I do not own any of the internet personalities or memes presented in this story.
The Internet Police: Year in Review
Prey, Part 2
Valentine's Day is considered by many to be their least favorite holiday for good reason. For the five Internet Police agents climbing down a hole in the lunar landscape of Idaho's Craters of the Moon National Monument, they had their own reasons for despising Valentine's Day. The Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd hated Valentine's Day for all the atrocious romantic movies that plagued the entire month of February all because of one day. HurricaneAubrey despised Valentine's Day for how she was forced to draw some truly awful cards during her employment at the Norman Greeting Card Company. For Rick the Adventure Sphere, he couldn't understand why women on Valentine's Day would force men to shop for impractical clothing and noxious perfumes instead of allowing them to do manly things like wrestling wild boars or bending pipes to reroute deadly neurotoxin. Jennxpenn hated Valentine's Day for causing women to completely lose their minds on that one day in February. And as the five agents were descending the hole using grappling hook guns, they hated Valentine's Day even more than they already did based on how Overly Attached Girlfriend and her army of desperate teenage girls were celebrating the day by stalking and kidnapping. At the bottom of the hole was what appeared to be an abandoned underground mining facility complete with flicking light bulbs and rusting infrastructures. The human Internet Police agents were trying to catch their breaths after their trip down.
"Well that was fun," said Rick, who was the only one who wasn't panting. "Now let's get Overly Attached Girlfriend, save Wheatley from Hyper Fangirl, and maybe punch some of these nymphomaniacs in the face."
Guided by his Konami LaserScope and his shoulder-mounted flashlight, Rick ran through the dimly lit passageways of the abandoned mine. The human Internet Police agents struggled to catch up to the android as he leaped over fallen rocks and mangled mining equipment.
"How in the hell did these girls manage to create a headquarters for their storage of men from a place like this?" asked the Nerd as he jumped over a pair of jackhammers.
"Love is a powerful force, and with the girls having an unhealthy amount of lust, they can move literal mountains to fulfill their Valentine's Day fantasies," said Jennxpenn as she nearly avoided being struck down by a wayward wall pipe. "Don't underestimate what these girls are capable of."
The Critic and HurricaneAubrey remained silent as they tried catching up to Rick and his mechanical running abilities. With less time devoted to talking about the validity of Jennxpenn's statement, they managed to catch up to Rick, and with a nod from the android, HurricaneAubrey and the Critic reached into their military backpacks for their Electronic Databases.
"Let's drive these girls out by the sounds of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture! Now with sonic pulses. Cue the music!" shouted Rick as he turned on the volume of his E.D. up to eleven.
"Wait!" screamed Jennxpenn. "That will just tell the girls that we are here. They already knew of our arrival when we sent out our scouting robots earlier. And now you're just going to flash a huge neon sign telling the girls exactly where we are in the mine. Use your fucking minds."
Alas, Jennxpenn's protest were in vain as the four other agents cranked up the volumes of their E.D.s, with the sounds of cannons and church bells echoing throughout the mining facility. Russian composer Tchaikovsky wrote the 1812 Overture in 1880 to commemorate Russia's victory over Napoleon's Grande Armée during his 1812 invasion of Russia. The bombastic and patriotic nature of the piece was readily adopted by the Americans to celebrate their Independence Day, and though the Russians and Americans didn't have the best relationship over the years, it seems fitting that their love of the 1812 Overture would be based on their extensive use of cannons (a symbol of military prowess) to elevate the piece to new heights. Of course, Jennxpenn knew nothing of the historical significance behind the 1812 Overture or even its name. All she knew was that all the noises of cannons and church bells would simply telegraph their presence to the love-struck teenage girls.
"Stop it! Stop it!" shouted Jennxpenn over the music.
The four Internet Police agents ignored Jennxpenn as they blasted the barrels, the lockers, and any potential hiding places in the abandoned mine with their Super Scopes. So far, the sonic pulses uncovered nothing but debris.
"I think they can hear us from California!" shouted Jennxpenn.
Jennxpenn needed to attract the attention of the four agents. Thus, she pulled out her own Electronic Database, and with the volume placed at its maximum limit, she played a song made by a friend of hers: Friday. The auto-tune song about looking forward to the weekend and the philosophical question of which seat to take within an automobile caught the attention of the four agents.
"That song is so dated to the early 21st century compared to Tchaikovsky's Overture 1812!" yelled HurricaneAubrey as she covered her ears.
"Not unlike that French guy's song written in 1812," said Jennxpenn.
The agents ceased playing music from their E.D.s, and just when HurricaneAubrey was about to continue arguing with Jennxpenn, the Nerd intervened.
"Quiet!" shouted the Nerd as he waved his motion tracker in the dimly lit hallway.
The handheld motion tracker had a green screen that showed yellow circles if movement from an organic lifeform was detected. So far, the screen remained empty save for four yellow dots. A few minutes pass by, and still no lifeforms besides the human agents appeared. The agents sighed in frustration as they proceeded to march into the darkness. Suddenly, the motion tracker started beeping as one additional dot appeared on screen.
"Our plan worked!" shouted Rick in excitement. "A girl is headed for us."
The agents adjusted their Konami LaserScopes on their heads and positioned their Super Scopes to face the dark hallway in front of them.
"We got her now," said the Nerd as his motion tracker indicated a singular dot heading towards the four dots clustered together.
"Looks like she brought along a friend," said HurricaneAubrey as another dot appeared on the screen.
"Woah. Looks like we have a slumber party heading for us," said the Critic as a multitude of dots appeared on the screen.
"We must be in the twenties by now," said Jennxpenn staring at her motion tracker.
"Getting closer," said the Nerd as the moving dots were nearly on top of their dots. His Super Scope was ready for contact. "Ready. Aim. Fire!"
The sonic pulses penetrated the hallway. The agents were certain that nothing could have stood a chance against five Super Scopes firing sonic pulses at the same time.
"That's enough!" shouted the Critic.
"Let's see what's left of these bitches," said Rick.
The agents rushed a few paces forward, anticipating several unconscious girls on the receiving end of the sonic pulses. Much to their surprise, they saw no girls at all.
"Did the girls dodge the pulses and retreated?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
The Critic took another look at his motion tracker, and saw the congregation of dots still present.
"What in the world?" said the Critic. "The equipment must be faulty."
The agents looked forward and backwards for the girls, but they saw nothing. Jennxpenn then looked upwards and saw the source of the throng of dots. With her shoulder-mounted flashlight pointing up, she could clearly see several teenage girls hanging from the ceiling with hairspray cans.
