I do not own any of the internet personalities or memes presented in this story.
The Internet Police: Year in Review
The War of European Succession, Part 1
It was the year 1889 in Paris, capital of the Third French Republic. The newly built Eiffel Tower was the highlight of the Exposition Universelle. Amongst the many visitors attending the world's fair were two women by the name of HurricaneAubrey and Jennxpenn. Wearing attire from the Belle Époque, HurricaneAubrey was sharing her Impressionist sketches of the 1889 fair to Jennxpenn.
"These are really good," spoke Jennxpenn as she flipped through pages of pencil sketches. She arrived at HurricaneAubrey's drawing of the Eiffel Tower.
"The Eiffel Tower. Built to commemorate the French Revolution of 1789," explained HurricaneAubrey. "This tower needs no further introduction."
Jennxpenn stared at the finely dressed pedestrians walking around the tower. Many held their heads down in disgust.
"What's wrong with them?" asked Jennxpenn as she saw HurricaneAubrey's own interpretation of the bitter French citizens within the sketches. "Don't they see how the Eiffel Tower represented human progress and ingenuity?"
"Not so," answered HurricaneAubrey. "They considered the tower to be an affront of traditional French architecture. Soulless steel in comparison to godly stone and marble."
"Hey, you!" shouted Jennxpenn to a man walking past her. "What do you think of the Eiffel Tower?"
"As a matter of fact, I'm going to eat lunch within the tower's restaurant," answered the man.
"Oh good," said Jennxpenn. "You're going to eat there for the spectacular view of Paris."
"No. I'm going to eat at the Eiffel Tower because it's the only place in this city where I don't have to see it," said the man.
Jennxpenn looked at HurricaneAubrey, with the artist merely shrugging her shoulders.
"Let's take a look at the next few pages," said HurricaneAubrey to Jennxpenn.
Jennxpenn flipped through HurricaneAubrey's sketch pages. She saw what appeared to be trains and other forms of Industrial Age engines. When Jennxpenn glanced up from the pages, she saw an exhibit on the virtues of the Industrial Revolution right in front of her.
"I think you already know how influential the Industrial Revolution was on human societies, with this revolution being even more impactful than both the American Revolution and the French Revolution," spoke HurricaneAubrey.
"Are you questioning my intelligence?" asked Jennxpenn with an annoyed tone.
"Of course not," said HurricaneAubrey in an innocent voice. "I'm just your apprentice after all. I'm just guiding you along the way since you are the Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance."
"Before you assume that I'll say, 'What is the point of taking me on an imaginary trip to the 1889 World's Fair', I'll just tell you reason why we're here. You want to show me why humanity is great and not worthy of torture according to Roxy and her Green Army," spoke Jennxpenn.
"That's right," said HurricaneAubrey.
"And so far, I'm liking what I'm seeing," said Jennxpenn. "Look at how good humanity is here at the fair. They built industrial machines and the Eiffel Tower. If they were savages who ravaged Mother Nature, then I'm not seeing it here."
Moving past a crowd lining up to see the opera Esclarmonde, HurricaneAubrey and Jennxpenn got onto bicycles and started pedaling around the World's Fair. They rode past several artists painting on canvases.
"Behold Impressionism," said HurricaneAubrey as she and Jennxpenn saw the paintings that once horrified the artistic community. "What do you see, Jennxpenn?"
"I see colors being mashed together to create a fleeting image that has meaning," said Jennxpenn as she fleeted past the Impressionist artists. "Something humans are capable of."
"Very impressive," said a delighted HurricaneAubrey. "And let's go meet one of these Impressionists for ourselves. Or more accurately, a Post-Impressionist."
HurricaneAubrey and Jennxpenn disembarked from their bicycles to meet a man painting the French countryside. Jennxpenn couldn't quite see his face as a straw hat was obscuring her view. Jennxpenn then stared at a page from HurricaneAubrey's sketches. On the page was a man with ginger hair. HurricaneAubrey's portrait also had the man missing an ear. Looking up from the page, Jennxpenn saw the man himself.
"Hello. Vincent van Gogh," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Hello," said Vincent van Gogh to HurricaneAubrey.
"I see that you're hard at work capturing the essence of the French countryside," spoke HurricaneAubrey with a smile.
"Yes," said Vincent.
"You're awesome," said Jennxpenn while giving the thumbs up. "You make humanity proud. Keep up the good work."
Vincent just stared awkwardly at Jennxpenn. Nevertheless, he smiled as he continued painting.
"You have a bright future ahead of you. I can't wait to see the many more paintings that humanity will display in museums around the world. You will show everyone that humanity is capable of great things," said Jennxpenn. She got out a portable phone and took her own self-portrait alongside HurricaneAubrey and Vincent van Gogh's painting. "Here's to several more years of a fulfilling artistic career."
The crowds around the two artists and Jennxpenn stared in bewilderment at the device in Jennxpenn's hand, but HurricaneAubrey had greater concerns on her mind. HurricaneAubrey was fully aware that Vincent van Gogh's earthly life didn't have a happy ending.
"I don't have it in me to tell Jennxpenn the truth about what happened to Vincent shortly after the 1889 World's Fair," thought HurricaneAubrey as she smiled in front of the high-tech gadget Jennxpenn was taking pictures with. "She just needs to know that Vincent van Gogh was a human being who created beauty and depth with his paintings. That is enough for her to lead the Innovation Alliance against the human hating Sylvanians. Why complicate things with unnecessary drama?"
Jennxpenn and HurricaneAubrey stared at Vincent van Gogh's painting of the French countryside. Both closed their eyes. They opened their eyes and saw that they were staring at Vincent van Gogh's painting in the present day within the Orsay Museum.
"I love humanity," said Jennxpenn. "Now I'm pumped to fight Roxy and her band of Sylvanian bitches."
HurricaneAubrey and Jennxpenn moved past the crowds of people also at the Orsay Museum. Many of these museum visitors were members of the Innovation Alliance, with several of them also having taken part in the rebellion that took down George Zazz.
"Maybe they are here to also remind themselves of humanity's inherent creativity," thought HurricaneAubrey.
Much to her disappointment, she saw a man she hoped she would never see in an art museum. That man was Rémi Gaillard.
"He was pardoned by the French Internet Police despite his vandalization of the Louvre. It was only after Mr. Gaillard assisted the French Internet Police on hunting down pranksters who were even more malevolent than him. I don't agree with their reasoning," thought HurricaneAubrey who shot death stares at Mr. Gaillard.
"Is everything okay, HurricaneAubrey?" asked Jennxpenn.
HurricaneAubrey tried to calm herself by deep breaths.
"I'm fine," said HurricaneAubrey.
