Hey, a new fic of mine is up! It's called "Close the Loop, Mad Genius", and it's an epilogue for the anime Steins;Gate (incl. 0). If you haven't watched it, watch it, you'll love it, and if you have, maybe give the fic a read? Updates weekly on Thursdays for the next seven or eight weeks, and will finish.


Wool Over Your Eyes


"Truce! Truce! Everybody stand down while we figure out what the Hell just happened!"

Sasuke sagged to the floor, unsure whether to reach up to his eyes or down to his leg. The former weren't working, and the latter still had a giant slab of metal stuck in it, so neither were doing so hot.

"Hey, Haku?" He called out. "If you're there, definitely heal Gaara first, but please get to me at some point after that."

"Please do heal Gaara first." Said Gaara, from somewhere next to Sasuke. "He's bleeding quite profusely."

"Seriously, none of you guys learned any healing? Hold on..." Haku's voice dropped down to next to them, and Sasuke felt a hand on his leg. "Seriously, I beat my Kage on my own and you lot have to be healed after dealing with yours?"

"Yeah, but Mei's fodder." Said Sasuke, Gaara, Kankuro, and everyone else who was still conscious all at once.

"Oh fuck you." Haku yanked, and Sasuke screamed with a depressing lack of testosterone as half of Kubikiribōchō was yanked out of his leg.

"OW, KAMI, dude, sure, I wasn't using that leg for anything owowow..."

"Quit being a baby." Haku held up the bloodied, obnoxiously large blade in one hand, looking at its broken centre with some melancholy. "Guess this is busted. Sorry, old master..."

"Just stick it next to the other half in a pool of blood." Someone advised from behind them. "It's whole schtick is that it repairs itself with the iron, it'll put itself back together."

"Oh, good shout." Sasuke remarked, gratefully. Then, "Wait what the FUCK-"

He heard everyone else around him have similar reactions, everyone who could was jumping away from the Unidentified Person who was Suddenly Right There without Any Of Them Noticing.

"Oh come on." Said the strange voice. "What kind of reaction is that? Is it because my pussy pops the feeling, and yours don't?"

"Okay that one was a stretch. Haku, what are we looking at?" Sasuke hissed.

"Skinny dude. Akatsuki cloak. Orange mask." Haku whispered back. "Just appeared out of nowhere!"

"'Sah dudes." Said the stranger. Okay, no vision is already pissing me off, this sucks.

"So, looks like you all finally dealt with Danzo. Good for you! I was watching that guy, it was hilarious."

"Were you working with him?" A demanded.

"Pfft. Nah." The stranger chuckled. "Oh, right, you're all confused because your memories have just rebooted themselves. Yeah Danzo's been building up subtle genjutsu on basically the whole ninja world. Like he could completely rewrite a person's whole memory once per day. For the last decade. I've had to step in a couple times to stop him from literally taking over the whole world. You're welcome."

"Hey, buddy." Sasuke called out. "Not to burst your bubble, but the Akatsuki are finished. We killed it's boss."

"First, as I recall, Naruto killed Pain while you were literally dead, so miss me with that 'we' shit." Pointed out the stranger. "And second, just because Naggi-kun thought he was in charge doesn't mean he actually was."

Everyone in the room tensed at the ramifications of that statement.

"Who...are you?" Haku asked.

"Who, little old me?" The stranger grinned. "I've been going by 'Tobi' for the last few months. You'd know me as 'Madara Uchiha'."

Everyone tensed.

"Bull." Declared Haku. "Didn't Hashirama kick his ass like a hundred years a-"

Something made him pause.

"Hashirama was a punk bitch." Said 'Madara'. "And yes, that is a Mangekyo Sharingan that you're looking at."

"What's in your other eye?" The Raikage asked.

"Hopes and prayers." Madara deadpanned. "Now, as to the purpose of my visit. You may have noticed that your bijuu have been getting going walkabout over the last few weeks. That was us. And we're currently seven down, two to go on our collection. So I was hoping you'd maybe...gimme yours?"

There was a shuffling, and Sasuke imagined that the people who weren't blind were all looking at each other in confusion.

"Uh. No?" Onoki offered.

"Please?" Said Madara. "Pretty please?"

