Cooking with Jessie was fun, but from time to time Lucy would glance to see where Kate was and if she was having fun. At first he was with Heather and another woman Lucy knew as their neighbor and when they were almost done cooking, she saw Kate sitting in a far corner with Charlie. That got her to smirk. Kate found her mini me. If someone who didn't know them showed up, they could have fooled them that they are siblings.
''Everything Ok?''
''Yes, just something I expected.''
''Care to share?''
She pointed her finger to Kate and Charlie. They were talking and Kate had huge smile on her face.
''Lucy, don't tell me you are jealous of a kid.''
''She is not looking at Kate in THAT way. I've spent years watching people look at her. I think I've mastered how to assess how she is being looked at. ''
Jessie smirked. He could only imagine how jealous his friend was and still is.
''I think she connected to Kate for some other reason.''
''What reason?''
Lucy looked at Kate and Charlie again.
''I am not sure yet. But they are very much alike. Charlie really reminds me of Kate. I have no idea about who she is, so I can't give you the answer what is the thing they share.''
After Kate finished chatting with Heather, she stayed alone in the yard. She noticed how Lucy and Jessie had fun and she didn't want to disturbed them. She knew how important to Lucy was the bond she had with the team. Yes, she was her wife, but they didn't have to be all the time together and she knew Lucy needed some time with her friends. Just as she was about to walk into the house for another bottle of water, Charlie came to her.
''Hi…''
''Hi Charlie…''
''I heard you work with Grace's dad…Are you new agent?''
''No, I am DIA officer.''
''Oh, intelligence…''
''Yes…''
''That sounds like very interesting job.''
''It can be…''
''Grace said her dad's job is cool, but this sounds much cooler.''
Kate smiled.
''Don't let them hear you.''
''And how did you start working for DIA?''
Kate took her to an empty corner and they took a seat. She told her about her road to DIA and Charlie absorbed everything like sponge.
''Northwestern sounds amazing. It is one of the schools on my list.''
''What are others?''
''I am pretty much set on the Ivy league colleges. And I have GPA and extracurricular for them.''
''That is good.''
''I just have to find the topic for essays that will bring me there.''
''You have a year for that.''
''I do…''
''So, you want to leave Hawaii?''
Charlie got a bit serious.
''Yes…''
Kate was being careful with her question.
''Is there a reason for it?''
''I'm gay and my father doesn't really like it.''
That was the feeling Kate knew pretty well.
''Ah, I get it.''
''I was sure you would.''
Kate just looked at her.
''You are William Whistler's daughter… Your dad and my dad…they are pretty much the same.''
''You know my dad?''
''I met him few years ago in DC. My dad had to show us off and make us look like a normal family…and we are far from it. I am general Blake's daughter.''
''Oh… I had no idea he had kids. I met your mother by accident at some gathering. They were flashback to my parents.''
''I am sorry.''
''Don't be. I we were not scared for life by our parents, our therapists would be out of business+6++.''
She gave a small smile to Kate.
''I hate him sometimes.''
''Why?''
''He forced my brother to enlist. And he never tried to help him to be sent somewhere safer. He is in the heat of combat now.''
Kate was very aware of the pattern of behavior Charlie spoke of.
''He almost hit my mother when she suggested he pulls him out. He told that doing that would be stain on the family name and reputation. And Josh didn't want to serve. He wanted to study art history and work in some dusty museum.''
''But you don't?''
''No, I want to do what you do…''
''It's not easy and sometimes orders you get can cost people their lives. Sometimes you have to go against your core values and beliefs just because you've got the order.''
''I know, but sometimes it's for the best or some grater good.''
''My brother died because of intelligence breach and it was my reason to get into DIA. I don't regret the job I choose, but sometimes I wished I picked something less stressful. Sometimes I wonder how our life would look like if Lucy and I both had safe nine to five jobs.''
Charlie was quiet for a moment and then turned to Kate.
