To be clear I absolutely did the maths on a Hinata propelled space flight. Assuming we spend the first half of the journey accelerating at 50ms^-2 (~5 Gs, roughly the highest a slightly-above-average durability human could be expected to withstand for extended periods), and then the second half decelerating at that same rate (this should be the fastest travel time from rest to rest between two points), we can do a basic SUVAT and calculate that it would take about 5500 seconds (~92 minutes) to travel from the moon to the Earth, reaching a maximum speed of ~140,000m/s or 313,000 mph in the middle. For reference, the moon landing journey in our world took three days and they only hit a top speed of about 900 m/s.
This calculation doesn't take into account the moon's orbital speed (which we'd also have to cancel out to be stationary relative to the earth's surface), but that's only about 1,000 m/s so would only take 20 seconds or so to deal with using our model.
Much more worrying is the fact that flight in Naruto seems to just produce force out of nowhere and thus violate Newton's third law, which basically states that you can't yeet yourself forward without yeeting something back. Pain's 'universal pull/push' would actually be alright here, since the vector forces cancel, but all the other telekinetic feats in the show wouldn't.
Unless, of course, Hinata is actually exerting a tiny pulling/pushing force on the Earth itself to pull herself towards it, like with a really big magic grappling hook (This is how Because Science justified Leia flying towards her ship in Star Wars VIII). Or, if Hinata's actually exerting the force into a different dimension somehow. Like every time she pulls something left, Limbo or wherever experiences a force right. I actually have this theory that in Pokemon, the Distortion World fulfills this job for all the ridiculous pokemon moves that pull water or psychic force out of nowhere; that's why everything in the place is floating weirdly and it has lots of weird vanishing lakes, rocks, and plants.
*sigh*
This would be the saddest thing I've done today, had I not spent the rest of said day writing Naruto fanfiction.
Epilogue II: Bond
For the first time in ten years, Hanabi's feet touched down on the planet where she'd been born.
Her immediate response to this had been to kick off her sandals, so when her bare feet landed on the ground of the forest, she was able to really curl her toes into it.
She closed her eyes and sighed happily, feeling the dew of the grass on her soles, the morning sun dappled through the surrounding trees and warming her face. A quick breath in revealed that the air was wonderfully fresh (with, admittedly, a little scent of ozone coming in from behind her).
Sure, the moon had ecosystems just like this one, but...something about this being her own Earth made it feel so much more real.
...Toneri would have said that that was the placebo effect, but he always tended to spoil moments like this with philosophy talk.
She turned around to look at him, being held unceremoniously aloft by one of Hinata's opal arms. Just as unceremoniously, she dropped him, leaving him to stumble a little on the grass before she cut out her own levitation and landed.
"This is unfair." Toneri pouted, giving Hinata a weak glare. "Your sister gets the bridal carry through space and I get dragged along by Wall-E."
"Weak reference." Hanabi pointed out, giggling.
"Well, remember that one time you blew a hole through my chest?" Hinata told him, as her wings and extra limb blew away in a light breeze.
"You got better." Toneri pointed out. "And from what you said during the trip, I'm only one out of five or so people who've done so."
"Which is why your punishment is always being the butt of the joke." Hinata told him, simply, resealing the heavy apparatus she'd been carrying. "Rather than, I don't know, going to prison."
"Grr...fine."
The one thing that Toneri hadn't considered, when offering up the Tenseigan, was that it was also powering the space-time corridor that linked the moon to it's planet. It hadn't taken them long after the moon had stopped glowing to realise that they were both effectively stranded there. Fortunately, Hinata could fly, but that had only raised issues like 'keeping the acceleration low enough that your squishy sister isn't liquidised' and 'how to travel through a vacuum when you're not going fast enough to cover the distance in half a minute'.
The result had been eighty kilograms of breathing equipment and a two hour spaceflight, made significantly less ethereally beautiful by the cumbersome face masks they'd had to wear for the entire period. Fortunately for the ensuing boredom, Hinata was able to communicate via genjutsu. And she had a lot of stories to tell.
"Trust me, you'll love it." She reassured Hanabi, checking that they were both reacclimatised to standard planetary gravity before taking off at a walk through the forest. "The Hyuuga compound is hardly a castle like you're used to, but it's still one of the biggest in Konoha. Uh, at least, it was before Pain trashed the place, and we barely started recovering from that before the Tsukuyomi ruined everything again. But we still own the land, and I'm pretty sure I can just demand whatever I want as payment for saving the world."