"Look, asshole." The sound of the Raikage's lightning cloak burst back to life. "I don't know who you think you are, but-" then there was a pause, and he went "Hrk!" and then a thud.

"And I didn't even need Tsukiyomi to do that." Madara remarked, not having moved. "Eat your heart out, Itachi. I had Yagura eating out of my palm for years, and he was a perfect Jinchurikki."

"That was YOU?" Haku demanded.

"Oh yeah my bad. I would have let Ao notice it after I was done but I needed the Byakugan, so I killed him."

"That was YOU?" Demanded Mei, who had apparently woken up at some point.

"Damn, I should just shut my mouth." Madara muttered. "At this rate I might accidentally tell you about that time I let the Kyuubi loose on Konoha and killed the fourth Hokage."

There was a long, looooong pause.

Sasuke started pushing the 'threat level up' button in his brain as quickly as he could.

"Aaaaaaaanyway." Madara drew the word out. "Where was I? Right, yeah, give me the eight tails and the nine tails or else."

"Or else what?" Challenged Onoki.

"Or else the Akatsuki declares war on the entire ninja world." Madara breezed. "Now, admittedly that's like, four people, and one of those is finna catch these hands and one of them can't fight worth a damn, but I'm pretty confident about our chances."

"You're gonna take on all five ninja villages at once with two fighters?" Sasuke confirmed.

"No, no, no, of course not." Madara chuckled. "That would be dumb. Kisame is mostly just gonna be used for scouting. I'm going to take on all five ninja villages by myself."

"You're fucking crazy." Sasuke decided.

"Well if any of you think that you could take on Hashirama for twenty four hours straight, let me know, and I'll rethink my chances." The intruder offered, smugly. "Actually, the Hyuuga girl is close enough to read my lips and brain patterns by now: 'I'm confident I can take on anything you lot have to throw at me.' There, she can tell you if I was lying when she gets here."

"Then why are we still alive?" Haku challenged. "Here we all are, tired from combat, all in one spot. Why aren't you fighting us now?"

"Because if I kill you all I won't be able to find Killer B." Madara replied, with what might have been a shrug. "At least, it'll take me a while. But if I threaten you with death and challenge you to a fight, then both him and the Uzumaki kid will have to take to the battlefield to protect you all, and I'll be able to wrap this up much quicker. Also a new chapter of Icha Icha paradise finally releases next week and I wanna read that first."

"Uh, Jiraiya's dead." Haku pointed out.

Madara snorted. "Sure; whatever. So, last chance: Bijuu please?"

Sasuke piped up. "I think I speak for all of us when I say 'no thank you', and also 'go fuck yourself'. See you on the battlefield."

"Alright then." Madara replied. "So be it. May the fourth ninja war...begin.

...After a two week timeskip. YEET!"

There was a very strange noise, and then nothing.

"I swear to god if I don't get sight back in the next few hours..." Sasuke growled.

"Yeah, now you know how it feels!" Kankuro complained from somewhere to his left.

There was a whoosh, and Naruto's voice came in from another side. "Whoa, you lot did an absolute number on this building! There's not even a building left, it's just a pile of rubble! Hey, what happened while we were off killing Danzo?"

There was another long pause.

"...Aaaa...bsolutely nothing." Sasuke told him. "Right, guys?"


Some hours later

"You're sure it's a good idea to lie to Naruto?" Hinata asked Sasuke, the pair sat together in Itachi's hospital room.

"I hate it too, trust me." Sasuke winced. "But...are you sure Madara was telling the truth?"

"About everything he said after he noticed me, at least." Hinata explained. "He does think he can take on everybody, and he does want the bijuu. He might be overestimating himself, but...I've encountered him before. He's not stupid, and he's not crazy."

"And if Naruto learns what's coming, he'll want to be on the front lines." Sasuke sighed. "Which is exactly what the Akatsuki want. Apparently A is off with B making a similar excuse. Whatever Madara wants to do with the beasts, we can't let him get away with it."

"Even if it means depriving us of two of our strongest fighters?" Hinata pointed out.

"I...don't know." Sasuke grimaced. It was strange for Hinata to look at his face; red eyes that had once been so piercing and distinct were...broken. There were no tomoe in his pupils, and the red had sort of leaked across his sclera. Blood dropped on occasion from the corners of his eyes. "I'm not used to making these kinds of decisions. Itachi? Any hints?"

