I do not own any of the internet personalities or memes presented in this story.
The Internet Police: Year in Review
The War of European Succession, Part 2
Prague, the city of a thousand spires, was being evacuated of every Czech citizen and foreign tourists unlucky enough to be vacationing during the month of June. Carrying nothing but the clothes on their backs and a few luggage and backpacks, the entire local and foreign population of Prague was running through columns of trucks that had facial recognition machines attached to the vehicles. Two Internet Police agents by the names of Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka were monitoring the masses of people running past them, with the agents watching the facial recognition cameras from the safety of an armored van. The computer was picking up the faces of everyone rushing past the van, but so far, there was no sign of Roxy Harmon, the leader of the Sylvanians and the Green Army.
"How many people are left in the city?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"Not much," answered Gigguk. "Maybe about a few thousands."
TamashiiHiroka watched as Czech authorities began using dogs to smell out anyone who might be smuggling a person inside any large bags or packages. She saw several people voluntarily opening their bags, revealing various musical instruments within them.
"Nobody there," said TamashiiHiroka. "Do you think this is all necessary?"
"If we can capture Roxy right here and now, then it will all be worth it," said Gigguk. "We'll stick to the plan. Maybe Roxy will be the very last person to leave Prague."
All day, the two agents watched as their cameras scanned the faces of the runners, but when the masses of humanity fleeing Prague ended, disappointment overcame the two agents. Feeling desperate, the two agents exited their van and went towards the makeshift camps. For miles and miles, Czechs and foreigners were preoccupying themselves with electronic devices and other forms of distractions like playing music and sleeping. Dogs were sniffing every bag and box for potential stowaways. The two agents saw the first lights and campfires being lit as evening approached. Just then, their electronic devices began ringing. The two agents picked up to respond to the call.
"This is Supreme Commander Jennxpenn. I heard that Roxy Harmon wasn't located in the crowd fleeing Prague," said the agent through a video broadcast that showed her sitting on a golden throne.
On the flat-screen televisions in the throne room of Falkenstein Castle, Jennxpenn saw Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka placing one electronic device against an easel. The placement of the device in this location provided a view of the two field agents standing in the middle of the Prague camp.
"We pretty much monitored the facial recognition cameras the whole time along with the Czech authorities who were doing the same thing on the outside," said TamashiiHiroka.
"And we turned up nothing," said Gigguk. "No sign of Roxy in Prague."
"Are you sure?" asked Jennxpenn.
"If she's not in the crowd of fleeing civilians, then she's not here," said Gigguk.
"But how do you know that she isn't still inside Prague," said Jennxpenn.
TamashiiHiroka and Gigguk fell silent.
"She must still be in the city," said Jennxpenn. "Where, I don't know. Looks like the rat didn't fall for the trap."
"I recently contacted the Czech government officials, and they told me that they did a thorough search of Prague Castle before departing from the city. Apparently, they checked every room, broom closet, and bathroom inside the castle. They did not find one trace of Roxy," said the Nerd.
"If she's not in the castle or the outskirts of the city, then she must still be inside the city limits," said Jennxpenn.
A sense of frustration overcame all the Internet Police agents in Germany and the Czech Republic.
"So now we're going to check the whole of Prague in order to look for Roxy. We're going to have to search every apartment building and store just to get her," lamented one agent as she placed her hands over her eyes. "It's going to take weeks before we get her, and by then, the Sylvanians would have built an impenetrable defense in Italy."
The two agents in the Czech Republic heard a loud bang in the background.
"We've gotta go," said Gigguk.
"We'll catch up to you later," said TamashiiHiroka as she turned off the electronic device connecting her to Falkenstein Castle.
The top agents in Falkenstein Castle were contemplating their next course of action after their failure to flush out Roxy from Prague. Everyone looked exhausted at the prospect of having to look for Roxy in Prague. They turned their attention to their Supreme Commander sitting on the golden throne. Jennxpenn was in a deep thought as she closed her eyes and shifted her head upwards.
"Alright," said Jennxpenn as she opened her eyes and stared directly at the agents at the long table. "I have a plan, and it's a good one."
The agents whispered amongst themselves.
"Does it involve searching for Roxy inside every Prague house that she might have breathed in?" asked one agent.
"No," said Jennxpenn. "We're going to search for Roxy's dead body inside the ruins of a Prague house."
"What are you talking about?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
"We're going to bomb Prague with bomber planes and rocket artillery," said Jennxpenn. "If Roxy tries to run from her a safehouse, then she will be met by several bombs right in front of her. It's the only guaranteed way of making sure Roxy doesn't escape from Prague and join her army in Italy."
The whispers from the agents became a more vibrant discussion as Jennxpenn's plan of firebombing Prague certainly was a daring one.
"Isn't that a bit extreme?" asked the Nerd.
"Of course not," said Jennxpenn. "The only way to be certain of Roxy's demise is to bomb the whole city."
"Why not send in search parties to get her without having to burn the city to the ground?" questioned the Nerd.
"Prague is a maze of outdated buildings that Roxy can easily hide inside. Roxy will always be one step ahead of the scout parties if she can hide within Prague's labyrinth of wood and stone," said Jennxpenn.
"I don't like your idea," said the Nerd. "Quite frankly, it's a terrible one."
Jennxpenn's hands squeezed the handles of the golden throne.
"Are you questioning my authority?" asked Jennxpenn with a hostile tone. "I am the Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance, appointed by the Chief of the American Internet Police."
"I'm just saying that you haven't put much thought in the severe ramifications of your planned firebombing of Prague," said the Nerd.
"Don't tell me what to do," said a frowning Jennxpenn. "I'm the Supreme Commander, and you're not. I make the decisions around here. And I say that we go ahead with the firebombing."
"I simply won't allow it to go forward," said the Nerd. "Perhaps you should think this through before giving the green light to bomber planes and rocket artillery."
"I am the Supreme Commander! You will do as I say!" shouted Jennxpenn as she almost leapt from her throne. "And we're going to go ahead with the firebombing."
"I'll block you from making that decision," said the Nerd as he got up from his seat.
"Don't you dare make me come down there," said Jennxpenn threateningly.
"I want you to come down here," said the Nerd. "I want you to get up from that throne and come on down. I would like you to explain to me the exact reasons why Prague needs to be wiped off the face of the earth in order to get Roxy."
Jennxpenn couldn't believe that the Nerd would reject her bold idea. She was the one responsible for liberating Germany from the Sylvanians. She rallied the Innovation Alliance troops to victory. She was the one who cleared the way to the Reichstag, enabling the German man to hoist his country's flag over the parliament building. Why wouldn't the Nerd follow her plan to end the War of European Succession?
