Epilogue I: Idiots


Team Seven looked absolutely ecstatic for almost a full second after Madara cast the jutsu.

Then they realised they were all on the brink of death.

"SHIT-"

"SASUKE-"

"DO THE THING WITH THE NOM NOMS-"

"AAIGHT AAIGHT KING OF HELL GO GO GO-"

The King of Hell appeared on the ground beneath the trio, and they essentially fell into it's mouth. Right next to them, Madara simply hit the floor. He crashed into the stone, bouncing once, and then sighed. Idiots. I've been defeated by idiots...

That stung, an arrow shot right into his pride, but he found he didn't have the energy to be angry about it. Too exhausted. Frankly, more than one life was far too long for him.

Or maybe that was the life-draining jutsu talking, who knew.

"So are you healing them first and then bringing everyone back to life, or what?" He called over to the big demonic head that was just sort of sat there in the destruction of the battlefield. "The souls are released from your mouth, right? What are you doing now, chewing?"

The King looked at him.

His vision was beginning to blur at that point, and it was always hard to tell about the Rinnegan, but Madara was sure that it rolled its eyes at him.

He was proven correct a moment later though.

The King's mouth opened, and the trio stumbled out of it. They looked absolutely exhausted, but otherwise were completely unharmed despite all three being crippled moments earlier. The Rinnegan really is bullshit.

Then, the moment they were out of the way, the King of Hell tilted it's head upwards. A beam of green light came erupting from its mouth, flying up into the air before splitting and raining down around them.

It was, admittedly, very pretty.

Most fell far in the distance, in one direction or another, but a few landed close enough for their landing zones to be seen by the four ninja still standing. One touched the floor and grew, spreading into a human-esque silhouette of green, before the light shattered, revealing an intact (and most importantly, unharmed) ninja within it. He sat up, looked around in shock.

Everyone heard him go "The fuck?"

"Oh I know that guy." Madara mused. "He was the guy with the glowing sword I fought while I was dicking on your whole army. He was fun."

The next breath he tried to take came in as a wheeze, which quickly transformed into a cough. The senjutsu chakra he was absorbing was trying desperately to keep him alive, but there was only so much it could do.

"Ugh. I suppose I should hurry this along then. I'm sure you obnoxious brats would find a way to do it without me, so I may as well save you the time..." Madara put his hands together. "I'll be honest, the massive speech to start the Infinite Tsukuyomi was just me being dramatic. I just have to make the rat hand seal and I can-"

There was a subsonic boom.

The roots of the world tree around them (the ones that had survived the carnage, at least), began to shudder, cracks appearing in the wood.

"There." Madara panted, sagging. "Everyone should be...freeing themselves from the dreamworld now." He smirked. "Chance to test your theory, Uzumaki. Find out how many wish...they could go back in. Shame I won't get to find out..."

"How many of the people you're resurrecting had new bodies constructed?" Hinata spoke up. She has sagged against Naruto's left side, but was still giving Madara a piercing look.

"Everyone who was destroyed beyond repair." He told her. "It's...much more difficult to do it that way. Others could be put back together, and had their souls returned to their original bodies. Most who died to the Zetsu or Edos are still..." he coughed again, "mostly intact."

"But might still be in danger of death..." Naruto sighed. "The Pain attack all over again. Multi shadow clone jutsu!" A hundred or so clones (a frighteningly small number, which spoke volumes about his condition) appeared, spreading out in all directions to provide information and assistance where necessary to the recovering ninja.

"Is that it then?" Sasuke panted, eyes closing. "Are we done?"

Naruto frowned. "Not yet."

"Oh, come on!" Sasuke pointed vaguely towards one horizon, without looking up. Tinges of red could be seen spreading into the sky. "See that? It's dawn. We've been fighting since yesterday morning! It's been a whole-ass day and we spent most of that perceiving time like a hundred times faster than everyone else! I want to go to bed!"

"Isn't the whining supposed to be my job?" Naruto asked, as his friend slumped against him.

"Yeah, what he said, Uchiha." Snarked Hinata from Naruto's other side. She was smiling.

"Sod off Hinata, you spent half the fight on the moon."

"And what do you think I was doing up there, weaving daisy chains? I had to talk to a god!"

"Us too!"

