even see us, dude.
"At least she let you go." Maria figures! "I wouldn't wanna go outside again if she just kept jumping us and nearly killing us each time."
"She has a shred of decency in her yet." Genkan nods idly...
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Well! We might as well make ourselves right at home!
Since no one's actually using the bar counter and it's just lookin' nice- probably a weird New Years side effect- I come on up to the counter!
There's a red-eyed cat girl behind the counter. She's tiny. "Hello, small one." She is the small.
...She looks aggressive all of a sudden!
"You…" Wait. I lock eyes wit' this black-haired maid waitress person…
poof. Remilia takes a nice sit, just beside me, at a stool. "...Juice." She seems to heed Flandre's advice about not drinking too early!
Flandre leaps into her own seat! "I'm… already a little buzzed, so I think some juice- for me too…"
"He- hello." The tall-ish, black-haired maid bows. "What-... would you like, to order?" She's speakin' to me in particular.
"I'd like a fluffle." I'm not actually here to order anything…
Genkan and Maria do not even sit. They are not scripted to sit, so sit they shall not!
The tall black-haired maid is really awkward! "We do not serve fluffles… ma- mister." Ooh.
The small cat girl looks up at her. "You were supposed to say 'master'."
"I'll fucking crush you." Oh, okay!
"Wait…" Genkan's interest is piqued too! "Shi-... Shimokoa?"
...Wait, holy shit, her hair's already like halfway done growing back? What the fuck! Dude, youkai hack! Holy shit! I mean, I had a hunch but I wasn't 'boutta look weird and say anything!
She shuts her eyes, frowning hard. "I-... I- don't know- who that is."
"That's you." The cat girl supplied more ammunition!
"I will kick you- such that you will fly away." Shimokoa warns her! The amount of energy she put into saying 'fly away', holy shit…! "Do not tempt me."
Some other brown-haired maid comes on up ta us. "Hey, hey, hey. If we have a repeat of last night, you guys're gonna mop the stage. And trust me, mopping the stage at four in the morning sucks for a reason."
A different maid somewhere further down the counter chuckles! "Why don't you let 'em? Some of us could use a break. New girls ought to learn."
...The first maid's fluffy pony tail flares for no reason! "Yeah- but if they get screwed-... up, I bet the intern's gonna get really pissy! And she's a nice girl, so I don't wanna piss her off."
Shimokoa simply looks standoffish. She doesn't seem to fully follow what they implied, so she forms her own conclusion! "If you corner me, I will kill as many as possible before I am killed."
...There's a short silence, punctuated by that 'some maid' further down the counter speaking! "Hah. What a bitch."
Fluffy pony tail maid gives her a tired look. "Rio-chan, that goes for you too."
"Just because you're the organizer for the looking good committee today doesn't mean you're hot shit. You'd know all about being a chickenhead."
"Mmm- yep, that does it." Pony tail girl moves! "Um- you guys take this. Rio-chan, I think you oughta freshen up."
"Oh? Yeah. Totally." 'Rio' over there beckons her.
...While they quietly browse off, pony tail girl pauses to wave back at us! "And be nice!"
They both push their way inta some back room.
thump, thump thump. Immediately, we hear the violence from out here!
"Remi, this place is fun!" Flandre really liked this!
Remi exhales, laying her arms on the counter- which is almost entirely too tall for her, so it looks really awkward! "If you say so. In my opinion, it lacks even the character of a traditional surly pub. It reeks of the lowest class 'high class' parties. The kind I'd send Sakuya to clean up directly, since it'd be so easy to dance all over such easy men. Especially with this organized chaos."
Flan nods. "Remi, you're a boomer."
"And what the hell is a boomer?" Oh my god.
"Shimokoa, what are you doing here?" Genkan never got an answer to this loose end! "You said you were trying to avoid disturbing things, and yet…"
"It's all part of infiltrating society!" Shimokoa's face gets red as she barks back. "Don't you dare look so ashamed! You're wrong! Whatever you're thinking, you're wrong!"
"I… if you say so." Genkan looks so encumbered! "I- I just… I don't think you need to live like this… to get experience, of any sort."
"Fuck you!" Shimokoa's in a good mood, as usual! "You-... if you weren't conjoined at the hip with your human wardens, you'd be helping me tear down this glittery hell. Now I have to do it myself."
