/ / / / MARIBEL HEARN'S PERSPECTIVE / / / /
I'm right. That's the first thing I wanted to say. I'm in the right here.
Second, is that I'll make them see. Shimokoa, Brad, Matt… Renko.
Matt is too dark. Shimokoa, her goals are true, but she's too hateful. And, Brad, he's too curious, too bright. If he were a little less curious, he'd know where to invest himself. If only he had some standards… then he'd see what I'm talking about.
Genkan and Maria can't give him anything he doesn't already have. They're useless. They are seers, but lesser, and Brad himself is already an unremarkable combination of useless skills. I get their value as his friends, I really do. It's just… sometimes, your friends make you weaker.
But Renko has something I don't. It's a gift few have. Despite her skepticism, I think she's the only one I can share this moment with.
She's been my friend forever. It pains me to strain it, but… now, I can see clearly now.
Everything has fallen into place. It all ends tonight.
"Merry."
I sighed. I think too much. Too busy living stories to remember them enough…
Renko leapt onto the top floor of the Golden Grin. The fifth floor here was Yukari's personal flat and observational deck.
Her black-white clothes billowed from the hot air emanated by my presence. Wait— now that I think that, I must look pretty bad from this angle. I cut off the supply of hot air before she makes a quip about it. I just wanted her to be warm, I swear!
So, I smiled to look nicer. "Hey, Renko."
"Take me with you."
Woah. "Huh?"
Renko dropped her scissors, and walked up to me.
"I'll leave the real world behind. This might be a shitty idea… but promise me, Merry. Promise me you'll listen to me. Promise me that you'll craft a world I'd want too."
"Why the change of heart?"
"Speaking with Brad taught me something."
Oh… I think I see. "You realized his patience, yes? Or something like that?"
"I've realized… me and him are very alike. Even if his personality is closer to yours than mine."
"How so?"
"We're in the mood to see everything."
Brad and Renko can both look into the dark… but only Renko can channel her talents to see in spite of all physical inhibitions and limitations. Brad yearns for such talent.
"So?" I egged Renko on.
"Maybe, if I give you what you want… we can go back to normal. Whatever it is you want." She sees.
Finally, the world has given up the ghost, so to speak. I don't have to worry anymore. Renko will know to do what's right.
I smiled. "Normal, huh? Is that really such a good thing?"
Before she spoke again, she nervously worked at her own collar. "I— I just wish we had more time to be friends. You know?"
Huh? "We've had plenty of time."
"No. I've missed you, Merry. I miss the old you. I miss the innocent, air-headed clutz. I'm tired of your ambition."
Somehow, that didn't even sting. Those are the kind of cheesy lines that should do something to me, but… it's only natural she feels this way. "I'm still me." I shook my head.
"You've been a jerk, Merry."
"Sometimes doing what's right requires sacrifices."
Renko grimaced. "You're just telling yourself that. Maybe these aren't sacrifices. Maybe you're making mistakes and are just too scared to admit you don't know what you're doing."
I sighed. "You know what? You're right." I lied, for her ease of mind.
...Renko's mind wasn't satisfied, because it knew the truth. But she smiled anyway, because Renko herself wanted nothing more than to talk with me. "I'm… right?"
"I've lost sight of our relationship. We've spent this long exploring Gensokyo… it wasn't right for me to ghost you like that. All for this gaudy casino too."
Renko smirked. "You got that right. What's this place have that I don't? ...What's Yukari have that I don't?"
I snorted. "Nothing. It's just…" I held my head. "I don't want these times to end, either. But one day they will. One day, when we're older, we won't visit Gensokyo anymore. We might get separated. Our jobs might split us apart."
Renko didn't say anything.
"I love you, Renko. That's why I want to share forever with you. I want us to be… captured, in a single moment."
Renko came up to the table I stood before. She sat down at one end, and I sat down at the other.
"That's pretty gay, you know." Renko quipped. "But…"
Har har. "But?"
"If you love something, set it free, right?"
I fucking, freaking, fucking hate paradoxes. All my homies hate paradoxes. "To capture the moment is to set it free, Renko."
"You just contradicted yourself though…"
This was something I had to explain. "To capture a moment is to allow it to be exercised, interpreted and retold in an infinite number of ways. It's immortality. To let it escape is only bravery if it can happen again. But, Renko, we will never happen again. Other humans will, but they're subject to life's chaos.
"One day, there will be a pair just like us… and they will be torn apart by far less, or far greater, completely at random. What about that?"
Renko waved her hand around. "Enough with the philosophy. I'm just saying, obsession is unhealthy."
"Is it obsession, or simply hard work? I'm contemplating our mortality, Renko. I'm contemplating the mortality of us. The image of our friendship."
"That's just it. I don't give a shit. I just want my friend back."
...
Renko kept going. "Are you saying you're having more fun now? Than when we were just exploring, seeing the sights?"
"Work isn't fun in the moment. My point being, Renko… is that I don't want our adventures to ever end so easily. Our memory can be immortal. Our friendship, truly forever."
"So why are you wasting our time being so pathetic about it? ...You're doing far more damage to the image of us hanging out than a natural disaster ever could, at this point."
"Or are you, for refusing to listen to my plan? I feared talking about this for you for exactly this reason. How could I ever voice a dream like this to you?"
"If you were afraid, maybe you should've trusted your gut."
"If you were capable of understanding my point—"
"Shut up!" Renko snapped. "If only you were capable of pulling your head out of your own ass!"
My gaze drifted out the window, towards the human village outside. When I saw the stars in the New Years sky, I had a sappy smile.
"You know what, Renko? You're right."
"Huh?"
"How about we just… be friends? Maybe not start over, but perhaps I can take a few steps back. Stop being so weird."
Now that it's been set in motion, I can make like Brad and just vibe. I'll let this half of Renko think she's right. It's the least I can do.
Renko swallowed, giving me a brave look. "Whatever makes you stop talking in Times New Roman."
Hehehe. "Renko… would you like to go home? Outside of Gensokyo. Back to our real homes."
"But—… your family— they'll be worried."
"Oh, they won't know a thing. Let's just have fun, like we did when we first started college together."
Renko blinked, looking suspicious at first, before smiling. "But… what about all this dumb crap you keep spouting?"
"It's a holiday, Renko."
She smiled. "...Fine. You're lucky it's still the winter holiday. We've got a lotta homework to do when we really go back, you know. You're so lucky exams were before all this drama."
Oh, Renko. Still so motivated when it comes to the bad kind of small things.
Everyday Gensokyo
I'm at my house, in my shorts and t-shirt. It's like I'm dreading another morning where I wake up and walk to the campus all over again.
Renko sat before me. No— not before me. She sat before her computer, back at her apartment home. She was dressed casually too, and if you ask me, it suited her a lot. She looked nice.
I had a green t-shirt on, and she had a white one, and both of us rocked some discolored shorts. These were mementos from our high school.
At this moment, I realized, we really were young women in full bloom. Young people really do waste their beauty.
More importantly than that: neither of us needed the lights to be on to tell. Even if we weren't so good at seeing now, I could make out Renko's figure by memory.
On the evening between New Years day and eve, Renko spent another night alone… but she wasn't really alone.
"Whatever makes you stop talking in Times New Roman," she quipped to no one at all.
Renko knew it was 3:46 AM, on the first of January. She was at her apartment home in Tokyo, Japan— something the stars could tell her. If she was in Gensokyo right now, she could name the mountain range it was supposed to be settled between. Even if the stars were brighter than ever before, they'd still be the stars.
Through my monitor, I pretended to have a video call with her. In reality, I watched her through a gap in the corner of the room. Her laptop screen was off, and she spoke to no one.
"Hey, Merry. That woman from your story you just told..."
"Hmm?"
"The one afraid of Brad and his party." She let her fingers interlock, elbows on her laptop's table. "She hates and fears humans… but why?"
Hmm. "I can't think of a reason. Perhaps it's a meme in the snow woman community. Perhaps it's just a youkai thing of some kind. All I can think of is that she's insatiably petty, always quick to judge or feel judged, but never armed with the sight or knowledge to see it through. But either way—"
"I'm not interested." Renko finished my sentence for me. "It's nothing. It's not the point. She's just stupid. Dealing with her is complicated. That's what you'd say, right?"
I made sure to look unimpressed and pissed at the same time.
"Are you that uncreative? Shallow, maybe? I'm disappointed in you, Merry. I thought you were the creative one of us both."
...Well. I sighed. "You do better, then."
"Alright."
So we sat in thought, at our computers, just two friends in a private moment, sharing a new kind of connection. It's no more abstract than a phone call, really.
"She's a tall, loving woman. A warrior of the heart, a maiden of honor. With a big warm smile, but soft hands, and a firm, can-do attitude.
"Around her, it's always cold.
"This 'snow woman' was someone warmer than anyone else. She was warmer than the Earth. And since she was warmer than everything around her… everything and everyone else had to be colder.
"She was amazing. She was bright. Everyone wanted to be her friend, and she felt what they all felt. Being so warm, she felt all that there was to feel, so long as it was in her loving reach. She was love."
"As they reached for her warmth, the cold around her only grew…
"Until she was frozen. Safely tucked away by an icy bubble, warm inside, with an impenetrable, hellish fortress between the world and herself.
"In order to reach her, they had to enter the cracks in the shell. The ever-shifting, ever hardening, ever growing crystal.
