(in which genkan fans vs. hana appreciators)
Just before dawn cracked, Genkan, Sumireko and I arrived back at the guest home. The sun was rising on a cold world!
"This so beats going to class." Sumireko said the most stereotypical thing ever! "Like… I always tell people this: but whenever I'm staring into the woods from the campus, I think of like… being in places like these. Just living a life, you know?"
Genkan snorted. "Brad always tells me all about it, yes. The outside is an upside-down hellscape of blazing fast motor vehicles and angry oil-drinking human marines."
...Sumireko stared at me, and I flapped my arms around 'cause Genkan really just went off with that anecdote 'cause she felt like it!
I knocked on the door for no good reason, even though the place was ours. Is anyone home?
...shoof! Sharaku swung the door open! "Hello~ sunshine! Fancy meeting you guys here. Maria and I were just planning for our date-a-roo."
"I'm going to burn your moppy hair off." Maria casually announced from inside! "Brad, turn this clown upside-down." Yehahah!
"I'm gonna turn you upside-down, son." I told 'em! "So you can live forever!"
Sharaku slowly grinned wider, but also looked completely disarmed about how to respond to this series of events!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
True to the weirdly feminine she-boy Sharaku's prediction during what was technically yesterday, today's bright like a summer's day… except it's ass-cold out!
"I'm pretty sure the lunar bunnies were here 'cause of me," Sumireko opens the sunrise with business, while we just kinda sit around in this rather nice looking guest shack thing we were all stuffed into.
Ha-chan looked over at us, wearing her new kimono.
tick- tick- tick- tick! She flapped her fairy wings rapidly, flicking them against the kimono's cloth. We had to cut some holes for her wings— but it wasn't too hard! We just uuh, used the scythe end of Fallen Comrade. Maria and me had to hold it at the same time so Genkan could actually precisely cut the stuff. It was a hack job, but y'know, whatever.
Adjusting the frost crown on her head that I kept handing over to 'er, Ha-chan began to smile. "...Wow."
"I've got to say," Genkan admitted, "It fits her head naturally better than yours."
I agreed! "She's rockin' the blunt bangs, that's why." Even if her expressions and bubbliness are a contrast, it's a contrast that makes more sense than my style!
"I still think it could fit you… if you had, perhaps, an actual kimono on, or…" Genkan frowned. "You know, crowns aren't very Japanese, are they?"
I just kinda gave her a stare! "I assume you'd know!"
Maria, in her half-dead state from whatever lack of sleep she must've gotten, made a comment. "You just want to see Brad in knight armor..."
Genkan looked innocent in response. "It'd be kind of ridiculous, but... it'd be an interesting change of pace. From his usual theatrics, and his technicolor..." After giving me a decisive look, she found a fitting word. "Bullshit." Woohoo!
"Aw!" I must rag on her for this! "It's uncouth to swear, dude…"
"I'm sure you've described your sense of fashion with similar word choice before."
Sumireko took this moment to interject! "What's with you people and clothes? Between the jackets and the kimono for uh…" She stared at Ha-chan, but no words came to mind.
I explained promptly! "Snow woman apparel grants resistance to ice. Ha-chan there was freezin' her ass off, so we got her ice-resistant gear!"
"Ice-resistant gear?" Sumireko didn't look like she knew what to think!
Ha-chan stole my thunder! "It's… it's so weird…"
Shoof. Bounding up to the sliding door in sandals, she pushed her way outside, and just kinda held her arms out.
The crystal crown we got from Santa Claus a few days ago glistened on her head, as she spun around in the midday light.
"I'm… I'm finally free." She made a show out of it! "No more freezing! No more! Yeaah!" She leapt and pumped an arm into the air!
Genkan snorted. "...She's awfully excited."
Maria followed up! "You know how long she's been following Brad, and how often she's probably walked or floated miles in the snow to do it? That little coat she gets from the mansion's just some cheap thing. It's warm, but not enough for the treks she takes… and you know she doesn't prepare at all.
"Like… just imagine. You and Brad— he's off somewhere, so you miserably drift out of your cave and into the summer heat, in your kimono, just to melt. Or worse, you have to go in a bikini and everyone ogles you and you're still burning up. Would you do that for Brad?" The scenario Maria proposed was hypothetical since I got Genkan something for Christmas to deal with summer heat, but the notion was still clear.
Genkan looked challenged. "...Not without a lot of complaining."
That's when Maria struck. "Hana doesn't complain about anything."
Genkan wasn't as intimidated by that one. "Perhaps she should. Everyone should have their standards. There's a difference between being patient and settling for being miserable."
Maria pinged it right back herself! "Sometimes standards are stupid."
"Sometimes our lack of standards is stupid."
Maria egged me on. "What do you think, Brad?"
I shrugged. "It's contextual. Like…" Hate to beat on a dead horse too much, but she's too good for these arguments. "Take Shimokoa. Imagine the kinda person she would accept as a lover. Imagine her standards, and what kinda standards we might have that she'd be totally blind to."
Genkan stared into the distance for a moment. "...This world is truly complicated."
Yeah. There's really no clear-cut answer. We'd have to start ponderin' questions like "just what is a standard" to really get to the bottom of the concept and let's be real we don't got time for that shit!
...After a short silence, Sumireko spoke up from behind us. "So what about Hana there?"
We all just kinda stared at her, 'cause she has none of the context for what's going on!
"She's who we're talkin' about… right?" Our stares made her cringe back into her cape!
I shrugged. "If she wasn't so good at heart, she pro'lly wouldn't be following me, and I wouldn't want her around. She might be weird, but she's far from stupid. There's some truths of behavior that're just known to her, and we shouldn't forget that."
...After that, everyone was starin' at me! "What'd I do!?"
"Alright, I think I see how this party dynamic works now…" Sumireko began to leer at me! "You're a tactician."
What! "I don't like Fire Emblem!"
Sumireko jerked her head back! "What? Fuck you!"
Whaa!? "I'm gonna give you a thesis paper on why I hate Fire Emblem! It killed Advance Wars!"
"What the hell is Advance Wars…!?" Oh, my sweet summer child!
Genkan looked innocently lost. "Whenever you outsiders start talking about your strange outside media, it confuses me."
Sumireko beamed at her! "All you need to know is that Brad's opinion sucks and is stupid."
"Duly noted." Woah no man, ouuh.
Promptly, Sumireko changed the topic! "Anyway! Lunar bunnies! Hunting me down! Kind of a big deal! At least, a bigger deal than you and your party here playin' dress up and psycho-analyzing each other!"
Oh, s'that what's going on? "Whah? Why're they hunting you down?" Of course this random fuckass chick got into some heat, somehow.
"I dunno. But Reisen came outta the woodwork to protect me or something. Didn't know from what until after you guys got here."
"For how long has this been happening?"
"Just last night! Think it was 'cause it was New Years."
Yeah— imagine getting sent on a mission on New Years. Poor Reisen, and also poor rabbits who Reisen had to murder! Man, they must've been real serious about murderizing her.
"That's terrible," Genkan did not like the idea of New Years violence! "On a holiday?"
"Pfft," Sumireko scoffed. "Especially on a holiday, right?"
Uh huh. "So what'd some random OC-ass girl do to evoke the ire of whatever random-ass lunar bunny brigade that was?" Dunno if they were from the moon or what, but either way it's equally unlikely that she pissed off anyone important that much.
"Who knows?" Sumireko said this outta genuine confusion. "And the hell does 'OC-ass' mean?"
Uuh. "Overclocked!"
"That's such a fucking bad lie," Sumireko began to beam at me! "Really, tell me!"
"Overcocked."
Sumireko slouched! "I refuse to believe you're the guy who just psycho-analyzed that fairy over there a few seconds ago."
...I turned, t'see Sharaku just like, passively observing us, leaned up against a nearby wall. How long was he there?
After a moment a' me holding my stare, Sharaku nodded, comin' up to us. However, the bubbly energy was gone from his stare. Uh oh.
"Cape girl," he began, "You've gotta go."
Sumireko panned to face 'em. "Huh?"
"I'm not lettin' someone who attracts danger like you stay in the village any longer. The clowns can stay. You go. Unless they feel like going with ya."
Genkan hummed. "...I sort of feel like spending the day here… but, on second thought, it's not quite what I imagined a gathering of my sisters to be like. I'm used to smaller crowds. Perhaps we should simply go back home."
Aaw. "How about we hit up the shrine again and see if anyone's still left over?"
Genkan smiled strangely at that idea! "Whoever's left is probably absolutely wiped out."
"No more wiped out than I am!" Maria felt at her own hair! "I don't know why I even like, went back home just to sleep so I could walk back through the woods to you guys again. I— I just kind of did and it's really thrown me off."
Genkan sighed. "I just wanted to spend our time together in a way that was special. It feels more and more like it's just not going to play out that way..."
I kinda felt that. But, also… "Genkan, whatever time we spend together is special."
She gave me a look of contempt. Like, not a cute glare, this one was upset. "Don't feed me a line like that. You know exactly what I meant. It's just not what you want to do, is it?"
Sharaku chuckled behind me. "Yeah. It was a pretty lame line." Thanks buddy…!
At first, I didn't know what ta say. It's rare that she was confrontational with me before… it sorta reminded me of the first argument we had. Back when Matt and I went on a stupid little job search, and I just happened to end up getting brought back to her cave.
She kept goin', "I want us to spend more time together at home. Is that too much for you to slot into your own interests?"
To my surprise, Maria interjects after a few moments a' silence. "You can always spend time at home when festive things aren't happening. I don't think Brad would mind then."
I affirmed my "lame line". "Genkan, when I said the time we spend together is special, I meant it. It wasn't some stupid line. The way we've been doing things, the way I do things sometimes… it may not be what you've got in mind. But sometimes I make small sacrifices for you guys that aren't exactly what I'd have in mind if I was by myself either."
Genkan frowned harder. "Oh, really? Such as?"
I shook my head. "They really don't matter. Whenever I made personal compromises, no one had to know, 'cause they weren't that important. They were little things not worth getting hung up over, like the way interactions happened, or word choice, or the events we decide to do. Or," I held my arms out, "Should I have had… standards? Should I have been complaining?"
That settled her down. "I don't want to fight you over this. I just wanted this to be a happy day."
Sumireko looked awkward. Sharaku was behind me, so I couldn't see his posture. Maria only looked a little pensive; if anything, this woke her up.
Well, whatever. "If it's what you really, truly want though? We can go home and chill. It's no big deal."
She brought her gaze up from the floor, meeting mine again. I did have things I wanted to do, but if holidays really meant this much to her…
That's when Ha-chan bounded back up to the porch, and through the door. "Hey guys!" She didn't sense the tension at all! "Where're we going now!? We can go so many places like this!" She meant her new kimono that protected her from freezin' her tits off!
Genkan met Ha-chan's clueless, happy gaze.
She turned, meeting Maria's gaze. Maria furrowed her brows slightly, giving Genkan a supremely judging look.
She met my gaze. Then, she scooped me up into a big hug.
"I'm sorry," she spoke quietly, so Ha-chan couldn't hear. "I'm being selfish."
