He hardly slept at all and his worrying combined with the fatigue from the previous day activities made for an uncharacteristically grim and unpleasant Harmon Rabb in the morning. Especially after he checked his e-mail and found a message from Coates.

"Sir, I stopped by the Colonel's place this morning. I knocked but nobody opened the door and I think she really is not at home. Her car is gone so she probably really went away and is not ignoring your calls. I tried asking the General but he got really annoyed with me and actually asked me if you put me up to it. I just said you were concerned. I am supposed to tell you to be concerned about your duties and not privacy of your co-workers. I am so sorry, sir. I will try asking again once he calms down, maybe in a day or two. He seems really upset about the whole situation."

Jen's discovery did not make anything better. If Mac wasn't ignoring her landline, she was still ignoring her cell. He knew because he had tried it again. But he did not want to seem ungrateful so he wrote a short reply:

"Hey, Jen. Thank you for your effort, you are a good friend. It may be better for you not to aggravate the General, I would hate for you to get onto his bad side because of me, so don't ask him again. But if you manage to find anything out, I would be grateful if you could share it with me. Harm."

It was midday when his thoughts were finally turned into another direction and he was almost grateful for it. Never before he had felt so stuck on a carrier, not even when she was about to marry Brumby. The helplessness and simply not knowing were eating him away. When Meg approached him just after lunch (which he had not eaten) he was glad to finally have something else to concentrate his mind on, even though it was an extremely unpleasant subject.

"I interviewed Lieutenant Hudson," Meg told him and poured herself a cup of coffee, the proceeded to sit opposite Harm in the otherwise empty conference room. "She didn't want to talk to me at first. But eventually, she gave in, when I explained that nobody is going to think less of her because of this."

"So what exactly is the problem?"

"In short, she states that for the past couple of months she has been verbally threatened and harassed by two male members of the crew, that she was inappropriately touched against her will and," Meg sighed, "she was forced to witness them masturbating."

"What exactly did she define as being touched?"

Meg peeked into her notes. "They pushed her against a wall, pressed themselves against her and rubbed themselves against her through their clothes, they touched her breasts and buttocks on numerous occasions."

"But they didn't rape her."

Meg leaned back, deep in thought.

"I suppose that depends on what you see as rape. Did they force her to have sex with them? No. But sometimes things do not need to get to that point for you to feel violated. Where does rape start and where does it end, really? With the first threat? The first unwanted touch? Or is it really all not that bad until you are pinned to the floor and somebody thrusts his genitals into yours?"

Harm listened and tried to take all of that in. Rape has always been completely abhorrent to his mind. He liked sex. A lot. And when he was younger he was eager and willing to participate in it as often as possible. Even later, when he was trying to maintain relationships with women like Jordan or Renee, he appreciated the act and all the thrill that came with it, even if he was later haunted by guilty conscience caused by often imagining another woman in the place of the one occupying his bed. But he could never phantom forcing anyone to submit to his physical desires against their will. He did not understand the men and women who got off of humiliating and hurting others. He never would. But he never really thought about rape with complexity Meg had just presented to him.

"The truth is that Mary Hudson's body was not raped by the strict standards in which the act is characterized by law, but she was still sexually abused. Repeatedly. Harm, they raped her mind."

"So you believe her."

"Every word."

"So what is next?"

Meg looked him in the eye, her face losing the stern expression and a small, warm smile appeared. She looked amused.

"What?" he asked, a bit self-conscious.

"You have changed," she said, still smiling. "The old Harmon Rabb I remember would have just rolled all over me by now, giving directions, making decisions. Basically taking it all upon himself, because how could anyone know or do better. Yet now you sit here and listen. You ask for what I think. And it looks like you really want to know, it is not just a formality not to insult my ego."

"Was I really that awful?" he asked, somewhat puzzled. Had he really been like that?

"Not awful. Just more aggressive in a certain way. More possessive of your own thought process. And definitely more arrogant," she laughed. "You have grown."

"Thanks, I think," he mumbled. He had grown. Too much had happened for him to stay the same. Finding his father, briefly returning to the active squadron, new relationships, dozens of people and challenging cases. Bud and his injury. Death of Jordan. The abuse of Darlyn. The guardianship of Mattie. And Mac. All of Mac.