''But is there a safe job? Nothing is safe anymore. Now you can get killed even if you work as a school teacher. It's a risky job now… Too many people have access to guns and they don't take proper care of them. Kids know where their parents hide guns.''
''You are right. No job is safe and I am aware of it, but Lucy is more at risk than teachers. I am also… I am an intelligence officer. I can be kidnaped in order for some people to gain information.''
''Yes, but you would put hell of a fight.''
Kate smirked.
''You are right about that. But you didn't answer my question. Why do you want to work in DIA?''
Kate knew the answer.
''Same reason you did. You wanted your father's approval. You suddenly become less of a daughter the moment you come out.''
''Ah…that…''
''And did you?''
''Did I what?''
''Get the approval?''
Kate was silent for a moment.
''No, I don't think so. I think that in his eyes I became less than I was even before DIA. I got married to a woman whose parents are Iranian immigrants that live in Texas and have a lot of money and influence. I am married to everything he hates.''
Charlie looked at Lucy and then back at Kate.
''Is it worth it?''
''Wrecking a relationship with my dad for her?''
She just nodded at Kate.
''In all honesty, I don't think we ever had a relationship. He left to war for the first time when I was three or something like that. I don't really have many memories of him at home and then I started school. I had so many activities after it, that I barely remember having family members. I would leave home early for school and come back for dinner. I had language classes, dance classes, music classes…all you can think of. I was being shaped from the early age to marry a man in high place or at least someone who had ambition to advance in career.''
''But you married a woman.''
''No, I didn't JUST marry a woman, I eloped with her…At the moment my dad believed I've learned my lesson after he explained to me that marriage to someone like Lucy would hurt any chance of decent employment and family name. Whistlers served for generations and all of them had high positions in the military and none of them stained the name. Many people never liked my father and other ancestors, but no one could speak bad of them when it came to their honor and conduct in battle. All of them were fighting alongside their men.''
Kate looked at Lucy and then back at Charlie.
'' The thing is that my job was more in trouble because of her character, and not her heritage.''
That got both of them to smile. Charlie could understand what Kate was talking about. Lucy was loud opinioned and it was clear that she would clash with DIA officer she had to work with.
'' I held a nice position in DIA and had many chances to advance, regardless of our marriage.''
''That is good thing? No one cared that you were married to a woman?''
''Yes, it is. It shows that I do my job well and I never let my personal things to get in the way. There were many chances for our relationship to be an issue, but I kept it professional. None of the intel was leaked by me. I got into messy fights with Tennant and Jessie but I never backed out. I did what I had to do and I even threatened to file a complaint against Lucy. I would have done it if the case didn't turn into something hectic just a minute after I said this words in Tennant's office.''
''Is there some sort of internship?''
''Yes, but for graduate students. Not high school ones. You can't be underage to have internship in government agencies.''
''Too bad.''
''I agree.''
''Then I will just have to wait for the college and apply then.''
''Maybe you change your mind by then. People change their minds about many things in college.''
''Did you?''
''Not really.''
Their conversation ended when Lucy came to Kate. She put her arm around her and smiled.
''I see two of you are having fun.''
''Charlie here was telling me how she thinks my job is cool.''
Lucy pretended to be offended.
''What? Being DIA cooler than special agent? No, not possible. I am sure you suffered some serious head injury during your surfing.''
That got all of them to laugh.
''So, you don't think my job is cool.''
''Kate, I love you, but being DIA cannot be cool in any universe.''
''I am insulted by that.''
''You will survive… I am sure you are hungry and that is the reason you think your job is cooler than mine.''
Kate just gave her a look.
''What? We get to carry guns; we go out in the field…''
''You know speaking to daughters of generals about guns is not impressive. We've both learned how to shoot soon after we learned how to walk.''
Lucy turned a bit serious.
''A general's daughter who is also a lesbian wants to join DIA. So, he is not really on board with the girls thing?''
