Epilogue III: Together


Quiet was a hard thing to find, in the first few weeks after the Infinite Tsukuyomi.

As you might be able to expect the world spent that period in utter chaos, and activity continued day and night as everyone tried to piece their lives together. Construction, co-ordination, communication, constant noise.

Yet, if you walked just a few miles out of Konoha, to an area tucked out of the way behind a mountain and far from any common routes in and out of the city, then you would find yourself in a small forest glade. It wasn't marked in any way, but the lines of granite headstones stretching throughout the grass made it's purpose quite clear.

Konohagakure's Shinobi Cemetary was notably different to the great tombs of the powerful ninja clans, or the entire gardens dedicated to the single gravestones of past Hokage. It was here that one could find the grave of Sarutobi Hiruzen, if one looked. A simple thing; a stone cuboid bearing his name, dates of birth and death, and a philosophical quote that could be interpreted as a sex joke if you squinted. That had many flowers laid before it.

But the graveyard was also home to another small headstone, perfectly maintained yet clearly less trafficked than many. It simply read 'Here lies Rin Nohara. Died in defence of her village.'

Two men stood before it.

Obito Uchiha looked across at Kakashi Hatake. "No mask?"

"I take it off when I'm here." Kakashi answered, not taking his eyes off the gravestone. "Not sure why. Something about not hiding who I am from her, most likely."

"Hmph. You need therapy."

"Don't we all?"

"Fair." Obito sighed, and scratched at his medical eyepatch.

Kakashi glanced at him. "How'd the transplant go?"

"Fairly well, or so I'm told." Obito shrugged. "Taking a while for my body to adjust to having its original second eye back. My two Mangekyo awakened in different people and they haven't been paired up in years, so it'll be some time before they can re-sync. How about you? Your new eye working fine?"

"Like I'd never lost it." Kakashi smiled, slightly. His headband was fastened properly now; both his eyes taking in the world around him. "Didn't realise how much I'd missed depth perception in my everyday life. Sasuke just pulled up the King of Hell, I stepped in it, stepped out again, and suddenly I was in the best shape I've been in in years."

"The Rinnegan is bullshit." Obito nodded.

"Right?" Kakashi chuckled, before pausing. "Here's a thought; did you ever try stepping in with your eye out and-"

"Didn't work." Obito sighed. "With my second Sharingan intact, the King wouldn't regenerate it inside my eye. So no infinite Dojutsu duplication."

"Heh. Probably a good thing. If it were that easy to break the ninja world I'd've given up entirely by this point."

Kakashi shook his head, and Obito chuckled.

They were both quiet for a little longer. Birds chirped in the trees, critters rustled in the underbrush. Another ninja they didn't recognise (respectfully staying as silent as she could) dropped down into the graveyard some distance away. She left flowers at some other gravestone, sat there silently for a minute or so, then left.

Eventually, Obito spoke up again.

"It should have been me." He muttered, staring at the grave.

"Obito-" Kakashi began-

"I could have saved her!" Obito snapped, looking at him. "Back in the war, I-I could practically feel her. And then I fucking resurrected Madara instead. Madara!"

"It was the best decision you could make at the time." Kakashi insisted.

"What, playing right into his hands?"

"If it wasn't for you, we'd never have gotten close to beating him." Kakashi told him. "You played the game with Zetsu for years, nobody could have expected any more of you-"

"Rin died to save the people she cared about." Obito bit out. "She was a hero. I tried so hard to do what she did, and...and I failed. And yet I'm still here."

Another pause.

"...I'm talking to Sasuke about borrowing the Rinnegan."

"NO!" Kakashi declared, rounding on him.

"She deserves to live, Kakashi! Not me!"

"Obito, we both wish she was here with us." Kakashi grabbed his teammate's shoulders. "But she died years ago. Decades, now. There's no way you could reach that far back!"

"If I used the-"

"If we tried to make the Ten-Tails again the bijuu would never forgive us, not to mention there's a decent chance it would commit more mass murder, Obito listen to yourself!" Kakashi moved closer, staring him down. "You need to let go. Rin's gone, Obito. And that hurts me too, but...there wouldn't be any point in her dying unless we actually live for something."