"Guys, chill, you can go sleep in a minute." Naruto lightly swatted both of them on the head. Out of the three, he was looking the most spritely. Madara knew that was due to the Six-Paths Sage mode he still hadn't turned off; natural energy was still constantly flowing into the boy. He must be practically on an adrenaline high right now. Heh. He's gonna crash when that drops...

"For real tho. Madara." Naruto focused on him. "Bijuu. Out."

"Right." Madara grimaced. "I don't actually know how to go about doing that-"

"Eh, don't worry, I'll sort it." The Uzumaki eased his teammates off of himself, then walked up to Madara, putting one hand on his chest and closing his eyes. "Yeah, they're all still there. That's what you get when you let chakra chunks have personalities for thousands of years. They don't want to coagulate into a big murder monster. I won't even have to use Creation of All Things to bust them out."

"You can do that?"

"I'm not sure if there's anything I can't do right now." Naruto pointed out.

"Hmph. Fair." Madara looked up at him. "You'd better take responsibility for this and corral them. Anyone they kill from now on is on you."

Naruto just rolled his eyes. "For the love of-They're not monsters. They're people."

"That's hardly an exhaustive threat assessment-"

"I don't give a shit. I want my Fox back."

His frank admission got a chuckle out of Madara. "Hah! You sound just like Hashirama. Are you sure you're not secretly a direct descendant of his?"

"That sounds like the plot of a really crap fanfiction."

"Point." Madara lay back. "Do as you will, Naruto Uzumaki. The world is in your hands."

Naruto smiled. "Nope." He looked back at his teammates fondly, the two of whom had sunk into a sitting position against each other's backs. "It's in ours."

The hand on Madara's chest flashed with chakra, then tugged.

Having a Bijuu extracted from your stomach really wasn't fun. Having the Ten-Tails extracted from your stomach was, to nobody's great surprise, even less fun.

But hey, at least the lightshow was pretty.

Naruto, specifically, began to glow a bright gold, and actually gasped as he stepped backwards.

"Kurama?" He asked, hesitantly.

"Naruto!" A voice echoed his call. "Oh thank the Sage I thought you were dead, I thought I was dead, I was about to-"

"Whoa, foxy, inside thoughts." Naruto cautioned. "You keep going like that outside my head you're gonna let the world know you have feelings."

"Oh, shit, can't have that."

Naruto wandered off slightly, continuing to talk into mid air and getting the attention of the rest of the Bijuu.

Madara shook his head, and turned back to the other two members of the team. "As for you two..." He coughed again. Now, all his powers were gone, leaving him an ordinary, rapidly dying man. "I got you a present."

Sasuke and Hinata exchanged concerned glances. "Which means...?" Hinata asked, tentatively.

"Exactly...what it sounds like." Madara smiled. "I'm giving you some tools to help you be more rational. You were both...pretty tricky during that fight. So you're definitely smart, maybe...the world isn't as doomed as I fear."

In the distance, shouting could be heard. Madara saw the pair stiffen and shakily climb to their feet, looking behind him. From the voice, he knew what they were looking at. Their sensei, whateverhisname, was running up towards them, with Obito beside him.

But that wasn't the prize.

"I was...what's Hashirama's word for it...'OP'." Madara told them, grabbing their attention again. "Meaning I was able to reach...a bit further back than just the war." He pointed a finger, behind Sasuke and Hinata, to the other two figures rapidly approaching from behind them. "You told me you thought they'd prefer it if you undid the sacrifices they'd made." He saw both their eyes' widen, and smirked. "Time to...put your predictions to the test...you little shits..."

His arm fell back to the floor, as Sasuke and Hinata spun in place to look behind them.

A very exhausted Uchiha and Hyuuga...looked into the eyes of a very exhausted Uchiha and Hyuuga.

"Hinata?" Whispered Neji.

"Sasuke!" Shouted Itachi.

The two children charging into the arms of their family was the last thing Madara saw before the darkness overtook him.

All in all, there were much worse scenes to die to.


Some

Body once told me the world was gonna roll me,

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.

She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L,

On her forehead...


Some time later

It took Sasuke a long time to wake up.