"You're welcome," Meg shrugged her shoulders and returned to the matter at hand. "And just so you know I do like what I see," she said after a moment, her eyes falling away from him at the same time, her cheeks suddenly flushing with a light pink sheen.

"Since you ask I would like you to come aboard now, so to speak. I want both of the men Hudson accused to be interviewed at the same time, so they cannot warn each other or corroborate their own version. You could take one of them. I suppose you have had your share of rape and sexual assault cases?"

He nodded.

"Yes, but to be honest there were not that many. And when there was one, it was usually Mac who communicated with the individuals involved. I was more in charge of gathering other evidence and witnesses."

"Mac?"

"Colonel Mackenzie."

"Oh, right. The woman I am here instead of," said Meg. "Was she your partner?"

"Yes, she is," Harm replied, deliberate inserting the present tense. "In fact, we have worked together since you left." He did not even realize how hostile he sounded right then, but Meg caught the underlining emotion.

"I'm sorry, Harm," she apologized. "I didn't realize, but I suppose you two are good friends after all those years. It must be difficult for you to suddenly have to deal with me. But I hope we will get our old rhythm back and kick some ass together as a team again."

He managed a smile. He liked working with Meg. And had the circumstances had been different he would be ecstatic at her being back in D.C. But her presence now meant Mac's absence. Mac's mysterious, frustrating and unexplained absence, of which he had no idea when it would end. The prospect of her never returning had suddenly started to appear before him after Meg's last statement. No. He could not think like that. Mac would be back. She just needed to heal after... whatever had happened. He would try to call again tonight.

"Let's not lose any more time then," he said and rose from his chair. "Can I have a copy of your notes to read through before we interview the accused? And who are they anyway?"

"Lieutenant Hank Reed and his younger cousin Ensign Tobias Reed." She looked up to him. "Which one do you want, Commander?"


The Reed cousins took the accusation very differently. While the Lieutenant refused to talk and asked for a lawyer, the young Ensign panicked and admitted some of what Mary Hudson complained about might be true. He was not forthcoming with details so far but did not deny anything that was read to him.

"But we didn't... you know... do it," he stammered while sweating profusely. "And... it was meant to be just fun. Like... everyone does crazy shit, right? She could have told us to stop instead of talking about it behind our backs."

"According to her testimony, she said no at every occasion and begged you to leave her alone," Harm said. He was disgusted with the whole affair, which further fueled his frustration and fears and threatened to turn them into a fit of unbound anger.

"Sir, you know how women are," Ensign tried to change his tactics and tone from that of a scared, innocent child to that of an experienced man, in a sick attempt at some macho bonding with the investigating officer. "They don't mean half, hell, three-quarters of the things they say."

Harm had him escorted into the bring, too revolted to spend another minute in the same room with the man. A headache was starting to pound in his temples by then. After conferring with Meg it was decided that she would leave the next day accompanied by Mary Hudson. The two culprits would follow on the next COD later, to spare the young woman the anguish of their presence.

"So I guess I'll be seeing you in D.C.," Meg smiled at him, suddenly almost shy for reasons he couldn't imagine.

"Sure. When they finally send somebody else to replace me here, I'll be there like a whirlwind," he replied. The headache was more insistent now. He needed to take a pill. And get some sleep. And find Mac.

"Thank you for your help, Harm," Meg said warmly, stepping in a bit closer and giving a friendly squeeze to his biceps. "I admit that even though I was looking forward to seeing you, I was afraid you would just take over and try to lead everything. But you have been wonderful and I am grateful for your input." She leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek.

He was a little startled by the unexpected gesture, but not displeased.

"You're welcome, Meg," he said with a smile. "Anything else I can do for you?"

"Actually, there is," she replied, stepping back a little, but still being in his close proximity. "Considering I am sort of new to Washington right now and still in need to make some new friends, can I count on you to be my date for the Surface Warfare ball at the end of the month? That is if you manage to saddle someone else with this posting till then?"

"Uhm... sure," he managed to say. It was then that his migraine struck in full force. "I am sorry, Meg, I really need to get some rest. Take care. See you back home," he said, forced a little smile and after she said her own goodbyes, slowly made his way into his quarters and into his bunk.

The pills and the exhaustion made for a powerful sleeping spell. Not even the ringing of the phone woke him up. The woman on the other end of the line gave up after a while. She hung up and curling into herself, silently cried.