Act VII: Prelude to War
"The history of the world of the ninja is littered with events that can be considered 'of great importance'. It would impossible for such events not to come to pass, when individuals with the power to slay hundreds interact on a day to day basis. However, there are much fewer events that can be said to have changed the world in a noticeable way. Many might cite the creation of Konoha as one of those; its effects on the world were undeniable. Others may propose the destruction of the Kannabi bridge during the Third Great Ninja War, or the following Kyuubi attack on the hidden Leaf village. However, when considering events that had the most dramatic effect in international affairs, there is only one that comes to mind. An event resulting in changes in leadership, changes in policy, the discovery of a worldwide conspiracy, and ultimately the formation of the battle lines for the Fourth Great Ninja War. This event is, of course, the Akatsuki Five Kage Summit, or as it would come to be known...
-Torune Aburame, 'A Historical Analysis'
The Kage Civil War #1
"So, let me get this straight." Hinata confirmed, hair whipping back behind her. "You couldn't use the rasenkunai at range, so your solution was to coat it in Amaterasu and use Kagutsuchi to force it to maintain its shape?"
"Sounds about right, yeah." Sasuke nodded.
She turned to Naruto. "And you couldn't use the rasenshuriken at range, so you learned to access an entirely new type of chakra and imbued it with that to make it maintain its shape?"
"Uh huh, basically." Naruto replied.
Hinata shook her head. "You know, most people just train when they want to improve their technique."
"Boring people."
"Yeah, why do you think it takes them so long to git gud? Our way is much faster."
"That, I cannot deny."
The three reached their destination, dropping down in some foliage next to their compatriots.
Kakashi, Jugo, Karin and Sai all nodded to them as they approached.
There was, for obvious reasons, no real cover within a kilometre of the building they were scouting. If you're hosting a bunch of ninja there, it's common sense to make things as difficult for espionage operations as possible.
However, the newly christened "Team Fuck-It" had broken dojutsu on their side.
"They there?" Naruto asked.
"They're there." Hinata nodded, Byakugan focused on the structure. "Each Kage has two guards. Plenty of familiar faces in there. Plus almost a hundred Samurai guards with the host."
Jugo held up a hand. "The fuck's a Samurai?"
"Like a ninja but they don't bother learning to sneak." Kakashi explained. "Jonin through Chunin level, at best, but there's strength in their numbers."
"So nothing we didn't expect." Sai commented, drolly, tightening the strap on his sword. "Are we all ready?"
There was a round of nods, and they emerged from the woods and walked towards the front door.
"Oh yeah, by the way." Hinata mentioned, turning her head to Sasuke. "Thanks for looking after my teammates while I was away."
"It wasn't much of a looking after." He remarked, coughing. "I just sort of...didn't kill them. Hey Jugo, Karin, thanks for looking after my teammate while she was away."
"My pleasure." Said Jugo, calmly. Karin blushed, heavily, and looked away.
Sasuke turned back to Hinata and exchanged a series of glances that said something like:
Oh come on.
Be nice.
She has a crush on me.
Be nice, Sasuke.
Before he then looked at Naruto and exchanged glances that kinda went like:
Look at this. It's like she's a new Ino.
Got it, you're too busy ogling Jugo to deal with her.
Did I not explain that's not how my brain works?
You know maybe if you let a fangirl within two metres of you you might actually find that you like them.
Ugh. Fine.
Yes, that was a very in depth conversation of glances. Genjutsu may have been involved.
Finally, Sasuke turned to Karin and said, "Hey. Aren't you the girl from the Chunin exams? You were fighting the giant mutant bear thing, right?"
She blushed even more heavily. "Um, yeah. That was me. Sorry I made you have to save me, I promise I'm stronger now."
"Well clearly, if you're teaming with Hinata." Sasuke smiled at her. "You'll have to tell me more about that sometime."
Karin made a very high pitched noise, and turned away, cheeks red as lava.
Sasuke turned back to Naruto making a There, happy? expression, but the blond Uzumaki was giving him a death glare.
"When the heck did you fight a bear in the Chunin exams?"
"Uh, in the forest of death." Sasuke coughed. "It was during that period where you were still all angsty about us doing things without you, so I just sort of...didn't tell you?"
"You guys are the worst- oh, right, we're here guys, places."
They had reached the door. The guards, (who, to their credit, must have known exactly what was about to go down) still stood with straight backs and boldly announced "State your business, ninja. No other outsiders are permitted to enter the building while talks are underway. Doing so will make things worse for your home villages."
"Oh, don't you worry about that." Sasuke turned. "Naruto? Do you want the honour?"
"Oh hell yeah." Naruto cracked his knuckles. "Ahem."
The guards realised what was going on, and charged forwards.
They were much too slow.