He drifted for an indeterminate amount of time, somewhere between lucid and unconscious, like a fly around...oh screw it, metaphors were hard, he was tired. Eventually, though, discomfort won out over apathy. Everything in his body ached, from the soles of his feet to the palms of his hands, to his lungs and his brain. It was kinda like deciding that you need the toilet enough to make yourself get up, even though you're tired? Except with pain. So, grudgingly, he tried to open his eyes.

That didn't exactly work. His eyes (quite reasonably, if he was being honest) decided that they had put in more than enough work recently and were deserving of a break. They tried to satisfy him with dreams of opening his eyes and doing stuff, but after his recent experiences with genjutsu, that just pissed him off. Yeah, fuck off. He told them. Come on, body, we can do this. Alley-Oop!

All he was able to do at that was wriggle himself around a bit in his bed (wherever that was). He couldn't even muster the strength to lift his own body weight. Why the hell are these covers so heavy-

"...s why it took so long." A familiar voice filtered into his ears from somewhere nearby. "We had to find a-Oh, hold on, looks like your teammate's up."

A pair of gentle hands pulled the sheets off of him, taking him by the shoulders. "Sasuke? You with us, hot stuff?"

Haku. Sasuke placed the voice, with some relief, though he still couldn't open his eyes. He sucked in a shaky breath through a dry throat. "W-water."

"Here." Haku's arms helped him up into a sitting position, back against the bedrest, before holding what felt like a cup against his lips. He drank, gratefully, but ended up trying to take in too much and coughing half of it back up over himself.

"Easy, tiger." Haku stressed, patting his back. "Take your time. You're more than entitled to hit the snooze button if you need to."

"N-No more dreams." He said, recovering. "Bit of a-" he coughed, "-aversion to those at the moment. Th-Thematic reasons, you understand." He took another sip of the water, more carefully this time.

"Heh. Glad to hear your sass systems are fully operational, at least." Haku's hand came up to press against his forehead. "No temperature, your chakra reserves are low, but stable. Can you open your eyes for me?"

"N-No." Sasuke gulped, trying not to panic. "They...they're not-"

"Sasuke." The voice came from somewhere to his left. Hinata's voice. "We're all here. It's okay." She chuckled weakly. "And it'd hardly be 'thematically' appropriate if you couldn't open your eyes now, wouldn't it?"

For some reason, (which Sasuke would have called total BS on had he been more awake) that actually helped. He reached one arm up to rub at his eyes, then blearily opened both.

Haku's annoyingly pretty face came into focus in front of him.

"There ya go." The Mizukage pat Sasuke's shoulder and moved back as he tried to take in his surroundings. He was in...a tent. Medical tent, by the looks of things. Hinata was on a cot beside him, and she gave him a halfhearted wave, which he returned.

"Where-what-" Sasuke looked around some more, saw Naruto lying on a cot to his right. The blond was snoring, loudly. Full team accounted for, Sasuke allowed himself to actually relax. "How long were we out?"

"You and Hinata have been asleep for..." Haku fell back into a nearby chair with a sigh, turning to look at a clock in the corner of the room. "Twenty-nine hours. She woke up just before you." Haku pointed at Naruto. "He has been asleep for...forty three minutes."

"What?"

Haku laughed at their shocked expressions. "I thought we'd already established: Naruto is not a person. He is a force of nature with hair and biceps. While you two passed out (like, you know, normal people would after exhausting their chakra multiple times over in almost ten consecutive encounters of exponentially increasing difficulty), Naruto kept going with his shadow clone army, healing and organising people. It was forty-four (now) minutes ago that he went 'Need anything else?' and we went 'No, I think we're good now' and he went 'Oh, great' and immediately collapsed." Haku shook his head. "Moron..."

"So fill us in." Hinata pressed, rolling her neck to work the kinks out. "What exactly happened?"

Sasuke nodded in agreement, focusing. The last thing he remembered was slumping against Itachi and-

His jaw dropped. "Oh, FUCK, Itachi's-"

"Alive." Haku shrugged. "You'll know more about that than me. Him, Neji, Killer B, Kakashi, Obito...Everyone's back. Naruto said you got Madara to use the Rinne Tensei, right?" They nodded, and he continued. "Well, everyone was pretty out of it for a while. Ninety thousand ninja all pulling themselves out of these big pods on massive tree roots, or waking up in various states of injury with memories of being murdered. Chaos reigned for a solid two hours. Oh, and Itachi was still on death's door from his Moon-sickness (at least, that's what he's calling it). But we were able to get him to Tsuande, and he had that book Neji had written for him, so he's stable now. In some other tent nearby."

