Since Jon told me his plans my heart broke into a million pieces I have walked around like the world has ended, going to sowing classes doing my lady like lesson. I even turned down Jory attempt to make me happy with sword practice.
Taking a deep breath Shadow and I walked the quiet ground of Winterfell was nice. Most of the man where off on a hunting trip. The sound of whining hit my ears, looking at Shadow he had ran off.
Picking up my dress I followed him only to feel my heart freeze "BRAN" I yelled running to him sliding in the mud where he laid. My heart pumped hard as I checked over him "Bran, Bran, Bran" I tried to wake him "Shadow get Lady Stark GO" I yelled watching my pup run off.
Placing my ear to his chest I could hear his slow heartbeat, looking up the tower did he fall? It made no sense he wasn't, his never fallen.
"Lillian what is it" Lady stark asked fear in her tone "LIL…. BRAN" she yelled collapsing
"I'll go grab Maester Luwin" I nodded knowing she wouldn't leave her little boy side. I ran fast ignoring the eyes of those whom had seen me. Knocking roughly on his chambers he opened the door "Maester Luwin"
"Lillian" he frowned
"Its Bran" he moved quickly following me as I rushed the old man.
...
I hated to be the one to tell Ned when he returned, telling the boys I never seen them move so quickly. I felt King Robb eyes on me when I told them but I nodded and left turning to be supportive to my family.
Since the day it happened I've sat in Bran room, the thought of loosing him broke my heart, it was already breaking from Jon it would completely snap in two if Bran died.
I couldn't help but think he didn't fall; I didn't want to think we had a traitor in our grounds but it's the only logical thing I could think. I trusted none of the royal family or guards near my family.
Biting my lip I sat in silence with Lady Stark "What is on your mind Lillian?" Lady Stark asked breaking the silence between us as she made her prayer wheel.
Staring at the fire that danced "Nothing to worry you milady…you have enough on your mind than to worry about me"
"Your ignoring Jon" she whispered, I pressed my lips together tightly not wanting to let my emotion out "You love him, you've loved him for a long time now and his leaving today"
Getting up I stared at Lady Stark the women who took me in when she didn't have too "I love him and his leaving" I shrugged "Excuse me Lady Stark" Nodding I got up passing the Queen "Your grace" I bowed my head. Queen Cersei simply faked a smile and walked passed me.
Walking into the keep I stared at Jon speaking to Jamie Lannister, I seen his eyes connect with mine, was this it was the story of us over, I always thought I'd marry Jon but now, now his taking the black.
It has been days since I've spoke to Jon, I hated feeling hurt and he promised me he'd never hurt me, that he'd always be there and now, today he rides for the wall "Come on Shadow" I whispered turning my back.
"Lillian" The sound of Jon calling my name made me walks faster, through the halls until I was running Shadow beside me, when I made it to my bedchambers I slammed the door leaning against it, tears freely flowing now for the first time in a very long time.
"Lillian" Jon deep voice hit my ears "Can I come in?"
"No I'm not proper" I spoke back
"Lillian" he signed through the door "Please I can't stand this, don't let this be our goodbye Lillian please I beg you"
Taking a deep breath I stepped off the door turning I opened it, his brown eyes stared at me examining me, he signed stepping forward, shaking my head I took a step back "No" I shook my head.
"No?" Jon questioned a wounded puppy look on his face "Lillian I leave soon, please" he begged
"If you leave it's all too real Jon" I shook my head "I don't think I can be me without you" I signed "I don't want you to go I'm begging you to not go" Shaking my head "Don't leave me Jon"
"I've never seen you cry" Jon whispered cupping my cheeks
"Yeah well don't leave" I shrugged stubbornly
"Lily" he signed wrapping his arms around me "I have too"
"Jon Please" I whispered into his chest "Don't"
"Why would you want me to stay Lily? Why?" Looking up at those big brown eyes, it was now or never, taking a deep breath I swallowed my pride.