"They would be crushed to death, only a mangled pile of bones by the time they reached her.
"She would be crying… but it'd be so violent, so stupid, she'd would smile too.
"To honor them, she would steal their voice.
"How's that?"
The low hum of our electronics droned on. As did the ambient apartment machines from Renko's place. I lived at my house, mind you. But, I have to hand it to her… what Renko said was beautiful.
Renko continued, "How about a name which means… warmth. Like… Inspiri? War. How about Fari?"
Funny irony, Renko. "Shimokoa. How about that?"
"...If you say so. I guess playing it straight's also one way of doing it." Begrudgingly, she let that be the truth, because it was.
Renko's laptop was turned off. We were not using video chat.
I never told her who Shimokoa was. She learned Shimokoa's name just now. She came up with that dream all on her own. She thought about Shimokoa far more than I ever had. She defined her.
Who? Where? Why? How? When? These were all questions Renko automatically had the answers to. Even when she didn't know. Even when she didn't see like a human would see… because she never had to.
If I'm creation, she is the seer, judge and jury. For example… "You know everything, don't you, Renko?"
She smiled widely, shaking her head. "No. I just made it all up. It's more fun that way." Oh my god. She doesn't even know what she knows. "How would you fix it, Merry?"
She looked at me. Into the empty corner of her room, from where I looked at her through the boundary.
Even though I can see her… she can't see me. Yet, she can see me.
Renko could now define that which may be defined. So I asked her, "What's the last thing Brad said?"
"At 12:11 PM, January 1st 2016, Brad will laugh because Genkan made a quip. 'You just adore regal women acting in unseemly ways, don't you?' Specifically, he replied, 'hehehehe'."
Brilliant. Just… brilliant. She even knew what I asked. In spite of her previous hang-ups with my logic, she simply knew what was asked and its answer.
"At least, that's probably how it would go," Renko tilted a beer can around aimlessly, pretending to have made that up. "Even if it's tomorrow… it'd be perfect, right? They share a pretty back-and-forth battle of wit…"
"Excellent, Renko."
That's when Renko got up from her table, having been seated on the floor.
In the pitch black, she took a chair from an old desk of hers. She slid it up to the corner of the room, and stood on it. In pitch-black, in pitch-quiet.
"Merry…" Renko stared straight into the gap, despite it being invisible. To the naked eye, she is standing on a chair, her face pressed into a cobweb in the corner of her room, in complete darkness.
"Yes?"
"You truly have no imagination, do you?"
"I guess not. You are my eyes, Renko."
My room had exactly one hundred and seventeen computer monitors, and Renko's face was on all of them. Some of them were attached to walls. There were monitors for every room, every wall, every table, every exposed surface in my house.
"Why can't you see things for what they really are?" Renko asked me.
"Why can't you think for yourself?" I asked in return. "You let this world control you. You let others' fear control you. Much like the warm woman you mentioned. Your shell is crushing me up right now, you know."
She shook her head. "That's your fault, dummy. Being so… so awful, like this. Taking me on such a ride. Making our families worry." Like they ever mattered in the face of this. "Dumbass."
"Then… can you do one small favor for me?"
Renko's smile was inhuman. "As long as you give me what I'm promised."
She was now hyper-fixated on what I could give her… as I was hyper-fixated on what I could get from her power of definition.
I reached forward, licking my computer screen, where Renko's mouth was.
Everyday Gensokyo
Lamb Amirstan. It's a delicious dish. Think of it like… chicken nuggets.
"Amazing." The salt, the pepper, the texture of the breading, it was all delicious. Richer than chicken, and just the right amount of juicy. A heavenly combination.
Renko and I enjoyed our platter under candlelight. The Golden Grin was now pindrop quiet. There is no New Years afterparty. Tonight is a special night.
No one is living in the Golden Grin tonight; they've been told to find other accommodations or to party out the evening. No one can come back for anything. This is apparently a tradition every new year. The Golden Grin will be an uninhabitable zone from now until sunrise.
And so, the Golden Grin was abandoned, all power out. Not even the howls of wind or anything remained. No ticking of any clocks. A pristine environment.
"That's…" Renko thought it was rich too. "That's amazing. Is it really lamb?"
"You tell me what you think, Renko."
Renko snorted. "Stop being creepy. It was never funny the first twelve times."
"Hehehe. Sorry."
We drank the human's blood and ate their meat.
"So, Brad made this airship…" Renko still had her beer can from back in her apartment.
Oh, right. "The S. S. Boner." The fact I had to utter its name in this context made me depressed.
Renko snorted. "Yeah. While I was on it, we got hassled by this underage weeb from Montana."
Oh! "Sammy." I knew exactly who she was talking about.
"How the— how'd you know?"
"She works here, you know. Golden Grin employee."
Renko clicked her tongue. "I'm glad Yukari invests in child labor."
"Apparently…" As far as I could tell, Sammy grew up here. "It's more like Sammy was raised here. She was an outsider."
...Renko smiled. "A little lost lady, unloved by her family. Wandered far, far away from home, into a big glittery city with glistening lights.
"Far out from the country she called home, she started a new life. She adjusted quickly to the games of cards, chips, sex and alcohol.
"But she never forgot the wisdom she left the country with. Her family, unloving they may have been, was an image of purity she could never shake.
"So, under the alley lights, she would bring her little heart from the country to the city as well. She'd have to duck her head if there was trouble, but her instincts would serve her well."
My. "You have a talent for this thing, Renko. If only Sammy were as impressive as the legend retold."
Renko winked at me. "Like you could ever tell. You ever talk with her?"
"Not really. She's scared of me. She looks at me the way one would look at a particularly snotty substitute teacher."
Renko beamed. "Rightfully so!"
"Hehehe!" We both laughed.
I took another bite.
"What about Brad?" Her ability did make me extremely curious. "What is his legend?"
Renko rolled her eyes. "That's a long story. He puts you to shame, you know."
Yes, yes. "He's very much like you, I know."
"What? No, he's like you." Renko pointed at me. "Except for all this freaky stuff about capturing essences or whatever. Back when you just wanted to explore, you both had a lot in common."
Mmm. "Except, much like you, he tends to forget."
"What was that?"
"Nothing." I smiled playfully.
"You're a raghead, Merry."
Hehehe. "Or rather, neither of you are forgetful. You just experience some serious dissonance of personality compared to what you can see."
"Oh…?" Renko looked interested. "What do you mean?"
"You both want to relax. Yet, you both know too much. So you can't. Back when I was bored and taking it slow like Brad, you'd be anxious. And now that we're at this juncture, and I'm all haughty and stuff, you want to go back. Grass is always greener, right?"
Renko couldn't deny that. This is something Brad can't deny either… except like me, he wasn't so rational. He'd make dumb jokes and talk in circles just to avoid admitting I'm right just because he doesn't like the flavor of my presentation.
Even so— I'll admit, I do have a mild problem. Renko is right in that I sometimes skimp out on the details when they're important… but this is all because I'm rushing things. When time is in my control, there will be no more rushing.
We finished our Lamb Amirstan. I licked my lips— the aftertaste was indescribable. You know, it's not that different from normal meat… but presentation is quite important when it comes to food.
"What is this, anyway?" Renko swallowed another bite. "...It's strangely rare, but it's really good."
"Lamb Amirstan."
"...Haha." She rolled her eyes, recognizing the reference. "It's a kind of chicken strip, isn't it? Or is it really a kind of lamb bite? Guess it is a lamb bite…"
"You tell me," I asked her… because she already knows.
She stared into her half-eaten piece, gazing at the red interior.
"...So," Renko held the food to her mouth. "...Yeah. I'm… gonna say it's lamb." Her expression visibly recoiled, as Renko lied to the Renko who could see.
Let's not dwell on this, shall we? "Don't overthink it."
"That's rich, coming from you."
Hehehe. "Just helping you out. It would be a shame if your overactive imagination spoiled your own appetite."
I blew out the candles, and the Golden Grin was consumed by black.
Everyday Gensokyo
I had taken us outside of Gensokyo, to her old apartment. A place we could both remember fondly. I was not letting this happen in Yukari's domain.
Renko and I sat in silence. I held her hand. Our stomachs turned. We were both feverish. It felt like a low point for sure.
"Merry…?" Renko anxiously shifted, unable to sit still.
I looked into her eyes. She slipped a hand beneath her hat, scratching at her brown hair.
"This… feels really wrong." Her eyes were cloudy.
I held her hand, sitting next to her. "Why's that?"
"Why are we here? How are... these lights?"
"I thought we could have a sleepover." Renko's eyes were losing definition… by which I meant, she was experiencing a natural phenomena in which one's eyes recalibrate to pitch black. It's only possible without any light pollution, which is why I have taken care to seal the room's one window and one door.
During this recalibration, all objects had the same lighting, like in a bad video game. Her eyes traced my face in confusion, having trouble judging my features without shading.
I took off her hat, and felt her forehead. Her body was feverish, as was mine, but this was expected.
"A sleepover?" Renko blinked drowsily.
"Yeah. Like when we were kids."
"...When we were kids, we weren't dying in some crummy corner."
Ahah. "Like it was any more glamorous. We had to talk over the internet all the time." Daily reminder that Renko and I are from the near future, where schooling and a family's perspective on learning is more intense than it is in 2016.