Naruto inhaled. "SOME-"
Twenty seconds earlier
Danzo looked around, getting one final summary of the room.
The Third Tsuchikage Onoki, the old man with particle style, sat with his two guards Akatsuchi and Kurotsuchi.
The Fourth Raikage A sat flanked by his subordinates C and Darui. The coward hadn't been willing to bring Killer B, it seemed.
The Fifth Kazekage Gaara was (as always) protected by his two siblings, Temari and Kankuro. The blind boy had spread quite a few drone puppets throughout the room, and just about everyone had noticed, but politely not decided to call him on it.
The Fifth Mizukage Mei sat with one subordinate Chojuro protectively stood behind her chair, and Yuki Haku leaning against one wall looking entirely bored by the proceedings. The androgynous boy occasionally sent Danzo death glares that he ignored.
Danzo himself had brought Yamato alone. He would have preferred to have Sai, but with the boy 'MIA' there were no other jonin in ROOT on his level.
No matter.
Most of the room's occupants were not only unwilling to harm Danzo, but unable.
"Ladies and gentlemen." Said Mifune, the leader of the land of Iron sat at the head of the table. "Thank you all for coming here in peace. I hereby bring the sixth Five Kage Summit to order. Hokage Danzo; as your village is the focal point of this discussion, I believe you should be the one to begin."
"Thank you, esteemed leader." Danzo replied, calmly, turning to the table at large. Finally, a lifetime of planning was going to come to fruition. "Fellow Kage, there are some-"
There was a BOOM, and suddenly everyone was standing, and dust rained from the roof as the building shook and a voice loudly sang "-BODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME, I AINT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHEEEEED! SHE WAS-"
"What the fuck is this?" Demanded the Raikage. Danzo noted that the Yuki boy was making an expression like Christmas had come early, while Kankuro's shoulders were shaking from suppressed laughter.
"Ladies and Gentlemen!" A male voice, amplified by some jutsu or another, rose up over the singing. "This is Team Fuck-It of the village hidden in the Leaves speaking! We have come to apprehend Shimura Danzo, on charges including but not limited to:
Conspiring with a terrorist against his home village! Ordering the massacre of an entire clan full of innocent people! Betrayal of loyal Konoha agents! Mind controlling my friend, and being a generally treacherous, slimy, ugly, bandage-faced, Halloween-decoration-looking-ass motherfucker!"
Everyone was looking at Danzo now.
"I don't believe I particularly have to orate that they are lying." He deadpanned.
"Even about that last one? You sure?" Temari asked.
"We would like to remind everyone present that this is an internal Konoha matter!" Echoed a different voice, female this time. "We apologise for any inconvenience and request that you do not interfere! Any help in suppressing the traitor would be greatly appreciated. On the other hand, if anyone attempts to get in our way,"
"They will be moved." Said the other voice, solemnly.
Then the female one said "That was my line, you stole my line." and the male one said "Yeah, you're right, sorry, I got excited." And the female said "Sasuke we spent hours this morning practicing this speech." and the male went "Right, right. Okay, how do I turn this thing off-"
The voice cut out, and the sounds of combat moving throughout the building became much more apparent.
"Hyuuga Hinata, and Sasuke Uchiha." Danzo said, standing up. "A known terrorist and her teammate."
He had been prepared to have to convince the other Kage to assist him; but it seemed they had already made up their minds.
"Oh I know all about the Uchiha boy." Mei growled. "That kid has been stealing our swords for the last five years. He has six of the fuckers."
Danzo relaxed as the others made similar noises of agreement. He shouldn't have been surprised. These were some of the strongest ninja in the world, and this attacking team had essentially just dared them to fight. They weren't going to take that challenge lying down.
It's about time those obnoxious children are finally dealt with...
Mifune and his guards carefully backed away, and the Kage turned as one to face the only door into the room...
And then they all paused, as the Kazekage moved to stand in front of it.
Gaara knew, as he turned to face the rest of the room, what he was supposed to do. He was at a peace meeting, and all logic and law suggested it was better to side with his fellow Kage and maintain pleasant diplomatic relations with them.
That said...
"Shimura Danzo." He said, letting sand pour from his gourd. "Please submit to your arrest."
"What do you think you're doing, young man?" Onoki's eyes narrowed.
"Suna sides with Konoha." Gaara replied, unbothered.
"I am Konoha." Danzo said, threateningly.
"Not. Yet." Countered Kankuro, as he and Temari readied up behind their brother.
"This is insane." Mei glared at them. "You're picking a fight with all four other Kage at once? Siding with the rebels? Why?"
"Simple." Gaara smiled. "Because they are my friends."
Yuki Haku looked at the shocked faces of the rest of the room, anxiously. There was absolutely no doubts about what he wanted here (AKA, whatever team Fuck-It wanted) but he was acutely aware that doing anything would
a) lead to a whole bunch of bounties being dropped on his head again, and
b) completely undo all the progress he'd made building up a presence in hidden Mist. Was there a way to work this without throwing the last five years of effort away?
