Training Montage #5: Rasen-against time

Day one

"You realise you're doomed, right?" Haku was leaned against a tree, watching Naruto. They had vacated the village, and found their way to a valley a few miles out. Here was where Naruto would perform a feat that would rank him leagues above one of Konoha's strongest Kage...or fall flat on his face.

"Two years is what it took Jiraiya to learn the Rasengan. Namikaze Minato, the fourth Hokage? One of the strongest Kage ever? Sixteen months to develop it. And you want to divide that time by about a hundred?"

"Nah." Naruto shook his jacket off his shoulders, leaving him in his 'training gear' (which was his usual gear but without his jacket) "I'm gonna, like, multiply it by three."

"...How?" Haku asked.

"Number one!" Naruto held up a finger, stretching. "The fourth and my dad probably didn't spend every second of every day training the Rasengan, they'll have spent most of that time sleeping, working, ninja-ing and Hokage-ing. So I can catch up a little there."

"...Oka-"

"Number two!" Naruto put his hands together. "I can do this! Multi shadow clone jutsu!"

There was a very large puff of smoke. Roughly eighty Naruto appeared in the clearing.

"Ah." Haku acknowledged, doing the math. "That might help a little."

"Alright suckers!" Naruto prime shouted. "You all know what you're doing! Let's get to work!"


"You are a lot more confident about this than you were yesterday evening." Tsunade remarked, strolling alongside Jiraiya. "Know something I don't?"

"Tell me, lady Tsunade." He began, putting on an air of scholarship she'd heard dozens of times throughout their time as a team. She hated it. "What do you know about the shadow clone jutsu?"

"Makes tangible copies, splits your chakra, they act like you, and you get the memories back after." She recited. "Uncle Tobirama made it, Minato and Hiruzen were big fans. What about it?"

"Naruto uses it all the time." Jiraiya continued. "But I've noticed something strange about how his work. You mentioned that they act like you. Care to elaborate?"

"They have your mind." Tsunade shrugged. "They know they're summons, so they do what you'd want, and they act exactly how you would."

"True for most people." Jiraiya agreed. "Not for Naruto."

"What? How do you mean?" Tsunade would never admit it, but she was genuinely curious.

"Naruto's clones don't flinch." He explained. "They don't care about pain. They don't get bored or lose concentration. They're more precise in taijutsu, and have faster reaction times. They don't have any qualms about sacrificing themselves, and they don't make stupid mistakes."

"Not possible." She dismissed. "Shadow clones can't be better than the original by definition, they're an exact copy."

"Ah, but they aren't 'better', my dear." Jiraiya replied, grinning cheekily. "Allow me to explain. Any normal person, even if they know how to do something like, say, hit a target with a kunai, will still show some variation from throw to throw, and sometimes they'll mess up. Naruto's clones don't do that. They'd hit the target dead centre every single time, even when the real version would get it wrong."

"But...that doesn't make any sense." Tsunade tried to recall back when she'd learned the technique. (the chakra splitting interfered with her strength of a hundred seal, so she never used it.) "You're saying they can do everything physically and mentally possible for Naruto, even if he doesn't usually manage it. But their brain is a carbon copy of his. They should be indistinguishable."

"But they aren't." Jiraiya chuckled. "If Naruto had learned shadow clones the orthodox way, I imagine his clones would be perfectly normal. But in learning the hardest version of it with zero context from a forbidden scroll, he doesn't have any of the preconceptions the rest of us have. And no offence to the kid, but he isn't smart enough to think about the psychology for himself. 'Of course my clones don't care about boredom or pain. Of course they don't mess up their hand seals, or get distracted. I might, but why would they? They're clones!'"

"The placebo effect." Tsunade realised. "Or rather it's absence. Whether or not they think they're able, they always do their very best, because why wouldn't they..."

She looked across at him. "I take it your shadow clones don't do this?"

"Nope." Jiraiya shook his head. "Still normal. With a few months of mantras, psychology lessons and epiphanies, this might be teachable to your average jonin. Uzumaki Naruto did it accidentally."

Tsunade realised she was actually getting interested, and quickly and viciously clamped down on it. "Well, so what?" She dismissed. "He's got one or two shadow clones that are smarter than usual. That isn't gonna let him...why are you laughing?"

"He..." Jiraiya was guffawing. "He can do a bit more than two!"

"What, then? Ten?"

"Higher."

