The Houses Competition (or THC) Round 9
Story Type: Standard (up to 3,000 words)
House: Gryffindor
Class: DADA
Prompt: [location] Knockturn Alley, [word] Enough, [situation] A character has lost the ability to recognise faces or objects due to a Dark Spell. Write how they go on with their life.
Word Count: 2991
Disclaimers/triggers: N/A
Beta(s): Big thank you to Copper's Mama, Charlie9646 & Aurora_Borealis3406 for beta-ing.
Never Enough
Unclean.
Everything about this place feels just a little bit grimier than the street it is connected to. The cobblestones that comprise the street are darker, uglier, and less uniform than the one it runs adjacent to. Severus walks it with great frequency, and yet the sharp juxtaposition never fails to leave him nonplussed.
People, he knows, are all too willing to judge, label, and shuffle you off into whichever box society deems is the one you belong in. He used to be like this, before, in his old life. His new life doesn't have room for these sorts of unhelpful thoughts—not when there are more pressing things to be concerned about. The lens that used to taint his gaze is gone now because he isn't tied down to anyone or anything he doesn't want to be anymore. Anyone who was a threat to him once no longer exists in this world. Those who Severus might have once viewed as sinister or dangerous, he no longer thinks of.
Not when he is hurrying home so he can get back to her.
He hastens, lengthens his stride down Knockturn Alley to make better time. As he reaches the end of the passage, there are fewer shops sprawled along it and more residential flats. These places are for those who Wizarding society has deemed too controversial to live anywhere else. No one outright says it, but he knows it is so. He knew it when he first signed the lease to the little flat he lives in on the second floor of the building, and he knows it now. He might have been forgiven publicly, but the dissent and distrust towards him still lingers these many years later.
It doesn't matter to him; very little does. He carries no lingering regrets or shame about the war that was fought. He played his part and ensured the Boy-Who-Lived continued to do so. That he has survived to have a future of his own was very much a twist of fate. His debt to Lily Potter is repaid, Severus is free to move on and live his life as he wishes.
Which he does so, with her.
Now all of his shame, all of his crushed dreams and hopes, all of his pain, belongs to her. Not because she has done anything to cause his dismay. He grieves for her, and what has been lost as a result of her association with him.
Severus draws the wand from his sleeve, keyed to the door of the building, and it allows him entry. He mounts the stairs two at a time so that he can get there faster.
"I'm home," Severus calls out as he walks through the door to their flat. He always does this, alerting her to the fact she is no longer alone.
Though she says she doesn't mind it, Severus is wary of leaving her alone for long periods. If he has to leave for longer than a few hours, he organises for her to stay at Hogwarts, with the only other person he trusts fully, with Minerva. His musings are disrupted as she walks into the room, her hand firmly pressed against the wall she is closest to.
"Welcome home."
Luna looks the same as she always has; a delicate face, wide eyes, blonde hair, and a crooked smile with a warmth that radiates from her. Although now her eyes are grey, and her hair is cropped short, cut to just below her jaw. It's easier for her to manage, which is why she keeps it this length. She is still radiant and beautiful, just as she had been when he had found her, truly found her following the war. They are both misfits, but together they don't have to feel so alone.
He approaches her, placing a hand first on her shoulder, before he tucks the other into the short hairs at the base of her neck. She smells like sunflowers and honey. When he leans down to place his lips upon hers in a welcoming kiss, she turns her chin up towards him willingly and returns it with equal enthusiasm.
"How are you?" he asks as their lips part, the hand on her neck moving up to smooth back some of the silvery-blonde locks of hair that have drifted into her face.
"Better now that you are here," she tells him. He still struggles to believe it sometimes, but he knows them to be true. Luna doesn't lie.
He leads her over to the armchairs they keep beside the window. She leans against him, trusting him fully that he will get her to that part of their flat without injury. He is grateful for the confidence she has in him, though he often feels it is misplaced. Once she is in the seat with a throw blanket tucked over her lap, he sits opposite her and fishes around inside the inner pocket of his coat.
It takes a while for him to find what he is looking for; the extension charm he placed on said pocket means there is a lot to riffle through. He makes a note to clear it out one day, as his fingers close around the parchment he is seeking. It only has two words written on it in Latin, but he has tried almost everything else to return her eyes to the crystal clear blue they once were.
"I went to the Ministry Library again and have been combing through the oldest texts they have on ways to reverse your condition," he tells her. "I have found one spell, but the chances of it working are staggeringly low. I do not think ancient magic or spells can hold a candle to that of new dark curses."
