Oh great, a f**** maths test


Chunin Exams:

The chunin exams are held bi-annually, cycling through each of the five hidden villages as hosts, and act as a test to see if any genin from the hidden villages are ready to be promoted to chunin.

The specifics of the exams are left to the village hosting, but traditionally consist of three parts.

The first tests the knowledge and psychological preparedness of the genin; usually through some form of written test, outright psychological warfare, or both.

The second primarily functions to pit the genin against each other in a test of cunning and creativity, under the pretense of testing their survival training.

The third is almost always a competitive tournament; none, any, or all of the genin who have made it this far may be promoted depending on their performance, no matter how many matches they actually win.

The chunin exams are incredibly difficult; despite well over a hundred genin often being sent to compete, usually only a tiny fraction of that will pass. If any more than ten pass in one exam, the host village will be looked down on for having low standards. On the contrary; if too few or none of a hidden village's genin pass without good cause, then this can sour diplomatic relations between them and the host village. These issues are exacerbated by the fact that the hosting Kage is the one ultimately responsible for deciding who from the finalists pass.

For the competing genin, the rewards are substantial. Not only does the winner of the final tournament receive a significant cash prize, chunin are given greater freedoms, and permitted to take on harder and more lucrative missions. And for the children of ninja clans, it is often necessary to reach chunin rank before being considered a true 'adult', and doing so allows them access to certain clan 'hidden' jutsu they had not previously had access to.

The exam is high risk, high reward, however. In stages two and three, it is entirely legal for the genin to kill each other...

-Hokage's guide, page 483, written by Sarutobi Hiruzen


Naruto led team seven up the staircase. This wasn't through any sort of leadership, he was just the most excited to be there. He paused on the second floor, though, looking at the crowd of genin he saw there. "Hey, guys! What are you all doing here?"

"Uh, chunin exams?" Kiba growled back. Most of the Konoha kids had shrugged off their dislike of Naruto once he'd explained the village's problem with him. Kiba however (as the one Naruto had pranked the most, other than Sasuke) hadn't really gotten over his grudge. "Makes sense your sensei wouldn't think you were ready."

Naruto frowned. "Oh no, we're attempting it, but I thought it was on the third floor."

"This is the third floor." Said one of the genin, chuckling.

"Wait, what?" Naruto blinked. He looked up to the sign, and it definitely said three. "Wait no, because," he jogged over to the window and looked down. "Yeah we are definitely only two floors up."

A few more of the genin walked over to the window and looked down. "Hey, he's right!"

"Why is the second floor labelled the third?"

"It's a genjutsu, dumbasses!" Sasuke called from the staircase, where he and Hinata had paused on their way up.

"He's right." The Hyuuga said, more quietly.

"Yeah! Duh!" Naruto exclaimed. "I, of course, noticed that immediately."

"I totally realised about the genjutsu, just like you!" A certain pink haired genin called to Sasuke.

He noticed her, gulped, and sidled back behind Naruto.

The girl's face fell. "I told you something felt wrong!" Sakura rounded on Kiba. "But no, 'sign says floor three' you said. Idiot."

"Well maybe if you'd-"

Team eight devolved into scuffling as a sighing Shino moved to try and split apart his teammates.

Two of the genin gave each other significant glances and put their hands together. With a poof, the chunin exam proctors appeared. "I am embarrassed that that almost worked on so many of you." Said one.

"Let this be a lesson." Said the other. "You don't always need acute senses to overcome genjutsu. Sometimes you just need common sense. Get your asses upstairs." The two vanished.

"Fuckin' idiots." Sasuke shook his head, trying not to laugh.


"How goes their progress?" Asked the third Hokage, lighting his pipe.

"They're coming on in leaps and bounds." Kakashi answered. "Sasuke would have passed his chunin exams if he'd taken them instead of his genin ones; his brother's been going through the basics of genjutsu with him, and his grasp of tactics is what I'd expect of someone twice his years. Hinata's slowly branching out into summoning and lightning techniques, but that's only because she's mastered almost all her clans hidden jutsu. Naruto lacks his teammates' skill, but in terms of physical strength and chakra he's...well if you'll forgive the term, he's a monster. He can use the fourth level of the training seal for limited time."

"Isn't that like swimming through cement?" Hiruzen asked, eyes wide. "How strong is he?"