Inner Zabbuza, what do I do? He asked.
Kill the Mizukage! Said inner Zabuzza.
Yeah but that's... Haku blinked, and slowly smiled, as his brain finally allowed itself to consider the consequences of that particular action. Oh...Oh yeah. It's all coming together.
While everyone's eyes were on Gaara, he silently padded up behind Chojuro, picked up a chair, and swung it at the back of his head.
The blue haired jonin was a master swordsman, Haku would give him that, but he was a bit of a wimp in most other aspects. He fell like a sack of potatoes.
The rest of the room heard that, of course, all turning to look at Haku, who pointed one finger at Mei. "Hey, Queen Bitch! I challenge you for the right to be Mizukage!"
"Wha-" Mei's jaw dropped. "Really? Right now?"
"Yep."
"I-I decline! Now is not the time!"
"You can't." Haku grinned. "Not if the accuser declares the challenge to be full stakes, due to their believing the Kage is mad, or making decisions that would permanently or irreparably damage the village's sanctitude, honour, or safety."
"But that would make it a battle to the-" Mei paused, as Haku's killing intent finally made its way over to her.
"You're betraying me." She whispered.
"No I'm not." Haku giggled.
"Yes you are!"
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are!"
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are!"
"This is perfectly legal."
"You're trying to-"
"Assassinate the Mizukage?" Haku, purely for dramatic purposes, reached up with a senbon and carved a line through the Mist symbol on his forehead protector. "You're damn right I am. Square up."
The Raikage let out a laugh.
Gaara nodded in Haku's direction.
Mei shut her mouth.
And then everyone moved all at once.
Team Fuck-It burst through the doors into the main hall of the building and into a scene of utter chaos.
The Raikage was halfway through the hand seals to a substitution jutsu while being held in midair by Temari's wind, Gaara was throwing sand everywhere in an attempt to catch a floating Onoki, and the central table had been upended, with Haku currently taking cover behind it to avoid a massive globule of lava that was currently eating away at the wood.
Danzo stood at the back of the hall, watching, but the moment he caught sight of the new invaders, he began to flee through a back door.
"Begin Part B!" Naruto shouted, and the group split apart. Kakashi charged the Raikage's aides, Jugo and Karin went after the Tsuchikage's. Sai called out "Yamato is mine!" And beelined straight for him.
The core Team 7 landed by Gaara in a pretty damn impressive set of poses, Naruto catching a punch from the Raikage on his crossed forearms, Hinata channeling away the lightning around the strike, and Sasuke delivering a back kick to the man's abdomen to shove him away.
"Hey Gaara! Long time no see, hows it going?" Naruto asked.
"Not bad. No bijuu anymore, I've been sleeping better." The Kazekage shrugged.
"Still rocking the black eyeliner though?"
"It works with my complexion."
"Hey, Kankuro!" Sasuke called across. "How does my outfit look?"
"Fuck off, Sasuke." The puppet-master shot back, with a grin.
"Focus, guys." Hinata said, looking up. "Our target's making a run for it."
"I can't take these two alone." Gaara warned. "Not without Shukaku."
"You won't need to." Sasuke reassured him, turning back to his teammates. "Hinata's got more time left on her eyes than me, you two get out there and kick his ass. I'll deal with the moustache siblings."
"Deal with me?" A laughed. "I'm the motherfucking Raikage! I'm the fastest ninja alive! You think you can just-"
There was a flash, and suddenly there was black fire coating one wall, and the Raikage had thrown himself a few metres to the left.
"...Yeah, okay, he's right, that's fair." Sasuke nodded, eyes shifting back from their Mangekyo pattern.
"Yeah these Kage are Kage level." Temari reminded him. "Shocker."
"You kids done talking?" Onoki called down to them.
"Yeah we're good." Naruto stretched. "Autobots! Roll-"
"Shut up and move!"
Gaara launched out a spherical wave of sand that obscured them from their opponents; by the time A and Onoki had blasted their way through it, they were already being swarmed by a dozen Naruto clones each.
Sasuke attempted to wrap up the Tsuchikage in razor wire while Naruto and Hinata darted around the Raikage, batted aside Darui and C, hi-fived Sai on the way past, and punched straight through the wall between them and the false Kage.
They caught up with Danzo one a grey stone bridge, crossing a wide, deep, and otherwise canyony canyon. Clearly realising the pointlessness of continuing to run, he stopped, and turned towards them.
"You're rather persistent." He remarked.
"We spent four straight years playing cat and mouse." Naruto told him. "'Rather persistent' is the understatement of the century."