"Oh, I'm super excited." Hanabi skipped after her. "I can hardly remember anything about the time before I went up!"
"Oh yeah, you spent all your formative years on the moon with exactly one person for company." Hinata winced. "We're going to need to put you on a life experience crash course...speaking of that one person." she turned to Toneri, "I'm going to be honest, I have absolutely no idea what to do with you."
"Understandable." Toneri mused. "I don't really want to be a ninja. I think we've established I'm not very good at it, seeing as you beat me when I was ten times more powerful than you."
"Eh." Hinata wiggled a hand. "Five times."
"Eight times."
"Why are you arguing up? That just makes you seem more pathetic."
"I-Oh, shut it." He sighed, and Hanabi laughed. "Well...I suppose I might become a scholar? There's a lot of my history I can provide, and I'm curious to see what yours has been like. Up close, rather than through a puppet or a big ruddy telescope."
"Oh that's why you brought all those books." Hinata 'hmm'ed, thinking about it. "That could work, actually. 'Course in our world we call them professors, and they need PhDs to be qualified."
"What's a PhD?"
"...Okay, we have a lot of catching up to do. I'll tell Naruto, explaining civilisation to an alien is the sort of thing he'd love." She glanced up. "Oh, right. Incoming, by the way."
Hanabi gasped, and moved up to grab Hinata's hand. "I get to meet your friends?"
"Sorta." Hinata chuckled. "Actually, you've met these two before."
There was a wrustle, and two figures emerged from the trees in front of them.
Toneri screeched, and jumped backwards about three metres.
"Well well well." Itachi Uchiha crossed his arms. "If it isn't the childminder."
"In all honestly, we probably shouldn't have promised him five ryo an hour if we were going to leave Hanabi there for a whole decade." Neji added, before crouching down and smiling. "Hi there, cousin. It's been a long time."
"NEJI!" Hanabi sprinted forwards, crashing into him.
"Do you two go anywhere seperately?" Hinata asked, sighing, as Itachi also began to fawn over Hanabi.
"Uh, no?" Itachi scoffed. "Last time I let him do something on his own you killed him. By the way, what took you so long?"
"Had to give these two first class seats on Air Hinata to bring them home." She explained.
"Oh. Why didn't you just reverse-summon them to the Angel Mountains and fly them from there?"
"Because-" Hinata stopped. Narrowed her eyes. "Oh, son of a bitch!"
Toneri, meanwhile, was hiding behind a tree. "Hinata." He whispered, frantically. "Keep them away from me."
"Aww, why's that boo?" Itachi winked at him. "Any reason you're afraid of us? We don't bite." His eyes widened. "Unless you did something you think would make us bite. Did you do something? What did you do?"
"Hanabi." Neji took her by the shoulders. "Did Toneri ever do anything bad to you?"
She frowned, thinking about it. "This one time I asked to stay up later on my birthday and he said no."
Both of the duo immediately stood up, and turned on Toneri with blank faces.
"Death." They intoned, in unison.
Toneri shrieked.
"Oh my lord you two are so married-" Hinata groaned, as Hanabi started laughing. "Cousin, cousin's husband, please stop bullying Toneri he gets enough of that from me. Come on, I'd like to get to Konoha today if at all possible."
"Hmph." Neji exchanged glances with Itachi. "Hanabi? What do you think? Should we show mercy?"
"Hmm..." Hanabi thought about it. Then she got a positively evil grin on her face and looked up at Hinata. "Well. Toneri says that you shouldn't just let people get away with things."
"Oh well in that case-" Hinata held up a first and started striding towards him-
"No come on are we still doing that-"
Hanabi laughed again, as her sister started to chase her brother across the forest while her cousins shouted encouragement.
All in all, she was just glad that she would be returning to Konoha with a real family in tow.
Hey now, you're an All Star,
get your game on, go, play,
Hey now, you're a Rockstar,
Get your show on, get, paid...
"AAIGHT, SLUTS! MEETING IS IN FUCKING SESSION!"
There was a long silence.
"Naruto." Gaara stated, calmly. "We were all already listening. You didn't need to-"
"GAARA YOU'RE NOT EXCITED ENOUGH!" Naruto hollered. "B, back me up!"
