(in which we meet the average league of legends player)
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO: BRAD'S PERSPECTIVE ====
knock knock. My knuckles rapped on Marisa's door, early in the morning.
...creeak. It swung open pitifully. A very tired Marisa glared out.
I ran in place, as if doin' a dance. "Runnin' down the drain. Goin' wherever it leads! It's a fluff nugget mystery…!"
Slowly, I stopped doing my jig, as if running out of energy. Once I appeared faux-winded, I looked at Genkan, then at Marisa.
Marisa's brows raised in slight incredulity. "What the hell. Why's she in a stripper outfit?"
"Don't worry about it." Genkan was all too used to the criticism at this point! "My boyfriend and I were looking for a place to crash in the neighborhood. Our home is being refurbished." While we could have slept on plywood, girders and building supplies… or just in the cave, I thought it'd be more of an adventure to get to know the friendly locals!
Marisa just sighed. "I've been up all night dude. It's fuckin'... eight in the morning."
"Wow, same!" I beamed at 'er! "We're all freakin' nocturnal!"
"Next thing I know, you'll be blowing up my house. Again."
I snapped my fingers. "Genkan, we should have sex on Marisa's floor."
Marisa had such a smirk. "Heheh… good luck with that. If y'can actually comfortably have sex anywhere in here, I'd be surprised." Oh, damn.
Genkan looked oppressed. "Is it that cluttered?"
Marisa didn't even have the energy to swing open her door, so she just leaned into it, squished her cheek against it, and drawled, "Yes. But, hold on, I got somethin' fer yer troubles..." She stumbled back inside real quick.
After a moment, she came back with a small pink card. "Here's Alice's v-card."
"Oh, thanks." I accepted it plainly!
"Buys you a free vagina." What! "Now get offa' my porch so I can die or something, I dunno…"
clack. thud, thud. Marisa gently shut the door. It sounded like she just flopped over on the other side.
Genkan stared up at the house's gutters. "I hate this neighborhood."
I must make an announcement to the void. "Marisa, if you let us sleep here, you can grope Genkan."
...There was no reply! Oh god, me and Genkan were both so tired that she didn't even react to the blatant sex jokes.
"We should just dig a hole and lay in it." Genkan's idea was pretty sound. It was the classic Minecraft technique.
"Alice's place ain't too far…" Actually, didn't Shimokoa totally level this house? How'd it get built again so fast!? Ah, whatever. We're not getting anything outta Marisa tonight… I mean, this morning.
We meandered out into the black woods. I flicked my gravity boots on, and felt the momentum wake me up.
"What's in the forbidden part a' the woods?" I asked Genkan. I forgot if she knew. I remember Remi and Flan cautioned me and refused to elaborate…
"...Oh." Genkan shrugged. "How should I know? Probably something similar to Kazami. Or some other horrible terror."
Abruptly, when we passed between two magic tree trunks, something was there.
"HHHH" It was pitch white with two tiny eyes. "EEEEE"
FWASH! FWASH! FWASH! Genkan's eyes snapped wide and she flash-froze it a thousand times!
"uuuu" Whatever the fuck it was, it whined after it was frozen!
"Fuck off." Oh my god, Genkan— wahaha! "God…" She smiled when she noticed how hard I was laughing!
"Freakin'..." I really wasn't expecting that! "Genkan has had enough."
"I really have. What even is this terrible thing? It nearly gave me a heart attack."
Despite its fearsome appearance, it was… not immune to freezing, and was in fact very frozen. After being lumpified, it was revealed to be a being with a huge deer skull for a head, and a canine body. Its skin was taut, stretched along extremely bony limbs. Weird, tiny spikes poked out from the tip of each joint.
"...Mmh." Deducing about as much about it as I did, Genkan decided to leave it fossilized. "Let's just go."
"Man, the magic forest is scary!"
"Apparently…"
After followin' the trail I used to belt away from Shimokoa— half detailed by some deep indents in the tree bark along the way— we ended up on Alice's lawn.
Immediately, dolls. A doll resembling Hourai descended from above, as if phasing outta the darkness. "State your intentions." She played an echo of Alice's voice.
"Peace, home and food." I smiled warmly. "Eating fluffles."
...With that, the Hourai look-alike let her eyes roll into the back of her head, and she ascended into the darkness.
CLACK, CLATTER, CLACK. The noise of things moving up was audible, but it seemed like we were safe.
knock, knock. Stepping onto Alice's porch in the early morning, I knocked on the door.
Creak! Ooh! Alice opened it with energy! "...It's been a little while, hasn't it?" When we didn't reply, lookin' loafsome and tired, she let her brows raise. "What happened to you two? Especially her? She looks like you pimped her out."
"Is it preposterous to think that I'm dressed like this for him?" Genkan has had it up to here!
Alice was slightly incredulous! "You're half-naked is what I'm trying to say. I thought you had more pride than this."
Genkan smirked. "I've become shameless. ...Though, truthfully, I'd only ended up in this because of its statistical benefits. I was simply too lazy to change back."
Alice sighed. "I'm becoming worried this trend of dressing like an idiot for strategy will catch on."
I held up Alice's v-card. "Marisa gave me your v-card."
"My what?" Alice didn't recognize it!
"Hey guys!" Ha-chan showed up behind us, full of too much energy! "I'm so full of energy all of a sudden! Hey, now that we're at Alice's, how about—"
"Shhh." Genkan softly covered Ha-chan's mouth. "Shh shh shh. No more words. Only peace. No more war."
...Taking the "v-card", Alice looked up at us. "Where's your mage friend?"
"Maria's out fuckin' some shit up." I was unhelpful!
"We saw her at Eientei with her mother," Genkan was actually helpful. "I assume they were getting her zombification treated in some way."
"Aah. Yeah, that's pretty important. Necromancy is complicated business."
Makes me wonder, all a' sudden. "Y'ever think of necromancy, Alice?"
"I get that question surprisingly often. And, well, not really. When I was younger, the thought crossed my mind… but I never had the tools to explore it. For the better. I don't think I would have liked it, but I saved myself some grief."
"Flesh don't strike ya the same way fabrics do, huh…"
"Not at all. Save me the thrills of biological nightmares any day. Fabrics are so much nicer."
"Biological nightmares?" Genkan was curious.
"Synapses. Ligaments. Tendons. All manner of voracious, meaty membranes which writhe and convulse and pulse with blood. Let's not forget the web of blood vessels and, furthermore, organs."
"...Many of these words don't even bring a picture to my mind." Genkan was better off, really…!
"Sounds t'me like you're more interested in flesh than you said you were…!" She put it really poetically for someone not studying necromancy!
Alice snorted. "It's disgusting, that's what I'm saying." After a moment, she gave back her v-card. "I don't know what this even is, so you can keep it."
"Oh, cool." Yeah!
"...I've got to say, there's something charming about that outfit." Alice inspected Genkan's punk getup. "It's strangely in-character, while also not. It has a rebellious energy."
Genkan seemed to see that. "Rebellious? ...I suppose. I was once quite extreme, yes."
In a stroke of rare energy, I understood what must be clarified. "Genkan, we met a guy today and you told him he'd have to kill us to take our things. You are totally both rebellious and melodramatic!"
"I meant what I'd told him. Even if it was… extreme." Genkan realized how it sounded! "...I really do take after my sisters."
Alice had a smile. "Yeah, I'm not sure what you snow people do for fun. I'll bet it's not enough."
"We're violent," Genkan admitted. "We're quick to choose violence." Such is the meaning of being violent! "I'm… not certain I could place why. We're quick to admit the world's cruelty."
"Maybe it's a defensive reaction."
"...Maybe."
"Genkan, wouldn't it be hot if you fell on me with your boobs?" I held my hands to my cheeks and made the Home Alone poster face.
Listlessly, Genkan gave me an impassive stare. "Speaking of violence, I must kill my boyfriend."
Aw, yeah man. "I am willing to show my enemies that I will do nothing. I'm willing to show that I'm just gonna lie down and let the earth reclaim me. Just kill me, man, just kill me." Y'know, I just realized that that's exactly what Brittany did. The earth literally reclaimed her…!
"...You're still an extremely incorrect couple, and I don't mean that in a bad way."
Alice let us inside, and— aw! She had pancakes! ...For herself.
Genkan drifted inside. Y'know, the punk getup really makes her gentle drifting seem even more surreal than it normally is. "It's impressive how many people we confuse."
"It makes sense, but the contrast between your dispositions is truly large. It's not a relationship that seems like it should work. Anyway…" She looked at me! "What have you been doing?" Alice questioned me in an accusatorial way, tuggin' at my camou-mono! "Your clothes look like you've been thrown into a woodchipper, twice."
"I mean, s'kinda because I was!" We've been through the ringer, these past few days… or weeks! "And— can we sleep here?"
Alice was sipping tea or coffee or somethin' from a teacup. Once she lowered it, she gave us a plain stare.
"Sure thing. Just no funny business. I've already got a pair of bloody sheets to deal with. I don't need any sprinkled with a couple's love."
Genkan's brows were raised in apprehension! "We'll… keep that in mind."
"Mhmm."
creak. I pushed on open the door into the guest room, and… hoh! Reimu was here! An' she was passed the fuck out, face down on the bed, ribbon still in her hair, all scrunched.
"Damn. They got Reimu."
I turned, expecting Genkan, but Ha-chan somehow beat her into the room! "Hey, Braaad! Let's masturbate!" What…!?
I knew exactly whose fault this was. "Genkan, you did this. You an' Maria contributed to this."
Genkan ran a hand through her own bangs, looking exasperated. "Hana, please. That is not how anything works. You cannot just say things."
"What?" Ha-chan was innocently perverted. "I wanna do cool things with him!"
"...We're going to have to have this extremely awkward discussion later," Genkan decided! "For now, we should sleep, lest we awake this sleeping miko." She gestured to Reimu, who was loafed out under the covers.
"But…" Ha-chan pouted. "What's the big deal?"
