Amy and Leonard sat in the Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for Penny. They still had a few minutes before Penny arrived free from her work. The awkwardness resulting from weight of the lost years didn't go amiss by either Amy or Leonard. They both sat in silence, formulating the words to say without making the situation more awkward than it already was. Amy wondered since when she had to worry about all these things with her only friends. Why couldn't she bring herself to talk to them and put end to the uneasy silence.

"Need something to eat?" Leonard asked.

"No, thank you." Amy smiled.

He stood up and began walking to and fro, hands tucked behind his back. Leonard fixed his glasses, glanced at her, and looked away towards the crowd coming from the entrance. Amy knew once Penny came, things would become better. She hoped they would. After a few moments, Leonard sat beside her again, picking up a magazine, then put it away, passing her a smile.

"There's nothing to read in there," he said.

"It's a fashion magazine, Leonard. What do you expect?"

Leonard laughed. "You're right."

There was a silence again. Even though Amy knew better, she wanted the remaining time to pass quickly before this aching silence began to gnaw her.

"Amy," Leonard said again. This time, there was a purpose, a heaviness in his words that instantly drew her attention to him. It exhibited a firm resolution and a deep-rooted sadness, something she'd often seen in his eyes. "I have something to tell you."

She placed aside her own reading material she'd been pretending to read and turned to look at him properly.

"I don't think Sheldon left because of you. I think it's because of me."

"Whatever do you mean by that?"

Leonard gave his thoughts a few moments before he opened his mouth. "Well, I think I was the one that pushed him away from all of us." He paused again, rubbing his neck. "After you were gone, he didn't show any agitation like we'd expected. He'd stay in his room. If we picked him up from work, he'd come home with us, otherwise he took bus with no tantrums. It worried us all. We were expecting him to at least snap from his stupor and become normal again." Leonard bit the inside of his cheek, looking farther into the empty distance. "And then one day I went into his room. It wasn't as well-kept as it used to be. And he was lying down. He hadn't come to have dinner with us. So, I went to him, tried to talk to him, but surprisingly, he blamed you for leaving. After everything, he couldn't understand the problem was with him, not those around him. I snapped, obviously."

"What did you say?"

"I told him people tolerated him because he wasn't intentionally mean to others, but that didn't mean he'd not been hurting others."

Amy shook her head, staring down at her hands.

"Thinking about it, he was probably trying to tell me that he had a ring to give you. That he was going to propose you, and that you shouldn't have left."

"What happened then?"

"It happened at night. And when I woke up the next morning, I realized I'd probably crossed the line. I went to apologize to Sheldon.. to talk to him that he needed to move past whatever had happened. That you needed to move on if he wasn't willing to give you a life you deserved. But when I entered his room, it was empty. We tried his phone but he never answered. His family didn't know either. The only contact we had was his Christmas gifts and cards."

An unintentional sob escaped her lips, and a long silence, more uncomfortable than before, followed. Sheldon could be hard to deal with, but she'd known he loved people around him, in his own way.

"Why would you say something like that to him if you knew he wasn't doing well?"

"Because someone had to tell him he was the problem you two didn't work out. With someone as patient as you, only Sheldon couldn't make this relationship last. Anyone would understand they're the problem, but he didn't. And the way he said it back then, it was hard to believe he was sad at all. I know he'd been dealing with the things in his own way, but for how long do you think we could put up with him?"

Amy knew Leonard was right. He'd dealt with Sheldon's ways the longest, had endured his tantrums, and mood swings. Leonard had stayed awake when Sheldon needed to play a game or was sick, or missed his family. Leonard had been the brother, the friend to Sheldon that the world would envy. Even she'd envied him at times until Penny and her became close friends. Did Sheldon make any more friends? She'd told him once he'd never be able to make friends other than these guys. Amy sincerely hoped he had friends back in England. The thought of him living all alone was unbearable.

"Do you think this is why he didn't speak to you when you met him?"

"Maybe. But it's been years.. Who holds grudges that long?"

They shared a knowing look with each other that said, "Sheldon does."

However, he'd honored all his friends in his Noble Prize winning speech. He'd acknowledged their contributions, how they influenced the most crucial years of his life, and how he wouldn't be where he was if not for these people. Someone holding grudges wouldn't say these words. Certainly not Sheldon.