"May I see you in the adjacent war room?" requested HurricaneAubrey to the Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance.
"Of course," said Jennxpenn as she got up from her golden throne.
Jennxpenn followed HurricaneAubrey as the latter led her into the war room.
"She's got my back," thought Jennxpenn. "After all that I did for her, she's going to give me advice on how to reprimand the Nerd for insubordination."
It would seem redundant to have a war room since the throne room served as the command center of the Innovation Alliance. But as the Internet Police slogan goes "Prepare for the Unpredictable". The war room was established in case the throne room was unusable due to unforeseen circumstances. Jennxpenn should have prepared for the unpredictable considering what happened the moment she and HurricaneAubrey were alone in the room.
"Are you insane?!" screamed HurricaneAubrey from across a table covered in miniature bomber planes and rocket artillery. "Why would you even think about firebombing Prague?!"
Jennxpenn was completely taken aback at HurricaneAubrey's outburst.
"How dare you?! You really want to destroy Prague's artistic heritage just to get one person. One person," said HurricaneAubrey as she held up her right index finger to Jennxpenn.
"I'm disappointed, HurricaneAubrey," said Jennxpenn calmly. "Here I am trying to put an end to the War of European Succession in one strategic attack, and here you are acting like a bratty girl showing no respect for your superiors. If you haven't gotten it in your head, Chief Horner appointed me as Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance. You're just my lowly apprentice."
"That does not make you immune to legitimate criticism," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Alright. If you are so wise, then what should we do other than bombing out Prague," said Jennxpenn.
HurricaneAubrey was attempting to calm herself down to think of a more logical path towards getting Roxy. Leaning against the table, HurricaneAubrey explained an alternative method to Jennxpenn's firebombing plan.
"We'll send in several search parties to look for Roxy inside Prague, and these scouts will be equipped with drones and heat-seeking devices to locate Roxy without destroying Prague's rich history," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Ha!" mocked Jennxpenn. "The same plan as the Nerd's. You two won't risk putting an end to the War of European Succession because you don't want to damage some old buildings."
"They aren't just some old buildings," said HurricaneAubrey. "They are the symbols of the Czech national identity."
"I happen to read the brochure of Prague," said Jennxpenn. "And what I saw didn't impress me. Prague apparently has an oversized clock that doesn't have a call feature and a stone bridge that can't raise itself. Are you telling me that these old structures are more important than human life?"
HurricaneAubrey didn't answer.
"Tell me HurricaneAubrey. If you found out that Adolf Hitler was inside Prague, and you had the choice to either preserve some old buildings or destroy the whole city to get to him, what would you do?" asked Jennxpenn.
"What sort of question is that?" asked a disbelieving HurricaneAubrey.
"The one that determines whether or not you value human life," said Jennxpenn. "And by your silence, you seem to not give a crap about human life."
"Yes, I do," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Then why don't you want to support my plan to bomb Prague to the ground?" questioned Jennxpenn.
"Because the city needs to preserve its medieval heritage," said HurricaneAubrey.
"A legacy of witch-burnings and morons," said Jennxpenn. "If I'm going to sacrifice saving lives over protecting buildings reminding everyone of the Dark Ages, then no thanks."
"If you carry out your ridiculous plan, then you'll do something that even the Nazis couldn't do in World War II: bomb Prague into oblivion," said a foreboding HurricaneAubrey.
"So, you're accusing me of being a Nazi?" asked Jennxpenn.
"Of course not," reassured HurricaneAubrey.
"Because I think you're the Nazi instead of me," fired back Jennxpenn.
"What?!" screamed HurricaneAubrey.
"It all makes sense now. The Austrian man with the toothbrush mustache was an aspiring artist before he decided to become a mad dictator. You, HurricaneAubrey, are also an artist. Hitler had shit taste for old artwork. You also have an unhealthy love for old-fashioned art. If Hitler was an artist who became a megalomaniacal ruler, then I have no doubts that you want to overthrow me and use the Innovation Alliance to take over Europe yourself," explained Jennxpenn.
"You really have lost your marbles," said HurricaneAubrey.
"I haven't," said Jennxpenn. "I should have known that you secretly resented me ever since the Chief demoted you. I did everything I could to treat you with respect. I gave you your due credit in Los Angeles, and I even defended your drunken behavior in Paris. And when I need your support to finish off Roxy in Prague, you decide to abandon me."
HurricaneAubrey and Jennxpenn were staring down each other from across the table. It looks like the old rivalry between the veteran and the rookie Internet Police agents hadn't disappeared after all.
"Please go in front of all the other agents in the throne room. Tell them that you will delay the bombing of Prague until further notice," said HurricaneAubrey. "I want you to really think about what you want to do. Because I don't want you to make a decision that you will regret for the rest of your life."
Jennxpenn gazed upon the miniature bomber planes and rocket artillery on the table. She then focused her attention on HurricaneAubrey's face.
"Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance, I'm sorry if I came across as being ungrateful and disrespectful, but I need to say what you need to hear. I hope you make the right decision," said HurricaneAubrey with tears flowing down her eyes.
Jennxpenn reached out to grab a model of a bomber plane. She caressed the plane in her hands as she looked down upon the vehicle. She cleared her throat.
"Alright. I'm going to do the right thing," said Jennxpenn.
"Then let's head back out to the throne room," said HurricaneAubrey with relief on her face.
The two agents went back to the throne room. They saw that the Nerd was standing with a couple of other agents in deep conversation.
"Let's head back to our seats," said Jennxpenn as she returned to her golden throne.
Every agent returned to their seats.
"I had a talk with HurricaneAubrey in the war room," said Jennxpenn in a booming voice. "And I have decided to do the right thing for the good of the Innovation Alliance and for the future of Europe."
"Good," said the Nerd.
"I have decided that HurricaneAubrey and the Nerd are a threat to global security. They shall be thrown into Falkenstein Castle's dungeon to await a formal trial for crimes against humanity," addressed Jennxpenn.
"What?!" screamed the Nerd and HurricaneAubrey.
"They have proven themselves untrustworthy to carrying out their duties as Internet Police agents. Besides their unreasonable outburst today, they have also been sympathizers of George Zazz, an enemy of which Roxy Harmon had a close relationship with," said Jennxpenn. "Why do you suppose I am the Supreme Commander over the likes of the Nerd and HurricaneAubrey? It is because I have been against George Zazz from the start, and they were George Zazz supporters until the last minute. The Chief recognized where my loyalties lie, and right now, I believe that the Nerd and HurricaneAubrey are a liability to the mission and to the Innovation Alliance's survival."
