Madara's a bit of a meanie in this one


A few hours ago

When Madara Uchiha was resurrected by the Edo Tensei, he did not say "The fuck?". Because, for quite possibly the first time in history, he had been expecting to come back from the dead. And then actually had.

He did, however, take one look at himself and calmly utter "What."

Good morning. Black Zetsu whispered into his ear. Or rather, evening.

"Why have I not been resurrected with the Rinne Tensei?" He demanded, immediately.

Okay, look, we're one, maybe two centuries in the future. Zetsu told him. Plans have gotten highly complicated.

"Simplify them."

Alright, calm down. Zetsu sighed. The Rinnegan are in the hands of a boy called Obito Uchiha; or rather one's in his head and the other he hid for safe-keeping (I've since snatched it). He's with us, and if he ever starts disobeying I have a seal on his heart we can both use to control him.

"The Bijuu?"

The first seven are in the Gedo Mazo, eight and nine are still loose. That 'Jinchurikki' sealing that was in the works when you died has since become the standard method of Bijuu containment; we're after a Cloud ninja called Killer B and a Leaf kid called Naruto Uzumaki.

"Uzumaki?" Madara confirmed, eyes narrowing.

Indeed. He's the Kyuubi host and he took out the last person I put the Rinnegan in; he's the one to look out for. You're after an obnoxious blond teenager who's oddly reminiscent of your buddy Hashirama.

Madara finally looked up, which was when he noticed the massive army in front of him. His eyes zeroed in onto an obnoxiously blond mop of hair. "Ah. Found him. So do I have to find my summoner and force him to release me?"

Hopefully, our enemies will take care of that themselves. Zetsu answered, with the mental equivalent of a shrug. Kabuto is willing to just let you do your own thing for now so long as you keep tearing into his enemies, who conveniently enough are our enemies.

Madara stretched out his arms, getting used to this neutered body. "So what's the plan?"

There isn't one. Obito intends to gather all the Bijuu and then bring you back properly, but... in the distance, a giant planetoid formed, not too far from the pair of giant Owls. ...We're in a war. Things are somewhat hectic.

"Improvisation then? Wonderful." Madara jumped down from the cliff he was stood on, and started running towards the army. "Now then, let's test what Tobirama's clever little necromancy can do."


Present day

If Hinata could, she would have screamed. Her body was locked, frozen, in the exact position she'd been in when she'd first touched the Tenseigan. But that had been long seconds ago, and the entire time her body had been burning.

Foreign chakra roared through her, in and out again, tearing at her tenketsu as it went and frying her internal pathways. Chakra was running through the giant orb in constant motion, she realised, and her actions had unwittingly made her a part of the circuit. Apparently the Tenseigan could go decades before requiring 'repairs' in the form of a new Byakugan; but Hinata didn't think her body could handle more than another minute or so of the blistering agony before it crumbled into dust. Blue fire was literally rippling across the surface of her body, and she was unable to answer Toneri's increasingly worried questions about 'if that was supposed to be happening or not' due to her newfound paralysis. Spoiler alert; it wasn't.

Quick thought, maybe we should have actually consulted some more with the expert before plugging ourselves into the CORE OF THE ENTIRE CELESTIAL BODY!

"You absolutely should have, but I suppose we have time to do it now." Said a voice from her left that was definitely not Toneri's. She couldn't move her eyes, and her Byakugan wasn't telling her anything, so the source of the words helpfully walked into her field of view.

"Focus, Hinata." Hamura Otsutsuki was looking much more serious than he had the last time she had seen him. "Your life is on the line here."

Do I not look focused? She thought at the apparition, angrily.

"Don't focus on the pain. Focus on the chakra." He put his palm on the surface, and annoyingly didn't also start burning. Instead, the outer surface of the orb seemed to vanish, revealing the swirling insides to her (and, she suspected, only to her). "Look at it. Feel it. What is it?"

She tried, attempting to toss aside the pain and think. It wasn't normal, she knew that much. She knew because all the chakra in her body had been ripped straight out of her. If it was the same as that of Toneri's combat cloak, that had counteracted any ninjutsu she had thrown at it, then...