Amy knew right away what it meant. Sheldon had been trying to protect himself. A part of her broke knowing she was one of the, if not the only, reasons that things came to be this way. But if she trusted her memory, untouched by her guilt, she'd given her relationship all she could. She'd walked the path the farthest, holding his hand in hope that he would be willing to keep up with her. Eventually, she'd found herself alone at the end, lost in a maze the man she loved wasn't there. This was the reason she'd broken up with him in the first place; and yet her guilty heart thudded in her ribcage in silent accusation.

As few moments passed and they spotted Penny hopping over to them, a handbag hanging to her side. "Sorry, I was late," she breathed. "I got off work just now."

Amy passed her a half-hearted smile.

"By the way, Howard and Bernadette would be joining us there the next week."

"How did they agree to come? They'd sworn to never see his face," Leonard said.

"Well, we girls do have some secret weapons," Penny mumbled, winking at Amy. "If we were going, they had to come as well."


Amy was asleep — or lost in thoughts —when Penny woke her up. Leonard had decided to sit in one of the seats ahead of them, stating Penny and her needed to spend time together after so many years, and Penny hadn't objected. Amy wanted to think about their problem, half-way she did, until her mind was filled with the nervousness, thoughts about her friends sliding into oblivion.

The afternoon sun was climbing up, brightening the dullness of the otherwise clouded town. Wind lifted her hair up as they existed the Heathrow Airport, the sunlight simultaneously warming her. Amy paused for a moment, squeezing her eyes shut, her mind dizzy with excitement and apprehension. The giddiness that silently throbbed within her was louder now. Even though Sheldon and her relationship hadn't been sexual, Amy knew there was an unspoken intimacy between them. It was an intimacy she hadn't shared with anyone. Meeting him after years, unannounced and maybe unwanted, she wondered if it was a good idea at all. She trusted her guts once again, allowed the voice in her head to steer her to wherever it would take her.

"You okay, Amy?" Penny asked.

She nodded. She was far from okay, but there was nothing anyone could do about it.

They reached the premises of the Imperial College London around 3 O'clock. Penny waited in the car while Amy and Leonard went to enquire about Sheldon. Once they introduced themselves at the reception desk, giving their own details to meet the professor at the University, a man called them from behind.

"Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler?" he said with a warm smile.

Amy nodded.

"Dr. Lewis Brown. Physics Department." He extended his hand towards her. "I was at the Stanford University a few years ago. You were a Visiting Professor there for Neurobiology on one of your papers."

"Oh, yeah, I was. I don't think we ever met." She answered his courtesy.

"No, we didn't," he said. "I'd read your papers and Dr. Cooper wouldn't stop gushing over your work, so I was expecting we would. But by the time I was free from my own work, you were gone."

Amy couldn't hear anything other than 'Dr. Cooper'. "Sh- Dr. Cooper… we're here to meet him. Can you please tell us where he is?"

The man looked at Leonard, a confused look on his face.

"That's Dr. Leonard Hofstadter."

"Oh, good heavens!" Dr. Brown flushed. "It's so good to finally meet you, Dr. Hofstadter. Dr. Cooper talks a lot about you and your work."

"What does he say? Does he mention it's all dead and hocus pocus?" There was an edge of sarcasm in his tone.

The man laughed. "No, for all I know, he's all praises for your work."

"He doesn't find anything to complain about my papers?" Leonard cast a sidelong glance at Amy who seemed as surprised as he was.

"No, he hardly ever complains. That's why kids here like him a lot."

Leonard and Amy looked at each other in astonishment. Surely they were talking about the same Sheldon Cooper?

"You mean Sheldon Cooper, right?" Leonard said in utter disbelief.

"Why, yes." The man looked confused.

"Can you tell me where Dr. Cooper is right now, please?" Amy said, making her best effort to keep the edge of desperation out of her tone.

"I'm afraid he left home early today."

"Can we have his address please?"


The car pulled in the driveway. The asphalt street shone in the fading sunlight after the rain. Amy noticed all three of them were visibly nervous, Penny being the least paranoid of the three. Dr. Brown had said he'd never been to Sheldon's house, although it had easier to find it without his guidance.

Sheldon lived in a small one-story chestnut painted house. On either side of it were two plants, rising high, almost touching the top of the pillars. To them, it seemed hours had passed by when neither of them made a move to go further. Their hearts beat loud enough for them to hear it aloud, sweat despite the cold.

"We need to go," Amy said. "We can't stay here forever."

"I don't think it's a good idea," Leonard muttered.

Penny sighed and dragged them inside, and knocked at the door. Sheldon opened it a few moments later, and soon as he did, Leonard pounced at him, grabbing him by his collar, knocking him down on the floor. He punched Sheldon thrice on his face, despite other's repeated protests.

