I do not own any of the internet personalities or memes presented in this story.

The Internet Police: Year in Review

Arcadia, Part 2

In the last days of April, a dramatic event had occurred in Europe. The Heartlanders' dream of uniting Europe under the state of Europa came to a sudden halt. Instead, the German and Italian cities that once constituted the Heartlanders' territories were now under the authority of Roxy Harmon. The name Europa was discontinued in favor of the new European state of Sylvania. On several American news channels like MicroNews and INN, she was received with open arms. But that story can wait until later. For now, three Internet Police agents were concentrating on arresting Mr. Saul. In the Rust Belt of Ohio, the Nerd, HurricaneAubrey, and Jennxpenn were driving to the house where the notorious prankster Mr. Saul was hiding out in.

"Tell me where 476 Arcadia Street is?" asked Jennxpenn to the GPS device.

"When possible, make a U-turn," said a sultry male voice.

"Again?!" said an exasperated Nerd from the back-passenger seat. "That's like the fourth time we've been asked to make a U-turn. What's next, we're going to be told to drive off a bridge as an alternative route?"

Jennxpenn was doing the driving while the Nerd and HurricaneAubrey were the passengers. The Nerd was yelling expletives to the GPS device while HurricaneAubrey just stared outside at the abandoned stores and homes that populated the Midwestern Rust Belt.

"Back in the old days, we had to rely on foldable maps and printed out directions in order to get from point A to point B," said the Nerd.

"Let me guess, you wished that we would go back to the good old days without the crappy GPS," said an exhausted Jennxpenn.

The Nerd just stared into the darkness of the street in front of the car. He didn't know what to say regarding GPS technology.

"You know what's bullshit," began Jennxpenn as she was channeling the Nerd. "Foldable maps and printed out directions. Two pieces of shit for the price of getting lost. Foldable maps take up a lot of space in your car. When you need to figure out where you are, you would have to stop and haul your ass out of your vehicle just to read the map, which is probably outdated anyway. Who has time for that? Same thing with printed out directions. They have the same bullshit qualities as foldable maps except with the bonus of massacring trees."

"Okay okay. Foldable maps and printed out directions are bullshit," said the Nerd. "That still doesn't excuse GPS devices as being bullshit. They're not infallible machines of a utopian future. Often, they're tricksters who fuck with you by telling you to drive left, right, forward, backward, down, and up your ass for no reason."

"Still better than the maps and the printed directions who can't satisfy you beyond a few months," said Jennxpenn. "You're even more obsessed with nostalgia than the Nostalgia Critic. Next thing you'll tell me is that DVDs are bullshit."

"They are," said the Nerd. "Allow me to explain."

"No," insisted Jennxpenn. "Where is the Critic anyway?"

"He's vacationing in Europe. He wanted to get some good old-fashioned rest and relaxation after being injured during the Second Battle of Chicago," answered the Nerd.

"You should listen to the Critic more," said Jennxpenn. "He isn't so blinded by nostalgia as you are Nerd. His name is the Nostalgia Critic after all. And most importantly, he is the hero who stopped George Zazz's reign of terror in America."

"Aren't you forgetting that I, HurricaneAubrey, and countless other people helped as well," said the Nerd. "Right HurricaneAubrey?"

The Nerd looked behind him to see HurricaneAubrey in her seat. She didn't answer.

"Right HurricaneAubrey?" asked the Nerd again.

HurricaneAubrey didn't answer.

"I think I finally got the right directions to Arcadia Street without any U-turns," said Jennxpenn much to the relief of the Nerd and to HurricaneAubrey's indifference.

The long drive to Mr. Saul's hiding spot involved a trip through the Rust Belt of Ohio. Jennxpenn tried desperately to ignore the many tattered posters and billboards proclaiming the glory of Emperor George as she drove past the decaying factories and abandoned residential neighborhoods.

"We're still far away from Mr. Saul's location," said Jennxpenn as she followed the GPS' directions. "It's going to be a long night. How about we talk about what HurricaneAubrey can do to improve herself now that she has become my apprentice?"

Jennxpenn expected an angry retort from HurricaneAubrey. Despite their brief reconciliation in the greeting card store, Jennxpenn was still antagonistic towards her for being a George Zazz lover, and no amount of time and atonement could erase what she did during the majority of the Great Schism of America. Much to her frustration, HurricaneAubrey was entering a pretentious and complex intellectual discussion with the Nerd.

"What are they talking about? Better be about kittens or recreating baby photos," commented Jennxpenn.

Much to her lament, the Nerd and HurricaneAubrey were indeed talking about tedious matters, more specifically Ohio's socioeconomic standing in American history.

"Why did Ohio produce so many Presidents?" asked the Nerd much to Jennxpenn's chagrin. "Seems appropriate since we are in Ohio and we have a long-ass ride to Mr. Saul."

"I'm not a certified historian, but I do know the answer to your question," began HurricaneAubrey. "The long line of Ohio presidents you are referring to were mostly presidents during the late 19th century when Ohio had a larger role to play in American politics."

"There goes HurricaneAubrey," thought Jennxpenn. "Talking about how great the boring state of Ohio was back in prehistoric times."

"During the late 19th century, Ohio was the heartland of America both in industry and in population, and owing to both advantages, it's no wonder that several presidents were from Ohio. And Ohio's prominent place in American history would continue throughout the 20th century with it being the birth of aviation thanks to the Wright Brothers and the astronauts that called Ohio their home," said HurricaneAubrey.

HurricaneAubrey looked sadly outside the car's windows at the decaying video rental stores and the rusting railroad cars still stationed on overgrown tracks.

"I believe that Ohio's glory days may be behind it since we have entered what I along with my fellow Internet Police agents would like to call the Second Gilded Age," said HurricaneAubrey.

"The Second Gilded Age?" asked the Nerd with intrigue as Jennxpenn rolled her eyes. "I heard talk about this time period among my peers."

"The Second Gilded Age. The First Gilded Age took place in the late 19th century, and the Second Gilded Age is where we are now. To understand the Second Gilded Age, we must compare it with the First Gilded Age. The 19th century Gilded Age was when America became an industrial giant, the first skyscrapers were being built within her cities, and the wonders of electricity and telephones were presented to an excited population. As an art enthusiast, I would say that the First Gilded Age also introduced art to the general public for the first time with the establishment of art museums. Before, the enjoyment of fine art was mainly the past-time of the nobility, the clergy, and the wealthy merchants, but around the late 19th century, art was accessible to everyone," explained HurricaneAubrey.