"Twenty?"

"Higher."

"Fifty?"

"Over a hundred at his max, without the Kyuubi." Jiraiya finally relented, grinning from ear to ear. "Several hundred, if not a thousand, if he gets angry and draws on it."

Tsunade gaped at the sheer amount of power in the boy. "Oh. Fuck."

"Exactly. And he's got twelve years of experience dealing with a Kyuubi in his head, which nicely limbers his brain up for getting dozens of different sets of memories at once."

"You...you actually think he can do it." Tsunade realised. Then she realised something else. "You knew the whole time he'd have a chance. You thought that I'd be more likely to accept the bet if you...acted like you hated the idea...Jiraiya you manipulative bastard!"

"Hehehehehe-"

She swung for a punch, he ducked, and then she went in for a grapple. The struggle began, two old geezers fighting over nothing in particular.

It was just like old times.


Day two

"So, why paralysis specifically?" Asked Shizune, leading through some of her files.

"I've...had issues with it once or twice." Haku admitted, standing a respectful distance back. "Both dealing and receiving."

"Poison?" Tsunade' assistant asked.

"Pressure point trauma."

"Ooh, nasty." The woman heaved down a large folder and dropped it on the table, blowing some dust off the cover. "Here are my lady's manuscripts on the subject...actually hold on, I should probably get her tenketsu charts out as well."

Haku found Shizune comfortable to be around. She was patient, compassionate, kind, and utterly hopeless in combat. With the exception of his patients, Haku rarely had cause to hang around someone he definitely could kill at a moment's notice, but had no intention to.

It was relaxing.

He was fucked up.

"Does Tsunade use these very often?" He asked, wiping some more dust off one of the pages.

"Not really." Shizune sighed. "My lady doesn't practice much anymore. Most of it she just knows, and there aren't many cases serious enough for her to pull out the more complex stuff. Occasionally she'll feel guilty enough and heal someone, or she'll feel guilty enough and pull something out to teach me, but..."

"A lot of guilt." Haku noted.

"Yeah..." Shizune smiled. "If I'm being honest, this is probably the best mood I've seen her in in years. Uh, don't tell her I said that."

"Too late." Shizune winced as Tsunade flicked her on the ear, walking up from behind her. Haku was slightly worried by the way the woman had managed to sneak up on them. "You think I'm getting rusty? Shizune have these doubts always been lurking in the back of your mind?"

"I...no...I mean I-"

"It's fine." Tsunade laughed it off, sitting down next to her and squinting down at the papers. "Paralysis, tenketsu, neurotoxins...Kami, this is a mess. Who wrote this? They must have been drunk."

Shizune coughed. "You did, ma'am."

"Oh, yeah. Well it needs rewriting by someone actually intelligent. And sober." The Sannin looked up.

"So, little mister androgynous."

"Haku."

"Whatever. You wanna learn how to cure this?"

"And cause it."

"Atta boy! Well, here's what you really need to know..."


Day three

"~we're losing groooound~"

"~I knooooow~"

Sasuke and Hinata, in synchronisation, paced around Hinata's living room.

"Most of the clans who's kids were in our class are in agreement that Dad's an asshole." Sasuke grumbled. "But that doesn't mean everyone. Apparently he's making incredibly generous offers to clans that will support his campaign. Of course, once he becomes Hokage he can do whatever he wants and his promises won't mean jack shit."

"I never realised how many small clans there were until I had to try and account for all of them." Hinata gestured vaguely with her hands. "It's like herding cats trying to account for them all! It's like herding Toras!"

Sasuke shuddered at the image. "Our best opportunities are when all the clans meet, we can talk to all of them at once. But it also gives Dad more opportunities to extol his own virtues, and stress more people out. And obviously, the longer passes without a kage..."

"People get bored of our shouting, and they get more impatient about a decision." Hinata sighed, and dropped down into a seat to massage her temples. "How's Itachi?"

"Still asleep." Sasuke replied. "Medic-nin say he's stable, but they have no idea how long until he wakes up."

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

They were silent for a time.

"Where's Naruto's shadow clone?" Hinata asked.

"Researching." Sasuke told her, then, when she made an incredulous look, "yeah, I know. Apparently he gets new memories and chakra every hour or so from Naruto Prime and he's pissed off he can't help training, so he's trying to look up useful info in the library." Sasuke paused. "He says he feels unstable, like he might just pop at any moment. Kakashi said that could happen, right? A shadow clone's chakra coils will eventually break down."