"What?" asked the Nerd as he got up from his seat. "I'll let you know that you're unfit to be Supreme Commander based on your rash judgments."
"Not according to Chief Horner, you George Zazz lover," said Jennxpenn with an air of superiority. She then smiled arrogantly at the Nerd. "Chief Horner wanted someone who always fought against George Zazz, and I was the most obvious candidate for the position of Supreme Commander. And if I'm not mistaken, I bet you have a secret crush on Roxy when she was a part of George Zazz's organization."
"You're crazy!" shouted the Nerd. "For your information, I said that I regretted that she didn't fall to her death in St. Louis. Or have you forgotten that little tidbit."
"You weren't listening properly, you idiot. I said a secret crush on Roxy. Because you have low intelligence, I'll explain to you what having a secret crush means," said Jennxpenn as she was addressing the Nerd as if he was in preschool. "What does a secret means?"
Jennxpenn was anticipating someone to raise their hand. One agent did.
"Yes," said Jennxpenn.
"It means something you want to hide," said the agent.
"Very good," said Jennxpenn with a smirk. "And the Nerd is hiding that he still loves Roxy deep down, and when he said that he wished that Roxy had been killed in St. Louis, he was telling a lie. Instead, he loves Roxy."
The Nerd gritted his teeth in fury. He wasn't going to let some immature girl challenge him. His eyes were bulging from their sockets in anger.
"HurricaneAubrey. Aren't you going to defend the Nerd?" said Jennxpenn.
"Your accusations are disgusting," said HurricaneAubrey as she stood up to stare down at Jennxpenn.
"That's bold coming from a drunk girl," said Jennxpenn. "Tell me, how much did you drink this morning? I can give you the number of a rehabilitation group. I'm sure they'll accept you with open arms as queen of the drunks."
"You're unbelievable," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Now, now. There's no need to talk back, young lady. I think you two need a time-out in the dungeons," said Jennxpenn as she snapped her fingers.
Several agents surrounded HurricaneAubrey and the Nerd.
"Looks like we're outnumbered," said HurricaneAubrey. "Nerd, how are our odds?"
"Not good," said the Nerd.
"I win," said Jennxpenn with glee.
But then, other agents got out their weapons and were aiming at the agents that had encircled HurricaneAubrey and the Nerd.
"I think our odds of getting out of this situation has drastically improved," said the Nerd.
HurricaneAubrey did a numerical count in her head of the pro-Jennxpenn and the anti-Jennxpenn members.
"Unfortunately, we're still outnumbered," lamented HurricaneAubrey. "Though I'm not sure if how much of the pro-Jennxpenn faction is entirely behind Jennxpenn or some are just too afraid of challenging the Supreme Commander."
"So, are we going to fight to the bitter end?" asked the Nerd.
HurricaneAubrey looked around her. She saw her colleagues pointing their guns at her. Just moments ago, they had all been united in defeating the Sylvanians in Europe. Now, the Innovation Alliance was fractured.
"We retreat," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Fine," said the Nerd as he put away his weapon.
HurricaneAubrey, the Nerd, and their supporters were hauled off towards the dungeons in chains.
"You're going to be full of regret if you don't reconsider the bombing of Prague!" shouted HurricaneAubrey. "I pray that you don't do it."
"Don't worry, HurricaneAubrey. I'll make sure that history remembers you, the Nerd, and all of your little friends of your cowardice," said Jennxpenn as she sat upon her golden throne, confident that she made the right decision.
In the makeshift camps of Prague, it was nighttime. Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka were watching episodes of Pokémon on a film projector. The two agents were accompanied by several Pokémon fans from the Czech Republic.
"Pikachu, the horn!" shouted Ash Ketchum to Pikachu, his loyal electric mouse Pokémon, during his battle for the Volcano badge.
For non-Pokémon fans, this line would be incomprehensible to them. The entire lore and inter-workings of the Pokémon universe is complex, rivaling that of literary worlds like the Lord of the Rings. It would take entire chapters explaining why this line was humorous for Gigguk and embarrassing to TamashiiHiroka. To put it bluntly, this scene, from the first season of the Pokémon anime, was evidence of how flawed the show was in its early years, with many like TamashiiHiroka denying such a claim due to their nostalgia filter.
"Rhydon's a ground-type. Ash is dumb to think that Pikachu's electric moves would work against the ground Pokémon even when aiming for Rhydon's horn," said Gigguk. "Can you explain how this strategy would remotely work?"
TamashiiHiroka gave out a shy smile.
"Yeah that's pretty stupid of Ash to consider such a plan," admitted TamashiiHiroka.
"The later seasons of Pokémon did a much better job with plot and character development," said Gigguk.
"Even with promoting Serena and Ash in Pokémon XY series over Misty and Ash in the original series," said TamashiiHiroka.
"Yes," said Gigguk. "And let's not get into an hour-long debate over why your favorite couple Ash and Misty should also be my choice as well. I'm not changing my mind."
"But you do have to admit that Czech kids growing up at the turn of the millennium hold Pokémon in a special place within their hearts," commented TamashiiHiroka.
"How so?" asked Gigguk.
"Because you have to understand that the Czech Republic before the 1990s was a part of an entity known as Czechoslovakia. Not only that, the nation was under a brutal communist regime. As you all know, communist governments love to censor anything even remotely arguing against the tenets of communism. If Pokémon existed before the 1990s, then there was no way that the communist Czechoslovakian government would have allowed the anime to be broadcasted inside the country. There wasn't anything in Pokémon that promoted the ideology of Marx or Lenin," said TamashiiHiroka.
"I think a couple of Internet bloggers would beg to differ," said Gigguk.
"I doubt that there is a communist subtext in Pokémon. At least nothing blatant enough to be considered propaganda," said TamashiiHiroka. "Anyway, the Czechoslovakian government would have also hated Pokémon for being the product of Japan, a pro-American capitalistic country. No doubt they would have banned the imaginative and creative world of Pokémon from their country. What does leave the Czech people with? More boring statues promoting socialist realism."
"I see. After the fall of communism in Czechoslovakia along with the peaceful split between the Czech Republic and Slovakia shortly afterwards, Pokémon represented a new type of freedom that the Czech people could appreciate without being oppressed. They could enjoy new ideas and stories from overseas without being scrutinized by a ministry of propaganda," said Gigguk. "It's kind of like how Home Alone was popular in Poland shortly after the collapse of communism in that country."
"Just like Ash and his loyal Pikachu wandering the world independently in search of adventure and fulfillment, the Europeans suffering under communist regimes also sought freedom and individual liberty," said TamashiiHiroka.
"And these Europeans in these countries saw a connection between themselves and Ash," said Gigguk. "They wanted a life that wasn't possible as a cog of the communist machine."