Luna nods at him, her expression unchanged. She is so serene, no matter what news he comes to her with after his many hours working towards healing her.
It is crushing guilt combined with utter devotion and love that drives Severus. The curse does not cause blindness of a conventional sort. No. She sees through her eyes, but her perception is not the same. They might work as eyes do in that she can see with them, but she cannot recognise faces or objects any longer. What she sees through them now is utterly at odds with what her hands can feel. A dark, cruel spell. She might as well be blind—perhaps that might be easier.
She explained what it was like to him once, like seeing hues and colours, but nothing has a shape that she can fix on. The only reason she remembers what things are supposed to look like is that her memory is unaffected.
The guilt that eats away at him is the knowledge that such a spell had been created with him in mind, with him as the target. But Luna, his brave, wonderful witch, stood in front of him and took the curse upon herself as his back was turned. He has to live with this knowledge now. He is tortured daily when he sees her eyes, when he holds her hand to lead her around, when she touches his face with her delicate hands so she can perceive him properly.
"Cast the spell, Severus."
Her voice once again draws him back to the present. He leans forward until their knees are touching so he can place one of his hands over her eyes as he speaks the incantation.
"Sensus reditus."
Warmth builds beneath his hand and a white light radiates out. It is over soon after and he lifts his hand away from her closed eyes. She blinks them open and his heart plunges, the sharp pain of failure leaves a deep ache in his chest. He wonders if anything he tries will ever be enough.
"Don't be upset," Luna says, her hands moving up to his face to cup his cheeks. "I'm not. You said yourself it was a long shot."
"I know." Severus' voice is tight and strained, burning with tears he refuses to shed. He swallows the lump in his throat and presses his lips together tightly.
He doesn't want Luna to know how upset he truly is.
They have reached the limits of what he is capable of.
Severus has tried every option available to him; every potion, every spell, every treatment he can think of. It has been twelve months since the attack, since she was left in this state, and he is no closer to a cure now than he was when it first happened. He consulted with every expert on the Dark Arts left alive, and poured over all the texts dedicated to it. When Yaxley created the spell that hit Luna, he must have been very determined to ruin Severus' life. Little did Yaxley know, injuring the little witch had been a far worse punishment to him than if the spell had struck Severus as intended.
In a final effort to rid Luna of her disability, Severus contacts Minerva, Flooing to ask if he can visit her at Hogwarts. He has tried all of the other most pure potions ingredients known to them, all except one. When he arrives at Hogwarts, they stand in the Headmistress' office and stare at Fawkes. Albus' phoenix returned to the school and adopted Minerva after she accepted her promotion. Severus is grateful now as he needs the familiar to attempt one final potion.
"Fawkes, will you help him?" Minerva asks the bird.
Fawkes lowers his head in ascent, prompting Severus to summon an empty vial from his coat. Pearly tears slip from the piercing black eyes, and he catches every precious drop. When it's full, Severus caps the vial and tucks it away safely, lifting a hand to stroke the bird's plumage.
"Thank you," he says, and Fawkes responds with a haunting warble. Severus isn't sure if this is a good or bad omen.
"Take care of her," Minerva tells him as she sees him off after they take tea together.
"I always do."
He steps through the green flames and out into his flat on the other end. Luna is over by the window, seemingly oblivious to the roar of the Floo as it comes to life. She lifts her head as he approaches her and the smile she gives him causes his stomach to churn. It is reminiscent of the first of many incandescent smiles she has bestowed upon him over the years—especially the first one she had gifted him after the war.
When he survived despite the odds stacked against him, Severus had been bitter and ungrateful. He had been ready to die, or so he thought. Two years following the Battle of Hogwarts, Luna showed up at a Ministry Remembrance event Severus recalls being lured into by Kingsley Shacklebolt. He didn't want to be there, and it was clear many others didn't think he belonged there either. She had been beautiful that night, so much the same as the quirky girl who had once been his student, and yet entirely different.
She had been the only one to speak to him at the event, and they'd been near-inseparable since. Severus smiled as he gazed back at her where she sat. Luna was a very straightforward witch, and she'd been determined he would not let his fear of judgement drive a wedge between them.
"I'm home," he announces, dropping down onto his knees beside her so he can draw her head towards him for a kiss.
There is a tiny flame of hope flickering in his chest from the vial of phoenix tears in his coat. He decides not to tell her, unwilling to give her any false hope should he fail once more.
Luna's hands travel over his face, fingers mapping his brow, his jaw, his high cheekbones and lastly his prodigious nose. "Welcome home," she whispers before kissing him again.
