Act IV: Oh Will You Just Come Back To Konoha Already
And behind Door Number Four...
Eight years ago
"Hey." Neji didn't bother cracking an eye open. He had his Byakugan off specifically to not see his surroundings, but couldn't misinterpret the ultralight footsteps that approached him.
"Hey." Itachi replied, coming to sit down next to him. "The fuck are you doing up here?"
Neji, again, didn't open his eyes. He was laid out flat on the rooftop of some building in central Konoha, and while he hadn't really been paying attention to his surroundings, he had a rough idea of what things looked like. Dark, he supposed. His internal clock made it five-forty seven.
"Couldn't sleep at home. Too loud."
He heard Itachi tense. "If you tell me your uncle was using that fucking-"
"No." Neji cut him off. "The caged bird seal is not activated so trivially. But...it was a row."
"What about?"
"Father insulted the hidden Cloud." Neji summarised. "Big argument at the negotiating table. Hiashi is furious about it."
"Seems out of character for your dad." Itachi remarked. He had been over and met Hizashi Hyuuga more than once, and the two got along cordially.
"It is. But, well..." Neji sighed. "Father insulted the Cloud politician because the Cloud politician said-well, it's confusing, but long story short, do you remember that business we got up to in Stone? On our first mission?"
"I remember."
"This all started because of that."
It was Itachi's turn to sigh. "Are you deadass blaming yourself for this? That's a pretty tenuous connection you're making."
"But not an incorrect one."
"Oh for..." There was the distinct sound of the Uchiha slapping his forehead. "Okay. Open your eyes."
Neji scowled. "No."
"Open 'em."
"No. I'm still asleep."
"Leave your damn Byakugan off and open your freaking eyes, or I'm going to cut them open."
Neji sighed, and complied. To his surprise, it wasn't as dark as he'd thought. The sun had just started to rise, red and yellow light seeping in from the distant horizon. Itachi was sat next to him in his pyjamas. "Is that it? Did you wake me up so I could appreciate the view?"
"Kinda. Getting motivated by the beautiful sight of your village?"
"No."
"Didn't think so." Itachi pointed. "What's that?"
"That's my compound." Neji replied. The Hyuuga buildings looked as pristine as usual from this distance.
"And what's in that compound?"
"Father, mother, possibly uncle..." Neji trailed off.
"And?" Itachi encouraged.
"Hinata." Neji muttered.
"Who cannot, at age whateveritis, scamper off into the village to avoid her parents' shouting match."
"I thought you were trying to make me feel less guilty?" Neji remarked.
"I'm saying." Itachi replied, exasperating. "Maybe you should stop worrying about things that are maybe-kinda-your-fault, and pay attention to what's definitely your responsibility."
Neji sighed. Then stood up. "I'll go back and check on everyone."
"Atta boy." Itachi stood up with him.
"The treaty is going to happen on her birthday." Neji remarked. "The one between Cloud and Leaf? Nobody's going to be there for her."
"Someone will." Itachi pointed out.
Neji smiled. "Yes. I suppose you're right."
Present Day
Hinata woke up gradually, over the course of what felt like hours but was actually only ten minutes. Even after she became lucid she felt absolutely no motivation to get up, perfectly content to shift around in place and stretch a little. She usually just viewed lie-ins as wastes of valuable daylight, (the same could not be said for baths) but her duvet was feeling exceptionally comfortable today. Why...oh, right.
Team seven had gone to Hinata's compound together, unanimously deciding that they didn't want to be alone after the really hectic day, and once again Naruto's flat had been too small. A whistle-stop, joking tour of the compound had ensued, after which they had agreed not to sleep in any of the other probably haunted bedrooms, and instead set up a sleepover in one of the living rooms. They had then stolen a bunch of pillows and duvets from throughout the compound, lit the fireplace, and sent out shadow clones to scrounge snacks from destroyed shops in the village. There had been smiles, laughs, a discussion on appropriate pyjama etiquette, ("-Right, yes, nakedness is bad I'm sorry-" "-Dammit Hinata, learn basic social conventions!-") and despite Hinata having a genuinely wonderful time...there had been no karmic universal consequence for her being happy. Shocker. It was, in hindsight, an incredibly silly bias to be living under for her whole life and she was glad to be rid of it. This didn't mean she was going to slack off training, she would have to work harder in fact, but right now...