Adamantine? She thought.

"Close." He raised a hand, and four swirls appeared above it, orbiting each other. Black, white, gold-green, and purple-blue. "Voracious, Obdurate, Adamantine, Edacious." He said, each colour flashing in turn. "Four very special chakra types, separate from the five elemental natures, yin, and yang. Unavailable through normal Ninshu, only found in those of my and my brother's bloodline. The Adamantine you recognise as making up the Uzumaki chains, that suppress chakra. Voracious is responsible for your teammate's Amaterasu when combined with Fire; it consumes chakra to burn stronger. The chakra draining properties of your Lionfists technique is Edacious, while Obdurate is found in your Vishnu transformation and Kesshotoketsu; which chakra slides off like oil on water."

IS NOW REALLY THE TIME? Hinata demanded. She could feel her skin starting to flake.

"Of course it is. I haven't been able to lecture anyone in years." Hamura clenched his fist, and the four swirls combined together to form one, white-blue glow. "What you call Yin-Yang release is the purest form of ninjutsu chakra, a combination of all ordinary natures. This Tenseigan, and the power it utilises, is made of what I call counter-chakra. A combination of all four sub-types. Because of course, when Hagoromo and I began to master our mother's power, we did so in completely different ways, and of course his way was the one he granted to the whole world...Regardless, that is the chakra flowing through you now, and it will kill you if you let it."

Then how do I stop it? She asked, desperate.

"Control it." He told her, simply. "You are my heir, and your body is now adapting to match that of your cousins on the moon, unlocking your true potential. It recognises the chakra flowing through you is such a counter-intuitive type, and it will awaken the Tenseigan to control and produce it. Unfortunately, that will only happen after you have stabilised yourself, leaving you with the unenviable task of pulling it off without the requisite organs. Recall when you attempted to wield your Gokei abilities without an additional pair of eyes to regulate them?"

This system is designed terribly!

"Incorrect: there's no system at all. None of this is how the Otsutsuki do it, and even that's not the way the universe is supposed to work; we're chanelling godlike power through mortal forms, flying by the seat of our pants, and only surviving because we're too determined to let it kill us. Because that, Hinata, is what humans do." He walked closer to her. "You must direct the chakra around yourself, rather than through you. Create a lattice, a cage, a field through which you may influence it at will. Like what this Tenseigan does." He pointed to it. "I imagine you're quite intimate with it's workings by now."

Annoyingly, she was. As a side effect of her body freezing in place, the Hiragekoma was still on. Even as the gigantic contraption poured energy through her, she was understanding it better than she'd ever understood anything in her life.

But how do I make my body do- She shoved her conception of it's workings to the forefront of her mind- THAT?

Hamura smiled. "The Hyuuga are known for three things, no?" He told her. "Their Byakugan, their ability to drain chakra...and their ability to project chakra out of every tenketsu in their body. What do you think the original Heavenly Spin Kata was supposed to do?"

...But I don't have any chakra! This thing's already destroyed it all!

"...Oh." Hamura shrugged. "Well, sucks to be you."

The apparition vanished.

SON OF A BTICH!

Alright, chakra, chakra, ordinary ninjutsu chakra, where could she get some of that? Two nearby sources immediately drew her attention.

Hinata heaved, but her body didn't budge. Heaved again, to no effect. The Tenseigan chakra had chosen it's path and was sticking to it, moving was like trying to pull apart magnets. Except like, way harder than trying to pull apart magnets. Metaphors are hard when you're SUFFERING.

Oh, fuck it, time for some more self destructive behaviour. FIRST GATE-

Her body flashed with pressure. Flashed again, started shaking, then again, and her skin was red, stone cracking beneath her feet, and her two witnesses had moved away from her, which was the exact opposite of what she wanted. Then she flashed again, and fingers clenched on the hand that wasn't touching the orb. Sweat forming and evaporating on her skin, she was able to slowly drag that arm out behind herself, holding it out palm up, fingers spread.