The older Uchiha sibling was also painful to look at. His hair had greyed, and his face was a similar colour. His eyes were closed, and he was laid back on his bed, having tried to sit up earlier and failed. Wearing a light blue hospital gown, with drips feeding fluids into one arm, Itachi looked nothing like the fearsome ninja who had rivalled Hinata's cousin.

"Nothing." He said. His voice was weak, barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry, but I don't know this guy. Tobi only showed up fairly recently and Neji never got near him. We all thought Pain was the mastermind, and even then we didn't know what he wanted with the Bijuu." He made a small smile. "Our scheming ended with finishing Danzo. Good job on that, by the way. Did he use the Kotoamatsukami?"

"He did." Hinata replied, throwing out a sarcastic "Thanks for warning us about that, by the way."

"Oh, don't complain too hard." Itachi reprimanded her. "We gave you Kudos, what more do you want?"

Hinata frowned. "Kudos? What does he have to do with this?"

Itachi frowned right back. "Kudos didn't-hold on, how did you break out of the genjutsu?"

"I spoke to Naruto for more than sixty seconds, and then used the Hiragekoma on it." Hinata explained.

"Oh." Itachi licked his lips and gulped. "Well now I feel bad."

"What did you do?"

"Neji put Shisui's other eye in Kudos." Itachi coughed. It may have initially been a deliberate sound, but it quickly devolved into an actual fit while Hinata shouted "WHAT?" at him.

"It's, urgh, fuck, we programmed it with a command to protect the hidden leaf village." He continued, while trying to regain control of himself. "And the eyes are linked together. The plan was that if anyone tried to catch you in the Kotoamatsukami, Kudos would be compelled to come out and hit you with another one on top. It would keep you on the good guys side until you could end the fight and get back to a genjutsu specialist to remove them both. We thought the Hiragekoma might have been able to counter it, but we didn't want to risk it."

"He came out of that looking like he'd been tortured!" Hinata accused.

"He was under genjutsu anaesthetic the whole time, shouldn't have felt a thing."

"Why didn't you tell me!" She demanded.

"Because you would have taken the eye out of him again. And then you might have died."

Hinata growled and put her hands together, planning to make the summoning symbol, and Itachi continued "Please, don't remove it. It's not hurting Kudos, I promise, and you might need it in the future. Now you've destroyed Danzo's eye, it's the only Kotoamatsukami in existence."

He was telling the truth, and he was so desperate. Hinata dropped her hands, slowly. They were shaking. "I hate you." She muttered. "So much. You just...trample over everyone's happiness in the name of the 'greater good'. And then you have the nerve to lie there and...apologise for it."

"I never wanted to-"

"I know." Hinata snapped at him. "I can tell. You're genuinely sorry, and that makes it worse." She sat down again and sighed. "Why couldn't you just be an asshole like Danzo? I wouldn't feel so bad about wanting to kill you..."

"Yeah." Itachi sighed. "That's what Neji was going for the whole time."

They were all quiet for a while. She watched Sasuke open his mouth, probably to try and mount a defence for his sibling, but then he closed it again.

"How's the Gokei?" Itachi asked, eventually.

Hinata smiled, grimly, and held her hand out over a candle flickering in the corner. The flame washed over her fingers, and she couldn't feel a thing. "Bad. I had to use the gates to bring myself back after my last use. Everything's...cold. I can't feel anything except my own heartbeat."

"Kami, Hina..." Sasuke shuddered. "Ignore my bitching, I'll keep the blindness."

"You have the four arms?" Itachi checked.

"I do." She nodded, knowing the gesture was probably pointless.

"That's the equivalent of the full-body Susanno. As the Vishnu progresses, it goes from a surface level armour and spreads inwards, converting your whole body. We call it 'Opal' or 'Crystal'; while Amaterasu feeds off and burns all chakra, Kesshotoketsu's constructs are chakra-proof. They conceal your tenketsu, block draining or linking attempts, and don't let any chakra through except yours." Itachi grimaced. "If you try to use it again, it will spread to your heart, and freeze it solid."

"I know." She replied. It was something she could just feel, intuitively.

"Like Han Solo in carbonite." Sasuke nodded, sagely.

"Dammit, read the mood, Sasuke."