"Because I love you and have loved you for six years now" I stated "I am in love with you Jon Snow can't you see that" I huffed pushing him "And you want to leave me to join a fucking wall" I yelled my emotion getting the better of me "A fucking wall Jon why?"
"Lily calm down"
It was to late all I felt was heat, my blood pumped to angry "Don't, don't you dare tell me to calm down Jon, this isn't fair" Jon wrapped me in his arms holding me to him, I felt his rough lips kiss my forehead and it was like everything calmed down "Say something, for fuck sakes speak Jon" I whispered looking up for the first time I saw Jon crying.
"I have loved you for a long time, I didn't know you felt the same way" he murmured "I didn't know and now" He huffed shaking his head "And Now I'm leaving"
"Don't go, stay!"
"I'm a man of my word…already said I was going"
"What about me Jon? You promised me you'd never leave my side"
"I will always be by your side Lily but I'm a bastard you are a Lady…You deserve better than me, you deserve-" I couldn't help myself I slapped him hard on the cheek.
"Don't tell me what I deserve Jon you have no right to play dictator of whom I shall love…God I fucking love you Jon Snow bastard or not when are you going to learn-"
Jon cut me off with his hand on my cheek and his rough lips on mine; closing my eyes I gripped at his furs, needing him to know I wanted him, our tongues danced like familiar friends. Coming up for air I stared into those dark brown eyes.
"Lillian"
"If you must go than give me this moment," I whispered, "Jon please" I nodded undoing the belt on my furs.
"You'd lie with a bastard?" he questioned,
"I'd lay with Jon Snow the man I love. Yes! So unless you'd like another slap, do me this last thing" His whole face softened and he was kissing me again my body sending tingles as it was forced back against my bed. I felt his body fall on mine, our tongue finding each other again.
I groaned in despair when Jon mouth left mine "shh" he whispered as his cold hands began undressing me, button by button; buckle until I was naked in front of him, his eyes soaking in my sights "Beautiful"
Before I could even reply my head was running wild as Jon lips were over my body, causing a moan to escape my body, my back to arch "Jon" I moaned eyes closed in Ecstasy.
"I've dreamt of this for a long time Lily" Opening my eyes I stared at him as he sat on my lower half of my body a smile on his face, one I've never seen before. Filled with lust and happiness "I love you" he whispered his tongue trailing down until he hit my core.
"Oh Seven hell" I moaned as I felt his tongue dance down there, I had never heard of a women getting kissed down there but I wasn't going to get him to stop. I shut my eyes as he continued, my lips parted letting out moans of enjoyment "Jon" I yelled.
I felt a wave come over me something I knew nothing about, Jon removed his tongue climbing up my body "Are you sure?"
"More than you know" I nodded
Jon moved off my body undressing himself, propping myself up I watched his clothes leave his body, my eyes trailing down his rock hard pale body, you could wash your clothes on that body.
"Are you sure?" he asked hovered over me
"Jon Snow darling shut up" grabbing around his neck I pressed him against me feeling his hard penis pressing on my thigh "I am sure" I reinsured him.
"Your so wet" he whispered in my ear "And you tasted so good"
"Fuck me" I whispered back my back arching again in need.
He slowly placed the tip of his penis inside of me, moving he slide in more causing us both to moan, looking into his brown eyes "I'm going to make love to you Lillian not fuck you"
I smiled biting my lip as he started to move slowly at first making me grip the bed sheets and before I knew it he was going faster, moans and grunts escaping both our lips.
Before I knew it I came tight around Jon and feeling liquid flow into me I could feel his penis pulsing within me. His body lying limp against mine "Thank you" I whispered.
"Lillian-"
"If you must go then go, if this is what you want and need so be it. But know that I love you and that I'll never love anyone as much as I love you" I cupped his cheek "and I swear if you die I will bring you back and slap you silly"
Jon chuckled before kissing my lips softly. It was like goodbye it was longing and filled with emotion "I will go to the wall to protect you, but know I love you Lillian Falls…Do not wait for me"
"I'd wait a thousand moons for you Jon Snow and than thousand more until we are with each other again" leaning forward I kissed him again tasting the salty kiss from our tears.