The Nerd saw the Gilded Age mansions that were once inhabited by the captains of industry, but time had evicted the industrialists and the mansions now belonged to stray cats and dogs.

"Ohio has gone to shit," said the Nerd bluntly.

"That's the Second Gilded Age for you," said HurricaneAubrey. "Division, automation, and corporatism."

"So, you would prefer George Zazz take over?" interjected Jennxpenn.

HurricaneAubrey let out a sigh as she placed her legs onto her car seat. She placed her head on top of her folded legs.

"Struck a nerve didn't I," said Jennxpenn with a satisfied smile.

"You really are a jerk aren't you," said the Nerd. "Kicking poor HurricaneAubrey down when she is already at her lowest point."

"She brought that onto herself by being a poor Internet Police agent and maintaining her loyalties to George Zazz," said Jennxpenn. "Chief Horner promoted me to become HurricaneAubrey's superior for a reason. And I'm certain that reason is that the Chief wants to atone for HurricaneAubrey's faithfulness to Georgie."

"For your information, HurricaneAubrey delivered George Zazz's death sentence when she took out his flying glass elevator during the First Battle of Chicago," said the Nerd.

"I bet she had remorse when she did that," said Jennxpenn.

"She did not," responded the Nerd.

"I bet the Internet Police is swarming with George Zazz lovers considering how we adopted his motto Internexus Vult as our own and all this pessimism over a Second Gilded Age," said Jennxpenn. "I can disprove the Second Gilded Age. Divisions don't exist. These rednecks and hillbillies angry at the robots for taking their dirty jobs should just take Computer 101 to become employed again. And corporations promise to protect the environment."

The Nerd placed both of his hands over his eyes, with his fingers rubbing against his forehead. He moaned, a testament to how astonished he was at Jennxpenn's frequent forays into ignorance. HurricaneAubrey said nothing.

"How about this? Let's just get Mr. Saul and then we can continue our little debate at another time," said the Nerd.

"I think I already won," said Jennxpenn.

"Oh really?" said the Nerd skeptically.

Jennxpenn saw in the dashboard mirror the Nerd folding his arms together with a determined look piercing through his glasses.

"We'll see who will have the last laugh," said Jennxpenn.

Stationed outside of 476 Arcadia Street, the three Internet Police agents were peering through their binoculars at the house that had been converted into Mr. Saul's hideout.

"There he is, the little douchebag," commented the Nerd as he saw Mr. Saul doing whatever his generation did on their mobile devices. "Lying in bed probably planning his next prank."

"We should take him out now," said Jennxpenn as she stared through the window at the brightly lit bedroom.

"Wrong answer," said HurricaneAubrey.

"But look what he did to the Amish, and I don't even like the Amish. Mr. Saul is just that despicable," said Jennxpenn. "Why not take him out now?"

"I would like nothing more," said HurricaneAubrey. "But as you can see, 476 Arcadia Street is riddled with booby traps."

"Booby traps," snickered Jennxpenn.

"Real mature," said an unamused HurricaneAubrey. "What traps do you see in the house, Nerd?"

"Home Alone," said the Nerd.

"I get it," said HurricaneAubrey.

"Home Alone?" asked Jennxpenn.

"The quintessential Christmas movie of the 1990s," said HurricaneAubrey. "I watched it several times during my childhood. Mr. Saul must have seen Home Alone, and taking inspiration from the movie, he must have replicated the traps here at Arcadia Street. Strange seeing Home Alone traps in Easter rather than around Christmastime. Do you think that Mr. Saul must have known about the close connection between Christmas and Easter in Christian theology, and as a result, he intentionally decided to use traps in Easter to be diametrically opposed to the traditionally Christmas Home Alone traps?"

"I don't think Mr. Saul is that fucking intelligent," said the Nerd.

"As usual, you're just overthinking and overanalyzing things, HurricaneAubrey," said Jennxpenn.

HurricaneAubrey pretended that Jennxpenn wasn't in the car as she discussed her plan of attack to the Nerd.

"How are we going to get past the door whose knob appears to be glowing red? That's a sign that Mr. Saul placed a heat source intended to maim an intruder's hand," said HurricaneAubrey.

"We could circumvent that area and go for the basement," suggested the Nerd.

"But wouldn't Mr. Saul make great use of the basement's darkness and spring his most deadly traps there?" said HurricaneAubrey.

"Shit. We need to come up with another way," said the Nerd.

The Nerd and HurricaneAubrey were in a deep conversation on how to invade the house on Arcadia Street. Jennxpenn listened as the Nerd was bringing up how Mario would evade the traps using pipes and a Tanooki suit.

"Should've worked harder on perfecting the flying tuxedo," lamented the Nerd. "Any ideas, HurricaneAubrey?"

"How about we try to create a sinkhole underneath the house to undermine its foundation?" suggested HurricaneAubrey.

"How should we do it?" questioned the Nerd.

"They're overthinking it," thought Jennxpenn. "Time to look for a simpler solution."

While HurricaneAubrey and the Nerd focused their binoculars onto the Arcadia Street house, Jennxpenn directed her binocular around the neighborhood. It was a typical Ohio suburb. Nothing more and nothing less.

"Keep looking. There should be an easy solution," said Jennxpenn.

"Looking for the Gordian Knot," commented HurricaneAubrey with a skeptical look.

"That's right," said Jennxpenn. "A knot that even cats can untangle."

"Right," said HurricaneAubrey with a doubtful look on her face before she started bringing up the many Sieges of Jerusalem to the Nerd. "We need some sort of a siege tower to scale the walls if we can't go under the house."

At that moment, Jennxpenn found her answer staring right in front of her.

"Guys. I think we have a plan," said Jennxpenn.

"Quiet," said the Nerd. "HurricaneAubrey and I are in the middle of something."

"I think we should get some basic building materials and construct a crude siege tower to obliterate the outer defenses of the house. The only problem is hauling all of that equipment in a short amount of time," said HurricaneAubrey.

"Still don't respect my authority as your master," said Jennxpenn to herself as she got out of the car. "Whatever."

Jennxpenn got out of the car and entered a pre-made siege tower: a white boom truck. With the keys still attached to the vehicle, Jennxpenn commandeered the boom truck to be stationed in front of the house on Arcadia street. Using the controls of the truck's crane, Jennxpenn steered herself to the house's second floor, and taking out her gun, she aimed it at the bedroom's window.