"Run!" screamed Jennxpenn.
Instinctively, the four human agents ran as they fired their sonic pulses at the girls.
"You don't scare me, you nymphomaniacs!" shouted Rick as he stood his ground while firing his Super Scope.
Several teenage girls fell to the ground after being struck by the sonic pulses, and though several of them were rendered unconscious, many simply got up and started spraying Rick with hairspray.
"What are you going to do to me? Beautify me to death," said Rick with a smirk.
During the chaotic situation, the Critic and HurricaneAubrey became separated from the Nerd and Jennxpenn. Within the claustrophobic hallways, the last thing they heard before splitting up was Rick screaming "They're ripping my arms off!"
"I guess that's what Valentine's Day does to people," said the Critic. "Jennxpenn was right."
After what seems to be hours wandering endlessly through the foreboding corridors, the Critic and HurricaneAubrey were now passing through what appeared to be an underground warehouse filled with forklifts, crates, and container cranes. Presumably, this was where the valuable minerals mined from this facility would be packaged and shipped to the world above. None of that mattered to HurricaneAubrey right now as she was in an entirely different world: her own mind. She was struggling between ranting to the Critic about how incompetent her apprentice was or remaining entirely focused on the mission at hand.
"Might as well deal with the problem now rather than have the issue distract me from combatting the teenage girls," thought HurricaneAubrey. "If I keep my rantings against Jennxpenn to myself, then my mind would unprepared for the unpredictable trekking through the mines."
The Critic sighed as he saw a couple of movie posters plastered all over the warehouse. The light from his shoulder-mounted flashlight revealed such horrors known as the romance movies. They included such diabolical names like Pearl Harbor and Twilight, movies which the Critic loathed and detested. HurricaneAubrey was preoccupied with her own problems to pay attention to the posters.
"But if I complain about my apprentice to the Critic, then he'll get into a heated argument with me. He'll accuse me of being a cranky old woman who can't accept the next generation, and while I'm formulating my counterarguments, the girls will ambush us without giving us much time to prepare," thought HurricaneAubrey. "What should I do?"
HurricaneAubrey then noticed the movie posters, and ironically, they would be her salvation.
"I got it," thought HurricaneAubrey as she smiled back at the movie posters. "I'll talk to him about what we hate the most about Valentine's Day."
"What are you smiling at?" asked the Critic to HurricaneAubrey. He saw her giving a wide grin at the posters for The Ugly Truth and When in Rome. "Don't tell me you like this sexist crap."
"Of course not," said HurricaneAubrey. "I just was thinking about the best way of burning them. Oh, how I hate Valentine's Day."
"Me too," said the Critic. "I hate Valentine's Day for mass-producing these shitty romantic comedies."
"I hate Valentine's Day for forcing me to draw anatomically accurate hearts on some holiday cards," said HurricaneAubrey.
"I hate Valentine's Day for pressuring young people to get involved in toxic relationships," said the Critic.
"I hate Valentine's Day for mocking single people for the heinous crime of being… well single," said HurricaneAubrey.
"I hate Valentine's Day for causing couples to overspend on things they don't need like speedboats and impractical lingerie," said the Critic.
The Critic and HurricaneAubrey continued venting their hatred for Valentine's Day, from the fact that Valentine's Day caused the complex concept of love to be reduced to how much you spent to the idea of naked babies being the source of love. HurricaneAubrey breathed a sigh of relief as she listened to the Critic ramble on about how much he hated Valentine's Day.
"I got my mind off Jennxpenn, and I'm focused on the mission at hand," said HurricaneAubrey.
"What was that?" said the Critic. "You wanted to talk to me about Jennxpenn?"
HurricaneAubrey groaned.
"Better get it out of the way I suppose," said HurricaneAubrey. "As you already know…."
"Do you know what I hate the most about Valentine's Day? Being trapped in a cage with all these smelly men," said an English-accented voice that sounded familiar to the Critic and HurricaneAubrey.
"Hey! I'm having enough bad luck as it is without you making things worse," said another familiar voice.
The Critic and HurricaneAubrey rushed to where these male voices were conducting their arguments. Guided by their shoulder-mounted flashlights and their motion trackers, the two agents quickly found what they were looking for. The kidnapped men were trapped in large cages stacked on top of each other within the large warehouse.
"Save us," said one man. "We were forced to endure the horrors we dare not say. Like watching girly movies."
"I hope you don't also include me as one of the horrors," said Wheatley.
"Just get us out of here," said Bad Luck Brain.
"Too late," said a giggling voice. "Looks like we have two more additions for our dating service.
HurricaneAubrey and the Critic immediately took out their motion trackers for any sign of the teenage girls. There was a plethora of dots showcasing signs of organic lifeforms rushing towards the Critic and HurricaneAubrey as the two agents stood between the towers of cages.
"Where are they?!" shouted HurricaneAubrey as she saw nothing behind or in front of her.
The Critic looked up at the ceiling as another possible source of the girl infestation. His shoulder-mounted flashlight revealed no humans. That only left one possibility for their whereabouts.
"Oh no," commented the Critic as he stared at the metal panels that made up the warehouse's floor. "Get ready, HurricaneAubrey."
Like bees attracted to honey, swarms of girls burst out of the floor. Fortunately for the agents, the girls didn't come up directly below them.
"Fire!" yelled the Critic as he and HurricaneAubrey tried to maintain discipline.
Using the accuracy of the Konami LaserScope, the superiority of the Super Scopes, and the element of surprise eliminated, the two agents were holding back the girls, armed only with hairspray cans, with ease. By remaining in place and not scattering at the sight of the girls, HurricaneAubrey and the Critic were able to hold back the girls with a continuous fire of sonic pulses.
"They're everywhere!" shouted HurricaneAubrey as her Konami LaserScope was assisting her in pinpointing where to fire. "But I think we can make a clearing soon enough."
"Good," said the Critic, remaining calm in the face of danger.
The men were gazing upon the spectacle of a man and woman fending off hordes of teenage girls. But only Wheatley was commentating on this perversion of humanity.
"Humans. So violent and more animal than we think," said Wheatley. "Once again, I'm undecided on my stance on humanity. I should also add that they smell so bad."
"That does it!" said Bad Luck Brian as he rolled up the sleeves of his sweater vest to apparently prove his manliness. "I'm going to make my mama proud."