"When we-... when Brad said he'd show you the world-" Genkan speaks up-
Shimokoa counters before she can finish that thought! "He told me of society's evil. Pursue it is what I will do. If you thought I was going to join him… and his little fourway there, you were mistaken." Ooh, she remembered Ha-chan!
Genkan pouts. "We are not a fourway."
Shimokoa snorts. "If you say so, sister. As for me, I have bigger problems to fight. While you bend over and take Brad's seed, I'll be trying to protect this world."
Ha-chan is right on time, drifting next to the bar counter! "You're wrong." Ooh?
Shimokoa turns to her.
Ha-chan stares her down. "You're totally wrong."
Shimokoa's eyes flare. "Totally?"
"Yeah." Ha-chan nods twice. "Brad doesn't have seeds. He's not a gardener."
...Shimokoa gives us the airiest look in return!
Genkan actually has to withhold giggling! "Ha- Hana… Shimokoa-... I'm sorry to inform you, but Hana does not know what sex is. We've recently begun formally educating her. Sort of."
"What… whatever." Shimokoa shakes her head! "Point is: I'm done with you two. This embarrassing chapter of my life is over. Go live in peace."
Genkan protests. "We didn't kill you, because we love you. You're my sister. You were my best friend, when I had few others. We left you to be last night because we thought… that you'd need time to think about things."
Shimokoa's frown tightens. "I didn't just need time to think. We parted ways on the crossroads."
"...That's dumb." Genkan decides! "We're right here. Together. Come and see our world."
"I've seen enough." She shook her head.
"No you haven't." Genkan's reply is prompt!
...Shimokoa takes a breath, finding her thoughts. "Brad is-... your lover. You are lovers. Through all his sin, you've embraced your naivety and chosen some human loser to be your warden. Every night, even in simply resting with him, you let him have his way."
"You don't have to commit to fighting society, or anything." Genkan argues. "Come by my home. Brad isn't just a human peasant. He knows of the outside's technology. We can experiment with it together."
Shimokoa shook her head. "No."
Genkan holds out her hand. "Shimokoa. Leave with us. We'll fly away together." Fly away now! Fly away now! Fly away~...!
Shimokoa looks very tempted for a moment, before shaking her head. "I just... can't. I've made a contract. In order to find you, I took up work here. If I leave now, I'd wish I was dead."
...After thinking about it, Genkan holds her own head! "And you're the one trying to look after me?"
Shimokoa gestures to me! "And he's the one you've chosen to look after you?"
...Genkan gestures to me too! "I'm looking after him."
"Genkan I need help aiming my pee." I'm parapelegic!
...Genkan starts gently whappin' me in the head! I'm being touched!
"Help. Stinky hand." I must avoid the hand!
Genkan takes pause. "What? Does it smell?" I- I can't believe she took that literally!
"No…!" Can confirm!
Since I'm willing, Genkan puts her hand in my face. "It does not in fact smell." I confirm! No stranger than a hand smells, anyway.
"We're never getting our drinks." Remilia deduces! "This bar has simply decided to not work today, it would seem."
...Ooh.
I found Ha-chan. She's behind the bar counter.
shoof. She gently slid out a peg from the wall, from behind the cat girl and Shimokoa.
CLACK. An entire shelf of booze slants forty degrees. Oh god.
SHOOOF. All of the booze goes for a ride.
CRACK- SMAASH- CRACK- KAKRACK- CRACK! Oh my god.
"Pfhk-" Remilia rests her head against the counter.
Shimokoa's eyes widen in alarm. She looks at the booze, then at Ha-chan!
Genkan has her spooky, quiet stare.
Maria's eyes widen!
It's all gone. A whole row of booze exploded.
Ha-chan has her hands over her mouth.
Flandre speaks up! "I think we're getting kicked out now!"
Genkan leans over the counter! "Shimokoa-"
woosh, woosh, woosh. Oh, god! Fox girls dressed in black with sunglasses! They're here!
"Wh- ah!" Maria starts getting dragged away! "Guys! Brad- nnh-"
I leap into the air, but I'm grabbed! "Woah no!"
"Shimokoa, we'll come back for you!" Genkan holds an arm out, as she's dragged away by two fox girls! "I promise!"
"Don't bother." Shimokoa frowns back with resolve.
