Psychopaths trying really hard to have a party like normal people
"Yeah." Gekko confirmed. "A month."
"What? Why?"
"So we can milk the international visitors for more money! Have you not realised yet that this is basically a massive tourist trap?"
"When this is over I'm writing a massive rant blog on ninja tumblr." Naruto groused.
"Alright if you need a reason it's because we're giving you time to prepare." Gekko explained. "We're going to tell you who you'll be fighting first so you can prepare to fight them specifically."
"Okay I get we need to prepare for like, assassinations." Naruto admitted. "But in what situation are two ninja going to know they're going to fight, then wait a month preparing, then go into a-"
"I can still disqualify you." Gekko warned.
Naruto pouted, and stayed silent.
The rest of the chunin hopefuls gathered in the centre of the arena as Gekko pulled a set of cards from his pocket, then began unceremoniously dumping most of them onto the ground. "Alright." He said, eventually. "I have six cards here. Actually-" he dropped another. "Now I have six cards." He held them out face down. "Everybody pick one."
The six acquiesced.
"Alright. What are your numbers?"
"One." Said Sasuke, eyeing Hinata.
"Two." Said Hinata, eyeing Sasuke.
"Three." Kankuro dutifully reported.
Shikimaru held up four fingers.
"Five." Stated Gaara, with the significance of a celestial decree.
"Aaaand SIX!" Declared Naruto, striking a pose.
"Alright, great." Gekko deadpanned. "That is the order of your fights. First, 1 fights 2. Then 3 fights 4, and 5 fights 6."
The reaction from the six was immediate.
Kankuro and Shikimaru continued to completely ignore each other. Both jinchuuriki turned to look at each other, and both tailed beasts stirred within their stomachs.
Sasuke and Hinata locked eyes.
"Our fight should not be as crazy as theirs will inevitably be." Sasuke decided.
"Agreed." Said Hinata.
Both desperately quashed their competitive instincts.
"The first day of the final round will contain fights one and two. The second day will contain fight three, and the fight between the two winners of the previous day. Then on day three, the winner of those two fights will compete in the final."
"That means I will only get two matches." Gaara said, with a hint of threat.
"Assuming you beat me." Naruto pointed a finger at him.
"Yes. When that happens."
"Oh-hoh, you are sooo on!"
"I'm sorry, if four less or four more of you had passed then we wouldn't have this problem." Gekko shot back. "But no, now there's six of you. Also we do not want the jinchurikki fighting any more than they have to in case they start murdering the spectators."
"You...You rigged handing out the cards just now?" Naruto was aghast.
Gekko looked at him flatly. "Kami I need a drink...Everything is rigged. Nothing is fair. Everyone is out to get you. Welcome to the life of a ninja." With that, he vanished.
The six looked at each other.
"...now what?"
The answer to that question was, of course, to throw a party. Naruto had originally just planned to invite Sasuke and Hinata around to his apartment to celebrate victory, but then he had thought he should probably invite Shikimaru as well, since they were friends too, and then he had realised that it would be unfair to invite the Nara without also inviting the rest of his team, so that meant Ino and Choji were also coming, and then he'd decided it would be unfair not to also bring Gaara, which naturally meant his teammates had to come too, and then Naruto decided if he was going to include people who hadn't won anyway he may as well invite team Gai (Tenten was watching over Lee, who had been injured in his fight against Gaara, but Sai still wanted to come) and then he had decided that Sakura's team might feel left out so he invited them too, and then Itachi had officially taken over and redirected the party to the Uchiha compound, because there was no way the fifteen people Naruto had just included would fit in his tiny little apartment. Itachi had then gone ahead and included all the teams' Sensei plus Jiraiya in the invite because "Fugaku is going to fucking hate this and I am here for it."
Which was what led to the Uchiha grand hall being retrofit with tables stacked with food, a stereo with massive speakers, one ramen stand courtesy of Ichiraku's, and at least three targets for kunai throwing competitions.
Somewhere along the line most of the failed ninja from the other nations had been invited, along with at least five ANBU, Iruka-Sensei, the parents of a few ninja clans, and the Hokage. Even the Sensei of the three sound ninja was here, arguing heatedly with whichever jonin would talk to him. Not all had originally wanted to come, but you try saying no to an infectiously happy Naruto with a shadow clone's lack of self preservation.