He released Obito's shoulders and sighed, stepping back. "Sasuke took Madara's Rinnegan to some far off dimension and buried them in the dirt. And frankly I think he made the best choice he could have there. Think about it, if you died and brought Rin back, what do you think would be the first thing she tried to do?"

Obito did think about it, then sagged defeatedly. "Immediately try to bring me back..."

"And then you'd want to do the same. And it'd keep going round and round and round like that one YouTube video about the end of Star Wars IX." Kakashi finished.

"Never got around to seeing that one, was it any good?" Obito checked.

"Eh. I enjoyed it. Decent ending to the trilogy. Personally I thought it wasn't as good as VIII, just felt too generic, but if I say that in public I'll get lynched."

"So Attack of the Clones is still the best movie in the franchise?"

"Oh absolutely it is, yeah." Kakashi smiled, briefly. "Look, we're hardly the first ninja to wish we could make that sacrifice. But the world dangling it in front of our faces isn't going to make anything better. We need to keep moving forwards."

Obito looked down. "...How did you do it? Move on, I mean?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I didn't, for a long while. But then I adopted a bunch of kids and watched them grow up, and then that sort of helped."

"Eurgh. Sounds like a lot of effort. Maybe I'll just get a dog or something." Obito shook his head, smiling, before kneeling down in front of the headstone. "Sorry if I didn't live up to the standard you set, Rin. Course, I'm sure if you were here you'd immediately start telling me how ridiculous I'm being and how proud you are...Well, regardless, I've tried. And I'm going to keep trying. I suppose that's...all we can do, huh? At least I don't have to lie to everyone this time."

He stood up, turned back to Kakashi. "But Tobi was funny, right? Like that was hilarious. I was hilarious."

"Tobi was pretty funny." Kakashi admitted. "We all appreciated the Vine references. But apparently all the kids are on TikTok now."

"I've never heard of that."

"You've been undercover for the past like twenty years, of course you haven't. Oh, right, while we're here..." Kakashi reached into his jacket, withdrew a blue cloth with a metal insignia on it. "Kept this for you."

Obito's eyes widened in surprise. "That's not...mine, is it? I'm fairly certain I destroyed mine in a dramatic display to convince Zetsu."

"Nope." Kakashi tilted his head. "Hers."

...Ah.

Obito held his hand out, then hesitated. "Are you sure..?"

"I've held onto it for long enough. 'Sides, she'd-"

"Want me to have it, yeah yeah." Obito took the headband. Looked at it for a moment, then wrapped it around his forehead.

It fit snugly, and came with a feeling almost the same as the return of his eye.

It felt like coming home.

"Alright then." He looked up, smiling. "Do you think they're gonna make me finally do the Chunin exams? Because that would be hilarious."

"Oh I don't know. I haven't even told Tsunade I've given it to you." Kakashi spun on his heel and lazily waved his hand, walking away. "Now come on. Gai invited me round for dinner and you're my plus one."

"Ooh, Kakashi, did you get a boyfriend while I was away?"

"I have no idea how to describe my relationship with Might Gai, but that isn't it. I think this is mostly just that he's shaken from using the Eighth Gate and then not dying. Or rather, dying and then coming back."

"Oh this is the dude who was fighting Madara? I'm kind of intimidated now."

"Ah, relax. This is Gai. You'll love him."

Obito snorted. "And what, you want me to commiserate with him on being zombies?"

"No, I want you to reacclimatise to normal human behaviour. As for him, I'm not too worried." Kakashi smiled. "This is the Great Green Beast of Konoha. Nothing can keep him down for long..."


It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder,

you're bundled up now, wait until you get older,

But the meteor men beg to differ,

judging by the hole in the satellite picture...


At 14:26, Konoha's public bathhouse (at the very least, the female half) found itself completely empty after experiencing what could only be described as a stampede. The streets around the area were flooded with naked women clutching towels to themselves in desperate attempts to preserve their own modesty, screaming about what horrible things they had witnessed inside. No two of the fine ladies could agree on exactly what they had seen, but almost all described a close encounter with some form of slimy squirming grossness.

At 14:53, the same thing happened with the men's half.

At 16:44, one of the largest gambling establishments that had sprung up after the Infinite Tsukuyomi found itself privy to the most ridiculous run of both amazing and terrible luck Konoha had seen in years. The debates that sprung up in light of this quickly devolved into heated argument, then into a taijutsu brawl, and then into a full on battle royale that completely flattened the surrounding block of temporary houses and had to be suppressed by the ANBU. Over twenty of Konoha's most prestigious shinobi were arrested, and most of those were far too drunk to do much about it.