Hinata snuggled deeper into the covers and smiled. Ten more minutes. This particular pillow was turning into her new favourite; it was warm, and huggable, with nice blond hair she could-what.
"Squishy." Mumbled Naruto, pushing closer to her.
Another few seconds passed, where she considered just staying in place, before her panic overrode her other basic driving forces and she let out a yelp, followed by a mad scramble to get out of the sheets that resulted with both her and Naruto hitting the floor with a loud thump.
"What the..." He rubbed his eyes blearily. "Hinata, what's-"
"Breakfast." She said as she leapt to her feet, voice higher than usual with a blush on her cheeks. "I-ahem-was going to make breakfast. How do you like your eggs?"
"In threes." He slithered back into the covers, gathering them around himself again. "Morning Hinata. Hey, don't you have, like, servants to do that for you?"
"No." She said, casually. "It's just me."
Naruto looked at her in concern. "Alone?"
"You live alone." She got a little defensive.
"Yeah, but..." Naruto's limited social skills threw up red flags, but he pushed on. "Isn't this...where the thing happened? With the...I mean if you don't want to-"
"Yes." Hinata's voice was clipped. "This was where my clan was killed. How would you like your eggs?"
"Sorry." Naruto winced. "Nobody ever really talks about it, especially not to me, so it just..."
"It's fine." Hinata's voice had gone emotionless again, as she turned her back and moved towards the kitchen. "Neji Hyuuga, prodigy of the branch family, murdered every member of the Hyuuga clan bar me, roughly five years ago. His motivation was never confirmed, but it's believed it was a desire to test his own power and superiority, or anger at the branch system he believed was unjust. The compound was cleaned thoroughly before I moved back in. How would you like your eggs."
"I'm not hungry." Naruto shot back. "Hinata...you've been living here with no one but your family's ghosts for five years?"
"Yes." She bit out.
"...You're not okay, are you?"
"No." She whispered.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Do you..." he paused. "Do you want to come back under the covers?"
"...Yes."
He made room and she slowly walked back to the sofa, before crawling into the duvet.
"Your compound isn't really 'right next to' my house is it?" Naruto confirmed.
"No." She replied.
"Okay." He shrugged.
Hinata smiled, and snuggled closer to him.
The Hokage's funeral was a grand, if muted, affair. Pathetic fallacy had kicked in and a light drizzle fell from a dark grey sky, creating a haze of white noise in the background. Everyone wore black, and it was everyone; all of the great ninja clans had made an appearance, as well as most ninja who weren't on duty, and even a large crowd of civilians. The ANBU, in a rare breach of protocol, all allowed themselves to be seen, standing vigil atop nearby trees or buildings and silently watching the proceedings.
Sarutobi Hiruzen had been a well respected man.
"Fugaku was right about one thing." Jiraiya muttered, quietly. "This is going to cause chaos. The old man has been a staple of the ninja world for decades; now he's gone the other villages are going to start reevaluating their positions."
"Perhaps you were a bit hasty creating your 'fat porn author' persona." Kakashi replied, just as quietly. "I know you hate the Hokage job, but we're low on options. Don't suppose you have any powerful enemies you can vanquish right in sight of the whole village? Show off a little?"
"I'll see what I can do." Jiraiya cracked a smile. "Hey, I'm his student. I can probably wrangle a speech, use it as an opportunity to show myself casting off my old vices, be the ninja he wants me to be..."
"We're discussing using your mentor's funeral as a springboard for a promotion." Kakashi shook his head. "We are going straight to hell."