"What was that for?" Sheldon said, groaning as he rose to his feet.

"The first one was for leaving us all. The second one was for not keeping in touch. The third one was for ignoring us after inviting us on your big day," Leonard said, panting. "God, I've wanted to punch you so long."

They all stood silent for a moment until her eyes met Sheldon's. The knots in her belly tightened and loosened on their own accord, her fingers moved to the cuffs of her coat, and suddenly, breathing took an effort. She wanted to move her eyes somewhere else. Varied shades of guilt tugged at her, love, guilt, and resentment being prominent emotions, and their origin unknown to her. Amy wanted to move closer to Sheldon, and in her mind she almost did, touched his face, a drop of tear that shone on his cheek, an act that did not translate into reality. And then he suddenly stormed out of the hall and into the room — that was possibly his room — and slammed the door shut.

Amy took a few steps back, bit her lip. He'd changed a lot. Instead of the T-shirts he used to wear, Sheldon now wore a black shirt, its top two buttons undone, a tie hanging loose around his neck. He had his sleeves rolled up to his elbow and his blazer hanging on one side. He'd probably returned home only a few moments ago. Uncertainty shrouded her once again, whereas the part of her knew she was finally home.

Leonard and Penny looked at her, Penny asking if she was alright. Amy said she was. They knew she wasn't okay, but they still couldn't do anything about it.

"I'm gonna go talk to him," Penny said, surprising Amy.

"Not now, Penny," Leonard answered.

"I'm sorry, you were the one who scared him away—"

"Leonard wasn't why he left," Amy said.

"Let him have some alone time," Leonard said. "I think he needs it after we came unannounced and —"

"He's been having this 'alone-time' for years. How much more of it do you think he needs?"

Penny entered Sheldon's room like a cat, quietly, hardly breathing lest she scared him, too. He was always easily startled. The room was as tidy as one could expect him to keep. The books on place, the nightstand sparkling, the table lamp glowing in the dark, and the meticulous cupboard on the side next to the window. Sheldon stood at the close to it, gaze trained at the empty sky.

"What are you doing here alone, Sheldon?" she said.

There was no answer.

"I brought tea," Penny said again.

"I don't drink tea."

"Who said I got it for you. It's for me." Penny smiled at him.

"Why are you telling me that?"

"It's a conversation starter."

"A bad one."

"Still, we're talking."

Sheldon was looking at her now. Penny was aware of his quirks, his queer ways to get people to talk. Once Leonard told her about it, she'd used this trick on Leonard several times to break the ice between them, until he stopped giving into it. The distance between them was growing exponentially, and she couldn't hold on any longer.

"You shouldn't have run away," she said after a while, implying a little more than her words announced.

Sheldon shifted in his place, pushing his hands into the pockets. She knew she'd come here to comfort him or to help him in whatever way she could, and this was not how she was supposed to do. Yet she couldn't stop herself from asking this one question.

"Okay, sit down?" She sat on the bed, tapping the space beside her as a cue for him to take a seat.

He followed her and Penny smiled. "Wow, this tea is really good."

Sheldon sat silently, staring down at the floor.

"The weather's cold. Is it always like this here? Rainy and snowy?"

He was still quiet.

"You know, I finally watched all of the Star Wars movies a few weeks ago. Yeah, it took me some time but I grew to like them eventually."

He still sat quietly.

"How's your mother doing? We talked to her last Christmas."

He was still quiet. Penny quieted too, now defeated. There was nothing that was going to make him talk. Other than the brief conversation with her initially, he hadn't said anything.

"You've got to talk to us, Sheldon."

He stared at her, the familiar mischief and the glint that made him what he was, amiss. Penny looked at him, trying hard to find the trace of familiarity on his face, and failed. The remains in him were of a stranger, a friend lost forever, frail skeletons and no souls, an unfamiliar shade of the light trapped in a vessel she once knew.

"You… look disappointed." His words were casual. No mocking, no curiosity.

"Really? You guessed."

"Penny, if that was sarcasm, I don't understand. I don't see why you'd be sarcastic right now, though."

Penny rolled her eyes. "I'm not being sarcastic. I'm disappointed. I'm angry."

"But I didn't do anything."

"Are you sure about that?"

"If you meant my leaving was something bad, then I completely disagree."

"That's always been your problem. You don't understand when you hurt others."

"Maybe you're right." He was silent once again. Sheldon pulled his legs up and rested his chin on one of his knees.