Killer B coughed. "The little sand kid does have a-"
"Kurama, back me up!"
"Hell yeah, what Naruto said!" Kurama put his fist out, and Naruto bumped it.
There were titters from the other Bijuu present.
Nine Bijuu, two ex-jinchurikki and one current jinchurikki were absolutely vibing in an empty plane some distance out of Konoha. It was an area that had been obliterated by some explosion or another during the war, and Naruto had been trying to use his new demigod powers to make some plants regrow. He'd managed, uh...two bushes, a sapling, and some grass. Hashirama had been cheating, clearly. Of course, Naruto knew he could do more, but that would require...
"Okay, so, for real." He sat down. "Just to open the meeting up: Thanks for the shards of chakra, guys. You saved my life. Did you know it was going to do that?"
"We knew jack shit." Son Goku chuckled, before looking up at Kurama. "But when you're on the verge of getting eaten and your big brother says he has a plan, you listen to him."
"Is that some genuine familial respect creeping in there, Goku-san~?" Kurama rested his head on his claws and looked over, smugly.
"Fuck off, garbage-diver."
"Hah!" Kurama looked down at the three humans, in the middle of the large gathering of beasts. "Yeah, I knew what was up. Pops told me in his later days, probably thought giving me some responsibility would help me mature a little." He sighed. "I know it might be hard to believe, but I was a pretty wild teenager."
"You?" Naruto put a hand to his chest as the Bijuu laughed. "Never!"
"Yes, it's true." Kurama chuckled, before his expression hardened somewhat. "The Shinju tree...it doesn't belong here. We're fragments of a parasite. Ordinary sage mode is balanced, natural. It draws on the sage chakra floating about the place. What the Tree does...what the Ten-Tails and its Jinchurikki can do...it rips the natural energy out of the world. Six-Paths Sage Mode is ungodly powerful, yes. An order of magnitude stronger than regular Sage mode, with flight and regeneration thrown in. But it's not good for the world around you. There's a reason you're having trouble growing new stuff, Naruto; this battlefield's gonna be a lifeless wasteland for a while, it's completely devoid of all natural energy. Pops could have lived for who knows how long if he'd been willing to tap it more often..."
"The dark side is a pathway to many abilities some consider unnatural." Killer B nodded.
Naruto hi-fived him, before asking, "But you trusted me with it?"
"None of us had much of a choice." Shukaku snorted. "That Uchiha prick was gonna steamroll you all."
Gyuki spoke up, stressing "But we did believe in you, Naruto. If anyone is an inheritor to the Sage's legacy, it's you."
"Aww, you guys..." Naruto blushed.
"You have no idea how to take a genuine compliment, do you?" Gaara asked.
"Absolutely not, no." Naruto clapped his hands. "But that leads nicely on to why we're here." He turned, looking at each of the Bijuu in turn. "Kurama jumped right back into me when we did Madara in. Foxy, I take it you're still cool with hanging out in mah belleh?"
"Please don't ever call your stomach that again." Shukaku retched.
"Yup." Kurama answered Naruto. "Way I see it, all the fun stuff's happening to you. I'm sticking around. Plus without any seal I can just leave whenever."
"Okay, dope. But the question becomes...what do we do about the rest of you?"
"What do you mean 'do about us'?" Matatabi hissed warningly.
"Dude chill." Naruto sighed. "What I'm saying is, this is the first time in a long time you're all free of any Jinchurikki. You can do whatever you want. Go sod off live in the woods, get a job, cultivate real estate, whatever. It's just, uh..."
"We might get sealed again." Gyuki spoke up, quietly.
Several of the Bijuu shuddered.
"Jinchurikki are stronger than their Bijuu." Naruto explained. "And all nine Jinchurikki got beaten in combat sometime in the last couple months. Sure, we took the Akatsuki down, but I'm not sure what people might do if they find out you're all suddenly on the menu. The Third Raikage was able to tousle with Gyuki on his own in a straight fight, but the best asset of us ninja is the ability to plan. Give a team of Jonin and a sealing expert the mission to get a hold of one of you..."
"I'm not going through all this just to get stuck inside someone again." Chomei muttered, darkly.
"I vote do whatever's safe." Isobu waved a tentacle.
"Pussy." Matatabi chuckled at him.