"I didn't charge my laptop for so long, it just went out. And I think my apartment doesn't have power…"
"But we can still see just fine, right?"
Renko's body was getting heavy, as was mine. I held both of her hands.
I was scared. I was so scared. It reminded me of how I'd almost cost Brad his friends. The things I'd planned to do to Reimu's friends, if they weren't so incredibly powerful…
What if I screwed this up? What if I lost Renko? What if I just… died? And…
Regardless, there would be no going back. I had to make a decision. It was never going to be an easy thing.
"I—" Renko looked like she was about to cry, even in her stupor. "I don't want to see… anymore."
I looked up at the apartment ceiling, and imagined stars. Our adventure to the satellite ruins of TORIFUNE, our wanderings about the Scarlet Devil Mansion, our exploration of the ancient jungle which surrounded Eientei… of Gensokyo's past, present and future. One day, I'll look back at myself and laugh at how stupid my attempts to capture the essence of Gensokyo's denizens were.
Really, what was I thinking? ...Too much, perhaps. Perhaps too little. I was missing the point. That's the real curse of wisdom.
I've made mistakes on my way here… and I just hope, in my rashness, this wasn't one of them.
I hugged Renko.
"Merry," she hugged me back. "I love you too."
I hoped with all my heart.
I've done what I thought was best, and that's coming to the grave with me. We've had fun… but only now I realize that I wasn't right. Renko was.
Renko was right in thinking that, one day, our adventures would be over. I could never capture something that specific ever again. And really, Brad ought to enjoy that magic while it lasts, because one day it will end for him too.
Reimu, Marisa, all the others— time will pass, and they will end. And they're not going to be ready. You're never ready.
But that didn't mean we couldn't end it on our terms. That's all I've been trying to say. I just want Brad and Reimu and Renko to understand that.
"Mmh—" Blood gurgled up the back of my throat. "Mha— guh—…"
I burped, and I felt like I was drowning. I threw up blood. "Wuuh— uhn! Ugh…"
"Mer— Merry!?" Renko was alarmed, my blood flowing down her shoulder. "Mhuu—" She barfed onto me.
The room became alive. Renko's black apartment flooded with color. And noise! And—
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',.',.','.RENKO';
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';,';,!
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++++ ?'s PERSPECTIVE ++++
OH MY. THAT HURT. Oh, dearie FUCK.
"HaaAAAAA!" A geyser of blood came from my throat.
SPLACK- SPLACK- SPLACKSPLACK- SPLACK! The roar of a firehose slowed. My, my! That— was a lot of blood. One might say— a cartoonish amount...
I finished vomiting. Blood dripped from all the walls, and the ceiling's plaster details.
The world exploded with color, endless strings shooting in every direction from the corners of my vision.
I can see the center of the earth. The dimmest star in the daytime sky. Completely indescribably, incomprehensibly everything, and nothing.
Beyond nature were piles of abandoned screens, CRT televisions and urban geometry. Television static gave away to the color adjustment bars— refocusing into grainy images of who I was.
My voice was a— GUTTURAL ROAR— the flickering of a maxed-out radio's lost signal.
This is Merry's fault. I'm sure of it. Fucking Renko. I'm not buying you another game for your birthday. You didn't even play the first one. No, wait— how dare you!? Before all of this, I was just about to play it! No I wasn't! We're college students, we don't have time for that! But you had time to visit Gensokyo, huh!?
"HWAAAAAA" I vomited, again.
So much blood. How can I bleed so much? I'm pretty sure I'm dead. Yeah, I should be dead. Hey Merry, am I dead? Can you check? No? Cool.
"AAHAAHAAHAHA"
Oh my god, shut up, it's not that funny. It's not even a little funny. It's stupid. I'm embarrassed now.
"Aaaa…"
That's better. That's right. You quiet down, you… thing, you.
I was born in a dress. Oh, that's dumb. I should have been born naked. That would be much more natural. As it stands, this is just… silly!
My purple dress is bloody. This hat's falling over my head. It's so fluffy! Oh my god! Why is it so big?
Standing up… I had Renko's shoes. Maribel's dress. Beautiful, flowing, golden hair…
I am the image of beauty.
"HAAE—" Well, maybe I had a few things to work on. Automatically, my excitement boiled over as I pointed at a leaning tower of televisions to my right.
Renko stared back through the screen, one red eye wide, all perceiving. She was absolutely overjoyed, a beaming smile expanding cheek to cheek.
"AANH." Another guttural bark came from my clever smile. All too giddily, I held my arms out, letting my limbs flourish.
Behind me, as the televisions framed me, Maribel shrugged like a smug jerk, her icy smile obscured, only a single blue eye gazing through the television's noise.
My face still had no form, but I had two eyes. One red, one blue. Time to shoot myself.
"HIIIEE!" Blushing, I beheld my gloved hands. Ballroom gloves. When I know what I'm doing— when we know what we're doing, we will visit England. America… Asia, Europe, the arctic and the deepest reaches of space.
Through each television, I saw the hands I was holding up to my own face, an infinite hallway of my ballroom gloves reaching through gaps to touch one another.
Let's go back to the Golden Grin.
My apartment was no more— a void of dust, blasted plaster, CRTs, traffic signs and magic miasma. There would be no coming back.
++++ EVERYDAY GENSOKYO ++++
KABOOM! KABOOM! Slot machines exploded, all strategically empty of any valuable currency.
"Woohooo~!" My ruby red high heels dug into a big dinner tray! "Yeah!"
CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK! I rode the tray down a spiralling flight of stairs made out of glowing CRT televisions.
"Hiyah!" Doing a flip off the mountain of TVs, I spun in the air! "Let's get crazy— yeah!"
Stopping in the air, deciding to fly instead, I threw the tray like a frisbee!
KRACK! KRACK! KRACK! The tray slid to the vase at the center of every table before me, shattering them one after another, bouncing between each of them.
Oh! I know!
Landing on the stage, a microphone was in my hands, and I sang!
"At this waking hour~! Blossom like a flower!" Yeah! ...Wait, my voice was a little off.
With no one to listen, I just repeated the line previously stuck in my head to solidify my voice. "At this waking—… At this waking hour~! Blossom like a flowww…" Dang it. "At this waking hour...!" Now it sounded weird!
Whatever. I'll just go onto the next thing on my mind…
"AANNGE!" This strange roar of trying to calibrate my voice— it's so incredibly violent, I can feel the carpeted floor shake, and the brick walls vibrate. An unnatural shuddering plows its way through my esophagus, making me think I'm throwing up again, but I'm not.
Okaaay. "Hello…" I begin muttering. Don't mutter! "Hello!" Better!
Turning to no one in the black, I bowed. "How do you do? It's a pleasure to meet you. How do you do, how do you do…? It's a pleasure. It is a pleasure. It is pleasure. A pleasure, it is. Pleasure? Sure it is."
I don't have my own voice. I don't sound like me, or her? Who's her? Renko? Merry? No, I'm Merry! But I'm…?
"Renko?" I looked around for Merry…
Hold on. My hair's blonde. I have to be Merry. Merry's the prettier one of us two. But— no, Renko has that down-to-earth energy. I'm flattered, but at the same time…
Who am I?
Let's just stop thinking about it. It makes my head hurt.
I'm not ready to look at people yet. I'm still hungry for human flesh. I don't think I could hold myself back.
My stomach growled. "Hush." I played it like a bongo to shut it up.
Stepping through space, I was before the table where I had my Lamb Amirstan, and I swear I'm not looking for crumbs.
I stared at the plant hanger, and my parasol. ...I took the parasol.
Maribel had collected a myriad of those silly things. They're… lame. They're not Our style. I should talk with a "royal We" now.
"They are not Our style." ...Actually, that's a bad idea, that sounds stupid. "It's not my style…" There we go.
It would be cool if I just left the plant hanger and scissors here… but that's not me. I am simply not strong enough. I greedily claim everything Merry and Renko had. It's all mine. Oh my god Renko— you had bubblegum on you! ...Hmmh. Actually, that's not that exciting. It's probably old and stuff.
Back down on the ground floor, I stared listlessly at my mesmerizing pile of CRT televisions, all flickering… somehow. I did something to them.
"Mmh…" Chewing on the gum, I—
crunch. Ouch. I bit it so hard I annihilated it, and my teeth as well.
"Pftoo."I spit one of my teeth out. Oh my god. After a few seconds, I felt my tooth regrow back in.
Now behind the stage in the room's back-center, I beheld a mirror, looking at my teeth and gums. Okay, they're still pretty. I was worried I just fucked myself.
Blue eyes, red eyes. Guess I'll have to live as a dumb anime character now. So which one of us is red? It's obviously Renko. Why Renko? Well, she obviously wore black, and her eyes were a hazel brown. It's close enough. But not Merry, my eyes were blue. Yeah, you had blue-eyes alright. Did you mean to say "bird-eyed," Renko?
My head hurts again. Okay, okay. It's clear now: I am not myself… but rather, I am myself.
I am too much of myself, maybe. Or maybe not enough? No, I'm—
Ugh. Why can't I just describe it?
Two. People. I am… two.
Am I their best parts, or their worst? I can be your angle or your developer.
I stuck my tongue out at myself in the mirror, looking so damn pleased with myself. Oh, fuck you. How do we go back?