Bad Luck Brian punched Wheatley in the mouth, with a distinctive metal clang heard by everyone in the cage. A man was lying in pain, and that man was Bad Luck Brian.
"Like I said, humans are violent," said Wheatley in a bored tone as Bad Luck Brian recoiled in pain on the cage's floor.
"Almost there," said HurricaneAubrey as she saw the crowds of girls thinning.
HurricaneAubrey then saw the girls were retreating on masse away from them.
"Finally," said HurricaneAubrey as she wiped the sweat off her forehead. "What a relief."
Stepping over the bodies of the unconscious girls knocked out by the sonic pulses, the Critic and HurricaneAubrey opened the cage containing Wheatley, Bad Luck Brian, and the other men.
"Let's get out of here," said Bad Luck Brian.
"Wait!" yelled the Critic as he tried in vain to get all the men to not split up.
"Maybe Rick was right that being human was overrated," said Wheatley as he stood with the Critic and HurricaneAubrey on the two remaining steel panels. "Let's release the rest of the smelly humans and be done with it."
Just then, a mechanical sound was heard roaring towards the Critic, HurricaneAubrey, and Wheatley. Before they could react appropriately, the three of them flew into the air as if they were nails being attracted to a magnet.
"Love is like magnetism, and now you are at the mercy of true love," said a wicked voice.
As it turns out, a literal magnet dangling from a crane's rope was holding onto the Critic, HurricaneAubrey, and Wheatley. Being an android, Wheatley's whole body was affected by the magnet. The Critic and HurricaneAubrey's military accessories were attracted to the magnet, and since the crane hoisted them high into the air, they risked death by gravity if they dared removed their gear. The three of them saw the two women in the crane's cab responsible for their predicament
"That's the Overly Attached Girlfriend," said HurricaneAubrey as she tried to remain calm as she gazed upon the sinister smile of the girl in light blue shirt.
"And that's Hyper Fangirl," said the Critic who recognized her thick glasses and unkempt look.
"Hello Critic!" said Hyper Fangirl gleefully as she waved and blew kisses towards him.
"The horror! The horror!" said the Critic in a horrified voice.
In a poorly lit locker room far from the warehouse, the Nerd, Rick, and Jennxpenn managed to escape the teenage girls. The Nerd and Jennxpenn were psychologically damaged from their encounter with the girls in the hallway. They were luckier than say Rick as he had one of his arms ripped right out of its socket. Though you could also say that Rick was lucky for he was only spilling white fluids from his mechanical body, with the loss of said fluids being only a nuisance to Rick.
"I ain't got time to bleed," said Rick in a gruff voice as he opened one of the lockers, finding a large supply of masking tape.
As Rick was using the masking tape to block a large opening where his right arm was, the Nerd and Jennxpenn were searching through the lockers for other useful equipment. Their shoulder-mounted flashlights revealed only ragged mining clothes and photographs of the miners hunting wild game and watching demolition derbies in their spare time.
"These men are even worse than the teenage girls," said Jennxpenn.
"At least they didn't try to fucking tear off the arms of their fellow men," said Rick who finally patched up the hole in his upper body. "I'm all for girls going wild, but not this wild."
The Nerd was at a loss for words. He thought about how he underestimated the teenage girls, and that he should have listened to Jennxpenn's warnings. But not wanting to admit defeat, he thought about the only sensible solution.
"We need to find the missing men," said the Nerd.
"How?" asked Jennxpenn.
"We need a map," said the Nerd. "Look harder in the lockers."
The three agents searched the lockers for a map of the mining facility. On closer inspection, the three agents got an in-depth look at the men who worked within these claustrophobic tunnels. It turned out that the mining facility was once run by men who came from a coal mining background in the Appalachian Mountains. From the letters and photographs placed in the lockers, the three agents learned about how a combination of foreign competition, technological advancement, and societal shifts led to the decline of the coal industry in the Appalachian small towns. Thus, these miners were forced to move their entire families to the mines of Idaho to survive in an increasingly changing world. The pictures displayed in the lockers also chronicled the mine in its heyday as a haven for miners displaced by a post-industrial world that had rejected their way of life. There were images of these Appalachian miners proudly going down into the depths of the earth to liberate valuable minerals that would be used for a greater purpose on the surface.
"Now these are real men," said Rick. He then noticed a female miner in one of the photographs, prompting him to fold up the picture and hide it from view. "Real men."
Jennxpenn had a different view of the coal miners as she was holding a crumpled-up newspaper summarizing the closing down of the mining facility due to economic reasons.
"Should have progressed with the times and chosen a profession that didn't involve destroying the environment and encouraged hillbilly shenanigans," said Jennxpenn in a smug tone.
The Nerd was flipping through articles decrying the downfall of Industrial America when he finally found a map of the facility. The folded-up map was used as a bookmark for the page showing urban decay in the Rust Belt.
"Got it," said the Nerd as he held up the map in his hand.
Unfolding the map onto the floor, the Nerd saw that there were numerous tunnels crisscrossing each other in a disorganized fashion. But they were all headed towards a single, large warehouse.
"This is where the men must be," said the Nerd. "This is where the teenage girls will transport these men to the surface world. So, we're going to continue heading east until we reach the warehouse."
"But how are we going to do it with all these bitches ripping us apart," said Rick as he prominently displayed his one functioning arm. "I already lost one arm, and I'm not willing to lose the other."
"Well maybe it wasn't such a clever idea to invade the mines with guns blazing," suggested Jennxpenn. "I think we should approach things more stealthily."
The Nerd stared at Jennxpenn.
"I got it. I think we should approach things more stealthily," said the Nerd.
"That was my idea," said Jennxpenn. "I…"
The Nerd ignored Jennxpenn as he outlined his strategy of using stealth.
"The facility is overrun with lockers and broken equipment. We can use them as hiding places as we make our way to the warehouse," explained the Nerd. "It is essential that we not engage these girls unless it is absolutely necessary. Maintain silence and avoid making noise that could attract these predators."
"So, I guess we're turning from predator to prey," lamented Rick who was caressing his Super Scope with his one hand.
"Any objections? We can't win without being overwhelm by sheer numbers. This is the only plausible way to victory," said the Nerd.
Rick looked once again at his remaining arm and nodded.
"Alright then. Let's move," said the Nerd as he opened the door to the hallway.