At 17:00, 'Icha Icha: The Final Climax' was released in bookstores across the ninja world.

At 17:08, they had all sold out.

At 19:15, Mitarashi Anko burst through the door of Morino Ibiki's office, and began frantically taking clothes off. This barely even phased the scarred head of T&I (he was, at this point, more than used to her antics) but he was shocked when she shoved the bare back of her neck in his face. The cursed seal of Heaven that had been there since she was a Genin...was completely gone.

At 19:31, the grizzled old leader of Konoha's civilian police department dropped a very large stack of reports on his desk, sighed loudly, and buried his head in his hands. After a few seconds to gather his thoughts, he reached deep into the bottom drawer of his desk, and withdrew a small silver key. He took it, turned around, opened one of the cupboards on his back wall, and sighed again.

It was with great pain that he took the key, and inserted it into a dusty metal safe at the back of the cupboard. The safe contained an bottle of Hidden Stone single malt whiskey, and all the papers required to tender his official resignation.

It was marked: 'Only to be opened should the Legendary Sannin ever reunite in Konoha.'


The ice we skate, is getting pretty thin,

The water's getting warm so you might as well swim,

My world's on fire. How 'bout yours?

That's the way I like it and I never get bored.


"CHEERS!" Jiraiya, Orochimaru, and Tsunade all slammed their (mercifully very sturdy) glasses into each other and drank. The other patrons had all moved as far away from the trio as they could, and the bartender looked like he would much rather they had gone to Literally Any Other Establishment In Konoha but was too afraid to ask them to leave.

There were three types of people out in the village this evening. The people old enough to know about the Sannin's reputation, the people smart enough to take a hint about it from their elders, and the people who had already been caught up in the trail of chaos the trio had left in their wake.

Jiraiya finished first, slamming his empty glass onto the table hard enough to crack it. "Ah! Kami, I've missed this!"

"Oh, same." Tsunade leaned back in her chair and grinned. "Fucking hell it's been a pain in the ass. Y'all ain't leaving me to be the responsible one all on my own anymore, you understand? Rochi, you're doing my paperwork from now on."

"Whoa, hold on!" He snapped, lightheartedly. "I never agreed to this!"

"Gee, remember that one time you left the village?" Tsunade pointed an accusing finger at his face. "You've waited like twenty years before paying off the consequences of that little stunt, scaley, and lemme tell ya, they've accrued interest."

"I was mind-controlled! This is bullshit!" Orochimaru batted her finger away. "Jiraiya, back me up!"

"Fuck no!" Jiraiya shook his head. "Think I don't remember you leaving? You poisoned my chakra system and left me for dead in the Valley of the End!"

"You were fine!"

"I had to use Sage chakra to drag myself back to the village so Tsunade could heal me!"

"The poison would have gone away in a few hours, relax." Orochimaru flapped his arm dismissively, taking another drink. "Well, it's not like anyone can read Tsunade's handwriting anyway. Let me guess, you have Shikaku Nara doing all your writeups already?"

"Ha, ha." Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Funny. And, uh, it's Shizune actually."

"Hah! Oh yeah, her." Orochimaru leaned towards Jiraiya. "Are those two sexing yet?"

Jiraiya leaned in as well. "Pretty sure, but I haven't caught them at it yet. Ask Haku, they've basically adopted him, he'd know."

"OI! Keep your damn noses out of my sex life! That goes double for you, Jiraiya, I don't want to wind up in one of those books of yours!" Tsunade sagged, huffing out a sigh. "For real though. I am very glad I don't have to hate you."

Orochimaru's lip quirked upwards. "Thank you. I'm very glad I don't have to hate myself."

It was about then that they noticed people walking up to their table.

Oh, here we go, entertainment, ten o'clock. Orochimaru sent across with genjutsu. I'm not looking, but I'm pretty sure it's too ladies and a young man. What's the play?