By one wall, Itachi had set up something of a cinema by casting a genjutsu on some willing genin. They were all watching a Sharingan enhanced replay of all the fights that had occurred so far, and were to all appearances sat munching popcorn watching a brick wall.
Stood off to one side in a defensive formation were the three sand siblings. As Gaara and Kankuro had delivered particularly intimidating matches, they had ensured that almost nobody wanted to interact with them.
That was until Naruto rolled up on a swivel chair.
"Gaara Gaara Gaara!" He shouted. "Itachi showed me your match against Lee! You were amazing! I saw you use that sand force field thing you told me about that one time, it was so cool!"
"Thank you." Gaara replied, smiling in that creepy, slightly dead eyed way of his.
"Oh, and you two as well!" Naruto turned to the other two sand genin. "Kankuro your match was hilarious. Temari yours was boring as anything, but once I had Itachi give me the abridged version it was actually really interesting!"
"Thank you, I think." Temari demurred. "Shikimaru was one hell of an opponent."
"I don't like him." Kankuro admitted, trying to pick the Nara out from the crowd. "He keeps...looking at me. Suspiciously."
Temari swatted her brother. "And what would you know about a tactical fight? I don't know anyone in Suna who's as good a tactician as him, except our Kazekage of course. He's...actually pretty good looking too." Temari blushed a little and looked off into the middle distance. Kankuro looked at his sister like she had grown a second head.
"The green clad boy was very challenging." Gaara mused. "It was incredibly difficult not to kill him."
"Yeah I feel you." Naruto sighed. "I've had to train with him. You think you want to kill him after a fight; wait till he convinces his Sensei to take you all through another five laps of the hidden village. There was definitely some kyuubi stirring the first time that happened."
"So why did you restrain yourself?" Gaara asked, tilting his head.
Naruto blinked, not really understanding the question. "Well, as painful as it is, training with him does make me stronger. And if I kill him, I won't be able to fight him again."
"Intriguing." Gaara mused. "I was going to use the sand coffin to crush your friend's leg into pieces, but I hesitated. At the time I wasn't sure why, but now I think it was for the reason you just described." He frowned. "Explain it to me one more time, I'm having trouble grasping it."
"If you leave people alive to get stronger, they keep being a fun fight as you get stronger." Naruto recited, dutifully.
"I see...I used to believe that people only existed for me to prove my own ability, and that those below me were nothing." Explained the one-tails. "But letting the weak live because they have potential...thank you, Naruto. You have given me a lot to think about."
Temari looked between them in confusion. "Did...you just convince Gaara to value human life? Who the hell are you?"
"Uzumaki Naruto." He grinned at her. "Future Hokage."
"Drink, sir?" Sai walked up to a Jonin on the edge of the party, holding two glasses of punch. The man looked down at him and smiled. "Sure. Thanks, kid."
Sai handed the beverage over and leaned on the wall next to him, looking out over the party with lips casually upturned.
The man took a sip of his drink. "Report."
"The Hyuuga heiress continues to perform well above all expectations." Sai said, expression not changing. "She adapted quickly to new circumstances and showed no hesitation using potentially lethal techniques. I was forced to show more power than authorised to push her limits, and she rose admirably to the challenge."
The man nodded. "Our master forgives your use of the bird summon, Sai. Is there anything else you think is important to mention?"
"Hinata was willing to render herself unconscious in order to succeed. I believe she is easily willing to make personal sacrifices to achieve her goals."
"That saves us having to train it into her." The man noted.
"However," Sai cautioned, "I do not think she will give her life if ordered, not yet. She is obsessed with the murder of her older brother Neji, and gives no other objective higher precedence."
"Do you believe that her team will be a problem?" The man asked.
If Sai hadn't purged all his emotions long ago, he would have laughed. He did anyway, if only to preserve his persona to anyone watching. "She does not care about them. They will go to great lengths for her, I think, but not the other way around. Hinata is the type of person to view others as chess pieces. Some more valuable than others, but all fit for sacrifice, bar herself."
"Is that so." The man finished his drink. "I'm sure our master will find this very useful, Sai. Thank you for the punch."