"For starters, Alice doesn't want us soiling her beds."
"Mmh. Okaay…"
I stared at the western bed we were going to freakin' crowd. Immediately, Genkan got on it before me, and spread open the covers. "Get in. As you'd say, may we cuddle?"
Man, I was such a freakin' weirdo! "It was 'can we cuddle'." Promptly, I clambered into the bed fully dressed.
Genkan snorted. "It's not a question of 'can'."
"Gen-kan."
"Shush."
Ha-chan promptly flopped onto us in her kimono. "Mmn. Why can't we sleep all nakey again…?"
Genkan thought up some bullshit that made too much sense. "...Because it's cold."
"Oh. Yeah…" Ha-chan couldn't argue with that! "Darn."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Ho ho ho! "I am… in a dream!" I have realized immediately that I am dreaming!
I'm standing outside this cozy ol' rustic cabin. It's set before some unknown lake, in some unknown land, in an unknown time… but judgin' by the sun's light, it's a li'l before noon! It also felt like spring.
I was in my camouflage kimono despite this. Letting it fold open, I stared down at my… blue sweatpants? Honestly, I normally don't have any pants on with this kimono on, but I don't usually let it just all hang out either.
Quickly, I realized— if I had jeans, I could have a very awesome ab window that showed my fuckin'... skinny-ass ribs. I was 'boutta say "flabs" but that's a complete lie. I'm like halfway to anorexia over here. Boney-ass freakin' ribcage over here.
"Hello, boy." Oh!
Doremy! "It's Doremifa Beat, my favorite video game!"
She had a catty pursed smile. "This is a special session. Get on into the house, dude."
Aw. "I wanna dream about being a fluffle. Wait— no, I wanna have lots of sex!"
She just doesn't dignify the request with a response, simply grinning back at me in her usual strange way.
Actually, wait. "Where's dream Brad? Am I dream Brad?"
Doremy pointed behind me. "He's takin' a break for today."
I turned, and saw dream Brad sittin' at a computer chair in the middle of the woods, browsing the internet. He turned to me boredly, smiled awkwardly, and went back to browsing.
"...That's fucked up." Why's he get to browse random YouTube videos!? Wait, have I dreamt about watching YouTube again? Has it been that long? God, even imagining sitting down to watch fuckin' stupid meme videos feels like a distant dream when I could be poking my nose against the back a' Genkan's neck and freakin' her out instead.
"There'll be free TV if you get inside…" Doremy fluttered her fingers towards the cabin door.
I sleep.
"Free games?"
I sleep.
"Porn?"
"I sleep," I tell her directly!
"Genkan in a t-shirt and shorts."
"Real shit." I marched right on into that door, yeah man!
When I was inside, the cabin was… in fact still a cabin, I kinda expected that to change. Sunlight shone in through the shitty roof, and the weathered coffee table before me was bare.
"Genkan?" I looked for the wife material.
"Koakuma?"
"Komi?"
From two other doors, Brittany and Bradley emerged.
Immediately, we all U-turned, only to find the doors we came in through were gone.
Bradley sighed. "Son of a bitch."
Brittany seethed. "Dammit, whore…"
"Son of a monkey's uncle." After hearing them swear up a storm, I felt like bein' a contrarian! "I've been tricked. Quite possibly bamboozled."
We came back to the big square coffee table, yeah man.
"Whose idea was this?" Bradley folded his arms, accenting his professional black gloves.
"Not mine, that's for certain." Brittany wiggled her nose! "This was going to be such a nice sleep too."
I kinda chuckled! "Man. What'd I do to you guys? 'Sides uh, kick your asses. Oh— I never really figured it out… but uh, hey Bratty, when was the last time I met ya in your time?"
She stared up at me wit' them sharp blue eyes a' hers. "Not actually that long ago. A few weeks maybe. But I didn't consider our business finished. I couldn't stop thinking about the time I spent in your parallel world."
"If you ask me, this all ain't worth thinking about." Bradley was coping. "You're both just figments of my past. My inferior halves." Oh my god.
"Did Koakuma teach ya to talk like a freakin' asshole?" I beamed at him!
"Nah, she didn't. This's all me."
"Hey. Stop bickering." Brittany was bein' real rich all a' sudden! "Rich coming from me, I know." Shit! Same minds think alike…! "We're not here to fight about our insecurities. We're here… to learn from one another."
…Huh. "Smartest thing you've said so far." Bradley and I spoke in sync. We gave one another equally haunted expressions!
Brittany giggled. "Thank you, boys."
Bradley recoiled! "Don't 'boys' me, you… transvestite."
"I prefer femoid." Hoh, shit! She's got the moves this time!
…Bradley gave me a moody glare when I laughed at that, but I couldn't help it!
Stepping up before us, Brittany sat on the coffee table. She crossed her legs with such momentum that she flipped her own skirt, and— hey wait a' minute what's the big idea. "My point is— you both just stared at my ass. I win." What…!
"I'm gonna shit myself." Where was this Brittany the other day!? She has such energy now!
Bradley palmed his own face, heavin' a sigh. "You disgust me."
Brittany beamed! "Same."
"You could have been so much more. Now you're just a whore with no spine."
"A second's pain gives way to pleasures only dreamed of."
Bradley drew one of his pistols! "Couldn't have put it better."
Brittany beamed with pure bratty malice. "You could never imagine the beauty of the fae."
Alright— I had to interject! "Yo Brittany, how d'ya make for such a convincing chick? Scientists wanna know!"
"Oh?" She blinked at me, disarmed of her menacing aura! "Well… earlier in my time in Gensokyo, I was forced into it by Komi-chan, right? They had miss Knowledge give me an illusory appearance… as an experiment, but it wasn't real. Later, I found more elegant ways to adopt a female form. That's part of why I sent you to Mother and Child Island, above Youkai Mountain. She's given me a nearly true female form… though as of current, I prefer to go flat-chested. Some of the girls have gotten used to the loving I can give with a male's part."
Bradley was taking psychic damage that entire time! "Oh my fuckin' god. Can you listen to yourself for five goddamn seconds? You have a problem."
Brittany clicked her tongue. "We both have problems, dummy."
"Yo, Doremy." I called for help! "Can I have like, some honey roasted peanuts?"
Oh! She's listening, 'cause I received them! "Cool, thanks…" Hell yeah, now we've got business!
The other two watched me snack. …Eventually I got kinda weirded out! "What?"
"How do you exist?" Bradley asked!
I shrugged! "I don't freakin' know! You think I know…!?"
Brittany giggled. "You still haven't realized it, Bradley?"
"...I've realized it, I'm just afraid to accept it."
"Aah. Well, that's clear. Brad here is the piece you lack. Just as you are the piece Brad lacks. Meanwhile, I lack a piece of Brad as well, but he also lacks a piece of me. As for the both of us, we're the same yet opposites. That's what I've figured out."
"Oh my god…" Bradley was nothin' but frowns! "In English, please?"
Brittany snorted. "We're a triangle, you fucking rhombus."
"...What!?" Wahahaha!
"Oh my god, you guys…" This is incredible! "Anyway— I think I can phrase it differently! I'm courage, 'cause I'm me. Bradley is power, 'cause he stops at nothing. Brittany is wisdom, 'cause she never shuts the fuck up. And we all have a little bit a' one another… but in theory, we're all missing something. Until the other day, where I kinda realized the idea behind power. And my time in Gensokyo's made me kinda wise, as much as it feels weird to say."
Bradley scoffed. "As if you're more complete than me. You eat like shit, you're half-homeless, your friends are nobodies and you scrape by on dumb luck."
"Luck? Maybe a little. But many of my opportunities were only created by me bein' me," I told 'em. "I realized power is the capacity to do anything to make a change… and that one's capacity to do anything scales according to their need."
"Meaning?"
"I needed to protect my big boobie hime-cut wife. You needed to break stuff to look tough. We are not the same."
…He actually looked kinda impressed with how succinctly I put that!
Brittany spoke up idly. "You know, I'd fuck Bradley, but probably not you. How does that make you feel?"
My brows were raised! "I feel like it would be very weird if I wanted to fuck myself in my natural appearance, yes! So I dunno how that makes me feel! Glad, I guess?"
Brittany smiled! "Of course, I can see how you'd be found attractive, in a way. Though I must question the taste of… well, Genkan, but also my close friends. I'll never truly understand feminine tastes."
Man, "You guys were pretty pissy the other day. Where'd it all come from?"
"I was insecure," Brittany admitted! "...But, that fight made me realize something. Something I'd been missing ever since Komi-chan and the other fairies changed my life."
We both looked at Bradley. He caved after a moment. "I… was also… insecure. Because I put so much effort into how I live. I thought I was so much more than my childish self."
"Judging me as childish just 'cause I don't match your illusions of success is dumb," I told 'em.
"Well, I know that now. So don't keep saying it, asshole." This man's so aggro!
Brittany sighed. "Look, dude. It's okay. You're actually pretty cool. So just, stop acting like a dick. Learn to control yourself. We rag on you because you should be super cool, but… you can't control the hate you've learned."
Bradley looked fuckin' wounded. "Brittany. Be honest, do you ever think of mom and dad?"
Brittany snorted. "I've rejected who I was on the outside. I'm free here. I was grateful for their effort, but I'm happier here. I'm sure this is what they would want."
Bradley began to beam. "Well, I didn't. So there. I didn't forget their love. I actually… I go back on the outside sometimes to tell them how I've been. It was hard at first, but we got things figured out. And… they think Koakuma's nice."
Brittany looked mystified. "...Is that so?"
"Yeah."
…They looked at me! Awkwardly, I looked back an' forth between them!
Brittany smirked! "Well? What about you?"
Well, uh… "I haven't really thought about it."
Bradley nodded, strolling closer to me. "Pay them a visit. Remember their struggle. Repay them. If you talk with Yukari, she can make you deals. Work for her. Look— I know where all the guns in Gensokyo are. I can write you a fuckin' guide or something."
"Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?" Brittany narrowed her eyes. "Don't, Brad. It's a waste of your time. Don't let your past bind you. Your parents did their best, but this is just another hand of fate. Don't fight nature."
"Fuck nature. We humans fight nature all the time, you fairy fucking cunt."
"And look where it gets you. You look inhuman in that suit."
"You look inhuman in that dress." Promptly, Bradley put his hand on my shoulder. "Brad, my boy, listen to me. You could be havin' friendly sex with Yukari." What!
Brittany tilted her head forward persuasively! "You could have silly sex with Cirno!"
"I'll have ya know, Yukari has this fantastic wine. But first, you'll have to shmooze Yuyuko a little—"
"Daiyousei gives amazing massages."
"Motorboating Yuyuko is perhaps one of life's greatest treasures."
"The tengu trapped me on the mountain once, and had their way with me. If that sounds like it's up your alley…"
"Komachi's a classy girl if you catch her at the right pub too. Oh! Right! My heart was so strong, Satori even got a soft spot for me. And Orin's an amazing woman to know, lemme tell ya."
"...I'll admit, the majority of my sexual experience was either with the fae or at the Golden Grin."
"Ah…" Bradley sighed, "The Grin. Neither of you pro'lly know her, but there's this sweet piece of ass named Sammy. We play games and chill. Truly amazing blowjobs. Ten outta ten."
I held up both arms. Both a' the chucklefucks stopped.
Two things. First… "I like how this began with my parents, and ended with errant stories of sexual conquest."
Both of them looked guilty! "Well, I mean…" Bradley held his gloved hands up like an asshole, tryin' to negotiate! "Technically, ah…"
"Second! Did either of ya get to fuck Patchouli?"
They look at each other. An' then they look at me. "No."
"Then yer both fuckin' stupid. Yer both fuckin' suckin' cock. Yer gay," I point at Brittany, "and you're ugly." I point at Bradley! "And worst of all? I'm in a committed relationship, and you fuckers are drifters!"
Brittany was ready, though. She was fuckin' ready to perfect parry my shit. "What about Hana?"
Bradley tilted his head back. "I'm in a relationship with my Maria too. You know her mom was a hooker at the Grin? Love's in her veins, man. And I'll tell you: she needs some."
Too much information! That besides, I let my brows raise. "Bradley, just how many fuckin' relationships are you in?"
He snorted. "Like, forty?"
"Jesus Christ. And they're all okay with that?"
"...Koakuma is."
Holy shit, dude! "Why…? Dude, how dead are you if word gets out?"
"Not too dead. My reputation's gotten around. But, you know, sex can be a social activity too. It doesn't have to be committed love or any a' that shit. That's something Koa taught me."
Brittany shrugged. "Fairies are mostly completely fine with polygamy. Some can get jealous, but most get over it. I reserve my time for my close lovers."
I shook my head. "You two are fuckin' insane."
"Rich. Anyway, if you listen to anything I say, go fuck Maria." Bradley suggested! "You will not regret it. If you're looking for wife material, she is queen."
"You clearly haven't done Hana. She's just ferocious. She's raped me into a happy puddle more than once."
Bradley snorted. "Raped? By her? The hell were you doing? No— trust me. Maria's an awesome babe. If I ever settle down, and it's not with Koa, it'll be with her. Probably. Maybe."
Brittany folded her arms. "But I bet she's really vanilla. Hana is so much fun to wrestle with."
"I bet Hana can't make ya a sandwich."
"...I mean, she can try. Food's not really a problem in the mansion."
"Ah. Good point."
Brittany used one of her long nails to get wax outta one of her ears. "Anyway, my Hana's a supervillian."
Bradley looked numb. "Oh, woah. Crazy."
Brittany looked tired. "Yeah, crazy."
"Crazy. Yeah." I echoed, lookin' lost! "Did either a' you two meet Genkan?"
"Nope," Brittany shook her head.
"I told ya, I killed her. I wasn't joking. Also killed her sister, Shima-something or another. Just another odd job."
Well, when he puts it that way, I kinda wish I "accidentally" killed him in the last fight. Then again, it's not like he was after my Genkan… except for when he was— okay, yeah, I'm gonna freakin' kill him. "I'm gonna kill ya."
Bradley chuckled! "Oh, what, now you're taking exception?"
"Yeah. 'Cause I fuckin' love her. You wanna talk about wasted potential? You cappin' people just 'cause it's business. Maybe you oughta bury your NERF guns in the backyard 'till you learn how to judge people."
Awkwardly, Brittany looked away, unable to relate.
Bradley looked annoyed with this line of conversation, shruggin' idly. "You've gotta make sacrifices… and sometimes, they've gotta be on other people's behalf. I write in other people's blood."
"You wanted to kill Genkan just to make a stupid fuckin' point. That just makes me wanna kill you."
"Oh? What was my point, then?"
Are you kiddin' me? "Wasn't it the shit you literally just said about sacrifices? I made you insecure so you wanted to kill Genkan to get back at me. If that's not the dictionary definition of petty, I dunno what is."
"I could have killed Maria."
…Wait. I feel like I remember something about that. "You… could have?"
"I had my barrel to her head. When you left to go fight Brimbo there. Coulda easily killed Genkan after taking her out."
"...But you didn't."
"Because I loved my Maria too much. And because— I thought you would look better with Maria instead."
Oh my god. "Wait. So…"
Brittany realized. "You wanted to kill Genkan to narrow his choices down."
"Exactly. Because Maria needs a pillar in her life, and goddammit, it better be you."
Man… "If you had any confidence at all, you could've said somethin' back then. Maybe we coulda talked about it. Maybe—"
Bradley interrupted me! "You think you know everything about me, don't you?"
Dude! "I'm literally you! And that ain't even the point! I know you were too nervous to say shit!"
"What gives you the right to keep talkin' down to me!? You're going to let Maria be lonely!"
"At least I'm not fuckin' thirty-nine timin' her!"
"I'm not tricking her! She knows what I do. And she's… okay with it, I guess."
"You guess!?"
"Easy, boys." Brittany sighed, "Look. I'm sure you both have things to learn about one another."
Really, now. "What could I possibly have left t'learn from this dumbass?"
Bradley tilted his chin high. "As far as I'm concerned, we're through."
Brittany began grinning, shaking her head. "Set aside your differences for two goddamn seconds. Brad's courage outshines yours, Bradley. But it shouldn't be misunderstood either, that the only reason Brad stood at all was ultimately through his courage. He barely had the prerequisite power for that courage to mean anything. And it only continues to mean anything through his prerequisite wisdom."
"You know what took a lot of courage? Seeing my family again after letting them think I was dead for a year."
Brittany found a smirk. "Was that Koakuma's idea?"
Bradley's glare flared even harder. "I still had to actually do it, y'stupid bitch."
I can't imagine actually visiting my hometown. Or, more accurately, my parents, 'cause I never did anything in my town.
There's a million and one complaints I could rattle off. Some are stupid, like the state of the town or its people, tropes 'bout the outside in general, things that really don't affect me. Some are more important, and… I don't actually feel like dwellin' on those.
But, one thing was for sure. "I wanna cut down on how often I complain 'bout the outside. To that end, I don't think I should visit it, even for that. Because I wouldn't be happy out there."
Bradley and Brittany gave me neutral stares. I kept goin', "Genkan and Maria would have to listen to me bitch and moan. There wouldn't be any cool encounters or events or anything. No mystery to the world whatsoever. And what little opportunity there is? We'd probably get arrested over it or some shit like that, or have to fight like ten million cops and start a scene. Nah, I'm far more of an insider than an outsider at this point."
"I'm just saying to visit, not fucking live there."
"I know. But the person I am has no business out there. And knowin' you, you probably got some kindsa revenge, you probably embraced the aesthetic, you probably had a whole little episode out there… but that ain't me. I'll think about it maybe, but that ain't me."
He let out a sigh. "That's what someone weak would say. You're letting the world out there get away with what it did?"
I frowned harder. "It's too much trouble either way."
"Too much trouble? What trouble? You could cause such destruction. Think about their shocked faces. I'm tellin' ya."
Brittany interjected when I stalled. "Brad is a healthy person who isn't obsessed with vengeance and honor. Unlike you. So go hide in your little cardboard box."
"Everyday you spend shelving this is another day dumbass idiots get to keep being fucking retarded. I'm tellin' ya, Brad. Clock's ticking! You don't have forever!" Man, this dude's so freakin' loud!
Brittany smiled a little at his stupid energy too! "Yes, well… an eye for an eye and all that. Strength is not diving for revenge. That's knowledge which Brad has humbled me with."
Bradley held his arms out. "And when they go ahead and finally fuck up your girlfriend? What, you gonna get angry then? Get angry now, dammit! Punch me in the face! I would have killed your girlfriend! And I'd laugh about it too! And if I was in your timeline I'd be tryin'a cuck ya too!"
"...Why're you so angry?" I really had to ask him again.
"I'm…!" Bradley cooled it all a' sudden! "I'm not angry."
"He's not angry, he's maniacal." Brittany sassed 'em!
"I'm just so damn worried for him. He needs to be ready. This ain't a world where you just piss around. What do you want me to tell him? Yeah, go out and get killed. Watch your lady friends die 'cause of bullshit you could have prevented. See if I care. You sure don't."
"And yet you're the one who tried ta teach me by goin' ahead and killing them first."
"How else were you supposed to learn? …And how else was I supposed to prove that I'm better than you?"
Brittany sighed. "Take a seat, lummox. Brad's clearly not on the same page as you anymore."
Letting out a huff, Bradley finally ran outta energy, and kinda staggered towards one a' the walls. He leaned against it like an asocial schizoid posing for a Final Fantasy cover, which just made him look supremely tired.
Brittany looked weirdly happy! "His heart's in the right place. Sort of. His mind decidedly is not."