"I have big plans for my future pranks. I'm going to kidnap one of my buddies, and once I bring him to a secure location, I'm going to pretend to murder my brother in front of him. That will bring in the subscribers," said Mr. Saul as he laid facing upwards on his bed with his mobile device in his hands. He was furiously typing his plans for his next prank victims. "Or how about I pretend to steal candy from little girls. On second thought, it would be easier to actually steal the candy from their weak-ass hands."

"Freeze!" shouted Jennxpenn as she pointed her gun at the window.

Mr. Saul looked up from his mobile device. After rubbing through his curly hair, he smiled as he took out a BB gun from underneath his bed sheets.

"Hello," said Mr. Saul as he took aim at Jennxpenn.

The pellet was launched from BB gun and struck Jennxpenn's arm. She looked at the wound caused by the impact. She was unimpressed.

"Pathetic," said Jennxpenn with a smile and a friendly wave. She then aimed her gun at Mr. Saul.
"This is a real gun."

"That's fake. You can't be serious," said Mr. Saul with a faltering smile.

Jennxpenn fired, and the bullet flew from the opened window and onto a poster with Mr. Saul's face. The bullet landed directly between Mr. Saul's poster eyes.

"Mr. Saul. You're under arrest by the Internet Police for harassing the Amish, attempted fake murder, planned larceny, insulting the Japanese, and being an asshole," said Jennxpenn as she pointed her gun at the living, breathing Mr. Saul.

"You can't catch me," said Mr. Saul as he bolted out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

"Should have jumped from the window. That would have been safer," said Jennxpenn as she lowered the crane on the boom truck.

"Didn't the Jewish inhabitants dig tunnels to deter the Romans from using their siege towers during the Jerusalem siege of 70 A.D?" said the Nerd as he continue to discuss his plans with HurricaneAubrey on the capture of Mr. Saul.

"I think Mr. Saul is far less clever than the brave Jewish soldiers of 70 A.D.," answered HurricaneAubrey. "I think the British captured Jerusalem from the Ottomans during World War I, but I don't think they used siege towers."

"No, they utilized the might of the British Empire, and unfortunately for us, we have limited funds and no benevolent Internet Police Empire," said the Nerd. "Back to brainstorming."

A thud then came from the driver window of the car. The noise made the Nerd and HurricaneAubrey leap from their seats. They saw the source of the thud pressed against the window.

"Mr. Saul," said the Nerd as he gazed on the bloodied and bruised face of the prankster. "What the fuck happened to you?"

"Fell into my own traps while escaping from her," muttered Mr. Saul as his mouth was pushing against the window.

HurricaneAubrey and the Nerd saw Jennxpenn pressing Mr. Saul against the window as she took out handcuffs in order to arrest the criminal.

"I think we're done here," said Jennxpenn as she looked proud of herself. "Now it's time for me to plan for the debate over the Second Gilded Age."

As mentioned before, Boston was nicknamed the Athens of America. In the 19th century, Boston was the site of lyceums that were intended to educate an adult audience on a variety of topics that had practical and theoretical applications. The first lyceum was established in ancient Athens as a means of encouraging the Athenians to become engaged in philosophical debates about humanity and the workings of the rest of the universe. It was only natural that Boston, as the American Athens, would be the host of several lyceums during the 1800s. Thanks to the efforts of the Chief of the Internet Police Kristina Horner, the lyceum has been revived inside the debate hall of the Internet Police Complex in Boston. The spartan look of the debate hall was a testament to Chief Horner's nickname Madame Austerity. Frugal with budgetary matters, she ordered that the debate hall's layout be like any other high school auditorium, with only the two podiums on the stage coupled with two large television screens being the only distinguishing traits. This debate hall was packed with Internet Police agents that included the Angry Video Game Nerd and Chief Horner herself, with the latter being the moderator of the debate. Backstage, the two debaters were drinking their favorite beverages before they would go on stage to participate in the lyceum. HurricaneAubrey was drinking a glass of strawberry juice as she held a binder full of detailed notes. Jennxpenn was gulping a cup of lemonade as she held one index card in her hand.

"Deep breathes," said HurricaneAubrey to herself as she inhaled and exhaled oxygen.

"Showtime," said Jennxpenn as she emerged onto the stage to a round of applause.

"Good evening fellow Internet Police agents," spoke a seated Chief Horner from behind a plain metal table as she faced Jennxpenn and HurricaneAubrey on the stage. "We are assembled today to resolve a question that has troubled our Internet Police agents: Have we entered a Second Gilded Age? As the Chief of the Internet Police, this lyceum will be conducted in a civilized manner. I'll give HurricaneAubrey thirty minutes to prove that the Second Gilded Age has arrived, and immediately afterwards, I'll give Jennxpenn thirty minutes to disprove HurricaneAubrey's claim. Finally, we'll have each debater question each other in an open forum. It will be up to each Internet Police agent to decide who has decisively won the debate. Without further ado, we'll begin with HurricaneAubrey."

"Thank you, Chief Horner," spoke HurricaneAubrey into the podium's microphone. She had an imposing image on the television screens while dressed in the traditional Internet Police uniform of a white blouse underneath a blue suit jacket accompanied with a blue ribbon tie and a blue skirt. "Let's start with what defines the Second Gilded Age: division, automation, and corporatism."

HurricaneAubrey was giving a detailed description of what she saw in the Rust Belt of Ohio.

"Such negativity!" thought Jennxpenn as she stood behind her podium dressed in a white blouse that was complemented with a blue suit jacket, a yellow ribbon tie, and a blue skirt.

"Ohio's libraries once had storytellers entertaining children with fairy tales. Now the storytellers are homeless with no one willing to listen to their tales. The books in the libraries collect dust and are at risk of being immolated by an uncaring public. It is because of the Second Gilded Age that these libraries are endangered," said HurricaneAubrey. "And let's not forget the burning rivers of Ohio caused by pollutants spilling from the abandoned factories."

To Jennxpenn, HurricaneAubrey was droning on about the negative aspects of life since the end of the 20th century. It was like a grocery list with rotten fruit. Most regrettably, Jennxpenn needed to listen to every word HurricaneAubrey was saying in order to form a valid counterargument.

"There is a cloud of melancholy in Ohio. Rivers are literally on fire due to the pollutant spills from abandoned factories," spoke HurricaneAubrey.

Jennxpenn looked at the index card she brought to the podium. It has only one word. That singular English word was progressivism.