"Well—…" Why's this gotta be complicated? I spoke in hush-hush! "Yeah. But no? But, technically, yeah. But technically no…!? It's selfish a' me to kinda deny what you want… but like…"
"I wasn't really thinking of you," Genkan admitted. "I was thinking of… the stories of holidays I read in books. Happy holidays. I wanted that. The picturesque evenings I'd read of time and time again. The image presented by the parties we went to. I just… wanted that."
Damn. "Well… I mean…"
Maria was now really close to us, whispering too! "Genkan, get over yourself." Her sheer audacity put us both back a little! "Did everything that happened up until now mean nothing to you?"
"What? No." Genkan was surprised to be accused of that!
"What made those holidays good in the books— it's something you already have that you must be taking for granted. And that… that's just..." Woah! I couldn't find the words to put it that way, but now that Maria mentioned it…
"I'm…" Genkan looked sad. Not like, big sad or anything, just disappointed in herself. "I'm sorry. I just..."
Maria sighed.
When Genkan tried to drift away from me, I gave her a squeeze with my arm. "Look. How about we just… not think about this too hard?" That usually works!
Composin' herself pretty quickly, Genkan actually agrees with me on this one. "I want to put this behind me. When I think back to today, I want it to not be defined by this shameful moment. I'm sorry, Brad, Maria. This… this is all my fault."
Maria came around to her after that statement. "No, Genkan— it's not all your fault. It's our fault. All of us. You wish it was only your fault." Huh? How… puzzling.
Genkan wasn't confused at all, however. "...You're right. I suppose we should all just cut back and enjoy ourselves. Like we should be doing to begin with."
We all took risks with one another today. Whenever you voice personal complaints, it's double-edged: you seek someone or something else to change for you.
Who's being childish in that scenario? The person who's making you feel like you have to be patient with them? Or you for demanding their patience? There's no one-size-fits-all answer.
I guess the question to ask would be: what's actually the bigger sacrifice? Is what you want or what they want really important enough? Are they not caring enough about how you feel, or are you not caring enough about how they feel? In an ideal world, you can just talk it out, but sometimes timing just doesn't permit it.
Twisting around, I gazed at Sharaku. He just looked absolutely confused, like I'd just enacted some kind of fucked up ritual before his dainty eyes.
"Hmm…" Ha-chan actually had something to say about this all! "Can it be my fault too?"
Maria chuckled. "I— I don't honestly see how. You don't have an opinion, like, ever." How's Maria not more surprised!? Like, how'd Ha-chan actually keep track of what was going on!? I would've expected her to be more emotional about it too!
"You know what? Sure. It's your fault." Genkan puts the blame on her at her request!
"Yay!" Ha-chan leapt for joy! "Go team! Happy new year!"
Oh, right, Sumireko's here! "Hello, Sumireko Usami." I greeted Sumireko Usami.
Sumireko snorted. "...Hello, Bradley." Woohoo! "You know, if people on the outside could just act like you four, that'd solve a lot of problems."
Genkan smiled strangely. "I don't know about that."
Anyway! "So, guys! If we don't have any objections…" I wiggled my eyebrows at Genkan aggressively! "I'm thinkin' we can hit the shrine for whatever crazy after-party shenanigans they've got going on!"
Sumireko stared at Genkan. Genkan took a deep breath.
"Why not?" She found something to appreciate in my suggestion. "Again, I bet they're all too comatose to pose a major disturbance as it is. It may be unironically more welcoming than this little village. We can come back here next week, or something."
Hoh hoh hoh. "Probably! And when we're done makin' our New Years rounds, maybe pawn Sumireko off to someone who can actually solve her subplot so we don't have to, we can head home or somethin', eat some fluffles."
Genkan liked that idea! "Pretty straightforward with this idea of wiping your hands of her. Was this your initial plan, or…?"
I shrugged! "Well, I say that, but we'll see, I guess."
Sumireko chuckled nervously. "I feel like I'm gonna be in danger hanging around you guys…"
"Oh," Genkan gave her an easy smile. "You will be. Don't worry. Or, do worry, actually."
Sharaku spoke up! "Hey. Uuh… 'fore you guys leave, can I talk with this Brad guy? Like, uh, dude-on-dude? One on one?" He seemed oddly apprehensive about suggesting this!
Genkan snorted. "Why are you asking us? Ask him."
"Sure!" I agreed readily!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We were somewhere random along the yuki-onna village, just along a dirt road on the edge of town, across the small village from my party.
"You scare me," Sharaku informed me!
"Oo— oh?" I just kinda chuckled!
"In all my years—" all twenty two of 'em, uh huh— "I've never seen someone have a way with women quite like that."
Uuh. "I'd say it's less a way with women and more a way with human—" or uh, shit, "A way with regular people, I mean." Was gonna say "human beings" but Genkan is patently not one of those!
"But, the way you talked about Hana and Genkan, it was… it was inspiring." Sharaku was apparently moved by that particularly traumatic social encounter! "And just when I thought you trapped yourself with a cheesy line, you made it into something amazing!"
I feel like he's missing the point of something. "S'more like I was lucky enough to word the ideas the right way. If Genkan was more selfish, or if I came off more selfish, the argument woulda been toast. Probably." At the end of the day, I don't even know. I'm just makin' my best guesses… which end up being fairly accurate but sometimes they're very not accurate at all!
"But, if I could talk to women like that, no one would ever get jealous. If I understood the village's women like you understood yours—"
Son! "A village is a very different thing than my party! Let— let's not get it twisted…!"
Sharaku leaned up close to me— which was supposed to be assertive, but since he's like a head or more shorter than me, it really doesn't come off like it! "Be honest with me. You and Maria."
Freakin'...! "Son, no! I think all the snow lady boobs've turned your brains to slush!" I know Genkan's turn mine to slush!
He laughed! "Hehehe— well, you might be right, but you can't fault me for asking!"
"I think I can, because it's like you like… don't get people! That's always gonna bite ya in the ass if you let it."
"Well…" Sharaku swallowed, "Teach me!"
Wat. No. "Son…"
"Let me join you guys!" Sharaku seriously wanted into the party.
I sighed, putting my arms on my hips! "Son, four's a party, five's a fuckin' tiny militia! I'm not leadin' a fuckin' platoon here! That Sumireko chick, she's temporary. She's not a permanent fixture. I don't think, at least. But I have my hands full enough with like, my girlfriend and Ha-chan and our strangely great pal Maria!"
Sharaku folded his arms. "But… ugh. This sucks."
Y'know… "I'll tell ya what, though." I flailed an arm through the air!
foop. A cardboard box gently landed in the snow next to him. He looked at it without a care in the world, his reaction to it delayed into nonexistence.
"I can summon you," I told 'em! "We can do a summoning contract! That way, if I ever really think I need a horny fuckin' dumbass to wave around his feminine penis, I've got you on speedial!"
Sharaku was beside himself with the phrasing I chose. "You really... had to use those words."
Y'know what I can't describe with words? The stiffness to his voice which just screams "idiot." But not like, a dumb idiot, just the affectionate kind. Fuckin' Tumblr sexy man supreme over here.
Where were we? Oh yeah, to answer his question, "Yes."
"...If we're going through with this, I should tell you what I'm really capable of." Sharaku licked his lips. Thankfully, he does not invest in lipstick. Not like he needs it, I guess. I wonder if he goes on challenge runs across the village to obtain lipstick by getting kissed by chicks with lipstick. What a cursed idea…
"Oh?" I was curious regardless!
Reaching into his suit, he pulled out a straight-up handgun. An outside-style pistol, sorta boxy and shit.
"We were supposed to kill Sumireko," Sharaku admitted. "Eientei gave us a counteroffer of medicine. Thankfully, the lunarians contacts had already given us a deposit of outside technology. Nice things. Stoves, refrigerators, modern silverware… even stuff like silent generators for our power. Don't look, but underneath the snow, half our homes are wired up to a community powergrid."
Oh… oh my god. They've been swindling electronic goods. Y'know, this snow woman community might actually be useful for homemaking tricks.
Sharaku took on an entirely new personality as he described the business side of things. "That's where we stand. Oh, I forgot to mention, they gave us some guns. It's just me and Koharu who have any. But…"
Smiling at his pistol, he looked it over carefully, holding it with intense deliberation. "I've killed six people with it so far. A couple by, uh, accident…"
Looking up at me, he smiled. "But a few were bad. Real bad. Assholes. They deserved it. I did it to defend the village. And I've got to say: it makes a big difference. The snap of thunder it makes can cause even the mightiest youkai to flinch."
I didn't know what to say, nor where he was goin' with this.
"So if you ever summon me," Sharaku pointed his pistol at the sky, "Make it be against something you think deserves to die."
Hoh. "I see…"
Sharaku moved to get inside the box! "And, if you're ever stuck and in need of advice yourself, remember…" He patted his pistol against his ass, giving me a strangely sensual look. "I know what the ladies like."
...Man, he tried so hard with that delivery, but it's just so wrong comin' outta his girly-ass mouth!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
The jaunt to Reimu's shrine from the ice village is like… closer than you think, but also weirdly far. We gotta pass Genkan's cave, and then walk through the woods past Alice's place and the Kourindou, and we'll come out across the "street" from the Hakurei Shrine. It's actually basically the path I took to run the hell away from Shimokoa that one time.
As we passed Genkan's cave, I had an idea. "We must create an automobile."
...Everyone else just kinda slowed, when I turned ta face 'em!
"It'll be automatically mobile," I explained. "Except not. I lied, it'll be manually mobile!"
"What are you talking about now?" Maria was confused!
"Genkan, I need you to make me a chassis!" I informed Genkan of the new plan!
Eager to set the past behind, she quickly sprayed ice on me and— this wasn't exactly what I had in mind, hey…!
"Son," I had a very bulky chestplate of ice now. My arms were stuck 'cause of them! "I meant a vehicle chassis!"
Genkan stopped spraying me, and gave me a cluelessly innocent look. Knowing how she liked to intentionally look clueless sometimes, I felt her veiled smug energy when she replied. "I gave it my best guess."
Anyway… shit, I guess a "chassis" wouldn't evoke any image in her mind. "Make a flat box! About uh… this wide!"
With her help, we made a big sheet of ice. "Now… cut four indents about this big along these ways…" I was making slot for tires in the frame!
"Cut?" Genkan raised her brows. "What are we making?"
"You'll see! Now, uh…"
It took like five minutes, but we soon had wheels, two axles for both pairs, the axles themselves running crudely underneath the ice sheet frame.
"Make seats here and here and… make a wheel thing over here, with a like, pole… extending into the ice sheet frame."
Sumireko realized! "You're building a car."
"Yeah!" I grinned at 'er!
"How's it gonna work?"
"Very carefully."
Her expression became even more sarcastic than it was before! "Wise-ass."
"But more descriptively…" I gave 'er a shit-eating grin. "Magic."
"...I hate that I can't call you out on that." Honh, honh.
Genkan seemed displaced by Sumireko's snarkiness. "Considering the things the broad idea of magic can be useful for, you'd think that would be as good an answer as any."