''No, not even close. I told him, but my mother forbids me to mention it ever again. She doesn't want him to stress about it. She believes he has enough crap at work to think about my deviance. And also they believe it will pass soon.''
''So, all the good grades, sports, extra activities are for hope of his approval.''
''I need my dad in my life. He might be many things I hate about people in the military, but he is the only dad I have.''
''I know…''
Lucy kissed her wife's shoulder.
''I have seen one amazing girl live the same life you are talking about. And for her, things got better when we went to college and finally tasted a bit of freedom.''
Kate smiled.
''Marriage and college were liberating experiences.''
''And they let you get married?''
''We eloped and when they realized what we did, we made it public on our social media, so they couldn't force us to end it without facing some looks how they let their young daughter marry and then get a divorce after five minutes of marriage. I guess, divorce was bigger shame than our marriage.''
Kate looked at Lucy and then back and Charlie.
''Just as my parents learned of our marriage, they got the news that my brother has died in Iraq. I guess that took off from the importance of our marriage. I have one more brother, but Franklin is adopted and Noah was their pride and joy…or he was supposed to be…and then he got killed.''
''I am sorry for your loss… That is one of my biggest fears. Every time there is someone at the door or the phone rings… I am terrified.''
'' I know, but you can't let that fear take over your life… It's better to try to be positive and think of him coming home alive.''
Lucy put her hand on Charlie's shoulder.
''If you ever need something…even someone to talk, you can call us…''
She gave her hers and Kate's card and Charlie thanked them.
''We better join the rest. I think there someone who is not very happy with us taking all of your time.''
Charlie turned to where Lucy was looking and saw Grace watching them.
''Oh, that is one more complicated thing in my life. She is with my friend…''
''But there is something between you?''
''Yes, and I hate it because he is my friend and I can't get her out of my mind.''
''Well, I can't relate to dating someone else's girl, but I can understand the other part.''
Lucy smirked.
''Kate was… She got under my skin pretty fast and I fought against it, but in the end…She was what I wanted. We were lucky to fall in love so young and to still be so in love. Maybe Grace is not your forever person, but I've known her for some time now. She is an amazing girl and you would help one another to grow and be better people.''
''Maybe you are right…''
''Oh, I am always right…But Kate will never admit.''
''Ok, let's go eat. And we will give you some space…''
''See you…''
They waved at her and continued to the table with food. Grace soon joined Charlie and Kate convinced Lucy to stop staring at them and just let them be.
They had a good time, but Lucy saw that in some moments Kate had her fake smile on and was polite just because she had to. When the time to leave came, Lucy noticed Kate relax a bit. Like she was counting seconds before they would leave the house. When they saw Jessie close the door, Lucy took her hand and kissed it. Kate just smiled at her and Lucy took her car keys.
''I'll drive.''
''You don't have to.''
''I know, but I want to.''
Lucy opened the door and let Kate in. She got into the driver's seat and it took some time for her to adjust seat and mirrors so she could drive. Lucy drove them home and she let Kate have a moment. She knew that the talk with Charlie brought out some memories that were not easy for Kate. Relationship with dad and the fact that she was not accepted by him really hit home but Lucy knew that talk of brother brought this silence and Kate pulling back into shell she usually is when there is mention of Noah. She would never stop feeling guilty for his death and Lucy felt powerless in these moments. Lucy parked in front of the house and she and Kate spent a moment in silence. None of them even tried to leave the car. She took Kate's hand and pulled her toward her. They kissed and Kate pulled back a bit surprised.
''Where did that come from?''
''Watching Grace and Charlie brought back some memories of us being teens and in love…''
She smirked.
''Oh, really?''
''Yes, I remembered how much fun we had in your car…or my car.''
''Well, we are not teens anymore and we have entire house at our disposal Lucy.''
''I know, but that makes us boring and grownup.''
''I don't mind being grownup. It is fun too.''
''And why is that?''