"How can I delete other people's posts?" I announced, to the void.
Looking to the left, my red eye became the only one in the mirror. "Goddamn it, Merry—"
Panning my face so my left eye was the one in the mirror, I continued. "Goddamn it Kris, where the fuck—"
"No!" I— I recoiled! "Do not date this with a reference, you philosophical bimbo."
Hehehe! "Up on the rooftop, click click click! Down the chimney came good Saint Nick!"
"...That doesn't even make sense."
"I'm in a festive mood. This isn't so bad."
"It's really bad."
"Is it really?"
"Yes."
Wait, do I have a penis? No. Why did I feel like checking? Maybe I'm just a pervert. Okay, so who's fault was that one? It doesn't even make sense to think that. What would I even do as just one person!? You know, guys wish they were two people. We kind of just did the inverse of what a lot of perverts would like to do.
Slap. I slapped myself. I'll admit it: I deserved it.
"But look at these heels," beaming, I drew attention to these gorgeous red pumps. "They're simply to die for."
At the same time? They're gaudy as all hell. They may have some of the structure of Renko's— hey, wait a minute, I had her mary janes on just a second ago. I found them abandoned nearby. Did I kick them off?
Turning again, I found the mirror I was looking into broken. ...I see why it was recommended that I have a lot of alone time to get used to this.
Renko— lick my heels. Actually, that's a bad idea, the floor is dirty. What if I gave them a bath first? Would you lick them then? No!
Clack! Ouch! Where'd that come from!? I got hit in the head with a heel!
BAM! I dodged a bowling ball when it came down, meant for my head, I think.
When I turned and saw a noose hanging from the sky, I found a more blasé expression. Hehehe. Blasé. "That's an escalation..."
Wait? Does it even work? Before I know it, I'm attempting to hang myself.
CRACK! I go through with every step, and succeed.
"Ha—" Somehow, I survived the snapping of my own neck, and with a gasp and a rush of danger, I tore the rope apart with my gloved hands.
...Sitting on my ass, beneath the tilted stool and the now-torn rope, I pumped a fist into the air! "Woohoo!" I'm an idiot!
CRIK. My neck un-snaps. Wow. That really hurts! Holy crap. The actual snapping is painless, but when it comes back? Ouch!
...I'm on the floor for about a minute, just revelling in the pain, before I'm finally allowed to not be overwhelmed with pain. Okay, crossing that one off the list, not doing that ever again. Yikes.
There are many secrets in this land. Up in the clouds, or beneath the sand. Deep under the village, inside the lake, under the mansion, through the bamboo maze…
No, stop looking up the strategy guide. We're talking to every NPC instead. The hints are obvious— you just have to put in the effort.
Satellite TORIFUNE... I bet if we go back, I could beat the crap out of that alien who gave me a booboo. How's that sound? We could make a super awesome millionaire mansion, fifty thousand hundred feet in the air!
Wait, now that I have all of my weapons, what can I do?
"If I had to do anything you said for twenty-four hours, and I couldn't say no, what would you make me do?" I seduced the curtains with maximum efficiency.
"XCOM, Iron Man," I immediately replied to myself. Mmh. Guess it wasn't enough, the curtains weren't impressed.
I see how it is. Anyway, weapons…
Swish, swish! I swung my parasol around—
"Fatal Blizzaga! Reflectaga!" I announced two spells at once!
SHING! The sphere of hexagons erupted around me, shining the palest blue, glittering like a snowglobe.
KRK— FWASH, FWASH, FWASH! Becoming a hellstorm of frost, the surging hexagons spread out into beams, attacking… nothing in particular, 'cause I wasn't aiming it. Oops. Well, whatever. Those baccarat tables had it coming to them anyway. Gambling is for losers.
The floor was too frosty, so I went back up to the observation deck.
Wait. I know what to sing.
Standing back on the stage, I took my heart-shaped microphone.
"It was always the plan… to put the world in your hand."
...Yep! Perfect. That's it, we're done here. All I wanted was one good line.
FZZT! All the CRTs piled up in the room, now half-frozen, flickered to display my new hit single. "It was always the plan… to put the world in your hand."
Wait, what's looking at me? It's this gap— it's the camera!
"I am now Sans Undertale— go into my eyes." My blue eye flared brighter, and I clumsily drew the gap further to my eye. "Ding!" I made the sound Sans makes with my mouth. "Ding!" It sounded really bad.
This was echoed across the televisions. "I am now Sans Undertale— go into my eyes." Yeah! I watched the gap camera zoom into my own face…
I want to… visit the town. I want to explore, wild and free. But I also don't wanna accidentally kill people. I want to make tiny aggressive objects. Like, protractors, except they come at you menacingly and don't stop.
"Brr…" It's cold.
++++ EVERYDAY GENSOKYO ++++
I stepped outside of the Golden Grin, trusty parasol slung over my shoulder. When others' gazes met me, I felt myself calm down.
You can do this… Maribel? Renko? Ugh. I need a better way to refer to myself.
"Hey. You. Pretty thing there."
Orato was standing sentry at the doorway, a big mug of beer in his arm. Now why in the world did they assign this clown here? Don't we have special ops kitsune? Was this all Yukari was willing to spend on me? Really?
I adjusted my mob cap, which was twice as big as my head. "...He— hello."
"What were you doing in there?" He had a mixed frown. "...I suppose it isn't important. Just didn't think I'd see anyone here tonight."
My eyes narrowed. "Aren't you supposed to be standing guard?"
"And despite knowing that, you were inside." He gave me a proud look. "I'm not here to ask questions. I'm just here to make a little money on the side, okay?"
Impressive ethic. I guess I shouldn't be complaining, it's easier like this. "What were you protecting?"
"...Miss Yakumo's instructions were to not let anyone inside. She didn't say why." Orato smirked. "So, what was in there?"
"Me." You aren't standing guard to protect what's inside. You were standing guard protecting whatever was outside from coming in before I was ready to play nice.
He chuckled. "I can see that. I meant, you know…"
"Why'd you even take this job?" I didn't feel like giving him a real response.
He folded his arms. "I wanted to spend this New Years alone. If you can believe that."
Hmm? "Why wouldn't I believe that?"
Orato frowned. "You do know who I am, right?"
"It's not unlike you to be aloof." Orato, despite everything, liked being alone.
At that, Orato nodded in relative pride. "I see. Are you… a fan of mine, by chance? Or are you just a fan of the club? You do seem to have dressed up like Yakumo herself. Something about your outfit is… off. And it's not the fact you're just two eyes on a shadowy face."
Sorry? Oh… my face hasn't entirely formed yet. Closing my eyes, I focused on filling out my features. Yeah, Like— that. Like Maribel, but with longer, more beautiful hair. With eyes sharp like Renko's. Not much I can do about the heterochromia.
My dress was like Yukari's, but more simple. That's perfect. Unlike Yukari, I actually look seventeen. Or rather, eighteen. Merry really was an image of young beauty. Stop it with the flattery…
Stop talking to yourself. You'll do something you regret when your concentration slips.
"I've got to say, heterochromia was so last decade." Orato judged my red and blue eyes.
Mmh. "I didn't ask for this. I don't know how to make it go away."
He snorted. "Those aren't lenses? Wow."
"I'm insulted that you think I chose this."
"You only decided to have a face just now." That's… that's fair.
Whatever. It's time to wander off, aimlessly. Wait, hold on. "Do you know where Shimokoa is?"
"Who?" Orato forgot already?
"Ice bitch supreme."
"Oh! Her. I don't know. Maribel might know, if you can find her."
...Yeah, nice. Unfortunately, I don't think she would. "Thanks." Once Maribel and the others got separated during the party, she had no idea where they went. However… I think I might have an idea. I'll save that for later.
When I began to move, Orato followed me. "You haven't happened to have seen Maribel, right?"
"Why ask me?"
"You seem to look a little like her… although that might just be the Yakumo cosplay."
"...No." He hasn't anything more for me. I left him alone.
Or, so I thought. He began to follow me. Pausing, I turned to him. "What?"
"What were you doing in there?"
"None of your gosh darn business."
He smirked. "You can just say 'goddamn,' you know."
"I didn't feel like it."
Raising his beer mug to his lips, he gave me a strangely comfortable stare. "Mind if we hang out, then? I doubt you have plans."
I wanna get into a fight. No, no, be patient. Considering Gensokyo, a fight will probably come to me. "Why?"
"You seem down-to-earth. I was thinking of getting to know you. No stress if you aren't interested."
He's scoping me out, it seems. Leave it to a raging cow to become horny over what was previously a shadow being with two discolored eyes. Anyway, I'm going to ruin his day. "That's an awfully based thing to say for a man who was running around bragging about breaking families apart. You and that cat man lackey of yours." Don't kill me for saying "based" either, I'm just speaking in a language he can understand.
"That's…" He was put on the spot, and smiled sort of awkwardly. "When you're getting competitive on the casino floor, you can just say things, you know? That, and half the chicks we get are actually idiots."
"I figured as much." Most of them were far too perpetually innocent for their own good. Even so… "Deception isn't the fault of the deceived."
"Think of it like installing a diving board over a vat of acid. Merely inviting them to disaster isn't deception, is it? Let their hearts be judged. That's the way I see it. That's how things were out in the country, before I came to the village."