HurricaneAubrey looked behind her shoulder for one last look at Mr. Gaillard. It appeared that the French prankster was admiring Renoir's Dance at Le Moulin de la Galette. He seems as if he had no malicious intent as he pondered the masterpiece.
"Maybe he changed for the better," thought HurricaneAubrey as she tried to think optimistically.
Jennxpenn and HurricaneAubrey walked out of the Orsay Museum.
"Let us sample the finest French cuisines," suggested HurricaneAubrey. "Another triumph for France and for humanity."
Jennxpenn began walking arm to arm with HurricaneAubrey.
"Lead the way to a culinary adventure," said Jennxpenn as she walked with HurricaneAubrey to a nearby Metro station.
On the Champs-Élysées, Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka were discussing the topic of tea. You might be wondering what exactly about tea that was fascinating to TamashiiHiroka and Gigguk. Was it the medicinal benefits of drinking tea? Was it the role tea played in igniting the Opium Wars between the United Kingdom and China, which facilitated the creation of British Hong Kong? No. It was how Gigguk hated the anime K-On, with an overabundance of tea being one of the deciding factors. TamashiiHiroka begged to differ.
"Motherfucking tea. It boils down to motherfucking tea. K-On has cute girls doing cute things. And one of these "kawaii" things is drinking motherfucking tea," said Gigguk. "Motherfucking tea ruins everything. It killed the mecha genre of anime."
"Don't be so overly dramatic," insisted TamashiiHiroka. "How could a cute little show like K-On be so deserving of your ire. It didn't kill anything, least of all a genre that just had giant robots smashing each other."
"It's not just about robots wrestling each other. Mecha anime is a public announcement of humanity's capacity of extraordinary technological progress. Plus, giant robots are fucking awesome, not like motherfucking tea," said Gigguk. "Curse those moe shows of cute girls doing cute things. These moe shows along with idol anime slaughtered the mecha genre."
"At least there's positivity and fun to be had in moe and idol anime," said TamashiiHiroka. "Mecha anime just has gratuitous violence and explosions."
"What about Neon Genesis Evangelion?" said Gigguk. "To quote you, 'everyone should see it'."
"But they should see it when they are mature adults. It's not for everyone," said TamashiiHiroka. "On another note, I prefer the ending to the original series rather than the ending to the follow-up movie."
"And why is that?" asked Gigguk.
"Because the ending to the Neon Genesis Evangelion series was more optimistic than the ending to the movie," said TamashiiHiroka. "And we need a lot more positivity right now in these dark times. If I had to choose between a moe show like K-On or a psychologically complex show like Neon Genesis Evangelion, I would pick K-On because of how bright and happy the show is. Even with the positive ending for the Evangelion series, the viewer needs to watch several hours of pessimism and hopelessness before getting to the conclusion."
'Well that's reality for you," said Gigguk. "You need to get through the turmoil of life before achieving the perfect ending."
"Some of us prefer if the troubles were a little more innocent like in many slice of life animes. The biggest problem our anime protagonists encounter is not having enough herbs in their tea," said TamashiiHiroka.
"Motherfucking tea," commented Gigguk.
Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka continued walking on the Champs-Élysées. This famous avenue has hosted several parades throughout its existence. From the infamous Nazi parade after the Fall of France to the euphoric Allied march during the Liberation of France, the Champs-Élysées is now the location for Innovation Alliance parades. From all corners of the globe, the Innovation Alliance members, under the authority of Supreme Commander Jennxpenn, were riding in army jeeps on the Champs-Élysées, honking their jeeps' horns while blowing into vuvuzelas. It was a sight to behold as thousands of Innovation Alliance soldiers were cheering and pumping their fists in the air as they proclaimed the end of Roxy and her delusional state of Sylvania.
"What a sight to behold," said TamashiiHiroka as she saw electronic signs carried by the volunteer soldiers broadcasting anti-Sylvanian messages.
"Yes," smiled Gigguk.
Gigguk turned his head to get a full view of the celebratory parades in Paris. His smiled turned to a grimace as he saw an ambulance parked on the road. He saw paramedics transporting a young Japanese couple onto the emergency vehicle. The Japanese man and woman were rambling in Japanese as they were in a serious state of shock.
"What are you looking at?" asked TamashiiHiroka, who just saw Gigguk's distraught look.
"Reality. More specifically, Paris Syndrome," said Gigguk.
"Paris Syndrome?" questioned TamashiiHiroka.
"Paris Syndrome. A condition where visitors to the City of Lights have unrealistic and optimistic expectations about the place. Tell me TamashiiHiroka, what is the first that comes to your mind when you think about Paris?" asked Gigguk.
"Chic fashion," said TamashiiHiroka.
"And if you happen to be an ordinary visitor to Paris and you saw these rowdy men and women wearing unfashionable clothes and playing loud horns, what would you think?" asked Gigguk.
"I would think that I landed in the wrong city," said TamashiiHiroka.
"Correct," said Gigguk. "And as you can see across the street, some people aren't able to cope with this reality of Parisian life."
TamashiiHiroka saw the Japanese couple mumbling several Japanese words as they raised their arms in the air with despair.
"What are they saying?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"I only know rudimentary Japanese," said Gigguk. "But from what I can tell, they are saying that they can't believe Paris doesn't have good food, good music, or good people. They do have unattainable expectations about Paris."
"I didn't think they would take it this bad," said TamashiiHiroka as the paramedics placed breathing masks on the Japanese couple while an Innovation Alliance jeep passed by with its occupants drinking wine and placing their legs in the air.
"That's the danger of overt optimism. You are bound to have your expectations crushed. The young Japanese man and woman thought that Paris would have beautiful people on every corner with Michelin-star food being served in every restaurant. Perhaps there would even be romantic accordions being played as the city's soundtrack. Instead, they found Paris as a city that is at the mercy of global affairs. It doesn't exist in an uncontaminated vacuum of romance," said Gigguk.
"Well that dampened the mood of this Innovation Alliance celebration. We're a part of the problem," said TamashiiHiroka.
"You should see how people go to Japan with unreasonably high expectations," said Gigguk.
"What?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"Never mind," spoke Gigguk. "Let's just go to a spot in Paris off the beaten path. Maybe there is still a bit of Parisian magic somewhere."
In a Parisian café off the beaten path, Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka managed to find the Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance rallying her troops. With Erik Satie's Gymnopédies playing in the background, the Innovation Alliance soldiers were having onion soup as the appetizer, ratatouille as the entrée, and crème brûlée as the dessert. Jennxpenn was standing with HurricaneAubrey and a couple of other Innovation Alliance soldiers as they praised the French food being served to all their supporters.
"Bon appetite!" shouted Jennxpenn as she unscrewed a bottle of wine, with the Supreme General pouring out the wine into the glasses of the soldiers standing beside her. "Let's hear it for delicious French food prepared and cooked by the French people."