Anguish wars with joy inside of him as their lips meet and part.
He continues to toil.
Severus studies every formula ever to exist, each ingredient so that when he is finally ready to brew, he will be confident in what he is creating beyond the shadow of a doubt. When he is certain his mathematics are sound, he begins to brew. It takes time and patience, but he knows it will be worth it if this is the cure to her ills.
He works, Slug and Jiggers being the only place that would hire him after the war. Minerva attempted to lure him back to Hogwarts, but he refused with such vehemence, she didn't speak with him for weeks afterwards. It is there he brews the potion. This way Luna doesn't have to get her hopes up prematurely, although he is likely to be more disappointed than she if it doesn't work.
It takes a month before the potion is finally complete, but on the day it reaches maturation, Severus goes home during his lunch break, clutching the vials tightly, wondering with vain hope if he has done enough.
Normally during the day, Severus goes to St Mungo's to visit Xenophilius Lovegood. After the war, Xeno's mind was too damaged and over the years Severus has become used to visiting him in the Janus Thickey ward. Now he does so without Luna in tow most of the time—he doesn't remember either of them.
It is clear Luna isn't expecting him when he bursts through the door to their flat. She comes barreling down the hallway clutching her wand in her hand. He is both shocked and proud that her instinct is to protect herself, and smiles despite himself.
"It's just me, love," he croons, walking over to her. He places the vials in his pocket so he can soothingly rub her upper arms.
"Oh," she says, sounding sheepish. "It feels early. Are you early?"
"It's lunchtime," Severus tells her.
"Is something wrong?" Luna asked, concern filling her voice. Her brows knit together and her hands find his face to map his features instinctively.
"I brewed a potion."
His heart races in his chest as he withdraws the vials again. Taking her hand, he leads her over to the sofa in front of the small fireplace. She goes willingly and sits down without question.
"Will you let me try to rid you of the curse once more?" he asks, nerves causing a lump in his throat.
She smiles at him and nods. "Of course," she says before hesitating, her expression becoming thoughtful. "But Severus, if this time it doesn't work, I'd like to stop trying if you don't mind."
He swallows thickly. "If that is what you wish," he responds.
Gently urging her to lie down, he places a cushion beneath her head. Her unseeing eyes remain open, tracking him despite her inability to actually see him through the silvery orbs. Severus cups her cheek, tracing his thumb over her cheekbone before he kisses her gently on the lips. She is smiling as he pulls away, trusting him completely.
With her eyes open, staring up at the ceiling, he uncorks one of the vials, holds her eye open carefully, and tips the cool lavender liquid into it. She struggles to keep it open and blinks furiously when he goes to repeat the action with the second vial. Afterwards, she closes them and he summons a damp towel to lay over them as the potion hopefully does its work. Minutes pass and it feels like hours until finally Luna's hand reaches for his and her fingers wrap around his wrist.
"It's stopped burning," she says.
Severus removes the towel and Luna's eyes flicker open a moment later. The cool grey that stares blankly up at the ceiling causes his stomach to bottom out from disappointment. Unbidden, hot, angry tears fill his eyes and sear his cheeks as they fall. One of the salty droplets fall on her cheek, and she sits up to put her arms around him, soothing him with soft murmurs as her hands rub circles on his back.
"Shh, it's okay. I'm all right," she croons.
He is both ashamed of his tears and filled with self-loathing. He has failed her. Severus clutches her to him tightly, unable to make the tears cease. They remain this way until she pulls back and cups his chin, pressing her lips to his for a salty kiss.
"Severus, I am not upset," she tells him vehemently. "I am not disappointed, and you haven't failed me. This is just the fates' way of telling us that we can't change what was meant to happen."
He swipes at his eyes with the back of his hand and snorts at her comment about the fates. If they truly exist, they are cruel, he thinks. "You will never see properly again. You loved to travel, and now you will never be able to see or go anywhere–"
She cuts him off with a finger placed over his lips. "We can go anywhere and everywhere. Now I will just see the world through your eyes instead."
He chokes back another wave of emotion at her words. "Luna–"
Luna uses both of her hands to map his face as she so often does. "I've always seen things a little differently than the rest of the world," she murmurs. "Why change that now?"
"I wish there was more I could do for you," he confesses despondently.
Luna shakes her head. "I don't. I have you, Severus, and that is enough. It always will be."
Severus gazes at the odd little witch he loves, and who loves him. There is a serene smile of acceptance gracing her lips. He wonders how she can be so okay with living her life this way. But it isn't up to him to decide how she gets to feel. It is his job to support her and love her in every way.
And he does.