She still couldn't speak, only rely on the simplest possible expression of invitation she could manage. Darkness flickered at the edge of her vision, unconsciousness promising death, but she clung to the waking world, internally begging.

Come on, you heartless, pointless fucking universe. You've spent the last half a decade trying to teach me I can rely on others. Don't you dare hold out on me now!

Her Byakugan showed her every micro-expression on her audience's face. As Hanabi Hyuuga looked up at Toneri, back at her, gulped, and took a tentative step forwards.

"Hanabi! Don't!" Toneri shouted, but Hanabi didn't stop.

Hesitantly, she reached out, and took Hinata's hand.

The Tenseigan was fast, trying to reach out and rope Hanabi into the circuit as well, but Hinata was faster. A lionfist blasted to life in her hand, and Hanabi screamed in shock at the brief burn, but by then Hinata had began pulling chakra right out of her sister's body. Her Tenketsu blasted back to life and she gasped, then immediately started firing every single one of them, pouring the chakra out of her body in a pattern she was making up on the spot and was only like 72% sure would work.

The white-blue flames running across her body flickered, then moved outwards, hovering on a field of energy just above her skin while not actually touching it.

Hinata sagged as her body was freed, but kept her hand on the orb, because she could feel her eyes mutating even as she stood there and she wasn't a fucking quitter. But she didn't think she'd have enough time, she was quickly running through her sister's miniscule, untrained chakra reserves. "Hanabi!" She shouted, mouth finally free. "Get back! I can't-"

There was another burst of power. Hinata's words stuck in her mouth as chakra flooded into her, more chakra than Hanabi had, in fact, more chakra than she had. She looked up, and grinned. Toneri was holding onto Hanabi's other hand. "Next time," He grimaced, glowing green as he channeled energy into Hanabi, and from there into her, "tell us your crazy plans before you start them!"

"I'll keep that in mind!" She laughed. Fully recharged, she released Hanabi, and turned back to the Tenseigan. Her chakra cloak was stabilising, and she realised now why Toneri's had broken immediately after one hit. Since the counter-chakra was swirling around her rather than coming out from within, one disruption would shatter the whole system. But that also made it efficient. Once it was built up properly...

Grinning more than a little insanely, she brought her other hand around and slammed it too into the surface of the Tenseigan, doubling her points of contact and increasing the number of loops on her chakra cloak, drawing more and more burden of the power away from the artefact and onto herself.

"DID YOU THINK I WAS JOKING, GRAMPS?" She shouted. "GIMME EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT!"

As the Tenseigan dimmed, and she became the brightest light source in the room, Hinata's white eyes began to glow blue.


Konohagakure had an unofficial yet quite well known 'panic rating' system. It was usually used while telling funny stories of past exploits, to explain just how terrified a ninja was feeling at any particular moment in said story. The accepted definition of the 0-10 scale was that 0 was no panic ( -5 was, amusingly, 'Hidden Waterfall has challenged the Hokage to a duel') and 5 was 'something lucky has just happened to Tsunade Senju'. 'Naruto Uzumaki is feeling bored' was usually about a 10 for the village as a whole, and a hypothetical 20 was defined as 'Madara Uchiha has come back to seek revenge on Konoha'.

Naruto took a brief moment to wonder what the number was for 'Madara Uchiha has come back and now he has a FUCKING RINNEGAN' but was kinda thinking...high.

Really, really bloody high.

Hiruzen Sarutobi rocketed down from above, blasting an enormous fire dragon ahead of him, but Madara just extended a hand. He caught the jutsu, absorbing it with the Preta path, then grabbed Hiruzen by the throat before he could react and tugged.

The old Hokage's soul was ripped out of him, and discarded, and the body crumpled. The Professor, one of their greatest assets, was dead before anyone had the chance to do anything about it.

"Old Man!" Naruto shouted, but was quickly preoccupied by the fact that the Gedo Mazo had fully reappeared. Looking no worse for wear after it's brief existence as the Ten-Tails, the statue roared and swept it's arms to either side, knocking away Sasuke and Tobirama as they moved to stop it and vomiting purple chains out of it's mouth.