There were several glasses being clanked together, with TamashiiHiroka and Gigguk helping themselves to the finest Burgundy wine.
"I just saw that this café was hosting a private party for Innovation Alliance soldiers only," spoke Gigguk. "Perhaps that's a good thing considering how widespread Paris Syndrome is these days, especially with the gathering of Innovation Alliance troops here in Paris."
"I thought you said we weren't going to discuss Paris Syndrome anymore," said TamashiiHiroka.
"You're right," said Gigguk. "Then what should we talk about?"
"Pokémon," suggested TamashiiHiroka.
"Of course," said Gigguk with a chuckle as he sipped a glass of wine.
"Since we are in Paris, we should talk about how the Pokémon region of Kalos from Pokémon X and Y takes inspiration from northern France," said TamashiiHiroka.
"Carry away," said Gigguk.
As TamashiiHiroka and Gigguk were discussing the finer points of Pokémon lore in regard to Poké Puffs and the revolutionary act of being able to sit on benches, Jennxpenn was proving her worth as a leader by outlining the virtues of humanity by way of how famous French cuisines were.
"Taste the delicious onion soup, savor the ratatouille that was definitely not prepared by rats, and relish in the crème brûlée prepared by the great chefs here in this café!" exclaimed Jennxpenn. "And let us not forget about the waiters and waitresses who carried out the fine dishes to all of us."
There was applause for the café staff, with the culinary workers feeling flattered by Jennxpenn's compliments.
"I could go on and on about all of the positive things the French has done for humanity, but then we wouldn't have time to get those human-hating Sylvanians who want us to eat dog shit and drink contaminated water," said Jennxpenn. "We're going to get them Sylvanians, and we're going to hang them from the top of the Eiffel Tower by the waist of their pants."
"Yeah!" shouted all the Innovation Alliance members as they raised their glasses.
"We're sticking to just talking about French food in order to illustrate how fucking awesome humanity is," said Jennxpenn. "Why is French food the best? Because of French fries."
HurricaneAubrey did a double take when Jennxpenn mentioned French fries.
"French fries aren't French. The fries were invented in Belgium," thought HurricaneAubrey.
"Ha ha. Just kidding," smiled Jennxpenn. "French fries really came from Belgium. I was just teasing all of you. We need some jokes to lighten the mood when we're going after that bitch Roxy."
The Innovation Alliance soldiers guffawed.
"But really, French food is really something. Why is that? It is because of geography. Look how diverse France is. From the temperate shores of the English Channel to the sunny beaches of the French Riviera, you can see how varied French geography is. No wonder the food is so creative here. But it isn't just nature that delivered the onion soup, the ratatouille, and the crème brûlée. It was the French people who perfected these dishes after centuries of experimentation and refinement," said Jennxpenn. "Who else can challenge the French in the culinary world?"
Having a history of saying irrational statements while drunk, HurricaneAubrey, after having drunk an entire bottle of wine, spat out a seemingly inappropriate answer.
"The Italians," said HurricaneAubrey while she was trying to maintain her balance as she stood beside Jennxpenn. "They make the best spaghetti and meatballs there is."
The crowd went silent. And TamashiiHiroka and Gigguk halted their Pokémon discussion to stare at HurricaneAubrey
"Did she just contradicted what Jennxpenn said about French cooking?" whispered TamashiiHiroka to Gigguk.
"Yes, she did," said Gigguk with a worried look on his face.
Nearby, the Angry Video Game Nerd was sitting at a table sharing a glass of wine with the Happy Video Game Nerd and a British man by the name of Guru Larry.
"I hope this doesn't taint our alliance later down the line," spoke the Nerd as he pretended to drink the glass of wine.
The Innovation Alliance members watched to see what Jennxpenn would do to HurricaneAubrey, with the brunette woman not being fully aware of the gravity of the situation. Jennxpenn coughed as she cleared her throat. She then gave her verdict regarding HurricaneAubrey's burst of insanity.
"The Italians are great chefs as well," said Jennxpenn as she rubbed HurricaneAubrey's head in an affectionate manner. "Without the Italians, where would the spaghetti and meatballs be? What about pizza, the staple of Americana? We should also give a shout out to the Italians for making delicious food. I'm glad you brought up the Italians, HurricaneAubrey. Besides Germany, we also need to save the Italians from the evil clutches of Roxy. Right now, the Italians are probably being deprived of good food, and they are being forced to eat rotten tomatoes and moldy bread. Like the French, the Italians are humans, and since humans are creative and inherently awesome, we should save them from the Sylvanians."
"Here, here," said Gigguk as he raised his glass of wine.
Jennxpenn received positive feedback from the audience. The Supreme Commander needed to end on a strong note. With a few seconds of thought, Jennxpenn shouted her battle cry in the upcoming War of European Succession.
"For humanity!" shouted Jennxpenn as she pumped her fist into the air.
"For humanity!" screamed the Innovation Alliance soldiers.
With the café being filled with conversations about plans for liberating Germany, Jennxpenn took a drunken HurricaneAubrey to a broom closet, with the two agents being bathed in near darkness.
"Are you alright?" asked Jennxpenn as knelt to a barely conscious HurricaneAubrey with a solitary light bulb hanging over them.
"Yeah," said HurricaneAubrey. But then she realized what she had done. A horrified look came over her.
"It's okay. It's okay," said Jennxpenn. "I took care of everything. The crowd loved your inclusion of the Italians as the masters of fine dining."
"Thanks," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Don't' mention it," said Jennxpenn. "If you're ready, you can come out of the closet and enjoy the rest of the day before we beat the crap out of the Sylvanians."
"Thank you," said HurricaneAubrey. "Sorry about what happened earlier."
"Like I said, it's fine. We're only human after all," said Jennxpenn.
Potsdamer Platz. Before the First World War, this square was considered the Times Square of Berlin. After Germany's defeat in World War One, the area had a brief renaissance during the Weimer Republic years before falling into disarray during the Great Depression and the Second World War. After the Allies captured Berlin in 1945, the city was soon divided between the Soviet Union and the Western powers of the United States, the United Kingdom, and France, with Potsdamer Platz being situated in no-man's land. After the construction the Berlin Wall, anyone who was caught even taking a leisurely stroll through Potsdamer Platz was shot dead for trespassing in the zone between West and East Berlin. Normally, this extreme measure would have ended after the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989 and the reunification of the two Berlins, demonstrated by how modern office buildings and hotels were raised in Potsdamer Platz. But in the case of HurricaneAubrey and Jennxpenn, bullets were once again flying in Potsdamer Platz. The two agents, dressed in their traditional white blouses with a blue suit jacket, a ribbon, and a blue skirt, were fighting against the Sylvanians wearing gas masks and trench coats. After landing in Potsdamer Platz using Jennxpenn's method of utilizing rocket boosters, the two agents made it their priority to lead a group of Germans to the Reichstag, with one of the Germans carrying the flag of the Federal Republic of Germany. The intention was to hoist the flag with horizontal black, red, and gold stripes atop the Reichstag to show that a democratic Germany was here to stay.