''Because…as I said…we have entire house and no one to hide from.''
Lucy smirked remembering their very adventures first two years of dating when she was not ready to tell her mom and dad and how Lucy also wasn't really into telling anyone. Those were the years when they had to be creative. They were making out in the car in some secluded locations. They used fake IDs to rent rooms in local hotels that were clean, but not too fancy. They didn't want to risk being seen. Sometimes they had help from Noah or Franklin. They would rent them apartments or rooms and gave them their keys.
''I miss the adventures we had as teens.''
Kate just looked at her.
''I never really saw them as adventures. I was terrified at that time.''
''When did you stop being afraid?''
She looked at Lucy and then at her ring finger.
''When we got married.''
Lucy didn't expect that. They were married after three years of dating. That meant that she spent three years of relationship being scared.
''What changed?''
''I don't know… Just the fact that we were married made me feel somehow safe… Like I knew you were not just by my side…but legally by my side. You were not that girl; you were my wife. Like that paper gave us some importance we didn't have before in the eyes of the family and the world around us.''
''Let's go in… It's getting uncomfortable in the car.''
''And where would you like to get comfortable at?''
''Our bed?''
''Lucy, Dr. Shaw said…''
''I know what she said, but it doesn't mean that we can't be in the same bed or cuddle.''
''Ok, so you are able to control yourself?''
''No, I am not… But if Dr. Shaw's recommendation is going to help, I will do it.''
''If?''
''Well, she said some couples. That means it doesn't work for everyone.''
''Maybe, but we were given very clear rules.''
Lucy just looked at Kate and smirked.
''What?''
''You really love rules.''
''They help and provide guidance.''
Lucy pulled her to herself and put her arms around Kate's middle.
''And I love breaking them…to a certain extent.''
Kate looked at her with a warning.
''Lucy…''
''Kate…''
''That is a very slippery slope you are taking now…''
Lucy kissed her and whispered.
''I sure hope so…''
They stumbled into the house and Lucy pushed Kate toward the living room couch. Kate wanted to stop, but she couldn't. She really missed Lucy and being intimate with her. Well, at that moment she was not really sure if it was about desire or real intimacy. She just knew she wanted Lucy and needed her. Lucy was in that mind space too. She still wanted Kate and she knew that in her bones. She was all flustered when she saw her swimming in their pool or when she got into the room when Kate was just in her bra and panties.
Kate was also curious what it would be like to be intimate again but every time when she let her mind wonder there, she would remember that Lucy was with someone else and then she would feel angry and sick to her stomach. She broke the kiss and got up from Lucy's lap. Lucy was surprised by the sudden change. From Kate that was very responsive and passionate, she turned into very familiar Whistler that was distant and cold.
''We better go to sleep. I don't think this is a good idea. Dr. Shaw didn't give us a green light.''
''So, we need a permission from a therapist to make love.''
''I am not sure we are there yet.''
''What?''
''Whatever could possibly happen tonight wouldn't be making love.''
''So, you don't love me?''
''I do… But at this moment I am leaning more toward hating you, so I don't think hate sex is a healthy way of being together at this moment.''
With that Kate went upstairs and Lucy stayed for a moment to process. She had no idea what went wrong and what got this version of Kate to come out. She was sure they had a good day. Yes, there were some things that were triggered by Charlie, but none of them were something bad about them. That night when they went to bed, Lucy hoped that they would kiss and cuddle, but when she got out of the bathroom Kate was ''asleep''. She knew better than to ask what was going on. She wanted to know, but she also believed Kate might need a minute. She just cuddled up to Kate and put her arm around her. She kissed her neck and breathed in that familiar smell of Kate.
