Jon POV
I had returned back to Winterfell, I had betrayed grant and Ygritte. But I knew I would it was a matter of survival. But now I stare out the window my heart heavy with pain.
"Last time I saw him was the courtyard at Winterfell, he said next time I see you you'll be all in black…. I was jealous of Robb my whole life. The way my father looked at him, I wanted that. He was better than me at everything. Fighting and hunting, and riding and girls" I smirked pulling on my shirt
"Of course the girl loved him!" Sam acknowledged,
"I wanted to hate him but I never could" I admitted
"Sometimes I want to hate you…well your better than me everything accept reading…there um ready for you" Sam muttered sadness in his tone.
"His Wanted to hang me for a while, now his chance" I nodded turning towards the door
"No ones going to hang you, you've done nothing wrong" Sam stated
"I've done plenty wrong!" I signed
Walking into the dinning room I stared at all the people, my brothers "So you admit you murdered Qhorin Half-hand?" Alliser Thorne huffed
"I didn't murder him!" I stated
Alliser stared at me "No?" he questioned, "You put your sword through a brother of the Night's Watch. What do you call that?"
"He wanted me to kill him!" I stated
"A bastard son of a traitor. What would you expect?" Janos Slynt stated. I wanted nothing more than to kill him, how dare he speak of my father, he was no traitor.
"The Half-hand believed our only chance to stop Mance was to get a man inside his army"
"Don't talk about the Half-hand as if you knew him. He was my brother" Alliser hissed angrily at me.
"Then you'd know he'd do anything to defend the Wall. The free folk would have boiled him alive, but letting me kill him-"
"The free folk? Listen to him. He even talks like a wildling now" Slynt snorted,
"Aye, I talk like a wildling. I ate with the wildlings. I climbed the Wall with the wildlings, I fought with the Wildlings"
"You admit to breaking your vows, then?" Slynt asked,
"I do" I nodded
"The law is the law. The boy must die" Slynt nodded
"If we beheaded every ranger who broke there vows the Wall would be manned by headless men" Aemon spoke
"There's a difference between sneaking off to the Mole's Town brothel and fighting along side a wildling, they're our enemy"
"While we sit here debating which rules I broke, Mance Rayder marches on the Wall with an army of 100,000. Impossible" I cut in
"You can't get 50 wildlings together before they start killing each other" Alliser noted
"100,000. He's united the Thenns, the Hornfoots, and the ice-river clans. He has giants fighting for him"
Slynt laughed "Giants?" He questioned,
"Have you ever been beyond the Wall, ser?" I asked
"I commanded the City Watch of King's Landing, boy" he spat
"And now you're here" I smirked "You must not have been very good at your job"
"How dare you!" Slynt growled standing to his feet
"There's a band of wildlings south of the Wall already led by Tormund Giantsbane. I killed their warg and three others. They shot me full of arrows. Their orders are to attack Castle Black from the south when Mance hits it from the north. The signal for the attack will be a bonfire. Mance said it would be the greatest fire the North has ever seen. That's the truth. All the truth. Do you intend to execute me or am I free to go?" I questioned.
"None of us are free. We are men of the Night's Watch. But we won't be taking your head today, Jon Snow. Go on" Aemon nodded standing to his feet. Turning on my heels I left the food hall.
I let out a sign of relief, walking back to my bedchamber Sam was holding something in his hand "What's that?" I asked my eyes going to the script
"It's got your house Sigil on it" Sam whispered "I got it whilst use were at the meeting, no one has read it" Sam stood handing it to me.
My hand won't over the seal the direwolf sigil staring at me, taking a deep breath I opened it to see handwriting I knew. Taking a seat I began to let scan the paper reading the words.
Jon,
My dearest brother I come to you with sad news. Lillian did escape Kings landing but she fell ill to an infection. I'm sorry I could not tell you in person but Lillian has passed, her last words were she loves you and live on for her memory. I'm sorry and I love you brother be safe.
Your brother
Robb Stark.
I gulped back every emotion that was going through me, my knuckled turning white from clutching to tight, my jaw hurting from the pressure of my teeth gripped closed together.
"What is it? Jon?"
Looking up "She's dead, Lillian she died SHE FUCKING DIED" I screamed rage over coming me. Tables began to be flipped, my bed kicked and pulled apart. Sliding down the wall "Sam they should of hung me" I shook my head "My brother dead, My love is dead, my father is dead" I looked up at him "How do I live on for her memory?" I asked
Sam knelt down "Won't be easy but I'm here" Sam nodded
….