Haku paused, during which time Sasuke shifted his legs out of bed and gently put them on the floor. That hurt, but he'd felt the Susanno, so it was barely enough for him to notice. He slowly eased his full weight onto them, and Hinata (never to be outdone) started doing the same.

Haku moved into range to help them, continuing, "Eventually, we were able to get the Kage together, and with liberal application of shadow clones, we were able to get the army into some semblance of order. Suna was the closest hidden village that was still intact (RIP Konoha's infrastructure) so we all headed there. That was when we realised that it...wasn't as intact as we'd hoped."

They gave him questioning glances, and he winced. "The Tsukuyomi...it affected everyone. Everywhere. The roots of the Shinju tree have all broken down into so much mulch, but they left an absolute mess in their wake. And the more people, the more roots. Just about every global population centre has been torn to pieces. All the property damage. All of it. All of the property has been damaged. The Allied Shinobi Forces have quickly been transformed into the Allied Shinobi Salvation forces, going around trying to organise the civilians and stop the inevitable crime wave that happened right after."

"Hehehe. ASS Forces." Sasuke found his laughter wasn't as genuine as he'd have liked. He began trying to stretch out his complaining muscles as he said "So everything's gone to shit, then? We're still not done?"

"You are definitely done." Haku told him, firmly. "Firstly because if you try to put any more stress on your recovering bodies, I'm going to knock you right back unconscious. Second...wouldn't you say you guys have done enough?"

Sasuke and Hinata looked at each other. Smirked.

"Yeah, right." Hinata replied. "Don't go talking like we're OAPs."

"We're 17. That's prime Shonen protagonist age." Sasuke finished. "Plus we're only just getting used to all these cool new superpowers we've gotten. I'm not gonna say 'we're only just getting started', because that would be far too cliche for me, but..." He paused.

"You can't think of an alternative can you?" Hinata asked him.

"Fuck off I killed a god like five minutes ago."

"Thirty hours ago, that's hardly an excuse."

"Fine, five waking minutes ago, and it's not like you've come up with a better-"

They were interrupted by the tent flap being flung open so fast that the ends of it caught fire.

"SASUKE!" shouted a voice, and Sasuke immediately let out an "OOF!" as a large form in black jumped through the air and tackled him onto the floor.

Haku and Hinata both tensed, then relaxed as Sasuke shouted "Itachi! Get off!" and squirmed ineffectually to try and get out of his older brother's grip.

"BROTHER!" Itachi squealed in delight. "IT IS I! BACK FROM THE DEAD! AND I BRING SNUGGLES!"

"CRAWL UP YOUR OWN ASS AND DIE!"

Haku facepalmed. "Itachi. Glad to see your record of being the pushiest visitor possible to my patients is still intact..."

"My apologies." Called a different voice. "In hindsight, I probably should have held off on telling him you were awake until you seemed ready." Walking at a much more sedate pace, Neji entered through the burning doorway and into the tent. While Itachi and Sasuke continued to grapple on the floor, Hinata stilled, and looked up at him.

"Cousin." She nodded.

"Cousin." He replied. "Glad to see you're doing well. It seems like you've done the impossible."

"First rule of being a ninja." She shrugged. "The universe does not care what you believe to be impossible."

He narrowed his eyes. "Where are you-" They lit up, "Oh, that's what I told you that one time. When I showed you I didn't have the caged bird seal."

"Oh. Well, yes." Hinata blinked.

"You remembered that?"

"Yes, of course I did. It was a dramatic moment. I assumed it was like a personal phrase of yours."

"Ah." Neji snickered. "That...No. I was ad-libbing, I just pulled the phrase out of my ass. Why, did you think it was important?"

"Are you serious?" Hinata glowered. "I've been using it at key moments for the last four years!"

"It was a very cool thing to say." Itachi admitted, with his brother's arms around his neck.

"Itachi!" Haku snapped. "Get off my patient or I'll senbon both your asses!"

They laughed, and everyone relaxed a bit more.

Neji sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "I...was quite content with dying after a dramatic revelation of my true purpose. Itachi called it 'pulling a Darth Vader'. He also called me a massive coward for trying to avoid my problems in such a manner. And now it seems like I'm going to actually have to have that long conversation with you where I actually explain things properly."