The three agents moved through the hallways. They dared not speak for fear of attracting the teenage girls. The only sounds came from their feet, which they hoped would be dismissed by the girls as simply the sounds of falling rock. Periodically, they checked their motion trackers for any lifeforms besides the two yellow dots. After their initial encounter with the teenage girls, the three agents decided to have designated positions for their walk to the warehouse. Rick would be leading in the front to offer maximum protection from any frontal actions, with his mechanical body lending credence to being assigned the main protector. The Nerd would be at the back in defending the group from any attacks from the rear, with his shoulder-mounted flashlights illuminating the dark hallway when he occasionally stared backwards. And Jennxpenn would be in the center as a way of inspecting the ceilings and floors of the hallways for ambushes from above or below.
"I'm more than capable of handling myself," grumbled Jennxpenn who felt squished between the two men.
Clang!
Fear overtook any other emotions like disappointment and frustration as the three agents searched with their shoulder-mounted flashlights for the source of the loud clang. The agents took out their motion trackers and started counting the number of dots on the screen.
"One…two…" whispered Jennxpenn. "One…two."
With a sigh of relief, Jennxpenn realized that only two organic lifeforms were present in the general vicinity. Rick adjusted his shoulder-mounted flashlight to light up the hallway in the front. It turned out that a wrench had fell from a wall hook.
"Let's keep going," said the Nerd quickly.
With a newfound sense of discipline and self-control, the three agents continued onwards. In the instances where they did encounter the teenage girls, they had the foreknowledge of their arrival by the motion trackers and their loud voices. This gave the three of them enough time to hide, whether it be inside the lockers or behind large equipment. It was like clockwork the whole procedure of walking, searching, hiding, and walking again. As the three agents hid inside the lockers for the umpteenth time, Jennxpenn impatiently waited the band of teenage girls to march past the lockers, but they were lingering around as they discussed makeup tutorials they saw online. Since the three agents didn't care that much about makeup, all they heard were cutesy chattering outside the lockers.
"Please leave," thought Jennxpenn as she saw the girls remaining stationary in front of the locker she was hiding in.
She closed her eyes and started counting internally to pass the time.
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten," thought Jennxpenn before opening her eyes again.
Peering through the locker's vents, she saw that the teenage girls were still there.
"Crap," thought Jennxpenn. "Just leave."
Just like all the other instances, the girls did decide to leave the area. Jennxpenn gave a sigh of relief.
"Onwards like before," thought Jennxpenn as she prepared to exit the locker.
Achoo!
Perhaps it was due to the unsanitary conditions of the lockers or because of bad timing. Whether the case, Jennxpenn let out a loud sneeze. The achoo echoed throughout the hallway.
"What was that?!" screamed one of the girls.
"I'll take a look," said another girl.
Jennxpenn closed her eyes, thinking to herself that everything was going to be fine despite her unfortunate accident. She heard the thunder of footsteps around the lockers. She then heard locker doors being opened and things being thrown out of them. Cowering on the locker's floor with hands over her head, she anticipated being dragged out of the locker and meeting the angry faces of teenage girls betrayed by their own kind.
"There are intruders here!" shouted one of the girls.
"Dammit!" thought Jennxpenn. "This is it."
"They went that way," said another teenage girl. "They're headed towards the surface."
Jennxpenn then heard the footsteps moving away from the lockers.
"It's a miracle they didn't search this one," thought Jennxpenn. "Oh no! They took away the Nerd and Rick!"
Not even a few seconds after she thought of this horrible scenario, footsteps were approaching her locker.
"And now they got me," thought Jennxpenn as she aimed her Super Scope at the door.
The locker door opened, and Jennxpenn saw that it was the Nerd and Rick standing in front of her.
"We're clear," said Rick with an annoyed expression on his face. "Let's go."
"How did we escape?" asked Jennxpenn as she stood up"
"Take a look for yourself," said the Nerd as he motioned her to get out.
Jennxpenn walked out of the locker and looked around her surroundings. She saw that the row of lockers besides the wall, initially all closed, were opened and closed at random intervals.
"I decided to fool the teenage girls into thinking we already escaped by opening the locker doors for the empty ones. I think the various junk I spilled out of the lockers was a nice touch," explained the Nerd. "Now shall we continue to the warehouse?"
Like before, Rick took the lead. The Nerd was the rear guard. And Jennxpenn was in the middle, overshadowed by two professional soldiers.
"Wonder how the Critic and my roommate is doing," thought Jennxpenn as she walked in front of the Nerd and behind Rick towards the warehouse.
To answer Jennxpenn's question, the Critic and HurricaneAubrey were hanging around. If hanging around meant being suspended in the air by a magnet. They, along with Wheatley, were the captive audience of Hyper Fangirl. Overly Attached Girlfriend had used the crane's elevator to reach the ground floor and supervise the movement of the cages into shipping crates. As the Overly Attached Girlfriend prepared to export the kidnapped men, Hyper Fangirl was gushing on about her love for the Critic while making snide remarks to HurricaneAubrey and Wheatley. To make matters worse, Hyper Fangirl decided to slip into something a little more comfortable to supposedly satisfy the Critic's fantasy: the iconic Nostalgia Critic outfit of glasses, a black cap, a red tie, a white shirt underneath a black jacket, and blue jeans.
"Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to," said Hyper Fangirl. "And I'm going to review the greatest man of all time: The Nostalgia Critic."
The Critic, HurricaneAubrey, and Wheatley saw Hyper Fangirl playing the part of the Critic. She was pandering to the Critic's tastes as she described his life like that of a messiah.
"My savior the Nostalgia Critic was born in Naples, Italy as his father was in the military," squealed Hyper Fangirl. "But my beloved Critic was still an all-American boy who shared his love for America with his father. And my sweetheart loved his father even more than he loved America."
"Actually. My father was an asshole who beat me both physically and psychologically for not being American enough," explained the Critic.
An awkward silence overtook Hyper Fangirl. The three agents hanging from the magnet wondered what her next move would be. Hyper Fangirl then returned to her giggling form.
"Throughout his life, the Critic had to deal with assholes like his father. When he grew up from his abusive childhood, he became the legendary Nostalgia Critic, preaching the gospel of avoiding absolutely bad movies and television shows like the Star Wars prequels," said Hyper Fangirl.
"I actually thought there were good things in the prequels," said the Critic. "I liked the lightsaber battles and the different worlds displayed in the prequels."
Hyper Fangirl paused to think for a moment.
"Preaching the gospel of good movies and television shows like the Star Wars prequels," announced Hyper Fangirl.
"I hated the prequels for bland acting and boring dialogue," said the Critic. "They are nowhere near as good as the original Star Wars films."