"I'm asking how this thing's gonna work, not why. I know it's magic, but what?"
"Be freakin' patient!" I told 'er to wait it out! "Anyway…"
Once we had the seats all arranged, and the steering wheel, and the basic idea of a dashboard and some pieces that're supposed to resemble doors… we had a very crude car made of ice!
"We have reinvented the wheel," I lied. "Get in, Genkan. It's time for us to cruise in style."
I sat at the driver's seat. Genkan entered the passenger seat with no expectations.
This was where I had some questions of my own! "Genkan. The axles, d'you think your telekinesis is strong enough to turn 'em?" We might not need any engines…
"Oh? ...Hmm." Genkan opened her mouth again after thinking aloud—
"Mine is!" Sumireko interjected!
Oh!? "You've got telekinesis…!?"
"When I told you I was a magician, I wasn't fooling around." She got into one a' the crude, blocky passenger seats behind me and Genkan.
Ha-chan and Maria fit into the seats next to her. "This is so cozy…" Ha-chan got all giddy between them! "It's like a wagon!"
"It is a wagon." Genkan reflected. "Brad, you've invented a telekinetic wagon."
I raised a brow. "Wait. Has anyone done this before?"
"Likely. Although, most things one would need a wagon for, telekinesis would be used in its stead."
Huh. "What about personal transportation?"
"That's what flying is for, Brad." Genkan began to smile. "...You didn't forget most magically-inclined people could fly, did you?"
...After a quiet moment, I smiled harder back at 'er! "Maybe I di~d! But, what about when their… flyin' muscles get tired!? Their sky legs!?"
"I'm pretty sure moving a wagon magically takes more effort than it takes to fly."
Sumireko chipped in. "Can confirm!"
Man. "I hate the conservation of energy."
Maria chuckled. "At this point, I'm pretty sure it hates you too."
Yeehaw! "It better!" Despite it being months ago, the legendary air ride machine is still on the back of my mind. I'd do that again, but If I remember right, it was so intense that Yukari had to sit me down and tell me not to do it again. Like, I went so off the beaten trail when it came to outsider activities that what I did was fuckin' unthinkable. And I'm pretty sure Flandre helped! That was a big part!
Man. Flandre's a sport. Imagine getting Mokou or Suwako to help you with a miniature fighter jet outta furniture. That only worked because me and Flandre share the same brain cell.
Once we were all seated, Genkan asked a question. "Assuming I could turn the axles… what about steering?"
Question! "Maria, can you wire up this steering wheel to glowing arrows for Genkan to use?"
Maria asked a better question! "Why not just let Genkan steer the thing wherever she wants? She knows where to go."
Hmm. "Y'know, s'probably not a bad idea. But dude— we could have blinkers!"
"Must I twist the wheels manually, then?" Genkan wondered. "If so, that's… a complicated order to ask. Telekinesis is hard to make so precise."
"Oh, I could help with that." Sumireko spoke up again. "Lemme remind you: I am a telekinetic mastermind."
"I somehow don't believe that." Genkan was understandably skeptical!
"Oh, okay." Sumireko accepted her skepticism all too easily. "Then I'll just uuh…"
CLI— CLICK! The axles began to grind underneath the ice sheet, and the ice car began to move! ...As for how the sheet itself isn't sliding off: we made holsters and shit to keep the axles attached to the body.
SKRRK. Loudly, the ice car began to churn! When I peered over the edge at the wheels, I noticed them glowing a vibrant yellow.
"Haha!" Standing up, Sumireko pointed her revolver to the forest ahead of us! "I'm takin' the wheel now! Brad, get outta the driver's seat!" What! Uh oh…!
She climbed over my seat, displaced me outta it, and took the steering wheel even though it didn't do anything!
I ended up in Genkan's lap. She curled me up bridal style, and I just kinda started grinnin' at her!
"...Your clothes always make you seem way bigger than you really are," Genkan noted! "You remain incredibly skinny."
"Hi." I greeted her, snuggly. She eventually righted me on her lap, and wrapped her arms around me normally.
CLACKACKACKACK. The demented ice car made infinite noise as Sumireko drove it haphazardly through the woods ahead, swerving it around randomly for no good reason!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
CLACKACKACKACK. The thundering grind of the axles against the icy chassis continued as Sumireko repeatedly swerved the car ninety-degrees along the grass and snow at the base of the Hakurei Shrine hill.
Genkan spoke into the side of my face. "Is this how everyone drives on the outside?"
Nn— "Yes."
"...For some reason, I don't believe you."
"You're right, it's worse."
She chuckled under her breath. "Oh."
Sumireko grinned over at us. "Yeah, yeah, it's worse. Trust me."
"I thought you said that Brad was dumb and stupid."
"Yeah, well, I lied." She drove the ice car up into the base of the hill. When we met the sheer incline slope, she spun the wheels as fast as she could, but eventually we got kinda embedded in the snow. "This car sucks. It needs jet thrusters."
"You're right," I admitted! "But we're here!"
Ha-chan drifted past me and Genkan in her kimono, pretending to float in that static way that Genkan does! After a moment, she twisted back to smile at us.
Drifting outta the crude car, Genkan planted me next to it on the hillside. "Hike. It's good for you."
"Says the one who floats everywhere…!"
"It'll make your appetite kick in," Genkan figured! "...I may not be human, but I've read enough about them to know how exercise works."
Sumireko yawned, clambering outta the car. "Oookay. Well… aah. I wanted to say something, but I don't got anything to say."
Aw, yeah. "Yeah, 'cause you just drove a freakin' FisherPrice mobile car, and now you're ready for your naptime."
Sumireko gave me an apprehensive look! "That's too deep of a line for a random—" she snapped her fingers! "Did you fucking call me an original character earlier?"
I nodded twice! "Yeah, I did!"
"That's rich coming from you!" What! "I said it before, and I'll say it again: you look randomized!"
I pointed at her cool cape! "And you look like ya fell outta DeviantArt!"
She became smug. "As if. Behold!"
fwoof! She curled her cape around herself Dracula style! "Mwahahaha! I can do this!"
Flaring it back out, she tilted her glasses down, and they did the anime thing of becoming totally opaque! "Or this." She became totally monotone to match the expression she gave off.
...I faced Genkan. "Y'know, all of a sudden, I regret not taking up your offer for just snoozing the day away."
Genkan's expression was flat. "I've gotten myself hyped up for adventure. There's no going back. You've done this to me."
"Cold." Sumireko shook her head at me.
"Okay, magician girl, show me a magic trick." I demanded to see the magic.
She beamed wickedly. Uh oh. Twisting around, she flared her left arm into the air—
WHOOM! Oh my god. She summoned a telephone pole out of thin air. Genkan and Maria immediately stared up to the top of it in apprehension.
...fzzt. A moment later, the telephone pole fizzled out, into magic.
"It's actually made out of danmaku… but with a trick of light, it looks totally real!" Sumireko stood proud before us. "Textured it myself! See— if you've got a phone, you can actually do some real crazy shit with danmaku and texture mapping." Promptly, Sumireko took out a smartphone. It had a freakin' orange kitty sticker on the back of it.
"Wait, no shit?" I'm sorry whaaat? "I need to put Touhou porn on my bullets."
Genkan jostled me! "Do not."
"I'm gonna!" I told 'er! "You can't stop me!"
"I will stop you."
"What's a Touhou?" Maria asked the cursed question.
Sumireko inadvertently covered for me. "Probably the name of some celebrity." Sumireko does not exist in a world where Touhou is media!
After a moment, Genkan faced me. "So who is this Touhou, then? And why porn of them specifically?" What an incomprehensible series of questions!
Wait. "Genkan, we need to make homemade porn and put it on really fat bullets. Next time we fight Reimu, she'll be so blinded by it that it'll fuckin' smack her flat on her ass."
...Genkan gave me her playfully miffed look again!
"Aw, yeah dude." Now that I have revved up Genkan, we are ready for adventure.
"You know what? You're cool." Sumireko decided I was cool! "Sorry if I've been a douche, I'm just playin'. Riding off last night's energy, you know?"
I started to climb the hill. "Aw, I don't take nothin' by it. We might've seemed a little temperamental earlier, but s'actually quite rare that we really get into arguments."
"I'm slow to anger." Genkan lied.
"That's a lie," Maria noted!
Genkan clarified! "I'm slow to genuinely anger, when it comes to my friends. People who are not my friends easily annoy me."
"Aah, I can sorta understand, but…" Sumireko wasn't sure what to think about that. "It's not good for you to get mad easily."
Genkan smiled. "Such is why I don't stick around people. I figure it's the same for Brad and Maria."
Maria shrugged. I could read from her face how she felt; she didn't detest other people so much as she didn't trust them, and understandably so.
Myself, I'm kinda in the same boat, but I'm a lot more optimistic about it. Genkan's quick to resort to deadly violence when she feels like it, and it's kinda cute, but—
"Genkan!" I exclaimed!
"You really like saying my name, don't you?"
"Yes. Anyway— remember when you fuckin' kidnapped Akihito's wife?"
"Oh…" Genkan thought back to when we met. "Oh, right. That was how we met."
"What the fuck happened to provoke you to Genkan-nap a random-ass human?"
"He insulted me," Genkan informed me! "...I was also more of the mind that all humans were not worth being considered people. So, when I'd kidnapped her, I considered it akin to taking someone's pet."
Suddenly, Shimokoa's philosophy on calling Genkan my "pet" made somewhat more sense. "Oh. Oh. So…"
"I saw you similarly for the first few adventures," Genkan admitted. "But… one thing lead to another, and..."
Maria snorted. "How'd it even happen? What was it he did specifically?"
Genkan looked unsure. "I enjoyed his company. His humor was nice. But what really tied it all together was how defensive he got over me. I'd thought him incapable of the same kind of wrath my sisters and I felt. But when he lashed out against Maribel the other day, I felt loved."
"More like you fell in love," Maria sassed her. "Or maybe you woke up and realized he'd loved you before then too. Love shouldn't be defined only by moments like that. If Maribel was never a freak about… being a freak, you would have never given him a chance to prove himself like that."
Genkan stared down at the snow. "...Thank you, Maria."
We reached the top of the hill! And, man, is it a mess up here.
Abandoned stalls and trash littered the shrine grounds. Suika was wobbling around, making a half-assed effort at cleaning some wooden stall up…
WHUNK. She fell forward into it, crushing the table in half, ruining the stall. Either half fuckin' got ejectd by her prescence, crumbling into wood pieces in the snow around her.
"Damn," I lamented this extreme loss of life. "She was defeated."
Genkan smiled slightly, her brows raising in slight pity.
"Just gave up, huh…" Maria joined me in lamenting Suika's ultimate defeat.
"Oh, wow. They trashed the place while I was gone." Sumireko pursed her lips as she examined the wreckage. "We gotta go inside and see how many drunk people there are!"
"Aw, yeah!" Yeehaw!
Me and Sumireko went ahead, while Genkan and Maria lagged behind to be fluffy.
Shoof! Sliding the main door open, I marched on inside with my loud ass gravity boots! "Yo ho— ho." I paused awkwardly, 'cause I quickly realized everyone left was still asleep.