"No!" Genkan keeps yelling back! "Ugh…" Or not, owh.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Anh- oh…" Maria gets squashed beneath me, when I'm tossed out onto her.
Genkan is tossed outside. She just like, lands firmly on her sandals, stiff as a statue, skidding to a stop beside us.
Remilia and Flandre, now just out here, are next to her! Remilia speaks first. "...I am mildly worried about what you three do all day, if this is typical."
...Maria batters my chest! "Brad- get- get up."
shoof. I flop beside her, in the snow. She exhales, sitting up. "Hah…"
"We should get sailing!" Flandre proposes! "We can ride around for New Years and look at everything from the sky!"
Yeah. We'll have our own party! With blackjack, and snow women.
"Yeah, man." Hooh…
Ha-chan's just, out here with us, hands on her face like we were back in the club and she just broke a whole shelf's segment worth of booze!
Genkan looks at her! "What possessed you?"
"I- I didn't know that would happen!" Ha-chan holds her hair! "Oh my gosh!"
Remilia has to interject! "Hana, it was the supporting bar to the wine rack. It doesn't just take no effort to slide it out. What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking it looked fun to slide out! I thought the other bars had the thing!" Ha-chan counter-argues!
"...Regardless, I was getting tired of such a boring party." Remilia starts ta move. "Brad. We'll meet you outside the eastern gate."
Flandre waves at us! "Last one there's a rotten egg!"
FWA- BWOOM. Flandre is gone so fast that the wind pushes the snow around us, and everyone's hair blows around!
click. Once Remilia steps outta the shade around the buildings, Sakuya nearly soundlessly appears with a parasol covering the angle the sun comes in from.
...Ho~h. It is just me, Genkan and Maria for a scene.
Maria pats herself off. "Man…"
"Should we say hello to your mother?" Genkan considers. "It's New Years. If we don't visit her right now, we might not get a chance to later."
"Ah…" Maria pauses. "You're right."
Ho~h. I wonder if I should go with 'em. Maria's mom is snug. "I will be adjacent." Yeah man.
Maria gives me a look! "Mom's place is just, right there, so…"
They all move, an' Ha-chan semi-awkwardly meanders behind Maria. Y'know, I wonder if she finds it weird no one really cared about all the booze she broke!
But when I move to follow, someone tugs on me! "What…!"
"Heya, bro." Oh. What!
It's that Sammy chick from the club. She's basically as short as Maria, but distinctly more… I dunno, hillbilly?
"Who the heck're you!?" And why're you in overalls!? Yeah- unlike anyone else at the club, she's in overalls, which is why I probably got the whole 'hillbilly' vibe!
"Sam. Call me Sammy." She gives me a peace sign! "So what's this? A harem?"
I might as well not bother correcting her. "Yes."
"Oh, damn." She nods a bunch! "Can I join?"
What. "Why."
"Laid my bro Orato out flat." She smiles! "And you're kinda cute too! Now don't lie, how big's your dick?"
"How old are you…!?" Yeah, hold on now!
"Turnin' seventeen this year… I- I mean next year." She smiled awkwardly! "Which year's today count as? Whatever, was born in January."
She grabs onto my officer pants. "Think you could get me a birthday present? Orato's gettin' me a canoe. Dunno where I'm gonna use it, but my daddy never got me a canoe, so it's a flex t'me."
What a powerful little girl. "Unfortunately for you, I am taken!" Who'm I callin' little girl, she's like a year younger than me.
"Pftuh- by what, your harem? Lemme in, bro." Son-...
I have to ask. "How many dudes got harems at the club, actually?"
"Oh? Mostly the big hosts." Sammy actually thinks about the question, which is slightly concerning! "But it's like, six er seven. I don't count Orato or the plats. They play so loose an' fast it's just casual sex. But I think Orato's got a sweet spot fer me. Bought me presents and all."
Despite her age, she's got a lotta curly brown hair. Under her overalls she's got some sweater on. Probably because it's almost January...
"How're there so many girls at this club!?" I really gotta wonder!
"Oh? Most were hired. Youkai ladies just lookin' for room 'n' food 'n' fun. Humans sometimes go homeless, the good lookin' ones get hired here. I was actually an outsider, but I got hired 'cause some guy liked my 'tude."
