~5 Years before graduation

The moon was full, and bright, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky to get in the way of it's gleam, casting a pale white light over all of Konoha.

Itachi glared at it. Stop snitchin, motherfucker. We couldn't get a dark night for this? Some mist to hide in? C'mon.

The moon didn't respond. The eldest Uchiha scion knew damn well he was being ridiculous to try and distract himself, but given what he was distracting himself from he was gonna damn well let himself. Let's see how long we can delay the oncoming panic attack, huh?

There was the tiniest whisper of noise, and Hyuuga Neji appeared next to him in the gardens of the Hyuuga compound.

"Done?" Itachi asked.

"Done." Neji replied. "Hinata's asleep. I moved her out of her parents' room; the ANBU will find her passed out on the sofa."

"And everyone else is-"

"Yeah."

Itachi blew out a breath. Delaying it, delaying the breakdown, don't think about the murder- "We have about three minutes until the alarm is raised. Ideally we need to be a good distance into the forest by then. You got everything?"

"Everything." Neji nodded, shouldering a large, padded rucksack.

Knowing Neji would be doing the same, Itachi took a brief look at the rucksack with his dojutsu, getting an inventory of what his partner had decided to bring so that they'd know what to scavenge for later...

and stopped.

"Neji."

The Hyuuga winced. "Itachi."

"Is that what I think it is."

White eyes narrowed. "I couldn't...If I left-"

"I know, but what the hell are we going to do about it?"

"I don't know." Neji grimaced, keeping a tight control over his voice. "I was just thinking. Do you still have Shisui's eye?"

Itachi stilled. Nodded.

"Is it...I don't know what to say, 'charged'?"

"It can be used, yeah. But out of Shisui, the cooldown on it will be just shy of ten years."

"Well unless you have anyone else you particularly need to mind control..?"

Neji left the question hanging, but Itachi shook his head.

"I'll explain the plan on the way. Trust me."

The Uchiha sighed. "Alright then. Let's hustle. I reckon we have about a week in which I can realistically be 'chasing you' before things get suspicious."

"Then lets see what we can get done."

Without another word, the two vanished into the night.

Two minutes later, the alarm was raised on the greatest tragedy to befall Konoha since the Kyuubi attack seven years prior.


Act V: Everything Starts To Happen All At Once

Everybody Is Here


Suna was hot.

This was something Sasori of the Red Sand had heard said quite a lot.

He had experienced it himself, in fact; growing up in the Hidden Sand village he'd had plenty of time himself to curse the blazing sun, or the freezing nights. Of course, nowadays he didn't feel anything at all unless he built a puppet specifically for it (not usually worth it) and especially not through the puppet body that was currently strolling past the corpses of a few nameless Suna shinobi. He looked up into the sky, where Deidara was having the most fun he'd had in ages battling with the Ichibi's Jinchurriki. Massive plumes of sand flew through the air, grasping for the large clay birds circling round them and attempting to get through the nigh impenetrable defences. Ordinarily Sasori would have been more than comfortable letting his partner do his thing, but when he began to hear explosions that didn't coincide with Deidara's attacks, he decided to intervene.

My my my. How enterprising of Suna.

Turrets were dotted across Suna's high walls. Large constructs firing upwards at the battle in the sky, peppering Deidara's birds with flak fire. Irksome. Shrugging the puppet's shoulders, Sasori revealed it's claws and dug them into the walls, clambering up the sandstone structures until he was stood next to one of the turrets. It was trivial to whip out a chakra thread and tear off one of the plates, revealing it's occupant...or lack thereof. The turret didn't have a cockpit, but continued firing completely automatically, ignoring Sasori completely. No, not automatically. Remote controlled.

Well well well...

He latched more wires onto the construct.


In a room far beneath the battle in Suna, a blindfolded boy felt one of his eyes up above go dark, as his link to it was severed.

Kankuro tightened his grips on the strings.


A shell based on the explosive tag technology, and a wind release fire mechanism. Not bad.

It had taken Sasori a few seconds to understand the "puppet"'s inner workings, after which he immediately turned it and fired it at the other artillery. That certainly got their attention. As one, the turrets all turned away from the sky battle and trained themselves on him.

His was quickly destroyed by a barrage of fire.

This is fun.

He set his sights on the next nearest turret, which was when his artificial ears picked up someone landing on the wall behind him.

"I don't know who you are," A girl's voice said, "but you've just smashed one of my brother's toys, and he is going to be pissed about it."

