Chapter 44 - Rejection
Teruhashi Kokomi's decision to chase after Saiki Kusuo had been an impulsive one.
All Teruhashi could think of was that one night a week ago, when she kept on running into him. She thought of his infuriatingly discourteous behavior, how he had refused to tell her what was going on.
In the context of Saiki Kusuo's earlier admission, of where he had been and who he had lost, Teruhashi was both vexed at and distraught for the pink-haired boy.
Teruhashi did not feel much of anything for Saiki's older brother. She only had minutes of interaction with the blonde-haired man, most of it indifferent, the remainder of the time, distasteful. Just thinking about the blonde-haired man made her feel a bubbling indignation and the schadenfreude that he was gone.
Still, it was obvious that Saiki was greatly impacted by his older brother's death. She liked Saiki and it indirectly hurt her to see him so withdrawn.
Teruhashi bit her lips as she realized that might be the reason why Saiki seemed so pale and distracted on the day of midterms. He must have received news of something bad was happening to his older brother that very morning! How horrible!
If only Saiki would let his friends help him!
Teruhashi was certain that once Saiki tells somebody the full details, it would be a load off of his shoulders. Everyone she had met was always so grateful and happier once they told her their deepest personal secrets, anything from changing their bank PIN to their life-long aspirations. It was human nature to be part of that shared experience, that someone listened and agreed with their opinion. What better audience than the world's most perfect pretty girl?
Maybe, as a selfish part of her had desired, there would be an intense locking of the eyes and an 'offu' would be in order.
Then there would be hand holding.
And eventual wedding bells.
There he was! She had caught onto him, on an ordinary residential street halfway between her place and his. It was the perfect amount of isolation with the rare occasional passerby.
"Saiki-kun!" called Teruhashi in her best, enticing voice.
As usual, Saiki kept on walking as if he did not hear her.
Teruhashi pushed down the rising exasperation within her.
If Teruhashi wanted, she could put a smile on an old man's face whose wife of 50 years had just passed by walking past him. She could lure a suicidal man to back away from the ledge with a mere utterance from her lips. She could convince both a groom and a bride to leave their fiances with a mesmerizing look.
With Saiki, though, getting him to just acknowledge her was as prickly as hugging a cactus.
"Wait a second," said Teruhashi, once she had the chance to place a hand on Saiki's shoulder. "Let me walk you home."
Saiki easily shrugged himself away from her as if she was a pariah.
The gesture made Teruhashi stand back, unsure of herself. She felt unusual coldness as she locked eyes with those unfocused dark magenta orbs.
"How about you don't do that," said Saiki.
Teruhashi was taken back by the statement.
Now, Saiki had proven himself to be an asshole last time they had the misfortune to interact. Given the recent events in Saiki's life, Teruhashi could understand why Saiki acted that way toward her.
The poor boy must be so sad! He must be in need of a sympathetic ear, someone to know how he felt. He just needed to let her in.
"I've already said that I don't like standing out," said Saiki, completely ignoring Teruhashi's outward display of restrained dismay. "And you attract attention wherever you go."
"Come on, Saiki..." Teruhashi started with her usual wheedling tone.
"No, Teruhashi," Saiki cut her off. He pinched the bridge of his nose, as if experiencing a sudden headache caused by sinus pressure and needed relief. "I am not in a good mood. Being the center of attention doesn't help."
Now it was Teruhashi's turn to be miffed. "Well, if you don't want attention, then why the hell did you test so well anyways?" she challenged. "You've said that you had deliberately changed the right answers to be wrong back in second year so you'd be average and avoid attention. What changed?" Teruhashi dared. In her frustration, the next words were thoughtless. "Your older brother's passing?"
Saiki chuckled dryly. "That's exactly it. And I'm running out of time." His tone was sarcastic, with a click of the tongue.
Teruhashi frowned. What was Saiki trying to say?
Surprisingly, Saiki volunteered a detail without being asked. "My normal testing results are the fast way to jump through the hoops."
Another one of Saiki's infamous answers that directly answered the question, revealed almost nothing and posed only questions.
Teruhashi had enough patience to echo his words in an attempt to goad him into further explanation. "jump through the hoops?"
"Diploma."
Teruhashi pushed down the urge to throttle his neck. Every guy would've already tried to tell their life story by now and this guy was talking nonsense like a freaking lunatic.