She waves a hand! "It's complicated! But I'm Grin born an' raised. Got nothin' to worry about here, dude."
What a crazy world. This life situation evolved right next to Maria's house. Let's just- let that sink in!
Actually, hold on, I'm eighteen. She's like a year younger than me, and yet I'm like two heads taller. Holy crap. I never thought about this with Maria since she's like, two years younger! An' when you're in the teens, a few years can make all the difference.
"Anyway, we done with the bullshit?" Sammy wraps an arm around my waist, an' presses her head up against my chest! "Let's go hang out."
Son.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Maria, Genkan, I need your help." I step into the front door of Maria's house. "My scent has attracted the door-to-door hookers again." Apparently.
Maria, Genkan an' Sally look up at me, and notice Sammy clinging onto me!
"See? I told you." Sally apparently had a point proven that I didn't know she was proving! "He's a decent catch."
Genkan comes up to me! "Unhand my human, human."
Sammy tugs at my suit! "If you're horny and ya know it, grab your man! Grab, grab."
"I will push you into the earth, gremlin." Genkan is ready to crush her!
Sammy keeps tugging at the flaps! "If you're horny and ya know it- and ya really wanna show it, if you're horny and ya know it-"
Genkan comes up to her and grabs her! "Oh- woah!" She struggles back, but Genkan is way stronger than she anticipates!
We end up tangled. Sammy wraps her legs around one of mine- so when Genkan pulls her, it pulls me, and I gotta jump along on one leg!
"Damn!" Sammy grins nervously! "You're strong!" She means Genkan, if there was any question!
"Maria, help me." Genkan needs help! "Her stomach is exposed. Whack her."
"Wait…" Maria meanders on up ta us. "Sammy?"
"Oh, you 'member me!" Sammy waves at her! "You were~... Marianne!"
"Few letters less." Maria corrects her!
"Maribel?"
"Wha- no."
"...Maine."
"I don't think that's even a name."
Sammy grins! "I- I think you'd be surprised!"
Maria walks up to our struggle casually, standing in the center of the circle we make as Genkan drags us around…!
"So, how've you been?" Maria asks her! "I don't think I ever spoke with you, after we graduated."
"Ooh, I actually had ta repeat a year!" Oh no! "Which is impressive! But uh, took it a little more seriously! And-" She struggles again! "Can ya tell yer princess here ta stop pullin' on me…!?"
"You repeated a year? ...I'm not surprised." Maria judges her! "You did not take anything seriously. It was kinda surprising, 'cause you got put in a bit older than the rest of us." Pro'lly 'cause she was an outsider, and if she treated outside education similarly, she probably just got folded along by the system.
Sammy grins again! "So was it or was it not surprising!?"
"You being weird while also being older was weird."
Wait. She's younger-... no, she's a little older than Maria. So she couldn't've been that much older.
"How old were ya both?" I ask, while pogo-jumping so I don't end up on my ass while Genkan drags us around!
Maria answers! "I was eleven. I think Sammy was twelve or thirteen." Okay, so it all checks out.
...While the topic transitions, Genkan keeps dragging us around!
"Jesus-" Sammy knows about outside religion! "This- is a real workout! Hehe- nnh!"
"So what've you been doing?" Maria asks her! "I've been learning to bake."
"Oh! I got a canoe!" I- I don't think that counts!
Maria says as much! "That's not something to do, that's a thing. Like, what's your job now?"
"Oh! I'm a hostess, at the Grin." Sammy provides! "Didn't you see me back there? I know I saw you."
Maria blinks a bunch! "So- so that was you! What were you doing there?"
"I grew up there!" Sammy tells 'er!
"You what?" This's the first Maria's heard of this! "Uhm?"
"Yeah!" Sammy beamed like she was proud of it! "Grin born and raised! What, you never heard?"
"I didn't talk with people much. Of course I never heard."
"Huu~h…"
I start chuckling because we're still hopping around in perpetual motion! We're a vehicle!
Genkan grows wise, dude. She lets go.
"Uhf!" Sammy ends up on her ass- and Genkan tries to pry her off me by grabbing her by the waist!
Thump. We end up in a spin so tight that I can't even hop along, so I just sit down…!
Sammy crawls backwards on her arms while Genkan pulls on her hips!
Eventually, Genkan takes a step back, staring down in vague offense.
