I hope all y'all're ready for a no holds barred
White Eyes: Christmas Special
Cos y'all're about to get one.
"All I want for Christmas...iiiiiiis...yoooouuu-"
"WILL YOU BE THE SAVIOUR OF THE BROKEN! DUN DUN, DUN DUN, DU-WHEN I WAS, A YOUNG-"
"Naruto shut the fuck up!"
Sasuke dove onto Naruto, tackling him from his position on top of the piano (in what he probably thought was a seductive lounge).
Hinata continued to idly play the keys and sing to herself.
It was Christmas Eve, and team seven had been released from training to go 'enjoy the festivities or whatever, I don't care I have books to read. Jiraiya released a Christmas special and I have my priorities straight'.
"Hey Hinata, I didn't-ngh-know you could play an instrument?" Naruto mentioned, rolling around with Sasuke.
"Sometimes I needed to do something so I didn't have to think, but was too exhausted to train." Hinata explained.
"Edgy." Sasuke remarked, punching.
"Awesome! Can I learn?" Naruto asked, kicking.
"Well, you'd need to spend a lot of time practicing-"
"I have shadow clones," Naruto dismissed, freeing himself from his grapple with Sasuke and jumping up onto the piano stool, having to press incredibly close to Hinata (not that she minded in the slightest.) "I can practice all day and night, with five people at once. Show me the notes, I wanna learn smash mouth."
"Glad to see Hinata's going for some last minute Santa karma." Sasuke remarked, rubbing his wrist and standing up. "Not sure if it counts this close to Christmas Day."
Hinata glowered at nothing in particular. "Sure. Santa. Generous man."
Sasuke gave her a funny look. "You don't get any presents? I mean I understand Naruto because he's naughty all the time, but you always seem polite and stuff."
As one, this two on the piano stool turned round to look at him.
"Sasuke, do you," Naruto looked like he was trying not to laugh. "Do you believe in Santa?"
"What do you mean believe in him? He's real." Sasuke blinked.
Naruto burst into laughter. "He-you-Ahahaha-!"
"Hey, screw you he's real." Sasuke defended. "Hinata back me up. Hinata?"
The Hyuuga girl just looked down at the floor and shook her head, looking like she was desperately suppressing a laugh. "Sasuke, how would Santa possibly deliver presents to all the children? Know exactly what to get them?"
"Duh. He's some really powerful ninja who just wants to help out." Sasuke replied, looking uncertain. "And he only does our village; it never snows in Suna and most of the other villages teach their kids to murder cats."
"Then why doesn't he help the village when it's in danger?" Naruto challenged.
"He doesn't want to hurt people, he just wants to give presents."
"What about all the kids who are total dicks all year but still get presents?"
"Santa is merciful."
"But not to Naruto?"
"I mean he is Naruto."
"Hey, screw you!"
"Sasuke." Hinata sighed. "I have been living alone for the last five years. I do not prank, insult, or hurt anyone. I receive a monthly trust fund. I do not get Christmas presents. Ever."
"I get a card from Iruka-sensei and a card from the old man." Naruto added. "That's it. That's what happens if we don't have parents."
"No, because," Sasuke was looking between them. "Because that would...Santa isn't real?"
His two teammates looked at each other. Looked back.
Naruto started laughing again.
Tenten looked up from the counter to see who had just entered the shop, and froze.
Sabaku no Gaara walked in, and began to pace the isles.
She tried to contain her panic, unsure whether to be relieved or annoyed it was her manning the shop instead of her civilian father. Gaara, with all the focus of a sniper about to take a shot, was scanning the weapons on display, sand around him twitching in the air. Tenten had seen his fight against Lee, watched him roadblock and eventually overcome one of the strongest genin she knew. The power didn't scare her, she knew there were plenty of jonin and even chunin that could dismantle Lee without much effort. But the way he had done it...his attacks had been oppressive, overwhelming, but never vicious. Gaara had seemed...apathetic. The kind of monster that would kill dozens without even knowing to think he should care. And now he was in her shop. What did he want? He'd never needed weapons before, was he here for her? Not satisfied with Lee, could he be going after the whole team? Had Sai already been sent to the hospital, crushed and bleeding, with sand filling his-
"I'd like to purchase this, please."
"You'll never kill-huh?" Tenten blinked. Gaara had walked up to her counter, and deposited a weapon. "A purchase." He continued. "This is a shop, correct? I do sometimes struggle with societal conventions such as 'signs'."
"No, yes, we are a...Th-that?" She looked down.
It was technically a war fan.
"Indeed." Gaara nodded. "I think my sister would like it."
"But it's..." Tenten knew it wasn't sensible to try and deny the demon, but, "It's pink. I, I made it as a joke three years ago-"
"It is of impeccable quality. And pink is Temari's favourite colour." Gaara reasoned.
"I..." Tenten shook her head and gave up. "Cash or credit?"