"Oh, you are." Hinata nodded. "But...it doesn't have to be a hostile one. I've had years to prepare for a confrontation with my nemesis. But...It's been too long since I've been able to talk with my cousin."

Everyone was quiet for a moment (except for the crackling of flames, and the snores of Naruto). Then Itachi went "aaaaaaaawwwwww..." and ruined it completely.

"Uh, guys?" Haku held a hand up. "Not to interrupt, but do you mind if I start casting ice jutsu? Because Itachi set the door on fire and now the tent is burning down."


Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming,

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running,

Didn't make sense not to live for fun,

Your brain get's smart but your head get's dumb...


Some days later

The land of Iron was a hive of activity. It's position as a mid-point in the Ninja world meant that it was central to co-operative repair efforts, and for days now there had been constant traffic in and out of the city with food, building supplies, money, and most importantly people.

This was why, despite being as ravaged as the rest of the world by the roots of the God Tree, it was one of the quickest to repair and rebuild at least the basics of it's structures.

This was also why, despite the chaos, it was one of the first places to have a coffee shop up and running.

"Sorry it's so crowded." Haku apologised, walking back to the table and setting one drink down next to his date (date!) and one for himself. "Somehow, this place seems to have a lot of traffic."

"Maybe because its the only one of it's kind in the city right now." Sai smiled, accepting his drink. "(Thank you). At least the only one with indoor seating. And I don't mind, really. I like the bustle. Reminds me how many other people there are in the world."

"Ooh, poetic." Haku leaned back, and blew on his drink. They were only fortunate that everyone else was so busy; the Mizukage drinking coffee with a ninja from Konoha might have drawn raised eyebrows on any other day. Here and now, they only got the occasional odd look. Maybe it was because Haku had left the hat in a sealing scroll, the diamond seal on his forehead the only big indicator of his identity.

"Crazy, isn't it?" He said, looking out the window to see people walking around in the streets. "Something out of a joke. Two massive armies fight a war, none of them die, and then the rest of the world (who hadn't even heard it was going on) wake up to find themselves crawling out of massive roots that grew straight through their living room."

"I heard they're thinking of updating the datekeeping system." Sai contributed. "Starting counting the years at 0 PIT, Post Infinite Tsukuyomi."

"That'd cause some upheaval." Haku snorted. "Still, now's as good a time as any for it." He sighed. "The economy's gonna go to hell from this."

"I didn't expect you to pay the economy much mind." Sai commented.

"I run a village now. I have to care." Haku explained. "Sure, I'll be fine, but if I make the wrong choices then the entirety of Mist might fall apart without even needing to be attacked."

"Well, you fought Madara." Sai told him. "Compared to that, this should be a walk in the park."

"At least Madara was something I could fight." Haku sipped his drink. "Still. I've sicced Mei on it, and she's all for more political power, so she's lapping the responsibilities up."

"You trust her with more political power?" Sai had a concerned look on his face. "What if she tries to overthrow you again?"

Haku thought about it, eyes drifting. "Well...She could, with enough village support. But she knows couldn't kill me, I'd kick her ass five ways to Sunday now my seal's fully operational. And to be honest, I don't really want the power of the position. I just don't want any clan massacres, like what happened to the rest of the Yuki. I don't want people to be murdering each other to graduate school." He sighed. "I wanted to be Mizukage because I don't want anyone else to end up like me, or master Zabuzza. Or...you."

He sat there for a few seconds, staring listlessly down into his cup, before he looked up and realised Sai was staring at him with a tilted head.

"Um." Haku coughed, and laughed nervously. "Sorry, here we are going on and on about my life. What about you? What are your plans?"

Sai blinked, like he'd been taken off guard. "Well. Continue being a ninja, I suppose. I don't exactly have any other marketable skills. Work for Konoha. Attempt to salvage some semblance of a personality."

"Sai!" Haku exclaimed, in mock outrage. "You know I am very fond of your personality!"

"Well, yes." Sai admitted. "I built it just for you."

That brought Haku up short. From anyone else, it would have been a dry jab at the nature of being a ninja, the necessity of taking on new faces and personas to complete missions until it could be done like changing clothes. From Sai though...

"You mean that?" Haku asked, hesitantly.