"And the worst part is, he'd be the first to encourage us." Jiraiya sighed. "Crazy old bastard...Aw shit, now that's two dead Hokage I'm in debt to. Great. Oh well, I'll make it up to them a better way."
"Really? How's that?"
Jiraiya just nodded across the crowd, at a trio of children stood with their heads down and hands clasped respectfully before them.
"You good, Naruto?" Sasuke muttered.
"No." Naruto said back. "Should I be?"
"Don't think so. Were you two close?"
"Dunno what I was to him." Naruto shrugged. "But he was...I didn't have anyone else, you know? I mean eventually I had you, and that was great, but for years he was the only one who actually cared about me. Still a little pissed at Jiraiya for never showing up even though he apparently knew my mum..."
"I'm sorry." Hinata told him, from his other side.
"Why's that?" He looked across at her. "You didn't do it."
"You've known what it's like to live without family. Now you know what it's like to lose one. I'm sorry I couldn't spare you it." Hinata's voice was dry.
"No I mean it's...like it's not-" Naruto sniffed once, and blinked a few times. "Well I've still got you guys, right?"
He looked sideways at them, and they both nodded.
"Whatever you need." Said Sasuke.
"Whenever you need it." Said Hinata.
Despite everything, he beamed. Before they could stop him, he reached an arm around both their shoulders and pulled them close. There was some struggling, but he was still way physically stronger than them, and eventually both relented into the team hug.
"Thanks guys. Just...thanks."
"So what now?" Sasuke asked. "What do we do now he's gone?"
Naruto looked forwards. Sarutobi Hiruzen's gravestone was a simple thing; a stone cuboid bearing his name, dates of birth and death, and a philosophical quote that could be interpreted as a sex joke if you squinted. It was no bigger than the graves of any other ninja who died defending the village. His will had demanded nothing else.
"We make him proud." Naruto decided. Then he smiled. "And then we meet whoever's keeping the hat warm for me."
One hour later
"So. Game time." Jiraiya clapped his hands together.
What Naruto was starting to call 'the squad' (Team seven, Haku, Kakashi, Jiraiya and Itachi) had convened back in Hinata's living room.
"Are we finally going to explain why I was resisting Fugaku so forcefully back in the council hall?" Hinata asked. "Because you didn't even spend thirty seconds explaining the situation. I was flying completely blind in there."
"Hinata has a point." Sasuke added. "I know you hate him bro but, well, he is my dad. I feel kinda bad."
"I have my own personal reasons." Itachi admitted. "Suffice to say I will go to great lengths to stop the Uchiha clan taking over Konoha. But if you want something more concrete, then I have something."
He reached into his pocket and drew out two pieces of paper. "Tell me, do you think any of you made chunin?"
Naruto's eyes widened. "Oh yeah! Completely forgot about that."
"I assumed the exams were cancelled." Haku mentioned.
"Not quite." Kakashi explaned. "Obviously the Naruto/Gaara match was interrupted-Even though you technically won." Naruto dropped back down into his seat, appeased. Kakashi continued. "And they aren't going to hold the final match now, but all the matches up till then still counted, and it would probably be good for publicity to have some people promoted out of this disaster."
"Problem is, who." Itachi picked up, waving the papers for emphasis. "These are the recommendations the two Kage wrote down during Naruto's fight with Gaara-which you did win, Naruto, we all believe you. One is just Hinata's and Sasuke's names in big capital letters underlined a bunch of times, but we now know that was Orochimaru. Creepy motherfucker. The other one was written by our Kage, and it lists Naruto, Sasuke, Hinata, and Shikimaru as chunin worthy."
"Kinda anti-Suna, don't you think?" Sasuke muttered.
"They invaded, they forfeit the exam." Naruto waved him off. "So, what? Does that mean we pass?"
"Nope." Itachi grimaced. "Sorry team, but the final decision goes to the hosting village's Kage. And we don't have one."
"But he just!-" Naruto flailed at the paper, before falling back into a pout. "'S not fair." He complained.