Itachi was sat in the Uchiha's other living room when Sasuke kicked the door down.
"Itachi!" Sasuke shouted, panting.
"Sasuke." Itachi replied.
"Santa." Sasuke accused.
"Santa." Itachi agreed.
There was a pause.
Itachi looked at Sasuke.
Sasuke looked at Itachi.
Itachi snorted.
"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"
"I can't believe it took you this long-"
"I am THIRTEEN!"
"I know! This has got to be a record!"
"You suck!" Sasuke jumped on him. "Naruto and Hinata are in the other room laughing their asses off!"
"I've been changing what I said he was like every single year, how did you not notice?"
"That's it! I'm massacring the Uchiha clan!"
In another room, Fugaku looked across at Mikoto with a frown. She shrugged, smiling, and went back to her wrapping.
Later that night
"We really doing this?" Sasuke hissed, tightening the straps on his bag as he ran across the rooftops. "It kinda feels like invading her privacy."
Naruto looked across at him with a grin. "What, like Santa did every christmas?"
"You shut up."
"Look, Hinata doesn't get presents." Naruto pointed out. "Period. And I'm not having it. Now I have actual money I've been sending stuff to all my other friends, but I thought you two were sorted, being rich, so I didnt bother, but if she isn't, it needs emergency last minute measures."
Sasuke gave him a funny look. "Like breaking into her house?"
"Emergency last minute measures."
They came up to the Hyuuga compound. All it's walls and gates were decorative at best (not much point in terrestrial defences against ninja), it was trivial to enter the grounds, and from there, the main house.
"She doesn't even lock her doors..." Naruto remarked, before creeping into the living room. "Oh damn, she doesn't even have a tree."
"Sure she does." Whispered Sasuke, getting into it. "I think I saw a pine or two in her gardens."
Naruto grinned. "Oh that's naughty. I like it."
"Ahem."
They both froze. Then turned. Forsooth, one of Hinata's owls, was perched up above her fireplace, watching them. "Yooou know, I have been instructed by my lady to alert her if there are any intruders to her compound while she is sleeping." It mentioned. Then it clicked its beak. "But this place is so drab and boring, frankly Spartan, and I disapproooove. Not to mention, I don't believe my lady has been pleasantly surprised in over five years." He turned his head 180 degrees so it was facing the wall. "Dooo try to limit the chaos, if yooou would."
Naruto exhaled. Then looked at Sasuke.
Sasuke chucked him a coin pouch. "Send out some shadow clones, buy some tinsel and baubles."
"How much tinsel?"
The Uchiha grinned. "Too much."
"Oh yes sir."
"And I'll go find a suitable tree to cut down."
"Check if there's any bugs or mice you can give to Forsooth!"
"Ooh, good shout. Now I don't know where I can find a reindeer, but hear me out..."
Christmas Day
Hinata awoke. "Report."
"There were zero hostile intruuuders during your sleep, ma'am." Forsooth reported, sat dutifully at her bedside. "May I dispel? Celebrations are occurring at the angel mountains, and I'd rather not miss them."
"Sage creatures celebrate Christmas?" Hinata asked, sitting up in bed and stretching.
"Our cultures do tend to mimic huuuman culture." Forsooth admitted. "If yooou'd like I could give yooou a history lesson on-"
"It's fine." She got out of bed. "You go home to your family."
Forsooth didn't wince as much as he normally would at a statement like that. "Thank you. Merry Christmas, lady Hinata."
"Merry Christmas, Forsooth."
"...And please put some clothes on."
"Nobody is watching and pyjamas are uncomfortable!"
Forsooth sighed, and vanished.
Hinata shook her head, walking along the corridor down to her kitchen and idly making the hand seals for the Byakugan. It took effect when she reached the balcony above her living room, vision spreading to encompass her entire compound and-
What.
Her jaw dropped.
First of all, the sacred pine tree (tended for five generations) had been neatly cut at the base and buried in the hole that had apparently been made in her floor.
It was covered in tinsel and baubles, in fact there was tinsel everywhere, stretched along the ceiling, the mantelpiece, spiderwebbing the walls. There was a brown Labrador laying on the floor with a pair of reindeer ears fastened to its head, and red paint on its nose. There were about three packages of mince pies and carrots strewn about the floor, empty. It looked like they'd been eaten by the dog.
Filled with morbid curiosity more than anything else, Hinata walked through the chaos and crouched before the tree, where four small wrapped boxes awaited her, in orange purple, white and blue.
One contained a letter from Sasuke, and a signed copy of '15 reasons why the Byakugan can go fuck itself' by Madara Uchiha.
One contained the novel 'flight of the Owls' from...Itachi? Alright. Kakashi had sent her one of Jiraiya's works (gutsy something or other) because of course he had...although the main character in this one was called Naruto, so maybe it deserved a read.