Saiki had the nerve to look at her like she was stupid for not understand him completely, and pitied her enough to satisfy her desperation for clarity. "I need a diploma. Without regular participation, I will need high scores and completed assignments."
"Why would you say 'without regular participation?'" Teruhashi repeated, trying to keep Saiki's goldfish-like attention and figuring out what he was trying to say.
Saiki only had silence for her.
"You're not coming back to regular classes, is what you're saying," said Teruhashi quickly and loudly. She forced him to engage and that took more than her usual 'play-dumb-so-guys-like her' techniques.
"You're only at school today to get the assignments," Teruhashi stated as her mind rapidly thought through his words. She wasn't stupid. "With high enough exam scores, the school won't consider automatic expulsion because of extended absences."
By now, Teruhashi felt her eyes sting without her consent as she recalled all the time she absently stared at Saiki's empty seat next to her in Class 1. "You never intend to return to school."
Like the unfeeling stone, Saiki just stood there, not deny a word of what Teruhashi concluded.
Teruhashi stared at Saiki, trying to read his emotions but could not.
When had those deep violet eyes seem so shockingly cold and distant?
"When are you going to tell us?" asked Teruhashi. She tried to focus her indignation at Saiki's absolute horrible treatment of his friends so she doesn't break down and cry at the very moment. All those chances to confess to him, ones that she deliberately avoided because of her reputation, Saiki's elusiveness, and how flustered she got whenever she was in a one-on-one interaction with him.
"I wasn't, originally."
Saiki's answer only served to stir the hornet's nest that was Teruhashi's simmering outage.
Here they were, all planning to celebrate Saiki as a person, taking time out of their week, planning around Saiki's real birthday, to be at her house, no less! And Saiki was about to leave them hanging! Even though this was the boy she liked, Teruhashi felt compelled to do something, use her charm to lash out, to make Saiki understand how shitty of a friend, of a future boyfriend material he was. Friends don't treat friends like this! She was going to be a friend and teach him a lesson.
Instead, Saiki peered at her most critically, like she was an anatomical specimen. "Don't use Angel Tears."
Teruhashi felt her heart skip a beat.
How did Saiki know about her social manipulations? And the silly names that she called it?
"Don't bother doing whatever distressed-maiden look that you do to get your way." He crossed his arms. "It's off-putting."
The blistery words were like a slap across the face, one that left Teruhashi's jaw drop a little.
As if to add to the injury, Saiki told her the one thing she thought she kept extremely well hidden.
"I know that you understand how physically beautiful you are," said Saiki. "You know it and you use it."
Teruhashi felt herself tremble, both in anger and alarm. Teruhashi was a relatively smart girl. If Saiki knew these deep dark truths about her, ones she kept hidden so to get her way, then he was not as oblivious as everyone thought. "Then you know also how I feel about you, don't you?"
This was not how Teruhashi had imagined her confession to the first boy she liked to go. She had imagined some sort of fancy eatery place, like those in a romance novel. Or under a beautiful backdrop like cherry blossom season. Or even at the graduation ceremony. The person of her affection would tell her that they liked her too. It should've been perfect, like her.
Now, all she could feel was nasty acrimony. "You've completely led me on," said Teruhashi. "You fully intended on embarrassing me."
Saiki shook his head now, perhaps a little too hard, like he was trying to shake something out of his head. "That'd be a waste of energy."
Teruhashi swallowed hards. She took short breaths, trying to starve the fire that wanted nothing more than to pulverize this dumb boy by the very technique that he had told her not to use.
She had never felt so small, so insignificant, so hurt. This was not the way the world was supposed to work. The world was supposed to revolve around her. The boy she liked was supposed to fall at her feet, swearing eternal love. Her true affection was supposed to be the love potion of eternal offu.
Instead, the person whom she wanted the most approval from was tearing her down in the middle of a street like she was some discarded, wet cardboard box.
"You and I are not compatible," Saiki stated, completely ignoring her near hysteria. He was gritting his teeth now, rubbing his temples like this entire conversation was giving him a headache. "I dislike the attention that you bring. I don't care for your looks or your pouty lips. You should go for someone far more pliable than me to give you what you want." He sighed. "Just go home."