"Would be the millennia." Hinata added. "Except we cant beat last century's, which was 'Tobirama has a few problems with the Uchiha'."
"Quite." Danzo replied. "It was my old master's greatest weakness. He was a genius, to be certain, but his unwillingness to mend bridges with the Uchiha cost him access to the village's greatest asset."
"Right, because alienating assets is something you've never done." Hinata glared at him.
"Ah, sarcasm. One of Hiruzen's favourites." Danzo looked at them both. "Let's get to the point. I'm not unwilling to recognise my mistakes. My reasoning was sound, at the time I made that call, but knowing what I know now, I would not have made it." His one visible eye focused on Hinata. "Given what I know you are capable of."
Lightning crackled around Hinata's hands. "That's it?" She demanded. "That's all you care about? You'd decide whether or not to sacrifice dozens of innocent people based on a dojutsu?"
"Of course." He said, frankly. And she knew it was true. "We are ninja, girl. I am an old man; I have not kept up the physical training of one. I have not built up the chakra reserves of Jiraiya, learned the jutsu repertoire of Hiruzen, sharpened my technique like Kakashi. But the measure of a ninja is in how they think. It is in what they are willing to do."
"Ehr, ner, I can't do eneh of duh ninja stuff, but I still am eh ninja, I swerr." Naruto mumbled under his breath.
"Are you genuinely trying to act like you had some altruistic reason for this?" Hinata spat. "You were afraid of losing your power! That's why you became Kage, that's what all this was for!"
"Not at all." He replied, and he genuinely believed it was the truth. "I care nothing for power. The hat, the robes, the command, I don't take them because I desire them. I take them because I fear what others will do with them. My first priority is, and has always been, the safety and well-being of Konohagakure."
Hinata shook her head. "Neji was a sociopath. But you...you're just plain insane. You claim to work to the benefit of Konoha yet you'll slaughter your own citizens?"
"I'm afraid that that is how this world works." He replied, sombrely.
"Then we're going to change it!" Naruto shouted back. He looked over at Hinata and smiled. "Together."
Her eyes widened as she looked back at him, but then she smiled, and nodded. "Together."
There was a very beautiful moment.
"But I'm killing this guy on my own right now."
"Hinata no-"
She blasted forwards.
Okay, it looked like a real Anakin Skywalker vs Count Dooku move (yes, Naruto had gotten her to watch those movies at one point) but it wasn't as stupid as it seemed.
Danzo has said he was weaker than them, and meant it. And even if he knew about her Gokei, he couldn't know how it worked. Meaning he didn't know about the Hiragekoma and it's 'fuck-anything-you-try' properties.
And then there was the matter of his eyes.
She'd had her Byakugan on the whole time, of course, and warned her teammates. She knew about the Sharingan in his concealed eye. She knew about his bandaged arm, and that whatever was concealed in there was identical to the right side of Tobi's body. She even knew that he had a byakugan inserted into the not-flesh, and that it was somehow actually working. But there was no ninjutsu or genjutsu he could launch that would stop her from getting right in his face, blasting him with a vacuum palm, and then pummelling his chakra points until they disintegrated.
For Hanabi, she thought, as she drew closer and closer.
Danzo reached one hand up, and tore the bandages off his face, revealing the Sharingan. As she got closer, it shifted into a new pattern.
Mangekyo. No matter.
She activated the Vishnu, white blanketing her body and numbness encroaching her hands and feet. Even if he had Amaterasu, she'd live. If he had anything else...
She reached out with one palm, and prepared the Hiragekoma.
And then Danzo said, "Kotoamatsukami."
Naruto watched, gobsmacked, as Danzo leaned to one side and Hinata (moving too fast to effectively arrest her own momentum) flew straight past him, landing in a slide behind. Then she stopped, stood up, and turned back.
Her gaze focused on her teammate.
"Hinata?" He asked, hesitantly.
"Naruto." She replied. Then she turned to Danzo. "Master. I take it you want him dead?"
"Hey Kishimoto, how's it doing? Looks like we're at the Danzo fight, huh?"
"Damn right. This is gonna be lit."
"So what's the plan?"
"Well Sasuke's gonna kill him a bunch of times and then he's gonna use Izana-hoo-ha to come back to life. Then Sasuke makes him think he has more when he's actually run out. Then he dies."
"...What about Kotoamatsukami?"
"What about it?"
"Well it's Danzo's signiature ability, right? Can't he use it to-"
"No, he used it earlier that day."
"...He could have not done that though? What if he used Kotoamatsukami to make Sasuke fight Naruto? We could see sage mode vs EMS?"
"...nah."
And thus Danzo was the worst villain in Naruto history. Seriously, every scene with Izanami and Izanagi is way better if they just don't exist.
Sorry I'm late again, shit's crazy. But I've not missed a deadline in 65 weeks and I'm not starting now.
