His hand slowly snaked towards her own palm, sliding into it, entwining their fingers and squeezing them gently. She was lying on her back, he was lying on his belly. Their eyes had a silent conversation for a long while before the first words fell from their lips.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she answered.

Their voices were a mere whisper, but it did not matter in that quiet moment before dawn. The world had forgotten all about them for now. The time had stopped. It was just him and her and everything in between them. They both felt bare, fragile, but there was no shame and no desire to hide. Not anymore. She was too exhausted to run. He was too determined to finally cross every barrier that had ever stood between them.

They talked some. They were silent a lot.

The words were falling into the darkened apartment and their souls.


I.

"You came for me."

"Of course I came for you."

"Of course."


II.

"What happened, Mac? When I was away?"

"Didn't they tell you?"

"They did. But none of them had all the facts. You are the only one."

"I had some cramps when I was in court. I had to go to the hospital. But they let me out the next day."

"Cramps?"

"Yeah."

"Mac."

"Hm."

"Mac I talked to Jen. And to Sturgis and the General. You were lying on the ground, bleeding. So don't do this. Don't lie."

"It is over now."

"Endometriosis does not just go away, Mac."

"No. But I should be fine. I won't let that happen again."

"What? Mac?"

"Hm."

"It was not a spontaneous incident, was it? Something happened that caused it. What was it?"

"I let myself down."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I am a fool."

"Why?"

"I hate myself."

"No."


III.

"Harm?"

"What, sweetheart?"

"Are you still fucking livid because of me?"

"That is what you remember from that night?"

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"I am sorry."

"You are forgiven. But it will take me a while to become un-livid."

"Why do you call me sweetheart?"

"Because I love you."

"Good."


IV.

"Are you in any pain now? And don't lie. You know I can tell."

"Yes."

"What hurts?"

"My back."

"Do you want me to..."

"No. Not right now. It feels good just...to be like this. Can we stay like this a bit longer."

"Whatever you want. Anything else hurts?"

"All of me. But it is mostly dull."

"Anything in particular?"

"My heart."


V.

"Why didn't you go home when they let you out of the hospital? Why that motel? Why didn't you call me?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Mac, please."

"No. Not right now."

"But you will tell me? Once you get better."

"Yes. If I get better."

"You will. There is no other option available to you. Or me."


VI.

"Are you hungry, sweetheart?"

"No."

"You need to eat."

"Later."

"It is almost morning. Let me make you some breakfast. What do you fancy? I promise I'll get you anything you want. Glazed doughnuts, raspberry muffins, chocolate cookies, I might even call for a pizza. Or a dead cow served with ketchup. You name it."

"I'm really not hungry, Harm. Thank you."

"Mac. You really need to..."

"I can't."

"When was the last time you ate something? Mac?"

"I... don't remember."


VII.

"I need to get up and call Cresswell."

"Why?"

"To tell him I am not coming to work today. And that I found you."

"Why would you need to go to work on Saturday?"

"It is Monday, my love."

"But... how...?"

"I found you on Friday. You were pretty much completely out of it for the whole weekend. I guess you just lost those two days."

"I have lost so much more than that."

"What did you lose, Mac?"

"The weekend. The whole last month. All of the past year. And all of the years before that."

"What are you saying?"

"The world would have been so much better."

"If what?"

"If I wasn't in it."

"No."

"You keep saying that. Why?"

"Because I know all of the reasons why you make my world the most wonderful place and I am going to give them to you. And I will keep pointing them out to you for the rest of your life."

"Harm."

"Yes, darling?"

"You need to let me go."

"No."

"I am not good for you. You need... you deserve somebody who is ... whole and steady and healthy. Me... I am a wreck. I thought I could face it, change it, overcome it. But I can't. What happened changed everything. You say I will get better. I honestly don't think I can. Or... if I even have any fight left in me."

"If you don't, I do! And I will not let you push me away and just give up!"

"You sound so angry again."

"Because I am."

"I'm not worth it. You deserve so much more than me."

"You deserve much more than you allow yourself to have. Answer me, honestly: do you really want me to leave? Do you not want me?"

"I..."

"Truth, Mac. You keep saying I deserve this and that. What it is you want?"

"I want... I want to lose myself in you. I want you to lose yourself in me. I want you to love me, love me, love me. I want to be so close to you that I won't know where I begin and you end. that is what I want. But..."

"I want you. Only you. And everything you have just said. So where is there any room for a "but"? Stop pushing me away. You say you don't want to hurt me. Then stop hurting me. Accept me. Make me happy. I will do anything to make you happy."


VIII.

"You still look so tired. And you are still a bit warm."

"Hmm."

"Are you sure you don't want to eat something?"

"Hmm."

"Mac? I need to call the General."

"OK. Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Good."