"I agree," said Hyper Fangirl with an awkward smile. "Do you like the Emperor in the prequel films?"
"Yes," said the Critic.
"I do too!" squealed Hyper Fangirl. "Do you like Jar Jar Binks?"
"No. Fuck him," said the Critic.
"Fuck him too," said Hyper Fangirl in agreement. "I think we're clearly compatible for each other. How about this? I'll ask Overly Attached Girlfriend to position a pillow directly below you Critic so that you'll land safely to the ground."
"What about HurricaneAubrey and Wheatley?" asked the Critic.
"Ah who cares?" said Hyper Fangirl casually. "They can just end up as a new layer of floor decoration for all I care. You don't really care for the brunette bitch and the four-eyed freak, do you?"
"They are my friends and my partners. Of course I would care if they get splattered onto the floor. What's wrong with you?" said the Critic. "You wouldn't want to go against the wishes of your beloved Critic, now would you? I suggest that you put us down onto the floor, and do us a favor and not put us down while we're hanging several stories above the ground."
Hyper Fangirl was eyeing Wheatley and HurricaneAubrey with disgust before giving a hearty laugh to the Critic.
"I'm sure that these two have brainwashed you to do their bidding. How about I continue reenacting your life story to return you back to your normal self?" said Hyper Fangirl.
Once more, Hyper Fangirl was relating her version of the Nostalgia Critic's life to the Critic himself. She was delving into his first time in Japan when he was at the cusp of adolescence. As Hyper Fangirl was inaccurately relating details such as the Critic introducing Grunge music to Japan, the Critic was remembering what really happened during his time on an isolated military base in Japan with his father General Walker.
"Son! Are you watching Sailor Moon again?!" shouted General Walker as he opened the bedroom door.
The adolescent Critic hastily turned off the television with his remote but not before his dad caught sight of Serena's transformation into her Sailor Moon persona on the television screen. With the memory of Serena's flowing miniskirt embedded in both of their minds, General Walker launched into another rant against his son.
"You are an American disgrace!" yelled General Walker. "You are a deviant and perverted little man who has no restraint or dignity. If you weren't my son, I would've mistaken you for one of them Japs."
Sitting on a chair with a blanket over his legs, the adolescent Critic was getting tired of taking crap from his father, and so like many times before, the Critic began arguing with his dad.
"Why don't we go see what these Japanese people are really like? Don't you want to see if they are as perverted and deviant as you claim them to be? In fact, why do we need to be stuck on an American military base when we have an entirely new country to explore? Don't you want to meet new people and experience an exotic culture?" asked the adolescent Critic.
General Walker calmly walked up to the Critic and slapped him hard on his cheek.
"Son! You have no idea how much danger we are in Japan. Your ignorance is frankly inexcusable," stated General Walker. "Let me give you a lesson in Jap history to show you how dangerous and toxic they really are."
General Walker grabbed a chair and seated himself in front of the Critic. Having no choice on the matter, the Critic listened to General Walker's version of Japanese history.
"Before 1853, Japan was a savage land whose inhabitants spoke an alien language and practiced barbaric rituals," explained General Walker.
"What type of barbaric rituals?" asked the Critic.
"They are too horrific for your young mind," insisted General Walker. "Let's just say that Japan was a civilization in need of rescue. In 1853, American Matthew Perry arrived on the shores of Japan to save the Japs from themselves."
"Wait. Matthew Perry had the time to both save Japan and play a key role on Friends. Wow," said the Critic.
General Walker shook his head in disappointment as he continued his history lesson.
"In 1853, Commodore Matthew Perry gave the Japs an ultimatum: open up the country to the Americans or face total annihilation. Scared of the sight of America's technological might, the Japs agreed to allow American influence into the country," explained General Walker.
"If Japan agreed to America's terms back in 1853, why did Japan and America fight in World War II?" questioned the Critic.
"Because the Japs are a bunch of buck-teeth backstabbers who wanted to destroy America," stated General Walker. "Look at what they did on December 7th, 1941. It was a day that would live in infamy as the Japs attacked the American military base of Pearl Harbor without provocation. Luckily, America's military and industrial might managed to singlehandedly push the Japs back to their home islands. Even during the suicidal Kamikaze attacks, America still triumphed against the Japs from Alaska to Australia."
General Walker paused for dramatic effect.
"America once and for all defeated Japan when we dropped two atomic bombs, a testament to America's superiority, over two of their cities. Faced once again with total annihilation, the Japs surrendered," said General Walker.
General Walker stood up and began circling his son like one of his insubordinate soldiers.
"For you to watch pornographic Jap anime is shameful. It means that you are abandoning your proud American heritage for the Japs and spitting on the memory of the Americans who sacrificed their lives defeating Japan. Until very recently, the Japs have been producing more cars than the Americans, and because of this, Detroit and other industrial cities in America has been economically decimated. I'm sure that you are quite pleased with the decline of the American heartland considering your defense of the Japs," explained General Walker.
The Critic was sweating nervously as General Walker gave his closing argument against the Japanese.
"Now that the Japs have entered into a recession, the Americans have a chance to regain dominance over the automotive market and other industries seized by the Japs. Let's see where your loyalties lie," said General Walker as he gave the Critic a videotape. "Maybe this will influence you to make the right decision."
General Walker marched out of the room as the Critic placed the videotape into the VCR. The screen showed the introduction to a Looney Tunes cartoon.
"I love Looney Tunes," thought the Critic as he relaxed in his chair. "I'm glad my dad gave me a clean and harmless cartoon for me to watch."
The cartoon the Critic was watching was Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips. The Critic watched as Bugs Bunny gave out ice cream containing grenades to a bunch of short, buck-teeth, and glass-wearing Japanese soldiers.
"Where does my loyalty lie?" thought the Critic as he saw Bugs Bunny smile with delight at the sight of Japanese soldiers being killed by the ice cream filled with grenades.
Snapping out of his flashback, the Critic realized that Hyper Fangirl was now telling the fanciful tale of the Critic off Godzilla with his bare hands.
"Getting out of a traumatic flashback I take it?" asked Wheatley.
"Yeah," said the Critic. "It involved my father telling me half-truths about Japan while I was stuck on an American military base."
"I hear you. Well my memories involve me floating in the emptiness of space," said Wheatley. "I hope you won't ask me more about this ordeal."
The Critic and HurricaneAubrey nodded in agreement.
"What's your traumatic memory, HurricaneAubrey?" asked the Critic.