Sasori smiled. "Sabaku no Temari, unless I'm mistaken." He turned around. "These are Kankuro's work, then? I'll have to-"

"EWW!"

"...pay him a visit."

"What the fuck even are you!" The blonde kunoichi stared at him, aghast.

"Um. Sasori of the red-"

"Yeah no shit, but Kami!" Temari shook her head. "You look horrifying!"

"I...really?"

"You look like Bane crossed with the hunchback of Notre dame!"

"I...what?"

"Read books. You look like Darth Malak mated with a Zabrak, like violently."

"Well that's obscure."

"Oh no wait, is that meant to be a beard?" Temari squinted at him. "Oh I thought it was a mask. Never mind. You look like the ladies from monty python and the holy grail. You know the ones who put the fake beards on so they can stone a guy. Are you a girl? If so, you poor soul."

There was another explosion from up above them.

Sasori sighed. "Look, I have to go destroy more turrets, are you going to stand there and insult me or am I going to kill you?"

"Neither." Temari drew her fan. "I'm gonna beat your ass and take you in for questioning."

"Aww." Sasori crooned. "You go, little genin! Don't let anyone tell you what you can't do!"

"I'm a jonin."

"Oh wow, they're just letting anyone in nowadays-"

Temari swept her fan forwards, blasting a small hurricane of sharp wind at him.

The scythes tore into his puppet body, splitting it into almost a dozen different pieces and spreading him across the top of the wall. He lay still.

"Huh." Temari shrugged. "That was...not what I expected." She walked forwards, cautiously.

She almost didn't notice, but just as she reached the remnants, another explosion from up above that highlighted the glints of chakra threads still connecting the individual parts.

Temari was a jonin, the moment she noticed she leapt upwards and away, but it wasn't fast enough.

Out of one of Sasori's back parts, a large metal tail launched out and darted towards her, drawing a thin line of blood across one of her legs. She landed, and watched as the chakra threads tightened, and he rebuilt himself.

"A puppet." She sighed. "Should have expected that really." One hand absently scratched her leg where he had caught her. "You go for the surprise attack and that's the best you can do?"

"It was enough." Sasori shrugged, walking away.

"Hey, where do you-" Temari paused. "Oh shit, poison. Right."

Her legs buckled underneath her and she crumpled to the floor.

Amused by the encounter, Sasori continued walking.

It wasn't long, after that. The remaining turrets were quickly rendered useless as a wide plume of sand poured up from the desert, covering the entire village. The reason for that was made clear a moment later, when a gigantic boom echoed across the sands. And that means we'll be done relatively quickly.

Sasori took a moment to look out across the village. Looking up in shock, saved by their Kage.

Not knowing that they were going to be conquered by this time next year.

The first step. Beware world. The Akatsuki is here to show you real power.

"You said that aloud, you know." Deidara remarked, floating down on one of his clay birds.

"You didn't hear anything."

"Hey, at least you're better than Pain. Guy monologues everywhere he goes. Now hop on, before their ANBU realise what's happening."


It was a beautiful day in the forests outside of Konoha. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming.

On days like these, kids...well, they certainly shouldn't be stood on tree branches facing off against each other.

"I have returned." The one uttered, solemnly. He was a mid teen now, but you wouldn't guess it by looking at him. He was significantly better built than anyone his age had the right to, owing to the intense physical training he'd undergone. His clothing was no longer completely orange; just mostly, with black highlights and a red spiral on his back. White fur had made its way into the cuffs and shoulders. His eyes (for now, at least) were a bright twinkling blue, and his blond hair had grown out a little. Two tufts of it sprouted up on his head in a way that might be confused with animal ears from a distance.

"So it would seem." Responded the other. His clothes were black and tight, with a high collar around his neck. He hardly seemed to have put on any muscle at all; his frame was thin, lithe, and tall (though, he noticed with annoyance, not as tall anymore as the boy across from him.) Everything about him looked sharp, from his face to his black hair to the spikes on his bracers. His eyes had no visible colour at all, before they swirled into red circles with three black tomoe within them. "It has been a long time, Uzumaki Naruto."

"So it has." Uttered the blond. "My separation has made me stronger, Uchiha Sasuke."

"Is that so?" The dark haired boy's hand fell to the sword at his hip. A finger slid the end of it free of its sheath. "Prove it."

With nary a blur Sasuke had vanished, and immediately appeared right in front of Naruto with his sword having already completed a lethal slash.

The Naruto shadow clone popped.