"Pussy." Kokuo shot at her.
"Oh, very funny."
"We can offer you protection in Konoha." Naruto held up a hand. "Not sure what the other villages would think about us hoarding all the Bijuu on our lands, but we already have, like, fifteen of the top twenty strongest ninja working for us. And all the top 5. So there's not much they could do about it."
"Suna would be willing to accept and protect any Bijuu who desired to reside in its lands." Gaara offered, only sounding a little desperate.
"Or that." Naruto nodded towards him. "And I bet Haku would be willing as well, so that's three. I don't trust Stone, though. Their Kage's weird. No innocent man has a beard that long..." He looked down and muttered "Long beard hides lots of secrets..."
"Any promise you could make would little." Matatabi huffed. "Humans are born and die at a ridiculous rate. A mere century could pass, and who knows what policy your successor would decide on."
"I'm afraid that's gonna be a constant problem for all of us, hot stuff." Killer B sighed. "Mere mortals are mere mortals. Besides, if Leaf can't even keep track of their boss' wife's cat, I don't know how any of us are gonna keep you safe without assigning you personal guards or something."
"Yeah, they really should put a tracker on Torah or something...Ooh, that's an idea, we could give you all a radio?" Naruto suggested. "Like...like on a collar or something. Like it's got a big button you could push and it connects you to 'the Bijuu squad' and then you can be all 'hey team, getting attacked by ninja here! Send help!' And then I send like one shadow clone and fix the problem."
"...That's a terrible idea." Shukaku deadpanned.
"Not terrible, but it could use some work." Gaara mused. "Your Yamanaka clan can use their telepathy to contact people over long ranges, I believe certain clans from other villages can do something similar. Maybe use that?"
Kurama perked up. "Hold on a second...that might work. Not the radio thing, that was dumb."
"Hey!"
The Fox focused on Naruto, ignoring his indignant shout. "During the war, we were able to communicate telepathically, through a chakra link."
Naruto frowned. "Well yeah, linking chakra is fine and all in a battle. But over long-ass periods and long-ass distances? Maybe if I kept sending shadow clones out to hang around nearby, but if I was gonna do that anyway I could just have the clones watch you."
"Unless there was a way to keep our chakra with you despite all kinds of barriers." Kurama hinted. "Like us being...not even in the same place."
Naruto blinked. Narrowed his eyes. Then they widened, "You want me to use the Reaper Death Seal to split you in-"
"NO!" Kurama shot that down with a swipe of his paw. "Kami, kid, that wasn't what I meant. Not fucking going through that shit again...eugh. I'm saying, we could do the same sorta thing we did versus Madara." He tapped his own breast. "Put a little bit of us-" tapped Naruto's forehead. "-In you."
B snorted. "Wait, so like. 'Nine Bijuu stick themselves into teenage blond'?"
"1080p HD." Gaara added, not missing a beat.
"Oh fuck off, you two!" Naruto flipped them off, not looking back. "For real? That's a pretty permanent investment, Kurama."
"Well, I'm already 'all in'. It'd be up to the rest of these gits." The Fox looked over at his siblings. Some of them were looking nervous.
"Separate off a little chunk of ourselves?" Son Goku grimaced. "Sounds...nasty."
"It wouldn't have to be much." Naruto said, not to anyone in particular. His eyes had gone unfocused and he was twirling chakra between his fingers. "Kurama gimme a little-" he reached out and snagged a tuft of his Bijuu's fur, eliciting an annoyed yelp, and started to scrutinise it as it glowed red. "Yeah, just a small shard of your chakra bonded to my system. We could transfer energy from me to you, you to me, and we could talk through it too. If everyone did it we could get full-on Bijuu skype calls up in my mindscape from basically anywhere..." he paused, and looked up. "Uh, sorry. Yin-Yang release. I'm just sort of feeling my way through it here."
"So long as you don't go feeling through chakra problems with Samehada, I'm down." Shukaku spoke up. "Hagoromo had a tendency to poke us with her when he thought something was wrong, the ass...and I'm staying in the desert. I'm not pulling out my sand powers in mountains or swamps, what kind of fashion disaster would that be?"
"Also you'd be weaker?" Gaara offered.
"Oh no I wouldn't. It's entirely for the aesthetic."
"Oh, okay."