"The Second Gilded Age has widened the divisions in human society. This New Gilded Age has rendered people obsolete with the emergence of frightening, new technologies overseen by corrupt corporations," said HurricaneAubrey.

What final words HurricaneAubrey had to say about the legitimacy of the Second Gilded Age went over Jennxpenn's head. After trying her best to listen to everything her opponent had to say, she had no choice but to concede defeat on retaining everything HurricaneAubrey stated.

"Jennxpenn. Your response," said Chief Horner.

Jennxpenn coughed into her fisted hand and gave her counterargument.

"So much negativity amongst all of you," said Jennxpenn. "Complaining about everything like bitter old men. So reactionary. We need progressivism. I could give a long and boring speech about how the entire Internet Police is so reactionary and how disastrous the First Gilded Age really was. I'll sum up my entire argument with one statistic: 500 thousand Americans. That is how many people lost their lives in the Great Schism of America. And what was the reason for these deaths?"

Jennxpenn looked at the Nerd sitting in the audience before plowing on her criticism of the Internet Police's role in the Great Schism of America.

"Because someone couldn't play movies without a VHS tape," spoke Jennxpenn in a derisive tone. "Because our childhoods were ruined thanks to the Star Wars prequels." She looked at HurricaneAubrey with a disgusted look. "Was it worth it jailing your own little sister to gain a chance to become George Zazz's personal assistant?"

"I did not jail my own sister!" screamed HurricaneAubrey.

"Order! Order!" yelled Chief Horner as she struck a wooden gavel onto the table. "Wait your turn HurricaneAubrey!"

HurricaneAubrey slammed her binder full of detailed notes shut in a non-verbal defiance of Jennxpenn's accusations against her.

"Moving on, Internet Police agents like HurricaneAubrey were gullible enough to follow Georgie on the path of destruction, convinced that the Second Gilded Age was here. It was because of this false belief that 500 thousand lives were lost. I cannot emphasize this enough. Half a million people died because the Internet Police allowed itself to be taken over by a madman. Half a million people was the fee needed to listen to a daily broadcast of Richard Wagner," spoke Jennxpenn. "Before I became an agent, I was against George Zazz from the beginning, and I was courageous enough to join resistance movements from the beginning. I bet all you numbskulls only resisted because he got into the killing business. Couldn't be bothered to overthrow him when he started arresting people for having their dresses being 1 centimeter too short."

All the Internet Police agents were shifting nervously in their seats.

"Even with the perishing of 500 thousand people, the Internet Police still clings to reactionary ideologies that Georgie would have been proud of. We adopted his motto Internexus Vult as our own. We forgot that he used these words as he and his hunting dogs Frank Murdoch and Roxy Harmon rampaged through America, apparently being vindicated by the collective minds of the internet to carry out these crimes against humanity," said Jennxpenn. She motioned her hand towards Chief Horner. "Many of you insist on keeping the frills and other decorative crap when the Internet Police moved to Boston. I am now of the opinion that Chief Horner was right in having the Internet Police headquarters in Boston have only the most necessary architectural designs. We don't need gymnasiums littered with Greek statues or giving our agents manicures. We need an Internet Police that works and wouldn't be pleasing to the reactionary Georgie. I rest my case."

At the end of her speech, Jennxpenn took off her blue suit jacket and dropped it to the floor. There were scattered moments of applause from the audience.

"Now for the question and answer session," said Chief Horner. "Each person on stage will be given the chance to ask a question to their opponent, and hopefully, a clear and concise answer will be given. After that, the opponent will have the opportunity to ask their own question to their rival with the expectation that a rational explanation will be provided. Let's start with Jennxpenn. What is your first question to HurricaneAubrey?"

"Why did you jail your little sister?" asked Jennxpenn.

"I did not," said HurricaneAubrey with a shaken voice. "I just drove her away during the Great Schism. I had no idea of the horrors of her imprisonment on Utopia Island until I joined the resistance. When I broke away from my sister, I was in a vulnerable position after witnessing Fred's atrocities during the Second War in Colorado. George Zazz provided me a way out from that state of hopelessness."

"Please," said Jennxpenn. "I saw a boy being shot by Roxy for messing up one word in the Gettysburg Address. And that still didn't scare me into becoming George Zazz's bitch."

"You're absolutely right," said HurricaneAubrey.

"Are you being serious or are you tricking me into a false sense of security?" asked Jennxpenn.

"I'm telling the truth. It is because of my sins that my sister has been repulsed by me," said HurricaneAubrey. "I might as well have personally dragged my little sister in chains to Utopia Island."

"Maybe you went a little too far Jennxpenn," thought Jennxpenn in her mind. "She's gotten the point by now. Please stop."

"HurricaneAubrey. Your question to Jennxpenn," said Chief Horner.

"You listened to my entire speech about the existence of the Second Gilded Age. Is that right Jennxpenn?" asked HurricaneAubrey.

"I listened to all of it," said Jennxpenn.

"Can you argue against today's sorry state of division?" asked HurricaneAubrey.

"Would you rather have us be mindless drones reciting quotes from 2001: A Space Odyssey?" replied Jennxpenn. "Perhaps you would prefer participating in race riots against the Irish and the lynching ceremonies of the 19th century Gilded Age. What about how the Amish in Arcadia sowed division despite being supposedly more enlightened with their primitive technology?"

"Your question Jennxpenn," said Chief Horner as HurricaneAubrey remained silent.

"What made you become a resistance member and abandoned George Zazz? Honestly, I need a full and complete explanation," said Jennxpenn.

"To make a long story short, the Nostalgia Critic convinced me. In both France and Japan, he swayed me to change sides after proving to me the flaws of blind nostalgia," said HurricaneAubrey.

"A lesson we need to be hammered into our thick skulls," said Jennxpenn.

"I don't know where I would be without the Critic saving me," said HurricaneAubrey. "He pretty much was the de facto leader of the entire resistance movement. Guess I needed saving."

"We all needed to be saved from George Zazz," said Jennxpenn as she motioned her hand towards Chief Horner. "We can thank the efforts of the Nostalgia Critic and Chief Horner for leading the resistance movement."

"I'm flattered," said Chief Horner with a blush. "But we mustn't forget that Jamie Dubs and Forest Gibson were with me when we planned the overthrow of George Zazz. And the Critic and I wouldn't have been able to lead the resistance without members like agents HurricaneAubrey and the Angry Video Game Nerd. We must also account for the civilian population who contributed to George Zazz's downfall. I'm talking about you Jennxpenn."