Where do some villagers get off on being so innocent? I mean. In a city it makes sense, 'cause there's so many people that at least some of them have to get the high score for being dumb. But, out here...?
Orato gave me a thumbs-up and a well-practiced smile. "I'll show you I can treat a lady right."
"Whatever." Not interested.
++++ EVERYDAY GENSOKYO ++++
This early in the morning, only golden lights remained to reflect everyone's festive spirits. Most villagers have totally gone to bed, but a few people were too cool for that, still hanging out.
The village's stance on youkai is being pulled every-which-way by the buddhists, the taoists, and Matt's instinct to be a political nuisance. I can feel him in the town, trying to get a handle on the situation. I'll stare into his shadow later.
"So…" Orato exhaled, having followed me, apparently. "What's the plan, short stuff?" You're like two and a half meters tall, everyone's a "short stuff" to you.
I don't answer him, instead just taking in the evening lights. The rich atmosphere from the orange glow of arranged village lantern posts. The sheer vibrance of all this gold light painted a very lively town, so only seeing a token few people out on the road was something else.
"Haa… ahh." Taking a gratuitously deep breath, I got ready to get down to business… my business.
As we passed a random beef bowl stand however, a recognizable face leapt out.
"Oh my god— that hat's fucking stupid." Kugo Koin slinked out of his seat, tipping his stool over by accident. "Ah, fuck."
"Hello, dickweed." Orato immediately became a playground bully in his presence.
Kugo looked more offended than he should have, naturally. "Heya, buttplug. Your dick still smell like shit?" Excuse me? What— what's the implication of that? What's this forbidden knowledge…!?
Orato frowned in fierce disapproval. "You can kiss my ass."
"And you can suck my balls!"
I began to walk away. "Wha— hey, shit!" Kugo rushed to keep up with me. "This beaut', who is she?"
"I—" Orato cringed. "I never got her name…?"
"Hah!" Kugo clapped his hands. "Shows how much you care! So, baby, what is your name?"
That's not a question I really want to answer… but, I kinda wanted to play along. "Doctor Samual Hayden." I think we can work together to resooolve this problem. ...I wanna say that so bad, but it'd be wasted on these clowns.
Kugo didn't get the reference, just kind of staring at me blankly. "...Mind if I call ya Yuka-chan? I swear, y'look just like the boss. Doesn't she look like the boss?"
Orato nodded. "She does indeed look like the boss. I called it cosplay earlier."
Kugo chuckled. "Yuka-chan's a prettier name than Sam anyway. Oh, idea! Lemme call ya Kari! Or how 'bout Kari-chan? God, that's so damn cute, I'mma just call you Kari-chan."
"You are not calling me that."
Kugo laughed his ass off. "Hehaha! Kari-chan it is!"
"What's wrong, Kari-chan?" Orato put a hand on my shoulder like a creeper. "You can relax around us."
Okay, hold on. "When has saying that ever made someone relax?"
Orato didn't expect me to confront him on that. "I mean, well…"
Kugo immediately divebombed the opportunity. "Yeah, Orunt. Go suck your own cock. You're creepin' the lady out."
"That's the point, dumbass. I'm supposed to be oppressive. It's mysterious. Women like that."
"Mystery, shmistery. Women like energy, dickhead. You're wasting your time."
"Then how come I'm a platinum host now, and not you?"
"Because—" Kugo got huffy. "Fuck you!"
"Hah!"
These two are really too into one another. I began to move, ignoring them, only for them to begin following me involuntarily.
Leaving the square, I came up to the doors of the Kirisame Magic Shop. My instincts flared.
Walking behind the whole store, I found stacked crates. "Hup…" I began doing a small platforming challenge, hopping from crate to crate, getting higher, until I was able to jump onto the store's rooftop.
Walking up behind the neon sign, I found a treasure chest. Taking my parasol, I used the diamond tip to double-tap the chest, commanding it to open.
Click. So it opened! Inside was a Protect Chain. Wrapping the chain around my wrist, I leapt off the rooftop. "Uhf!" The— landing was a little hard… but I'm stronger than I remember myself being, and take no damage from leaping clean off the roof.
"...What the fuck?" Orato was mystified.
Wordlessly, I continued into the alleys. Oh! Coming up to the nearby dumpster, I stared at it… and therefore, into it.
Opening a gap over myself, I let the object of interest that was inside drop from the sky, into my hand. It was a M1911 with a half-empty mag. Four rounds. Might be damaged or something. Probably unsafe to fire. There's a reason it's in the trash.
"You…" Orato was starting to have questions. "You're not the boss, right?"
Kugo chuckled. "I mean… she kinda acts like the boss."
I aimed the M1911 at Kugo. "Oh— shit, Jesus!" Kugo darted behind Orato. "Don't fucking do that!"
Orato frowned at me. "Even for a joke, that's in bad taste."
"Oh dear." I totally care. I tossed the broken M1911 into a gap behind myself. Hmm…
We came up to the Village Hall. A big, boxy wooden base with a round dome atop it. Sometimes affectionately dubbed the thunderdome.
I have no business here, except there's another chest under the east stairwell through the unused maintenance closet.
"Orato. This door." I pointed at the locked door.
Orato frowned at me. "I'm not your battering ram."
Really? I shrugged. "Oh, fine."
Click. The door unlocked because I just randomly made gaps in the mechanism sealing it. Pushing it open, I went into the pitch-black storage room.
Tap- tap. Click! The chest inside opened when I commanded it to. Inside was a dopey-looking adamantite headpiece. Ooh…
Taking off my huge mobcap, I put on the adamantite… thing. It was like a visor, with two feathers attached to either side. It's freaking dumb.
Except, I immediately saw a targeting reticle in the center of my vision. That's… surprisingly annoying! Wow.
It had me thinking it was ranger gear at first— but then I realized my peripheral vision expanded massively, and all of a sudden… I realize it's magical. This head gear is intensely magical.
Stepping out into the alley, I adjusted it. The feathers burned with a pseudo-holy aura, converting ambient mana into light. That's really interesting! It like... converts the fear youkai use into mana. This way, human village defenders would have equipment which scales in power to the severity of the youkai attacking! That's brilliant! It even converts their own fear into power!
"Is this just— a thing you do?" Orato was getting increasingly confused.
"Who the fuck keeps stashing these shiny-ass chests all over the place?" Kugo was really confused too. "And why haven't I found any of 'em!? If they're this easy to come by, like, what the fuck!?"
I smiled at that. "I was inside the Golden Grin, wasn't I? Thievery is what I do."
"...Ooh. So—" Orato pieced together my lie for me. "You're a professional thief… and you picked New Years to do your work."
"Exactly!"
Kugo nodded plainly. "Shit, I'm down with that. Why didn'cha say so?"
Orato snorted. "Probably because we're not much help. She's probably just letting us tag along for the challenge."
"Oh…" Kugo considered that. "Damn. Now I just feel bad."
I put the adamantite headgear on Kugo's head. "Here, be a mage."
Kugo beamed. "Cool." Then, his pupils dilated. "Oh my god— I can see everything, what the fuck...!?"
++++ EVERYDAY GENSOKYO ++++
I stepped onto the roof of the Golden Grin with a massive cowboy hat found in a chest from the reservoir underneath the north-eastern sector's farming plots. "Yeehaw… yeehaw." Under my breath, I muttered cowboyisms.
Turning to Orato, I pointed my M1911 at his face. "Put 'er there, pardner. Reach fer the sky." God my own voice sounds adorable when I make it low like this.
Orato is enchanted to the point he doesn't notice me point the gun at his face. "...What's the big idea here? What the hell are you even doing? We've been wandering around pilfering— esoterically placed treasure for an hour now."
I walked to the edge of the Golden Grin's roof, and underneath some crates… ah ha.
Lifting up some giant boxes, awkwardly planting them aside, I found what I was looking for.
LNR-BUN anti-material rifle. An anti-armor sniper rifle. Mokou was supplied with it during the Organized Shikome Intervention as Yukari had dubbed it. When she was done she just hid the dumb thing under some really heavy boxes.
These boxes— what's even in them? I opened a gap to find out. Cinder blocks flopped out. Oh, okay.
Kugo had just climbed the ladder up here, having trailed behind us. "What in the fuck are we— is that a sniper rifle?"
"Yup." Taking hold of the gihugic sniper rifle, I positioned it on the lip of the single urban rooftop in all of the human village, and aimed down.
There were three rounds left. Taking a deep breath, I aimed along the village…
"Should we… even be here for this?" Orato watched me position my sights.
With my blue eye shut, I used just my red one to calculate everything which needed calculating. "Um. I dunno. I'm a cowboy. I don't know these things. Don't distract me."
"Dude, what in the fuck are we even doing?" Kugo was getting incredulous with the series of events. "Why are we even here?"
I line up the anti-material rifle with a specific ray. If I fire now… it will pierce two buildings and hit Kano Ken, the village chief justice, in the head, in his sleep.
Inhaling, I shut my red eye, and let my blue one drift open.
BANG. Oh— jeez! Woah! "Ow!" The stupid thing kicked back and hit me in my eye! Oww!
Orato chuckled. "Aa— are you… alright?"
"Ouch, nn… ye— yeah, I'll be fine." The sheer humility of accidentally poking myself in the eye with the scope made me blush.
Anyway, I don't need the rest of the ammo, I guess. I let the thing drop into a gap, descending before me.