On one hand, he's got a point… against himself. But still, paradoxically enough, a point. And— holy shit I just realized. Shimokoa has the same goddamn complex with "extreme preventative self-defense". Holy shit! And Bradley fuckin' killed her… as some skewed self-defense. Validating her whole idea of havin' probably tried to kill him as self-defense.
That's what it means to be unable to control one's hate. It was self-defense, a cry for help, and a lesson to others all in one, an' that was just too much meaning packed into one thing! That lesson in and of itself was horribly naive, born from hate alone, blind in its true influence.
Power meant doing anything, but wisdom controlled the hate it could wield. Once that power was truly folded into a useful shape, its wielder knowing when it was warranted, courage would be forged.
"Well, consider me beating you my own lesson," I told Bradley all about it. "I don't need your shit. I don't have to be afraid like you. You have a point about some things… but you're a hypocrite."
PING! He shot his pistol at me, but in this dream realm, it just made muzzle flashes and noise.
"So…" Brittany sat cross-legged atop the table. "Even if not with fairies, he has a point about sex as a conversation."
I pointed at her! "An' I don't wanna hear it! I will take Genkan, thank you very much!"
"Letting yourself expand to more women is not wrong. You can't say anything about fear unless you stop fearing your lover's jealousy."
"Nupupupup! No. I don't wanna hear it from fuckin' FairyPussyLicker69 over here. Freakin' FairySniffer57."
"Give me even one good counter argument."
Just one? "Sex is a fully irrational desire."
"So is love. Is love bad?"
"Love ain't purely irrational. It's logical and illogical. Conditional and unconditional."
"Huh? If love is conditional, is it truly love?"
"If love's unconditional, does it have any real meaning or value?" …Hoh. That stumped 'er. While she paused, I continued, "Sex on a certain level can have so little meaning—"
"Therefore, once again, flexibility isn't bad."
"Therefore y'don't need it in the first place!"
After enough bickering, after talking finally reached its end, we were all tuckered out after bitching with ourselves for too long. And, as if all at once, we realized arguing with ourselves really was just stupid.
"Koa an' me were gonna have fun tonight, and instead I'm here jacking myself off." Bradley lamented the situation!
Brittany was curious. "I actually keep my distance from her. How is she like for you?"
Bradley was put on the spot! "...I don't know. Lover? Best friend? Mentor? One of those."
I had my own question. "What's she think of your opinions about violence?"
Bradley let his gaze pan up to the ceiling. "...She's not for them either. Don't think she ever found a way to tell me I was bein' a hypocrite before, though."
Hoh? "Do you see now?"
"I think I might." After another moment, he shook his head. "Yeah. You know what? I don't hafta get even with you. You have it hard enough as it is. I'm…" Cringing, he seethed out the unthinkable words. "I'm sorry."
Hoh. Y'know what? "...Thanks."
Brittany put her palms on her knees. "I'm sorry too."
Bradley had a dirty grin. "...So now what? We kiss an' make up?"
Brittany giggled. "Well, if you insist—"
"No."
Aw, dude! "Y'know what? Let's stop being fuckin' numbnuts and put our heads together!"
…After a moment of them watchin' me wave my arms around like an asshole, they came to realize that I was serious! "Really?" Bradley was unimpressed!
"How?" Brittany was unclear on the instructions!
Coming up to them, I put my hand behind either of their heads, reeled my head back, and—
BONK! I smashed our foreheads together! Ow!
And—
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Zap! I woke up in Gensokyo with a jolt! "Woah!" Specifically, I was still in Alice's place!
"Eee!" Ha-chan leapt back, after having jolted me! "He's aliiive!"
Genkan was next to the bed, looking innocent and tired. After a moment of me deliberately staring at her, she figured the jig was up. "You were glowing in your sleep, so I had Hana check on you. She chose to electrocute you."
"No— I didn't mean to! I poked him and it just happened! I'm sorry…"
After a pause a' me lookin' around like I was schizophrenic, I looked at where I was layin'...
There was a very feverish-looking fluffle here, trying to make sense of the world after I'd disturbed it by rising. Picking it up like it was a fuckin' rat, I tossed it outta bed.
Besides the incredible loaf, there were two glowy things here. Two vector-like fragments, resembling pieces a' my fairy wings…
One was a deep orange, like anger, and the other was bubbly and pink.
Fwish! When my own, spectral wings flared in response to me holding the shards, they hummed with a dim blue energy.
"I have seen the cube and have had my head blown off. They lit my head on fire, man."
"Ooo…" Ha-chan reached out and held one of my wings! "They're still so pretty. Do they itch?"
…Shit! I started scratching at my back where they were rooted! "They do now!" I hadn't thought about it until she brought 'em up!
Creak! Unleashin' myself outta bed, I ran for the main room, my kimono flarin' open! Jumping, I closed the distance with the door, crouched, and— oof! I landed on my ass before the door…!
"Don't hurt yourself." Genkan slowly followed me, wary of how close I was to just hitting the door face-first!
Swingin' it open, I came on out to the main room. "Yo, Alice."
"Yo~." She listlessly replied, and looked back at me. "You may have noticed the clothing you're currently wearing has been repaired. You're welcome."
Oh, shit. How'd she do that? Anyway— "I got a request for ya!"
"Oh?"
I laid both fragments on the desk. "I want'cha to make a business suit outfit outta this one… black, with a red tie. And a blue maid dress outta the pink one, in the style of the Scarlet Devil Mansion maid uniforms."
Alice looked up from some writing she was pouring over— it was in a European script, but not a language I understood. "Oddly specific. …Where did you find these? I would have sensed reagents of these sorts from last night."
"I found them." They were found!
Alice smiled strangely! "Okay, where did you find them?"
"I found them…!"
Alice gave up. "Whatever, I'll do it. It's gonna take a little while."
Whaaaat. I mean, I guess it would, but I'm in such a rush! "How long's awhile?"
"...Tomorrow morning?" Alice had to think about it, 'cause we woke up at like, mid-day. "Yeah."
I turned to Genkan, who was looking peaceful. We could either check on the house's progress in that time, or… actually, now I was curious. "Hey, Genkan. Do you have any valuables in the ice cave? Just outta curiosity, 'cause I know you seal up the internal doors everytime we leave."
"Define 'valuables'."
"Money, jewels, buried treasure." Y'got any lockboxes!?
"Oh. You know, I still pretty much have the couple thousand yen that I had the day I met you."
Right. She just spawned with money like any typical RPG goon. "How'd ya even get it?"
"Because of the water shortage in the Human Village, large chunks of ice have always sold for a perhaps all-too appreciable price. I used to pose as a villager who'd just come across the ice in the wild and brought it back for market."
This made me picture a peaceful-looking hime cut girl in rags who just tugged a block of ice back to the village with a rope, with the innocent intent to sell it and make big bucks on the stock market. I think I'm in love.
But, what about in the summer? Wait, she used to sleep all summer. Anyway, Jesus fuck— all it'll take is one water mage or ice mage and the village economy will literally flip upside-down!
"Next time we meet Yukari, I gotta ask how the Grin doesn't have people drinkin' from the faucets and toilets all the goddamn time. Literally water on demand, but only in like one building."
Genkan was surprised! "...The casino has water?" Oh my god, she doesn't know. And if she doesn't know, who else hasn't thought about it that hard!?
"Y'know what? Let's head on down to the village and loiter. We haven't done that in a while. Aw— maybe we can catch Maria on her way back too."
Genkan considered that. "...That could be nice." Hooh.
We took another look at Alice. She was still doin' uh, whatever it was she was doing with the chart on the table. Finding One Piece or some shit. She looked up at us and waved us off. "Don't wait for me. …If you wanted a chat, save it for some other day. I'm quite busy these days, especially after the holidays."
"Get well soon." Genkan decided to be cursed.
Alice chuckled! "Thank you."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Aah… the human village. And I've had a belly full of it. The DA, the city hall— I'm pretty sure I've done this bit like eighteen thousand times in this story alone, so I'm gonna stop now… or at least, until I forget again.
The guard lets us both on inside without issue. Literally was as easy as askin'. It was easy. …Too easy!
"We should buy fruits." Ha-chan proposed, suddenly craving fruit.
"Y'know," I turned to Genkan—
THUMP. "Aa—" oh. I just got… shot in the chest. With an arrow.
Genkan's brows slowly raised as she beheld my new grievous injury. Ha-chan didn't even realize and kept walking forward like it didn't just happen!
Promptly, Genkan had to drag me into a nearby alley by my shoulders, before tossing me on the floor and healing the shit outta me with her ice magic.
"Man…" My expression was indescribable! "That— sucked!"
Crack. Breaking the shaft in half, Genkan removed some of it from my chest. "I didn't think I'd have to do this, but here, bite this."
Huh? "Oo— okay…" I bit onto a chunk of ice, and— my ice resistance kept it from chilling my teeth, that was cool.
SHHH. She filled my wound with ice and what is she doing to me—
Shink! Oh! She… did some bullshit to dislodge the arrow head. I didn't even feel it come out. She basically filled out the barbed edges with ice to make it rounded so it'd slide out. That's damn clever.
"Woah." I was just kinda in awe. She healed up my wounded, shaking stomach, and once my skin was reformed she patted at where the wound used to be.
"You ought to be glad your kimono wasn't fully done up, or it'd have gained another new hole already."
"Tell me about it…" I began to stand up, blinking warily. "Where'd ya learn to do that?"
"...I have been shot with arrows on more than a couple occasions."
Heheh. "Well… I'm glad I ain't gonna have to visit Eientei for that."
The guard at the gate just like, watched us with mild suspicion as we stumbled back outta the alleys. Man…
Genkan nodded. "Yeah. Not unless—"
THUMP. Goddammit! "Aah!" I got shot in the chest again!
"Fuck." Genkan shared my frustration! "Just— get back, come here…"
This time it especially hurt! "Haa— aaah! Holy shit…"
After a blur of me ending up on the village floor, Genkan pulling the arrow out and healing up my wound, I found myself sittin' up against the wall.