"I think we should get back on point," spoke Jennxpenn. "HurricaneAubrey. Do you have any more questions?"

"I do. What do you think about claims of the hypothetical Second Gilded Age being dominated by automation and corporatism?" questioned HurricaneAubrey.

"What's wrong with robots and corporations? They helped build up our modern world. When cars started replacing horses, the horse-drawn carriage drivers were becoming unemployed. Did all of them decided to burn all the cars for depriving them of their livelihoods? No. Instead, many of them adapted to become taxi drivers instead. They kept their basic skills of piloting a vehicle, substituting the horses with internal combustion engines. Apply the same scenario of adapting to technological changes to any other profession," said Jennxpenn.

"Interesting," said HurricaneAubrey without much thought.

"What about corporations? I'll be honest with all of you. I did all my research for this lyceum primarily from YouTube. From several YouTube videos, I learned some truths about the 19th century Gilded Age. After the American Civil War, there were many Presidents who called Ohio home. I'm probably going to be hated by all Ohio residents, but I'm sorry, these Ohio Presidents were forgettable and weak. They were hands-off in their approach with dealing with monopolies run by robber barons like Carnegie or Rockefeller. Where were these Ohio Presidents when the cities were overflowing with rampant pollution? What about with the prevalence of children toiling away in the factories? What about when 1/8th of the American population controlled 7/8th of the wealth? As bad as we may have it now, it wasn't as bad as back then when corporations had no restraint and decency," said Jennxpenn. "Again and again, we keep having this false nostalgia in our heads. But might as well repeat this lesson until we learn it."

"The legacy of the Great Schism of America still lives on I guess," said HurricaneAubrey.

"Let's end this lyceum with positivity. The 19th century Gilded Age was followed by the Progressive Era. And the man who kick started it was none other than Theodore Roosevelt. He busted corporate monopolies when none before had the courage to do so. President Theodore Roosevelt was truly a superhero who defied conventions and introduced lasting reforms. He had help from investigators known as muckrakers who exposed the horrid conditions of the Gilded Age corporations, the most well-known being Upton Sinclair's The Jungle showcasing the appalling environment of the meat industry. Today, we can enjoy an American hamburger without fear of getting sick from it, and if we do get food poisoning, then the laws passed during the Progressive Era can help us get the proper justice we need," spoke Jennxpenn. "What I'm saying is that we should be grateful for what we achieved so far since the 19th century. If this theoretical Second Gilded Age exists, then I would say a Second Progressive Era should come afterwards. Any more questions HurricaneAubrey?" spoke Jennxpenn.

Jennxpenn was on top of the world as she had effectively won this debate. Everyone was beaming towards her with a positive look in their eyes. She turned to face HurricaneAubrey. The veteran Internet Police agent took off her blue suit jacket and dropped it onto the floor.

"I had all of my questions answered," said HurricaneAubrey with a smile on her face.

"Then this lyceum concerning the existence of a Second Gilded Age has now concluded," announced Chief Horner as she slammed a wooden gavel onto the table.

There was a flurry of activity as the Internet Police agents made their way out of the debate hall. Jennxpenn was picking up her blue suit jacket from the stage's floor. HurricaneAubrey also lifted her blue suit jacket from the floor.

"Hey," said HurricaneAubrey to Jennxpenn

"What is it?" asked Jennxpenn.

"Thanks," said HurricaneAubrey.

"What for?" questioned Jennxpenn.

"For saving me. I guess I'm the type of girl that needs to be saved often. The Critic saved me from the psychological clutches of George Zazz in France and Japan. You took up his mantle and rescued me from reverting back to flawed nostalgia," replied HurricaneAubrey. "How about we walk home together and watch a movie on our television?"

"Sure," said Jennxpenn. "I'll see which movie is good for the both of us on one of the many online streaming sources."

"Okay," said HurricaneAubrey. "Shame that libraries and video rental stores are becoming extinct due to online streaming. No more will there be happy patrons browsing the shelves for the latest and greatest in cinema."

"HurricaneAubrey. What did I say about being too nostalgic?" said Jennxpenn with an annoyed look.

"Sorry. Let's just get home and relax," said HurricaneAubrey.

"Good," said Jennxpenn as the two agents held hands as they strolled out of the debate hall.

In Berlin's Charlottenburg Palace, General Petrovskaya was ambulating between her collection of war dioramas imported all the way from Siberia. With many still being assembled by her Siberian soldiers, they chronicled Russia's military history. She saw figurines of Novgorod soldiers defeating the Teutonic Knights at the Battle of the Ice, a preview of Russia's might against western aggression. Another military diorama showcased the Battle of Borodino where Russian soldiers fought against Napoleon's Grande Armée. The miniature cannons and the red paint representing bloodshed from both sides adequately detailed the bloodiest battle of the Napoleonic Wars.

"Napoleon was such an idiot when he invaded Russia," smirked General Petrovskaya as she toppled the literally tiny Napoleon figure with her hand. "Though he won this battle, the Russians weakened his army considerably when they captured Moscow, and when they couldn't hold onto the city, they retreated where they were torn apart by lack of food and the winter. Hitler the imbecile would make the same mistake underestimating the Russians."

She passed by the World War II battlefield reenactments of the Battle of Stalingrad and the Battle of Berlin. These were the ones she most treasured. The Battle of Stalingrad display had scale models of the crumbling buildings shelled by German artillery, and there were miniature Soviet soldiers crawling through the tunnels and rubble of the nearly destroyed city, fighting for the motherland against the Nazi invaders. Kneeling, she peered through the detailed model of the Battle of Berlin, with the bombed-out Reichstag as the centerpiece. She peered through the windows of the German parliament building where she saw miniatures of Soviet soldiers fighting against the German soldiers with machine guns, grenades, and their own bare hands. Getting back onto her feet, she saw the culmination of the Battle of Berlin: a miniature Soviet soldier waving the Soviet flag over the ruins of Berlin.

"Wonderful isn't it," said General Petrovskaya to Roxy Harmon, with the latter arriving to have a private conversation.

"Of course," said Roxy. "And now I have taken over the city of Berlin."

"It is one thing to take over a city or a country. It is another matter to hold onto it. I should remind you of how Napoleon captured Moscow but failed to hang onto it. Or how about Hitler's unsuccessful attempt to subjugate the Soviet Union. Without Siberian support, you would be in chains facing the wrath of an international court," remarked General Petrovskaya. "But instead, you're now beloved by the media. I'll show you."