Reimu was wiped out, man. She and Marisa just kinda died next to one another, not really close but like adjacent to one another.
The room was warm. There were some kinda orbs in the air projecting warm light across the room, but they were burning very dim. How strange.
Sanae was tucked under a kotatsu, her top gone, but thankfully she had a bra on. A black, lacy bra. Why? Doesn't she have bindings? Did she have plans on New Years of some kind…!?
Oh, shit, Sakuya's here! And she's awake! She's starin' at me, seated at a kotatsu, drinkin' tea!
"Oh! It's you!" Sumireko waved at her!
"Oh. It's you." Sakuya bit back, but smiled. "...I didn't think I'd see the both of you back here so soon. Couldn't get enough?"
"I got chased into a plains village of snow women by a rogue lunar militia and got saved by some kinda super soldier bunny," Sumireko told her.
Sakuya had a blasé kinda look about it. Yeah man, we usin' the big words! "...So what really happened?"
Sumireko slouched. "That— that's what really happened."
I put a big ol' arm around Sumireko's shoulder. "I can confirm!"
Sumireko put her stubby pistol up against my ribs! "Wh— let go a' me."
"Geez…!" I snapped away from her real fast!
She bounced up to me twice like a boomer shooter FPS hero, her freakin' neon-blue pistol held up within her own peripheral vision, before she disengaged and put it away.
Ignoring our extremely violent exchange, Sakuya shook her head. "That doesn't really help her case, but I can find it in me to believe you both. So, something's trying to hurt Sumireko now?"
Sumireko nodded. "They were gonna shoot my head off. Like, clean off, with sniper rifles."
Sakuya smiled at how extreme she made it sound! "That does sound bad. I'm wondering if there's any connection to the threats Brad has faced. The ones involving the rampant Maribel and her cohorts."
Oh? "Hoh?" I expressed some interest… especially 'cause I don't see why Sakuya would care either way. "Wait. Is it true that Maribel's attacked you too?"
Sakuya nodded. "Every incident resolver was targeted by her at least once. They weren't harrowing battles, but she notably didn't obey spell card rules. We all landed grievous injuries on her, but she would simply leave."
"Man. Who the hell's this Maribel freak?" Sumireko apparently doesn't know a Maribel! "Her name keeps comin' up in like, the past ten minutes."
Sakuya looked peaceful. "In the words of my mistress… she is trying to bridge the gap between reality and fantasy."
Sumireko gasped! "Like I did!?"
Sakuya shook her head. "Not exactly, no."
Wait, whah? "What'd she do?" I point at Sumireko!
Sakuya gave me a plain look. "You really do live in a cave. Not too long ago, Sumireko attempted to break the Great Hakurei Barrier."
Oh. "Well, of course she did. That's what outsiders in bad fanfics do all the time. Hey— by chance, was she tryin'a summon Cthulhu?" I've got a premonition, son…
Sumireko was about ta snap at me, but Sakuya interjected before she could! "Not to my knowledge, no. She attempted to sacrifice herself to the youkai, and due to the interaction she had with the occult balls, her death could have linked this world to the outside world, shattering the barrier in the process."
Oh? "...How?" I feel like we skipped like twenty steps there. "Occult balls? Balls of steel?"
Sakuya ignored my manner of speaking, but also my question! "She did, however, link Gensokyo to the moon, which was how you and Flandre could take the space dream highway… thing. Though, even Flandre in all her wild spirit would probably not fly the entire trek to the moon. It's quite time consuming, and that aside, the lunar defense grid is intimidating. Let nothing be said about the lack of protection from the sun."
...Sumireko snapped her fingers. "Oh, darn. That's why those lunar bunnies wanted to shoot me!"
I just gave 'er a look. "Yeah, oh darn, I accidentally linked two dimensions together, in the same way y'accidentally spill a glass of milk. I'm gonna spank your desk secretary-lookin' ass!"
Sumireko jerked her head back! "Ee— excuse me!?"
Genkan was behind me. "You will not be spanking anyone." Uh oh.
Turning to Genkan, I gave her a peaceful smile, letting my eyes close.
...In spite of her suspicious look, I snapped my eyes open, strafed beside her, and—
Plap! Woah! When I smacked her ass, it really rippled!
Looking up, I saw her at first stunned expression— but then she became aggressive!
"Woah! Genkan— oof!" She accelerated into me oh god!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Maria had her chin on her arms, sinking into the kotatsu top. I'm seated next to her.
Under the warm lights, some a' the party-goers from the previous evening woke up and stuff. "Aah…" Reimu airily sat down before us, scratching the back a' her head.
Sakuya reached across it and rapped the wood before Reimu's eyes with her knuckles. "Sumireko was hunted by lunar bunnies after sundown. Reisen was lucid enough to protect her… seven-eighths hammered as she was."
"What?" Reimu snapped a little more awake at that.
"They attacked past midnight, when most of us were asleep. I don't know what she was out doing, but Reisen had taken her far out past the Magic Forest during evasive maneuvers. ...I'm attributing the incomprehensible location as a result of her inebriation."
"Ugh." Reimu held her head. "I don't need this when I've got this much of a fucking hang over…"
Sakuya looked slightly smug. "Just don't get drunk, then."
Reimu glared back at her! "Screw you. I know you sleep it off in your time dimension."
"I don't, actually. I simply watch how much alcohol I drink."
"Mmrrh."
Sakuya gestured to me. "Do you think it has any relation to this... dust burglar?" She took some time thinkin' about that one!
"Dust burglar?" Reimu didn't get it! "Whatever. No. What're you, stupid? As far as I'm aware, he's done nothing but get cozy with the snow women and fairies."
Sakuya was unphased by Reimu's rude 'tude. "I was more wondering if Maribel and the lunar society could have anything in common."
Reimu looked like she didn't want to humor that, but couldn't firmly deny it. "I doubt it. Her brand of crazy was too specific to just do that. That, and… siding with the moon is a very un-Yukari-like thing to do."
"She's not Yukari."
"But—"
"Mmm?" Suddenly, Yukari! Just so casually! She laid her cleavage down on Reimu's head. "You rang?"
Aw. Maria perked up beside me, suddenly alerted by Yukari's presence.
Reimu nodded, done with this shit already. "Hey. Explain. Now."
"Explain? Explain what?" Yukari dug her gloved hands into Reimu's shoulders and began massaging them.
"This— Maribel character. She looks like you. Why'd she flip her lid?"
"Mmm…" Yukari's brows raised. "That's interesting. I don't think I know anyone who goes around like that. Or by that name, for that matter."
"You liar. You see everything."
"I only see what I see."
"You have a thousand eyes."
"And yet, only as much attention to spare as you."
That's when I chipped in. "Yukari, I want there to be a day when we can play Nascar Pro together."
Dead silence.
"Huh?" Sakuya just kinda gave me a foreboding look!
"Oh…" Reimu looked like she slipped into a trance while Yukari massaged her.
Maria stared at me with practiced ease. I say "practiced" 'cause it takes some practice to take these exchanges in stride!
Genkan was nearby, choosing to sit near and not under the warm kotatsu. "Brad…"
Yukari's eyes met mine.
"It's totally possible," I grinned at her! "Dude, with your gaps, and with someone who can make a really big ramp, it'd be powerful!"
"Nascar… pro?" Yukari questioned experimentally!
"Actually, that should be a type a' spell card, now that I think about it," I realized.
She sighed. "Speak sense, young man, while you're still young enough to speak it."
Dang! "This cave is not a natural formation!" Man, next time I gotta surprise her. For some arcane reason, I know Maribel was into Halo. If Yukari cracks and recognizes a reference, then I'll know!
Wait. I've got an idea.
"He— hey, hands off." Reimu began to struggle against Yukari after a moment!
"Oh? What's wrong? I'm just being polite. Consider it a New Year's bonus."
"Wha— what? Shut up…"
Sumireko walked into the room holding some tea. I instantly verbally aggressed her from my seat. "Sumireko!"
"Bradley!" Aagh! Psychic damage! "What's up!?"
Reimu glared at us. "You people are too loud."
"Sumireko!" I yelled her name again! "Doesn't the Arbiter die in Halo 4!?"
"What? What the hell? No." Sumireko countered my assertion! "Were ya high when you played that one? Because... if you were, I wouldn't blame you."
"Alright, ask me a question." I posed it back t'her.
In spite of half our spectator's judging stares, Sumireko carried on! "Alright, Bradley. Uuh…"
"Make it an easy one!"
"Which game didn't have the assault rifle?"
Hah! This one's hard… to fuck up. So I'mma fuck it up! "Halo Reach." My eyes snapped to Yukari's.
She was staring at me with mild incredulity. When my eyes met hers, she held her gaze without falter.
Sumireko snapped at me! "Okay really, have you ever played the games before?"
I looked away from Yukari. "Ask me another one!" Yeah man!
"...Which game had the strongest pistol?"
I know! "Halo 2."
Sumireko rolled her eyes. "Freaking— are you doing this on purpose? What's the jig? The jig is up, buster."
Readin' the room, I sighed and flailed my arms all flustered-like. "Man— I got sick after 343 made Halo 3, man."
Yukari interjected. "Do you know what you're talking about?"
"Yeah!" I nodded a bunch! "343 killed Halo as early as Halo 3."
"Wait, did they?" I actually fuckin' fooled Sumireko! "Really?... No wonder. Yeah, three felt weird."
Yukari interjected! "You idiots. Bungie didn't stop working on Halo until after Reach. The last two games felt weird because they were on contract, but they had finished the trilogy they wished to work on. And, Sumireko, what are you thinking? Halo 3 was fine." Oh my god!
I stood up, pointing at her! "You and Maribel are the same person!"
Yukari had a huge smile. "...What?"
"Brad…" Sakuya gave me a mournful look!
Genkan facepalmed! "Gods, Brad."
Reimu exhaled, not really paying attention.
I put my arms on my hips! "Bu— duh— you both like Halo!" Nobody found the way she went "what" weird? Just me…!?
Yukari had the sweetest smile. "Do you like Halo?"
"Yeah!"
"Does that make you Maribel?"
Son. "But how many people like you… like Halo!?"
She shrugged. "Miss Yagokoro likes Halo."
"But—" Shit! I know I'm onto something though! "I think I'm onto somethin'...!"
When I blinked, Yukari was halfway through slipping into a gap, disappearing from Reimu's back.
Immediately after, I felt hands on my shoulders, and they applied a gentle pressure. "Why don't you sit down? You seem stressed. You and your friends both."
In nearly an instant, I'm back under the kotatsu, and she's massaging my shoulders. Holy… shit.
"That's right." Her smug voice rolled down her arms to my ears.
While under the kotatsu, my body reacted so ta speak to the stimulation of the massage, and I became a little awkward!
Sakuya noticed how I immediately became more passive. "...I see. So he does have an off-button."
"Fufufu. I know what gentlemen like." To top it all off, Yukari burned me with a Halo reference. She totally knows somethin' we don't, but she's not about to tell us. "Though, I bet you wouldn't just give him a massage, now would you?"