"In terms of sheer muscle, stamina and speed, almost on the level of Gai's not-son. I had to subtly open the first gate so he wouldn't beat me in an arm wrestle." Kakashi shrugged. "People are calling me lazy for delegating so much of their training, but frankly the results speak for themselves." He squinted. "You didn't tell me Jiraiya was back in town."

"I assumed Naruto had told you?"

"Oh he did. Though he wanted to check that the 'fat old man who spied on girls baths' was really one of the legendary sannin. On the subject of which, did he tell you about-"

"-his next volume will be released in a few weeks." The Hokage cackled. "I've managed to get us both early copies."

"You're the best, boss."

"God of Shinobi, don't you ever forget it."

They laughed together for a moment.

"And the chunin exams?" The third continued. "You convinced them to compete?"

"They're on their way to the written exam now."

"Did you have any trouble?"

Kakashi thought about it.


"Hey sensei!" Naruto called to him, walking to training one day. "You didn't tell me the chunin exams were coming up!"

"Oh yeah those." Kakashi replied. "Wanna compete?"

"Hell yeah!"

He turned to his other two students. "You two as well?"

"'Course."

"Absolutely."

"Well, that was quick." Kakashi assessed. "I'm probably supposed to warn you that this will be very dangerous and result in lots of character development-"

"Harder than duelling two mist jonin on top of a river?" Sasuke checked.

"Probably not."

"Then lets do this."


"After employing my flawless negotiation tactics, they all quickly agreed." Kakashi summarised. "And I have every confidence they'll pass."

"Lets hope." Hiruzen drew on his pipe.

"You're stressed." Kakashi noticed the tension in his hands.

The third huffed. "You and your eyes, Kakashi. Of course I'm stressed." He pulled the pipe out. "Konoha has a reputation, ever since Hashirama set up this whole system and sprinkled the tailed beasts like breadcrumbs for the other villages. Then Tobirama, then myself...we made it tradition to make the other villages look bad, and now we're paying for it. If Minato was here, everything would be fine, but it's been twelve years and nobody looms quite as large as he did. Who do I promote as my successor? Itachi can't negotiate to save his life, Jiraiya and Tsunade act like they'll light on fire if they walk into my tower. I am afraid for my village, Kakashi."

"You aren't dying yet." Kakashi tried for a chuckle. It came out hollow. "Right?"

"Not that I know of." Sarutobi looked down. "But my senses aren't as sharp as they used to be."

"You can't be implying that someone will try to-"

"Sabaku no Gaara is competing in the chunin exams."

"Oh shit-" Kakashi moved to stand but Hiruzen darted a hand out and grabbed his.

"There is but one recourse." He said, eyes not those of a grandfather, but a battle honed ninja. "The next time the chunin exams fall on Konoha is in two and a half years. Team seven will be fifteen, old enough to be jonin, old enough to garner reputation. Nobody will dare to move on us until then if, and only if, we use this opportunity to prove our strength."

"Sensei-"

"Konoha has to win the exams." The third asserted. "Fairly. Ideally, we need the finals to be two of your genin fighting each other. Because there's only three names with the potential to grow into this accursed hat. I believe one has already expressed an interest."

"They are children." Kakashi was surprised to find he was furious.

"They are ninja." The third replied. "The hidden villages grow restless, Danzo schemes behind my back, one of our most prominent ninja clans is dead and the Akatsuki pulls strings in the shadows. I care about those children, Kakashi. But I care about my village more."

Slowly, Kakashi unclenched his fists. "This is why I didn't want a genin team." He muttered. "I knew I'd get attached."

"That is why I made you take one." Hiruzen replied, his face softer. "Over time I've learned that if ninja aren't attached to anything, all it takes is a strong enough wind to blow them away."


Hinata was still in her seat as the rules were explained to the genin. Nine questions. Nine points. Get caught cheating, lose two points. If your point count is positive before the end of the exam, you pass. Tl;dr: five slip ups and you're out. Too generous, in her mind, but this was only the first stage of the exams.

"You have fifty minutes before the secret tenth question is revealed. Please begin."

Hinata leaned back in her chair, unconcerned. She didn't even need to form hand seals, just to activate her Byakugan and wait for the answers to fall into her-

"Number 39, number 33! Minus two points."

"What?" Exclaimed her and, two seats back, Sasuke.

"Blatantly obvious dojutsu abuse counts as cheating." Said Morino Ibiki, the proctor, with a cruel grin. "I'd get working, kids. Ten seconds in and you're already in debt."

Hinata grit her teeth. Alright then. Effort time. She opened the paper.


