Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter and those followed the story.


Amy wasn't certain what to expect, what to think or feel or do as she stood at the doorstep of Sheldon's apartment. It took a week to decide before she'd booked her tickets, yet the veil of confusion loomed thickly over her. The uncanny silence filled her with discomfort, a chill running down her spine. It was the feeling of the living haunting their own past, seeking the comfort in the days long gone. She took her time before she knocked at the door, expecting either Sheldon or Leonard or Penny to open the door, give her a long look before taking her in an embrace. She was too embarrassed, and Amy felt she should not have come here at all. Probably visiting her other friends first would have been a better idea. For once, she wanted to know what she was getting herself into. Maybe she wasn't even needed here. The consequences of her decisions were only hers to endure, whether right or wrong in the long run.

The door opened before she could make up her mind to leave. An unfamiliar face peeked through it. Not Sheldon, not Leonard, and not Penny. Both relief and anxiety flooded through her, blocking her sight for a moment. She composed herself, and smiled.

The woman at the door returned her smile. "How can I help you?"

"Can I talk to Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, please?" Amy was embarrassed and she was certain anyone could read her face at the moment.

"I'm afraid not. He moved into his own house two years ago."

"Does Sheldon Cooper live here?"

"No," the woman answered.

Amy nodded, half-disappointed and half-relieved. Sheldon had married perhaps, maybe he was happy too. After their breakup and her departure, he didn't have to live waiting for her to come back. Not only did her instincts deny the possibility of something like this happening, but she couldn't stop the pang of envy, should something like this have happened for real. She immediately turned toward the staircase, only for the woman she had just met speak again.

"You can take the elevator, sweetie."

Amy's throat tightened and she nodded in response. For years, this elevator had been broken, and the stairs had become a sort of comfort for her. She remembered thanking her stars while climbing these very stairs, only because it allowed her to stay a little longer with Sheldon. Penny had told her why the elevator did not work. Apparently, one of Leonard's experiment at the apartment had gone horribly wrong, resulting in what could be a fatal accident. Sheldon had saved Leonard, and kept the secret to himself. Amy knew what it would mean if he ever let out the information on why the elevator did not work. The presence of the explosives in the apartment, the people involved, however innocent it might appear, would never go down well with the authorities. Amy was proud of him. It painted a different picture of Sheldon than the one he let people see. Today, she wanted nothing more than to finally see him again. After all, she needed a closure, too.


Amy entered the comic book store, now vastly different from what she remembered when she'd last visited this place. It had more books, more comic book replicas and figures, and certainly more customers than she was used to having in this place. Instead of Stuart, Amy spotted a woman, engrossed in her own world of reading, who hadn't yet sensed her presence. Amy went to her, and the woman looked up.

"Hi, I'm Denise. How can I help you?"

Amy cleared her throat. "Stuart works here," she said. "Can I see him?"

"He's not been feeling well, so he's home."

"And you are..?"

"His girlfriend." Denise gave a sheepish smile.

Amy stared at her. Stuart had a girlfriend.

"I haven't seen you here. How do you know Stuart?"

"Well, I haven't been here in years, but Stuart was a good friend of mine."

Denise looked surprised.

"You might not know me, but I'm Amy Farrah Fowler."

Denise gasped. "Oh, my God, Amy. I've heard so much about you. God, you have no idea how much the guys used to talk about you."

Amy sighed. "Sheldon, you mean?"

"Leonard, Raj, and Howard."

Amy gulped. So, Sheldon didn't talk about her. "Oh!"

"I never thought I'd see, but you're here."

"Well, here I am." She laughed. "Do the guys come here? This place was their second home."

Denise smiled. "It was. But I guess life caught up with them. I haven't seen them in months. They meet Stuart though."

Amy wasn't sure how to bring Sheldon into their conversation. How to introduce his name while keeping her own heart from breaking. She'd come here for a closure or some hope. Denial of either of these would be cruel. She wasn't ready for this.

"Do you know where Leonard lives?"

"No, but you can talk to Stuart. Should I call him?"

Amy shook her head. "Thanks anyway. Will see you around."

Amy went back to her hotel room, familiarizing herself with her own town, a place where she'd spent her life's crucial five years. She'd made friends, the people who despite not having been with her since childhood, were a part of her family. She hated to say this, but those people loved her more than her own mother. She was new to the group, filled with insecurities that once kept her from becoming herself. Yet Penny and Bernadette had accepted her, Leonard, Howard, and Raj had loved her. Amy felt ashamed of herself for not keeping her contact with them. She found herself incredibly selfish for returning to them for Sheldon. In her defense, Amy had found a hope when she'd seen Leonard and Penny at the Nobel Prize Ceremony. Yes, she was here for Sheldon, but the reason she never made any more friends was because she could never bring herself to give the place that Bernadette and Penny had made in her life.