"Hinata..." Itachi didn't look happy about continuing. "You...may have to use it again."

She realised what he was aiming for. "No."

"You wouldn't even need to transplant them-"

"No."

"-Just touching them to the Vishnu should do the trick-"

"NO!" She shouted, standing. As an afterthought, she pulled her now-singed hand away from the candle.

"Please." Itachi begged. "It's the only thing Neji has left that he can do to help!"

"They are the eyes of the man who murdered my sister!" Hinata shivered in revulsion. "I'm not putting them inside myself! And anyway, I only have one of them."

"One eye would still be enough to-" Itachi stopped. "Wait, what do you mean you only have one?"

Hinata's byakugan focus fell on one spot in her jacket, where a particular storage scroll was kept. "I...tore his eye out during the fight. I was halfway back to Konoha before I realised I hadn't let go of it."

"What? Then where's the other one?" Itachi demanded, forcing himself up onto his elbows in a sudden burst of desperation even as Sasuke started yelling at him to calm down.

"I...don't know. Still in his corpse at the hideout." Hinata replied.

"You didn't body-bag him?" Itachi shouted.

"You were blackmailing me to go back to Konoha! I didn't have time to body-bag him!"

"You-" Itachi's entire body shook, and his voice cut out, suddenly. The machines hooked up to him began beeping worryingly. His blind eyes focused on her, and with what had to be the last of his strength, he lifted his right arm and pointed one finger.

The genjutsu hit her with the subtlety of a freight train and the strength of wet paper mache, and she had to go out of her way to pick it apart and comprehend it rather than dispel it. When she realised what he had just sent her, she gasped out loud.

"Oh, shit." She muttered, and ran out the door.


Itachi crashed back onto the bed, and Sasuke was by him in an instant. "You fucking maniac bro, Kami! Nurse! Can I get some help in-"

"Don't." Itachi told him, even weaker than before. "Let them help the people they can actually help."

"You can be helped." Sasuke told him. "Remember? You said you know how Tsunade can heal you-"

"That procedure will take days, Sasuke." Itachi said, gently. "I have minutes."

"What kind of little bitch talk is-"

"I'm done, brother. The fight's over."

Sasuke tried to hold it together for another second or so, before giving up entirely. All the self-control and false high spirits he'd been holding up for the last week crashed down all at once, and he threw himself forward, grabbing his brother in a hug and sobbing uncontrollably.

"S'not fair!" He bitched, bitchily, and he knew he was bitching and there were tears running down his face and he didn't care, "you were sup-supposed to live! We won, we, we fucking did it and you're still-"

"Hey. Easy." Itachi rested one hand on Sasuke's back. "It's alright-"

"S'not alright!" Sasuke gulped, trying to get the words out, primal terror running through him. "You're not allowed to die, not after all this bullcrap! Not after I finally know everything about you! Not after I've forgiven you!"

"Now that's not fair. You've always known me." Sasuke could feel his brother smiling. "Don't worry. I've spent my whole life working towards one thing, keeping you safe. And I've done it! That's more than enough for me."

"Have you-" Sasuke sniffed. "Have you said goodbye to Mum and Dad? To Izumi?"

"I have. I've told them everything." Itachi's grip was getting weaker by the second. "Mum and Dad...understand. Thanks for your advice, about spending time with them. I'm glad I could...sort that out, before this all ended. Izumi...heh. I got the ride of my life..."

"Fucking asshole..." Sasuke made a noise that might have been a laugh, might have just been more crying.

"...Hey." Itachi whispered. "Hinata, Naruto...they're your teammates. If I've learned one thing in my life...if there's one thing I haven't fucked up...Never let them go, you hear me? No matter what happens. That's...that's what the Will of Fire is all about."

"...I will." Sasuke promised. "And...thank you. For everything you've done." He shifted, pressing his forehead against Itachi's. "...I love you, bro."

"Gay." Itachi snorted, crying as well. "...I love you too."

He let out a breath, and went limp.

The machine, that had been beeping beside the bed, transitioned to a long drone.

Sasuke's breath caught. Then he just...sagged.

He stayed like that for a while.

After a few minutes, he heard loud footsteps, and someone ran into the room behind him. "Sasuke!" Shouted a voice he immediately placed as Sakura. "It's Tsunade! She's woken up! If you give her a few hours to get back on her feet she could...oh."