"I hate this damn village." Genkan has really had it up to here! Her cute-yet-sinister pissed-off glare was powerful.
I wanted to say somethin' about her smile, but I couldn't! "You're cute."
Her pissed-off look eased up, and she just looked slightly annoyed! "Now is not the time. It's time for war, not love. You just got shot through the chest twice. You could have died."
"Y'know, that's true! Now I'm pissed off…!"
"Maybe we should just leave. If this is the pattern, we ought to quit while we're ahead."
Genkan's thought is promptly lost, 'cause Ha-chan ended up coming back to us! "Hehe! Thought you guys could slip me, huh!?"
"Ha-chan I just got shot by like a thousand arrows," I gestured to my new bloodstains on my exposed stomach! "I want ya to fly into the air and see if you can see the fucker who's shootin' me!"
She saluted! "Can do!" Ho ho!
"I can make you ice armor," Genkan suggested.
Hmm. "I got a better idea."
Enabling my gravity boots, I became the creature. Once I landed on the rooftop of the building before me, I crawled around on my hands, letting my legs float into the air behind me! Ohp— my kimono fell onto my head!
…Ooh, oh shit! My handstand became a backwards assfuck crabwalk, my vision upside-down, my legs drifting against the roof, refusing to make contact with the ground. "Ooh! Wooh! Genkan, I've become the galactic superweapon!"
The motion forced me to bounce ahead on my hands— and I very quickly learned why we walk on our feet and not our hands, this hurts!
An' then I walked off the roof oh fuck— but Genkan grabbed me! "What is your plan?"
"Toss me into the air." I immediately had a new and great plan. "Just like this, while I'm upside-down."
With an innocent expression, Genkan spun around once— "Unh." an' she hurled me! Aw, yeehaw! Holy shit, she's got such a throw. I can't believe she played college ball back in the day. She could've gone pro if she hadn't joined the navy.
While in the air, I saw Ha-chan down below…
"Hiiyah!" She kicked this bald dude in his shiny head!
"Faah! Hey!" He had a bow! He tried to aim at her, before he noticed me— but he couldn't draw his bow back in time either way.
Fwi- Click! Summoning Hoarfrost Forecast, I spun horizontally through the air, doing some insane barrel rolls and getting nauseous in the process holy crap!
KRAACK! Two of three nunchuck limbs blew through his polished wood bow, smashing it apart. Before the human villager, I was a blur of camouflage-green and ice.
WHAM! On my next revolution, the chucks came down on his head!
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! By that, I meant they came down many times. "Hguh— aa—" Holy shit. Oh my god, I fucking destroyed him. The bald dude ragdolled, slid off the roof and spun towards the floor on the house's other side. Holy crap.
"Wow…" Ha-chan was impressed!
Bouncing off the roof on my gravity boots' heels, I descended into the alley where I sent the guy.
Man, I fucked him up. One of his arms looked broken, his head was bleeding, and his bow was broken. Holy crap, I didn't think I'd destroy him that hard…!
"Ho ho… uh, you alright dude?" This random-ass villager was really no match for me. See— whenever I meet a villager, I have a flashback to having to juggle guards with lame physical water attacks and overcoming them with incomprehensible bullshit. Not just, y'know, deleting them. Provided, this guy doesn't even look like a guard.
Oh! He had a healing potion of his own! He drew it, and took a fat sip.
crk- krk- krack. His bones became bones again. "Shh— aaah. Fuck… fuck." Eventually, when he stopped sweatin', he glared up at me. "Get away from me. Leave me alone…"
"Son, you shot me with an arrow. That is an impolite thing to do!"
"You were with Silver…" His bald head was glistening like wax with sweat. "I won't let you leave this village alive!"
Genkan unassumingly descended next to us. Upon seein' her, he let out a huge huff, like he had to hold in a massive shit. "Daughter of Kitakanokouji… just kill me now."
Genkan, like me, was vaguely jaded about this! "Daughter?"
"It's you or me— so kill me now!"
"Hey! You three! Leave my friend alone!"
Me, Genkan an' Ha-chan turned to face… this guy! A twenty year old-lookin' villager!
He ran up past us, and knelt down at this baldin' dude's side. "What the hell are you doing to him!?"
"He shot my boyfriend with an arrow. Twice." Genkan was pissed! "We want compensation and answers."
"They're— Silver thugs…" The bald man pointed at us! "Through the ward I put on Silver, I saw them! They're building a base in the forest!"
"A base…?" The young dude with navy hair looked up at us! "Tell me everything you know!"
"Son, you're not in the position t'be makin' demands here!" Holding villagers accountable is kind of a silly idea, but I got shot with arrows for actually no good reason!
Standing up, the anime-lookin' boy drew a fuckin'... extremely rusty-lookin' hunk of metal! "It wasn't no good reason. You're thugs. Shouji here was just doing the village a favor. If I were you three, I'd get out of here. Now."
Oh my god. "Son, I will rip your anime boy hair out and glue it t'yer ass. You will be digesting your freakin' deodorant."
"Let's fight, then!" He marched up before me!
Fwish! His eyes glowed a soft blue! "With my Eternia Vision, I can see into the future! Whatever your next action is, I will predict it flawlessly!"
fwip- fwip- fwip! Oh god, gamer GUIs flared into life around him. "All I have to do is—"
I turned to Genkan and whispered in her ear. "Gimme a big brick."
fwish. Quietly, she made me a brick!
"There!" With a big smile, he beheld us, twirling his big rusty sword around like it was a cosplay prop! "Now that I have activated Imaginary Blue Vision, I'll be able to predict even minutes in advance due to my ability to see the concepts physically realized in real time—"
Thunk. I threw the brick at his head. It fuckin' hit him dead in the head and bounced off, oh god.
…After taking the hit, he held the new gash on his forehead, glaring at me with complete disgust. "I was explaining my ability you fucking douchebag."
I gave 'em a stupefied expression! "Who asked?"
His glare intensified! "Weh— well…"
FWASH. Genkan froze him. "My ability is to freeze." Genkan explained her ability after using it. …After a moment of us just staring at the ice cube, she turned to me. "I'll be honest, I half-expected him to break out and actually be a challenge."
"Were we here for a reason?" I totally forgot. "Let's go buy Ha-chan fruit."
Ha-chan pursed her lips, excited by the prospect!
Genkan pointed at the archer who's still on the floor! "Before that, we ought to interrogate this awful human being."
Wait. "Genkan, I know how we can multitask these things."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Ha-chan bounced down the road, holding a whole crate of 'tangelos,' bananas and apples.
Genkan held the balding, middle-aged chinese-lookin' archer like he was a baby. Menacingly, I leered over him, while Genkan rocked him back and forth! "Rooock a bye baby, on the tree-top…!"
"Let me go!"
"We should have a picnic!" Ha-chan looked back at us!
"When the wind calls… muhahahaha!" I gave the man a conspiratorial laugh, which was mostly 'cause I couldn't contain myself!
"Let me gooo~!"
"The cradle will rohahahaha~!" I threw my arms up before the archer in Genkan's arms! "Huhuhahaha!"
"Nghah— stop it! Stop it! Haelp! Haelp me!"
While he struggled in Genkan's arms, he slowed, looked back at me, an' I had the scythe end of Fallen Comrade pointed at his face. "Huuaaa~!"
"It's time for the torture test, son! It can wait no longer! Haaa~!" I started yellin' and shaking the plant hanger!
"Aaaa~!" The man was kicking an' screaming in Genkan's arms, holy shit! Woohahaha~!
"Yeah! Picnic!" Ha-chan was celebrating! "We're gonna masturbate!"
"Aaaaa~!"
"Um…"
I paused at the new voice.
Keine stared on at us with absolute, unparalleled mysticism.
"Brad, teach me sex!" Ha-chan suddenly demanded!
"Huuaaa~!" The guy in Genkan's arms kept yelling, and she looked encumbered as she kept him in a cradle hold…
I gently patted the archer guy on the head. "Shush li'l baby, don' say a word… 'cause mama's gonna buy you a mockin' bird…!"
Keine was no less mystified by our attempts at being lowkey! "I'm sorry, what's going on here?"
I pointed at the archer! "Dude wanted mommy play from Genkan!"
Genkan shook her head! "This archer human male shot Brad in the chest with arrows. This is revenge."
"We're gonna have a picnic with sex!" Ha-chan declared!
"Fruit fuckers: the sequel," I announced.
Keine waved an arm at us! "Put him down already."
At her behest, Genkan gently put him down on his feet. The tubby archer dude huddled in place like an abused cat, while Genkan stood him up… although she refused to let go of the back of his outfit!
"Shouji, how did you get yourself into this mess?" Keine apparently knew him!
"Teacher…" Still calls her teacher? He looks like he's forty! "Didn't you realize? This snow woman, she's one of the daughters of Kitakanokouji."
"...And?" Keine apparently didn't care! "Kitakanokouji ceased her campaign of violence after the coming of the new Hakurei."
"But for how long!?" Shouji demanded! "I have to do something! This is my only lead!"
"You shot us with arrows," Genkan remarked! "If you wanted us alive, perhaps I'd believe that."
He glared back at her! "You killed my bloodline! You hunted my family to extinction! You raped my father! I don't wanna hear shit!"
Genkan was blown away by the accusations! "I'm— what?"
Keine chuckled, perhaps in poor taste! "Sh— Shouji, just because she may be a relative of Kitakanokouji doesn't mean she bears her grudges or beliefs. She stopped her trail of violence nearly a century ago. I'm not even sure if she's still alive."
"Who is this snow woman you all keep referring to?" Genkan was curious!
Shouji was helpful! "An enemy!"
Keine was actually helpful. "She was a powerful snow woman who existed during Gensokyo's violent era. It's said she's killed entire teams of Hakurei warriors with her glare alone. She participated in the events which carved away the numbers of the Hakurei clan. Later, she'd visit the village again for conquest, food in the form of human lives, and indulgence in sex."