Chomei raised a hand. "I do get a sense that this is the 'true meaning of strength, bring us all together' thing that Dad was talking about. Obviously not this exact thing, but come on, thematically it's perfect."
"I have kinda missed being able to contact you all." Matatabi mumbled. "We haven't really been able to catch up much in the last few thousand years and this would be really convenient..."
There was muttering from around the circle, and one by one, the Bijuu agreed.
"I will do it." Gyuki said, last of the eight. "But...I would like to return to B's body, if he would have me."
"Gyuki?" B asked, looking up at the hentai cow. "Are you sure?"
"I am." Gyuki nodded. "You are my partner, B. I've said it before."
There was real surprise on B's face. "I know, I just assumed-"
"That I would still abandon you if given the chance?" The Ox chuckled. "I'm not a hypocrite, B. I told you. We tight."
"We..." B sniffed. "F-Fuck yeah dude, we sure are."
"Aww..." Kurama swooned. "Well done bro! You've been institutionalised."
"Hah! Well dope, lemme know if you need some Ninja Jesus powers to get it working." Naruto gave them a thumbs up, then leaned over to Gaara. "Uh, do you and Shukaku wanna...?"
"Nope." Said Gaara and Shukaku simultaneously, very quickly.
"I don't hate him," Gaara extrapolated, "but he did sorta ruin my childhood and he's made it clear he's very much sick of being stuck in people."
"Also if I have to watch you and the pink haired girl have sex anymore I'm going to go on a rampage." Shukaku added.
Gaara almost did something that might have been a blush. "Right. And that."
"...So...ignoring that..." Naruto clapped his hands, then wrung out his fingers. "Shall we get this party started or what?"
It wasn't actually much work to take fragments of the Bijuu's chakra. A handful of sand from Shukaku, a fragment of coral from Isobu, Matatabi literally coughed up a hairball for him (because for some reason the Bijuu with no screentime somehow had like the third most personality).
His bullshit Yin-Yang powers made it a cinch to get a hold of all of the eight fragments, break them down into their basic forms, check they were still linked to the original, and then link them into his own chakra system, setting aside a few of his chakra points for the job and rerouting everything else. He also noticed some internal inefficiencies while he was at it, and reworked those. And of course, sat central in his network was Kurama, a bright red glow of power practically indistinguishable from his own.
He then sighed, and took a quick peek inside his own head.
...Whoa.
Naruto's mindscape had never looked more fabulous than it did at that moment. This was mainly due to the fact that everyone who'd shown up had customised their own bit to look like whatever they wanted, resulting in a tableau of different colours, landscapes, and genres.
You can't just let them do that! Kurama thought at him.
Why not? Naruto thought back, smugly.
The Fox didn't have an answer, and started sulking again.
Sure, it might have seemed dumb to let his guests have their way with his own head, but he had always been more of an outside person. 'Sides, he was 17. Committing to any one mindset at this point just felt stupid.
Speaking of poorly thought out segues, he went back outside and coughed. "Okay. So I have no idea if that worked or not," he absolutely knew it had, "So can we get a mic test as it were?"
Oh my god this is working!
Shukaku get your desert out of my swarm!
Oh my god I can see your house from here!
Okay we're going to have to set ground rules about moving to each other's spaces because-
Hey does anyone mind if I put the radio on?
Gyuki why the hell do you have buildings in your mindscape you're a goddamn Ox-
WHO CAN MAKE A SUNRISE-
"Uh, Naruto?" B asked, tilting his head. "You okay?"
Naruto winced, as they shouting between his ears continued. "I, uh. May be noticing some unintended consequences of this decision."
YOUR MUSIC TASTE IS AS TRASHY AS YOUR FUR!
NU ARE VI HR MED!
CARAMELLADANSEN!
And all that glitters is gold...
Only shooting stars break the mold...
"This seems...highly unsanitary." The woman sniffed, looking dubiously at what she was being offered.
"Ma'am, please." Karin tried her hardest not to yawn. She pushed her arm more pointedly towards the woman. "It's fine."
"But what if you have diseases?" The lady wrinkled her nose up. "I know you ninja types go all sorts of weird places-"
"I promise you, there's no way I have moon sickness." Karin sighed. "I've never gone there and I haven't even been near Itachi or Neji, plus we're pretty sure it wasn't even infectious-"
"Moon sickness?" The woman made a horrified face.