Naruto was panicking. Written test? When the heck is a chunin going to have to take one of these?

Especially the maths. One question about the arc of a thrown kunai was asking for calculations even when the obvious answer was just 'eyeball it'. He wondered if that would get him partial credit. People around him were already scratching down answers, and both his teammates had already been caught out trying to cheat. How could they? That was just bad manners. Although, looking at some of these questions, it sure was tempting...

Naruto gulped, and started praying for some some sort of help.


Outside, Naruto's shadow clone continued practicing the jutsu Jiraiya had shown him. It was tricky, but it built upon the other non-elemental techniques he actually knew how to do, so he'd probably have it sorted by the time the chunin exams actually called on him to fight. Screwing his nose up, he went through the seals again.

"Naruto? Oh thank god, I was worried you'd been stupid and dispelled everything."

The Naruto clone looked to his left. "Sasuke? What are you doing here, aren't you supposed to be in the exam?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I am in the exam, dumbass, this is a shadow clone. Come on, let's move. I think I'll have to split myself into two again, not that I don't trust you to do both parts of the mission, but, well, I don't."

"Hold on, slow down." Naruto-clone held up a hand. "What are we doing?"

"Cheating?" Said Sasuke-clone. "Is that not why you're out here?"

"What? No!" Naruto-clone was offended. "I'm out here training while the real me does a test. You're cheating? That's against the rules!"

"It's a ninja test." Sasuke-clone admonished. "You're supposed to cheat."

"...oooooh."

"It's at times like these I remember you never technically passed the genin exam...Come on. I was listening at the door and we have three main objectives: Find out what the questions are, find out what the answers are, then find a way to tell Hinata, all without getting caught. She didn't leave any clones outside, which sucks, because the ability to see through walls would be really useful right now."

"Konoha has a library." Naruto-clone pointed out. "We can probably get most of the answers from in there."

"Which doesn't solve the problem of seeing the question sheets." Sasuke-clone mused. "If they discover we're the shadow clones of certain genin they'll probably dock us points."

"Wait, we have to find some way of getting in there?" Naruto-clone asked. "How? Sasuke, the guards are all chunin. The head proctor is the head of T&I!"

"Alright, think of it this way." Sasuke-clone posed. "This is a prank. You need to find a way to...I don't know, read one of the people's diaries, which is on their desk in front of them. What do you do?"

That set Naruto-clone thinking. After a few moments, he looked up with a grin. "Hey Sasuke. You can use the transformation jutsu properly, right? To look like a real person and not just a knife?"

"I can." Sasuke-clone nodded.

"In which case...I have an idea."


"Number 13, that's five failures. You're out!" Ibiki watched one of his plants grumble and walk out the room. The first disqualification (technically) and the pressure showed on the students faces. He loved his job. He put a stern look on his face and swept his gaze across the room, making anyone looking at him avert their eyes.

Then his ears pricked. In the distance, he heard some oddly familiar guitar chords. Then there was an intake of breath from outside the classroom door.

"Some-" the door slammed open "-BODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME!"

"Hokage-Sama?" Came the surprised yells from almost every student in the room. The third Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, strode into the room with a manic look on his face.

"These genin do not possess correct writing materials!" Hiruzen shouted. "Morino Ibiki! Where is your will of fire, hmm? Your career will be reviewed after this day! But first-" he put his hands together, "MULTI PENCIL JUTSU!" He then proceeded to inelegantly hurl a good three dozen 2B pencils all over the room, much to the annoyance of most of the examinees.

One of the chunin next to the door sighed, walking up and lightly tapping the third on the back. The disguise dispelled, leaving Kiba standing in his place. "Uh...I can explain?" Kiba said, in a whiny tone.

"What?" Said the real Kiba from his seat, looking thoroughly confused.

The chunin sighed and hit the standing Kiba harder, dispelling it. "Subject 29, minus two points."

"What? But that wasn't me! I don't even know how to do that jutsu!"

As the Inuzuka boy threw his hissy fit, Sasuke slid the pencil (which he had grabbed out of the air as it went for his face) into a pocket on his jacket. A place where, if it had been hypothetically able to see, it would have had a great view of everything on his desk.

Sasuke grinned. The game was on.


WOO here we go. Hiruzen continues to be manipulative as hell, but I think I've outlined his reasoning pretty well. As much fun as they're all having, team seven is in a nasty world, and they're going to have to grow up fast, or get eaten alive. Next chapter, cheating. A shitton of cheating.