"She was everything a man had to fear about the cold and a witchy woman…" Shouji pivoted to glare at Genkan. "Even if you're not her— you may as well be her!"
"No way!" Ha-chan interjected! "...Genkan is peace-loving!"
Genkan confirmed, "I am peace-loving."
I gestured to her! "See? She's peace-loving. Yo— Genkan, smile like you're peace-loving." Promptly, Genkan had a grateful smile and my heart melted and I wanted to have the sex with her. "Oh my god you're so fuckin' cute. I'm going to die."
She snorted. "I will help kill you later."
Shouji chuckled pitifully. "That doesn't sound like the words of a peace-loving bitch to me."
Genkan double-took at the sudden insult! "I cease to be peace-loving when awful things like yourself call me names, you see."
"Awful? Just because I'm human!?"
"No," I interjected, "it's 'cause you're stupid."
Ha-chan also helped! "Genkan might be spooky, but she's nice. I think you're just too smelly and old to understand." Woah, she actually helped!
"Sm— smelly?" Shouji was not about to deny that he was old.
"Shouji," Keine spoke his name to get his attention, but it kinda looked like it scared him, "What are you doing these days?"
"Aah, I eeuh, I'm an archer."
"With the village guard?"
"Uh. No… private work."
Keine snorted. "Private work? You mean hunting?"
He nodded a bunch! "Yes, actually! With the animal trapping group. We can't get weak and over-reliant on those mysterious imports, y'know." …Somehow, it didn't seem like he was lying, 'cause he got more confident the more he was able to talk about it.
"I see." Keine didn't press it any further, which was kinda to his dismay! "...Is it true you shot at them with arrows?"
He nodded. "Yes, it is. Keine, they're youkai. Just gimme a slap on the wrist. And— they broke my bow!"
"If you can't show any remorse, we'll be breaking more than your stupid bow." Genkan was aggressive!
Thump. Ha-chan plopped her crate of fruit down 'cause her arms were getting tired. "You know what? I'm really sick of people trying to kill us and stuff. Like, really… really… really sick."
Shouji gave us a fat frown! "Don't be so killable, then."
Uh oh. I turned to face Genkan, "Can't argue with that logic. We are extremely killable."
Genkan smiled at that! "What kind of argument is that? If anything is killable, it's this balding waste of flesh."
Shouji jerked his head back. "Youkai are literal wastes of flesh. You know why? They live far longer than humans. It's not fair, and all that time they just live for themselves."
Keine promptly palmed her own face, wiping her bangs aside. "Shouji… apologizing would be the least you could do. Realistically, you ought to offer them something."
Shouji was real indignant about all this! "Why!? Didn't you listen to me?"
"I did, and I gave my own reasoning. Please stop causing violence. This snow woman has nothing in common with what you're afraid of."
"Oh, bullshit." Shouji shook his head. "There's one thing I can't forgive, teacher, and that's Kitakanokouji."
Genkan continued! "There's one thing I cannot forgive either, and it's superstitious piece of shit humans like you." Ooh, she's actually getting mad. Y'know, that's kinda ironic, 'cause superstitions are how youkai get fed!
"Kitanokouji…?" An' there's another new voice! And it's…
Oh. Akyuu's here! "I hadn't heard that surname in a long time. Hey Keine." She had a fluffy hat on. I guess it was supposed to make for a disguise of some kind.
"Hey." Keine greeted her idly. "Shouji here is very superstitious of her. You know, her."
Akyuu had an easy gaze. "Ah. The Kitakanokouji. You know, Kitakanokouji is just a surname, right?"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Shouji held onto his own head! "It's the name of the snow woman family! That's why they call each other 'sisters'! That's why…"
Keine shook her head. "That's not exactly true. It's largely cultural, as most yuki-onna aren't born from a lineage, but out of fear of the cold."
Shouji furrowed his brows. "What are ice fairies, then?"
"Ice fairies are born from the cold."
"Same as snow women, then?"
"No. Snow women are born from fear of the cold. Ice fairies are the cold."
Ha-chan beamed! "I'm an ice fairy!"
Genkan snorted. "You wish."
Y'know, "Why is this village so fucked up?"
Keine gave me a tired look! "Do you want the long or short answer? Actually, nevermind. I don't have a good answer. It's just the way things are." I could tell, she caught herself. She knows but can't say.
Akyuu nodded. "This land is full of mysteries."
"I'm straight-up 'boutta start a revolution, I'm tired a' walking into this place and getting shot by fuckin' arrows and havin' swords waved at me!"
Shouji shook his head. "Man, good luck with that. Wait— you're a youkai! You can't do that!"
I held my arms out! "I wasn't gonna clarify, but now I guess I should— I'm a fuckin' human, bozo!"
"Haah!? Since when!?"
"Since forever!"
"No human has crazy hair like that!" What…! Wait…
I pointed at him. "This ain't 'cause you're bald is it?"
He looked agonized! "No, you dumbass!"
That's when the boy returned. The fairy fuckboy lookin' ass— rich comin' from me I know— waltzed up. The guy we trounced in the alleyway earlier, I mean.
"Zackary?" Shouji spoke his name to make identifying him clearer and concise for readers!
Zackary was an outsider-lookin' ass in a hoodie, with some pastel blue hair and a pretty boy face. Suddenly he was followed by—
Dude! "Fred!" I was so glad to see him again! "Fred Fuckstone! Aw, mate, how's it hangin'!?"
"Oh, fuck off." Fred held onto his head! "Of course you met these clowns, Zack."
Genkan looked intimidated! "You know these people, Brad?"
I held my arms out and exposited to her! "It's Fred and Sarah! See, Fred's the blonde shota who wanted to hypno-rape Patchouli, uh don't ask, and Sarah was this edgy blonde chick with an eyepatch I met for like, a day. They had to defend their home against the village's hobo menace when they couldn't install new doors!"
Genkan sighed. "I see we're returning to form. I can't even remember if I've met this "Fred" character before."
I snapped my fingers! "Right, wasn't he Albus' bitch? Fred, you remember that Albus guy?"
Fred had such a dead look in his eyes! "Yeah. He's become an alcoholic."
"Aw, damn." I panned to grin at Genkan! "See, Genkan, whenever I joke about alcoholism, there's a real and tragic backstory to it!"
Genkan had a small smile! "You never joke about alcoholism."
Oh. "Well when I go on to joke about alcoholism, it will now have a real and tragic backstory!"
Sarah held a flintlock up, pointed at the sky. "What's this I hear about you giving our friend Zack trouble?"
Zack opened some gamer GUIs, snapping his fingers around to adjust them! "Sarah, Fred, we've found Shouji's lead on Silver and Kitakanokouji. It's these two."
"Oh, god, it all has't come back to them, is it?" Fred held his head, wary of crossin' our path! "Look, Zack—"
"I know. This guy's Brad, right?"
"Uh, yeah."
Zack came up to me, hands in his jeans. "You're an outsider. I'm an outsider."
I pointed at his funny GUIs! "Hey, what level are ya?"
"Six."
"Stats?"
"8 STR, 9 INT, 12 WIS, 10 DEX, 2 LCK, 23 HP."
…What scale are fuckin' working with? Also, no defense? Guess defense wouldn't help outsmart bullet. Or arrows! Or physics! "Yo, gimme my stats! Also, what's my level!?"
Zack panned a GUI before my face, squinting his eyes as he read 'cause he apparently needs glasses but doesn't have any. "Level 1. 6 STR, 13 INT, 20 WIS, 9 DEX, 7 LCK, 45 HP."
Level one, hoh. Holy shit, my wisdom is a lot higher than my other stats. Despite my low agility, my gravity boots and hops would give me a decided edge, so I guess it's not factoring anything other than base movement speed. An' what the hell even decides intelligence?
"I can't get over the fact I have more health somehow. Actually, hey, give me Genkan's stats!" I gestured to Genkan!
Zack looked slightly annoyed, but did so anyway! "...Level 60. 22 STR, 12 INT, 16 WIS, 20 DEX, 6 LCK, 85 HP."
Shouji huddled behind Zack. "Those sound like Kitakanokouji stats… they're like a boss's, like you said!"
I like how everyone has really shitty luck. "The hell do levels even mean?"
"Hell if I know," Zack shrugged!
"An' how does HP work if people take physical, contextual damage?"
"Look, I don't know these things." Zack held his arms up! "Stop distracting us. You're conspiring with Silver. I've gotta tell you, that's a bad idea man."
…I turned to Genkan! "I have a higher intelligence stat than you statistically!"
"When we go to bed, I will smother you." Aw, hell yeah.
"Take this seriously!" Zack demanded the unthinkable from me…!
"Shit, you're right." I put some urgency in my voice, "Genkan, I want to eat you out." Genkan did a double-take!
Ha-chan took it literally! "Hehahe!? What! What's that have to do with anything!? Look out Genkan, he's gonna eat you!"
Genkan had the vaguest expression! "How is that 'more serious'?"
"I'm serious." Zack stepped closer!
"Hey Serious, s'nice to meet you!" I held my hand out, as if to shake on it!
woosh. He slid at me, and I saw him sling his big rusty broadsword thing, as if to club me with it.
Fwi- Click! Summoning Nikkou, I held my right arm up.
SHI- Krack! Nikkou parried the clubbing so hard that he was allowed to progress with his whole swing, but the attack just brushed off me.
"...What?" Zack's brows slowly raised! "The hell?"
"Son, percussive maintenance ain't enough to fix what's wrong with me." Yeehaw! "You're gonna hafta use words. Ouuh, scary huh?"
"I need Kitakanokouji. Any of you— tell me where she is. Tell me where Silver's base is."
"You just tried to club me son, why'd'you think makin' demands will work…!?"
"You told me to use words."
"An' I didn't tell ya to be a dumbass, but I guess that's my mistake!"