That was it. There was no more than Teruhashi wanted to hear from Saiki. She should have taken the hint the many times that he had fled from her. "Fine. Saiki Kusuo." This time, Teruhashi did not bother to place a perfect girl pitch to her voice. "I won't bother you again."
Without even a goodbye, Teruhashi turned on a heel and stumped out of his sight.
Back on the residential street, Kusuo leaned against a wall, sporadically whipping his head like he was trying to shake a bug out of his head.
During the entire exchange with Teruhashi, his head felt like it was full of thought maggots. The little worm sacks of memories, pulsating, crawlings, and twisting in between his neurons, flashing images that he could barely recognize as his own memories, touching off the impossible sensation of pain in his head. He only held on by speaking only of the things that he knew, not bothering with the needed patience for polite conversation.
These intrusions of these memories and sporadic touch of phantom headache had been happening more and more often in recent times. Considering what had happened, he accepted the discomfort like a pebble in his shoe, irritating but tolerable.
Now, though, the intrusion was like the slow rising tide, threatening to crest over the sea wall of coherent thought. It had become harder and harder to focus on studying Kuusuke's journals. Added to his workload and problems at home, He found his tolerance for the issues of life, the failures of recreating limiters, satisfying the wishes of his friends, less and less.
So for today, in search of relief, he had switched to using Kuusuke's third-generation limiters. Having the reliable little delicate machine to help control his powers was one less thing to overcome.
Still, the burden of everything was taking a toll, enough that Kusuo nearly pushed a finger through Ozawa's skull.
Kusuo had wanted to see someone else squirm.
And it seemed, he had enough of trying to appease Teruhashi and straight up and told her exactly what she wanted to know, his genuine thoughts.
That should keep one less nuisance from irritating him.
Numbly, he could still hear, through his telepathy, Teruhashi's very much cursing of his person, on how she non-stop wished that she had never met him that one day that she was out on her birthday. Her thoughts were fading as she half-ran, desperately trying to get home. She had plans to beat up a pillow, binge on ice cream, and wished him dead and never existed.
-Careful, Teruhashi. As God's favorite, you just might get your wish.- Kusuo thought self-deprecatingly.
Distractedly, Kusuo decided to listen some more to the thoughts around him, to prevent him from dwelling on the random headaches that had plagued him in recent time.
It had been a while since he had heard the thoughts of people near the house. Too exhausted usually by the end of the 'day' in London, the germanium ring had been a godsend.
Now, though, he found himself falling back into old patterns of ascertaining the thoughts surrounding him.
Kusuo could hear the many thought whispers of the neighborhood. He heard the worries about money, children's successful advancement through school, lost pets, lost jobs, disenfranchised salarymen against the disrespect of society, and relationships, relationships, and relationships.
People sure have a lot of time on their hands.
Nevermind. He had far more pressing things to think about.
Kusuo started walking home, now. On the walk, he occupied his mind by going through his work schedule, his meetings, the registration schedule at Oxford, figuring out a regular flight schedule so he wouldn't have to be so wary about teleportation. He thought about the loose ends that still haven't been tied as he prepared to move, like telling his family about the imperfect limiters that he had assembled and finally telling his maternal grandparents of Kuusuke's passing.
The first set of details were easy enough to wrap his mind around. Work activities at Psi Industries and the mundane motions to get started at Oxford were easy enough. The second part, telling his family about his progress in preventing flashover was bound to raise questions. Grandmother Risa would understand and only ask the necessary questions. Everyone else was bound to be annoying.
Kusuo was getting closer to home now and he went back to scanning for thoughts. He recognized Mrs. Iridatsu's thought pattern of making burgers and fries for Yuuta.
Speaking of Yuuta, Kusuo had not been requested for sitting services recently. Most likely because Yuuta had grown out of the worship of Cyborg Ciderman Number 2 and completely forgotten about Kusuo-ni-san. Affections of children were so ephemeral.
The thoughts of the neighborhood were mostly peaceful, with ordinary troubles, which should have been reassuring.
For some reason, though, Kusuo could not shake the feeling that he was somehow overlooking something.
It must have been the stress making him imagining things.
He needed time away, time alone, time for himself. Surely whatever details he had neglected will come to him naturally. Time spent fully abroad would help.
He'll need all the time he could get to truly fix his limiter problem.
Still, Kusuo walked home faster as the inexplicable uneasy feeling continued to plague him.