Crap. "Don't worry about it." Karin stressed. "Trust me, I've been cleaned thoroughly before we started and between each patient, and even when I did this in a disgusting military hospital the patients were fine."
The words didn't seem to be helping her.
"Ma'am." Karin stressed, again. "You are bleeding."
"But-but what if our bloods types are incompatible?"
"What?"
"I mean, I don't think it'd sanitary to go licking other people's DNA-"
A dark shadow loomed over Karin's shoulder, a shadow promising death and doom and suffering and fear.
"Ma'am." Said a low, dangerous voice. "You have a hole in your stomach. A very small hole. You were briefly entrapped by a being with power beyond your comprehension and you survived with a -minor- Injury. Which is why you are not being treated by the already overworked ninja medics."
The dark force drew closer, up to the point where it was looming over Karin's shoulder. She felt her heart rate quicken.
"But this does not." The voice stressed. "Mean the person who is currently helping you is any less valuable than those doctors. Karin is a significantly more important individual than you are. Do not waste her time any further. Bite the arm."
The woman gulped, and tentatively took hold of Karin's hand.
She found a part free of other tooth marks and bit down. Initially that was too feeble an attempt to break the skin, but when the dark presence intensified she let out a squeak and bit harder.
Karin, more than used to the treatment, didn't wince. Just tried to quell her beating heart as the dark presence receded from behind her.
The woman started to glow a healthy green and backed up, marvelling at herself for a moment before quickly scarpering.
Karin sighed, and turned around.
"Did you have to do that?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.
Sasuke Uchiha shrugged, smirking and letting the killing intent flick off entirely. "I mean, a little. She was wasting your time."
"And you're wasting yours." Karin replied, pointedly. "You've got a limited supply of chakra. Aren't you supposed to be using num-nums on the people who are, like, missing three of their limbs?"
"As I now technically have a summoning contact with the King of Hell, I have to ask you to not call him 'num-nums'." Sasuke rolled his eyes, but when they finished rolling they had gone purple. "Also, I'm here to fix you up. Get Vored."
"I'll stop calling him num-nums if you stop saying the word 'Vore' every time I have to use him?"
"No deal."
"Ugh..."
Despite her complaints, when the King rose up from the ground she didn't hesitate to step inside its mouth. It was far from her first time doing so. Still, the feeling was weird. The jaws closed around her, there was a brief moment of disconcertion wherein she couldn't quite feel where her body was-
Then the jaws opened again, and all her aches and pains were gone.
"Doesn't it kinda feel like cheating?" She asked Sasuke, stepping out. "I let a few dozen people bite me, they heal super fast, then when I'm on the verge of some serious damage you heal me for free and I go back out there. Infinite healing. It's like a game exploit."
Sasuke chuckled. "This has got nothing on some of the other plans I thought up."
"Which are?"
"How about: Give someone the Rinnegan, have them use the Rinne Tensei powered up by Naruto's help to Rez a hundred people or so. Then when they die, pop the eyes in someone else, do the same thing. Rinse and repeat, infinite ressurections, nobody dies to anything except old age."
Karin blinked and thought about it. "Would that...work?"
"I have literally no idea, but I'm a little worried that if we tried it the Reaper himself might show up and put us in time-out." Sasuke turned on his heel and gestured for her to follow him. "Come with me a sec, please, I'd like to have a chat. Uh, if that's okay."
That little statement brought home a fact that hadn't really registered in her tired brain yet.
Oh my god Sasuke Uchiha wants to talk to me-
"But-But I'm still working!" Karin stumbled after him. "You just fixed me up, how-"
"You've been working for eight hours now, with two twenty minute snack breaks." Sasuke told her, frankly, "And you're not Naruto Uzumaki. Even if your body's healed, you've got to be physically and mentally exhausted." He glanced back at her. "Take a break. You deserve one."
Holy shit, there's a little smile on his face and he looks genuinely concerned oh my god-
"Right. Yeah. Got it. Break." She fell into step beside him, blushing furiously. "So...where are we going?"
"Hm? Oh, well, I was just gonna go get a drink and a snack, I've been busy too." He replied, somewhat awkwardly. "I just wondered if you wanted to come too?"
Karin's face was now approximately the same colour as her hair, which was a pretty damn impressive thing for it to do. "I...What?"