"Alright, let's go!" With a chirpy exclamation to hide my embarrassment, I leapt clean off of the Golden Grin entirely.
"Wha— wait!" Orato moved to stop me, but was too late. "Hey!"
"Woohoo!" Ooo! Yeah, I'm falling! Once I reach the floor—
THUD! Oh, that was too high. Ouch. "Mmn…" I ended up in a shallow crater. Oh, wow that's a lot of blood…
...It took a few minutes to begin peeling myself off the floor.
Suddenly, Orato jerked me onto my feet! "Are you fucking okay? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"He— hehehe!" His expression made me laugh!
"This isn't funny!" Woah, he's serious! "...How are you even standing right now?"
The cuts and gaps on my face fixed themselves. "I'm a youkai like you."
"If I just took the drop from a building… well…" He shrugged. "I'd be fine… enough. But I'm myself. Little kitty over here would be in bed for half a week."
"Hey!" Kugo disagreed on reflex, before relenting. "Aa— actually, yeah, that uh, sounds 'bout right."
"I'm not going to lie, it did a pretty fair number on my hitpoints," I explained. "So I'm going to bed."
"Huh?"
thud. I flopped over, into my own blood. "Uhf."
"...What?" Orato knelt next to me. "Is… is that a joke?"
I didn't reply.
"Are you serious?"
Yup.
"You're… going to bed. Right here."
Mhmm.
He paused, looking at Kugo. Kugo put his arms on his own hips. "Y'know, I don't think we should fuck with this girl."
Orato chuckled. "You think?"
"She's got that look in 'er eyes. And she looks like the boss. And she's a fuckin' sociopath."
"I don't know about that."
"But seriously, she pointed a fuckin' gun at us!"
"She wasn't going to shoot us."
"Yeah, no fuckin' shit retard, she didn't shoot you. But she coulda."
"...As long as we weren't hit in the head."
Kugo recoiled from cringing. "Oh my god you fuckin' simp."
While I was on the floor, inspiration struck me. A totally foreign inspiration… one which I'll save for another time. For when I see Brad again.
What did I want to do? That was the biggest question. I didn't want to do any of Maribel's work, and unlike Renko, I didn't want to go back home.
I want… adventure. Like the good ol' days. The good ol' days after nine-eleven! I'm— sorry, I had to.
With that one sniper round, I had killed Kano Ken, thrust the village into a new era of structural chaos, set a mechanism in motion, aaand the bullet had clipped the guard headquarters, ruining one of Matt's proceedings with the guard captain for control over the guard.
Now… what? I wanna explore the town and take in the sights, but…
When I looked through space, I saw Kugo there picking his nose while no one was looking. Not really the kind of crowd I want.
I stood up. To Orato and Kugo, it was like I was pulled up onto my feet by an unknown force. They jumped back.
"Uh…" Kugo opened his mouth. "Are—"
WHAM! Pivoting around, I smashed him across the weak point of his jaw with the grip of the M1911 I'd found.
thud. He was out cold from that one strike.
"Hu— huh?" Orato let out a concerned chuckle. "You… you are the boss, aren't you?"
I took back Kugo's Adamantite Headgear. "Orato. Give me your items."
"Huh…?"
"Your elixir, that steak perfume, that photo of that black-haired cat girl. All of it."
His eyes sharpened. "You listen here, you little shit. That photo is mine. You can keep the rest."
Hehe. "Fine, fine. Also, I'm taking your turtleneck, and your pants."
His expression was intensely flat.
++++ EVERYDAY GENSOKYO ++++
Having disbanded the idiot parade, I appeared outside Shimokoa's cave. This is where she shelled up for New Years.
The door was blocked. No matter. I crept inside anyway, through the gaps in space, time and reason.
Oh, right. Shimokoa's just drifting here in her living room, awake before all of her broken furniture. Her eyes are red— she'd cried recently.
"Can you people not see that the door is blocked for a reason?" Shimokoa gave me an innocent yet bitchy expression. "Leave me the hell alone. I want to be sad and alone, as always."
"That's too bad, 'cause I'm keeping you company."
I remember what Yukari told me. Shimokoa will only be better… if she changes.
"So what's the plan? How're we gonna deal with Brad?" I humored her for now.
Shimokoa blinked. "...Who even are you?"
Oh, right. As if it would help, I took off my giant cowboy hat. "My name is unimportant." I don't have one yet!
Shimokoa snorted. "That makes two of us."
"But I know you. You're scared of Brad. You're afraid, and you want to deal with your problem with fists. You want to reflect the world's violence back at it."
Shimokoa sighed. "Stop it. I was tired of this shit after Mima did it."
Huh? Whatever. "I don't care whatever she did, she's an idiot troll baby person. And she has the same problem you do. She wants to reflect the world's violence back at it."
"...So she does." She accepted that. "Wait, she does? Does she really?"
"Yeah. She just keeps it hidden under layers of irony because she's an asshole. That, and her whole thing as a vengeful spirit is that she's vengeful. Being spite incarnate is kind of her life's work. Well, unlife's work."
Shimokoa looked somber. "...I was possessed by a literal spirit of vengeance."
"Yup."
"Mmn." Shimokoa looked so sad.
"So, I was thinking, why not just help you? What do you want to do?"
"There's no such thing as 'free help'. Everyone in this world is looking after their own. Do not lie to me, stranger."
Mmm. I explained my reasoning. "You're right. It's just, I'm agonized by your wasted potential. So many are. That's why Brad and Genkan didn't just beat you up, but yelled at you. It's why they bought you that pretty kimono you're wearing now. It's why they tried, even after all of that, to be your friend. They saw you, they imagined a better you, through all of that hate and spite."
"What makes them so special!?" Shimokoa yelled back!
Many things. Stepping forward… I walked through Shimokoa.
Renko's visions came to the forefront of my mind. But more importantly, I saw it all from Shimokoa's perspective. Every skirmish with Brad's party. Her dealings with Mima. Her countless nights crying herself to sleep, either from rage, shock or depression.
Beyond that, three hundred years passed by in a flash. Countless deaths and one-sided betrayals, beginning with a fundamental paranoia born from loneliness, a paranoia which only grew with each friend made and lost.
At its core, however, Shimokoa took her right to adore and be adored for granted.
Shimokoa took the ride with me. "Oo— oh…" Holding herself, she collapsed to her knees, far more gently than she had any right to look.
What good is a hero if they will not fight? That was her last, most important thought.
Maribel spent so much time agonizing over how to change someone else. How to provoke change, how to make an environment that would facilitate change, and how to then prod that change along.
But, that's all wrong. All wrong. It misses the point in the same way that the depressed person misses the point in reaching for the goals in the first place. It's too forced.
Truth be told, I don't know why Maribel was so caught up in her, because the best way to deal with a paranoid loner is to leave them alone. Even if they themselves don't know that, or on the surface, want that.
Let's do this… for real, this time. "Shimokoa. I would like to give you… purpose. If you would allow me to."
As she got back up off the floor, she gave me a suspicious stare. "I don't think I can trust you."
That's when my powers went to work. "Why not?"
"...I've trusted far too many already. I'm always deceived. I'm so damn stupid."
I briefly closed my eyes. "Very well. I just want you to take three deep breaths. Okay?"
She looked confused at first, but followed the instructions. "Oh… okay?"
While she was breathing, I continued, "Hold it for five seconds. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Exhale."
"I— I know how to breathe, thank you, I'm not that stupid."
Hehe. "Sorry! Just bear with me. Keep breathing like that. Now..."
I pointed behind her. A regal bed was there. I wonder how that got there? "I want you to relax on this nice bed. While you're on it, I want you to resist everything I'm going to tell you to do. And I want you to clench your fists. Clench them, as hard as you can. Without hurting yourself, I mean. Make them as tense as possible."
She got on the big western bed, and relaxed. Now… we were well underway.
"Keep breathing," I instructed her.
She almost smiled. "As if I would stop?"
"As if you would stop breathing deeply, yes."
She just kept breathing, looking questioning. She clenched her fists. I saw her knuckles turn white, as she innocently stared into my own gaze. Good, good.
"Very good. Now… from here on, again, resist everything I tell you to do. Okay?"
"Got it."
"Good. Now… I want you to imagine. I want you to resist when I tell you to let your whole body relax. To imagine your whole body relaxing. When I tell you to imagine comfort crawling up your body. Up your legs..."
"What…" Shimokoa was curious. "What is the point of this? What are you doing to me?"
Her legs were loosening. "Remember to resist me, dear." I put a hand on them to refresh her mind.
Her legs tensed back up. "Ri— right. But—"
"You can feel the sensation spreading. Creeping up your body, to your chest. But no matter what, you keep your fists clenched."
She frowned, almost pouting adorably.
"Now, you can feel your chest relax. The soothing nothing spreads to your core. Your legs, your chest, your arms, all completely numb, out of your control."
She raised an arm into the air. "No they aren't."
I shrugged. "Yes, you could resist. That's okay. But you're... curious, aren't you? It's funny. Telling people not to do things just makes them want to do them more, right?"
She slowly lowered her arm, meeting my gaze with distrust as I loomed over her bed.
"Just as when people told you to stop resisting, to stop fighting. I'm telling you the opposite. Keep those fists clenched. No matter how much you let everything else relax. Because it's just so hard, to tense your legs, to tense your chest. But what you can make is a fist.