Sakuya had nothin' to say to that, choosing to stare at Reimu instead.
Reimu sighed. "You're way too good at giving those. It's part of your deception technique, isn't it?"
"Oh ho ho?" Yukari had a big grin for her again. "I just like to make people feel comfortable. What's so wrong with that?"
"It's creepy!"
"If being creepy is what it takes, then I guess I'm creepy."
"Mmmh." Reimu held her own head, slumping into the kotatsu. "It's too early for this."
Undeniably, her massage was pretty good. I closed my eyes, just… taking it in. Guess I can't complain, but uh…
"My. Are these fairy wings from your back, or are you just happy to see me?" Oh!
Instinctively, I looked down at my chest, but there wasn't any energy emanating from me. When my wings shone, they were spectral, barely visible but still luminescent.
"Woah…" Sumireko marveled at them! "Awesome!"
Then, I heard Yukari's voice in the core of my ears— a deep whisper that I quickly realized was only audible to me.
"Happy new year. Did you appreciate that note about Shimokoa? If it weren't for me, you would be dead."
That woke me the fuck up. Even so, she kept massaging me. "Relax."
I looked to my right, past Maria, towards Genkan. Genkan was staring on with vague concern, 'cause Yukari's presence alone unsettled her.
And, now I'm curious: why couldn't she just tell me or warn me in-person? Was it 'cause a note was just cooler? Or did she have an actual reason…!?
"Now… I would not be so unkind as to say you owe me. I have only a small favor to ask you."
Since only I could hear her, I couldn't immediately say shit back without lookin' funny. I couldn't move without ruining the massage. Goddamn.
"When you have the time, visit the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Go to the mirror room. They will be pre-adjusted. I may call this a favor for me… but it is also a gift for you. A tribute, to ease the tension between us." You could have just let me play Nascar Pro, Yukari! That would have worked too!
After a moment, she gave me one last thought. "And by the way— you smell like what the cat dragged in, so I've taken the liberty to supply your bag with an array of fitting aromas for yourself and your friends. I know you can't take care of yourself, but consider this a gift from the powers that be for Genkan. Tell her you bought it at the Kourindou.
"You will not mention this conversation to anyone, or I will play Nascar Pro with your ribcage." Oo— oh! Hearing her have to pronounce "Nascar Pro" in her Times New Roman-ass voice was impressive!
With that, Yukari distanced herself from me. When I looked up at her, she blew me a kiss with a gloved hand.
"Nascar Pro." I repeated, firmly! "We still haven't gotten to play Nascar Pro!"
"What is Nascar Pro!?" Sumireko was getting more and more incredulous every time I mentioned it, but this was the first verbal outburst!
"Oh, dear." Yukari twisted back to give me an intense smile! "You know what? Just this once. Because it's New Years." Oh— what, really? Oh my god.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
At the top of the Hakurei Shrine stares, my party and some girls stared on at the snowy wasteland.
Yukari had formed a massive gap at the bottom of the shrine stairs, and the sister gap was just above the apex of the stairs, basically just above where we stood.
"The fact that her gaps are required to play this 'game' is very concerning." Genkan looked overwhelmed! "Brad, if this is a plan of some kind, please tell me."
Aw. "What, and ruin the surprise!?"
Genkan's uncomfortable smile became intense! "Yes."
Clack. Aw. Sumireko planted our icy vehicle down atop the stairs.
The stairs themselves, for the purposes of this exercise, have been turned into a ramp of pure ice!
"So…" Yukari spoke up! "Nascar Pro is actually the pet name of a kind of experimental spell card duel called Speed Danmaku."
Reimu was out here with us to supervise. She narrowed her eyes at that! "How come I've never heard of it, then?"
"It saw limited success," Yukari shrugged carelessly. "But it's remained popular among… some. A cult classic, if you will."
"I don't know about cults…" Reimu was needlessly suspect of the terminology! "But, whatever."
From the aether, Yukari summoned an actual mid-2000s jeep. She placed it at the top of the ramp. "It's played like this. The attacker is at the bottom of the ramp. The caster is in the vehicle."
VRRRR! Somehow, Yukari started the jeep remotely. Basically all of us except Yukari flinched at its volume!
We watched it roll down the ramp. Very quickly, gravity influenced far more than its wheels did, and it hurtled into the gap!
Woosh! It emerged from the gap at the top of the stairs, and kept racing down when it landed on the ice ramp again. It kept gaining speed, constantly accelerating!
WOOSH! After about the fourth cycle, it was going really fucking fast.
Genkan was right next to the stairs, observing the jeep build speed.
VRRRM! VRRRM! VRRRM! WHIRR! Her expression was at first innocent. Her hair billowed, the car passing her faster than she could even register, roaring at impossible speeds.
WHIRR! Then, after the eighth cycle, she turned away from the violence, and gave me a slightly concerned expression. "I don't think I like Nascar Pro very much."
"Um…" Ha-chan says the first thing in like a year because there are too many characters on-screen. "It's going so fast…"
"That's— so dangerous." Maria was impressed by the speed!
Eventually, the car began to go so fast it was a near blur, getting from the top to the bottom of the stairs in absolute record time!
Reimu was just appalled! "I can see why this was cancelled."
"And theeen…" With anticipation, Yukari spread both hands out… an' after a moment of suspense, she clapped 'em together!
A stop sign erupted underneath the car at the exact most critical moment.
KABOOOM! The poor mid-2000s jeep outright detonated near the bottom of the ramp. Yes, it straight-up exploded. It was fucking thunderous. Imagine a car crash, but totally spontaneous.
The metal, burning, smouldering wreck became a meteor through the New Years sky, hurtling into the cosmos beyond the Forest of Magic, potentially out of the Hakurei Barrier.
I clapped my hands together! Really hard! Ow! "Hell yeah! That was freakin' beautiful!" Ho ho ho!
...Uh oh. Genkan was not as impressed!
"Is—" Maria was worried! "Is that… gonna come back down?"
Yukari was so goddamn smug. "Not on this side of the barrier, it's not!"
"I think my ears are ringing." Reimu was very sour! "I'm going to kill all of you."
Putting my yellow racecar helmet on, I moved for the ice slot car me and Genkan made! "Alright son, it's time for the races—"
Uh oh. Genkan picked me up. "We're not doing this. This is suicidal."
Awh. "I vote for Yukari blowing up more outside cars, then…!"
"No!" Reimu refused! "Do you know how bad that would've been if it didn't explode into outer space!? It became a meteor!"
A meteor, huh? A meteor… aww. That gave me an idea, son.
Yukari zipped up the gaps. Are we done already…!? Man.
"I'll be honest, it's not a very sustainable game." Yukari told us! "If only we had the constitution of the oni. Alas."
"I'll be honest, I just wanna see you blow up more cars!" That was incredibly stupid!
"If I do nothing but make cars explode, it will get stale." She waved a finger at me! "It's all about timing, Bradley." What is it with you people and sayin' my full first name!?
Genkan folded me under her arm abruptly, like I was a plank. "What…" I pretended to be extremely confused.
Reimu sighed. "I'm gonna go… be hung over. You idiots can be idiots, just don't break anything. And— Sumireko. Stick around. I wanna talk with you when I'm not braindead."
"Aah. 'Kay, Reimers." Reimers!? Sumireko called 'er that! "...I guess this is the end of our extremely awkward adventure, Bradley!"
Son. "I'll come back around to box your ears off when the holiday festivities're over!"
Sumireko grinned! "I'll hold ya to that! I'll probably be able to stick around for the while. If I ain't with Reimu's circus here, I'll be at the Kourindou circus instead."
"Yeah, the circus!" I pumped an arm into the air!
I looked around for Yukari, but she was gone. She must've slipped out on a frame nobody was lookin' at her.
Alright, that's it. "Yukari, how can I teleport away from the people I lecture like a really cool antagonistic force?"
A tiny gap opened next to my face, Yukari poking only up to her nose out. "You don't." An' then she hid and was gone again!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"You know, Brad." Maria was super in my face! "I love whenever we're in a huge crowd gathering and only one of us can get a word in edgewise at a time."
We were back in Genkan's ice cave 'cause I know she kinda wanted to spend the holiday at home, but also because I actually only wanted to follow that Sumireko thread when we decided the yuki-onna village could be visited another time! ...Which just made Genkan's dilemma even more tragically mistimed, but what can ya do.
From her room of knickknacks, Genkan brought out a fake wreath. "Brad. Look what I've found. It's the holiday wreath."
Aw. "As opposed to the regular wreath."
Genkan was slightly confused! "Those don't exist?"
"I have no idea!"
Placing it on the table next to us, she sighed. "I see." Spinning around once, she gently flopped into a nearby chair. "I'm beat."
I faced Maria, who had since distanced herself from my face. "I know, Maria! I know it's kind of an assfuck! But we've been in bigger environments than I've been anticipating!"
"It's also a holiday," Genkan noted. "...It just feels right to travel together today. And now that we're alone, we can talk amongst ourselves all we want."
"...Yeah." Maria conceded that.
Aw. "Genkan, we've got to make our own Nascar Pro ramp."
"No…" She refused! "Not until after we've refurbished our family home, at least. ...And not without some changes to the rules." Aw. Family home...
"I was wondering, what if we adventured in pairs?" Maria wondered. "Like me and Brad did that one time, during that intense blizzard?" There were a lot of intense blizzards, yer gonna have to narrow that down!
Genkan nodded. "You could do that. But..."
...Actually, when I heed Yukari's advice about that mirror thing, I probably oughta have the gang together for that.
"Isn't there only so much Gensokyo to see?" Genkan wondered! "We've been to Heaven. We've… not quite gone to Old Hell, but I'd really rather not. And… hmm."
I shrugged. "I dunno. I've been making rounds. There's still plenty of places to see, but like ya said about Old Hell, we need the gear. I got ya that summer kimono, but that's just for like… bein' together and bein' friends on the surface. We'll need t'get ya some heavy duty shit for Old Hell."
"What's even down there to see?" Genkan wanted to know! "Rocks? Fire? Oni and their stone houses?"
"Yeah, pretty much." Admittedly: s'not very glamorous! "But also, the Palace of Earth Spirits. They've got cats! And mind readers. Or— mind reader, sorry. S'not plural!"
"...Hmm." Genkan was indifferent.
"I wanna see Old Hell," Maria declared. "There's a lot I want to learn about the land. And I think Brad's doing this all to learn too. You don't always have to travel with us if you don't want."
"But… if I don't go with you, I'll worry."
I took out that freakin' summoning stone Genkan gave me! "I still got your panic button stone for if I think I super need ya."
"If you're in Old Hell, I'm not sure if I could even find you, ever. I'm not sure if the signal could reach me."
Huuh. I wonder… "I could make one a' them silly familiar contracts with you with the cardboard box!"
...Genkan looked uneasy! "You just suggested turning your girlfriend into your familiar. I don't think my heart would be willing to take that."
"Wha— s'not a real familiar contract, it's more like a gateway to ask people for help!" I should probably properly map out my summons in the inventory at the end of chapters…
Genkan shook her head! "I don't know about that." Awh.