"Quite." Kakashi summarised. "The final decision will go to whoever becomes the new Kage. Now, if that's Fugaku Uchiha..."
"We're fucked." Sasuke realised, eyes wide. He pointed to his teammates. "At least, you two are fucked. He hates you both."
"We know." They chorused.
"And whether or not I pass depends entirely on how pissed he is about my stunt against Hinata...nope, not having it." Sasuke looked up to Itachi. "Who else is there?"
"Ain't that the question." Jiraiya chuckled.
"Well, father did a decent job of outlining the requirements." Itachi explained. "Most important is to be powerful, Kage-level powerful, able to beat up groups of jonin at once. They need to be intelligent, though that isn't entirely important as they can cede decisions to their staff or the council if they have to. In fact most records imply the first Hokage wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed." (Naruto started whistling All Star. Sasuke slapped him.) "And they need to be well known. Appointing a nobody to the position will warrant dismissal and disrespect. So other than Fugaku, option one is..." Itachi sighed. "Me. I'm strong enough, clever enough, well known enough. I don't want to be Hokage, but that's hardly a deciding factor. The problem with me being that the only way they'd choose me over father is...well, it'd be messy. Very messy. Option two..."
"Me." Jiraiya held up a hand. "I'm a sannin, so everyone knows me, and I've been running a spy ring for the past twenty odd years, so I'm sharp enough. Problem is, I spent those twenty odd years pretending to be a fat drunken old pervert."
"Pretending?"
"Oi! Can it, whiskers!" Jiraiya took a swipe at Naruto, who ducked out of the way. "But yes, my reputation is soured somewhat. The clans would think I'm a joke. And it would probably be good for me to maintain that spy ring I just mentioned, which I can't do as Kage."
"You want a turn?" Sasuke nodded at Kakashi.
He snorted, which did weird things to his half mask. "Me as Hokage? I'm good, but I'm not-" he paused. "Okay, I am that good. I'm tactical minded, and I'm up there in the bingo book...sure, why not. Option three; Kakashi. But i wouldn't be as good as these two, and even Fugaku would be a tough fight for me."
"If I may." Haku raised a hand. "Am I currently sat in the room with three of Konoha's strongest ninja?"
The trio looked at each other.
"Probably the three strongest, yeah." Kakashi agreed.
"Oh good. Just wanted to confirm that." Haku sat back down, significantly paler.
"Anyway, continuing with the Sannin theme," Jiraiya continued. "Option four, Orochimaru." Everyone made a face. "Yeah...better than Fugaku though?"
"Maybe." Itachi allowed.
"You really hate that guy don't you? But as I said before, everyone knows the Sannin, and there's one we haven't brought up yet. Option five; the lady Tsunade."
The adults in the room stopped for a moment to consider it.
"I know her." Hinata mentioned. "I remember once she beat my father in a taijutsu spar. While drunk."
"Sounds about right." Jiraiya chuckled to himself, obviously reminiscing. "See while I pretend to be a total waste of space, Tsunade is actually a drunken gambling addict. Upside is, because she's not putting it on as a cover less people know about it, so her reputation isn't completely ruined. Downside is, well, she's a drunken gambling addict."
"And we want her to be Hokage?" Naruto wrinkled his nose. "Is that a good idea?"
"I know her." Defended Jiraiya. "If we get her in the office she'll do the job. And she's a big enough presence that if she shows up, Fugaku will have to back down. Tsunade's probably our best hope."
"Where's the but." Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"You're the butt."
"Shut up Naruto."
"The but is that I don't know where she is, officially. I can find her, but it'll take me a few weeks." Jiraiya warned.
"Then get going." Itachi prompted. "Father has momentum and influence, if we can't provide an alternative people will feel pressured to pick someone."
"Them they'll pick me." Hinata assured, confidently. "I'll continue my opposition. I know plenty of incredibly immoral negotiation and manipulation techniques, and I know the law. You'll have as long as you need."