"Exactly," said TamashiiHiroka.
"Never knew that Ash was more than a bumbling kid who just got lucky in the earlier seasons," said Gigguk. "Ash was a freedom fighter."
"I wouldn't go that far," said TamashiiHiroka.
The Czech crowd sitting beside Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka clapped at the end of the Pokémon episode.
"More. More," said the Czech Pokémon fans.
"Alright then," said Gigguk as he stood up and walked towards the laptop attached to the film projector. "How about the episode where Ash dresses up like a girl?"
"Which one?" asked the crowd.
Before Gigguk could answer, his electronic database was ringing.
"Just one moment please," said Gigguk as he retreated behind a tent that had several Czech citizens drinking jugs of beer. "Hello."
"This is Chief Horner," said the Chief as a video screen of the electronic database showed the leader of the American Internet Police.
"Any updates on the situation in Prague?" asked Gigguk.
"What's up?" asked TamashiiHiroka as she joined Gigguk behind the tent.
"Supreme Commander Jennxpenn has made a final decision regarding Roxy's presence in Prague. She has authorized that the city be razed to the ground using bomber planes and rocket artillery," spoke Chief Horner.
"What?!" shouted Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka simultaneously.
"The bombing campaign is to take place in a few short minutes," said Chief Horner. "I have been asked by the Supreme Commander to inform you that you will not interfere with the bombing at any point. It is to be conducted without any interruptions."
"What a minute! Isn't that a bit extreme? What's wrong with just sending elite soldiers to search for her within Prague's intact buildings?" said Gigguk.
"As Jennxpenn said, there is no time for that," said Chief Horner.
"What about holding further discussions about what to do next before embarking on such a radical strategy?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"Like she said, there is no time when Roxy could escape at any point. And besides, the Supreme Commander has arrested anyone opposing her firebombing plan, with HurricaneAubrey and the Nerd being the most prominent opposition members," said Chief Horner.
"What?!" shouted TamashiiHiroka.
"And you allowed her to do this? And why are you agreeing with the firebombing campaign in the first place? If I were you, I would use my authority as the Chief to stop Jennxpenn from carrying out the bombing," said Gigguk.
"Like I said many times, there is no time. And that is my reason for agreeing with the Supreme Commander. As Chief of the Internet Police, I gave Jennxpenn my blessing, and I suggest that you do the same. Otherwise, I'm afraid that you will be charged with the crimes of insubordination and treason just like the Nerd and HurricaneAubrey. Please understand why the bombing must be done," said Chief Horner.
Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka looked around their makeshift camp. There were Czech citizens enjoying drinks inside their tents. There was a Czech crowd eagerly waiting to watch another episode of Pokémon. There were foreign tourists reading books, both hard and electronic copies, about the wonders of Prague. None of them were aware of what was about to happen.
"Like I said, do the right thing," said Chief Horner.
Chief Horner signed off. TamashiiHiroka and Gigguk minds were racing.
"Is there anything we can do," said TamashiiHiroka as she walked to a clearing with Gigguk.
Off in the horizon, the two Internet Police agents saw several sparks of light.
"No," said Gigguk with a solemn face.
The inhabitants of the makeshift camp all rushed to become spectators of this sudden light show.
"What's going on?" asked one person.
"Isn't Prague that way?" asked another person.
"Are those the sounds of planes and rockets?" asked yet another individual.
"Are they bombing Prague?!" shouted several people.
The two agents then heard several screams and wails from the crowd. It was now clear to everyone in the makeshift camp that Prague was being bombed. The agents were powerless to do anything about it. The cries of humanity were soon joined by what appears to be the sounds of violins, cellos, trumpets, tubas, and flutes. An impromptu orchestra was playing while Prague was burning.
"Hold my hand," said TamashiiHiroka as she heard crumbling buildings mixed in with a symphony of music and human agony.
"Will do," said Gigguk as she held TamashiiHiroka's hand as the bombings continued.
Back at Falkenstein Castle, Supreme Commander Jennxpenn was watching live footage of Prague burning from a camera mounted on a bomber plane. She was sitting on her golden throne eating a bowl of popcorn.
"This is beautiful," said Jennxpenn to her supporters at the long table. "Do you agree?"
"Of course," said one of her supporters.
"Soon, the Czech people will be freed from the shackles of Roxy Harmon. There is no way she can survive a barrage of bomber planes and rocket artillery," said Jennxpenn.
Her supporters continued watching the live bombing of Prague on the television screens.
"By tomorrow morning, we'll find her buried underneath the rubble of Prague, and the War of European Succession will end in the unconditional surrender of the Sylvanians," said Jennxpenn as she munched on her popcorn. "And HurricaneAubrey, the Nerd, and all of their misguided supporters will be begging me for forgiveness."
It was morning in Prague. The city of a thousand spires was now the city of a thousand ruined spires. Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka were driving a dune buggy through piles of wood and bricks. Their mission was to search for Roxy Harmon amongst the debris.
"Any luck?" asked Gigguk to TamashiiHiroka as he was behind the wheels of the dune buggy.
"I just can't get that symphony out of my head," said TamashiiHiroka immediately. "Sorry. I did some research on what those Czech musicians were playing during the bombing of Prague. The musical piece they were playing was Bedrich Smetana's The Moldau. Apparently, it was Smetana's love letter to the Moldau river, also known as the Vltava river in English."
"Isn't the Vltava river the Czech Republic's national river? Just like how culturally significant the Thames river is to the United Kingdom or how influential the Mississippi river is for America," said Gigguk.
"Yes," said TamashiiHiroka.
"Wonder what Smetana would think about the destruction of Prague happening along the banks of the Vltava?" questioned Gigguk.
"I think the answer is obvious judging from how his countrymen thought about the city's destruction yesterday. Let's hope it was worth it," said TamashiiHiroka in an increasingly doubtful tone.
First stop for the two agents was Prague's Old Town Square. Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka saw that one of the most photogenic parts of Prague was in ruins. Driving around the square in their buggy, the two agents saw that only the churches had been spared from total annihilation, and even then, these religious buildings still sustained significant damage. But there was no sign of Roxy either dead or alive.
"Where is the famous Prague Astronomical Clock?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"Right on the ground," said Gigguk as he drove nearby the remains of the medieval clock.
The two agents saw the hands of the clock lying down on the ground.
"This was the oldest working clock in the world," commented Gigguk as he lowered his head in mourning.
"Definitely worth it," said TamashiiHiroka in a bitter, sarcastic tone.
Not wanting to find what was left of the wooden apostles, the two agents drove their dune buggy to search for Roxy somewhere else. After a couple of hours racing through Prague, there was no sign of Roxy.