The Bijuu were still recovering from their last Bijuu Bomb Barrage, they didn't stand a chance.

Eight beasts were grappled by the purple energy, bellowing in fear and rage, being pulled back into the mouth of the statue.

Then they all stopped.

Madara looked up, annoyed, and tossed a struggling Sasuke away, muttering to himself "If it's not one Ashura, it's another, for the love of..."

Naruto grit his teeth, and kept his hands in the shadow clone position, as his Kyuubi avatar burned bright around him. Eight of the nine tails stretched outwards, wrapping around each of the Bijuu from behind. His feet dug into the floor, and a few chakra-hands extended into the ground around him for extra traction, and he absolutely was not letting go.

"They're PEOPLE you insensitive dickwad!" He shouted down at the man responsible for all of this crap. "LEAVE THEM THE HELL ALONE!"

Ahead of him, a storm of shadow clones charged Madara. The Uchiha dealt with the first few with some effortless taijutsu, blasted a dozen more away with Shinra Tensei, then realised that was pointless and stretched his arms out to either side. The Asura path activated and red lasers blasted out from each hand, which he swung in a circle to disintegrate every clone practically at once. He focused it at Naruto, couldn't break the Kyuubi avatar, and then was forced to dive forwards as the ninth tail of the cloak hurled a Bijuu Bomb at him.

Just hold on for a little longer! Kurama shouted, in Naruto's head. My siblings, they're sharing their chakra with us! A few more seconds and I'll be able to do something real special!

"Got it!" Naruto shouted aloud. Ahead of him, Madara punched straight through the avatar and walked inside, and Naruto fell into a taijutsu stance. Behind him, the two clones he'd had gathering sage chakra popped, and orange highlights flashed into existence around his eyes. "Alright, asshole." he said, eyes narrowed, mentally reviewing everything he knew Madara could do in preparation for the fight of his life. "Buckle up, because nobody's ever had to fight this before."

Buffed to an unbelievable degree beyond his base from by the Kyuubi's power, his own, and his Sage mode, all working perfectly in tandem, he took a step forwards-

And his throat was slit.

Naruto gargled and his eyes widened. Madara was still approaching, he hadn't done anything.

But nonetheless, something stabbed deep into his gut, dragged upwards through his chest, pulled out, and then buried itself in his heart. W-What..?

He staggered backwards, blood coating the ground beneath him as his body desperately tried to heal the gaping holes in his torso, and Madara helpfully moved up to him and steadied him with one hand.

"I'm going to be honest." Admitted the Uchiha. "Even I didn't know I could do that until just now. What should I call it?"

Naruto tried to say "Let me go" but was only able to make a noise sort of like "Le...m...o..."

"What was that? Limbo?" Madara frowned thoughtfully. "Not bad. Something to remember you by, little nuisance." Then he summoned a Rinnegan rod in one hand, and stabbed it into Naruto's heart.

NO- Naruto thought-

NO- The Kyuubi shouted-

"NO!" Sasuke screamed-

And then Madara tore Kurama right out of Naruto. And this time, it was the whole Kurama.

For a tiny, brief moment, for the first time in sixteen years, with nothing but little shards of each of the Bijuu floating around, Naruto Uzumaki was completely alone in his own head.

Then everything went black.


Toneri and Hanabi had to shield their eyes from the light, it was so overwhelming. A bright white glow that just got brighter, brighter, brighter...Then, with a final peak, dropped back down to an ordinary level.

Toneri's puppet dropped lifelessly to the floor, as Hanabi squinted and reopened her eyes.

Hinata was still maintaining a respectable outline of blue fire. Her hair had gone white, falling outwards more than downwards. Most interestingly however, was that she was hovering a few inches above the floor. It took her a moment to notice that last fact, turning her head down and murmuring "Huh." before curling up and rolling in midair. Then she turned around to look at them.

Hanabi gasped. "Hinata! Your eyes! You...you have pupils!"