"You okay, sweetie?" Penny looked worried. Something was off about him.

He gulped, thought for a moment as though struggling to say out loud what he'd been feeling. "It's my Meemaw's third death anniversary. Three years ago..." When he looked at Penny, unshed tears shone in his eyes.

They'd had heard about Meemaw's demise, had gone to Sheldon's home, but arriving late due to bad weather. He'd left before they got there. Although his mother said Sheldon was about to stay a day more. No one knew what made him leave sooner than he was supposed to be.

"I'm so sorry," she said. "Sheldon, you need to talk about it? I'm all ears."

He was silent for an uncomfortable amount of time, weaving and unweaving his thoughts, feelings he hadn't said aloud to anyone. "No. I want to be alone."

"Okay, I'll leave you alone. But we're here. Anytime you need something, just let us know. Okay?"


Amy and Leonard sat silently in the hall. Not a single word was spoken since Penny left. The house smelled of cold and damp, and disintegrating memories. Tendrils of the past hovered in the air, moved past the living, and settled in corners of the hall where no one could touch them. Amy thought of the times with Sheldon, their friends, and a lifetime of happiness lost in the ardor of abruptly moving years. The tick-tock of the clock was sharper, magnifying the otherwise quiet of the house. There was no fire in the hearth.

Suddenly, a woman knocked at the door. Amy and Leonard looked up at the guest that prodded in uninvited. The woman was hardly in her 30s.

"Oh," she said, looking at them with a questioning gaze. "I didn't know Sheldon had guests. He never has guests."

"Well, we're his friends," Leonard said, crossing his arms to his chest. "And what do you mean he doesn't have guests?"

The woman sat down on the couch. "Ever since he moved here, he's never had friends over. What a good change for a neighbor. Instead of the noisy annoying kids, I finally have a neighbor that doesn't disturb me." Her smile widened.

Amy and Leonard shared a look, similar thoughts running in their minds.

"You think him not having any friends over is a good thing? What about holidays? Christmas? Thanksgiving?"

"Of course, they're a nuisance anyway," she said. "He always spends his time over here. Haven't seen him leaving this place at all."

Amy's jaw tightened, fingers curled into a fist.

"We had neighbors before who made noise all along, created ruckus until police got them." She gave them another smile. "Anyway, Sheldon never told me about you."

"That doesn't seem necessary. We're his friends. That's it," Leonard said. "So, you came to invite him for dinner or something?"

"Oh, no." The woman waved her hand dismissively. "I had some of the old records that needed to be cleared. Thought he might help."

"How exactly?" Leonard spoke again.

"Well, he doesn't mind lending me money. Says he doesn't need it much, so." The woman shrugged.

"And you've not returned his money?" Amy said, taking the woman by surprise. The grin on her face disappeared.

"He never asked."

"So, you've been using him for your personal gains?" Leonard said. "Why am I not surprised?" He looked at Amy. "I knew he can't look after himself. The kind of people he attracts."

"Excuse me?" The woman rose to her feet. "You're insulting me. We've been the oldest person in this neighborhood."

"Not my problem." Leonard gave her a smile. "You're going to stay away from him."

"For how long? You're a guest in his house. Act like one."

"No, we're here to take him home. And unlike you, we love our friend."

Amy nodded in agreement. They both sighed in relief when the woman left.

"I can't believe he ends up making friends like this woman," Leonard said, bemused.

"Neither can I."

"And we thought he'd make it safe without us."

Amy laughed. "Well, no. It's Sheldon. He thinks he can work on his own, but he can't." Still Amy marveled at his courage of surviving all alone without a single well-wisher by his side, let alone a group of friends who'd stick together in any circumstances.

Penny was here. Amy was astonished to find out that Meemaw was no more. She'd been gone for three years! Amy knew how much Sheldon had loved her. Amy couldn't remember much of her own grandparents. She'd never been close to them. Their deaths had been a distant news, not something she could mourn over other than the general empathy she felt towards people. Yet knowing Meemaw had passed away, someone she had never even met, filled her with a sense of sadness that seemed familiar.

"How's he doing?" she asked.

Penny sat on the couch, her gaze distant before she answered. "He's alright. Not good, not bad."

From the look on Penny's face, Amy knew there was a lot more to this simple phrase.


Author's Note: So, finally completed this chapter. I've been hella nervous about this particular chapter. And from the next chapter on, there will be things from Sheldon's perspective too. We'll be exploring what he has been through and how he came to be like this. Thank you, everyone, who read and commented on the previous chapter. :)