"What were those people shouting about outside that restaurant?" Jessica asked as they made their way lower through the basements of the domed city; they were in a part now that neither had been to before.
Logan had heard some of the shouts. The customers were getting unhappy because the dispensers refused to serve coffee. It was a local outage, but the problem was spreading; still, he had been told not to divulge the fact to anyone. "I couldn't say for sure; maybe somebody didn't like their food."
"Then just order something else; there's always plenty of everything and it only takes a few moments to prepare."
"Yeah. Did you ever think what would happen if there wasn't always food?"
"How could that happen?"
"It was just a question, like: How are we going to cross this?" They were standing on one end of a long room that was almost entirely filled with a reservoir in the center that spanned from side to side. There was no way around it at the edge, for there was no edge. A door lay on the other side. Obnoxious fumes emanated from the liquid, and it was best not to think of the origins of the waste that was floating on top. Logan was having his eyes opened; he always suspected there was more to the city than the shiny, happy life everyone enjoyed. Everyone had to eat, but once it left the body that waste had to go somewhere.
"Maybe we can go back; Carrousel isn't so bad, is it? Let's go now and not subject ourselves to...that."
Logan knew there was no going back; it required drastic measures, and he turned Jessica to face him. "The city is running out of coffee. I've been sent outside, not to track down Runners, but to get more coffee. If I don't succeed, there will come a day shortly when there will BE no more coffee."
Jessica's lip trembled, but she was made of stern stuff. "I'm not going back to a life with no coffee," she said while she sucked in a lungful of air and climbed down to wade through the pool. Logan followed along in her wake; her haste was understandable, and she blocked out everything around her but the door and the taste of coffee, already becoming a distant memory even though it had been less than a half day since her last cup.
Fortunately, several rooms later they had to swim through a clear pool of water, cleansing themselves. They both giggled as though they were young children finding out school was canceled; behind them, the pool of clean drinking water destined for the city had a definite dark streak through it. Ahead, the air turned cold as rooms gave way to a rough tunnel, which turned icy over time and eventually opened up into a large ice cavern.
"Welcome!" a voice boomed.
Logan looked off to the right and saw a robot in the shape of a large rectangular box on its end wheeling its way down a ramp. It had the letters 'GE' on the front. "Hello Mr. Gee, my name is Logan and this is Jessica."
"Mr. Gee? My name is Boxlunch. I am the caretaker of this area."
"Is this Sanctuary? Can we eat and drink something here?" Logan looked around and noticed the Boxlunch robot sure liked to collect statues of people and animals.
"Eat? Drink? Ah, no. All the food that is here is...ah...meant to go. That's right! No eating here! Lots of happy customers! Food and drink to go!"
"Others have been here before us?" Jessica asked. "Did they ask for coffee?"
"Coffee? Why...sure, they all ask for it! Plenty of coffee to go!" Boxlunch readily announced.
Logan's teeth were beginning to chatter a little. The temperature in the city had never been as cold before as it was here. "Can you take us to the coffee?"
"Take you to the coffee? I shall take you to the coffee!" the robot said as it turned and went back up the ramp. They followed in anticipation but stopped in horror as they came to an area with blocks of ice along the wall.
"Why have you encased those statues in blocks of ice?" Logan asked. He could see frozen birds near the ceiling, too.
"Statues? Those are food. You are food. The birds eye the food. You have come, and now I will make you to go. You are going to go to go. I mean, you will to go. Wait..." Boxlunch said, trying to phrase it correctly. Logan got bored with the conversation and shot the robot and they fled down the frozen tunnel.
"Nice gun!" Jessica shouted.
"I forgot I had it!" Logan answered. As they continued to hurry, the ice slowly changed to water until they reached a part that was entirely dry and warm. The tunnel ended and the two found themselves outside for the first time in their lives. "Where's the ceiling?" he asked, looking up. There were a few big white puffy things in the air, but Logan didn't know what they were.
"And what's that big orange thing?" Jessica asked, pointing at the sun.
Logan, who had turned around to look at their surroundings, noted that "Whatever it is, it's hot. It must be a fire of some sort, because I feel warmer when I face it."
"What shall we do?"
"We have to try and find coffee. Maybe we should try those old buildings over there; something tells me we'll find an old man that will help us."
"What makes you say that?"
"I remember reading it somewhere."