It was afternoon when Amy reached the Caltech cafeteria. The table usually occupied by her friends was empty. She looked around in hope of finding someone familiar, and was thankful when Bert waved his hand at her and began walking in her direction. He gave her a hug, mumbling a few words she couldn't understand.

"Hey, how've you been, Amy?"

Amy nodded her head, unable to say anything for a few moments. "I'm fine."

The further query and conversation was disturbed by yet another familiar but unwelcome face of Berry Kripke.

"Look, who's hea!" he said in his usually cheery voice. "Gal, you've been gone too long."

Amy scowled, not hiding her contempt at his tone.

"Guess what? You hit the jackpot! You wewe bette off without that Coopah guy!"

Amy glared at him, and Bert chased him away. "Don't mind him, Amy. Kripke is a jerk."

"I know he is." She looked around. "I need to see Sheldon. Can you please tell me where his office is?" His old office had been allocated to someone else, and Amy had been too much caught up with emotions to further question him where she could find Sheldon. For once, she needed a familiar person to guide her.

"Well, there's Leonard." Bert pointed towards the entrance of the cafeteria. Amy turned back, again disappointed not to find Sheldon. Only Leonard found his way, now to their table that was fixed for them. In the ever-changing world of uncertainties, Amy found her first constant. She heaved a sigh of relief. Meeting old friends was hard, but it was harder than she'd expected. Leonard sat on a chair alone. Amy walked to him, like a cat making no noise, and sat in front of him. Leonard gaped at her as though he's seen an apparition that no one else could see. He dropped his food in the plate, took a deep breath, and looked back at her again.

"Wow, what a pleasant surprise!" he said. The sarcasm in his words didn't escape Amy's notice.

"Leonard, please."

"Amy.. It's been years! We tried to contact you. We tried to, you know, talk to you, but you just.."

"I know.." Amy knew it was going to be a topic of discussion when she met them. She was the one that had broken all ties with her friends.

"So, what brings you here?" he said again. The coldness in his words was far too tangible for Amy to put it aside.

"Leonard," she began, "I know I haven't been the friend you guys deserved, but —"

"Of course you have a reason for it, don't you? Amy, the problem between you and Sheldon shouldn't have come between us."

She looked sideways. There was no excuse for what she did. She'd wanted to get away from Sheldon, and cutting ties with those near him, even though they were her only friends, looked like a good idea. As the first bouts of shock disappeared, Leonard quietened, finally beginning to grasp her perspective. "But don't expect Penny to be gentle with this."

Amy had broken away from her friends thinking she was going to do Sheldon a favor by not keeping in touch with his friends; and her friends stopped making efforts believing they might be burdening her with themselves. It was the classic reason why most friendships didn't last.

"How's Sheldon doing?" The words came out of her mouth before she had time to fathom them.

Leonard looked at her, observed her face, and looked down again. "He doesn't live with us anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"He moved to England after you left. We didn't see him since then until last week."

"Oh." She made her best efforts to keep herself in check without making a scene of her feelings.

Leonard explained how Sheldon had appeared normal to them with occasional fits of anguish, otherwise laughing, playing dungeons and dragons with guys, visiting the comic book store, and attending his bachelorette party to Mexico. It all ended the day Amy moved to New Jersey — or the day he found out about it. Nobody had told Sheldon that Amy was leaving Pasadena, fearing his response, his deteriorating condition. They'd all seen him change, and knew, even though Amy deserved to live her own life even though it was without him, Sheldon wouldn't be able to take things well. One day, he'd decided to visit her apartment only to find it empty and unoccupied. When he asked Leonard and Penny, their response shattered him.

From the desire to win her back to the quiet defiance of Amy's decision of ending their relationship to the slow acceptance that Amy had truly meant to leave the city, he had surprised those around him. The tantrums they expected, the constant nagging they prepared themselves for never came. He was the quietest he had ever been.

Then one day, he left without meeting anyone, leaving behind a video message for his friends.

"Nothing's been the same anymore." Leonard looked at the floor, still lost in thoughts. "It's like, all of our group slowly dispersed away. With you and Sheldon gone, we couldn't keep things from falling apart."

"Did you try to contact Sheldon afterwards?"

"Oh, yes. He'd run away from home before too, but both the times he'd returned. He couldn't survive in the wilderness. We were expecting something similar, but, you know."

"Then what happened?"

"Nothing much. On Christmas, he sends us a Christmas card and a present."

"But he hated Christmas and presents!"

"You bet."

"So you never spoke to him? What about his family?"

"When we were leaving the apartment, we wanted Mrs. Cooper to see if some Sheldon's belongings would be needed. We were selling all of our old stuff." He paused. "And she found an engagement ring Sheldon had kept for you."

"WHAT?" Amy didn't bother with the fact that she'd attracted people's attention towards her. She took a deep breath.

