So, remember Alastor? The oh-so feared "Radio Demon"? The guy Krieg dunked on back in Chapter 5? Well, turns out being effortlessly defeated by a Jason Voorhees wannabe with a shotgun isn't exactly good for your reputation as the most fearsome being in Hell.
"Curse that muscle-bound munter! But no worries, I'll have my retribution soon enough!" "That's lovely, sir, but would you mind getting out of my alley? You're scaring off potential customers." Since his humiliation, Alastor had set up a makeshift radio booth in an alleyway next to a restaurant. "Do you not realize just who you're making demands of!?" The Radio Demon found himself being thrown across the street into a dumpster. As he crawled out of the trash, grumbling, he saw an announcement on a nearby TV display. A particularly handsome demon was announcing a 4-billion dollar bounty on the meathead that had humiliated him. Al cackled to himself. "Hahaha! Things just got a lot more interesting!"
MEANWHILE, ELSEWHERE IN THE PRIDE RING:
Krieg was sitting on an armchair in the hotel lobby, reading a magazine. He was reading an article about a succubus pop-star called Verosika Mayday. "You just can't keep your eyes off her, huh?" remarked the Sane Personality. "SHE IS THE SAVORY SEDUCTRESS OF SUBMISSION!" shouted back the Psycho Personality. "HER LUSTFUL LOOKS MAKE ME WANT TO GIVE IN TO CRASS, CARNAL COMMANDS! I WANT HER TO SHOVE A SIZZLING BRANDING IRON UP MY-!!" Millie popped up behind Krieg. "Whatcha lookin' at?" Krieg jumped, startled, and pulled his axe on the imp. "Oh! Didn't mean to spook ya there. I was wonderin' if you'd like to join me n' Mox for a beer." "Why don't you take her up on that offer?" asked Krieg's Sane Personality. "This'll be good to for us, making new friends while we're down here, y'know?" Krieg nodded his head. "Alright! I'll tell Moxxie to make a reservation for 3!"
LATER, AT A BAR THAT SMELLS OF BLOOD AND B.O. IN THE WRATH RING:
"AFTER THE FALL OF THE WARRIOR, THE HANDSOME ONE BEGGED AND CRIED, HE TRIED TO PREVENT HIS PUTRID, PASTY PUNISHMENT, BUT IN THE END, I TORE THE FALSE BEAUTY FROM HIS VERY SOUL!!" "Hot damn! Fighting alien gods and killing dictators!? Wish that's the kind'a stuff me n' Moxxie got up to!" "Honey, not to be rude to our friend here..." said Moxxie. "But how can you tell what he's saying? To me it's just a bunch of random words slapped together with no contextual meaning!" "Eh, here in the Wrath Ring, you get a whole buncha people who talk funny like Krieg. Ya just learn what they're sayin' over time."
Outside the bar, a group of bikers covered in spiky red armor pulled up to the bar, only to see Millie's truck in their usual parking spot. They weren't very happy about this. The heavily armored bikers kicked the door open and stomped inside. "ALRIGHT!" barked their leader, who was wearing an ornate helmet with massive horns from which hung numerous skulls. "Who's the jackass with the black truck in OUR spot!?" The armored bikers continued walking through the bar, brandishing what appeared to be swords with chainsaw blades. "Hey! I parked there first!" shouted Millie at the bikers. "That's our spot, and we're not lettin' some mouthy runt like you tell us otherwise!" "Don't you talk to my wife like that!" Moxxie yelled towards the leader. "So, we got ourselves a little hero here, huh?" inquired the leader. "Grab 'im, boys!" The bikers proceed to grab Moxxie by his shirt collar.
Moxxie was promptly pinned to a nearby wall. The bikers' leader began revving up his "chainsword". "You'll make a lovely sacrifice to Khorne..." growled the leader. As he raised his arm, ready to saw the poor imp in half, it was suddenly torn from its socket. As the leader screamed in pain, he turned to see Krieg holding his now severed arm. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, ASSHOLE!?" cried the leader, holding his arm-stump in agony. As he and Millie pulled out their respective axes, Krieg shouted back: "I AM THE HERO OF ALL THE VILLAINS!!"
The ensuing brawl made the events described in Elton John's "Saturday Night's Alright For Fightin'" look like a sleepover pillow fight. Guts and blood spilt on the floor, grenades and bolter shells flying about. Eventually, the bikers decided to cut their losses and get outta Dodge. "This ain't over, ya hear me!?" shouted the leader, now missing his other arm as well. "You're gonna regret the day you fucked with the forces of Khorne!" Krieg, Millie, and Moxxie stood in the now empty, viscera-soaked bar.
"Millie, honey..." said Moxxie as he caught his breath. "Just who were those guys?" "They call themselves the World Eaters. They worship some god of fury called Khorne, and are so devoted to him that when they die, they go here in Wrath as opposed to Pride like other humans." Moxxie's phone began ringing. "Hello? Oh, ok." "What is it, Mox?" asked Millie. Moxxie sighed. "It's Blitzo. He says he wants to reintroduce himself and Loona to Krieg in a way that won't result in them being thrown across the city." "Well, come along, Krieg! I bet you'd like Loona n' the boss if ya got to know 'em!"
LATER-ER, AT IMP CITY, PRIDE RING...
"Sorry we're late, boss, had a bit of a problem on the way here..." "Problem!? Millie, he literally picked up and threw the van in front of us into the sun!" "He probably just doesn't know his own strength, Mox." Krieg followed the two imps into the office, managing to force himself through the small (for him) doorframe. "So, Krieg was it?" said Blitzo. "Name's Blitzo, the o is silent, you probably remember me from a few days ago when you threw me and Loona across the city. Speaking of which, say hi, Loonie!" He motioned towards a surly hellhound sitting at the meeting table, texting. Loona's idea of a greeting was to briefly flip Krieg the bird without even looking up from her phone. "A real sweetheart, isn't she? Anyway, the reason I had M bring you here is because I've seen the shit you've been getting up to here in Hell. The way you put a fucking OVERLORD in a coma!? I don't just want that kind of badass on the I.M.P., I NEED that kind of badass!" Krieg simply stared at Blitzo, confused. "I see you still don't completely understand what it is we do here. Well, lucky for you, I've got a commercial that'll explain everything in one cheery jingle!" Blitzo whipped out a VHS tape and slapped it into a nearby TV. "If you want somebody gone and you don't wanna wait too long..."
ONE CHEESY-ASS JINGLE LATER:
"Sooooo, whaddya think?" Blitzo said with a goofy grin. Krieg was frankly a bit appalled at what he had seen. But Moxxie & Millie we're great company, so he decided to come to a compromise. "I SHALL HOP ON YOUR MURDER-TRAIN OF MAYHEM AND MISERY, WITH A SINGLE SALIVATING STIPULATION!" "And what would that stipulation be, Abs-For-Days?" asked Blitzo. "INNOCENCE IS TO BE PRESERVED!" "Uhhhh, Mills? Mind providing a translation here?" Blitzo asked Millie. "He's sayin' he'll work with us so long as we don't kill any innocents." "Well, that shouldn't be too hard, considering how the majority of our targets turn out to be unrepentant assholes." said Blitzo. "Well then, Mr. Krieg, welcome to the Immediate Murder Professionals!"
As Krieg somehow managed to shake Blitzo's hand without crushing it like a needlessly frustrating algebra worksheet, horns began sounding and party poppers went off. Krieg suddenly found himself wearing a little cardboard party hat, with a slice of cake in front of him on the table. There was no way in Hell (ha.) this could go wrong, right?
Right?
RIGHT!?