"I do?" Hinata asked. She waved a hand through the air and conjured a small sheet of opal, which floated in the air in front of her allowing her to take in her reflection.

"Oh, I do." She said, upon seeing it. She reached up with one hand to pull open one eye, taking in the shimmering blue of the Tenseigan. "Wow, that's crazy. I mean we've technically always had them, but they were just the same colour as the rest of the eye, and-Shit, right, no, focusing."

She looked past Hanabi. "Toneri? Thanks."

"Just doing what I have to do." He nodded. She went "mmhmm?" at him, and he winced. "Okay, so actually yeah these last few days have been absolute hell for me and I'm glad you're acknowledging that."

"No I understand." Hinata looked behind herself, and floated out into the center of the room, where there was a small collection of lights still floating. She glanced across the few hundred Byakugan, still glowing with the residual light of the Tenseigan. The legacy of a whole people... "Making sacrifices to make things better is all well and good." She acknowledged, aloud. "It's honourable. Heroic, even. But if it's just a temporary solution, if all you're buying is some peace of mind...It's far too easy to get into that cycle of hitting the snooze button over and over again, even as everything gets worse. And eventually, you're going to have to bite the bullet." She sighed, and then stretched out a hand. Two of the Byakugan floated away from the rest and began to circle each other above her palm, as she flew back down to the other two. "What I'm saying is, what Itachi and Neji did was a very respectable sacrifice. But I wish they'd just bloody assassinated Danzo at the start. Keep that in mind moving forwards, Toneri." She held up the Byakugan. "Here."

"I can't see whatever you're holding." He deadpanned.

"I know. But this might change that." She pulled his hand out, and dropped the eyes into it.

His breath hitched. "Are those..?"

"Yours." She nodded, smiling, and tapped the side of her head. "It's not hard to find the ones that match your chakra with my eyes. Use them to keep the scary things away from my sister, you understand?"

"I...Thank you. Thank you so much." Toneri looked on the verge of a breakdown, so she decided it was time to leave while he still had a shred of dignity left.

"Right, so. Warfare. The portal back is, uh..." She thought about it, then shook her head. "Nah, fuck it. This time I will just fly down."

She flexed her will, and a pair of wings over ten metres in span sprung out of her back. She looked up, and took a deep breath.

Her feet touched the floor.

Then she took off like a rocket, blowing a hole straight through the roof.

All Hanabi could see was a white-blue streak of light, blasting up towards a distant planet.


The Kurama avatar shattered, and Sasuke Uchiha was screaming. The remaining eight Bijuu were all promptly yanked into the Gedo Mazo to join their elder brother, and it started the process of mutating itself into the Ten-Tails again.

Madara completely ignored it, opting instead to run away from the battle entirely. Sasuke didn't even try to give chase, sliding to a stop next to the body of (It's not a body, I won't let it become a body) his teammate.

"NARUTO!" He cried out, kneeling down and oh that's a lot of blood. "Naruto, stay with me, Naruto you stubborn bastard don't you dare die on me now!"

But an analysis with the Sharingan just made everything look worse. Naruto had been unseamed, and halfway decapitated, and there was a black rod in his heart (which Sasuke immediately yanked out, but that just meant that now there was a hole in his heart and that wasn't much better). Any one of those things would kill an ordinary ninja, and even with Naruto being Naruto he might not have been able to survive all three at the best of times. But this wasn't the best of times. Kurama's chakra was gone, and with the pair so completely intertwined at that point, Naruto's was gone with it. His Tenketsu were dead.

Death from chakra exhaustion in less than a second. His training helpfully informed him, despite the fact that he'd been muttering "No, no, no, no, no-" out loud the entire time. His brain won't even have the chance to run out of oxygen.

The Brain!

Sasuke's one hope. Brief flickers of residual chakra (oddly in ten different colours) were still floating around in Naruto's brain. Meaning he wasn't dead. Not yet.

Sasuke touched a hand to his teammate's forehead, and he focused.


Madara had to admit, he was enjoying himself.