I stood in the food hall my hand on a child soldier as his head was lowered in fear and hurt "We need to teach them a lesson about the way we deal with their kind" Yarwyck yelled
"Aye! Aye!" Man yelled agreeing
"Dozen bodies with slit throats tossed off the top of the Wall. Seems like that would be a good lesson," Yarwyck yelled again.
"Aye!" My brothers cheered,
"If we go after them, we'll be giving them what they want. They want to draw us out, pick us off a few at a time" Alliser stated,
"We have just over 100 men. And that's including stewards and builders. And me. We can't afford to lose a single man. We must remember our first responsibility. We are the watchers on the Wall" Aemon spoke behind us
"There's got to be a way to protect them," Pyp stated,
"You're a champion of the common people, Lord Snow. What do you say to brother Pyp's proposition?" Alliser asked staring at me.
"Mance Rayder is coming. If the wildlings breach the Wall, they'll roll over everything and everyone for 1,000 miles before they reach an army that can stop them" I nodded
"We need to shore up Castle Black and we need to defend the Wall. That is our job" Alliser agreed
Sound of a horn blowing "Rangers returning" Someone yelled
"Help him!" Someone yelled
"Thought you'd have blue eyes by now" Eddison stated as I carried his limp body through the tunnels.
"What took you so long?" Alliser asked,
"We were held up" Grenn huffed
"By what?" Alliser asked
"Chains" Grenn huffed
"We were guests of the mutineers at Craster's Keep" Eddison huffed
"And the mutineers stayed?" I asked,
"They're not going anywhere. They've got Craster's food and his wives. Dolorous" Grenn signed
"Poor girls. Never thought they'd miss their daddy. Karl's running things now. He's the one who put a knife through Craster's mouth" Eddison informed us
"We need to ride north and kill them all" I signed
"We just went over this, boy" Alliser stated, "Justice can wait"
"It's not about justice. I told the wildlings we had over 1000 men at Castle Black alone. Karl and the others know the truth as well as we does. How long do you think they'll keep that information to themselves when the wildlings are peeling their fingernails off? Mance has all he needs to crush us; he just doesn't know it yet. As soon as he gets his hands on them, he will. Then he'll throw his full strength at us. And even if every one of us kills 100 wildlings, there's still not a thing we can do to stop them. I don't think I can kill 100 wildlings," I signed
"I don't think I can kill 100 wildlings," Pyp signed.
...
I feel nothing but agony and pain. How do you breath when the reason for breathing is gone. My Lillian gone? It didn't make sense all her life she's been tough. She's put Robb and Myself on our ass and now, now she's gone and I betrayed her brother and the wildlings.
Taking a deep breath I pushed myself off my bed and headed out into the courtyard were my brothers were training. Stepping up I began to help Grenn with his practice.
My head was all over the place my heart was broken. If we didn't leave everything would be okay, Lillian alive probably my wife and mother of my child. The thought of that stung she didn't even have the opportunity to have a child, she would have been the best mother I've ever seen and now, now.
"And again" I called shaking the thought as I moved forward of Grenn the sound of swords hitting each other "very nice…a lot of wildlings fight with weapon in each arm" I gave Grenn another sword "First thing you want to do is disarm them to even the odds" Grenn and I began hitting and before we knew it I pressed the practice sword to Grenn throat.
Grenn laughed, "Let see what you can do" looking up Ollie moved forward, a child the same age as Brann
"I can fight"
"Have you ever held a sword before?"
"I was the best archer in our hamlet" men laughed, "I was!"
"I believe you. We'll go hunting for rabbits one day. Right now, watch and learn" Grenn nodded
"You two. Take it slow, try and disarm each other" I pointed too two man. I watched them smart the man a smile on his face, but before the other could turn he was knocked out.
"You know how to fight. You could have gone easier on him" I stared at him
"He wouldn't have learned anything that way" he nodded
"Lord Snow" Lifting my head to Alliser "What do you think you're doing?"
"Grenn and I were helping them"
"Grenn's a ranger" he stated, "You're a steward. Maybe you forgot that while you were off with your wildling's"
"Someone has to train them" I shrugged
"And that someone isn't you. Go find a chamber pot to empty" I took a deep breath staring him in the eyes closing the gap between us "Go on. Do it. You traitor's bastard. Give me an excuse. Mormont's not here to protect you now" shaking my head I walked away from him.
