James Potter II- Hogwarts
10th January
James rounded the corner and stopped in surprise. It was rare to see the Headmistress away from her office or the Astronomy Tower, and rarely in the morning, (which is why many believed she was a vampire) so James was more than a little confused when he rounded the corner on his way to breakfast and saw Professor Sinistra standing in the corner looking dazed.
James looked left and right but saw no other student or teacher. "Headmistress?" he asked.
She turned and blinked at him in confusion, "Mr…" she trailed off.
"Potter, James Potter."
"Oh yes," she said nodding, "what are you doing here Potter? Are you up to more mischief?" She said sternly.
"No, Ma'am, I was on my way to Charms."
"Ah of course, Charms. Not quite as important as Astrology, but nevertheless you best get going." She shooed him away, he complied scurrying down the corridor. He turned to look back at her and she was staring yet again at the wall. James shook his head, sure Fred had something to do with all of this. Or perhaps the job just sent people mental, people were always questioning Dumbledore's sanity.
James always felt confident in Charms. It was easily his best subject and now he had mastered non-verbal it made the whole process even easier. James had never known really why he liked Charms. Part of him thought that it was perhaps because that subject hadn't already been claimed by his impressive family or friends. His siblings and cousins might be fantastic at defence against the dark arts and transfiguration, but no one else excelled in charms. James had always liked charms, they were normally light hearted and the most useful spells in a witch or wizards arsenal. They were great for everyday use, and while Transfiguration changed an object (which James didn't think was particularly useful as he could always buy more chairs), Charms altered what an object did. It could unlock doors, change colours, levitate things and of course jinxes were exclusively charms. These had always been useful for pranks and for sneaking around, so James had practiced and worked on his charms more than he had anything else in his life.
Today, they were turning vinegar to wine. Which as Flitwick gleefully told them incorporated some Transfiguration. Which James was totally psyched about- not.
However, as James studied the spell without the distraction of Fred, he realised he should be able to do this. On his second attempt, he saw it change slightly.
"Not bad, my boy, not bad at all!" Flitwick squeaked as he came past, reverting it back to its original state. "Try again then, less of a flick at the end." He hurried past to help Fred who had managed to explode his vinegar all over an unimpressed Hufflepuff girl.
"Sorry!" Fred laughed at the girl, patting at her robes with his sleeve. "The elves will have it clean in a jiffy."
"It's in my hair!" wailed the girl clutching the ends of her hair in terror.
James caught Fred's eyes and looked away quickly. James returned his focus to the vinegar and tried again. This time it turned into red wine. Pleased, he pulled out his parchment to start his potions homework. The best part of learning a charm quickly, he'd realised last year, was that you could use the remainder of the lesson to complete homework. This trick had saved his bacon several times last year.
That night James had scheduled their first practise of the new year. He was determined to practise at least twice a week and once on a weekend morning. He was eager to prove to his team that he had earned his captaincy and wanted to be able to hold the cup at the end of the year.
James played keeper on the house team and had done so since his second year. In his second year, he had been in the reserves until Jackie Klempar took a swan dive in their game against Ravenclaw. He had represented Gryffindor for the first time that day, and poor Jackie, shaken from her sudden collision with the floor, decided that she would rather be on the gobstones team, which had suited James greatly.
James spent his entire evening bracing himself as this evening would be one of the first times he and Fred had been forced into a social setting since their big bust-up. Both of them had avoided being sat together in lessons with James sticking with Aalaa and Maddy. There was a level of awkwardness in every accidental interaction. Fred had turned beetroot this morning when James accidently bumped into him in the common room. It would all be so much easier if he could predict how Fred would act during practise, but the problem with Fred was that he was completely unpredictable- even to James.
So it was a nervous James that stood in the middle of the soggy pitch on the first day back at practise. "Alright everyone, gather round." All eleven of them gathered round the nervous James. Lily smiled encouragingly at him. The team had four reserves, they all had a favoured position but could fill in for any of the main spots, a necessity with the brutality of the sport. The reserves, Andrea Wood, Scorpius Malfoy, and Rose and Henry Carvill, stood in the group eager as always to be given a chance to shine. The three chasers on the team consisted of Maddy, Lily and Andrew Pearson, a seventh year. Their two fantastic beaters were Albus and Fred and Dan played as their seeker. James, of course, was in the net. "We played well against the snakes, but we only beat them by twenty points, a slim margin, the puffs' chasers were on a roll against Ravenclaws, they racked up a lot in point difference. Since we are playing Hufflepuff next we need to practise keeping possession so we can scatter their chasers- their seeker isn't that good, so as long as we keep the lead in points Dan will be able to grab the snitch. Chasers, run some drills on passing- keep in tight and moving, Fred, Al, your jobs are to keep trying to scatter them. I'll work with the rest."
Practise went well, and nobody cursed him, so James was taking it as a win. The rest went back up to the school together but James purposefully packed up slowly, he didn't want to make things awkward for the rest. James sat in the changing rooms and rubbed at his face.
"Jamie?" James looked up, Albus must have been waiting for him to leave because he came in looking puzzled. "Are you ready?"
James nodded, jumping up and grabbing his stuff, careful to flick Albus on the back of his head as he passed.