"Take that!" shouted Jennxpenn as she punched out a Sylvanian soldier.
"This way!" screamed HurricaneAubrey as she kicked a Sylvanian soldier in the stomach.
From Potsdamer Platz, the two agents escorted the German congregation of ten soldiers to the edge of Berlin's Tiergarten. Using the trees as cover, the Internet Police agents were trying to make their way to the Reichstag without the risk of being shot.
"Why not take the main road directly to the Reichstag?" said one German.
"Because the Sylvanians wouldn't risk going into the Tiergarten to battle with us," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Why?" asked the German holding the German flag.
"They wouldn't want to risk damaging the trees in the Tiergarten. After all, if their bullets even scratch the tiniest part of a tree, then it would fly in the face of everything Sylvanian stood for," explained Jennxpenn.
"Even so, the Sylvanians could simply send a couple of soldiers to kill us using knives or other precision tools that wouldn't ruin their environmentally friendly message," said another German.
"I bet they won't take that risk," said Jennxpenn. "Let's just get to the Reichstag and proclaim our psychological victory over the Sylvanians."
The band of Germans led by the two Internet Police agents made their way across the Tiergarten to the Reichstag. From the ground level, parts of the Tiergarten looked like a medieval forest that hasn't been tamed by humanity. The Internet Police agents and the German congregation were trekking through the forest like Romans marching through the wilds of Germania.
"I can't wait to knock these Sylvanians out of Berlin," said a German woman.
"Care to elaborate? We need the whole world to know how messed up these Sylvanians are," said Jennxpenn.
"What did they do to you?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
"Horrible things," said a German man. "Some too revolting to be shared to the outside world. Some things are better left unseen."
"Tell us," said Jennxpenn. "I'm an adult woman. I can handle it."
"Alright then. If you really want to know. The first thing you should be aware of is that Roxy is not someone you want to mess with," said the German man.
"We know," said HurricaneAubrey and Jennxpenn simultaneously.
"Secondly," continued the German man. "The Sylvanians took our most priceless paintings and sculptures from our museums."
"Such a tragedy!" exclaimed HurricaneAubrey. "Knowing these Sylvanians, they would probably burn these treasures for being a testament to the creativity of humanity."
"Shameful," said Jennxpenn.
"But at least there haven't been any mass executions in Germany," said a German woman.
"So far," said the German man less optimistically.
"That's something to be thankful for," said Jennxpenn. "Better to have art be destroyed than human life."
"No works of art should be destroyed," insisted HurricaneAubrey. "After all, art is a representation of the human soul. For all human history, art has been…"
Howls were being echoed throughout the forest.
"Wolves," said Jennxpenn.
"Wolves? Here in Berlin," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Those Sylvanians must have imported them here to get us without harming trees," said Jennxpenn. "And if we use our guns, then it would be bad PR for us if any of these wolves are killed with bullets."
"What do we do?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
"Run," said Jennxpenn.
With the footsteps of the four-legged beasts closing in, the Germans and the Internet Police agents ran. They leaped over the rocks and the small streams of the Tiergarten. Nobody dared to look back as they heard the growls and the howls of the wolves.
"How many do you think there are?" asked Jennxpenn.
"I'm guessing around ten," said HurricaneAubrey.
"How do you know?" questioned Jennxpenn as she was running with the Germans towards the Reichstag.
"I'm just guessing here," answered HurricaneAubrey. "Not that it matters right now considering that we don't have their teeth or speed."
Despite their best efforts, the Germans and the Internet Police agents realized that they couldn't outrun the wolves as several of them had leapt in front of them. The agents and the Germans turned around, and they saw that there were five wolves in that direction. Once again, they turned around, and counting mentally, they saw that the wolves they saw earlier numbered around five.
"Now what?" asked Jennxpenn.
HurricaneAubrey was shaking as she held her machine gun. Lethal force wasn't the answer. But getting mauled by wolves wasn't the answer either. She gazed over the ten Germans. Some looked scared. Others look ready to fight. She saw the German man who was holding the German flag. He looked determined to fight the wolves with just his flag. Thinking back to the tactics used in the Napoleonic Wars, she had an epiphany.
"Everyone. Get around the flag bearer in a square formation," ordered HurricaneAubrey.
"What?" asked Jennxpenn.
"Just do it. It will save our lives," said HurricaneAubrey.
Trusting HurricaneAubrey's judgment, Jennxpenn motioned the Germans to form a square that enclosed the flag bearer. HurricaneAubrey and Jennxpenn were standing side to side as they faced the wolves that were displaying their teeth and were preparing to pounce on them.
"Pick up any rocks or sticks nearby!" yelled HurricaneAubrey.
Everyone in the square grabbed the closest rock or stick. They were ready to defend themselves, if necessary, against the wolves. The beasts howled at the humans, but they remained stationary.
"Keep eye contact. Don't let them perceive you as easy prey," said HurricaneAubrey.
The wolves were trying to find a weak spot in the group of humans. The canines barked relentlessly as they circled the soldiers. The humans clutched at their weapons as they were ready for the wolves to strike.
"Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit Für das deutsche Vaterland!" sang a German voice.
HurricaneAubrey and Jennxpenn heard the German bearing his nation's flag singing behind them. Feeling patriotic pride, the other Germans were also singing the third stanza of Das Lied der Deutschen. The wolves became silent. Here was a group of humans not afraid but unified against the wolves. The canines gave a final bark as a last-ditch effort to scatter the humans into a chaotic mess. The humans continued singing about German unity and freedom. With no other option, the wolves gave a howl before retreating. A victory applause was conducted by the Germans.
"Let's go," said Jennxpenn.
The Internet Police agents and the Germans soon reached the Reichstag after their encounter with the wolves. They saw the German Parliament building being guarded by a bald commander with a couple of his bald lackeys.
"Come on, Mike Michaels! We need a break!" shouted one of the bald men.
"Silence!" said the man named Mike Michaels.
Mike Michaels appeared to be an incompetent leader as his bald soldiers were lazing about on the grounds of the Reichstag.
"I have a plan," said HurricaneAubrey as the Germans and Jennxpenn hid behind some smashed vehicles. "It involves Napoleonic era tactics."
"What?" said one German man. "We're way past the 19th century."
"Old tactics can still work in this day and age," insisted HurricaneAubrey. "We must carefully craft our strategy to involve volley fire."
"Are you sure this will work?" asked a German woman.