Lillian POV
My head was spinning, my mind racing and my heart breaking. It was like anything I got close to died, anything I called family died. Closing my eyes I let the night air kiss my cheeks "Lily…Lily" lifting my head "Derik wants you and Ned not settling" taking a deep breath, I stood.
Walking into the tent I stared at Brent trying to hold it together, trying to sooth Ned and get Derik to sleep. Taking Ned from Brent arms he signed dragging his knees to his chest.
Pulling Derik up into my arms I began to hum the song my mother use to sing to me and it didn't take long until they slowly drifted off to sleep and Brent began to cry "Not fair" he muttered in a hush tone.
Lying both the boys down I crawled over to my little brother it was then I remembered regardless of how big he was how old he was he was yet a little boy, my little brother. Forced to grow up.
Pulling Brent into my arms his tears began to fall easily now "I know, I know"
Looking away I saw Jaymie "In the morning we're going to train you need to learn to fight"
"Fight?" Brent asked
"Yes and will be heading north to collect Nadine"
Brent was now frowning at me "Why?"
"Because she's safer with us Brent look what happened, look at all that is dead Brent. I'm not going to let our little sister meet the same fate. The Forresters have fallen which means Ethan is Lord of Iron Wrath, to much for a little boy and unsafe for Nadine"
"Your right" Brent nodded wiping his eyes
"Ice Stay, Shadow come on boy" I whistled grabbing my father sword and archery gear.
"Where you going?" Brent asked
"Just going to find some breakfast stay with the boys"
"Can I come?" Jaymie asked
"Um" looking at Brent he shook his head "No I need some alone time"
"Okay" she nodded disappointed lying back down.
Stepping out of the tent Shadow walked with me, how is it everything around me is dying. My parents are dead, Grant could be dead I haven't seen him since the gods know when, the parents who took me in both dead, and my adoptive brother head removed from his body dead.
I felt the agony of my loss and my thoughts wondered why? Why is everything I touched doomed why? Falling to my knees I looked up at the moon hoping Jon was watching looking up at the same moon.
Running my hand through my hair "Help us gods I pray to all seven of you, the new and old help us. We pray in your names, we walk in your grace. I have no idea what picture you're painting for me but please help me rise, help me breath help me protect my family" I whispered "I stand for use even in this heart ache I stand, help me out of the valley of darkness I have fell in, help me rise my gods, help me rise" standing up I wiped my eyes.
Shadow and I began to walk through the night looking for something to eat "Oh I swear I lifted his wolf head and placed it on the spike" My body stopped dead in its tracks.
"No you didn't"
"Aye I did"
"Yeah you and every other man in the kingdom"
I couldn't stop myself I began moving my hand grabbing an arrow my bow ready, I didn't quiver, I didn't think, I didn't stop it moved so slow and a relief ran through me and just like that he dropped off the log, he was now lying on the ground with an arrow in the back of his head.
"What the fuck?" the other yelled grabbing his sword
Moving out of the bushes I stared at the man "Hi, heard you killed Robb Stark"
"No-no not me"
"Sure heard you and your little friend joking about. What you can't man up to it now?"
"Put down your arrow little girl and I'll show you how much a man I am" he winked
"Sure lets see" I nodded pulling my father sword from its holster, putting my arrow back in its quiver "Ready little boy?"
"Born ready" he smirked licking his lip disgustingly.
He began to move his footwork giving up what he was doing, stopping his attacks I felt the sting and the dirty smirk, hissing at the pain he repelled my sword away and kicked me on the ground.
"Well do you admit defeat? Do I win?"
Popping up on my elbow I smirked a smirk only god knew and loved "I guess you win"
"Going to have to make you pay you know for my friend" he winked nodding at his manhood
"Sounds fair but before than let's have fun" I winked biting my lip
He chuckled lowering himself onto the ground, my hand reached behind my back "Going to make you be-"
Pushing him off me I rolled on top the dagger going into his chest over and over. My heart was racing, my blood boiled he made no more sounds he had left this world but I still continued over and over.
I was mad, I was angry, the sound of shadow barking at me was what made me stop. Jumping up I was broken. Stepping over the dead body I was covered in blood. Picking up my weapons "Come shadow" with that I walked away.
"Lily?" looking up it was Jaymie "Y-Your covered, what happened?" she asked stepping closer "What have you done?"
Placing my hand on her cheek "We should probably get some sleep, we leave first light," I muttered taking a seat beside Ned and Derik