"Now, with your legs slack, your chest still, your arms lax… you feel it enter your head."
Her eyelids drop slightly. "Why?"
"Because you want to feel good." I had the smuggest smile. "You want to finally be at peace. After centuries of war. You want to find the truth in front of you. And that means… letting my voice, my whispers, my stare, into your head.
"And it just feels so good. Because you could resist at any time. You still have your fists clenched. You could fly out of bed and do laps around the room… but you don't want to. You could resist by silencing me right now. You can fight. You have the power to fight.
"But instead, you're listening to my voice. You're only listening to my voice. Your thoughts are all quiet. Your body completely relaxed, those fists so taut, and you can't help but… stare into my eyes, right?"
Shimokoa was confused. So very confused.
"Close your eyes." I told her. "Keep those fists clenched, but close your eyes.
"Now, you can feel it spread to your head. That pleasant, fuzzy, warm feeling. And just like that, your whole body drifts in oblivion, suspended above an abyss of black. Totally relaxed."
The trick to this whole play? Clenched fists lose strength if they stay clenched for too long.
Shimokoa's fists began to shake, harder and harder.
"You just want to let go," I reminded her. "You just want to give in. It would be so easy."
That's when she realized what I was doing too. "Y— you…"
"Let go." I commanded her. "Let your fists go."
"You…" She realized: when I'd told her to clench in the first place, that in and of itself was a command.
So, to disobey that, she let go. In doing so, she also obeyed— and despite her motivation, that's what her mind hung on.
Sweet release. Euphoria spread across her features. Her face blushed, her porcelain cheeks betrayed by fluttering degrees of warmth.
"That's it. Good girl. Good, good girl. Sink. Sink deeper."
Her body trembled. Her eyes flicked up, and she let go. Sinking into the dreams of sleeping souls— that's the snow woman's catchphrase, isn't it? It's time she learned what that meant.
"Sleep."
A content sigh escaped her lips. "What… the hell…" She protested, but she liked it.
"Doesn't it feel so good? Just so good? It's so simple, so easy. To just let yourself relax, to feel your whole body relax, to feel yourself listen to my voice. Listening to my voice feels good. And it feels good… to obey."
The word 'obey' unsettled Shimokoa slightly, but I eased her back down. "It feels good to listen to my commands. To just for now, give in, to release control. To totally trust me."
Shimokoa did not protest.
"That's right." She was putty. "Here…"
Crawling into bed next to her, I gave her a big hug.
"It doesn't matter that we hardly know each other. What matters is this way I can make you feel. The love that I can give you. The way I can make you feel wanted. My lovely, slushy puddle."
Shimokoa was so confused. She gave me a tired stare, brows raised in confusion, but also want.
I looked up along her chest, pressing my cheek to one of her breasts. "And this? This is all I wanted from you from the start. To make you feel good. To make you feel happy."
Mouth ajar, Shimokoa stared up at the ceiling, weary eyes drifting in sheer confusion.
"You seek answers. I can give you purpose. So long… as you remain patient. So long as you remember this feeling of giving up control. So long as you remember."
In this moment, Shimokoa and I were in a black void, facing one another.
"With this simple act of taking…"
I placed my palm on Shimokoa's head, the TV static flaring around us.
"See the world beyond your eyes!"
Shimokoa looked into the thousand eyes with me.
It was no passing of a gift. It was no tradition. In reality, all I'd conjured was an illusion.
But the mere seed of thought, the idea I did something, the sheer formality, the intimacy… it was a foreign variable, a stray unknown, an errant possibility. And maybe, just maybe, that teeny glimmer of Shimokoa's potential… will finally come back to life.
++++ EVERYDAY GENSOKYO ++++
"Fuck…"
Matt flopped into a cold corner in the bowels of Small Packages, the half-assed makeshift bar he threw together on a whim. He had some good times in it, but returning the status quo to what it was would be hard for him. Especially after all that happened.
Shikome was in the bed nearby, sitting naturally, looking innocent.
That's when I was there. "Yippee ki yay, motherfucker." Confidently, I adjusted my oversized cowboy hat, twirling my M1911 around.
Matt looked up at me.
Shikome turned to me.
SWISH— SWISH! That's when Shikome tried to stab me, on sight.
"Tsk." I did the anime villain thing of just being in a different location when the frame cut back to me. In reality, I was just expecting to get jumped, so my reflexes were really alert. Shikome can be like that, can't she? "God, it's too early to be dealing with that fucking tree."
"Yukari?" Matt wasn't sure who I was. "...I see you're a loli now."
"I'm not Yukari." Nor am I a loli! I mean, compared to Yukari's proportions everyone's a loli, but—
"Okay, not Yukari."
...I walked into that one. "Oh dear. Well anyway— it's my fault your deal at the guard council went woosh. Oops."
Matt's body dubbed Sabrina gave me a sassy look. "And you did so, because…?"
"I need you for something. I can't have you going off doing sidequests right now. You're on the story track now, kitty." It's not like you value your own time anyway~!
He made Sabrina— his loli-like body— glare. "I told you to leave me the hell alone."
"And Gensokyo told you to behold what your own pride wrought."
"...Huh?"
I jerked my head towards Shikome. "Mima might've been an idiot troll baby—" I've been getting a lotta mileage outta this phrase— "But she had a point. Even if she really couldn't get over herself to explain it to save her life."
Sabrina stood up, approaching me. "And what is that point? Kill myself?"
"The point was that the more you push against the world, the more the world pushes back."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"All you wanted, Matt— it's the same as all Maria wanted. But you couldn't let her have that."
"Who even is that?" Matt didn't so much as remember Maria by this point.
"And I'll be honest: Yukari herself would never tell you, but it's all her fault. Behind the scenes, she would orchestrate that which inhibited, slowed and ultimately halted your progress."
Matt made Sabrina gaze onto me with contempt.
"What I'm saying is—" Ah! I slipped into a gap when Shikome went to stabulate me again.
...From outside one of the upper-story windows, I knocked on the glass. Matt went to open it up.
I sighed. Convincing Matt the same way I convinced Shimokoa seemed like it'd be impossible. Now that I think of it, Shikome and Shimokoa have stupidly similar sounds in their names...
"You can scream all you want. But you're out of friends to use. Out of pieces, pawns, cards, chips, whatever you want to call them. But those who only use their friends… soon find that they're only used themselves.
"Yukari is the reason Shikome was locked up in the first place. That whole deadly intervention was a warning shot. A much needed one, as there's no way you can overcome Gensokyo itself with your wrath alone."
He's the perfect parallel to Maria. He'd never tell anyone, but his family life is to die for… and I mean that in the most ironic way possible. It was terrible. Maria herself had a good family, but constant mixups and the recent death of them really robbed her of that real family experience. But she was smart and clever.
However, I know something about her even Brad doesn't… and that's her pride. A pride that grew and grew with each hardship she endured… but then Brad came along and was so incomprehensible that her false pride and ambitions of conquest were all but shot.
Her and Matt are very alike. And yet, Matt's spiteful gift to the world was almost the catalyst for a repeat. A direct gift of toxicity from the outside world to the human settlement. So, so tragic.
Matt held his head high. "We'll see about that."
"Hmm?"
"If that's how it'll be…" Matt cracked his thin knuckles. "I will find you. And I will kill you. And I'll reveal this world as the boring hellscape it really is."
Oh ho? "Meaning?"
"I'll do as I damn well please, and no one's going to stop me. Unless you want to go back on your personality and kill me right now."
I see. "Well, need I remind you, I'm not Yukari. So I won't do anything I don't have to. After all, you're her problem. But I'm just saying…"
"You're not saying shit," he snarked. "Good night."
Clack. He closed the window on my hands— yehahahaoowuch! "Eeee!"
++++ EVERYDAY GENSOKYO ++++
It's always the most trivial injuries which you feel hours later! "Ahahahaanh…" I whined, rubbing my gloved hands over one another.
Now… just what do I wanna do?
Standing on the Golden Grin's rooftop again, I stared out over the Human Village.
I can go wherever I want, and do whatever I want. Now's not the time to visit Brad, though. Not 'cause I'm not ready, but…
I don't really want to see Brad, actually. Maribel sure as hell did, but she wasn't ready, she didn't know what to say. Renko just kinda ran into him.
Me? You know… I kinda wanna… savor this. This feeling, this year, this Gensokyo.
The world I realize will likely be heavily inspired, but it will not be the same. It will not be the Gensokyo I know. It will be a new land of fantasy.
You know what they say. New year, new you! Hehehe! Wait, no, I gotta be fancy. Fufufufu!
"Fufufu!" I gave a womanly laugh from the casino rooftop. "Fufufufu!" Holding up a gloved hand, I splayed it out before my face like an asshole! Yeah!
...Man. Until I get Shimokoa to follow me around, it's gonna be pretty lonely. I mean, when I get to making my own world with blackjack and hookers, some day, I won't ever be lonely then. But even so.
Then again, maybe being alone actually suits me. I'll have to think about it. That'll be the real challenge.
I sat down on the edge of the rooftop.
Yukari sat down next to me.
I looked at my dress. I looked at hers. Mine really is just… hers, but better designed because it's simpler. "What a frilly piece of shit, your dress is."
Yukari jerked her head back. "Hoh? My, my, look who's come back from their gender reveal party with an attitude."