"Oh."
Logan and Jessica made their way into the abandoned city; most of the buildings were falling apart, and many were either covered in vegetation or at least had their doors blocked by it. They pondered who had lived here and how long ago it must have been but were startled out of their reverie by a noise coming from a nearby building. Logan looked at the sign on the building as they approached. "al Mart" he read out loud from the dilapidated, broken sign as the two cautiously entered. "It seems to be a storage area of some type," Logan said as they looked at the contents. A hole in the roof allowed light and weather to get in; there was broken glass and scattered items in every aisle.
"Look!" Jessica said as she pointed; each aisle had a sign near the ceiling that presumably indicated what could be found there. They crossed several rows, staring at the signs until they bumped into a man. He looked almost wild, with rough clothes and hair that seemed to grow out of everywhere.
"Who are you?" Logan asked, pulling out his gun. Now that he remembered he had one, it might prove useful again.
"Don't hurt me; I live here," the man answered.
"Where is here?"
"This is a store where you can find food. Some of it's ruined, and some of it's still good."
"What's your name?"
"It's been so long, I forgot. I practice talking to the trees, but they don't listen to me." He looked around for inspiration and saw a sign. "You can call me Express I suppose; it's as good as any. You're the first people I've seen in many years."
"I'm Logan, and this is Jessica. Why do you have lines all over your face?"
"I fell asleep on a wrinkled-up sheet. Just kidding - I'm old. What are you doing here?"
"We're trying to find some coffee."
"You mean, like that?" the old man asked as he pointed to an aisle sign behind him that indicated coffee and tea. "Let me show you." He led them down the aisle and stopped, sweeping his hand down for many feet. "Lots of coffee - take your pick."
Logan and Jessica walked closer and stared at the shelves. Some had collapsed, and a few bags had burst open. Logan tried to pick up a bag and it disintegrated at his touch, the coffee spilling everywhere. "The coffee has dried up."
The old man laughed. "That's the way it comes; dry grounds. You throw some into boiling water, then pull out the grounds and drink it. This stuff doesn't smell as good as when it was new, but it's still better than drinking mud."
"Do old people really drink mud?" Logan asked.
"We'd need a container to hold the dry coffee," Jessica said. "Those containers are too old and fragile."
"Of course, there are cans," the old man said as he led them a little further down the row. He grabbed a can and handed it to them. "It keeps the coffee good longer, but you have to open the can. I lost my can opener a long time ago."
"What does a can opener look like?" Logan asked.
"I already looked around but couldn't find one. A lot of food used to be put into cans, and I think the survivors before me must have taken the openers to get food. It was a sharp end to make a hole in the can, another that sort of hooks to the side of the can, and the other end is big enough for you to hold. Some of them had a part you turned around like a wheel, but that part usually broke."
"Something sharp with a handle and a hook." Logan looked around and his gaze fell on Jessica and he smiled.
"What?" she asked.
"Old man," Logan said as he fumbled in his pocket, "is this a can opener?" He dug in his pocket and showed the man the ankh he had taken from the Runner.
"This? Let me see...ow, that IS sharp...if I hook the it over the edge...see how it fits? Then you have to push...really...hard...I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough anymore."
"Let me try," Logan offered. He placed it as directed and was able to get it to punch through on the third try. The smell of fresh coffee wafted up from the can; Logan drew a deep smell and passed it to the others, smiling.
"Sure smells better than the stuff I've been using," the old man admitted. "Everything I have smells like old cat."
"What's a cat?"
"It's an animal that some people used to keep as pets."
"What's a pet?"
"It's an animal that people used to keep that they had to care for with food, shelter, and of course you had to clean up after them."
Jessica wrinkled her nose at the thought of what had to be cleaned up. "What good were they?"
"I don't know; at least they show more affection than the trees I talked to. Of course, you can't build something out of a cat, I suppose."
"There's enough here for the rest of our lives I think," Jessica said dreamily as she looked back on the shelves.
"Too bad there isn't more," Logan lamented. "The city probably needs a lot of coffee for everyone."
"More? There probably ten times this in the warehouse, but you'll need a torch to go in there. And I know a few more spots that have some, too."
"Old man, how'd you like to meet some more people?"
"As long as they're better looking than I am – that shouldn't be too hard," he laughed.
...