Entirely unsurprised, Sasuke looked around, awaiting the inevitable clone dogpile, then was forced to jump away as the tree in front of him shattered into dozens of tiny projectiles.

Naruto (having done nothing but punch it) charged out after it towards Sasuke. They collided midair with a slam, and broke out into a chaotic melee.

Sasuke's dexterity was almost overwhelming, but Naruto had spent a long time training with Jiraiya to capitalise on his particular strengths, like using his ridiculous physical power to smash the surroundings apart and keep Sasuke at a distance.

Sasuke was perfectly happy with that as well, falling back and hurling shuriken at an incredible rate. Their indecipherable patterns inevitably caught Naruto; he grimaced as one dug into his shoulder, but quickly vanished as a different Naruto appeared in his place, and then that one vanished the moment a blade touched it.

Now the shadow clone swarm began in earnest, dozens leaping out from the foliage to assault Sasuke. He didn't move, continuing to produce an inordinate amount of bladed objects and throwing them in every direction. Not one of the Naruto was able to reach him.

Huffing in annoyance, the team changed tack, and after a few shouts a powerful gust of wind picked up all the kunai and flung them back at their source.

Sasuke easily sidestepped most of them and responded with his own hand seals. "Fire style! Great fireball jutsu!"

"Wind style!" Naruto countered. "Shredding gale jutsu!"

The extent of their training became quite evident; two massive elemental blasts hurtled towards each other.

Only to collide into a massive sheet of ice.


Exactly three hours later than he was scheduled to, Kakashi arrived in the clearing.

"Now I know you all must miss me; but please, save your adulation for-" he paused.

The clearing was empty.


Sasuke and Naruto analysed the newcomer.

The ice wall, smashed by the jutsu from both sides, collapsed into pieces, and the figure stood atop it fell gracefully to the floor between them.

"That is all either of you are capable of?" They mused. "And here I was with high expectations."

Their black hair was tied into a long ponytail that fell down to their hips, shinobi code for 'I'm so good at taijutsu I don't care that I'm giving you something to grab'. They wore short white shorts and a light blue sleeveless top, and their headband (strangely bearing the twin symbols of both Leaf and Mist) was around their neck as a choker. Large brown eyes stared at the other two in the clearing.

Yuki Haku, despite three years of puberty, still looked like an attractive girl.

All three suddenly moved, Haku flinging senbon in both directions and jumping away.

Naruto slid under them while Sasuke pursued, swiping them out of the air with his sword and moving to within striking distance.

There was a flash, and he was trapped within a prison of ice mirrors. More needles rained towards him, but he was able to deflect all of the projectiles from the air with little effort.

Oh the outside, Naruto reached one hand out to the side and began marshalling his chakra. "Wrecking Rasengan!" He shouted. The spinning blue sphere formed in his palm, but then slipped out of it, still attached to Naruto through the presence of golden chains that wrapped around the ball, distorting its surface into a spiked mess.

Naruto let the chains extend to a few metres and span, swinging the rasengan in a circle before slamming it into the ice prison. The chakra suppressing qualities of the adamantine combined with the rasengan's inherent destructive power smashed through one side of the prison and out the other, sending shards of ice littering everywhere. Naruto didn't pay it anymore attention, he rushed inside, grabbed Sasuke and bodily threw him backwards, ramming him into a tree. Sasuke opened his eyes and stared at Naruto, Sharingan flashing. For a moment he froze in place, which was long enough for Haku to jump from the remaining mirrors and drop on top of him, pinning him to the floor.

That snapped Naruto out of it. He bucked, forcing Haku upwards, but the ninja summoned a large spike of ice and force it down.

That was interrupted by a chittering sound.

Sasuke blitzed in, chidori glinting with lightning, and he struck forwards with it, blowing the ice spear into pieces.

All three combatants separated, forming a triangle in the clearing (that they had just created) and staring at each other warily.

"I could do more but my strongest powers damage my eyes every time I use them." Sasuke admitted.

"I could do more but I don't trust the Kyuubi enough to sicc him on you." Naruto admitted.

"I could do more but if I start using Tsunade's seal before it's matured it will degrade and waste all my effort." Haku admitted.

They paused and looked at each other.

"...Put this on hold for now?" Naruto suggested.

"Agreed." The other two replied.

Then they all ran at each other and competed in a different way; namely, who could crush the others the most in a big three way hug.

"Kami I've missed you guys-"

"It's been ages-"

"Four fucking years-"

There were grins all around and much hearty backslapping before the three separated again.