"Nineteenth century methods worked against the wolves. I don't see why they won't work with these bald men," said HurricaneAubrey. "We must coordinate the flag bearer to be in the center of our ranks in order to raise the morale of our army. And it would be nice to maybe get a couple of drums to…"
"Alright! Let's do this! Jennxpenn!" shouted Jennxpenn as she charged into battle.
"What?!" screamed HurricaneAubrey. "Stick to the plan. Stick to the plan people!"
"What plan?!" shouted one of the German men.
The Germans and HurricaneAubrey watched as Jennxpenn was charging at the bald men. The blonde Internet Police agent was emptying her machine gun as she mowed down the bald men. Some bald men tried to tackle her to the ground, but luckily, Jennxpenn simply struck the bald men's heads with her machine gun, using the firearm as a club. Finally, the man known as Mike Michaels tried to charge at her like an American football player.
"How dare you ruin my reputation?!" shouted Mike Michaels as he came close to pinning her down.
Jennxpenn simply used her machine gun to strike Mike Michaels into unconsciousness.
"Sorry you feel that way," said Jennxpenn.
The blonde Internet Police agent looked back at the Germans and HurricaneAubrey.
"What are you waiting for? Let's get the flag hoisted up," said Jennxpenn.
The Germans and HurricaneAubrey followed Jennxpenn into the Reichstag. The 20th century was a rough time for the Reichstag. It was torched in the 1930s, bombarded in the 1940s, and isolated during the Cold War. But the end of the 20th century brought a happy ending for the building as it was restored as the center of German democracy. Hopefully, the two Internet Police agents and their German allies would be able to bring back German sovereignty to the historic structure. Climbing onto the rooftop of the Reichstag, the two Internet Police agents and the Germans stood back as the German man with the flag of the Federal Republic of Germany waved the black, red, and gold colors of his nation into the war-torn air. As a bonus, all Germans in the immediate proximity began singing the third stanza of their national anthem. The psychological effect was enormous. With the Reichstag retaken, the Sylvanians began an immediate retreat from Berlin, and eventually, all of Germany would be liberated. Some Sylvanians insisted on fighting to the bitter end in Germany. One of them was a renegade German by the name of the Angry German Kid. At the Topography of Terror, the Angry German Kid was fighting against the Angry Video Game Nerd, with Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka waging battle against a couple of Green Army soldiers in the background.
"The flag of our Federal Republic has been raised over the Reichstag!" shouted a couple of German soldiers. "The Sylvanians are retreating!
"We're still not retreating!" yelled the Sylvanians at the Topography of Terror.
"Your false brothers and sisters are running with their tail between their asses," said the Nerd as he ducked beneath the Angry German Kid's fists. "Why don't you go back to your German family?"
"They betrayed me when they showed me those wretched video games that made me a monster," said the Angry German Kid.
"Care to explain?" asked the Nerd.
"Video games are bad for you. They made you into the 'Angry' Video Game Nerd," said the Angry German Kid in a heavy German accent, placing emphasis on the word angry.
"Then why are you still the Angry German Kid," said the Nerd as he dodged punches from the Angry German Kid. "Based on your face and your height, you're no longer a kid. Though you can't really tell based on your other body parts."
"What are you talking about?" asked the Angry German Kid as he continued battling the Nerd at the former headquarters of the German SS and Gestapo.
"Your jolly ranchers," answered the Nerd.
"What?" questioned the Angry German Kid.
"Your two best friends," said the Nerd.
"What?" asked the Angry German Kid.
"Your frankfurter," said the Nerd.
"What?" asked the Angry German Kid.
"Your family jewels?" said the Nerd.
"What?" questioned the Angry German Kid.
"Your joystick," answered the Nerd.
"What?" asked the Angry German Kid.
"I could go on and on with the euphemisms about your privates," said the Nerd. "I could make about twenty nicknames for your manhood or lack thereof."
"Real mature," said TamashiiHiroka as she punched a Green Army soldier.
"That's the Nerd for you," said Gigguk. "Legendary for his vulgar humor."
"Just like the Angry German Kid," said the Nerd.
"I'm nothing like you," insisted the Angry German Kid.
"You also have the word 'Angry' in your nickname," said the Nerd. "And like I said before, why do you call yourself a kid despite being a grown ass man? Is it reference to Billy the Kid?"
"Who?" asked the Angry German Kid.
"Never mind," said the Nerd. "But you're still 'angry', and thus, you and I are the same."
"We are not the same. I have righteous anger. I have anger against video games for ruining my life. Before I was saved by Roxy Harmon, I was a raging maniac because of video games. They made me into a monster who would smash keyboards and scream at the top of my lungs. After I joined the Sylvanians, I saw how video games made humans into violent psychopaths, and if we can destroy video games and all modern conveniences, then we will return to a more peaceful state just as nature intended," said the Angry German Kid.
"Do you really think that eradicating all video games would return earth back to a utopia?" asked the Nerd.
"Yes," said the Angry German Kid.
The Nerd gave out an enormous laugh. The Internet Police agent then ceased guffawing.
"Oh, wait you were being serious," said the Nerd as he stared the Angry German Kid's annoyed expression. "Then let me laugh even harder."
The Nerd gave out a longer and louder laugh as the Angry German Kid tried to punch him.
"Video games has made us into monsters," said the Angry German Kid. "Get rid of them, and humans will become good again."
"Listen kid, humans have been bastards even before the first video game was even conceived," said the Nerd. "Look at where we are standing. This was the headquarters of the SS and Gestapo, two of the most notorious mass-murdering organizations in history. Did they need to play video games to commit crimes against humanity?"
The Angry German Kid was at a loss for words.
"Do you think that video games caused millions of deaths in the Second World War?" asked the Nerd. "And let's not forget about the millions of casualties during its prequel."
"Oh," said the Angry German Kid in a surprised tone.
"You see, video games aren't the problem. Humans have always been cruel and irrational. And we didn't need pixels on a screen to get us to that point," said the Nerd.
The Angry German Kid was trying to articulate a counterargument, but unfortunately for him, nothing came to his aid. His own mind was devoid of any reasonable retort. The Green Army soldiers in the immediate area couldn't come to his aid because Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka had subdued all of them. The Angry German Kid dropped to his knees as he let out an existential scream. With a thud, the Angry German Kid landed face-down onto the unholy ground where the worst of humanity once resided at. The Nerd smiled at Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka.
"We did it," said Gigguk.
Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka joined the Nerd as they gazed over the shell-shocked body of the Angry German kid.
"Humans have always been cruel and irrational," whispered TamashiiHiroka.
The Nerd didn't hear what TamashiiHiroka said. All he knew was that Berlin had been freed from the Sylvanians.
"I really need a fucking drink," said the Nerd as he wiped off blood and sweat from his forehead.