"Karin Uzumaki." He reiterated, seemingly unwilling to look at her. "Would you like to get lunch with me?"
Her brain might have actually stopped for a moment.
Banter she could handle. Banter happened on missions all the time, banter was comfortable. This was...this was a date, right?
She heard him break out coughing, and that was when she realised she'd said that last bit out loud.
"Oh my god." She panicked. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"No, no, you're good." Sasuke recovered, clearing his throat. "And, uh, yeah. Yeah, basically."
"Really?"
"Really."
She instantly made as if to dispel a genjutsu, briefly worried if that would come across as disrespectful, then did it anyway. But no, she was clean. Which just left her wondering...
"Why?"
"You know what? That is a really good question." Sasuke forced his hands down to his sides (she noticed only now that beforehand, they had been crossed in front of him defensively). "It's...have either Naruto or Hinata told you that I'm, uh-"
"Gay?" Karin's brain autofilled.
"For the love of-NO, I-" he sighed. "Is that really the vibe I give off?"
She looked pointedly down to how one of his hands had comfortably rested on his own hip. "...Kinda?"
"...Well, good to know, I suppose." Now he just looked resigned. "But no, it's just that I have the sex drive of a particularly unobtrusive rock that's had the misfortune to see Tsuchikage Onoki getting pegged by...okay I was looking for an example of an unattractive female and I literally couldn't think of one, why is every woman we meet so hot? But you get my point."
"No no yeah, the image was graphic enough as it was." Karin shuddered a little. "So...you don't want to..."
"Do the fric-frac-paddy-wack with you, no."
"Well why then do you want to take-" she stumbled over the words, "take me out on a date?"
"Because-" he sighed. "Fuck, I'm bad at this. I'm good at insulting people, I could insult you, that's easy, everything else is hard...look. I know quite a few people. I have authority figures I'm expected to obey without question. I have family members who've been manipulating me for a decade. I have teammates who I would fight and die for, and I love them so much it's scary. It's also not...healthy. Very little in my life is."
He looked across at her. "What I have never had, which I feel like I've really missed out on, is a normal, honest-to-god relationship with someone."
"And you want that...to be me?" Karin clarified, heart racing a mile a minute.
Sasuke paused. "...Well I mean I didn't think to ask Kankuro yet so I was gonna-"
Karin punched him in the shoulder. She didn't even think about it, and she immediately had the irrational thought that he was just going to kill her for it, but instead he laughed and staggered sideways with the hit.
"Yes." He specified. "You. If...that's okay."
Karin gave a small laugh, and the smiled. "Yes. Yes, that'd be absolutely amazing."
In the boldest move she'd ever even considered (oh fuck it, we all almost died the other night) she reached out and took his hand.
He tensed, but after a moment, relaxed again, leaving his fingers intertwined with hers.
...
"But does this mean I'm not gonna get to see you naked?"
"Eh, bide your time, we'll see."
"Cos even if you're not into it you could always set a shadow clone to-"
"Yeah, and I can do some pretty weird shit with genjutsu, too."
"Okay, I do not think I'm going to have a problem with this at all."
So I'm aware that my characterisation for Hanabi is a lot more childlike than an actual 13 (i think?) year old normally would be. I was channeling a lot of my early Emily Kaldwin into her (go read my Dishonoured fic, it's kinda like this-). All I can say is that she's been stuck on the moon with exactly one awkward ypung man to talk to. I think some stunted emotional devellopment is the least of her problems.
Naruto's position as Jinchurikki comm tower is established, as is Sasuke's relationship moving forwards, and-
Okay, cards on the table. I never really planned a romantic subplot for Sasuke. I mean, have you seen this guy in canon? The most impressive genjutsu he ever pulled was convincing Sakura he loved her more than he loved Naruto. And the guy never looked horny for anything once.
I mean if you ship SasuSaku or whatever it's called, feel free. Same for everything else. This is fanfiction, we respect all ships here. Especially the kinky ones. This was just my interpretation.
Sasuke's willing to try for a romance with Karin for the same reason plenty of teenagers do; he just wants to try it out. It might go somewhere, might not. Kid's 17, for goodness sake; odds of you meeting your soulmate at that age are pretty slim.
Unless you're the main character. Then they hand you the perfect waifu on a plate at age 12.
Next chapter: The epilogue continues. Fuck, there's quite a few of these.