"Have you two not been near each other?" Naruto asked, pointing his finger between them. "I thought you were both still here?"

"I spent most of it off with Itachi." Sasuke shrugged.

"And I was in hidden Mist for a lot of it." Haku explained. "The rest I spent training medical ninjutsu with Tsunade and Sakura."

"Oh yeah, Sakura. How's she?"

"Significantly more competent." Haku summarised. "She's a healer-slash-person-who-punches-things-really-hard. Plus she and Ino have gotten over their crush on you, Sasuke."

"Oh thank goodness." He visibly relaxed. "They've grown out of that?"

"...Sorta?"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Explain."

"Ino clearly still has a thing for effeminate boys with dark hair, because she can't seem to decide whether to chase after me or Sai." Haku pondered. "We're considering sharing her."

"How much of Konoha have you two seduced at this point?" Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"About...a quarter of the people our age?"

"Great. Is Sai still working for his dark master?"

"Yes, but this one time he avoided killing a child because he thought it would upset me, so we're making progress."

"Speaking of progress." Sasuke turned on Naruto. "You'd better have made some. You're telling me you couldn't visit once in four years?"

"I sent letters!" Naruto defended. "Me and Jiraiya were in the wilderness for the whole time, I had to send shadow clones into town for food. It was a good idea, too, because I razed the entire surrounding kilometre like three times. And speaking of..." he turned to glare at nothing in particular. "Hey, fluffles! Why didn't you help me out against Sasuke's genjutsu just then?"

Sasuke and Haku exchanged confused glances.

"Yeah okay so you haven't technically agreed to do it yet but-" Naruto paused. "No, no, it wasn't 'just a childish game' this was me showings off my new skills, you don't want me to look weak, do you?"

"Hey Naruto, bud, are you doing okay?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He said, turning back to them. "Sorry, uncooperative bijuu."

His eyes lit up. "Wait. I haven't had Ichiraku ramen in years! It's going to taste amazing! Cmon, my treat!"

"I'm down." Sasuke shrugged.

"I'd like a chance to catch up properly." Agreed Haku.

Finally reunited, the trio began their walk back into-

"What the hell are you all doing?"

They turned.

Kakashi was stood there glaring at them.

"Oh, hey." Sasuke greeted him. "'Sup. Did you want to come too?"

"We were supposed to do a bell test." Kakashi deadpanned. "Five hours ago."

"Ah." Sasuke made a contrite face. "Our bad. It's just-"

"I got lost on the road of life." Haku excused.

"I got caught up in the great squirrel war." Naruto nodded shamefully.

"And I was busy thinking up excuses." Sasuke finished. "Terribly sorry. Won't happen again."

"Witty." Kakashi replied. "But you do realise that if you can't get the bells we can't form up as a new team-"

"What, these bells?" Sasuke reached into his pocket and pulled out a jingling pair.

"Exactly, tho-" Kakashi paused. Shoved one hand in his pocket. "When did you take those."

"Hours ago." Sasuke snorted. He held his hand up, and got hi fives from his two friends. "So are you coming, or what?"

"I'm getting you back for this. But, free food is free food." Kakashi sighed, shoved his hands into his pockets, smiled behind his mask, and followed the three into the village proper.


Underneath Suna, two jonin burst into one of the lowest rooms. "Sir!" One shouted. "The Akatsuki! They-"

"Did you find my brother?" Kankuro snapped.

They looked at each other and gulped. "No sir. The Kazekage is missing."

The chakra threads spreading out from Kankuro's hands tightened. "And my sister?"

"T-Temari was poisoned by one of the attackers, she's currently in critical con-"

Both winced as something upstairs exploded loudly. "Continue." Kankuro prompted.

"Sir." One of them coughed after a moment. "You're the highest ranking ninja in the village. What do we do?"

Kankuro sighed. At once, the strings all severed themselves, and he stood up. "What we've been trying to avoid doing for years. Someone patch me through to Konoha."


Back in black!

Hit the sack!

Everybody's talking smack!

Wack!

Shippuden begins (as it should) with a bunch of explosions. Mild character redesigns, Haku is still prettier than any of us will ever be, and Gaara's battle with Deidara goes about the same as it did in canon. With the exception of, well, cannons. Kankuro's done fucking around.

Next week, we head ourselves off to Sandland, and I get to flex my 'same battle as canon but I try to keep it interesting' muscles. Let's see how that goes!