Sammy lets go of her leg-lock, and tries to bounce up ta hug me- but I get up and crawl away!
"Oh- ooh!" Sammy grabs my hips, and presses her crotch against my ass! "Yeehaw!" Oh my god I found someone who also yeehaws unironically.
"Sa- Sammy, stop molesting Brad." Maria asks her nicely! "You're embarrassing us in front of mom."
Sally just has this delightedly patient smile! "It's fine. It's refreshing, seeing you all being young."
Maria puts her arms on her hips! "You're not even that old, mom." An' left unsaid is the fact she never will be…!
"Neither are you." Oh my god Sally just murdered us.
"Aa- aa." Maria has nothing to say about that!
Genkan formulates the plan. Drifting over my back, she floats so her ass would displace Sammy!
"Oh gosh-"Sammy leans back! "Woah-"
thump. Sammy gets tipped back onto her own ass, due to the ass. She locks her legs back onto mine again!
I wonder how we look just, wrestling on the floor, while Genkan drifts around like she's a badly animated model.
"Nhah. Hey- Maria. Who's this guy?" Sammy asks what my name is!
Maria smiles strangely! "His name is Brad."
"Oh. Hey Brad!" Sammy greets me while we're being motherfuckers!
"Maria just said my name earlier!" I bring up an inconsistency!
Sammy sits up, now that the Genkan ass has passed overhead. "Well, basically, I'm tryin'a ask what y'think's good about him, Maria."
She pats my ass! "Dude seems flexible, but he's a stick. Guess I could see you being into his type."
Maria has a flat expression. "Um? I think you're assuming something."
Genkan pulls Sammy again, such that I have to walk backwards on my hands and knees! "Son- ooo~...!" Yeehaw!
"What'm I- aa- misunderstandin'...?" Sammy asks, while tensing up her abdomen and legs! "This's a big ol' harem, right? D'you know what a harem is, Maria?"
"I know what it is- and this isn't one! We're just a party that happens to have one guy!" Maria contests!
...Sammy purses her lips, don't ask how I know. "Soo~... a harem?"
Maria becomes more chastising! "No."
Genkan speaks up! "He is my boyfriend. We're a couple. A couple."
"Huh?" Sammy looks up at 'er! "...So what d'ya do for casual sex? The rest of you, I mean? Just hold it in like losers?"
"Sammy, not everyone has casual sex." Maria counter-argues!
"But everyone jerks it or flicks it." Sammy ain't done! "They'd be havin' sex if they could."
"Maybe, but some stuff's better left as fantasies. Sexual desire isn't always realistic." Maria concludes, dude.
Genkan starts tugging Sammy wildly!
woosh! Eventually, Sammy was claimed from me! "Ooh! Aw, damn." She's really disappointed! "...Oh. So that's why princess here's all angry."
"Yes. You were leaping all over my boyfriend." Genkan informs her! "Go to sleep."
Gently, she puts Sammy on the floor on her face and knees, with her ass in the air. Um…!
...After a moment, Sammy presses against the wood floor, and gets back up! "Hey- hey…" She chuckles, also weirded out by Genkan's mannerism!
Once we're all standing up, Sammy gestures to me! "I dunno! He's dressed in a suit, you're all pretty- I can't see any other reason y'all'd follow him around like a buncha stray cats."
"We explore. That's what we do." Genkan argues!
Sammy snorts! "Heh? Yeah, explorin' the bottom a' his bed. Hey, where's Brad live? Just askin'."
"Nowhere in the village." Genkan comes closer to her ominously! "You would not survive the trek."
Sammy sighs. "...Okay. C'mon now, don't lie to me. People don't explore in parties, dude. No clique I've ever seen is just three people hawkin' over a dude totally platonically!"
"I mean, how this all started was really weird, but living in Gensokyo's strange times as it is." Maria brings up a good point… "So we just kinda rolled with it, and it was really fun, so we're still doing it."
"Also life-threatening." Genkan provided!
Maria nods! "And uh, also that."
Sammy shook her head. "Wait, so how long's this been a thing?"
"...A month, maybe?" Genkan guesses! "Maybe less?"
Sammy scratched her hair briefly. "...Huh."
"What have you been doing, Sammy?" Maria asks 'er! "For the past month or two?"