"Good practice," Albus said as they left, James again nodded as he took the track back to the school entrance, he could see the others just slipping inside the castle doors in the distance. "So why did you make me wait? Was it Fred?"
"Obviously," James muttered, he didn't need his little brother to question him.
Albus rolled his eyes, "You do both need to get over this you know."
"Al-" James began to warn, but was cut off.
"We are family, you can't not speak to each other- it isn't fair to the rest of us. Or mum, or Grandma and Grandad."
"Albie, pack it in," James said sharply, stopping on the path and pulling Albus' arm to stop him. "Look I know that, he knows that... Just give us time to be idiots- okay?" Albus nodded, "Oh and, maybe give this same speech, to him as well."
They started walking again, the air was cool around them despite James' cloak and warming charm. He still felt the cold biting his skin. "How's Alison?" Albus asked.
"How would I know."
"Thought you were friends."
"Were."
"Right..." Albus trailed off.
"What?"
"Just never seen you turn your back on a friend before."
"You know why I did."
"I do, just never expected you to actually do it. You're a good judge of character Jimmy, the more I think about it the more sure I am that there is no way she fooled you, she was your friend. Probably still is."
James thought about it, "I know what you are trying to say, but just, let me figure this stuff out, okay?"
"Okay. But don't be a prat for too long."
James rolled his eyes.
Of course James vowing to never speak to Alison again had one major flaw, and he could've kicked himself for forgetting it so easily. They were still paired together in Defence. There was no way James was going to be the dick that asked to swap partners, so they were stuck together, unfortunately. They were practicing today the patronus charm, none of them had ever tried it before and Zabini was quick to point out that it was going to take them all a couple of weeks.
James and Alison were sitting together but not really looking or talking to each other. It was incredibly awkward. Luckily the charm was hard to master, so hard that James couldn't really worry about anything else. Of course the patronus charm involved focussing on a happy memory, Zabini stressed that the memory had to be powerful. Like that helped. How can you pick just one memory?
So it was no surprise to James that by the end of the lesson he hadn't managed to produce a patronus. It was more of a surprise that neither had Alison. But then again, James had a feeling her dad hadn't bothered teaching her this spell.
No matter how hard he concentrated on his work, he couldn't help but get distracted by her. She looked paler than usual, maybe a little tired. A few weeks ago he'd have asked if she was okay, but it wasn't a few weeks ago. Looking over at her, as sneakily as he could manage, he realised that he couldn't bring himself to hate her. He didn't even think he could blame her for what happened, not really. Albus' words had festered in his mind.
As the lesson ended, Alison jumped up, almost whacking James with her bag as she raced out of the classroom. Any words dried up on his tongue and he sat, mute and pensive, until there was a tap on his shoulder.
"Jimmy," Maddy said, her voice soft. "Walk with me." James stood up dragging his bag over his shoulder and following her out of the classroom. Maddy kept her fingers on his elbow, guiding him. It was dinner now and she took him to one of the empty classrooms and sat him down. "Sit," he obeyed, knowing he was going to get the roasting of his life. "Talk to me."
"About what?"
"James."
"I'm fine, stop worrying about me."
"I'm your friend, of course I'm going to worry about you," Maddy said ruffling his hair, "I care about you sweetie."
"I'm fine."
"James you won't speak to anyone, you aren't eating properly, and you are avoiding the Great Hall- don't think we haven't noticed. I'm worried about you- you need to stop," she said. James looked away, determined not to look her in the eye. How could he go to the Great Hall? His entire family sent him concerned looks the entire time he was there and Fred was so loud it was impossible to ignore him.
"Let me deal with it on my own, I'll come round."
"I won't let you anymore, you're struggling, let me help."
James said nothing for a long while. Sat in silence. His arms wrapped around himself as he tried to continue holding it together like he had been doing so far. He couldn't though. He couldn't keep doing this, it felt like a losing battle. He wasn't happy, he couldn't be happy. He had no Alison, no Fred or Dan or anyone else. He had ruined everything.
It was too late for help or anything else. He didn't want help.
"I don't want your help," James said, "I can't just be happy, that's all everyone wants. To go back to silly James who's always pranking or James who only worries about everyone else. You all want me to be happy, but I'm not, I'm not," James said, breaking off- almost crying.
"James, we don't want you to pretend. We want to help you. It's good to be sad, it's fine, but don't shut me out Jamesie," she begged, throwing her arms around him, "just talk to someone, me, Albus, Dan- someone."
"I just… I don't even know what's wrong," James said. "Everything is wrong, and I don't know how to fix it."
"What's wrong?" Maddy soothed, "tell me what's wrong."
"Fred. I fucked it all up"
"No," Maddy said furiously, "he fucked it up. He should have never said that to you- that's on him."
"It just keeps going round in my head, he was right about me."
"You are not a disappointment James, to anyone," Maddy said sternly, lifting up his chin. "I wouldn't lie to you."
James was silent for a long time and Maddy slowly wrapped both arms around him, his head falling onto her shoulder and breathing in the strawberry scent of her hair. Her embrace was strong and warm, almost like his mother's.
There, in her embrace, he felt more like himself than he had in a long time.