"Well I hope Naruto Prime enjoys the memories of us moping and being stressed."

"Was...was that a joke?"

"Perhaps." Hinata smiled slightly. "I just hope he comes back soon."

"Yeah, me too, Hinata. Me too."


Itachi saw white. His body was visible, but his surroundings were nothing but a sheer blankness with no shadows, curves or imperfections. He could hear nothing, smell, taste and feel nothing. His internal clock told him it had been over two weeks. A civilian, one without Itachi's extensive training in genjutsu and mental fortitude, would have gone insane.

"This is fucking boring." He remarked.


Day four

"Alright, that will be twelve Ryo." Said the cashier, adding up the total on the machine, then with wide eyes, "Oh! Looks like you've won our ten-thousandth customer prize! That gives you fifty percent off on your next shop! Lucky you!"

"Yeah." Tsunade grit her teeth. "Lucky."

It was on the way home that it happened.

"Well well well, the famous Lady Tsunade relegated to making shopping trips. How the mighty have fallen."

Tsunade groaned, and turned round. "You? Really? Are we going for a full on Sannin reunion?"

Orochimaru chuckled, appearing out of the shadows of a nearby building. "Oh, is Jiraiya here too? How adorable. I'd pay him a visit, but frankly I'm not certain I'd win in my present condition."

"Oh? Good. In that case..." Tsunade dropped her shopping and stalked forwards, cracking her knuckles.

"Peace, Tsunnie." The snake Sannin sighed. "I'm not here for a fight."

"Do I care?" Tsunade growled. "You know I hate that nickname. Also, you murdered the old man."

Orochimaru shrugged. "A little. He was dying anyway. Old people do that. I'm working on fixing the whole death thing, don't you worry-"

"Why. The fuck. Are you here." Tsunade deadpanned.

"Right, of course." Orochimaru grimaced, and held his arms out. Tsunade looked at them, and grimaced back. "Nasty."

"Quite." He drawled. The arms did look horrible. White skin had turned dark and splotchy, and was peeling in places. "The old man did this as a parting gift. He used a half successful reaper death seal on me, how thoughtful of him. Fix it."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

Tsunade shook her head at his sheer audacity. "Rochi, darling, I have literally zero reason to do that as opposed to splatter your face over that wall. Which I'm about to do in ten seconds, unless you start talking some sense."

"I can bring your boyfriend and brother back to life."

Tsunade's heart stopped.

Started again.

"Cute." She replied. "Five seconds, and now I'm pissed off."

"I'm not lying, Tsunade." Orochimaru's gaze was piercing. "I can give you both of them. Alive, sane, and in decent enough condition."

"Uh-huh." She raised an eyebrow. "Is this gonna be like that time you said you could revive Jiraiya's dog, and then when you gave it to him it was a brain-dead zombie?"

"Ye of little faith." Orochimaru smiled at her. "Rest assured, they'll be real. I have a technique that lets me genuinely call their souls from the other side. They'll be a bit flaky and possibly smelly, but it'll be them. No catch, no conditions."

"Rochi." She said. "That's the most incredibly suspicious thing I've ever heard."

"Oh but that's what makes it fun!"

"I'd need proof."

"And I'd give it. I'd need proof you can fix my arms."

"Well unless you can find another person who's had the spirit ripped out of their limbs, and that's not an encouragement to do so, then I can't give it." She smiled sweetly. "I suppose you'll just have to trust me. Assuming I can trust you first."

"How about this." Orochimaru offered. "We meet tomorrow morning. I bring back one of your beloveds (I'll let you pick which one) and you confirm I've actually done so properly. Then you heal me, and I reanimate the second. Deal?"

Tsunade thought.

Orochimaru stood, and smiled.

"If you betray me." She told him. "Only one of us will be leaving alive."

Orochimaru, the fucking creep, licked his lips. "My dear, you know I wouldn't have it any other way."


Gotta love montages. If this were the anime we'd have three different mini-sidequests. I think we did, actually. Wasn't there a chase with Shizune and some loan sharks...ah whatever.

Naruto's use of the 'spam shadow clones to solve problems' technique is getting used much earlier on, and the Sannin all start to meet up with each other. Brief look into Itachi's coma and things are getting worse back at Konoha.

Next chapter, things come to a head. BIG fight time.