He knew he shouldn't be, and he most certainly wasn't going to let it get in the way of his success (no...Hashiramaing). But he couldn't help it. This was quite possibly going to be his last fight...ever. At least he was getting a kick out of it.

A storm of kunai flew towards him and he knocked them away with Shinra Tensei, then Minato appeared on one and Madara fired the Asura arm at him, making him vanish again to escape the explosion.

A giant water dragon hurtled towards him from his left, and he countered with a fire dragon of his own, resulting in a collision that hurled scalding mist back at him. Tobirama appeared out of the mist, weaving a set of hand seals that Madara had long since memorised. He just sighed and let the jutsu hit him, feeling his entire vision go dark.

"Sage mode, remember?" He said aloud, catching Tobirama's followup attack on a black rod.

"That power does not belong to you!" Tobirama snarled at him, still attacking.

"That statement means literally nothing." Madara grabbed his throat, and he vanished. Troublesome...

He idly broke the genjutsu that had been blocking his vision, and looked forwards to see the giant Senjutsu Rasengan that Minato, who had finally taken the time to enter sage mode, was plowing down towards him.

Oh, come on. Really?

He reached up to catch it with the Preta path-

And it vanished, teleporting seamlessly from Minato's hand to Tobirama's, coming up behind him. Well, that's a little better.

He considered his options, then just used Limbo. Tobirama gasped as a Rinnegan rod was driven up through his elbow by no discernable source, yanking the arm around and forcing his Rasengan to crash into the dirt. Madara called out "Bansho Tenin" and both Tobirama and Minato flew in towards him. Both prepared to use the Flying Raijin to escape again-

"Shinra Tensei." Madara summoned up two more Rinnegan rods in his arms and blasted them outwards with the universal push. The projectiles impaled the attacking Kage in the heads, causing both to drop to the floor, and disrupting their chakra so as to make further teleportation impossible. Madara didn't even bother to finish them with the Human path, just hurled another dozen or so rods into them to hold them in place. Then, as an afterthought, called out "Chibaku Tensei" at them, causing a very small planetoid to form around the (already mostly destroyed) zombies, in case they did manage to get out.

He hadn't stopped running the entire time.

"Took you long enough." Black Zetsu pouted at him when he arrived. The person he was latched onto (Madara had no idea who it was) renewed it's struggles with even more vigour. "I can't hold an unwilling body forever, you know."

"DAMN...YOU!" The ninja swore.

"At this point I'm not really sure why you felt the need to restrain him, but I also don't really care." Madara made a beckoning gesture. Zetsu detached himself from the ninja, and before he could react Madara punched him in the stomach so hard he flew almost a hundred metres away. Leaving Madara with his real target.

"Fuck you." Spat out Obito Uchiha, who was practically dead by this point.

"Fine." Madara didn't even bother verbally sparring with the traitor, just reaching down past his nonexistant attempts at resistance and grabbing his skull. A small tug was all it took to get the second Rinnegan out of his head. Obito couldn't even use any ninjutsu in his own defense (which was the only reason Madara hadn't taken the split second that it would have taken to kill him properly).

His head hit the dirt, the last of his resistance crumbling.

Madara did briefly pause before inserting the second Rinnegan, to look up at the white-haired ninja, who was (rather impressively) managing to stand up.

Kakashi. Zetsu informed him. Watch out, he has one of Obito's eyes, so he might be able to warp you to another dimension.

Does he realise that that's hopeless since the Rinnegan allows dimensional travel?

I don't think so.

Pity.

"Leave, now." Madara told him. "You'll live if you do, I promise you that."

Kakashi coughed, staining his mask with blood, and then ripped said mask off, revealing a mouth cut into a grim line. (Madara, of course, had no idea why this random man removing his mask would be significant).

"Those who fail to complete their mission are trash." He uttered, meeting Obito's eye. "But those who abandon their teammates are worse than trash. And I'm not abandoning you again."

Obito smiled, one last time, before his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"Well, alright." Madara shrugged. "Limbo."

"KAMUI-" There was a slash, and Kakashi's head fell off his shoulders. His body unceremoniously crumpled to the ground.