"It was my pleasure, Yamato. I will continue my surveillance."
"Sasuke!"
Sasuke took a deep breath, released it, put a smile on his face, and turned around. "Hiii, Sakura..."
The pink haired, admittedly a little cute, girl ran up to him, and then did that thing she liked to do with her posture where she put her hands together and bent forwards and Kami he was sick of it.
"Sasuke, your fight was amazing!" She gushed. "The way you beat Tenten at her own game, and that cool handspring you did, it was awesome!"
"Thank you." He replied, trying to be polite. "I'm sure you would have had a great fight too, but apparently the actual terrorists were the ones who stopped you getting through, so that wasn't really fair..."
"Yeah..." She looked really angrily at the floor for a moment. "But still, I'm sure it wouldn't have been as cool as yours. I bet you'll be able to beat all the others, no problem!"
"Mmh..." Sasuke thought. "Did you see Lee's match? His and Gaara's was pretty awesome."
"It was? As good as yours?" She seemed doubtful.
"As good as-oh it was way better." Sasuke scoffed. "Actually, come here." He grabbed her hand. Presumably overwhelmed somewhat by the voluntary physical contact, she followed.
"Hey bro!" Sasuke called out to Itachi. "Show Sakura the Lee-Gaara fight!" He then flung an easily detected genjutsu at his brother that said Make him look, like, really cool. And attractive.
We have got to find you a girlfriend, Sasuke. Itachi's voice deadpanned into his head, even as he smiled benignly at Sakura and directed her to sit down and face the wall.
Girlfriends later. Ninja stuff now.
One day you will grow a pair and regret this decision.
Maybe. But not yet.
"Dead?" Itachi exclaimed.
"Dead?" Echoed the Sound team's Sensei.
"Dead." Confirmed the third Hokage. "The three and their guards were all found killed after they failed to report to T&I."
"Can I see them? Please?" Their Sensei's bottom lip trembled.
"I doubt you will find much solace in it." The third warned him. "All five bodies appear to have been," he coughed, "liquefied."
The sound jonin put his hand to his heart and gasped. "How barbaric! Why would anyone do such a thing?"
"Now the Yamanaka can't find out anything." Itachi grimaced. "Fuck. If we didn't know they were guilty before, we sure do now. I should have stayed with them, dammit, not handed them off-"
"Then perhaps we would have lost you as well." Hiruzen put a palm on his shoulder. "If our prime suspect is the one responsible, I would not like to risk you fighting him alone."
"I could have taken snakeface." Itachi groused.
The Sound jonin gasped.
"You don't mean," he lowered his voice to a whisper, "Orochimaru? The dangerous, terrifying, ~devilishly attractive~ member of the Sannin?"
"Indeed." Hiruzen stated, grimly.
"Outrageous!" The man exclaimed. "First you accuse my students of treason, then you allow them to be murdered in the middle of your own village? I will be spreading the word of your incompetence to village Sound's leader! Good day sirs!" He spun dramatically on his heel, flicked his hair, and walked away.
"...That was definitely Orochimaru, wasn't it." Itachi watched his retreating back.
"I don't believe even he would be that bold." Hiruzen admitted.
Orochimaru, walking out, could not believe he had just gotten away with that.
Sasuke wondered how exactly he had ended up sat diametrically opposite to Hinata. He hadn't meant to; he had planned to make a show of solidarity out of sitting next to her, but there hadn't been enough room on the couch without getting uncomfortably close and now he was awkwardly staring her down. Kakashi and Jiraiya were watching them both bemusedly, the latter regularly downing sips of sake.
"This is silly." Hinata said.
"I agree." Sasuke nodded. "We're friends right?"
"I think we've reached that point, yes." She replied.
"So even though we have to fight in a month, we shouldn't be contentious about it." He continued.
"Exactly." She replied.
They continued to stare each other down.
"Hey Sensei." Sasuke asked, not looking away from Hinata. "I don't suppose you know any Sharingan techniques that Itachi can't or won't teach me?"
"Um."
"While you're at it Sensei," Hinata said, also not breaking eye contact. "Gai says you know a powerful lightning release jutsu. As lightning is my primary elemental affinity, I'd like to learn that, if it's possible."