"Oh?" Sammy takes a pause. "Aw, shit. Uuh. ...Same thing I've been doin' for a while, I guess. Not sure if you guys'd understand."
Maria understands. "Yeah, I know, Golden Grin stuff. So what do you do there? Who even raised you? I… I have a lotta questions…"
Sammy smiles brighter! "Oh, yeah? Uuhm. Basically just... livin' I guess. Some a' the foxes an' hosts would look after me. It's kinda like… I mean, most people I talk to from outside the place act like I'm trapped in hell er somethin', but it's not any bad at all. Y'just gotta have a good head on yer shoulders. Don't even have to give good head t'get it. Or, y'know, get it. Y'know?"
"I'm… not sure if I do." Maria is very uncertain!
"Oh? Well… don't worry 'bout it, I guess." Sammy smiled a little more uncertainly herself.
"So what if you don't have a 'good head'... oo- on your shoulders?" Maria questions!
Sammy looks at no one in particular for a moment, before smiling at Maria. "You die, probably. Or you break. If ya have the money, y'just quit."
Maria nods! "Those first two ones both sound really bad."
Sammy rolls her eyes. "Oh, no, 'cause dyin's awesome. No shit that's bad, Mario."
"Maria." Maria corrects her! "What do you mean, 'break'?"
"Beaten into shape!" Sammy says it like it's not that weird! "Or fucked really hard, and a lot. It's kinda kept on the hush, but it's basically for those weird cases where like… they could be a good employee, but they don't wanna quit or get fired so they just kinda keep fuckin' around and being annoying. So we all find our own ways to make 'em useful."
Genkan kinda realizes the implications at hand! "Do you know anyone named Shimokoa there?"
"Oh. Yeah. She's a different case entirely." Sammy figures. "I think the execs got a real close eye on her and a couple others. And you don't fuck wit' the execs. That's how you just go poof without a trace, or ya just get fired unceremoniously. What the boss says goes."
With that, Genkan relaxes. Maria's still concerned! "Beaten into shape? How?" She really wants to learn more!
Sammy shrugs exaggeratedly! "What do I look like, a book!? They give ya the good one-two to the gut! Drag ya all over the floor, step all over ya- not in the sexy way-... I don't think they break anything unless they mean ta kill ya. Oh, there was this one fucked up time where I had ta clean up a room. They didn't tell me there'd be a dead body."
...Maria has a small expression! "De- dead body? How so?"
"It was a fourth floor apartment, so it was the weirdest shit. Sometimes I'm on custodian duty- but it's kinda fun, honestly. Anyways! Yeah, thought I'd seen the girl on the floor a few times or something. Yeah, there was a dead chick in the room. Pretty sure it was her apartment. All her tech was broken, her ass up in the air, an' her neck was snapped. Like, snapped. Ninety degrees. Bloody shit."
At everyone's variable chagrin, she gets excited from our reactions and continues! "Like, her ass cheeks were still red. You could see the marks! It was crazy! Her body was still kinda warm! And- like, gosh, that neck. The neck was the ugliest part. Can't even imagine how that sounded when it happened. Had t've been a youkai who did it."
"Easy with the details…" Maria looked remorseful!
"And like, they knew they gave custodian for that room to me and some other chick. I think it was a message to the other chick or something, 'cause they both had like, orange-y hair and the same hairdo. She had ta go throw up. But…" Sammy felt at her nose. "Damn, it smelt bad."
"Was she human?" Genkan wondered…
"Oh? Yeah. Outsider like us." Sammy nodded. "But the other chick was Japanese, an' so was the dead chick. I'm 'Merican-... born, but not raised! Gosh, this was like, two years ago. Crazy~ shit."
Sally interjects with relevant information! "Hami Uesaka. She was in the newspapers for a little while after. It really freaked out some of the families. Golden Grin did the autopsy themselves. They said it was an accident."
Sammy chuckled! "Accident my ass. She got fucked, and then they killed 'er."
Maria shook her head. "Why would they do such a thing…?"
"Y'wouldn't know it outside livin' there, but other bitches were quiet fer years after that. Even guys, although with guys, usually they just get beaten silly if they act out. It sent a message so strong people talk about it like it just happened yesterday, even now."
Sally adds onta that. "It was only a few years ago. Hami was a nice girl."
...Genkan turns to me! "I'm reminded of why we don't like this village."