General Petrovskaya beckoned Roxy to enter a room where a large television screen was mounted over a painting of Frederick the Great. The television was turned on, and it showed what the media has to say about Roxy Harmon, Emperor George's Rottweiler.

"Roxy Harmon is a fine example of young people trying to improve the broken and rusty system of the old Europe. She now seeks to fix things rather than being satisfied with the status quo," said a young male reporter from MicroNews.

"Once a victim of men like George Zazz and Frank Murdoch, Roxy has become a strong, independent woman who intends on changing the future," said a female reporter from INN.

"We demand change, and Roxy Harmon is the way of the future," said a political pundit being interviewed on MicroNews.

"I'm wearing this shirt of Roxy Harmon because I believe she represents real change, and not the bullshit promises proposed by old, white politicians," said a random male bystander on the street. He was wearing a red t-shirt with a black image of Roxy's head.

"Introducing Roxy Harmon!" said a female talk show host to the loud applause of the audience as Roxy was skating on the stage with roller shoes, and Roxy was also holding a basket in her hand. The KC & The Sunshine Band's song "That's the Way I Like it" was being played in the background.

An abridged version of the interview was playing on the screen.

"So, what do you have in your basket?" said the female talk show host as she and Roxy were sitting on a large couch.

"I have here a basket of adorable puppies!" squealed Roxy as she opened the basket's top, revealing a litter of white puppies.

"How cute!" exclaimed the female talk show host. "Do you agree audience?"

"Of course," said the audience in unison as they applauded Roxy.

"I love cute animals!" said Roxy with a girlish squeal. "I'll show you some pictures of the animals I encountered during my trip to Germany."

On a large television screen on the stage, Roxy showed images of her cuddling kittens with the background of the heavily damaged Brandenburg Gate. She then displayed herself hugging a couple more puppies as she was standing in the middle of the destroyed Reichstag.

"Aww," said the audience in a delightful response to Roxy's photographs.

General Petrovskaya turned off the television.

"Stupid humans," said General Petrovskaya with a smug smile. "Because of my advice, the whole world now loves you."

"Not quite," said Roxy. "There is the matter of the Internet Police."

"We'll deal with them in due time when we initiate the next stage in our plan," said General Petrovskaya. "I call it the Great Green Society."

"The Great Green Society?" questioned Roxy.

"It's a reference to President Lyndon B. Johnson's Great Society," answered General Petrovskaya. "You must have forgotten that I was a natural-born American with Russian ancestry, and I would have been taught about the Great Society in an American high school. Not that many Americans nowadays would be intelligent enough to know their own history. Anyway, what is the buzzword of today: green.

"Green? As in money?" asked Roxy.

"I'm thinking about a different kind of green. Though I do hope we'll make plenty of money from our scheme," explained General Petrovskaya. "I am referring to green as it relates to the environment. Green trees, green leaves, green meadows, etc."

"Go on," said Roxy.

"Let's face it, humanity has never been more unpopular than now, and one of the key factors in humanity's self-loathing is environmental damage. There are countless advertisements shaming humans on their role in damaging the natural world and for the exploitation of animals. If we can harness humanity's current low self-esteem, then we can secure your place as the undisputed ruler of Sylvania," said General Petrovskaya.

"And I'll be the one who will direct and produce the movie that will show the entire world why man is evil, all for the benefit of my new partner Roxy Harmon," said a male voice in the shadows.

Roxy and General Petrovskaya looked at the figure in the shadows, and they immediately recognized him.

"You're here early," said General Petrovskaya. "I'll leave you two to carry out the Great Green Society in Germany and Italy, and if you're capable enough, the state of Sylvania will expand to all of Europe."

General Petrovskaya gave Roxy a folder containing the outlines for the Great Green Society before the Siberian woman marched back to her flagship helicopter that was parked in the palace's gardens. Roxy heard the helicopter taking off. She then turned her attention to the man in the shadows.

"So. Let's get started on the Great Green Society," said Roxy to the Internet Police agent in the shadows.

The Brandenburg Gate was the symbol of Berlin's history of triumph and tragedy. Constructed to commemorate the military triumphs of the Prussian state, the Brandenburg Gate suffered through several hardships, the most notable of which were the seizure of its quadriga by Napoleon Bonaparte and its closure to the public with the birth of the Berlin Wall. With the collapse of the wall during the Revolution of 1989, the Brandenburg Gate represented the newfound unity of the two Berlins and the two Germans with the end of the Cold War. The Brandenburg Gate's role at the end of the 20th century would be one of peace and reconciliation. But the Brandenburg Gate's purpose would now be a representation of humanity's wickedness towards the natural world as outlined by Roxy Harmon in her speech explaining the Great Green Society. Wearing a pink Chanel suit, Roxy was following the tradition of President John F. Kennedy and President Ronald Reagan as an American delivering an influential speech to the native Berliners. But while Presidents Kennedy and Reagan's speeches were about the evils of the Soviet Union, Roxy's statement was about the evils that humans had inflicted on the environment.

"For thousands of years, humanity has been raping the natural world. When we discovered fire, our first instinct was to set the pristine forests on fire, killing every innocent creature that ran, swam, flew, or crawled. And the smoke from those forest fires was our first step in polluting the atmosphere, a precursor to the industrial factories that would bellow out clouds of pollutants during the Industrial Revolution," explained Roxy as she was standing in front of the Brandenburg Gate, broadcasting her speech to a worldwide audience. "Look at what was the result of this Industrial Revolution. Plastics in the ocean, choking innocent dolphins and whales who did nothing wrong. Rainforests being slaughtered for the sake of producing toilet paper for humans to wipe themselves of their self-produced excrement. The polar ice caps are melting because humans are pumping harmful gases into Mother Nature's sky. Shame on you, humanity. Shame on you."

Roxy saw the seated audience looking down in shame as she spoke of humanity's destruction of the environment.

"This gate behind me is humanity's arrogance. It celebrates the military triumphs of humans rather than the beauty of Mother Nature. Why have a triumphal gate applauding humanity's violent tendencies towards each other? It's a waste of space that could be utilized for something more environmentally friendly. How about a nature preserve for animals to roam around without fear from the bloodthirsty humans? I think that would be a better idea," said Roxy.

The audience applauded at Roxy's plans for the Brandenburg Gate.