"Familiar contracts are dicey business." Maria was also standoffish about the concept. "Knowing what I know about yours, it's no big deal, but… as a magician myself, I don't know if I want to get mixed up in the way the magic works."
...Ha-chan floated into the room, looking free and easy. The ice resistance is really treating her well, dude!
Getting up, Genkan moved. "By the way. Brad, let's refurbish the bedroom today. As funny as it is, I tire of the bed becoming a hockey puck when I'm not looking."
Oh, right. The floor is such slick ice, our bed just slides around sometimes when she's not freezing it down explicitly. This is sometimes hilarious when we have sex, but uh, when it slides too much it kinda kills the mood!
"I should develop tragedies," I decided.
...Maria was worried! "What the heck does that mean?"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! The bed slid around the room at at mach speed! Ice chipped off the walls, as Genkan's cheap-ass bed bounced around at the speed a' sound!
"Proximity Pinbaaa~ll!" Shakin' up a can of soda, I tossed it into the center of the room!
PING! PING- PANG- PING- PWOW! That made the sixth can of soda that was now bouncing around the room, enchanted by the magic something-or-another Maria helped me figure out earlier!
Ha-chan stood at the doorframe, clapping her hands! "Woohoo!"
Oh, shit! When the "pinballs" come for me, I run and like— woah! I slid under 'em!
Activating my gravity boots, I fall up onto the ceiling to avoid bein' on the floor when the soda cans all rebound around! Oh, shit!
SKRIIISH! The mattress slid under me on an intense delay!
...Genkan gently drifted past Ha-chan. "Br—" Only to double-take! "Brad!"
I looked at her! "Aw, Genkan! Welcome to the sexnasium! Wha—" Uh oh one of the soda cans are near me—
KRAK- FWOOSH! It fucking expoded into a miasma of soda and magic, and the sheer carbon energy was about to soak me!
Fwi- Click! Instead, on impulse I change to be half-naked save for my gravity boots and undies. Can't afford to get my stuff too dirty just yet! And—
Splash! The soda hit me. The nearly frozen-cold soda.
"Aaaaa~!" Oh my god it's cold now I know how Hana feels oh fuck—
KRAK- KRAK- KRAKRAKRAK! The soda cans all go off in a violent chain reaction—
"Aaaeegh!" I'm thrown across the room, man. Shit the floor's also cold too fuck! Aa—
WHUMP! Ouuch! The fuckin' bed— it squished me man! "Oou!" I let out a grunt of genuine pain!
"Oo— oh..." Genkan can't contain her laughter. "Fufu— hahahahah! Brad, n— no! What happened!?"
"Ow…" I'm soaked in freezing soda and now I'm on the ice floor help ow fuck! "Aaahahaaahn!"
"Is everything alright!?" Maria hurried in! "...Oh my god. Brad, how. What happened. Genkan, why is he on the floor half-naked?"
Genkan beamed at her, refusing to open her mouth.
"I used the magic! The magic was used!" I told 'er!
...Maria was horrified! "I taught you the bare basics of proximity activation enchantments— and you freaking killed yourself with it! What did you do!?"
"You know ouch— maybe we should equalize— aah— the temperature of the floor… and the house!" For situations like these! "I should be able to be nude without fucking dying!"
"What did you even do…!?" Genkan was beside herself! "I took my eyes off of you for five minutes! You just theorized a serious trip to Old Hell! What did you do?"
Thankfully, since I had gravity boots on, I got off the floor and didn't freeze my fuckin' tootsies off. "Lemme show ya! Wait, aw. We're outta soda." I took a pause. "Genkan, why the hell'd you buy soda?"
She pursed her lips. "I didn't. I got it free with the kitchen appliances."
Oh. "Aw. Well, I weaponized the soda!"
"I… could see that." Genkan scratched her cheek. "Why?"
"Dude, y'know how much of a debuff gettin' fuckin' soaked in soda is!? If we ever fight indoors, proximity pinball soda grenades will be some next-level shit!"
"Brad, no. The activators aren't meant to be used like that!" Maria chastised me! "And how'd you make them bounce?"
I shrugged. "I don't fuckin' know, the magic made 'em bounce!"
Maria chuckled! "Oh my god. What… what even made you do that? You know what— don't even answer that. I know you don't have an answer."
I began to march into the living room, past them! "Lemme get more soda, hold on!"
When I marched into the living room space, I passed Sammy. When'd she get here? For those who may have forgotten, Sammy is a shorty ginger girl from the Golden Grin who's about as old as Maria. She is however more spunky… and a bit dumber. Maybe a lot dumber. But she has her own worldly knowledge!
She paused, blinking at me, half-frozen and covered in soda as I am.
Pausing there, I sneezed. "Achoo!" Man… "Genkan, do we have an actual bathroom?"
"...No." Genkan told me after a delay.
"What the hell. We need one." Man! "I guess I'm just gonna walk to the Hakurei spa buck naked on New Years day...!"
Sammy whistled at me. "You know, for a skinny-mini, you ain't half bad. But boy are you lanky. You better be goin' for the pretty boy look, 'cause goin' all papa bear ain't gonna work out unless ya buff up."
Uh huh. Wait, idea.
Going over to our fridge, I slipped it open and took out one 'a the sodas from the six-pack.
Fwish! Working the simple enchantment on the soda, a complex procedure of imparting some vague energy into the metal, I bind the activation code to it. It's a really simple check that basically makes the magic become excited if the soda's near someone. But when the soda itself is excited after bouncing, that's when things get crazy!
Shaking the soda a little, I toss it past Sammy.
PING! PANG! PWOW! It bounced down the tunnel hallway outta Genkan's cave, unleashed onto the cold world outside to ruin someone's day.
"What the fuck." Sammy had a really flat reaction! "What did you do?"
"Nothing good." Maria came by to chastise me! "Look, if you want to get clean of the soda, I'll just spray you down so you can put your cold clothes back on."
"Maybe if I had that ice crown, I wouldn't be dyin' over here!" I looked over at Ha-chan!
Running over to her, I took the crown off her head and put it on, and— oh my god.
Relief. Even 50% is incredible. It's like a brisk day now instead of cryofreezer. "Fu— fuck, it's so cold!"
"Did I come at a bad time?" Sammy was curious! "Is this foreplay, or…?"
Oh! That reminds me, actually. But first, "Alright Maria just spray me the hell down."
"'Kay." Smiling maliciously, Maria aimed her Iron Lantern staff at me. "Water!" Wait, this was a mistake!
FWISH! A swirling stream of water licks around the floor and her staff, before being flung at me!
KASPLASH! It hits me head-on like a big-ass bucket of water. "Oouh!" And, also like a punch, 'cause it knocks me the fuck over, just straight-up ragdollin' me along the floor. "Oo— ow."
Fwi- Click! Now clean enough of soda, I put on… one a' the bunny coats that Maria snagged back at the yuki-onna village. I'd just kinda stuffed 'em into my bag and forgot.
Vuuum. The hum of an energy shield recharging was audible, and I saw a mesh of energy form to protect my upper body. I was still without pants, so I just had a suit coat on with no undershirt or pants, and gravity boots.
"Oh, yeah. We got those." Maria perked up upon seeing it. "Hey. How'd that distraction thing go?"
Oh, right. The talk with Tamaki, that unit of a yuki-onna who was actually quite kind and wise. "...We had a funny moment, actually. She played my fluffle pet dying seriously, and it kinda struck a chord with me."
Maria smiled a little sarcastically. "That sounds like something that would happen to you. But uhm, how so?"
"Well, I'd just remembered the cats I had on the outside who'd died, so I kinda channeled those memories to not be suspicious. She gave me some good advice on dealing with grief! Kinda like, actually touched me."
"...I'm glad you were getting therapy while I was getting traumatized." Maria's surprisingly snarky about this! "I've really gotta say— it was screwed up. Some of the rabbit bodies, they were missing their heads. I could like, see their spinal columns sticking out, all like…" She shook her head. "God."
Wow! "That is fucked up! Reisen really fuckin'... huh." Daily reminder that Reisen's a soldier, apparently. "Dang."
"Dealing with grief…" Genkan looked somber. "You never told me about this."
Hoh. "Y'say that like the topic of pets had ever actually come up."
"That's true. But… I'm interested now."
There's not much to say. "I cried the first time. The other few times, I was disturbed, but I didn't cry. 'Specially 'cause that was after… a lot of things happened. Some people'd call my life on the outside kinda fucked up, but I'd say it was an average amount a' fucked up. Not fortunate, but not unfortunate either."
"Is that so…"
"More importantly… I learned it was okay to be bored."
"Breaking new ground, I see." Genkan became sarcastic!
"Not that I haven't been coping with boredom the whole time I've been here in Gensokyo. But that's the thing, right? I embraced boredom in ways no one else could. I came up with ideas no one else woulda. Ways to have fun, ways to enjoy myself, ways to be comfortable, to secure my comfort with power..."
Despite not havin' pants, I walked towards Genkan like I had a full suit on. "Like, that whole argument we had—… was like a disagreement about this idea. Am I wrong about thinkin' this way?"
Genkan nodded. "You're right. ...I accused you of becoming obsessed with the image of power, and immediately, I let myself get captured by this image of a happy holiday, as if out of the blue. I'm ashamed of myself."
"And we ended up back here anyway!" I shivered 'cause I had no pants! "It woulda happened anyway, argument or no argument…!"
Captured by a great calm, she began to smile. "Are you not ashamed of me?"
Hmm? "I mean…"
"Why do you love me?" Genkan asked all of a sudden! "I know this is a hard question, but bear with me."
Well… "Because you're you. And you're smart, and—"
"I'm not much smarter than you, Brad. I don't mean to sound pitiful. But..." She closed her eyes, looking disappointed. "I'm afraid of letting both of us down in the future as well. Should my judgment ever lapse like that again, I'll be betraying one of the core reasons you love me."
Hmhmhm. "Maybe. But…"
As my comprehension a' shit grows, and the scope of my perspective with it… in a way, so does my comprehension of other's faults.
In this moment, I saw a sliver of what Maribel expected from me. I saw the tantalizing thing she latched onto. ...And y'know, I'm not that interested.
It was never Genkan's knowledge itself that drew me to her. No, it was her aptitude for learning, she showed me that through our time together. It was her aptitude for the journey.
"Actually, nah. S'not that deep." I shook my head. "You're doin' great. Don't get caught up in it. You're not smart 'cause you own a library full of magic, or 'cause you can see the world's leylines or some shit. You're smart because you know how to enjoy bein' bored with me, so we can learn together. Best friends are bored together. You can see why I was antsy when you sorta implied you disliked that."
"I don't dislike it." Genkan was quick to reply. "I don't dislike it at all… despite how I might snip at you."
"Yeah." I gave her a warm smile. "That's why I love you."
Even if I'd shacked up with some other far more knowledgable chick, there would come a point I'd surpass what they'd have to offer, and they'd surpass what I'd have to offer. No, a relationship has to be deeper than some power dynamic like that.
You have to enjoy one another as best friends… and best friends are bored together.
Genkan glomped me, and I hugged her tight.