Oh my god. "I didn't hear a refutation!"
"It's got class and style. The gradients are all just right. You just can't appreciate art. Your dress may be simple, but it lacks personality. It lacks the character a millennium can put on you."
Oh, okay. "Alright, grandma. Remind me to never get into tabards."
Yukari clicked her tongue. "Oh, right? Tabards really get in the way. However, they go great with short hairstyles. Takes a few years off, you know? People tend to call me twenty rather than forty, like that."
"Why'd you decide to look motherly?" I was curious.
"Because the teenager look carries the party spirit, and with that comes people. And people, even for me, are tiresome. As such, at a glance, I just prefer to be feared. That is simply how youkai and humans are. If I look humble, I will be disrespected easier, and I've grown tired of proving myself time and time again. Should I meet anyone like me, they will respect me rather than fear me, in spite of everything… and then they will be my friend."
It's almost the opposite of Suika, who chooses to look very young so she can take on the challenge of having her strength alone do all the talking. Yukari instead forgoes the humility for the isolation. She's not issuing a challenge, she just wants to be… herself.
"So how come you don't have any friends?"
She smiled playfully. "Oh, hush. I do too have friends."
"You made your shikigami to be your friends. I mean, have you ever made friends?"
"Plenty. Like Reimu. Kasen, perhaps. And—"
"Outside of Gensokyo."
"Next thing I know, certain days of the week won't count either."
"Gensokyo is where you belong. How about places you don't belong? Will I ever see you in a spy movie? Or on an abandoned satellite with power armor? Or solving a murder mystery with Ran or Reimu's help?"
...Yukari looked down at the village.
"I think you should give being spontaneous a chance again," I told her. "Even if it's not the Yukari we both know."
"...You may be right." She exhaled. "But it's not like my days are empty, you know?"
"Aren't they?"
"I manage this club."
Uh huh. "The club manages itself… by design."
She smiled wider. "I have my shikigami."
Yeah, okay. "Who can manage themselves… by design. Who know not to bother you unless it's important."
Yukari stared into the stars. "...If you're so brave, how about we go together?"
"Ew. No."
"How cruel…"
"It'd be like Brad and Brittany, or Sumireko and Sumireko and Sumireko. It's just not good for the economy."
"You mean the environment?"
"Same thing."
Yukari almost laughed at that. As in, giggled; not her haughty, prepared laugh she normally has ready.
With that, I stood up.
"You may take as much time as you desire," Yukari told me. "As long as you don't screw anything of mine up, that is. This may be the last time we meet."
Mmm. "I'll miss you."
She jerked her head back. "You will?"
"You remind me so much of Merry. Like, if she put on a few pounds and owned too many cats."
Yukari silently chuckled. "...You'll always be an asshole, Renko."
"Hehehe!"
"Even a thousand years from now, you will remain an insufferable asshole."
"I'm glad!"
I can go anywhere I want, and do anything I want to do.
So I'm done screwing around with Merry and Renko's business. What's done is done. We'll see where Shimokoa goes… but Matt is Yukari's problem.
But me? I'm a free woman. Free to draft my own story. Yours, and mine.
I looked to where Yukari was, and she was gone.
...It's New Years. I should go walk around Gensokyo alone. Stare at the stars until the sun comes up.
Winter break… is over.
++++ EVERYDAY GENSOKYO ++++
Unknown Character - Youkai composed of combined light and dark magic. Bears the gift of foreknowledge. Fights by frequently changing equipment and resistances.
O… My Skills ...O
O Divergence Style O
The style that created a legend. Combine creation and destruction to wield a maelstrom of chaos. Uses Parasols & Umbrellas.
Gap Trick - Escape from danger, enemy combo attacks or any situation by slipping through time, space and reason.
Boundary Manipulation - Adjust plain variables of most non-sentient entities, and some sentient ones as well.
Gap Hack - Chain all the elements into devastating combination attacks through will alone.
O Dreamer Style O
Maribel's mode of combat. Protect against all force, and shut down the opposition with a series of oppressive and chaotic spells. Uses Plant Hangers.
Gap Trick - Escape from danger, enemy combo attacks or any situation by slipping through time, space and reason.
Misc. Magic Fan - Maribel is a fan of miscellaneous technical magic, so most of her weapons and techniques derive their use.
O Theoretical Style O
Renko's mode of combat. Solve practical problems in the heat of combat, deleting foes with incredible mid-combat theories. Uses Scissors as a primary weapon.
Logic Hack - Using the environment and your tools, chain together massive environmental combos. Stress out all the details beforehand, then sit back and relax as your chaos unfolds!
Scrappy - When she's not destroying her enemy, Renko's probably running away from them.
O… My Inventory … O
o… My Weapons ...o
[Equipped] Pink Parasol - Most balanced weapon, and easiest to use. A sun-blocking parasol with a diamond tip, perfect for blunt and stabbing attacks, as long as the tip is the point of impact. Can be used to deflect projectiles, as well as float.
[M] Porcelain Mirror - Maribel's favorite plant hanger. A mass of nigh indestructible mirror panes, imbued with the power of barrier magic. Equipped to Dreamer Style.
STATS:
50% Space resistance
100% Dispel resistance
SKILLS:
Reflect[ara] [aga] [za] - A powerful spell which absorbs all damage, before returning it as a blast of static non-elemental magic. Barrier strength and counter attack strength depend on tier. The final tier reflects scaled damage of the original attack instead.
[R] Maniac Cutter - Renko's favorite pair of scissors. Critical hits cause an opponent's blood to explode out in a geyser. Standard cuts are explosive, inflicting terrible damage onto foes. Equipped to Theoretical Style.
STATS:
50% Bomb resistance
100% Stagger resistance
SKILLS:
Quake - Allows the wielder to stomp the ground and stagger all foes with terrible force. Inflicts Crazy! damage on frozen or stunned enemies. Jostles all environmental objects.
o… My Clothing ...o
Renko's Fedora - A keepsake.
STATS:
100% Dark resistance
100% Space resistance
100% Instant Death resistance
Huge Mob Cap - An upgraded mob cap for mob cap enthusiasts. Most balanced clothing, and easiest to use.
STATS:
100% Holy resistance
-100% Space resistance
100% Instant Death resistance
Giant Cowboy Hat - Found in a treasure chest under some farm plots in the Human Village. Yeah, super flying cowboy mode!
STATS:
100% Dispel resistance.
Immune to accuracy debuffs.
Adamantite Headgear - Found in a treasure chest in the Human Village town hall, breeding ground of a thousand arguments that don't matter.
STATS:
Fear Drive M - Converts ambient human fear into mana for use.
Peripheral Plus - Expands peripheral vision. Very trippy…
Ammo HUD * Arrow - Gives the user an ammo hud for arrows, meant to be used with bows and repeaters. Made so only human villagers and youkai archers can make good use of it.
Reticle - Allows the user to aim with a reticle.
o… My Items ...o
Renko's Gum - Yummy yum yum! It's just regular bubblegum flavor, though…
Hyper-conceptual Gap Storage - I may summon whatever I've seen before. Weapon, object or otherwise.
M1911 - Outside hand-pistol. I think it's busted, but there's still four rounds in the magazine.
O… My Party ...O
Shimokoa (sometimes) - Traumatized and wrathful yuki-onna from Gensokyo's wildlands. Hopefully, with the gift I have given her, she will turn over a new leaf.
O… Dear Diary ...O
That'll be my turn, I guess.
This is all really weird, you know! I've always wanted to keep a diary, but until becoming a chaotic being of pure sentimental and conceptual energy, I've just never had the time. So that starts now!
Anyway, um… Shimokoa! Yeah. I uh, like, hypnotized her, I guess? Kinda embarrassing to put it like that. Don't ask where I learned to do that.
I was kinda hoping to show her how to let go of her near-constant state of being alarmed or ready to fight. Merry could see it, the way she tired herself out. From rage, to crying, to numb, back to rage again. She was addicted to it. So hopefully, with this shock from a new kind of stimuli, she considers being at least a little bit less angry?
Truth be told? I probably shouldn't have gone there at all tonight. Lowkey a waste of time, maybe. But whatever. Merry's invested in her for some reason, so I guess I should. Who knows?
And, Matt… Merry felt a weird way about him too, but he's really not our place to do anything about. As far as I'm concerned, he's good as dead. I don't know why Yukari didn't just kill him. He's just one human, right? Well, one human and a dangerous apparition of a damned human-eating tree which borders on controlling the concept of mortality itself…
Well, nah, Shikome's a sweet heart. By that I mean, she's a sapling, so she's not that dangerous. But she could be that dangerous! Like, secret boss-tier dangerous!
I want the other chapters in my adventure to be more— something than this. Inspired? Adventurous? I'm just getting started, you hear me!?
I almost feel cheated. Why is it only one chapter? Man…
My hand's cramping up, so I'm stopping for now. But when the camera's on me again, I'll show you all how to really have fun!
Dr. Latency, over and out!
Actually… wait. I'm changing the linebreak.
++++ NATURALIS HISTORIA ++++
There. More exciting, right? "Everyday Gensokyo" is more fitting for a subtitle, Merry. A glib, comforting pass. A little tongue-in-cheek comfort, if you will. Hammering them with it isn't going to make it feel as special as it should.
Stay tuned! See you all next time!