Naruto himself...he'd gotten her a hat. It was one of the really big fluffy ones with the pom-poms dangling from either side and 'I 3 Konoha' on it in capital letters. Inside his letter, he explained that he thought she should have something to go with her trademark coat. It couldn't have been more than three ryo at one of the Christmas markets.
It was perfect.
Hinata leaned back onto her haunches and shook her head, cradling the presents. There were tears in her eyes.
With a single controlled wingbeat, Forsooth glided down to one of the planetoids in the Angel Mountains. "Goood morning, Kuuudos."
"Uncle Forsooth!" The young owl turned to him and hopped over, trying his best to orient himself for a hug. "Merry Christmas! I didn't think you'd make it!"
"Merry Christmas, nephew. and did yooou think I'd miss it?" Forsooth chuckled, reaching into his feathers. "In fact I brought yooou a present."
Kudos' eyes widened. "Really! From the humans?"
Forsooth nodded, pulling out a wrapped package and putting it down. "From Lady Hinata's team, in fact."
Kudos tore into the package, and gasped. "A dead mouse! They know me so well!"
The Uchiha compound was alive. Children running through the streets, throwing snowballs, parents pretending they hadn't considered taking over the village a few years ago, everyone having fun. Even in the clan head's house, Sasuke was having a better time than usual. "It's nicer when I know it's from you." He'd told his parents, with a smile. Itachi had, predictably gotten a card from his younger brother, in which Sasuke had apologised that he had no idea what Itachi could possibly want that Sasuke could give. He had them quoted Naruto, who had once said that 'there's no such thing as too many explosive tags' and included one of those in the card. He had even set it to go off, which Itachi had congratulated him on after disarming it.
Less predictably, however, was the small package Itachi had found on his bedside table, that had managed to get there without him noticing it. Encoded inside was the message:
Sup Itachi.
Merry Christmas! You will not believe the shit I went to to get a shadow clone into this village. You will find enclosed my present to you, a signed copy of '15 reasons why the Sharingan can go fuck itself' by Hashirama Senju. You're welcome. As you so thoughtlessly neglected to get me one, I took the liberty of stealing your favourite book. As it's been a while, I forgot exactly where you kept it, so you may find that I have completely reshuffled your entire bookshelf.
Funny that.
Catch you when I'm in town next month,
You know who.
P.S: I also took the liberty of giving Hinata my gift under your name. Sorry about that.
Itachi had chuckled, burned the letter, and gone about with his morning.
Temari lovingly stroked her hands across her Christmas present. "It's perfect." She whispered.
Gaara smiled.
Kankuro didn't say anything, but he was inspecting his new poison set with similar enthusiasm.
Haku woke up to find a letter from Naruto and a mini keychain version of Kubikiribocho. He squealed.
Naruto woke up far too late, stifling a yawn. Lie-ins were rare enough that he had no issues taking as much advantage as he could of this one. Bleary eyed, he shifted out of bed, moving towards his bathroom for a morning leak-
At which point he tripped up. Sprawled out on the floor, rubbing his head, he looked up to see what the hell he had tripped on; he was certain he hadn't left that many ramen boxes out...
His jaw dropped.
His room was awash with presents.
Boxes, cards, bags, packages, dozens of the things.
Of course there was the card from Iruka, but the Hokage had got him a box that was (upon closer inspection) full of some awesomecool three pronged kunai.
Sasuke had got him a book on Uzumaki heritage. Hinata had got him a...really familiar scarf. But there was also something from Kakashi, from Jiraiya, from Haku. His classmates as well; Ino-Shika-Cho, Tenten Lee and Sai, Kiba, Shino, Sakura. There was even a big box that, from the stamp, had come all the way from Wave, with thanks from Inari and his family. It contained a 'sample' of Wave's trade goods that Naruto was encouraged to share amongst all his friends to build publicity.
And there were apologies in the cards; people sending in their seasonal greetings with addendum's like 'I was only nasty to you because my parents told me to, but now I know why... it's just dumb. So I'm gonna stop that.' Or 'there's no way the nine tailed fox would clean my gardens with such...gusto. So I'm sorry for treating you like it.' Or 'you're not as much of an asshole as I thought you were.'
About seven cards in, Naruto dropped them from lifeless fingers, and went back to staring out at the massive collection of gifts.
Presents.
People had gotten him presents.
People cared.
He flopped down on his back, and didn't even try to stop the tears.
So, that happened. I'm sorry, I was ahead of schedule and couldn't help myself. This won't affect your regularly scheduled insanity, though, so don't worry.
Can this be canon? I'd like this to be canon. I know the official timeline has the series starting in like July but the official timeline is more contradictory and confused than an (Insert political party/Controversial individual/Change group) in a (insert chaotic/strange place).
So if I want the adventure to start at regular western school start (september) this becomes pretty plausible.
Or ignore it. Whatever.
See you Saturday for the thrilling continuation of 'a month of grinding'