"Where are we now?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"Wenceslas Square," answered Gigguk.
The two agents got off their dune buggy near where the equestrian statue of Good King Wenceslas once stood. It appeared that the good king had been knocked off his pedestal, with Wenceslas lying on the ground with his horse. Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka continued towards the museum where the Slav Epic was located.
"Let's see if at least the Slav Epic has been spared," said Gigguk.
Inside the museum, the two agents saw the Slav Epic paintings. They appeared to be badly damaged, with several of the paintings being sliced in half or had extensive burns.
"Such a tragedy," said TamashiiHiroka as she glided her hand over the ruined paintings.
Gigguk took a closer look at the damage. His eyes widened.
"What is it?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"I don't think these are the authentic Slav Epic paintings," said Gigguk.
"What?" asked an incredulous TamashiiHiroka.
"These paintings appear to be just poster copies of the original," said Gigguk as he examined pieces of the Slav Epic on the floor. "Somebody replaced the real Slav Epic paintings with posters covered in egg whites."
"What does it mean?" questioned TamashiiHiroka.
"It means that someone had foreknowledge that Prague was about to be destroyed by Jennxpenn," said Gigguk.
"That's good. Where are the paintings now?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"No idea. I think the more pressing matter is locating Roxy," commented Gigguk.
The two agents headed back to their dune buggy. It appeared that they left the radio on as news broadcasts were being played. Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka listened to reports of Roxy being found nowhere in Prague by several search teams, with the two agents being the latest to venture into the destroyed city. They heard about how Sylvanian supporters were gleeful at how Jennxpenn annihilated a city built by corrupt humans. As for the anti-Sylvanians, they were now abandoning the Innovation Alliance's cause because of how Supreme Commander Jennxpenn failed to capture Roxy and that the destruction of the cultural heart of the Czech Republic was for nothing.
"I believe we are approaching the famous Charles Bridge," commented a dispirited TamashiiHiroka.
"Let's hope we'll find Roxy," said Gigguk as he parked the dune buggy at one end of the bridge.
The two agents got out of the dune buggy. They walked on the crumbling structure that was destroyed down the middle. The statues of saints had fallen into the river. Some were intact. Others were broken into several pieces. The Vltava river continued flowing underneath the half-destroyed Charles Bridge and over the fallen statues.
"Not even the Nazis or the Soviets destroyed Prague to this degree," said Gigguk as he stood right before where the bridge ended prematurely.
TamashiiHiroka joined Gigguk at the edge of the incomplete bridge. They had a spectacular view of Prague from here. But they found no sign of Roxy here. It seemed reasonable to assume that the Sylvanian leader had never made residence in Prague. This answer came at the cost of eradicating buildings that have stood for centuries. Like previously mentioned, Smetana paid tribute to the Vltava river. This river existed during the founding of Prague, through the turmoil of the Black Death, the occupation of Prague by the Austro-Hungarian Empire, the founding of Czechoslovakia after WWI, the subsequent invasions by Nazi and Soviet armies, and the creation of an independent Czech Republic. If one was standing at the right vantage point along the river, they could see Gigguk and TamashiiHiroka remaining stationary at where the Charles Bridge was split in half. These two agents were witnessing the aftermath of the complete devastation of Prague, with the Vltava river still intact like it has been for centuries.
"Now what do we do?" asked TamashiiHiroka.
"That's up to the Supreme Commander to decide," answered Gigguk.
At Falkenstein Castle, Supreme Commander Jennxpenn was watching news footage of the makeshift camps outside of Prague. They were filled with angry Czech citizens who were now homeless, with the bonus of having their greatest city mutilated. Under Chief Horner's orders, the Nerd, HurricaneAubrey, and their supporters were freed from the dungeons in order to form peace between Jennxpenn and her faction. But peace was nowhere to be found as the Nerd and HurricaneAubrey watched the news footage that also contained the ruins of Prague. They had a lot to say about Jennxpenn's choice.
"What do you have to say for yourself?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
Jennxpenn remained seated on her golden throne as she tried to make excuses for her terrible decision.
"Well Prague can now become the City of a Thousand ATMs," said Jennxpenn. "Imagine an ATM on every corner of Prague, just like vending machines in Japan. You can withdraw your money anywhere in the city to spend inside the massive malls that will be built in the new construction spaces inside Prague."
The Nerd and HurricaneAubrey looked unamused.
"Roxy was never in Prague. If Roxy was never in Prague, then the bombing was for nothing," said the Nerd.
"I was trying to put a positive spin on not finding Roxy in Prague. Now that the medieval buildings that were a reminder of a darker time are now gone, we can build ATMs and malls that reflect human progress," said Jennxpenn.
"What about all of homes that the bombing caused?" asked the Nerd.
"We'll just rebuild their homes in the style of American suburbs," said Jennxpenn.
"What about their possessions?" questioned HurricaneAubrey.
"I'll replace them," said Jennxpenn.
"How? Many items that they owned were irreplaceable antiques," said HurricaneAubrey.
"We'll figure it out," said Jennxpenn.
Everyone in the throne room gazed at Jennxpenn with fury.
"We definitely fucked up," said the Nerd. "Or rather, Supreme Commander Jennxpenn fucked up."
Jennxpenn was shifting nervously on her golden throne.
"I think it is time for new leadership," said the Nerd.
"You can't be serious," said Jennxpenn.
"I am," said the Nerd. "And I would like to propose that HurricaneAubrey become the new Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance."
"She's just my apprentice. She can't lead," said Jennxpenn.
"I'll have you know that I was a veteran of the Second War and the Great Schism of America," said HurricaneAubrey.
"And you were a collaborator of George Zazz at the initial stages of the Great Schism," said Jennxpenn.
"But I still made the finishing blow that ended the Great Schism," said HurricaneAubrey. "Moving on, look at what your leadership did to Prague."
Everyone in the throne room could see the evidence of the state of Prague on the television screens.
"What about my liberation of Berlin and all of Germany?" suggested Jennxpenn.
"That was more to do with the Germans themselves rather than by your leadership," said HurricaneAubrey.
"You are my apprentice. And you should know your place," said Jennxpenn.
"I am no longer your apprentice. I am not going to cower much longer," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Chief Horner made you my apprentice, and you are going to stay my apprentice," said Jennxpenn.
"I think we can convince her to revoke that status," said the Nerd.
"I am the Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance, and I say that HurricaneAubrey will remain my apprentice," said Jennxpenn.
"I think we should let the people decide on the matter," said the Nerd.