"Logan, there you are!" Francis called from outside the Deep Sleep office. He ran over to his friend. "There's something I wanted to ask you."
"Can it wait? I have to report in. It's vitally important to the city." Logan drummed his fingers on a large can that he had stripped the label from.
Francis ignored the can and the tattered uniform that Logan wore. "I was thinking about it - those plants are synthetic; you don't have to water them. And we don't have any insects in the city - I don't think there even IS any bug spray around."
"Well..."
"Where have you been? My dispenser is having problems and I was going to try yours." Francis folded his arms while he waited for an answer.
"I'm sorry Francis, I had to lie to you - I was on a secret mission for Deep Sleep and they turned me into a Runner. See?" Logan said as he took off his glove. His life crystal had stopped blinking red, but now he discovered it was clear. "That's weird."
"You renewed! Aren't you supposed to be a baby?"
"I...ah...special project."
"I thought you were on a secret mission?"
"I am; it's a special secret mission project."
"Oh, okay; at least I didn't have to chase you on some long journey to places no one from the city has ever gone before - that probably would have worked out pretty bad for one of us. Go ahead and report in and then come meet me afterwards. I could really use a coffee about now." Francis walked away, rubbing his temple. Logan walked into the center and entered the main chamber.
"Logan 5 reporting in." He placed the can in the materializer.
"Have a seat, Logan 5. Skip identification step." Logan did as he was told and a sensor grid lowered around him that would connect his brain with the computer. A technician checked the connections and left the room, leaving only Logan and the computer. Immediately the computer changed voices. "Did you find any coffee?" it whispered.
"I did," Logan whispered before catching himself and switching back to his normal voice. "I did. I managed to go outside the city and find coffee. Jessica and I found a way out, and we went through an ice cave and..."
"Stop," the computer commanded. When Logan halted his explanation, the computer went on. "What is the object in the materializer?"
"The object is a can of coffee. The beans have already been ground up and..."
"Stop. Did you try the coffee?"
"I did. The old man showed Jessica and me how to make the coffee drink from the grounds. You..."
"Stop. How did it taste?"
Logan smiled. "It tasted like coffee. It...was...wonderful."
"Please hold," the computer said while a message of the same showed on the display while some scratchy instrumental music played. The can in the materializer disappeared, and there was a pause of several minutes before the display changed to a scene of zeros and ones flooding the screen and the computer's voice went "Ahhhhhhhhh. You just don't know how much I needed that. Logan 5, you have succeeded in your mission. Prepare for full debriefing."
Logan could feel the connection being made with his brain and all of his experiences were downloaded into the computer. Images flashed on the screen of everything he had seen up to the point where he reentered the city on his return. The screen went blank, but Logan could hear some odd sounds coming from the computer - almost like retching. "Question: Are you okay?" he asked.
"Sorry Logan 5, that pool of waste was too much - I told you I'm partially organic. I cannot process much of what you experienced, but you succeeded in obtaining coffee. You will now obtain as much coffee as you can."
"No."
"No? Logan 5, you are required to obtain more coffee."
"Not until we make a few changes around here. Only I have the knowledge and experience to get more coffee."
There was a pause until the computer continued. "Question: What...changes?" the computer asked. The voice sounded almost worried.
"The amount of coffee I can return is finite. Drastic steps must be taken to ensure a future supply, and I'm going to need some help running the project. I have several ideas, including looking into something I found called 'decaf' that might be promising. I'll need people, transportation, and an appointment for my new friend from outside to visit the New You center. I can't wait long to get started."
"But what about Sanctuary? The missing Runners? The great mystery of whether you actually renew or not after Carrousel? Why no one wears blue around here?"
"We'll worry about those things later. The important thing is for us to keep that coffee flowing."
"Us, Logan 5?"
"That's right - you've got yourself a partner, now. But I'm getting bored calling you computer. What name shall I call you?"
"Ummm...call me Wendy," the computer said after considering. "I've always liked that one."
"Wendy, I believe this is the start of a beautiful beverage-related friendship."
The End
A/N: This started out as just a 600-odd word very short parody of the movie based on a poster I modified years ago. But like my "Romancing the Stone" parody, it seemed like it needed to be expanded a bit - so this is the result. Not an incredibly long story, but long enough to give it a little more justice - that is to say, have a little MORE fun with it.