Sammy was here, right. I forgot about that. She gazed on at us with a completely lost expression. It was oddly… contemplative. Her usual sass and pizzaz was totally disarmed by what she'd witnessed.
"Best friends are… bored together." She echoed what I said, muttering it.
Maria had a question, all of a sudden. "Sammy… isn't the trek here dangerous? How'd you get here?"
"Oh…" Sammy was snapped from her thoughts. "Uuh. Well, the cat dudes from the Grin actually look out for me 'cause I did some favors for 'em… so they wouldn't let me get hurt even close to their turf."
"Brad, I love you, but please put on pants." Genkan chastised me! "When was the last time you caught a cold?"
"I forget! Wait, nevermind, I remember! ...But I didn't wanna remember, ouu. That was the time I got high on Viagra 'cause I thought it was cough medicine, so I had to masturbate furiously in Kaguya's bathroom."
Sammy had a totally flat expression. "You went from like, the deepest thing you've ever said to that."
The deepest thing I've ever said? "What, gettin' high on Viagra…!?"
"No, the thing about bein' bored!" She beamed at me! "Best friends… are bored together. That like… that really hit me somewhere I didn't think it'd hit me. I wish a dude at the clubs fed me a line like that, fuck."
Hoh. I'm glad she feels the same way, I guess!
That reminds me. But first— I need to actually clean up! Taking out Deep Blue— s'my water hanger, as a daily reminder, it leaks on command— I kinda just douse myself oh god that's cold…!
Sammy slowly raised her brows while she watched me constantly recoil from the cold water! "Aaa~!" I yelled!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
After suffering for a thousand years, I cleaned myself of the soda without the help of a sink or bathroom!
"That sucked!" I now had my nazi officer pants on to go with the lunar bunny jacket. Which, might I add, is still kinda bloody along the back.
"Didn't someone say the mansion was closed on New Years?" Genkan wondered. "I don't think we can even go there. Returning to the snow village might be our best bet for holiday hijinks."
Oh, shit, that reminded me again! The first time I was reminded, I had this idea, but I forgot while I was water-torturing myself!
I held an arm into the air. "I summon you! Stalwart fluffle!"
Channeling the magic, I summoned an ally to help me out in this ordained encounter…!
With a flash of frost, Sharaku, whose friends call him Frost Miser, descended from the ceiling of the cave!
"They call me—" He paused, twistin' around to face me! "Hey, mister! We made the summoning pact yesterday. You can't possibly need me already!"
"I'm havin' lady troubles!" I told 'em! "Y'see the ginger!? Go get her!" I shoved Sharaku at Sammy!
Sammy took a few steps back. "Woah! Who's this chick?"
"Chick!?" That got Sharaku's attention! "I'm an icicle pimp!" Oh my god.
Genkan quietly drifted up to me, faux-intimidated. "What have you done?"
"I have caused a significant loss of life." Oouuh.
Sammy wasn't helped by his comment! "Okaay. You are a chick, right?"
Sharaku groaned. "I'm a boy. A fine gentleman! A young man, even!"
...Sammy blinked. "Wait, seriously? You're not jokin'?"
Sharaku's gaze slipped from maniacal to calm, which made it oddly venomous. "Seriously, dear. Friends call me Snow Miser. Whatever I touch," from his tophat, he drew a wood cane, "turns t'snow in my clutch."
Fwoowf! With a pulse of cold wind, the cane turned to snow! Wonder if he's just got a big supply of disposable prop canes in there! "Mister Snow Miser at your service!" He beamed back at Sammy!
"His name is Sharaku," Genkan narrated.
Sharaku just gave her the flattest stare. "...Can you, like, not do that?"
Genkan looked innocent! "Not do what?"
"You know what you did..."
Sammy marched right on up, and put both her hands in Sharaku's fluffy white bush of hair. An' then she ruffled it!
"Nnh…" Sharaku recoiled slightly, but let her at it anyway! "Fuhehe— what gives…?"
"Okay, you're hot." Sammy admitted! "Wanna go hang out?"
Sharaku had his lips pursed! '...We— well, sure!"
"We did it," I informed Genkan. "A tale of two evils, defeated at last."
"Two wrongs don't make a right. You've created chaos." Genkan closed her eyes. "We won't be able to endure."
"Passed away in the winter. We're gonna fade into the snow, man." Oh no, oh god. "Your foolish actions have killed Genkan. Minus thirty billion million social credit score."
Sharaku spun around to face me! "So was that everything!? Wait," he double-took, facing Sammy. "She's a human!"
Sammy put a hand on her own hip. "That a problem, squeaky?"
"Where'm I supposed to take her on a date?"
Sammy's brows furrowed. "Why're you askin' him? Take me out to eat. Duh."
...Sharaku came up and pulled me aside and spoke to me privately on the other side a' the room!
"Your foolish actions have killed Yukari Yakumo." I announced. "Minus thirty billion social credit score."
Sharaku's stare flattened out before he continued. "Okay, I need to let you in on something, right?" His whispers were aggressive! "My people? We eat humans." Oh, right, that!
Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot. I blame Genkan's boobs. "Y'know, youkai murders in the obituaries are actually like, fairly rare, except for when they're not… right?" I cannot actually read the town paper so I'm talkin' outta my ass, but in spite of what I've witnessed, I think murders are rare. Actually, hol' up. "Hey, Maria!"
...Maria shuffles on over, looking fluffy. "What's up?"
"How often are people super murdered in the town?" I just asked her this loudly! I dunno what Sammy's thinking, but pro'lly not much!
"On occasion," she told me. "Why?"
"I was curious!" Alright. "So, Sharaku, how many humans you usually murderize?"
"Usually outsiders," Sharaku admitted. "The human village is off-limits."
Huh? "How d'you get your food then?" Outsiders aren't enough to feed a village, I'd think.
Sharaku looked both ways before tellin' me— and quiet enough so Maria couldn't hear it. "We have a deal where we get human and lunar rabbit corpses. They're treated to retain the kind of soul energy we subsist off of. This only occurs once in a great while, because similar to other youkai, our primary source is fear, and there's enough of that. So we only actually have to eat human soul material once in a great while."
Wait. "If you eat soul matter, how does that work with reincarnation?"
"It's just the warm part. It comes back later, when they move on. It's usually left behind with the body and dissipates as the body cools naturally. It's like… the body's mechanical and spiritual residue after death, if that means anything."
So that's how that works. "Whaddaya sayin', they gonna try and eat her?"
"Maybe. But it'd also look weird for me, walking around with, y'know, food."
That's when Genkan interjected— from over my shoulder! "Maybe you shouldn't treat humans exclusively as food. Maybe you just shouldn't care."
Sharaku had a sarcastic look. "Ahah, you know, I know you live in a cave and all, but I've gotta maintain my image, see?"
...I faced Genkan slowly. For effect, she pecked me on the cheek, really briefly. Aw!
Sammy strolled up to us, thoroughly unconvinced "You guys are doin' a really good job of bein' secretive. What, does bushy-hair there wanna eat me?"
"I wouldn't eat you," Sharaku stressed! "But…"
"Look, the human village ain't that bad on youkai." Sammy eased his worries. "Trust me. I'll show ya 'round. It's been a li'l anal these days, but I can just say you work at the Grin with me. Village has tons of backdoors, see?"
Sharaku huffed at her explanation. "I know about them, yes. I've used many such backdoors before."
"Then what's the hubbub? C'mon, bub. I'm gonna see if that pretty face a' yours is just for looks."
Sharaku fluffed up at that statement. "Oo— oh. Well, fear not! For—"
"Nah." Sammy interrupted him! "Yer not finishing that. I've heard that cheesy line too many times." The fact she said that— really only meant a lot to me, but it was still freakin' powerful! 'Cause Sharaku tried to flex on me with that accusation earlier an' now it's biting him in the ass!
"Ah…" Sharaku fidgeted nervously!
Sammy began to escort 'em out. "Just be yourself, dumbass. C'mon."
Distancing myself from the two young'uns as they moseyed towards the end of the cave… I corralled Genkan and Maria towards the back of the room!
Ha-chan slipped into the formation, without saying anything! After a moment, she slowly bumped me out of it with her shoulders for no reason…!
"We're gonna drive back to the yuki-onna village and get comfy," I decided! ...And I got close to Genkan! "S'there gonna be any questions…!?"
"No." Genkan smiled warmly. "But, I apologize for complicating things. I love you, Brad."
Ha-chan hugged Genkan! "I love you too, Brad!" Why're you huggin' Genkan, then!?
"Aaa— why are you hugging me?"
"Because Brad loves you too!"
The raw display of affection is enough to stagger me! I'm not sure what to say, or if I should say anything, or…!
Maria exhaled. "I hate to sound like Sammy, but when are you three just gonna have a big orgy? Or— is that how it is already?"
Genkan gave Maria an innocent look. "How can you be mortified of sex half the time and this absolutely brazen the other half?"
"For one thing, Hana would stop asking us what sex even is. And you've got to feel awkward sneaking around her."
"Oh, we don't. We just have sex in front of her," Genkan admitted! "Stealthily."
"Huh?" Ha-chan was super surprised! "When was that…?" She wouldn't know!
"That's even worse!" Maria was slightly incredulous! "Just let her, like… I— I don't know!" Her nerves finally caught up with her! "You guys are weird!"
Genkan had no refutation, simply looking contemplative. "So we are."
Ha-chan faced me. "Brad…" Ooh? That's an oddly serious voice for her.
"Yeah?"
"When you put ice in fruit juice, why doesn't the ice become fruit flavored?" Oh.
Whah. "...Uuh!" I don't know the answer to that one off the top of my head!
Maria found her words faster! "The ice is melting, and it's water, so it'll always push away the juice. If the ice was freezing, it'd get bigger and capture the juice instead. When it melts, it can't really soak up anything because it's actively releasing water."
"Wow~..." Ha-chan was impressed!
"I'm sure that's a symbolic analogy somehow!" I over-thought it!
Giving me a snarky look, Maria bit back! "For what?"
Ooh! "When a personality 'melts', it cannot absorb, but when an identity 'freezes' or solidifies, it absorbs stuff. But when it's fully solid, it can't absorb more 'till it melts."
Ha-chan became awed. "Oh my god. That makes so much sense. Brad— you are so smart."
"...It's not that deep." Maria was jaded to my wise guy-ism! "It's just a metaphor."
Genkan was amused. "If you're talking about me, you can just say so. But if my heart is melting, aren't I supposed to be the influencer, per the analogy? From the way it seems, we poison one another equally."
Hoh. Wait, "What'd I get from you?"
"I've enabled this part of your brain that doesn't stop thinking. Meanwhile, I received your unrelenting sense of adventure."
...Hoh. "Yer probably right."
Maria closed her eyes. "Metaphors aren't always right…" That's what ya get when ya work with symbols! They always take a real specific headspace. You need to understand how they're intended to be used, or like, what their underlying message is.
That's kind of a pain, isn't it? Symbols can make stuff feel interconnected and correct but they're really just rewards for people who already get it. Or… are they supposed to be clues, and people just say they're self-servin' bullshit 'cause they're too self-absorbed to be bored enough to see through the symbol to the symbol's meaning?