Madara sighed, turned away, and fit the second Rinnegan into his forehead. He immediately noticed the ease of tension caused by possessing the full pair; using only the one eye to perform techniques had felt wrong. And more importantly, more chakra-expensive.

He looked out, taking a moment to breathe as no further ninja came after him. "How long until the Juubi awakens?" he asked.

Less than ten seconds. It's faster now we've got the full Nine-Tails.

"Oh, well that's practically forever. I'll eliminate some more variables while we're waiting. Where's that Uchiha child, he was almost bothersome..."

Hashirama's sage mode had ran out by that point, but that was fine, he still had the greatest dojutsu in the world. The battlefield was an absolute mess, a barren and desolate wasteland of cracked dirt and stone and blood. He was fairly certain there had been a forest here at some point, and made a mental note to regrow it after this was all over. At least the sky was still beautiful; a tapestry of bright stars stretching from one horizon to the other, with the moon hanging above it all like-

The moon.

Madara narrowed his eyes.

There was a bright blue light on the moon. It was getting bigger.

Oh, you're kidding me. Black Zetsu growled. Heads up. Hamura is making his play.

"Who on earth is-"

The light flashed down the horizon in an instant.


In the distance, the Thousand Armed Buddha went from terrorising the entire allied shinobi forces to being not alive anymore in about zero time, as a projectile moving at a not-insignificant fraction of the speed of light slammed into it's head. Madara hadn't seen the lightspeed ramming thing in star wars 8, but Hinata had, and yeah, basically that. The Buddha was fucking obliterated, and Hinata landed on the ground next to the White Zetsu possessing Kabuto.

It wasn't even necessary to use Hiragekoma at this point, she just took one look with the Tenseigan and blasted him with counter-chakra and the Zetsu disintegrated, leaving Yamato to crash onto the ground unconscious. Poor guy.

"ALL PLOT RELEVANT NINJA!" She shouted, mostly at Gai, Tsunade, and Jiraiya, all of whom were staring at her glowing, floating form with no small amount of terror. "FOLLOW ME! WE HAVE TO REGROUP WITH-" She froze, as she finally recognised what her Tenseigan was telling her, and the last word came out as a whisper. "Naruto."

Her pace tearing towards him was even faster than it had been flying through space.

She dug a furrow into the ground with an arm slowing herself down, chakra cloak vanishing as she dropped to her knees next to Sasuke, eyes wide. "What happened? Who-"

"Madara pulled the Fox out." Sasuke didn't even look up at her. Tears were running down his face and his body was shaking, and a quick check with the Tenseigan showed that his heart rate was exceeding two hundred bpm. If he wasn't already having a full-blown panic attack, he was damn well close to one. "Now he has the Rinnegan, he has some sort of technique that lets him attack people from a distance, and it's invisible and I-I don't know, it just-"

"Not important." It was, but she'd deal with it later. She looked down at Naruto. "He's still ali-"

"Alive, yeah no shit, what the fuck do you think I'm sat here for!" Sasuke hissed at her. One of his hands was perpetually punching the floor beside him, probably without him even meaning to, but the other was completely still, touching Naruto's forehead. It was suffused with a green glow. "I'm sharing my chakra with him! Keeping him alive, until, I, until-Fuck if I know what until!"

"Until you both die, I should think." Said a different voice, appearing next to them. "His body can't hold onto the chakra you're giving him, you're just running his brain for him until you run out of juice yourself. Something Hinata and I both have fond memories of."

She looked up and glared at the pale figure. "Orochimaru. Well it certainly took you long enough!"

He gestured at the group of figures running up behind him. Haku, Onoki, A, Mei, Konan, Gaara. All looking like absolute shit, but determined, and staring at Naruto's body in various states of outrage. "Oh, I'm sorry," Orochimaru sassed, "Was I being too slow about bringing back some Kage from the brink of death-"

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" Hinata shouted, voice cracking. She pointed at Naruto. "FIX THIS!"