Despite the liberation of Germany from the Sylvanians taking place in the first days of June, it was Oktoberfest at the Hofbräuhaus. After suffering through serving Enviromash and unfiltered water, the servers and chefs at the Hofbräuhaus were glad to be delivering jugs of beer, pretzels, and sausages to the German locals and the foreign Innovation Alliance members. The expulsion of the Sylvanians brought back the festive sounds of tubas and accordions to the beer hall. Just like in the Parisian café, the center of this celebration came from HurricaneAubrey and Supreme Commander Jennxpenn, the latter of which was sharing her wartime stories to an excited audience.
"And I said 'Alright! Let's do this! Jennxpenn!' as I charged right at Mike Michael's pathetic bald men," said Jennxpenn as she lifted her jug of beer.
The atmosphere was jovial as it should be with the retreat of the Sylvanians from Germany. The Nerd was sharing his encounter with the Angry German Kid to an attentive audience. And Gigguk was munching happily on his sausage and pretzels. After having a satisfying first serving, Gigguk wanted to talk with TamashiiHiroka about Germany being an inspiration for a Pokémon region.
"TamashiiHiroka. I have a new idea for a Pokémon game. How about we have a region based on the verdant lands of Germany?" said Gigguk.
TamashiiHiroka looked at Gigguk before taking a sip of beer. She did not respond to his question.
"Everything okay?" asked Gigguk. "I thought you would be happy now that those fucking Sylvanians have been driven out of Germany."
"Humans have always been cruel and irrational," said TamashiiHiroka as she motioned towards the Nerd as he was drinking jug after jug of beer in a drinking competition.
"I'm assuming you're not referring to the Nerd's love of excessive drinking," said Gigguk in an attempt of humor. With TamashiiHiroka's face remaining crestfallen, Gigguk decided on a different approach. "You do realize that the Nerd needed to defeat the Angry German Kid through psychological warfare. He just found the words that felt appropriate while fighting the Kid. I'm sure he didn't literally mean that humans were always cruel and irrational."
"What about the atrocities of the World Wars?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"Yeah. To say that humanity was at its worst during these wars would be a massive understatement," said Gigguk as he drank from his jug. "But what about what happened after World War II? Didn't a better world emerge?"
"The Cold War came afterwards. The specter of nuclear annihilation hung over humanity for over forty years," said TamashiiHiroka.
"True. But what about after the fall of the Berlin Wall? I believe humanity entered a new golden age," said Gigguk.
"No. After the end of the Cold War, there was the Yugoslavian Wars, the War on Terror, the Great Schism of America, and now the War of European Succession," said TamashiiHiroka. "Let's face it, humanity isn't capable of being peaceful and rational."
Gigguk was trying to think of something to prove TamashiiHiroka wrong. He knew that it would be best to be honest.
"I know that humanity has fucked up several times in the past. I won't deny that," said Gigguk. "But try to remember humanity's achievements in the middle of our fuck-ups. The United Nations emerged after World War II to prevent another world war after the failure of the League of Nations. The UN may not be perfect, but it is a step in the right direction. And though there was a Cold War between the U.S.A. and the U.S.S.R., humanity wasn't stupid enough to take the final step towards launching nuclear missiles due to a couple of hissy fits."
TamashiiHiroka noticed Jennxpenn was sampling the German food at various tables. The Supreme Commander was praising German food for being hearty and non-pretentious.
"For more recent events, the Great Schism of America showed the fallacy of wishful nostalgia to a wide audience," said Gigguk.
"At the cost of over half a million lives," said TamashiiHiroka.
"But we still learned our lesson. Better than having learned nothing at all," said Gigguk.
"And what will we learn from this War of European Succession?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"We'll see when we kick out the Sylvanians from Italy," said Gigguk.
"Can't you tell me now?" questioned TamashiiHiroka.
"I can't. We'll just have to wait and see," said Gigguk. "Sorry to disappoint you."
TamashiiHiroka gave a sad smile to Gigguk.
"On our way from Berlin to Munich, I was wondering where were those Cinema Awesome film sets that were in the satellite photographs. I presented evidence of them to the British Internet Police. Where are they now? And what purpose do they have?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"I believe the answer will be revealed when we enter into Italy for the final campaign of the War of European Succession," said Gigguk. "But I would say that the Sylvanians knew that we were going to win in Germany, and thus, they dismantled all traces of the Cinema Awesome film sets in order to hide their sinister purpose."
Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka drank their jugs of beer in unison.
"Now enough about our upcoming campaign. How about we talk about some new Pokémon regions based on real-life countries?" said Gigguk.
"Okay," said TamashiiHiroka. "How about we have the Pokémon food based on what we're having in this beer hall?"
"Good idea," said Gigguk. "But we should cut out the beer to avoid complaints from parents. They are an emerging threat on the internet."
"Then no beer in the game," said TamashiiHiroka. "But we can still include tubas and accordions."
"I see no reason why not?" said Gigguk as he was serenaded by the sounds of the beer hall's instruments and TamashiiHiroka's newfound optimism.
As the party in the beer hall came to an end, HurricaneAubrey felt relieved that she managed to stay sober throughout the entire event. That might have to do with avoiding sipping even one drop of beer from the jugs. She was pretending to drink by taking the jug up to her mouth but not actually consuming any liquids. As a result, she could reflect on how lucky Germany was during the War of European Succession.
"Civilian casualties are at a minimum in contrast to the Second World War," thought HurricaneAubrey as she held the jug to her lips. She then placed the container down instantly. "Not much devastation to the countryside or the cities. And from what I gathered from German eyewitnesses, the conditions in Germany's zones of habitation weren't devastating enough to cause long-term physical or psychological damage. Of course, that's not to say that the Sylvanians were a benevolent force in Germany. I would say that the Innovation Alliance got here just in time before things became much worse."
HurricaneAubrey saw Jennxpenn attempting to yodel as she held up a microphone, with tubas and accordions to back her up.
"And Jennxpenn's quick and direct actions saved Germany," thought HurricaneAubrey as she chewed on her pretzel. "Can she also save Italy from Roxy Harmon?"
Neuschwanstein Castle was the ultimate fairy tale castle, conceived by King Ludwig II of Bavaria. Ludwig, less flatteringly known as Mad King Ludwig, dreamt up this fantasy castle as a fan of Germany's medieval past that was characterized by beautiful maidens and chivalrous knights. What is less known is that Ludwig planned to create an even larger and grander castle known as Falkenstein Castle. But his untimely demise in 1886 led the entire endeavor to be scrapped. That was until recently. Before the War of European Succession came to Germany, the local Bavarian government began construction on Falkenstein Castle as a tribute to Ludwig's legacy and as a tourist attraction. The massive castle was halfway completed when the Sylvanians invaded Germany. With the Sylvanians gone from Germany, work could finally resume. In the planned throne room, Internet Police agents were sitting down at a long table. The walls around the agents were unfinished with bare stone. Mounted on the walls were medieval tapestry and flat-screen televisions. The centerpiece of the throne room was a golden throne. And sitting upon it was none other than Supreme Commander Jennxpenn. With one hand resting beneath her chin, Jennxpenn was talking with Chief Horner of the Internet Police via the television screens. In contrast to the magnificent setting of the castle, Chief Horner was speaking from a spartan area of the Internet Police headquarters in Boston, with the Chief sitting in a cheap office chair behind a metal table. Regardless, both women had the common goal of defeating the last of the Sylvanians in Italy.