"Really? I'd like to learn that too." Sasuke didn't blink. "The Uchiha all primarily use fire, but Itachi has taught me the basics of lightning release."
Kakashi held up a hand. "Actually, I don't think I'll be teaching either of you anything."
"What?" They both turned to him.
"I don't want to be seen as favouring one of you over the other." He explained. "Especially with the obscene amount of gambling money that's going to be resting on this fight. No matter what I do I'm going to get hitmen sent after me, but I'd rather limit the number if at all possible."
"Fair enough." Sasuke acknowledged. "Gambling, huh? Can you put me down for a hundred Ryo on myself?"
Hinata's gaze flicked to him, then back to Kakashi. "Same for me. Two hundred."
Sasuke opened his mouth.
"Guys, did you know Suna doesn't actually have ramen? How have they survived?" The tension was cut by Naruto jumping down on the sofa next to Jiraiya, to Kakashi's audible relief.
"Woo! Naruto!" Shouted the toad Sannin, decidedly drunk by this point. "Hey, can you do that one jutsu with the pretty blonde girls and the conveniently PG steam?"
Naruto frowned. "The sexy jutsu? Why would you want a bunch of naked girls at a party?"
"Why wouldn't you want a bunch of naked girls at a party?" Jiraiya belly laughed, and reached for the Sake.
Kakashi took it off him with a cough. "Naruto, we were just discussing how training was going to work in preparation for the finals. Obviously I can't really join in when it comes to turning you all against each other, but I have no problem trying to help you take down Gaara."
"So you're mooching us off to other Sensei." Sasuke rolled his eyes. "How unlike you."
"Hey, Itachi has already told me he's not taking any missions on until after the exams specifically to help you." Kakashi admitted. "And frankly he's, like, waaay better than me. As for Naruto-"
"I's will do it!" Shouted Jiraiya, standing up in place before flipping down again. "I will train the Naruto! He'sh my legashy! The mosht amasing ninja in ever!"
"Yay?" Naruto tried to inch away, but Jiraiya grabbed him and pulled him into a bear hug, resulting in a blubbering, complaining mess.
"And what about me?" Asked Hinata, quietly.
"Well for you-"
"HINATA!" Came a shout. Might Gai slid amongst the group and knelt in front of the Hyuuga. "May I say that I was awed by your fight in the arena." He said, eyes closed "Though forced upon you by outside agents, your commitment to using no ninjutsu was inspiring, and cleverly executed. Lee could learn a lot from you."
"I..."
"THEREFORE!" Gai shouted, grabbing one of her hands in his. "With my students out of the tournament, I have no recourse but to assist you in your preparation for the finals! Kakashi says that as all of his team got further than mine, I am obligated as a forfeit to train you, and while I do not recall making such a bet, I am certain that my good friend and long time rival would never lie to me!"
Sasuke looked across at a whistling Kakashi. "You're a fucking despicable person, you know that?"
"I...thank you, Gai-Sensei." Hinata answered the green clothed jonin, working her hand free of his and wiping it on Jiraiya. "I would be honoured to receive your training."
"EXCELLENT!" Gai stood and struck a pose. "We commence tomorrow. I will not stop my daily training of your whole team, however, as that would not be sporting! Now, I must return to Lee's bedside. The doctors say it will take him five weeks to recover, but I have CHALLENGED HIM to make it four! I will not abandon him to such an endeavour alone! Farewell!" He vanished in a cloud of dust, not due to a body flicker, just from running off really fast.
"What do they feed him..." Sasuke wondered.
"Get off me old man! I'm not one of your smelly toads!"
"Of coursh! You musht drink with the toads! Wheresh my contract..."
"Jiraiya do not summon Gamabunta inside!"
Yay, fun party episode, and clearing up some more loose ends. Yes, Lee is not so messed up in this one, because a more positive Naruto is having earlier effects on Gaara.
Also, the Sakura dating game has started. Who do I try and set her up with. Sasuke? Lee? Gaara? Itachi? Ichiraku ramen guy? Who knows! I sure don't!
Next chapter preparations commence for the final round of the chunin exams, and unless I'm mistaken, a return from everyone's favourite best boy...