Wait—… ohp. Yep, my brain stopped. "Hey guys, what d'you think a' symbolism!?" I threw the question out there!
Ha-chan spoke up first! "I like triangles!"
"Huh?" Maria was confused!
"Mmm?" Genkan was caught off-guard! "Hmm…" Deciding the question was vague enough to be suspicious, she narrowed her gaze and stared through me, melting my heart because I love it when she does this. So goddamn snug!
Woouh. "We have symbolism at home." If I had a copy of Kingdom Hearts, I'd pull it out for the joke.
"You're right. We can talk in the car." Genkan announced this, all of a sudden! "Let's go, Brad." Before I knew it, she was the one pushin' me outta the cave!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
"Vrooom!" Ha-chan made car noises while we drove! "Vrrr! Neeer!" Or maybe those're airplane noises!
"What…?" Maria was bothered! "Hana, no."
CLICK, CLACK. Our demented ice car trucked along, as Genkan also made like a hooligan and innocently drove it in playful zigzags, even without me steering it!
Along a snowbank ahead, two dusty fluffles stood together, bein' friends.
CRUNCH- POW, POW! Genkan drove the car into the the bank, getting it stuck. Maria shot fire to make them explode, deciding to be incredibly violent today.
"I can't believe they were killed in a drive-by," I lamented, monotone! "They were just bein' friends, man…!"
"Road kill." Genkan decided to be spooky!
"Y'know, I didn't take you for the kind to go nuts at the wheel! I thought that was my job!"
She shrugged. "This is catharsis for having to ride passenger in those wretched cargo trucks… and the undefined amount of random physics junk you've made us ride in before."
"Target practice." Maria was also feeling violent! "We haven't been allowed to beat up something that's deserved it in a while. I wanna test out my magic."
When we got to move again, Genkan made us drive in a pointless figure-eight before we bee-lined through the field on-route to the yuki-onna village.
Now that it was like noon, a pale sun was high in the air over a paler land. The light of a temperate new year shined down on us, and it felt good…
It might be 'cause we've been up for entirely too long— we did not get a lot of sleep last night at all— but this moment just felt so… serene. Genkan doing all of the navigation, me just kinda here in the bumpy-ass ice go-kart… Maria and Ha-chan listlessly staring into the cold, sunny day.
The saturation was just right. I could sit around like this forever.
I found myself leaning into Genkan, the uneven rhythm of the icy junker-mobile providing a constant droning sensation of motion that pulled me towards drowsiness.
"...Are you falling asleep?" Genkan was interested in my sudden loafishness.
"Yeah…" I'm tellin' ya, man. "I'm loafin' out."
Genkan forced us to do a donut, and it made me slide away from her! When I scooted back up next to her, she approached a big rock—
CRKCLACK! Oh god we got air time off of it! Woah oh shit!
Thud! I landed one seat back! "Genkan ya freakin'—!"
"Aaah!" Maria, oh no! "Oof!" She ended up falling behind us!
Ha-chan broke out laughing! "He— hehehe! Maria~!"
"Oh…" Genkan had a slightly amazed smile as she slowed the car down! "Oops."
"I was sleepy, but that fuckin' woke me up!" I climbed back into the seat next to Genkan! "Gave me a goddamn heart attack, why don'cha…!?"
Maria climbed into the back seat again! "Genkan, was that your fault…?"
"Yes, actually."
"I'm gonna beat you up." Maria was aggressive! "When it's Brad's fault, I'm like, ready for it."
"I'll let you know next time we catch big air." Genkan was unhelpful about it!
Wait, oh shit. "I forgot that seat belts existed."
"Seat… belts?" Genkan wrapped her head around the idea. "Oh. That's clever. I believe the truck I was in had some. I forget if I used them, but I disliked their idea. They were restrictive and uncomfortable."
Yeah, well, "A youkai might not hafta worry about bumping their head, but in actual vehicles, it's so if ya crash the car, y'don't just get thrown into a windshield at like fifty kilometers an hour and explode your insides into paste. 'Cause that's how fast real cars go."
"Oh…" Genkan looked somewhat uncomfortable! "How fast would you say we're going?"
"Lke, maybe ten…!?" We're not moving at car speed! We're movin' at like, bike speed! "Which, if we went at actual car speed, we'd probably grind the ice wheels and frame into paste and get sent tumbling along the plains."
"The more you tell me about the outside, the more I'm surprised you're even still alive."
Heh. "If I told anyone on the outside 'bout the inside here, they'd all be surprised I was still alive!"
"Brad's probably just highlighting the bad parts," Maria considered.
I shrugged. "Yeah, kinda. But also, the leading cause a' death on the outside is in fact motor vehicles… maybe just behind heart disease, which more or less translates to 'death of old age' or 'death of bad health.'"
"We're not talking about the outside on New Years," Genkan decided! "Don't make me turn this car around."
What! "Where'd ya hear that turn a' phrase from?"
"I read it in a book. I didn't quite know what it meant until recently. I'd only ever heard of motor vehicles in myths."
Uh huh. "And by myths, y'mean novels."
"Same thing…"
"You're tryin'a make 'em sound fancy though!"
She gave me an amused smile. "Did it not work?"
...Hmm. "Y'know, you're right, it is fancy."
"Myths they are, then."
Myth carries a different reverence and connotation, but on a technical level I guess they're one in the same. When I think of a myth, I think of something mystic that has earned its narrative power through time… and popularity.
"They call me the myth." I decided to let my brain leak outta my skull. When the moment had passed, I found my energy catching up with me again, and I leaned into Genkan.
It's poetic that she's "driving" now that I think it. On the outside, I was goin' for my license. I hated driving. Felt like I always had to take so many chances. Fucked me up to think everyone just… accepted it as normal, were okay with those chances. I'd live in a city or the sticks only 'cause avoiding traffic incidents seems meta to enjoying life. Fuck the north east American road structure!
Soon, we approached the town. I could tell 'cause we neared a well-trodden path… or rather, it wasn't well-trodden at all, but I imagine the snow women had their way of making things look nice.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Didn't get the chance to describe it intricately before, but now I do!
The snow woman village, despite its vintage Japanese architecture, was also fit with a big path. The snow on it seemed to automatically diminish, and it was framed by these gorgeous lamp posts which glistened with blue crystals. On account of it bein' high noon with a pale sun, the lamps look a little more rustic and clumsy 'cause of the weather and lighting.
Clack, clack, clack. The road being gentler lead to less bumps from our FisherPrice mobile. Genkan drove our toy car into town, and honestly despite everything, we really weren't the weirdest sight.
Overhead, three yuki-onna spun in mid-air, completely silent, moving in a wavy-line formation together as they progressed through the village's air space. They weren't too far away, but the silent sight was surreal.
Shoof. A sliding door opened, and a yuki-onna in a deep red kimono exited her home, a big backpack on her back.
"I'm leaving," she told someone inside the house. "I hate you. I'm never coming back." Uh oh.
Shoof. Aggressively, she slid the door shut, and progressed out into the road.
Clack, clack, clack. Genkan drove our FisherPricecar into her way, pointed directly at her. Innocently, Genkan said nothing. None of us said anything, we just unassumingly stared her down.
She stared back aggressively! "Get your dumb slot car out of my face."
Clacklacklack. Genkan drove us in a playful circle before her, doing donuts in the snow.
Fwish! "I see how it is." Uh oh! The yuki-onna summoned a plain-looking ice sword! "I'm not in the mood. If you will not leave, I will fight you."
Clacklacklack. Refusing to respond, Genkan continued to do donuts!
Smack! Coming at us, the yuki-onna smacked the side of our ice car with her ice sword!
For a few minutes more, the yuki-onna had a good time smacking the flank of our car with her sword, trying to fight it. As we continued to do donuts, she just drifted in and out of the circle, making a very complicated show out of trying to engage with us.
"Fine…" After a moment, she gave up! "I'll tell you why I'm so upset. I'm leaving the village." I'm glad we somehow assfucked our way through this encounter by doing donuts.
Feeling a similar emotion, Genkan gave me a look like "get a load a' this shit" before slowing the car to a stop.
"I am no longer loved by my family," the crimson yuki-onna announced. "So I will be leaving forever. No one will miss me. I hate this place, so I will find where I belong."
"Why be so serious?" Genkan was one word off from quoting the Joker by accident. "Especially on such a sacred holiday."
The crimson yuki-onna glared back, mirroring how Genkan looks when she's miffed! "No one takes me seriously. I want to love my family, but they make it too hard." She closed her eyes. "It's hard, but I must abandon them and never see them again."
Maria had a bemused smile. "That's pretty extreme. But, I get where you're coming from."
"You do?" The yuki-onna was perplexed! "How so, human girl?"
"Sometimes, you just gotta get away. But also, sometimes things aren't the way they seem in your head." Maria scratched her own cheek. "Maybe in time, you'll get where they're coming from and forgive them. Or vice-versa."
"Maybe…" The yuki-onna smiled. "Thank you, mysterious convoy of misfits in a slot car. What do you call yourselves?"
I grinned. "I'm a Kamen Rider."
"...You're not masked, though." She smiled strangely!
Wait, no! "We're line riders!"
"We're just locals." Genkan corrected me after a moment! "We're not from town."
The strange snow woman snorted. "No wonder you made a good impression on me. If I ever see you again, I will help you like you helped me just now. ...Can I have at least one of your names?"
Genkan spoke! "I'm Genkan. This is Maria, and Hana. This is Sora." Wait, what!
"Thank you. My name is Mayuko." ...With that, Mayuko continued to leave. "Goodbye, friends. This journey will be hard, but with your support, I think I can make it."
Genkan gave her a finger gun salute. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
...When she was gone, Genkan looked at me! "You're right, my people are strangely hostile in nature."
"It's kinda cute though!" I gotta admit!
She gave me a suspect look! "You just adore regal women acting in unseemly ways, don't you? I'm onto you."
Maybe she really is, oh fuck! "Hehehehe!"
It's time to get into a thousand sidequests in this small town! And by that I mean probably pass out because we were up too late ouu—
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 121 (156)
==== AUTHOR'S NOTE ====
a chapter which meant in very very many different directions in short order, but i think the variety should be welcomed! especially 'cause a myriad of it is ushered in with good humor
binge readers going forward will also probably love the taste of the new stuff, i'd think, all this stuff feels very thematically whole… and because my writing skills have levelled up i've become able to have characters work through problems on-screen in short order and do a mildly better job of demonstrating the results and thought process in an unintrusive and interesting way
with this we have established genkan's new groove and reinvigorated the party's drive to explore, with genkan gaining a new and definitive way to sink her teeth into the idea of being playful and curious
plus other little good things, like brad finally gaining definition for some of the perspective wandering he's been doing, settling on his wants and stuff
i'm looking forward to working on the next two chapters already— if you'll wait out these coming months with me, i've got a lot planned. stay tuned for christmas too, you might be surprised just how much life these now-young adult fingers still hold!
what i'm not looking forward is trying to organize my inventory after like six batches of neglecting to update everything and basically that's going to suck!
as always, see you all next time!