"I think now is the appropriate time to unveil my plans for the occupied cities of Germany and Italy. I intend on crafting the new state of Sylvania from the ruins of man's greed. The basis of this nation would be the Great Green Society. The finer details still need to be hammered out, but I'll give you the basic facts. The tenets of the Great Green Society will be enforced by the Green Army, a special task force that will protect Mother Nature from man's destructive traits. You can consider the Green Army to be the defenders of our little blue planet," said Roxy. "The Green Army will patrol the streets of old Germany and old Italy, looking for the scumbags who want to harm Mother Nature. Humans need to pay for the crimes we committed onto our Mother. The Great Green Society is our penance for our sins against Mother Nature."

All around the world, people watched Roxy's speech on their various electronic devices large and small. Humans of all walks of life were watching and listening to Roxy's Great Green Society plan to cleanse humanity of their unnatural filth. One of the humans watching the speech was General Petrovskaya. From a luxurious, spacious bathroom in Venice, Italy, General Petrovskaya was relaxing in a massive bathing pool. With her long brunette hair tied in a bun as she sat in water that was just barely above her chest, she watched on a large television screen as Roxy was using simple words to describe the Great Green Society.

"Mother Nature is angry. We must repent! Repent! Green is the way!" exclaimed Roxy as she screamed into the microphone and slammed her hand on the podium.

"Humans are simple-minded creatures," spoke General Petrovskaya as she rubbed soap across her arms and legs, moaning in pleasure.

After lifting her leg from beneath the water, General Petrovskaya stared at a sculpture in the far corner of the bathroom. It was Michelangelo's David, the authentic sculpture stolen from Florence's Accademia.

"We're going to take you to a better home," said General Petrovskaya. "Siberia, the unconquerable country."

After untying her hair, she got out of the pool and walked towards the window whose view was blocked by curtains. Not bothering to put on a towel to absorb the water from her smooth skin, she peeked around the curtains to get a view of Venice's Grand Canal. She saw Siberian soldiers using boats and helicopters to plunder Venice's priceless artwork. A helicopter was transporting the original Horses of Saint Mark over a group of soldiers arguing about who was going to handle the Portrait of the Four Tetrarchs that had been chipped away from the walls of St. Mark's Basilica.

"We need a lot more time if we're going to strip Italy of its treasures," said General Petrovskaya as she moved her fingers through her flowing hair. "I'd say the Great Green Society will be sufficient in meeting our need. Humanity already hates itself, and if the Green Army does its job, then humanity will accept Roxy's authoritarian rule without question. And Siberia will reap the benefits of Sylvania's devotion to Mother Nature, with Sylvania's Green Army and Siberia's soldiers redistributing resources all in the name of environmental protection."

"We'll be taking a short intermission before we introduce my most faithful follower of the Great Green Society and the future prosperity of Sylvania," spoke Roxy as she stepped down from the podium.

Smiling to herself, General Petrovskaya walked towards a shower with transparent glass doors. She heard the excited murmurs of the audience open to the ideas of the Great Green Society.

"Funny, Venice has been used as warning of the dangers of rising sea levels," spoke General Petrovskaya as she rubbed shampoo across her flowing, wet hair. "It has been a symbol of mankind's hubris of believing that nature was in their control. With the Great Green Society, we will now make the citizens of Sylvania believe that Venice isn't even worth saving from being submerged. Now, should I make my hair blonde, or should I remain a brunette?"

In a tent just behind the Brandenburg Gate, Roxy was browsing the internet for reactions to her speech introducing the Great Green Society. Much to her delight, they were mostly positive.

"Fuck humanity! Except you, Roxy. You rock!" said one message from San Francisco.

"Forget being President of the United States. Roxy should be President of the World," said another message from Washington, D.C.

"That's the way she likes it!" said a message from Detroit.

"It worked. Natalia Petrovskaya's psychological tactics worked," remarked Roxy. "I'm now beloved by everyone."

Roxy's smile then turned into a grimace.

"Who am I kidding?! That Russian whore didn't do anything. I did all the work. She just used her tits to get me the funds I needed to secure the German and Italian cities for the state of Sylvania. I'm the one who history will remember and not that slut," said Roxy.

Roxy began searching on the internet for historical mass murderers.

"Genghis Khan, slaughterer of the Chinese. Adolf Hitler, principal architect of the Second World War. Joseph Stalin, killer of millions of Soviets during his reign. Mao Zedong killed millions of his own countrymen with the Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution," said Roxy Harmon. "None of these men has ever reached beyond 100 million people. It's a shame that I didn't reach a million people killed as the Great Schism of America only led to 500 thousand people dying directly or indirectly from my participation."

After drinking a glass of water, Roxy headed back onto the stage.

"I'm going to break their records and kill a billion people," thought Roxy as she gave a friendly wave to her admirers. "And the next speaker will help me to that audacious goal."

Upon clearing her throat, Roxy began to introduce her special guest.

"And now ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce to you the legendary hero of the internet. The man who revolutionized online reviews and has recently joined the fight to defend Mother Earth. Give it here for the Nostalgia Critic!" announced Roxy.

A thunderous applause filled the Berlin night sky. The Nostalgia Critic, one of the principal architects of George Zazz's downfall, marched onto the stage adorned with his usual attire. Roxy stood idly by as the Critic gave a warm smile in her direction. With Roxy returning the favor with her own supportive smile, the Critic began addressing his fans both in Berlin and around the world.

"Hello. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to," said the Critic. "I just had to say it at the beginning. Makes for a good introduction if I do say so myself."

The audience laughed and applauded once more. With the tension of starting the speech dissipating, the Critic launched into the core theme of his statement.

"Though I am famous across the internet, there are some things that may come as a surprise to all of you. Not many people know that I'm German. Well German with some Polish ancestry, but overall, I'm mostly German. And I'm ashamed of what my ancestors have done to the environment. You see, the Germans invented the car in the late 19th century, one powered by an internal combustion engine. You won't believe the environmental damage caused by the automobile, from the noxious fumes emitted by these devil machines to the eyesore inflicted on nature by the roads needed to accompany these horseless vehicles. And let's not forget how the Germans continued their mayhem on Mother Nature in the 20th century," said the Critic. "During the First World War, the Germans invented mustard gas to use against the French and British in the trenches, and what comes to mind when we think about World War One battlefields?"

The audience was whispering amongst themselves. Roxy peered on with satisfaction.