"Yes, Sheldon was going to propose you when you broke up."

"You knew that and you wouldn't tell me?"

"You were already married to Dave. And we had no contact, Amy."

Amy knew why she could never stop the voice that constantly told her she was doing something terribly wrong, or going the wrong path. It took all her will power to not shed a tear at the thought.

"You okay, Amy?"

She nodded. "Has he married now?"

"I don't think so," Leonard answered. "I mean, there was no one from his family there, so I don't know."

She sucked in a deep breath. "I don't know why I came here," she said. "Or what was I expecting."

"To be honest, Amy, I didn't think I'd see you either."


Amy was back in her hotel room. The impact of all the information, all the times lost away from her friends, and how much had changed finally came back to her, piercing her like a sharp bullet. What she'd seen at the Nobel Prize Ceremony was simply an illusion that lured her into a well-crafted series of deception that turned out to be fragile and hollow, threads softer than gossamer.

She'd never thought how much her departure would affect people. Sheldon had left as soon as she did. Raj, too, had moved back to India. He now worked for ISRO. Leonard and Penny had problems in their marriage that they themselves weren't ready to accept. But she'd seen it. Amy knew what happened with the love lost. The avoided gazes, steering touches, and the eschewed souls of her two friends were far too obvious for her to ignore. Furthermore, she knew how people behaved in a situation like that. Her own parents, although not separated, had lived like this for years.

Pasadena appeared empty, as though someone had wrenched its soul out of its body. And she was revolted at the thought. No matter how brave, how adaptable to the change she was, Amy wasn't prepared for this. She could never prepare herself for this. The roads of the city laughed at her, the clouded sky lamented along with her, and the drifting wind whispered her own grief she was afraid to say out loud.

She wasn't sure what was it that continued to hurt more. The uncertainty of the future or the lost past.

Leonard had taken her to his house in the afternoon. Amy had made a myriad of the scenarios in her head while she was still on her way to Pasadena, but her reunion with her friends was nothing like she'd ever excepted. She'd hoped to find Raj still around, Howard, and Bernadette to be ready to embrace, and Leonard and Penny to.. forget these few years had even existed.

There was nothing like this. There was no Raj around anymore. Howard and Bernadette hadn't returned home from their trip. Leonard was disappointed in her. And Penny..

Amy remembered Penny's widened eyes, her open mouth, her form completely still as she'd waltzed into their house with Leonard. For an uncomfortably long moment there was no reaction from Penny. Then, she took a deep breath and rolled her eyes. "Welcome home, Amy."

Amy looked at Leonard who shrugged his shoulders. It was her own battle, her own fight to finish. She'd disappointed her friends. All of them. Expecting them to immediately accept her would be foolhardy.

"Bestie," she said. "I know you're upset with me, but can you..?"

"I'm not upset with you, Amy, I just.." At this moment, her reaction matched Leonard's a few hours ago — resignation and disappointment. While Leonard had warmed towards her, Amy knew Penny was the big deal. "All those years, you never thought of contacting us? I know what you went through, but you could have talked to us. We'd have liked to attend your wedding. Remember we used to talk about it all the time? Me being your maid of honor, and you being mine. Oh, God!" Penny sat on the chair nearby, taking her head in her hands.

Amy sat beside her. "I know," she said. "I didn't want to do anything without you guys either. But you know, that wouldn't be possible without involving Sh- Sheldon. At any cost, I didn't want to hurt him."

"You did hurt him when you broke up with him, Sweetie. We all know that. Once you two separated ways, you made it all about you and Sheldon. What about us? For months, we kept wondering if we'd done something wrong to upset you that you wouldn't even want to talk to us."

"I know.. I'm sorry."

"I thought our friendship was independent of how you felt towards him."

"It was." Amy looked at Leonard who still provided her no support. "Can we start over? Please?"

"Are you here to stay?"

"That depends."

Her already imperfect world had spun rapidly, took shapes and forms so different from what she'd known for years, and become something else altogether. At this stage, she wasn't certain about anything.

Amy walked to and fro in her room, repeating the proposal in her head all over again. It could go wrong, but this was the only chance she had. She'd proposed to Leonard and Penny if they were willing to join her on her trip to England to meet Sheldon. Much to her surprise, they'd agreed, although Leonard required a little bit pestering. He, too, hadn't taken Sheldon's departure well. Penny had been the reason they all went to Sweden in the first place, even though no one was willing to do so in the first place. Leonard was still angry that other than Sheldon acknowledging them in his speech, he hadn't spoken to them like a friend meeting after years would.

"Why do I have to go there if he's going to show off he's still an ass?" he said. "I went to talk to him, but he wouldn't even look at me."

It was an hour ago that Penny had called her saying Leonard had agreed. Amy smiled to herself.

Finally, after years of wait, she would be with Sheldon.