"Joining Emperor George's army," said HurricaneAubrey sadly. "If it wasn't for you, I would've continued on that dark path."
"Don't be hard on yourself. I had to be reformed by someone else," said the Critic. "In fact, my second time in Japan was when I came to see you during the Great Schism of America. You were lost and confused, and I came to rescue you."
"Thanks Critic," replied HurricaneAubrey with a smile.
"Thank you HurricaneAubrey," said the Critic. "I had a far better time in Japan than my first time. I was able to actually explore the intricacies of Japanese culture, both traditional and modern. The typical and the bizarre. The public and intimate sides. And I did with you, which made it even better."
Hyper Fangirl noticed that the Critic and HurricaneAubrey were smiling towards each other as if they had some sort of personal connection that was more than platonic. As she saw Wheatley smiling as well, Hyper Fangirl reached her hand towards the button that would switch off the magnet's power.
"And I believed that we also watched innovative and creative kid shows like Gravity Falls in Japan," said HurricaneAubrey. "Do you also remember when we did that Critic? Critic?"
HurricaneAubrey saw the Critic was closing his eyes in deep thought.
"Gravity Falls… Mabel… That's it!" shouted the Critic. "Grappling hook!"
"What?" asked HurricaneAubrey and Wheatley.
The magnet holding onto the agents was turned off. Wheatley and HurricaneAubrey saw that gravity was taking them to their downfall. But thanks to the Critic's idea, HurricaneAubrey took out her grappling hook and shot it at the crane's tower.
"Here!" shouted HurricaneAubrey as she handed the grappling hook to Wheatley. "Hold onto me!"
Knowing what to do, Wheatley seized the grappling hook gun and held HurricaneAubrey around her waist with his arm. Using the gun's retracting force, Wheatley and HurricaneAubrey were pulled towards the crane's lower part of its tower as they saw the Critic confronting Hyper Fangirl in the cab.
"Critic!" shouted Hyper Fangirl with a wide smile. "You're safe! Now let's get HurricaneAubrey and Wheatley!"
The Critic was leaning towards Hyper Fangirl as if they were going to kiss. Hyper Fangirl was finally going to kiss the Critic. Unfortunately for her, the Critic had other ideas as he punched Hyper Fangirl, rendering her unconscious.
"That's for getting true love all wrong," said the Critic.
As the Critic was tying up Hyper Fangirl in the back of the crane's cab, Wheatley used the grappling hook to carry HurricaneAubrey to the cab.
"Now what?" asked Wheatley.
A sound of joyous shouting came in the distance.
"We're saved!" yelled the liberated men released from their cages.
"We help out our friends in freeing the men from their prisons," answered the Critic.
Unlike the first batch of men that were freed by the Internet Police agents, the men liberated by the Nerd, Rick, and Jennxpenn were more willing to stay behind to help in the fight against the teenage girls. As soon as the teenage girls saw hordes of angry men being led by two men and a woman armed with sonic pulse guns, they knew that fighting was futile and surrendered immediately. Of course, there were some who tried to fight back, and it was these girls that the Critic intended to combat.
"Here we go," said the Critic as he swung the crane's magnet towards a group of girls holding spray cans.
The magnet attracted the spray cans the girls were holding onto, leaving the girls with no defense against a congregation of vengeful men.
"Get that one, and that one!" yelled HurricaneAubrey as she directed the Critic towards several girls also holding spray cans.
"Stubborn some of these girls are," commented Wheatley as he saw some girls holding onto the spray cans even while they were being pulled up high into the air by magnetism.
The Critic lowered the magnet to allow the girls a chance to escape with their lives without falling to their deaths. All the girls took the option of life.
"The tide of the battle is now in our favor!" exclaimed the Critic as he continued using the crane as a weapon of war.
Hyper Fangirl awoke from her unconsciousness to see HurricaneAubrey and Wheatley placing their right and left hands respectively on the Critic's shoulders. Filled with rage and through the power of misguided love, Hyper Fangirl burst through the ropes binding her and pushed aside Wheatley and HurricaneAubrey. The Critic turned to see what was going on. He turned around and saw that Hyper Fangirl was choking him with her hands.
"If I can't have you, then no one will!" screamed Hyper Fangirl with anger as she continued choking the Critic.
Regaining their footing, Wheatley proceeded to grab onto Hyper Fangirl by the waist from behind while HurricaneAubrey pulled the Critic away from the insane girl. Hyper Fangirl gnashed her teeth at the Critic as she tried to release herself from Wheatley's grip.
"Now how about you just calm down," said Wheatley as he struggled to hold onto Hyper Fangirl.
In desperation, Hyper Fangirl took a huge step back, and using Wheatley's body, she broke the cab's window.
"Get off me!" shouted Hyper Fangirl as she leaned her back towards the human-sized hole in the broken window.
"Never!" shouted Wheatley.
"Have it your way!" yelled Hyper Fangirl with a derisive laugh as she thrusted her back towards the window to shake off Wheatley.
To her misfortune, Wheatley held firmly onto her body as she caused the two of them to fall out of the broken window. The Critic and HurricaneAubrey rushed to see Hyper Fangirl's look of horror and Wheatley's sorrow as they fell to the hard ground. From high above in the crane's cab, HurricaneAubrey and the Critic saw that Wheatley hadn't considered hanging onto his grappling hook as they saw a gruesome mess down below. Both agents on the crane removed their military helmets in solidarity to their fallen solider. The Critic and HurricaneAubrey wanted to say something to honor Wheatley's sacrifice, but they knew in their hearts that there was no time for mourning right now. They had a mission to complete.
"Let's continue operating the crane," spoke the Critic. "For Wheatley."
"For Wheatley," said HurricaneAubrey in a mournful tone as she joined the Critic in using the crane to combat the teenage girls.
Unaware of Wheatley's ghastly fate, Rick, the Nerd, and Jennxpenn were preoccupied with opening the last cage of men.
"That's the last of them," said the Nerd as he saw the final group of men rushing past the agents to return to the outside world.
"Want some! Get some!" shouted Rick as he began tossing teenage girls into the air with his one arm as his Super Scope had been broken beyond repair.
"I think we can call it a day," said Jennxpenn. "Can we go home now?"
"Not so fast!" screamed a voice off in the distance.
The three agents saw that Overly Attached Girlfriend was eyeing them like a deranged dog.
"Leave it all to me," said Rick with an air of confidence as he flexed his one arm. "I got this."
"Are you sure?" said the Nerd. "Aren't you underestimating these girls?"