"Fine. We'll decide democratically. After all, democracy is a great human invention by the Greeks," said Jennxpenn. "Let's just get the vote out of the way so we don't have to deal with this bullshit."
"Let's make sure that all the agents present are in the throne room," said HurricaneAubrey.
After making sure that all the Internet Police agents were present, the informal election of the Supreme Commander could be held.
"All those in favor of electing HurricaneAubrey as Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance raise your hands," announced the Nerd.
Several hands were raised. Jennxpenn looked over them on her golden throne. Much to her horror, a vast majority of the hands were up in the air. She estimated about ninety percent of the agents had their minds on HurricaneAubrey.
"All those in favor of Jennxpenn remaining as Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance raise your hands," announced the Nerd.
Only a few scattered hands were raised. Jennxpenn saw that about five percent were in favor of her. It appeared that five percent had abstained from voting.
"The democratic progress has dictated the HurricaneAubrey will become the new Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance," said the Nerd.
"Fine! I'm leaving," said Jennxpenn as she stood up and stomped out of the throne room.
"Sore loser much," said the Nerd. "Where are you off to?"
"I'm going to watch Teletubbies. It will get my mind off all the crap happening in this crazy world," said Jennxpenn.
Jennxpenn slammed the doors of the throne room.
"So, I'm the Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance," said HurricaneAubrey.
The Nerd nodded. Applause rang out in the throne room. HurricaneAubrey marched towards the golden throne. She sat upon it and looked out at all the Internet Police agents applauding her.
"As your newly appointed Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance, here is my plan of liberating Italy from the Sylvanians," proclaimed HurricaneAubrey.
At Neuschwanstein Castle, HurricaneAubrey was inside one of many bedrooms. She was at a table inspecting the 51 items that she was famous for online. She had used many of these items on her previous missions. But there were still some that had yet to be utilized.
"I haven't used this one," said HurricaneAubrey as she held a roll of duct tape. "Do I need it to go to Italy?"
HurricaneAubrey laid down the duct tape and picked up another item.
"How about this one?" asked HurricaneAubrey to herself as she grasped black scissors in her right hand. "Will I regret not carrying this around with me?"
Out of context, it looks as if HurricaneAubrey was planning for a lovely holiday. Perhaps she would use the duct tape to make any last-minute repairs to her luggage. Or maybe she would use the pair of scissors to cut a piece of luxurious paper that will be used to a wrap a present. But HurricaneAubrey wasn't going on holiday. She was going to war. And she needed things that would aid the war effort against the Sylvanians in Italy.
"What should I use?" thought HurricaneAubrey.
A knock came from the door.
"Come in," said HurricaneAubrey.
The door opened, and the Nerd entered.
"Are you done packing for our holiday?" said the Nerd.
"Almost," said HurricaneAubrey. "What do you think about bringing duct tape and scissors to Italy?"
"A good idea," said the Nerd. "Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance, are you open to taking a walk with me around Neuschwanstein Castle?"
"Of course. I just need to take my mind off second-guessing my plan of an amphibious landing of the Italian peninsula," said HurricaneAubrey
The newly appointed Supreme Commander followed the Nerd out of the bedroom and into the spacious hallways of the castle of Ludwig II.
"So how is Jennxpenn?" asked HurricaneAubrey casually to the Nerd.
"She's still watching episodes of Teletubbies," said the Nerd. "And she's moved on to watching episodes of Barney & Friends."
"Poor girl," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Poor girl?" asked the Nerd. "Don't tell me you pity her. After what she did to Prague, it's a good thing that Jennxpenn is spending her time watching baby shows. Better keep her far away from holding a position of power. Remember what she did to us when we voiced our objections to her idiotic bombing campaign."
"I remember it well. We were locked up in a dungeon for having the audacity of disagreeing with Jennxpenn," said HurricaneAubrey. "I don't pity Jennxpenn. I am furious with her."
"Well said. With you as Supreme Commander, we'll take out Roxy and her band of tree-huggers without destroying humanity's greatest monuments," said the Nerd.
"Right," said HurricaneAubrey. "If Roxy is in Florence, I would lead the army through the streets of the city itself. All the bullets fired will miss hitting the Uffizi and Florence Cathedral, and no blood will be spilled on the piazza."
"That's a bold statement. Maybe even impossible considering how savage Roxy and her friends are," said the Nerd.
"It's better than having Florence be annihilated by missiles from the heavens," said HurricaneAubrey.
"And to think that Chief Horner approved of such a decision. I'm doubting if she's fit to be the Chief of the Internet Police," said the Nerd. "If I was able to persuade people to make you Supreme Commander, then maybe I can also sway the Internet Police agents to reconsider their faith in Chief Horner."
HurricaneAubrey remained silent on the matter.
"We should have a toast in memory of Prague," said the Nerd. "Too bad I don't have a bottle of wine with me."
The Nerd and HurricaneAubrey bowed their heads in mourning. A few moments of silence followed. Reverence and respect for the medieval city was shared by the two agents in the halls of Neuschwanstein Castle. The Nerd's electronic device beeped. The Nerd looked at it and his eyes widened.
"I just received reports from Chief Horner that Roxy has been spotted in Rome, Italy," said the Nerd.
"Is she absolutely sure?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
"Apparently so," said the Nerd.
"Have her double and triple check the information," said HurricaneAubrey. "The last thing I want is for Rome to undergo yet another bloody battle all because of fake news."
"Are we sticking to the amphibious landing plan?" asked the Nerd.
"We are," said HurricaneAubrey.
The Nerd's portable electronic device rang again. Looking upon it, he had some terrible news.
"And I've just received news that the Critic is with Roxy in Rome," said the Nerd.
"And what else?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
The Nerd hesitated in answering.
"What else did Chief Horner say?" asked HurricaneAubrey again.
"And your little sister is being held captive alongside several innocent people in Rome," said the Nerd. "And it looks like Roxy and the Nostalgia Critic are reveling in their continuous torturing of these poor souls."
HurricaneAubrey rubbed her face with her hands.
"It's okay to show emotion, especially after receiving news of my little sister being tormented," thought HurricaneAubrey. "But I'm not going to break down into meaningless tears and slump to the ground."
With conviction, HurricaneAubrey gave the Nerd a determined look.
"We're going into Rome, and we're going to save my little sister," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Fuck yeah!" shouted the Nerd.
"What's this I see? Two agents wanting to destroy the city of Rome for the good of humanity," said a voice in the shadows.
The Nerd and HurricaneAubrey looked down the hallway, and they saw Jennxpenn approaching them. Jennxpenn was wearing a red onesie.