Confirmed. Ooh, I have an idea. Jiraiya added, grinning. I'll pretend to think the dude's hot and try and seduce him. Tsunade, you-

A plan quickly formulated between the three of them. When the visitors (despite everyone else in the bar hissing at them not to dare) finally reached them, Jiraiya was the first to turn around, grinning from ear to ear. "Well, who do I have the pleasure of-"

That grin vanished immediately upon placing the faces of what had to be the strangest trio he'd seen in a good few weeks.

First, Shizune herself, with crossed arms and a grumpy look on her face. That alone was not unexpected; they'd been curious how long it would take before 'Tsunade's childminder' (Jiraiya's words) would come to drag them off the streets by the ears. "My lady." She snarked. "For someone so adverse to paperwork, you certainly have a knack for creating it."

"Ehehe..."

Stood to Shizune's left, however, was Konan. The stand-in (probably to be permanent) Kage of Hidden Rain looked amused, raising an eyebrow at Jiraiya's open mouth. "No, go ahead." She said. "I'm curious, where were you going with that?"

Abort plan abort plan- "...Nowhere..." Jiraiya looked for a distraction, glanced down at her stomach and found one. "Um. How's the baby?"

Konan wasn't even close to showing yet, but Jiraiya had Sage senses and Tsunade and Orochimaru were both medical genii. All three could tell.

"Pregnancies last nine months, it's been less than two." Konan replied, flatly. "It's a bundle of cells that doesn't even resemble a person yet, I'm not sure what you want me to say."

"Oh that's a good question." Orochimaru hummed. "How early in the fetus' life does it develop a soul? Could you use one to-"

Tsunade punched him in the gut, hissing "Not cool!" into his ear as he doubled over then beaming up at Konan. "Well keep us updated! It'll be an Uzumaki by blood, so Naruto might have to start sharing his stash of inherited goodies. Uh, what brings you?"

"Officially, I'm accompanying the latest shipment of supplies." Konan shrugged. "Unofficially though, I'm helping another member of the 'Sannin's adopted orphans' support group."

The three glanced at each other. "...Um?" They all said, at once.

Konan reached over to the third person who'd walked up with them (who was covering himself with a big hooded cloak and sheepish body language) and pulled his hood back.

Yahushi Kabuto looked up at them all, and smiled awkwardly. "...Hi?"

Jiraiya and Tsunade both recoiled. Orochimaru, however, just seemed resigned. "Hello there, Kabuto. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"He was found by an Amegakure caravan on the way here." Shizune filled in. "Wandering aimlessly in the woods." She gave him a reprimanding look. "It's not healthy to be out alone in the cold, young man."

"I am twenty four." Kabuto replied, somewhat affronted. "And the sage chakra was more than enough to sustain me. Besides, I'd just given up on a ridiculously overblown dream of world conquest and found myself completely purposeless. I had...a lot to think about."

"What did you dream about?" Orochimaru asked him, voice unusually uncertain. "In the Tsukuyomi, I mean."

"Nothing much." Kabuto chuckled. "Flitted from concept to concept. I didn't really have any idea what I wanted. Still don't. But, you featured a lot, so..." He looked down, shrugging.

Orochimaru said "Ah.". And then he turned and made a very frantic series of faces and gestures at his friends, who proceeded to make a good deal of frantic faces and gestures right back.

Eventually, the Snake Sannin coughed and said "I...apologise for not telling you I was faking my death. Only I didn't really know I was going to until the heat of the moment, and then I had a feeling Hinata had just killed you, and then after that it would have been sort of awkward to just come out and reveal myself to you..."

"Your kid was having a mental breakdown and you didn't go and talk to him out of social anxiety?" Jiraiya hissed over.

"Fuck off, your kid blew up Konoha!" Orochimaru hissed back, before composing himself. "And, Kabuto, I...I also apologise for so blatantly favouring Hinata over you over the last few years. It was in a large part due to pure greed, and in another due to her blatant attempts to manipulate me over the duration...but it was still unfair." His lips quirked up. "And a mistake, seeing how you flourished once you were freed from underneath me. Your improvements on the Edo Tensei were a marvel to witness, and I am dying to learn exactly what you've done to your own biology."

"My my, Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto smiled, slyly. "Are you saying you want to get your hands on my body?"

Orochimaru's face froze, as his two teammates began to laugh maniacally at his expense. Some of the tension drained out of the moment.

"I don't know what I want to do with my life." Kabuto admitted. "But in the interim, science seems like a pretty damn good option. So, if you're still willing to have me on as your student..."