Zack rubbed his nose, an' took a breath. "I'm tired of seeing Gensokyo ravaged by youkai! Of seeing humans reduced to food and pets! I'm going to overthrow every youkai that is, starting with those who were. Those who protected this sick status quo before the age of Scarlet and Yasaka and Yagokoro. Those who now protect this sick selfishness from the shadows. Those who stand as statues. I will bring them back— to kill them myself."
…Uh huh. "With that thing?" I pointed at his sword!
He held it towards me… an' then he pointed it at Genkan.
vhrrr. When pointed at Genkan, the rust phased away, the blade donning the appearance of an abstract holy relic.
"The Illuminminimeter grows in power in response to a youkai's dark power. This relic was forged outside of Gensokyo, in response to its threat. I was selected from the Christian church by the world's governments to investigate Gensokyo's evil, even though I'm still in high school."
I echoed the last sentiment in a mocking tone! "'Evehn though ah'm shtill in highschool'— shut the fuck up. Y'smarmy little freakin'...!" Nevermind the fact that I'm technically supposed to still be in highschool myself!
"Finish that sentence."
"Noob." Hehehahah!
Zack jerked his head back! "N— noob?"
"Wat a noob, dude, wat a noob…" Shakin' my head, I turned to Genkan. "Actually, the fuck's the Christian church want?"
Zack swallowed before continuing. "Well, uh, to help get outsiders back out, for one thing."
I shook my head. "Yeah, okay. And?"
"Well— figuring out just what a youkai is, and uh…" He took a pause. "I'm the son of a politician. I'm not actually Christian. I'm not gonna lie, I thought this was all kind of a joke, but…"
"Son of a politician? Not just an everydude's everydude?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Sarah interjected, twisting a finger through one a' her blonde drills. "He's calling you a brat. I would know."
Keine had an easy smile. "It's not everyday that we get foreign ambassadors. Or, at least, I'm willing to pretend that's what this is. Even though he, you know, keeps trying to hit people… with his club."
Zack gave Keine a tired look! "How else am I gonna level up? I need to do odd jobs around the town, ma'm. And it's not a club."
"You're not even doing odd jobs, you're just beating up people and picking unnecessary fights."
I'd ask more questions about his level-up system but I'mma be honest: I somehow ain't that interested. I'd probably be more interested if his GUIs didn't look like they were programmed by mid-2000s Nokia phone designers. Maybe it's something else, I dunno.
"What the hell's up with this Silver dude? Why's he such a hot topic?" I asked my last real question!
"He's one of the old youkai in question," Zack clarified. "Except he's still active. Killing him would be a huge blow to the Magic Forest's morale."
I looked at Keine for actual clarification, but she just kinda didn't seem to know what Zack was actually goin' on about. Y'know, I haven't actually gotten to know Keine, but— now that I think about it, that'd probably start the war on public education, and I don't have time fer that just yet!
"So what's the plan? Y'find him and kick his ass?"
Zack paused to think about that one! "...Well, basically, yes. He's sorta like Tewi Inaba with the earth rabbits."
Ah, yes, I think I see the level a' threat we're dealin' with now. "She on the shitlist too?"
"She would be, but dealing with Eientei feels… outta the question, for now."
For now. Yeah man. Your freakin' dinky club versus tanks, defender robots and guns. And Reisen, who's probably a weapon genre in her own right…!
…Aw. A fluffle passed by us, hobbling along while quadrupedal. "Dude, it's a SPORE™ creature in real life! Yo, Zack, you gotta play the fuckin' creature creator bongos man."
Zack's face was overwhelmed with emotion. While he was staggered, I came up an' began to pat his fuckin' GUIs like bongos!
bwoom— bwoop, bwoo, bawoop boop woop! Oh my god they beep when you poke at 'em!
"Stop doing that!" He got all flustered!
"Aaw, dude! Yo— play the song that goes beep bop boop beep boop bop—"
Wham! Zack hooked me across the face! And— holy shit he could throw a punch!
"Zackary!" Keine moved to try and intervene!
Fwish! My fairy wings flared from my back, orange heat erupting from my chest.
While I was still cringed over from the punch, I leapt into the air, goin' stiff as a board, and applied all the jumping motions as I fell—
WHOOM! Hooh! Like so, I rammed myself into Zack's gut head-first like a battering ram!
Clack, clack, clack! Snapping into a run from the new grapple hold I had on his stomach, I used my gravity boots to give me crazy power to push Zack all the way up to the wall of a village house.
Surprising me all a' sudden— "Yaaah!" Ha-chan ran straight towards us!
I leaned outta the way, and she leapt— into a dropkick!
CRUNCH! Both of the sandals which went with her kimono met Zack right in his face, holy shit…! Ha-chan like, bounced off! "Ghu— aah!"
Slap! Peeling him from the wall, I fuckin' slapped 'em silly wit' the back a' my hand!
Genkan strolled up to us, looking evil, her arms folded beneath her chest. I stepped outta the way, while she stepped into position!
While on the floor, feeling at the bloody nose Ha-chan left him with, Zack looked up…
thump. Genkan planted her boot's heel into his crotch.
"Nnh—" Zack balled up, body writhing in pain.
"Pathetic." Genkan grinded her heel deeper.
…Lookin' around, I noticed Fred, Sarah and Shouji just watching this happen, not really bothering to intervene.
In fact, Keine was the one who intervened! She ran past me, straight up to Genkan!
WOOSH! She took Genkan by the shoulders, and just threw her off! Genkan was actually displaced a few meters into the air! "Woah…" The brevity of this surprised even her!
"That's enough!" Keine yelled! The sheer volume in her voice like, triggered an instinctual urgency in me for some reason!
She turned to me, noticing me chill out. "...I won't say this wasn't necessary, but don't take it too far, alright?"
Hoh. "Yeehaw." That moment when even Keine decides you deserve an asskicking.
Takin' my 'yeehaw' as agreement, Keine just kinda numbly backed away.
"Uuh…" Zack moaned from the floor. "Fuck… you."
Ha-chan bounced up to me! "Did I do good!?"
Ho ho! "Why don'cha do attacks like that more often!?"
She giggled! "Well— when everyone's fighting, and sometimes when the enemy is really strong, I just like… well, when we were fighting Maribel, I was only useful 'cause I ran away. So I realized running away and hiding isn't always so bad. But then I realized— this isn't a fight where I had to hide, 'cause it wasn't really dangerous."
Ah, I see. Ha-chan sensed it was kind of a curbstomp battle.
I like how there're just fluffles amongst the human village traffic sometimes. Just like, going from place to place for no reason. Reaching down, I claimed one of the bipedal fluffles and moved to place it on Zack's face.
When I put it down, it folded up and began to roost. "Hazy fluff." It was emitting a dusty scent…
In the meantime, Akyuu seemed to ditch us, and Keine didn't look to be in a talking mood anymore. Fred and Sarah and Shouji were also retaining a cautious distance from us… the scene really felt like it was over!
But Genkan looked innocent and moody and that was all the scene needed to continue, man. "I've realized something."
I realized it too. "We probably should've been watching the house get built?"
"Yes. That exactly. I should probably go do that."
I nodded! "I'll catch up with Maria later this evening, if she gets back from Eientei and we can meet'cha back at your place. And Ha-chan will come with me to save my ass if something bad happens, not that something bad will happen, but y'know…"
"Do you think Maria's okay?"
Hoh? "I mean, she's with her mom."
"I know. I'm just… afraid. That, whenever I leave you two alone, one of you will just… disappear."
"Understandable." Unfortunately the unregulated nature of Gensokyo is as exciting as it is despair-inducing!
Genkan snorted. "You're supposed to reaffirm to me that it will be alright, not agree with me."
"It is an understandable fear but also what we signed up for bein' in Gensokyo!"
"...Maybe it's what you signed up for. Tell me, for all of the outside's boredom and misery, were you ever in danger of losing your loved ones to violence?"
Hmm. I shrugged, "I mean, technically. Not as much as other people. But y'could still live in dangerous environments, or do dangerous jobs. Could still be murdered by idiots 'cause they're bored or stupid."
Genkan shook her head. "I was about to say that the relative safety was something the outside had over Gensokyo, but I suppose not."
"If y'live in a decent place, that'd probably be true."
I gave Genkan a salute! "Do not worry, snow friend. I will not pass straight the fuck away within the next twenty-four hours."
"...If you say so." Genkan gave me a nod. "See you… later." She was about to say "tonight" but it was already nearly night! "Love you."
"I love you too, Genkan."
…It took her a long time to actually leave! She decided to float away really slowly, hesitant to leave me alone.
I turned to Ha-chan. "You are my bodyguard."
"I'll guard your body!" Ha-chan beamed!
Man. It's been awhile. I love Genkan, but being alone is just nice. I really am kind of an introvert at heart. She might feel the same way, considering everything. Well, I'm not quite alone, but Ha-chan is so low-maintenance that she's kind of refreshing.
"Let's go to the mansion," I decided. "I've got an idea. A real master plan."
I'll never have to worry about other people's noobery and the balance of power again… if I can correct the problems presented by my other selves. And— no, that doesn't mean makin' good on their silly suggestions.
What if Brittany could fight on her own? What if Bradley actually had friends, or at least, friends he let get closer to him? Well… then they'd be just a bit more like me, right?
But there's one thing they don't share, and that's fear of losing a loved one, 'cause of how they live. Bradley is vengeful on behalf of others, but it's not like Koakuma's in danger or anything. In fact, his mental gymnastics were all about showing me the way an' all that shit, just in a very misguided effort, especially 'cause nothing had happened yet to justify his jackassery. An' Brittany's friends are all fuckin' immortal fairies!
"We're goin' back to the mansion." We've been there a lot recently, but… now that I'm with just Ha-chan, things'll be different.
"We've been there a bunch…" Ha-chan realized the same thing I just considered! "But we haven't been there as just the two of us in a while!"