Rick motioned his hand towards Overly Attached Girlfriend like an annoying fly.
"It's one on one, and she's only human. All her followers are out of commission. I can handle her. Just you watch," replied Rick.
Without another word, Rick began running towards Overly Attached Girlfriend like a football player. Expecting to tackle her, Rick braced himself for full impact. Unluckily for him, Overly Attached Girlfriend simply moved out of the way, causing Rick to run past her.
"Oh, why you little bitch!" shouted Rick as he turned around and ran towards her again.
It was an almost comedic scene as the Nerd and Jennxpenn watched as Rick continued his quest to tackle Overly Attached Girlfriend, with each unsuccessful attempt being even more pathetic.
"At least he'll tire out the Overly Attached Girlfriend since he is a machine," said Jennxpenn as she watched Overly Attached Girlfriend dodge Rick yet again.
"Time for a new strategy!" yelled the Nerd towards Rick.
Hearing the Nerd's word of advice, Rick thought about what he could do differently. Looking at his remaining arm, Rick saw that he had the necessary tool needed for victory. He started running towards Overly Attached Girlfriend, but instead of keeping his arm close to his body, he outstretched it to grab onto Overly Attached Girlfriend's neck. Slamming her against a cargo crate, Rick began choking Overly Attached Girlfriend to the point of unconsciousness.
"We got her," said Jennxpenn. "Now let's get out of this hellhole."
Rick looked back at the Nerd and Jennxpenn with a grin. He then turned to Overly Attached Girlfriend expecting her to either be entering a deep slumber or terrified beyond belief. Rick saw that Overly Attached Girlfriend was smiling despite her predicament. Using her two human hands, she grasped Rick's wrist and crushed it. If he could feel pain, Rick would have been howling in pain. But despite lacking pain sensors, Rick was incapacitated both physically and mentally as Overly Attached Girlfriend began ripping his arm off. As his remaining arm was pulled out of its socket, Rick's cockiness over his technological superiority over the humans was biting him back as Overly Attached Girlfriend twisted his legs.
"Don't worry! I got this!" screamed Rick with false optimism.
The Nerd and Jennxpenn watched in horror as they heard mechanical parts being pushed together and pulled apart. Rick saw as Overly Attached Girlfriend was on top of him as she pulled off his military helmet.
"Don't do it!" yelled Rick, now fully comprehending what being vulnerable and merciless felt like.
Jennxpenn and the Nerd began rushing to save Rick when an object came flying towards them. The item landed right in front of the Nerd and Jennxpenn. They saw that it was Rick's head decapitated from his body. Having a brief look at Rick's twitching eyes and unhinged jaw from his head, the Nerd and Jennxpenn began running from Overly Attached Girlfriend, firing their Super Scopes towards her direction. They saw that the sonic pulses bounced off Overly Attached Girlfriend as she stepped over the electrical sparks coming from Rick's head.
"What the hell?" said Jennxpenn. "Why aren't our Super Scopes working?"
"It must be the power of love," said the Nerd as he continued firing his Super Scope without making much impact.
"Really?" asked Jennxpenn as she did a double take at this idea.
"It's the power of unhealthy and nonconsensual love," clarified the Nerd as he saw Overly Attached Girlfriend's bulging eyes.
"I'll give you a poem in celebration of Valentine's Day," said Overly Attached Girlfriend as she chased the Nerd. "Roses are red, violets are blue, be my Valentine, I'm waiting for you. Blood is red, bruises are blue, don't say no."
"No!" shouted the Nerd. "Let's go this way, Jennxpenn."
The Nerd saw that Jennxpenn was nowhere to be found.
"Shit! Must have lost her in all of this confusion," said the Nerd.
The Nerd turned to face Overly Attached Girlfriend. Standing his ground, he repeatedly fired his Super Scope, hoping that at least one sonic pulse would throw Overly Attached Girlfriend back. It was not to be. Realizing that even the accuracy of his Konami LaserScope combined with his Super Scope wasn't going to stop her, the Nerd began retreating, formulating possible plans in his head while doing so.
"That won't work. That won't work either," thought the Nerd as his list of potential strategies was going narrower and more absurd.
In the crane's cab, the Critic and HurricaneAubrey were rubbing the sweat off their foreheads as they saw the warehouse now empty of any people.
"We're done," said HurricaneAubrey. "Tell me we're done."
"We're done here," said the Critic as he pushed the button summoning the crane's elevator. "Let's get down."
The slow-moving elevator began its ascent. The Critic and HurricaneAubrey waited for the elevator to reach the cab. After a few long minutes, the elevator made it to the top. HurricaneAubrey and the Critic stepped into the elevator, and began their descent to the ground floor. They saw the whole warehouse as the elevator made its way down.
"Won't you be my boyfriend. Won't you be my boyfriend," sang a voice of a desperate woman.
Off in the distance, the Critic and HurricaneAubrey saw that Overly Attached Girlfriend was chasing the Nerd, with the Nerd's weapons being useless against her.
"Damnit!" shouted the Critic. "We got to help the Nerd."
HurricaneAubrey slammed against the elevator's door in frustration for its excruciatingly slow speed.
"Oh, come on!" yelled HurricaneAubrey in protest of the elevator's movement.
Jennxpenn was all alone in a maze of crates. All the crates looked the same to her as she tried to chart her next course of action.
"I can escape out of here," thought Jennxpenn. "That way I don't have to face the wrath of Overly Attached Girlfriend."
Not even a few paces towards the exit of the mining facility that Jennxpenn stopped in her tracks.
"No. Internet Police agents are always prepared for the unpredictable. That implies that they don't run in the face of danger," said Jennxpenn with a perplexed look on her face. "Okay. Maybe not the best analogy, but it still is a good message."
Jennxpenn then noticed a forklift with the keys still in the ignition switch.
"I have just the thing that would help me run in the face of danger," said a smiling Jennxpenn.
The Nerd reached a dead end in a labyrinth of crates as Overly Attached Girlfriend was marching towards him.
"Won't you be my boyfriend?" asked Overly Attached Girlfriend in a sweet tone. "I know you pissed me off when you crippled my mail order business by releasing all of my merchandising. But I'm a nice and caring girl. How about you become my husband and live happily ever after with me."
"What sort of happily ever after are you thinking of?" asked the Nerd.
"Just what all good girlfriends do, Angry Video Game Nerd. Lock you up in a dungeon for your protection. Kill all your friends and family for keeping you away from me. Burn an entire town for us and our children to have enough room for our dream house. Please spend the rest of your life with me," said Overly Attached Girlfriend. "Please say I do."