Orochimaru thought about it. "Well...I'm afraid I've had quite enough of students for the near future."

Kabuto's face fell.

"But." Orochimaru held a finger up in the air. "I would certainly not be opposed to a partner. Let's not kid ourselves, Kabuto, you're more than on my level by this point."

That had Kabuto's eyes widening to the size of saucers. "R-Really?"

"Really." Orochimaru nodded. "I'm beginning to think that one of the reasons my search for an end to death has been so stunted, is because I've been so insistent on undertaking it alone."

"...Does this mean I can call you Dad?"

"Don't push it."

Jiraiya and Tsunade, who had up until that point been holding each other and quietly screaming in joy, took that moment to throw themselves across the table and grab their teammate in a massive hug, which promptly caused the table to overbalance and come crashing down onto the floor.

The three became a wrestling, squirming, bickering mess. Konan and Kabuto looked on in amusement, while Shizune just sighed, walked away, and prepared her apology to the bartender.


Hey now, you're an all star,

Get your game on, go, play,

Hey now, you're a rock star,

Get the show on, get, paid...


Sasuke looked down at his plate and frowned. "Hold the phone. Where the fuck did the potatoes come from?"

"Sasuke!" Mikoto admonished her son. "Language!"

"I'm just saying!" Sasuke waved vaguely at the food in front of him. "Where did we get them? Potatoes don't grow in this climate!"

"That's what's bothering you?" Fugaku asked, raising an eyebrow. "the magic thousand metre tall tree was fine, but potatoes aren't?"

"At least we were given an explanation for the Shinju tree." Sasuke dismissed. "That made actual sense."

"The explanation that it was a parasite brought by a space wizard?" Mikoto checked.

"Exactly!" Sasuke pointed. "But you can't justify potatoes that way! It's not like Kaguya came to Earth and said 'Let there be chakra, and let there be a new root vegetable in a region that does not contain the mountainous rainforest climate required for it to originally evolve'."

There was the sound of footsteps, and then a voice echoing in through the doorway to the Uchiha family's dining room. "What Sasuke has discovered is, actually, the fourth greatest prank of all time, played by Hashirama Senju on his brother Tobirama."

Itachi walked through the doorway, smiling. "Tobirama (the big nerd) was going around attempting to classify all the flora and fauna that lived in the Konoha region and find common ancestors for them. Eventually it'd lead him to his evolution theory, but at the time he was still looking for proof. So naturally Hashirama went around with his wood release just creating new plants and seeding them in the area to keep falsifying his brother's theories. Wound up as a massive conspiracy where he was screwing with a collaboration of the brightest minds in the whole world. Took Tobirama ten years to catch him doing it, but some time during that someone decided to try eating the spuds."

"See! A reasonable explanation presents itself!" Sasuke threw his arms up in celebration, before actually starting to eat his dinner. "Wait if that was the fourth greatest prank, what are the top three?"

"Tell you when you're older." Itachi smirked. "Also, hi everyone. Sorry I'm late."

Mikoto had already stood up and rushed over to hug him, insisting "No, no, you're fine! Please, sit down, I'll get your dinner out of the oven and-"

There was a blur, and then Itachi was stood in the same place but with a plate of food in his hand. He raised an eyebrow pointedly.

"Oh, alright. I swear, you ninja..." She playfully swat him over the back of his head, and everyone laughed as they took their places at the dinner table.

"So what made you bring the potatoes up?" Itachi asked, digging in. "You never struck me as a biologist."

"Hm? Oh, Karin was talking." Sasuke smiled down at his dinner. "She knows a lot about this stuff after her time with Orochimaru."

"Oh, nice." Itachi nodded. They all kept eating.

Sasuke waited for the hammer to drop. But it didn't, and he frowned.

"Uh." He clarified. "Karin is a girl."

"Worked that out from your choice of pronouns, yes." Fugaku acknowledged. "Could you pass the salt?"

Sasuke blinked. "A girl I was having lunch with." He stressed.

"Yes. And?" Mikoto tilted her head.

Okay, what? "Seriously?" Sasuke looked between the three of them. "Nothing? Absolutely zero teasing? I was on a date with a girl and none of you are insinuating anything?"