"My position is a fairly unique one." Sai said, choosing his words carefully. "For the longest time, I was nobody. Which means that now, I get to choose who I want to be."

"And? Who do you want to be?" Haku stared into his eyes.

Sai stared back. "Yours." He said, simply.

Haku forgot how to breathe for ten whole seconds. When his lungs started burning up, he rebooted, and leaned back with a gasp and a face as red as the moon had been that one time.

"When I'm-" He paused, thought gone. Let out another nervous laugh. "There's a, uh." He coughed. "At the summit, tonight. Each of the Kage get to bring two reps with them. Mei's coming, but the last time I met Chojuro I hit him in the back of the head with a chair. I know you're technically a Leaf ninja, but uh. Would you like to..?"

"Accompany you?" Sai tilted his head and smiled brightly. "I'd love to."


So much to do, so much to see,

So what's wrong with taking the back streets?

You'll never know if you don't go.

You'll never shine if you don't glow...


The Fire Daimyo was not a happy man.

In this situation, it would be very hard for any man to be happy, and as Izuku Ikkyu stepped out of his carriage into half a foot of snow (rising above and dribbling into his boots), his mood was cemented for the rest of the day. It only soured further when he was met by two masked member of Konoha's ANBU.

"Sir." One of them addressed him, with a title notably lower than what they would use for their Kage. "The lady Hokage awaits you inside. Please, follow us."

"Tsunade wreaks havoc across my country, and she does not even deign to meet me when I arrive?" Izuku sneered. "I trust she is using the time to prepare? She had best have an excellent explanation for all this."

"I couldn't say, sir." Said the other ANBU, in an infuriatingly emotionless tone, before repeating: "Please, follow us."

"Hmph. Very well."

He shivered, as a trickle of water soaked down into his socks, and followed them inside the recently constructed building.

There were times, when was feeling whimsical, that the Daimyo belatedly wished for Hiruzen back.

When Ikkyu had come into power, Hiruzen Sarutobi had been the long established Hokage of Konoha. 'The Professor' had treated the Daimyo with the respect he deserved; keeping him in the know, meeting him for dinner, explaining situations and making requests rather than demands. There had been peace and prosperity, and Ikkyu had been quite content with that.

And then he had died, and Tsunade had come to power. And in less than four years, there had been a war, the complete obliteration of Konoha, a discovery of a genjutsu placed on damn near everyone important...and then this. Whatever in Kami's name an 'Infinite Tsukuyomi' was.

While he had been caught in the dream the same as everyone else (including his own guards), so could at least understand roughly what had happened, his contacts in Konoha had been frustratingly tight-lipped. 'Still gathering information' they had said. Covering their own asses, more like.

Well, fixing that was what this whole event was about. All five Kage were present, as were the Daimyos of the five nations, and all other relevant personnel. They were here to negotiate what had happened, who was at fault...and who was going to pay for all this.

That thought was disappointingly not accompanied by a dramatic roll of thunder. It was, however, accompanied by an orange figure practically crashing into him.

Ikkyu stumbled back a step as a blond teenager sprinted through a corridor that intersected his path at a T, going "Oop!" and briefly grabbing a fistful of the Daimyo's robes to steady himself before continuing on his run through the corridor.

The grapple, completely accidentally, shook loose the snow that had fallen from the sky and accumulated on Ikkyu's collar, resulting in a flash of cold as some of the snow fell down the back of his neck and started to melt between his shoulder blades.

One of his eyebrows twitched.

"You there!" He snapped at the blond menace. "What do you think you're doing!"

"And you tell Konohamaru that if I catch him pretending he invented my sexy jutsu again then he can-Hm?" The blond turned around to look at Ikkyu. "Y'all say something?"

The two ANBU beside the fire Daimyo suddenly went very still, which Ikkyu didn't notice as he gave one of his best glares at the boy, briefly glancing up at his headband and recognising him as a Leaf shinobi. "What is your rank, ninja?"

"Hm? Oh, Chunin." The blond's expression went strange, as he looked down at himself and quietly said "Oh my god I'm still a chunin, how in the seven hells am I still a chunin-"

"A Chunin?" Ikkyu scoffed, as he mentally designated the boy as 'unimportant enough to make an example of'. "Then surely you should be possessed of the great shinobi reflexes that would prevent you bowling into me like some drunkard in the street?"