"I don't!" shouted the Nerd.
"Then death do us part," said Overly Attached Girlfriend frowning as she approached the Nerd with her eyes narrowing for the kill.
The Nerd knew that his Super Scope was useless. Tossing it aside, the Nerd held up his fists in preparation for a fight. With Rick's brutal demise still fresh in his mind, the Nerd was trying to focus on using his wits and strengths to defeat Overly Attached Girlfriend.
"Get away from him, you bitch!" shouted a female voice.
Overly Attached Girlfriend turned to her right and saw a blonde woman seated on a forklift.
"Jennxpenn," thought the Nerd. "What is she doing?"
To answer the Nerd's question, Jennxpenn pushed on the forklift's gas pedal at maximum speed. Overly Attached Girlfriend had little time to respond as the forklift crashed right into her. Caught off guard, Overly Attached Girlfriend went flying into the air and landed with a resounding thud. Jennxpenn parked the forklift right in front of the Nerd.
"Thanks," said the Nerd simply as he approached Jennxpenn.
Footsteps were arriving. The Nerd and Jennxpenn looked to see who else they would fight. To their relief, it was the Critic and HurricaneAubrey. They had passed by Overly Attached Girlfriend on their way to their fellow agents.
"Looks like Overly Attached Girlfriend won't harm anyone ever again," responded the Critic.
In the days following Valentine's Day, the four agents were back at the Internet Police Complex in Boston. You would think that defeating the teenage girls and freeing all the men would be a great victory for the Internet Police. But the four agents had little reason for celebration. Not with Wheatley and Rick destroyed beyond recognition. Despite being machines, the Critic, HurricaneAubrey, and Jennxpenn stood by the two androids as the Nerd examined their bodies on operating tables in the Enrichment Center.
"Glados…Glados…," said Rick from his detached and barely functional head.
"Chell…Chell…," said Wheatley from his mutilated mechanical body.
"How's the diagnosis, Nerd?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
"I'm afraid they won't be in service for quite a while," answered the Nerd as he used tweezers to remove pieces of twisted microchips from Wheatley's crushed chest.
Wanting a break from the Nerd's gloomy diagnosis of the two androids, Jennxpenn went out to the hallway and sat on a bench, and taking out her portable device, she began watching news reports of the Idaho incident.
"That Jennxpenn," said HurricaneAubrey shaking her head as she turned to look at Jennxpenn.
The Critic looked through the Enrichment Center's glass windows as Jennxpenn was smiling to herself while watching her portable device. She apparently forgot to put on her headphones as the three agents in the Enrichment Center heard reporters interviewing the men who had been freed from the Idaho mining facility.
"And when Overly Attached Girlfriend saw the blonde woman driving the forklift, she must have known it was all over from there," commented one man. "That blonde woman saved us."
"She singlehandedly saved the day," said another man.
"I think I'll put off dating for a long time to come," said Bad Luck Brian. "I'm just unlucky when it comes to women. Maybe even life in general."
Jennxpenn looked over to HurricaneAubrey, sticking out her tongue in a mocking manner. HurricaneAubrey was tempted to do the same, but she restrained herself as she looked at the Critic.
"I don't know what to do with her," said HurricaneAubrey. "Did I really not contribute much to the Valentine's Day mission?"
"You did help me fight off those teenage girls when we freed Wheatley and the other men from their cages," assured the Critic.
"I don't mean to be an asshole, but you didn't take down the main bad girls. Hyper Fangirl was defeated by Wheatley," said the Nerd.
Wheatley's fingers from his detached hand twitched slightly as the Nerd placed a blanket over Rick's head. The Nerd continued speaking much to HurricaneAubrey's displeasure.
"And Jennxpenn did take out Overly Attached Girlfriend all by herself, something not even Rick could do. If it wasn't for Jennxpenn, who knows what Overly Attached Girlfriend would have done to me," said the Nerd. "What I'm saying is this. Let Jennxpenn enjoy her moment of glory. Maybe she has more to offer than you think. I doubted her before the Idaho mission, and now I'm having a change of heart. Maybe you should as well."
The Nerd continued tinkering with the androids' hardware as HurricaneAubrey turned to the Critic for advice.
"I think Jennxpenn should be reprimanded for disrespectful behavior," said HurricaneAubrey. "She is my apprentice after all."
"We have enough hate in the world. All we need is love," said the Nerd. "Not the murderous and kidnapping type of love."
HurricaneAubrey looked again at the barely living states of Wheatley and Rick as the Critic injected himself into the conversation.
"Why don't you do it already?" questioned the Critic. "Go on and punish her. You have that authority."
HurricaneAubrey looked down and thought about what her next course of action would be. She has the power to mold Jennxpenn into the model Internet Police agent. But at what cost? She didn't want to be a close-minded, inflexible authority figure that was demonized by popular culture.
"But like the Nerd said, we have enough hate and strife in the world," said the Critic. "Maybe compromise and reconciliation would be the better option dealing with Jennxpenn. But I'll leave you to decide on the best course of action."
"Maybe compromise would be the best course of action," said HurricaneAubrey. "What do you think, Critic?"
"Once again, I'll leave it up to you, HurricaneAubrey," said the Critic rubbing his forehead. "I'm not a love and relationship expert after all."
HurricaneAubrey started pacing the Enrichment Center as she thought about what to do with Jennxpenn.
"I could start by thinking about what we have in common," thought HurricaneAubrey. "I know that alone won't fix our relationship, but it would be a starting point.
HurricaneAubrey saw the portable device Jennxpenn was holding.
"I got it!" said HurricaneAubrey.
HurricaneAubrey went out the Enrichment Center and seated herself next to Jennxpenn.
"What do you want?" asked Jennxpenn in a dismissive tone.
"How about I show you the main reason why I became an Internet celebrity and eventually an Internet Police agent just like you," said HurricaneAubrey in a friendly manner. "Does that intrigue you?"
Jennxpenn looked up from her portable device and directed her eyes towards HurricaneAubrey's device. She saw a video called 51 Things I Found Around My House. The Critic saw what he hoped would be the beginnings of a renewed relationship between Jennxpenn and HurricaneAubrey. He prayed that it would be better than the one-sided relationship with Hyper Fangirl.
"All we need is genuine love in the world," said the Critic.
Please review this story to provide me some advice on improving it. What other internet personalities or memes should the Internet Police encounter?