"Why would we tease you?" Itachi asked, completely deadpan. "You're a grown man who can make his own decisions."

"But-" Sasuke was so confused, "Five years ago when I so much as mentioned Hinata's name you started planning the wedding! Where did that all go?"

"Oh." Mikoto blinked. "I'm sorry, it's just, after that we all sort of assumed you were gay. Is that not..?"

Sasuke blanched.

The table was silent for a solid five seconds, as Sasuke looked at each of them in turn.

Fugaku's lip was the first to quirk upwards, briefly. But then Mikoto couldn't stop herself grinning, and Itachi snorted, and then everyone was laughing at him.

"I'm sorry!" Mikoto howled at his confused expression, patting him reassuringly on the shoulder. "Fugaku saw you on your date, we decided that this was how we were going to play it."

"You're all evil!" Sasuke groaned, hiding his embarrassment in a mouthful of peas.

It took another few seconds for everyone to calm down, before Itachi sighed and confessed "I've missed this."

"Mm, I agree." Fugaku said, swallowing. "It's been, what, half a decade now since the family got together for a meal?"

"Oh, lord, you make it sound so long." Mikoto moaned.

"To be fair, you were both trying to manipulate me for those meals." Sasuke pointed out, aiming his fork between his father and brother. "If you'd just prioritised being good family members we wouldn't have had to stop."

"Yes, which was very rude of you both." Mikoto declared, buttering some bread imperiously. "And look where it left you all. Fighting to the death in my forest garden! If any of you had gotten hurt, do you have any idea what I would have done to the rest of you?"

The three strongest Uchiha cowered before her glare. "We're sorry." They chorused, dutifully.

"I thought so." Mikoto continued eating like nothing had happened. "Honesty is the best policy, boys, remember that."

"Honesty. Right."

Sasuke waited until his father was taking a mouthful, and then said "I'm pretty sure I'm asexual."

There was a loud cough, and then Fugaku began choking on his bread. Mikoto, peas falling from her open mouth, was too shocked to do anything about it.

Itachi chuckled, and took a drink.

"Also," Sasuke added, "I'm pretty sure there are more aliens that want to kill us all."

Itachi's eyes widened, and he spat up half his glass of water, gasping for air.

Sasuke smiled innocently. "And I think that's it. Does anyone have any more potatoes?"


And all that glitters is gold...

Only shooting stars break the mold...


Naruto and Hinata sat together atop the Hokage monument. Below them was the spread of humanity that made up Konohagakure, bustling even at the late hour. Buildings may have been destroyed (multiple times over), but the people were still there. And really, that's what Konoha truly was.

Above them was the night sky, and oh boy did the brief annihalation of civilisation do wonders for light pollution. The celestial sphere looked like it had been drawn for an anime or some shit.

"It's so beautiful up here." Hinata said, holding Naruto's hand.

He nodded. "Yeah, it's just me, you, and the moon."

"Hey!" Shouted a voice from somewhere below them and to their left. "You two should kiss!"

Hinata scowled, stood up, and shouted "TONERI! YOU TAKE YOUR ASS BACK INTO THE VILLAGE AND TURN YOUR BYAKUGAN OFF OR SO HELP ME KAMI-"

"Alright, fine!" the voice started to recede.

Hinata sighed, uncurled her fists, counted to ten, and turned back to Naruto smiling. "Sorry about that, where were we?"

Still sat down, resting on the flats of his palms, Naruto looked up at her and laughed. "Wow, you're gorgeous."

Hinata blushed, immediately, and Naruto stretched his arms forwards placatingly "Nonono, I didn't mean it in a weird way-"

"No, please, ignore me!" Hinata waved a hand, regaining her composure. "I...really ought to get used to that sort of thing. You're fine, and...thank you. That was really nice to hear."

"Oh, good." Naruto looked relieved. "I mean, I'm not really sure what my excuse was going to be there. What the hell is a 'weird way' to call someone beautiful? Like that's a fairly difficult statement to misinterpret."

"Oh?" She rested a hand on one hip and smirked down at him. "And what sort of way did you mean it?"

"...Um." Naruto paused. "Oh, shit, you know if I'm lying."

Hinata nodded, grin becoming just slightly evil.