"When I told General Petrovskaya that I managed to get the Critic on my side, she was incredulous. She thought it was mad of me to even attempt to bring him along. And when she met the Critic for the first time in person, she looked at him in a rather off-putting manner. Nevertheless, she was pleased at what I had done. Not that her opinion mattered. I just need her financial and natural resources and the Critic's fame to get what I want out of life," thought Roxy.

"Trees being stripped of their leaves over a barren landscape," spoke the Critic as he leaned against the podium, with his shoulder on the podium's top and his finger pointing to the audience. "And let's not forget what the heinous Nazis had in mind for the environment. They planned on building gargantuan structures glorifying a state they claimed would last a thousand years. For example, this very city would have hosted a monstrous domed building called the Volkshalle. It would have been the pinnacle of Nazi architecture if it had been built over the swampy Berlin landscape, but thanks to the hubris of the Nazis, it was never constructed, thus preserving the Berlin's swamp from being runover by tons of steel and marble. Lastly, the East German government that ran much of Berlin throughout the Cold War sought to suffocate the air with their noxious factories, all in the name of uniting the workers of the world. Who cares about the workers when Mother Nature is being poisoned? To hell with humans. Nature good. Humans bad."

Those simple words fired up the crowd into a frenzy. The Critic smiled as he launched into his dream for the world.

"We shall tear down the perversions of the natural world. We shall tear down the Autobahn that has sliced through Sylvania's forests and meadows. Shame on the Germans who thought this behemoth was an excellent idea," spoke the Critic. "To minimize humanity's impact on nature, the nation of Sylvania will concentrate its population into zones of habitation, allowing the surrounding environment to recover from years of man's damage. In each of these zones of habitation, there will be communal farms where everyone will have a chance to grow food in an environmentally safe manner. I will expand on Roxy's mention of the Green Army. Yes, they are the defenders of our little blue planet. But how will you recognize them? I'll show you."

The Critic snapped his finger and two Green Army soldiers marched onto the stage. Was one a man and the other was a woman? Or were they two men or two women. Nobody could tell because the soldiers were wearing gas masks and green hazmat suits complete with long trench coats.

"As you are well aware, their primary mission is to journey into manmade disaster areas and clean up the damage done," explained the Critic. "And before you ask, yes they are carrying guns in their hands. It's to protect themselves from the humans who want nothing more than to mutilate Mother Nature. A son goes to war to defend his mother, both his biological mother and his mother country. Our Green Army needs these weapons to preserve the dignity and sanctity of Mother Nature."

The two Green Army gave a salute to Roxy as she made her way towards the Critic.

"Let's hear it for the new nation of Sylvania. No more will the nations of Germany and Italy destroy Mother Nature!" exclaimed Roxy.

"Down with the humans who intend to get in the way of our further ambitions," said the Critic referring to himself and Roxy. "And if you disagree, I'm sorry you feel that way."

It was an informal end to the Critic's speech, but going by the applause that followed, it was effective. The Critic and Roxy hugged each other and gave each other kisses on the cheeks. Thousands of miles across the Atlantic, Jennxpenn was standing in front of a flat-screen television watching the Berlin event.

"People won't stand for this. We're doing just fine in this modern age," said Jennxpenn as she was holding a pair of headphones and a mobile phone in her hand. Apparently, she saw news of what was happening in Berlin on her mobile device and just had to see the speech on a larger screen. "I just can't believe how people easily forgave Roxy Harmon after all she's done to America. What do you think, HurricaneAubrey? HurricaneAubrey?"

HurricaneAubrey was sitting on a couch with a stony expression on her face. Jennxpenn saw her stand up and turn to face the canvas she had been working on for the past few months. Her hands were clenched into a fist.

"Isn't the painting you're working on called The Generational Cycle or something? What are you doing?" asked a scared looking Jennxpenn.

Like a ferocious animal, HurricaneAubrey punched and kicked at the canvas she worked so hard on.

"Woah!" yelled Jennxpenn. "What am I seeing?!"

With the canvas rendered beyond repair, HurricaneAubrey ran out of her apartment room and into the streets of Boston. It was a rainy Earth Day.

"Wait! The Critic could just be brainwashed. Roxy could just be using some high-tech technology to seduce him to the dark side," shouted Jennxpenn.

Despite the April showers, HurricaneAubrey ran all the way to the Internet Police headquarters. She reached her office. It was a cluttered space overflowing with papers and various electrical devices. Maps of Central Europe and photographs of her sister Allison were pinned to the walls, with pieces of string connecting them to a variety of papers regarding Allison's supposed whereabouts. Not caring that she was soaking wet, HurricaneAubrey got into a fetal position in one corner of her office.

"What did the Critic whisper to me back in Japan?" said HurricaneAubrey as she laid her head on her knees.

She flashbacked to the time when she was saying goodbye to the Critic on Tokyo's Takeshita Street. Just before she would return to America in her fight against George Zazz, the Critic whispered something in her ear. It was "Life is more complex than it seems." At the time, it was a reassuring statement as it was refuting George Zazz's black and white notion of Patricians (civilized people) vs the Plebeians (the barbarians). What counts as being civilized was more than just listening to classical music or enjoying highbrow literature. These words from the Critic propelled HurricaneAubrey and others to fight against George Zazz's limited worldview during the Great Schism of America, with their victory confirming the beautiful complexity of the universe. But now the Critic's words of assurance in Japan revealed a bleaker truth. It showed that anyone can be corrupted. Why else would the Critic be hugging and kissing Roxy despite almost killing each other on Route 66? The fantasy was over. The pedestal was broken.

"The Critic could just be brainwashed," said Jennxpenn's voice in HurricaneAubrey's head.

HurricaneAubrey looked at framed photo on her desk. It was of the Critic and HurricaneAubrey painting and gluing objects to the unfinished work The Generational Cycle. HurricaneAubrey shook her head.

"I may have made peace with Jennxpenn regarding my past support for George Zazz, but I'm not willing to go that far," said HurricaneAubrey as she got up. "I don't know the exact reason why the Critic would turn to the dark side, but he did it of his own free will."

Brushing aside her wet hair that was falling in front of her eyes, HurricaneAubrey was looking at maps of Germany and Italy, using her finger to pinpoint the exact location of her sister.

"I'm going to rescue you no matter what," said HurricaneAubrey. "That's pretty much the only thing that isn't complex in this universe."

Please review this story to provide me some advice on improving it. What other internet personalities or memes should the Internet Police encounter?