"Yeah, me too!" Yeah, we did it!
Sally smiles wryly! "You know, it's sort of impressive that I wasn't murdered earlier."
Furrowing her brows a little, Maria smiles! "What do you mean…?"
"Taking up land right next to this horrible place." Sally looked in the direction a' the Grin. "Don't you think they'd see that as an offense? It's because I held onto this place that they couldn't expand in this direction."
Maria wonders 'bout that. "Can't they just expand the other way?"
Sammy knows about that! "Nah. That's one of the town well houses. No one's aloud ta fuck wit' that. Not even people wit' lots of money." Ah, of course…
Wait. "Didn't ya sell yer house, Maria…!?"
Maria shook her head! "No, it just fell into a weird place 'cause it was half-damaged. It was unlivable property. That stuff gets put into stasis. It's basically up to the town to issue and remove those things."
"Gay." Totally not rife for abuse, no sir.
Sammy shuffles up ta me! Unlike the others, she hasn't taken off her shoes- and neither have I because I too forget these things! "Can we forget 'bout all that shit? Wait, damn. Should I keep calling him bro, or Brad? 'Cause those're very similar…"
Maria gives 'er an answer! "Brad, 'cause calling people 'bro' is um, honestly, really weird."
Sammy suddenly wraps an arm around my waist again! "But dudes really like it! Isn't that right, bro?" She presses her face up against my ribs again! "We ought to take this party to my place. I got video games, bro. You seen a video game before?"
Well, as attractive as that sounds, I've graduated to the point that I could pirate my own video games over my Eientei laptop! "I am immune to your offer of video games!"
Maria shakes her head! "Wait, no! How often do murders like that happen!?"
"Rarely." Sammy gives her a flat look. "Does this really matter? Look, Mari, the place ain't so bad."
"What about all the random sex and bullying?" Maria argues, summore!
"Hey, sex is good." Sammy introduces a conflicting and controversial opinion! "An' all you gotta do is read the room. I know how not ta step outta place. I know how to keep dumbasses off my shit too. I got friends, y'know. Fer example, Orato's good muscle."
...Ooh. Oh. Things are panning out now. I kicked Orato's ass. Orato's her muscle.
"You want me as yer personal bouncer." I realize!
Sammy blinks! "Mmh? Did it take ya that long to figure out? You're hella slow, Brad."
"How shrewd." Genkan critiques her.
"What?" Sammy smiles innocently! "Bro gets sex, I get food an' friendship. That's a win-win! ...You guys know internet lingo? Is it cute if I say it's an epic win?"
"No, it's cringe, and I'll smash you." I decide abruptly…!
Sammy's back straightens up. "Sma- smash me? Gosh, bro! If that's all it took, I'll say epic win any day a' the week."
Banjos intensify! "Son- I didn't mean that in a sexual way!"
Sammy gives me a thumbs-up. "That's an epic win any day a' the week, bro!"
Son. "We do not sell to sex people."
"Hehehe~!" Sammy's gettin' a kick outta this! "What, you gonna stop me from sayin' it? Hella cringe, bro. Ain't no way you can stop me."
"Maria, we need you to learn mute." Lunar magic is necessary for this situation! Wait…
Maria is not ready to learn mute. "That's gonna be a while." Ouh…
"What, you gonna spank me?" Sammy gets in front a' me, pressing her chest against mine. Side detail: she's flat! "You'd better not spank me, bro. Spanking ain't cool." I- I get the feeling this is thinly veiled reverse psychology.
Holding a hand up, Sammy rotates around, tryna' press her butt against me. She makes a circle with two fingers, and starts thrustin' two fingers into the circle rapidly!
"Does princess give y'much back?" Sammy winks. "I can take it like a champ. Just try me."
Genkan approaches! "You are going to be disposed of."
Sammy put her arms on her hips. "What? Are you gonna spank me? Sis?"
If only we had Shimokoa's paddle. Wait…!
I take out the God Hand from my bag! "Alright son- you want a spankin'!? I'm gonna give you a spankin'!"
FWAAM! Channeling energy into the moon rock, it flares with stupid power! Alright, yeah man!
Sammy is facing me. I grab her by the shoulders, and turn her around. "Um-"
Reeling God Hand back, I reel it up like a golf club-... and swing!