"Well I guess..." he was the one looking uncomfortable now, "Well I guess in a..." he mumbled but she still caught it, "hormone-y sort of way." She raised an eyebrow, and he continued "And then sort of in the same way that I think massive explosions are beautiful, like the raw sort of 'whoa, okay, that's such a magnificent-thing' sorta way, and then also probably in a r-" He stopped. "A ro-" Stopped again. Sighed.

"Hinata." He continued. "You're an angel. And I don't have any past experience in this area, and the only authority figure I've had around to give me advice on it is Jiraiya, which speaks for itself, so I'm not sure if I'm calling it what it actually is, and I don't want to hurt you by misinterpreting what's going on in my own head, which lets face it wouldn't be beyond me...But I'm pretty sure that I'm in love with you."

Hinata didn't need the Gokei or the Tenseigan to tell her that Naruto was telling the truth.

She let out a breath, then turned around, looking back out to the village.

A small laugh escaped from her mouth. "Do you have any idea how long I've dreamed of hearing you say those words to me?"

Naruto didn't reply, and she resisted the urge to use her eyes to cheat and look at him. Instead, she looked up at the moon. "I was never in doubt, Naruto. Not for a moment. I've loved you since the moment we first met. Now, you deserve better than me. Well, you deserve anything and everything this world could possibly offer to you. But love isn't about what you 'deserve', is it? Love isn't fair. Love's about wanting, and being wanted in turn. That's the best thing about love, as I see it. It lets you get so enraptured by a person that you want whatever they want. It lets you be selfish and selfless at the same time." She smiled. "And...and you just called me an angel."

She turned back to Naruto. He was looking up at her, silhouetted by the moon, and seemed positively in awe, which was an expression she was absolutely fucking thrilled to be drawing out of him.

"So, with that in mind, and with it being known by all parties that I will help you get anything that you want..." She met his eyes. "If you could have anyone. Anyone in the world. Would you still pick me?"

Naruto looked up at her for a moment, and then stood. "Hinata. The other day you stood in the wasteland of everything you'd ever loved, laughed, gave a speech about trusting me implicitly, and then punched god in the face." He reached towards her and took her hands. "There may as well not be anyone else."

The Infinite Tsukuyomi had absolutely nothing on that moment. Hinata leaned forwards and kissed him.

It was slow, and it was long, and it was gentle. Ninja can hold their breath for a long time, so Hinata wasn't entirely sure how long they were there for.

(Of course she then checked by checking where the moon had been before and after and comparing that to it's distance from the earth and it's orbital period and found it had been three minutes and forty four seconds.)

And then she stepped back, said "Alright then," and reached down and pulled her vest up over her head.

Naruto made a very high pitched whining noise as she tossed it to the side and looked at him expectantly. "Uh, Hinata? You're not wearing a bra."

"Nope." She replied.

"I...think you're doing that thing again where you misconstrue what's socially acceptable-"

"Naruto." She said, patiently. "I am fully aware of what I'm doing."

"You mean-"

"Yes."

His jaw clacked shut. Opened again. "On the Hokage Monument?"

"I hear it's a good place for it." She smiled, slyly.

"...Okay." Naruto gulped. He was, very impressively, trying very hard to keep his eyes on her face. "So I'm obviously definitely not opposed to this in any way, but like, I have no idea what I'm doing, and I don't exactly want to screw this up, and I mean what if someone sees us, like, the Kyuubi has already fucked off as far inside me as he can and-"

"Naruto." Hinata shook her head and closed the distance between them. "For once in your life? Stop talking."


One year and five days ago, a guest reviewer complained on chapter three about the presence of potatoes in this story, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. This is my response to that.

Oh yeah, and everything else that happened happened.

Y'all're gonna have to let me know how the romance writing went, it's never exactly been my 'area of expertise'. Though maybe claiming to have one of those as an unpublished fanfiction writer is a bit rich. Regardless, Naruto and Hinata do the secks. They're 17 year old virgins who've been through hell together, what did you expect to happen. Kakashi and Obito are recovering, and the Sannin finally pull themselves back together. And it's only now that I realise just how many kids those three have adopted. All the named ones from Orochimaru's hideout, the Sound Five, Team 7, Nagato and his team, Shizune, Ino and Sakura, like hot damn. Kids for days.

The last chapter, I have every reason to suspect, will be the final one for this fic. Get ready for the AN on that to be almost as big as the chapter itself...