I've also come to realize: Koakuma wanted to jump my bones for tangential reasoning as to why Bradley wanted to freakin' murder Genkan— and by extension me. Even if he wanted to help me, he got those emotions confused with the fact he also just straight up wanted to kill me to prove his superiority!
I began to move for the gates to exit the village. "Yo, Ha-chan, let's go."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Floating with my gravity boots really made moving place-to-place kinda trivial. Like, it still took some time, but it helped so much with the physical exhaustion aspect.
But, of course, ya couldn't get into the mansion without passin' Meiling on the way in. Coming up to the front gate, I ran up to Meiling and proceeded to run in place a meter or two before her.
…She slowly opened her eyes, blinking them open while I ran in place, as if impeded by her.
After a moment of her watching me do that, I ran in circles before her. Ha-chan tried to "follow" me while I did that, only to get constantly displaced when she got in the way of my circle, dodging outta my way repeatedly.
"Back so soon?" Meiling asked!
"I'm here to import the goods." I gave her a big stupid smirk, yeah man…
She exhaled. "Whenever you look to train for real, lemme know. We're gonna actually have to use the weapons, y'know. Not just have me swing 'em at ya while you watch. 'Cause knowin' my moves is one thing, finding your own style's another… 'specially since you're so weak."
Hoh. "People use weapons because they're weak t'give them an advantage. So don't gimme any a' that grinding crap. I don't think I need it. If I'm relying on strength, then I've picked the wrong weapon for the wrong fight."
Meiling smiled! "Well—... damn. That's true."
"It's all about the context, right?"
"That's true, but if you only had your melee skills to rely on, here's the thing: you'll be fightin' youkai. Even an idiot youkai's as good as ten men. If you can't kick ten men's ass with a pair a' wooden nunchucks, you'll just die in a real fight."
Hmm. "I see…"
"Think about that."
While we were talkin', Meiling pushed the gate open. "Say, you ever actually make good on Koakuma buggin' ya?"
Make good? "Hah? Whaddaya mean?"
"She asks about you sometimes. Pretty sure she wants t'fuck ya."
I shook my head! "Yeah— I told her off the other day, basically. For a while she just kinda tried to get me to fuck 'er as a joke, but I kinda realized she's actually got some kinda respect for me and she was just tryin'a get to know me. But me and Genkan take our closed relationship seriously! So, no. Me fightin' Koakuma— it was to show her how much she didn't know me, and how she hadn't gone through my steps to learn me. And in my world, sex is like, a little more meaningful."
Meiling had this knowing look. "Heheh. Funny. She try to fuck you before Genkan, though?"
"Well, yeah."
"What was your reason then? Or did she just bug ya out?"
Hoh, hoh. "Yeah, kinda. I dunno, we just kinda treated it more like slapstick."
"...S'weird." Meiling shrugged. "But, yeah. Koa's a good girl at heart. Not one a' them soul-eatin' types. I mean, she could, but she won't."
"That so…"
"It is so."
Man, the courtyard of the mansion looked good at night. I was still full a' Christmas energy. So festive!
Meiling walked with us. "Casual sex. What's your opinion? Like, minus your relationship."
I gave 'er a look. "Why the question?"
She gave me a look! "Well, why ask why?"
"It just seems suspicious!"
She clicked her tongue. "Tch. Dumbass. I'm not lookin' to get into your pants, if that's what you're guessin'. I had a hundred chances to make a move on ya if I cared. You've been around too many fairies."
"...I can't really deny that!"
"Yeah. Anyway, my question stands."
"...I dunno!"
"What's casual sex?" Ha-chan had an expected question!
Meiling began to grin when I looked at 'er. "Maybe think about it while ya explain it to her."
Ha-chan's innocently bubbly expression under the copper light of these lights hung up around the front of the mansion was as cute as it was kinda surreal in this context!
"So…" Let's get it over with! "Y'know how me and Genkan have sex because we really love each other?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, casual sex is when you just have sex… as a social thing. This is rarely very good, 'cause the kinda people who do that aren't exactly uh…"
"As a social thing?" Ha-chan was clueless as to where I was going with my additional exposition. "Like, when the fairies in the mansion touch each other?"
"Kinda! And most a' the people who do that, like…"
"They're not in love?"
"Not exactly!"
Ha-chan reached forward and tugged on my sleeve! "Then— we can have sex, and it's okay!?"
"Son—" I undid her grip on my kimono! "Why? Why have you always been fascinated with sex!?"
"Because I haven't been allowed to have it— I've never had it before— and I love you!" Ha-chan belted it out all at once. "I— I really love you! I don't just wanna have sex— I wanna have sex with you!"
If our genders were reversed, this would pro'lly look terrible to a spectator, and I think that's crazy. Then again, everything about how Hana works is an enigma.
But— I don't really know what to say! Her incessant attraction to this unknown is childish, but… it's also been weirdly childish for us to withhold the knowledge from her.
"Is that… wrong?" Ha-chan wondered. "For some reason? But— I— I know you don't love me the way you love Genkan… but is it not good enough? But it has to be enough! If some people have sex just to get to know each other, then…"
I spoke up. "When we talk more 'bout this, I want Genkan to be there. I wanna know what she thinks. Because, in a way, I do love you, Hana. And it began sorta selfishly, 'cause we were just two idiots runnin' around bein' idiots, and I liked you because you didn't take any effort to attract. You were just unconditional love, and that felt good."
Before she could reply, I kept going. "But that's changed too. Genkan's taught me all about conditional desires… and we've come to realize that the unconditional parts of love, like loyalty and adjusting standards, aren't a bad thing. And in a way, I think Genkan's learning from you."
"Learning… from me?"
"Yeah. 'Cause even when you're sad, you like, try to be happy. You try to make the best of things. And it tears us up to see you struggling, when you're trying so hard, and like… you're not even a bad person. It's just… the way you view relationships is really different. Really foreign, and not even in a bad way. You're not afraid of the things we might be afraid of."
"...Why would you be afraid?" Ha-chan wondered.
"Because we're afraid of hurting each other. 'Cause it's just a thing that lovers are afraid that their partner will stop being loyal if they get their unconditional fix from other people. Even if Genkan knows I wouldn't replace her, she wouldn't even want to imagine a scenario where I stop loving her for you instead."
Ha-chan held her own chest. "That's…"
"And imagine if we were actually really close, Hana. Imagine if we like… I don't know what us bein' that close would look like, actually, 'cause we both were so innocent about it. Imagine if it went back to this point after I met Genkan. Wouldn't you feel betrayed? Like I never actually loved you if I gave you up for someone else?"
"That's…" Ha-chan realized. "That's jealousy. That's the jealousy the big fairy version of me, that Nari, warned me about. The thing I really wanna believe isn't real. Because I'm not jealous. You're so sad, talking about betrayal and stuff— that you'd never wanna betray anyone. That's why we're here in the first place. You don't wanna betray Genkan, even in an accidental way. You… don't know what she'd consider betrayal."
I sighed, sorta relieved. "Exactly. That's… that's very perceptive a' you."
"I'm not stupid." Ha-chan shook her head. "I just… don't know. I can think. I just… ignore certain things. Because I don't wanna imagine jealousy. I don't even wanna get how you guys can imagine it. I don't want it. I just want a world where we can all be happy, together."
In Gensokyo, such an outcome seems so much more believable. 'Cause Ha-chan requires literally zero dollars to survive. She doesn't have to eat. She doesn't have to drink. She has no vices. She is an eternal embodiment of wonder. So, in a way, treating her with the same paranoia reserved for other human beings and some youkai is… silly.
She's not gonna have to move to a new job and risk breaking up with me for someone else. She's not gonna get pulled to a new school or something, the Scarlets aren't just gonna move, and… things are, despite Gensokyo's ambient violence, totally stable in a strange way. So I can always trust that we'll be here for one another, that we won't numbly leave one another's lives for whatever stupid reason.
"I think you should tell Genkan," I decided. "If she needs convincing, she's the one you'll have to convince. And I can tell she's already coming around, because… she's sorta sympathetic for ya. You guys also don't talk much."
"She doesn't like me much. I'm too stupid to talk to someone smart like her."
That made me shake my head hard. "Nonsense. She's just put-off by the times you act numb and absentminded. But if you put in effort to, well… be attentive of one another, like us, you'll win her over. Your weird-ass history with us is a gift, so don't waste it."
Ha-chan's eyes were a little moist. "I love you, Brad. You— you always know… what to say."
A few days ago, that statement might've stung in some way. But, nah, that's something I can be proud of, something I shouldn't overthink. Even if I didn't know what to say, she'd love me, maybe less intensely, but even so, I'd be able to climb from there.
The idea isn't to be focused on the outcome, but on the act itself. I figured out what to say 'cause I really wanted to learn every composite idea, to figure shit out for its own sake.
"Don't worry about how to say things," I told Hana, remembering a previous struggle of hers. "When you learn to love things for what they are, you will learn how to say things too. It won't come from wanting to know how to say things… but from the confidence imparted onto you from already being there, knowing what to say and why."
Suddenly, Hana hugged me! "I love you!"
She twisted us both around mid-hug, and this caused me to see Meiling staring on at us. She had an easy smile, a hand on one hip, just watchin' us.
Her face all red, Hana met my gaze, and gave me a kiss on the lips—
An' then my wings flared, flashing a blinding pink bright enough to illuminate the porch, dramatically overpowering the warm orange glow.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
END OF CHAPTER 125
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
i'd call this an "ambling chapter" but not only have i used that descriptor often in the past, i'd consider this a lot less ambling than those ambling chapters!
there's a little random bullshit but it was VERY focused on some ordained character events
i know i said i was done with the alter egos- and i SHOULD BE NOW but one last reasoned conversation couldn't hurt, right? i realized i wasn't done with them just yet!
this chapter brings some interesting things to the table about inspiration, and i'm glad i've taken all this time to write this, 'cause otherwise there's no way this could achieve so many meaningful things in such a timeframe
i'm pretty excited to see where this goes man…!
as always, see you all next time!