Sasuke straightened, taking his weight off Itachi and standing on his own. "Good." He replied, voice even. He reached out with one finger, and poked Itachi's forehead, like Itachi had done to him back when they were kids. "Tell her to get in here as soon as she's ready."

"B-But-"

"I know. It's too late." Sasuke turned to her, and he wasn't just a boy anymore. "For him, but not for us. Tell Tsunade she needs to prep for an eye transplant."


"How's Kudos?" Hinata checked, wind whipping at her hair.

"Good." Forsooth replied, from beneath her. "The mania ended right after your fight."

"Alright. Good." She replied, distractedly, looking at her destination. "Apparently, he shouldn't get anything else like that in the future."

"And what of his eye?" Forsooth asked her, turning his head round to look at her. "He doesn't claim it is harming him, but I am loathe tooo simply leave it there."

Hinata paused for a moment, then shook her head. "No. Don't interfere with it. I'll come up to check on it soon."

"Very well. We're, ah-"

"I know." She slipped off Forsooth's back long before he could glide down normally, plummeting a good fifty feet.

The roof of the old hideout rose up to meet her, and she landed in a crouch. Her eyes showed her some mild tissue damage to her legs from the collision, but she didn't feel any pain.

Everything was mostly unchanged from her battle here. The rubble was still roughly where she remembered it being, and Neji's remains (made from hard ivory as they were, no birds had tried their luck feasting on them) were still present.

...Mostly.

She walked up to where most of him had ended up (a few arms and, well, chunks of him were scattered elsewhere,) and moved to confirm what her Byakugan had shown her from kilometres away.

Annoyingly, they hadn't lied to her.

Neji's face was cracked and crumpled all over. His nose was busted in, and his mouth was still in that satisfied smile, all as she remembered.

Except that both his eyes were missing.

And there was a letter perched delicately on his chest, adressed 'to the earthbound heir of Hamura Otsutsuki'.

"...Son of a bitch."


Several days later

"This is it?" Naruto asked, squinting down at the map, then up at the small dock in front of him. There was a single, shabby looking boat moored there.

"Apparently." Yamato said, from his left. "You've not read it wrong. We're meeting the jinchurikki of the eight tails...by that."

The ANBU jonin had been through one hell of a recuperation period following the release of the Kotoamatsukami, but seemed to be looking fit for duty. Naruto had volunteered to take him along, citing the power of the talk no jutsu as a way to keep him in line in case he regressed in some way.

He had been slightly worried when everyone had thought that was a perfectly reasonable and generous offer, and not just a joke.

"It's possible that this is some kind of test..." Mused Gai from Naruto's other side. Then his face lit up. "PERHAPS THE CHALLENGE IS THAT WE WILL BE SWIMMING TO OUR LOCATION!"

"Uh, we can run on water, remember?" Naruto pointed out.

"Yeah, but where would be the fun in that? Hey, I think we should all do it blindfolded!" Everyone turned, to see a trio of ninja walking up to them. Hinata, Kankuro, and-

"Sasuke!" Naruto cheered, walking over to meet him. "I see you're copying Kankuro's look. Ooh, you gonna do the face paint next?"

"You know, most people might have led with 'Hey Sasuke, how was the dangerous experimental eye surgery?', but I'm glad you got straight to the important matter. Dickweed." Sasuke, grinning, reached one arm up to pull slightly at the medical bandaging over his eyes.

The two met in a rough hug. "You doing okay, after..." Naruto muttered, when they were close.

"I'm managing." Sasuke replied, in a similarly low tone. "Spent some time with the family, and, uh, I'm holding together."

"You know if you ever wanna talk-"

"I know, dude. Thanks. I might."

Naruto broke off, and continued at normal volume "So why're you here? Just seeing me off?"

"Nope." Kankuro replied. "Me and Sasuke are coming with you. I'm your link to Suna while you're off on some island in the middle of nowhere, and this guy wants me to teach him what I know about fighting blind."

"I've got a waiting period of a couple weeks before the new eyes do their thing, if they ever do." Sasuke explained. "Something to do with my brain rewiring to the new hardware. I figured, hey, might as well get a learning experience out of it. Also apparently Konoha's in total chaos right now and I don't wanna be part of it."