One of the ANBU put their hand on his shoulder. "Sir, please, the Hokage is waiting-"

"Oh, shit, my bad man." The blond grinned stupidly, scratching the back of his head. "I can go faster, but I've been told I gotta stay slow enough for everyone to keep track of what I'm saying. And they said I couldn't fly cos it would freak people out."

Fly? What sort of stupid civilian does he think I am? Ninja can't fly!

Ikkyu brushed the ANBU's hand off his shoulder, replying "'Your Bad'? Do you have any idea who I am?"

The boy blinked. "Not in the slightest no. Wait wait wait!" He leaned in, even though he was at least three metres away. "Are you that one guy Konan wanted me to meet? Wait, no, that was probably Jiraiya now that I think about it. Oh, that's why she wanted me to go to Rain-"

"I AM YOUR DAIMYO!" Ikkyu screeched.

"Please, Sir, I assure you he isn't worth your time-" One of the ANBU tried again-

"Ooohhhh..." The boy nodded, slowly, clearly still not getting it. "Oh, no I know you! Dude, your wife's cat is an absolute bastard."

Ikkyu's fists clenched. "Arrest him!"

"Sir?" One ANBU asked.

"Arrest him!" He spat. "The Daimyo has the authority to demand the arrest of any ninja of Chunin rank or below without consultation with his Kage, unless you had both forgotten that?"

"Sir, I think there's been a misunderstanding." The other ANBU coughed. He pointed at the blond, who was stood there with a perfectly innocent look on his face. "That's Naruto Uzumaki."

Ikkyu frowned, quickly placing the name. "This is the Nine-Tails host? And you let him wander around?" He scoffed. "Our Jinchurikki should possess more control, not less! I will not be made to refrain from righteous punishment for fear of his beast going on a rampage!"

"Hey!" Naruto said, sounding affronted. "Kurama doesn't go on rampages unless he's being mind controlled, this was established like four arcs ago!" Then he paused and looked down. "Okay, he says he would rampage on you specifically, but that's only because you're being 'a self righteous prick'. Uh, that's his words, not mine."

"...Arrest. Him." Ikkyu said, quietly.

"Sir." Said one ANBU, "I'd advise that you reconsider-"

"Oh would you?" The Daimyo rounded on the masked ninja. "Your place is not to advise, it is to obey! Or have you forgotten that as well?" He noticed that they were beginning to attract stares from other passers by, but screw it, this was as good a time as any.

"I am your Daimyo!" He snarled. "The supreme leader of Fire Country. Your village, and every ninja within it, is but one cog in a machine that I control! Without me, you have no funding, no resources, no land, and no authority, and no fancy magic or fighting skills is enough to change that!" He pointed an accusing finger at Naruto. "So when I tell you to arrest an unruly member of your own armed forces? You. Will. Arrest. Him."

The ANBU looked at each other.

"I'm...afraid that's impossible, sir." One of them said, after a pause.

"And why on earth is that?" Ikkyu demanded.

The pair audibly sighed. Then they both reached up to remove their masks, revealing-

Ikkyu stumbled back a few steps, as two more Naruto smiled sheepishly at him.

"Sorry. We're understaffed." One said, guiltily. "All the real ANBU are off doing actually important stuff, but that left us without anyone to escort you, so-"

"Grandma Tsunade asked Naruto Prime to set clones on it." The other explained. "Or, well, she asked another clone to set clones on it." It pointed back to the first Naruto, who waved cheerfully. "He's the original. I'm a clone of a clone of a clone of him."

"What the..." Ikkyu had no idea what to say. The assortment of ninja watching the show, however, seemed to know just fine how to react, and that was to start laughing.

There were stomping footsteps from one of the corridors, and then the voice "Oh, Izuku. You're here. Perfect..."

Tsunade Senju walked up with a scowl on her face. "Daimyo, with respect, quit fucking with my Jinchurikki. Naruto, I specifically told you to not make trouble until I asked you to."

"He started it!" Naruto shouted, petulantly.

"Tsunade, what the hell is going on here." Ikkyu snarled at her. "Your pet Fox has the audacity to-"

"Buddy." Tsunade put one hand on his shoulder, glaring down at him. "Let's be clear here. Naruto could have ripped your balls off without provocation, and I'd still side with him on this."