"We certainly are not going to," said HurricaneAubrey. "We'll liberate Rome systematically by sending an entire army into the city. We'll root out the Sylvanians street by street, and I told the Nerd that the Innovation Alliance soldiers will avoid any collateral damage to any historical sites within the Eternal city."
"So, you care more about bricks than people?" asked Jennxpenn.
"Of course not," said HurricaneAubrey. "If you were the Supreme Commander, I bet you would have wiped Rome off the face of the earth just like Carthage."
"If Rome's destruction would lead to Roxy's demise," said Jennxpenn. "It would be worth it in the end."
"No wonder you aren't the Supreme Commander anymore," said HurricaneAubrey with a smug smile. "Looks like you can't think rationally."
"Try telling your little sister what you said to me," said Jennxpenn. "I bet she wouldn't be pleased that you prioritize ancient ruins over your little sister's life."
"That's a bold statement to say coming from a girl who is watching Teletubbies on her portable device. What philosophical words do the Teletubbies have on the meaning of life?" asked HurricaneAubrey with a derisive laugh.
"Better to watch the Teletubbies than listening to someone who thinks that preserving medieval buildings is better than human life," said Jennxpenn with a scowl. "Why would anyone want to protect buildings reminding people of a world of backwardness, stupidity, and violence?"
"While I was in the war room adjacent to Falkenstein Castle's throne room, you told me that the medieval age was a legacy of witch-burnings and morons," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Yeah. So?" asked Jennxpenn with a shrug of her shoulders.
"I bet this was why you decided to destroy Prague. Oh sure, your primary reason for the Prague bombing was to get to Roxy. However, I can't help but feel you had an ulterior motive for destroying Prague's medieval heritage," said HurricaneAubrey.
"And nothing of value of lost," said Jennxpenn. "Except for a few buildings reminding people of the miserable Middle Ages."
"You know, I think people like you have a misconception about the medieval age," said HurricaneAubrey. "Jennxpenn, how much do you know about Europe's Middle Ages?"
"Isn't it also called the Dark Ages since it happened between the Fall of the Roman Empire and the Renaissance. It was a time of lawlessness, backwardness, technological stagnation, and dragons that blew fire on vulnerable castles and villages," explained Jennxpenn.
"Not quite," said HurricaneAubrey. "You can't just generalize a thousand years of history as simply the Dark Ages. And by the way, there were no dragons in the Middle Ages."
"There were dragons. And ogres. And unicorns," said Jennxpenn.
"Says who?" asked a bewildered HurricaneAubrey.
"I learned these historical facts from the Youtuber called the Amazing Nine-Year-Old," said Jennxpenn.
"Right," said HurricaneAubrey slowly. "Anyway, the Middle Ages gave us innovations like the horse collars and mechanical clocks."
"Big deal," said Jennxpenn as she folded her arms and rolled her eyes.
"You do realize that the Romans never got around to coming up with these inventions. Without horse collars, Europeans wouldn't be able to farm more efficiently. And can you imagine a world without mechanical clocks?" said HurricaneAubrey.
"Then we would have digital clocks on our phones," answered Jennxpenn.
"The oldest mechanical clock is the Astronomical Clock in Prague," said HurricaneAubrey. "It is a medieval marvel."
"It was a medieval marvel. Until a certain somebody decided to destroy it," interrupted the Nerd.
"Don't remind me," said HurricaneAubrey with contempt in her voice.
Jennxpenn didn't look the least bit guilty at her participation in cultural vandalism.
"Let me ask you something, HurricaneAubrey. Would you like to live back in the Middle Ages? Be my guest. But watch out for people dumping their shit into the streets. And let's not forget about the lovely Black Death and other diseases that wiped out entire medieval cities," said Jennxpenn.
"I wouldn't," answered the Nerd.
"How about you HurricaneAubrey?" asked Jennxpenn. "Well. Do you want to live in a world covered only in shit?"
HurricaneAubrey closed her eyes as she was in deep thought.
"You are describing a picture of western Europe during the Middle Ages," said HurricaneAubrey. "Sanitation was still pretty good in the eastern Roman Empire."
"There was an eastern Roman Empire?" asked Jennxpenn.
"Didn't you learn about the eastern Roman Empire in history class?" asked the Nerd.
"Must have forgotten about it while I was watching melons being smashed on my electronic device when that part of history was being taught," answered Jennxpenn. "I thought the Roman Empire fell when the Dark Ages began."
"No. Only the western half of the Roman Empire fell at the start of the Middle Ages. The eastern half, what is referred to as the Byzantine Empire today, continued to exist until 1453," said HurricaneAubrey. "And since Roman technologies in plumbing were never lost, the eastern Roman Empire had high sanitary conditions compared to western Europe during medieval times."
"You haven't answered my question, HurricaneAubrey. Would you want to live in the Middle Ages?" said Jennxpenn.
"I must also add that China and the Middle East were undoubtedly more advanced than western Europe during the Middle Ages," said HurricaneAubrey. "One must only look at how medieval Arabs invented algebra."
"Bleh," said Jennxpenn with her tongue sticking out.
"And what about the Chinese inventing the compass and gunpowder during medieval times?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
"Who cares?" said Jennxpenn. "Tell me that medieval people invented the iPhone or the hot jacuzzi. Then I'll be impressed."
"So, to answer your question, my preference for residence in the Middle Ages depends on location and time period. I probably wouldn't want to live in western Europe around the time of the fall of the western Roman Empire, but I might consider living there when things have calmed down. And I would like to live in the eastern Roman Empire during the medieval age," replied HurricaneAubrey.
"A world lit only by fire and without air-conditioning," said Jennxpenn with a wicked smile. "And no internet. Without the world wide web, there would be no internet police. We would be lowly peasants in a cruel and uncaring world."
"She does have a point," said the Nerd.
"We don't need medieval buildings to remind us of a shitty past," said Jennxpenn.
"I guess that makes you similar to Enlightenment thinkers who also had a low opinion of the Middle Ages," said HurricaneAubrey.
"I'm sorry, what?" asked Jennxpenn.
"The term Dark Ages was created by Renaissance scholars due to their love of antiquity over the then recent Middle Ages. With Greek and Roman culture undergoing a renewal in western Europe, these Renaissance thinkers perceived the medieval age as a time period of lawlessness, backwardness, and technological stagnation. And so, the Dark Ages and the Middle Ages became synonymous in the eyes of popular culture despite the achievements of the medieval age," said HurricaneAubrey.
Jennxpenn yawned as HurricaneAubrey continued explaining.