"Oh, dope, more friends." Naruto leaned left, looking over Sasuke's shoulder. "Hinata? You coming too?"

"I'm here to follow the rule you set. The one about needing to consult you before running off on my own." The Hyuuga replied, looking incredibly embarrassed at having to admit to her leash. "Something's come up. A family matter."

Naruto groaned. "More family matters? Do you have even any family members left to have-Oh, Kami, I'm sorry, that was-"

"It's fine." She waved it off, rolling her eyes. "Someone's nicked one of Neji's eyes, and taunted me about it. Since we've all seen how dangerous these things can be, I'm going to confront them and get it back."

"Where you headed?" Sasuke asked.

"The moon." Hinata replied, breezily.

"Hah! Alright then, keep your secrets." Sasuke glanced (well, you know, he made the head motion) across at Naruto. "What do you think? Do we let her go?"

Naruto narrowed his eyes at her. "Are you gonna get yourself killed?"

"No." Hinata sighed.

"Are you gonna go live with a terrorist for five years?"

"No, this is so demeaning-"

"Well, alright." Naruto shrugged. "I trust you. Besides, you're out of people to take revenge on. Like, literally, you've hit 100% of the main revenge list and all the optional targets. Mission synchronised, you're good. Go relieve some stress and hunt down someone who's in way over their head."

He walked over to her, and put a hand on her shoulder. "Just...be careful, okay?"

She blushed a little. Then smiled. "I promise."

Before he could react, Hinata had leaned forwards and closed all the remaining space between them, grabbing him by the lapels and-

Oh.

Oh, I'm being kissed.

By the time he was able to process that there were lips on his lips it was already over, Hinata taking a step backwards with a grin on her face. "Been waiting far too long to do that for real. Good luck!"

She put her hands together and vanished with a body-flicker.

Naruto brought a hand up to his mouth and mouthed what the fuck, before looking behind him to see everyone else there smirking at him.

"I am so mad I can't see your face right now." Sasuke told him.

"ALRIGHT THEN." Naruto coughed. "Training trip, right? Great, let's go on a training trip, let's, uh," warm, warm lips-STOP IT- "let's do that. Where's this 'Bee' again?"

"Well the girl with the Byakugan has left without telling us." Yamato came to his rescue, allowing the subject change. "Are there any instructions on the map?"

Naruto looked. "Uh...yeah, actually. Oh, okay, there's an all clear signal here, let's look...oh boy."

He cleared his throat. "Ahem. How many shrimps do you have to eat, before it makes your skin turn pink, eat too much and you'll get sick, shrimps are pretty rich."

There was a pause of three beats.

"EY YO IT'S CHILDISH GAMBINO HOMEGIRL DROP IT LIKE THE NASDAQ, MOVE WHITE-" The surface of the water erupted as a ninja with a lightning headband and a big-ass steel sword jumped out of the water, landing in a pose on the shore and rapping the whole time.

"Oh, damn, I like this guy." Naruto said, immediately.

"Naruto Uzumaki!" Declared the new arrival, shaking himself dry. "I was expecting someone of your reputation to be a little...older."

"ohmylordyes-Killer B!" Sasuke replied on Naruto's behalf. "You're shorter than I expected."

A second passed.

"Konoha scum." B shot back, grinning.

"We have a job to do Sasuke try not to upset him." Naruto replied, finishing the quote, as Sasuke whispered across "Okay, I like this guy too."

"So!" B clapped his hands together. "You're the nine-tails jinchurikki, huh? I'm B, as you apparently know. I'm here to give you bijuu lessons!"

"Yeah, that's what they said this was." Naruto frowned. "Not sure how you plan to help, though. I've already let as much of it out as I can without it killing me. And unless you can supercharge my yin-release..."

"Oh, I've heard all about your tricks. Nah, we're going deeper than that." B replied. "You've done pretty well on your own.

But how would you like to become...a Perfect Jinchurikki?"

"...I mean that sounds pretty subjective like how do you define 'perfect'-"

"Shut up and get on the boat."


Oh, lord, that hurt me. I can't just write death scenes on the go, like I need to be sat at my desk with my head in my hands blasting 'Who wants to live forever' by Queen on repeat.

So, the great wheel turns upon the fourth ninja war. And the moon. Prepare your asses, ladies and gentlemen and others. Things are about to get loud.