Pulling apart we both began to dress again leaving the bedchambers "Meet you at the stable" Nodding I walked out heading towards my horse, a sad smile on my face and a sore ache in between my legs.
"You okay?" Theon asked "You look-"
"I'm fine" I smiled as he helped carry my saddle "Thanks Theon"
"My pleasure" he nodded "Going to miss you guys around here!" he murmured
"Be back before you know it" nodding I hugged Theon "Be safe and write"
Stepping back Robb was walking fast towards me and before I could question anything I was pulled tightly in a bear hug, silence filled over us as we embraced what could be last hug in a long time "Protect the girls and your self" Robb muttered.
"Always" I whispered, "Watch over Brent please his hurting"
"Will do, I love you sister"
I smirked "Love you too Brother" pulling back Robb smiled at me a mixture of happiness and sadness.
Walking I found Brent and Nadine. Nadine asked if she could go to house Forrester for the year and I agreed, as did Lord Stark. If Ethan and Nadine were to be betrothed than they would need time together.
Wrapping my arms around them "Be good and enjoy yourself Nadine, do not get pregnant before you are married" I pointed at her "And tell the Forresters I said hello"
"Will do" Nadine signed, "I will miss you"
"And I you" I hugged tightly before pulling back "God you're growing so much" I smiled "Come on I'll help you up" cupping my hand together Nadine jumped up on her horse "Protect yourself" I whispered patting her ankle happy to feel the dagger I gave her a long time ago.
"I will" she smiled happily.
She was going with Jon, a year without seeing my sister or brother was something I didn't know I could cope with but they could visit I guess. Jon would never leave the wall.
"Watch over her" Brent whispered beside me
"Did you tell her?" I asked
"No" he shook his head "She loves him who I stand in the way…plus I've been told I am just a child" he rolled his eyes.
"Your better than him" I stated
"Yeah well your better than the Wall so I guess we can both grieve" he shrugged
"Visit me okay"
"I will, love you"
"Love you too Brent" Hugging my little brother I jumped on water and began to ride towards the others. Jon came sadder than when I left him. He nodded and I knew the pain.
"Why you have a bow Lillian?" Ned asked smirking.
"Just for hunting" I nodded
"Mmm" he nodded
Jon rode next to me, we were silent we knew what this was, the fork in the road was nearing "Give me a second" Lord Stark went with Jon and they spoke and hugged "Okay your up" nodding I rode to him.
Getting off my horse he followed my movement, grabbing his shirt I kissed him one last time, putting everything I felt into it. Pulling back our foreheads touching "I love you Jon Snow"
"And I love you Lillian Falls" his kinder lips touched my forehead and just like a soft spot within me tears began to fall "I will die at the wall a happy man knowing the girl I loved, loved me back"
"Don't die!" I whispered,
"I don't plan too" his hand creased my cheek "Go, I'll make sure Nadine is safe with the Forresters I promise"
"Here" I whispered passing over my family locket
"Lillian I can't" Jon shook his head "I know how important this is to you"
"Just as important as you are to me...Please, take it that way I am with you in some way" I shrugged
"Okay" Jon nodded "And for the capital" he passed me a dagger. Nodding I hide it in my top before the royal camp seen it
Biting the inside of my gums I bent down "Protect him Ghost" I whispered rubbing his head, he barked in response "That's a good boy" Jon helped me up onto my horse "Goodbye Jon"
"Goodbye Lillian"
"Jon" I stopped him
"Lillian" he nodded
"I can't live without you so don't die"
"Be safe"
It took everything within me to ride away from Jon when I rode back Ned saw it all "Why didn't you tell me I would of said no to the wall"
"He wanted to go" I shrugged "Forgive my sad glum look, my lord"
"As long as you forgive mine" he forced a smile.
I separated myself from Ned and the king and just rode in silence; my heart ached more than being in bed for the first time. Reaching into my furs I felt a parchment frowning I decided to read it later that I had cried enough already.