"I've just received reports that Roxy had made her headquarters at Prague Castle in the Czech Republic," stated Chief Horner.
Murmurs came from all the Internet Police agents.
"She's in the Czech Republic?" questioned HurricaneAubrey. "I would've thought she would be in Rome."
"Not from what I heard," said Chief Horner. "Our satellites have picked up her presence in Prague."
"But why the Czech Republic?" asked the Nerd. "Wouldn't she rather be in Italy fucking things up in her own twisted ways?"
"It's obvious isn't it," said Jennxpenn. "Germany directly borders the Czech Republic, whereas Italy is separated from Germany by Austria. Since Roxy doesn't really care about anyone but herself, she would leave her army to struggle to get to Italy via Austria while she would comfortable travel from Germany to Prague Castle."
"Isn't the Czech government located in Prague Castle?" asked HurricaneAubrey. "How did Roxy manage to make her headquarters inside Prague Castle without the entire Czech government noticing?"
"If Roxy can take over two powerful European countries using only renegade American soldiers, then surely making a secret base inside Prague Castle would be simple," said Jennxpenn.
"How Roxy hid herself inside Prague Castle is of no importance right now. What is important is how are we going to liberate Italy?" said Chief Horner.
"That's easy," said Jennxpenn.
"How so?" asked Chief Horner.
"We're going to capture Roxy in Prague," said Jennxpenn. "Her removal from power will leave the Sylvanians helpless without their dear leader, and hopefully, the Sylvanians will collapse in Italy, ending the War of European Succession in a bloodless conclusion."
Across two continents, silence fell.
"Hold up, are we really going to get her in Prague?" asked the Nerd.
"Got any better ideas?" asked Jennxpenn.
"Not that I don't agree with seeing Roxy being brought to justice, it's just that it's unbelievable that she would be in Prague in the first place," said the Nerd.
"She's got the power to topple nations. She can play hide and seek inside a castle," said Jennxpenn.
"I'm doubting that she's actually in Prague," said the Nerd. "Why don't we ask the Czech Republic government to search for the cockroach inside the castle?"
"I'll inform the Czech government of this inconvenience," said Chief Horner. "But I can say for certain is that our sources are reliable. I have no doubts that Roxy is inside Prague."
"Might as well flush out the whole city," said Jennxpenn.
"Is that really necessary?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
"Yes. We know that Roxy has escaped on numerous occasions as I'm sure the Nerd and HurricaneAubrey can attest to," said Jennxpenn.
"We could've finished her off in St. Louis when we sent her plunging from a military plane," said the Nerd.
"Should've been the end for her if it wasn't for those ejected parachutes," said HurricaneAubrey mournfully.
"Well now's our chance to finish her once and for all," said Jennxpenn. "And we're going to do so my way."
"What's the plan?" asked the Nerd. "What do you mean by flushing out all of Prague?"
"I'll have Chief Horner inform the Czech government officials of a certain brat living within their capital. I don't think Roxy will stay in Prague Castle like a trapped rat. She'll make a run for it once the Czech authorities begin their search for her. But much to her horror, Roxy will realize that the way out will be a dangerous mousetrap. Only that the mousetrap is really a rat trap, with all the innocent mice leaving Prague being spared," said Jennxpenn.
"Are you saying that we should evacuate all of Prague just to get to Roxy?" asked the Nerd.
"Correct," said Jennxpenn. "And our rat trap will be machines capable of rapid-fire facial recognition." Jennxpenn stared directly at Chief Horner on the television screen. "Do we have the technology for advanced and quick facial recognition?"
"I can easily obtain the proper equipment for the job," said Chief Horner.
"Good," said Jennxpenn with a smile. "The sooner we catch Roxy, the sooner the War of European Succession will end."
"I would like to add one more topic before logging off for the night," said Chief Horner. "There is the matter of the Nostalgia Critic. What are we going to do when we encounter him?"
Jennxpenn was rubbing her forehead as the matter of the Critic's fate didn't occur to her until now.
"Roxy has brainwashed him using some high-tech mind manipulator. Surely as Chief of the American Internet Police, you also have technology that can reverse Roxy's psychological damage," said Jennxpenn.
"I think mind manipulation machines are in the realm of science fiction," said the Nerd. "As much as I don't want to admit it, I think the Critic joined Roxy of his own free will."
"I refuse to believe it," said Jennxpenn. "When we encounter the Critic, we will save him from Roxy's mind games."
"Suit yourself," said the Nerd.
"Maybe the Critic is responsible for those Cinema Awesome film sets," interjected TamashiiHiroka.
All heads turned to face the Pokémon fan.
"He is an expert on the art of cinema," said TamashiiHiroka. "And maybe that's why Roxy wanted to recruit the Critic. Maybe she is using the Critic to create propaganda films for the Sylvanian cause."
"And not a trace of these film sets was found in Germany," said Gigguk. "The Critic, the obvious mastermind behind these Cinema Awesome film sets, must have moved every operation into Italy."
"Perhaps we found a reason as to why the Critic decided to turn to the dark side," said the Nerd. "He wanted to make his lifelong dream of creating movies a reality, and he wasn't going to accomplish that by being an Internet Police agent."
"He was brainwashed by Roxy. Nothing more," said Jennxpenn.
"I disagree. The Critic wanted more excitement out of life. He's like an isekai protagonist from several popular animes," suggested Gigguk.
"A what?" questioned a confused Nerd.
"An isekai protagonist," emphasized Gigguk. "Isekai being Japanese for 'another world'. Have you ever heard of Alice in Wonderland?"
"Yes," said the Nerd. "I watched pretty much every version of Lewis Carroll's 1865 book, from the classic 1951 Disney movie to the scary as fuck 1985 television miniseries. What does Alice in Wonderland and isekai animes have to do with why the Critic turned rogue?"
"Alice found herself in world without rules or logic. For many growing up in the strict environment of Victorian Britain, a trip to wonderland would be like a long-overdue vacation for them," said Gigguk. "Since Alice in Wonderland is popular in Japan, it isn't surprising that many isekai take some inspiration from Alice, the most apparent being a trip to an alternate place."
"Go on," said the Nerd.