"And the Enlightenment further dragged down the reputation of the Middle Ages when the intellectual thinkers of the 17th and 18th century imagined medieval Europe as a time where irrational torture was everywhere, and free thought was banned. Ironically, the French Revolution, the supposed high point of the Enlightenment, was when many people were killed under the blade of the guillotine for the sake of liberty, equality, and fraternity," explained HurricaneAubrey. "If the Enlightenment thinkers of the day had the powers of kings, they would probably want to tear down any reminders of the medieval past just like you did with Prague, and in place of the Czech city, they would erect classical Greek and Roman columns and temples. By that logic, you should have stated that you avoid hurting the city of Rome if you were still the Supreme Commander."
"It's a paradox. You said that you destroy the city of Rome to get to Roxy, and yet, you also labeled the medieval buildings of Prague as a reminder of a horrible time between the Roman Empire and the Renaissance," added the Nerd. "Any solution to this paradox, Jennxpenn?"
"I have an answer," said Jennxpenn. "The Roman Empire was shitty as well because of their practice of slavery and having no iPhones back then."
"So, you would like nothing more than to destroy every historical site in the world because of how they remind people of a horrible past?" asked HurricaneAubrey widening her eyes in astonishment of Jennxpenn's lack of respect for history.
"Is that a crime?" asked Jennxpenn as she readjusted her onesie's hood.
"In every country in the world to my knowledge," said the Nerd.
"Why are here talking about the Roman Empire, the Middle Ages, and other irrelevant crap? We should go back to my original point, HurricaneAubrey. You don't care about people, and that's why you're unfit to be Supreme Commander," said Jennxpenn. "I'm still bitter about it, and I'll do everything in my power to have your demoted and reprimanded by Chief Horner."
"The Internet Police agents already decided, and they concluded that HurricaneAubrey is the rightful agent to be Supreme Commander of the Innovation Alliance," said the Nerd.
"Thank you, Nerd," said HurricaneAubrey. "And as Supreme Commander, I will not have you thrown into the dungeons, Jennxpenn. But I will expect you to follow my lead and fight in Rome to the best of your abilities. You will do whatever you can to avoid damaging any historic site, no matter if the site in question is ancient, medieval, or Renaissance."
"Even if your little sister was strapped with chains to an ancient Roman column, and inside the column is an electric bomb ticking down to zero. If the bomb goes off, then it will shock your little sister, killing her and leaving the column unharmed. And the only way to free her was to chip away at the Roman column before the bomb's electricity is transmitted into your sister's body. What would you do?" asked Jennxpenn.
"That won't happen," said HurricaneAubrey.
"I guess that means you would let your little sister die than to damage a useless Roman column," replied Jennxpenn.
"I'm just saying this is an absurd scenario that will never happen when we liberate Rome," said HurricaneAubrey.
"And there are plenty of ways to save HurricaneAubrey's sister without damaging the column," said the Nerd. "Your argument is full of holes. For example, we can simply use a rotating saw to free her quickly from her chains without damaging the column or setting off the bomb."
"But what if the bomb could detect the rotating saw, triggering an electrical pulse to flow through her body?" suggested Jennxpenn.
"We'll just harmlessly freeze Allison along with the bomb and the column," said the Nerd. "And we'll use lasers to penetrate the chains embedded in ice afterwards."
"What if the bomb can detect someone using a freeze ray, and as a result, the bomb will go off?" said Jennxpenn.
"I think you're just building assumption upon assumption," said the Nerd. "Whenever we find an answer, then you'll just come up with ridiculous qualities the bomb will have to counteract the solution."
"Suit yourself," said Jennxpenn as she started to walk away. She stopped to speak directly to HurricaneAubrey. "Let's see what your sister has to say when you rescue her in Rome from Roxy Harmon and her cronies."
"And we're going to have to fight the Nostalgia Critic in Rome in order to rescue HurricaneAubrey's sister," added the Nerd.
"You mean we're going to break the Critic from Roxy's brainwashing," said Jennxpenn. "The Critic just needs to be saved from Roxy's mind-controlling machine."
Jennxpenn began walking away from HurricaneAubrey and the Nerd.
"If you think the Critic has been mind-controlled, why didn't you suspect the Nerd and I were also brainwashed by Roxy when we opposed your plans of bombing Prague?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
Jennxpenn turned to give death stares at HurricaneAubrey.
"Because I trust the Nostalgia Critic more than I do you or the Nerd? Now if you'll excuse me, I'll enjoy the innocent entertainment of Elmo's World before I fight on the streets of Rome. I wish you a terrible night's sleep, HurricaneAubrey," said Jennxpenn as she departed from the two senior agents.
With Jennxpenn out of their presence, the Nerd and HurricaneAubrey pondered over the dilemma of the needs of cultural preservation over the sanctity of human life.
"We're going to Rome," said the Nerd. "The city of the Caesars."
"Yep, and we're going to save my sister and defeat Roxy," said HurricaneAubrey.
"Do you think we can convince the Critic to turn back to the side of good?" asked the Nerd.
"I don't know," admitted HurricaneAubrey. "Jennxpenn's belief of the Critic being merely mind-controlled sounds appealing, but realistically speaking, the Critic joined Roxy of his own free will."
"But can we persuade the Critic to rejoin the Internet Police and fight against the scum of the web?" questioned the Nerd.
"I hope so," said HurricaneAubrey. "Just like I desire the city of Rome to experience minimal damage when we free it from the Sylvanians."
HurricaneAubrey and the Nerd stared out the window of Neuschwanstein Castle. They saw the Bavarian landscape in the South Wing. Somewhere over the horizon laid the city of Rome. And inside a dirty cell within Rome was HurricaneAubrey's little sister. She was dressed in what appeared to be a late 19th Victorian dress that was complemented by a parasol, but Allison wasn't in the mood for cosplay. She was instead lying on the filthy stone floor whispering herself to sleep.
"How did I end up in this situation?" whispered Allison to herself as she tried to imagine scenarios where she wasn't captured by Roxy and her Sylvanians.
Allison was counting on her fingers some positive aspects about humanity. So far, she unfurled a grand total of zero fingers.
"Think about humanity, and how those Sylvanians are wrong in their holier than thou attitude regarding non-Sylvanians," whispered Allison.
She was trying to think about humanity's achievements. Tears began streaming from her eyes.
"There is nothing," whispered Allison as she slumbered into a deep sleep.
But then an image emerged in Allison's mind. It was a woman with flowing brunette hair wielding a sword and charging her way through Rome's streets.
"My big sister," spoke Allison with a smile. "Why am I crying? I need to help her to drive the Sylvanians out of our motherland of Italy."
Before Allison could have a slightly better night's sleep, her right hand's thumb was stretched out. She could rest easy knowing that someone was coming to rescue her.
Please review this story to provide me some advice on improving it. What other internet personalities or memes should the Internet Police encounter?