"Important point." Jiraiya raised a finger, before pointing it to a certain one of the seated. "Naruto's coming with me."
"I am?"
"He is?"
"Never split the party." Sasuke shook his head. "We need to keep together. Why should he go with you?"
"Your camaraderie is appreciated." Kakashi noted, dryly. "But Jiraiya has good reason."
"Yeah..." the old ninja chuckled. "So, reason one, we're probably going to need some talk no jutsu."
Naruto blinked. "You guys do realise that isn't an actual thing, right? I just-"
"Yes it is." Chorused everyone else in the room.
"And reason two, well, if he stays he might be inviting the destruction of Konoha."
"What?"
"Black cloaks. Red clouds." Jiraiya said, darkly. The adults in the room went silent.
"...Violets are blue?" Naruto added, hesitantly.
"You think the Akatsuki's after Naruto?" Asked a shocked Kakashi, but Jiraiya ignored him, staring at the children with hard eyes.
"If you see anyone wearing black cloaks with red clouds, you run. Immediately. You run to the closest out of the people we just listed and you pray you're allowed to escape."
"They're that bad? Orochimaru was on that list." Naruto gulped.
Jiraiya nodded. "Orochimaru doesn't have any interest in you. The Akatsuki want to take out your tailed beast."
"That sounds like a good thing."
"By killing you."
"Oh."
"If he's in the village, he can't always be within a few metres of you." Jiraiya told the other adults. "But I can keep him close to me, at least while we see if they want to try anything. Old man Hiruzen was one hell of a deterrent."
"Then we'll come too-" Sasuke started to get out of his seat, but Itachi held up a hand.
"You and Hinata are needed here. If he gets back and you've let Fugaku be elected, he'll have wasted his trip."
"Then I'll go." Haku declared. Everyone looked at him, and he shrugged. "What? I don't have any reason to be here. And Tsunade's a medical ninja; I'd be interested to learn some of what she knows."
"Aren't you supposed to be under a restraining order?" Kakashi pointed out.
"I haven't had a breakdown in weeks." Defended the Mist ninja.
"Fair enough." Shrugged Kakashi, before bitterly remarking "Hey, at least we don't have to clear it with the Hokage."
The next morning
Naruto, Jiraiya, and Haku met at the village's entrance. "You not going to say goodbye to your team?" The sannin asked.
"Nah, they're still talking to a shadow clone of me." The nine-tails grinned cheekily. "Figured I'd leave them someone to talk to over the next few weeks."
"Atta boy!" Jiraiya turned on his heel. "Now, we're going to run it from here to the next village, but after then we'll be slowing down. Make it more obvious we aren't a threat, and it gives me time to check up on my intelligence network."
"Got it." Naruto stretched,, shouldering his bag. "You sure you want to do this old man? You might not be able to keep up with us."
Jiraiya sighed forlornly and put a hand to his forehead. "Alas, you have a point. I suppose I-" and then he was gone.
Naruto glanced at Haku, then off down the road, where a trail of dust carried into the middle distance. "We probably should have expected that." Haku pointed out.
They both took off running.
"Trust me, Kisame." Said Neji Hyuuga, watching Naruto leave the village. "I can see him with my Byakugan. He's definitely still in the village."
And that's that.
The search for Tsunade begins, and this time under much more pressure. Just in time, too, as the Akatsuki waltzes into Konoha like it's no big deal.
I hope I did a good enough job outlining the 'Kage race', and everybody's motives going into it. We all know why Itachi doesn't want the Uchiha to take over, though his friends in the squad don't.
To those of you who don't like the 'filler' chapters, don't worry. I'll never release them instead of the weekly chapters, just as a bonus midweek when I have free time. You're not the only ones who get annoyed at Naruto's slow ass pacing, some of the 'arcs' from the show I've got through in like 5 chapters, especially if I skip the fights that are just the same as in the show.
I get the feeling you don't want to see exact repeats but in written form, so I'm trying to keep the variance pretty high.