FWABOOM- BAM- BOOM! Oh. Oh.
Sammy blows past Genkan, hitting the wall beside her, leaving Genkan's hair flaring.
God Hand rockets out of my hand and through the wall of Maria's house. My hair flails around, and my lips purse…
Genkan just gives me an awed, semi-incredulous look.
Maria whines! "Phu- dhuh… Brahahaa~d..."
Sally's brows just raise! "Wha-... " Woah no! "You're lucky I haven't replaced the window properly yet. That would've smashed it for sure."
...thud! Sammy peels off the wall, flopping onto her back like a bug! "Ku-... uuh."
I pump an arm, since the aftermath wasn't so bad! "Fumigated…!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 118
NEW ITEMS (BRAD):
God Hand - Fragment of the fake moon from a past incident of Gensokyo. Contains magnificent amplified power if Brad channels it, but eats lots of mana.
STATS:
Moon-elemental plant hanger.
Immunity to stagger and berserk.
SKILLS:
Lua - Impacts while charged will deal extreme physical damage, but the recoil is just as extreme. May create lunar shockwaves on impact.
Hand of God - Magic focused through this while charged will become space elemental.
Lunar Scope - Magic focused through this while not charged is polluted with lunar energy.
God Shattering Star - Guarding an attack or magic spell while charged will unleash a blast of holy light. Dispels foes and may weaken them.
=o=
NEW SKILLS (BRAD):
Twisted Crystal - Smashing Hoarfrost Forecast into the ground, Brad creates a homing trail of crystaline ice reminiscent of one of Shimokoa's favorite attacks.
IT'S COOL - Charging the hanger with even more mana, Brad crushes it into the ground again to summon ice around him in all directions with great launching power.
Magnet Spiral - When Hoarfrost Forecast is twirled altogether in orbit around Brad, every hanger activated, it becomes magnetic, pulling in magic as well as iron. Restores Brad's mana with 10% of the stolen mana. The rest is unleashed in a magnetic burst when the technique is concluded. Enables Double-Elemental Revolver.
Double-Elemental Revolver - Only works when Hoarfrost Forecast is charged by Magnet Spiral. Depending on which sides of Hoarfrost Forecast are combined, Brad can deal combo damage on impact. Weapon effects are as follows
All Three [Market Freeze] - On impact, a massive, messy icy structure forms either on or under the target, launching them, or freezing them to their core. Three times as powerful after a blast jump, but is almost purely ice magic.
Frost Broker + Youkai Inconveniencer [Brighter Than Sunlight] - Creates a magnificent flashbang effect on impact blinding everyone, and also Brad. Blinds youkai longer and harder.
Frost Broker + Million Bucks [Communism] - Impacts depleted the target's mana into MP prizes around the field. Fucking destroys a target's mana after a blast jump. Pure utility magic technique.
Million Bucks + Youkai Inconveniencer [Holy Raid] - Impacts weaken youkai and deal holy damage. Massive physical damage. Fucking destroys targets after blast jumps.
=o=
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
BOY THIS IS A FULL-ASS CHAPTER
i might also divide this chapter in post
but, yeah yeehaw! i guess i'll write all my thoughts and divide them as needed
the shimokoa-brad/brad's party arguments go in a realistically stubborn way, where very little overall gets done
but shimokoa does walk away with mutated if not new resolve, for the sake of her mental health
orato is a strange man
sammy was an ironically high-energy character who i just kinda made up on the spot and she actually turned out to be really good material
this chapter took forever to cover the ground it did because SO MANY CHARACTERS
in the future, the party's probably going to change shape and size for the sake of exploration - w -
however i do have some GOOD IDEAS moving forward for how to vary stuff up; the pace may be slow but my ambitions are still focused!
see the thing about mixing plot and "filler" is that plot is only given meaning when the characters matter, and the characters need to carry just about anything (except for the most blatant pointless stalling) for things to work
come to think of it that's why people bitch at the steven universe creators: steven and the town around him lack character, so people just wanted plot
it's really a trial to make the world stand up on its own two feet enough that people just want to experience it and the setting and not give a crap about how fast or slow the plot is going
it's weird, 'cause for me i just want to explore the setting at length sometimes but i get readers who tell me "okay so when's the plot gonna move", they don't see what i see in the setting
maybe in the future i gotta think about presentation or something