"As a fan of the isekai genre, I know that a typical isekai has a protagonist, usually a male teenager, living a boring and uninteresting life. But due to a series of circumstance involving a truck, a malfunctioning video game headset, and a slow-moving tractor, our hero is transported to another world. And what does this other world have in mind for our young protagonist: being overpowered compared to having no powers back home and getting a harem full of beautiful girls. Who wouldn't want to be an isekai protagonist?" explained Gigguk
"I think I know what you're getting at," said the Nerd. "The Critic was tired of his shitty life as an Internet Police agent, and wanting to get some pussy in another life, he decided to get a new haircut and join Roxy and her Sylvanians."
"Okay," said Gigguk as he looked apologetically at TamashiiHiroka's direction. "I think you do get my theory on why the Critic ran off with Roxy."
"As the Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance, I say that the Critic was merely mind-controlled by Roxy. They say that the simplest explanation is the most likely one," said Jennxpenn in a booming voice from her throne.
"Who said that?" asked the Nerd.
"Me," said Jennxpenn. "Any objections?"
The Nerd and Gigguk appeared to want to voice their opposition to Jennxpenn's explanation for the Critic's treason but it was getting late. They also needed to plan for their new mission: capturing Roxy from her hideout in Prague.
"No," said Jennxpenn as she looked directly at Chief Horner. "Are we able to adjourn this meeting now that we have a plan to use facial recognition machines to catch Roxy in Prague?"
"Yes," said Chief Horner. "I hereby declare this meeting adjourned."
Shortly afterwards, the transmission between Boston and Falkenstein Castle ended. All the Internet Police agents got up from the long table and retreated to their living quarters inside the castle or in the nearby town of Füssen. It was only HurricaneAubrey and Jennxpenn left in the throne room, with the Supreme Commander remaining on her golden throne. Jennxpenn watched as HurricaneAubrey paused to stare at the medieval tapestry.
"What's going through her mind right now?" thought Jennxpenn.
HurricaneAubrey began to leave the throne room. Before departing to her bed chambers, HurricaneAubrey gave Jennxpenn a quick smile before giving a quick wave.
"HurricaneAubrey and I came a long way," spoke Jennxpenn as she had her fisted right hand below her chin.
A jet the size of a large helicopter was flying over Italian airspace. On the jet was Siberian general Natalia Petrovskaya sitting behind an ornate wooden desk, with both the table and her antique chair being bolted to the plane's floor. Several maps of the world along with photographs of famous artworks hung around the plane's interior. In addition, a Georgian carpet was placed over the floor, with luxurious white couches providing a contrast to the vintage rug. And sitting on one of the white couches was a Russian man by the name of Vladimir Bogdan.
"Aren't you glad I bought you a carpet from Georgia?" asked Bogdan.
"Which Georgia?" asked General Petrovskaya as she was watching a news broadcast on her laptop.
"The Georgia where my twin brother has abandoned his Russian ancestry in favor of peaches and Coca-Cola," answered Bogdan.
General Petrovskaya looked up to stare at the carpet with disgust.
"I'm kidding. This carpet is genuine Georgian carpet from the Caucasus," said Bogdan.
General Petrovskaya shook her head as she proceeded to watch the video on her laptop.
"I only tolerate you because of your expertise in weaponry," said General Petrovskaya.
"My internet nickname after all is FPSSiberia," said Bogdan. "Being a part of my username, I think I have the right to ask what is Siberia anyway? And you should also explain what it means to be a Siberian as the ruler of such a powerful country."
"A Siberian is a hybrid of the best qualities of intelligent Western civilization. American, English, Russian, etc. Siberia excises the worst traits of the West," explained General Petrovskaya. She gave out a derisive laugh. "And let me show you an example of the type of stupidity that Siberians are thankfully devoid of."
General Petrovskaya turned her laptop around. Bogdan saw that the video being played was a live broadcast of what appeared to be a mass evacuation of the Czech capital of Prague.
"My plan is going well," said General Petrovskaya. "This Innovation Alliance has played right into my hands."
"What did you do exactly that cause this stampede of wild animals?" asked Bogdan with a smile as he saw several Czechs tripping over themselves as they went past facial recognition cameras mounted on trucks.
"Let's just say that my intelligence led the Innovation Alliance right to Prague as a part of my master plan," informed General Petrovskaya as she hugged herself with joy.
"You are intelligent as you are hot," said Bogdan as he examined General Petrovskaya's Siberian military uniform and how well it fit the curves of the woman in front of him.
In any normal circumstance, General Petrovskaya would have reprimanded Bogdan for speaking to her unprofessionally. But feeling giddy with the Innovation Alliance's blunder, she decided to excuse Bogdan for speaking out of line.
"We're landing," said General Petrovskaya as the plane began to descend. "Let's secure all the loose articles."
After putting away the laptop, pens, and other items that could ricochet throughout the plane, General Petrovskaya and Bogdan buckled up in proper airplane seats as the jet headed towards a Siberian aircraft carrier. A smooth landing of the jet onto the aircraft carrier followed. General Petrovskaya unbuckled herself, with Bogdan following suit. Looking out the window, the two high-ranking Siberians saw helicopters landing with several valuable artwork plundered throughout Central Europe, from the Brandenburg Gate's quadriga to Alfons Mucha's The Slav Epic. As the aircraft carrier's crew were performing maintenance work on General Petrovskaya's aircraft, the Art Nouveau canvases of The Slav Epic were unveiled from underneath curtains for dramatic effect. The Siberian soldiers looked towards the window of General Petrovskaya's aircraft to see her reaction of the Siberians securing the Czech Republic's greatest national treasure. They saw that General Petrovskaya was breathing heavily and was trying to compose herself in the presence of The Slav Epic. She opened the plane's sliding door, and she gave a salute to her loyal soldiers, with Bogdan standing beside her. The Siberian troops returned the favor. Closing the sliding door, General Petrovskaya motioned Bogdan to return to their passenger seats.
"Why take The Slav Epic from Prague?" asked Bogdan as he fastened his seatbelt.
"Because Jennxpenn is going to do something incredibly stupid that would've jeopardized The Slav Epic if the canvases were left in the city," answered General Petrovskaya.
"How do you know?" asked Bogdan.
"Because I'm a genius," said General Petrovskaya.
While General Petrovskaya and Bogdan were staring at The Slav Epic, the aircraft carrier crew had taken out the jet's wings and a few other parts, and after attaching propellers and several other exterior and interior modifications, the crew converted the jet into a helicopter. The large rotorcraft ascended and started flying towards the Italian mainland.
"Where are we heading?" questioned Bogdan.
"Naples, Italy," answered General Petrovskaya as the helojet flew over the Mediterranean. "I have some unfinished business to take care of."
Please review this story to provide me some advice on improving it. What other internet personalities or memes should the Internet Police encounter?