''I don't want you to hate me Kate. And maybe you are right? Maybe it's not time for us to do stuff, beyond kissing and whatever we were doing. I do love you. I've always did...even when I wanted more than anything not to. Time without you would be so much easier if I didn't… And you know that I never stopped wanting you Kate… It's so hard to have you this close and not be able to…really be with you. I do think about it often…Especially when you put on one of those pencil skirts and those two particular pairs of heels. Especially ones that tie around your ankle and I KNOW you sit on my desk on purpose when you put them on, so your legs are the first thing I see when I come back to the bullpen. And I know you are doing it to get my attention and to tease me. And it would be much more fun if we had a chance of a release.''
She kissed Kate's shoulder. She knew her wife was pretending to be asleep, so she took her chance to tell her what she wanted to say for a long time.
''I don't know what is on your mind, but I think I have an idea why you got mad downstairs.''
Kate's eyes flew open. She could listen to all of the things Lucy said with her eyes closed and some normal hear rhythm, but this got her nervous. And she also knew now that Lucy knows she is not asleep.
''I am sorry there were others. And I also know there are no excuses. I am sorry I didn't call or answer calls when you called in the end. I was terrified of you calling and telling me we were done in every way. I didn't want that call to happen and those words to get out. As long as you didn't call or send papers to me, there was glitch of hope that there is something between us. And my mistakes were out of fear and loneliness. I am sure I would want to skin people alive if you were with other women. I do not blame you for hating me… I feel that way too when I think about it. But I need you to know that none of them compared to what we have. You will never be just one more woman I was with. You will always be the woman I was with… You are person I love Kate. I love you even when I do stupid things and things that might hurt you and us. I am not making excuses. I am just stating facts. I had no idea what was going on with us, or if there is even us. I just knew I wished to get out of my skin and they provided temporary solutions to feel less lonely or abandoned.''
Kate had no idea what to say, so she kept pretending that she was asleep. At some point she and Lucy did fell asleep and ended up holding each other.
Monday was hectic, as it was expected. NCIS team had the slow beginning of the day, but around noon their day became chaotic. Kate's day was chaotic from its start. She didn't even take a sip of her coffee at work when one of the younger agents showed up with bunch of documents she had to read and redact. Some of them could be related to the current NCIS case and she had no authority to mention it to Tennant. She was sitting in the office with documents that could change the outcome and direction of the investigation and she couldn't say a word. She couldn't tell them that they were looking at the wrong places. First three lines of her file could have solved the case, but she was not authorized to share the intel in front of her. She looks from her office how Lucy and the team are breaking their back to find leads she has in front of her. She wants to help, but Katherine Whistler was never the one to defy the rules. Around six in the evening she locks the documents in the safe and leaves her office. NCIS team is sitting at their desks stuck.
''I am going home. Should I expect you soon?''
Lucy got her head out of her hands and made sad face.
''I don't know… I think Tennant will send us home soon. There is nothing more we can do.''
''Ok… See you at home.''
And then she looked at the rest of the team.
''And as for you, see you tomorrow, if I am not summoned to the big building.''
Lucy came very late home. Kate was already asleep. She got ready for bed and sneaked into bed close to her wife. In the morning they woke up together and had a moment to have coffee by the pool before they left for work.
''We have appointment with Dr. Shaw.''
''It's in my phone.''
Kate checked her phone.
''It looks like I would be seeing you there. I just got a message that I am in the big building today.''
''Oh… Ok…''
Lucy noticed that Kate didn't look happy about it.
''Are you OK?''
''I am…''
''You don't sound convincing.''
Kate took a seat on the bar stool and gave Lucy a tight smile.
''What is it?''
''You know…''
''I know…Red tape and all. I don't care about the intel, I am asking about you.''
''What I can say…is I don't like the people I am working with.''
''Ok, that is something I can work with…''
''Work with?''
''After therapy, maybe we could go out somewhere for dinner?''
''I love that idea.''
They shared a kiss and went to their cars. Lucy was not excited about her day since they made no progress on the case and Kate was prepared for the talk with her bosses where she would be instructed to block Tennant's team from making progress. What a fun day it would be.