"I will." He told her, reaching forward and putting his hands on her shoulders. His eyes were deadly serious. "Hinata. I promise you that he will live. But you need to take everyone who can still fight (leave Tsunade here) and stop Madara, because it doesn't matter that your boyfriend is alive if that monster becomes a god. Do you understand me, Hinata?"

She stared him in the eye. Sucked in a breath. Nodded. "That bastard is going to die for this. Everyone, on me!"

She paused, leaned down to place a kiss on Naruto's cheek, then stood up again and started running towards Madara.

"Don't you dare fuck this up." Haku bit out, on his way past, and Gaara gave a very impressive glare, but soon it was just Orochimaru, Tsunade, and Sasuke alone with Naruto's body.

"Oh, fuck, I'm starting to feel weird." Sasuke shuddered. "My gut's all twisted and my vision's swimming. I think my chakra interacting with his, it's...doing something."

"No, you're probably just going into shock." Tsunade advised. "Sasuke, let go of him."

"No!" Sasuke shouted at them, clenching his eyes shut. "If I let go he dies!"

"Yeah, exactly." Orochimaru said, rolling his eyes. "That way we can rez him."

"What the hell are you-" Sasuke rounded on them, then realised. "Oh. Granny Chiyo."

"One's Own Life Reincarnation." Orochimaru nodded. "Cheap and nasty ressurection. Requires a relatively intact body, but it works. But we can't do it unless he's properly kicked the bucket. Relax, I told Hinata I was certain of success and she can tell when I'm lying."

"Then-" Sasuke's body shuddered again underneath him, and he sucked in a breath. "Then teach me the hand seals. I'll-"

"Don't be a dumbass." Tsunade shook her head. "They need you out there. The only reason we're trading lives here is because you two are the only one's who've stood a chance so far. I'll do it."

"Au contraire, madame." Orochimaru interceded. "I will."

"Rochi?" She looked at him in shock. "But you're-"

"Scared of death, yes. Terrified." He admitted. "But of death in all it's forms. The only thing more frightening than the idea of myself dying...is the idea of it happening to you or Jiraiya." The Sannin shook his head, with a wry smile. "That was the crucial tidbit Danzo made me forget, with his pesky mind control. I will not lose sight of it now. So if you're going to raise a massive hissy fit, then fine, I'll let you do it just to save time, but if not, we can save the heartfelt speeches until after my soul has started leaving my body, alright?"

Tsunade set her jaw, and didn't say anything.

"Very well." Orochimaru turned back down to Naruto. "Sasuke, take your hands off your unrequited. I'll have him back in but a moment."

"I..." Sasuke grimaced. "Alright." He stood properly, and started to taking his hand away.

Then his eyes rolled up into the back of his head, and he collapsed unconscious on top of Naruto.

Both of their bodies began to glow, Sasuke's purple, Naruto's gold.

"...Um." Orochimaru turned to look at Tsunade. She looked back at him.

"...What?"


What indeed, my good doctors. I imagine none of y'all were expecting that ending, though I bet a good handful of you are able to spot what it means, even though I'm taking creative liberties again. But did you notice that Sasuke was actually stabilising chakra using the Uchiha 'I love you' forehead touch? I didn't, until just now. Damn I'm a genius.

The four 'special' chakra types are made up by me, but it was the only way I could categorise all the weird 'anti-chakra' shit going on in this show. Like, there's some random dude in the chunin exams who can drain chakra through a purple glow like goddamn pain does, and that never comes up again. Hashirama's wood style and the Uzumaki chains both suppress chakra (which is different to absorbing it), and the Amaterasu burns and consumes all the chakra it touches. And Darui apparently has black lightning, and we don't even know what that does. Is there lightning that consumes chakra? That'd be sick. Anyway point is I'm here to fix this damn show as well as meme the fuck out of it, and that's my explanation for how Tenseigan Chakra Mode works. As opposed to 'you get Naruto's Kyuubi-six-paths mode except weaker and also blue.'

And oh yeah, I killed Kakashi and Obito.

I repeat, Madara is not fucking around.