"...Why?" Ikkyu asked, hearing his own voice go up by a good octave and a half.

"One, because you're a massive pain in the ass." Tsunade told him. "You're like Danzo but without any of the brains or competence. Two, because he's the guy who's team just saved the whole goddamn planet. Because he's probably the most powerful being in this dimension at the moment, and if he wanted to he could kill you, me, and everyone else in this city without breaking a sweat. And because even without all that, he's worth a thousand of you."

She let go of him with a shove, and sighed. "Kami, I need more Sake...tweedle dum and dee, take our esteemed Daimyo into the conference room."

"Yes Ma'am!" The clones saluted her, and each took one of Ikkyu's arms.

"And as for YOU-" Tsunade turned on the original Naruto, who let out a quiet "Eep!" of fear.

The Fire Daimyo watched as Tsunade began to verbally tear the boy to shreds, and just allowed himself to be escorted out of the room.


So at first I thought that there were only gonna be two epilogues needed, but comparing the number of segments I got planned against what I've done here...Yeah we might still be here for a few more weeks.

Now, I reckon it's high time I explained a few decisions I made in this and last chapter. Specifically, the bit where I made everyone important not die. (Important note: I'm sure as hell not a professional writer, but I've watched Overly Sarcastic Productions' youtube videos, so I'm basically an expert.)

Character death can happen for many reasons, but in this fic it had two main purposes: Aid character arcs, and build threat.

Neji's dying was important to Hinata's character arc, as was Itachi's to Sasuke's. But when it comes to the second part, things get harder. Convincing your audience that your main characters are genuinely at risk of death in a battle is really hard, because it almost never actually happens (except in genres like horror and grimdark, which this clearly isn't.) However, it's incredibly important, because if there's no tension in the battle, the payoff of the heroes succeeding is nowhere near as great.

There are lots of ways around it. Perhaps the simplest is that if you're good enough at writing, the readers will be too engrossed to take a step back and go 'It's fine, he's not really going to let them lose.' Let me know if I hit that one.

Another is that they might lose, but then survive and try again. Infinity War style. But this only works in earlier conflicts, not the big final battle. When the whole world's at stake, they basically can't lose, because you can't come back from that. Same with the Infinite Tsukuyomi.

Another is fringe losses, AKA the characters get a C for completing the mission rather than an S. If I make Nagato brutalise Killer B at the start of his fight, the readers go 'oh, shit, he's not messing around. Sure, they're going to win, but at what cost? What if more characters get mutilated or killed in the success?' Hence, tension. This is how Avengers Endgame worked; we were terrified that at any given moment, any one of our core six avengers might die.

This is what I was trying to fearmonger during the Madara battle, when I was swinging everyone on the brink of hopelessness the whole time. That they would beat Madara, but one of them might have to die to accomplish it.

And so, when all's said and done, when the battle is over, and the character arcs are completed...what's to stop me bringing them all back?

Once you allow for Resurrection in your story, even in a limited way, you are immediately putting an upper bound on the maximum tension that the situation can have. Any of you seen Supernatural? They die every other Tuesday. Nobody watching gives a shit if Sam or Dean get shot, it's an inconvenience at worst at this point. No-one was worried that Naruto and Sasuke would die when Naruto had his bijuu extracted, because Tsunade and Orochimaru were both on standby to bring them back. And if I'd planned any conflicts after this point, I'd be setting the precedent that I'm willing to bring back anyone who died, which would make you skeptical of any future deaths.

Sadly, Kishimoto already did all of this with Gaara and the Pain attack. Crap.

But unless I make a sequel (more on that in later ANs), this is the end, so by this point there's no real problem. In the end, the worst result is a sort of dissatisfied feeling in the reader's gut. Instead of suffering at the death and exultation at the Resurrection, they get the suffering, and then a sort of...'oh.' Like they've been cheated of their emotional investment. Feel free to let me know where you were on that spectrum, I'm always looking to improve.

When all's said and done, it was really more of a thematic decision. One I set in stone as early as the first arc when I kept Haku alive. I'm writing a fanfiction, goddamit; I've made these characters interact for 300,000 words, I want them to be happy.

And hey, if you want them to stay dead, just headcanon them as doing so. Not like any of this is canon anyway...